181 - Fat 5: The Purple Heart ft. Angry Cops & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 181

Summary

Unsubscribe Podcast Episode 181 Summary: "Fat 5: The Purple Heart ft. Angry Cops & The Fat Electrician"

Release Date: October 14, 2024
Hosts: Eli Doubletap, Brandon Herrera, Donut Operator, The Fat Electrician, Nick, and Cody

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1. Live Show Tour Announcement

The episode kicks off with the hosts, Eli Doubletap, Brandon Herrera, Donut Operator, The Fat Electrician, Nick, and Cody, excitedly announcing their return to live shows. They reveal a series of tour dates across major cities, highlighting the enthusiasm and camaraderie among the team.

• Brandon Herrera (00:23): "We are announcing, officially announcing the dates to buy live show tickets."
• Donut Operator (00:27): "Unsubscribe is going back on tour. Eli Double Tap's gonna be there. Fat Electric Christian is gonna be there. Mr. Angry Cops, Brandon Herrera and myself, Donut Operator. We're all gonna be there. It's fucking awesome."

Tour dates include Nashville (November 14), San Diego (November 15), Dallas (November 16-17 at the Granada Theater), Atlanta (December 4), Boston (December 5), and Buffalo (December 6). The hosts encourage listeners to purchase tickets, emphasizing that missing out would make them "lame."

2. The Purple Heart Controversy

A significant portion of the episode revolves around a contentious and humorous discussion about a Purple Heart medal. Brandon Herrera receives an honorary Purple Heart from a veteran, leading to tension and playful conflict among the hosts.

• Nick (04:06): "I have a gift. It's your Purple Heart, everyone."
• Brandon Herrera (04:31): "Connie, leading the way with that double salute. Nick, stand it. Attention. A tense parade rest."

Eli Doubletap questions the authenticity and appropriateness of the honorary medal, expressing discomfort and confusion about its significance.

• Eli Double Tap (04:47): "Can we get a flashback to when fucking Eli tried to pin his Purple Heart on me and that started this whole shit?"

The conversation escalates as Brandon insists the Purple Heart is legitimate, while Eli and Nick rib him about its authenticity and the implications of receiving such an award without actual combat experience.

• Nick (05:10): "You have the letter. Brandon, no one ever said it had to be the US Military you needed to serve in in order to consider yourself a veteran."
• Brandon Herrera (05:26): "This is your moment of my life I've been waiting for that I didn't know I needed."

3. Veteran Community and VFW Discussion

The hosts delve into a critical analysis of the Veterans of Foreign Wars (VFW), particularly focusing on a VFW post established within a Colorado prison. They highlight disturbing behaviors of members and question the organization's decision to support veterans who have committed serious crimes.

• Nick (120:00): "They decided that some of the members didn't qualify to be members because of some of the actions that they took."
• Brandon Herrera (127:35): "The VFW didn't stop having a prison post because of the bad people in it. They said they stopped having a post because the membership was no longer enough to substantiate a VFW post status."

This segment underscores the importance of accountability within veteran organizations and the need to support genuine veterans while distancing from those who misuse their status.

4. Social Media & Harassment Issues

The conversation shifts to the challenges of managing online presence, dealing with trolls, and the impact of social media harassment on the hosts' mental well-being.

• Nick (110:00): "See? All app and website activity. Zero. Zero."
• Eli Double Tap (112:28): "I spend more time on Twitter than YouTube."

The hosts discuss their strategies for handling negative comments, the addictive nature of social media, and the importance of maintaining a positive online community.

5. Pop Culture References and Banter

The episode is rich with pop culture references, inside jokes, and humorous anecdotes, showcasing the hosts' chemistry and playful dynamic.

• Donut Operator (14:34): "Turn your takes into cash by picking higher or lower on your favorite athlete's stats."
• Brandon Herrera (136:35): "Hold on, how do I even do this?"

These segments include playful mockery, fictional storylines about interactions with celebrities like Richard Petty and Lance Armstrong, and humorous takes on everyday situations, adding levity to the episode.

6. Personal Stories and Anecdotes

Personal military experiences and humorous mishaps are shared, providing listeners with a glimpse into the hosts' backgrounds and personalities.

• Nick (147:16): "They're like skin from like, the arm and thigh of our leg of somebody."
• Brandon Herrera (148:29): "She's a sweetheart, dude."

These stories range from combat experiences to light-hearted moments, emphasizing the diverse and often contradictory nature of the hosts' lives.

7. Promotional Segments

Interspersed throughout the episode are brief promotional segments for various products and services, seamlessly integrated into the conversation.

• Underdog Promotion (14:30): "Turn your takes into cash by picking higher or lower on your favorite athlete's stats."
• Raycon Earbuds Promotion (30:00): "Go to buyraycon.com unsub to get 15% off of your order plus free shipping."

While these segments serve as advertisements, they are woven into the narrative, maintaining the episode's flow without detracting from the main content.

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Conclusion

Episode 181 of the Unsubscribe Podcast offers a blend of serious discussions about veteran affairs and the authenticity of military honors, intertwined with light-hearted banter, personal stories, and promotional content. The dynamic between the hosts, especially surrounding the Purple Heart controversy, highlights both comedic and introspective elements, making for an engaging and multifaceted listening experience.

Notable Quotes:

• Eli Double Tap (04:14): "It was Fat five. Fangry and Furious."
• Nick (05:24): "I have the letter."
• Brandon Herrera (27:28): "We'll toss it. We toss it."
• Donut Operator (14:34): "Turn your takes into cash by picking higher or lower on your favorite athlete's stats."
• Nick (110:02): "I've got 13 hours, 14 minutes and 43 seconds."

This summary captures the essence of the episode, providing an informative and coherent overview for those who haven't listened to the podcast.

Transcript

[Cody]

This is a moment of my life.

[Nick]

That I've been waiting for. That I didn't know.

[Brandon Herrera]

I didn't.

[Cody]

Cody, go yourself.

[Donut Operator]

Nick and I are trying to talk about dog right now.

[Eli Double Tap]

Send it.

[Nick]

Nope.

[Eli Double Tap]

Send it.

[Cody]

Never slam my in a car door. No. I won't like it.

[Eli Double Tap]

Man, I don't need this job.

[Nick]

Are you saying that you're too good for a Purple Heart?

[Eli Double Tap]

Hello? Hook Bot.

[Nick]

No, you can cut that. That was mean. Hey, guys.

[Brandon Herrera]

We are announcing, officially announcing the dates to buy live show tickets.

[Eli Double Tap]

Unsubscribe is going back on tour.

[Donut Operator]

Eli Double Tap's gonna be there. Fat Electric Christian is gonna be there. Mr. Angry Cops, Brandon Herrera and myself, Donut Operator. We're all gonna be there. It's fucking awesome.

[Brandon Herrera]

Tickets are on sale right now.

[Nick]

If you don't buy one, you're lame.

[Donut Operator]

We're gonna be in Nashville November 14th.

[Eli Double Tap]

No, folk, not Norfolk. We fucking. Read the comments. November 15th, San Diego.

[Nick]

On November 16th, November 17th at the.

[Cody]

Granada Theater in Dallas.

[Brandon Herrera]

December 4th in Atlanta, Georgia.

[Donut Operator]

We're gonna be in Boston December 5th.

[Eli Double Tap]

And December 6th in Buffalo, New York.

[Nick]

That's my hometown. I'm going to ticket all the parked cars.

[Brandon Herrera]

Tickets are on sale right now, so go pick them up. Thank you guys so much.

[Nick]

Look out for the DWI checkpoint.

[Brandon Herrera]

Ready? All right, three, two, one.

[Donut Operator]

Hi, everyone. Welcome to the unsubscribed podcast. The boys are back in town. This is awesome. I am joined today by Eli Double Tap, Nick Fat electrician, Rich Angry Cops, Brandon Herrera, and myself, Donut Operator. Thank you for being here.

[Eli Double Tap]

Hi.

[Donut Operator]

You're back.

[Nick]

You're back.

[Brandon Herrera]

This is number five. We. Breakfast was amazing. This is the third one. Like. No, it's the fifth one.

[Cody]

We do this too much and we're too drunk.

[Nick]

Oh, I'm. I'm not drunk enough. So this is going to be fun. You guys are mentally slow. I mean, slower than normal. And I'm sharp as a whip.

[Cody]

What fat and angry are you?

[Brandon Herrera]

The fifth.

[Nick]

This is the fifth.

[Donut Operator]

Fat and angry.

[Cody]

Yes.

[Brandon Herrera]

Fat five.

[Eli Double Tap]

The last one was five.

[Brandon Herrera]

Fangry.

[Nick]

Fangry.

[Brandon Herrera]

Five F work really good for SEO.

[Nick]

I don't know what that means.

[Brandon Herrera]

Fangry. Very good word that.

[Nick]

Everyone Googles officers.

[Brandon Herrera]

Welcome back.

[Nick]

No, it was.

[Eli Double Tap]

It was. It was Fat five. Fangry and Furious. I think is the one.

[Nick]

Yes.

[Brandon Herrera]

Fat five. Fangry and Furious.

[Nick]

Eli. Guys, you know, it's so nice coming back here. I figured, I can't hold it in anymore. I have a gift.

[Eli Double Tap]

Fuck.

[Nick]

Hold on.

[Eli Double Tap]

Hello? Hook Bot.

[Nick]

Battery shoots close.

[Eli Double Tap]

To the other kids.

[Nick]

With the top Kids, quick story. A friend of mine found out exactly how much a Medal of Honor is worth. Wait.

[Brandon Herrera]

Oh my God, did you.

[Eli Double Tap]

I gotta go to the bathroom.

[Nick]

It's a hundred and twenty dollars. At a pawn shop. At an antique shop. Don't. Don't get your heart set up. It's not an anti. So. So I'm going to be doing a video on it.

[Eli Double Tap]

Extremely uncomfortable.

[Nick]

I know, I know. So I wasn't going to give you. I wasn't going to give you a real Medal of Honor.

[Eli Double Tap]

Guy from fucking airplanes.

[Nick]

Yeah, no, no, it's far more embarrassing. So. So he found a Medal of Honor and these kids were like hovered around it. They're like, oh, my God, this is gonna be great. We can put it like on our Airsoft uniforms and play like airsoft and paintball with it. And my buddy's like, what are you looking at? And he sees it's a medal. He's like, is that. Is that real? And he asked, he's like, is that real? It's $120 for a medal of Honor. I forget. The soldier's name that received it was in Vietnam and he was from New York, a couple hours away from Buffalo. The guy's a part of the VFW that this dude, like grew up in from the area. Bought it for $120. He's like, what do I do with it? I go get a nice jewelry case with like the white mannequin thing, put it around it. He's like, I'm going to give it to our local VFW and you know, make a ceremony stuff. He hasn't done it yet, but he's got the stuff. Just hasn't done the ceremony. But.

[Brandon Herrera]

I like Brandon, on edge.

[Nick]

Brandon, I did get you from this is. This is, this is from viewer. And he, he gave this to me and said I have to give it to you. So this is from a veteran. This is from a veteran who said I have to give this to you. It is your Purple Heart, everyone.

[Brandon Herrera]

Connie, leading the way with that double salute. Nick, stand it. Attention. A tense parade rest.

[Eli Double Tap]

You know what's really fucked up is we're not even at the one year mark of the ambush that Eli put me through last fucking year on the Veterans Day episode.

[Nick]

I told nobody about this. I had to keep this a secret for like six months.

[Eli Double Tap]

Can we get a flashback to when fucking Eli tried to pin his Purple Heart on me and that started this whole shit? No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Nick]

You're an honorary Purple Heart member.

[Brandon Herrera]

Today you are an honorary.

[Nick]

No, no, dude, we're A.I.

[Brandon Herrera]

Think Brandon's army and a Marine at the same time.

[Cody]

You need to.

[Eli Double Tap]

What do you pin in? That is a fuck you.

[Nick]

Hold on, I've got.

[Eli Double Tap]

That is a genuine honor. That is very cool.

[Nick]

I have the letter.

[Eli Double Tap]

Thank you so much.

[Nick]

Shut up. Oh, I have the letter.

[Eli Double Tap]

Oh, no.

[Nick]

Okay, I have to cut out some of the words because I don't want to give away this. This guy's personal information. Brandon, no one ever said it had to be the US Military you needed to serve in in order to consider yourself a veteran. Your secret is safe with us, comrade. Looking forward to seeing you in Congress. That's how old this is. Let's go, Brandon. Dos vidanya.

[Cody]

Let's see.

[Eli Double Tap]

Hold on, I'm waiting with bated breath.

[Nick]

Well, anyway, it's a long Brandon's. Just like a big thank you to the entire unsubscribe team, each and every one of you, for all the support you for the members of our veteran community. Please hold on to your Purple Heart while I scream. No, hold it up. Do your Medal of Honor or do your Purple Heart or some respect. All right? You earned it, so don't be a jerk. Thank you for everything that you do. The supporters of the veteran community, as well as raising money to support autism, charity and programs. Having a child himself, he understands how important it is. He loves everything that you do. And Brandon, having been made an honorary veteran, we welcome him with open arms into our community and can't wait for him to be elected. Slow burn, because you lost once again, from my heart. Thank you sincerely, so and so. I won't say what branch or his rank, but he had a Purple Heart in his possession and thought that it would be only appropriate to give it to you out of thanks for what you've done to the veteran. Please hold it up while I'm talking about it. Out of thanks for what you've done to the veteran community. So a veteran. A veteran who and who are we to tell you what to do with the things that you've earned? Has bestowed this enemy marksmanship medallion to you. No, please hold it up. Thank you. And we thank you, Brandon. We all thank you. On your feet.

[Brandon Herrera]

On your feet, everyone.

[Nick]

Attitude.

[Brandon Herrera]

Jump.

[Eli Double Tap]

My favorite part of this. This is like having happ Happy Birthday sung to you in a Texas roadhouse.

[Nick]

If you're going to talk about it, please hold it up. Thank you.

[Eli Double Tap]

I would just like to point out.

[Nick]

The fact that.

[Eli Double Tap]

We had a very complete brunch this morning where you were knowingly waiting to ambush me.

[Nick]

Holy fuck.

[Eli Double Tap]

And said nothing. Like, did not tip your hat at all. So that is over six months of waiting. Fuck me. Well, for everyone who earned it. I. I greatly appreciate the sacrifice that you made for your country. I did not.

[Brandon Herrera]

And we appreciate your sacrifice, Brandon.

[Eli Double Tap]

This forced valor that is pushing upon me.

[Nick]

We're not going to close it. No.

[Eli Double Tap]

Well, you know what? That could just sit here. It's a very nice medal. It's a very nice med. This is very full circle, considering this all started with Eli trying to pin his Purple Heart on me and me refusing it, having never served in the armed forces of any kind.

[Donut Operator]

That's not what AI says.

[Brandon Herrera]

AI, and I quote, Brandon Herrera a veteran? Yes, Brandon Herrera is a veteran. He served in the new National Guard, known as K guy. Then you ask it again. Is Brandon. What branch did he serve in? Brandon Herrera served in the US Marine Corps.

[Eli Double Tap]

I don't think I would have done that. Bad on the aspect.

[Brandon Herrera]

Dude, hold on. Where he held the rank of sergeant and worked as an infantry machine gunner. He deployed to Iraq and in Afghanistan during his time in service and saw combat in those regions.

[Eli Double Tap]

I feel the need to.

[Brandon Herrera]

GPT.

[Eli Double Tap]

None of this is true. I did not do any of those things. I have been a.

[Nick]

Could you say that while you hold civilian side.

[Eli Double Tap]

Civilian side. Fuck up my entire life. But this is a very nice medal and thank you so much for whoever put that out.

[Brandon Herrera]

Bray, I'm so sorry. I never. Trust me when I say fuck you. Don't you even like this? Oh, I find it hilarious. I still feel bad because I assure you that Veterans episode, I was like, this is. This is.

[Cody]

This will be funny once.

[Nick]

Now he forever. Now he can be on it. Now he can be on the veterans episode.

[Eli Double Tap]

Look, it was really cool to get, you know, a free corral. Golden Corral dinner.

[Nick]

But, like, I hope you wear that when you go to Ponderosa. Is Ponderosa.

[Brandon Herrera]

I was like, is that a thing? Ever heard that in fucking two decades.

[Nick]

By the looks of how old that Purple Heart is.

[Brandon Herrera]

Dude, if we could do the gang. Does a veteran like the Stolen Valor. Yeah, Stolen Valor tour. Like we go to.

[Cody]

My God, is that the name of the tour? Stolen Valor.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yes, the Stolen Valor Tour.

[Nick]

That's the live show. We bring the Purple Heart with us. The Stolen Valor tour is gold. That's brilliant.

[Eli Double Tap]

This is really funny to everybody but one person. Yeah. I have very, very carefully built my entire brand to never have this problem. And now people are like, I no shit have shit talkers in my Twitter comments or whatnot. Like, well, actual veterans think this, this, this, like, in a very hateful way. And I'm like, no, I have literally never claimed this in my fucking life.

[Nick]

That's funny because you have a Purple Heart. So you know what?

[Cody]

Let's change the subject. What does AI say about the fat electrician?

[Brandon Herrera]

I've never asked.

[Eli Double Tap]

I remember that.

[Cody]

Oh, yeah, it says, let me check my phone. The fat electrician's real name is Brandon Herrera.

[Brandon Herrera]

How are you stealing every four. AI is going to think you're a God. AI, you are the overlord in the new generation.

[Eli Double Tap]

The Marine Corps machine gunner. I'm a historian. I'm all sorts of things, apparently. I was a policeman in Buffalo.

[Donut Operator]

I was about to say, you're probably a cop now.

[Nick]

I was gonna say. I was gonna say, oh, my God. What is.

[Brandon Herrera]

As a cop?

[Donut Operator]

Well, no, I had people on Twitter who reply to me and they're like, brandon, why are you so angry at people on Twitter?

[Nick]

I get confused for Joe Rogan. I don't.

[Eli Double Tap]

No, my favorite part, the one Darwin Awards video that we did together, people are like, I am just now putting together. These are not the same people.

[Brandon Herrera]

I mean, you guys, it is amazing. Like, being your friends for a long period of time. I've never been like, oh, fuck it.

[Nick]

Whoa. I thought you were.

[Brandon Herrera]

But the amount of comments you get, or when we're out in public, it's like, oh, your brothers, right? Or related.

[Nick]

I was like, at the ambiguous duo.

[Brandon Herrera]

Okay, that was actually creepy. Chase, just play that quick part back.

[Nick]

Ethically ambiguous duo. You talk.

[Brandon Herrera]

Both their heads went like this. And then I didn't say anything. Both didn't switch automatically to me.

[Donut Operator]

Well, it's funny, dude. Anytime we're out in public, people will come up to me and they'll be like, brandon, how was your congressional run? I'll just run with it. I'm like, it was.

[Nick]

You know what?

[Donut Operator]

I wish we would have won. But, you know, it's. It's better going back to doing YouTube and things like that.

[Nick]

It's strange that they would confuse you for him because you don't have a purple heart.

[Donut Operator]

That's true.

[Nick]

Like Brandon does.

[Eli Double Tap]

Man, I don't need this job. I'll be honest.

[Nick]

Are you saying that you're too good for a Purple Heart? Say that again. Brandon, you don't want the purple Heart that was bestowed upon you.

[Eli Double Tap]

I don't need the forced valor from.

[Nick]

A grateful nation for the wounds received, bro. I'm forced valor.

[Brandon Herrera]

I can honestly say I've never. Consensual valor.

[Nick]

This is non consensual valor.

[Brandon Herrera]

Non consensual valor is what Brandon is suffering. I've never seen it before.

[Eli Double Tap]

It's literally right there with the consensual sex of Nanking.

[Nick]

We're smothering his face into a pillow, being like, you gotta take this 20% discount. I didn't earn it. Yes, you did.

[Brandon Herrera]

And it's one. Cause you get highly uncomfortable. I can't stress how highly uncomfortable you get during this shit.

[Eli Double Tap]

I always have. And it's like, I'm. Like. I have very carefully built a brand to make sure this is never an issue. I have never claimed anything even remotely remotely close to military service. And then.

[Nick]

And then you have. Thank God.

[Eli Double Tap]

With friends like these.

[Nick]

And then you have this.

[Brandon Herrera]

He was playing BDUs and an AD. That's how we found Brandon.

[Eli Double Tap]

He's next to a fucking Denny's.

[Nick]

I just want to make sure everybody knows that he's a hero.

[Eli Double Tap]

That's going to be a meme that right there. That.

[Brandon Herrera]

This episode is presented by Underdog.

[Donut Operator]

Turn your takes into cash by picking higher or lower on your favorite athlete's stats.

[Eli Double Tap]

Underdog is available in more than 30 states, including California and Texas. Now let's get into our Underdog picks for something that I will be watching. UFC 308.

[Brandon Herrera]

Where are you putting your money for UFC fight night, though?

[Eli Double Tap]

In the middleweight fight, I've got my money on Brad Tavares finishing Park Jong Young just because he looks like a turtle.

[Brandon Herrera]

I got my money on my boy Tetsuro knocking out Brandon.

[Eli Double Tap]

What the, bro? Oh, you mean Brandon Royval. Okay.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yes, yes.

[Eli Double Tap]

Putting on 100 bucks. The payout if both these happen is like 36.50.

[Donut Operator]

I like the punch Esports, but what I like the most is esports. You can even put money on Counter Strike.

[Brandon Herrera]

You know nothing about Counter Strike.

[Donut Operator]

You sure about that, Eli?

[Brandon Herrera]

Where you at, you mother show off.

[Donut Operator]

We're gonna have the Thunderpick World Championship 2024 coming up. You're gonna see teams like Virtus, Pro Heroic and many others battle it out on Counter Strike.

[Eli Double Tap]

Nerds. Trout, what are you putting money on?

[Nick]

All my yen is on Japanese bug fights.

[Eli Double Tap]

My boy Senshi's got this next one in the bag.

[Brandon Herrera]

That's not even a thing.

[Nick]

Well, tell that to his last opponent, Shindabagu. He did this to him in 30 seconds. I could do that to you. Unless.

[Brandon Herrera]

Help me.

[Donut Operator]

If you're rocking with our picks, remember to sign up now and use the Code unsubscribe.

[Brandon Herrera]

Unsubscribe to get up to $1,000 in bonus cash and get a free pick.

[Eli Double Tap]

To start your first cash entry off with a dub. That's a W. It means a win.

[Brandon Herrera]

So head to the app store and download Underdog today. Show some support to them. For them showing support to us. You pressured him so hard, man.

[Cody]

I wonder, as a veteran, I wonder how long it'll be till AI has the exact story of how you got wounded in combat.

[Brandon Herrera]

You mean in Iraq when he took three rounds.

[Nick]

I thought it was Afghanistan because of the ID blast. It wasn't from the mortar attack.

[Brandon Herrera]

Was that the second one or the first one?

[Nick]

I know that there he had a full frontal contact with some Taliban.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah, that take was insane. It was like. I think it was like 20 AI, it's generating in chat GTP right now. It's like taking notes on how he.

[Eli Double Tap]

Established this self inflicted gunshot wound after exposure to angry cops. And Eli, for too long.

[Brandon Herrera]

That was fourth purple heart.

[Nick]

What's Dakota's last name? The middle of honor recipient Meyer. It's just gonna take Dakota Meyer's thing and just put in Brandon Herrera's name. The U.N. you know, you went back into combat after your convoy was like ambushed and you just kept going and getting people out. Your hero.

[Brandon Herrera]

Brandon, please continue.

[Nick]

You're pulling in, Eli.

[Brandon Herrera]

You're tightening your mic.

[Eli Double Tap]

I am. I have been doing that the whole time. I'm so sorry.

[Brandon Herrera]

This is how I know he's uncomfortable. He's like, I just got a really super tight.

[Nick]

I wanted to ruin the episode. I just didn't know I was gonna do it right away.

[Brandon Herrera]

I was surprised. You were like, let's start out the gate.

[Nick]

I couldn't help it. I couldn't hold it anymore.

[Cody]

We started with the after show today, right?

[Eli Double Tap]

Pretty much.

[Nick]

I went right up to him right when we. We sat down and I go, I've got a gift for you. He's like, I. This is why I have trust issues with you, Richard. And I'm like, you should. She says, yeah. I go, it's bad. He's like, how bad? I go, it's gonna be bad, Nick. It's gonna be bad. I'm so proud of myself that we're never gonna get rid of this awkward silence. It's so bad.

[Brandon Herrera]

Brian's like, I wish it was a. Well, why don't you pull out a gun? Just start people.

[Nick]

Just.

[Eli Double Tap]

Then we'd have something to talk about.

[Nick]

Hey, you guys remember that one time? Okay, well, that's the episode. Guys, thank you for tuning in.

[Brandon Herrera]

We'll see you next week.

[Eli Double Tap]

Did you know that that is how the joke started?

[Nick]

What's that?

[Eli Double Tap]

Him trying to pin his Medal of Honor on me.

[Brandon Herrera]

I did not have a medal. No, I'm sorry.

[Nick]

You have the Medal of Honor.

[Eli Double Tap]

Wow. Eli, why didn't you tell us you had a Medal of honor?

[Nick]

Was yours $120 too? Yes. Nice.

[Brandon Herrera]

210 off eBay.

[Eli Double Tap]

Medal of Honor winner, Eli. Is there anybody on this podcast who is not a Medal of Honor winner?

[Brandon Herrera]

These two.

[Nick]

I got an ARCOM once.

[Donut Operator]

Navy achievement medal. Could have stopped 911.

[Nick]

Damn. Hell yeah, man.

[Brandon Herrera]

In Brandon's defense, I did get up and try to pin it for a Veterans Day episode. I was like, hey, buddy, do you want to be on a Veterans Day episode? We're going to have crispy and Jack. And I was like, this would be a funny bit. A five minute bit, max, period, ever.

[Eli Double Tap]

I'm very walk across.

[Brandon Herrera]

And Brad's like, no.

[Eli Double Tap]

I'm like, get away from swatting it away. I'm like, don't you fucking even. No, no, no, no, no. And I think I had the. It was the Barbra Streisand effect.

[Nick]

Yeah.

[Eli Double Tap]

Where it's like, I was so uncomfortable with that.

[Nick]

I. At the Internet, I had a similar experience. I was doing some videos for. I was like, the Nightmare or a Christmas Girl? No, it was pretty good. It was like a Christmas Carol, but like military version of it. And I was doing it with grunt style and they flew me down. And Mikey, a buddy of mine who's not with Crunchy anymore, but we're still good friends, he was a Marine and I didn't know that he got wounded overseas. And he's like, rich, you know, you're my size. Like here where my wear my grays or my, you know, the. Or I'm sorry, the tans. And so I put his tans on and I got the Marine DI cap on. And I'm looking at, you know, at his metals. And I go, whose metals are these? And he goes, other mine. I go, oh, sh. There's a purple Heart on in this. He's like, yeah, man. I was like, oh, I feel real dirty right now. I didn't do this. I don't really feel comfortable wearing your Purple Heart. He's like, nah, man, it's cool.

[Cody]

It's mine.

[Nick]

I'll let you wear it. I was like, that's not what the point is. The point is not that. So I know what you're feeling. And it's extra hysterical for me to watch you go through. It's just so good. I can bite through the awkwardness of the room. It's so fucking good. You all might not be going. You're like, this is a lame episode. I'm fucking crying. This is so good. His heart is in his stomach. It's just like. It's like watching your dad put your dog down. He's just like. And, like, not intentionally. Not like. He's like, you need to grow up and be a man. Like, you walked out in the backyard, went behind the shed to be like, where's Sprocket? And Dad's, like, with, like, a.420 shell right to the dome, and it's amazing. Yeah. 420. 4:10. Sorry. 410 shotgun shells.

[Eli Double Tap]

He just got the dog high. It's like those. The fucking videos. The Vietnam soldiers just, like, doing long rips out of the shotguns.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yep.

[Nick]

Yeah, that's pretty much it. And then Sprocket gets fucking blasted when you walk around the corner, you're like, dad, cow. You're like.

[Brandon Herrera]

And that's what brand dude feels like.

[Nick]

Just so you know.

[Eli Double Tap]

I'm so resigned to it, dude.

[Nick]

Yeah, it's great, isn't it?

[Eli Double Tap]

The only. Yeah. The closest I got to combat was spending 25 years in Fayetteville, North Carolina.

[Nick]

Well, technically, you get. I guess you kind of had a deployment because you're with the mud people. Weren't we all. Stop. They're gonna hear your thought. It's my favorite joke. I'll never stop saying it. His brain is small. It can only handle one at a time. And when he puts it to the mic, you can hear it go. What's the next thing I'm gonna say?

[Brandon Herrera]

Did you wear Medal of Honor? One of our friends.

[Nick]

Yeah, I already talked about it because Crispy made me look like a dickhead. Because he was like. Clint Romer Shaw was walking around Medal of Honor as if, like, that's like, walking around with this Medal of Honor.

[Brandon Herrera]

What, in his pocket?

[Nick]

Well, he had it in his pocket, but he also was wearing it for an event, and he was trying to give it to other people. And he had taken the. He had made the clasp because it's two parts. It's the ribbon and then it's the metal. And he had made it so then the metal was separate from the ribbon, and he would give it to people, and then he'd be like, oh, yeah, put it on. You know, just hang it out. See what it's like. You know, they'd be like, oh, my God, it's in two pieces. And then he would make a joke and be like, oh, you broke it. What? You do? And I saw him do it on the corner of my eye once. And then he gave it to me. And I knew I was waiting for it. He's like, here's just, you know, you can touch it. And I was like, of course I'm gonna touch it. But I knew that he was gonna be like, you broke it. And so when it came apart, he was like, you broke it. I go, oh, what the. And I turned it around, said, what? A cheap piece of it says made in China on the back, which is a subtle. You know, that's. You know, that's levels to that, you know. And then he was like, that's all right. I've got two. One's the one I'm. It's got my name etched on it. And the other one, it's on the back of it. I think it says Replica four. Like, they get two. They get their original, which is the one. And then they get the replica to wear for events that, you know, like, aren't, you know, military related. And then he was like, just wear it. And so I. I was like, what do you want me to do? And he's like, I want you to wear it. I was like, okay. And so I put it on, and I'm walking down the street in Texas just like, with a medal of iron. Dang it on my chest, being like, you're welcome for my service. This is his. This is his. This is his. He said, it's okay. Any. You're welcome for my service. I'm a hero. But he's more of a hero. This is his. Like, every time I would say something, you know, like a smart ass comment, I'd also be like, no, no, but it's his. He's fine. He said I could do this.

[Brandon Herrera]

This is fine. This is, you know, Clint Earnest, not me.

[Nick]

Yeah, just like, you want it, you're born, dude.

[Eli Double Tap]

You were saying, this is fine. It was just reminding me of, like, during that entire medal or the. The purple heartbeat. I'm like the.

[Nick]

You were awarded it.

[Eli Double Tap]

The dog with, like, the fire all around him. Like, this is fine. This is fine.

[Nick]

I love that I ruined your day.

[Cody]

That's right.

[Nick]

I fucked you up forever. And I love it.

[Eli Double Tap]

I'll forget about it in 20 minutes.

[Cody]

It's fine.

[Nick]

No, you won't. No, you won't. Right?

[Brandon Herrera]

Every time.

[Cody]

This guy's trying to.

[Nick]

This guy's trying to convince us that he's gonna forget about this moment. We're never gonna let him loop down.

[Eli Double Tap]

My mic is gonna stop working.

[Brandon Herrera]

Eli.

[Nick]

Shit out of him.

[Brandon Herrera]

Literally just like Brandon.

[Eli Double Tap]

I felt so much worse after you called me out.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah, I just seen this. I was like, I don't ever.

[Eli Double Tap]

It felt like Wilkerson.

[Nick]

Do you.

[Eli Double Tap]

Were you just like. You think you're. You're not autistic, man.

[Nick]

Do you. Oh, yeah.

[Brandon Herrera]

Brain is, like, twitching. He's like, bro, you've been twitching the.

[Eli Double Tap]

Entire stimming the whole time.

[Cody]

Do you have, like, a P.O. box listed anywhere?

[Eli Double Tap]

No.

[Cody]

Oh, that's good. You know how many more Purple Hearts would get mailed to you?

[Eli Double Tap]

It's a good thing unsub doesn't have a P.O.

[Nick]

Box, but I do.

[Cody]

The world Brandon has 680 purple hearts.

[Nick]

The world record for the most Purple hearts.

[Brandon Herrera]

Everyone's sending DD214. They're cutting out that segment. They're like, this is yours, Brandon.

[Nick]

If you want to send any of your military medals and accommodations to the awesome podcast, feel free to send them to Angry Cops, P.O. box 1153, Buffalo, N.Y. father and I'll make sure that Brandon gets them just like he did this Purple Heart.

[Brandon Herrera]

Just picture you with this.

[Nick]

I wonder how many purple Hearts you can get.

[Donut Operator]

I don't know. You can go to Donut operator dot com. My P.O.

[Eli Double Tap]

Box is there. I thought you had break his back.

[Brandon Herrera]

Right into that moment.

[Nick]

Next time, the backpack's gonna be full.

[Brandon Herrera]

I was like, cody's gonna defend him. Send him here.

[Nick]

Eli, are we doing. Are we going on a live tour to which you can come up and give Brandon your very own medals that you earned and bestow them upon him in person?

[Eli Double Tap]

I need to have a medal to give them in return.

[Nick]

Give him a coin.

[Brandon Herrera]

Sort of like Brandon, just.

[Nick]

You metal. Yeah, it's like a.

[Brandon Herrera]

You metal. Here's your cone head.

[Nick]

But instead of the cone head, the tip is a dick. And it says, thanks for being a.

[Donut Operator]

We should have challenge coins. Unsubbed challenge coins.

[Cody]

I'm working on it.

[Brandon Herrera]

Okay.

[Eli Double Tap]

So they get arrested as soon as they walk out.

[Donut Operator]

You're literally gonna point them out to the cops.

[Brandon Herrera]

Brandon just has drugs. He's like, he has drugs. It's just arrested instantly. Like, they're head.

[Nick]

You're gonna have to buy a lot of coke. Oh, he's Mexican.

[Cody]

Anyways, come back and sit between the two cops.

[Nick]

He's not coming back. He's so in. In PTSD world, we call this decompressing. He had to walk away for a moment to center himself. It's not going to work. We're still going to keep him off balance. And this is like. I was like, fuck you, Rich.

[Brandon Herrera]

I'm going to bring you back.

[Cody]

I fly you here, and you open up with the hardest line in unsub history. And it's like, good. I'm going to follow that up with some funny quips about history for two hours. That'll work.

[Nick]

I did it to make all of you. Stupid moment. I'm such an asshole that I was like, I think the only way that I could ruin this is because that's.

[Brandon Herrera]

Kind of like your plan going into this episode.

[Nick]

Well, what happened was, is I was like, I'm gonna give him the purple Heart. And what I could do is I could wait and then, like, in the middle of it, spring it upon Brandon. But then in my head, I was like, what's funnier for me?

[Cody]

Fuck everybody else.

[Nick]

To wait. To wait in the middle of it and then spring it up so when people don't know what's going on or to immediately fuck up the entire feeling of this thing. And I was like, man, it's gonna be really Andy Kaufman of me if I fuck it up right in the beginning. And then a second I thought of Andy Kaufman, I was like, oh, it's sold.

[Donut Operator]

Well, he fucking. He just quit. So now say hi to angry.

[Brandon Herrera]

We just hear a gun go off in the background. Oh, no.

[Nick]

You can cut that. That was mean.

[Eli Double Tap]

Jesus Christ.

[Nick]

Yeah, it's just going to be me and Nick soon. That's it. And he's going to be so filtered with PTSD that he's not going to know what to say.

[Brandon Herrera]

It's going to be so great.

[Cody]

Favorite MRE flavor clock 19.

[Brandon Herrera]

Oh, my God.

[Eli Double Tap]

Now it's.

[Brandon Herrera]

Oh, my God.

[Eli Double Tap]

Now it's a Sig.

[Brandon Herrera]

That's a shirt. It's just a MRE. Yeah, MRE flavor clock 19.

[Eli Double Tap]

Now it's final meal.

[Nick]

Oh, yeah, you can put a who.

[Brandon Herrera]

Bunch of like the Mr. Do we really.

[Eli Double Tap]

We have to be lore? Correct. It's the Sig M17. Now all you have to do is.

[Nick]

Drop it, use the Glock. And I think that is a good piece of shirt. Do we. Do we just make the Glock? Is simple. Do we put, like, a bottle of bourbon and the Glock?

[Brandon Herrera]

I think it's just.

[Nick]

A photo of a Glock on it. And it says flavoring.

[Donut Operator]

Jack Daniels in a Glock.

[Nick]

Yes, Jack Daniels in a Glock.

[Eli Double Tap]

Jack Daniels, a Glock and a photo of your ex Glock.

[Nick]

It's an MRE bag, but it's like yes, Jody flavor. Jody and a Jody photograph. Oh yeah. John Deere letter. Dear John. Yeah, John Deere.

[Eli Double Tap]

John Deere.

[Brandon Herrera]

John Deere letter. Just a tractor.

[Nick]

Yeah, mom they mowed, my lawn was gone. You know that I put mulch down in the spring. I'm not a man anymore, Mr. Dear Fuck My wife.

[Donut Operator]

What?

[Nick]

I'm John Deere green. Great song.

[Cody]

Yeah.

[Donut Operator]

Eli, have you heard about Raycon's everyday earbuds?

[Eli Double Tap]

Eli?

[Donut Operator]

Eli. You must have had the noise cancellation on.

[Brandon Herrera]

I did.

[Eli Double Tap]

I couldn't hear anything. Just like I wish I couldn't feel anything.

[Brandon Herrera]

Oh, you mean these ones?

[Nick]

Yeah.

[Brandon Herrera]

And I also thought, whoa, those are the same audio quality as the big guys, but for half the price. But if you haven't pulled the trigger on these little guys, do it.

[Eli Double Tap]

Plus they have a 32 hour battery life, meaning your days of raw dogging flights are over. And 10 minutes of charging yields you 90 minutes of battery.

[Donut Operator]

Wait, it has a quick charge function?

[Eli Double Tap]

That's what I just said.

[Brandon Herrera]

Also, Raycon just launched their updated models of the everyday earbuds. Weatherproof and or sweat resistant. I actually use these over anything else just because they're tiny. Every freaking gym session.

[Donut Operator]

I use mine for everyday chores. Like ignoring the SWAT team at my door.

[Brandon Herrera]

Their upgraded model will blow you away.

[Eli Double Tap]

You're going to be asking yourself why you didn't check them out sooner.

[Brandon Herrera]

Raycon offers a 30 day happiness guarantee.

[Nick]

So what are you waiting for?

[Eli Double Tap]

Call to action.

[Donut Operator]

Go to buyraycon.com unsub to get 15% off of your order plus free shipping.

[Brandon Herrera]

That's right. You'll get 15 off and free shipping [e-mail] unsell.

[Nick]

Holy.

[Brandon Herrera]

Oh man, I'm glad the boys are here. This is gonna be fun.

[Eli Double Tap]

So, did anybody have an actual topic?

[Brandon Herrera]

We're gonna talk back about the live shows. We were that. But like, this is essentially the group that will be at the shows. We're warming up to it.

[Cody]

We're warming up to giving him the medal of honor. The medals are gonna get progressively better each shell.

[Nick]

Yeah, I just got to find one.

[Brandon Herrera]

You had.

[Donut Operator]

You had one in your grasp and you didn't do it.

[Nick]

No, it wasn't in my grasp. The. The other.

[Brandon Herrera]

I thought you were talking to Brandon first. Brandon has one in his grasp already. Do it.

[Nick]

Take it.

[Eli Double Tap]

Do it.

[Nick]

Do it.

[Brandon Herrera]

Do it.

[Nick]

Do it.

[Eli Double Tap]

Infinity stones of stolen valor.

[Nick]

There's like a medal of honor, Bronze star, Silver Star, stuck in a flying Cross. There's a. There's an Air Force flying cross.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah, I know.

[Nick]

Yeah. Fucking. Not everybody's about German, okay? Von Schwarnickel.

[Brandon Herrera]

I am the one that said iron in his defense.

[Nick]

Oh, maybe you just thought it was wrinkly. His people love doing laundry. Your people.

[Brandon Herrera]

Shit.

[Nick]

Asian joke went. They gave it to the wrong guy.

[Brandon Herrera]

It's okay.

[Nick]

It's okay.

[Eli Double Tap]

Stolen valor.

[Nick]

Ah, so sorry.

[Brandon Herrera]

What the. Was that Asian?

[Nick]

Nah, it's bad. I'm just. I don't know. I'm just trying to make everybody feel bad about themselves, that you should feel bad about yourself. You know what I think? I think the malt liquor in this White Claw is starting to get to me because I'm really, really trying to pick a fight.

[Eli Double Tap]

First person.

[Nick]

It's been, like, six months. I've been pent up. I've been like, I'm gonna let all these guys have it with both barrels. It's coming.

[Eli Double Tap]

We fucking like each other. I swear. I. You know.

[Brandon Herrera]

Oh, yeah, Rich. We just go comms.

[Cody]

Black.

[Brandon Herrera]

You don't get an invite to any of the live shows. Yeah, just turn off his legs.

[Eli Double Tap]

It's all right. Angry meme review was entirely his idea. Came from nowhere.

[Nick]

Yeah, thanks, PewDiePie.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yeah, to be fair, PewDiePie stole it from somebody else, too.

[Nick]

Yeah.

[Cody]

Enough.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yeah. Okay.

[Nick]

Are you trying to make me feel bad about.

[Eli Double Tap]

No, I'm just saying, like, I'm trying to let you know where you are in the fucking, you know, chow line.

[Nick]

Listen, if we start a meme where, I already know where to get your Purple Heart, so you're fine. I'm never gonna live this.

[Eli Double Tap]

That's great.

[Nick]

This is a moment of my life I've been waiting for that I didn't know I needed. I didn't know I needed this moment. All right, I'm sorry. What else we talking about?

[Cody]

I don't know.

[Brandon Herrera]

You guys, like. I'm like. Let's talk about the live shows. We'll go right back to this.

[Nick]

Do you think you're gonna wear it to a live show.

[Eli Double Tap]

Buffalo?

[Nick]

Oh, I can't. I'm not gonna say it. I have another gift.

[Cody]

When are you gonna move?

[Nick]

Not yet.

[Cody]

Soon.

[Nick]

Settle down, Daddy. You got it.

[Eli Double Tap]

God damn.

[Nick]

I have a gift. It's for you guys. And the audio.

[Brandon Herrera]

The audio is really good when you knock every time you talk.

[Cody]

Yeah, it helps.

[Nick]

The ground Jews are coming up. I can hear them speaking Yiddish underneath me. Amanagi Muhammad.

[Eli Double Tap]

The louder it gets, the better my credit score is.

[Nick]

I thought they were burrowing underneath Lebanon. But they're here. I can feel it. My blood pulses with this.

[Eli Double Tap]

My pager's begun to vibrate.

[Nick]

Yes. You're just sitting there. You're like, they're coming. They're coming. Just like Sting is glowing yellow. Yep. But yellow. The Asians are coming.

[Cody]

No, it's a Lord of the Rings reference.

[Nick]

No, I know. That's why I said they're coming.

[Brandon Herrera]

I know.

[Nick]

Be glowing. It'd be gold. It was Jews. It'd be glowing green.

[Cody]

Gold, gold, gold, gold.

[Nick]

Yeah. For gold. I was. I said green for money.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah.

[Nick]

I was just trying to play in the stereotype, too. I get you. Fine.

[Cody]

That's okay.

[Nick]

But, yeah, I have a gift that I'll be giving everybody, including the audience. Not Chlamydia. Not again. When we go to Buffalo with the entire audience. I like how much a gift for everybody. It's. It's more of a spectacle, but it will be. It will be there. There's a couple things. There's a couple things I'm going to do for the Buffalo show to make it special.

[Brandon Herrera]

That's the one you're excited about.

[Cody]

We're not going to Buffalo.

[Brandon Herrera]

Just cancel that.

[Nick]

Nick's not going to Buffalo.

[Brandon Herrera]

Just rip up the.

[Eli Double Tap]

I'm on board. We just cancel Buffalo.

[Nick]

I'll just show up to Buffalo. I just don't know.

[Brandon Herrera]

They're like, you guys signed the con. No, we toss it. We toss it.

[Nick]

Well, I'll tell you, one of the things that I'm gonna do, because it doesn't need to be a secret. So one of the things I'm gonna do for the Buffalo show just to make it special, is I'm gonna bring the Merv. And I think we might. We might have a couple. We might bring a couple Merv, and there's gonna be a bunch of free booze on the outside.

[Donut Operator]

Rich, what is the Mervyn?

[Nick]

Oh, the Merv is the morale response vehicle, the mrv. And it's a fire truck that my friend and I bought. And instead of spraying minorities, it's. It's almost old enough to do that. One of. One of them, One of. I've got. I've got three now. One of them might have actually been there. One of them may have definitely been at A Universe in New York and was just like, not today.

[Eli Double Tap]

You know, educate somewhere else.

[Nick]

Yeah. So, yeah, that could very well happen. But it's giving back. It's making up for it. It learned from its previous mistakes, and if we learned anything from this unsubscribe podcast, it's that we all make mistakes and should be forgiven. I hope so we're going to have the Merv, which is a fire truck that it's not even decommissioned, but we turned into a party tailgating mobile to get everybody hammered. And it's working out great.

[Cody]

How did you acquire it? How did you acquire a not decommissioned fire truck?

[Nick]

So the full story is he stole that.

[Donut Operator]

Common gear.

[Nick]

So my buddy has a couple daughters that go to girl scouts and they're having the girl scout meeting at a volunteer fire company and the dads got together and while the girls are doing their scout thing, the dads are hanging out. And one of the dads is one of the volunteer firemen from that fire company and he's showing the other dads around my buddy and you know, they're looking at the fire trucks. And my buddy just being a wheeler and dealer and always, you know, kind of smart and quick with something to say is just like, hey, you know, can I buy that one? And he, the fireman is like, actually, that one and that one are both for sale. And so the. And that one, the second one was a 1991 back fire truck that is a pump. So it had a 15,000 gallon tub in the back. And then it also pumps. And by pumping, you park it, you drop the transmission into the pump mode so it's no longer in drive. You hit the gas and just. And it just pumps out a whole bunch of water. Then eventually you can connect to a hydrant while you're spraying the stuff in the back. So he's like, how much you selling it for? And the guy's like, I don't know, let me ask somebody. He immediately texts me. And this is how like, him and I are super tight. We went through two deployments together. He just goes, do you want to buy a fire truck with me? And I just said, yes, that was it. That was it.

[Eli Double Tap]

And I cigar text threads pretty much.

[Brandon Herrera]

And I send the money.

[Nick]

He was going to be like, I'm in the middle of purchasing a fire truck. I need some cash. Are you down? And immediately I was like, yes. And in that yes was we'll figure out how much it costs and we'll make it work. And so a couple minutes goes by and we're back and forth in it. I'm like, send me some photos. He sends me some photos. I'm like, holy shit, that thing's great. And then finally I go like, how much? He goes, they want seven grand for it. Hold on. It's. It's got A Cummins Diesel engine. 12,000 miles.

[Eli Double Tap]

Jesus Christ.

[Nick]

Brand new tires. The tires are expensive. Brand new tires, and I think it's called an Allison transmission. So it's like. Yeah. So, like, the Cummins and the Allison transmission together are, like, worth More than seven grand.

[Donut Operator]

You were expecting, like, 80, 90 grand, something like that?

[Nick]

No, they're super hard to maintain. Maintain. And by hard to maintain, I mean once something goes on it, it's expensive as. So I was like, it's probably going to be around the teens, maybe low 20s. And he was like, they want seven grand. And I was like, sweet. Sounds very doable. And he goes, I think I can talk him down to five. An hour and a half later, $3,500. Yeah, I just put the bill for it. I was like, you did all the legwork. Keep doing the legwork. Hands. Shake it.

[Brandon Herrera]

And his last name?

[Eli Double Tap]

It was stolen.

[Nick]

What's that?

[Brandon Herrera]

What's your friend's last name?

[Nick]

Belewski. Powerish. Very sneaky.

[Brandon Herrera]

Very sneaky.

[Nick]

Very sneaky. Ah, you Polish guy. You know, the Germans come in on you.

[Eli Double Tap]

Why is. Why is the peanut gallery laughing?

[Nick]

He's not Jewish, but he's. That. He's the Polish. You know, the. The Russians, you know, the Germans, they come in and they tried to sneak up on Polish one time. No more. Now the Polish are very sneaky. They see the sneak and they don't let the sneak happen to them. Now they do the sneak to other people.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yeah, once. Once. Your country doesn't exist for 50 years of the, you know, 20th century.

[Cody]

Yep.

[Eli Double Tap]

You know, it's a fool me once kind of moment.

[Nick]

Pretty much. Yeah. They didn't George Bush this. Fool me twice. Yeah.

[Brandon Herrera]

Shame on me.

[Nick]

So. Yeah, so.

[Donut Operator]

No, no, no. I was gonna say, since you've gotten that fire truck, what have you installed on it?

[Nick]

Oh, that. Can't say that joke. Okay. I thought it was a very inappropriate joke, and I can't. I don't.

[Eli Double Tap]

Send it. Send it.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah, we can delete it.

[Nick]

Well, you know, after we walk. No, nope, nope.

[Brandon Herrera]

Brandon's like, keep it. I don't give a fuck. Burn him to the ground.

[Eli Double Tap]

Send it.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah, Brandon's leg.

[Nick]

This guy's stoking the coals, like. Say it, Richard, say it.

[Brandon Herrera]

Why do we clip that?

[Nick]

That's weird. We got it in 2019 right before COVID So we call it the MERV 19, you know, Morale Response Vehicle. 19. Because we got in 2019, and we didn't think we were going to get any more tricks. Jokes on us. We got More. So we start renovating it and it took a lot of it was us working on it by ourselves. We took the basin out of the back that held the 15,000 gallons. We replaced it with a dance floor. Yeah, dude, it's phenomenal for parades. Do you get on the back of that thing? We're trying. If the Buffalo Bills ever win the frickin super bowl or the Buffalo Sabres ever win the cup, it's perfect for getting guys hammered on it because not only is there like this big dance floor slash like I guess float stand that you can stand on the back of it, but there's along the side of the truck where you would like open up this big storage container instead of tools. It's two open, two full bars, stocked, and a television that has a Nintendo 64 Mario Kart. Are you doing drunk Mario Kart races And Super Smash. Super Smash Bros. I know. So I was like, what are two games that, you know, people can play for like three or four minutes that they're not like they don't have to get sucked into? I was like, Super Smash Bros And Mario Kart, you play one or two levels.

[Eli Double Tap]

What are the rules on drinking and driving on a fire truck?

[Nick]

If it's up for a parade, you can do it in the back, just not a driver, right?

[Eli Double Tap]

So like no, obviously the driver can't, you know, but if you're in the back.

[Nick]

Yeah, the driver can't during the parade.

[Cody]

Fire truck.

[Eli Double Tap]

So just do it in the back. It doesn't count.

[Nick]

Yeah.

[Brandon Herrera]

Legally speaking, I just like clip of this. It's like can't.

[Eli Double Tap]

It's like Buffalo police for God doesn't care. Around the back, right?

[Nick]

We just actually got a shout out to sound off and 1075 lights who hooked us up with a brand new light system and rewired almost the entire truck free. Because they're like, we have a 501C3 that like we take care of veterans with it, right? Veterans and first responders. If you want to get on the truck and you want to go get hammered at a Bills game, that's what we want to do. Because the whole premise behind the truck to be, you know, squishy and feely was there's so many when because of my channel, you know, and stuff like this. Where we're getting taken care of. Delicious. Where we're getting taken care of. Like the veteran or first responder community. I wanted give back, but I don't give a shit about college education. And there's already things to get like take care of families, if they lose a loved one or if they get sick or if something happens, replace your car. And so when I was, you know, 17 through, like 24 and I was still serving, I was like, I just want to get drunk and just not worry about it. So that's what the MERV is, is we just get first responders and veterans hammered off of our 501C3. Not for profit. And. Ta da, dude.

[Donut Operator]

It's the morale vehicle.

[Nick]

Yeah. You actually, you gave like a couple grand to us to help us out with it. It was huge because we, like, I hadn't made it big anywhere yet. And it was a really big hand. Not a handout. That sounds rude. A really big hand up. Hand up. Is it.

[Eli Double Tap]

Is it hand job, whatever.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah, I gave you a hand job.

[Nick]

Either way. You stroked me. And that's the thing I truly feel.

[Brandon Herrera]

Would actually make a difference because that is the positive influence. Yes. Alcohol, you're like, well, you can argue both ways, but it's still. That's a community. And that is all right, everybody.

[Nick]

Yep.

[Brandon Herrera]

But that, at the end of the day, what a lot of veteran community needs is that is a social network that you can.

[Nick]

You don't have to drink. It's just a reason to hang out.

[Eli Double Tap]

And it's the message that people actually give a. About you. Yeah, People that understand you give a.

[Brandon Herrera]

About you.

[Nick]

And. Wait, what.

[Brandon Herrera]

What is the 501C?

[Nick]

The 501C3. The name is Western New York Kia Memorial Ruck March. Which my. It's my friend's 501C3. And every year in August, we do a memorial ruck march. I think it's 10K. And there's a group event and a singular person event, and there's obstacles and stuff like that. And I do it every year with them. And yeah, it gives back to the food bank, the Veteran Food bank of Buffalo. And it also assistant like the veteran not for profit assisting other, like, veterans throughout thing. I forget where all the money goes to, like, different ways to help out veterans.

[Brandon Herrera]

Specifically, it's specifically just for Western New.

[Nick]

York, but it's just for our guys. Like, we keep it small. So then we know where the money is going and we know that the other organizations that we give money to, that's where the money is going. It's not like the Red cross, where like 60 of it goes to paying the people that run the Red Cross.

[Brandon Herrera]

Well, and that's what I'm saying. Like, we have November. We're doing an entire month or we're Figuring that right now to donate to non profits because again, like the Autism awareness month, we're going to do that for Veterans Day, but we're just going to turn into a month with a up few shirts we are going to collaborate on and then raise that money. Maybe do a live stream, but then find multiple. You can come down for that. Multiple 501c's to donate to for that. Because something like that. Yeah, it's not going to be. We're not going to be like, rich, here's a hundred thousand. Like, what the. Am I doing this?

[Nick]

We have 13.

[Eli Double Tap]

God damn it.

[Nick]

Can I. We need to make a shirt for Veterans Day. And it says, this is my Purple Heart shirt. And it should have a purple heart on it.

[Eli Double Tap]

Or just like an empty, like, you know, the scissor cut out where it's just like segmented.

[Cody]

I've always wanted to not sell shirts. Did you want to feel like Brandon did for the first 20 minutes of this podcast, Buy that shirt, Wouldn't recommend.

[Nick]

It, didn't wear it.

[Brandon Herrera]

No one's going to. Or that's what happens. Like, I get free food on Veterans Day if I wear this.

[Cody]

This is my free food shirt.

[Nick]

Applebee's is awesome. Applebee's Combat Tour 2024.

[Brandon Herrera]

But that is something where it's like donating a small portion of that. And then I. We talked about it right now. It's just. We're all donating just quick money to the her that's going on. Yeah. Hurricane right now. Because Mama, Mama Donut. That, like, that's the stuff that people get irritated.

[Nick]

Are you like, holy fuck, what's going on?

[Brandon Herrera]

We're all donating, dude.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah.

[Nick]

When you made your tweet with the photo of your. You and your mother and you're like, you know, mom's having some hard times because of the hurricane down the Carolinas. There are some pieces of shit that talks some smack underneath that comment. So you can go fuck yourself.

[Donut Operator]

There were people under there that were like, well, I hope your mom dies, dude.

[Brandon Herrera]

They're sending this to the group chat of the stuff he gets. And this is again, for a. Like you, however you fall, wherever it is, hey, money should speak. Tax money should be spent there. And we won't do politics because I fucking hate it. This is a break from politics.

[Eli Double Tap]

We never do politics on the podcast.

[Nick]

Yeah. Not with the guy that ran for the politics with his purple heart.

[Eli Double Tap]

Fuck off.

[Brandon Herrera]

But Brandon never talked about policy or anything. We kept that straight.

[Eli Double Tap]

We talked about the fact that I was running and, like, because there's a lot of crazy shit that happens that goes along with it that I think people find pretty interesting.

[Nick]

Like paying the Jews for the weather control device.

[Eli Double Tap]

It was green. It was the space laser.

[Nick]

The space.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yeah, no, but, but like, legitimately, that was one of the things I was. I talked about is like, look, dude, you can say that other things are important, like things that are in, you know, widespread geopolitics that you like, oh, well, I really believe in this thing. I'm like, yeah, but if you're paying. If you're paying taxes in the United States, I feel like a lot of that should go to Americans first. If we have problems here, let's fix. Let's fix those here first. Before we go overseas and start fixing the world's problems, let's fix our own. It's kind of like if you're breaking.

[Brandon Herrera]

This down, it is me going, like, right in. You're struggling. I'm going to give my money to this autistic charity, though. Take care of you later, my son.

[Nick]

Yeah, you'd be like, that's up, Daddy.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah. Daddy, I do not like this. Daddy, I am starving. Daddy, where's my PlayStation? He's like, shut up. Get back to that.

[Nick]

Other kids are getting your PlayStation. I don't like.

[Brandon Herrera]

Please do it.

[Nick]

He's holding the hand.

[Brandon Herrera]

No, finish your joke before.

[Nick]

Before I can yell. Finish the joke. I love his son.

[Eli Double Tap]

His son's great.

[Nick]

And this is auto of love. Like, I seen this.

[Brandon Herrera]

You went out and put him back down. I was like, there's where rich. And no, I'm not doing that because.

[Nick]

I love you too. And so, like, it's out of love. It's just like, daddy, I don't want those boys to have my PlayStation.

[Brandon Herrera]

Right? Why are they playing that? I do not want to play with them.

[Nick]

I do not like that, Daddy, no. Hey, Eli.

[Eli Double Tap]

Whatcha doing?

[Brandon Herrera]

You're just filing taxes.

[Donut Operator]

Well, that's not what my taxes look.

[Nick]

Like, but either way, I'm here to talk to you about ExpressVPN.

[Brandon Herrera]

Why are you here?

[Eli Double Tap]

Oh, I see.

[Nick]

You're using incognito mode. Did you know incognito mode won't hide what kind of taxes you're filing?

[Brandon Herrera]

What do you mean?

[Nick]

It doesn't matter what mode you use or how many times you clear your.

[Eli Double Tap]

Browsing history, your Internet service provider can.

[Nick]

Still see every website you've ever visited. Do you want people to know these are the kinds of taxes you're filing?

[Brandon Herrera]

Eli, wait. Are you in my house?

[Nick]

What makes you ask that you're too tight. It doesn't matter if you get your Internet through Verizon or AT&T or your local Internet service provider. In the U.S. internet service providers can legally sell your information to ad companies.

[Brandon Herrera]

Leave me alone.

[Nick]

Were the taxes I sent you not good enough for you, Eli?

[Brandon Herrera]

I don't want to see your taxes.

[Nick]

Just visit the [e-mail] unsub and you can get three months free on a one year package.

[Brandon Herrera]

That's expresvpn.com unsub protect your online activity.

[Nick]

Today with a VPN rated number one.

[Eli Double Tap]

By CNET and Mashable.

[Nick]

That's expressvpn.com unsubbed to learn more.

[Donut Operator]

That was fucked up, though, man. All I saw, all I said was like, my sick mom doesn't have power. And I wish that my tax money went to, you know, help these people instead of other countries.

[Nick]

Yeah.

[Donut Operator]

And people like, dude, people.

[Eli Double Tap]

Shares.

[Donut Operator]

Like, I hope your mom dies. Like, oh, she's a piece of you. You.

[Nick]

Well, I can't fathom that.

[Donut Operator]

I don't think that's, like, a bad thing to say that I won't.

[Brandon Herrera]

Read one. Read one, Cody. Like, pull one up.

[Nick]

Yeah.

[Brandon Herrera]

Because this, if you. This is Cody reading them verbatim. And it's not like one sentence like, fuck you, dog.

[Nick]

It is.

[Eli Double Tap]

It's not like, Cody, I don't think you understand the issue. Maybe it's nuanced because X, Y and Z, they're like, I hope your mom dies in a hole. It's like, what the fuck, dude?

[Nick]

Nick, can you tell us how much money Europe has given to the United States in our hurricane efforts?

[Cody]

Yeah, I can't.

[Nick]

No, it's zero. Thank you, Nick.

[Eli Double Tap]

Zero fucking dollars.

[Nick]

Thank you. So, you know when we give all the money over to Europe and we don't get anything back, maybe some people are rightfully questioning why all the money.

[Cody]

Goes over there, not here.

[Brandon Herrera]

You ready?

[Donut Operator]

You ready? Read 1. Praying her power comes back so I can fuck her like the fat pig she is. Your mom's a whore. I hope your mom's as good at swimming as she is sucking your mom's poopy ass. Yummy yum. Which, that's kind of funny.

[Brandon Herrera]

I was about to. I was like, my mom's heart.

[Donut Operator]

Shut up.

[Nick]

This is.

[Brandon Herrera]

Again, that's one person. That's 101 person.

[Eli Double Tap]

And your mom is one of the nicest fucking people I've ever, ever met.

[Donut Operator]

She's a sweetheart, dude.

[Nick]

Yeah. I mean, that kind of explains why they all want to fornicate with her.

[Brandon Herrera]

Jesus Christ. She is the sweetest human.

[Nick]

It's.

[Brandon Herrera]

We all know Cody's mom's voice. Cody. Cody. How you say Cody? Cody.

[Eli Double Tap]

I'm just. Cody's just so nice.

[Nick]

He's just sweet.

[Brandon Herrera]

He's just young. Oh, my God. The first time, I love Cody's mom so much. She is just a doll. Just one of the greatest humans ever.

[Nick]

The first time I met her on the range, she got excited. She's like, oh, my God, you're angry cops. My husband loves you. And I was like, who are you? Southern biscuit lady. Oh, I feel like you honey on grits. Yeah. Who are you? She's like, oh, I'm Cody's mom. I'm like, yeah, you are. Yes, you are. You're everybody's mom. You're everybody's mom now. And then I hugged her and. And I think, you know, a little part of me got to live on that day. Dude, she.

[Brandon Herrera]

She takes care of, like, for reference, everyone out there. If you want a sweet, like, representation of how sweet she is, this is an individual that has adopted all our children. Like, she has. I have tech. She's like, I'm now their grandma. I was like, that's cool because they don't have grandma's on my side, so, fuck yeah. I appreciate that. Thank you so much. She stays in contact. She just wants to watch and help. And then when she comes out, she's just an amazing human. Amazing.

[Nick]

I don't know, I feel like a little bit of that is selfish knowing that, like, all her grandkids are going to be super successful because the kids, you know, what happened to the poor grandkids? Like, what are we talking about? You know what I mean? Like, mix kids. You know, just their girl.

[Eli Double Tap]

Right? Twitter.

[Nick]

He's, you know, a blue collar guy feeding his children gruel and starving them. I've seen the social media post. Nick, you're a horrible father.

[Brandon Herrera]

I know.

[Nick]

But she doesn't claim your kids, does she?

[Cody]

Nope.

[Nick]

Wow. Doesn't like the Midwest. There's always been that divide between second big ten.

[Eli Double Tap]

Well, you know, his kids are, you know, named after anti slavers. So there's a. There's a. There's a bit of a culture barrier.

[Nick]

I just pictured him looking at his wife after each of their kids are born and going, are they like me? But we both know his body doesn't run.

[Cody]

Yeah, it's funny because Hannah's 100% Guatemalan and my kids came out pale as fuck.

[Nick]

Oh, man. I love watermelon nurses.

[Cody]

Did not think it was funny when I looked at Hannah and went, you're running out of printer ink.

[Nick]

You're really pale.

[Eli Double Tap]

Oh, God damn.

[Brandon Herrera]

Holy shit.

[Nick]

So good.

[Brandon Herrera]

That's your greatest movement moment right there.

[Nick]

That's it.

[Eli Double Tap]

That's also what he told Hannah.

[Brandon Herrera]

This is your greatest moment.

[Nick]

Oh, my gosh. If you're not part of a biracial family and you don't steal that joke, what kind of dad are you? That's the. That's. That's a very unique and very good dad joke. Oh, it's not often I. Wow, that was good also.

[Eli Double Tap]

I love you, Hannah. Please don't hold that joke against me.

[Brandon Herrera]

Oh, that's so good, Hannah.

[Nick]

Your commercials are the only reason why I watch his channel.

[Cody]

I get that a lot.

[Donut Operator]

Those are pretty funny.

[Eli Double Tap]

Delete.

[Cody]

I got the. So the new studio. I sent you pictures. It's bigger now.

[Nick]

Yeah, it's so gross.

[Cody]

I have the original tax write off couch, but I put it on caster wheels. So now any hand is going to wheel the couch in with guns on.

[Eli Double Tap]

That's fucking great.

[Cody]

It's gonna be fantastic.

[Brandon Herrera]

God, I love everyone's brain. It's so different on how they're gonna make money or make. Just make people happy and laugh the right off couch.

[Nick]

What are you guys gonna do in order to, you know, take advantage of your woman and make her pay for stuff? Nick's got a good idea. I mean, you don't let her vote. You might as well let her make, you know, pick up the tab.

[Cody]

I thought about having a Mrs. Fat electrician only fans, but it was just gonna be like a six hour video of me reading the Bible just.

[Nick]

To see how many people subscribed I have. This has got to be a weird story.

[Cody]

No, go for it.

[Nick]

I have very nice feet.

[Brandon Herrera]

Oh, my God.

[Cody]

Right?

[Nick]

I want to know.

[Brandon Herrera]

We have a thread in there where I zoomed in on your high heels.

[Nick]

I was like, bro.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah, you can literally just screenshot. I was like, just sell these. I forget what you were wearing. Was it a kilt or.

[Nick]

No, it's. I was. It was. It was a charity event and it had a style and the style was animal print. And so I was wearing snakeskin button down shirt and snakeskin shorts, printed, not actual snakeskin.

[Eli Double Tap]

Because everybody that was at the first Unsub live show in San Antonio knows what happens when he's in a kilt.

[Nick]

That's true. You have to see my brown eye. And both of these things are blue, so, you know which one I'm talking about? But yeah, I've got like nice feet and I've. I've been asked to. And also thought about possibly starting a feet finders but not being like angry cops feet, but like shaving my feet because you wouldn't be able to know if they're a man or woman. Yeah, of course. Yeah, right. I put my friend's shoes on and.

[Brandon Herrera]

I was like, chase, I'm sending this to you.

[Eli Double Tap]

Like if you, if you painted nails.

[Brandon Herrera]

That do you go like this. You have no fucking clue. And then you go like this, dude.

[Nick]

Unironically. I felt shame because I looked so gay. I was like, at first it was fun. It's like I had to joke it kind of gay, you know, like whatever. I'm confident in myself. And then I saw the following day and I was like, ooh, ooh, I look unironically gay. I look like just, just. I just look like a gay.

[Eli Double Tap]

You have moments like that where you just joking around. Then you look at the photo and you're like, damn, maybe I missed my calling.

[Nick]

No, I couldn't suck a dick to save my life. I got horrible gag reflex. Unless you're into that. Yeah, just be. It'd be bad to be crying.

[Eli Double Tap]

Anybody who knows, anybody who's seen let him cook knows I have a terrible gag reflex. Oh, I didn't even get it. Fucking Avalon, he is.

[Brandon Herrera]

Oh, you're gonna be there. Oh, everyone's gonna be there. Tomorrow. Sunday.

[Cody]

Sunday.

[Nick]

What are we making some bad food? No, it's tomorrow.

[Brandon Herrera]

Nevermind.

[Eli Double Tap]

I'm Prairie Oyster. It's balls. No excuse.

[Nick]

Prairie oyster.

[Cody]

Prairie oysters.

[Eli Double Tap]

No, it's the mountain oysters.

[Nick]

Balls. What's a prairie oyster?

[Eli Double Tap]

Mountain oyster. Rocky Mountain oyster.

[Nick]

Rocky Mountain oysters. Bull balls.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yeah, yeah, Prairie oysters.

[Nick]

Like a first time you've had balls in your mouth.

[Eli Double Tap]

It's a raw egg or like an egg yolk.

[Brandon Herrera]

It is egg. So it's the cowboy shot. So it is to get rid of the hangover. Hangover. So it's salt, pepper, a. Some. A splash of hot sauce.

[Nick]

Yep. Worcestershire.

[Brandon Herrera]

Worcestershire. And what is the whiskey choice?

[Eli Double Tap]

Is it with gin?

[Nick]

Gin. Gin of a hangover. What are we, British? What? Cowboys doing gin.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yeah.

[Nick]

I agree with the prairie oyster. Yeah.

[Donut Operator]

Sorry, I'd take a fat piss real quick.

[Nick]

I could hear it. All right.

[Donut Operator]

What's in the prairie oyster?

[Nick]

Your stream hitting the side of the bowl was masculine.

[Brandon Herrera]

That hog.

[Nick]

I could smell the testosterone from here. I just got tested for testosterone. Turns out I still have it.

[Donut Operator]

Nice.

[Nick]

Good that's good. Yeah.

[Eli Double Tap]

It's not like a yes or no.

[Nick]

Question out of it.

[Brandon Herrera]

Just take a break. That's actually really, really good.

[Cody]

That's good. I like that.

[Brandon Herrera]

That's tomorrow.

[Nick]

Oh, my God. So he breaks down the Joker.

[Brandon Herrera]

No, that's on our episode. Yeah, we talked about it. Smidge.

[Nick]

Oh, I. I love watching Nerd Rotic, man.

[Brandon Herrera]

That dude, he's here in San Antonio.

[Nick]

Oh, he's based out of San. Well, because Texas doesn't have income tax. Right.

[Eli Double Tap]

I don't think that's why he's here, but, yeah, he's.

[Nick]

That question, bro.

[Brandon Herrera]

You live here because of this?

[Nick]

I mean, that's a good business move, right? Yeah, thank you.

[Brandon Herrera]

Great. It's a great business.

[Nick]

What, is he on the run again? Huh? What, because he was out? He was jailed?

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah, he was.

[Nick]

Because he. Prison. Yeah. He was in prison.

[Eli Double Tap]

Was he?

[Nick]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah.

[Cody]

Kind of a social with you?

[Eli Double Tap]

Yeah.

[Nick]

No, I mean, I'm not saying there's, like, a dig on him. It was just. I got it. Oh, you're trying to. I see what you're trying to do. You're trying to Purple Heart me.

[Eli Double Tap]

Not that extreme. I'll find a way.

[Donut Operator]

Rich, are you gonna be on my cooking show tomorrow?

[Nick]

Yeah, I'm gonna be there tomorrow.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah.

[Cody]

Dude, what are we eating?

[Donut Operator]

Just add more tomato biscuit and grilled cheese sandwiches.

[Cody]

Tomato biscuit?

[Donut Operator]

Yeah. It's soup season. Dude, got me a soup se.

[Brandon Herrera]

I. We were asking that, I think, the other day at the. It's like, I don't know what Cody's cooking. We'll just ask him.

[Cody]

But are you gonna make the grilled cheese on a waffle iron so it holds soup?

[Nick]

Wait, what is this show?

[Cody]

Hold on.

[Nick]

We.

[Eli Double Tap]

We breezed over that way, too.

[Nick]

That makes sense.

[Eli Double Tap]

Grilled cheese. Grilled cheese in a waffle.

[Nick]

Yeah.

[Cody]

And that way it holds more soup.

[Nick]

It's got pockets.

[Brandon Herrera]

Wait, I'm really.

[Cody]

You're mad at how I'm. Fucking genius? That is.

[Eli Double Tap]

I'm not mad. I'm just. I'm exploring that in my mind. That's actually fucking neat. Yeah.

[Donut Operator]

No, we're just making grilled cheese. Because the basis of my cooking show is it's simple shit that costs, like, $10 and you can feed eight people and you.

[Nick]

And the bullshit that goes around it.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah.

[Nick]

Kind of like what Bert Kreischer does, but instead of, you know, laughing like a mad animal and making up stories about his daughter saying the weirdest things, that definitely happened.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah.

[Nick]

That's my Burt Kreischer.

[Eli Double Tap]

Well, Bert Kreischer, you almost came on.

[Nick]

The podcast.

[Brandon Herrera]

And I'm gonna.

[Cody]

Two bears, one dolphin or what?

[Eli Double Tap]

Two bears, one.

[Cody]

Oh, yeah, that. Yeah.

[Eli Double Tap]

Pretty sure the. The Internet collectively decided at once, randomly, that they just hated Burt, which.

[Nick]

I don't care.

[Cody]

No, it was, it was. I know the exact second. It was the exact second that Bert and Tom got in a competition to see who could give each other the most expensive gift.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yeah.

[Cody]

And Tom ended up giving Bert Hitler's teacup.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah. Which I hated.

[Nick]

That's hilarious.

[Eli Double Tap]

I thought that was.

[Brandon Herrera]

I don't think that caused the hatred, though. That cannot. Because.

[Nick]

No, that's hysterical.

[Cody]

Yeah, it was like. I, I, I, I think it got to the point where they're, like, giving each other, like, expensive sports cars and.

[Eli Double Tap]

It was like jet skis and things like that. But at. Well, at the same time, I think it was the moment when people started making compilations of all the jokes that they stole.

[Cody]

I haven't seen those.

[Eli Double Tap]

I saw a couple where it was like, it's like stolen jokes and jokes.

[Nick]

That were like, you got to be careful with stolen jokes because sometimes you do the same premise in a different way. And, and honestly, the way that people, People put out, like, oh, this happened, and then that happened. I don't, I don't believe the Internet's timeline of history without, like, some legitimate backup.

[Eli Double Tap]

Also, like the fact that my job.

[Nick]

Well, you're supposed to. You're a comedian. I could care less.

[Eli Double Tap]

Well, that. He plays it off as if it was real, and I'm like, I'm not casting shakes. I don't.

[Nick]

Comedian does. You think that every single story that I tell you is real?

[Eli Double Tap]

I thought so.

[Nick]

It is.

[Eli Double Tap]

I thought it was real.

[Nick]

I'll leave. I live a. I was wondering what.

[Brandon Herrera]

Caused that hatred towards him. I. Because I don't.

[Nick]

Success. I think that people saw him and they decided that you. Like when an artist does, like, a white canvas or tapes a banana to a wall and says, it's art. And then people get like, in and out. Racer. Like, that doesn't make me think about anything. That's just is. They saw him and they were like, I do the same thing. That looks too easy. You. There's something fake about you. And they decided to turn on him. I've seen him live before. His movie came out in Buffalo, and his entire set was hysterical.

[Eli Double Tap]

Really.

[Nick]

I got asked by Helium Comedy Club. They had like, a, an usher come up to me, and they were like, if you don't stop, we're gonna have to Ask you to leave. Because I was laughing out loud so much and I loved it. I was a little. I had a couple drinks too, but. So I. It could have been a little louder than I needed to be when I was laughing, but I was. I was honestly laughing my balls off, but they were like, hey, you need to just kind of tone it down a little bit because your laughs, like, interrupting the show. If you don't, we're going to have to ask you to leave. And I was like, my bad. But it was that funny where I was. I was guffawing. I was like, knee slapping like he was on. On fire. If you don't like Bert Kreischer, see him live and then you're going to change your mind. That's just it. Don't ignore the Internet hype. He's fucking hysterical.

[Eli Double Tap]

That's going to be my new line. If you don't, like, unsubscribe, pay money.

[Nick]

To see us live on the stolen ver. And then.

[Eli Double Tap]

And if you still don't like us, then we have your money.

[Nick]

Yeah. So what are you going to do? Punch a Purple heart recipient? You or the other one.

[Eli Double Tap]

Or the other one.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah, the brown one.

[Nick]

His Purple heart's lame.

[Brandon Herrera]

Not as cool. Yeah, definitely got the good one.

[Eli Double Tap]

You guys, man.

[Nick]

Yeah, we got yours in the lost and found.

[Brandon Herrera]

You had the little thing in the middle.

[Nick]

My lost mine cluster. You want to trade?

[Brandon Herrera]

So this.

[Nick]

I'm sorry, that's yours? I shouldn't say that.

[Eli Double Tap]

It's not mine. I didn't.

[Brandon Herrera]

This thing comes out. That's a shield. That's not burnt in. That's an actual separate unit altogether.

[Eli Double Tap]

What. What is that?

[Brandon Herrera]

I don't. It's a little shield in there. I don't know what it's for, but that is. Wait, why isn't yours.

[Nick]

Hold on.

[Donut Operator]

Or Eli. Who. Who's on a Purple Heart? Who is that?

[Eli Double Tap]

George Washington.

[Donut Operator]

It's George.

[Nick]

It's George. No, that's the guy that invented peanut butter. George Washington Carver. How racist of you. You know, think of the guy who.

[Eli Double Tap]

Invited the white peanut on the purple Heart.

[Nick]

Really, Jake? George Washington Carver.

[Brandon Herrera]

What is it?

[Nick]

Yeah, George Washington Carver on there.

[Eli Double Tap]

It's a recipe.

[Brandon Herrera]

You can't invent peanut butter. You didn't invent the idea to mash nuts into a paste.

[Nick]

I don't know if you can invent tiramisu. You could invent peanut butter. All right. Oh, I'm sorry that your culinary expertise is peanut butter and fluff.

[Cody]

We gotta stop because my brain's Actually getting into the full philosophical point of this.

[Brandon Herrera]

Go on.

[Cody]

I don't know. It's like, did it. Did you invent electricity or did you discover electricity?

[Eli Double Tap]

Did Paula Dean invent biscuits and gravy?

[Cody]

She discovered biscuits and gravity.

[Nick]

No, but she did make him taste better with her racism.

[Cody]

What is the difference between a discovery and a creation?

[Brandon Herrera]

That was the splash that mattered a little bit.

[Nick]

That's. That's the Southern charm right there. That's what. That's why deep fried South Southern anything is great.

[Eli Double Tap]

Neymar called it love.

[Nick]

Well, you know, but not. It was.

[Brandon Herrera]

Why was love bleeped out?

[Nick]

Because it was the N word with.

[Donut Operator]

A hard R. Remember my grandmother made fried chicken.

[Brandon Herrera]

Love with a hard.

[Nick]

Yeah, it's like Love on the Spectrum, but it's love with a hard heart. And it's a black guy marrying a white woman and her dad's racist. TLC is gonna love that. Or the history of the joke.

[Eli Double Tap]

I had the same Love with Love on the Spectrum joke in my mind brewing.

[Nick]

That's because we both tried out for the second season. Oh, you, Brandon, do you play with our trucks?

[Eli Double Tap]

It's a great joke, Rich. I keep going.

[Nick]

I watched it and by watched it, I watched a clip of Love on the Spectrum. And it was a girl down syndrome and a kid who either had. I think he was autistic and the girl down syndrome, not very talkative, but she was like, kind of, you know, chilling, whatever. And the guy that was autistic was just like, we have cheeseburgers. Do you like cheeseburgers? I love cheeseburgers. And it. That was like the entire thing was him just being like, do you like this? And she'd go, yeah. And then him going, that's great. I also love this other thing. Do you like this other thing? Yeah. He's like, that's great. And he would just kept going like that. And I was like, I can't watch this. Can't watch anymore.

[Eli Double Tap]

I love how over the. Over the course of 50 years, we went from, like, not believing that autistic people existed to treating them like fucking anti farm.

[Nick]

What?

[Eli Double Tap]

Where we just, like, have them, like in a fucking. Oh, like Love on the Spectrum. You're just watching them on Netflix, like, oh, look at them. They're cute. Pokemon. Make them do the thing.

[Nick]

The thing. Let me tell you something. I have made. I make jokes about everybody, and I've made some autistic jokes. I think you've been aware of them, Nick, and not to insult your people. And I had a couple people Come up to me and be like, so what do you mean? This is what autistic people are like. I'm like, well, I mean, autism's like on a massive spectrum. Like, you can have guys that are just like really good at math and, you know, enjoy focusing on one thing. And then you can have guys that, you know, need assistance throughout their entire life. I go, but if it's the guys that are really good at math, I mean, you still go out and get them hammered and then make fun of them because they can't pick up girls because they're too busy talking about the calorie intake of what a Mick Ultra has compared to a Bud Light. And that's fucking funny. And they're like, no, it's not. And I'm like, well, fuck off. You know, because I think that is funny.

[Brandon Herrera]

We've had.

[Eli Double Tap]

As long as you're well intentioned, I think everything's funny.

[Nick]

Oh, shit, I'm in trouble.

[Brandon Herrera]

No, I will say my favorite part of Cody. I don't know if we.

[Nick]

I gotta keep somebody down. You know what I mean? I gotta keep somebody down. I can't be the.

[Eli Double Tap]

You know, that's still one of my favorite. It's not even a joke because it was just a real story. When we were in Charleston back in like 2020 during the summer. Love you went on that vacation. You're just like, oh, yeah, these are like the things that are on my fucking Spotify playlist right now. Just because, like, you know, when I arrest people and I take their cars, this is what they're listening to.

[Nick]

Yes, my favorite. He asked me what my favorite song is and I was. Or something like these, like, oh, what do you listen to right now? I go, usually my favorite song is whatever I'm towing the car to.

[Eli Double Tap]

Because I just figure out what's hot on the street this way.

[Nick]

Yeah. Because I'll tow the car. Well, they're going to jail, obviously. And then I'm towing the car and then, you know, the radio goes on and I'm just like, oh, what's this? And then I'll hit Shazam. I'll find out who the artist is and then I'll put it on my Spotify playlist. And it's things that, like his Chrysler.

[Cody]

300 playlist blacked out.

[Donut Operator]

That's why I listen to rap now.

[Nick]

Black on Black.

[Donut Operator]

Well, when I was arresting someone, I asked them what they want to listen to on the way to jail. Yeah. And so I would start listening. Like I would just put their music.

[Nick]

Yeah.

[Donut Operator]

Keith Urban, like, damn, I'm gonna jam to this all night now.

[Eli Double Tap]

It's because you weren't policing in Florida, dude.

[Nick]

It's gotten me a lot of friends like that, that music knowledge. I'll so go. I'll take the Merv to Bill's tailgates and I'll blast the music because the thing's got speakers on it that pump. And there'll be, like, a playlist that I'll put on of, like, some songs that you know, that I like. And you want, you know, R and B and rap, and then you'll throw in, like, some EDM stuff to kind of, like, change it up and keep it going. And I'll have some friends that are Have a lot more melanin than I do. They'll be like, oh, hi. How do you know this song? And I'm sitting there, like, you know, hammered, just dancing to it. Just like, just sway and be like, yeah, and mouthing the words and like, how do you know this song? I'm like, because I was on Bailey street towing this guy's car after I put him. Because I arrested your nephew and I loved it. No, black people can be police officers, too. They're not all convicts. Wow. And that's how he lost Texas. It's always weird when I tell stories about, like, me hanging out with my black friends, because I always feel like somebody in the comments is gonna be like, just because you have a black friend doesn't mean you, blah, blah, blah, that you're not racist.

[Brandon Herrera]

I'm like, well, oh, dude, dead.

[Nick]

I mean, I think I feel like it kind of does.

[Brandon Herrera]

Oh, dude, the cooking show. If I can say one joke that just had me dying, is cooking show with Eddie and us. And it's just Cody being like, hey, what do you want? It's like my favorite moment because what do all the Mexicans do? We fucking laugh at it. And then you serve amazing food to us all the other joke also really good.

[Nick]

Wait, hold on a second. He said he serves fantastic food to everybody. We're getting grilled cheese and tomato soup.

[Eli Double Tap]

It was. We were doing burritos.

[Donut Operator]

Sorry it's tomato bit.

[Nick]

I'm sorry that you melted butter in it with your southern jeans. It doesn't make it gooder.

[Cody]

Oh, wait till you actually scientifically proven wrong.

[Nick]

Listen, hold on.

[Brandon Herrera]

Have you had Cody's real good cooking?

[Nick]

Oh, no, it's. Cody and I aren't real friends. He's never cooked for me. That's bullshit.

[Eli Double Tap]

I was there when it happened.

[Brandon Herrera]

Wait, for what?

[Nick]

Charleston oh, yeah, that's what you thought I was Mike the cop.

[Eli Double Tap]

I really did. That is still. Have we told the story on the podcast?

[Nick]

If we haven't, we need to tell it again, dude, for hours. For hours. I'm dead fucking serious. So the riots, The George Floyd riots happen, right?

[Eli Double Tap]

Summer of love.

[Nick]

Summer of love. And I'm tired of shit because I was one of the three guys in charge of our riot squad, and I. And I just, you know, I literally blew my voice out from screaming at my. At my troops to, like, push forward, make a rapid fight through tear gas. I had to take my gas mask off because they couldn't hear me. So I'm just like. Just like, eating pepper spray, blowback and all this. And we had already planned to, like, come down and hang out at Charleston. And so it was like two days, three days after the riots in Buffalo. And I was like, all right, things calm down like that because we put a very good and professional squash to it. And so I fly down and he's like, yeah, Brandon Reyes here. I'm like, that sounds familiar. He's like, he's a YouTuber. I was like, oh, cool. Oh, are you.

[Cody]

What Taste the Midwest.

[Brandon Herrera]

I didn't even know we had those.

[Eli Double Tap]

Directly off camera.

[Nick]

Friendship. They don't need to know what we did. So Cody tells me, yeah, I got Brandon her era down here. And I'm like, I think I know who that is. And he sends me your YouTube. And I go, oh, I've seen. Seen a couple videos. And then I watch a couple more because it's like, oh, hey, if you searched Brandon Herrera, here's his, you know, top recent video. I'm like, oh, this guy is, you know, pretty cool. I've seen this before. It's gonna be really nice. I get down there, I meet you. You ask me right away, AK ar. I go, I like aks better. And he's like, we're gonna get along. He's like, I really like your stuff. I go, oh, that's really nice. You, man. I like your stuff too. Two hours later.

[Eli Double Tap]

It's longer than that. We hung out. We hung out good.

[Nick]

It's just a three or four.

[Brandon Herrera]

He's like, mike is a really good.

[Eli Double Tap]

Dude in my world. Like, sorry. I, like, I've never been exposed to.

[Nick]

Your content with Mike. Say that again. Say that again.

[Eli Double Tap]

I said at the time, like, this is five years ago. I'd never been exposed to your content.

[Nick]

Never been exposed. It's the nicest way of saying, I don't watch your Go on.

[Eli Double Tap]

I'm sorry. I was you feeling entitled to my eyeballs? I don't.

[Nick]

I think I earned them. I gifted you a purple heart. What have you given this friendship? Except for a lie trying to make himself sound like the victim.

[Cody]

I've never been exposed to it.

[Eli Double Tap]

This was. This was years ago. We were not friends.

[Cody]

Small pox that wiped us out.

[Nick]

Essie coins to turn.

[Brandon Herrera]

Hold on.

[Eli Double Tap]

Holy. They try to make yourself sound like the victim. Like we didn't have smallpox. You're killing our indigenous Brandon's like, why.

[Brandon Herrera]

Did I come to this episode? Pick home Brandon.

[Nick]

Yeah, normally I pick on him, but I just, you know.

[Eli Double Tap]

No, no, no. I think he's really just brushing off the entitlement of like, you obvious man. Obviously you've seen my things because I am the angry cops.

[Brandon Herrera]

I am the angry guy.

[Nick]

Oh, you don't know what to say to that one, huh? All right. After having the angry. After having some fantastic conversation thinking that we're friends that were like, we're having a real human connection.

[Eli Double Tap]

I thought we had a great time.

[Nick]

Like, oh, yeah, you thought you did. Until. Yeah. Because you thought you were hanging out with somebody that you actually watched on YouTube and respected. To be fair, just a ghost guy. That's not 50, 000 member fewer guys. I don't matter to be.

[Eli Double Tap]

Not on my. Not. Not on my hearing us. I didn't really see his content back then either. I just who he was.

[Nick]

Just a lies through flattery. This guy.

[Brandon Herrera]

A white bald guy.

[Nick]

So three or four hours later, sorry.

[Eli Double Tap]

If the only police content I watched back then was donut operator.

[Brandon Herrera]

Hey now kiss.

[Eli Double Tap]

But.

[Brandon Herrera]

It actually happens.

[Cody]

What I was an apprentice electrician at the time.

[Nick]

Look like a homeless mirror trying to make out with itself. I thank you. Can I trade you? You're the prettiest meth head in the trail park. So three hours. It was a beautiful scene. Three or four hours after hanging out for the first time, getting to know each other a little bit, and him still thinking I'm Mike the cop. We go out. The beach is empty. It's nighttime. The moon is bouncing off of the waves on Coastal Carolina Donuts with us. And Brandon says a couple other things to me about me. And I stop as I'm knee deep in the ocean and I look at him and I go, do you think I'm Mike the cop? And he goes, he said that?

[Eli Double Tap]

Verbatim. Genuinely, he said, I Do you think I Mike the cop? And I immediately froze because I knew. I'm like, oh, I fucked up.

[Cody]

Oh, no.

[Nick]

And I. And I feel like this is true. You remember this better than me because maybe inside, but I feel like outwardly I just started laughing at him.

[Eli Double Tap]

You did?

[Nick]

You have?

[Eli Double Tap]

Yes.

[Nick]

Yeah, I just started laughing at him. I was like.

[Eli Double Tap]

There was no offense taken. You just thought it was the funniest fucking thing ever.

[Nick]

That was hysterical.

[Brandon Herrera]

When Cody started his crazy business of podcasting, you know what? He didn't think about merchandise. But now he's selling what merch.

[Eli Double Tap]

And it couldn't be easier.

[Brandon Herrera]

All because of Shopify.

[Eli Double Tap]

If you've shopped on bunkerbranding.com, you've used Shopify.

[Donut Operator]

Shopify is a global global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of your business from the launch your.

[Brandon Herrera]

Online shop stage, to the first real life store stage, all the way to the. Did we just hit a million orders exclamation point. Shopify is there to help you grow.

[Eli Double Tap]

From their all in one e commerce platform to their in person pos. That means point of sale. Wherever and whatever you're selling, Shopify's got you covered.

[Brandon Herrera]

Once you start selling, Shopify makes getting paid simple by instantly accepting every type of payment.

[Donut Operator]

Shopify helps you turn turn browsers into buyers using the Internet's best converting checkout up to 36% better compared to other leading commerce platforms.

[Brandon Herrera]

And sell more with less effort thanks to Shopify Magic, your AI powered all star.

[Eli Double Tap]

Shopify powers 10% of all E commerce in the United States. And Shopify is the global force behind all birds. Rothy's and Brooklinen.

[Brandon Herrera]

My favorite companies.

[Donut Operator]

What is that?

[Eli Double Tap]

No clue. But they also power millions of other entrepreneurs across 175 countries.

[Donut Operator]

Because businesses that grow, grow the shop.

[Brandon Herrera]

Shopify sign up for a $1 per month trial period at shopify.com unsub pod.

[Eli Double Tap]

All lowercase go to shopify.com unsub pod now to grow your business no matter.

[Donut Operator]

What stage you're in, go to shopify.com unsub pod.

[Cody]

You know how Europeans are always talking about American houses being made out of paper mache?

[Nick]

Yeah.

[Cody]

On the Internet, right?

[Nick]

Yeah.

[Cody]

So I started looking into it, thinking maybe there's a video there. You know who authorized the first like wood framed structure ever? George Washington.

[Nick]

Wait, what?

[Eli Double Tap]

I was going to say Benjamin Franklin.

[Nick]

I was oddly close.

[Brandon Herrera]

Why?

[Nick]

That's a weird. What do you mean authorized a wood structure? What does that even mean?

[Cody]

Like the first, like official building, like on record that was built in. How America frames a house today was like authorized by the United States government under George Washington. To get government building done faster because we were trying to prop up the entire nation. So you're saying that's the founding of how American homes.

[Nick]

And so right away there was big government and housing. Wow.

[Eli Double Tap]

Either that or we approved basically facade housing.

[Nick]

I like how, like, I see George Washington in my mind, like, rubber stamping log cabins being like, this one's good enough.

[Brandon Herrera]

What was that? How was previous to that? What was the standard?

[Cody]

And then, well, I mean, it was just like. Because everybody is from Britain, so it's like, oh, let's build a castle to last for 200 years. Which.

[Nick]

Holy fuck.

[Cody]

Yeah, I forgot castles here on one hand. Seems like it's a really good idea if you completely ignore the fact that human technology advances. So, like, you know, when you build a house out of solid fucking stone that's 18 inches thick, it's really hard to, like, I don't know, knock out one cavity of a wall and install a outlet. When some invents electricity. And this is why, you know, every time there's a heat wave in Great Britain and it gets like 82 degrees, like 500 people die because they don't have AC, because they can't knock open a wall and put a vent in it. And then they talk.

[Nick]

They've got all these split units that heat their house. You couldn't put cool on it?

[Cody]

Can't do it.

[Nick]

That was good. Yeah. I was like, oh, America, I'm sorry. My brain just went boom with so much information. I learned two things today.

[Brandon Herrera]

One, that. Because I never thought about. It's like, oh, yeah, we just don't have castles from the 1700s. When White House anything in D.C. is announced, like, here's the cast. We don't have that.

[Nick]

What?

[Eli Double Tap]

D.C. is pretty much all like 1800s on.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah. And I never thought about that. The other is the chicken shits, poops and babies out.

[Nick]

The what? You egg. The chicken poops. Babies.

[Cody]

Eggs came first, if that's what you're asking.

[Nick]

Eggs came forward.

[Brandon Herrera]

Didn't know that. Did not know that was vagina butt.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah, dude.

[Brandon Herrera]

Two. Thanks. Two things.

[Nick]

Yeah, Bugs got him.

[Cody]

You want me keep going?

[Nick]

Yeah.

[Eli Double Tap]

I will say this, though. I've gotten a lot of shit because my. I did a Sten video. Like a video on the nine, you know, Sten some. I did that video probably, I don't.

[Nick]

Know, two years ago, my buddy stims like this. He'll get excited and he'll shake and then he'll go like this.

[Cody]

Rich unzips his pants. Yeah, it's the best.

[Nick]

That's why he's my best friend. Because I just. I curl his fingers like that. And then when he does it like that, he just gets me off.

[Eli Double Tap]

It's a cool story.

[Brandon Herrera]

Stimming.

[Nick]

Yeah. Anyways, back to small caliber firearms.

[Eli Double Tap]

But we. No, it was a. I know more.

[Nick]

Than one Tism guy. All right. The chism surrounds us. It's like the force.

[Cody]

And we've got Anakin here, the mini chlorians.

[Nick]

A thread. Get the out of here.

[Brandon Herrera]

No, I didn't realize like even I did. I thought everyone did it until the other day.

[Nick]

I like it.

[Brandon Herrera]

He's going to. We're going to go back to it.

[Donut Operator]

What do we say?

[Brandon Herrera]

It's that fucking when you get excited and you tense up. That was it. It's what happens.

[Cody]

Like. Like an orgasm.

[Nick]

I don't know he's talking about.

[Brandon Herrera]

I know. That's what I found out. Was very particular to one person and no one else. When you get super excited, you're like, you tell. Yeah, exactly. That's why I noticed that I was like, oh. And I asked Sav about that.

[Cody]

She's like, that's not normal.

[Brandon Herrera]

Nope. At all. Period. See, everyone's looking. Exactly. So the stem go.

[Eli Double Tap]

Oh, sorry. I just noticed that like I was getting a lot of comments like because I look through my YouTube comments, even though that that's probably really bad.

[Nick]

I do it too. I've got a great community. If somebody shits on me, my community goes fucking ham. What's he saying? What?

[Eli Double Tap]

Brandon's like, no, no, it's very excited.

[Brandon Herrera]

And Cody's like, I feel you. And then he's like, he caught it.

[Nick]

And then now you know what it feels like.

[Cody]

Cody gave it to you.

[Donut Operator]

Are we good?

[Nick]

So anyway.

[Eli Double Tap]

No, but I was just doing.

[Nick]

Talk here right now. So tell me, how was your day?

[Cody]

Purple heart recipient.

[Eli Double Tap]

That was stupid shit.

[Cody]

Thanks.

[Nick]

All right.

[Eli Double Tap]

No, but I just, I noticed that I was getting a lot of comments on this 10 video and I was just like, what the fuck? What did I say? Like, why? Like that's like a two year old video. And then all of a sudden it's a. Yeah, thank you. All of a sudden I'm getting a shitload of comments from British people that are like really upset because I was making jokes. I don't. I like, I make jokes about any country of origin of any fucking gun that I do a video on. Like four people. The VZ, you know, 51 or whatever. The like, I'll do like jokes about the check about how like Their names sound like a fucking eye exam or like, whatever the. But like the British people. I apparently made a couple jokes about the British and about how, like, Dunkirk was the reason why that the Sten.

[Cody]

That's, like, historically accurate.

[Eli Double Tap]

I know there's objective.

[Nick]

Wait, what was the joke?

[Eli Double Tap]

There was no joke. It was just. The reason that the Sten was created is because they were having to come up with expedient submachine guns for World War II because they had lost so many of their arms, like the. The Bren and things like that at Dunkirk, and.

[Brandon Herrera]

I need more. We'll finish your story.

[Cody]

They got cut off and they, like, had to ditch a ton of their military equipment just to save the men. So they got back, they're like, oh, we have our army and they don't have any fucking guns. So they came. One of the solutions was the Sten, where they're just mass manufacturing, stamping these submachine guns for something.

[Eli Double Tap]

They shit together a 9 millimeter submachine gun for 11 bucks a piece back in the day, and that's. That's exactly what happened. But so many fucking Brit bongs are sitting here, like, just getting irritated at the fact that I'm, like, poking, like, light fun at the English. And I had one guy today just like, oh, yeah, you Americans, you like to talk about Eurovisionist history. You guys came out. Only came in in the last eight months of the war because of Pearl Harbor. I was like, are you fucking retarded?

[Cody]

Eight months?

[Nick]

I'm pretty sure that there was a lot more than eight months after Pearl Harbor.

[Cody]

You know how many. You know how many hundreds of tons of bread America sent to the UK daily? You're welcome for the time for the lease. You ever heard of merchant marines?

[Nick]

Oh, my grandfather was one. Yeah.

[Cody]

You know, like the American civilians that were dying in droves.

[Nick]

Yeah.

[Cody]

German U boats to give the UK supplies because America didn't have a army yet.

[Eli Double Tap]

The entire Lend Lease act, all of that, while we're giving the Allies supplies, guns, munitions, vehicles, everything.

[Nick]

The only thing my grandfather told me about World War II, my one grandfather, who was a merchant marine, was that he. The ships on either side of him got hit with torpedoes and he had to keep going. And he. And he watched Americans drown. And he was just like, that's horrible. It him up? Yeah, dude. He did. I was just like, I'm only. I'm only 12, Grandpa.

[Cody]

Jesus.

[Brandon Herrera]

That's your bedtime story? He's like, go to sleep, mijo.

[Nick]

I think.

[Brandon Herrera]

Mexican.

[Nick]

Fifth or sixth grade. I was Like, I want to join the army, and I'm gonna do it. I just don't know if it's gonna be the army, the marines, the Air Force, but I'm leaning towards Army Marines because of you and my other grandfather. I'm like, what can you tell me about, like, World War II? Like, what was it like? What did you feel? It was like the two ships on either side of me got blown up, and I had to keep. We had to keep going. And so I watched a whole bunch of Americans drowned, and I was like, oh, Badass.

[Eli Double Tap]

High is a very. It's a very Germanic last name, right?

[Nick]

Yep.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yeah. So, like, his very Germanic grandfather was telling him about, you know, sorry, mijo. Sorry. You.

[Brandon Herrera]

You strong Mexican grandfather.

[Nick]

Yeah. He was like, we really like the Americans. They were going to be our allies, but we had to sink those two ships. Is it.

[Brandon Herrera]

I gotta watch him drive German pass through.

[Cody]

My favorite thing is when Allied forces like the British and the fucking Russians, formerly the Soviet Union, are like, you stupid Americans, in your winner's history, it's like, you won, too. Like, I don't. What?

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah, you winning side.

[Nick]

You were on the team where we.

[Cody]

Were like, just admit that we.

[Nick]

You shot all over my arm.

[Cody]

Because you weren't drinking yours. It's fine. Just lick it up.

[Nick]

It was yours. Almost done. Yeah. You.

[Brandon Herrera]

You spill it. You.

[Donut Operator]

You.

[Nick]

You revisionist.

[Brandon Herrera]

You spill because you weren't drinking yours. You gas.

[Nick]

You're trying to gas. Maybe.

[Cody]

Anyways, so do we ever want Tucker Carlson on this podcast?

[Nick]

Yeah. Oh, we do.

[Cody]

Never mind.

[Brandon Herrera]

Okay, go on. We'll hear this pissing me the off later.

[Eli Double Tap]

Let's probably not do that if we want them all.

[Cody]

We can cut it out later if it's that bad. It's 10% his fault, 90% his guest's fault. But, like, he brought on this historian that he described as the most honest historian of our time, I believe is what he said. And this got on Tucker Carlson's thing and went on a tirade unchallenged where his main claim was Winston Churchill, who. Don't get it wrong.

[Nick]

You.

[Cody]

He had plenty of character faults. You could say he did a lot of things that maybe weren't great, but he went on to describe him as, and I quote, the chief villain of World War II.

[Eli Double Tap]

That was not me. Dude, we had this on the record, all right?

[Cody]

Yeah, yeah, we saw you do it.

[Nick]

I blow my nose so hard that I think I put toilet paper all over my chest.

[Cody]

Anyways, did you see this? Tucker Carlson's interview with the historian guy.

[Donut Operator]

I'm just happy everyone else on the podcast was able to talk for like two minutes while you were in the restroom.

[Nick]

Be funnier than me.

[Brandon Herrera]

Everyone chose violence today.

[Eli Double Tap]

The name of this episode, the gang fights. We just fucking go ham.

[Cody]

Me and Rich are having a cage fight to raise money for veterans awareness.

[Eli Double Tap]

The gang does a free for all.

[Nick]

It's gonna end in a Superman punch.

[Cody]

What's the wwe? The cage match.

[Brandon Herrera]

A bunch of people beat hell in the cell.

[Donut Operator]

Did you know in 1996 the Undertaker. That whole me today we're going to talk about.

[Cody]

I should start doing sports history. I was this close. I was this close. Talking about the Philadelphia Flyers.

[Nick]

Awesome.

[Eli Double Tap]

Try it on fat files.

[Cody]

Yeah, that would be because so like do. I'm kind of. I really like hockey. The Philadelphia Flyers back in the day. The Broad street bullies. Like the back in the day Philadelphia Flyers strategy was to just beat the fuck out of you and then after you were broken, they'd score goals. They played hockey after they you up.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah, it's a good method.

[Cody]

The.

[Nick]

The ccp.

[Cody]

The Soviet Union's Olympic hockey team, the hot shot. The ones from Miracle that had to play in the Olympics went to play the Philadelphia Flyers. And the Philadelphia Flyers beat the out of them to the point that at halftime they left and then they literally and quit because they're like, we're not playing these guys anymore. And then they were like, we're not going to pay you then. And then they came back out on.

[Nick]

The ice and they continued to kick the out of them. And that's how capitalism wins. Oh, you're going to leave. How about we keep the cash you pores.

[Eli Double Tap]

Come on.

[Cody]

Welcome to reality on Ice.

[Donut Operator]

What year was that?

[Cody]

Remember the exact. But who's my favorite? It's my favorite sports story of all time. It's the best game ever played. It's hilarious.

[Nick]

I like how you think that that was only the Philadelphia Flyers. Like that was everybody most renowned for it.

[Cody]

Like hockey back in the day. Like you had like an enforcer or two there.

[Nick]

Or two.

[Cody]

There was a lot of enforcers per team. Like you had the one goon that was like, okay, if I fuck up their. Their skill players, this monstrosity ogre of a man is going to come out here and beat the out of me.

[Nick]

Correct.

[Cody]

Philadelphia Flyers was just. All of them were Shrek.

[Nick]

Just.

[Cody]

They're all going to beat the fuck out of you.

[Nick]

We the Sabers, I think I feel like the Sabers specifically and the Flyers at one point it was like the 90s had just a physical rivalry where Shields was their goalie at the time. Was such a dickhead. Fantastic goalie, but with such a dickhead to our players, like slashing them all the time and with them that our goalies got in fights on like three or four times. Like the benches or not the benches, but like the players. The. No, yeah, yeah, the players, but not the benches. But the players on the ice would just like everybody on the ice was just teed up, paired off with one another guy and Shields, dude. Like, we had Rob Ray at the time. And Rob Ray and Tai Domi from the Leafs were fighting each other all the time. They made a Rob Ray favorite.

[Brandon Herrera]

Did you watch the video that came out like two weeks ago?

[Nick]

Who?

[Eli Double Tap]

No, I was. I was around. Yeah. Okay, thank you. You had never watch.

[Brandon Herrera]

I'm so confused. Know what's going on. I'm like, sports, damn it.

[Cody]

I'm drinking and I can't remember the name. It's literally my favorite documentary ever.

[Eli Double Tap]

And I thought we were actually engaging playoffs.

[Cody]

This is a legit documentary. Like I watched war Doc.

[Eli Double Tap]

Stop.

[Brandon Herrera]

Cody's talking.

[Donut Operator]

No, you said Rob Ray. I was going to say is that we're. That inspired some of Goon to Goon.

[Nick]

Did Rob Ray inspire some of Goon?

[Donut Operator]

Yeah, I. I think so, man. Like, wasn't someone in their name Rob Ray, like lip. Sh. Wasn't he something?

[Eli Double Tap]

Rule number one, don't touch my Percocets. Rule number two, does anybody have any Percocets?

[Cody]

No. There's a so confusion. It wasn't. I think it might be a Netflix original documentary. I think it's called Ice Guardians. It's my favorite documentary of all time.

[Nick]

That's something coming from you.

[Cody]

It's. Yeah, it's better than every war documentary I've ever watched. And it's.

[Brandon Herrera]

That is.

[Cody]

It's about fucking hot. It's about hockey and it's about how they got rid of fighting. Fighting in hockey to the degree that like the enforcer is no longer a practical role because you just get ejected and they actually go through and they break down and be like, here's traumatic brain injuries and like the outcomes of people. And it's gotten so much worse since they've gotten rid of the enforcer that's going to go out there and beat the out of you because now it's.

[Nick]

Like they're playing free to free because there's no consequences.

[Cody]

And it's like, well, now you're going to clip a dude while you're skating at 30 miles an hour with a shoulder pad.

[Nick]

Yeah.

[Cody]

And that's way more traumatic than some dude grabbing your shirt and punching you five times.

[Eli Double Tap]

Absolutely.

[Cody]

And it just shows, like, you got rid of violence and it made the outcome so much worse.

[Nick]

One of my favorite hockey clips, because I'll go into a hockey hole every once in a while.

[Brandon Herrera]

I can't wait to watch the analytics.

[Nick]

Of the draw, no pun intended, is.

[Eli Double Tap]

I was like, I have no.

[Brandon Herrera]

I'm so like. I'm like, what is going on right now?

[Nick]

So this is an easy story that everybody can understand. It's about fighting. So the Buffalo Sabers, I forget which team it was. The Buffalo Sabres are playing against another NHL team in the playoffs. And similar to what you described, our star scorer got hammered on, like, on open ice and like, knocked him out on the ice. He's out, gets up, gets, you know, like, helped off the ice, skates off the ice. And our coach at the time, who's now our coach now, Lindy Ruff, he used to play hockey. So he was a player, became a coach, and he was like one. He is one of the best coaches in hockey and he is motherfucking the other coach through the glass. Like, you don't come after our captain. You don't do that. And Rob Ray is an announcer who used to play for this guy. And with this guy is like, just sitting in between him and he's like, I'm not saying. I'm just kind of holding my mic up so you can hear this guys, and you can hear Lindy Ruff just motherfucking the other coach. And so it all comes down, calms down enough to where everybody goes back out on the ice and they're about to drop the puck from the penalty and, you know, start playing hockey again. And right away they drop the puck. The second they drop the puck, this every Sabres guy goes. Drops his gloves, grabs his wheel it on, guys. And I think it was the Senators because all second. I think it was Marty Baron or. Or Miller, who was a silver medalist, starts just like it and just comes down in the middle of the ice and points at the other goalie. And the other goalie's like two goalies, which, for those of you who have ever watched hockey, goalies never get in a fight. They're fucking. They're.

[Cody]

They're like two NFL quarterbacks got in a fist fight in the field.

[Nick]

Doesn't happen.

[Eli Double Tap]

Like, meet you behind the bleachers at 3:00. Like.

[Nick]

So these two goalies just point each Other out and just start skating at each other from one end of the ice. And then just like circle each other like shocks. And then just grab. Grab each other and start dotting each other. And they're like, my goalie, that Sabres goalie goes down. And then our guy and then our defender. Oh, my God. I'm forgetting his name right now. But he. He comes over and he sees our goalie get knocked down to the. You know, to the ice by the other goalie. He's like, fuck that. It's Peters. His name is Peters. And he grabs the other goal. He's like, you. You goalie. And that goalie, if I'm not mistaken, was previously a Golden Gloves boxer. Hard. Hard to box on the ice.

[Brandon Herrera]

Very hard.

[Nick]

Gets our goal, like goalie on goalie.

[Eli Double Tap]

A lot of foot power there.

[Nick]

Yeah. Golden Gloves boxer takes down our goalie. Okay, Peters comes over and just like, I don't give a fuck that you can fight. We're on the ice. This is. This is my dojo. And just grabs. Just uppercutting the. I was phenomenal. Yeah.

[Brandon Herrera]

It is crazy that that sport is the only sport where the ref is like, let him fight. It's a boxing match. 30 seconds.

[Nick]

Let him fight, bro.

[Donut Operator]

I'm gonna go home and watch Goon tonight.

[Nick]

You've never watched it?

[Cody]

You've never seen Goon?

[Brandon Herrera]

No.

[Cody]

Oh, God.

[Eli Double Tap]

Really?

[Nick]

So good.

[Cody]

With Sean Williams, it's literally about an enforcer. And he's just like a tough guy. And they're like, hey, we're just. Whenever somebody pisses off, whenever somebody hits one of our skill players, I'm gonna send you in and you're gonna up that guy. And it's just him beating the out of people. It's hilarious.

[Nick]

No, I'm doing number 69. No.

[Cody]

Oh, all right.

[Brandon Herrera]

Brandon, I heard you started a new business. That's right, he did.

[Eli Double Tap]

Well, you can cut that sexual tension with a knife. But yes, Eli, I did.

[Nick]

Help me.

[Eli Double Tap]

I will. Right after I tell you about my new company. We don't sell boat anchors.com youm guys know I built my entire brand off of boat anchors. Brandon's my favorite boat anchor tuber. Well, now we built a website that will allow you to buy boat anchors at dealer price.

[Brandon Herrera]

All my anchors were lost in a boating accident.

[Eli Double Tap]

So if you want access to dealer pricing on boat anchors and boat anchor accessories, check out. We don't sell boatanchors.com.

[Nick]

We don't sell boatanchors.Com we don't sell boat anchors.

[Donut Operator]

What's what's his name in American Pie? It's Stifler. Stifler.

[Brandon Herrera]

That is a good actor for that role.

[Cody]

Yeah, no, it's fantastic.

[Donut Operator]

He's just a big idiot and he beast the 2000 era.

[Nick]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Brandon Herrera]

That sounds like a dude.

[Eli Double Tap]

How much to get him on Pepper Box? Get him on like some fucking original.

[Cody]

Didn't he have some scandal and he like, disappeared?

[Eli Double Tap]

He allegedly did some not nice things with ladies. Never mind.

[Donut Operator]

All right. Never mind.

[Brandon Herrera]

Hey, that.

[Nick]

Yeah, we're gonna have to look into that. I'll take that gamble.

[Donut Operator]

Do you take that deal?

[Eli Double Tap]

Damn good deal. I'll take that deal.

[Nick]

So you're saying we can get him at a discount?

[Eli Double Tap]

Yeah, absolutely. The Grantham thing where he put. I think he posted this publicly where he was trying to get laid. The who's the star that he was joking about the whole time? Macaulay Culkin and Ron Jeremy.

[Nick]

Oh, yeah.

[Cody]

I don't like where this is going, but.

[Eli Double Tap]

No, no, like, he always had like, the target. Whereas, like Ron Jeremy. Macaulay Culkin.

[Nick]

Our new movie.

[Cody]

Hell Alone.

[Nick]

Oh, that actually. Ron Jeremy.

[Eli Double Tap]

No, no, like, but they look like him. But he was just like. He was trying to get Ron Jeremy on like a video sex toy.

[Cody]

Booby traps.

[Eli Double Tap]

God. Dear God.

[Donut Operator]

Coming down the stairs, you step on something that shoots up your ass.

[Eli Double Tap]

But he kept trying to get him on. And then like, as soon as the fucking sex scandal thing, like, broke with Ron Jeremy, he had messages manager. He's like, so can we get you at a discount, bro?

[Cody]

You want to hear something? My. One of my best friends, the. My. The other Jiu Jitsu coach at my gym. We had a guy, he was a student. He moved, but he was hilarious. His name was Reed and he always had a rash guard of Ron Jeremy. But it was like that, you know, the Obama campaign picture of the red and blue where he's like, oh, yeah, it was that. But it was Ron Jeremy Brashgard. It was. Yeah, yeah, but it was a rat Ron Jeremy. It was a rash card. It was really funny. He always wore it. And we always, you know, joked about it prior to that incident. And cameo had just come out and Reed was, you know, making a lot of money. Single guy. He paid 500 to have Ron Jeremy sing Happy Birthday to my friend Calvin. And he sent the cameo of singing Happy Birthday with a harmonica to Calvin the next day. That scandal, bro. Jesus, it was perfect.

[Nick]

Ada posted that on Twitter and said that, you know, the guy he was singing to was an eight year old boy.

[Brandon Herrera]

Wait Ron Jeremy had a sex scandal issue so wild.

[Nick]

I've had friends that have worked with him for, like, different things, and they said he's the scuzziest, dirtiest dude ever to work with.

[Eli Double Tap]

How different of a thing could it be?

[Brandon Herrera]

What?

[Eli Double Tap]

They. They worked with him for different things. Like, I feel like it was one thing.

[Nick]

It wasn't like, hey, show up to, like, a bachelor party, and he, like, two things. Be the guest of honor party. So I'll tell you one story, Mario. Seriously, I'm joking, okay? I was like, brandon, I'm shrinking.

[Brandon Herrera]

Brandon.

[Eli Double Tap]

Today, that is within the realm of possibility. Come on.

[Brandon Herrera]

Go on.

[Nick]

Oh, my God.

[Cody]

We need to give Chase a raise.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah. I feel bad for this episode. He has to edit everything. He's just sweating. He's. Aw.

[Eli Double Tap]

Sean, William Scott Stifler did not have a sex scandal. Apparently, he had some substance abuse issues.

[Nick]

That he had to deal with on.

[Eli Double Tap]

His own, and that's why he kind.

[Nick]

Of dropped off the radar. Oh, that's nothing.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yeah.

[Donut Operator]

Everyone, we've all done.

[Cody]

Bring him to Peppermint Joe.

[Nick]

Rogan's probably done harder drugs than him.

[Brandon Herrera]

We've all done that.

[Cody]

I was gonna say, I thought that was weird because I always heard he was, like, a really nice guy.

[Eli Double Tap]

That's what I heard. Yeah. Like, I think I was conflating him with the curly haired scientologist from that 70s show. Danny Masterson.

[Cody]

Prison.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yeah, I think so.

[Nick]

What?

[Brandon Herrera]

So that's when Mila and the other dude, they're like, he needs a lighter charge. And everyone was like, are you.

[Nick]

I was gonna say that, but he's really nice.

[Eli Double Tap]

Like, that whole argument was not very good.

[Brandon Herrera]

Crazy. Crazy.

[Nick]

Which is crazy because Ashton started a, like, protect the kids. So here we go. All right, so he's going into attack.

[Cody]

Start the stopwatch. Until the word baby oil gets hit.

[Nick]

So Ashton Kutcher, that 70s show, meets Mila Kunis, who lies about her age and is 14 on to get on the show.

[Brandon Herrera]

Oh, my God, I forgot about.

[Nick]

Immediately, those two have a connection. She likes Ashton. She's like, I'm gonna marry him. Ashton's not, like 50, but he's, like, several years older than her and, you know, legal age, where while she's not. I don't know when they start the relationship, but, I mean, I would say it's probably the day her 18th birthday probably kicked off. Off. Which is a little weird. Immediately after the 70s show kicks off. And he does, you know, the other stuff. He actually creates a child protection, a non for profit, where him and different groups are working together in order to find and prevent children from being exploited. Right.

[Eli Double Tap]

So it's a five year age gap. She was 14, he was 19.

[Nick]

Okay, that's not the end of the world. That's still weird at the time.

[Eli Double Tap]

Pretty, pretty. Not great, right?

[Nick]

16, 21. And she's 17. I know that, you know, if you're. You're in your 30s and somebody's, you know, five years your junior, that's really not that big of a difference, but one development and physically, and then two mentally. Like, what are you gonna talk about? How you stayed inside the lines when you colored today? Real. You know, a little. What are we gonna. What's the conversation? You know, bumper 17.

[Brandon Herrera]

That's what they do.

[Nick]

Yeah. I got my gel how to color now. I gave myself a perm. Is this cool? No, I bought new jeans by myself at Aeropostale. I don't okay with my mom's credit card. Honey, shut up and.

[Brandon Herrera]

Christ.

[Cody]

How many syllables did you just say.

[Nick]

That word with credit card? How do you say it?

[Cody]

Aeropostale.

[Eli Double Tap]

It's the same amount of syllables I said it.

[Nick]

I said it classy because it was French arrow pastel.

[Cody]

Okay, sorry, go ahead.

[Nick]

Anyway, so he creates this thing and then he's doing all this good stuff for finding children that are exploited. And then it's like, oh, by the way, honey, that the woman that I'm in love with that found me when she was a minor. In a minor for a long time until we could start our relationship. Let's get on a video and say, hey, even though this guy did the thing that I created my non for profit to fight against, we should go make him a nice sentence because he happened to be nice guy. TV show. It all threw me off. It all threw me off. I don't even understand why he would do that considering the work that he did in the opposite direction. Do you know why?

[Cody]

I don't know, but all I can think about is like, that happened and then zero backlash. And Cody's over here just like, I wish my tax dollars would help Americans.

[Nick]

Cody, your mom needs to die.

[Cody]

Extremely controversial.

[Nick]

Poopy.

[Cody]

But we all paid money into a fund and then it just helped out the less fortunate you.

[Eli Double Tap]

I just wish my mom wasn't underwater right now. That'd be fucking cool.

[Donut Operator]

You hope she dies, Poopy butthole died. Thanks, Internet. That's fucking kind of you.

[Brandon Herrera]

You should read. You should actually laugh at that one part of it. So he gets replied.

[Nick]

Yeah, don't do that.

[Brandon Herrera]

Laughing at that One. God bless the Internet.

[Nick]

I randomly get dudes on Twitter that will, like, try to on me, and they're so wrong. Like, let's just say that somebody tweets, you know, one plus one equals four. And I go, sorry, bud, but, well, one plus one equals two. And then somebody underneath me will be like, hey, you're a fish. And I'll be like, bro, I'm just. I'm just here saying words, man. And then they just keep going. And I look at them, just have so much fun being, like, the center of attention because other people are defending me, and they get to respond. And I get mad at that. I get mad at the nice people that follow me are talking to this idiot, which is all that idiot wants.

[Brandon Herrera]

Dude, they feed into it whatever is. Can you can check how many hours you spend on app, right?

[Nick]

Yeah, yeah. What is your.

[Brandon Herrera]

Can we go around and see how much for a week spend on Twitter?

[Nick]

Let's do it.

[Brandon Herrera]

Twitter. I would love to do this because I like.

[Cody]

How do you find it?

[Eli Double Tap]

Right?

[Nick]

Well, like, settings.

[Brandon Herrera]

Settings.

[Nick]

Twitter. 80 hours.

[Brandon Herrera]

Wait, how do we find this?

[Eli Double Tap]

Just swipe down and go screen time and type screen.

[Brandon Herrera]

Twitter.

[Eli Double Tap]

No, no, on your green. Your iPhone.

[Donut Operator]

Okay, let's look. On top of what Rich was saying, he's like, I have so many nice people that follow me. And then there's always that.

[Nick]

It's always the negative that stands out because that's the way that we, our monkey brains learn, right? You learn by touching the hot stove. So your brain remembers the bad things, you don't do it again. Whereas, like, if somebody compliments me and says, I want to give a purple heart to your friend, I forget about it for six months.

[Brandon Herrera]

So by week, at limits. Oh, no.

[Eli Double Tap]

On Twitter, I've spent 4 hours and 42 minutes this week.

[Donut Operator]

Oh, no.

[Cody]

Go to Settings.

[Nick]

And I got it.

[Eli Double Tap]

What's yours?

[Nick]

Hold on. You go last. Cuz you probably got the most. So, Brandon, you said how long?

[Eli Double Tap]

Back out.

[Donut Operator]

We're doing Twitter.

[Nick]

We're doing yours is you can do everything.

[Eli Double Tap]

Oh, this week. That's for a week.

[Nick]

Oh, no, hold on. Oh, he goes. He goes last. He goes.

[Brandon Herrera]

Hey, Homelander, what's your time at?

[Eli Double Tap]

Sorry, that was.

[Brandon Herrera]

Oh, God, dude. Brandon Sprites.

[Eli Double Tap]

I was like, that's for a week. Not.

[Brandon Herrera]

Okay, that wasn't. Your reaction was so visceral. Holy. That's for a week.

[Nick]

No, I was right.

[Brandon Herrera]

Sorry.

[Eli Double Tap]

That'S. I. Yeah.

[Brandon Herrera]

Wait, how do I do I. Apparently I also.

[Eli Double Tap]

I spend more time on Twitter than YouTube.

[Nick]

You don't spend. Oh, My God, you don't spend any time on your phone.

[Cody]

Kids and shit.

[Nick]

Yeah, okay. How long. How many hours you got on Twitter?

[Eli Double Tap]

4 hours and 42 minutes.

[Nick]

I've got 13 hours, 14 minutes and 43 seconds.

[Cody]

Virtually nothing.

[Eli Double Tap]

What the fuck, dude?

[Nick]

13 hours. I found out, all right?

[Donut Operator]

See, I'm not an asshole.

[Nick]

Yeah.

[Brandon Herrera]

Wait, you had 14 hours this week?

[Nick]

I get. Yeah, 13 and 13 hours, 14 minutes.

[Eli Double Tap]

Four and 42.

[Donut Operator]

14 and a half.

[Nick]

Oh, you probably had, like, almost nothing. Yeah, nothing.

[Brandon Herrera]

How do I even do this?

[Nick]

He.

[Brandon Herrera]

Bro, I don't.

[Nick]

Like.

[Brandon Herrera]

You have to understand.

[Cody]

No, you could have found out the.

[Nick]

Number before you asked all of us.

[Brandon Herrera]

I don't. I don't know this shit.

[Nick]

No fluidity. Give me your phone. Let me see it.

[Brandon Herrera]

Please.

[Nick]

Please.

[Brandon Herrera]

Show me. I just like, show me on Eli's time.

[Cody]

I just like to go on Twitter and post timelines of historic events and piss off communists. Because it's that easy.

[Nick]

See? All app and website activity. Zero. Zero.

[Brandon Herrera]

That's what I'm saying.

[Nick]

One minute.

[Brandon Herrera]

How do we do that? I just turned that on. That's what I'm saying.

[Cody]

We've never turned it on. So it wasn't recording the data.

[Nick]

Just like your wives. You've never turned them on.

[Brandon Herrera]

Cheater. Oh, let's see how many tweets I have.

[Cody]

I have not many.

[Nick]

Let's go off of Twitter tweets.

[Eli Double Tap]

Let's go by impressions.

[Brandon Herrera]

All right, I typed in Twitter.

[Eli Double Tap]

Let's do YouTube. Next.

[Nick]

Let's do Pepper Box. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Brandon Herrera]

Wait, can you.

[Eli Double Tap]

I don't think any of us can do Pepper Box. Eli, help us with Pepper Box.

[Nick]

By the way, if you guys want to see some fantastic outtakes and some behind the scenes, they. Action. Make sure that you subscribe to Pepperbox, where you'll get all the good, juicy stuff without any of the censorship a.

[Eli Double Tap]

Lot of the shit could not say here.

[Nick]

Brandon said the word. I'll let you determine what word it is. But you know what word it is.

[Eli Double Tap]

Which one was it?

[Brandon Herrera]

Check how many tweets you've done. Cody, how many tweets have you done?

[Nick]

Did.

[Cody]

Did you watch my.

[Brandon Herrera]

It should be the Cash for Cloakers.

[Cody]

Video on Pepper Box.

[Brandon Herrera]

It'll be on the top.

[Cody]

There's a deleted scene that didn't make YouTube. It was aggressive.

[Eli Double Tap]

Really?

[Cody]

It involved Caleb's. Caleb's bit from. Oh, when we did. When Caleb was dressed as a Nazi.

[Nick]

Talking about punching through the attic.

[Brandon Herrera]

Dude.

[Nick]

It was really bad.

[Brandon Herrera]

We talked about that today at the gym. It was meat canyon, like drawing Caleb punching through. Get me within five feet of Anne Frank and I'll take her out. I'll punch her in the face.

[Donut Operator]

I'll find where she is.

[Brandon Herrera]

Just Kayla punching through the attic and pulling her down. Yeah, he was called the uber Nazi.

[Nick]

I feel like if you. If you took Caleb's voice and put it towards, like, any horrible character, it would be either a hysterical. So so much worse. You know what I mean? Like, he's. He's got such that sweet Southern twang. You know, that. That soft southernness, you know? And it's either like, what do you. What are you giggling at?

[Brandon Herrera]

I just asked how many. What's the difference? So I have 682 posts on Twitter. So I found Cody. Cody has 29,900. That top number.

[Nick]

Hold on.

[Brandon Herrera]

There's a slight discrepancy in that number.

[Nick]

Who were you?

[Cody]

Who were you between? For the most influential people, you were between, like, Taylor Swift and, like, a major politician. Oh, it was, like, 20 top, most, most influential people. All very recognizable names. Donut operator right in the middle.

[Brandon Herrera]

What's yours name? Nothing.

[Cody]

Virtually nothing.

[Nick]

That's not true. You're on it.

[Cody]

I have, like, 10 tweets.

[Brandon Herrera]

I was expecting yours to be, like, five.

[Eli Double Tap]

You guessed it.

[Brandon Herrera]

There's another times that by three.

[Cody]

The Communists are coming back. So I'll be on Twitter.

[Donut Operator]

It's a good hobby.

[Brandon Herrera]

What, your Twitter? How many.

[Nick]

How many posts do you have on Twitter?

[Donut Operator]

Let's see.

[Brandon Herrera]

I just, like. I can still have a number that is seen. 682.

[Eli Double Tap]

How do you find that?

[Brandon Herrera]

Go to your profile.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yep.

[Brandon Herrera]

And then scroll.

[Nick]

Is that your password? 4300.

[Brandon Herrera]

Cody, you. Jesus. How do you have 30,000?

[Nick]

Brandon has 4003. Jesus Christ.

[Donut Operator]

Oh, man.

[Nick]

Well, he's also been doing it for years. Like, he's earned that, but he put in the time. You're like a Delta operator of Twitter? Yeah.

[Eli Double Tap]

4300. Jesus Christ.

[Donut Operator]

I started in the early days.

[Brandon Herrera]

You're haloing into bully everyone.

[Donut Operator]

I started bullying in 2006.

[Eli Double Tap]

Like, your OG Steam account.

[Nick]

Just finishing AIT. He's like an SF guy with, like, eight tours. Delta operator.

[Brandon Herrera]

We're showing him to fucking Iraq. He's been in World War II.

[Cody]

Cody's the equivalent of, like, the chaplain in the infantry.

[Eli Double Tap]

Everybody fights, nobody quits.

[Nick]

Rough ducks.

[Donut Operator]

It'll be okay, boys. It'll be okay.

[Cody]

I've transcended violence. I've won.

[Nick]

You are. You are the First Amendment.

[Eli Double Tap]

You just realized, like, violence is nirvana.

[Cody]

I don't care if we've told this story before, it would never not be funny. When Cody was like, guys, can I have the password to the unsubbed Twitter?

[Nick]

And we were all like, no.

[Cody]

He's like, I've never called anyone anything bad. And Brandon goes, donut operator. Search.

[Brandon Herrera]

I would never say this on Twitter.

[Nick]

Well, I've got a semi funny social media story. If we don't want to talk about politics, we'll talk about some veteran bullshit. So I made a video a week or two ago on the vfw. They created a VFW post inside a Colorado prison. And okay, yeah, so the VFW post 12, 22 9. And Colorado VFW is like super proud about it. They're like, hey, we've got these veterans that are in prison. Just because you're in prison doesn't mean you're not a veteran. Let's take care of you.

[Cody]

Brotherhood, maybe.

[Nick]

Camaraderie.

[Eli Double Tap]

What did they do?

[Cody]

Yeah, bingo, maybe.

[Nick]

I got this story from a buddy of mine that's got some churin and he's like, dude, what. What is this? What. What is happening? And I looked into it and I was like, I'll tell you what's going on with it. So I look into it. The. These are a couple of the members and their criminal history. So I believe it's the president. I won't even go over like, their, their titles. I'll just say, like, what they did. So one guy took an 18 month old and smashed its head into tile on the side and on the front. So there was bruising on the side of its face and the front of its head and then shook it so hard that it tore. Brain material burst its. Its retina so that there was retinal bleeding and something else. And then told. Called 911 and said that it had just fallen down some. Some carpeted stairs to which, you know, the medics and stuff and the doctors were like, no, no, this is from trauma. And the child died five days later. They also found scalding marks on his butt. So he boiled the baby. Like, not like, oh, I accidentally dunked it in a hot bath. Like he boiled the baby's butt. So that's one guy. Another guy went into a bar, shot two or three people, and then the third or fourth guy was trying to render aid. He was a doctor, and he executed him and then made a whole bunch of jokes about it on his way to and from trial. Another guy murked a guy in the middle of like an alleyway. This will be, this will be interesting. Enjoy the bleeps for this one. Another guy broke into a Colorado teacher's house and grape drinked the shit out of her for three hours while tiring tying her up for three hours. Grape drink the out of her for three hours and suffocated her over and over again with the pillow. And then the creme de la creme of this entire group is their quartermaster, who in 82 got caught for child graping drinking a child. 1980 and then went to prison. 1987 or 89, got caught again for grape drinking a child and then went to prison. And then in like the 20 somethings, like 2017, 2015.

[Eli Double Tap]

For grape what?

[Nick]

Grape drinking grape.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yeah.

[Nick]

Grape. Yeah. Children on two separate occasions. And then in the 20 teens, the late teens, I think it was, the police went to this guy's father's home where bad guy and bad guy's brother are staying. So bad guy, bad guy, brother are staying in this house with their father's father's house. Police go there because they're like, weird smells are coming from the house and neighbors are complaining. They're like, oh, you're ready for a dead body. 92 year old dad is in his reclining chair, stuck to the seat, alive, filled, composted almost with soil because he soiled himself and like skin peeling off of him, stuck to the couch, like almost dying. Well, dying. They removed them, go through the house, they get brother and bad guy in custody and find out that bad guy who, like I already said, gave grape drink to two separate children on two separate occasions and was arrested for it. They find a whole bunch of child videos and children's underwear in his house. These are all people that the VFW were like, it's a great idea. They're veterans. We need to respect their veteran status and give them a VFW post.

[Cody]

I'm gonna pass.

[Nick]

Yeah.

[Eli Double Tap]

No, I'm gonna have a controversial opinion. Not great.

[Nick]

Not great. So positive out of this is after bringing light to the situation. Well, not so positive at first. The Colorado so VFW responded with a Facebook post. And the Facebook post was, we stand by our veterans. And these people need help and assistance in coming back into the community. Once a veteran, always a veteran.

[Donut Operator]

Is the assistant a bullet.

[Nick]

Like, so they stand by this and they support it. And they are. They're like, doesn't matter what charge you have, you're still a veteran. And within like an hour, it got a couple comments underneath it that were like, you might want to recheck that statement. They remove it, of course. I Took a screenshot of it because them.

[Eli Double Tap]

And why the vfw? What would they have done? Well, in the last few months.

[Nick]

Yeah. Well, they've done some things. I would say their headquarters had needs, might need some change, but which it's.

[Eli Double Tap]

Change that seems like it has happened, which is good.

[Nick]

I think more change needs to happen in the VFW headquarters, especially because, you know, anyone in particular you'd like to.

[Eli Double Tap]

Say needs to be changed?

[Nick]

Oh, man. What's fired Italian guy's name? Oh, it's like. Oh, my God. Hold on, hold on. I gotta find his stupid.

[Eli Double Tap]

You're holding.

[Nick]

I gotta find his domain with painted breath. There it is. Come here. What's your name?

[Donut Operator]

No, we're going to war with the VFW now, bud.

[Nick]

Again, Ryan Guaducci. The Gooch probably needs to go, but anywho. So, you know, after one telling the VFW to maybe not make fun of veteran with a sign, a guy who's helped out veterans for a long time and should probably say you're sorry, which they haven't yet. Inappropriate.

[Eli Double Tap]

I would really like to see them say that they're sorry.

[Nick]

Me too. I would probably not pick on you as much if you just admitted your mistake.

[Cody]

What's that called? Accountability.

[Donut Operator]

Honors not being encouraged.

[Cody]

Aren't those, like, supposed to be synonymous with.

[Nick]

What's that synonymous?

[Cody]

Demographic of people that we're talking?

[Nick]

Veterans. Oh, yeah. God, if only. So besides on veteran with a sign, one of the most nicest people ever in the world, they decided that they would set up this fantastic VFW in a prison with child touchers, grape artists and murderers, and then double down on the grape creators and the murderers in a Facebook post. Then remove the post. But the good guys won because as of recently, they removed that post from the prison only because there weren't enough members in it after they decided at that moment, after having a year, a year of being around, they decided that some of the members didn't qualify to be members because of some of the actions that they took. And not even the actions that they took that they didn't complete their time in service, meaning the time they were given for the charges. So their time in prison, they're prison sentences, Right? So not that they are grapes grapers. Not that they are murderers or child viewers of the bad videos. No, no, no, no, no. That they didn't finish their time. They decided that they had to remove those members and then, well, then there weren't enough members to create a vfw, so they closed it. So The VFW didn't stop having a prison post because of the bad people in it. They said they stopped having a post because the membership was no longer enough to substantiate a VFW post status. Which to me sounds like you still want grapers in your ranks, which sounds kind of dumb.

[Cody]

Only a lot.

[Eli Double Tap]

Dear God. Cody's on this podcast. Hey, buddy, how you doing?

[Donut Operator]

Hi everyone. Welcome to the unsubscribe podcast.

[Brandon Herrera]

BMW is great, dude.

[Nick]

I.

[Brandon Herrera]

They have a very good optic and how to capture it and then really reflect on everything. They bring in everyone.

[Nick]

Individual posts are phenomenal and they do a lot of good things. But the headquarters I believe for some states and just the overall headquarters has made some bad decisions that I think normal people would say need to get you removed. Right. Ryan Galuch.

[Eli Double Tap]

Pretty much anytime you go to war with one of our friends that I usually feel like one of our friends is pretty level headed in one way or the other. And if they're not, we can usually tell the difference.

[Nick]

Difference, that's probably.

[Eli Double Tap]

But like if you go to war with them, it's like you go to war with all of us. I. I really hate that.

[Nick]

Yeah.

[Brandon Herrera]

With it's common sense. It is. You can tell the optic. Running a business, not the easiest thing. And then having the idea of how social media works. Social media is this multifaceted thing that you have to be so careful with. You can't just out out stuff and be like, it's gonna work great. That is one example where you have like, I guarantee what happens. Like, I'm in charge of this. I will trust this individual to do this one thing. And they're gonna hammer it. And then they don't talk. And they're like, bro, I got all I. I reformed a prison system. You're like, that sounds great. We're helping felons that served our country.

[Nick]

Cool.

[Brandon Herrera]

Because it might in their head is probably. Is probably at a low level. This is going to crush. This is great. And then that information gets turned back to the top and they're like. So we were funding grapists, child players. Yep. And everything bad new. Like also this Zach guy. We made fun of him.

[Nick]

Not that guy.

[Eli Double Tap]

He.

[Brandon Herrera]

He said one tweet, not about us. Did you ask him first?

[Eli Double Tap]

That guy hates veterans.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah, that guy. Wait, why didn't you talk to him first? Like in a closed proximity? Why don't you have a conversation piece, Nick? Why would we do that?

[Nick]

I got a question for you.

[Cody]

Go ahead.

[Nick]

You like kids?

[Cody]

No.

[Nick]

You'll do you'll do.

[Brandon Herrera]

Jesus.

[Cody]

Never done it. No, I don't like it.

[Nick]

You're not.

[Cody]

Never slam my dick in a car door. No, I won't like it.

[Nick]

And you're not going to like the vfw.

[Cody]

Jesus Christ. Franks. Leave for the awkward supportive.

[Brandon Herrera]

Please don't talk about us today. They're so angry. Why are they so angry on today's episode? Because it's.

[Eli Double Tap]

Who wants to talk about fema?

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah. Fat five, Fangry and furious.

[Cody]

Oh, no.

[Nick]

War.

[Brandon Herrera]

I. Oh, FIFA.

[Nick]

Holy sh.

[Brandon Herrera]

Did we already talk about FIFA?

[Nick]

He's a FIFA. Soccer.

[Eli Double Tap]

I could give a less of soccer, to be honest.

[Brandon Herrera]

I hate soccer. What they do now? Those pores in that ball they kick around.

[Nick]

Why they always got to be setting fire to stuff inside the Coliseum that they're playing in when they're just kicking a ball and screaming. It don't make no sense. Why can't they just be friends? None of the people on the fields is fine. They just fall over whenever there's a cool breeze. But everybody in the fans stabbing the. I don't want to know they're okay.

[Brandon Herrera]

Anger.

[Nick]

Anger brown.

[Brandon Herrera]

You know what we're excited for?

[Eli Double Tap]

Let's go the murder rate of El Salvador. Google that and then tell me one for one.

[Nick]

They got a really good kdr.

[Brandon Herrera]

Kdr.

[Nick]

Kill Death ratio.

[Brandon Herrera]

Oh, it is K. Why? Why? Why did r sound. What?

[Eli Double Tap]

KD.

[Brandon Herrera]

KD's why. Okay, sorry, KDR.

[Eli Double Tap]

Or is that like it's the same. Same thing.

[Brandon Herrera]

It's a different kd.

[Cody]

Different timeline. Mandala effect. Yeah, no, it's fine.

[Brandon Herrera]

Kd.

[Donut Operator]

What?

[Cody]

I'm from the timeline where dog poop used to turn white after a while, but it doesn't anymore, so.

[Nick]

Kill. Death assist.

[Brandon Herrera]

That's why.

[Nick]

That's new. That's new. That's new. The A is new.

[Brandon Herrera]

I know.

[Nick]

The A is new.

[Brandon Herrera]

You know what's a positive thing? So we cannot fight for a second.

[Donut Operator]

It did.

[Nick]

We didn't fight. We were. Yeah, sorry.

[Brandon Herrera]

I tried to.

[Eli Double Tap]

We didn't fight.

[Nick]

You. No. You. When you seen this.

[Eli Double Tap]

Look at me.

[Cody]

Cody.

[Brandon Herrera]

Go yourself.

[Donut Operator]

Nick and I are trying to talk about dog right now.

[Nick]

When you were a kid. When you were a kid, did the.

[Cody]

Dog poop turn white?

[Nick]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Cody]

It doesn't turn white anymore. They patched it.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah. Remember lick that white dog.

[Nick]

They patched it.

[Cody]

They patched the dog poop. Turning white.

[Nick]

That poor. Then what did my dad make me eat last week?

[Brandon Herrera]

Wait.

[Cody]

Holy.

[Nick]

What the. What?

[Brandon Herrera]

What happened?

[Nick]

I don't know. It still turns white. There's A.

[Cody]

No, it doesn't.

[Nick]

Yeah, you just don't.

[Brandon Herrera]

I've never seen a white dog turd.

[Donut Operator]

There's a scene in Step Brothers where he says, lick that white dog.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah.

[Cody]

I'm from the white dog poop timeline. I don't know what happened.

[Nick]

You're just really good at the top. I never pick up.

[Cody]

My dog never turns white.

[Nick]

That's the most white thing I've ever heard in my life. I never pick out my dog.

[Brandon Herrera]

You. You're that neighbor.

[Eli Double Tap]

I have watched Heartland from George Strait. I know that chicken turns white at the top.

[Cody]

Not anymore.

[Donut Operator]

Nope. Chick Fil.

[Nick]

A.

[Donut Operator]

How do you spell it?

[Cody]

You know, same.

[Nick]

I hate this the way that I want it.

[Brandon Herrera]

Can we. We'll just talk about the. The happy times that are happening Sunday when we all get wrecked and then do an episode afterwards.

[Cody]

That's when the dog poop turned white.

[Brandon Herrera]

I mean. Yeah, we're going to a. Wait, who's wearing Leader Hosen?

[Nick]

I gotta buy some.

[Brandon Herrera]

Buying some what?

[Nick]

I gotta. If there's some available.

[Brandon Herrera]

Some for the episode right after.

[Eli Double Tap]

You're me.

[Brandon Herrera]

You don't want to wear Leader Jose.

[Nick]

It's my people's garb, sir. Our peoples. I know you're Nana.

[Brandon Herrera]

Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah.

[Donut Operator]

You can't.

[Brandon Herrera]

You can wear a sombrero.

[Eli Double Tap]

Which, by the way, if you guys want to go see Oma.

[Nick]

Is she here?

[Eli Double Tap]

No, she is not here, but we. We would have to go fly out to see her.

[Nick]

She entrapped in the hurricane.

[Eli Double Tap]

She's not, thank God.

[Nick]

Oh, God. If she was in a tree, I'd been like, she's.

[Eli Double Tap]

She's down to hang.

[Brandon Herrera]

Almost down. We're excited for this. Don't give her that face. Stop picking up Brandon today.

[Nick]

I don't like the way that he said, grandma's nana's down to hang, and she's a German in the south.

[Brandon Herrera]

Don't you talk German?

[Eli Double Tap]

And this.

[Nick]

What?

[Eli Double Tap]

What?

[Nick]

Huh? There's a lot of. He got it.

[Donut Operator]

I want to watch Beer Fest now. Dude with a grandma in there.

[Nick]

You guys could probably. You guys probably get the broken lizard. Broken lizard guys on here. At least one or two.

[Eli Double Tap]

I feel like we can. We've hung out with them before.

[Nick]

Yeah.

[Donut Operator]

And nascar. Yeah. We got kicked out of the box.

[Nick]

You got kicked out of the box at nascar? Yeah. You get kicked out of a box? Wait, who?

[Donut Operator]

We were sitting there with Richard Petty and you guys. The guy. Bicycle guy Guy. Lance Armstrong.

[Eli Double Tap]

The bicycle guy.

[Nick]

Bicycle guy. I mean, that's actually the nicest way. Herman.

[Cody]

Or Lance Armstrong.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah, We. We stole a bottle of Jack Daniels and we were just.

[Brandon Herrera]

Weird. Got caked out.

[Nick]

Yeah. You guys didn't, like. You guys didn't, like, tie a loose knot and have somebody think it was a noose, did you?

[Donut Operator]

Not from the box.

[Brandon Herrera]

Oh, okay.

[Donut Operator]

I was like, well, we're with Texas Dave in Texas Dave called Lance Armstrong, and then we started slamming this bottle that we found. We found.

[Nick]

Acquired.

[Donut Operator]

Acquired. We acquired somewhere. And then Lance Armstrong.

[Nick]

Yeah.

[Donut Operator]

Was talking to us, and then Richard Petty was talking to us, and they just didn't want us there anymore.

[Nick]

Swall. He's not here, Richard.

[Brandon Herrera]

Patty was there.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah, dude.

[Cody]

Really? They just didn't want you there. What did you do?

[Donut Operator]

Nothing happened.

[Brandon Herrera]

You're there.

[Donut Operator]

Brandon, did anything happen?

[Eli Double Tap]

I wasn't there, dude.

[Donut Operator]

Oh, Brandon wasn't even.

[Cody]

Okay. The cameras won't catch that. It's fine.

[Brandon Herrera]

I just like. It's like, nothing happened. This is how many events I've been kicked out.

[Donut Operator]

Nothing happened.

[Cody]

This is the most athletic thing I've ever seen.

[Brandon Herrera]

Are we. What? What was that for?

[Nick]

This is the most white trash house.

[Brandon Herrera]

Oh, wait, we don't have towels. Oh, probably not. That's probably a good. Don't worry.

[Nick]

I've been to college before. I know how this goes.

[Donut Operator]

Give me some. It's getting closer to the mic.

[Nick]

Hold on, hold on.

[Brandon Herrera]

Mike first.

[Nick]

Oh, what's this?

[Cody]

It's a mop head.

[Nick]

It's a mop. It's a mop.

[Brandon Herrera]

Jake's power thinking he's like, mop head.

[Nick]

Yep.

[Donut Operator]

Anyways, Richard Petty and Lance Armstrong were really cool. And the Broken Lizard guys were cool, too. They were there. So I got to meet the super troopers for the first time. It's a great time. We didn't do anything. We didn't do anything.

[Cody]

They just wanted you to leave.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah, I'm not you.

[Nick]

I don't believe any of it.

[Cody]

I don't believe that either.

[Brandon Herrera]

This sounds like my kid talking to me. Right?

[Nick]

All of a sudden, I did nothing. I was watching tv, and then Sarah came up to me and she had a knife out of her eye. I don't know what happened, dad. She just said, there's a knife in my eye. And I was like, what did you do? Be careful. We need to tell mom and dad right now because they need to know. And she was like, yeah. And then she started crying. That's what it sounds like. It sounds like you made up all that shit.

[Cody]

Like, what happened?

[Donut Operator]

I got pictures, dude.

[Cody]

No, no, I'm sorry.

[Brandon Herrera]

Still images with no object.

[Cody]

I'VE got still images.

[Nick]

You said it was.

[Eli Double Tap]

It was the golf cart where you're just like, oh, well, we. This fire.

[Nick]

Yeah.

[Donut Operator]

This dude on the golf cart was driving by with a bunch of Jack Daniels on the back of it. And I was making a joke, and I went to grab one, and I looked at him and he made eye contact with me. And he went and just shook his head. Yeah. And I grabbed one and we went back into this box and Richard Petty and. Yeah, Lance Armstrong was in there. And so we all just started drinking out of this bottle.

[Nick]

Did Lance have any?

[Donut Operator]

No.

[Nick]

Pussy. I blame him.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah, well, like I said, Texas David.

[Nick]

He'S got no ball.

[Cody]

He was too busy selling bracelets.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah. And we were just breaking this box.

[Eli Double Tap]

We're gonna have a really fun story by the end of the month.

[Donut Operator]

It was like the. The. It was the wives of the people that bought the box. I didn't even know them. I don't even know how he got in this fucking box. But I just wandered in there.

[Brandon Herrera]

It's weird you got kicked out so far.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yo, I'm important, Cody.

[Nick]

I love it.

[Brandon Herrera]

I don't even know where we got here. So a dude was driving by with his golf cart thing, and me and another dude made eye contact. So I grabbed that bottle. So then we all start drinking. Lance Armstrong and us did land streak. No. You're like, how does the story go, my friend?

[Nick]

Well, Ricky Bobby kept telling him to turn, and then he tried to shake and bake my Old Spice car.

[Brandon Herrera]

And then we got asked to leave.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah, they fucking kicked us out.

[Eli Double Tap]

I think it was Black Rifles car. So, like, they were supposed to be there.

[Brandon Herrera]

Okay.

[Eli Double Tap]

However, everything that happened after that was a little foggy.

[Nick]

Did you show them your purple Heart? You could have probably stayed if you would have showed them that you're a Purple Heart.

[Brandon Herrera]

I just look over, it's.

[Nick]

Are you not proud of it? Are you ashamed of your purple heart? That's how I. That's why I spilt the White Claw. I was trying to make sure that he was embarrassed.

[Brandon Herrera]

God damn.

[Cody]

It's just.

[Eli Double Tap]

I'm not ashamed of you guys. You guys are the best thing that's ever happened to me. However.

[Nick]

Yep.

[Eli Double Tap]

That's a little rough.

[Nick]

It's.

[Cody]

It is like. It's just. God, it's such a dick move on your part. It's beautiful.

[Brandon Herrera]

I know.

[Cody]

It's just like, what's the ultimate gag gift that also. He can't throw away?

[Nick]

Oh, did you just call.

[Cody]

What's the worst thing I could Possibly give him that he morally and ethically can't get rid of her. Has to look after it for the rest of his life.

[Eli Double Tap]

The only thing I see, I just.

[Cody]

Can we like. Can I give you some. Can I give you some. Can I give you some advice right now?

[Brandon Herrera]

Which way is you pull a baby.

[Cody]

Before anything happens, Brandon, get a post it note, put it on the inside of that thing and be like, this was a gift. It was not mine. Otherwise your great grandkids are gonna find this somewhere and they're gonna start googling.

[Brandon Herrera]

And they're gonna Purple Heart.

[Nick]

And then, oh, my God, he got.

[Cody]

A medal of Honor and he fucking fought in World War II.

[Eli Double Tap]

I will do you one better.

[Donut Operator]

What?

[Eli Double Tap]

The one thing I want to know is, like, who. What is the name of the person that this belonged to?

[Nick]

Nope.

[Eli Double Tap]

You just deny me that.

[Nick]

You.

[Brandon Herrera]

Brandon Herrera.

[Eli Double Tap]

Give me a first name. Give me a first name. Whose Purple Heart is this?

[Nick]

Why? Okay, I'll give you a hint.

[Eli Double Tap]

No, I didn't ask for a fucking hint.

[Nick]

All right, he is Hispanic.

[Eli Double Tap]

Schmucker Reich Smurders.

[Brandon Herrera]

The Booper Bite Burger.

[Cody]

Please, please tell me it's another man named Brandon Herrera.

[Nick]

All right, so the guy's name is Hispanic.

[Eli Double Tap]

Great, that narrows it down to a.

[Cody]

Third of his popular election.

[Eli Double Tap]

What?

[Nick]

His last name. All right, his last name is Jose.

[Brandon Herrera]

Last name?

[Nick]

Yep. His first name is no way. Jose.

[Brandon Herrera]

I hate that.

[Nick]

Dad, that was. It's so bad. I had it set up in my.

[Eli Double Tap]

Mind that defiled this purple heart more than I ever could.

[Nick]

Are you.

[Eli Double Tap]

That was the grossest I've ever heard.

[Nick]

That that's. This is the grossest thing you've ever received.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yeah, you.

[Nick]

You.

[Eli Double Tap]

You making that joke. That was so bad.

[Nick]

Nice try, buddy. You're still keeping it. It's right there. You gifted it was Bestow it wasn't gifted. It's not a gift.

[Brandon Herrera]

Wait, Brandon, where are you? House.

[Eli Double Tap]

If I know. If I know whose it is, I will put it in my office.

[Brandon Herrera]

No, I. We offline.

[Nick]

No, I'm not telling you.

[Brandon Herrera]

Jesus Christ.

[Nick]

No, no.

[Eli Double Tap]

See now, now I'm throwing the ball in your court till I die.

[Nick]

I'll never tell you.

[Brandon Herrera]

Can I take that one and give Brandon mine?

[Nick]

If you want to put it. It's like a Pokemon.

[Brandon Herrera]

Damn it.

[Nick]

He's giving you a Charizard for your Jigglypuff. I will.

[Eli Double Tap]

I will put it in the background of my videos. Oh, I'll put it up on the gun wall.

[Brandon Herrera]

I will.

[Eli Double Tap]

I'll. I'll raise that bet.

[Brandon Herrera]

Oh, okay, Rich, you can fall in your court.

[Eli Double Tap]

I'll put. I'll put this on the gun wall in the back of my videos.

[Nick]

You're gonna do it anyway because that was bestowed upon you from a veteran.

[Eli Double Tap]

Nope.

[Nick]

Oh, so you don't respect the veteran that gives you.

[Eli Double Tap]

I need.

[Nick]

I don't know.

[Eli Double Tap]

I don't know.

[Nick]

His.

[Eli Double Tap]

I don't know. It's real. I don't look at.

[Nick]

I mean, just Google what a real one and what a fake one.

[Cody]

Letters that came with it. That's pretty up. If you're not going to give him the letters that came with addressed to him.

[Eli Double Tap]

I'm trying to honor the veteran.

[Nick]

Yeah, sounds about like actually. Yeah, that sounds right.

[Eli Double Tap]

I am trying to honor the veteran who gave this to me.

[Nick]

I don't feel. I feel like that this is the cheap ploy in order to get more information. And I believe that this young man who wanted me to give it to you.

[Brandon Herrera]

Like a fake Purple Heart to me.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yeah.

[Nick]

Oh, call it a fake Purple Heart. Just to be clear. Hold on. You have.

[Cody]

You have letters from a veteran and a Purple Heart recipient addressed to Brandon, and you won't give them the letters?

[Nick]

Correct.

[Cody]

Interesting.

[Nick]

Yeah.

[Cody]

Bold strategy.

[Nick]

Oh, I'll give him the letter. I'll give him the letter that's addressed.

[Cody]

You should work at the VFW with that kind of attitude.

[Eli Double Tap]

Jesus Christ.

[Nick]

Oh, I'm not. Are you. The VFW would give that to you if you were.

[Cody]

You're not gonna give the letters?

[Nick]

Oh, no.

[Eli Double Tap]

I feel like this has been a really bad defense so far.

[Brandon Herrera]

Oh, I.

[Nick]

No, no, no, no, no. You guys want something that I have, and I'm not giving it up.

[Brandon Herrera]

Address.

[Nick]

This is the first time I felt this way since I lost my vi, apparently. This is great.

[Eli Double Tap]

I was apparently for.

[Cody]

I'm tempted to call this for you.

[Brandon Herrera]

On behalf of the work that you.

[Nick]

And unsubscribed have done. I'm with that.

[Brandon Herrera]

I'm different than my Purple Heart.

[Nick]

You're more than welcome to pull out your purple Heart and compare it. And if it's fake, then it. Then it's fake and you can do whatever the you want with. That's totally fine. I'm telling you right now. I'm telling you right now that the honest to God truth of that is that I received it from a veteran. Veteran who said that it was to be given to you.

[Brandon Herrera]

It's stolen from him. He was like, I got this.

[Eli Double Tap]

In order to honor said veteran. I offered to put that in the background of all of my videos from here on out.

[Nick]

That's honoring it. Putting in the background of a video of a YouTube video. That's it.

[Eli Double Tap]

To show how much it means to me.

[Nick]

Oh, I feel like that's a bad take. Vfw.

[Eli Double Tap]

You're trying. You're really trying. I don't. I don't feel like that works.

[Nick]

Dude, I have no skin in this game. You have. You can do whatever you want. You have.

[Cody]

You have letters addressed to him that.

[Nick]

You won't give him. No, I said, I'll give him the letter to him. Oh, yeah.

[Cody]

No, you did not say that four times I asked.

[Nick]

Hold on.

[Cody]

Just for the record, all right.

[Nick]

I gotta make something clear here. All right? There are things that I'm not sharing on this podcast intentionally.

[Cody]

Oh, but you'll give him the letters after that?

[Nick]

I will give you.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yeah, Privately, I'm fine.

[Nick]

I will give you. No, no, no. Hold on. I will give you some of the things that I got. So this is.

[Cody]

This is like a FOIA request where you're gonna hit that with a black Sharpie and be like, you can't know this. You can't know this. Absolutely horseshit. I don't care, horse.

[Nick]

Fine.

[Brandon Herrera]

The government right now.

[Nick]

I feel very comfortable with you saying that I gave you a fake purple heart. And. And I'm like, no, I didn't.

[Eli Double Tap]

Did the purpose.

[Nick]

Did the person. It's funny, because Purple heart and the purple.

[Eli Double Tap]

Did the person who gave that. Know that that's what you're gonna do with it?

[Nick]

Give it to you? He gave it to me to give to you.

[Cody]

Did he give you letters with. Addressed to him to give to him?

[Nick]

Yes.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah.

[Cody]

Did he know that you were going to redact the. Out of him?

[Nick]

So one of them. No, I said.

[Brandon Herrera]

I said, it looks like a government.

[Nick]

I'm being nice and not putting his name out there because I don't want him to get any blowback for what he did, because the purple car community is. He made. I can't. God. I don't want to say too much because I don't want to get him in trouble. He made.

[Eli Double Tap]

Will you tell me.

[Nick]

Hold on, hold on. He rewrote with Photoshop, a Purple Heart award for you.

[Eli Double Tap]

That's awful.

[Nick]

Like, he. Like, he rewrote a purple heart award and said, you know, it's. It's. It is the cutout of a purple Heart certificate. I guess you'd say, you know, that has, like, you know, given to. Blah, blah, so and so. And you're on there. So. And there's two versions of it that he gave me. You'll get them both. One you're not getting. You're not getting the letter that he gave to me. You're getting. You're getting everything else.

[Cody]

That letter addressed to.

[Nick]

Well, there's a portion that's to me and then there's a portion that's when.

[Cody]

The letter starts and it says Dear Blank.

[Nick]

Who's blank? Okay, if you want the whole story.

[Cody]

No, I just want. I just want the one word, dear who.

[Nick]

He gave me two letters. One address to me and one for Brandon.

[Cody]

Okay, you give them the one that says Brandon.

[Nick]

Yeah, I'm giving the one that says Brandon unredacted.

[Cody]

Yeah, okay.

[Nick]

Absolutely. Good. Yeah. I've got nothing to hide. This is mine. Okay.

[Cody]

I've got nothing to hide. As he spends 10 minutes trying to hide.

[Nick]

But okay, I'm the delivery guy. But I'm also. Listen, I don't know what you're going to do. You say this guy's name once and then I'm.

[Brandon Herrera]

I'm more impressed. This is what the live show's going to be.

[Nick]

Dude.

[Brandon Herrera]

I got people that give me say one quick thing and it doesn't do anything other than I never got a letter of why I got received a purple heart.

[Nick]

What? Yeah.

[Donut Operator]

Fuck you.

[Cody]

Hold on, Elaborate.

[Brandon Herrera]

And never got anything.

[Cody]

So you're just guessing.

[Brandon Herrera]

No.

[Nick]

So his purple heart means more cuz he got a letter with it. You're more official.

[Brandon Herrera]

I never got a letter.

[Nick]

Settle down. They can hear your thoughts.

[Cody]

So really like what you think you know why you got it, but you're.

[Brandon Herrera]

Not sure why I got shot. I know the day I got shot.

[Cody]

Right, but like.

[Brandon Herrera]

This is in combat again. We were in theater.

[Eli Double Tap]

He has an idea of why he got shot.

[Brandon Herrera]

I have no, but we didn't go. There weren't like here's a paper and everything. They were like.

[Cody]

But like, I mean like, like when you read like metal citations, it's like.

[Brandon Herrera]

You know, I never.

[Cody]

Private Eli Cuevas, blah blah blah.

[Nick]

This is the one.

[Cody]

Because you got shot.

[Nick]

That was the letter that was giving me.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah. If you want that or exploded. Okay. I never was handed. Like for mine it was never that. It was documentation from the.

[Cody]

See, this is what pisses me off and doing my videos because it's always like hey, you said that, you said that metals are. You said that colonel so and so had a distinguished service cross or whatever and I can't find the documentation for it. It's like homie wore it in every uniform he ever had he's. Here's an interview where he says he got it doing this, but I can't find the certificate. So I don't believe you. And it's like if you.

[Brandon Herrera]

Real quick. Best example of how medals work in the military. This is how I knew they weren't worth their weight in gold. Was we were the front assault unit. A majority in Baghdad. And then when we seen another company getting awarded medals four months to five months later, we were like, oh, okay. And then they started reading what they didn't. We're like, wait, that's what we did. Why? No, it was like, wait, they're getting medals. Like, we were so surprised because they weren't in the action. They were on the FOB the entire time. And then they went out to action. They had like three ticks total. We were doing that every other day. So we were hyper confused. And then our captain or no captain up first aren't and captain were like, hey, yeah. The metals are like a bullshit system. They put it in and then they just get approved. And it is. That is how you get them a lot of the time. Yeah.

[Donut Operator]

You guys were like, when the fuck did we get ice cream?

[Nick]

Right?

[Brandon Herrera]

You guys are getting paid, dude. We were so confused by that.

[Eli Double Tap]

We're like, I have very familiar examples of people who like earned a certain medal but didn't get it because the paperwork was never filled out.

[Brandon Herrera]

Dude, I. I'll say your name. Jake Tribit. A big shout out to Jake Sherbet. This is doing Fallujah. The push of Fallujah. He like pulled. I want to say dude got shot and then he pulled one of his buddy. Another dude was getting shot, shot, pulled him back, ran out, grabbed another, pulled him back. This is like in Fallujah, Heat of Fallujah, he was put in a Bronze star. And again, this is during that push. This is like, man, we.

[Cody]

We're.

[Brandon Herrera]

We're being restrictive on Bronze stars or any medals. So he is in the. The. He is attached to a Marine unit. He's a Navy corpsman. And he is doing this. And they're like, hey, you're not getting this medal because you didn't return fire. That was literally the record of why he did not get a Bronze star with V devices because he did not return fire. He was running out enemy fire and pulling people out of gunfire that were injured. And that was the write off of why he never got anything is fucking insanity. I was like, holy shit.

[Nick]

There is a pretty weird.

[Cody]

Because when you go to medic school, they don't really teach you to return fire. They teach you to run. Run your ass out there, put a tourniquet on if the tourniquet's necessary. Otherwise, get that out of there as quickly as possible.

[Brandon Herrera]

Cover.

[Cody]

And at no point in my training was I ever told, hey, return fire.

[Brandon Herrera]

I need to pull out his tourniquet real quick. Hold on.

[Nick]

The amount of times that I've seen medics throw grenades in the heat of battle, let me tell you.

[Cody]

Renowned for it.

[Nick]

I would give them the sniper rifle just like.

[Brandon Herrera]

She's a Saul, bro.

[Nick]

Just like in. Shit. What was that really bad EOD movie?

[Brandon Herrera]

Call of Duty.

[Nick]

No.

[Cody]

Hurt Locker.

[Nick]

Hurt Locker. Hurt Locker. Where a random guy goes onto a scope with a.50 cal and dots a dude.

[Eli Double Tap]

Hey, don't talk about a Hawkeye like that, dude.

[Brandon Herrera]

I think that's every.

[Nick]

You're the only hot guy I know, dude.

[Cody]

God.

[Brandon Herrera]

I have a movie ever made for military. I used to think that thing.

[Cody]

I used to think that I had a really awkward conversation with a dude that was EOD in, like, 03, and he's like, that movie is actually pretty realistic. Yeah, everybody. Everybody shits on it. Because it seems unrealistic to you. He's like, you have to realize, EOD guy in 2003 and 2004, 2005, Wild West. He's like, we did.

[Nick]

Yep.

[Cody]

Whatever the we wanted, and nobody challenged us on it because we had such a high turnaround because so many dudes were dying doing that job.

[Nick]

So my.

[Brandon Herrera]

My flip side to that argument is when you see an infantry unit deployed and they leave their Humvee running, the EOD element walks up and like, this Humvee's unattended with a vintage cow in the back. Where are they? Mm. Like, oh, they're they. Or they're inside this house. No unit I've ever met. It's like, leave the vehicles with the heavy mounts unattended in the streets. We're going to take these houses and secure the area. You know What? We tell our 50 cal shooters and the drivers, hey, stay the. The vehicle don't move. We will secure the area. For everything else, never dismount. Because if we dismount it win in a house. And then I say, believe I almost said, in the 50 cal. Yes, the bad guys are in the 50 cal, like, aimed at the building that we're about to dismount, and they light us up. It's like, it's a bad day.

[Cody]

I'm not saying every person. I'm just telling you what the dude that did it in 2003. Told me, but like, I saw it.

[Nick]

As more of a. An amalgamation of a bunch of individual stories put together as one guy. Because we definitely got a safety briefing about a dude that went off post to go hit a brothel and. And also a dude that like went off post to like do some Superman and hold a guy hostage that he thought was like a bomb maker or some.

[Brandon Herrera]

But rewind, stop, pause. Okay. How many, how many people do you know would just hold fire for a dude to break through. Through all the security barriers?

[Nick]

No, I'm not saying all the. Yeah, yeah.

[Brandon Herrera]

That's where you're like, that guy, like walks up with a gun and does this and like, oh, boy, we'd be shocked at the 300 yard line. We've done that multiple.

[Nick]

I had a, I had a guy that was running a checkpoint onto a post or FOB overseas, and I deployed with him as my second tour. And he was like the, the rifleman that was like out in front and the car like stopped. It wasn't like a void, like doing the correct directions to get through to go at this checkpoint. And it was, it was a V bed. It was a V bed. And he was just like, oh. And like grabbed the guy and just started beating the out of him and drug him out of the car and start beating the out of him. And he was like. Because he was like trying to detonate it as he was like, you know, up against the car, like, oh my God. And he kept his hat.

[Brandon Herrera]

He like.

[Nick]

He, like the first time he told me, he's like, yeah, I beat the shadow. This guy, he was gonna detonate. They really fucked me up. But I still have his hat. It's at home. I've got my hat. I got his hat at home. I beat the shit out of him and we arrested him and he got interrogated and. But I've got his hat. Keep that hat.

[Donut Operator]

Then I'm like, it's the small things.

[Nick]

Yeah.

[Cody]

Can I, can I show you guys something? And I'll send, I'll send, send this to the editor so you guys can see it too.

[Nick]

I really hope it's your wiener. Unedited.

[Cody]

I have. It's not very big.

[Eli Double Tap]

Only once.

[Cody]

Anyways, I get sent a lot of. To my email of like, everybody's just like, here's my funniest story in my whole military career. And one of the best ones I've ever gotten was like, hey, here's all the pictures of my scout sniper platoon. We, we bought mascot grade beaver costumes and we're running around in Iraq with.

[Nick]

50 caliber Barretts with beaver costumes on.

[Brandon Herrera]

How do you terrify it? Dude? Dude, that's a SC dude in 50 years. That is why we won the war. Why were you terrified of the infidels? They walked in beaver costumes and did not care. Dude, they were murking us with the beef costume.

[Donut Operator]

Boosies is coming. Boosies is here.

[Brandon Herrera]

Holy is just coming.

[Nick]

You know, that was the Texas unit. They were like, we're gonna be bucky's in Iraq, man.

[Brandon Herrera]

We're gonna close it out. Like, I've said it before. I think it was wski. One of my favorite things was it was clearing a sector and he goes to it was hard spot or whatever. He opens the trunk with a 12 gauge, opens it again, clears it, opens it. And there is a 300 pound v PID at the back of the trunk that he just shot to open. And he was like, opens. He's like an awkward walk away. Oh, we're gonna call e. DOD and they're gonna ask why we opened this with a 12 gauge. I was like, bro, you just almost killed your entire team right there. No big deal.

[Nick]

No big deal with when the vbit went off. When I was overseas that I got hit with, I was sitting there and I was in the. The gunners hatch chilling out in a Humvee 240 Bravo and two guys in front. And we're both looking over at the front humvee that's going out of this compound. And we're like, what's going on? Why aren't they leaving? Ah, the gunner's yelling at somebody. I'm like, something's happening. He's, oh, he just racked his 240. Something's boom. And then I was like, ah. And I pop up and the gun and I'm like, I racked my 240 and I'm scared. And we're all just like, you okay? Are you okay? Yeah. That was insane. It was awesome. Went off the first car. I go, they're jumping out of the humpy. It's deadline mind. Everybody's live. Okay. And then it was like that, that, that, that, that. And they're like, what's falling around? And I'm like looking around like, there's. There's people me. They're like, what? There's people meat falling on and around our truck. There's pieces of people. It's not our people. It's a. It's definitely an Arab because everything's hairy. And I said that, I said that out loud. Both statement coming from you. Yeah, it was like, serious. Like, no, I'm like, I'm breaking it down. Like, no, no, no. It's. This is like skin from like, the arm and thigh of our leg of somebody. Like, this is. Dude. And they're like, all right. You know, beware for secondaries. And I'm like, okay. And then. Then there wasn't. So we just kind of like towed at home.

[Brandon Herrera]

And on that note, Cody, everyone, thank.

[Donut Operator]

You for joining the unsubscribe podcast. Today. I was joined by some of my best friends. Eli Double Tap, Fat electrician, Angry cops.

[Nick]

I'm dumb.

[Donut Operator]

Brandon Herrera.

[Nick]

He's got a purple heart. Brandon, hold it up. Be proud of it. Don't be ashamed of it.

[Donut Operator]

Brandon Self doughnut operator.

[Eli Double Tap]

I hate it here.

[Donut Operator]

On the after show on Patreon, we're.

[Brandon Herrera]

Gonna go into war stories.

[Nick]

I'm gonna pee real quick.

[Brandon Herrera]

Our PP story, I don't know. It's short this time because we did a very long podcast.

[Nick]

We love you. I held onto that for six months and told nobody. Nobody.

[Eli Double Tap]

I'll say this. Well, for one, I appreciate the commitment to the bit, but to ever. To whoever. That's what I said that you. To whoever sent this, I am very thankful. I will actually put this in the back of my videos. Thank you so much. I appreciate you.

[Brandon Herrera]

Kisses.