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Shopping is hard, right? But I found a better way. Stitch fix online. Personal styling makes it easy. I just give my stylist my size, style and budget preferences. I order boxes when I want and how I want. No subscription required. And he sends just for me, pieces plus outfit recommendations and styling tips. I keep what works and send back the rest. It's so easy. Make style easy. Get started today@stitchfix.com Spotify. That's stitchfix.com Spotify. How are the boys gonna relax if they can't send each other pics from strangers on the Internet? General Kenny. Sorry. General Kenny actually wrote down for spread his ball sack wide long range discrimination radar. Oh, that's like us. The Jenny army convention. The genie. Say hi to Eli. He's racially ambiguous. Brandon. His hair is fucking fabulous. Donut. A dog joke disposition. And there's a fat electrician. Welcome to unsubscribe. But for real. Has his fucking mic been off the whole time? I already seen it. Oh, no. When did it go? What? Oh, God. We were. We were in, like, Salt Lake. I think we were in Salt Lake City. Like, my best friend, he was the best man in my wedding. We were like, in high school at the time. I've been with my wife, like, since high school. And he's like, bro, I just don't like going down on women. I'm like, why? He's like, it just. It doesn't taste that good. And I was like, was it sour? And he's like, no. I'm like, did it taste like ravioli and pennies? And he's like, oh, my God. How did you know that? I'm like. She was like, just about to go on her period or just got off her period. Try again in a couple days. And I go, good. Tastes like the heat coming out the back of a PlayStation. And, you know, I'm. Dude in his podcast house just started cracking up. That smells like hot electronics. And it's perfect. I. Why you blushing? Sad? Why you blushing? You know, it's going to be fantastic when she takes her pants off and it smells like she's been mining for bitcoin all night. It's going to be great. I just. A daily reminder. My parents watch this podcast. Oh, that's on your feet. No, no. Oh, oh, wait, no, wait, wait. Not yet. Wait. Oh, yeah, we got that. I have the offic. I have the official memorandum from the Department of the army on your memorandum for commander. Stand up. United States Army Civil Affairs Psychological Operations Command, Airborne, Fort Bragg, N.C. k Pop, you're one of me. Subject the acceptance and wear of former foreign badges under provisions of AR 608 22, Appendix D, Section 7342, Title 5, U.S. code. The following individuals authorized to wear the Latvian parachutist badge. Can we pin this bad boy off? No, we're read. Can we read the name? Because that's ridiculous. It is. Jesus Christ, bro. On. On three, gentlemen. One, two. That. On that note, Brandon's like, oh, it's not over yet. Happen. That's right. When you're a hero, Brandon, people do things. Freaking hero. That's a full on. I feel like I'm smuggling stolen valor from my P.O. box to you. You're my forced valor dealer. His commanding officer. His name escapes me right now, this second because I've been focused on Carlos Hathcock for so long. But General Kenny. Sorry, General Ken actually wrote down early on in his career that he was concerned about Richard Bong because he felt that he was such a nice kind hearted mid Midwestern kid. Like pause. The dude was like born. Was this yours? That was mine. I thought it was a chip and I went to bite into it. Not chip. Nope. That's my old. I know my old package 100%. Okay. Eat a sin. I went and I thought it was a chip and it wasn't a chip. Connor, we're not going to call that Eskimo brothers. But what are we going to call that? Eskimo cousins. Yeah. What is your favorite Sl? We like him. Yeah. What is your favorite Sl. Let's get into that. We'll just start listing them and tell us where. A tier. Iceberg. S tier. F tier and slurs. Ready? Go. Go. All the way down. All the way down the list. S T. Oh, that would be so good. And I hate it. That would be so viral. Okay, right here we're going. It's just all blurred out things we need to do this pepper box. Well, maybe I'm just saying a. A fun skit Nick, where we don't actually show the words Nick. Like why not? We'll just have our. Our lawyer Jake come in and say it for us. So we don't have to say. We'll just say what category it's in. Oh no. Get one each person from each category to say it for us. We have. I call S tier. I don't think that's what he meant. It was like the. The forging of the four slurs. Seven to. Oh man. S tier. That's a shirt by itself. I want to do. We rank Those. That's a good clip. That is a hilarious clip. Awesome. We're doing that this tomorrow, tonight, whenever merch drop. Is that merch? Yeah. There you go. Okay. Dude. Yeah, we got the mugs, too. Yep, yep. I saw you wearing them. Wow. Dude, I need a mug. You guys got a mug for me? Rich is a bad bitch. Not on demand. Yeah, I'll use yours. Don't clean it. We all stayed in. All right, we gonna. Does this guy need to be in the offenders or. We haven't done that in a while. Oh, dude. Yeah, you actually would be it. Oh, God. Do you know about the offenders? No. So it's our superhero group. Okay, so how this works is you get to pick a superpower. Yeah. But your superpower has an offset that's a negative. And we get to pick what the offset is. So, for example, I can fly, but I have to shout racial slurs. Got you. Okay. I think I saw something like, yes, sir. Yeah, so it's like, it's hard going to, like, Section 8 housing communities to save children from a burning building. Everyone's super mad. Cody's using a lot. I say the power, you guys. Tell me my negative. Correct. Correct. Yeah. Oh, so you said fly. Who's every? Can we go through every. We have so many. Honestly, so many random super speed. He's flight. I'm like Professor Xavier. Okay. He can't. He regenerates after he dies. Pretty much any power is open at this point. You just pick whatever you want. Dude, I'm really thinking about this one. Don't worry. Careful, SpongeBob. Yeah, careful, SpongeBob. You're getting a keep out of everything. That's what got Rich a teen kettle over there, I'd say. Okay, so I feel like the Spider man thing's a little overused. I don't think anybody's gonna know when. I love Spider Man. I mean, I'm born in New York, so I always had dreams of being Spider Man. Okay, cool. The web comes out of your dick, and you have to deliver. I knew for seven months in between each shot. Wait, he gets one dick swing, and then he's like, oh, no. You get one shot. He loses his powers. And he's like, oh, fuck, no. I, like, give him all the powers he just has. They just shut off at random randomly. Okay, but the Chinese government gets to choose when to shut your powers off for seven months in between before they give it back. So it's got to come out of my dick. What were the other details on that? But what about Real spider? Yeah. You guys watch the boys or no? Oh, yeah. You've seen the, like, it's the spider man, but it's out of his tailbone or his little ass, whatever the fuck. I like the butthole that way. It's a little web. Really? The brown web. The brown web is good. So I do have one more and I. I'm just going to hijack the whole thing. So I have an idea for a sporting goods store, right? And you guys are going to like this one. So, you know, there's sporting good stores. It's mostly for men, right? You go in. It's mostly men in there. And so I thought a great idea would be dicks for women. The idea is catching on in Thailand. It's huge in Thailand right now. Dicks for women, Women's dicks. And so I thought, it's coming here. We'll build off that. It's kind of. It's coming here. So we're gonna build off that. And you know, there's really not a sporting goods store for kids, for children. And so the idea guys. Does anybody want to say the punchline? I don't know. It's kids dicks. Children's dick kids and children's dicks. So you go in there and it's, you know, it's a bunch of. Yeah, it's got, you know, like a ski. It's got kids poles and stuff like that. That's your baseball. It's got kids balls. So it's just that. I don't know, it's just I'm putting it out there. If you guys want to invest, if anybody out there wants to invest, Invest. Invest in kids dicks. Invest in kids dicks. I think people are gonna love kids dicks. What's not to love about kids dicks? You know what I mean? Speedrunning, becoming a famous YouTuber. So let me see your phones. This is a picture of Cody in a mirror. No, no, no, wrong one. Wrong one. You guys are wearing matching shirts. Yeah. God, even you've been around us since 11am Dude, I've been drunk since 7. So Tyler running in him today, like, Tyler, just when he came up today, he was like, I'm gonna be honest. I just now found out Cody and Brandon are different people. We weren't on that podcast. No. So, yeah, I was like, oh, that's hilarious. Holy. Speaking of shot show, I think that was. We did that in the shot show episode where that guy can. Was convinced he came up to you. Convinced that you were me. Yeah, he gave Me a challenge coin. It's like, brandon, thank you for so much. Behind him, I was just like. Yeah. Turns around, sees you. Oh, so the best one we did talk about. You weren't there, but when they thought you were Brandon Herrera. Oh, you don't know about this story? No. What happened at the USCCA thing when you were there? We were. What's up? He was there. Oh, God. Yeah. You don't know about this story that happened to you? Oh, no, I was there for that. I'm. I'm so tired, dude. Yeah. Where they thought I was Brandon Herrera. Yeah. For the whole time, the. The lady. Yeah. Like, went up to you. Yeah. My son loves you. He's a huge fan of ak. Keep doing what you're doing in Texas. That's the thing. I was like, he lives in Iowa. That was one of. That was the first time. I think that will. And probably last time that will happen. Me and Brandon, a lot of physical characteristics in common. Yeah. I mean, if you count the ink. I mean, you're kind of brown. That's fair. How y' all doing? Nick, welcome back. We've been chaotic. This is. When was the last time you were in Texas? Months. It's been months. Range day, probably. Probably. Yeah. Range day was the last time I was in Texas because then it was the tour and then Vegas for a shot show, and now I'm here. Yo, speaking of rain, Shay, our boy Matt, he's peace now. I know we got. Thankfully, we'll have a closeout episode with him in Monday, right? Monday, we'll film that. Yeah. That'd be a good one. I'm. We. Crazy. 15 years. How long did he do it for? Forever. Since, like, I don't know. What, like 2007. It was pre Google owning YouTube. I know that. Yeah. He. I'm proud of our boy, though. Like, he. Like the way he's going out. He's like, man, I just. I want to. I've made my millions. I just want to watch my kids grow up. Like, that's just a. Such a good attitude, man. He's living the dream. And for most of the Internet, they. No respect. Yeah. More content. Like, some of the comments. The whole, like, I took out a pretty big loan to buy into bunker branding, but, like, the whole, like, I'm dead serious. Like, the whole. The whole reassuring thing to me was like, the. Like, the second or third time I ever talked to Matt, I was like, hey, man, I'm in town. Can we come talk about this? And he's like, killing me. I Fly out. I fly in Friday night. I fly out Monday morning at like 6am you want to get together? And he's like, I'm really sorry, man. I can't. Weekends are for my family. And I was like, I respect it. I like that. So that was awesome. My. My first story or the first time I ever came out to Bernie to go hang out with. With Matt. I remember it was. It was right after he fully, like. And he'll. He said this to me, like, in the beginning. He's like, I totally ripped your AR guys versus AK guys that he did with you, Eli. He's like. He texts me. He's like, hey, I got this number from a friend. Hopefully this isn't awkward. I totally stole your video. And meanwhile, I was like, a nobody YouTuber. I was like, that's so cool. Devil Ran stole my video. And he was like, yeah, do you want to come out and, like, we'll do in, like, another variation or whatever. I'm like, yeah, dude. Like, just let me know and I'll. I'll be there. And after we filmed, like, normally, like, I had already met you at this point and like, a bunch of other shit, like, I. I figured, like, oh, we go out, like, you know, have a couple drinks or whatever. We went to. I think it was like, Cibolo Creek brewing. Oh, yeah, Bernie. Which, like, now I know, but back then it was like, oh, crazy. We did trivia night and he had two beers over, like three hours. He's like, whoa, shouldn't be driving home. Like. Like, just complete family man. Like, opposite end of the spectrum of the dichotomy of YouTubers. We did a celebratory shot when I became a part owner of Bunker, and it was Fireball. Can you do Fireball? I'll survive. I'll make it. I'll survive. His fascination with Fireball will never not be funny to me. His character, a college chicken. He is, I think so the most wholesome gun YouTuber for sure. He's such a good dude. He's like the first time cursing. Like, I think we had the first curse, I think he ever said on. On the Internet. Yeah, Frick. Frick. Yeah, he said Frick. Like, oh, my God. He started ranting about Jews. That was really uncomfortable. Way to cut that segment. He's like, not when I'm retiring. He can't defend himself, so we gotta control his narrative now. We get to make up our own mat. Let me tell you guys why he's retiring Monday. When he shows up for his retirement on Sub episode. We should just have a Burger King crown there for Did. Did you want to wear this for no reason in particular? Wait, wait. Why don't you want those people on this plane, man? That what or who? Oh my God. No. He can kill us. We love character, dude. I think through all of our years in business on the Internet, we've all used Shopify. I've used it for merch and my skate shop and a couple other businesses. I will actually agree 100% on that. Everything we do is run through Shopify. Even bunkers run through Shopify. Our shoes, which is a separate company is run through Shopify and they talk together because of Shopify. Shopify runs the world. Did you know Shopify will actually help you design a website also? Cody I know I didn't know d about starting an online store when I started my career online. And Shopify just made it super, super easy for my dumb. Brandon what happens if people haven't heard about my brand though? That's actually easy. Eli Shopify helps you find your customers with easy to use email and social media campaigns. Step Cody what happens if I get stuck? Shopify is always around to share advice with their award winning 24. 7 customer service. Step support Bro, you got my back and your front. Shopify helps millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the US from household names like Mattel or Gymshark to new brands just getting started on some shoes on some merch bunker. No. We've all been doing this for over a decade and Shopify is the easiest e commerce platform we've ever used. I think every single one of us has used Shopify at one point. I think all our businesses right now are using Shopify except mine. But that's because it's guns can't do that. Just one of them can't turn those dreams into sfx. Cha ching Shopify new cell sound and give them the best shot at success with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com unsubpod shopify.com unsubpod My mom wanted me to do commercials and stuff and she put me in all these. I would have never found that thing you were bred for. Graham that is exactly what it was. A commercial for that on Nickelodeon. I was the kid holding the camera and Nickelodeon. Wait, what? Yeah. Where? How do I find this ad? I don't know. I've been trying to find it for years now. It's out there somewhere. Wait, you. Oh, we're gonna find it now. How much did they pay your mom? Like it's like 5, 600 bucks something like that. $500 bounty for the first person who can find the Cody Garrett original digital blue commercial. That was like 13 first person. I've got a three week head start on you. What the fuck? How is that never. Well it's so random that you that is also just found this out. Two bit photography. It's two bit. Two bit. Two bit. No no. Mega before that. No no, killer before just bit. Jesus, that is fucking wild. Oh, I might have found it. I will say I started console gaming that one after I had surgery. That's extremely frustrating. No, the one with 269 views. Brandon watching it right now. Yeah. Oh holy. That is young Cody. Yellow shirt. He's. He's right here. Yeah, look at him. That's young Cody. Wait, what? Right there, there's a close up later. There's a close up of him later. Just. Oh my God. This is not scripted. Right after this there's a close up of Cody. Hold on. Right after this girl. That's Cody. No, it's not Cody. And here he is. No, that's it. Oh my God. Cody. Holy. That is the most 90s commercial I've ever seen too bro. Cody with that back backwards white hat. What? The biscuit was really cool then. Okay. New Cody lore just dropped. Yeah. With his hit single break. Crap. Update the Wikipedia page. Got it. Start to fame Nickelodeon commercials. So I for you've told me about that years ago but you didn't tell me it was that specific commercial. You just told me you did like a couple. You had a digital blue. I had a digital boot. That was where I started in like filmmaking or whatever. That is weird synchronicity. We're just you we've known these guys. We've known each other forever and we're like hang around each other all the time and we still find weird like that where it I just like the general reaction of. 260 views. You I found it first. You owe me 500. The boy's gonna relax if they can't send each other dick pics from strangers on the Internet. Everybody knows that big Goliath black guy with the dong. We can't share that meme. I think I've told this story before. The funniest army prank I've ever seen was one of our cadets was a college wrestler. He was jacked. Absolutely shredded when he was shirtless and he had just got back from vacation right before At. And he had all these pictures taken of him on the beach. Just jacked his shit. Looked great. And he had just uploaded him to Facebook. He's a cadet, Mr. Squared Away. He had his phone put away way before everybody else, before we were going into the field. So some of the guys in the platoon took all those pictures off of his Facebook and put them on a Craigslist. Men seeking his men's ad with his phone number and asked for dick pics. And then we went into the field for seven days. His fucking phone had a seizure when he turned it back on. Miles and miles of dick got sent to that guy's phone. You know, it's a lot of dick when you have to measure it in feet. That's 5,300 and some odd feet a day. I've been so mad at my friends. So mad. I'd have been laughing. Really? Oh, yeah. I would have laughed. I would have laughed. I've been like, oh, my God, those voice messages. The only thing that would have fucked me up is, like, the butthole. You know, they're butthole pictures. Not a fan of butthole pictures. The man. A man's butthole is probably one of the ugliest creations God had ever made in his entire existence. Almost the only thing you could look at and be like, wow, I wish that was Medusa, actually. Yeah, I'd rather die. I've never. I've never intentionally looked at a men's butthole. A man's butthole. And the moments that I have looked at a man's butthole, I've been like, oh. Oh. Why? Well, thanks to you, all of San Antonio has seen a man's butthole. That's not true. They can see through the forest. I combed all my hair inward that day, so it just looks like a dark crack. You can't see anything through it. 13. Censorship. I got a thong of ass hair. What a horrible phrase. Terrible combination of words. Made me think of hakuna matata when he said a horrible phrase. It's a thong of ass hair for the rest of your days. Holy God, I missed you guys so much. Yeah. So do I have to pick the good part? Yep. Teleport. Oh, no. Oh, my God. This works so much better. Oh, my God, it works. We know what his offset is. What's it gonna be? Talked about it. So you have a belt. I pictured this as like Batman's utility belt. I don't mind a brown sack either, though. A really good. Makes sense, I think, because that's actually pretty Hilarious. So in. In order to activate your teleporting powers, you have to euthanize a kitten every time in order to do this. So you're like, do I have a sack full of kittens? Yeah. Or a utility belt of kittens real bad. You start swinging the bags. I need to kill Four for this one. All right. Yeah. I mean, I would only use it if I needed to. If I could save a human life, I'd kill a kitten. Sure. But every time. Every time I save a human. Yeah. What's the guy on X Men that can, like, poof? Yeah, it's gonna be like that, but. But every time he does, like, a poop somewhere, he has to, like, just pop that flashbang real quick. What's that? Is that glow stick? It's just a glow stick until the kitten's life leaves. There's like, a bunch of kids. He's in a burning house. He's like. So instead of a big puff of smoke when he leaves, there's just a dead kitten. That's his trail. You just see a kitten step body welcome you officially to the offenders. I like the idea. Slowly. You, I just like. You're just like the needle. The kids like. I'm sorry, you have to think of the news too. It's like, you show up to this burning building. News is like, demo's here to save them. And you're like, God damn it. You take out one kit, and you're like, I got to get up there and tell that building. Yeah, the needle's just use injection teleports. He's gone. And his dead kittens just. All right, here's the deal. What happens when I pull up and there's, like, a burning tree and there's a kitten in the top of it? And I'm like, which one? The fire department's got this one. I'm not needed here. Trodinger's kitten level, right. When he put a pull in truck. Duh. All right, great and level. And I show up, and I go, mike, have you leveled it? And he goes, huh? And I go, have you leveled it? He goes, I'm trying. So he is not like an above ground inflatable pool? Yeah. No, he had not leveled it. And so we were taking two by fours, put on, like, a. Like, an arm, and lifting up the pool as he's digging it out, trying to raise it up. And I was like, I swear to God, if you weren't a hero, I wouldn't be here. I hate you so much. It's not Like a donkey pool. Stick to shooting active shooters. Okay? So he's like, you're fine, you're fine, you're fine. Long story short, I'm pulling this up, doing this like this, and it wasn't paying attention. And he literally knocked me unconscious. And I just go, I'm going home. I'm going home. I don't want to do this anymore. And so when Brandon came in town, he's like, come help me build a deck. And I was like, not a chance. I'm not going. He's texting you. And then he's texting me. He's like, hey, you and Zach need to come over. Like, I'll grill some steaks. But, like, are you free tonight? Are we trying to do. He tried to finesse us into coming to build his deck. It's because I think Easter weekend. No. He knew my last name was Herrera. He's like, cool, A Mexican's in town. All right. I got a deck that needs to get built. Where are you? I'm at Home Depot. Yeah. He's like, zach's fine. It's just one concussion. I'm like, dude, I don't know how many I've got left. It's. It's like the Never ending Story, Part 2. I don't know how many more wishes I have available now. You know, I'm gonna hit my head probably when I leave here. You know how many I got the rest of my life? Maybe five. I'm not rolling them, bro. I love our friends. We have the weirdest fucking friend group ever in the history of mankind, I think. Yeah. Yeah. You and you. And we're all good people, but you'd never know it. Yeah, we gave them false reports. See? And that's. Welcome to unsubscribe. That's all. I don't flip my fucking nose. Nick. Can we. Right there. Can we get a camera that you guys have your lighting sitting on a fucking cardboard box on top of a piece of Tupperware. And some of the quotes from Benjamin Franklin's published works are the funniest shit on the planet. I have good. Benjamin Franklin, renowned womanizer. Right? Yeah. Like, everybody. Okay. He wrote a paper and published it. I believe it's called Advice to Young Men on Their Choice of Mistress. Not Girlfriend, not wife. Mistress. Yeah. How to Pick a Side Hoe by the Founding Fathers. Okay. That's basically what this is. We gotta go back, guys. Everybody said, what would the Founding Fathers think about this? Like, you forgot the revolution was started in a bar. Yeah. Probably think it was pretty. Dude, Zach had the funniest joke about that, about the founding of the Marine Corps in Tun Tavern. He's like, you need to realize the Marine Corps is founded by a bunch of dudes drinking at a bar that went out, raided the British, came back for more beer and went, guys, we should go pro. I love Zach, man. That's. That's the American energy that I just love. I wish more people knew about that stuff. Oh, God. You guys want to hear some Benjamin Franklin quotes? Yes, please. Hit us. Quote. Because in every animal that walks upright, the deficiency of fluids that fill the muscles appears first at the highest part. Gravity. He's talking about gravity. The face first grows in length and gets wrinkled. Then the neck, then the breast, then the arms. The lower parts continue to be last, plump as ever. Is he just saying, like, it's okay to bang books? This was a published paper on how to choose a mistress, and it's literally like a 36 page paper on why you should be cougars as a young man. I do know he loves smashing old books. Yeah, I knew. Yeah, I was going to say I knew. Because as they have more knowledge of the world and their minds are better stored with observations, their conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreeable. She's got experience. They got that slop top down. We'll. We'll get there. Oh, no. Quote the glug glug 5000. Oh, we're going to get there. Quote. Because there is no hazard of children which irregularly produced may attend with much inconvenience. Less likely to have kids. Because in every animal and indeed every vegetable, honor decays with age. And the most virtuous women are apt to relax their vigor and permit more generous freedom with their persons. They're loose. Old, do anal. Oh, God. God damn it. They threw a fan off camera saying they do because they're prudent. Because of having more prudence and less beauty than the young, they are less subjective to censure. Hold on, I didn't get that one. They're not going to judge you as much. Oh, fair enough. Quote. And lastly, they are so grateful they had a hard ass life. I love how he published this as like this. This would be useful for young. Ye old bitches will cook you breakfast in the morning. Homies just out there with a fucking key on a kite and it's fucking balding mullet slinging dick the entire revolution. What a champ. We need to make that mandatory reading for college now. That entire paper. Dude, he would love Tinder. Yes, that man would be cougar finder. Yeah, we need, we need to have a Benjamin Franklin impersonator on the podcast. The one a good one. One that knows all that. I really want, like he's got to be like the Genghis Khan of France. He's got it. He was banging everybody in France. But we're never gonna find out because DNA tests are illegal there, are they? Yeah. Why is that again, Nick? DNA tests are illegal in France. Why? They have like some bullshit reason, but like the hush hush, everybody knows why reason that nobody wants to acknowledge is because promiscuity is like so not frowned upon in French culture that they're worried if DNA tests weren't. You literally have to get like a court order like 23andMe all that. It's banned. You need a court order from a judge to get a DNA test. You can't just go get one. So like with all the migrants people, they're actually doing it just for that. Right. That wasn't, that wasn't the direction that I was going. Their reasoning is that cheat on each other so much they're worried it would ruin too many families. How could they not? They get it from their great, great grandfather Benjamin Franklin. Exactly. That's what I'm saying. It's like Japan, prostitution's normal. Like wives are like, oh yeah. As long as they're paying with money and not love, I don't care what they do. And that is on both sides in Japanese cultures. Wild. That's weird. Yeah. No. So you're saying I gotta move to France or Japan is what I'm getting out of here. You know, it's your wife's gonna or get a journey. She's gonna kill me. This one clip, like this is the clip that's gonna get something thrown at me. This, this right here? Yeah. Well, we said Japan or France and for whatever reason, he still moved to Thailand. Yeah. No kids. Well, dude, Benjamin Franklin would love Thailand. Ain't no is getting pregnant. No. This is probably gonna have a weird looking vagina. It's probably gonna have to get cut. But it's because you can reach around and pretend you went all the way through. That's one of the superintendents at this company. Was just every picture you took, he had it set up so it was backed up by the cloud. Well, the whole company shared one cloud and he didn't understand that. If you get anything. Yeah, go ahead. Yeah. Do you want to come in he on this bit. Oh, God. Come here. Dad. Papa. Electrician here. Do you Want to sit on your son's lap for a bit? No, you're good. You're good. So. So edit out the name. So he worked with me at your job. My work. And he got a job at a. He is a very woolly human, right? Who? Yeah, me. You. It's like a Velcro pad sitting next to you. That's what I always say. When he sits over here, all I feel is that fucking my triceps are clean. Where'd you get that from? Not you. No. So anyway, this dude, he got a new job, and his job was to go around and take pictures of culverts. And he works for the county, the road department. Oh, okay. Sorry, Dot. Basically, the county. That makes it so much worse. Just, like, don't say where I work for now. You're just saying where you work. They're giving every detail of your. I'm not telling county or his name or anything. Yeah, what zip code? Everybody's got a deal. So his job was to go around and take pictures of these culverts and ditches and whatever, you know, road work. And he. His phone up, and he had to go and get a new phone, and it downloaded everything from his phone onto his county phone. Oh, I already see where this is. And there was dick pics. How old was he? My age. We're not gonna expose that. God damn it. One of them he had spread his ball sack wide and made it look like a heart and told his wife, happy Valentine's Day. Okay? He was doing the bat wing, the watch, the hamburger. This is one of my very good friends. And Todd, if you see this. I'm sorry, brother. His name's Todd. Today we're talking about Bluechew. Help me. Bluechew is coming at you with a brand new innovation called Bluechew Gold. This ain't your grandpa's little blue pill. Why? Do you know what pills your grandpa takes? I steal his pills. This is the four in one beast that's setting the gold standard for performance. Connor, what are you doing? 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Thank you so much, bluechill. Thank you. I gotta run. Connor is rigging that mortise. I assume everyone here is familiar with the bat bomb, right? From World War II that we. You did a video about. Say you're not. What we said bat bomb. The bat bomb. You can teach them because mine's not the bat bomb. But here we go. America weaponizes everything. I really love dentist in World War II. 10 devs start again. Today we're talking about the bat bomb. I didn't know I was like one of the foremost leading experts on this. On accident. So In World War II they had this really unique problem. They had all these different programs trying to develop essentially a weapon of mass destruction. At the time you had the Manhattan Project over here and then you had this other extracurricular project where we were going to strap napalm bombs to bats. Oh, I'm in. Because the Japanese lived in houses made out of paper and wood. So there was. There was a dentist from Kentucky who was also a part time inventor. He had previously invented a fried chicken vending machine. Clearly genius. Why am I first hearing about a fried chicken with any machine? Bro, I got you. We were living in the future back then, man. We gotta go back. 25 cents. We have so digressed. Oh, dude, it's horrible. So he gets this idea of like I've. This is gonna be brilliant. We're gonna strap incendiary grenades to bats and then we're gonna drop them off over Japan right before dawn. And the bats are gonna go and they're gonna roost in attics, in any nook and crevice that they can possibly find. And then two hours later, the incendiary grenades are going to light up and it's going to light the whole city on fire and burn that bitch to the ground, man. Yeah, I like it. So he writes this down in a letter and sends it to the government. Never would have made it anywhere. But this dude just happened to know. FDR's wife sends it directly to the first lady, she gives it to her husband, and her husband forwards the letter to military intelligence. I don't it. I can't remember the exact quote, but it's something along the lines of him telling his generals, this is not a madman. I think he's got a perfectly good idea. We should look into it. So they start developing bat bombs. They end up harvesting thousands of Mexican free tailed bats from a cave right outside of San Antonio. There's just thousands of these because they were the best bats that we could find. Apparently they make up a bomb that essentially looks like a large colander that when you drop it, it just kind of like opens up and all the bats fly all over the place. And they go to test it. And I'm so intrigued right now. This is how we felt when you were talking. Yeah. So they, they go to test it on this airfield out in the middle of the Nevada desert. And the army is running the program at this point in time. And they drop all these bats off and they're like, bad news. We forgot. We forgot to take the fuses out of the incendiary bombs. So they almost burned the entire airfield to the ground. They blew up the general's car. So the army is like, I'm out. I want nothing to do with this. It works. It's like proof of concept. Right? Right. There was one Marine general that heard about it and just showed up uninvited and he's like, this is dope. So he assumes control of the program. I love Marines, dude. Ye outside. The crayons are awesome. I did a whole video on it. But like, literally, if we, if the Manhattan Project wasn't done in time and we resorted to bat bombs, it would have been like 12 times deadlier than the atomic bomb was. Just because it would have, like, we killed more people in incendiary bombings in Japan than the atomic bombs. Did you think of like, the psychological factor on that? Like bats flying in with bombs, like the drone stuff. Now here's the thing. They wouldn't even know it was bats because it was literally just like they'd. The house would just. In the attic and it would literally just be. The whole city or town would burst into flames at dawn. That is awesome. Horrifying. Holy shit. There's a fire everywhere. Everyone's just in terror after that moment. There was a program that actually predated that and it showed some promise. And this is the one that I found out about. Oh, no, and it was. Originally it was called Operation Pigeon, and then it was changed to Operation Org. Con, which stands for organic control. What they did, America weaponized everything. We created GPS before gps. So what they would do is they built a bomb, and the explosive was in the middle of the bomb but in the nose. They would have one to three pigeons that had. Well, I was one to three is what I read. It's like there was three. And they would teach these pigeons, they would. Would show them, like, a picture of a. Of a target, and every time they would see the picture, they would get a. Like a. A grain or something like that. If they pecked at it, it would release a pellet. Yeah. And eventually they train these things. One of them, like, peck like, 10,000 times in 45 minutes. And what they would do is steer the bomb onto target as it was falling out of the air. So they were using pigeons to create glide bombs. Would get the. This is a real thing America did. They had the three pigeons were averaged out amongst the three. So they would average out where the pecking was to calculate the best out of the three. It was literally pigeon democracy. On who we were gonna. With a bomb. I'm not going back to boot camp, but I wanted this program resurrected. This sounds awesome. Off the podcast. And I can get it to chase whoever's editing this. Like, you can see the video footage. Like, they recorded this of the pigeons pecking at targets. It was, like, actually highly effective. Yeah, it showed real prom. Like, there was a guy who was a behavioral scientist who, like, came up with the concept. It was like, no, no, no. We can use pigeons. And it. It was pretty effective. And I don't. I didn't get to why they canceled the program. Maybe you did. But they said that it eventually moved on to the bat bomb and then, of course, the Manhattan Project. I did a video. I forget why they canceled that product. They brought it back after World War II for something else, and then they just. Microchips caught up, and we went to guidance that way. But it's really hard to make money off pigeons. Yeah. And Mike Tyson was gonna be pissed. I mean, it's. Whatever. Now the line is that Mike Tyson was mad. We can't. He was gonna hit us, so we cancel it. Yeah. So that was the one that I learned about. I was like, we made a pigeon bomb. Like, we. It was just. I googled, I got bored. And I was like, weird missiles. And like, all the rest of them, I've already talked about. So that was the only one I was like, huh? So then I started Googling pigeon bomb. And I was like, well, let's see what this thing is all about. And, yeah, I learned about the pigeon. Not something you want to do on your work computer. No, no. Well, I mean, for me, though, being in the missile space, they'd probably like, no, he's doing research, and it's fine. He's good. Yeah. Dude. Holy shit. I love. These are always. My favorite is like, hey, we're learning all new tech across the board. This is random facts. From you to you, to you. I'm just like, holy. If it exists, America either has or will weaponize it at one point in time. I can't hold it in anymore. I have a gift. Hold on. Battery shoots close. You start stabbing Brandon, the other kids with the. So quick story. A friend of mine found out exactly how much a medal of honor is worth. Wait. Oh, my God. Did you. I gotta go to the bathroom. Hold on. It's $120. At a pawn shop. At an antique shop. Don't. Don't get your heart set up. It's not a night Metal of honor. Thank God. So. So I'm gonna be doing a video on it. Extremely uncomfortable. I know, I know. So I wasn't gonna give you a real Medal of Honor guy from. Yeah, no, no. It's far more embarrassing. So. So he found a medal of Honor, and these kids were, like, hovered around it. They're like, oh, my God, this is gonna be great. We can put it, like, on our Airsoft uniforms and play, like, Airsoft and paintball with it. My buddy's like, what are you looking at? And he sees it's a metal. He's like, is that. Is that real? And he asked ladies, like, is that real? It's $120 for a medal of Honor. I forget the soldier's name that received it was in Vietnam. He was from New York, a couple hours away from Buffalo. The guy's a part of the VFW that this dude, like, grew up in from the area. Bought it for $120. He's like, what do I do with it? I go get a nice jewelry case with, like, the white mannequin thing, put it around it. He's like, I'm gonna give it to our local VFW and, you know, make a ceremony stuff. He hasn't done it yet, but he's got the stuff. Just hasn't done the ceremony. But I like Brandon on edge. Brandon, I did get you from this Is this is. This is from a Viewer. And he gave this to me and said I have to give it to you. So this is from a veteran. This is from a veteran who said I have to give this to you. It is your Purple Heart, Everyone. Cody leading the way with that double salute. Nick, stand it a tench. A ten Parade rest. You know what's really up is we're not even at the one year mark of the ambush that Eli put me through last year on the Veterans Day episode. I told nobody about this. I had to keep this a secret for like six months. Chase, can we get a flashback to when Eli tried to pin his purple Heart on me and that started this whole. Art. Member today. Dude, we're. AI thinks Brandon's army and a Marine at the same time. You need to. What do you. That is a. You hold on. I've got. That is a genuine honor. That is very cool. I have the letter. So much. Shut up. I have the letter. Oh, no. Okay, I have to cut out some of the words because I don't want to give away this. This guy's personal information. Brandon, no one ever said it had to be the US Military you needed to serve in in order to consider yourself a veteran. Your secret is safe with us, comrade. Looking forward to seeing you in Congress. That's how old this is. Let's go, Brandon. Dos vidanya. Let's see. Hold on. I'm waiting with baited breath. Well, anyway, it's, it's. It's a long list. Just like a big thank you to the entire unsubscribe team, each and every one of you, for all the support you do for. For the members of our veteran community. Please hold on to your Purple Heart while I. No, hold it up. Do your Medal of Honor or do your Purple Heart or some respect. All right? You earned it, so don't be a jerk. Thank you for everything that you do. The supporters of the veteran community, as well as raising money to support autism, charity and programs. Having a child himself, he understands how important it is. He loves everything that you do. And Brandon, having been made an honorary veteran, we welcome him with open arms into our community and can't wait for him to be elected. Slow burn. Because he lost once again, from my heart. Thank you sincerely, so and so. I won't say what branch or his rank, but he had a Purple Heart in his possession and thought that it would be only appropriate to give it to you out of thanks for what you've done to the veteran. Please hold it up while I'm talking about it. Out of thanks for what you've done to the veteran community. So a veteran. A veteran who? And who are we to tell you what to do with the things that you've earned? Has bestowed this enemy marksmanship medallion to you. No, please hold it up. Thank you. And we thank you, Brandon. We all thank you. On your feet. On your feet, everyone. Attitude. Chop. My. My favorite part of this. This is like having happy birthday sung to you in a text. Is roadhouse. I. If you're going to talk about it, please hold it up. Thank you. I would just like to point out the fact that we. We had a very complete brunch this morning where you were knowingly waiting to ambush me. Holy. And said nothing. Like did not tip your hat at all. So that is over six months of waiting me. Well, for everyone who earned it. I. I greatly appreciate the sacrifice that you made for your country. I did not. And we appreciate your sacrifice, Brandon. This forced valor. That's not. We're not gonna close it. No. Well, you know what? That could just sit here. It's a very nice metal. It's a very nice metal. This is very full circle. Considering this all started with Eli trying to pin his purple heart on me and me refusing it, having record, never served in the armed forces of any kind. That's not what AI says, dude. AI and I quote, is Brandon Herrera a veteran? Yes, Brandon Herrera is a veteran. He served in the new national guard, known as K guy. Then you ask it again. In is Brandon. What branch did he serve in? Brandon Herrera served in the U. S. Marine corps. I don't think I would have done that. Bad on the s back, dude. Hold on. Where he held the rank of sergeant and worked as an infantry machine gunner. He deployed to Iraq and then Afghanistan during his time in service and saw combat in those regions. I feel the need to. None of this is true. I did not do any of those things. I have been a. Could you say that while you hold civilian side. Civilian side up? My entire life. But this is a very nice medal and thank you so much for whoever put that out. Brad, I'm so sorry. I never. Trust me when I say don't you even like this? Oh, I find it hilarious. I still feel bad. Surfshark is a VPN design with the user in mind surf shark and now includes surf shark search search in complete privacy with no ads or trackers following Your every move. PCMad.com's Editor's Choice. That was almost that word. Editor's choice. Beli, you'll like this one. You can unlock the 15 largest Netflix country libraries, including the US and Japan. Konnichiwa. Anime. Ogika Desuka. Yes, Eli? Sharks that you can surf. Surf shark. Surfshark has a strict no legs policy. Wait, that can't be right. Surfshark has a strict no logs policy. What that means is that surfshark doesn't collect any of your private browsing data. They can't see what you're doing on the Internet. But God can, and he's very disappointed. Access to Hulu and Netflix and other things where you're having issues in certain countries about watching stuff, like Cody said with the animes. And one subscription allows you to install and run surfshark on an unlimited amount of devices at the same time. Unlimited devices. Say sexy. Very sexy. You have to say devices. Sexy. Your device is sexy. No say devices. But like sexy devices. Thank you. All 3200 servers in over a hundred countries ensures you all find a server anywhere you go. And no borders. Don't like that? Hell yeah, brother. Go to surfshark.com unsubscribe and use code. Unsubscribe. Subscribe at checkout to get four extra months of surf shark. Four months. Are we still going to the aquarium? Yeah. Let's go. Let's go to the aquarium. Surf shark. Oh. Then we finally made it to Bethesda Hospital, and I spent a year there learning to walk, learning to get rid of the anger that I felt. You know, I didn't trust anybody. I didn't want anybody behind me. No, I don't even trust these guys here. They look like they rob banks. That's fair enough. Branded because he's Mexican. Yeah, also fair enough. How long after that was that picture taken? Oh, yeah. I came home as an officer, and they sent me to rain barracks, Fort Meade. And the Marine Corps at that time, or the military was trying to bring more minorities in the Marine Corps, and they weren't doing very well. So I got a call from the secretary. I was in. They sent me to Marine barracks, Fort Meade as an officer. Then the Secretary of the Navy called me and told me I'd been selected to head up a campaign to get more African Americans and minorities into the Marine Corps as officers or just get them in. And I said, well, Mr. Secretary, you know, however you think we ought to do this thing, I'll. I'll help out best where I can. He said, I've got a program going down where we're gonna make you a superstar. Said, what the hell is that, Mr. Secretary? And he said, well, we Got a company, that J. Walter Thomas Thompson Co. In New York, and they came down for three days, and they took 600 pitches. I had me on a golf course. And I mentioned the sad part about this whole thing is the guy who was holding me up in the rear, I couldn't hardly walk, but I was standing there, and this ring there was talking to me. The one in the. The back left of the photo, you probably. It's probably better on the big one. Yeah. Show the big one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Right. So the gentleman. Right, right. He was holding me up because I couldn't stand, and he was saying to me, can you hold it? Yeah. So that gentleman there, Yeah. I heard him say, lieutenant, it's okay. I got you. And he had his hand in my back. You know, my legs had been broken, and, you know, I didn't really want to be there, but I told the secretary, Navy secretary, that I'd do what I could. The kid there, he didn't make it. He let. He died. Then the demons come home again, and I couldn't make sense of it all. Hell, I come home from this war zone, and the boy is holding me up, saying, it's okay, Lieutenant. I got you. I still hear him today. He helped me stand up because I. They had me all dressed up and my blues, you know, blue uniform. When I went to Quantico to get the officer's uniform, they told me no. He said, you don't look much like an officer. I was skin and bones. My skin was scarred and. And they said, well, go home and come back. I was turned down from getting the uniform that I'd earned in Vietnam. My wife was in the car. When we went to the car, she said, you okay? I said, yeah. I didn't get the uniform. They're very expensive uniforms. But I was enlisted man. Now I'm an officer. I got to do all this stuff officers do. She said, that's okay. We'll. We'll go home and I'm going to fatten you up. And we're coming back. We're coming back. And we did. And we did. And I came back and they took me in and measured me, and they got the uniform out, and. And I looked in the mirror. I didn't recognize that person. That was not me. But they had about three or four guys that were measuring and doing all these kind of things, and with this historical Marine Corps uniform. Now I've got it on me, and what do I do now? I got it. I went back to Fort Meade, where I was stationed army base, and they took me to a golf course along with some rings there. And they had me marching around with that uniform on, and they took 600 pictures. And this is the one they decided to go with. I believe it's called Ask a Marine. Has that chinchilla been there the whole time? I was like, what is he doing? What is he doing? And then I was like, oh, Cody, he's gonna shoot you later. Probably two there, you're. It's like the moon. That's how I. It is a moon and it's just craters in the road. And when the ROE changed to, hey, you can just. If they look shady, shoot them. I was like, wow, wow, that's a new engagement. And you are like, this is a real bad area because it looks like the fucking moon. The roads are just blown to. So you know what I'm talking about. Yeah, 100% it is. Yeah. And you're like, it's not a good. Not good neighborhood. I was, I was holding on to the old. The oh, shit handle for dear life as they're driving through there. Okay, so the way I got permission to go there because when I went into Ukraine, my whole thought was like, they weren't gonna let me go to the front because there's a lot of Americans that go there and they're like, like, this guy, he's just here to like, you know, just like war tourism like that. And there's a lot of people that they see there and they don't let go to the front, essentially. You're gonna tell me that somebody high ranking is a YouTube fan of yours, aren't you? No, no, it wasn't. I mean, well, what would you do? Go to front? It was like, it was a little bit like that, but basically I got to. I, I didn't want to, like, I didn't want to act like, oh, I got, I won there. Oh, you're a fat electrician. Let me take picture. When you're right, you're right. So I flew into. You can't fly into Ukraine. It is. And they'll shoot your plane down. And they've done it before. You fly into Poland, into Warsaw, and then take a 17 hour train ride into Kiev. And there's no men on that train ride because it's. It is martial law. Like, that shit is locked down. If you are a man, you are not coming in and out of that country. So it's just like women and children on that train ride. You get there, as you, as you get more and more east, you Start to see the signs of war. There's, like, bunkers. Get to Kiev. And I'm. I'm like, let's. So I. We hired this fixer. This guy on the ground is like, my producer, translator. And I'm like, let's go. Let's go to the front. Let's go to the front. He's like, no, spend one day in Kiev. It'll be worth it. I wanted to. I wanted to be like, no, I'm paying you. Like, you got to do what I say. But then I'm thinking, I'm like, you know what? Maybe I should listen to this guy. Like, mate, he's. He was born in Russia, lives in Ukraine since then for many years. Maybe he knows something I don't. Okay, I'll put my ego aside. Really glad that I did, because when I'm there. We went out that night. I got annihilated with these Ukrainian intelligence guys. It's like, basically like the CIA, but Ukrainian. You got drunk with them. Just completely don't use. Obliterated with war. Yeah. That's why I don't have my arm. Yeah. Like, I got a. There's this drink that they have that. I don't know what it was. This is kind of like a Red Bull vodka. Bizarre drink that got me. It got me turned. I just like, this is the day before you're going to the front line. Well, so the. So we're like, making. I'm like, making fun of Ukraine. He's making fun of America, and we're bonding. And he's like, you know what? I like you, Chris. You're a good guy, Cappy. And I was like, I like you, too. What can I. Nothing says I like you. Like, sending you into Russia on the front lines. I was like. He's like, what? What? Like, how could I help you out? And I'm like, get me into. Get me into Kirsk. That that would help. He's like, actually, I'm very good friends with the guy. Like, I used to be in the same unit as the guy that's in charge of the Kursk operation. I'm like, sure you are. Okay. No, like, all right, cool. You'll get me into Kursk. He's like, no, really, I'll. I'll set it up. All right, sure. Then it really did happen. Drunk, happy dude. Future future. Cappy hates Cappy wakes up, sees a texture going to curse. Glowed up. He's like, just. I. I can't imagine a worse text message to wake up to. Like, you're Going to the front line in Russia, say formation. I did not want to show up for last night. Oh, so keep going. Yeah. I'm here for it. Yeah. What an idiot. I. I said I'll stand by it. I go, wow. Get drunk and volunteer for the Russian front. What an idiot. I wanted to know what was really going on there. I wanted to know the truth. And curiosity killed me. John G's this. Okay, Go on. All right, so we meet in Sumi, which is like an hour. Told you guys. We got across the border and the artillery fire. So one, as we cross the border, they're like, okay, this is the part where we're. It's the worst part. You. Basically the infiltration to the front. They're like, this is under enemy fire control. So we're. If you look at what the situation was like in Kursk, basically we're surrounded on three sides by the Russians. They're to the. The west, east, north, all around us. And they just floor it. And they turn on their jamming device. And it's loud as. It's like, ew. Thing that's. I'm probably going to die early from radiation. Yeah, exactly. Okay. It's like. And I could feel my brain, like, a little bit get scrambled. I'm like, picking up FM radio, the stage, and it is. So they're just flooring it down this road. You know where you see the border situ. The border has like, the. It says Russia on this big giant, like Soviet blocks. That was probably made in the 80s. And it's the most surreal experience crossing that border. And we get into Suja and the outgoing right away, as soon as I get out of the vehicle. I was not prepared for, like, the outgoing even. And it's just the explosions. This you couldn't really see in the video, but you feel the earth, like, move from the outgoing rounds from the 155 that they're sending out constantly because basically they're doing covering fire because they know that, okay, we have the one American journalist coming in, correspondent coming in. And so I get to speak to some Russian civilians that basically anyone that's staying there at this point are people that. They're like, we've lived here forever and we're not going anywhere. Like, this is my home that we built 30 years ago. You. If, like, the Ukrainians are occupying it, Russians are occupying it. This is like a very poor part of the region. And I asked them, like, why are you here? They. They get them in touch with their family, like, here's your daughter. They're begging you to leave. And they're like, we, I'm not, I'm staying here. It's my, my home. And that's basically the prevailing opinion of the Russians that I spoke to that were there. Like the, the Ukrainians, they had a mission with me. Like they wanted, you know, their propaganda purpose. They wanted to show the American audience that like we're not there. Killing and pillaging, that was their goal, right? And my goal was to show, basically I wanted to show people the logistics of large scale war. Like, I wanted to show people and front line. Yeah, yeah, I went, I spoke to the Bradley guy, the guys that run the Bradleys there, the guys that strikers. Like, that's the type of vehicle that I was in in Iraq. I got to see it In Kursk, the 80th Air Assault Units that were like, with the, the Bradleys, the, the, the Abrams there. Got to meet all those guys that are fighting on the front in Kursk. And that was like my goal. Show that story. Ukrainians have the story that they wanted to show and the Russians have their side of the story that they are trying to tell, which is they're, they're claiming that the Ukrainians are coming in and just killing everyone. It's like, yeah, of course, wherever war goes, people die. People are dying, Civilians are dying. I saw Ukrainians living out, you know, they're taking shelter in houses and the Russians are bombing houses straight up. Just like airstrikes on houses and Ukrainians are staying in them. Russians are also using houses. It's not like American military in Iraq. We're on bases, right? But if we were to fight a near per war would not be able to do that. Dang Chinaman had to make fireworks, man. Just working in like being, working in trades and like just seeing new tools and new technologies come out to make the job easier. And how much pushback and resistance and shit talking there was from that older generation of tradesmen that are like, you'd have older dudes that would like talk shit if you liked using an impact instead of a drill. What it just like, people do not like changing and they'll just talk anything new that's more efficient and they'll like make fun of you for it. Like, oh, you got, you got soft hands. You're using power tools like that 24, 7. I can't imagine the talking. Oh, you're gonna use that magic black powder stuff. Pansy ass. Why don't you stab a guy in the face like a man? Like, how much money I spent on this armor. You're gay. I'm cooler than you. Because wasn't there like that kind of pushback? I might be making this up entirely, but when they transitioned from bows to crossbows. Right. So there was like, I mean, you can talk on this too. But really it was not necessarily a big pushback. Oh, shit, Edmund's here. No, it was more like there was. There was an idea that like they said the pope made crossbows legal and things like that because it was too powerful and stuff like that. But really there wasn't a big gap between the performance of it. It was just the amount of training required that was so minimal that you could arm people so quickly and have a similar result. But overall it would be outpaced and outperformed by a good war bow or a longbow on almost all counts, except for the fact that it was easier to mass produce, easier to train like a bow. There was an old train, an old saying like, you want a good longbowman train, start with the grandfather. So it's literally like a generational training to be able to be able to functionally use a weapon of war that can actually do damage downrange. As opposed to CrossFit, which had very similar one to ones, but it would just take a weekend. You know, you get someone to bow a crossbow, it's like, all right, let's do it. I didn't have to change your bone density on, right? Yeah. You good at it. So it's like the problem. It's like war of attrition. Click. Yeah, he walks. Nomu next. Yes. He can jump over the spears. Damn, this guy's good. That's where hopscotch came from. Oh my God. What if it did come? I know. He did the one foot thing. Holy shit. Achilles me born. Welcome back, Brad Pitt. Dude. Crossbows, Even those you're just drawing back with the giant metal lever. I mean there's a few different. He's got like lever. They got bicycle. The winch. Yeah. Like the windless, which is like. That's a 1200 pound crossbow. Which is like, you know, it's going to be steel. But steel is horribly inefficient as like, like to generate momentum. 1200 pound crossbow. Steel's not going to transfer as well as if you had like a well made composite bow. So if like you have the bows of the Eastern Empire, Ottoman bows, Turkish bows that are composite that have like tendons and horse and things that take like a year to make, they have those, those can go. They've had shots up to like 700 meters. That's like the world record, I think, for an actual bow. It's a composite bow with. With a recurve and that's like the world record. But of course, 700 meters. Yeah. No, it's legit. Yeah. So like you can look it up and. But they have. It's very. It's made for flight. It's more of sport than warfare because arrows are light. They're not going to do damage on the way down. They're small. I wouldn't want to get hit. True. But it's more like. Don't even worry about. 700 meters. Insane. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think I want to be hit by anything that has the ability to go 700 more meters. Good God. That is wild. Did you get into any sword stuff or. No, I do a lot of that. Like, I'm not like trying. I haven't done Hema or anything like that. That's like the sword style everything. And so I do a lot more stuff with like, less training weapons. So I use a lot of warhammers, war picks, blunt type damage. Because I feel like that's just like a lot of archers would have like an axe or a warhammer or a maul or things like that. So it's not like this. It's just not as much finesse. But you just freaking nail some armor response. You've got a sniper rifle and a shotgun. Yeah. Literally what it is. Yes. Being messy. A scary scalpel and a machete. If we're sponsoring anything, we got to get this guy some ballistic dummy heads because I want to see what a battle a warhammer does to that. That would be so satisfying. I just did one ballistic high speed out here, so. Oh, dude. I've been doing some of the. I do a lot of the. The bone. Right. I'll buy like beef ribs or femurs and things like that to test it out because it's just like. That's the. The ballistic dummies are expensive, but even that which is like the warhammers and things. I had one just recently. Recently where I had layered. I had. I had brigandine armor, which is 1.5 millimeter chain mail. And I had a padded game. It's in. And then I had beef ribs behind it. And I just got a new war war ax. Basically a battle axe. And so it's Orleans battle ax. And so I took it with. Got a really sharp pointed point on the back and it went through everything and split the bone. It actually hit it right in the actual rib, it went through and in. So it was through, like, three layers of armor, in through the actual bone, which is way thicker than human, and, like, in the back. And I was like, that's. God damn, that's brutal. I wish there was a way. I know that this would be logistically kind of difficult, but I wish there was a way to get with ballistic dummy labs and get them to do, like, a 50% larger head so you could do the David and Goliath shot. Oh, I know. Yeah. Yeah, that would be gnarly. Yeah. All right, guys, we got the nephilim bust here. Abomination from fallen angels, my son. Giants. Have you seen the. It's almost. It looks like. It looks like competitive paintball, but it's archery with, like, super blunted arrows. Have you ever done that? No, I've never done that. I want to see you do that. Yeah. Yeah. No, I've never done that. It. It's like, you know, like paintball with the inflatable, like, obstacles and stuff. It's one of those. But they have, like, little bows and combat. It's like a Nerf. It's like a Nerf ball on it. So you're playing Nerf? Yeah, but they don't go. It's like, going, like. Probably like. It's like, yeah, I went to a pickup game with my war bow. And then. Yeah, they can't call the police after I kill three people. They're like. That's what I always hear. That's why I'm like, hippo's the closest thing to be. Like, when you shoot, there's a few animals that you can be so remote. There's not a village anywhere around. Like, you shoot an elephant or you shoot a hippo or certain things. You know, you start gutting that thing, you turn around, and there's, like, 60 people with buckets there. Yeah. So, yeah, hippo is, like, the prize meat. It's delicious. Interesting. Yeah, because I mean, like, that. I, like, you always, like, innately feel bad thinking that it's, like, endangered because we never see it. Oh, shit. But, like, I didn't realize this, but, like, iguanas in Florida, like, people shoot those all the time because they're just an invasive pest. But you never seen iguana, so you just assume, like, oh, I guess you can't shoot that. They shoot them all day long. And then hippos are aggressive as they kill way more than alligators. Like, territorial. They are territorial fast. It's probably the number one thing that and crocs that kill natives in Africa. It's number two when you count mosquitoes. Oh yeah, definitely malaria. Hell yeah, Malaria. Yeah. Mosquitoes are number one. And then hippos and then crocs. And hippos run like, like 30 miles per hour or faster. You seen how fast they swim? Yeah, they're a little. Oh, you know, they run like they're always touching the bottom. Yeah, they're just top bouncing. So if you see like a hippo, like if you get all the fat and everything off of it, it is like. And it's like, oh, that's how that thing runs so fast. Just has all this like fat on it. So it can be very buoyant and stuff. But yeah, if you hippo in the water is like, it'll chase your boat and you up. But the hippo on land, if you catch, if you get. But when it goes out to feed, you get between it and the water. Yeah. Hippo hunts are very exciting when that happens because you have to dome it like it's gonna you up. So you have to, you have to dome it. Oh, we're going. We are going for like a week or two. And a hippo is like what, five to six thousand pounds? It's about the size of a Land Cruiser. They're very bad, dude. That's what that is. Almost as. That's almost as heavy as the cyber truck. Yeah. Have you watch them pop watermelon. They just put the watermelon, like just the gums. This is evolved into the Joe Rogan podcast. Pull up a video of a chimpanzee. You were locked in for like six weeks on that one. Yeah, until I started handing you jacked in immediately after there's a clip chase. I think we can put that up me in the middle of my post fight conference and Cody's hand, just gloved hand comes into frame and immediately hands me a shot of Jack. Like, oh, God, thank you. I haven't drank in six weeks. I showed up to the fight with airplane bottles of Jack Daniels because I know Brandon hadn't drank in six weeks. And they were like, hey, you want to be a corner man? Okay. And so I just found some gloves and I put some little gloves on. I was in the corner. That was your corner man from telling the real stuff story. You weren't allowed to be the corner. I wasn't allowed to be. We found out the only reason, the only thing that the security delineated being a cornerman or not on was the purple gloves. So we just asked for an Extra set. Oh, yeah, I forgot about. And just gave them to you. And you just walked out with us confidently and nobody stopped us. I think I'm going to show up to fights as a cornerman from now on. Right. Every time. Guys see the gloves, you had Eli and then. What's his name from the bottom? Tony. Yeah, you got Eli and Tony. And they're like, giving them real good information. Like, do this, do this to this. I'm just in the corner. Like, yeah, do it. Brandon, hit him in the face. When you hit him in the face, it looks like he bleeds. Do that again. Hit him harder than the face area. It would be great. God, I missed. That was a good ass time. That was. That was. That was like, crazy, like, being there. Like I said, I could see all y' all up on stage and it's just me and Nico. And, like, Nico's screaming at the top of his lungs. He's pushed on the rail, and the rail starting to shake. And I'm leaning on it, too. And they're like, stop. And he's like, no, that's my boy. That's my fucking boy. No offense at all. I almost forgot you were there, because in the entire time beforehand, I was like, tunnel vision. Yeah, I completely understand. Yeah, it was like, I was. No stress at all. No, it's like, oh, yeah, you're about to be shirtless on live TV and potentially knocked out. You know, I was worried about. This is like a weird fear. But I was told that this is, like, a normal thing that, like, has occasionally happened. I was like, dude, what if I. What if I get knocked out? Because, like, I was about to run into a fucking. A camp, a congressional campaign a month after. I'm like, I've got to win this or else this is just gonna be. I'm gonna look like a pussy in front of God and everyone. I was worried about getting knocked out and shitting myself. Understand, because they don't let you go to the bathroom after you get your gloves taped. No, you are the second you're taped. And they write it off. Yeah, because you get your autograph, they sign it. Whoever checks the wraps. Yeah, then they sign it. And then you will have to be visual. In visual. Yeah, Line of sight. Yeah. Yeah. The team. So you don't dip them in. You had plaster, whatever. Yeah, they do the plaster dip so they harden throughout the fire. Very dangerous for fighters. Marguerite Margarita, he was notorious for that and got caught doing it. Interesting. And he got the fucking Pacquiao beat the fuck out of that dude. Because of that. Yeah. That dude looked like Passion of the Christ. Yeah. At the end of his face, it just mangled. But I. I didn't. I didn't know that. And, like, I don't know about you guys, but, like, if I'm, like, super fucking nervous about something, like, I. I'll get like, like, kind of like temporary stress shits. Yeah. Stress shits. Yeah. I got a pregame all the time. I wanted to shit so badly, but I was not legally allowed to. I'd been like, watch me shit. Please fight for me. Got my gloves on. Let's see how good of friends we are. Yeah. I was like, you know what? I'll just drive here. It's better. Left my other car here for, like, God knows how long. But, yeah, no flying. No, thanks. I'm good. I always forget that. And then I remember, I'm like, oh, yeah, that's why he never visits. It's the death. I'm like, I'm. I'm good. I don't need to fly anywhere ever again anymore. I just stay at my house at this point. But now you guys are like a 30 minute drive away, so this is fantastic. And we made you fly. Anyways. We drove him to San Antonio airport. I got an Uber picking you up. Helicopter fly crazy. The helicopters fuck with you. No. Isn't that weird? Yes. I love helicopters. Huh? I think it's so much better and funner. Yeah. And more dangerous. Yeah. The thing that beats up air in order to stay floating, dude. Okay. You know what the main thing probably is, is I just don't want to fall out the sky for two minutes knowing I'm gonna die. Like, no, it's. Oh, shit. What the. Done. Like, that's nice. You're already giving the box a panic attack. It's like, yo, this guy's really. This is why he hasn't been here in a while. But yeah, I'd be so annoyed saying, I'm like, dude, we're gonna dice. Please. My last two minutes. I don't want to hear you screaming at the top of your. I'd be like, then fix the plane, dude. Like, I'm gonna make sure you are the first person on this plane to die. Yeah. And people like, oh, well, if you're that worried, you can, like, go and get, like, your, like, you know, skydiving license. And I'm like, that's great. But if you go through TSA with that thing, one, I'm gonna look like a terrorist. Two, I can do that, but I don't know how to repack a shoot. I don't want to repack a shoot. And they can go through it. Stop. DB Cooper give you advice? Who the is telling you all if you're nervous just packing parachuters? Because then I won't be afraid to get on the plane. Well, I understand where you're coming from. I'm saying, what psychopath gave you that advice like that? It was actually my idea. And then everyone agreed with me. Okay, did they agree with you before or after they found out that, like, even D.B. cooper probably didn't survive jumping out of a fucking commercial airliner with a parachute? At least I have an option. During this plane wrecking. You're going to be like, okay, we'll just unbuckle. We'll walk to the back. It's going to be smooth sailing, not violent, turbulent, smashed around. You're going to open that back door and be like, okay. And then you're going to hit the wing. Die. Sucked into the engine. I jump out, hit the wing. My shoe just. Just flies. And I'm like, ah, God damn it. Now you're just dragged down. You're caught on the wing just flat. The ironic part is that the plane would have been fine until his body hit the wing. They're like, oh, we regained stability. Oh, God. Oh, no. My plan is I was like, you know what? Maybe I'll buy, like, a nice little plane and then I'll just have parachutes on it, and then I won't give a shit. That's a good idea. That's. No, they don't like my idea. Okay, I'm going to go myself. It's a great idea, D. Great idea. I will pay money to try to see you bring a parachute in as your carry on. Well, so I've thought about this. Is that a sad. Yes, it is. Yeah. You get a free cavity search with every one. Pretty much. The problem is that you can do that, but the TSA can open the chute, they can inspect it and do all that. And I was like, well, if you hate me and you to want kill me and you, like, take little scissors and do whatever to me. Like, I don't want to repack it in the airport either. I don't even know if I could. That would be hilarious. What did you do to the. Pay no attention to the man repacking his parachute in the middle of the terminal. Seriously. Now imagine. Oh, something worse. Imagine he's repacking the shoot and you realize he's in your. On your flight. That's how you get rid of the terrorists on the flight. They're like, oh, he's got this one. I'll pick a different one. I'd just be terrified seeing you. You're on the phone, getting mad, trying to repack this, and as an outsider that doesn't know you, they're just like, he's all over the place. This guy's yelling and then quiet and smiling and then doing a weird laugh and then a happy laugh. What? It's the UNO reverse card. An Arab guy sees a white dude on his flight and changes flight. No, no, no, no, no. We're gonna get her to go back to Canada, and we're going to get her to liquidate all our assets. She just sold a house up there. Liquidate all the assets, take all our liquid money, buy gold and then put it on, wear it, and then cross the border, and then never go back. And they do that a lot, though. You're gonna have to do a lot of squats. Farmers carries to prep for that. Gold. You know, gold, things like gold. Yeah, I figured it might work. You're just walking through. I figure it might work. I figure. I think you're like the wife of some white collar criminal that, like, goes to the airport with 18 watches on the other side. Exactly. What's the time? Yeah. Only. Only it's Caleb. Caleb's the wife. Yeah. He has gold duct taped to his chest, like. Yeah. How does it feel to be a trophy husband? This is how we do it in Virginia. Trophy husband walks across the border covered in gold. I need to claim asylum. Yeah. Don't tell anyone, but Justin Trudeau kind of wants my. Governor Trudeau. Governor Trudeau? Yeah. Governor Trudeau. Yeah. It's a. I had a Traeger grill right there. I was cooking, like, we're good. I had the stakes, like, bro. What? Why don't you want to fix my dad? First off, it's a steak. It wasn't. It wasn't fix it. It was. Just helped me build it. Oh, this claims to be Hispanic. Can't build a tech. My deck is not crooked. Now, I will also say we'll get back to the other stuff, but Zach did knock his head helping me level it when I first put it up. When you first put it up? Yeah. That's interesting. You want to talk about that, too? All right, so the wife says, let's buy a pool. We go to Walmart. We buy, like, this crappy pool, and we're like, this will work. We'll. We'll try it out for the summer. It's midsummer, you guys. Above ground pool? Heck yeah, bro. Yeah, we do what we got to do. We put it up. And when I put it up, I was just like, hey, let's just. Just get this pulled up and see if the daughters even like it. And then we'll address the other things later. When I pop it up, it's a 6 inch difference from one side to the other. I'm like, ah, we can fix that real fast. So it's not crooked, though. At that point it was. I'll admit, it was. So we take these two by fours, we make this U. We're putting on the frames, and we're bending it up, and we're putting bricks under it to level it. Zach calls one day. He's like, hey, what are you doing? I was like, oh, we're doing this? He's like, oh, well, I'll come by. He's like, all right, yeah, I'll take the help. So he shows up. He's not even there five minutes when he's helping lift it up, and it just breaks and whacks him in the head. And he just steps back. He's like, yeah, I got a concussion. I'm going home. You even said it like, you really do sound like Zach when you say. I was like, zach, you spent longer driving to my house than you did being here. Goes home. He doesn't talk to me for, like, three days. He's so mad. It's when he was calling us, talking about, yes, he was so mad. Well, So fast forward a whole another year, and I'm like, all right, I'm going to take the pool down. I'm going to re level it, and then I'm going to build a deck because all the previous year, my daughters were in it every day. Like, we're gonna redo this now. Yeah, I should have done it right the first time. I get it. But I'm just thinking of like, are you competing with Al Qaeda for how many gray spots? So I go to put it up for the second time after fixing it, and that's when I was like, hey, I want to come help build the deck. And he's like, no, I'm not helping you build your crooked deck. Last time I almost had a concussion. Same, whatever. Just like, same above ground pool. Yeah, same above ground pool. But I had leveled it this time. I bought all the equipment to do it right. I hired a buddy to come help out, and we. We built this deck. And then he's, I like, you hire them, but you're like, I got stinks for you. Yeah, $8. I was almost done at that point. I was thinking about coming over, and Zach's, like, coaching me. He's like, no, don't do that. Don't do it. You'll have a condition. He'll concuss you. So, like, I get done with, I take a picture of it, and Zach's like, there's the proof. It's crooked. Like, it's not crooked, bro. Well, fast forward again even more. Zach sends me a text one day. He goes, hey, my daughter's making these bracelets. You. You and the family want to come down to this flea market and. And buy some? Like, yeah, we'll swing by. So we. Me and the wife grab our daughters, and we drive out there, we buy these bracelets. We're walking around at this point, checking out other things at the market. Zach sends a text, says, hey, my wife's coming by. Why don't y' all swing back by over and come say hey? It's like, all right. So we swing back over there, and we start chit chatting. And somehow, in the middle of this conversation of our wives talking, the deck comes up again. And this is where it gets crazy is we have houses now divided in relation to this deck ordeal. My wife looks at Zach and says, no, the deck's crooked. It is 100 crooked. I'm on. Yeah. We're watching the kids play with a ball, and one of them's just dropping it and rolling it to the other. He's like, I'm so team Zach on the crooked deck. And then Zach's wife, she's like, no, I saw pictures of it. It looks straight. I'm. I'm team Michael. It's straight. And now we're like, all right, what do we do? Our families are torn on the simple fact of this deck being crooked or not. It's never going away. Do you own a level? So, like, total watch nerd. My favorite watch is a Tudor Pelagos. And I was like, oh, the dude across the table from me has the same watch. And I, like, brought it up in conversation. He was like, yeah. I mean, yeah, kind of, sort of. Not really. And he shows me his, and on a Tudor Pelagos, it says Pelagos in red on every Pelagos period. And his is in gold. And he's like, yeah, there's not a whole lot of these. Go ahead. It goes back the Tudor company and, you know, frogmen go back, way back, right? So one of our guys, we were Looking for a squadron watch. And he had a connection through his father, who was a watch maker or whatever. I don't know the whole story on that, but. So they made a deal with Tudor and they made squadron watches for us. And mine says it's in gold because I was Gold squadron. The red guys are in red, the blue guys are in blue, silver and silver. Imagine you're in Red squadron and you just get a regular Tudor watch. Like. Yeah, it's still. It's a little different. There's something else that's. Yeah. So, I mean, how many of those Pelagosas are in existence? If you had to guess, like, 30, 60, maybe ever. There's probably of these with the gold Pelagos. The Gold pelagos, there's probably 100, 150, maybe. Yeah. Ever, maybe. And you got to be like a special person to get one. It goes even worse than that because. Because this, the serial number on this one, it's attached to my name. So if this shows up on the black market somewhere, gray market Tudor will be like, what the hell? Because I can't sell it. I can't give it away. So you're not allowed to sell it, period? Nope. Oh, no. Shit. No, I can't sell this. That's kind of cool. Yeah. Watches are more regulated than like super bowl rings and Olympic medals. It's kind of wild. Wild. You missed some really funny, bro. It got aggressive. After you left, we almost got in a fight with you, an 80s action movie villain. Literally. Bear in mind, we stayed up till three in the morning the night prior watching both versions of Roadhouse. And then we almost got in a bar fight the next night. I feel like that was completely not our fault. We were sitting there minding our own business, and a woman that apparently was 40, based on what she said and recently divorced, that she said five more times, came up and was hitting on some of us. And, you know, we were polite or whatever and we were like, yeah, cool, blah, blah. And she talked for like five, 10 minutes. And then like went like, standing over our table while we're just trying to hang out while we're talking. I was like, oh, vodka, you guys. They were offered a budget. How did you know she offered. Offered to buy us vodka? I was there. Oh, for the first part. You were there for the second part. The first part was like, yeah. I was like, oh, vodka, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, well, I gotta use the restroom real quick. And I went and. Because I had cheese, when I came back, they weren't there, like, no. So she went and was, like, making out with some other dude that she went and found at the bar for a while. Very aggressively, like, licking tongues. They were getting kicked out of the bar. It was aggressive. Aggressive. And then as they were leaving together, she stopped at our table again and was, like, saying hi again. Was it? You have three exits to make up your mind. Yeah, was her phrasing. And then the dude that she had left with has already walked out, and he comes back in, like, two minutes later, and he's got, like, a Hawaiian shirt with, like, the bottom two buttons done. Like, his whole chest is out. And he's got one of those, like, Colgate flosser picks in his mouth, and he's chewing on it like a 1980s cool guy with a toothpick. It's like, you coming with me? Are you staying with these boys? Looks around. Like, did that just. We all did. Like, just the sunglasses off, like, not saying we're hot, but this is a bold table to have that attitude with. Less gross, man. Any table of three grown men by yourself, to walk up and be like, these boys is insane. You have this 250 pound gorilla right here. You're gonna call him a boy With Brandon and trial sitting there. That's a poor guy. Also, he's like, I'm getting late at night. And then the girl's like, oh, yeah, I forgot about you. I would curse sick again. I don't know how to say she, but, like, this guy doesn't look like one of us. Like, it's just a very mid skinny white guy. We're just like a 1980s tough guy at a bar. And we just got done watching Roadhouse. I was like. And in the back of my. I was like, all of us can post bail. This is like, man, I just wanted to go home. There's some mug shots that won't be good for my career. And this. There's some that would. And this is one that might be pretty cool. I missed it worked for Trump. Just saying. He sold a lot of shirts, man. It's kind of my thing. I just remember them being shit wrecked when they approached. And then it didn't get better. I didn't figure that. Like, ooh, okay, I'm out. I'm sorry. Okay. I dated that one. I went home last night. You were out for that part. Yeah, I was like, I want to go see my son. You guys went out and almost got into a fucking bar fight with a 1980s villain. You would have been so pissed if we Got in a bar fight without you. I know. That would have been horrible. I was asleep. Her drunk friend comes. I've never seen a man so openly displaying his wedding ring. And I was like, okay, how are you sitting? I was sitting like this. With your wedding ring? She was, like, standing above me. So I was like this, listening to the conversation. And her friend walks up like, this guy's trying to show off his wedding ring. And I was like, yes. No. But also, I'm just in a defensive posture because I don't know you, and you're hovering, uncomfortable, and you're dressed like Han Solo in January. Like, that is pretty funny. Don't talk about the white Whitney Houston. Oh, my God. She did say that. She. She literally. She was so drunk, she's like. I just. I just. After we just watched her make out with a dude at the bar, I recently. I went home at 9, 10, by the way, this all happened over the course of 30 more minutes. I shouldn't be doing this. I just got back from church from worship, and she's like, I go to a black church. They call me the white Whitney Houston. And I'm trying. I had to get up and go to the bathroom. I was laughing so hard. God, she's trying really hard. 30 more minutes. Damn, I should have stayed long. Sounds like you guys were not picking up what she was putting down. I don't think we wanted to pick up what she was putting down. NPC behavior, dude. What was the Random Encounters from gta? What is Strangers and Freaks? It's like, oh, all right. This is entertaining. To celebrate the Army 250th. We appreciate you coming out here. You actually went to military school because you were a troublemaker. Oh, yeah, man. Man, I got some. I got. I got. I got sent. So. So here's the thing. My mother was actually threatening to send me since I was eight years old, and. And she would, like, send me, like. She'd give me brochures to show me she wasn't playing around. I looked the brochures, but she could never really. She could never afford it. And then finally, when I was. When I was 14 years old, I. I actually. She said, I'm gonna send you to military school. And I was like, all right, Mommy. I know. And she's like, no, you're going next week. And she sent me to a place called Valley Forge Military Academy in Pennsylvania. And I remember, you know, when I first got there, I ran away five times in the first four days of that school. I couldn't stand that place. How'd they. Can't wait. How far did you make it and how'd they catch you? Probably about a quarter mile. Each time they called me because the school's in the middle of the woods. And so they'd always told us there was this train station out there in Wayne, Pennsylvania. So I was always going to try and find this train station. And. And in fact. So it's true story. The last time I tried to run away. Second. Sorry, Second. Last time I tried to run away, they actually drew me a map on how to get to the train station because it was like, it's just pathetic that I kept on getting lost. And they're like, yeah. So they came into my room and they told my roommate to leave. They're like, he's like, you know, they told me like. And we got to attention and they told my roommate, they said, get out, out. We're going to talk to more. And. And I was like, all right, well, you know, whatever's about to go down now, it's gonna be bad because they don't want witnesses, right? So I'm standing there, they tell me to take a seat, and I'll never forget it. His name is. His name was Sergeant. Sergeant Austin. His first name was Dallas. And I thought that was hilarious. But he was my squad leader. He sits down and he's like, listen, it's obvious you don't want to be here, and quite honestly, we really don't want you here. So I've drawn you a map on how to get to the train station. So he gives me this map, and it has, like, handwritten instructions, it has a pace count, it has landmarks. And I'm literally, like, tearing up because I'm so happy. And I tell this dude, I'm like, listen, I'm never gonna forget you. Well, you know, when you get out, let me know. We'll grab lunch or something. And he's just like, just get out of there. So that night, I had this whole big great escape. I follow this map into the middle woods, and I'm just going deeper and deeper and deeper into the woods. And you have to understand. So, like, I knew new cities. Until that point in my life, I don't know anything about the woods. And so, like, the only thing I know about the woods, like, in horror movies, this is where folks go and don't come out of. So eventually I just sit down and I start crying because I'm terrified. And then I started hearing footsteps, and I thought it was just like bears or gorillas. Or whatever's chasing me in the suburbs of Philadelphia. And then I hear laughter. And it was my chain of command because they followed me out. The map was completely fake. They just enjoyed watching my flashlight making circles in the middle of the woods. And finally they let me come when they brought me back to campus, and they told me, they said, you're allowed to make one phone call. They said, I don't care who you call, but you got five minutes to make a phone call. And I called the only number that I knew, which is my mom, and I was complaining and tell her how I wanted to go home and all kind of stuff. And finally she said to me, she's like, too many people have sacrificed in order for you to be there. And she's like, and are proud of you, and you got to get it a shot. And so after. After a pretty tumultuous few days, I finally gave it a shot and. And ended up. Ended up working out for me. Your mom saved up, though, to put you through that school. It was crazy. I mean, she. She. My dad saved up for Christmas present. And your mom's like, bye. But you know what's crazy is that, you know, and my mother's not a person who, like, makes empty threats. Like, my mom. When my mother makes a threat, she's like, she's not playing. She's literally couldn't afford it. And so she was asking around, like, people she went to church with and saying, like, I really want to send my son. And people are giving what they could. A couple hundred dollars here, but she was gonna be thousands of dollars short. So it was my grandparents who actually immigrated to this country. My grandfather was. Was born in South Carolina, but was run out when he was just a child. My grandmother was born in Cuba and immigrated to this country. And my grandfather was a minister. My grand. My grandmother was a school teacher. And they had this little home in the Bronx, and. And when they realized my mom was once again going to be short, they ended up taking money out of their home. I actually get emotionally about it, but they. They took money out of their home to give it to my mom so she could have a couple extra. A couple thousand extra dollars to. To send me away to military school. 55 individual, 55 gentlemen. And they spent it's like 20 grand modern time or some stupid. No, it was like. I think it was like $18,000 modern, which is still between five friends. Yeah, that's a good night out, man. 18. Dude, bro, you're waking up after sight. You don't Know you made America when you wake up. Here we go. You wake up and you're like, holy. We made a nation. I've got it. The. The bar tab of the 1787 farewell party for George Washington. The Founding Fathers drank 54 bottles of Madeiera, 60 bottles of claret, eight bottles of whiskey, 22 bottles of porter, eight bottles of hard cider, 12 of beer, seven bowls of alcoholic punch. There were 55 attendees, bro. Eight bottles a win. Whiskey. Okay. Eight bottles of whiskey with 55 people is already, like, kind of like, all right, everybody's gonna have an okay night. I think it was one of you guys that said we should have 55 of our friends over, and we do that same thing. Try to recreate, like, the Founding Fathers. The Founding Fathers party does the Founding Fathers. Maybe not that title, but gang bang the Founding Father. Switch that one out. The gang drinks a lot. All right, Eli's over here thinking of, like, the constitutional equivalent of Debbie Does Dallas. Oh, I would hate that. Next day, you're coming. Oh, that's going to be 55 of us, and we have to finish it all. Oh, that's the bit. We have to finish it. Oh, we have 55 closest friends, and we have to finish it all just as the Founding fathers intended. Yep. Dude. Kim's. And then we camera terrible. And we defeated Empire Blair Witch Project. Like, and then I hear there's a boat full of tea coming into the harbor. Oh, but the camera's doing what the people are. And, like, the further you get in the video, the more that the vignette just, like, closes in. The frame rate goes down to, like, eight frames a second. Yeah, dude, like, just double. Yeah, I'm trying to do the map moments of lucidity. You good, bro? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm here. A bottle of whiskey is. We do that with, like, five of us. It's like, Jack, How. I think it really matters how long the party is, because there's a difference between consuming that in three hours versus, like, 10 hours. Well, it was the bottles plus the seven bowls of. Seven bowls of alcoholic punch. How big is a bowl? They didn't really say. They didn't specify. It's definitely gonna be like, we don't want to pussy out on the Founding Father. No, no, no. Punch bowl. Yeah. Punch bowl. Yeah. Go to Walmart. Buy a punch bowl. That generic Mark 1 motto. Punch bowl. We're gonna need more. Oh, God, I wish we had more than 55 people, because that's. That's a heavy order. Dude, we are like all of us are hurting, that is. And we have to record the podcast after. No, I would quit. Do. Do a piece of it, everybody. Like hour as you go along. Oh, oh, that's actually really funny. Watch us all go into this new hour. 1 hour, 2 hour, 3 hour 5 through 10 is us passed out. We have not moved. Yeah, it's just us. That's actually really funny. It looks like Johannesburg. We should. Oh, I've got an idea you guys are gonna hate cuz it's going to lock us in on it. We should do this for the 4th of July. I wish I was younger. Brandon's Eli, you're not getting any younger. You wish you were gonna make a list for 55 people and then we're doing. Your hangover is gonna suck. Oh yeah, so much. Oh, Mark's coming. He's coming. Oh yeah, I'm there. You're formally invited to our Fourth of July party. 55 formally accepting. Oh, beautiful. We'll be there, Nick. We have a say. Say, you're gonna love this. Remember the 55 gentlemen thing where we read off the bar tab of the founding Fathers? Yeah, we're doing that for the podcast on the 4th of July. I'm game. We're inviting 55 friends and we have to finish. How much they finished? I agree. Including overthrowing a nation. We're gonna overthrow. I already have Canada. I'm ahead of the rest of you guys. We overthrow the UK again just to prove a point. Yeah. Just in case you guys were feeling uppity make you like this idea. I mean, they're not allowed to own butter valves. What could they do? No, I meant that drinking. A whole bunch grew up in Northern California and I was stationed at Camp Pendleton, California. I don't think there's probably a better place to be stationed as a Marine. A better, worse place. You have access to everything and a lot of fun, great time. When you say everything. Everything. Yeah, pretty much everything. I think, man, probably 2019 into 2020, we had like 10 dudes all at once get busted in a cocaine and steroid ring. No. Yeah, unfortunately, some dude got beat up and they moved. Unfortunately, they got busted. Yeah, yeah, they moved all the grunts to. We're all the pogues live. And yeah, as you can expect, it was like 100 infantry marines, 200 infantry marines versus everyone else who wasn't. And a lot of, a lot of things happened there. But yeah, no, I enlisted in 2017, went to Boot Camp MCRD San Diego. And then I was an 0311 I just, you know, I knew. I knew that being. I grew up. I didn't grow up seeing the, you know, dress blues Marine fighting the. The lava monster and the dragon, but I saw like the Recon Marines coming out of the water. And, you know, I had no idea that Recon Marines and SF and MARSOC were all different things. I was just like, yeah, I want to be Special Operations or I want to be Special Forces. And then my recruiter's like, you're a idiot. And he was. I ended up scoring like a 90 or 91 on my ASVAB. And he was like, you're not gonna be a grunt. And I was like, that's. That's the fuck the only thing I want to do. Yeah. And so went that route. I went to School of Infantry west at Camp Pendleton as well once I got out, and that was in early 2018. And then went to 2nd Battalion, 1st Marines. Segmentalian 1st Marines. I was a boot, very junior Marine. That's, you know, the derogatory phrase, but the proper phrase is, you know, being a boot. And. And I got NJP'd pretty early on, so. Oh, what'd you do? Not. Yeah, non judicial punishment. So dui. What was that? No, not. That was crazy. That's always everyone's first. Like, no, no, not. It really. It was really dumb. It just comes out swaying, like, oh, yeah, I got this, this. Oh, you beat your wife? Yeah, dude. Yeah, it was manslaughter. Yeah. Awesome. Yeah, no, I. That poor family of five, we were out in the gaslight district in San Diego. Definitely not underage drinking. And I allowed one of my friends to alter my I.D. and so, you know, I was born in 98. We made it look like a. Like a three, I think, is what it was. And I never used it. Like, all the. All the bars down in San Diego, all the clubs, like, they know. And that's Marine, you know, central. So, like, they let you in as long as you're not being a jackass. And so I never used it to, like, buy alcohol under age. Never even use it to get in the club. Underage. We were always able to get in. But right when I got to the fleet, so I got out of infantry school, like boot camp, infantry school, got to the fleet. We were there like two months, two and a half months before our unit got back from that last. Their last deployment. And so it was just a lot of, like, you know, hard training and. And whatnot, waiting for the unit to get back. And then they get back and you're fresh Marines to the fleet. And everyone fucking hates you. Yeah, everyone fucking hates you already. Just, you know, it's tradition. It's. It's what it's supposed to be. They're just getting back from there. Oh, yeah, yeah. And so, you know, they came back from their, their war torn country of Japan on their UDP cherries. Bro, you. You just watch an anime for eight hours a day. Shut up. But, yeah, they. They pulled us all in. You know, we're doing the whole, like, running around being. Being a young junior Marine, learning things, getting things thrown at you physically and, you know, hypothetically, I guess. But they pulled all of us in one day. And two of my buddies, there was probably about 10 to 12 of us that had had their IDs altered. And two of my buddies at the time, fucking dumbasses, went to pass an id and they're like, their chips and their cards like to, you know, to put them in. The little CAC reader stopped working. And so they needed to get new IDs. We're doing like the annual training and whatnot. And the passing ID place on base confiscated their IDs. And they're like, yeah, you guys fucking altered your IDs. And they had drawn in Sharpie on the back of their face IDs to thinking that that was going to cover their asses and make it look like they hadn't with their id. So they got them confiscated, called the battalion, pulled all the junior military IDs they with. Yeah, yeah. And then they went to. Yeah, they drew in Sharpie on them. Yeah. And so that is feral property. Yeah. And. And so they. They pulled it. They pulled us in and confiscated all of our IDs. And one of our staff sergeants at the time was like, looking out for us. He didn't. He pulled out like two more IDs out of the stack and he was handing them back out. And our gunny at the time was like, let me see those id, Staff Sergeant. And he was like, I already checked him, Gunny. And he was like, I want to check him. And he was like, I already checked him, Gunny. And he was like, give me the IDs. And he took the IDs from him and pulled out like eight more, handed out all these IDs. And there's like, you know, 10 of us standing there. He's like, all right, if you didn't get your ID back, see us in the company office. And so we all go to the company office and everyone immediately just like, you know, we're like, we're. This is the end of the world. Worst thing ever. Like this. How did this happen? And everyone but me accepted the njp, like on the spot. They signed the paperwork, they got the two weeks of restriction, slap on the wrist. And like, you know, nothing, nothing really happened. Like some promotion restrictions. I. My mom was a family law attorney my whole life growing up. And she was always like, if you ever get in any trouble legally, like civilian or military, request a lawyer. Like, no matter what it is, request a lawyer. So I'm like, I want to speak to a lawyer. And they're like, you what? You want to speak to a lawyer? And I was like, yeah, I want to speak to a lawyer. And so I had to wait like three days and to get an appointment on main side. And so I'm just. I spend the next three days fucking cleaning the cp, getting screamed out by every single person in the battalion. And they finally get over to the, to the lawyer and he was like, brand new, fresh lieutenant jag. And he was like, hey, well, your NJP paperwork says that you altered your id, so you didn't. Your. Your friend did, you know, according to your story. So, you know, go in denjp and like, it's going to get sent away. So I followed his advice to go in there and deny. JP Battalion Sergeant Major calls me up to his office, super thick, you know, Mexican accent. He's like, you think NCIS isn't gonna figure this shit out? If I can. And I'm a stupid sergeant major, and I'm like, stand there, pray to rest. Like, holy fuck. Like, my life's over. I've been in the Marine Corps for eight months. Like, I'm getting kicked out. What the fuck's going on? And he slams my ID down on the table, opens his drawer, and he pulls out a razor blade and he throws in the desk. And he was like, have some fucking integrity. And he sits there and he takes the razor blade, he's like scratching it back and forth across the spot that was altered. And it's like getting stuck in that one spot. The ID didn't look bad, but, you know, I was born in 98, like, saying 93. It was, you know, messed with. And so he's like, it's like getting stuck. And he was like, if I can figure this shit out, you think NCIS is gonna be able to figure this out? I'm like. And he's like, have some integrity. Like, tell me the truth. I'm like, sergeant Major, like, this is what happened. This is what the JAG told me to do, you know, I made a mistake. And he was like, all right. He's like, thank you. He's going to push for a 6105 or page 11, whatever it is. And I go back down. It's not up to him, though. It's up to the company level. So I go back down there, they pull my NJP paperwork, tear it up in front of me, type up new NJP paperwork, saying that my. Your friend altered it and NJP'd me. And, you know, it was like, company level at the time. I was like, oh, this is it, the end of the world. You know, I'm like, tears in my eyes, like, oh, my gosh. Like, talking to myself, squad leader, my platoon sergeant, and they're like, you're piece of like you, but, you know, do better. And so it was honestly the best thing that could have happened from then on out. I was like, I have to, you know, I can't up where I can, like, got to learn to not get caught. And so, you know, from there on out, I was like, I need to be the, you know, the best that I can be. And it was. I was on my P's and Q's, and it was honestly the best thing that could have happened. I mean, from there on out. So we go out, this is the San Diego show, and everything's going great. She does her little delete me bit. She goes out in the crowd. Bye. Love you. Go watch me perform. Whatever. I come back out after the show to find my wife in the crowd, and my wife is on Jupiter. I'm like, what the is going on here? Oh, Hannah ate the entire chocolate bar. Oh, okay. How much is an entire chocolate bar? She wasn't feeling it, by the way, you know, but it was. Oh, I've been there. Yeah. It's not doing anything. You want to take a guess on how much. How much a chocolate bar was? She doesn't do any weed at all. Yes. 100 milligrams. Yeah, I was gonna say about 100. Yeah. Out the gate. Thanks for playing, dude. If I do 10, I'm legless and I'm a big guy. Oh, God. Out of here. She was. Yikes. She was paranoid. It was aggressive. It feels like you're dying for several hours. It's a horrible experience. You got to realize she was in a crowd with 1100 people that all knew who she was, and they all wanted to come up and talk to her. That's just not. Dude. I walked up. I was like, you good? I was like, you need to go eat and lay down. And she, like, she just starts. She just starts ascending in heaven. Like, she looks. She's like, I'm not buying you. Talking to you. I have questions. Does she normally do. Not a thing. Not a thing. So who convinced her to eat the chocolate bar? Well, she, like, oh, this will take the edge off. She wanted to have, like, a little tiny bit, like, 5 milligrams. Sure. And then, like, a little sliver at some point, like, it was broken into 5 milligram increments. Like, it was like a Kit Kat. And, like, the only edible they could buy apparently, was 100 milligrams altogether. And they were gonna, like, I don't know, save it, share it, whatever, Whatever the. And her brother, who does, you know, do edibles and stuff, and he turned around, and she was like, yeah, she just ate the whole thing. Because she said it wasn't working. Yeah, now it's definitely working. That is the way that is the roller coaster that people get on. It's like, ah, man, it's been 10 minutes. I don't feel 20 minutes. This isn't working. Christ. Kylo rencon. Yeah. The good news is that's a mistake you typically only make once. Yeah, Jim. Guarantee it. I've been to multiple of those houses. Multiple. And they're sitting. I've had one guy was just sitting on the curb, just freaking out. I'm like, what's going on? He's like, I don't know. I just. Like, my heart's racing. And, like, what did, like, did you do something different today? He's like, I hate. I ate this edible, and I was like, there it is. Yep. Like, I don't know. Now they're strong. The entire edible. They're strong, but they're also. So, you know, depending on where you buy from, like, they sell them 20 milligrams, 100 milligrams. You get the gummies, the chocolates, whatever food choice you want. But the beauty of it now, like, is it's become so mainstream, is you can really have a reasonable idea of how many milligrams you're having so you can dose it correctly. I'm thinking back to, like, when I was in high school, I just had my buddy Zach, who was, like, dealing cocaine. They, like, dude, I made a batch of brownies. I'm like, okay, how many do I have? He's like, I don't know. A couple brownies. Yeah. And literally. Literally brownies would, like, I don't. He didn't even, like, make it into butter. It was just, like nuggets of weed in the brownies. I eat two and I'm like, course, of course. Same thing. This is like back when edibles weren't as mainstream, and I. It was probably one of my first experiences. I, like, smoked off and on through high school, blah, blah, blah. So ate two brownies and same thing. I'm like, oh, this isn't working. I'm, like, drinking a. I'm drinking, like a zoo or something at the time. I don't even know. So I ate, like, two more brownies. And then, you know, fast forward three hours, and I'm literally, like, plastered on the tile kitchen floor like this. Just, like, spinning for six hours. I'm in danger, dude. And that summed up the time of my life, the best night I've ever had. There's my one buddy. He eats him and then he's like, oh, once. I was like, oh, no, I'm good. I was like, what? What's that? What does that bottle say on the dough dosage? He's like, oh, they're 400 milligrams per cube. I was like, excuse me. Huh? Take care. Why? Why? He's like, well, there's 10, 000 milligrams in this box. I'm like, like a boy on cube. Making a nice chicken noodle soup. You're supposed to drop those into a cauldron for a party, dude. Yeah. Jesus Christ. And honestly, I feel like some of the most impact that we made is those dudes that are working 16 hour shifts, far from home, sleeping on the floor. We're just giving them energy drinks and to get through the day. And they. It was funny because you're offering people water and Gatorade. Oh, we're good, we're good. Hey, man, you want an energy drink? Fuck yeah, I do. Like, they don't get to leave and go to convenience stores. Like, oh, also. Also kindest thing. I'm going to glaze you guys one more time because you need to know, this is incredible. So we go out to eat at a steak restaurant, and these lovely people are like, oh, yeah, we heard what you did. We know who you are. They comp the entire meals, and then you guys tip, like, $400 to the people of this restaurant. Good deeds. Not on camera. Is very rare from streamers these days because there's a lot of who are like, oh, I'm gonna go do. I'm gonna go do some charity. Yo, Chad, check out me doing this shit. Right now, they will only do good. Stream. Good deeds on stream. But if you call me a streamer again, you're gonna have to beat my ass. Thank you. Are we shiny? Yeah. Okay. I just looked at. I was like, everyone okay? Little glaze. That's a dude. The tip. Tip your. Tip your servers. Unless they suck, then don't tip them. But I will say, I fucking hate tip culture, bro. I think it's so bullshit. I understand that. Control. It's. It. You know, we have to operate within the confines of American culture. But, I mean, it would be nice if employers would just pay their employees. All right, Reservoir Dogs. The line was when Subway started asking me for a tip. That was. That was the line for me. Subway asks for tips now? Yes. That's crazy. No. Sandwich artist, as far as I'm concerned, I'm the manager in this situation. I mean, to be fair, like, I told you exactly what to do. I watched you do it the entire time. Did you tip me for telling you how to build it? It's everything deserves a tip. Now. They'll just turn the machine around. You'll like. I just. I bought groceries. I. We went to that one store that's near the house, the head shop, and they have tip on there. Seriously? Yeah. Oh, dear God. Yeah. Like, I don't understand. If your job is to sit at the counter. Like, if it's. If it's somebody that, like, you're a server, you're running around, you're grabbing, you're putting orders back in the kitchen, you're running out to the tables, you're running around, you're being super polite and everything. Yeah. Tip the fuck out of that person. Like, that's awesome. If your job is to ring things up and then just, like, hand me an iPad and look me in the eyes, like, that's. That's bizarre. Yeah. That didn't. That didn't used to happen either. Last couple years, no. I get confused on. Even if, like, an electrician or, like, an AC repair dude comes, I'm like, do I still tip him? Because, no, he was not. I don't know. Here's 20 extra dollars. Yeah. You know how many electricians just unfollowed you because of that? Did it for 10 years? Guess how many tips I got? Nine. Really? Okay. Really? Zero. I need to stop tipping. Yeah, you're right. Because I just had a guy come to redo my lawn, and it was like, he paid me $3,000 for the service. I'm like, is that enough? Or, like, do I give him an extra 10%. How does this work where you don't come back to my house and break my windows because you know where I live now? So, yeah, I tipped him $300. Is that crazy? I give him 10% extra. Maybe I'm an idiot tip. I don't know. I'll tip on services like that. When it, like, for example, a couple, like, neighborhood kids came, like, and they're like, kids, like young teenagers just came and asked if they could cut my lawn. Sure. Yeah. All right. I can't stand that, bro. I can't see people come to my house and offer me, bro. It's like. It's like I'm getting ads in real life. So annoying. Like, I'll just be streaming. Slam the door on these kids that are trying to, like, make a hustle. And you're just like, this is why got the Brave browser, these things called LRDRs. Long Range Discrimination Radar. Oh, that's like us, Cody Rich. Yeah, Cody, you and I do long range discrimination. That's only in, like, underprivileged neighborhoods. Everything. You were beat cops. That's short range. It's, you know, it's. He's. He's still got it. Because we were driving through Texas the other day, and he was just like, minority. And then he locked the doors, and I was like, yeah, he's got it, dude. The silhouettes that you guys shoot at in training, the color that. What do we call them? I'm gonna get a water. Anybody need anything? No, no. Like. Like, just stop eating. I'm sorry. No, no, you're good. You're on your tism right now. I have never seen anyone bully. Bully people so well on Twitter. Like, I thought. I thought I was good at bullying people on Twitter, but when people start talking about missiles and attacking the United States or attacking other countries, you're like, no, honestly, I learned from you. So I. I will say that I got Twitter when Brandon was running for office because you guys were in a knockdown, drag out battle with. With his opponent. And I was like, I just want to watch. And then I watch you of all people. I started seeing what Cody was saying on Twitter and I was like, I could do. Do that. I can do that. And now, now me and you are tag teaming Iran. It's my favorite pastime. Like, honestly, more than any social media I open on my phone, Twitter is number one. I'm just like, all right, let's see whose day I can ruin. Let's just scroll through this. It's my favorite pastime. I love how they're parading around. Like, the Iranian military is like parading around, cripples, information. They're just like, we could up the United States. I'm just like, dude, you guys are the people that, like, are the tutorial of the game we actually want to play. I. I broke it down mathematically because I did a video, USA versus. It's my USA versus the World Series, and it was versus Gaza. And what I ended up doing for most of the video was talking about the history of Gaza and Israel. And frankly, the more I read, the less I know who the fuck it belongs to. I have no idea why everyone wants to kill each other for that chunk of land, but you know, like, beautiful area. Yeah, I guess. But Gaza is. I originally I was like, let's just see if I can prove this mathematically. How fast did the US Take Iraq? Okay, we took it in X amount of days. Was like 33 days. How many square miles is Iraq? Was like 7,000 square miles. Okay, how far. How big is Gaza? 141 square miles. I was like, okay, let's do some math. Break this down. 26 minutes. By the way, United States could take Gaza in 26 minutes. That was on my list of shit to look up. I mean, it's. Whoppers will be ready. To be fair, in actuality, it's taken Israel a few thousand years. That's fair. Don't make those people mad. Brandon. Come on. I was gonna say, I feel like those people is worse. What are they gonna do? Donate millions of dollars against his political campaign? God forbid. Like a pack of them. A super pack of them. No, I don't know how much of that we can even keep. That would. I'm gonna get another water that I'm not gonna get. Just put black bars over Brandon's eyes. Redacted. Brandon. Yeah, he just pops up and it goes away. Punished. Brandon. But jumping back to the golden dome. So is it. You know, a lot of people ask me like, is this. Is this realistic? Okay, first of all, you gotta understand, we're the United States of America. Anything we want to do is realistic. Like, we just. We do shit because we can. We have a knife missile. We have just like crazy amounts of shit that the United States has built. And it's just like, why not? Like, that's kind of the. The US mentality. So is it going to be expensive? Yes. However, the goal is to build a network of sensors that all talk to each other now. Sensors that talk to each other and say, hey, I see this here is an easy thing. The world has that. But sensors that say, hey, I'm looking at this thing. I need you to fire your missile and guide it until it's within my radar fan. It's like we were talking about last time with the relay race of like, sensors and missiles. Imagine like you're a sniper and you have spotters all along your path. And every time, like, you squeeze the trigger, your spotter, as it gets into their, their flight path, takes control of that round and guides it where it needs to go. It's the same principle. It's a really difficult concept. Is it possible? Yes, absolutely. But then we get into, like, what is considered. And this is the part of my job that I really hate. It's kind of like playing God. We do what's called a CVT assessment. Criticality, Vulnerability and threat. Threat. Now, is Pawtucket's farm in Pennsyl Tucky, Iowa, important? Yes, because we need sustenance for our forces. However, is it important as where we build bullets, bombs, ships, things like that? No, it's not as important in the short term. So we need to protect those assets more. It's kind of like the fight club thing of like where they do the mathematics on, you know, is it more expensive to do a recall versus the lawsuits on the people they kill? Exactly. Like, hey, D Day's happening at this time. But then it keeps getting delayed and pushed back. And your adrenaline trying to sleep during this, 72 hours. How long did that take before from time of mission supposed to happen to when actually D Day happened? Well, I'll start from scratch. Okay, there's something to. I'm going to tell you. The next thing I'm going to tell you is. Never heard that before in my life that you could do that. How do you think Eisenhower got over there to D Day? I was on the same ship as Eisenhower. No doubt. That's wild. I came over on the command ship. Can you believe that? I have to ask, what was Eisenhower like? I never got to talk to him. But later in the war, the Battle of the Bulge, I'm going to jump up there for one reason. The Germans cut us off. I was in on the start of the Battle of the Bulge. They cut us off. I was at Upens, Belgium. Then there was the, the massacre at Malmedy. That's why the Germans had captured these 100 and some Americans that were observers, artillery observers or something and had them in the ditch. It was snowing. And when those tanks went by, this Lt. Col. Pfeiffer ordered his tanks to use the machine guns on the guys as they rolled on by them. That was a massacre of Melbourne. I have seen quite a bit and I observed quite a bit. And I tell you, you. You never find somebody that has been through me, what I've gone through. I'm kind of proud of it now. But it always seemed like I was in on everything. And then you guys beached. On D day, I got off the ship. I was the first one into the landing craft. So I sat by the pilot. This way, they come down these rope ladders carrying £74. Plot down alongside this boy. I don't think he was 17 years old yet. He was in the Navy. He was the Navy pilot and he was to take us in. So we'd stand about waist deep. He got a little scared. He let us off early. We were right up to our neck and holding your rifle up above. And then you start going up across an ocean that is loaded with landmines. We were told we'd be crossing about 1 million land mines that Hitler had planted there. Come to find out, when they cleaned those up, there was a million and a half. We received a lot of small arms fire from the shore. It didn't bother me one bit. I was afraid of stepping on a landmine. I went through six battles. I never got a scratch. So I could get a Purple Heart. That's extra time off. Our Eli Cuevas, the extra time off recipient. And I didn't get extra time off because I went to the wrong aid. When I got shot, I went to the wrong aid station. So I was at work. The next day I had a mission. The next day I got shot in the leg. Oh, see what I mean? When you. So that's one thing in your book. You said you followed other people. You would follow the footprints up the shore. Oh, did I ever, Man. Man, I said, that's smart. That's very smart. I'm in line from just one of those landing craft, infantry. There are 30 of us on there. Think how many of those guys are going in in lines. You're looking over there, that line. There's a squirrel of water, shoots up in the air. Somebody stepped on a landmine. Is that something you thought about before you landed? You thought, I'm gonna go up behind the guy who's already gone through. We had a rope to go. I was on Easy Red. I got off of the. And went over to Easy Red Road. That's killing us. Whole line. And I'm going through there and I come out without A scratch. More people were killed on Easy Red than any other landing. How come I didn't get killed? How come I didn't even get a scratch? I got down closer to shore and I had two MG42 machine guns from opposite sides of the cliffs. And suckers were trying to kill me. So I got them behind that 68 inch stone burl that protected me. They'd bounce those bullets off of that thing. So I dug out a cigarette, put it in my mouth, reached for my notches. They were wet. Figures. So I sensed a soldier to my left behind and I hollered, hey buddy, have you got a match? I got no answer. So I looked back there, there was no head under the helmet. And God, at that exact moment, it's like the soul of that soldier was saying, get up and get out of there right now. And I did. You may think this is strange, but those two machine guns shot off at just that time. I don't know whether to refill, put in more bullets or change barrels or something. I got up and ran. And then they started again. I was 5 foot 7. I weighed 120 pounds. And I thought, these soldiers aren't used to shooting at toothpicks. I really thought that that woman's gonna be wandering around your house looking for signs of other females and she's gonna be like finding all of Connor's hats that are strewn about. Who's this bitch with the tiny head? Holy shit, Connor showed up. Hey, Connor's here. Trout showed up. Calvin. What did you call his tiny cowboy hat? When I put it on, I, I saw the, the comments, called it the Yalmuka. Sorry, we all have giant heads. Connor. 38 is a normal sized human head, you freaks. By the way, we found King Trout again. He managed to wander back into. Would you like to come say hello or do you just want to shout from the cheap seats? I literally woke up five seconds ago, walk, woke up, wandered out of the cornfield. Now he's here and he's angry. Yeah, no, because you insulted my head size. Guys. You got that bad head right now. Carter's back. Good morning. Good morning. Drinking drought. It's 4:10pm I have like this potentially false notion. It hasn't been disproven yet, but I have a theory, you know what's, what's that thing that little kids have object permanence where like if they can't see it, it doesn't exist in my brain. I assume if I can't visually see you, you're sleeping. I'm God. Sleepy as soldier brother. Thank you. Thank you. GI Jane shared the gospel of the story of the five minutes that I thought I was God on Earth. So I was in high school and I was dating this chick, beautiful girl. And there was this guy who I'm not going to say the name of just because I don't think I should. And this guy was alleged to be the son of a drug lord from Juarez. And I don't want to fuck with that guy now, given he's a little guy. He's like, you know, two years younger than me. He's a little guy. I could have beaten the shit out of him, but I didn't because I'm not trying to get my throat slit and found in a fucking ditch. And then being told, oh, he probably himself. I fear that every day. He probably killed himself. His face was stitched on a soccer ball in Mexico City. What the fuck do you mean? He must have been really bored, really hated himself. So this guy skinned himself with a potato peeler. What the fuck? This guy would, like, hit on my girl. He would slap her ass in front of me, and I could not do shit. And I was so angry because usually if somebody fucks with me, I can do something about it. You're a big guy. He's a tall guy. Yeah. And I've always been a very large guy. And, well, I just finished watching a show called Death Note, so what do I do? I ordered a death Note. God, you watched anime a lot. Yes, I did this. Yes, I did. I ordered a Death Note to my house. He got there about two weeks later, and I remember he did it again. So I go home, like, in tears because I'm so fucking angry. And I don't. I didn't know what to do to feel better, so I'm like, insert name here. Dies of a heart attack in math class at this hour, right? So the next day, I go to school, balloons everywhere, and there's a big banner that says his name on the front of the school. And I'm like, it's this fucking guy's birthday. We have to celebrate this piece of shit. Like, I don't even want to show up, right? And then I go, and I see these three girls, and they're crying, and I'm like, what's going on? They say he died. This guy died. Apparently he got shot up in, like, Juarez during a drug deal, right? And I sit there and I think, I'm. God, I think that I'm the main character. Now, I want to ask you, what do you think I did? I would have wrote a couple names down. Like, one could be a flu. I get through the day, I go home, immediately, open up that book, and I write down my history teacher's name. Jesus Christ. I go to school the next day, he's fine, but. But for that day, swear to God, I was. I was like, oh, man, I'm about to just wreak havoc on this school. You are the. Like, you're. That's all. You didn't have any grandmaster plans. Like, oh, killed so many teachers. You are the embodiment, the actual life use case for, like, why the Death Note could not be a thing. I know. Oh, my God. Holy. The most powerful I've ever felt in my entire life. Oh, my God. I was literally, like, giggling in class. It was so bad, bro. Like, holy. So bad. He's doing that evil laugh. Yeah. While he's running. You're just giggling about it in class later, your teacher's like, hey, that's enough out of you, John. You're like, watch your mouth. That's sort of you. Holy. Yeah. That's fucking wild. He told that story of brunch. I'm like, Eli wasn't paying attention. Eli Death Note story. I'm glad I wasn't. That is amazing. Oh, there was another story I wanted to share with you guys. It's kind of embarrassing. It was the first time. Oh, my God. This is so lame. This is the first time I ever tried myself. I was in third grade. Started young. Yeah. Very young. And you know, my early bird gets the worm. Yeah, I was. I had, you know. You guys know Pokemon? Sorry, I'm gonna have to cut that. Yeah, leave it in if you want early birds. I. I used to be heavily addicted to Pokemon. Still am. Still play Pokemon Go every day. You had that little thing in your pocket that plays Pokemon Go for you? Yeah, I have this thing. I bought this mod. It's probably bannable, but they don't know who I am. It's like a. It's a modded Pokemon Go thing that just plays the entire game for me. It's awesome and it throws great balls and ultra balls and spins the stop. So I just get hella exp. Even when I'm not even playing the game. Well, yeah, I had this squirtle. He has a girlfriend. What's your excuse? Anyway? It's very easy to be. To get a girlfriend. Just as a quick side note, if you just give a shit about what they're saying and you don't look at them like they're just like a fucking body. That's more than what 99% of dudes do on this earth. They just actually give a fuck about them and just listen to. To what they say and be there for them, and it's pretty easy, you know what I mean? I don't know. I don't know how people struggle. My rule of thumb is treat them like your guy friends. You will see how far that gets. Because then you just treat them with a normal conversation. Say, hit them. That's the only thing don't get you. Your beard. Put her in the arm bar. She didn't lie. I'm an equality kind of guy. Yeah, I had this squirtle that you used to. It was bugged in the factory. It only spoke Spanish, and it kept on saying the f. Slur. Wait, like in a game or. No, it's like a toy. Pokemon used to be my life, and my entire life, I was like, when I grow up, I'm gonna be a Pokemon master. Right? Well, it took me until third grade to know that Pokemon don't exist, but I thought that you just had to move to Japan, and that's where all the Pokemon were. And so I had no life goal. So I sat in my kitchen on the ground with a butter knife on my neck, trying to kill myself, and my entire family walked into me doing this, and they just laughed at me, like, what the fuck are you doing? And I'm like, I'll never be a Pokemon master. This is Big Doug, level two. Doug, level two. Doug is here. God. Now I need to find that Medieval fights, because that was. It'd be the peasants versus one medieval night. And it's not scripted, so it is. You guys just go and take each other down. The only time you're dead is if they, like, pin you down and, like, stab you with a, like, dull knife. Just like real life. Yeah. But otherwise. Oh, this is. There's a really good movie on Netflix. It's. I think it's a Netflix original. It's Matt Damon and Adam Driver. Oh, my God. Yeah. Oh, that's based off of the two. Is that based on real life? That's. Yeah, that is. Oh, really? I didn't know that. Yeah, that is actually the movie. So good. This is the one that came out, like, a couple years ago. Yeah, it came out a couple years ago. And, like, the whole concept of the movie is, like, Matt Damon and Adam Driver are, like, best friends, and they're, like, the top knights that get sent out by the king to go like, conquer. Yeah. And eventually Adam Driver's character becomes more of, like, the political guy that stays back home and, like, does the political side. And Matt Damon is like the conqueror out in the field, like, just being gritty and gnarly. And he, like, kind of builds a little bit of resentment. And Adam Driver has the hots for Matt Damon's wife, and he ends up forcing himself upon her. And on what, though? That's what's crazy. That is the different narration of it. And that's what actually happened. One was, oh, he graped me. The other was like, no, it was okay. No, this. And so all three stories, and they tell it really well. Adam. Adam Driver was like, no, she wanted it. And she's like, no, she didn't. So there's ambiguity of what happened kind of thing. Yeah, But Matt Damon is like. Matt Damon basically goes to his wife and is like, just like, basically, did you cheat on me or not? Because I'm going to kill this guy if he didn't. And she's like, I didn't cheat on you. And he challenged Adam Driver to a. Basically a duel to the death to. To determine if he was guilty. And it. The movie ends with Matt Damon and Adam Driver having a night fight to the death, and it devolves into, like, a real knife fight of, like, swords and axes aren't effective on plate armor. We're having a grappling match with daggers. We're punching each other with gauntlets. Teeth are falling out. And then I stab you in the leg, and then I'm stabbing you in the crotch. So basically, like, both. Both of them die. No, one of them does. I'll let you watch the movie. Oh, one of them definitely dies. I'm just thinking, like, in. In what. What year is this roughly? 1600 14. 1600. I don't know. Nights. Yeah, this is knights and plate armor Times. Bacteria is still magic. Yeah. So it's like after you get stabbed in the femoral and, you know, just, like, cut in 18 different places while you're in, like, pig shit mud. Dude. The wife. The wife, they just lock her up and put her on a pedestal. It's like, hey, if your husband dies, we're hanging you and burning you. It's like, yeah, if your husband dies, like, you're getting burned for lying. So it was like. And she was pregnant at the time, too. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Straight up, like bowser, Princess Peach. Yeah, she lost no matter what. Like, that was the crazy thing. It was like the wife and they're like, what a And then the other side's like, whoa. Oh. Well, either way, she has to stand up here and stand in front of the court and watch this battle. Her husband's gonna die. But if the husband wins. She was in a line. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. But it tells. Like, that's what's crazy. It's all three perspectives. So her perspective is like, oh, I'm getting graped. And then the Matt Damon's perspective. He doesn't like his wife. It's like he, like, hit her honor kind of thing. Or like. Like it's back in the day when it was like, she's property. So he like, slaps her. It's like, why'd you let the grape happen? Like, hits her. Why don't you fight? Wild sentence. Yeah, dude, it's a wild movie. But it's really good. We used to be a proper country. Well, this was. That wasn't our country. I don't care, dude. Same principles apply. Cody's like, let's go back to prima nocta. That was pretty cool. Yeah, dude, like. Like public hangings. My. The town I graduated high school in had one of the last public hangings in the U.S. really? Oh, you know, last or two weeks ago, we just had the first public execution with a fire, gunfire. Yeah. Since like 20. 2010, at least. They did one a while back in Idaho, but this was like the first one in a while, you know, I mean, the guy was a shithead, but he was basically. He was like, I don't want to die by injection because it's. They mess it up sometimes. I. I don't want to die, like, by getting electrocuted, because that would suck. Yeah, that would suck. Yeah. He's like, I just want to get shot. 105 howitzer. If you just. If I had a choice. And I'm like, you're gonna die, but okay, let some buddies get some YouTube. Oh, yeah, for sure. And then stand me in front of the one. Jamie, pull up the Garand thumb clip. Not the body. I want my head. Oh, don't. It don't matter. Nothing would make me happier than the last thing I see is some drive tanks guy bore sighting in the back for. Yeah. Don't move. The last thing you hear is ears. You still go like this. Your arms are standing there still. You just breathe forever. Your head's gone. Jesus. Dude, I really don't understand how we don't have not. Not even public execution, but public humiliation these days. The flogging. Yeah. We're like, if you steal from your neighbor the town we're gonna. We're gonna let the town come by and just throw vegetables at you. The town I. And no one's gonna steal after that. The town I graduated high school in Charles City, Iowa. I think they had a public hanging in like 1959. Like, it was one of the most recent ones. There was a dude, I think he was. It was either murder or sexual assault. And basically. So, like, in the town, there's a river that runs midway through the town. There's two bridges. It's literally the courthouse. And like 80ft outside the courthouse door, which is also the jail, is one of the bridges, like Main street bridge. Apparently like 200 people just showed up to the jail one night. And we're like, we're taking that. You letting him do. Are you letting us do it or are we gonna make you let us do it? And the jailers were like. Like, I guess you're taking him. And they walked him outside and threw him over the side of the bridge. Based Also think you make great first impressions. Don, we've already hired you to beat the out of our interns. You're hr. It's official. Well, you'd hire anybody for that. Come on. Like, the opening line wins. Fen could up a two car funeral. That's on a good day. You're gonna die like what I do, dog. So I asked you at breakfast, you got two daughters? Yeah. To which I immediately said, what was. What was it like the first time they brought a boy home and you got kicked out of the house already? Kicked out of the house? Yeah. Who's your dad? No one we'll talk about later. Tell me your dad's name. Why would you tell me your dad's name? His nickname's the Predator. Well, the last name of Fry should give some concern. Oh, man. Oh, hell, mate. You got kicked out? I got kicked out. Yeah. My youngest daughter, her. I guess they. They don't talk about it, you know, cuz my youngest daughter, her boyfriend didn't know anything about me, you know, for a while, until. Till my friend says, do you know who her dad is and what he did? Nope. Sit down. Let me show you this dvd. Him walking into your house, seeing like a trophy here and a ribbon there, and just like. I don't have. I don't have those. You don't? No. No. They all disappeared in the divorce. A lot of my. A lot of. Of my ship. More than half of be very. Oh, more than half. That had to be. I'd be happy. A rude awakening, though, for for that guy. Yeah. Oh, I'm alive because he wills it to be so. I can't break up with her. I tell you what, if they can handle my. My daughters, then I'm nothing. I tell you. Imagine getting compared to your father in law like that your whole life. Yeah. You know, my dad would have done blah blah, blah, blah, blah. I bet my dad can beat your dad up. I know. I got it. I understand that you have no rebuttal other than that there was. There's one such a funny picture. It was like a normal dude's Instagram. He had like 50 followers. Normal guy's Instagram bigger, stockier black dude. And he's OB Very obviously at like a middle school wrestling tournament. Sitting on the chair, on the mat, coaching his kids. And he just takes a selfie like this. And in the background is Daniel Cormier looking at the mat and he goes, man, Daniel Cormier is the other team's coach. What the fuck am I supposed to do? Just like went viral. You're screwed. Go home. Right? And I keep getting them sent to my P.O. box. So. Here's your army achievement medal. Jesus Christ. This guy has class A's. They. He has full class A's. Is that what? Nothing. When you walk in. That was made for his. When first. When you first walked into the door. The impressive part. This is the impressive part. I'm going to go ahead and have. Have. Have you read how this gentleman earned this army achievement? He's reading it or I'm reading. Okay, highlighted part. During 80. In an act of selfless service and courage, Spc. Moody decisively acted when an observation post reported a bear quickly approaching their position. Without hesitation, Spc. Moody fixed bayonet on his M4. Bro. What did he do? What the fuck? And proceeded to charge. They misspelled this. This the army, bro. And charged up the hill towards the bear. As Spc. Moody confronted the bear with just his bayonet on his M4, he managed to scare and distract the bear and provide. I was thinking I was going to get to the end of this. And he killed the bear. Bear with his bare hands. He scared it off, provided overwatch as other soldiers evacuated the observation post and returned safely to the company. Talk. What a bunch of homophobes, bro. He didn't kill the bear. Wait, this is legit? Yes. If he. If he went revenant on that bear, I would expect more than just an army achievement medal. That's a real. That's hilarious. Well, that's the thing is you know, they were training, so he didn't have ammunition, so he fixed bayonets and confronted a bear. That is the crazy part. We're rolling, you know. Was it a black bear? Where's this out of? Oh, this isn't a gay guy. Where's it out of? He confronted the beer. No. Is it a black bear? I don't know. I didn't say the bear tried to violently him. Ohio said, probably leather nick and a G suit running at them. Like, to be fair, I would also fix bandheads. That's wild. What year was this? 2021. What? Yeah. April 16, 2021. That sounds like an old World War II story. M4. M4. M4. Yeah. Confronted the bear, bayonet on his M4. I was thinking I was going to get to the end of that. And he. He stabbed the bear? No, he just scared the bear. You get more than an army achievement medal if you kill a bear with a bayonet. That's. Well, it's a black bear. I don't care. Black bears are pretty. They're pretty tame, ain't they? I mean, you see people on the Internet. Black bears are big raccoons, essentially. Yeah. Yeah. It's like bear in the woods or man in the woods? Who would a woman rather get caught with? You just had the showdown right there. I just, like. It's like he managed to scare, distract the bear and provided overwatch as soldiers evacuated. Like, go, go. No one's helping him. They're like, ex. Filling out. It's like a mission. What the. To be fair, if you fixed bayonets and confronted a bear, I would. Would like. I would. Hold on. Let's. He's. He's got this. I don't want to ruin the moment, you know, it's your time to shine. They see me. I'm down 100%. I'm up. He sees me. I want to hear that whole story. There's more to that story than that. Oh, for sure. There's way more to that story than that. So you got a full on. Dude. How many is that now? Oh, God, I don't know. Army achievement medals. Like, 30. He has a fake medal of honor, Clint Romache with it. We've got Clint's challenge going up there still. Damn. Well, someone sent me their grandfather's World War II medals to my P.O. box for him. Straight up. And these are, like, rad accommodations, too. Like, he was a. He was a gunner on a plane, I believe. Yep. Like, smoked a bunch of German planes and. And our buddy sent us sent me. Sent him to my P.O. box. And so Brandon now has World War II medals, which we've, like, specifically asked people, like, okay, I get the joke, and I get. The. Part of the joke is that I'm not supposed. Please don't send me family heirlooms. Please don't send me family heirlooms. I do not want family heirlooms. For the love of God, keep that in your family, because even if you don't give a shit about it, like, your kids might, like, come on. Don't send family heirlooms. But if you have family heirlooms to see and just go steal some from a museum and send them. Yeah. Oh, no. So last night we were. We were doing a party, like, one of. One of the parties here, but it was at the Trump, and a lot of great people in there. We were hanging out with, you know, Matt Best, Don Jr. Was there. Just a bunch of good people just, you know, hanging out, saying, hey, press the flash, and just talking some biz. And time goes that we're like. We wanted to stay there for 15 minutes. We ended up staying for, like, an hour. Good minute. Good minute there. It was bad. Bad. It was a few hours. Well, it was probably more that. Yeah, it doesn't. It doesn't help when Junior's feeding you White Claw. That was funny. Yeah, he's like, I like White Claw. You guys like White Claw? I was like, yeah, dude. Here. Yeah, thank you. Before this meeting started, it was like 30 soft 15, just in and out. But then I watched that, I was like, it wasn't, like, years past, though, which is nice. Like, it wasn't, like, shoulder to shoulder. Like, it was breathable. Yeah, Christian, Craig, Ed was there. Oh, boy. Which one I wrote. Yeah. Yeah. Terry was there, too. Yeah. A bunch of. Just a bunch of good people. But anyway, we're. We're all, like, bailing out. We're fucking tired. It's like, okay, we need to leave. And I'm staying there this year. So I went and I doordashed some McDonald's or whatever. Something nice and safe so you don't get food poisoning. Yeah, McDonald's safe. Cody, we have so many stories. Oh, no. But I go, like, my doordash is there. And apparently, because, you know, Don Jr. And everybody's there. Like, the security, like, they cut it off. So, like, I had to go meet the doordash driver, run out the street, grab the McDonald's. I get back to the room, and I open it up. I'm like, they fucked up my Order. I wake up this morning and I go and check the bag and it says, I'm not gonna say the name, but it's a name that's not me. And I was like, like, ooh, maybe they didn't up the the order. Maybe I just stole somebody's McDonald's. And then I'm telling the story this morning at breakfast. Yeah, so. So Junior's assistant. So we're sitting in the lobby to tell you what's happening. Brandon and I were sitting in the lobby and Brandon goes to get his McDonald's. And so Junior's assistant comes out and he's like, oh, is Brandon leaving? I was like, no, he's grabbing his McDonald's. He's like, oh, I'm grabbing at McDonald's for Junior. I was like, okay, cool. He was like, yeah, Junior just really wanted some McDonald's. He just wanted some McDonald's for him and his friend. Like, whatever. Brandon stole TRUMP Jr's. McDonald's. Oh, dude, Don, I am so sorry. God, we did find out. Cody's like, wait, what you. Because I guess Brandon, you walked by Cody's like, good night, Good night. And then the sister was like, yeah, oh, someone stole our McDonald's. Guilty, guilty, guilty. Cuz like, I went out to go be. I'm like, I. My thing said like, okay, your. Your Uber is here. Like, okay, cool. Like, oh, yeah, gra. Who else is going to be here ordering McDonald's at this hour of night? Come on. And it turns out Don Jr. Is the love for McDonald's runs in the family, apparently. Apparently. Yeah, well, it's like Brandon's like, well, the name said this. It goes like. Yep, that's. This. This is his name. And then like, so thanks for inviting us to your party. I'm so sorry we nabbed your McDonald's. Yeah, so Jack's like, hey, dude. And I'd been friends with Jack, actually. Jack and I were roommates. I moved into his guest house for like, I don't know, a year and a half and lived in his guest house. Great shooter too. Great guy. I mean, dude, Jack can tell you some stories. I mean, Jack was, you know, partying at like 14 years old on Sunset with Paris Hilton. And dude, he's got some crazy stories. He put it this way, he was in rehab at 18. Literally in rehab. But so Jack's like, hey, dude, you wanna. You wanna come, you know, Guard Ozzy, or, you know, my dad and I forgot the show that they were doing called the World Detour, which I don't Know if you ever saw it. It was a great show on Nat Geo, I believe. Don't quote me on that. Maybe Discovery. I don't remember. And basically it was just them doing. It's just Jack and Ozzy driving around, basically doing. Learning history and kind of doing cool stuff. I don't know how else to describe it. And Ozzy, by the way, Ozzy is a huge military history fanatic, by the way. Like, Aussie loves military history. I remember showing up one time, Aussie opens the door and he's like, that's a good version. Pull a text. I'm watching Vietnam and hd and we go inside and Jack and I watch freaking Vietnam and HD for like four hours with Ozzy. And like, he knew his stuff anyways, so that's amazing. I was like, sure, dude, I'll come and. And you know, I was doing bodyguarding. I come too. So now I'm bodyguarding. I'm bodyguarding. Dude, You should. You should absolutely have Jack on the show. He can tell you stories 100%. Blow your mind. Jack and Ozzy more than welcome on White Sabbath. So basically freaking the I'll tell the Mars one because it's pretty crazy. So what the. The guy who's wrecking. Just stop. Just. What's it called? The. Houston. Houston. We have a problem. NASA. The guy who ran NASA at Houston, I guess, was a huge Black Sabbath fan. So somehow they got in contact. Thought you were gonna say Nazi. But he also mad Operation Paperclip Mother. That's more on the coover. So then you names work at convention centers after. So he invites Ozzie and Jack to. To Houston to the. The NASA. You know, whatever. The Space Center. I think it's called the NASA Space center down there. Basically carte blanche, dude. Do whatever you want and film it. So they do all kinds of stuff. We got a great tour. Jack and I literally talked to an astronaut for like two hours. It was awesome. It was a great. I learned a lot. Well, one of the things they had Ozzy do was drive the Mars Rover. And I'm not joking. They put Ozzy Osbourne in control of the Mars Rover on Mars? No. Sort of. Oh, no, no. That it's here. Right. So basically I didn't know if it was just like remotely pilot. You're joking right now, but you're not. It's cold. I'm blind believe it was called the Mars Rover. If it wasn't, then that's. If it's. Yeah, but it's this vehicle built for Mars. It's not A, it's a driveable. It's actually more like. And we can look it up on the episode or you guys can, but it's basically the Mars truck. It was a truck designed for Mars when humans are there. Oh, and they basically like the Curiosity. No, no, no, not the Curiosity. I think they called it the Mars. You see it and drive it. Yeah, but it's actually like an suv. Mars suv. I forget what they was. And they basically had built, you know, in, outside. They built this, you know, four football field size area that had red dust and rocks and it looks like Mars. And obviously, you know, they built it. So they put Ozzy in there. Now the best part is I'm. I'm staying. I'm not in the vehicle. In the vehicle is like the guy who knew the vehicle the best. Ozzy and Jack, right? They're all mic'd up. We're you know, 200 yards away. And I said they could, it could go over anything. And I'm standing with like six engineer straight up nerds from NASA, right, that like built the thing and the producer and you know, a couple other people. And we're listening, we can hear everything. And it's like. Yeah, so this vehicle is incapable of getting stuck. All right? We call this foreshadowing. And that's the thing is this whole sequence was like, it was planned. I was there, dude. This sequence was not planned. They were like, it's, it's, it's like the unsinkable Molly Brown. This, this vehicle cannot get stuck, etc. It's got six wheels. Each one's independent suspension. Each one has its own front and reverse. And they just, they're going on about how what an engineering marvel this vehicle is, right? And so I can just picture Aussies like, okay, challenge accepted. Right? And these engineers are like whispering, yeah, yeah, he's going to. You know, there's nothing. It's, it's, it's unstoppable. It's the best thing ever. And they're just whispering in the background. Some. They let that guy drives around a little bit, then they give the controls for Ozzy. I shit you not. For whatever fucking reason these guys put in this area a rock as big as this fucking table just in the middle of the fucking thing. Now Ozzy starts driving about 100 yards away from it. How fast does this thing go? Not very fast, but not slow. You know, it's like maybe 15 miles an hour bicycle speed. Fast enough for you to know where this is going. I'm watching it Drive. And it just occurs to me, he's gonna head straight for that fucking rock right now. It's also pretty obvious to me that no one had ever headed straight for that rock, right? It's there as like, hey, that's an obstacle, obviously. Drive around it, right? No one's like that. That rock is obviously that. Everyone goes around it. You would obviously go around it. Well, you tell Ozzy that thing can go over anything. He's gonna freaking go over anything. So he's driving straight at it. And it occurs to me, I'm like, oh, shit, this is not gonna work out. Well, the engineers in behind me as it gets about 50 yards away, or like, he's not. No, no. And I'm like, oh, yes, he is, dude. He hits that thing straight on, it starts going up, and you just start hearing the whispering. Oh, it'll be fine. Yeah. Oh, this is gonna take that. No one's ever went over that before. Yeah, but it's designed for it. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he freaking goes up on it, and then he gets on top of it, and then nothing. And, dude, the panic starts very slowly. It's like one engineer going, it'll be off in a second. It'll be off in a few seconds, right? And it just starts building. And, like, over the course of a minute, you just hear these engineers go from, like, absolute confidence to absolute panic. They're like, oh, my God, no way did he, like. And by the way, I'm missing a piece. I should have said in the beginning. In the beginning, it. I forget how much, but it was, like a crazy amount of money, like $5 billion that they had spent on this vehicle, right? It was an insane GDP of a small country. It was about government. It was. Yeah, it was an obscene amount of money, right? And, dude, these guys just start freaking out. He's on it for. You know, I don't know. I just have to watch the episode. He's on it it for, like, two minutes and ain't moving at all. And it's this huge boulder. It looks ridiculous. It's just, like, balanced on top of it. Meanwhile, one of the Doge guys is watching this podcast, just like, Mars Truck no go, right? And so, long story short, they finally freaking, you know, he has to give control over to the engineer. And that guy, like, adjusts the pressure, deflates the time. I mean, he. It literally was on there for, like, three minutes, and finally he got it off. But, dude, like, Ozzy stuck the Mars freaking rover. No doubt about it. I watched it Happen. It's a. It was a great episode, dude, you gotta see it. So the FBI story real quick. Yeah, that was a secondary. Yeah, well now that was ones we have. That was all in build up. Right. All right. So the FBI story is we're at the FBI. So somehow Jack and the producers convinced them to go to the FBI. Again, random. So I'm at the FBI academy again. This is what, like Quantico? Yeah, Quantico. Yeah. And we found out when you're friends with certain people. Yeah. You can go anywhere. World choicers. Redacted. Redacted. We're at the FBI academy and they're doing all this different stuff that showed some history stuff. Stuff the guns, all this. And now we're at the. Which is pretty famous, which is the FBI's quote unquote, Hogan's Alley. Right? So it's like their little tactical training portion, which is very world renowned, right. And so their. Their shooting instructor starts. Or this guy starts doing this briefing and he's like, yeah, so you know, this is our Hogan's Alley. Basically they were showing like the FBI's training process, right? And they start saying like, okay, so this is our Hogan, Sally. It's very famous. And this is like the hardest part of the shooting call for the FBI. Which is true. Or at least I'm told. And then he's like, you know, and this is our lead shooting instructor. Now here's a huge mistake that he made. He's like, this is our leading shooting instructor. He is the best shooter at the FBI. Like, he's the lead shooting instructor. Nobody could beat him. He's just amazing. And I'm like. And Ozzy Osbourne beat him? No. So then they go. So then he goes. So then he goes, You're not far off. So then they go. So then they go, you know who here. Now we're going to do a little bit of training. Who here wants to volunteer? Well, it's. Jack and Ozzy are the only two people on the show. So Ozzy's like Jack. So I want to shoot the big gun. It was pretty obvious to me that no one on the show briefed the FBI that Jack is a great shooter. Oh, he's a really good shooter. I've shot with Jack a million times. In fact, Jack and I, that's how we met. We met shooting on. On the range. So Jack is a really legit shooter. He's also really good at jiu jitsu, right? So and to give reference when you're decent shot, how many rounds have you practiced probably shot in your. Me? Yeah. Oh, I. I don't know. I used. I literally used to shoot a thousand rounds a day. That's. That's no joke. When it was free. When it was free. Yeah, that's. That is the big indicator. A certain time period of his life. Free. For me. I used to shoot a thousand rounds a day. Yeah, that's true. And to be fair, I'd rather spend the money as a taxpayer making sure you can train with free ammo than $5 billion on a truck that you st os crashes into a rock. I love. Don't get me wrong. Don't get me wrong. I love Crazy Train, but I don't want him driving the mars road. If they were smart over the episode, they should have played Crazy Train over the freaking thing. They could have got the license. So basically obvious. It was obvious to me that no one told the FBI that Jack is like a really good shooter. So, you know, Jack's like, oh, you know, I'll do it. And I mean, dude, if you could have seen the. It's on camera. But the FBI that. The agent that was like the shooting instructors, dude, he was just so, so confident. You know what I mean? Like, oh, this Hollywood, you know, music royalty, rich kid. I'm gonna smoke this guy. He's like. So they get Sims Pistols, Sims, Glocks, right? And they're doing four. Again, we. I'd have to watch the episode. I don't remember exactly, but I'm sitting there. Oh, here's a critical part for the sake of the audience. Simunition, like synthesis. Oh, yeah, sorry. So it's. It's a. I believe they were using Glock 19s, if I remember correctly. Using it was either Sims or ftx. Forza Force, I don't remember. But it's basically shooting a paint. A plastic paint bullet for lack of a term. So the gun. And they fucking hurt more than a doll. They do hurt, but they function. It's a real gun, just has a Sims barrel. And obviously Sims bullets. Right? And which have a. Generally a. Well, it's a unique casing, but it's a plastic bullet with paint in the plastic and. Or a variation, depending on the brand. So they get the gun and I. I'm with the lead producer and I just like, see this and I just saw. I based everything. First of all, I knew how good Jack was, but I saw the FBI dude, his overconfidence, and I just went to the producer and I go, mark my words, Jack's gonna beat this guy. And they set up four drills, and I don't even remember what they are. They do the first one dude, out of four drills, again, you know, clock the show for accuracy. From what I remember of the four drills, Jack won, I believe three out of the four. And the one, if I'm not mistaken, that the FBI agent won. He cheated. How'd he cheat? He shot. I'm trying to remember, but he did something that wasn't in the rules. I don't remember what it was, but it was like. I don't remember what it was, but I just remember. I remember watching it and being like that. That wasn't in the rules. Right? But this again, the one he won after he lost, then he started getting panicking and worried, and then he started cheating. But the other part is. The other best part is one of the four drills. I think on one of the ones he lost, the FBI agent shot the cameraman. Yeah, with sims. With the sims. Maybe he was. Hey, maybe he was a little bit. Maybe he was a little bit rusty. Dear God. How did he shoot the cameraman? Miss? Jack went wide and shot the cameraman. But, yeah, super easy when you have a gun. Jack crushed him. The drills, I. And again, I don't even remember what exactly what they are, but Jack crushed them. And I was just like. I was like, dude, this guy had no idea what he was getting into. Dude, Jack trains a lot. So it was. It was pretty funny. But that was my. I mean, look, man, it comes down to. It's like, you know, you're talking law enforcement, federal law enforcement, you know, anywhere in my experience, it's like, dude, you gotta be humble. And just because you got three letters behind your name or just. Just because you were at a certain unit or agency or whatever, dude, it doesn't make you better than anyone else. You know what I mean? Every case, every person, every situation is unique and individual. And, dude, there are good people in, you know, the higher you get to. In the more prestigious units or three letter places, the less bad people there are. But there's still bad people. There's good people and bad people at every unit, every agency, you know, whatever. And just because you're in a place that maybe has an elite, you know, name or title or image doesn't make you better than everyone else. And anyone can beat you. And there's someone always better. The vast majority of the. The friends or the people that I've met that I have been part of those, like, tier one units and stuff like that. There are some exceptions. Don't get me wrong, but like, those are usually the most laid back, chill guys. They don't have a bunch of shit to prove. Yeah, well, it's. You never know. Yeah, I mean, I, I mean, I, I know, you know, one of my, one of my best friends. I mean, dude, he is the baddest dude in the world. He's done everything. And that's a. You would. If he was here. A shirt that says strong like whiskey. No, but if he was here, you guys, you guys would have no idea. He's just the most chill. Non. You know, it's, it's the, the, the people that you think are, you know, the best among us are the people that you never expect. Warriors, heart, owner. Like, perfect. Yeah. Tom's a machine, dude. Tom is one of the most unassuming humans you will ever, ever meet. And then you talk to him and you're like, oh, yeah, mom, tomorrow had that moment. Last time I was here, we got done filming one podcast. You're like, yeah, we're going to go to the pre range day party for like 30 minutes and we got to come back and film a podcast with Terry. And I was like, okay, dope. Who's Terry? And he's like, oh, it's that guy right over there that was like watching the whole previous podcast. And I was like, okay, dope, nice to meet you, Terry. Blah, blah, come. Who the is Terry? And he's like, oh, he's the guy that saved Captain Phillips. So chill. Like, we hung out with him for the entire day, didn't know a damn thing. Like, obviously you could tell, like, for the look of the guy, okay, he's been there and done some shit, but, like, he'd never be the one to tell you. No, Tom, Tom is that way. I mean, I was in, you know, in. We were in the same military. Well, yeah, I'm trying to get, when you break it down, down. We were in, you know, a smaller unit together is what I'm trying to say. We high fived each other in the hallway. Well, well, we were, you know, a lot of guys, you know, you don't see because you're on opposite, you know, places and you just never see him. But Tom, I, you know, I was with. And he was much closer than other people were. So I saw firsthand. I mean, he's just, he's the baddest dude out there. And again, you would never expect it in a conversation with him, but he's, he's. He's a machine. I, I did, to be honest, Though, if I'm being perfectly honest, while I was there, I thought Tom was like. Like, this guy's way too chill. Like, dude, Tom is. You know what I mean? Yeah. I was like, honestly, I remember back then thinking, man, why is this? And I. Dude, I was young. I was, you know, young. But I just remember, like, how is this guy so stoic? You know, I remember thinking. Thinking that back then. And. And then when I was at Warrior's Heart and I was actually talking to Tom and I kind of talked about. Then, I was like, dude, I didn't know. Because I didn't. I'm like, I didn't know that you got sober, like, I think in the early 2000s, if I'm not mistaken. So I'm like, I didn't know that about you. And that would have. To me, that kind of solved that stoicism mystery of that time. Like, he had already gone through so much personal development, so much personal growth. He was already on, like, another Zen level. Yeah. I haven't even. Not only was I not there, I hadn't even, like. I hadn't even been an asshole yet before. You know what I mean? Like, I still had to become an asshole and then achieve, you know, some level of personal growth. He would already been through the whole thing. So, yeah, he's. He's a great dude. He's a super cool dude. With you, like, AJ with your side. Well, what was one of the stories, like, probably you've heard Tyler or another person tell where you're like, jesus, what the. Man? There's. I mean, there's. There was. Can I say this real quick, though? Okay. You gotta understand, he tells me stories. Like, it's not me saying stories that I'm like, that. He's like, oh, that's crazy. Combat story. I hear his Hollywood stories, bro, and I'm like, that's the craziest shit I've ever heard. My stories are stupid compared to his stories. Tells you what I. Fucking Hollywood stories, bro. How many kids in that basement? No way. So we end up. So I put. I do a man in the middle attack. Allegedly. I should always say allegedly before these things. People always get at me and they're like, you shouldn't admit to this because people will arrest you for this. And I was like, here's the thing. No one will press charges for this, okay? The guy in Nigeria is not gonna press charges with. He doesn't know who I am or where I am, so it really doesn't matter. Also, you're a comedian and everything. You say is an ingest. It is. Of course it is. In jest. Keep that in mind. Anyway, so, yeah, so a man in the middle attack may or may not happen. I pull his username and password. His password is Happy man for life. And you know what? I like a man that's trying to aspire. Happy man for now. Yeah. And that was correct. So I. I'm like, what are the odds he has two factor on low because they create so many of these accounts. So I get into his Google account and I've got access to everything. I turn on his location. I can see which device he's using. I can see his phone. I can see everything. My favorite part is I can see his Google search history. And this dude is the loneliest scammer in the history of scammers. Guys, it was just a freaking list of. Followed by what is Mormon? They were like, he was trying to figure out what. Like he had never met Mormons before and apparently was trying to figure out to scam somebody, I guess. And out of Utah. And so he's googling what is Mormon? Harry Styles height. Niall Horan height. Like Mormon. Yeah, the crossover. He was trying to start a stable of hoes. He was. Yeah. He had his own harem, but it wasn't going well for him. Harry Styles, Mormon gang bang. I'm horrified at how good AI is getting because that's gonna be a prompt at some point. It probably already could be. Oh, we're all horrified. Anyway. Man made horrors beyond our comprehension involving Harry Styles. Yeah, poor Harry Styles. He's not ready for this. Oh, that's taken things in quite a few different directions, not just one. So you had all this information out and now you're like, okay, I have his Google search history, which is absolutely terrible. So, by the way, yeah, I had bait him in. I had pretended be to because I couldn't be the normal accounts that I'm on, which normally like older guys or different types of people. So I became a college girl named Sophie. I was 19. My parents were super overbearing, so. And I just want to talk to Niall about my life. And Niall just wants gift cards from me and for me to set up a crypto trade. Don't know what's going on there. But I send him first off, because he was super rude to Sophie. And I was like, first off, I'm not Sophie. Second off, don't you dare talk to Sophie that way. Okay. That is ridiculous. That is absurd. And I go third. And he goes, I would never be rude to A woman. And I send him his search history and I go, bit of a wanker, aren't ya? Now he starts to panic and I'm excited. And then I send him his location and he blocks me, which is sad until you realize that I'm still in his Google account. So I unblock myself and go, nice try. And he panics and panic. Deleted everything he had. And I was like, that was incredibly satisfying. So you know he burnt his house down, right? Yeah, I hope so. It was five minutes later, he's like, it's just some shirtless Indian dude in his front yard burning his clothes. I don't know about this. Yeah. Could have just extract the Asian guy. Yeah, Take it. Oh, man. I want to talk about John's lore this summer. Nick. Oh, boy. What? John send. John's gonna be going to camp with Nick. Sick for a couple weeks this summer. Sent to Iowa. Two, three weeks. Yeah, two, three years. Forget Dagestan. Two years. Wait, okay, what's going on? John's gonna come do jiu jitsu and learn how to sell T shirts. Yeah. John's gonna live with him for two or three weeks and they're gonna sell T shirts and do Jiu Jitsu? Yeah. He's going church made here. Yeah, no, John's making the shirts. John's like weaving. He's like quack duck. Okay. Oh, that's. That's interesting. Okay. That's why you brought it up when we were talking about Asian guy. Yeah, because like. Yeah, just like. Like straight suffering. That's what I'm talking about. He's gonna go to Nick. He's gonna learn how to. How to suffer and. And weave T shirts. Quackbang T shirts on his own. That's gonna be a good. When do you get them? Whenever. Summer stars. Yeah, whenever he wants. Really? I love this. I can roll now. So we're good? Yeah. It's gonna be selling all your T shirts. It's like the Dave Chappelle bitch. Like I got a whole ass sweatshop down here. It just means Cody's gonna start selling some merch for once. Damn. God damn. My soul taking poison damage 1, 1, 1. He's gonna come back a little monster. I hope so. Be good. He's big enough, kid. He's about your size now. Man, he is not 260. No, you know what? He's getting there. He's bigger than me. I don't know. He beat Connor. My sons. But I love you. Don't. Don't set me up to hurt you like that. We were at Topgolf the other day. Fucking John and Connor were getting into it, just like shit talking each other. He's like, am I. Am I going to have to fight a 16 year old? And I'm like, I would recommend striking because I'm not confident about your odds if he hits you on the ground. Well, I mean, sometimes, you know, we'll be at the house, we'll have a couple drinks in this and be like, all right, fight John Animal. Not. Not compared to Nick, but just bring out the rancor. Yeah. John has some ground game on him, so I'm excited to send him to Nick's place for a couple weeks just to have some fun. Do that, be some corn. Every time Cody comes down from his room with John on a leash, it's like. Like Hopper, the crazy grasshopper from A Bug's Life, tore him away from his anime to beat up your friends. Every time we get drunk, running around. Having a child is basically like having a Pokemon, essentially. Watch it fight people. John use claw attack. John use claw attack. The sooner you beat up Uncle Connor, the sooner you can get back to your hentai. John get back. He just throw a rock at his head, knock him out. Painted red and white with a circle on it. John use boulder. Yeah. Here. John use 9 mil. Just throw a gun next to him. God. Oh, God. He's learning from my cop day. John throw an unregistered firearm near him. John uses unregistered firearms. I don't. Nobody at 6 knows how to fight. I don't know if this is like brown. Great, groundbreaking Internet, but like, Black belt at 6 is breaking news. Nick the fat electrician says he can take any six year old. This is true. I do it. Me. And I'll beat the out of some six year old. All the black belts, one punch. Call it Keemstar. How many can I fight for? How much money? I always never understood the idea of giving kiddos black belts. Was like, dude, they can defend themselves again, like Jiu jitsu. You're not even allowed to be a blue belt until you're 16. It's not allowed. Yeah. You know why? Before that, you don't have testosterone, anything. Like an adult attacks you. All right, if we, if we do the beating children up competition, we got to take 34% of the revenue for ourselves. Oh, yeah, right. Yep. We'll call it, I don't know, creator Clash4. Fuck them kids. We could probably make that so much money. We do donate it to all great causes, though. I feel like that's gonna be a Russian sport in the future. It's like a mobile game ad. It's just a child fighting rings that we're talking about starting, but it's a dog beating the show. Oh, God, yeah. Or as they called it, my house growing up. Discipline, I promise. We're good people. I just got MP7. Yeah. Not a fake one. No, not like it. Not like a Tommy built clone or anything. A real like factory HK MP7. And Cody didn't know I was fucking bidding on it. No. Is promoting it to his stream the entire week. Like, look, there's an MP7 for sale. Look at how high it's gonna get. Yeah. I'm sitting there refreshing the website the entire time. I'm like, man, who is bidding on this? Nobody's bidding on this. Two weeks after bidding, he calls me and he's like, I've got the MP7. I didn't even know your ass was bidding on the MP7. It was that it was the. The last day, like two hours from it. I'm like, like, it's at 20 grand right now. Like, I might get it. You're like, wait, you were bidding on that? Brandon's like, I hope no one's watching this. Cody's like, here, here, 26. We got 26. 27, 27, 28. It's like, no, no. Why is this going up so fast? Yeah, I was showing that to several thousand people a day for two weeks. I didn't know it was you bidding the highest on it. Thanks, bud. That was expensive. Buy their wife a boutique so she has something to do to resell Amazon jewelry so they can the babysitter. It's. And it's a tax write off. Right. Can't they use that? Yeah, it makes sense, but they just want to get their wives out of the meme levels. The what? The meme for income levels where it's like both parents are working. One parent works with the stay at home parent, one parent works and spends a bunch of money. And it's like the top, highest income level is one parent works and the other one has a business that loses $80,000 a year. All of those shops, it's money laundering. I don't really know what money laundering means. We all know something's up. No one's buying 500 tops. Yeah, exactly. Thank you. Anytime I've ever walked in. It's good. Yeah. Going in and out. Like, how do you keep this open? It doesn't make any sense from a person who has a business in downtown. Bernie. Right Trust me, no one's buying. Yeah, a lot of foot traffic there. Yeah. Like yours is like right off Main street too. Really close. But you know, it's like, it's for fun, right? It's like. Yeah, like, like 5o SK shop. That's for fun. Cuz I always wanted to have a skate shop. It's not making me any money. It's breaking even every single month. I will take you guys that honestly. But walking down. Bernie, like one time I just decided to walk like, like just, just down the main street. There were like 27 boutiques and they're selling this like you were saying the same. Just like Amazon. Yeah. They all order from the same people. For sure. Yeah. There's literally the same and different. Definitely. Yeah. Yeah. We had to get used to. We clearly don't look like normal people are. Bernie, we love you guys. We have no idea what you're talking about. I walk in with all my tattoos at the school and the moment. That's true. We do have that going for us. Yeah. The next quote, roll it back. You look like we have that going for us. Put that on a fucking monster dot com. Why is this on your resume? I'm white. I would privilege please. Business cards, white card wrangler. Name, phone number, email. That's it. White. You have my. It's the COVID letter. Yeah, it's. It's quite the town. I mean I love it. It's nice and safe for our kids, but it's a great place to raise kids. Definitely. Absolutely. The, the, the one bar that we go to sometimes. I've got the card. Oh, the upstairs one. Yeah, yeah, we'll just take that there. Yeah. And sometimes they're like, do you belong here? That's my favorite. Like you're saying with the tattoos. Yeah. Like what? I'm going way back to like the baddie days of like first moving to San Antonio and whatnot. Like years and years and years ago when we all went out to that nice, like really nice steak joint. Yes, I do. Yes. We all, like all the guys got up to go use the restroom and because like we're not dressed like. Were you wearing a cum shirt? I wasn't. Were any of you a lot of cutoff sleeves, tattoos, everything. They body blocked the front door and stood in front of the door. So we didn't escorted us because I was like, hey, where's the restroom? We'll take you two people escort us. They're gonna run from this place. Yeah, like, oh, there's a bunch of Mexicans. And white dudes with tattoos. They can't afford this place. They thought we were gonna run out on them. And yeah, did that. We were the only ones in flip flop shorts, T shirts. Everyone else, this is like, suits dining out. Yeah. An event. We're like, they're like, what are you celebrating tonight? I don't know. Thursday. We're hungry. Yes. Yeah, we dropped in. I wanted good food, a room of slacks, gingham T shirt with a puffer vest on. That's casual, Bernie. That's the upscale casual, Bernie. They stopped me at the, the dealership that one time, the Ferrari dealership right there. Did I ever tell you about that one? No. Yeah. So I had just gotten back from, from Key West. I had driven a Ferrari around like a exotic car. Oh, yeah. This is you and Chuck, right? Yeah, me and Chuck Liddell. Like, we went to a Florida, right? Car dealership. Yeah, yeah, down in Key West. That is where Key west is. Yeah. And so they, I didn't hear that part. I didn't hear that part. I'm also retarded. Sorry. They were really cool about it and they gave us a, they gave me and Chuck a yellow Ferrari to drive around Key west for the weekend. We were like super grateful for it. We drove it around. I get back here to San Antonio and I go, go to that, that, that dealership right next to the, it was the, right off the highway, right? Yeah. Brazilian place. Yeah. So, like, I, I, I was kind of thinking about, like, I like Ferraris a lot. And so I went in there and I, I was walking around and every single person in their office would like, yeah, they would look at me and go, I'm like, dude, I'm, I'm seriously looking at Ferraris right now. You're missing out on a commission, bro. Like, single person would look at me and go, yeah. You didn't get help for like 30 minutes or an hour? I didn't get help at all. Oh. Like, I was wearing a T shirt and a backwards hat and I was like, hey, I just want to check out this car right here. And every single one of them. We pulled up to buy Nick's Toyota and a McLaren. That's pretty funny. They can't ignore you when you do that. I guess that was pretty funny, sir. I'll never forget when I was like, I don't know, fucking 19. There was a Lamborghini dealership passed where, like, I had to, like, drive a bunch. And I showed up one day like, just as a 19 year old kid in a fucking T shirt. And then for whatever reason, I was doing something where I had to wear, like, a suit. And the difference in treatment between just, like, being a kid in a T shirt and a kid in a, like, full suit. Yeah. Immediately everybody wants to talk to you. I got a free notepad. Like, you know, they're like, oh, yeah, no, have this. Have this, whatever. It's like, wow, okay. And we never do that as individuals policing or anything. Do you mean. Do you mean profiling? I would be the same dude at a Lambo dealership. I'm like, 99. That dude with the backwards hat and shorts ain't buying a Lambo trying to get a test drive. Get his ass. You're just a 1% donut. I'm like, I missed the commission. God damn. You know, we would all do the same. Nick walks in with a. This places. That's my favorite. I feel like you have a much more honest conversation that way. Yeah, yeah. Oh, 100%. It's way better all the time. That's funny. It's a hard one. You know, stereotypes exist for a reason. I guess this. And I was. I was just. Only hot takes here. Spacewalk was awesome. We spent two years building a suit. And we started with the Intra Vehicular suit, which is a suit you see all the astronauts wear when they, you know, it's an IVA suit when they get in the spacecraft. And really, it's just a last line of defense. You get a fire, you take a micrometeorite, orbital debris. Like, look, there's a billion bullets whizzing around in space. Paint chips that come off of. Of a satellite. And they're traveling 17,500 miles an hour. And there's a lot of energy when they hit a vehicle, and they can go right through it. So you take a hole in the spacecraft. Oh, thank goodness I got the suit on. It pressurizes. Let's come home and it's emergency. But that is not a suit you do a spacewalk in. You don't walk on the moon or Mars in it, because when that thing puffs up and fully pressurized, you're like the marshmallow man. You can't move. So we had to start with that and put joints in, you know, bearing rotator cuffs, in the shoulders, in the wrists, you know, gloves that actually had dexterity so that you could actually hold tools. Because what's the whole point here? The point is, if you get to the moon or Mars, you get outside your spaceship and you discover things and you build things and repair Things. So two years, the best minds there built an incredible suit. We took it into a vacuum chamber at NASA. We knew it worked. We developed a whole pre breathe to denitrogenate. So we didn't have, you know, basically the bends or decompression sickness. And we went out and it was cool as hell. That's something you have to worry about is decompression 100. No. Yeah. Okay. Because I know like, so Ben's like, when you're doing deep sea diving and stuff like that, that's something you have to worry about because you have like multiple atmospheres worth of pressure. You have to worry about that in zero g. Yeah. I mean, basically high to low is always the, is always the problem. So high pressure, low pressure, high pressure generally building up more nitrogen unless you've denitrogenated your body. And then you go low pressure and that's your opening the can of soda. So when you're scuba diving, you know, you go down like 3, 4 atmospheres, whatever you got, you know, you're breathing normal air, you're loading up nitrogen in your system, you return to the surface and you're begging all those bubbles to come out of solution. And that's what causes joint pain. And it can, that's type one DCS is joint pain. Type two is you can have cerebral issues, cardiac issues and such. So think about it. In a spacewalk, we're going from normal atmosphere, like one atmosphere to zero, except whatever's in your suit pressure. So you're going high to low and you absolutely can get DCS. People during testing got DCS and when we were, you know, not, not any of the crew members, but there was a whole testing regime of how to denitrogenate because we had no airlock. That's kind of key is on the space shuttle space station, you have an airlock. So you got an airlock, you can go and breathe 100% oxygen, not worry about creating a, you know, an environment where you could have a fire. We didn't have that. We had to throw away our atmosphere. So we had to figure out a way to not breathe 100% oxygen for a while and create a fire hazard. So our risk for DCS was higher. But we figured it out and obviously we had no DCS hits. But I mean, even you, you read Michael Collins book, you know, on, on the Apollo 11 mission, he talked about he, he would get type 1 DCS on his Gemini mission and then his Apollo mission. It just, he was just physiologically he was more susceptible to it. Oh Shit, he didn't know at that time. I don't know. I think he knew. He was like, he knew. But he was like. Like, you know, he's a fighter pilot and he's like, I'm not telling anyone. I tell anyone. I get. I'm Susepolis. Like, I'm getting pulled from the rotation. Oh, dude, that is so true. With the government. I'm a lie about everything. Vomit, blood. That was grape juice. That's my spleen. So what was then walking out, though, and doing that spacewalk? So now you built the suit and then you guys are up there and gals. And now it's like, okay, yeah. So it was short. We basically. The whole operation was just under two hours. We each had eight minutes outside the vehicle. The reason is we're breathing 100% oxygen. We had to bring all our own tanks for this. There's no airlocks. We threw away our atmosphere, so we had to re pressurize the vehicle. So we didn't have much time out there. And I'll tell you, it was not what I expected. So I'd went up before we had the cupola on my first mission, which was the biggest continuous window in space. And I'm like, I've seen. I've seen the most beautiful thing you can imagine from space. It's probably going to look like that. And I was wrong. It was. It was so much more intense. It was this big sensory thing because not only did you have that visual stimulus of, like, you. You know, you poke your head out and you're seeing Earth right in your face. You've got all that. You got the noise of the oxygen flowing in. You got temperature. You're cold as hell. We were worried about overheating. So it was like extra oxygen coming in to really cool you down. You got the exertion of moving against a suit pressurized to 5.2 psi. So even any movement was. Was exertion. And it just was overwhelming. Come in. But it was nothing around you. Yeah, just Earth out the front. And then when you looked into the darkness of space, that was like the unsettling. Yeah. Like, what went through your fucking mind just looking at it. Yeah. I mean, that was a surprise because I just did not think that it would feel differently. But I've talked to other astronauts, too. I was like, hey, how do you feel when you look away from Earth? Because you don't always see the stars. I know. That's another, like, kind of conspiracy. You got to be in the right orbit where you're in eclipse because if you have any light coming off of Earth, it kind of drowns it out. So you need to be in eclipse. You need the moon in the right spot. And then, yes, you can see beautiful Milky Way stars. So it's like, but why don't I always see it? Well, it depends. If the Earth is illuminated, you're not going to see stars. So I looked out in the and I've asked people like, what happens when you just look out in the darkness of space and astronauts have been like, man, I felt like I was swimming and ink. Like, I've heard all these things. And like most people generally agree it is rather unsettling because you have an appreciation for just the vastness of space in front of you and everything you're looking at is trying to kill you. You have no atmosphere to breathe. You got, you know, bullets zinging by the micrometeoroid that'll pierce your not only your soup, but your everything through you. You got radiation. My heart rate monitor when. When down from a rat hit because we were actually in a high radiation portion of the orbit and it's just like whatever. That is our destiny to go out and explore among the stars and we're just going to proceed with caution. Well, you're talking about with after the podcast. Yeah, I'm talking about after the podcast. So he was overstimulated because we were all laughing. We're like having a good time laughing. Ryden hates smiling and laughter, so he don't know why. He said, you're all going to die. Like, okay, buddy. I'm like, bro, you can't say that to my friends. She's like, why? Yeah, the water move threat. We were, we were at brunch and Ryden's there with us and like, you know, I get it. He gets like over stimulated and stuff when people start laughing and bearing teeth and everything. Like we talked about it, but we're joking around. And then Connor's apparently laughing too hard at something and he's got a man mosa in front of him and. And Ryden just like without saying anything, grabs a glass of water and pours it in his drink while making eye contact, by the way, which autism doesn't go side by side like I iconic. No, no. Yeah. Oh, just pouring water. It was the most malicious water power. It was some sigma. It worked by the way. We all started. We're like that. That moment needs like a tik tok edit of just like we're not going to get mad at him. I was like Bro, you can't do that. Wow. I was like, why you do. Sorry. He was laughing really loud. I was like, sorry. Connor, shut the up. He poured water. I've never seen this. So he started adapting. He done it twice now. To John too. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he did. My son too, man. That's an alpha movie. Someone's laughing. You just pour water in the drink, dude. I might do that at some point. Stop what you're doing instantly. It's the most subvert you ever. When you make it to Capitol Hill, you gotta do that one of the dinners. Just pour water and AOC's drink. 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