The INSANE Life Of Colonel Sanders | Unsubscribe Podcast Christmas Special 2025 Ep 244

Summary

Unsubscribe Podcast: The INSANE Life Of Colonel Sanders | Christmas Special 2025

Episode 244 – December 23, 2025
Hosts: Eli DoubleTap, Brandon Herrera, Donut Operator (Cody), The Fat Electrician (Nick)

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Episode Overview

In this extended Christmas special, the Unsubscribe Podcast crew – Eli DoubleTap, Brandon Herrera, Donut Operator (Cody), and The Fat Electrician (Nick) – reunite for a chaotic, laugh-filled episode, combining Christmas banter, travel misadventures, and a wildly in-depth, irreverent retelling of Colonel Sanders’ life. The show is peppered with military anecdotes, friendly roasting, advice for the holidays, gun talk, business tangents, and plenty of jokes running the gamut from crude to historical. This episode’s central highlight is Nick’s storytelling of the real-life saga of Colonel Sanders—delivered with the podcast’s signature blend of humor and dark detail.

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Key Topics & Discussion Segments

1. Holiday Banter, Parenting, and Sled Hill Politics

Timestamps: 00:22–08:40

• Banter about Christmas spirits: Nick opens the discussion with a grumpy, comical story about berating a rude teenager at a sled hill for blocking his kids.
  • Notable exchange:
    • Nick: “You don’t own the hill. The city owns the hill. And I pay taxes, you little shit. You don’t pay taxes.” (02:31)
    • Eli: “I was hoping that dad would show up.” (06:01)
• Discussion of generational changes and lack of consequences for kids.
• The guys riff on “bullying” kids and helicopter-parenting, with Nick joking about being “a dick to a child for 25 minutes.”
• Jokes about Nick’s reputation for telling off misbehaving kids.

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2. Travel Mayhem, Restaurant Stories, and Encounters

Timestamps: 08:42–30:17

• The crew exchanges travel war stories—delayed flights, sitting on the tarmac for hours, dogs crapping on planes, and dealing with eccentric seatmates (like the infamous “medical professional” who delayed boarding over a minor paper cut).
• • Nick: “Unless he’s shot in the chest, I’m probably not gonna be able to do anything but call him a pussy.” (25:11)
• Jokes about meeting random “badasses” on flights and encountering odd personalities (“I know 36 ways to skin a man”).
• Frequent ribbing about awkward or unlucky seat assignments, panic attacks, paper-cuts, and more.

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3. Army Christmas Party & Pentagon Visit

Timestamps: 30:17–38:17

• Recollections from Eli and Cody attending a formal Army holiday reception in D.C.
  • Admiration for classic dress greens, historical ambiance, and mingling with generals and dignitaries.
• Banter about past Pentagon visits and plotting a future return, this time with “less gay” beverages.
• Excitement about possible upcoming collaborations with the Army for podcast content and behind-the-scenes access.

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4. Gun Talk and Brand Relationships

Timestamps: 38:17–47:02

• The gang’s ongoing love/hate with various firearms companies (HK, FN, etc.), discussing sponsorships, getting new models, and frustrations with being snubbed.
• Nick humblebrags about being the only one HK “liked enough” to send their new AR.
• Jokes about hunting with “scar heavy” rifles.
• Conversation meanders into the merits of various bear-defense ammunition and real-life stories about the limitations of certain calibers:
  • Cody: “I’ve met guys who have been shot in the head with 5.7 and survived.” (12:52)

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5. Colonel Sanders: The Real, Insane Life Story (Feature)

Timestamps: 64:00–79:24; 87:18–88:09
Main section starts: 64:00
Story re-joins: 87:18

Highlights

• Childhood and upbring:
  • Orphaned young, raised siblings, passion for cooking.
  • Ran away from home at 12, joined the Army by falsifying his age.
• Serial Careers:
  • Railroads, constant fighting and firings, became a lawyer through correspondence school—only to lose his license for beating up his client in court.
    • Nick: “He beat the shit out of his own client in court.”
• Gas Station Wars:
  • Got a job running a gas station during the Depression; used creative advertising methods (signs and barn murals).
  • Rivalry with another gas station escalated to gunfights—“I will blow your fucking head off if you keep painting over my signs.” (72:06)
  • A Shell oil executive was killed in a shootout; Sanders shot the rival, later cleared as self-defense.
• Early Franchise Hustle:
  • Restaurant and motel business repeatedly burned down, highway rerouted, went broke by mid-sixties.
  • Lived in his car with his wife, selling chicken recipes to restaurants and collecting four cents per chicken.
  • Personally recruited Dave (of Wendy’s fame) to save failing KFCs—Dave later founded Wendy’s with that success money.
    • Nick: “Dave would—Colonel Sanders pays Dave a bunch of money... and that guy takes that money to open up his own burger place and names it after his daughter Wendy.” (76:28)
• KFC Explodes:
  • Sold KFC for $2 million and a deal to be the lifelong spokesperson (late 1960s/70s).
  • Fell out with corporate KFC due to changes in his recipes (infamous for spiking gravy on the floor and cussing out employees).
    • Nick: “He cusses like a sailor. He’s cussing out the people in the kitchen and shit for fucking up his recipes...” (78:39)
  • Sued by KFC for criticism, but judge dismissed case: “Sorry, the letterhead on the opening of this document is this guy’s face. And you’re suing him to stop talking about it.”
• Legacy and Mythbusting:
  • Nick dispels web rumors of racism/Klan affiliation—sources point to Sanders as progressive for his time, especially for hiring women managers and executives.
    • Nick: “I read three books on this guy... He was actually really progressive for his time.”
  • Joke myth repeated about a pet crow named Jim Crow (not true).
• Notable Quotes & Antics:
  • “He bragged to his daughter at the age of 83 that he was still getting laid.” (79:56)
  • “He becomes a spokesman for KFC and they go public. They were like, the second restaurant to go public after McDonald’s.”

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6. Fast Food Titans and Hidden Histories

Timestamps: 84:40–86:53

• Cody shares intersecting backstories about Ray Kroc (McDonald's), Walt Disney, and Ernest Hemingway all being ambulance drivers in WWI.
• The unlikely alliances and how old war buddies shaped American business giants.

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7. Kentucky Colonel Honorary Titles

Timestamps: 87:49–92:20

• The guys reveal that several are “Kentucky Colonels”—an honorary state title.
• Banter about using this for future introductions and political campaigns, with plans to refer to Brandon as “Colonel Herrera.”
  • Cody: "The Kentucky Colonel is the highest civilian title of honor bestowed by the Governor of Kentucky..."

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8. Congressional Campaign & Holiday Reflections

Timestamps: 93:10–99:39

• Cody gives candid updates about his congressional campaign, fundraising, and political memes about “insider trading.”
• The gang jokes about following stock picks by doing the opposite of Jim Cramer, and the meme-ification of American politics.
• Advice to “call your friends, check in on them” during the holidays.

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9. Tattoo Suffering and Rivalries

Timestamps: 113:42–121:51

• The group shares stories about their shared “gang tattoos,” obligatory Christmas stick-and-poke banter, and painful tattoo sessions (especially coloring and love handles).
  • Eli: “Love handles… It’s horrible. It’s the worst by far.” (116:12)
• Ongoing, hilarious arguments ensue about which tattoo colors/techniques hurt most.

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10. Closing Thoughts: Sarcastic Holiday Spirit

Timestamps: 122:53–end

• The episode wraps in the podcast’s style with more jabs and heartwarming reminders:
  • “Call your friends, make sure your kids aren’t being fat and annoying at the sled hill, pisses me off.” (123:17)
  • “Merry Christmas. We love you all.”

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Colonel Sanders Origin Story:
  • Nick: “He called it tomcatting, but he was fucking everybody...” (67:26)
• KFC Lawsuit:
  • Nick: “The court case is KFC versus Colonel Sanders.” (78:53)
• Wendy’s Crossover:
  • Nick: “Dave would... open up his own burger place and name it after his daughter Wendy.” (76:28)
• On Parenting:
  • Nick: “Call your friends, make sure your kids aren’t being fat and annoying at the sled hill, pisses me off.” (123:17)
• On Sun Tzu:
  • Brandon: “I like to think that he was dealing with people who had like 30 IQ back in the day. So that sounded monumental...” (99:39)
• Tattoo Pain:
  • Eli: “Love handles... It’s horrible. It’s the worst by far.” (116:16)

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Additional Timestamps for Quick Reference

• Story of Colonel Sanders begins: [64:00]
• Wendy’s Connection Revealed: [76:28]
• Mythbusting Racism Rumors: [79:24]
• Kentucky Colonel Titles: [87:49]
• Sun Tzu Roast Session: [98:59]
• Christmas Closing Remarks: [123:05–End]

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Tone & Style

• Language: Raw, direct, and comedic with irreverent asides and inside jokes.
• Vibe: “Drunk at the bar with your ex-military uncles,” blending history, absurdity, and real-world wisdom amidst relentless ribbing.
• Heart: Foul-mouthed but genuine care for friends and audience—“call your friends, invite them over.”

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Summary

This episode delivers on chaos, holiday energy, and signature Unsubscribe mayhem, anchored by an epic, wildly entertaining retelling of Colonel Sanders’ life that touches on family, grit, and fast food lore. Along the way are misbehaving kids, business history, campaign updates, and the hilarious pain of tattoos—the makings of a thoroughly Unsubscribe Christmas Special.

Transcript

[Nick]

So good, so good, so good.

[Commercial Voice]

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[Cody]

Merry Christmas, you guys.

[Brandon]

Hunting bears?

[Nick]

So I was a dick to a child, but he deserved it. So it's all good.

[Eli]

I wake up with a bag over my head and demos standing over me.

[Cody]

Bring out my kids before I give you the alarm. 11 secret herbs and spices.

[Brandon]

I said black, didn't it?

[Nick]

Very strong. Okay, don't say black.

[Eli]

Say hi to Eli. He's racially ambiguous. Brandon. His hair is fabulous. Donut a dog joke disposition. And there's a fat electrician. Welcome to Unsubscribe.

[Cody]

Oh, I need a cracky.

[Nick]

Check your ass. I bet there's one there.

[Cody]

It's good to have you back, Nick.

[Nick]

I love you too.

[Eli]

Three, two, one.

[Brandon]

Hi everyone. Welcome to the Unsubscribed podcast. I'm joined today by Eli Double Tap, the fat electrician, Brandon Herrera, myself, donut operator. We're doing a Christmas episode, right?

[Cody]

Merry Christmas.

[Brandon]

Merry Christ. Christmas.

[Nick]

I've been berating kids at the snow hill.

[Eli]

Merry Christmas, Nick.

[Nick]

It's my favorite time of year.

[Eli]

Bullying kids.

[Nick]

Yep.

[Eli]

Are you just going?

[Nick]

In my defense, they deserved it.

[Eli]

What? They do.

[Nick]

I was like. So we go to the sled hill. Cuz it's like snowing. And where I'm at, it snowed like 18 in in three days.

[Eli]

And.

[Nick]

And there's like three sled hills. They get progressively larger. So I take my small children to the little sled hill, which is fine. And everybody takes turns. And then some like 13 year old. That's fat. I'm only saying that because it's the only ammo I had against him. Proceeds to take a turn going on the sled hill on a snowboard, which is fine. Makes it three feet down the hill before he eats. Also fine. You gotta practice to get good. That's okay. He then proceeds to walk to the bottom of the sled hill and lay down and start building a ramp. And after like 30 seconds of my kids standing there waiting to take the turn, I'm like, can you get up?

[Eli]

Why?

[Nick]

So everybody else can take a turn. You don't own the hill. The city owns the hill. And I pay taxes. You little move. You don't pay taxes. I. Yes, I do.

[Eli]

Move.

[Nick]

And then he gets up and moves and then does it again. And then I yell at him again. And then like, if you have a big sled hill, they do this thing where they chain tires together so you can walk through the tires to get up the hill so you're not slipping up hill. And he then proceeds to lay down on the tires so my little kids can't walk up the hill. So I pick my 3 year old up and I'm like, oh, it's okay, Cash, come here, I'll carry you up the hill. Since fatso over here wants to be a fucking slug right next to him to have. So you call me a slug? Yes, I do. You're not very nice and you're fucking rude, kid. I'm gonna go tell my dad and please tell him to come here and I'll have a conversation with.

[Brandon]

All right, Mr. Beli. We ain't seen Nick in a couple weeks now, right? Since the last live tour. He walked in here angry as fuck.

[Nick]

I don't like holidays. I don't like fat kids at sled Hill.

[Brandon]

I'm still like kids either.

[Cody]

I'm still stuck on that rebuttal. You don't pay taxes is a wild thing for a child, dude.

[Brandon]

That's what I tell my son all the time. And then I punch him, right?

[Eli]

You yell at John, he doesn't pay taxes.

[Brandon]

Yeah, dude, you don't pay taxes.

[Eli]

I just. I just.

[Brandon]

You don't pay taxes like a Molly Whomper right in the face.

[Cody]

The funny thing is, I know that's not true because John could probably take you down now at this point.

[Brandon]

You. Yeah, get out of here.

[Cody]

I watched it. I watched it a couple.

[Brandon]

Okay, okay. We're not going to talk about that.

[Nick]

I might be putting money on John.

[Cody]

We were, to be fair, you were taking it a little easy on him.

[Brandon]

I was taking it very easy on him.

[Cody]

We were having lunch the other day and they got into one of those play wrestles that very quickly turned into not a play wrestle. And what happened?

[Brandon]

We scared every fucking white woman at the lunch place that we were at.

[Cody]

That also did happen. Yeah, yeah.

[Eli]

And you had two individuals standing patiently waiting to ask for a photograph too. And Cody didn't recognize. They were just standing there. And then Cody and John start wrestling and then going faster and harder and they're like.

[Cody]

We were outside at said restaurant. This wasn't like in the middle of a Texas roadhouse or something. This was on a patio. It was fine.

[Eli]

Ish saying that. It's like we were at a restaurant but outside on the patio.

[Cody]

Well, yeah, that's why I used to Say take it outside.

[Eli]

Yeah, it's fine.

[Cody]

I was being fun with the boy.

[Brandon]

Okay. To be fair, if I was actually fighting, I don't think he could take me.

[Nick]

I got money because he has a gun.

[Cody]

That and his opening move is overhand right.

[Eli]

I'm more surprised the little 13 year old talked back like that, dude.

[Nick]

I didn't.

[Eli]

That's wild to me. To an adult. I.

[Nick]

It's kids today. There's no consequences for their actions. They grow up watching YouTubers and stuff. Talk shit to kids, like, whatever. I feel like I was fairly reasonable in the opening of like, can you get up? Like, you're obviously being rude. Like there's a line of people waiting to go downhill. The city owns the sled hill. Okay, okay, now we're talking shit. And I'm a lot better at it than you, kid. Like, yeah, so I was a dick to a child for about 25 minutes, but he deserved it, so it's all good.

[Eli]

I was hoping that dad would show up.

[Brandon]

Me, I don't think the child realized you're a 260 pound man. It was a purple belt or the.

[Cody]

Child does not have the wisdom to care.

[Eli]

Papa, he was the one that making fun of me. He just turns, looks at his kid and hits him. I'm so sorry. So sorry. Papa, why'd you hit me?

[Cody]

What was that thing of the. The MMA fighter who's like, oh, anything your kid does to my kid, I'm gonna do to you.

[Nick]

Oh, it was Daniel Cormier. Yeah, it's like one of my favorite interviews that, you know, Daniel Cormier is right and like champ, champ, heavyweight, light heavyweight champ at the same time. One of the best fighters ever, Olympic medalist. And he has this like interview story where he's at the park and some other kid keeps shoving his kid down and he keeps telling him to stop. And like the kid's dad keeps telling that kid to stop. And after like the third time, Daniel Cormier just looks at the other kid's dad. Whatever your kid does to my kid next, I'm going to do to you. And then they left.

[Cody]

Time to go.

[Nick]

Dude, Daniel Cor. I would love to have him on the podcast. He's funny because there's like there was another one that went viral, like a random Instagram account with like a hundred followers. And it was literally just like some other like black dude that wrestled, but like nowhere near to Daniel Cormier's level that was also like coaching peewee wrestling team. And it's just a selfie of him like this with Daniel Cormier in the background. And it's like when. When your kid has to wrestle Daniel Cormier's team and he's the coach.

[Brandon]

God, dude, I don't look forward to having another kid again for the same reason. It's like, hey, dad, other dad. Hey, hey. I know violence. You don't know that. This is crazy.

[Nick]

Waiting.

[Cody]

I'm just. I love that the. The other dad's response is not like, he just can't conceptualize keeping his kid under control. Either that or he's not willing to risk it.

[Nick]

I yell at other people's kids a lot. It's probably one of my worst qualities.

[Cody]

Worst?

[Nick]

Yeah. I ruined my niece's birthday party.

[Brandon]

All right, Eli, we're gonna create a new Pepperbox special where we follow Nick.

[Eli]

Bullying kids, just yelling at kids, binders on kids. He's doing videos destroying a child's life.

[Nick]

Dude, I yell at other people's kids all the time. Nobody ever does shit about it.

[Guest/Advertiser]

Weird.

[Nick]

It's great.

[Cody]

I love you. You say, like, doing a binder on the kids. Like, you're like a PI. Like, so you're 13. You went out in the woods with your friends, 2 o', clock, study hall, started going to school. What were you guys doing in the woods, huh? Just ruining children's lives.

[Nick]

Can't help it.

[Brandon]

Oh, good lord. The. The last time that we came, we were coming back from the last live tour. The sue stopped me and Brandon, like, one of the flight attendants. He was like, you guys hunting bears? And he was obviously gay as. And hunting bears. Like, you know, we're in our ponchos. Like, we have our hair slicked back. We're in cowboy boots. I thought it was like, oh, yeah. Like, okay, yeah, yeah. We weren't up here hunting. But what the dude meant was, like, are you hunting bears? Like.

[Cody]

I don't recall this. Interact.

[Brandon]

Where are we coming back from? No, we were coming back a couple weeks ago from.

[Cody]

This was like, Denver.

[Brandon]

No, it was a gay flight attendant.

[Cody]

Well, I know that, but the city.

[Brandon]

He was like, you guys.

[Nick]

Where.

[Cody]

Where was this?

[Brandon]

This is a couple weeks ago. Like, one of the last things that we did.

[Cody]

Oh, yeah. No, I don't.

[Nick]

Is this the one where the flight attendant gave you guys, like, 20 bottles of.

[Cody]

That guy was cool as. Okay, so I didn't realize. Different one.

[Brandon]

Yeah, I didn't realize what he was saying. It was like, are hunting bears? Because I thought it was a hunting thing. But no, he meant, are you large, gay, black people no, bears are just.

[Nick]

I don't think bears.

[Cody]

I don't think it's racist.

[Nick]

I think it's just large, hairy men that are gay.

[Cody]

Nick is a bear.

[Eli]

Yeah, Nick would be a bear. Were you hunting Nicks?

[Brandon]

I said black, didn't I?

[Eli]

Very strong.

[Cody]

You did. Okay.

[Nick]

Don't say black. I said black.

[Brandon]

By Zach, Brian. Oh.

[Cody]

Bye, Zach, Brian.

[Nick]

Bye.

[Cody]

Merry Christmas, everyone. I hope you're all in the holiday spirit.

[Eli]

It's like the one joke. It's like, why is there black bears, black bears, brown bears. What are white bears called?

[Nick]

Polar.

[Eli]

They're the only one with a different name that's just not associated with that. If you say there's a skit, there's a joke on that. A dude does a whole comedy bit around that. Have you seen that for the rest of.

[Nick]

It's a good retelling of the joke. I'm not good at that punchline was delivered.

[Eli]

No, I wasn't trying to tell.

[Cody]

It's also just not true.

[Eli]

Brown. Brown bear.

[Nick]

Kodiak bear.

[Eli]

We need a panda bear. But you don't go white bears. Name one person. Ah, a brown bear. Ah, a black bear. Not. Oh, a white bear. Name one time I've done.

[Nick]

I don't know that anybody says brown bear. It's grizzly.

[Eli]

A grizzly bear.

[Cody]

The little ones, those are the same.

[Nick]

There's no little brown bear. Brown bears are grizzly bears.

[Brandon]

Grizzly. Yeah.

[Nick]

There's grizzly. Kodiak is a grizzly bear that's slightly larger because it's on Kodiak Island.

[Cody]

Yeah.

[Nick]

Kodiak bears only exist on Kodiak Island. Otherwise, it's a grizzly, small brown bear.

[Brandon]

Also, Brandon and I, we researched this.

[Cody]

A couple years ago.

[Nick]

The Nick versus AI Round two on Eli's phone. Let's go.

[Brandon]

The round. The bullet that could take down a bear, the one that you want to take with you.

[Cody]

10 mil.

[Brandon]

Yeah, we went with 10 mil. That's what we figured out.

[Cody]

We had some debate.

[Nick]

Or like pistol cartridge.

[Cody]

Pistol. Pistol.

[Guest/Advertiser]

Oh, okay.

[Eli]

So if you're hiking.

[Cody]

We had some debate as to whether or not it would be better for a female to have a 10 mil or a 5 7.

[Nick]

Depends on the female, definitely.

[Cody]

But, like, just for your average female, because I thought, like, okay, I'm not sure if a 5, 7 can penetrate through the skull, but it is, like, if you have the right caliber or. Excuse me, the right projectile, you know, armor piercing, maybe it punches the skull better and lower recoil than, you know, big is scary. 10 mil.

[Nick]

I don't have much experience with 5 7. Is it more prone to jamming though? No, no. Okay.

[Eli]

Five seven is not a good round against a bear.

[Brandon]

That's what we ultimately went to. Like, if you're a small female, like wandering around where there are bears, a 10 mil would probably be the best.

[Eli]

Yeah. If you're.

[Cody]

If you're a guy, 10 mil is the obvious choice. But I was worried about the follow up shots and recoil and everything like that. And at least 57 had the added advantage of, you know, it could possibly pierce through a bear skull. But, like, still not great. Like, that's obviously not optimal. This is what guys talk about.

[Eli]

Yeah.

[Cody]

Okay.

[Eli]

The 57 really doesn't do much damage. Like, fucking Peri. I know anything.

[Cody]

I've met guys who have been shot in the head with 57 and survived. Did I ever tell you guys that story?

[Eli]

I did.

[Nick]

No.

[Cody]

I was like a teenager.

[Eli]

Merry Christmas.

[Cody]

Yeah, I was. I was a teenager at a fucking gun store. And I'm looking at all these guns that I can't afford. Like, I'm just. They're cool to me. At the time I had like, maybe one guy, one. One gun that I own. And everything else is just like, oh, this is shit that I'll. I'll never own this fast forward. But I remember checking out the 57 pistol, which, to be fair, like, as an adult, I'm not really a fan of. It's very plasticky.

[Nick]

If you've never held it, you don't know much. It's very cool.

[Cody]

Yeah, exactly. I'm just like Call of Duty five seven pistol. Oh my God. High magazine capacity. The slides plastic. The pistol's plastic. Like, it's very kind of just clunky. And there's a lot of features about it I don't like, but it was cool at the time. And I remember asking to see it. You know, the gun store employees, like, rolling his eyes. Like, this kid's not gonna buy anything, but sure, whatever. And this guy next to me just goes, 5 7. Like, what?

[Brandon]

What?

[Cody]

What do you mean? He's like, doesn't do any damage. That. That can't take a man. Whatever. Something like that. Like, what are you talking about? Like, I've never heard this. Like, what. Where are you basing this off of?

[Eli]

He takes us through armor.

[Cody]

He takes off his baseball cap and points to several gunshot, like, very clear gunshot wound scars in his face. He's like, couldn't kill me. Oh, fucking core memory engraved in my brain.

[Nick]

Show me your 10 mil.

[Cody]

All right. All right.

[Brandon]

Is that the meme where it's like, I pull out my 5 7, I shoot the guy. It's like I should just give him my wallet because 57 costs so much.

[Cody]

Back when, like, 57 was like 2 bucks around.

[Eli]

Isn't it still $2?

[Cody]

You can get it like 45, 50 cents around now.

[Eli]

Oh, okay.

[Cody]

It's come down a lot, which, thank God, if you haven't. You know, a P90 where every magazine's 50 rounds adds up?

[Eli]

That gets expensive. Fast, fast. Brandon, why do you keep sending me money through Cash App with it saying just deck work?

[Cody]

Wait, is that not you doing all my yard work?

[Eli]

On the real? I think we all do use Cash App. Uh, it's a quick way to pay friends if they owe you money. Finn, where's my money? You told me you could beat the house.

[Cody]

You know the saying, Fenn always wins. Real talk, though. I've used Cash App, like this week.

[Eli]

Yeah, I think actually that's what we use to pay our boxing instructors.

[Brandon]

We also use it on vacation to pay for rides and just random things.

[Cody]

It's like, hey, let's split this Uber. Let me wire you $20. It's the two best things. It's easier and it's free.

[Eli]

Why'd we go to Vegas to build decks? And why were you building decks at 2 in the morning?

[Cody]

She was Hispanic. I thought she was just good at it.

[Brandon]

Why were you skiing in the snow at 4am The Cash App can do.

[Eli]

Way more than you think to make your money work for you.

[Cody]

If you direct deposit at least $300 in paychecks each month and use the Cash App card for purchases, you can.

[Brandon]

Earn up to 4% annual interest on your savings.

[Eli]

Also, you can hit your savings goals even faster by turning on the Round Ups feature on your Cash App card.

[Cody]

With roundups, every purchase you make using the card is rounded up to the nearest dollar, and that spare change is automatically put into your savings.

[Eli]

Make it work for you.

[Brandon]

Take advantage of high interest savings on Cash App Today.

[Eli]

For a limited time only, new Cash App customers can use our exclusive code Pause to earn some additional cash. Unpause.

[Cody]

Just download Cash App. Use our exclusive Referral code on sub 10 in your profile. Send $5 to a friend within 14 days and you'll get $10 dropped right into your account.

[Eli]

Terms apply.

[Cody]

That's money.

[Eli]

That's Cash App.

[Cody]

Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partners. Prepaid debit cards issued by Sudden Bank. Member FI, FDA. Member FDIC.

[Eli]

See terms and [e-mail] legal US Int US Card Agreement, direct deposit, overdraft coverage and discounts provided by Cash App, A Block Inc. Brand. Visit cash app.com legal podcast for full disclosure. What do you guys do for. It's a Christmas episode. I'm just excited. We're here for Christmas. My favorite holiday right now. Pumped. We'll get you happy. We'll get everyone happy. I'm sorry you're grumpy.

[Nick]

It's okay.

[Brandon]

I think the boys are just reeling up for a live show tomorrow.

[Eli]

Oh, yeah?

[Brandon]

What do we got tomorrow?

[Nick]

Very excited. I get to watch you three get up early, which I do every day. And then I get to watch you three live in the cold, which I also do every day. And I get to revel in it as you guys hate your lives.

[Cody]

All of those sound miserable.

[Nick]

I know. Well, very excited to watch you guys do it.

[Eli]

As long as the flights go smooth, that's all I give a good.

[Nick]

Say it out loud again. I'm sure that'll make it work. Now we sound like we have a layover.

[Eli]

We don't have a Mary now, do we?

[Cody]

Thank you. We do have a layover.

[Eli]

I believe Dallas.

[Cody]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

Is tomorrow Boston or New Jersey?

[Cody]

Boston.

[Eli]

Boston.

[Brandon]

We're doing Boston.

[Commercial Voice]

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[Cody]

We're shipping up to Boston.

[Eli]

We had the best flight back from.

[Cody]

D.C. every time we fly back from D.C. together, it's a shit, man.

[Nick]

Oh, yeah, we had. I didn't go to that. What happened?

[Cody]

Me and Eli, we. We were up there for. We were invited by, you know, General George and everybody up to the Army's. I think it's the holiday reception. It's like a Christmas party, which was a fun time. It's good to see everybody again. But it was our flight home. We're leaving Reagan Airport, and our flight's already delayed two hours.

[Nick]

Right.

[Cody]

And I've got to go to Rock island, film some stuff. He just wants to go the home. We are there.

[Nick]

I'm sorry to interrupt because I watched that video. Did you buy that gun or they just let you touch it?

[Eli]

I didn't.

[Cody]

I didn't buy. Went too high.

[Nick]

Oh, okay. What'd it go to?

[Cody]

90. 90 grand.

[Nick]

You should have bought it after with.

[Cody]

It, I realized it was.

[Nick]

No, go ahead and write that down on list of shit you're going to regret for the rest of your life. It's fine.

[Cody]

I told Zach that because Zach was with me. And I'm like, this is. I'm like, I know financially right now this doesn't make sense for me to do. And I know five years from now I will regret this. Two things can be true.

[Nick]

Okay, good. I also know that.

[Eli]

Yeah, one bitcoin. Literally a whole bitcoin.

[Cody]

But the.

[Nick]

Yeah, but there's 21 million Bitcoin. There's only one Thompson chambered in 30. 06.

[Cody]

It's a long story, but on the flight back from dc, it's delayed two hours. And then me and Eli sit in this fucking plane on the tarmac as they have to. They have to de ice it. Like the trucks have to come out there and de ice every plane individually and there's only one truck that does it.

[Nick]

We are BC of all airports, dude. Seems like a busy airport that could splurge on two trucks.

[Cody]

It might have some important things happening around it, right?

[Eli]

10:25 and we get pushed back. It's like, hey, now you have to be there at 11. We follow that to at. We walk around the corner. It's like, okay, they should be just about boarding. Door is closed. Still. Like, that's not a good sign, huh? I guess it's not. 11, 12, 20. We're on the plane. Finally.

[Cody]

Yeah, it was like. It was like a two hour delay, which is fine. That happens in airports. Whatever. We are on this tarmac for three hours.

[Eli]

I do this. We should almost be there.

[Nick]

I'm still here.

[Eli]

Brandon. Did the person in front of me with the small dog put down a piss pad?

[Cody]

Oh, I forgot about that too.

[Eli]

Wait. This was a journey of a fucking trip.

[Cody]

There was a fat guy in front of us, like fat ball guy that just had his little yappy dog, like a little Yorkie or whatever the fuck it was. I didn't see. Cause he was behind me. And in front of you, you're like, did he just lay down a fucking piss? Cause this little yippee dog was barking during the flight and I'm like, okay. Because of how shrill that is and how sporadic it is, I would say that's actually worse than small infant child. Also, you have a choice to leave your dog at home anyway.

[Eli]

The.

[Cody]

Yeah. Lays down a piss pad halfway through the flight. Well, mother shits.

[Eli]

I like, okay, they're finally serving drinks. This is after three hours they did not do anything for us on the tarmac. That was. Nope. Just sit there and wait. Halfway through the flight. Hey, Brandon, texting him. Did the dog just. Or am I smelling stuff?

[Cody]

I read this text message, and as soon as he sends it, I smell it like mother.

[Brandon]

Wait, how long is. How long is this flight?

[Cody]

Two and a half hours. Is two and a half, three hours? Something like that?

[Eli]

Yeah, Three hours.

[Cody]

We spent more time on the tarmac than we did in the air.

[Brandon]

What do you do with the ship, Ed?

[Eli]

I don't know.

[Nick]

You have the worst luck on flights. I feel like half the time I fly with you, you get sat by the most ridiculous cartoon characters on the planet. And I get one lady. I get to. I get to look over my shoulder and chuckle because it's always like. I always get to sit next to like, Zach or Brandon or somebody I know. And I like. And it's just Eli gets sat next to a random. And I look over and it's Eli like. Like this with a hat on and his phone down here pretending to be asleep but dicking off on his phone at the same time so he doesn't have to talk to somebody. It's hilarious. That single time it happens, that one.

[Brandon]

Chick was a Christ. That one woman.

[Cody]

Oh, my God.

[Eli]

I sit down like, ah, peace. Oh, you spend a doctor. I'm like, well, that's weird.

[Nick]

Oh, God.

[Eli]

She's sitting next to me and she's already trying to interrupt and save people.

[Cody]

Did we talk about that on the podcast ever?

[Eli]

I don't think we have. Have we talked about that?

[Nick]

No. The doctor.

[Brandon]

Yeah, no, the guy, the cut his. His hand.

[Cody]

A grown ass man child who had a boo boo.

[Eli]

Literally paper cut. This is like, Dude, Nick, this is a.

[Cody]

Like on our way back from Denver.

[Nick]

A drop of blood.

[Eli]

Drop of blood. Max. They are holding up the entire flight and they bring him up and he's like, what am I going to do? Fucking my neighbor. My husband's a doctor. Let me look at it. I'm like, bitch, what the.

[Cody]

She pulled the. My husband's an officer.

[Nick]

Transmitted medical expertise. What?

[Brandon]

So me and Brandon are sitting on the left side. So we're like 1 and 2. And we're looking at Eli. He's sitting next to this woman that thinks she's a medical professional. This dude just comes sprinting to the front. This is during boarding. Like, everyone's just trying to go where they need to go.

[Cody]

Like most of the boarding's already happened. Yeah, like it's happened.

[Eli]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brandon]

There's still, like, 10 people that need to get on board. This guy comes sprinting to the. The front. He's like, I cut my hand.

[Cody]

I cut my fing.

[Eli]

I cut my fingy.

[Brandon]

And so the chick next to Eli is like, I'm a medical professional. Everyone hold on. Everyone, hold on. I'm a nurse.

[Eli]

Now he's holding up the entire plane.

[Cody]

Now I'm seeing what he's talking about. He's just, like, holding his finger like this. And there is one little dribble, like, one little spot of blood on his pants.

[Eli]

And he is freaking out, literally, like.

[Cody]

As if I cut my finger, like, pricked it for, like, a diabetes test and pushed it into my thigh. Like, that's. That's it. And how condescending the pilot was.

[Eli]

I'll do that.

[Cody]

When the pilot walked out to, like, assess the situation, he just goes, oh, yes, sir, this is a serious problem. Would you like some orange juice? And the guy's like, yeah, I would. Like, I had no idea he was being condescended.

[Eli]

They held up the plane for it, too.

[Brandon]

Yeah, we were stuck for 15 minutes more because they did that shit.

[Eli]

Oh, and then she sat down.

[Nick]

I had one time on one flight where they're like, if there's any medical professionals on the plane, please go to the back of the plane. And I was with pewview and his camera guy, Dalton and Calvin, and, like, two other people, and they all look at me, and I'm like, God damn it. Fine. I walked to the back of the plane. There was a doctor on the plane that was already there. I was like, cool. Peace out. You got it way better than me. Goodbye. Unless he's shot in the chest, I'm probably not going to be able to do anything but call him a. Which that's all I'm good at.

[Cody]

GSW on an airplane is wild, like, sucking gun wound.

[Nick]

Unless there's something's gone horribly wrong, I'm not going to help. I'm really just good at a lot of trauma.

[Brandon]

How do I get that?

[Nick]

But I, like, walked. I was. They're like. They're like, are you a doctor? I was like, I was a medic in the army if you need something. And the doctor's like. They're like, I'm a doctor. This chick just ate too many edibles. And she's laying down, like, in front of the. The two bathroom stalls with, like, the snack car heart laying down, crying, she had too many edibles. I was like, I just laughed.

[Eli]

How does that happen?

[Brandon]

Good luck. If someone has a gunshot Wound. You're like, how'd you get that on? Because I'm about to change the whole trajectory.

[Eli]

Where we going with yeah, why?

[Cody]

Yeah, I don't know if we should include any of that part.

[Eli]

Well, that lady they filmed, that's how.

[Cody]

We get on the no fly list and can't do our job.

[Eli]

You guys filmed the lady talking to me in my face? We did, yeah.

[Nick]

It's not just the one lady. It was also the guy talking about he knows 37 ways to kill a man with a knife.

[Cody]

I believe was the exact words.

[Nick]

It's happened like to you like five times. It's hilarious every time.

[Eli]

So happy he found other dude that then they started talking across the aisle to each other about being over you military badasses.

[Nick]

Just two. Two dudes in grunt style shirts talking about how awesome they would have been if they joined the military. It was great.

[Eli]

I've killed a man.

[Cody]

I know 36 ways to skin a man. Stand to sternum, like, all right.

[Eli]

That's how I know you suck dick.

[Nick]

Let me write that down on. That's not appropriate to talk about very loudly on a airplane or like ever, Frankly.

[Eli]

Oh, the D.C. flight there. And then you got stuck the next to the lady that was having a full on panic attack too.

[Cody]

That did happen. I did feel kind of bad about that. She very anxious. Like the, the. The lady next to me was like freaking out. Like she wanted to stop the plane. She's like, can I get off? I'm like, oh. But she's like, she's freaking out. She's like, I'm not used to doing this by myself. Whatever. And I will say in her defense, very nice lady, like, she was going through some stuff and you know that that happens. But stopping the plane over, it's a little wild.

[Nick]

You could have been helpfully unhelpful. That would have been way better. I'm not used to doing this by myself. Look at the bright side. If you die, you'll be alone. Your loved ones will survive. That's good.

[Brandon]

The Shane Gillis kid I'm coming out of.

[Nick]

Wear your ass up.

[Brandon]

Just call people and tell them you hate them.

[Cody]

But, well, it was funny because the guy next to me, like, we were both like trying to be like a little helpful, like, you know, it's okay. Like, you'll be all right. You know, nothing crazy.

[Nick]

We'll.

[Cody]

We'll get the flight attendant for you, something. We ended up having to like, switch seats with him and shit like that. Or, excuse me, switch seats with her. But when she went up. Like, the flight attendant took her up to go talk to her or something like that. And the guy looked at me, he's like, yeah, I'm not the sensitive type either. He's like, I don't know what to do here. Yeah, that held up the flight for, like, five, 10 minutes.

[Eli]

It was a good time, though. I mean, that was. We both said it. It was a scene from Band of Brothers. Like, when they're back celebrating because you didn't know.

[Cody]

They swapped it back to the. The traditional. Like, the dress greens.

[Eli]

Yeah, and they look way better, dude.

[Nick]

Did you ever hear the reason? I guess. What. What was the dress uniform when you got out for the Army?

[Eli]

I had the greens, but it was the. Not those style of greens. It was like the 2000s. Yeah, yeah.

[Nick]

I had the. I had the black top with the light blue pants.

[Eli]

See, we didn't have those.

[Nick]

I had those. And it was like, the dumbest logic for a uniform ever. Everybody thought we were the Air Force. And they were like. Well, it's actually like an homage to back in, like, the Wild west and the, you know, riding horseback days because the uniforms were black. But people would take their coat off and put it in their backpack, so the coat would stay black. And then the pants would get sun. Sun bleached blue. So that's why the pants are blue and the jacket's black. And it's just like. Just go back to army green, bro.

[Eli]

Like, dude. And that's how it's like these ones.

[Brandon]

Was that General George?

[Cody]

Yeah, Randy.

[Brandon]

He was showing me the pictures, like, yeah, those uniforms. So hard.

[Cody]

But if you took out. Because, like, they have such, like, traditional. Like, you know, they had the. The live instruments. You know, everybody brought their wives and everything. The Christmas tree in a very classical, historic building.

[Eli]

And soldiers still yelling. And a partridge. And a partridge. Randy was having a good time.

[Cody]

But if you remove the PA systems and just, like, one or two minor details, you're like, if you told me I was Teleported back to 1943, I would believe you.

[Eli]

Hey, guys, you want to see something?

[Cody]

Not again.

[Nick]

Those are true classics.

[Eli]

Oh, you want to touch it, Brandon? Cody, you want to touch it, Brandon?

[Cody]

Show. You have a degree in hr, right?

[Nick]

That's right.

[Eli]

Today's sponsor is True Classic. Cody, what are you wearing?

[Brandon]

I'm wearing a True Classic shirt right now. It fits really well around the arms and the chest. It makes you look bigger than you are.

[Eli]

Cody, you actually look jacked right now.

[Brandon]

On a personal note, with my personal endorsement to True Classic that's no. All the pants and the shirts that I wear, like, the undershirts always wear True Classic. The pants, always True Classic. They're stretchy. Beli's wearing True Classics right now.

[Cody]

A lot of shirts that you get just off the shelf, like, aren't really cut. They're just generic unisex stuff. They're not really cut to look good. True Classic stuff is actually tailored to fit the male form, which is, you know, actually helpful if you want to not look like a slob.

[Eli]

Peak male performance. But now imagine my dick, because that's where I'm wearing underwear.

[Guest/Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Cody]

Now imagine my dick. Eli Cuevas 2025 trueclassic.com yeah, use code unsub.

[Brandon]

Now, we've been messing around with T shirts and been in that industry for years now. We can truly say that True Classic has some of the greatest material and greatest fitting that we've ever seen.

[Eli]

So forget overpriced designer brands. Skip the cheap throwaway stuff. True Classic is built for comfort, built to last, and built to give back.

[Cody]

You can even find them at Target or Costco or you can go to trueclassic.com unsop to try for yourself.

[Eli]

If you want to level up your clothes for the summer or come up into the fall weather, head over to trueclassic.com unsub yeah, tell us about that, guys.

[Brandon]

What did you guys go to?

[Eli]

Well, first off, we got a hotel in the wrong area. Well, it was a nice area, but there's two buildings with the exact same name. We found that one out.

[Cody]

That was my fault. Sorry about that.

[Eli]

I double checked, too. So in like, in your defense, I landed. I was like, okay, let's see how far it is so we can judge this nap.

[Cody]

I don't know what we're allowed to say and what we're not, but there was a certain hall that is a fairly common name, and there was two of them in D.C. like, two completely separate buildings that are event venues. We chose the wrong one.

[Eli]

It was five minutes from 1. 45 minutes.

[Cody]

Yeah. So we were fashionably late, which thankfully ended up not mattering.

[Eli]

But they were like, oh, just don't worry about it. Stick around. This goes on for a while, so just have fun. And then it's walking in because they.

[Cody]

Had multiple, like, foreign, you know, generals, dignitaries, you know, several congressmen, stuff like that at these. But they were doing multiple per day. So they were cycling people in and out at the same, you know, holiday reception thing. Just kind of a cool way to do it, but.

[Eli]

And pulling up to the military gate. And they were like, well, we know these guys.

[Nick]

Come on.

[Eli]

That was it. That was all it took. But come on, come on, come on. We got.

[Cody]

Taxi driver drops us off, and they're just like, excuse me, sir. State your business. No, no, no, no. They're cool. We got them.

[Eli]

But good to see you guys like that. And then we drove, and then it was just awesome seeing everyone. And it was wild, too, because you look over, you're like, three stars.

[Nick]

Okay.

[Eli]

Hey, four stars. Okay, Sergeant Major. Whole bunch of you.

[Cody]

Okay, we're casually talking.

[Brandon]

That was just a Christmas party.

[Cody]

Yeah, pretty much. Okay, we're casually talking.

[Brandon]

You guys are talking about it. No one said it was a Christmas party or anything.

[Cody]

I think I did it earlier. I don't know. I can't remember. But there was like. But there you just, like the people that. You just randomly talk to, people that come up and just say hi. You're like, oh, how's it going, man? Oh, it's good to meet you. This, this, this. And you just, like, look over and. Yeah, you just see the stars on their shoulder, like, oh, that's. Sir, hello.

[Eli]

It's just that weird, weird experience because we all got out of the military very low rank.

[Nick]

Ha.

[Brandon]

I don't know, Eli. What are we, E4 mafia?

[Eli]

Yep. E4 mafia. Failing to where you are, but it was a blast. And super appreciate the invite from Driscoll.

[Cody]

Yeah, it was George. And General George. Secretary Driscoll.

[Eli]

Sergeant Major Weimer.

[Cody]

Sergeant Major Weimer.

[Nick]

Are we going back to the Pentagon?

[Eli]

Yes. Yeah, they actually want to. Yeah.

[Nick]

They're gonna let us do it again.

[Cody]

We need to choose something less gay than White Claw. I will say whiskey.

[Nick]

I've been saying that for three years.

[Brandon]

Well, also.

[Nick]

Don't look at me been saying that for three years.

[Eli]

I drink whatever's in front of me.

[Cody]

Hey, well, now we have Echelon, all right? I'm not tied to White Claw anymore.

[Eli]

Bam. We'll bring echelon of vodka or whiskey.

[Nick]

I don't care. Whatever.

[Cody]

I feel. I. I feel like we did a disservice not having, like, a nice whiskey in the Pentagon. Also, I. Well, I do feel bad because they. They had to buy it. Whoever our liaison was. Like, not the. The government didn't buy, but the person that invited.

[Nick]

1:30 rack of bush light, please.

[Cody]

Oh, God.

[Eli]

Just so you can say, you drank that at the Pentagon.

[Cody]

It's evolving. Just backwards.

[Eli]

Can you please put a piss funnel in the media room, Bro?

[Nick]

The Pentagon could use a piss funnel.

[Cody]

I don't think where we were at in the Pentagon. A piss funnel would have gone anywhere you would. Had to travel upward quite a bit.

[Nick]

Drill through the floor. It's called a well. It'll work.

[Eli]

Hear me out.

[Brandon]

We were down there with the transformers. Come on, man.

[Nick]

It's not that, like, all right, we're going down. Okay. Boop, boop, boop, Boop. How far down did you just take me?

[Eli]

That was a pause.

[Nick]

My phone gets an alert like, I have no cell phone or so. It's in SOS mode. I was like, all right.

[Cody]

I do love that one moment where we're in that elevator. Like, we're still. We're still going down. And all of us just kind of go.

[Brandon]

It's like, all of us. Literally all of us just went.

[Nick]

The dude escorting us is like, all right, guys, this way. And I was like, well, this is either going to be a dope ass studio or a concrete room with black burlap sacks that are gonna be over my head in a minute. We'll see how this goes.

[Cody]

It's like Goodfellas. Open the door.

[Brandon]

Oh, fuck.

[Eli]

Oh, no.

[Nick]

The bubble wrap room from Dexter.

[Eli]

Ah, shit.

[Cody]

How'd you get in here? At ikea, your dreams can come true. Well, maybe not the ones where you're being chased by a monster. We're talking about kitchen drinks. And there are IKEA products and solutions for all of them, whether it's a whole new kitchen, a statement glassware set, or just new cutlery. If you got big dreams or small dreams and any size of budget, IKEA can help you bring them to Life. Visit IKEA US DreamKitchen to learn more. Dream the possibilities.

[Eli]

We're so sorry.

[Cody]

That could have been what happened. And, you know, Psyops just took over.

[Nick]

Dick joked too close to the sun.

[Brandon]

We flew too high, dude.

[Eli]

Oh, and Alex Miller was there, and he is. Oh, yeah, coolest fucking dude.

[Cody]

So shout out to Alex, CTO of the Army. Yeah. Really cool guy. Well, again, fellow podcast or a podcast alumni.

[Eli]

Yep. And we might have access to some pretty. Can't talk about that, but can we say some dope stuff might be in the works?

[Cody]

Yeah, yeah, some dope stuff might be in the works. Like stuff that we can collaborate with, you know, with the army to, you know, both help their. Their recruiting stuff and help them out with some of the projects they're trying to do. But also it gets us access and by extension, the audience access to some cool stuff that I think you might enjoy. So we'll see how that goes.

[Eli]

Stuff you've never seen before.

[Nick]

I have an open invite to go to hk to get in their fucking history room or whatever. The gray room, if you want to go.

[Cody]

Yeah, I would love to go to the gray room.

[Nick]

Yeah. They said we can do habitually fat there. You can go with us if you want.

[Cody]

I would literally cut off an Escalade to go there.

[Nick]

Yeah, we can go there.

[Eli]

Can we all go?

[Nick]

Yeah.

[Eli]

Also, how the Nick is still the only person I know and I know the pro shooters of HK and they have to buy their gun or they might get it. But you don't. You're the only one who's like, I got this from hk. I have. I've had a lot of fantastic gun sponsorships. Never hk. Brandon. Have you heard of that before?

[Cody]

No. I've had to buy all my HK shit and it's, you know, which is fine. That's cool. But you Nick.

[Nick]

Yeah. They sent me their new ar. It's really nice. I like it a lot.

[Eli]

I'm like, mother. HK is definitely shot show for that. Spent the most money on HK guns.

[Cody]

FN finally hit me up. That'd be cool. Yeah. They're like, do you have time shot show? I'm like, I've. I've been by.

[Eli]

Yeah. They text after.

[Nick]

After Scott put a suppressor on their threaded barrel and it broke. And then they're like, well, you're not supposed to put a suppressor on it. After that debacle. Was that FN almost positive that was fn?

[Cody]

Don't recall.

[Eli]

I don't think they said that because that's one thing I. They've been great to work with like Christina. Big shout out.

[Cody]

They've been great to you.

[Eli]

Yeah. Great to meet you to work.

[Cody]

I just feel like the fucking redheaded stepchild that gets let out, you know, pushed out of everything. I'm like, man, because they send you like one of everything new. And I'm like, man, I have spent a lot on FN stuff. Like I've got a 249. Saw every scar that's ever, you know, the P90, everything.

[Nick]

I'm like, man, you went elk hunting with a scar heavy.

[Cody]

No, I Wish it was 20s.

[Eli]

Yeah, 20s.

[Nick]

That's it.

[Cody]

The big. The DMR. That was a bad call.

[Eli]

It's that heavy. Look like a light. It's a big ass rifle.

[Cody]

I love their. I love their lineup. And yeah, can't get a call back. I feel like, yo, yo, fn. I. I wrote you still ain't calling.

[Eli]

Dude. That was my favorite Time of going to a gun store was, hey, I think a 509 came in. Like, yeah, also this is all for you too. It was a P92 ARS and a 5. 7 plus the 509. I was like.

[Cody]

And a partridge in a pear tree.

[Eli]

I was like, oh, wow. Old man at that really remote location, he's like, why did. Why don't you know about these? I was like, I had no idea they were sending those. Wait, they just sent them to you? Like, yeah, yeah. He's like an 80 year old boomer that just has a gun store out in Spring Branch just by himself.

[Cody]

Like, why'd they send these to you? I'm Batman.

[Eli]

Yay.

[Cody]

Yay.

[Eli]

Evan's good, but good job, Nick. You got HK somehow hooking you up with no one's ever.

[Nick]

We get to go in the gray room too. We get. We're gonna go do an episode of Habitually Fat in the gray room. All their historic guns.

[Cody]

I'm so excited to now be tangentially related to this.

[Eli]

If they have the original lamb, it's.

[Nick]

All of their HK experimental military weapons in this, like museum room.

[Eli]

There's three, there's, there's this lamb only three of.

[Nick]

I want to see the. I want to see the space magic gun.

[Cody]

Oh, yeah, the G11.

[Nick]

Yeah, yeah.

[Cody]

The Kraut space magic.

[Eli]

The grandfather clock. They're like, soldiers will be able to operate this. So simple.

[Nick]

The Minecraft gun.

[Eli]

Like, fuck, that's.

[Cody]

Yeah, those like mousetrap perpetual motion machines.

[Nick]

Speaking of, I watched, I watched Ian's video on the new. What's the new army service rifle, the M7. I watched his video on it and I was like, yep, 100%, like, not a fan.

[Cody]

No, no, I, I feel like I had a pretty detailed video breaking down. I, I think relatively objectively, you know, all the problems with it because, you know, if you're going to replace the AR15 with like the M4 platform or whatever, that's a pretty high bar, right? It's got to be pretty good. So if I can move the rail that's supposed to be dialed with lasers and shit, you know, that soldiers, you know, bet their entire lives on, you know, being able to hit their targets with pecs and shit like that at night when they're doing very intense missions. And also, you know, being able to put in the magazine without it killing the gun, be like, those are important things.

[Nick]

Well, that and his point of, like, they wanted to have a gun that they could get in a gunfight with at past 300 meters. Because that's what they dealt with in Afghanistan. And he's like, just, just grab a fucking $100 drone and fly it over there into him. Like that's the new meta. Why are we not doing that?

[Cody]

It kind of made a little bit of sense with what they were trying to do with the, the trials early on because they were saying like, okay, they realized at what range our soldiers were most lethal at. To my understanding of it, they're like our best KDs were at longer range. Because as it turns out, when you're fighting sheep fuckers, marksmanship is not something they train on quite a lot. And especially when they all have burned out AKs from the 70s. MOA is a social construct, but they.

[Eli]

Put it at 7, give it more.

[Cody]

Power when they shoot that story. Oh God, I can't remember where that was. It was Africa or something. Yeah, but it was the, the fouls or the G3. I think it was the fouls where they just put everything to 10.

[Eli]

Yeah, yeah.

[Cody]

It makes it shoot harder.

[Eli]

Yeah. We're missing also the XM7 weighs 4 pounds more.

[Nick]

It's ungodly heavy.

[Eli]

But we love as ungodly heavy and like mountain carry heavy.

[Nick]

I know so many people like Pew View hates the. I love the acog. Pew View hates it. I love the acog.

[Eli]

Why does he hate it?

[Nick]

Eye relief isn't that great on it, but it's just like I relief isn't.

[Cody]

Great on the 556 one, the 762 one, like the 308 version. Much better.

[Nick]

Is it? Yeah.

[Cody]

Oh yeah.

[Nick]

But I mean like, what it doesn't take batteries. It doesn't. I use works. It's fucking indestructible. And it's like, I don't, I don't care how durable you make that new optic with the rangefinder and all the bullshit in it. Like the motherfucker is going to break though. You're going to get in a firefight and it's gonna be like you need to update the software or some shit like every time.

[Cody]

Oh, that would be a motherfuck.

[Nick]

That's exactly what would happen.

[Cody]

Oh, I'm sorry. You need the software update 34 more minutes before you can use your optic.

[Nick]

So it's going to happen.

[Cody]

Oh, I'm sorry. You disconnected from WI fi. We got to reset it all over again.

[Nick]

So pissed it's that I don't like it. It's also heavy as shit. Yeah, I have, I have a go ahead.

[Brandon]

I saw a fucked them in World War Z.

[Eli]

You know what?

[Brandon]

They were relying on optics. They had to update and, like, do all this modern shit.

[Nick]

You're talking about the book, right?

[Cody]

Yeah.

[Nick]

Okay, the book.

[Cody]

That's. That's part of what I. I read that, like, a long time ago. I don't remember anything like that. They.

[Brandon]

Yeah, so the. The army relied heavily on optics that, like, went into your command and everyone had like, VR optics and they're like, trying to figure out what everyone's doing the battlefield. And that's why World War Z, like, that's why the Battle of Yonkers failed.

[Cody]

No shit.

[Brandon]

Yeah, because. Because everyone was relying on these, like, super futuristic optics.

[Cody]

Considering that came out in what, like 2007, it's a little ahead of its time. Yeah.

[Eli]

Drone warfare.

[Cody]

Man made horrors beyond your comprehension.

[Nick]

I know this is unpopular, but it's always just like, we might have an enemy that has body armor. And I was like, I mean, they have head armor. Like, we can figure it out. You know what I'm saying?

[Cody]

Like, I mean, that and even like in policing and everything else, like, everybody's going for pelvis meta now. Like pelvic bowl.

[Nick]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

That'S.

[Cody]

Can't armor your well.

[Brandon]

I mean, that's not a widely adopted thing these days, but like. Like when I went to SWAT school, that's what they told. It's like, shoot him in the dick, you're gonna go down.

[Nick]

You break into my house. That's what I'm doing. It's fucking 12 gauge. Pelvis.

[Brandon]

Yeah, start with the pelvis and then work up to the head.

[Nick]

That's I'm not around.

[Brandon]

That's. That's the actual meta.

[Nick]

I've got a semi auto shotgun with a suppressor and ear muffs next to my bed.

[Eli]

I have a whole bunch of suppress for my bets. I get to choose.

[Cody]

So, yeah, the 86 boom box. And again, it's. It's all pelvis.

[Nick]

Too much penetration.

[Cody]

Not right enough.

[Eli]

It's.

[Nick]

It's too much. That was the only round.

[Cody]

I never heard anyone complain about that.

[Nick]

So me and Demo Matt did it. It was 8, 6 and 50 cal. We're the only ones that shot through the neighbor's house, which is.

[Cody]

That's why you aim low.

[Eli]

Have you ever woke up and felt like your mattress punched you in your sleep?

[Nick]

I still think it was my wife, but yeah.

[Brandon]

Eli, do you have the mattress?

[Eli]

Right here.

[Brandon]

A pillow?

[Nick]

No, that's an Eli sized mattress.

[Eli]

Exactly.

[Brandon]

Eli, can I feel the pillow?

[Nick]

Of course, boss.

[Cody]

It's so soft.

[Eli]

Ghostbed just launched their brand new Mattress line.

[Nick]

Every mattress comes with a 20 to 25 year warranty and a 100 one night trial period where if you don't like it, you can send it back. I don't know how many stamps it takes, but you could do it. Are you tired of your mail carrier liking you?

[Cody]

You take a razor blade, cut it open, you're like, I always wanted to go to Denver and just hide in inside of it. Don't do that. But do try ghost bed.

[Nick]

And even better, you can get an.

[Eli]

Extra 10 off site wide when you use code unsubscribe.

[Nick]

And then you get to think about us every time you lay in bed.

[Cody]

More than you already do us just.

[Eli]

Cuddled up next to you.

[Brandon]

This is on top of their everyday deals on mattresses, adjustable bases and pillows being up to 50% off versus comparable brands.

[Eli]

Ghostbed has 60,000 five star review reviews and awards for cooling, comfort and support. Head over to ghostbed.com unsubscribe to take advantage of this holiday offer.

[Cody]

That's ghostbed.com unsubscribe.

[Nick]

Sleep better. Stay cooler or Cody's gonna.

[Brandon]

I'll eat your ghostbed.com How's Matt doing? You guys talk to him recently?

[Eli]

Oh, demo. He was at our last Christmas actually.

[Cody]

Yeah, he was on the last Christmas episode.

[Eli]

I think I'm gonna text him real quick.

[Brandon]

Yeah, yeah.

[Cody]

Do you want to. Do you want to just wish him a merry Christmas real quick?

[Eli]

Give me FaceTime. Yeah, FaceTime.

[Cody]

Hey, you know he retired to step away from this Internet to spend time with his family. Let's interrupt that.

[Brandon]

Wow. How, how horrible of him.

[Cody]

Let's interrupt that piece he just acquired.

[Nick]

It's okay, we can bring him back. I have faith.

[Eli]

Dude. Whatever he does next, he. But he's enjoying it. Like talking to him last time it was just enjoying, relaxing, chilling, doing his thing.

[Nick]

He'll. He'll get over it. He'll want to come back.

[Brandon]

I talked to him about a month ago and he's just like chilling with his kids, just having a good time.

[Cody]

Yeah, cuz. And he said he's got so much stuff too, from the YouTube side, like whether it's selling like the old cars and stuff like that he used for the channel. Like just random. Like, you know how our lives go. Like everything's so sporadic. It's like if you ever quit doing this, you'd have to have a couple months just to iron everything out and figure out where everything is. Anyway.

[Brandon]

What are you doing?

[Eli]

Huh?

[Cody]

Who's this guy?

[Brandon]

House elf.

[Cody]

Whatever.

[Eli]

House elf. I Think he is.

[Brandon]

Do you say something?

[Eli]

I think it'll be the. I think he's going to appreciate. When he comes back, I think he's going to have that. It's going to be like, oh, I. To need to get back into the flow of this and then hop back to it or do. What's it called? Who was that?

[Cody]

Oh, Outdoor boys.

[Brandon]

Outdoor.

[Eli]

No.

[Cody]

Oh, that.

[Eli]

Yeah.

[Cody]

I don't know.

[Eli]

Okay.

[Nick]

Oh, the guy.

[Cody]

Anybody know that guy?

[Nick]

I thought you guys knew that guy.

[Cody]

No. I thought you did.

[Brandon]

N. He still wants.

[Eli]

I don't even live here.

[Cody]

Anyway.

[Eli]

All right. No, but he said he might get back into. When he comes back, he might get into veterinarian stuff again.

[Cody]

Oh, that'd be kind of.

[Brandon]

You think he's gonna come back?

[Nick]

I was. I. I'm not gonna say I had much success, but I was trying to sweet hook because he was like. He really liked doing the, like, the surgery stuff for animals, like, where you could do it for free and putting it on YouTube before they got more strict with, like, monetization rules and what he was allowed to show. And he misses that a lot. And I was like, I mean, I have a platform. I'll let you upload it.

[Eli]

Oh.

[Nick]

And he's like, oh. So I was trying to sweet talk him into it. I don't. I don't think he took it, but I was trying.

[Eli]

It was a good idea.

[Nick]

Yeah.

[Cody]

No matter what, the first thing he ever does, if he makes a comeback of any kind, whether it's the gun stuff. I know he was kind of, like, kind of fading out of that a little bit. Like, the love. There wasn't, like, the love of affair with guns toward the end, which is understandable. The first video he has to do back, he has to make that rip on John Wick.

[Brandon]

Like.

[Cody]

Yeah, I'm thinking I'm back.

[Nick]

It's a good idea. You trying to get me to kill his dog.

[Cody]

Well, then he can save. Then he can save it.

[Eli]

As a veterinarian, I wake up with a bag over my head and Demo standing over me. He's like, where's Neck? I'm like, God damn it, Dude, Nick did it.

[Brandon]

Let me text the gang. Brings Demo back.

[Eli]

Nick sends his regards.

[Cody]

Why are you going after my boy? Well, sir, he stole Matt character's car, shot his dog.

[Eli]

Oh, man. Oh, Mr. Nick. What is something you're getting for the kiddos? I know the kids are gonna want a bunch of Christmas presents.

[Nick]

Ask my wife. I don't do shopping.

[Eli]

Well, they have to have something. We're like dad, I want this. Like you. I know last year you got them the Ninja, the OG what were they called? Like the pirate.

[Nick]

Oh, like the Play School Pirates castle set. Yeah, I got that last year. I don't know. I only, the only thing I really buy for them is I, I buy them like old gaming stuff. So like they have old Game Boys so I buy them. I like go to gamestop and buy 15 year old game Boy games.

[Brandon]

That's a cool ass present.

[Nick]

That's all they're allowed to play is old Game Boy stuff.

[Brandon]

Yeah, because, because my boy is 16 so I don't, I don't know what to give them other than a punch in the face. So that's, that's. Yeah, I never even thought about that.

[Nick]

Have you seen the, the new Game boys?

[Brandon]

The ones that play like 15,000?

[Nick]

No, no, no. What's, what's the, the meta guy's name? Palmer. Lucky.

[Cody]

So it's.

[Nick]

It'S like retro mod. Retro mod. Retro. Like this is not sponsored by the way. I don't have one. I don't know how it is, but whatever. But they're like advertising the out of it on social media right now. He basically, he basically made an OG Game Boy color, but he made it out of like it's like some fancy aluminum and it's got like an actual sapphire crystal for a screen and it plays just Game Boy and Game Boy color games. Oh shit. It's like 200 some odd dollars and it's like a super high end Game Boy color.

[Cody]

I fucking love.

[Nick]

It was cool.

[Cody]

I love Palmer because he's involved in like such a variety of crazy shit.

[Nick]

Yeah, he's, he's, he's re releasing the game boy color 30 years after it came out. Also he's trying to make more Javelin missiles for the United States military.

[Cody]

Like, like radically involved with the military industrial complex. He'll, he'll like text me about crazy he's working on and also he's like, oh yeah, by the way. Like, and then we start talking about Game Boys. It's, it's kind of cool.

[Nick]

Oh, you know him.

[Cody]

I wouldn't say like we're, we're tight but I, we talk.

[Nick]

Let's get some unsub ones going.

[Cody]

Oh dude, we need to have him on on sub. That'd be rad.

[Nick]

Yes.

[Cody]

Palmer, if you're out there, I would love to have you on on sub also.

[Eli]

Sweet mullet.

[Cody]

His. It is. That's the funniest part. To me that is a. Check out his Twitter go on X and. And check out his. His profile picture and like cover art. Have you seen that?

[Eli]

No, I have never heard of.

[Cody]

He is the funniest billionaire. Where do you get.

[Eli]

So where did he get his money from? Oculus Mod and.

[Cody]

Yeah, like he, he. I think he founded Oculus and like just he bunch of involved in a bunch of crazy shit. But he's a. He seems like a. Like a 16 year old billionaire kind of in the same way as Jared. Like Jared Isaacman.

[Eli]

Yeah.

[Cody]

Where it's just like. Oh like looking around his aircraft hangar and like his Star wars themed cantina. You're like, you know what if I became a billionaire at 16. Absolutely. Yes. I would also have a Grand Theft auto fucking hangar of fighter jets and a Star wars cantina as my personal bar.

[Eli]

Oh yeah. He's big into the defense industry.

[Brandon]

Well, shit, we haven't talked about that either. Fucking Jared.

[Cody]

Oh yeah, that's right.

[Brandon]

Damn. Yeah. Since the last time that we had a podcast, we haven't discussed that.

[Cody]

I kind of felt bad about that because we went to his hangar when we did that episode with Tim Sheehy and Jared and everything like that. Yep. But what we didn't say. Well, what happened in between us filming that episode, recovering the lost footage and everything like that and uploading it is Jared got renominated by Trump to be the head of NASA.

[Eli]

Yeah.

[Cody]

So he's in the middle of the.

[Eli]

Right.

[Cody]

Yeah. The. He's in the middle of his Senate hearing right now actually as we speak. I'm pretty sure it's. They're moving forward. Is. Excuse me. His confirmation in the Senate.

[Eli]

Yeah. Two days ago. Senate panel advances nominee in his run to lead NASA.

[Nick]

So I don't know him as well as you guys do, but isn't he like. He's not in like very involved in like politics. He's just been like. He made a ton of money doing aerospace stuff.

[Brandon]

Like he just.

[Eli]

No, not aerospace.

[Nick]

Okay. Sorry.

[Cody]

Stripe. No, no. Is shift for pay before.

[Nick]

Okay. But ever since then he's been like heavily involved in aerospace stuff and like fighter jets and all that.

[Cody]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

He just loves the aerospace industry.

[Nick]

So like he's like somebody is actually qualified to do the job.

[Eli]

Yeah.

[Cody]

Not only he's been to space twice and he's like one of the only civilians to ever do a space.

[Nick]

But that's the point. I'm saying like I almost feel bad for anyone. Anybody that's like actually qualified for a job that just gets nominated by Trump because they're going to get drugged through the mud for no other reason than the fact.

[Brandon]

And it was that guy that tried to drag him through the mud just because like you're friends with Trump, you're friends with Elon, all that shit. But to be honest, he's one of the most intelligent men I've ever met in my life. He's a real one.

[Cody]

He's alarmingly intelligent, but he's also incredibly humble. Like for being a billionaire who's got like, we're at his place full of fighter jets and all this cool shit he's got going on. You just think he works there.

[Eli]

And the best part, like, he's super chill. The company founded in 1999, by then, 16 year old Jared Isaacman.

[Cody]

Fucking genius.

[Eli]

So anything that does, he was the one who's like, oh, there's no process. Ways to process from the Internet to businesses. I'll just do that. And then his dad would drive him to the locations and then present the information because he was 16. So it's like, oh, dad, you just do the pitch, I'll do the back end and then you're just taking me around. I think that's what he said. It was like, yeah, I was kind of just sitting in the room. He's like, oh, my son had it coming along. That was it.

[Cody]

Damn rad. Like, he's, he's, he's been involved in a lot and they did all the, like, not, I'm not gonna say all of it, but they did a lot of like OP4 stuff for the Air Force.

[Nick]

Yeah, I knew that.

[Cody]

Yeah. What is it?

[Nick]

He has like the only, like some of the only MIGs or something that the US has, he owns them, so they use it. He like it's contracted by the government so they can get looks at these different aircrafts.

[Cody]

The MiG 29, which I believe is their Gen 4 fighter, he did have like the only one. Now I think he's got like three.

[Eli]

He has the only three. Still has the only.

[Nick]

Potato, potato.

[Eli]

Yeah.

[Nick]

This message may be shocking to many millennials. If you are one, you might want to sit down. Right now, loads of people are searching the following on low rise. Jeans, halter top, velour tracksuit, puka shell necklace, disc belt. You likely place these in the dark of your closet in 2004, never to be seen again. But if you can find it in yourself to dust them off, there are.

[Cody]

A lot of people who will give.

[Nick]

You money for them. Sell on Depop, where taste recognizes taste.

[Cody]

It's. It's fucking wild. And the guy you could just tell. Like, he just has such a passion for both space and flying. Like, he just. That's his tism, man. It's just like me with guns. Can we get history?

[Nick]

Can we get him and a flat Earther on the same podcast? I feel like that could be exciting.

[Cody]

I made a joke about that with him. I was just like, so how many times have you been. You. Have you been to space? Okay, this many times, including your spacewalk? Okay, cool. So how much is the New World Order paying you to lie about space? Because, you know, there are people. I'm surprised I didn't really see that in the comments, but, you know, there.

[Nick]

Are people that are like, probably 100%.

[Eli]

They did two spacewalks. Didn't he join the Navy or Air Force also, which is really cool. Or he went to college to get something and then in order to.

[Cody]

Jared.

[Eli]

Yeah, I swear to God, he was talking about that.

[Cody]

Not on top of my head. I don't know.

[Eli]

I mean, you read this. It's just insane. He has done so much. He is 29, is the 12th largest fighting fleet, 12th largest Air Force in the world, and he's privately owned, private citizen, brother.

[Cody]

In my opinion, for whatever that's worth, the guy is horrifically overqualified to be head of NASA. It's probably the most qualified director of NASA we've ever had. And, yeah, no, I'm just. I'm happy to see him renominated. That's really cool.

[Eli]

Yeah. If anyone. Those are the individuals you want running it, because don't worry about him being corrupt. He's the one. He donated, like, what, 270 million to the space camp.

[Cody]

Well, it wasn't just space camp. It was that and, like, St. Jude's.

[Eli]

That'S a separate one.

[Cody]

Yeah, St. Jude. I don't know what. What it was for the space camp itself, but I don't know the. The specifics on the numbers, but he donated a shitload of money because that's one of the reasons why he took the. It was inspiration for that whole project of going to space. That's. That's where that came from. That was a partnership with St. Jude's it's cool. Art.

[Eli]

That was the. Yep.

[Guest/Advertiser]

Art.

[Cody]

The guy nominated for, you know, director of NASA has a Netflix documentary about taking a crew of astronauts to space for a cancer charity. It's like, yeah, okay, that's a good pick.

[Eli]

Raised over 250 million to St. Jude's the space camp, I want to say, was like 180 or 270 and it was because Teehee Sheehee.

[Cody]

Senator Tim Sheehy.

[Eli]

Tim. Yeah. Tim was like, hey, I have a friend. This is gonna close down. They need some donations. Can you help? He's like, yeah, I got it. And then donated.

[Nick]

Here's a GDP of a small country.

[Cody]

Yeah.

[Eli]

And they're like, yeah, we're good. Forever, ever.

[Nick]

Okay, we'll put it in a savings account. Residual interest is enough.

[Eli]

Insane. That's that next level of donation.

[Nick]

Jesus.

[Eli]

We've donated a million dollars.

[Cody]

Yeah, we're like, for. For autism and veteran charities. We're like, million dollars is really cool. And he's like, oh, that's a great start. Just like Eddie from the Boys. That's a nice starter.

[Brandon]

Watch.

[Cody]

Good for you, little man.

[Brandon]

Appreciate that, bud.

[Eli]

The holidays are here. Which means it's time to give the gift. Smooth.

[Nick]

My mom has a sock like that. You new kids with your USB C auto recharging batteries don't know what it's like to fight over AAA's with your parents. And it shows.

[Eli]

That's why we're talking about manscaped.

[Brandon]

Do you want someone special in your life to not have hairy balls?

[Eli]

What?

[Cody]

Brandon.

[Eli]

He's giving you a hint.

[Nick]

Guys, it's got a headlight.

[Brandon]

You can see your balls in the dark.

[Cody]

Groom with your brights on. With manscaped.

[Nick]

You trying to shave a deer? This would be my first bet. MANSCAPED Performance Package 5.0 Ultra.

[Eli]

This is the ultimate upgrade. Because nothing says happy holidays like smooth balls.

[Cody]

The Performance Package 5.0 Ultra is your clean slate for 2025. Tackling everything from body grooming to rogue nose and ear hair.

[Eli]

You start the holiday looking sharp, confident, and ready for whatever comes your way.

[Nick]

We wish you a hairless Christmas we wish you a hairless Christmas.

[Eli]

That's a good beat.

[Cody]

Just wait till he gets to jingle bells.

[Nick]

Why are we over complicating this? Buy this and shave your balls.

[Eli]

It's easy. Shave your balls.

[Nick]

It works really well.

[Cody]

If you think women don't care, they care.

[Brandon]

Shave your balls.

[Eli]

Give the gift of smooth this season with the the Performance Package 5.0 Ultra. Get 15% off with code [e-mail].

[Nick]

That'S 15% off plus free [e-mail] unsub and use code unsub because nothing says.

[Eli]

I care like a well groomed man. Nick. What? Any new videos you've worked on lately?

[Nick]

I just did a video on Frank Luke, best fighter pilot of World War I, and another video on Colonel Sanders.

[Cody]

Oh, I know where this is going.

[Nick]

Wait, I promise you, you don't know.

[Cody]

I promise you. I have an idea. Was it his shootout?

[Nick]

That was one of many things.

[Cody]

Okay. I love that you yell dog.

[Nick]

When's this video come out?

[Eli]

Before Christmas. Right before Christmas. When is yours?

[Nick]

It's after the live shows. All right.

[Eli]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is like, the 20th record.

[Nick]

Oh, we can go over it. Harlan Sanders was born in the 1800s, and his father died at a young age, so his mother was working in a tomato factory. So at the age of five, he basically had to raise his four younger siblings, and that's where he got his passion for cooking. And then when he was 12, his mother remarried, and he didn't get along with his stepfather. So at the age of 12, he said, you. And he left home, and he began doing manual labor jobs on farms and railways. And then he falsified his birth certificate to join the United States army, went to Cuba, and then came back and started working for the railroad. And he cussed like a sailor after serving in the military and kept getting fired from the railroad for beating the shit out of people repeatedly, over and over and over again. And married a girl. They had a couple of kids. And then.

[Eli]

How old is he right now?

[Nick]

He's, like, 18. Married a girl, had a couple of kids, and kept getting fired, bouncing around from job to job. And eventually his wife is like, I'm not dealing with this guy getting fired all the time. I'm gonna leave him. So he gets a letter while he's on the road working for the railroad because he got fired, but got another job and gets this letter that his wife left him, gave up their house and gave away all the furniture. And in his autobiography, he's, like, oddly mad about the furniture. Like, he's suit. Like, the getting rid of his furniture was, like, on par with taking his kids. Like, he's like, she gave away my furniture and the kids, and she didn't have any right to give away my furniture. Like, he's really upset about the furniture for some reason, but he can't do anything about the furniture. He can still do something about the kids. So he goes and, like, concocts a plan that he's gonna kidnap his kids. And I believe in his autobiography, he says, and I quote, although I didn't really see it as kidnapping because they was mine. So he goes to his father. Yeah, so he goes to his father in law's house, and he's just, like, out in the woods. Obviously, he wasn't wearing the white suit, but in my head he's wearing the white suit, like out in a pile of bow leaves in the woods, like waiting for his kids to come out to play. He's like 22.

[Eli]

I picture him still with white hair, mustache, 18, 12, doesn't matter.

[Nick]

That's Colonel saying. Waiting to bring out my kids before.

[Cody]

I give you the 11 secret herbs and spices.

[Nick]

100%. The kids never come out to play. And he's like a it. I'm just going to go up to the door. So he goes up to the door, like knocks. His father in law opens it. It's like, oh, hey Harlan, how's it going? He's like, good. So he like goes in the house and they like make small talk for a little bit. I just picture and he's like, go ahead.

[Eli]

It's just the dad looking out and you just see Colonel Sanders peeking out.

[Nick]

From a tree and they're like going.

[Eli]

Back and like, huh?

[Cody]

It's like Slenderman.

[Eli]

Yeah, exactly. Like, what the fuck's he doing out in the woods?

[Cody]

Fried chicken. Static just starts chilling.

[Nick]

He like goes in and like has small talk with his father in law and his like soon to be ex wife for a little while and eventually he's like, I don't know what to do. So he just kind of like gets up, he's like, all right, well I'm going to leave. And she's like, well, where are you going? He's like, I got a job in Illinois with the railroad. And she's like, nah, you better stay here with me. And then they just stayed married for another 37 fucking years. And he just relentlessly cheats on her. He called it tomcatting, but he was everybody, so that's what he called it. All right, so I mean it makes sense.

[Brandon]

That's a Southern term.

[Cody]

Yeah, that's tomcat.

[Brandon]

That boy. Tomcat cat, tomcat, Southern turn.

[Cody]

What is. It's like that old school mentality of like, it's not cheating if it's different zip codes.

[Nick]

Yeah, I guess back in the day where you could like go 12 miles down the road and have a whole different family and nobody'd ever fucking know.

[Cody]

Yeah.

[Nick]

Which happened a lot more than people. Trust me, as a guy that reads World War II memoirs, I get it. I've heard like the amount of people that were like, yeah, his first child is actually named after his girlfriend from France, like all kinds of shit like that, but so doesn't have to kidnap his kids, gets his family back, keeps work for the railroad, gets fired at some point he's like, I'm gonna become a lawyer.

[Guest/Advertiser]

It.

[Nick]

So he does, like, correspondence, which is like, through the mail, basically. You could become a lawyer back in the day. It's like online school, but analog, essentially. So it becomes a lawyer through the mail and then ends up losing his law license because he beats the out of his own client in court.

[Cody]

In court.

[Nick]

In court.

[Cody]

Oh, man.

[Nick]

Him and his client got into an altercation. He beat the out of him, lost his law license. So then he becomes a salesman for Michelin tires. And that's going good. He becomes like the regional sales guy for the South. And then he loses his job because he's driving across a bridge and the bridge collapses and it totals his car. And he can't afford a new car. So they're like, well, if you can't sell, if you don't use our tires, you can't be a tire salesman. You're fired. So they fired him instead of just giving him a new car. I don't know why it happened.

[Eli]

Also, very bad luck.

[Brandon]

We're still talking about Colonel Sam.

[Nick]

Yes.

[Brandon]

Right.

[Cody]

Okay. I feel like they're just looking for an excuse to fire him at that point.

[Nick]

He was a very disagreeable, terrible person.

[Eli]

It sounds like he fought his client in court and lost his law license.

[Cody]

That took forever, I'm assuming, like Nick said, disagreeable.

[Nick]

So he. He is, like, living in small town Kentucky, doesn't have a car. So he hitchhikes to the big, like, the next big city. I think it was Louisville. And he's hitchhiking there. And the first motherfucker to pick him up is like, oh, did you want to run my gas station? And he's like, sure, why not? So he just starts. I know where this part goes, running this gas station. And it's like, it's competitive. So he starts selling food. It becomes really popular.

[Eli]

And then so he just stops at a gas station. And the dude's like, no, it was a hit.

[Nick]

He was hitchhiking. And the dude that picked him up, oh, the gas station was looking for somebody to run the gas station.

[Eli]

Even more wild to me.

[Nick]

So he's like, yeah, I could run a gas station. It's like 19, 1929. So he starts running this gas station, starts offering food. This is like kind of where the food thing really picks up. But then eventually he. The great Depression happens, puts that gas station out of business. But he did such a good job that Shell gets a hold of him and was like, hey, we know you did a good job. We have a gas Station that's like right on the interstate that's going to stay open through the Great Depression. We want you to run it. He's like, okay, cool. So he goes there, starts doing the same thing. He's like, serving food, he's selling gas, but blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, he wanted to, you know, be competitive. He wanted to be the best gas station around. So he started putting up signs for, you know, like, whatever, Shell gas station, we serve food, blah, blah, blah. Well, rural Kentucky in 1930, people kept shooting up the signs so much you couldn't read them. So then he started paying farmers to put murals on the side of their barns because people wouldn't shoot a farmer's barn because farmers shoot back.

[Cody]

Is that the inception of that? Yeah, because I remember growing up in the South. Like, you just saw that everywhere in, like, the rural South. Yeah.

[Brandon]

Driving through northern South Carolina, everyone has advertisements on their barns.

[Cody]

Yeah.

[Nick]

Exception. Because old school people shot up signs.

[Cody]

No, that's.

[Nick]

And people won't shoot up a barn because they don't want to kill anybody or get shot at back. So that's where that kind of started.

[Cody]

I never thought about that.

[Nick]

One of the other gas stations in town started going and paying the farmers to paint over his advertisements. And he was getting pissed off. So then one he, Colonel Sanders goes to this guy's gas station and tells him, I believe the direct quote is, I will blow your fucking head off if you keep painting over my signs. And then Shell has two representatives come to, like, see what he's doing because his gas station's going so well. And while the Shell representatives are there, the employee comes in and tells him, like, colonel fucking what's his dick that runs a gas station's painting over your sign right now on this road. And Colonel and the two Shell executives get their guns and go confront him.

[Cody]

And this one, I will add the context. This was in 1931 is when this happened. And that was the quote that I knew about. The exact quote. Well, you yell a dog. I see you're smearing that sign again. Is what starts a gunfight.

[Nick]

The dude pulls a gun and shoots and kills one of the Shell executives. So then Colonel Sanders shoots him and drops him. And Colonel Sanders gets away with self defense. And this guy gets convicted of murder and later gets assassinated in prison by the Shell executive's family.

[Cody]

I didn't know that part. Yeah, that's it.

[Brandon]

Do be like that.

[Nick]

So then. And then there, he basically takes over the entire area. And I guess it was like a really rough area. Kentucky, because there was so many bootleggers and stuff and, like, crime going on. And there's, like, other. There's multiple accounts of him confronting people trying to steal gas, like, in his underwear with a shotgun. Like, Colonel Sanders is just running shit. Apparently at this point in time, this guy.

[Cody]

This feels like, you know, they do that to, like, mascots of, you know, children's cereal and shit, where they give them the prison tats and a gun.

[Nick]

No, it's legit.

[Cody]

That. That's what this sounds like. You're. You're making a fucking gangster backstory for Colonel Sanders.

[Nick]

So eventually he owns the gas station, and then he ends up making more money on the food than he was on the gas. So he's like, f. CK it. I'm just gonna open a restaurant. He opens a 140 seat restaurant. And then that goes really good. So then he opens up a motel right next to the restaurant, and he's doing that for a while. And then at the restaurant, he hires some new hot chick and then divorces his wife and marries her instead. And then they stay married for the rest of their life.

[Eli]

And he, like, that's when my Tom can stop.

[Nick]

He's so. He's so good.

[Cody]

You imagine staying at the KFC motel.

[Eli]

Also, what a wild joke is like, this chicken is doing really good. I'm a starter hotel next door.

[Nick]

So the. His restaurant, so popular, like, real fried chicken, like actual, like, Southern fried chicken. You have to cook in, like, a cast iron skillet, so you can only do, like, so many pieces at a time, and it takes like half an hour. So he, like, perfects how to do it inside of a pressure cooker. So he can make mass quantities, but it's still good because deep frying, it just isn't the same, I guess. So he figures that out, and then his fucking restaurant and motel both burn down. He rebuilds it. They burn down again. He rebuilds it again. And then the county reroutes the highway away from his business and puts him under. And this is like when he's 65. So he goes out of business. 65, he's dead ass broke. And he basically goes on the road with his pressure cooker and his secret blend of herbs and spices in the trunk. And him and his wife live in their car for three years as he travels the country going to restaurants that are failing and is like, hey, I'll teach you how to make this chicken. I'll make my secret recipe for you for breading and send it to you. And you have to pay me 4 cents for every piece of chicken that you sell. And he goes all over the country, and in three years, I think he signs up, like, 400 franchisees.

[Eli]

No shit.

[Nick]

And this is when he's 65, living in his car, which is wow.

[Eli]

Also, I love how motivating that is because homeboy, at 65, I'd be like, fuck, dude, government me over. I had a great road. Then they built this highway thing, and.

[Cody]

You didn't build a killdozer. Seems like a missed opportunity, frankly. But so we'll see where this. We'll see where this goes.

[Nick]

Some of the franchises still end up failing even though they have Colonel Sanders chicken. So he hires this guy named Dave to go in there and, like, simplify the menu, like, streamline the business, show him how to run a proper restaurant. And Dave would. Colonel Sanders pays Dave a bunch of money for, like, saving, like, 10 of these franchises. So he gives him, like, a big chunk of money, and that guy takes that money to open up his own burger place and names it after his daughter Wendy.

[Eli]

No, you're shitty.

[Nick]

I swear to God.

[Eli]

Get the out of here.

[Guest/Advertiser]

The fuck?

[Cody]

Dude, I feel like we all just did, like, the gay Redditor, like, Avengers crossover.

[Nick]

Oh, my God.

[Eli]

So he had his anime and then his daughter named Wendy.

[Nick]

Yeah.

[Eli]

And we're like.

[Cody]

We all did the Funko pop stare at Nick.

[Nick]

So that happened. And then.

[Eli]

That's crazy. They work together.

[Cody]

I was thinking that because I'm like, now I know it's like, Dave's double Whatever Dave. Like, I know this name affiliated with fast food.

[Eli]

No shit.

[Nick]

So that happened. And then eventually, like, some other shit happens. He ends up selling the business for $2 million and a contract to be the, like, lifetime spokesperson for kfc.

[Eli]

And this is what year, too, because.

[Nick]

He'S, like, in his late 70s at this point.

[Eli]

But what year is this? Like, 60s.

[Nick]

Fucking 60s, 70s. Somewhere in there, 2 million is a.

[Eli]

Ton of, like, a metric shit ton of money.

[Cody]

Yeah, 2 million now is a lot of money. 2 million then is a load.

[Nick]

So he basically becomes a spokesperson for kfc and they go public. They were, like, the second restaurant to go public after McDonald's. Like, it was a big deal. So because they went public, all they care about is shareholders and, like, the next profit margin. So they started up all of his recipes, and it was like a spoken handshake deal. You weren't going to alter his recipes. So, like, they fucked up his gravy, and then they came out with the extra crispy chicken, and he Was like, super pissed about it. He was. He was known for going into random KFCs, trying the gravy and then just spiking the entire meal on the floor. And he's like. He cusses like a sailor. He's cussing out the people in the kitchen and shit for up his recipes. Apparently all of his radio ad spots were all heavily edited because he couldn't go two sentences without saying motherfucker or goddamn. Like, so he's doing that. And he talks so much to the press about ruining his gravy and how shitty the new extra crispy chicken is that they had to sue him to get him to stop. And the judge that's overseeing the court case is like, I'm sorry, the letterhead on the opening of this document is this guy's face. And you're suing, you're suing that he just, like, dismisses the court case.

[Cody]

KFC versus Colonel Sanders.

[Nick]

Literally, the court case is KFC versus Colonel Sanders.

[Eli]

This dude walking in and spiking gravies. Amazing.

[Cody]

He had to wear the white with the bow tie.

[Eli]

Hey, you. The other.

[Cody]

The other thing is, like, that wasn't even related. Eli.

[Eli]

He says that word.

[Nick]

I read three.

[Eli]

That dude. Tell me that, dude.

[Nick]

I read three books on this guy. And, like, there was a lot of time spent because there's a, like, there's a lot of weird, like, Internet conspiracy theories that he was like, in the kkk, heavily racist and stuff.

[Brandon]

I'll be honest, that looks just like my grandfather.

[Cody]

Not helping your case.

[Nick]

Yeah, well, you know, so I read. I literally read two and a half books on this guy and a shit ton of articles. And, like, the articles are like, he was actually really progressive for his time. He was like one of the first dudes that was out there hiring women to run entire establishments.

[Brandon]

And why was he let them have anything?

[Nick]

Because he wanted to bend him over the pressure cooker. Cody, obviously, he's still.

[Cody]

He's a tomcat.

[Nick]

He bragged to his daughter at the age of 83 that he was still getting.

[Cody]

Are you.

[Nick]

I swear to God.

[Eli]

What?

[Nick]

He was bragging that he was still having sex at 83 years old.

[Brandon]

Did he ever say anything about women suffering because they've been suffering for too long, we should end their suffrage. Dude, he looks just like my paw paw. My pawpaw used to say he's chocolate cheese. I feel like he would say that.

[Nick]

Okay, so this, this isn't true. I had to dig and, like, prove that this wasn't true. But there's Another podcast that, like, went over his whole life. And in their podcast, they kind of buy into. There's a lot of Internet myths that Colonel Sanders was, like, a prolific racist, like a KKK member and shit, which isn't true. But one of the myths was in his first original restaurant. It's a completely fabricated story. This isn't real. But this other podcast put it out, and they're like, in 1953, in his first restaurant, one of his customers came in and they had a pet crow that could do tricks. And it was basically, like, trained to go around and peck at people's shoes until you gave him a penny and he would bring it back to the owner. And Colonel Sanders fell in love with it. So he bought this crow from the person, and Colonel Sanders named him Jim. It's like, all right, Jim Crow.

[Brandon]

Yeah, we're tracking.

[Nick]

Not true. But I was like, jesus, no, that was a.

[Eli]

That's not true.

[Nick]

No, that's not true at all. Like, he wasn't a prolific racist.

[Cody]

It's funny.

[Nick]

But, yeah, it's just. It's just weird that, like, he was like, the ideal Southern gentleman. So, like, all the. Him being like, a prolific racist sprouted up.

[Cody]

Well, that's weird because, like, that's. That's like. It's a funny joke, but, like, where would that myth come from? Just if they're shown reality to that.

[Eli]

How he look. Literally, probably how he looks.

[Nick]

You just.

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[Nick]

Make shit up on the Internet and claim it's true.

[Brandon]

Wait, you can do that?

[Nick]

Yes.

[Cody]

Shit, we got an expert on it right here. I love how Connor looks up. He doesn't even need to fucking.

[Eli]

$22 million in 1960 is $22 million.

[Nick]

Two million? Yeah.

[Eli]

Two million is 22 million. Yeah.

[Cody]

Yeah, that shit.

[Eli]

But not a bad. That from. That's retire.

[Nick]

You can retire. On one hand, it sounds like a lot like not enough money because he had like a 1100 franchises. So, like, it doesn't sound like enough money for an 1100 franchise business. But apparently Colonel Sanders was super old school and it was just like a handshake Agreement of like, I kind of know how much chicken you can make with how much secret herbs and spices I'm sending you. You owe me four cents. Mail me a check every month, right? So he was just getting like 1100 handwritten checks in the mail every month at his office and cashing them when he sold business.

[Brandon]

I just imagine if he's like 4 cents less, he just, he's at the back door to the establishment. Flies across the country, and he's just at the back door like, I didn't get my 4 cents today agent.

[Cody]

Well, he just sends them the news article of him shooting a man getting a quit.

[Nick]

I didn't even put this part in the video because I couldn't prove that it was true. But there was one account that he always loved to like, play practical jokes on people. And KFC had like a high ranking executive that happened to be a black man. And they would like go to business meetings and stuff together because he was like the face of KFC still. And at like 85, he would like, as soon as they parked, he would run and get the bags out of the trunk and he would walk in first in front of the black guy, and he'd check in and be like, and this is my son. But we don't talk about that.

[Eli]

Like just, holy shit, that's.

[Brandon]

Let's be honest, that's some shit. We would.

[Nick]

Do.

[Brandon]

You guys like fried chicken?

[Nick]

Here's my son.

[Cody]

Jesus. Where did you hear this? Like, you. That you couldn't confirm it, but you're like, pretty sure it's true.

[Nick]

I've heard it. It was in like several articles and it was on another podcast. But like, it wasn't anything in his autobiography. And then there's another book that was like, written by an actual historian that like studied the guy and there was no mention of it there. And the place. The articles that were written weren't reputable sources and the podcast that it was in also had several other errors that I could confirm. So, like, I can't confirm that that part's true, but it is funny.

[Brandon]

It's.

[Cody]

It's headcanon for me. No. Yeah, but I think I told that on the, the podcast at one point. The, the relationship between you. Were you talking about the first publicly traded fast food company I think was McDonald's.

[Nick]

Yeah, I think so.

[Cody]

The relationship between. Oh, God, Roy Kroc and Walt Disney.

[Nick]

You've told me about this.

[Cody]

But to the fact that because there was a relationship, it was. Yeah. Ray Kroc. Sorry, Ray Kroc. And Walt Disney, because there was a relationship between McDonald's and Disney World. Like later on that was one of the only external fast food restaurants that was allowed to have, you know, places in Disney World. Have I not told this story?

[Nick]

I don't think so.

[Cody]

I thought I did.

[Eli]

This is something, this is interesting.

[Cody]

It was because Ray Kroc and Walt Disney were both ambulance drivers in World War I.

[Nick]

That's cool.

[Cody]

So they were. Actually, I thought I did because I.

[Brandon]

Thought Ernest Hemingway was as well.

[Nick]

Really?

[Brandon]

Yeah.

[Cody]

So Ernest Hemingway, Ray Kroc and Walt Disney were all ambulance drivers in France in World War I.

[Brandon]

My grandfather was as well.

[Cody]

Hemingway was in Italy. Okay, I know Italy with the Red Cross. Okay, so Hemingway was Italy. So different side of the continent.

[Brandon]

But they were telling my grandfather was too.

[Cody]

Really?

[Brandon]

Yeah, he was an ambulance driver in World War I.

[Cody]

No, yeah, I did not know that. But all right, well, Ray Kroc after, you know, McDonald's takes off, you know, after he allegedly, you know, we all watched the founder stole this company from somebody else. Ended up writing a letter to Walt Disney, basically saying, hey, I don't know if you remember me, but we served together in, in Europe. I kind of have this company, this little fast food joint. I see you're doing well. If you ever want to work together, let me know. And they couldn't put it together when either of them, or excuse me, when both of them were still alive. But after they had died, there was a relationship formed and they still have the letter that Ray Kroc wrote to Walt Disney 2. You know, that kind of like, hey, I don't know if you remember me, but I see we're both doing quite well.

[Eli]

We should work together. That's a cool story. I love that any of that. It's that old idea. And then you're just like, well, we're going to roll the dice and see how this works. We're going to start restaurant and then a hotel next to said restaurant. Highways going to open up super far away. I'm going to just start this, live out of my car and then sell an ingredient.

[Nick]

Oh, also, sorry I don't have my notes, but going back to the gas station era, after he had his own gas station, he was going around putting up signs again. I guess shooting signs fell out of popularity or something. He was putting up signs or painting barns or whatever. And he had changed from doing his own signs to just ripping down other people's and painting over theirs. Now because this is fucking Colonel's territory. There's one account of another gas station owner confronting him to tell him to stop. And he pointed a gun at him and said, get back in your car.

[Eli]

Where did colonel come from?

[Nick]

He's a Kentucky colonel.

[Cody]

All right. Who else is a Kentucky colonel at the table?

[Nick]

Harland Sanders got it. When you actually had to do something impressive.

[Eli]

It's not shitty.

[Cody]

Are you not.

[Nick]

No.

[Brandon]

Oh, do you guys not know that.

[Nick]

The my last name isn't prevalent enough on the Internet that anybody can just go sign me up?

[Cody]

Fair.

[Brandon]

The governor of Kentucky made me and Brandon colonels.

[Nick]

I'm aware.

[Eli]

Wait, what?

[Guest/Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Cody]

Do you not know that, Eli? So we're honorary Kentucky colonels.

[Eli]

Yeah.

[Nick]

So is Rich.

[Brandon]

Yeah, we're colonels.

[Eli]

When did this happen?

[Cody]

So is Kentucky ballistics, too?

[Nick]

Yeah, that makes more sense.

[Cody]

That makes a lot more sense.

[Brandon]

Andy Brashear made me and Brandon Kentucky colonels, and. Yeah, and Scott Andy.

[Nick]

What the.

[Eli]

Yeah, us two Colonel Fat.

[Cody]

See if I can make some calls.

[Eli]

Thanks. Thank you.

[Brandon]

I. Dude, it was the weirdest thing getting to my address ever. I opened up this.

[Eli]

This.

[Brandon]

This letter, and I'm like, wait, wait, wait. Back for a minute.

[Nick]

Secret blend of herbs and spices. Sprinkles out.

[Brandon]

It was like, from. Blinds it from the Governor Andy brochure. You are a Kentucky Colonel. And he signed it. And so, like, me and Brandon are Kentucky colonels.

[Cody]

That was the odd part. I was like, how the fuck did you find my address?

[Brandon]

Yeah, he did find our addresses.

[Cody]

Yeah. Oh, this is not something we asked for. It's just something that shows up in the mail.

[Brandon]

Yeah, we never asked for this. We just got it and was like, what the fuck?

[Nick]

I'm just going to start collecting.

[Brandon]

I texted Brandon, like, brandon, what is this? He was like, I got one, too.

[Eli]

What's his name?

[Nick]

Who did this?

[Brandon]

Andy Bersher.

[Nick]

The governor of.

[Brandon]

The governor of Kentucky.

[Eli]

Just picture him watching your guys's video. I like them boys.

[Brandon]

They. They very nice people over there.

[Eli]

And they colonels now. Is he still active?

[Cody]

Yep.

[Brandon]

Yeah, that's. That's one of the things I have hung up on my. On my wall behind me when I do my videos and streams and shit.

[Cody]

He is the 63rd governor of Kentucky. Been serving since 2019.

[Brandon]

It was the most random thing ever. But yeah, I'm a Kentucky colonel.

[Eli]

Brandon is, too. He has military rank.

[Cody]

That's actually technically true in this place.

[Eli]

Not.

[Cody]

Not military, but, like, I'm a colonel in only the state of Kentucky.

[Nick]

I'm going to start.

[Eli]

Enter.

[Nick]

Oh, my God.

[Cody]

All right, we're going to go there.

[Nick]

Start introducing Brandon as colonel.

[Eli]

Colonel, Commonwealth of Kentucky. Not the state of Kentucky.

[Nick]

Why are we not.

[Cody]

Don't.

[Nick]

Why are we not using this in your congressional campaign? Because it's Colonel Brandon Herrera.

[Eli]

I love it. The name.

[Cody]

Because that's Colonel Brandon. Very thin.

[Eli]

Why?

[Cody]

It is objectively true. You know why we're not using it.

[Eli]

I don't.

[Nick]

It's not going to stop me from introducing you as Colonel to everybody at the Pentagon from now on.

[Eli]

Oh, how do you think that. Welcome. Merry Christmas. Brandon, you are now colonel, Medal of Honor recipient.

[Cody]

This is the Purple Heart episode Part two, and I don't like it.

[Nick]

I'm gonna get you the colonel rank, but it's going to be like a fried chicken on the front.

[Eli]

A Kentucky Fried Colonel Fried Chicken.

[Nick]

It's a full fried bird.

[Eli]

God. Oh, the Internet's going to have fun with this. No, he is a colonel.

[Cody]

It is true. I do have the paperwork.

[Nick]

I should be.

[Cody]

I should put that up somewhere. I think it's in my spare room right now.

[Brandon]

I put it in my Twitter bio. It just says Kentucky Colonel.

[Cody]

Did you really?

[Brandon]

Yeah. People are probably like, oh, Kentucky Colonel. It's like, no, Andy Berscher made me a Kentucky Colonel.

[Cody]

I'm very proud of that.

[Brandon]

I have no idea.

[Nick]

It's like honorary rank for the state.

[Eli]

Yeah, that's so fucking dope.

[Brandon]

So we are Kentucky Colonels, dude.

[Cody]

The Kentucky Colonel is the highest civilian title of honor bestowed by the Governor of Kentucky, recognizing individuals for significant contributions to their community, state or nation, often for good deeds, leadership, or outstanding service. Acting as ambassadors of goodwill. It's a lifetime honorary commission. Not a military rank, though it originated from military tradition.

[Eli]

All I heard was that Moody did.

[Brandon]

You know I'm a Kentucky Colonel? Okay.

[Cody]

How many times has he told you?

[Brandon]

Yeah, told me I'm a colonel.

[Cody]

God damn it, Nick Cody, that's very funny.

[Eli]

Deep fried Colonel.

[Cody]

Kentucky Fried Colonel.

[Brandon]

It's still KFC awards, but I take this one. I like it.

[Eli]

How the did I even know that? Oh, my God. We got.

[Cody]

We.

[Eli]

We have to get your sarn major for 2026. There's an honorary Sergeant major, right?

[Cody]

I feel like Jon Snow. I don't want it.

[Eli]

That's why you deserve it. I don't want it. That will be 2026's goal. And then, Brandon, dude, thank you for everything you do.

[Cody]

You guys.

[Nick]

Do we have campaign updates?

[Cody]

Not on record.

[Nick]

All I want for Christmas is a politician I like. All I want for Christmas is a politician I like.

[Cody]

You might get it. We'll see.

[Nick]

Yeah, I know you're going to say.

[Brandon]

No, but I love that you were just going to win the first place. Before all the things happen.

[Nick]

Can you, like, just start insider trading like every other politician, except literally just admit to it on the Internet and then donate the proceeds to St. Jude?

[Cody]

So here's the funny part. I. So I already.

[Nick]

Nobody on the planet would convict you if you did that.

[Cody]

Well, I went on record saying that I was never going to like. And this. I still stand by this. I will not buy, sell, trade a single stock while in office.

[Nick]

Can you tell me? And I'll do it and I'll donate all the money.

[Cody]

Here's where you already can. You already can with Nancy Pelosi stock trading.

[Nick]

Yeah, but she just retired.

[Cody]

She hasn't retired yet. She's still in office.

[Eli]

Oh, she's still.

[Cody]

You can still monitor trades. Yeah.

[Eli]

You think she's going to stop trading?

[Cody]

What? You know what's funnier than that is that what's better than following Nancy Pelosi stock trading is inverse Kramer.

[Nick]

I have seen that.

[Guest/Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Cody]

Where Jim Cramer, like, you know, mad money guy is so bad at predicting everything in the stock market.

[Nick]

Yeah.

[Cody]

You just do the opposite of whatever he recommends. It's actually doing better than insider trading from Nancy Pelosi.

[Eli]

How does he react to that? That he is the stock guy or financial guy and it's been proven to just do the opposite.

[Brandon]

And you're going to be talking about the meme guy. Like.

[Eli]

Yep.

[Nick]

Yes.

[Brandon]

Yeah.

[Nick]

Yeah.

[Cody]

He. I seen, like, there's different quotes where they're like, dude, the world's not going to end next year. And everybody's like, fuck. Oh, it's fine, guys. You guys are acting like the sun's going to come up tomorrow. Boys, we think we're in trouble.

[Eli]

We're dead now.

[Cody]

It's just funny that, like, being that wrong can actually be more financially beneficial than, you know, literal insider trading.

[Eli]

And that's your profession, which is wild. What are your updates, though, for your race? You have. We got a couple people came out the woodwork.

[Cody]

We'll see things are a little too early at time of recording. We don't exactly. We don't even know who's in the race, frankly. We know there's a couple people that might have jumped in, other people that, again, want Tony out. So hopefully that. That's a. That's a useful collaboration. But the. The actual primary is on March 3rd, so right now it's just. We're in fundraising mode. We're talking to people in the district and we're trying to just get the message out, like, hey, man, this is what your congressman has done. This is what he is doing, and this is why he needs to be replaced. And so that's the. The message. We're hitting really, really strong. And then if we. We end up going to a runoff, which I will say now, we don't know exactly. We don't even know who's in the race right now. The deadline's already. The filing deadline to be on the ballot's already passed, but they're still doing the paperwork. So we don't know who's exactly on the ballot yet. When we do know that, we'll see. But right now, it's John Cena literally could possibly happen.

[Eli]

That would suck. Well, you might lose that. Honestly, then you just give up on.

[Cody]

Man, that would be the funniest thing that could happen. Well, you saw the ShamWow.

[Eli]

I promise. We come at night. Eli, and then it's just over.

[Brandon]

Eli, me and you were in his campaign finance office, and we're just like, dude, really?

[Cody]

Well, you saw the shamwow guy jumped in, and I think it was Texas District 35, if I'm not mistaken. Shamrock Shamwow. Like, the Shamwow Shamwow. I'm dead serious.

[Nick]

The slap chop guy.

[Brandon]

What if Bill just comes out of there?

[Eli]

Goldberg's like, I'm running for like, God damn it, dude.

[Nick]

Matt character has a chance to do the funniest thing right now.

[Cody]

He missed the opportunity to do the funniest thing.

[Nick]

You don't know if he signed up or not.

[Cody]

That's fair. I do know he's in District 21. But the. Yeah.

[Eli]

It's like, shut up, please. Friends. No. I have my back, right.

[Nick]

Brother, I've.

[Cody]

Done this for two long. I know my friends don't have my back on this one. They have an interest in mind, and it is not my best. They attack Tony because funny. Which. Fair enough.

[Eli]

Everything's a meme.

[Cody]

That's my running joke, though. It's like, my opponent right now is doing a really good job of running against himself. So whenever he's done with that, I'll play winner.

[Eli]

I never thought about it. Anyone else in your shoes with friends like that posting and doing that would be absolutely terrified. I would be like just Sun Tzu and Colonel Sanders voice killed me that. Oh, man. So I, I.

[Cody]

None of us knew what you were referencing there for a moment, and then we. We all put it together at the same time.

[Eli]

My God.

[Cody]

See a campaign update. That's how it's going. I think we'll pull it off this time, though.

[Eli]

I think you have a good.

[Nick]

I mean, I gotta go do unsub in D.C. now.

[Cody]

That was funny the other day because we were there for the. The army Christmas party. You just text me like, hey, man, this is going on X, Y and Z. And we all share locations because we're, you know, gay like that. And he's like, by the way, I could get used to this. And just sends me a screenshot of BRANDON Herrera, Washington, D.C.

[Nick]

It'S gonna happen, Cody.

[Eli]

Can you read that in Colonel Sanders voice?

[Brandon]

In raiding and plundering, be like fire. In immovability, like a mountain.

[Cody]

I love how obvious most of Sun Tzu's is, by the way. In raiding and plundering, be like fire. In immovability, be like a mountain. Am I supposed to garner from that? When you are sneaky, be silent.

[Eli]

When you are sneaky, energy may be locked into the bending of a crossbow decision to the releasing of the trigger. What. What does that mean?

[Brandon]

I. I like to think that he was dealing with people who had like 30 IQ back in the day. So that sounded monumental to the people that he was talking to. When you walk, kill your enemy. When they're sleeping, it's like, yeah, they're sleeping, dude.

[Cody]

When you are being stiff, be stern. I. Yeah, I'll have a number seven with cheese.

[Eli]

Dude, you're not joking.

[Nick]

The.

[Eli]

The next one. It is more important to outthink your enemy than to out fight him.

[Brandon]

Holy. We have to be smarter than our enemy, dude.

[Nick]

I'm telling you, the Art of War is like the lamest read ever. I remember. Like maybe try to attack the enemy when the sun's at your back. So the sun's in their eyes. Mind blown.

[Brandon]

God damn.

[Eli]

If you think they will beat your ass, don't let them. It's just sun Zoo. That's all it is too.

[Cody]

Stop making quotes. I never said sun zu jo mama.

[Eli]

Now just this with random quotes on it.

[Cody]

My favorite is the technically correct one. Like this is technically a Sun Zu quote. All warfare is based.

[Eli]

Period is just nothing but this.

[Cody]

Do them dirty in front of they dad. Sun Tzu, the art of War.

[Eli]

Literally. Joel Mama.

[Cody]

How did you get on this side of Google Images?

[Eli]

I don't know. It just keeps loading me.

[Brandon]

I just love. I just love the 30 IQ peasants. He's like, kill your enemies. And they're like, oh, oh, shit, yeah.

[Cody]

Flank them and spank them.

[Brandon]

Sun Tzu. Sun Tzu.

[Cody]

When they fire at Your head. Duck.

[Eli]

The Art of War. Oh, my God. McJesus. Okay, we have that. Cody, what are you doing for Christmas.

[Brandon]

Bro?

[Nick]

Christmas? Yeah.

[Brandon]

I'm hanging out with you boys, probably.

[Nick]

I don't know. We.

[Cody]

We've been.

[Brandon]

We had the Thanksgiving. We did the friendsgiving.

[Eli]

That was.

[Cody]

That was good.

[Brandon]

And, like, I feel like we just built a good family here to hang out with each other.

[Cody]

Yeah. All of our friends came over.

[Nick]

I'm not moving here. It's never gonna happen.

[Eli]

Brandon, can I have your white claw?

[Cody]

Yes.

[Eli]

I figured you didn't touch it.

[Cody]

We're in the giving spirit here.

[Eli]

Thank you. Merry Christmas.

[Cody]

Merry Christmas.

[Brandon]

I don't know, man. Are you just hanging out? I think we got a up and coming. Let him cook. We're gonna film on the 18th or 17th, I believe Jake said.

[Eli]

Yep.

[Brandon]

How's. How's your doing, man? How's we getting ready for say hello, say hi.

[Eli]

I like, say hello, say hello.

[Cody]

That's the formal episode. I know. Say hello to Elijah.

[Eli]

Oh, no. Like, what the is this?

[Nick]

Salutations to Elijah.

[Eli]

No, just. I mean, y' all doing the same thing. It's just Christmas shopping for your kiddos. At this point, you're like, oh, also.

[Brandon]

I love the show episode.

[Eli]

She was so nervous. I didn't know. You did two shots.

[Nick]

Hold on.

[Eli]

Before you started that episode, by the way.

[Cody]

You quickly figured it out. I didn't.

[Eli]

It was until afterwards, I was like, oh, she's super relaxed right now. This is fucking great. She's killing it. Killing it. And then everyone's like, yeah, she did two shots before. Oh, no, it was your vlog.

[Cody]

She had quite a lot to say about the gypsies, though.

[Nick]

Also, can we talk about the voicemail?

[Cody]

The what now?

[Eli]

The voicemail.

[Nick]

Oh, you weren't here for this.

[Eli]

So when I. If I call you and you don't have an actual voice.

[Cody]

Oh, that's right.

[Nick]

No.

[Cody]

Yeah.

[Eli]

So everyone out there, if you. If you're. If you didn't set up a voicemail, it's just going to be like a robot.

[Nick]

This phone number is not available. Please leave a message after the tone. Beep.

[Eli]

I call show yesterday for something. Live shows, whatever, and doesn't get answered. And then it goes to the Irish robot.

[Nick]

But it's an Irish robot voice.

[Eli]

And you've had. That is your American phone number, which is more wild.

[Nick]

I have no idea why. It's all right.

[Cody]

It seems a little racially charged, frankly.

[Eli]

You. All of us have just normal. You didn't know it. You had no idea so it's like, hey, your voicemail robots Irish. And she's like, what? Did you choose that? She's like, what are you talking about? I was like, okay, well, you have an Irish robot talking for your voicemail. We had no idea that was a whole ass thing. And then we got on. You haven't heard it?

[Brandon]

No.

[Cody]

Call show.

[Eli]

Call show.

[Brandon]

All right. Show. I'm calling you right now.

[Eli]

Which also, what's your provider at? And T, you could do some really dope stuff with accents.

[Cody]

Yeah. You could call Sun Tzu and get some wild.

[Eli]

Hey, he not here right now. Answer later.

[Commercial Voice]

Your call has been forwarded to voicemail.

[Nick]

The person you're trying to reach is.

[Commercial Voice]

Not available at the toe.

[Nick]

Not available.

[Cody]

Record your message.

[Commercial Voice]

When you have finished recording, you may hang up.

[Eli]

Hang up, Hang up.

[Cody]

You got Friday from Iron Man.

[Eli]

That is an American phone number, by the way. How does it know that?

[Nick]

All right, who's going to call their black friend?

[Brandon]

Say, I'm calling chocolate right now.

[Eli]

Darnell donates dmx.

[Nick]

He's not available.

[Cody]

I love. I made that joke. I made a joke earlier. We were just around about dmx, and you're like, oh, old Earl, because I forgot you arrested that repeatedly. Yeah. Apparently it was like a recurring bit in your town.

[Brandon]

Yeah, Old Earl, he didn't have a driver's license. He was, like a sovereign citizen type person. You know, he has, like, 16 kids in Spartanburg.

[Cody]

Explains why he was there so much.

[Brandon]

He. He eventually ended up. Or he ended his life because he couldn't pay all his child support for his 16 kids.

[Cody]

He ended his life?

[Brandon]

Oh, no, no. He eventually died there.

[Cody]

Oh, I didn't know, like, if he. By his own hand. What.

[Brandon]

Like, he was a piece of. I don't remember how he died, but, like. Like, the sheriff's department kept pulling him over, and I was always on those calls. It's like, oh, it's Earl again. Oh, it's Earl. It's like, yeah, yeah.

[Eli]

In a book.

[Brandon]

Yeah. That he had, like. He had, like.

[Cody]

He had a.

[Brandon]

He had quite a. Like, a prolific, like, Hollywood career there. Like, with. With a jet.

[Nick]

Jail to the grave.

[Brandon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cradle of the grave, all that stuff.

[Cody]

So what you're saying is that when he said, x gonna give it to you, he wasn't talking about child support?

[Brandon]

No, he just, like.

[Eli]

It was a Brandon joke.

[Cody]

Yeah, it was right there.

[Eli]

He's gonna give to you now.

[Brandon]

Yeah, he just.

[Nick]

Oh, boy.

[Cody]

Nobody else was taking it.

[Eli]

All right.

[Cody]

If I was watching this podcast, I'd be Screaming at the through the phone.

[Nick]

That Santa has Baggy as on your head.

[Cody]

Where the did this start? No, he came over to your house.

[Nick]

And I put on his tiny cowboy. That's right.

[Cody]

It was for The Darwin Awards.

[Eli]

7 and 3, 8 inches. Why is it a normal human head size?

[Cody]

Yours is not seven or three, eight. Yes it is.

[Nick]

Merry Christmas everyone.

[Eli]

Merry Christmas. Nobody's brought up Christmas.

[Cody]

This entire episode, it was a snooze fest. I sleep over there. Everyone is. No, they were just waking up just now for me because I'm here.

[Eli]

Merry Christmas. Fuck you, you fat headed. I just picture him walking with like dark helmet. It's baseballs. I toss a normal hat, it lands on. It's like the mattress. It's like I did do this thing.

[Cody]

I was, I was staying at Brandon's.

[Eli]

House and he was out of town for like a couple days and he.

[Cody]

Had a felt hat sitting on on his kitchen counter.

[Brandon]

And I was like, is my head really that small?

[Cody]

And I picked it up and I put it on and it was like I felt like a toddler. I was like, God damn it. Nick's right. I got a baby ass head. You were like a kid wearing the little plastic firefighter.

[Eli]

Nick, we got to measure cocks in.

[Nick]

The bathroom right now.

[Eli]

Cuz I'm working with some heat, brother. I am carrying some heat. It is both long and girthy. I've been told it feels great. My head is small, but my other head is reasonably sized and it touches.

[Nick]

That spot that they all like.

[Cody]

You know what I'm saying? Sorry, I'm not going to say that. This is everybody's wife.

[Eli]

You just said the N word.

[Cody]

Let's cut that. No, I didn't. I'm about to.

[Brandon]

Nick, I. I have said Nick.

[Eli]

We're the racist ones. No, you said Nick I'm. But you cut yourself all. You said Nick I'm.

[Cody]

And I heard something else. I apologize.

[Eli]

We're the assholes. Cody was like, I didn't.

[Brandon]

So.

[Eli]

Wow.

[Cody]

My first time hearing my friends say the N word. Gosh, I apologize for that accusation. That's what I heard out of my left ear.

[Eli]

We all did.

[Brandon]

Anyways, so about the Mets.

[Nick]

Good. I'm glad I won the argument that you have a tiny head. I'm glad that settled. That's behind us now.

[Cody]

No, I have a normal sized human head. I stand by my statement on the back. Flip your hat around, you fatheaded. Yeah, look. Three clasps holding on for dear life. Three? No, that's a halfway up the fucking you should be able to fill all of them. There's seven.

[Eli]

That's normal.

[Nick]

You should be able to fill all of them in. How many holes you got on your belt, Connor? Is it one? Because it's not one.

[Eli]

You can't talk about conversation because it's.

[Brandon]

Going to make it worse.

[Eli]

Everyone will think I'm tiny because I'm on the last loop. You had to make new loops with the screwdriver. I've had to do that with a leather punch before. Everybody's going to think I'm five foot zero when I weigh zero pounds and.

[Cody]

I'm about to disintegrate into dust.

[Eli]

If you put on nick's.

[Nick]

He's actually 6 foot 2 and weighs zero pounds and it's going to disintegrate into dust.

[Eli]

Nick put Connor. It's gonna look fine.

[Cody]

We all know exactly where this is going. Yeah.

[Eli]

No, Tilt your head forward to the.

[Cody]

Camera to show them how much hair you got.

[Eli]

I just like cushion right here. We talk about the crow. Magnum brow. Dude, you can take the. Spin it, Cody. Yeah, dude, just hit it real quick. Hit that front button.

[Cody]

Bear up. I can live in here.

[Eli]

Can I move in here? Fucking hat.

[Cody]

Me and my family of four love.

[Brandon]

To live in here.

[Eli]

I don't know if I.

[Cody]

If I go to the grocery store and buy the largest watermelon they have, I know what hat will fit in.

[Eli]

And then everybody online is like, no, no, there's no three buttons.

[Nick]

Okay.

[Eli]

Make it fit your head real quick.

[Nick]

Make it fit in your head.

[Eli]

Let me go.

[Cody]

Okay.

[Nick]

Let me go to all of it.

[Eli]

I'll show you right now.

[Nick]

Watch. Watch the top of the cutout strain because it's never been that small before.

[Cody]

Yeah, no, we go. We go normal human head size. That's what we do. Yet all the way adjusted to the very fucking edge.

[Eli]

Yeah. And then if it's fine, can you put two fingers under your hat?

[Cody]

What? Is not a dog collar.

[Nick]

I think the point is it's still baggy on your head.

[Brandon]

No, it's not.

[Cody]

I can't. I can't fit two fingers up.

[Nick]

There's two fingers in there. I can't fit.

[Eli]

You guys are gay. You're not my friends anymore.

[Cody]

This is the gayest argument we've ever had.

[Nick]

You.

[Eli]

Merry Christmas.

[Cody]

I'm stealing his hat. How's Iowa? It's great. It's great.

[Eli]

Yep.

[Nick]

We had a homeless guy freeze to death last week.

[Cody]

What? Hell yeah.

[Eli]

Yeah, we just.

[Nick]

It happens in his driveway.

[Eli]

Refused to let him in the house.

[Nick]

No, I was at the fairgrounds. I don't have a basement.

[Cody]

Why?

[Eli]

Just the idea of being homeless in your area.

[Nick]

I mean, I don't know the context of this individual. I mean, there are homeless shelters in my town, but the homeless shelters are very much like, you're allowed to be here at night between these hours and these hours. And during the day, you need to go out and look for a job or be like, volunteering or doing something with your life other than being homeless. And some homeless people refuse to do that and would rather live outside or rather die outside. And sometimes that's what happens.

[Eli]

Wait, pause. Have we talked about the gang tattoos we all have as we sit together yet?

[Nick]

I think we have.

[Cody]

I think so. Have you pointed out yours?

[Eli]

I've not seen.

[Cody]

Also, let's call them gang tattoos.

[Eli]

Sounds Nazi tattoos.

[Brandon]

What?

[Eli]

Gay tattoos.

[Nick]

What?

[Cody]

Merry Christmas, everyone.

[Eli]

Merry Christmas.

[Nick]

Gang.

[Cody]

Literally, dog.

[Brandon]

Gang.

[Eli]

Not gang. I don't know. Gang.

[Nick]

Gang.

[Eli]

Have we talked about that?

[Cody]

I feel like we.

[Nick]

Yeah, we.

[Cody]

I mean, we've talked about that.

[Nick]

We all got matching tattoos because we're super gay. Yeah. That's the whole story.

[Eli]

I just never seen yours until now.

[Nick]

Yeah. Really?

[Cody]

Yeah.

[Eli]

I didn't know he had that there. You didn't get it.

[Nick]

I have one session left on my back piece, and it's like, just love handles and I'm gonna die. It's the worst spot I've ever had.

[Cody]

What was the worst spot you've ever been tattooed?

[Nick]

Love handles. You don't think it is, like, I've had my kneecaps done.

[Eli]

Lower back.

[Cody]

I feel like it would be in the inside of joints. Like.

[Eli]

No, it sucks.

[Nick]

That sucks. It's not as bad as your love handles.

[Eli]

This area off, dude.

[Nick]

It's horrible.

[Eli]

Especially when it's like gigantic liners.

[Cody]

And I have to.

[Eli]

Why do you think I'm not colored down there?

[Nick]

Well, I have to finish it.

[Cody]

Well, you're brown down there. What a. What a way with words. Eli has.

[Eli]

That's what I do also.

[Cody]

I've never. I don't think I've. I think I've seen your back piece once. I was just like, I never really.

[Nick]

I don't know that I've ever seen.

[Cody]

It done the whole thing up.

[Eli]

I was like, oh, like, the lining is like. That's a thick line by all standards of tattoos. Now. You compare to that, to any of those giant. And that's not colored. The upper back. Colored. Wretched. And then I. They're like, okay, you have two can.

[Brandon]

American.

[Cody]

I was going to say. Let's say Color filled.

[Eli]

You have two, six. You have 16 hours left on the. That portion. Just let me know when you want to come back.

[Cody]

I'm like, you have 16 hours left on that.

[Eli]

His tattoo is. His tattooist said, let me know when.

[Cody]

You want to come back.

[Eli]

I've had.

[Nick]

I've had like 40 hours of tattooing last three months.

[Eli]

You what?

[Nick]

I've had like 40 hours in the last three months.

[Cody]

Dear God.

[Nick]

On my back. And I still have more to go.

[Eli]

Dude, it just sucks how the love handles.

[Nick]

It's horrible. It's the worst. It's the worst by far.

[Eli]

There's no getting comfortable. There's no. You're just like this. It starts.

[Nick]

Oh, my God. The entire time and it's eight hours.

[Cody]

I don't know. I cried a lot when I got my.

[Eli]

Show it. Show your.

[Cody]

Yeah, I. My goes halfway down my. My goes halfway down my thigh. Now. Cody, show him your cock. You show that to camera.

[Eli]

I'll move the.

[Cody]

Your hand. Oh, it's in the way.

[Nick]

Yeah. Oh, he's got a chicken tattoo. Get it. His goes halfway down his thigh.

[Eli]

There you go.

[Cody]

Hey, my cock goes halfway down my thigh.

[Eli]

I turn that a little bit there. Now I can.

[Nick]

Okay.

[Eli]

That was your. And that was your very first tattoo.

[Nick]

Yeah.

[Cody]

I might have been mildly intoxicated. What? Florida. And decided to get a tattooed on my thigh.

[Eli]

What? That was so painful.

[Cody]

I was crying the entire time.

[Nick]

I believe that.

[Cody]

I know you were talking about your. Your love handles and all that. I don't have love handles.

[Nick]

And you know, I believe that too.

[Cody]

I have a normal hairline.

[Nick]

Yeah.

[Cody]

And a normal human sized head.

[Eli]

You're so very alien right now.

[Nick]

Put this on top of your head so we can call you nail Skinny ass.

[Eli]

I can't keep. I couldn't even maintain the bit.

[Nick]

No.

[Cody]

I just love so much. That's why I decided to get that. Merry Christmas, everyone.

[Eli]

We love you all. Merry Christmas. But we all got the gang tattoos. Can I say that, Brandon?

[Cody]

Yeah, yeah, that's fine.

[Eli]

The gang is fine.

[Cody]

Yeah. Dear God. You still have.

[Brandon]

Yeah.

[Cody]

How many hours you said on just a thing.

[Nick]

Yeah. When are you gonna finish it? Fuck, I'm gonna finish my back piece before you.

[Eli]

I have already looked into this. It is anesthesiologist to go under.

[Nick]

Oh, God.

[Cody]

You're gonna do fucking to get color on your tattoos.

[Eli]

Brother in Christ. Nick, you don't have. You're black and white. Black still feels way better. Nick, how many color tattoos do you have?

[Nick]

Run that by me one more time.

[Cody]

Say that Again, just the way you said it.

[Eli]

Black feels way better.

[Cody]

Yep.

[Nick]

Than colored. I don't know.

[Eli]

My grandpa used both those words freely in the grocery store.

[Cody]

My mom hated it.

[Nick]

Yeah, I don't. I don't know.

[Cody]

Thanksgiving was.

[Nick]

Colored ink hurts more than black ink. I'm gonna be honest with you.

[Eli]

Do you have a single?

[Nick]

No, but I will go get one just to call you a fucking liar.

[Eli]

Oh, please. This will be a fun one.

[Cody]

Put this on the record.

[Eli]

Can you do half of your love handles? Do one side with some color in it and then do the other with whatever you wanted.

[Nick]

No.

[Eli]

Or match.

[Cody]

Now just get like one on right there. Like on your cheek.

[Nick]

I'll do. I'll do with some white. And then I'll just go over it in black after the fact.

[Eli]

Will you do. No, you'll actually do white ink. Yeah. And.

[Nick]

Oh, it's not gonna feel any different.

[Cody]

Why everyone?

[Nick]

Why would it feel different? Give me.

[Eli]

You heard it here for us.

[Nick]

Remotely scientific explanation.

[Cody]

White and colored.

[Eli]

Don't fear.

[Cody]

Feel different.

[Eli]

I will 100% bet everything you are going to hate life. You know why? Because I have tattoos with white ink. Colored, and then this.

[Nick]

I will feel like some superstitious shenanigans.

[Eli]

Okay. Have fun with white ink.

[Cody]

Why would it feel different?

[Eli]

They have to pack the. You go. Okay. Without me doing anything. You already are signing up for this. Google how much it sucks.

[Cody]

I'm not down.

[Eli]

Not you, not you. Nick's gonna have a terrible time on his level handles with white ink. I have to use multiple needles to.

[Cody]

Put a shitload more ink in there because it doesn't stay around as long.

[Eli]

No, you're. You're going over the same spot multiple times just to pack the.

[Nick]

You do that with saturated black, though.

[Eli]

And then how. How easy do you think saturated black sticks compared to white ink in the skin? I'm going to assure you.

[Nick]

Google it.

[Eli]

It fucking sucks. You are doing 21 shaders, 21 line eaters, and you're just packing it like.

[Cody]

See? Multiple runs. See, that makes sense.

[Eli]

And not like.

[Cody]

I was just wondering what the reason was. Like, why would color hurt more than black?

[Eli]

It's not one or two. It is like five times. And you're just going over raw skin and over.

[Nick]

You do that for saturated black, though.

[Eli]

No, because.

[Cody]

And bleep his name.

[Nick]

What hurts more? Saturated black?

[Cody]

White. And she said the black was fine. The red hurt and the white hurt.

[Nick]

I asked ChatGPT what hurts more, colored ink or saturated black for tattoos? Short answer. Saturated black usually hurts more Than colored ink. Why? Saturated black means the artist is packing in a lot of ink in the same spot, often going over it multiple times to get deeper, solid. More black, more passes equals more trauma.

[Eli]

I can show you your AI overview too. That says the exact opposite. Yes, white ink sucks the worst. I can do this all day long.

[Cody]

This is all just Google AI versus Google AI.

[Eli]

This is Eli AI with experience of my goddamn body with colored and white. I'm telling. Yeah.

[Cody]

From somebody who had black, red and white tattoos. They said black was fine, red hurt and white hurt really bad.

[Eli]

I.

[Nick]

Interesting.

[Eli]

That is the only reason I am not going back. It's why the black is done and none of the colored is done. Cuz it sucks the second they have to just go, oh, okay.

[Nick]

Sorry.

[Eli]

It's not holding it. Oh, it's real. Okay. It's vibrant now.

[Cody]

I mean, you got color on your tattoos.

[Eli]

What?

[Nick]

Yeah. Wait, on this.

[Cody]

What hurt more?

[Brandon]

I don't know.

[Eli]

Is it my man?

[Cody]

No opinion.

[Brandon]

No, no whatsoever.

[Nick]

Same.

[Brandon]

No off a bunch of silly billies here.

[Eli]

I just want you to do that and record it and be like. Oh, okay.

[Brandon]

Be like, what time's our flight tomorrow, brother?

[Eli]

Really early actually. That's the mark code. If you want to close this out and do a quick 10 minute Christmas after show and give me my hand back. Oh, there it is sitting on the table.

[Nick]

Let me stretch it back out.

[Cody]

You could have chosen a lot of ways to get off camera. This is Marcus over there.

[Brandon]

Robert. Why am I here?

[Nick]

Goldie, close us out.

[Cody]

Merry Christmas.

[Eli]

Bye everyone.

[Brandon]

Thank you for coming to the Unsubscribe Christmas special podcast. I'm joined by Eli, Double Tap, Nick Fat electrician, Brandon myself, donut operator. We love you.

[Eli]

Merry Christmas.

[Cody]

I know everybody's got a lot of stuff going on this Christmas season, but be sure to call your friends, check in on your friends, make sure they're doing good and if they don't have anything going on, invite them over. It's. It's a good opportunity, I think.

[Nick]

Call your friends, make sure your kids aren't being fat and annoying at the sled Hill. Pisses me off.

[Cody]

Make sure your friends don't run into Nick.

[Nick]

Make sure your friends are being good parents to their kids, please.

[Eli]

I love you.

[Nick]

Kisses.

[Guest/Advertiser]

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