UK Police Arrested Me Over A YouTube Video - Count Dankula | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 273

Summary

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Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 273

UK Police Arrested Me Over A YouTube Video – Count Dankula

Date: July 19, 2026
Guest: Count Dankula
Hosts: Eli Doubletap, Brandon Herrera (absent this episode), Donut Operator, The Fat Electrician (Connor), Cody

Episode Theme & Overview

This episode reunites the irreverent Unsubscribe Podcast gang with their much-requested guest, Count Dankula. The core focus: the infamous "nazi pug" video that led to his arrest in Scotland, the surreal legal journey that followed, and conversations about free speech, culture clashes, and outrageous stories from both sides of the Atlantic. True to form, the show intersperses serious talk with wild humor, critiques of bureaucracy, and bonus deep-dives into internet lore.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Count Dankula’s "Nazi Pug" Saga: Creation to Arrest

• Origins:

  • Count Dankula recounts creating goofy videos just for friends, never expecting the world to watch.

    "I'm just some fat retard that just... this was completely accidental." (12:51)

  • The infamous video featured his girlfriend’s pug seemingly performing Nazi salutes.

    "I was just making dumb videos... with my girlfriend’s pug... and thought it’d be funny to piss her off." (13:46)

  • He uploaded it for his circle, but while traveling to Iceland, it somehow went viral via Reddit.

    "I don't know how the hell they found it, but someone found it. Ended up on the front page of Reddit." (20:02)

  • Media frenzy ensued while he was still overseas, including his first interview, “still half drunk” (21:00).

• Aftermath:

  • Dankula lost his job, faced relentless press—both supportive and angry—and dismissed the incident as another overblown controversy.

    "I'm still in Iceland... having to stay in this country the whole time while my life's just being burned down." (22:11)

    • Upon returning to Scotland, police CID arrested him at home in front of journalists, who suspiciously arrived with the police.

    "Tons of journalists all there to take my picture... so it was a perp walk." (28:43)

  • He was charged with posting "grossly offensive media" under Communications Act Section 127, with a hate crime modifier, leading to harsh bail measures.

    "We are not allowed to let you leave and we have to keep you here until your trial." (32:44)

• Jail and Court Experience:

  • Held overnight next to violent offenders (“premeditated murder to my right… I did a meme.” (38:02))
  • Humorous account of cellmates being both incredulous and amused that someone was arrested for an internet joke.

    "Three of the guys in there went, that was you? ... seasoned criminals ... you got arrested for that?" (40:06)

  • Released on procurator fiscal liberation (PFLib), thanks to a competent public defender.

    "I got up all happy and all the other guys were going, 'Dick, man!'" (42:46)

• Legal & Bureaucratic Nightmares:

  • The Scottish government both forced his girlfriend to testify and denied him legal aid due to joint finances.

    "We're deciding you're not close enough that we can force her... but you're close enough you don't get any money." (47:55)

  • Survived financially thanks to a GoFundMe campaign, leading to a tradition of buying pints for donors.

    "Anybody that comes up to me at an event and goes, 'I donated to your thing,' I'm like, you've got a beer." (48:19)

Reflections on Free Speech

• Count Dankula differentiates between joking and actual malice:

  "People said, I didn't like the joke... but he should never have been arrested and never sent to jail over it. That's a totally fair opinion." (49:04)

• Dark humor about European hate laws and UK/US differences in policing, gun laws, and public order:

  "Because your crime has the hate crime modifier, we are not allowed to let you leave..." (32:44) "Are you innocent until proven guilty in the UK?" (33:40)

• They note the chilling effect and ongoing cases where social media posts abroad can get UK citizens questioned or arrested upon return. (31:17–31:35)

Cultural Clashes & Life in the US vs UK

• Dankula describes being nearly incomprehensible to Americans and facing “white on white racism” over his Scottish accent. (02:22)
• Recaps going to official US events: State Department, meeting other YouTubers, and touring monuments.

  "I was standing in front of the Lincoln Memorial... I've only seen on TV as a kid." (10:03)

• Humorous references to American gun culture vs. strict UK laws (“I was denied a permit for an air rifle because I got caught drinking in the street at 17—it wasn’t the Nazi pug thing.” (80:33))
• Comparisons of mutual combat laws, police discretion, and Scottish bar fight culture.

  "If we say let's go, police call that a 'standup fight'—but it's still illegal." (81:54)

Internet Fame and Trolling: Beyond the Meme

• Dankula’s alter-ego Twitter stunts (e.g., Justice Dankula, Duke of Cumbernauld) and people’s willingness to believe outlandish social media personas.

  "I convinced people I was a member of the royal family... Duke of Cum." (55:06, 55:31)

• Exploration of the German "Dragonlord" saga: the rise of a notorious "lolcow" who invited mass trolling, and the escalation to whispers of criminality and possible disappearance.

  "For anyone that doesn't know, he is the biggest LOLcow in Germany. The country has literally got together to [mess] with this one guy." (98:44) "If he just ignored it completely and didn't respond, he'd have been fine." (106:10)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Absurdity of His Arrest
  "You made a funny meme and you're next to someone who committed premeditated murder." — Donut Operator (36:54)
  "Welcome to Scotland." — Count Dankula (36:55)

• On Media Perception:
  "The media were trying to portray me as some mega Nazi... like, I wouldn't have done that using a retarded ugly dog." — Count Dankula (24:23)

• Understanding UK Law:
  "Section127 of the Communications Act 2003, posting grossly offensive media..." (30:51)

• On Internet Campaign:
  "Dragonlord: this happened three, four, five times a day... it was a tiny little village, and the village nicknamed him the Ogre..." (102:02)

• Dark Legal Humor:
  “Because your crime has the hate crime modifier, we are not allowed to let you leave and we have to keep you here until your trial.” — Count Dankula (32:44)

• On Scottish Bar Fights:
  "There's a huge fighting culture in Scotland, but there isn't enough time in the courts to prosecute every single one of them." (82:13)

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Important Timestamps

• [12:51] – Count Dankula describes his accidental rise to fame
• [16:37] – The infamous phrase that got him arrested
• [20:02] – Video goes viral while Dankula is overseas
• [28:43] – Media ambush during his arrest (perp walk)
• [32:44] – Charged and denied bail due to “hate crime”
• [40:06] – Prisoners incredulous at his offense: making a meme
• [47:55] – Legal aid denied; state tries to strong-arm his girlfriend
• [49:04] – Free speech discussion: 'don't have to like the joke'
• [55:06] to [55:31] – Twitter prank: 'Duke of Cum'
• [98:44] – Deep dive: The story of Dragonlord, Germany’s infamous lolcow
• [102:02] – Details of the Dragon Game and years of organized trolling
• [106:10] – Moral: Don't feed the trolls

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Additional Memorable Stories

• Dankula’s firsthand experience touring the US (D.C. State Dept, White House, Texas).
• Humorous recollections of UK bureaucracy, property laws, and how local councils control almost everything.
• Theme of “Right to Roam” in the UK—anyone can cross your property, and you’re liable for their safety! (68:08)
• The culture shock of returning to America after years and differences in freedom, weather, and gun range choices.

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Tone and Style

• Banter-heavy, irreverent, often profane, and unapologetically sarcastic.
• Blend of personal testimony, societal critique, meme culture, and gallows humor.

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Closing

Where to find Count Dankula:

• Twitter: @CountDankulaTV
• YouTube: Count Dankula

"I apologize in advance for my behavior... but that's the best place to find me." (109:48)

Hosts thank Count Dankula, affirm the value of wild stories, and tease more Texas adventures to come.

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This episode delivers a hilarious, revealing, and at times sobering exploration of internet fame, speech laws, and how one absurd joke can spiral into international infamy.

Transcript

[Connor]

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[Count Dankula]

I don't know how the hell they found it, but someone found it. Ended up on the front page of Reddit.

[Cody]

Oh, you have no idea.

[Count Dankula]

And there was a knock at the door. Oh, we arna went to cid. I know, because you made a joke. But because your crime has the hate crime modifier, we are not allowed to let you leave and we have to keep you here until your trial.

[Donut Operator]

You made a funny meme.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah.

[Donut Operator]

And you're next to someone who committed premeditated murder.

[Count Dankula]

Welcome to Scotland.

[Cody]

Say hi to Eli. He's racially ambiguous. Brandon, this hair is fabulous. Donut. A dog joke disposition. And there's a fat Electrician.

[Sponsor Voice]

Welcome.

[Count Dankula]

Unsubscribe.

[Cody]

3, 2, 1. Killer apple. Cody, do you want to start it?

[Donut Operator]

Hi, everyone. Welcome to the Unsubscribed podcast. I'm joined today by Eli, Double Tap, Count Dankula, King Trout, myself, Donut operator. Thank you so much for being here.

[Cody]

Okay, that's it. Thank you all. We hope you enjoyed the episode.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah, this was awesome.

[Cody]

Smash that, like, button. Subscribe.

[Connor]

Don't forget to subscribe.

[Cody]

Where can they find you at? We threw him from Scotland just to do that bit.

[Connor]

Now he's gone.

[Cody]

Oh, we were serious. We don't want to interview you.

[Count Dankula]

My visa ran out 30 seconds ago. I have to leave.

[Cody]

Dude. Welcome to the States. How you. How you doing, buddy? It's. You've been, like, the most requested guest for a minute.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah, yeah, I see. I see it all the time. And everyone. I had people, like, yelling at me as I was like, I want to. I can't just. I've got kids. I can't just take off and, like, fuck off across the Atlantic.

[Connor]

And I just put extra food in there. Bowl.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah.

[Count Dankula]

Everyone was like, why aren't you going on? And I was like, it's not up to me. Like, why are you yelling at me? Oh, man. No, but it's great. It's great being back out, but I'm dying in this heat.

[Donut Operator]

What's crazy about this? I still have no idea what he's saying.

[Cody]

Oh, yeah. Subtitles. Turn those on.

[Connor]

Apparently, I'm the only one of us who understands a Scottish accent.

[Count Dankula]

That was good. That was good. Because I've had it the entire time I've been here, like, even trying to order food in restaurants. And they're just kind of like, ah. And I'm constant. Like, no one can understand it. And I'm saying he's racist, actually, when you think about it.

[Connor]

White on white racism. We hate it. He tried to order a Coke at lunch, and the waitress was so confused.

[Count Dankula]

I don't know. I think she thought I was saying something very inappropriate to her, but like,

[Connor]

sir, sorry, we can't give you a throbbing.

[Count Dankula]

I thought this was America.

[Cody]

It is a good. So the one thing is, it's hot as. I didn't realize that we were in even hotter weather the other day. And then you text me and we're asking. It's like, oh, Fourth of July is going to be outside. I was like, no, we got ac, all that. And I was like, it's not that hot out. And then I forgot.

[Count Dankula]

That's horrendous. It's so, so bad. Like, I. I wanted to go sightseeing in D.C. and we got like, an hour into it, and my girlfriend collapsed. Oh, yeah. She had to, like, sit down. And I was like, well, it's just, you know, none of it's that important. Let's just go back to the hotel. Let's try and get you home alive. Yeah, we.

[Donut Operator]

We went to the brunch spot earlier, and they. They have fans and stuff there, but it was still, like, super hot, though.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah, this is actually for. I was expecting it to be so much worse because it's Texas, because the last time I was here, it was extremely hot, but it's actually cooler here than it is in DC, but I think DC's in a swamp.

[Connor]

Yes. Humid as fuck. What's up?

[Cody]

When's the last time you were here?

[Count Dankula]

Last time I was in the states was 2019, I think. So. It's been a while since I've been back. Yeah. But I'm happy to be back. I made. I made sure to come to Texas because I love Texas.

[Cody]

We're glad to have you. We're so glad to have you. It sucks. Brandon's deploying right now.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yeah.

[Cody]

Put up the deployment picture.

[Connor]

Currently active duty in Jordan. He's invading Jordan.

[Cody]

Yeah, he haloed in this morning. Just start that hole back up. He's like, God damn it, guys.

[Connor]

I know. He.

[Donut Operator]

Dude, he finally got his combat deployment.

[Cody]

I'm proud of our boy. Dude, soldiers gonna respect him even more now. It's crazy.

[Donut Operator]

Can we talk about that, belay?

[Cody]

Yeah, we can talk about that.

[Count Dankula]

Okay.

[Donut Operator]

So the USO hit up Brandon and they said, do you want to come out and just, like, talk to some of the troops out in Jordan? And so that's why we don't have Brandon right here right now. He's just having a great time, our boy, you know, in the Middle east

[Cody]

in July, it was wild, seeing, as I told Brandon, he was a colonel, a lieutenant colonel when I was deployed. And then I got a text from him, hey, am I going to be seeing you in Jordan? In Jordan on July 4th? Like, the soldiers are already getting word over the chain of command, and it was coming back to me. I was like, oh, I don't know, man. I'm like, fucking. We're trying to figure this out. Well, Brandon stepped up, though. Brandon stepped up?

[Donut Operator]

Yeah, dude, he definitely stepped up. I've got people, like, people that. Who are in country right there, right now who are like, is Brandon here right now?

[Count Dankula]

Yeah, yeah.

[Cody]

The bestest of times do we have. And then what? We just got back from racing school.

[Connor]

We're professional racists now.

[Cody]

Professional racist. What's your least favorite race?

[Count Dankula]

I don't know. There's very, very many good reasons to hate. Quite a lot of them. I'm not sure. I don't know. I think it's this week, it's Mexicans. Because we don't. Because we don't. No, it's because we don't have those back home. We've got all the others. So it's easy enough for me to hate those and everyone. Right, but you've got lots of Mexicans here. I haven't got to hate them in person before. So this week it's Mexicans.

[Cody]

I met Formula One or NASCAR.

[Count Dankula]

All right, Indy 500. I know, I know.

[Cody]

That's why he gets along quite fine with that. It's like, oh, we're all best friends.

[Count Dankula]

I'm one of those guys that say, I have black friends and I'm still racist.

[Cody]

Dude, we had a blast. So how. Okay, you're back. You did. What was the first half of your American tour so far?

[Count Dankula]

I went to D.C. and it was purely. This was actually quite funny. It was a guy for the State Department just kind of like reached out to me and went, hey, do you want to come to a reception for the America 250 passport special? Because they're doing limited edition passports. And I was like, wow, random thing out of the blue. And I checked the guy out and he actually does work for the State Department. And I just went, you know what? Fuck it, fuck it. I'll go out there and I'll see a bunch of stuff. And when I got to the party, there was a bunch of other YouTubers there, and we were all like, what are you doing here? Never late. And then we basically realized that the guy we were talking to got put in charge of the guest list for the event. So he specifically invited all the YouTubers that he watches so that he could meet them all in person when we were like, what are you doing here? And then he came up and we were like, you little motherfucker. And he's like, yeah, that's nice. Anyway, selfie.

[Connor]

You're probably wondering what I get in you all here.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah, it was that fucking funny, though, that we didn't mind. It was an excuse to come back out to the States. But I went around Washington, D.C. and it's weird, bro.

[Donut Operator]

Your suit, though. You looked handsome, though.

[Count Dankula]

I literally lost all my creatine water wearing that suit. Yeah, I sweated it right out. And I've only. My girlfriend was like, you look thinner. And I don't even know. I've eaten, like, since I got here. And it's like, yeah, my suit was. My suit looked good, but I was dying in that thing.

[Connor]

Are you gonna talk about horrible? The hat, too, you mentioned off camera.

[Count Dankula]

Dad really did show that on camera. I was walking around D.C. with my hat on backwards. And I don't know if you could see it, but I've got, like, a semicircle burned into here from, like, where the back of my hat was sitting. I don't know if you can see it now, but it's.

[Cody]

No, it's not noticeable. Is it not noticeable now, right here? Not so much here. Through here.

[Count Dankula]

Showing that bald head. Flashbang, everyone.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah.

[Count Dankula]

A lot of people don't know I'm bald. And they get surprised when they see it and they say, well, I will.

[Connor]

I'm seeing it up close. He could grow out a full head of hair if he wanted to.

[Count Dankula]

Oh, that's true. Thank you. I do actually have hair. I just shave it because I've never cared about my hair. It's because I've got the Vegeta hairline, and I've had it since I was, like, 18.

[Connor]

Same.

[Count Dankula]

So it's just shit. So I just shave it off the V

[Donut Operator]

you call Vegeta since I was fucking young.

[Connor]

Eddie Munster. But you went to the event.

[Count Dankula]

I went to the event.

[Cody]

Where was it in D.C. was that.

[Count Dankula]

It was in the State Department building. Like, it was actually, like, in there. We were in. What was The Ulysses S. Grant suite, or whatever it was called. And I went in there and saw, like, a bunch of different people and everybody that I knew. I caught up with Jack Bassobic. I haven't chatted to him in ages. And so we were hanging out and everything. Then Marco Rubio came in and, like, gave a speech and everything as well.

[Cody]

What did he say to.

[Count Dankula]

I don't know if I'm allowed to talk about this. I was told there was a lot of things I'm not allowed to talk about.

[Cody]

Did he sign paperwork or told, no,

[Count Dankula]

no, he just came out. No, they just.

[Cody]

As long as you didn't sign anything, you're good.

[Connor]

Did they show you the diagram to a nuclear submarine?

[Count Dankula]

I don't know. But when you're in the State Department building, you've got guys in suits telling you what you can and can't. And everything they did kind of came up and were like, we know what you're like. And they went like, no fucking around. I went, I'm not gonna. This isn't like a Sort of a funny HAHA type of thing. This is get sent to Guantanamo, get put on the first flight back, banned from the country for life. I'll play ball. It's fine. And then later on that night, I get invited to the White House. And did you go as well?

[Cody]

I did go, how's checking in security?

[Count Dankula]

Fucking. That was interesting as well. Maybe we had a big badge that said FN on it. And I went, what does that mean? And they were like, foreign national. And I was like, but I hate foreigners. Just kind of like, this isn't fun.

[Cody]

Am I the problem?

[Count Dankula]

But that was pretty cool. It was kind of weird because I was going around, I saw the Washington Monument. I saw, like, the Lincoln Memorial. And it was really, really weird because over in Scotland, all we get is, like, American tv. That's, like, all we've ever had and everything. Nobody watches Scottish tv. It's fucking terrible. And so going around and seeing all these places that I'd only seen on TV as a kid was actually quite weird. Like, seeing it all. And it's like I was standing in front of the Lincoln Memorial, and I was like, oh, fuck. I'm actually standing here in front of it surrounded by Chinese people, which was fine.

[Cody]

Oh, my God, it's Abe Lincoln.

[Count Dankula]

Okay, take a photo.

[Connor]

He's so much taller than I thought he would be.

[Cody]

Hey, Mr. Scottsman, can you take photo of us, the whole family? Okay.

[Count Dankula]

Oh, I had a few people do that. And I do a thing where I quickly switch it round, take a picture of myself, and then flick it back round, put mine, and take actual pictures. See how long it is before they noticed. Here's a memento. Take that back home.

[Cody]

Dude, where. Where in the White House did you guys go to?

[Count Dankula]

It was a. There was a building right next to. I forget what it's called.

[Cody]

West Wing. They gave you a little tour.

[Count Dankula]

West Wing part. I'm trying to. I don't know what I'm allowed to talk about.

[Cody]

You talk about that. Like, when you talk about that, there's just certain stuff. The stuff he would have known if he's not allowed to.

[Count Dankula]

The film.

[Cody]

We couldn't film in the downstairs. We're allowed to film in the basement of certain areas.

[Count Dankula]

Phones taken off immediately. Yeah, yeah.

[Cody]

Oh, for you. Oh, yeah.

[Count Dankula]

Everybody had to put them in the locker.

[Connor]

He's an fn.

[Count Dankula]

And it was. And there was a guy. There was one of the guys I was talking to went, ask for locker 50. And I went, why? And he went, that's the one. They found Hunter Biden's cocaine. And I was just like, okay. Fortunately, you can't choose, but totally with him.

[Cody]

What the hell? I didn't even know that we got show. When you went. I know. We just had extra. You had to have somebody with you at all times.

[Count Dankula]

Oh, yeah, you've got. Yeah.

[Connor]

Make sure you aren't stealing national security secrets for the nation of Ireland.

[Cody]

The secret potato.

[Count Dankula]

One of our mortal enemies running guns to the Ra.

[Connor]

You say that, but she's got family.

[Count Dankula]

They all have bloody family. It's dangerous dating an Irish girl, because when you break up, you don't know what uncle.

[Connor]

Every time you start your car, you're like,

[Count Dankula]

we've got a thing in Scotland where it's like, beware any man living in the remote highlands in Scotland with an Irish accent. He's hiding. He's been hiding since maybe about the 80s. And Iverna, you know, unfortunately, he wasn't in jail, so the Good Friday agreement doesn't include him.

[Cody]

Holy shit. So for the people that don't know, explain who you are. What. What kind of content you do. I know. We all binge your shit.

[Count Dankula]

I'm doing. I'm starting with birth. I'm just some fat retard that just. This was, like, completely accidental. It was like, you fit in so well. I wasn't. I wasn't even. Like, I made a YouTube channel, and I even called it something dumb. I always says to everybody, like, count Dankil is a dumb name. And I'm like, yep. Like, if I. If I'd have known the channel was gonna go places, I would have chose something so much better. But, like, I was just making dumb videos for, like, me and my friends to, like, we were just, like, shooting stupid videos in the woods of us, like, doing funny skits and everything. And this wasn't supposed to go anywhere. We were just uploading them here for, oh, we'll look at this in 10 years and we'll laugh at it. Stupid stuff we'd done when we were younger. And at the time, I was living with my girlfriend, and she had a pet pug, and she loved this dog. She loved the dog more than me. And she would always talk about how cute and adorable and wonderful he is, even packing him up and shoving him in my face, going, look at his little face. And I'm like, yeah, he looks like a fucking gremlin.

[Connor]

Whatever.

[Count Dankula]

Isn't he beautiful? I was like, his lungs are in his fucking ears. What do you mean? He's beautiful. But, like, one day when she was out working, I was like, I was there at home with the dog, and I went to give him a biscuit because I just give him biscuits all the time. And he always lifted his paw to take a paw and shake your hand. And I went, oh, that kind of looked like a little Nazi salute. And I just kind of went,

[Cody]

Or chase, make a mustache appear on his leg and just have a mustache grow right here.

[Count Dankula]

I believe you get your hair equal mine.

[Cody]

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[Count Dankula]

That's when I went, oh, this. Well, this could be funny if I do that. It will piss her off. It'll be great. And like, over, like the next five days, I was giving him treats and giving him biscuits and everything. And every time I was sort of taking longer to reach his paw, and he was holding the paw waiting for me to take it. And so every time I just did it longer and longer until it got to the point where I wasn't reaching for his paw and he was just lifting his paw. And I was like, great. Go time. Operation Barbosa. Here we go.

[Eli Double Tap]

But.

[Count Dankula]

But basically he didn't do it every single time, though. He didn't do it every time. And I went, I don't want to do this in front of her. And then the little doesn't do it. And that's like five days completely wasted. So I decided to like, record like a collage of it. And I also taught him to get very, very excited when I said a certain phrase which was, yeah, you can say yeah, Love the first amendment. Gas the Jews.

[Connor]

I also thought he was gonna say, seek heil.

[Cody]

You caught us off guard.

[Donut Operator]

Oh, really?

[Cody]

I'm like, oh. He went with a different phrase.

[Connor]

We immediately locked in.

[Cody]

American joke's different. Brandon, you need not one more time.

[Connor]

You got this, buddy.

[Donut Operator]

Can you. Brandon, do you.

[Eli Double Tap]

Almost there, bud.

[Cody]

Brandon, where do you store your firearms?

[Eli Double Tap]

All over my house, in every crevice.

[Cody]

Well, do I have the product for you, Nick, show em here, Hand it

[Count Dankula]

to me, Brandon, so I can show you.

[Cody]

Brandon, this is stop box. Stop box.

[Count Dankula]

We love box.

[Cody]

You selling me what's in the box?

[Count Dankula]

You have to open it and find out.

[Eli Double Tap]

All right, well, let's see if I can do this. Oh, wow, look at that.

[Cody]

Oh, it didn't stop you.

[Donut Operator]

Can I hide my goop in that?

[Cody]

You can hide your goop in that. Cody. Cody, do you know why I love this thing?

[Connor]

Why?

[Cody]

Why?

[Count Dankula]

Why, God, why?

[Cody]

Because you don't have to use keys.

[Count Dankula]

Gun not included.

[Eli Double Tap]

Cody, you've got multiple cats in your house, including Squirt, who's quite the scrapper.

[Donut Operator]

Mm.

[Eli Double Tap]

Would you want Squirt to have access to your firearms?

[Connor]

No, he's violent.

[Eli Double Tap]

Well, then Stopbox is the perfect product for you.

[Cody]

No cats getting inside that or people without thumbs. The nice part is it is actually TSA compliant.

[Eli Double Tap]

I didn't actually know that part until a couple months ago. That is actually really cool.

[Connor]

You just put a little lock through there.

[Cody]

Exactly.

[Donut Operator]

When you check in a pistol or any gun, if there's a hole that a lot can go through on whatever you're checking your gun in, you have to put a lock through that. This has one hole, so you just need one lock. Easily accessible once you land on the ground.

[Eli Double Tap]

I know you're not normally a one hole kind of guy, but this is definitely an exception to the rule.

[Donut Operator]

Never worry about tariffs because everything is sourced right here in the usa.

[Cody]

Wait, what are tariffs?

[Count Dankula]

I'm pretty sure I shot a few

[Cody]

of them for a limited time only get 10% off your entire order if you use code unsubscribe checkout.

[Count Dankula]

And right now, if you buy one

[Cody]

stop box, you're going to get another stop box free. So that's 10% off plus buy one, get one free. When you use code unsub at checkout. That stopboxusa.com Discover a Better Way to balance security and readiness with stopbox dropboxusa.com use code unsubscribe.

[Count Dankula]

I told him to think that that means treat like. So basically whenever I say it, he gets really excited. He runs around the room, his little tails wag and he's so excited for finally getting rid of them, right? But basically, so ends up I film a bunch of that. I set him on the table looking at like Hitler videos, like playing on the computer and everything. And then I film it all together, edited it, put it on my YouTube channel, which she wasn't subscribed to. And I just showed it to my friends. They all thought it was hilarious. And then what me and my ex used to do is we would like have some nights where we would just sit and watch YouTube videos together. And then ended up I was gonna go, oh, I know it's really good video, and put it on. But I was gonna have my phone set up over there, like record the reaction. It had been great, it had been funny, but ended up it just didn't happen because we worked opposite shifts at the time. So it just didn't happen. And then a few weeks later, I was away to Iceland, like to go to a video game convention because I'm a fucking loser, but. But ended up, I have no idea who this was or how this fucking happened, right? But while I was on the plane going to Iceland, someone had found the video buried somewhere. I'd been on YouTube for about a month.

[Cody]

The Algorithm.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah. I don't know how the hell they found it, but someone found it and then posted it to Reddit and it ended up on the front page of Reddit. And this was all happening on like, the flight to Iceland.

[Cody]

Oh, you have no idea. This is like. And you're just in that joke of a video.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah, I'd forgotten about it. I'd forgotten about the video at that point.

[Donut Operator]

Like, and you were just doing something silly with your girlfriend.

[Count Dankula]

That's all it was. Like, no one. I uploaded it on YouTube, but I was like, I had literally eight subscribers. All of them were my real life friends that I hung out with and everything, right? And I got to Iceland because I'm in a foreign country. Like, I don't have signal on my phone because my phone doesn't work over there. I went into the hotel, all my friends were with me because we all went together, went out in Reykjavik, we all got fucking wasted, went back to the hotel room and I passed out. The next morning I woke up hungover as fuck. And then I was like, I looked at my phone to check my messages and I went, oh, yeah, shit, no signal. And I was like, drunkenly trying to. Still drunk, trying to get into the hotel WI fi. Soon as I connected to the WI fi, boom, My phone just exploded. You have 43 voicemails, right? And then eventually, like, what was that feeling, though? I was kind of like, what the fuck happened? Like, I was kind of like, what's. What's going on? And when I saw, I got the gist of it where it was like, Nazi pug stuff. And I went, what? How did people find. And I was like. And then on this Internet, while I'm looking, I get. I get a call from my ex and I just answered. And I'm like, hello? And she's like, why are there journalists at the door? And I was kind of like, I'm still drunk for the night before, trying to think. And everyone goes, ollie, this was overwhelming. And that's when I gave, like, my first interview while I was still half drunk. And it was two journalists who were saying shit like, oh, you've upset a lot of people, but we can tell you're a really nice guy and we just think you should get your side of the story. And I was like, trusted the journalist. Yeah, I did. I know that's a lesson of, you know, a lesson learned the hard way. And I did. I spoke to them and everything, and then they just wrote an absolute hat piece on me. And the problem was, is I'M still in Iceland. This is my first day like here. So I'm having to stay in this country the whole time while my life's just been burned down.

[Connor]

How long?

[Count Dankula]

I was in Iceland for just over a week. And I think that was a. I

[Cody]

picture you just about to light your passwords like we were. I guess we live in Reykjavik now.

[Count Dankula]

It was that very same day. It was Eve Online. I played a shit ton of Eve Online and it was Eve Online for Fan Fest. Right? And the very first day, the opening, the opening thing was the keynote speech to open the whole festival. It was delivered by Hilmar Veigar, who was like the CEO of CCP Games. So I'm sitting in the crowd just watching it and I see an email come through from my employer. And then I just go like that to my friends and I'm like, I just got fired. But it was, it was like a call center job for like helping people repair their little money terminals and everything. It was a shit job. I didn't really give a fuck about losing that job.

[Eli Double Tap]

That.

[Donut Operator]

But yeah, what year was that?

[Count Dankula]

It was like 2016.

[Donut Operator]

I remember seeing that and everyone was mad about it and I was like, that's kind of funny, dude. Why would you be mad at that?

[Count Dankula]

Well, that's the thing is a lot of people. I kind of had the impression that I'd pissed a lot of people off. I didn't realize a lot of people found it funny because I'm getting my messages for the media in 2016.

[Cody]

That's going in that full swing.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah.

[Cody]

Piece of. If you made any joke.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah. Gamergate was like the first thing that started it. And then immediately after Gamergate was me. And I get blamed for Gamergate sometimes. And I'm like, I wasn't even on the fucking scene back then. Like, why am I getting blamed? But. But basically like I've got journalists reaching out to me and everybody tried to talk to me. And after that first hit piece, I was like, I'm not speaking to them. I'm not talking to them at all anymore. So I just went out, carried on hanging around in Iceland and people recognized me and they were like, you're that guy. You're the pug guy.

[Cody]

And I was like, that nickname sucks. Better than Count dicula though. Enter YouTube name. Yeah, Pug guy. Taken.

[Connor]

I'm gonna guess if I search Nazi Pug guy, he'll come up. But please continue.

[Count Dankula]

Be careful what you're Googling me. My balls are. Dude, I was first.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah, I was first getting into like the YouTube game at that time.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah.

[Donut Operator]

And we were sharing that and slapping our asses off. Like, he didn't mean anything by it. It was just hilarious.

[Count Dankula]

That was the thing. I didn't. I was just like fucking around. And everyone. But they were trying to. The media were trying to portray that I was some mega Nazi and I was trying to secretly instill my far right beliefs on people onto a pug. I wouldn't have done that using a retarded ugly dog. Like, I could have done something so much better. And like, it was blatant that I was just fucking around and I was getting blowback from people. I was getting hate online. I got a few death threats, but I got a bunch of messages of support and everything as well. But then as we were coming back from Iceland, like, all my mates who were with me were going, oh, you better hope they're not like waiting for you when you get back home. And I was like, aha, that's not gonna happen. I think. Yeah. And then I got home, everyone was fine, got through the airport, everyone was all right, went home, was just chilling in my house because I had no job now. And this was like three days after I got back. And there was a knock at the door and I just saw a man and a woman in suits with a little lanyard. And then they were like, oh, we are. And I went to cid. I know. And then they came. Criminal Investigations Department. So basically they're not standard police officers if what you've done is a little bit more severe. Like FBI, they said, not FBI. I don't even think we have.

[Donut Operator]

Because you made a joke.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah, because. Because I made a joke. They gave the. I did a dumb thing, right? They went, can we come in? And I said, yes, right? Not realizing that I had just taken three bongs. They came in and it was good, you know, props to my ex. As soon as they walked in, she like grabbed the bong flush. She like grabbed the bong and whipped around at the kitchen and head it and everything. And they came out.

[Cody]

You did this?

[Count Dankula]

Yeah.

[Cody]

They shouldn't smell a thing.

[Count Dankula]

Sorry about that.

[Connor]

My pet skunk, he's around here somewhere.

[Count Dankula]

It's the dog. A lot was about to be blamed on the dog this day.

[Cody]

That little Nazi, they walk in, it's dressed as Hitler. Do you want the dog's walking around giving you commands? I just do what I'm told.

[Donut Operator]

Take him.

[Count Dankula]

Take.

[Connor]

Take him now. Take him away.

[Count Dankula]

A little fascist piece of. But they basically went, I assume you know why we're here. And I was like, yeah, I've got an idea. And everyone. And then they were explaining it to me, and they went, well, we're here to arrest you. And I just kind of. I didn't know what to say. And I just went, okay. I had nothing else. And I went, can I get changed first? Because I was like, in my pajamas. And everyone, they went, yeah, that's fine. But then when I was getting changed, they have to send the male police officer to, like, watch it, and I'm to make sure I didn't have something hidden somewhere. And so I got changed in front of him and, well, the male police officers watching me, the female officers going around my flat taking pictures of, like, everything. But the problem is, in my flat, I used to do graffiti and I used to do a lot of tagging, and I had a bunch of my tags on that board, and they went in and took a picture of it. And I went, oh. Oh, no. I was like, oh, some guy was at a house party and did that, and no idea who that was.

[Cody]

The family Hitler shrine. Everyone has that stuff like that.

[Connor]

This guy comes over and he spray paints this tag. It's definitely not mine. He just comes over here from time to time.

[Count Dankula]

I don't even know who he is. He breaks in.

[Connor]

He leaves cans of spray paint around, too.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah, she's taking a picture now, walking like, who done that? Who done that? Oh, my goodness. Favorite wall. But the thing that happened, like, in the run up to this is there was a bunch of journalists that kept coming at the door. And I was just opening the door and going, fuck off. And, like, just telling them to go away. And we had a local gang of youths who used to hang around in the streets, who I knew. And I went. I went up to them and I went, if you see them, ask them very nicely to leave. I just went, get them chased. Just to get them out the estate. And they were like, fine. So for a few days after it, nothing. No journalists, nothing. But then when the police handcuffed me and led me outside, as I'm being led outside, my neighbor pokes his head out and he's purely, oh, hi, Marcus. And I went, the Nazi Pug video. And he was like, they're not arresting you for that. And then his wife came out and started trying to yell at the cops and everything, and he's, like, wrestling her back into the house. And I was like, don't, don't, don't. Just. I'm handcuffed. Just go back inside. It's Fine. It's fine. But, like, they led me outside. And this is the thing, is no journalists for days, right? And then when I get outside, tons of journalists all there to take my

[Cody]

picture, that means there was a leak. They put it out.

[Count Dankula]

If the police have any kind of communication with journalists that are supposed to be an official record made of exactly what was said, who was spoken to, blah, blah, blah. And my lawyer requested it, and they went, no such thing exists. And I went, oh, they're psychic. Then they just knew the exact date and time of my arrest. And I had people in the street tell me that the journalist pulled in with the police. They arrived with them and everyone. So it was a perp walk, like they were trying to get a burp walk. And I came out the house looking like a fucking bog dweller. The picture's so good because I'm not at my best. And it's like, if you want to pull the picture up, it's great. Yeah, put it here. I'll look like an absolute gremlin.

[Donut Operator]

What's a bog dweller?

[Count Dankula]

You're about to see a Scottish or

[Connor]

Irish man who lives in the Dwell.

[Cody]

Yeah.

[Donut Operator]

Is that like, what I would call a swamp donkey?

[Count Dankula]

Essentially, yeah.

[Donut Operator]

Okay.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah, essentially.

[Connor]

Did you go. Did they take you to jail?

[Count Dankula]

Yeah, I got taken down to the cells in Coatbridge police station.

[Cody]

For how long again? What did they, like. What did the other people in the cell say? What does. Arresting is wild.

[Count Dankula]

That came, like, later on, actually. It was like, yeah, that's the picture. That's it there. I'm laughing my fucking head off, obviously, because I'm like, three bongs deep getting carted out the house. Yeah, I love that picture.

[Connor]

On what charges?

[Cody]

This one, though, it's like Nazi dog propaganda. And then he's in the photo, but,

[Count Dankula]

yeah, who's looking at that thinking that he's a threat to society

[Donut Operator]

again in 2017. I remember that picture now because I was sending it to my friends, and we're like, what's he being arrested for?

[Connor]

On charges.

[Count Dankula]

To be fair, I deserve to get arrested for looking like that back then.

[Cody]

I'll put it out to your face going. Although it'll be blurry.

[Count Dankula]

Did you know Sam's Club isn't a store? It's actually a club with cool finds and, like, a whole community. It's a club, of course, Jason.

[Connor]

It's in the name. Sam's Club.

[Count Dankula]

Oh, yeah. Come join us, Sam's Club.

[Connor]

Wait, I just got another.

[Count Dankula]

Okay.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah. Where are the official churches?

[Count Dankula]

It was a section127 of the Communications Act 2003. I think it's section 2. Posting grossly offensive media.

[Donut Operator]

Oh, fuck off.

[Count Dankula]

With the intent to cause offense or fear or alarm. Oh, get the fuck.

[Cody]

Yeah, exactly.

[Count Dankula]

So heart and feelings. Heart and feelings. It's still very illegal. We're making more arrests on that. Like thousands. Thousands. Yeah.

[Cody]

How about with what you say here versus there? Can they do anything?

[Count Dankula]

I don't know, but someone did actually find out. This is kind of recent where it's like a guy got arrested and questioned by British police because while he was on vacation in America, he went shooting and posed with pictures with a bunch of guns, posted them on his social media, and then the police came and arrested him and interviewed him a bunch of times.

[Cody]

You haven't heard of him as well?

[Count Dankula]

No, the guy did reach out to me on Instagram because I covered it and I didn't get back to him. So if you're watching. Sorry about that.

[Cody]

I was busy posting pictures with a gun, I think.

[Count Dankula]

In America, what's their logic?

[Connor]

Like, that he took them home with him.

[Count Dankula]

No, I have no idea what it was. Maybe they thought he was being threatened and harassed and it turned out the person that actually reported him was an ex client of his that owes him like a million pounds.

[Connor]

Oh, fuck off.

[Count Dankula]

So the guy was just basically doing a bunch of dodgy to get him arrested because he thinks he doesn't have to pay it back anymore if he's in prison. But. But basically I was laid out with a journalist and then I was taken down to Coatbridge police station. I was taken and I was processed. I was put into a single cell and I was just chilling in there all night. I asked for a book because one thing that, you know, you've got a legal right to a book when you're in a cell. And they gave me. I think they gave me a book called Freedom by Reggie Cray.

[Connor]

Irony.

[Count Dankula]

I was kind of like, you stalk that. I mean, okay, the ex gangsters book. All right, did you request the book or you just. They give you a book and if the guy's feeling like being a prick, like, he'll give you. He'll give you a book in a foreign language or something. So just be very, very nice to the screws. Calculus.

[Cody]

Yeah, I love this.

[Count Dankula]

Ended up, I was in the sales, the guy came in and had a chat with me. The guy was even, like, unlocking myself and coming in and just sit and hang out with me because I think. I think he saw what I was in for. And was like, this guy's not dangerous. He had a screw. And they called screws. I would call them the screws. He came in and he says, here's what's going to happen. Because your crime has. Usually we would just process you and let you go. And he went. But because your crime has the hate crime modifier, we are not allowed to let you leave and we have to keep you here until your trial. And he went. Fortunately, it was the next day when I could get a hearing in front of your judge.

[Cody]

God, America, that would have been months.

[Connor]

Well, do they have bail in the uk?

[Count Dankula]

No, it's up to the judge. We don't have a cash bail system. The judge just decides at the time whether or not you're getting out. I.

[Cody]

Which is wild with the idea of just a. A joke or something.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah, can be. But it's causes hate crime. As soon as hate crime's on there, then it's treated. So seriously, are you.

[Connor]

Are you innocent until proven guilty in the uk?

[Cody]

Are you.

[Count Dankula]

Anyway, the media, they say that for you?

[Connor]

Well, I mean, same here, but.

[Count Dankula]

Oh yeah, the media prejudiced the out my trial and just didn't get in trouble for it at all. Yeah, I was in the cell and then during the night I was like trying to sleep and I just heard like screaming coming from out in the hall.

[Cody]

Stop. Hold on. There's a quick ad. This actually worked really good with my Metal Gear Solid shirt. Yo, Poncho. Poncho. This pattern, dawg. Poncho, what are you thinking? I will say I get it why the guys always wear these. They are comfortable, they are breathable and they look fantastic. Short sleeve or long sleeve, you got options. And usually when I'm buying shirts, especially button it is a long sleeve so I can roll them up and then I just carry. It's comfortable. A little bit of stretch and then easy to take care of. But if you're breathable, dog, you win. And Poncho will have a size that will work for you. Now out of these feel. Have you ever wrapped yourself in a cloud? Dudes, dude, just go to go try one on. You just got to go try it on. Look, the. The guys, these have the pearl snaps and they always talk about the pearl snaps. One thing, especially as a camera, dude, this, this little guy, this is the stuff that makes me happy when companies do because this it. It does clean your glasses, your optics, you know, your glass, whatever you need. You have a micro towel fiber built in. And phone, phone goes right there. Gear up for summer with poncho. Go to ponchooutdoors.com unsubbed and enter your email to get $10 off and free shipping off your first order. That's P O N C H O outdoors.com unsub head there. Drop in your email and get $10 off plus free shipping.

[Count Dankula]

And I was like looking out the little porthole going like, what the hell is going on? And there was like six officers with this guy in a Superman. Like, he was like tied up like, like sushi. And they were dragging him down the hall and he's screaming and kicking and thrashing. And then they just, they lobbed him in the cell and obviously untied the shit and then just backed out and slammed the door with you. No, no, no.

[Cody]

Oh, Jesus.

[Count Dankula]

I'd have been like, that. You're not bringing him. But he was in the cell, the cell that was next door to mine. And the entire night he is like punching the wall, screaming, like kicking the door. He was shouting stuff like, I've ruined my life. I've ruined my life. And I'm hitting the door. There's other prisoners all screaming it as well. Eventually he just ran out of steam and he, like, went to sleep. And the next morning when we were getting pulled at ourselves to get transported to court, I was like, who was that roaster you put in the cell like, next to me last night? And then the screw just went, oh, he killed his friend.

[Connor]

Oh.

[Count Dankula]

And he's like, yeah, he stabbed him. And I was like, oh, okay. Well, I'm making friends because I was threatening to kick his head and if he didn't shut up. And I'm like, shut the up. So.

[Donut Operator]

So if I get. Let me get this right real quick.

[Count Dankula]

Hold on.

[Donut Operator]

You made a funny meme.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah.

[Donut Operator]

And you're next to someone who committed premeditated murder.

[Count Dankula]

Yes.

[Donut Operator]

Oh, okay.

[Count Dankula]

Sorry. Now that we're on the right path, welcome to Scotland. But basically we all get taken out, we're all handcuffed, we're all ankle cuffed as well. And then we're getting led out to the prisoner transport truck. We're getting put into our little cubicles inside the truck. And while I'm getting. I'm sitting handcuffed to the floor of the truck and I see a friend of mine, like, coming onto the truck. I'm not gonna say his name. And I was like, oh, how you doing? And he's feeling like, oh, what's happening? He's like, what'd they get you for? And he was like, quiet. And I'll tell you in a minute. And then we were sitting. He was in the cubicle just next to mine, and we were shouting through the vents, like, talking to each other. And he says that allegedly he opened someone's face with a meat cleaver. And the guy needed something like 87 stitches or something like that. And then I didn't have to ask him if he'd done it. I know he did. Okay.

[Donut Operator]

So.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah, allegedly.

[Connor]

Allegedly. Allegedly.

[Donut Operator]

Let me get this straight again.

[Count Dankula]

Oh, no, he's. He's already out.

[Donut Operator]

That's where I'm at. You had. You had ag assault, aggravated assault to the left of you, and you had premeditated murder to the right of you.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah.

[Donut Operator]

And you did a meme.

[Count Dankula]

I mean, he taught a dog a trick.

[Donut Operator]

Okay.

[Count Dankula]

Like, I offended people, which is worse. Yeah, yeah, don't do that.

[Cody]

That feeling, though, I would have been. I can't explain it. I would. Felt like I was going crazy. Like, how the fuck am I here right now? This can't be real. This can't be real.

[Count Dankula]

This can't be real. That was, I guess, like, there's been. There's been times. It wasn't my first rodeo. I've been arrested a bunch of times, like, before. Ever for thought crimes. It's always never for thought crimes.

[Cody]

Tom Cruise showing up.

[Count Dankula]

It's always been for, like, fighting. Like, Nazi zooms in on the pug. Like that. Yeah. No, but it was. But it was. Like, there's been times where I've been arrested. I've gotten in a fight outside of a bar, and the police arrest me, and I'm like, yeah, fair. I go quietly. I go and go to. Yeah, I did it those times where I understand it. I'm like, okay, I beat a guy up. Yeah, okay, I'm getting arrested, and I'm chill with it. I've never had any problems unless the officer's cheeky. But basically that. This time I was sitting here going like, nah, this is. I didn't do shit. Like, why am I being arrested for this? And it was just, like, way over the top. Like, because usually they just process you and let you out the next morning when you've sobered up. Like, that's it. You'll get a fine in the. Yeah, Like.

[Donut Operator]

Like, you're saying you've been in a bar fight before they process you out. You're done.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah. And that was it. You get. You get a fine. There's no. There's not enough time in the courts to prosecute every single fight that happens in Scotland. It just can't be done.

[Connor]

Well, you got to tell the story after you talk to your buddy who allegedly hit somebody in the face with a fever about the guy who you were booked up with.

[Count Dankula]

Well, this is. We all get put into the holding cell underneath the courthouse, ready to go up and see the judge. And so there's, like. I think there was about, like, 12 of us, like, in this holding cell, and a few of them weren't talking because you could tell they were going through withdrawal and everything there in the corner, like, shaking and jittering and everything. So we just didn't really talk to them.

[Connor]

Train spotting is a documentary.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah, exactly. But they were going around the room going, what did you do? And then there was guys that were in for, like, violating their probation and everyone. One guy got caught with, like, 300 Valium tablets. Another guy got caught growing weeds and everything. And then it, like, it got to my friend, and he says, allegedly, I cut somebody's face open. When I meet Cleaver. Then it got to me, and I went. I made a meme. I was like. Of making my girlfriend's pug do a Nazi salute. And, like, three of the guys in there went, that was you. And they all seen it, and they were. And, like, these were guys that were, like, seasoned criminals. And they were, like, shocked. They were like, you got arrested for that? And I'm like. I went, well, obviously, I'm here with you, like, in the cell. And then there was another. There was a kid. He looked about, like, 21 or something like that. And the whole time, like, he's obviously never been arrested before. So he's sitting on the floor in the corner with his legs crossed, back against the wall, like, kind of nervous. And we all. So everyone turned and looked at him because it was his turn. And he just went, see if it's your first defense. Like, what. What will happen? And we're like, I chewed out by the judge, like, a fine. Like, whatever. Like, they'll probably just take you up to give you a fright and everything. And then we said. That's when we said, oh, it depends. What did you do? And then he went, oh, I got caught with a kilo of coke. Everyone bust out laughing. And we all went, no, you're fucked. You are fucked. Like, you are getting that. We were like, what's that, seven minutes?

[Connor]

Him.

[Count Dankula]

And when we were all laughing, you just see the kid's face, like, go white, and he just, like, stares at the floor. And we're like, well, maybe not, you know, if you've got a really good lawyer. But we were all looking at each other going, he's fucked. But ended up, we were in there for like hours. And I ended up getting pulled out to, like, my public defender guy. And this was, this was actually quite funny, I have to hand it to him. And I sat. I sat down across from him, like through the glass and all that. And he was just like two seconds, just while he'd done some paperwork. And then I sat there just in silence for like a minute. And then when he was finished, he looked up at me and went, shalom. I immediately went like that. And he went, I'm not Jewish, don't worry. I was like, that was. That was quite funny, actually.

[Cody]

That explains where my change went.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah, exactly. Ah, you're here for money, of course. But ended up, he went, he was like,

[Cody]

Sunglasses.

[Count Dankula]

But he ended up, he went, I'm just going to go up and talk to the judge and I'm going to get you PF Lib, which just means procurator fiscal liberation. He's going to go up and go, look, here's what he did. Just let him go and send him his letter. So he went up, spoke to the judge, and I'm sitting in the room with a bunch of guys who are looking at like seven years and eight years and everything. And then the guard came in and went, April went, mark making pflim. And I was like, oh, cool. And I got up all happy and all the other guys working on it. Dick, man. Because I just got to go home. And I was like, bye, guys. And just left. And then I get sent home.

[Cody]

You could have done a really funny. Bye.

[Count Dankula]

That's really gonna annoy me now. Oh, that's. That's like when you're having an argument with someone and on the drive home you're like, oh, fuck off.

[Connor]

I should have said taking a shower.

[Count Dankula]

It was one. But 10 years later, tell the story as if you.

[Connor]

You did that.

[Count Dankula]

He definitely did that, actually. Yeah, totally.

[Cody]

And when I left

[Count Dankula]

and the whole jail clock,

[Cody]

I like this story way better. Hardened criminals tearing up. They changed their lives that day.

[Count Dankula]

Obama was there, like, oh, no. I ended up, I got sent home. And then I just had to sort of like, wait for my court date. And they, they started doing really, really sketchy stuff right off the bat. Right off the bat, really sketchy stuff. Basically, my girlfriend at the time got sent a letter from.

[Cody]

This is the government, right?

[Count Dankula]

Yeah, this is a prosecutor's office. And the police, they sent her a letter basically saying, hey, you're going to appear as a witness against him in court. If you don't, you'll be arrested. Yeah.

[Donut Operator]

What?

[Cody]

Thank you.

[Count Dankula]

It was, they worded it in a very clever way where they weren't outright saying that because I immediately gave it to my lawyer, read it and he went, clever bastards. He's like, they are saying that without saying it. Like, she had to appear. She had to appear. But then, but then after that, I was broke. I had no money. Like, I had no money or anything. So I applied for legal aid. And this is the thing that was just. This was hilarious, right? We were living together, so we had a joint bank account for the bills, right? So basically we were then considered financially linked. And she had a lot of money from an inheritance that she got from a family member, but they inherited it. Came with like the caveat of this is to be used for a deposit for a house. You're not allowed to use this money for everything else. That was the condition of the will, which is fair. But they says, oh, because you're financially linked and she has all of that money, you're not eligible for legal aid.

[Donut Operator]

Fuck.

[Count Dankula]

And I had no money, I had no savings, nothing. And I was like, I explained to them, I went, that's not my money, that's my girlfriend's money. We're not married.

[Sponsor Voice]

Weed.

[Count Dankula]

And they were, yeah, they were like, they were like, oh no, he's got a bunch of gold hidden in Argentina and stuff like that. Bunch of fine art heading all over the place. Yeah.

[Connor]

Ex ordered it all to Switzerland.

[Count Dankula]

He loved shoes. He had a big pile of shoes and eyeglasses. Gold teeth. Yeah. The chronic migraine is 15 or more headache days a month, each lasting four hours or more. Botox. Onobotulinum toxin A prevents headaches in adults with chronic migraine before they start. It's not for those with 14 or fewer headache days a month. It prevents on average eight to nine headache days a month versus six to seven for placebo.

[Eli Double Tap]

Prescription Botox is injected by your doctor. Effects of Botox may spread hours to weeks after injection, causing serious symptoms. Alert your doctor right away as difficulty swallowing, speaking, breathing, eye problems or muscle weakness can be signs of a life threatening condition. Patients with these conditions before injection are at highest risk. Side effects may include allergic reactions, neck and injection site pain, fatigue and headache. Allergic reactions can include rash, welts, asthma symptoms and dizziness. Don't receive Botox if there's a skin infection. Tell your doctor your medical history, muscle or nerve conditions including als. Lou Gehrig's disease Myasthenia gravis or Lambert Eaton syndrome, and medications including botulinum toxins. Toxins as these may increase the risk of serious side effects.

[Count Dankula]

Why wait? Ask your doctor. Visit botoxchronicmigraine.com or call 1-844botox to learn more. So.

[Donut Operator]

So to paint a picture where you're at, you're like, zero money for defense.

[Count Dankula]

Literally broke as. No money. No money whatsoever. I wasn't making anything on YouTube because of the. Because everything blew up. YouTube immediately demonetized my channel, which they do during controversy like that. So I had, like, zero income during that period.

[Cody]

At least you got some laughs. Yeah, those are great for the bills.

[Count Dankula]

No master landlord, but do you want to hear a good joke?

[Cody]

Some people hate it. Help.

[Connor]

I'm stuck in the dryer.

[Eli Double Tap]

So.

[Donut Operator]

So at this point, you're worrying about your. Your upcoming court case, right?

[Count Dankula]

Yeah.

[Donut Operator]

And you have no money for any kind of defense? Defense?

[Count Dankula]

No, none at all. But it was just annoying because they went like, the government basically decided. We're deciding that you're not close enough that we can force her to appear as a witness against you, but we're also deciding that you are close enough where you also don't get any money. Yeah. So that was what I had to deal with.

[Cody]

Man, you got the government dick.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah, I did. Yeah.

[Connor]

How far out was the, like, the trial from when you were.

[Cody]

Seven.

[Count Dankula]

Seven months before my first appearance, I think. And during that time, I ended up. I did do a gofundme to fund my, like, my initial costs for going through the trial, and we actually managed to achieve our target, which was actually really, really good. Oh, a lot of people. A lot of beers. But anyway, yeah, I do that. In fact, I don't know if I should say this on camera, but see anybody that comes up to me at an event and goes, I donated to your thing. I'm like, you got a beer. And I buy them a beer because my way of paying it back. But now that I've said that, I'm gonna get so many people. I donated eight times. So did all my friends.

[Connor]

You owe me more than a beer.

[Cody]

Show a receipt.

[Count Dankula]

Was it Reddit people?

[Donut Operator]

That helped a lot with, like, raising the money for the.

[Count Dankula]

It was. I'm actually everyone. That was the thing that was weird. It's like there was even. There was even some people as well. And this is. I will always consider this the fairest opinion of, like, what happened to me, where people said, I didn't like the joke. I Thought the joke was offensive. I thought he was a bit of a piece of for making that joke. I don't like him. I don't like the joke. But he should never have been arrested and never sent to, like, jail and like, that over it. That's a totally fair opinion because I'm not asking people. I demand you find my joke funny. Yeah, can't do that. But, like, I just want people to recognize that it was a joke. And I've unbought a. But there were some people that were trying to say I was the second comedy Hitler.

[Connor]

Yeah, dude.

[Cody]

It was like, yeah, that 2016-2020. 2022. Yeah, it was just.

[Count Dankula]

Oh, it was great. Twitter was great. During that time, Trump got in, like, Twitter was like verdun, man. Like, yeah, you were just sitting there posting all this kinds of stuff, and then your comrades were falling all around you. Ban, bang. This account no longer exists.

[Connor]

I was gonna bring it up.

[Count Dankula]

So everyone out for the police.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah.

[Connor]

Before Musk bought it, I was saying I was gonna bring up Justice Dankula.

[Count Dankula]

Oh, that was a fun time. I should have done it recently with the recent stuff that went on Birthright Citizenship. I should have. I'm in America, so I didn't have time to actually sit down and post about that.

[Connor]

Are you all familiar?

[Count Dankula]

But just to my Justice Dankula bit that I did on Twitter, right? Basically after Roe v. Wade got overturned, right? I've done this a few times already, but none of them took off quite like it as I would change my profile so that I looked like something else. I've pretended to be a member of the royal family. I pretended to be a Taliban insurgent. And after, after I see. During the America pull out, I changed to a Taliban insurgent, but I used Photoshop, but it's my face, but it looks legit. I changed my profile to just like random Arabic, like, like letters. I ended every tweet with alumdulila and everything, right? And everyone was raging about the America pull out. And I was saying, I was posting going, thanks for all the. The new emerald and everything. And it was Photoshopped me with my new mrap. And like, there was people, like a lot of Americans were getting fucking furious. But like, my American followers were going, no, don't. That's Count Dankana. Shut the fuck up. But the one that really, really took off was when Roe v. Wade got overturned, I changed my profile picture to a Photoshop of me as a Supreme Court justice and I changed my name to Justice Dankula. But I started seriously posting at first, right? And I posted underneath Biden's tweet and Biden was whinging about it, obviously. Well, sorry, no. Whoever was running Biden's Twitter account was whinging about the corpse of Biden. Yeah, and I. And I. Fucking five nights at Freddy's as an entire fucking. Not five nights at Freddy's, was it? Ferris Bueller? What's the name of the one corpse around.

[Connor]

Oh, fuck.

[Count Dankula]

Pretending he's alive.

[Connor]

Yeah, that's right.

[Cody]

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[Connor]

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[Cody]

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[Cody]

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[Cody]

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[Connor]

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[Cody]

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[Cody]

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[Cody]

I thought you said you didn't have money.

[Connor]

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[Count Dankula]

We get into Bernie's. That was it. Yeah. You basically had an entire presidency of Weekend at Bellies, right? He wasn't alive. He wasn't aware of anything. I was president. Like he had no idea. But basically I replied under Ronnie Biden's tweets saying we were very careful in our decision Mr. President, right? And then all the feminists seen that, right? And just everyone exploded over that tweet. So I had thousands and thousands of people feel, like, all over the world replying to me, thinking I was an actual Supreme Court justice. And someone even posted a Google graph, like, showing, like, Justice Dankula searches, just going, woo. People had to check. People were checking to see, like, so everyone's bitching about a Supreme Court decision. Can't even name a single one of the Supreme Court justices. And so loads of people thought I genuinely was a Supreme Court Justice. And I started retweeting people and just taking the piss out every single one of them. Like, I was like, damn, it's all hoes versus mad up in here and everything, right? And then everyone was like, how could you do this to women? And I went, how can you not just shut your legs? And everyone was like, women are entitled to healthcare. And I went, have you tried not being a whore? And it's like, I was like, babies are entitled to life, you know? And just so basically, people believed, like, people genuinely believed that I was the Supreme Court Justice.

[Connor]

It was his face photoshopped with, like, judges robes on. And everybody was like, yep, I remember electing that guy.

[Count Dankula]

People leaned into it. See how the photo them all together. People were, like, expertly photoshopping me into the pictures and posting them around.

[Cody]

I hate Justice Dankula so much. Ever since he hit office is.

[Count Dankula]

Oh, I know. I'm terrible. Absolutely terrible. Yeah.

[Cody]

Are you? You're method acting for Twitter.

[Count Dankula]

I was. It was great. That's.

[Donut Operator]

That's why.

[Count Dankula]

That's why I love. Oh, God.

[Donut Operator]

That's why I love you so much, man. The absurdity that people will follow anything you see on social media, it's awesome.

[Count Dankula]

It was just like, people that just believe it, though. I've even convinced people that I was a member of the royal family and everyone as well. I had my profile. I was like, 53rd in line for the throne. And I also had Keeper of the Royal Hounds and everything. And there was some people. And the one thing is, I call myself the Duke of Cumbernauld, which is. Which is like, this bit was accidental. And it worked so perfectly. Call myself the Duke of Cumbernauld because of the way Twitter's, like, usernames work. It came up Duke of Cum. And I was like, I didn't even mean that. That's perfect. This is gonna be great. And it was. I did it when. I did it when the Queen died as well. And I said, everybody say A prayer for dearest Grandmama. And some people in the British unfollowed me. And they're like, we're gonna set this one out. Dankers. You're starting to really piss me off. And it was just funny as hell. And then I was doing. What was it people were saying, oh, the royal family stole so much stuff from. And like, oh, all of our stuff is in your museums. And I posted the all. It's always sunny. Well, they're dressed as, like, the British army going like, oh, but someone's ancestors bad at war. And I was like, we won. Calm the down. Who cares?

[Donut Operator]

And.

[Cody]

Oh, man.

[Count Dankula]

But it was like, it's like, they're here. If you wanted to sell it to us for some glass beads, that's your. Like. I was like. I was killing Boomer.

[Cody]

Boomers don't know you're joking. That's so amazing.

[Count Dankula]

I'm sorry. I think you conned us. I'm like, I'm sorry. I don't care if you're a fool on Ooga Booga caveman. If you signed away half a fucking continent for some glass beads, that is on fucking you, Right? Anyone that lives in a cave could know that that is a fucking bad deal. What the fuck are you thinking? That's such a true statement.

[Cody]

I want all this for

[Count Dankula]

that shiny thing. I've had that argument before. It was so dumb. I was like, oh, they were caught. No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That's dumb. Like, people knew trade back then. I'll trade you two fish for, like, three goats. No, that's a bad deal.

[Connor]

The thing that comes up in America all the time with Native Americans is like, they didn't understand the concept of land ownership. Fucking wolves understand this is my shit

[Cody]

and that's your shit, dude.

[Connor]

They spent tens of thousands of years fighting with each other.

[Count Dankula]

They understand nothing.

[Cody]

They didn't understand the concept of.

[Count Dankula]

They were just massacred for the love of the game.

[Eli Double Tap]

They were.

[Count Dankula]

They were just.

[Connor]

For whatever reason.

[Cody]

Jesus.

[Count Dankula]

Oh, me.

[Cody]

Oh, I'm so glad you're here. Holy.

[Connor]

Yeah, cheers, man.

[Count Dankula]

No worries. Cheers.

[Cody]

He was like, oh, yeah.

[Count Dankula]

What were we even talking about, though?

[Cody]

Everything. We did go over the Mr. Beast plane because the drug. The one kilo guy. And then finding out how much that kid brought on.

[Connor]

Yeah.

[Count Dankula]

Holy shit.

[Cody]

I actually.

[Donut Operator]

Oh, yeah. We were talking about that earlier.

[Cody]

Damn. Was $3.6 million worth of and apparently didn't know. I didn't know. Yeah.

[Connor]

I had no idea they snuck that.

[Count Dankula]

How many estimate of preface this belief

[Donut Operator]

a Dude got a from.

[Cody]

From Mr.

[Connor]

Beast.

[Cody]

Yeah, it was the. Everyone had to put a hand on it. And then the last person to remove their hand wins the Jedi. I believe that was the Mr. Beast challenge. And then he won it. And then I guess he got caught

[Donut Operator]

with a bunch of fucking dope. I haven't read up much the past couple months, but old boy had. He said he didn't know it was

[Cody]

on there and they, they said, oh, he had no wrongdoing in it. He didn't know.

[Connor]

They got stopped at customs with what appears to be about 1200 kilos of something.

[Cody]

I mean, $3.6 million. So, yeah, probably like, damn, you got

[Count Dankula]

a lot of check on, like fucking Lassa. How do you not notice? That is like piles and piles of. It's even a stereotype. Brick O Cocaine. That's what they look like.

[Cody]

Apparently he didn't fucking notice this black wrapped like that. I'm like, huh, yeah, you're good. Just keep bringing them.

[Count Dankula]

Oh, you wrap your luggage in duct tape.

[Connor]

He's really worried he's gonna shit his pants. So he packed 37,000 pairs of underwear.

[Cody]

He's really safe.

[Connor]

What if I have diarrhea every day, five times a day, just in case.

[Cody]

Now, the one story we stopped Edgar Wright with, based off of Hot Fuzz is actually based off of Hot Fuzz.

[Connor]

Hot Fuzz is one of my favorite movies. So we brought that, or I brought it up at lunch talking about the. The scene where they're like translating like, Northern English farmer speak back to regular English. And then you said, you know that's based on a true story, right? And I went, wait, save that.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah. And I do share, I don't know the full details because it did happen a while ago. Basically, there was a farmer who was just living out in the boonies and he was like a massive gun enthusiast and he had shit, tons of guns. Now guns, very, very illegal in Britain, like, because we had a mass shooting in Dunblane, which was in Scotland, and they went, oh, let's just ban all the guns. And everybody was fine with that. And now Australia, 20 something years later, we have no human rights. But anyway, like none at all. And everyone, what we're gonna do, write a letter.

[Cody]

Oh, he did letter.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna use all caps.

[Cody]

I'm on a boat. Three exclamation points.

[Count Dankula]

The UN response. We're really mad. We're really upset. You keep killing kids, if you keep doing that, we're going to turn up with our blue helmets and watch but basically. Basically the guy was like a gun nut. He had guns for World War II. He had a bunch of different things. I believe he had mortars and everything in there.

[Connor]

Did he actually have a submarine mine?

[Count Dankula]

He didn't have the mine. I don't think he had the mine. And basically it just got to the point where the police found out about it turned up. And it was a barn, wall to wall, just packed with firearms. Like just hundreds and hundreds of firearms, machine guns, absolutely everything. Right. And he obviously they all immediately got confiscated, the farmer got charged. And I think the argument they tried to make in court was like, the guy's had some of these for like five decades. Right. He's clearly not a maniac. He's not an armed criminal. He's clearly just an enthusiast. And I think he got off. I'm not sure I would need to double check. But that was. But that thing that happened in Hot Fuzz was based on that. It was based on the truth.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yeah.

[Connor]

When you Originally.

[Count Dankula]

When.

[Donut Operator]

When Simon Frost or Jesus Christ, Simon Pegg. Yeah, Peg. Shows up. You're talking about when he shows up in the country and he's like, why do you have all this and all the insane shit.

[Connor]

Yeah, he's like, okay, I assume you have a license for this. And then it goes through the chain. He's like, I do for this one.

[Count Dankula]

And then they go into.

[Connor]

Yeah, they go into his armory or whatever. Well, when you said that originally, I thought you meant like the story of Hot Fuzz was based on the true

[Count Dankula]

story where there was no. A rural village where they all were murdering everybody. I meant like the farmer. The farmer with all the guns and the. And his barn. Yeah.

[Connor]

Well, what's the. Dude, I think he made a video about him.

[Donut Operator]

He.

[Count Dankula]

What was he doing? Albert Dryden.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yes.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah, Tell the story.

[Connor]

Tell the story.

[Count Dankula]

Wait, this is some story time. I hate the council. I hate the local council because they're dumb and they just try and control what you can do with your property.

[Cody]

That's two people.

[Count Dankula]

There was a woman.

[Cody]

Got it.

[Count Dankula]

There was a woman that built like a tall fence around her garden because she lived in a bad neighborhood and her kids play in the garden and needles get flung in our garden. So she was like, screw that, I'm building the fence. And they were like, oh, it causes a problem for drivers so you have to take it down. And they do like that all the time.

[Connor]

And don't you have to, like, maintain the historical.

[Count Dankula]

Oh, they don't care. They don't care. If you ever need the council to do anything. They'll get back to you in about two years.

[Cody]

Okay. What is the council?

[Count Dankula]

That's what I was just like the local council. Yeah. If you want, want a park benchmade, you have to file about 80 different forms and then it takes about three years to approve and then they finally install it and it costs about 30 grand.

[Connor]

It's the government run HOA, essentially.

[Cody]

That's what it sounds. Okay.

[Donut Operator]

But they were throwing like, like dirty needles into her property.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah. And they made her take a fence down. And so basically, if you want, for example, if you want to build a shed that connects to the ground, you need to get permission from the town. So you want to knock a wall down in your house, even though you've got a mortgage, you own this house, you need to get permission from the customer.

[Connor]

Okay.

[Donut Operator]

Did they do anything about the people throwing the dirty needles over? They were just mad at the woman building a fence to keep that out.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah, that's, that's. I don't know what it is. That's when they come down hard on you. If you try and do anything with your property. And the story with Albert Dryden is he bought a field and there's a way you can get around it, which he was trying to do, which I thought was kind of clever, is if you build something or do something to your property and nobody notices it for seven years and not a single complaint's been made, then you immediately have a case of this clearly doesn't cause a problem. No one's complained about this in seven years, so they have to let you do it. So he built big dirt ridges around a house he was building in the middle of a field. And he was hoping to live in there for, like years.

[Connor]

But was he in England?

[Count Dankula]

England, yeah. And he had his wee house all built completely by himself and everything. And it was quite a nice looking little house. Someone, he doesn't know who snitched off him. Right. And so the council came in saying, you have to remove this. They took him to court and everything. Apparently there was an incident at one of the council meetings where a chick, a live chicken, was thrown at someone.

[Donut Operator]

One person had a problem, one person

[Count Dankula]

snitched, one person snatched. And Albert was a little bit of an eccentric fellow gun enthusiast, but his main thing was rockets. He used to build homemade rockets, like on his land and fire them up into the sky.

[Connor]

Like model rockets?

[Count Dankula]

No, like full, big things, full of petrol. They showed up on the RAF's radar.

[Connor]

Oh, fuck.

[Count Dankula]

So it caused a little bit of a panic and everyone. So they basically came around and went, subtle guy. No, not really. But basically it ended up getting around to the point where the council were saying, we are going to come and demolish what you've built. You don't have permission to do it. We're coming to demolish it. He ignored it. He challenged the it in court. The council then came with like bulldozers and diggers and everything to go in and like destroy his home. So he pulled out a Webley revolver and he basically, I think they were standing there as if you're not going to do. And then on camera, bang, He killed the councilman. And then he was using. He went around and started shooting some of the machinery to try and destroy the machinery. But he did hit a journalist in the area arm as well. And all of this is caught on camera, but ended up. Albert Dryden was of course arrested and he was charged with murder. He got released early on a compassionate grounds because he'd suffered a stroke and he was on his way out anyway and he died shortly after he was released. But the way I see it is that was his land, that was his house. He can do whatever the fuck he wants with it. And it was like. It wasn't like he was doing anything that was annoying anybody. It was just a big empty field and he just built a house on it. Which is kind of the dream.

[Cody]

When you buy properties, it's crazy owning it said property.

[Count Dankula]

Oh, well, yeah.

[Connor]

You guys might be shocked to learn in the uk, you correct me if I'm wrong, strangers can walk across your. Your, your land.

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[Count Dankula]

Yeah, there's Right to Rome.

[Connor]

Right to Rome.

[Cody]

Wait, that's a thing? Yeah.

[Connor]

So strangers can just. Just wander through, like your property? If you own a big fuck off field, strangers can just walk through it. And you have to make sure it's safe for them to walk through. Because there was a case in Northern Ireland, this guy had a big fucking hole in like the middle of his field, and somebody was just walking through his field on his property, fell in, break their, broke their leg and sued the guy and won because he was injured or something.

[Count Dankula]

That's gonna make all of that even better?

[Connor]

Yes. Well, no. But yes.

[Count Dankula]

We've just repealed the Vagrancy act, which means if you're homeless, they're not allowed to move you on, which means you could go out any one of those fields and set up camp. However, we have a problem with a certain subset of people, gippos known as gypsies. They literally just invade a field and just claim it. They just stay there. And basically everywhere they all crime spikes in the area and everybody hates them and it's gone.

[Cody]

What? Dude, it is watching docs on it. Like, docs will they have rules for hardware stores when they come into or a gypsy camp comes in. Hardware stores will.

[Count Dankula]

Oh, hey, we call them pikes.

[Cody]

Yeah, they. They lock them down. They're like, nope, you do not sell to anyone. I think Show's the one that told that story. She's like, yeah, they change everything.

[Connor]

Yeah, this British guy I know, I know got the front door stolen off his house.

[Count Dankula]

Connor, what are you doing?

[Connor]

I'm fuming, brother.

[Cody]

You fuming? Okay.

[Count Dankula]

You ain't never seen nobody cheap a fume like this boy can fume responsibly.

[Cody]

Look at Connor.

[Connor]

I'm cured.

[Cody]

From what?

[Connor]

My oral fixation. I would have something else in my mouth right now, but thanks to fume, it's not made of human flesh.

[Count Dankula]

Can I have that, please?

[Connor]

You want to hit my fume, bro?

[Donut Operator]

I do, dude.

[Connor]

Let me pass it.

[Eli Double Tap]

It's also got a fidget movement on it for those who are tactically challenged.

[Connor]

Made that up.

[Eli Double Tap]

Tactically is a rare, often non standard adverb of the form tactile used to describe interacting with or understanding something through the sense of touch, physical feel, or haptic feedback.

[Connor]

You pass me my fume, bro. We're fuming it up, dude. Look at how cool he looks.

[Cody]

He's getting fumed out of his mind.

[Connor]

I might have fumed too much, bro. My favorite flavor is orange vanilla because it tastes like somebody near you at a coffee shop ordered an Earl Grey tea, Chris Mint. Yeah, one time I was really, really fiending for something. Something I legally cannot say in this advertisement. But instead I reached for my fume and boy, oh, did that hit the spot.

[Cody]

Use code unsub to get a free gift with your journey pack.

[Connor]

Fume has already helped over 700,000 people take steps towards better habits. And now it's your turn head to try fume dot com. That's T R Y F u m dot com.

[Eli Double Tap]

Use code unsub to get a free gift today.

[Count Dankula]

Oh, yeah, I know people who've had their cars just stolen and everything. And then he looks down the road at the field and it's sitting. Yeah, there's a field. And when you phone the police and he's like, there's my car, I can see it. Oh, well, we need to get a rep for the high court and then that's going to take us about six months. And I can see my car. It's there, look. And then they wouldn't go in and get his car because the police are also scared of them as well. They don't do a thing about them. And the problem is with that act now, that means they can camp wherever the hell they want. It means homeless people could just move into your butt of land, camp out in tents. You're not allowed to move them on.

[Cody]

Seattle did the same thing. That's why. And they. Seattle hated that. Like it was, oh, let's help and do this. And then they started showing up in the rich neighborhoods and just parking their abandoned cars. Like they would just drag their car there, park it, and then live in that or RVs that are beat down but in nice neighborhoods. Oh, you gotta see that wall change. They're like, mmm, maybe just not in this area.

[Connor]

Wait, no, it affects us.

[Cody]

Ew.

[Count Dankula]

I'm sorry. Your 16 year old daughter was stabbed several times with a needle by a retarded cannibal. But we can't move him away because that may be a bit.

[Cody]

Can't believe you're so awful racist.

[Connor]

The. The meme of like moving towards a perfect society, but you have to be considered slightly mean. Letting everything ride.

[Count Dankula]

What was it? He says there's two ways out of this. One of them is like rivers of blood and billions dead. The other is being a little bit mean and telling what women know.

[Connor]

Yeah,

[Count Dankula]

I remember. I remember this one time I was. I was being driven home. There was a Muslim Uber driver and I was drunk and in the front seat because I felt talkative and I was sitting chatting away at him. And he was sitting there going, women should not be judges. And I was, all right, go, keep going. And he turned around and he says, because a woman is on her blood, you know, her blood. And I went, her period? Yes. And he went, if you are in court and you're in front of female judge and she on her blood, five years turns into 10 years. I was like, that's, that's true. That actually is true.

[Cody]

Five, ten dollars.

[Count Dankula]

But you don't, you don't want to do that during your trial, though. So before you read that sentence, the blob, like his neck. Cuz now it's 15 years. Cuz women love that when they're being a wee bit up at you and you go, are you on your.

[Cody]

Oh, yeah, they love that.

[Count Dankula]

You seem a bit grumpy.

[Connor]

Is it that time of the month?

[Cody]

What's wrong? Stop overreacting. Oh, great. In relationships.

[Count Dankula]

I said, I said that to a woman on a date. And it was, I was, it was speed dating. And the first thing she said when I sat down, and she was like, I'm a vegan. I was like, oh, that's gonna be great. And she yelled at me a lot during the day. And then I said, calm down, madam. Right? And I said, you're being a bit hysterical. And she started screaming at me and everyone else who's speed dating is kind of like, like watching. And then the woman that was arranging it had to come over ears and go, is everything okay? And I was like, no, she's yelling at me. I think that we get separated.

[Donut Operator]

The best thing to tell a woman is you're acting like your mother. Oh.

[Cody]

Oh, dude, they love that.

[Donut Operator]

Works every time.

[Count Dankula]

I did that once, same once.

[Connor]

I, yeah, I, I, I was getting bitched at. And I said, okay, Lisa. And I did not live that down. For about four years,

[Cody]

my skin stood, hairs raised as I felt eyes penetrating the other one.

[Connor]

It was like equal opposite. What was her name?

[Donut Operator]

Your sister wouldn't mind? Yeah,

[Connor]

she was in the office and she was in Parks and Rec. I can't remember her name. Rashida Jones. I walked in, my girlfriend was sitting on the couch watching Parks and Rec. And I walked in, just no thoughts in my head. And I looked at the TV and I went, Rashida Jones. Jones. That was a very bad thing to say.

[Cody]

Never lived that down.

[Connor]

So every time she came up in a movie, it was like, mm, Rashida Jones.

[Cody]

At least you caught yourself. Like in this end, you're like, ah, fuck that one up.

[Count Dankula]

I can remember a time I was, I can remember this. I was like seven or some shit. And I can remember my mom just exploding at my dad in like a fury like I've never seen her have before. We were sitting there and we're watching tv. They're on the couch like behind me and I'm sitting like cross legged on the floor like watching tv. My dad's like sitting on the couch with the beer can like resting on his stomach like that. And there was a TV presenter that was on the telly and he'd just recently been charged with like beating his like wife or something like that. And my mum was like, oh, I don't like him. No, I don't like him. Ever since it came out, he was hitting his misses I don't like him. And my dad went, it was one punch. My mom just. I remember being seven. I know that when voices get raised I'm like, all right, I'm going, I'm going outside for a while.

[Connor]

I'm going to go play some Donkey Kong.

[Cody]

64 Playground really took it out of me today.

[Count Dankula]

My dad's like a weird guy where like he's not funny, he's not a funny guy at all. But just once a year he just hits out with some get a banger sublime that just puts everybody on their ass. Like the recent, a recent one we had that was kind of weird. Weird was a. We had the police at the door and apparently was like, oh, not again. Right, but. But they came in the door and they were asking for my mum and they were going, are you thinking my name? Amy? Are you Amy Meekin? My mum went, yeah. And she went, and your son's Mark Meekin? And she was like, yeah. And he went, we're really, really sorry to tell you your brother's passed away. And my mum was like, oh. And everything, right? Turned out totally different guy. Yeah. And it was like, make up a name. Reginald Meekins. Reginald Meekin died on it. And she went, wait, wait, wait. Reginald Beacon? Who the that? My brother's name is xyz. And he went, but you're less. And they confirmed it all. Same birthday, same everything. But it turned out the guy was from a fishing village up north. It turns out he does have a sister with my mum's name and same date of birth and everything.

[Connor]

Oh, that's.

[Count Dankula]

The police eventually found him, right? But it turned out he had an accident where he fell out of his boat and he drowned. And everyone because he was like an older guy and he couldn't get back in the boat. And he just drowned. And they went, oh, we're very sorry about that. And then my mum went, went, oh, that's normal. My dad went, what's happening with the boat?

[Cody]

That's my boat.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's Reggie

[Connor]

Dearly.

[Cody]

Oh, strapping trailer,

[Connor]

bro. You leave an inheritance.

[Count Dankula]

Free boat, man.

[Donut Operator]

Hell, yeah.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah, Go on, Reggie.

[Cody]

So what, now that you're back, what are some of the stuff you want to do while you're stateside for the next few days in Teahas and celebrating again? It's America's 250, which is dope. Thank you for that.

[Count Dankula]

If there was a Fourth of July to come to, it was this one. Definitely. And I wanted to do it Texas,

[Cody]

because, well, obviously blowing off fireworks tonight.

[Count Dankula]

I want to shoot. Yeah, I want to shoot when I'm here. I always have to shoot every time I come here.

[Cody]

We got one or two of those.

[Donut Operator]

You find some fireworks.

[Cody]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we got fireworks. We'll get everything today. We'll have a good old America birthday with you.

[Count Dankula]

Oh, hell yeah. That's. That's the flower I'm excited about. It just makes me feel sad, though. But, you know, you need to get your training with the. For the boogaloo in somewhere.

[Cody]

Well, Gannett, what's your favorite kind of firearms? You're like video game nerd, anime nerd nerd.

[Count Dankula]

Do you want another thing? It was weird. The last time I actually went properly shooting, the guy went like, oh, do you know what to do? And I went, hold on, I'll see if I can figure it out. I actually knew just from video games, I was actually kind of like, oh, I actually do know what I'm doing. Which was pretty fun and everyone. But I did like that because that's the only time I've, like, pulled rank. Like, when I've tried to use my clout to, like, get some because. Because I was a tourist, I wasn't allowed to shoot any of the rifles. I was to shoot, like, handguns only and everything, which is wild.

[Cody]

Yeah.

[Count Dankula]

But the guy recognized me and he was like, why the fuck are you in my dad's store? And I was pure. Like, I was hoping to shoot some of the guns, but I'm not allowed to shoot the rifles. And that's when he PR Went, oh, that. That's fine. And he went, what do you want? What do you recommend? I ended up. I shot a scar H. And I actually quite enjoyed that, actually. That was fun.

[Cody]

Good old heavy scar.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah, that actually. That was actually pretty good. That was the one Where I started loading up another and I went, holy. I actually know exactly what to do. Thank you. Thanks, pubg. But no, that was really, really fun. I do like the shooting. I have to do that every time I come here.

[Cody]

Which one? What kind of firearms? Your favorite or do you have any?

[Count Dankula]

Or you're just like, no, that's the problem. Yeah, just guns. Tm like, that's it. It's just like, I don't know enough about them because I don't get to experience them enough. In Britain, we do have shooting clubs, but in order to get a license to actually own any of the firearms, you have to never even so much as breathed near a police officer your entire life. Like, I remember I actually applied to get a permit for an air rifle because I liked going rabbiting, because I like. Yeah, you have to get a permit for an air rifle because some idiot.

[Cody]

A BB gun.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah.

[Count Dankula]

But, well, like, action, like pellet ones.

[Connor]

That's one in the garage right now.

[Count Dankula]

And my permit got denied because when I was 17, I got caught drinking in the street and I was. That confused me because I went, so none of the other shit, none of the fight in the Nazi pug thing? It was that. That's what done it. That stopped me for getting an air rifle.

[Cody]

That's what made you.

[Connor]

Were you ever convicted of anything from. From.

[Count Dankula]

No, Most of the stuff with the fighting, it was like. Other times is. This is the thing that's weird with Scottish court is I would get in a fight and then it's like, oh, well, a bunch of happened. We've got witnesses. And what would happen is two years later, there would be my court date and the witnesses are gone. They don't give a fuck about that anymore. So they just don't turn up. And the judge just goes, oh, everybody go home. Charges dropped. That happens so much, by the way. So much. Yeah, because it takes that long for things to actually go to court.

[Connor]

It's gonna. Well, like mutual combat. Yeah, yeah, because it will even. Like, Indiana isn't a mutual combat state where I'm from because it's state by state. But, like, we'd get in fistfights at bars and shit. And then the cops would separate you and they'd ask you so, you know, you're fucking up another guy or whatever, and they go, do you want to press charges? You go, no. Well, they'd ask, they'd be like, the other guy's not pressing charges. Do you want to press charges? Like, no. And then they're like, okay, well, then Just fuck off.

[Count Dankula]

I think that's the way it should be. Over there, we've got it. Like, see, if I go up to someone and challenge him to a fight and he says no, and then I hit him anyway, that's assault.

[Connor]

Yeah.

[Count Dankula]

But see, if we say let's go and he goes, let's go, and we start fighting, the police class that as a stand up fight. They call that a stand up fight in a legal term, but it's still illegal. Yeah, like, so basically, like, there's been loads of times where sometimes they'll break you up and they will just go, right, you walk that way and you walk that way and that's when the officers are going, we don't want the paperwork just off, like, just leave.

[Connor]

Don't go back to the bar.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah. Or you get arrested. They keep you till the next morning. You're encouraged not to. They're like, look, let's just not take this further. He's both had a bit of fun off home. And that's usually when you see the other guy outside the station and you're sheepishly like, another one. Because it's, yeah, let's just be cool, it's fine. But yeah, there is, that's the thing that's funny is there is huge fighting culture in Scotland, but there isn't enough time in the courts to prosecute every single one of them. So you usually just get sobered up. The next morning you get a letter in the mail saying you've been fined 150 quid for breach of the peace. But if you pay the fine, it doesn't appear in your record, you're fine.

[Cody]

I think violence is like, assault's the one or batteries the one we don't want to fuck with because guns instantly gone with that one. So that's weird.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah.

[Cody]

Yeah. You know, like if you don't, depending if they do press charges, like random person like that, they did hurt me, I'm press the charges. This is like all your gun rights are gone instantly.

[Donut Operator]

It's, it's really up in there in the United States too. It's like, yeah, especially if you get a battery recharge, you get a felony, you lose your guns.

[Connor]

Domestic violence is but immediate.

[Donut Operator]

No, I, I, I have gone up to a bar fight before and like two dudes are beating the out of each other and I'm like, like, hey, you good? You good? Everyone happy? Okay, cool. You got in a bar fight, right? I'm not arresting anyone. Do you want to go into cuffs tonight? No. No. Okay. Everyone go home. Whereas if I charge, you know, charge one of them with it, they would get a. Possibly a felony if anyone wanted to go with that, and they'd lose their guns forever.

[Cody]

And voting. You're class def.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah, voting. Really?

[Eli Double Tap]

Mm.

[Cody]

Do they get, like. Gun laws are weird because I was lucky when I got pulled over with all the, like, shit ton of guns in the back of my car. And then I had my pistol in my seat and a shirt was over it. Cop walks up, sees a fucking armory behind, and he's like, oh. And he's like, oh, Eli, hey. I was like, hey, here, license. Cool. I was like, hey, I'm gonna reach in and get my insurance or whatever in the glove box. But there is a pistol just right there. So just so you know, he's like, oh, can I clear it? I was like, yeah. Lifted the shirt, he grabbed it, couldn't rack it. I racked it for him, cleared it, handed it back. I was like, there. He ran it, came back. He's like, okay, I'm gonna let you go. But just so you know, put that gun in the actual glove box or in the center console, because what you did was a. I concealed it. And he's like, that was a fucking felony. He's like, if I was a dickhead cop, I could have arrested you. Exactly.

[Donut Operator]

That's where officer discretion comes in. Like, cops don't have to fuck you on everything if you deserve it. Yeah, fuck them on everything, but you don't have to fuck everyone. And everything was. Yeah.

[Connor]

Because I had a kind of the equal opposite of that where I, like, got pulled over and I was speeding. Well, allegedly, I was speeding, had hands on the wheel, had that conversation with the officer, and he was like, you know, license, proof of insurance. And I was like, my license is in, you know, my wallet in my back pocket. I'm going to reach for it. I go, proof of insurance and registration is in the glove box, and there is a loaded pistol in there. And he was like, okay, Are you okay if I go over and unload the pistol? Absolutely. So he came around to the passenger side, opened the glove box, Glock falls

[Count Dankula]

out,

[Connor]

sets it down. And then he was like, all right, cool. You know, grab. Grab your registration, whatever. Perfectly fine interaction. And then at the end of it, and he goes, by the way, you know, I put magazine here, pistols there, back where I put it, drive away, done.

[Cody]

As it should be.

[Donut Operator]

A lot of it comes down to officer discretion.

[Count Dankula]

You.

[Donut Operator]

You don't have to hit everyone for every tiny thing that happens.

[Cody]

The thing that just happened, I did want to ask you about. Did you watch the Canadian police with the shooting?

[Eli Double Tap]

You know that moment when you text your team and say, did anybody follow up with that guy?

[Cody]

What eth.

[Count Dankula]

Who?

[Cody]

Habitual.

[Count Dankula]

Who?

[Cody]

We call them mud flaps.

[Eli Double Tap]

Meanwhile, the customer has already moved on, gotten married, started a new business, retired. They let us say fuck in the ad, by the way.

[Cody]

That's why today's episode is brought to you by Quo.

[Connor]

The business phone system built so you never miss a call.

[Cody]

Did you know all your calls, texts, and voicemail can live in one single place?

[Connor]

You mean to tell me they're inside the phone?

[Count Dankula]

Get them out of my phone.

[Connor]

Stop.

[Cody]

Connor. With Quo, you don't have to break that phone.

[Eli Double Tap]

But the point is, anyone on your team can just pick up the conversation where you left off.

[Connor]

So I don't have to get the calls out of my phone.

[Eli Double Tap]

All the people who called you are just stuck in purgatory forever inside of Connor's phone.

[Cody]

Is that coming from your phone, Cody?

[Connor]

Quo is the number one rated business phone system on G2.

[Cody]

Connor, what's G2?

[Connor]

Somebody like you would never know. Trusted by over 90,000 businesses.

[Eli Double Tap]

Set up in minutes on any device. And you get to keep your existing number.

[Cody]

That's important.

[Connor]

Add teammates as you grow. No it. No hassle. We all hate it. We all hate hassle. You know how it is.

[Eli Double Tap]

Why are you being so racist?

[Connor]

Shut the up.

[Count Dankula]

Money is on the line.

[Eli Double Tap]

Which is why you should always say hello with quo.

[Connor]

Try quo for free.

[Cody]

Plus get 20% off your first six months when you go to quo.com unsub that's q. U.

[Eli Double Tap]

Thank you to Quo. Back to the shitty content.

[Cody]

Oh, the girl cop.

[Count Dankula]

Was this the one where one bystander was killed right outside the pornhub headquarters and it turned out it was a rabbi.

[Connor]

Yes.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah, he was coming out. I don't know why a rabbi was coming out of pornhub headquarters.

[Cody]

Was that.

[Donut Operator]

No one knows why that was.

[Count Dankula]

That's really weird. And there's a female who knows what's happening.

[Cody]

Yeah.

[Count Dankula]

What was it? What was it Sam H. Used to say? He goes, like, if you ever get pulled over by a female cop, pray.

[Connor]

Taser.

[Count Dankula]

Taser, Taser. Oh, yeah, remember that? She said. She says, that's not your taser, darling.

[Cody]

I know.

[Donut Operator]

I. I've only been preaching the past. Like, what? How. How many years have we been doing this podcast, Eli? It's been like six years, seven years, something like that. The better trained you are, the better you are. At not killing people. And so if someone runs up on you and you're a well trained police officer, you're not going to smoke them in the face.

[Cody]

No, I'm going to turn and shoot the. We didn't do that too often. I was.

[Donut Operator]

Even, even not as a trained combat veteran. And like you are like, if you've been trained as a police officer, we don't, you know, if someone ran up on you when you're in active shooter situation, even in Iraq, you wouldn't turn and just shoot.

[Cody]

We weren't allowed to fight unless they were shooting at it. Like you put. They could point guns at us unless they actually shot first is the only time we could return.

[Count Dankula]

So.

[Connor]

So you could be driving down the street and somebody just wait.

[Cody]

Oh yeah, dude, that was one of the big. Yeah, you're not allowed to do shit. So it depends on your ROE for each specific thing. That's why when we went to the Diala river province and they were like, hey, if they, if they're up filming you, you can engage them. We're like, oh, this is a real bad area. That's how we knew it was a very bad area. And then driving up there, it looked like the moon. It was just like craters on the freeway from IED blast. But yeah, when we initially got into East Rasheed, it was, hey, can't fire. They can aim at you. Can't fire. If they do shoot it, then shoot back.

[Count Dankula]

So though that sounds like letting them cheat. It does, yeah.

[Cody]

But then you have a whole bunch of soldiers pointing guns at you and

[Count Dankula]

you're like, that's fine. Well, to be fair, they had that and you guys had like warthogs. So at the same time this, this,

[Donut Operator]

this girl was put into a position where she was in a firefight. She'd never been put into a firefight or put into a high stress situation before because, because no one's given her that training before. And so because she was put in that situation, she turned and shot. But like, she's never had any, any hard situations put in front of her life that like, no hard training, no firefights or anything like that.

[Cody]

That's. Yeah, you're just thrown into a terrible situation and you're just gonna be like,

[Donut Operator]

when you, when you take a little girl and you put them in there and you're just like, hey, everyone's nice, everyone's happy and they're putting in that. What are they gonna do? They're gonna shoot that?

[Count Dankula]

Anyway, Anyway,

[Cody]

she must have watched a

[Connor]

bug video that's why the.

[Donut Operator]

God damn it. I've been preaching it for years. The more training you give cops, that's. They're gonna be good at it. They're gonna kill less people.

[Connor]

You want the police, AKA Yeah, yeah.

[Donut Operator]

And then that's what's happening right now. And in Canada, especially in that situation, you defund the police, you take their fucking training away. They don't know how to handle high stress situations. If you make them more dangerous, the less chance they are of killing people.

[Cody]

You'll love this story. Day two of race school, maybe day one. It was day one. End of day one. The instructors talking to all of us, every one of us.

[Donut Operator]

Racist school, racist school, racist school.

[Connor]

We're professional races.

[Cody]

Skip Barber. Also Skip Barber. Y' all killed it.

[Connor]

Shouts out Skip Barbs.

[Cody]

You guys. Skippy Barbs.

[Connor]

We love you.

[Cody]

Don't pass the instructor one rule. They. And they hammered this one rule.

[Connor]

It was the pace car.

[Cody]

Yeah, yeah. Don't pass the pace car. Hey, they're gonna. You're just gonna follow them. Don't pass the pace car.

[Connor]

He asked in the classroom, he goes, when do you ever pass the pace car?

[Cody]

Never. So. And he. This is like, one of the few things he, like, really reiterates. And then the one person just. We're in line, like, driving. The one. You said one person?

[Count Dankula]

The one woman.

[Cody]

The one woman. It was.

[Connor]

It was 60 men and one woman. And guess who broke the rule?

[Cody]

Like, I'm in the formula car.

[Count Dankula]

I'm like, oh, oh, no.

[Cody]

And I thought it was someone from our group. I was like, who the fuck just blew by the. I swear. They said, like, they reiterated. And everyone heard it multiple times.

[Sponsor Voice]

Nope.

[Connor]

The first lap they take, they were like, Toyotas. They're not Camrys, but what's the other one? Like the family model sedan, Corolla, whatever it is. And so they take you around just so you get a feel for the track. They drive the racing line. You just follow them. Everybody's in a line. It's like you're just getting an idea for where you go to the track. And then they pull off and they pit and they wave you by. And then everybody, like, takes off for their lap. They stress that 50 fucking times before we go out. The first time we're on the track, she must have had some fucking itch

[Cody]

by turn two, dog.

[Connor]

We take off and she just blows by. Immediate flag. They're like, every day's ruined. Everybody pull over. She got her ass chewed out, and she's like, I feel so embarrassed and we're like, good. You should.

[Cody]

How did you miss the one thing they told us?

[Connor]

One rule 80 fucking times.

[Cody]

Also sitting in 120 or 110 with 145 was attractive, right?

[Count Dankula]

Yeah.

[Connor]

With. Well, yeah, the heat index was crazy because the humidity there was.

[Cody]

And formula cards. I know. You think comfort, right?

[Connor]

Yes, of course. It's a carbon fiber fucking coffin.

[Cody]

And the sun is right here. And said carbon fiber coffin. And you're wrapped in flame retardant. Yeah.

[Connor]

In your flame retardant suit with a helmet on.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah.

[Connor]

The fucking bruises because I was getting slammed around in that car.

[Cody]

Dude, they beat the, like

[Connor]

the only car they, they, they put me in that was long enough for me, was clearly built for somebody who weighs twice as much as me because I'm skinny as fuck. So tall guy car, but I'm skinny. So I'm cinched down, down to the seat in the six point harness. But left to right, it was full mobility. So anytime I turn right, I'm like, slam, turn left, slam. So I'm bruised to fucking shit. And then, yeah, the, that car ended up blowing up. The first one that I was in, the tall guy car and they decided to put me in Eli's car, which we have the biggest height differential between anybody who was there.

[Cody]

Yeah, yeah.

[Connor]

Why they chose that, I don't know.

[Cody]

Like, you have me and Mat Fraser. You'd be like, oh, these two would probably go in the same car, about the same height. These two.

[Connor]

Gigantor, the fucking gangly Slenderman in the jacked. Short guy they put, put me in his car. Well, they checked me for, for the fit and I could, I could hit the clutch and I could hit the gas. Well, the brake obviously is in the middle where the steering wheel is. And so they're like, does can you hit the pedals? I'm like, yeah, everything's fine. We take off or I take off in the, that short car, which my knees are like bunched up and I'm driving and then I went to shift because you drive with your right foot on the gas or throttle. Left foot on the brake. Clutches over here. When I went to move my left foot to the brake, now I'm in the steering wheel. So I had to curve my foot to the side and use the side of my foot to hit the brake. So it was fun sized. Go karts. I felt like fucking Donkey Kong driving

[Count Dankula]

in that fucking car.

[Cody]

Oh, it was a blast. Everyone just got more, more hyped and more hype than shit talking and just fucking good Ass time. Good ass time.

[Connor]

Hot as fuck.

[Cody]

Yeah. I cannot stress that. That was the most miserable time. We were like, oh, we're gonna do a podcast after every. At the end of the day, fucking dude. You're like, fuck that. We just drive to town, eat, come back, pass out the one restaurant.

[Connor]

Cause it was in Buttfuck, Virginia. So the only restaurant was a Texas

[Cody]

roadhouse packed on a Tuesday with like, there's a fucking line out the door in this small ass town. You're like, cool.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah.

[Connor]

Went there three nights in a row.

[Cody]

Fucking, eating like kings, dog.

[Connor]

Well, they kept having us get in the, get in the cars. They were very like punctual or trying to be punctual about that. But then we learned. Love you guys.

[Sponsor Voice]

Love you.

[Connor]

Skip Barber Racing School. Love you so much. Love you, love you, love you. They kept pulling us out on, on day one, we would stay on the side of the track and they're like, get in the cars. And we'd hop in sweating our dicks off. It'd be like 15 minutes and then we'd take off. So day two, we learned our lesson. There was an air conditioned building very close by. We'd hang out in the air conditioning. It was very chill. And they started getting frustrated with the fact that they had to call us out. And then we. So day two, we go out and they're like, get in your cars. We get in the cars, 10, 15 minutes, baking in the sun. Day three, same shit. Staying in the air conditioned building. They're like, you guys, get in your cars. Got it.

[Count Dankula]

Get in your cars.

[Cody]

Got it.

[Connor]

Walking, Walking in slow motion, dipping our,

[Cody]

our head socks into like cold water. Put that offer. It's gonna be gone in five minutes,

[Connor]

so enjoy that ice hopping that bitch at the last fucking second.

[Cody]

Brandon had a shit on one. So like, everyone's already packed in. I'm about to get in. I'm like, Brandon's not even in his. I was like, I'm going to shave for at least five months. Well, I can wait until Brandon comes running up. He's like, sorry, I had to shit. Which you don't want to shit in a race car because you're not moving and you're strapped in fucking tight.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah.

[Connor]

So they vibrate. I have the bladder of a little girl. And the vibrations every time I get, I'd be like, I'm. I have to piss it. Like I'm like 70% of the way there. And then you get in, fire up the engine. Click, click, click, click, click. I'm like, I Have to piss right now. Locked in for 20 minutes.

[Cody]

Okay, one question I do have for you is, what is one of your favorite stories when you do your research videos? You go like ham on those. So what is your favorite that you've got to do or had the most surprise from, like, breaking it down?

[Count Dankula]

See, the reason I started doing Mad Lads was actually completely by accident. The first one was a guy. This was. I just decided to make this as. Oh, this is an interesting subject. I'll make a video on it. And I think I said, oh, this guy's a bit absolute mad lad. I just said it as like a generic thing because that was. That was just a bit of a. That was going on at the time. And it was on a guy called Dragonlord.

[Connor]

Oh, the German dude?

[Count Dankula]

Yeah. There's a lot of a theory about what's happened to him recently. I don't think it's true, but maybe. But basically, for anyone that doesn't know, he is the biggest LOLcow in Germany. And the country has literally got together to with this one guy.

[Cody]

Oh, my God, yes. Yeah.

[Donut Operator]

What's a LOLcow?

[Count Dankula]

Someone who's basically Internet fucking idea and they're that funny and their life's that much of a shit show that you can just keep milking them for LOLs. Who's the Chad dude?

[Connor]

Christian?

[Cody]

No, the other fat dude.

[Connor]

Oh, Boogie.

[Cody]

Boogie.

[Connor]

No, wait.

[Count Dankula]

No, Boogie. Boogie is one. I had to. I had to act as a sort of a mediator between him and Frank Hassell. Because you saw the punch. No, you saw. Not a doctor. I know everybody's sitting over a cast. No, I say Frank Hassell. You see the infamous incident where Boogie came out his front door with a gun? That was Frank Hassell that came his house to mess with him. And I was, I. I went through Boogie going, you came in the door with a gun. You fucking fired it. You're a fucking idiot and everything. And he was like, he. I was in danger. And I was like, boogie, I explained this to you. When all this stuff happens, Frank Hassell goes. And with people, he has a rule where he doesn't hit people. Frank Hassell's get video as well, where people are punching him and beating him up and throwing him over fences and shit like that, or pinning him with the throat. And he just does that. He never actually hits them or anything because he just. I think he goes, yeah, I'm fucking with him. Like, of course I'm gonna get hacked. Right? So, yeah, so he just takes his beating even though he's a big guy. And Frank Hassle was at Boogie's door and he goes, we have Castle Doctrine here. That means I get to shoot you if you come inside. Frank went, well, this is Hassle Doctrine, which means I get to come and sit, but fuck you, right? And then I ended up saying to Boogie, I went, you're a fucking idiot. And aipier went, my life was in danger, Dankula. And I went, boogie, do you believe in your heart and hearts that you. That you were genuinely in any kind of danger? And Biggie actually replied to me saying he threatened to r Pe me, Dankula. I was like, do you genuinely believe that he was going to come into your house, hold you down and buck fuck you. So that. That never went anywhere. And they're still not really talking. But Boogie, so Boogie is one, but one of the ones that is probably my favorite because I've now done four parts on this guy. The last one came out not long ago. Basically, this guy's life has just been a shit show. He was just a funny streamer and he was, like, very arrogant. And everybody was wrong. And he was banning people from his chats all the time. And he was just an arrogant prick. Everybody had hated him. So people would make memes of them, they would make troll accounts. They would wind them up and everything. And it got to one day where basically someone had managed to doxy Sister's phone number and left his sister, like, a threatening voicemail, which is shitty. Like, don't. Don't do like that. But Dragon Lord got really, really angry about it. And he posted a video going, whoever did that, come to my house and fight me. And he read out his entire address. Oh, and German trolls are built differently, by the way. They are.

[Connor]

They are famously an autistic racist.

[Count Dankula]

They're all loonies. Where, like, they messaged me now going, yeah, you did. You got this part wrong. And I'm like, oh, I'm sorry, dude.

[Cody]

It is that. That when he threatened, he's like, come fight me or whatever. He said, dude, I was watching that, I was like, oh, that was a dumb choice.

[Count Dankula]

Oh, yeah, dude, that was a choice. It became the whole thing of messing with him became called the Dragon Game, right? And if you went to his house, that was called the Pilgrimage, where people would go to his house and fuck with him all the time. And this happened like three, four, five times a day every day for years. Like, it was like nine years he was in that house, like, living. And it was a tiny little village. And the village Nicknamed him the Ogre, right? Because at night you would just hear one of his windows like smash and you would just hear him screaming in German and his big deep voice. It got to the point where people were like firing fireworks at his house and he was like trying to defend himself with a hose. He was even pepper spraying people. People would smash his windows while he was sleeping. His house looks like fucking Bosnia, right? The whole place is just covered in the free. There was one time when it was his birthday and people lit a birthday cake. I shouldn't be laughing. It's not funny, right? And they lit a birthday cake. They sat outside his balcony and sang him happy birthday. And because he was wouldn't come out, they just launched the cake up to his balcony and you just see it splat, right, the plate. The place was just a shithole, right? And this went on for years and years and years. The police were sick and fed up him. And it got to the point where

[Cody]

it was promised to the Internet 2,000 years ago.

[Connor]

Well, yeah, essentially he broke the, the cardinal rule.

[Count Dankula]

Well, speaking of land seizure, but basically the government got involved and basically says, we are going to to force purchase your house from you. Get the out the area, get out. And they like. He was also getting arrested tons as well because he was insulting the police. He was making videos where he's going. The police are useless and they didn't help at all. That's a crime in Germany. They have really strict offending police officers. That's really, really strict, even if it's just offending people. Like if me and you got in an argument there and I called you a. I could be arrested for that. Yeah. Germany's free speech laws are nuclear. You know, it sounds like the Nazis never really left, right? But basically they came in force, purchased his house and went, look, you're going to get like monthly benefits and stuff like that, but you've also to stop streaming. And this was a judge warning how many. When you are, you're on here for several assaults of people that have came at your house. And at one point they held a music festival outside of his house. It was called, called Shannon Fest. And basically like hundreds of people, people, literally hundreds and hundreds of people descended on this village of like 20 people, right? And like riot cops and everybody get called in, they were lighting fires, they were destroying the place and everything. So they got to the judge went like, to spare everyone, you're selling your house, you're going to stop streaming. We will put you through college so you can get a proper job and he refused. He refused. The judge sentenced him to two years, but his lawyer appealed it. And the way it works in Germany is if you've got an act of appeal, you don't go to prison. And it eventually got to the point where the people that were trolling him were the ones being called to court as witnesses. And one of the witnesses to his trial downed an entire bottle of peppermint schnapps as a dare before he went in to give witness testimony. And he started trolling Dragonlord and the judge in the middle of the trial. The trial lasted two days and after every. And they were all outside the courthouse like shitting up the courthouse and everyone. And it got two days later the judge went, that's. He just went, all of your pieces of shit, I hate every single one of you type thing. But he refused. But they ended up, they force purchased his house. He used it to buy a blue Ford Ranger. And when I'm just going to travel and I'm going to stream traveling and if the trolls find me, I can keep driving. They created a fucking interactive map that you could update his locations like he was fucking Bigfoot and they were tracking him everywhere and they were finding him in the street. But it ended up he didn't have a driver's license. So the truck got impounded and taken from him. So he was homeless. And the problem is now he's homeless so people can just mess with him. He was camping in the middle of the woods and they still found.

[Cody]

They found him.

[Count Dankula]

Well, yeah, I was gonna say he,

[Connor]

he violated the, the golden rule of being on the Internet is don't feed the trolls. And so these guys would show up at his house like he was saying and he would, was he was giving them the interaction that they wanted.

[Cody]

They'd like blow air horns and every

[Count Dankula]

single time there's hundreds of videos of people outside of his house filming and just making fun of him and stuff like that. Like hitting him with eggs and he'd

[Connor]

always come out and spray him with

[Count Dankula]

a hose every time. Yeah, basically. See, if he just ignored it completely and didn't respond, he'd have been fine. But every single time he did. But it got to the point where he eventually was living in a house with people who were alleged full on Nazis. And there was an accusation made against him where allegedly he touched a five year old girl that was living in the house with her mother. And it's been. And there's even a confrontation of them kicking him out the house and everything. And it got to the point where, and it's been since then, no one's heard from him. And these, these guys found him in the middle of the fucking woods, right? They know where to find him. They're great at this shit. Nobody can find him at all. And there's a theory that the Nazis killed him and he's fucking buried in the woods somewhere because there's been nothing. There's been nothing at all ever since.

[Cody]

Oh, he's just heard about him now.

[Connor]

The accusation is that he one of the Nazi's kids.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah, allegedly. Yeah, but apparently the police were notified. But there was like. I don't know what came of that because he's now very restrictive in what he lets out there. But all of his social media is gone. He's completely off the Internet at all. I've dead found an Instagram which I think might be his, but he hasn't posted on it roughly about the time this shit happened.

[Connor]

Nazism is illegal in Germany, right?

[Count Dankula]

Completely.

[Connor]

Yeah.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah, which is why they have all the same policies, but they call themselves a completely different name and don't use any.

[Connor]

They're fun time friends.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah, it's like, it's like. What was it? It was before. It was when like the kgb. No, they're still the kgb, but the Stasi. I think the Stasi were East Germany. Oh yeah, I can't remember. It's been basically the kgb, whatever they were before they rebranded and all they did was change the site, man. Still doing the same, just different names.

[Connor]

Name.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah, but so he's fsb. The new. The new kgb.

[Connor]

I misunderstood.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah, yeah, no, but basically. So that's a mad lad who was the first one. And I think it might be over, but I have no idea. I don't think he's actually dead. I think it's finally sank in where he's like, yeah, my life's went to like completely and I am not doing myself any favor. So I'm hoping he's grew up and he's moved on.

[Cody]

Should have done. Very helpful. Should have took that deal.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah, he should have took the deal.

[Connor]

Deal.

[Count Dankula]

He should have took the deal.

[Connor]

Damn good deal.

[Cody]

Damn good deal. And homie chose chaos.

[Count Dankula]

Oh, people. He got catfished all the time. And it got to a point where he had like an online girlfriend who would even appear in his stream and he proposed to her on stream and then she replies to him saying, you're the fattest, dumbest guy I've ever met in my life. And then two guys jumped in on either side of her blowing party horns and everything and pointing and laughing at something and everything like that. Like I said, German trolls are built different, man. They will do the cruelest. I don't know how, like, yeah, I'm amazed he still, he hasn't went completely insane. I'm amazed that he's not completely lost his mind.

[Cody]

That's for me. I'm like, man, that's. That, that's pushing that person to the limit of. Yeah. Huh? 12, 13 reasons.

[Connor]

That's my 17th reason.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah, I think it's been going on total about 12 years. 12 years he's went through all that stuff.

[Connor]

Damn.

[Count Dankula]

I know.

[Cody]

God damn, dude.

[Connor]

Well, if he touched that child, then he deserved it.

[Count Dankula]

Yeah. Absolutely fine with it. When it comes to sexual deviancy, that's not the only thing he's done. But let's not go into all that, you know. But yeah, dude.

[Cody]

Count Dankula, thank you. So far this has been fucking absolute blast, dude. It was an honor to have you. Where do the people find you on all the different souls?

[Count Dankula]

Socials, Count Dankula TV on Twitter. And I apologize in advance for my behavior. Like on Twitter. But it's a count Dankula on YouTube. That's the best place to find me.

[Cody]

Just Count Dankula.

[Count Dankula]

Just count Dankula on YouTube. Yeah, dude.

[Cody]

Thank you so much. Cody. You want to close this out?

[Donut Operator]

Thank you guys for joining the unscribed podcast today. I was joined by Eli Double Tap, Count Dankula, King Trout, my self, donut operator. Thank you so much for being here.

[Count Dankula]

We love you.

[Cody]

Give it a kiss. Don't, don't kiss it. Just blow them a kiss.

[Count Dankula]

Okay.

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