Forgetting to Wear Underwear In Front of My Boss

Summary

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VIEWS Podcast: "Forgetting to Wear Underwear In Front of My Boss"

Release Date: October 3, 2025
Hosts: David Dobrik & Jason Nash
Guests/Regulars: Natalie, Jonah, SteveWillDoIt, Steiny, Taylor, Ella, John, others

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Episode Overview

This episode of the VIEWS podcast is as chaotic, irreverent, and confessional as ever. David and Jason kick things off with a wild story about David giving their friend Jonah $100,000 to fund a movie—but things quickly spiral into a series of unfiltered, hilarious, and at times uncomfortably real moments from their group's day-to-day lives. The undisputed centerpiece is an accidental wardrobe malfunction that becomes the main running joke, blending cringe, comedy, and raw friendship. Frequent asides, audience-breaking commentary, and honest reflections round out this rollercoaster episode.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. David Invests $100,000 in Jonah’s Movie (01:10–06:06; 10:01–15:40)

• David confesses to making a "really stupid" financial decision—he gave $100K to Jonah for his movie after a real Zoom call with a legitimate (unnamed but "A-list") actor (01:10).
  • Jonah had harped on making a movie for years; David always doubted his seriousness.
  • The call with the actor was a pivotal turning point: “He finishes the call... he looks at me and goes... I need $100,000 to make this happen” (04:35; David).
  • David’s thought process: It wasn’t just an investment, but about supporting a friend’s dream:

    “Jonah has done a lot for me... this will be fun to watch him actually succeed.” (05:35)

  • Jonah claims David will get a 5% stake—though recouping the money isn’t really David’s focus.
  • Jonah on his commitment:

    "I'm 100% sure... This is real, bro. It's an A-lister.” (10:27) “I wrote it at a really, really bad spot in my life... It's a really beautiful script. It’s a beautiful story.” (11:14, Jonah)

  • Memorable moment: Jonah nervously pitches himself as “the fat guy” on the call, endearing but awkward (12:12).

2. SteveWillDoIt Wants to Be David’s Neighbor (06:20–09:51)

• Steve calls in, announcing he might buy a $6 million house just to live next door.
  • Intends to “walk into [David’s] house, eat snacks, grab beers...”
  • Joking negotiations for a shared staircase and house access:

    “You buy the house under me, I’ll trim the trees, and I’ll build a staircase that connects the houses.” (09:41, David)

• Steiny jokes about buying the cheaper house down the street, highlighting the group's wealth-as-a-joke culture.

3. The Infamous Underwear Incident & Impression Game (20:03–32:40)

• Prompted by Jason, everyone is to do “best impression of an inanimate object or person.” Ella curls up under a blanket—leading to David accidentally glimpsing Natalie’s (lack of) underwear (21:19).
  • Immediate, raw reactions and jokes dominate:

    “Dude, I swear to God, I just saw Natalie’s vagina.” (21:19, David) “I was under the blanket!” (20:47, Ella)

  • Natalie explains she had to jump in the pool earlier, didn’t pack underwear, wore a tiny dress at David’s suggestion—now the accidental flash.
  • The group teases, processes, and jokes about it for the next 10 minutes, with David repeatedly flustered, Natalie fluctuating between mortified and owning it, and everyone else riffing:

    “That’s why you don’t like women anymore. Because I traumatized you as a child.” (22:54, Natalie) “Not when people ask, why is [it that] you and Natalie never going to work? I’m like, well, 2007, I saw Natalie’s vagina and things haven’t been the same.” (22:57, David)

  • The incident becomes the running gag and suggested episode title.

4. Lighthearted Group Banter—Best Friends, Social Influence & More (32:40–41:42)

• David and Jason probe their friendship hierarchy: Who are each other’s best friends? Is Jason Top 3? Are hometown friends excluded?
  • “Jay, you’re in my top three.” (38:50, David)
  • “I don’t think of you as a friend. I think of you more as like, family.” (38:52, Jason)
• Meta-moment: David’s influencer effect.
  He admits to “selling” his friends on everything he buys—houses, cars, even tree-trimming (39:44).
  • “You’re the best influencer, Dave. She said it was great. Now I gotta get it.” (41:53, Jason)

5. Wild Tangents: Drugged Woman at McDonald’s, Imaginary Friends, Tech Talk (42:01–46:22)

• Drugged-out woman encounter: The crew describes a McDonald’s late-night filming session interrupted by a clearly out-of-it woman having hallucinated conversations with invisible backseat passengers—spooky but momentarily lucid with them (43:01).
• Taylor’s childhood: She sold imaginary “walls” in her house to fake customers (44:34), which segues into a discussion about imaginary friends and being a weird, creative kid.
• Brief side chat: About new vision-changing eyedrops and why some can’t handle contacts (29:38).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• David on supporting Jonah’s film dream:

  “This wasn’t an investment. This was just like, Jonah has done a lot for me… Like, then this will be fun to watch him actually succeed. And it’s like a full circle because we pulled a prank on him once where he thought he was going to be an actor.” (05:35)

• Jonah pitching the movie to the A-list actor:

  “I don't know how I did. I don't think—I forgot the whole call.” (11:39, Jonah) “You could call me the fat guy. Make fun of me. I'm the fat guy.” (12:17, Jonah)

• David on the underwear incident:

  “Dude, I swear to God, I just saw Natalie’s vagina.” (21:19) “I had a crush on you and then I saw it. I got freaked out. Not that it’s bad, but…I’d never seen a vagina and it, like, really scared the fuck out of me.” (22:13)

• Natalie on the exposure:

  “That’s why you don’t like women anymore. Because I traumatized you as a child.” (22:54) “I just have to show you again for longer, just like really spread it open.” (34:07, jokingly)

• Jason on friendship:

  “I don’t think of you as a friend. I think of you more as like a family.” (38:52)

• Jason, drolly addressing the audience after chaos:

  “This is the pervert episode.” (35:01)

• Ridiculous character bit:

  “Natalie’s vagina is Dave’s best friend.” (37:16, Jason) (Jason, doing a fake voice) “Hey, how you doing, Damon? What’s going on, man? Finally, she let me out to play. Thank God I got out of here, man. Damn, is it hot in here?” (37:25)

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• 01:10–06:06: David gives Jonah $100K to make a movie, doubts and hopes for the project.
• 06:20–09:51: SteveWillDoIt wants to buy the house next door; neighbor access negotiations.
• 10:01–15:40: Jonah joins to talk about his movie, its origins, and the A-list actor.
• 20:03–32:40: Impression game leads to accidental underwear incident and extended banter.
• 32:40–41:42: Who are everyone’s best friends? The power of being friends with an influencer.
• 42:01–43:48: Drugged-out woman at McDonald’s.
• 44:23–46:01: Taylor sold “walls” as a kid—group talks imaginary friends.
• 46:22–46:49: Episode wraps up; everyone says their piece on the “incident.”

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Episode Tone and Style

The episode is peak VIEWS: chaotic, deeply personal, raunchy, and ultimately warm. The line between private life and public chaos blurs as the group overshares, teases, and riff hilariously. Metacommentary on podcast content, self-deprecation, and friendship keeps the tone inviting despite the envelope-pushing content.

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For First-Time Listeners

If this is your first VIEWS episode, expect a fast-paced blend of confessional storytelling, close-friend teasing, and improv-without-a-net. The podcast takes you behind the scenes of the group’s everyday lives—warts, wildness, and all.

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End of Summary
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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[C]

Views. What's up, guys? Welcome back to View. Jay, I did something really, really stupid.

[B]

What'd you do?

[C]

You're not gonna like it.

[B]

You had a bunch of. A bunch of fast food, really late.

[C]

I'm gonna start the sentence, you finish it.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I gave Jonah $100,000. Yeah.

[B]

For his movie.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

No, you didn't.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Did you really?

[D]

I don't.

[C]

Yeah. How did you know it was.

[B]

The only thing that would want from you is to get his movie done.

[C]

Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

[E]

Wow.

[B]

Well, we should have a quick moment of silence for that hundred K.

[D]

Not.

[B]

That the movie won't be great, but it's hard for movies to make their money back.

[C]

Yeah. I was talking to one of my actresses, my actress friends.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And I was like. Yeah. She's like, what'd you do today? And I was like, I invested in a movie for my buddy. And she goes, have you ever invested in a movie before? And I'm like, first one. She goes, good luck.

[E]

No.

[C]

Yeah. But he's confident in the fact that I'll get it back. That I'll get it back.

[F]

Very sure.

[C]

And this isn't knocking Jonah.

[B]

Right?

[C]

This is. Okay, so I'll tell you what happened.

[B]

No, it's not knocking Jonah.

[C]

He was. He's been wanting this money for a while, Right. He told me he got this actor, this big actor. I'm not going to say who.

[B]

Yep, I know who it is.

[C]

Yeah. Attached to the movie. You know the actor, right?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Okay. But we can't say it. It's. We're completely. Spoil it.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I was like, there's no way you got this Guy, it's not happening. It's bullshit. Every time he brings up the movie, I go, shut the fuck up. I don't want to hear about it. Because you know it's full of shit. Yes, 100% of the time. So yesterday he took the zoom call with the actor in my home.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

And the actor was on the other line. I could not believe it. I could believe it. I even looked. I checked. I'm like, that's wasn't a double.

[B]

I don't know, look alike.

[C]

I mean, it's so easy to fake things nowadays. I don't know if it was a prank on me, but it was full blown. He finishes the call, the actor. Basically it's Jonah and his producers on this call. This is a movie Jonah wrote and is acting. And Jonah starring in was me in.

[B]

Prosthetic dressed as Vin Diesel.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I need to tell you.

[C]

So it's Jonah on the call, pitching it to this actor to be his co star in the film. Like a real, A real movie.

[B]

Sure. Have you read the script?

[C]

No. Oh. And Jonah's like. And Jonah's team is like, okay, so are you in? Yeah. And the actors, like, if you guys are real, I'm in.

[B]

And they're like, if they're like. And if you're real, if you're really the person.

[C]

I think everybody on that call.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

Was equally as shocked.

[C]

Was equally as shocked that the other person was on the call. Because Jordan does not seem like a guy who's, you know, forking up a lot of money for this movie.

[B]

Right.

[C]

And this actor is getting paid a good amount to be in this movie. It's a 10 day shoot. It's all, it's, it's a lot of work. A 10 day, like full 14 hour days. Like what hangover was shot in 14 days? I know 10 days doesn't sound like a lot for a movie.

[B]

Yeah. But like 10 days is quick.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Really quick.

[C]

But it's also possible to shoot a full movie.

[B]

I shot my second movie in 10 days.

[C]

That's not saying much.

[B]

Exactly, exactly. That's what I'm saying.

[C]

Also, the Hangover was shot in 14.

[B]

Yes. So that's four more days though. If I had four more days, maybe my movie would have been better.

[C]

Yeah, you would have made an award winning film.

[E]

Maybe.

[C]

Yeah. So the actor looks. Seems like he's in, I guess. So I. And then, and then Joe to close the laptop and the first thing he says to me is I'm filming him. Like I'm, I'm like this will maybe be a vlog in, like, a year when the movie comes out. So I'm filming him.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

He looks at me and he goes. He doesn't even celebrate that the actor's on board. Which led me to believe how real this was from the beginning, because he's not even celebrating at this point. He's just, like, really letting it sink in. And he. The first thing he says to me is, I need $100,000 to make this happen. And I'm like, I'm not. I can't give you 100 grand for a fucking movie. That's like. That's ridiculous. And then, you know, with his, like, with the most sincere I've ever seen him, he's just like, this is all I've ever wanted. This is my biggest dream. I swear on my life. Like, this is. This is why I'm put here on this planet. I swear on my mother, like, I will make this movie work. Please. Like, if you could do anything ever for me, it's this.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

So.

[C]

So I'm like, okay, fine. A hundred grand.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

So now we just.

[G]

See?

[C]

Now we just wait. You probably won't hear about this for a while, but. Yeah. And if the movie does well, he's saying, I own 5% of it now, so.

[B]

Okay. All right.

[C]

But that's not my goal. My goal is to make the Hunter back.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And for the movie to do well, for.

[B]

To flourish. Yeah. That's really nice.

[C]

This wasn't an investment. This was just, like, Jonah has done a lot. A lot for me. Right. Like, he's been in all my videos, so it's like, whatever. I have never. You know.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Like, then this will be fun to watch him actually succeed. And it's like a full circle because we pulled a prank on him once where he thought he was gonna be an actor.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So if it actually works. Fucking amen. Hell, yeah. So you're really sick. So as dumb as it was, I'm really excited to see how it turns out.

[B]

That's awesome. You get to go to set and hang out.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. They're shooting in a different state. I don't want to dox them. But. Yeah.

[B]

You're a producer now, so you can go on set. Yeah.

[C]

Fucking Natalie in the back. When I agree to give him the money, Natalie's like, you're gonna give me credit, too? To Jonah. I'm like, n. Finally, you. Oh, guys, we're gonna get a call from. Steve will do it here.

[G]

David. Yo, Steve, I can't see you, because I'm in my car.

[C]

But Steve, you're gonna do. You, you, you're on the podcast, by the way. I'm recording a podcast.

[B]

You're on the stream.

[G]

Oh, sweet, dude, we're about to be neighbors, dog.

[C]

You're actually moving next door to me.

[G]

I'm trying. You know, I'm the only person that would buy a $6 million house just to be neighbors with you.

[C]

Yeah, you, you, yeah, you don't have to there compete with for that. But how serious are you about. Because we just talked about it on the last podcast. How serious are you about this?

[G]

I, I told my Bob, do it 100% do it.

[C]

Oh my.

[G]

You know, I'm gonna show up to your house every single morning with a coffee and a cigarette and, and I'm also going to walk into your house without you knowing and, and eat your, eat your snacks before I go to the gym.

[C]

No, that's completely fine.

[B]

We all do that.

[C]

I'm just like, I told Natalie and everybody that like, we need to have like a little debrief of like how quiet the neighborhood is before. But I'm down for the morning cigarettes and you walking in whenever. It's just like, we can't, you know.

[G]

I'm gonna walk in, whatever, and I'm gonna eat your candy before the gym and if I need beers or anything, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna postmate it. I'm gonna go to your house.

[C]

I mean, yeah, obviously that's what good neighbors are for, so I, I, I, I completely understand.

[G]

Thank you.

[H]

David, you gotta text me back, bro.

[G]

Yeah, Steiny. Steiny wants to be friends with you, dude.

[H]

Oh, for a little bit. Stop texting me back.

[C]

Steiny's there too.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

This is a thank you for all being on the podcast. This is a big deal. Yo, Steiny, your skit today was so, your skit was so funny today.

[H]

Oh, thank you. I appreciate it. I'm gonna buy the other house. There's one down the street for 1 million. I'm gonna buy that.

[C]

Damn. You're. You're also rolling in it.

[H]

You have to. I was like, dude, Steve, what are we doing? He's like, dude, this house is $6 million. It's right by David's. I was like, what are the specs? Like, how many square feet? He's like, dude, I don't know, but it' to David's. I never heard anything like it. I was like, why are you moving there? He's like, dude, it's next to David's. I was like, how much? Six mil. Million.

[C]

Do it, Steve. You don't want. You don't want to look at the house first before you buy it?

[G]

No, that would be so dumb. What if I don't like it?

[H]

I think that's just a. That's just a getaway. And then David's house, we turn into, like. We invite everybody there, right? Into, like, the.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah, for sure.

[G]

I'm going there every. You know, I'm never gonna buy an energy drink or a beer in my life because I'm just gonna go to your house. Never buying candy either.

[C]

No.

[G]

Go into your house and take it.

[C]

I mean, yeah, that's worth the six mil alone that you have a fridge right next door.

[G]

I'm not gonna even buy water when I. When I want to have a water. I'm just gonna come over.

[C]

How many months out of the year would you live in this house, you think?

[G]

Like, at least five months?

[C]

Damn. Okay, yeah, that's pretty solid.

[G]

So for five months, I'm showing up in the morning.

[C]

Okay, but, Steve, if you're being serious. Serious. I told you, I hit my neighbor up below me, and that's.

[B]

That's.

[C]

That's a cheaper house.

[H]

No, it doesn't matter. You have to get a bigger house than David so you can look down on him every day.

[C]

No, no, no, no, no. Listen. The house above me is not any better than mine and the house below me. I've been wanting to cut down his trees, and he won't let me. So if you own the house, I can finally trim the trees.

[G]

How about this, David? I'll try to buy the house below you, so you. Below you, so you cut down the trees. But we just need to build a.

[H]

Little, like, Gotta be a tunnel or something.

[B]

Yeah.

[G]

So we can go to your house and play pickleball.

[C]

Okay, here's the deal. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. You buy the house under me, I'll trim the trees, and I'll build a staircase that connects the houses.

[G]

But I have full access to your house and your drinks and your stacks.

[C]

Deal. So, guys, Jonah's here. Now I'm here. I haven't revealed any information about your movie.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

Who the actor is, but I didn't. I did say that. I'm giving you $100,000.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Any thoughts?

[D]

Yeah, dude.

[C]

I mean, first off, how confident are you that you'll make this money back for me? I think that's my main question.

[D]

Really confident, dude. I. Honestly, I was thinking about that all Day today, dude. I appreciate you a lot, bro. Like, you, You're. You're believing in me. But it's.

[C]

It's all.

[D]

It's real. This is real, bro. It's an A lister. It's an A list.

[C]

I'm staring. No, I'm stoked about the actor.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

You don't have to.

[D]

I'm 100% sure. Like, it's. The reason I'm 100% sure is because with this specific actor, the budget we're shooting it with, it doesn't even meet his guaranteed minimum. Guaranteed minimum means, like, how much money.

[C]

Think I'm gonna make here?

[D]

You'll probably realistically robbery. Maybe you're like, three, three, four, exit. But then obviously, sky's the limit, dude. You might be. What if theatrical run and this thing does 30, 40 million dollars.

[C]

Imagine it's the new Titanic and you.

[D]

Yeah, you'll. Then you'll make a lot.

[C]

When did you write this movie?

[D]

Like, seven years ago.

[C]

Okay, so this is the. This is the movie that we've been hearing about. If you've ever heard Jonah reference acting in his career. It's this movie.

[D]

Yeah, it's this movie.

[F]

Seven years in the making.

[C]

Seven years in the making. Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. I wrote it at a really, really bad spot in my life. It was really at a weird, weird depressive state of mind.

[B]

Depressed.

[D]

Depressed state of mind.

[C]

This was his pitch yesterday on the phone.

[D]

No, I mean, dude, it's a special movie, bro. It's. It's. It's a really beautiful script. It's a beautiful story.

[C]

How do you think you did on the call? Sorry? How do you think you did on the call with the actor yesterday?

[D]

I don't know how I did. I don't think. I forgot the whole call.

[C]

You blacked out.

[D]

I did. I forgot.

[C]

It's like his, like, producers and directors were on the phone with him, obviously before, and they were like, dude, just fucking sit there and smile. Don't say anything stupid. And they're like, david, David, are you around? Make sure he doesn't say stupid shit. And then like, they're describing the characters, and Jonah's character at one point was like a, you know, a chubby, goofy guy. And then Jonah goes, go ahead. You could call me the fat guy. Make fun of me. I'm the fat guy. You poke your jokes. And I look at Jonah, I'm like, no, shut up. Yeah, because you could just. You could just tell us. Coming from nervousness, was it.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, dude, I was. I'm not gonna lie. I Was really making.

[E]

Call me a fat guy.

[C]

I'm like, dude, you're pitching a movie. We're gonna call you the fat guy. Yeah.

[B]

That's okay, though.

[C]

No, I know. I know.

[B]

It's okay. That's who he is.

[C]

It was endearing.

[B]

He's letting everybody know that, like, we're here to have, you know, I'm a good time.

[C]

And, yeah, everybody on the call was really nervous. Yeah. And they were like. To the actor, they're like, you're the best. You're the best. He is fucking great.

[B]

He is, right?

[C]

But it was just really funny. Are you a fan of him, everybody? Yeah, of course.

[D]

Are you excited to.

[C]

Yeah. It's gonna be crazy.

[B]

I am so, so happy for you, Nick.

[D]

Thank you.

[B]

Thank you, brother. I saw him last week at Chuck E. Cheese, and we were talking all about.

[C]

Oh, his director. Yeah, Jonah's director.

[B]

And you know what I said to him? I said, this is what I said. I said, this is really great because this certain actor is gonna make. I know that you'll. I know you have so much talent, and I know that this actor's gonna bring the very, very best out of you.

[D]

Yeah, man.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[D]

Dude, I'm so.

[B]

That's what's cool about it.

[C]

Okay. Fuck it. It's DiCaprio.

[E]

I can'.

[B]

You know, it's crazy.

[C]

Titanic to Jonah plays the boat. You're not super far off.

[D]

That's the crazy thing.

[C]

It's different realms.

[D]

Different realms.

[C]

It's not like. It's like a Clooney. A lister. It's not like those guys. I'm not going to. Yeah, but it is. It's. It's definitely a guy where you're like, what? It's perfect for you.

[B]

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

[C]

It's like. It's the most. It's the best. A lister I'd pair you with, in my opinion. Or really whatever list you put them in.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

For sure.

[B]

I have a question. So you did the. This is what I heard. You did the call? Yeah, it goes fine. Goes well.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And then you turn to David and.

[D]

You say, can I borrow $100,000?

[E]

First thing I wait.

[B]

And so did you come over here knowing. Why did you do the call over here?

[C]

100%. It was a plan.

[D]

No, no, no, no. I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why.

[C]

No, you brought it here because you're like, I'm going to show Dave how serious it is and how much I need this money. Okay?

[D]

I'll tell you.

[E]

Yeah, that's.

[B]

If you did do that, that's.

[C]

No, it's fair.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Okay. Okay.

[B]

It's kind of smart.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

I. Okay. This is the reason I did that. I've been talking about this movie for a really long time, and it almost took the confidence out of me because it was. It took so long. And Dave kept going, like, stop counting the chickens. Before they had to stop doing this. Stop doing that. And I was like, I have this call with this a lister. I'm gonna do it at David's house just to show him that, like, yes, I'm. I do talk a lot, but I will make things happen. This is like the fucking rabbit in the hair. Like, he's going to get to the finish line.

[C]

The actor was 14 minutes late. Yeah, like. Like, the call started.

[D]

Oh, dude. I hated myself so bad because I was like.

[C]

And it was like 808 and, like, serious for, like, a real 14 minutes late. Yeah. As 808. And Jonah's looking at me like. You could see the worry in his eyes. Oh, my God. Yeah. I am delusional.

[D]

Crazy. I. Honestly, if. If at that moment, if the call didn't happen and there was a gun in the house, I would actually.

[C]

They hung up the zoom. And then the manager had to be like, okay, he's on. So then they all went back on.

[F]

Here's what I'm stuck on. I'm stuck on the fact that you actually sat down and put pen to paper and wrote a script.

[D]

Yes, yes. I'm a writer, and I write. It's a really good script. Yes, I'm really good.

[B]

But you saw his Road to comedy. That was really good.

[D]

I wrote Road to Comedy with Christian.

[C]

I always thought you did that off the cuff.

[D]

No, no, I wrote those.

[F]

I don't know if I saw that.

[C]

I'm really good at what I do.

[F]

I just know I conversate with Jonah on a daily basis.

[C]

And, no, I think his brain works differently. I don't think his brain works for conversating with you. I think he's thinking of this.

[B]

I think he might be better on.

[E]

The page, I think so.

[D]

They just said that, and I was like, huh?

[B]

Well, some people are.

[C]

Yeah, you have completely different strengths.

[B]

He's got, like, 10 hours to sit there and figure out the perfect thing to say.

[F]

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[C]

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[D]

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[B]

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban. Did you see that?

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

What happened?

[B]

Cause they're getting a divorce. There's a clause in his divorce. She pays him $600,000 every year that he doesn't do cocaine.

[C]

Shut the fuck up.

[B]

He was with her for 11 years.

[C]

He doesn't need that money.

[B]

Yeah, imagine being paid not to do cocaine.

[F]

I feel like. I feel like Nicole Kidman has a lot of money that like 600k. Kind of feels like she could pay more if it was not serious, you know?

[C]

That is the craziest take I've ever heard in my entire life.

[F]

What?

[C]

Are you being serious?

[F]

Well, I'm assuming he had paying Keith.

[C]

Urban to not do a hard drug for $600,000.

[F]

Yeah, but it's her husband and they both have like a billion dollars.

[C]

No, I don't think it's up to her whether or not he doesn't.

[F]

But, like, if he really had that serious of an addiction problem, like, I feel like he has so much money. Like, what is $600,000 to him? No, if he really loves cocaine, like, he's probably just gonna do it anyway.

[C]

My lips are burning. What? Do you guys want to hear more about me? I feel like there's not enough. I feel like there's not enough me on the podcast.

[F]

There's definitely not enough Natalie. The world needs some more.

[B]

We need more. Natalie.

[C]

If we. Jay.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Fuck. Mary. Kill.

[B]

Okay, let's go. Let's set the stage. Where are we right now?

[C]

We're in the movie room.

[B]

And why are we here?

[C]

Tay, I love seeing you. Oh, my God, the best.

[I]

I see you a lot.

[B]

You sound like you're on Molly, but you just shot with Alex Ernst, so That's. I guess that's the same thing.

[C]

My lips are. I'm really overthinking my lips, and they're really burning.

[F]

There's no way. Because nothing that was spicy actually touched your lip.

[C]

I touched the chip and I touched my lips, and I know I'm being a pussy about it because, like, Alex ate the whole thing.

[B]

Oh.

[C]

It's actually serious.

[B]

You got some hot chip on your lips.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

This is why I wanted to do the podcast before the hot chip. I'm so glad I didn't do it. I was so close to doing it. I'm so glad I didn't.

[C]

I wouldn't have let you do it.

[B]

We've got to get this done because I don't want to take this damn equipment to New York.

[C]

I totally forgot. He's coming with us.

[I]

How do you.

[B]

Oh, I could not come. That's fine.

[C]

Oh, my God. What are we doing here?

[F]

We don't. We have to get them.

[B]

I don't want to fucking. I want to edit it on the plane.

[C]

Meow. Meow.

[B]

That's what Taylor says. Only Taylor says meows.

[F]

I don't know why you said that right there in that moment. Because we were, like, in the middle of podcasting.

[C]

But you just yourself, old man.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

No, I'm not taking that equipment.

[C]

Check this out.

[G]

Great.

[B]

I'll put that in the podcast. That's perfect. You fucked yourself because it's just gonna be you burping.

[C]

What about this? Natalie, no. Give the mic back, Natalie.

[F]

Ew. What the fuck is that? Am I eating a sub sandwich or am I sucking a dick?

[B]

Oh, my God.

[F]

No.

[C]

Natalie, please.

[B]

Everybody do their best impression of something. It could be, like, an inanimate object or person.

[F]

Okay, here I go.

[B]

Go sleeping, dude.

[C]

Dude, I swear to God, I just saw Natalie's vagina.

[B]

I swear to God, dude.

[C]

I swear to God.

[E]

Oh, my God.

[B]

You just hit him hard.

[E]

Why are you such a little pervert? Dude, did you see what you did? No, I didn't. Did you see what you did?

[C]

No, I did.

[E]

That was so weird.

[C]

Oh, I wish you had a video pod. What were you. What impression were you doing?

[F]

I thought I was under the blanket.

[C]

You were not under the blanket, bro. Who.

[B]

Where'd you get.

[D]

Are you not wearing underwear?

[F]

No, I'm not, unfortunately.

[E]

Oh, my God.

[F]

We're working wrapped in a blanket.

[E]

No, no.

[F]

Why are you looking at my ass all the time?

[E]

Something stood out and I got fucking free. Cause. Stop. Why aren't you wearing underw?

[F]

Because he made me jump in the pool earlier.

[B]

I have no problem.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

You know what?

[C]

I don't have the endo on. That was crazy.

[F]

Oh, my God, I'm gonna throw up.

[C]

Wait. What's the impression you were doing?

[F]

I was being a rock.

[C]

She was sleeping.

[E]

You were being a rock.

[C]

You were what?

[E]

You were being a rock.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

Jason goes, do your best impression, everybody. And Ella jumped, puts her knees up to her chest, and I just. And then her blanket comes out and something waves at me.

[E]

Stop.

[F]

Emily Emerson.

[B]

Something winked at you.

[C]

I don't know. That was wild.

[F]

I'm scared for what you saw.

[C]

I. It's actually hard to explain.

[F]

Literally, be sick. Stop talking about it. I swear to God, I'll fucking come over and I'll kill you in your sleep.

[B]

Big, big, big stuff going on there. Larger than most. I'm just asking.

[C]

It's fine. You're good. Can I tell you something that's going to comfort you? No. I've already seen your vagina.

[F]

When I was, like, fucking 12.

[C]

Yeah. I saw it in, like, high school.

[E]

What?

[C]

Yeah.

[F]

When did you see my vagina?

[C]

And it freaked me out.

[B]

You see bat wings?

[C]

No, that's with guys. I saw your vagina and I couldn't do it anymore, actually. I had a crush on you and then I saw it. I got freaked out. Not that it's bad, but it was. I've just never seen it as a kid. I've never seen a vagina. And it, like, really scared the fuck out.

[B]

How? In what circumstance did you see her?

[F]

Yeah, when did you see my vagina?

[C]

Like, how? We were sitting on the grass outside of her place. Oh. And she was sitting like Natalie does. Like I'm sitting right now, but on the floor. And her shorts, man, spreading. Yeah. And her shorts just, like, had the biggest hole in them. Not hole, but, like, you know, they stick away from your leg.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

And then you see. And it was fucking there.

[F]

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

[C]

That's fine.

[F]

That's why you don't like women anymore. Because I traumatized you as a child.

[C]

No, that's why I'm not attracted to you. So. Not when people ask, why is you and Natalie never going to work? I was like, well, 2007, I saw Natalie's vagina and things haven't been the same.

[B]

I'm freaking out.

[F]

I can't believe you just saw it.

[C]

Yeah, I can't believe I saw it either.

[F]

I don't know if you did. I think you saw my butthole.

[C]

No, no, no. You know, I know I saw it.

[F]

Stop. No, don't say it, please. Dear God. No. If you say the words, I swear to God, I walk out of here because I know what he's going to fucking say.

[C]

Why are you touching it right now?

[F]

Because I'm scared. We're scared.

[C]

We're scared.

[I]

We're scared, dude.

[C]

Wow. Okay. I'm so sorry for the listener.

[B]

What is it there something distinguishable about it?

[C]

She has a freckle on her left lip.

[F]

That's not true.

[C]

All right, no more. This is. This is a lot. This is. You know, this reminds me of the episode.

[F]

I'm going to be sick. I'm actually going to be sick. I was.

[B]

Change the subject.

[C]

How do you. How do you honestly look at Natalie? How do you. Could you imagine who's your best friend of all time?

[F]

That's the title of this podcast. I saw Natalie in all caps.

[C]

Has.

[B]

Double the amount of clicks.

[C]

Did you see it?

[I]

No, I looked at it.

[F]

I don't even know how you saw it.

[I]

I'm literally.

[C]

Look at how your position.

[F]

I'm wrapped in. I was wrapped in a blanket.

[C]

You know how I saw it and you felt that I saw it because I think you. You got hit by a breeze or something. I think you. I could see. I. I saw it and I looked right at you and I could see that.

[F]

I'm scared. Like, my boobs are out now. I'm like really paranoid.

[C]

I would be. Okay.

[B]

You're. You're. You're really something, you know that?

[C]

Why?

[B]

Because you've worked the poor girl all day. You had her jump in the pool for a bit.

[C]

I didn't tell her you made her.

[B]

Go to McDonald's with Alex Erst. At 11 o' clock at night. You've held this year. You blew up a bunch of shit in your bathroom. Poor girl. And so, yes, I don't have a.

[F]

Change of underwear here at 12:30.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Some vagina is gonna fall out, man. She has to go home like two hours ago. It's 12:39. We have to go to New York tomorrow.

[C]

I understand, but we have so many sweatpants, so many young la things here.

[F]

You told me to put this stupid fucking dress on.

[C]

No, I didn't.

[F]

Yes, you did. Yeah, I was literally wearing things that fully covered for that reason because I knew I didn't have underwear. So I put on the baggiest of clothes, men's clothing. And then you were like, you look.

[E]

Like a fucking dude.

[F]

So I put this dress on.

[C]

Okay, okay, I did say that. I did say that. My bad, my bad, my bad, my bad.

[F]

And the dress is fucking tiny, and I don't have underwear.

[C]

Okay, dude, you're turning on our listeners right now. This is the Nellie Podcast. Wow. This is. Yeah, let's. How do we pivot from this?

[I]

You're welcome.

[F]

I didn't even want to do this pod right now. I just gave you some fucking podcast content.

[B]

Thank you, man. Thank you for sharing your vagina.

[I]

I've never seen David's face look, like. So I can't describe his. The look on his face I've never seen before. And I've seen a lot of your faces.

[B]

What was it? It was like full panic, like he saw a ghost.

[F]

How long were you staring at it?

[C]

Well, I didn't know what I was looking at. I didn't know, like, I thought I was. I probably stared at it.

[B]

You thought you were seeing, like, a wig or something?

[C]

Probably like two. Probably like two seconds. But I didn't know if it was like your toes, like, really stuck together and, like, crumpled up.

[E]

Ew.

[C]

I didn't know exactly what it was like.

[B]

Cause she's sitting kind of cross legged. She's sitting side sideways. Yeah.

[F]

I can't believe that just happened.

[C]

Yeah. And I didn't. And obviously in the moment, I'm like, do I say what I just what, just happen, or do I keep it to myself? And I can't keep it to myself.

[I]

I read that on your face.

[C]

Really?

[I]

I read that whole case New Natalie.

[C]

Does that to me a lot. Like, she, like, look me up and down, and I could tell she wants to say something that she's, like, disgusted by me. She either hates an outfit or something I'm wearing or whatever. This is very similar to that, except, you know, very intense of what came out. Yeah, it's j.

[B]

It's.

[C]

Vagina is part of the anatomy.

[B]

Yeah, no big deal. I've seen many. It's no big deal.

[C]

Yeah, I've seen a lot, too. That's the third one I've seen in my life. Yes, your mom's, Natalie's, and Natalie's in 2007.

[B]

That counts as the same. Maybe you could show her your dick and balls right now. Do it so you're even.

[C]

You want to see my asshole?

[F]

I don't want to see your asshole.

[C]

It's gross. You want to see my penis?

[F]

To be fair, just flash me for two seconds. It's only fair, actually. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Go. Go, John.

[B]

Close your eyes, you guys.

[C]

Close your eyes.

[I]

Yeah, we actually.

[F]

He's not actually gonna fucking Fly us.

[C]

Me?

[F]

Are you crazy?

[E]

Taylor.

[C]

Taylor just covered her eyes.

[B]

Well, do we have enough?

[C]

Smells weird over here.

[F]

So you guys do in here?

[B]

No, it's never this. It's not this crazy. We just. We're just trying to get this done before we leave. That's really funny that you didn't. You forgot I was coming. Do you not want me to come tomorrow? Because I don't have to. Is it dumb for me to come? Is it stupid for me to. You can't stop thinking about Natalie's.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

He's done, man. He's not gonna be able to post this weekend. Well, what are we gonna do in New York? Are we gonna hang out or are you gonna, like, go in your, like, bedroom and hole up New York?

[C]

I don't know. We could see the clitty. The city.

[F]

Stop it, David.

[E]

That's really good. Oh, my God.

[F]

It's not that funny.

[B]

Well, I'm really excited about this. This lip. I have a trip.

[C]

Don't.

[B]

Kid, Tay, you got any good stories? How's your cat doing?

[I]

Oh, he's good. He's great. Gotta get him neutered.

[B]

You know, they're coming out with something. The cat's gonna be able to talk.

[F]

To you, I heard.

[I]

Yeah, that's gonna be crazy. I actually took a video the other day of him meowing, and I was like, I wonder what he just said, because it was a meow. Like, heard before.

[B]

He just comes back. Meow. He meows.

[C]

First are like. No, that one was actually just meow. So first he's talking about. He wants you to open the shades, and then the next three are just straight up, just meows.

[B]

You know, they're coming out with glasses that you can drop in your eyes, you fix your vision. Oh, there's, like, all kinds of crazy.

[C]

Wait, wait, wait. What?

[B]

There's. They're coming out with you.

[C]

Oh, eye drops.

[B]

Eye drops that fix your vision for, like, six to seven hours. Eight hours.

[C]

That's amazing.

[B]

Yeah. So, like, contacts, but do you think.

[C]

You, like, get addicted to them? Like, you'll be like, okay, I need another dose, because that's.

[B]

That's got people to see.

[C]

That hit's gotta feel good, right, when you put them in.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And then your eyes will probably be weaker when it runs out.

[C]

That's what I'm saying. Yeah, that's kind of.

[B]

You're right. It might be a kind of a bad thing.

[C]

A slippery slope. It feels like.

[B]

John, you have glasses. Will you use drops in your eyes to see better?

[C]

I mean, Yeah, I can't put on contacts, so.

[B]

Haven't been able to figure it out yet, huh?

[C]

I only first tell John can't put his contacts on.

[B]

Yeah, my son can't do it either.

[C]

Ac. It's not just me. It's not just me. There's millions. There's millions of people out there that tried contacts and they're like, you know what? It's not meant for me. And it's okay. I applaud them. You know, more of them should actually, like, you know, let everyone know that, hey, I can't put on contacts. It's okay to, you know. Yeah.

[B]

Sorry. I gave him the mic.

[C]

Sorry. That's okay. Guys, John is here right now. John. John. You're officially a month into employment here. Six weeks, actually. Six weeks? Yeah. @ David Dobrik, LLC. What is it like? What did you imagine it like? And why is it different? Yeah, everything is still as chaotic as it seems. Honestly, did you think it was gonna be less work or more work? Well, you made it sound like we're just gonna be hanging out a lot. We haven't hung out at all, actually. That is true. We have not hung out at all. That's actually really true. Natalie asked you to do something the other day and you didn't do it right, and I got your back. Cause I was like, you gotta stop asking John to do things. Cause originally we hired him just to hang out, so. So I got your back. Oh, wow. Thank you. Yeah.

[F]

You're so fucking annoying.

[C]

Don't worry, I am.

[F]

David's the ultimate good cop, bad cop. And I have to be bad cop all the fucking time.

[C]

No. Fuck, Natalie. I'm on team. I'm on team. I just start thinking about the vagina again. Literally. Literally. Just enough.

[F]

That's all you're thinking about. Because you can't formulate a sentence. It's like you're not putting out complete thoughts.

[C]

Okay, is this about Natalie's vagina?

[E]

No, about it.

[C]

J.

[B]

Say we don't want to hear about it.

[C]

Yeah, that's all. The only thing we're talk. I'm so sorry.

[D]

This.

[C]

You might as well throw this. The rest of this podcast out the window, cuz that was. That was. It was like watching. I don't know, it was crazy.

[F]

I'm so.

[C]

I can't believe. I can't believe it came from Jason.

[E]

Going, everyone, what's your best impression?

[C]

And then Natalie going, I'm a rock.

[E]

And I go, God damn. Thank you.

[F]

Every.

[C]

That's how out of everything.

[E]

Out of every moment out of everything.

[C]

The universe could have possibly written. As when I'm gonna see Natalie's vagina. It was Jason going, give me your best impression.

[B]

Boom.

[C]

Badge. That's why it was crazy. All right. Sorry. That's fine. Whatever. Doesn't matter. Not a big deal. I'm going to get over this.

[F]

Oh, you're not.

[B]

This podcast is supported by FX's English teacher. Last year's critically acclaimed series returns to follow Evan, Gwen and Markie as they vie for their students divided attention. See why Cosmopolitan called its premiere season a master class of comedy? While glamour raved it's the year's funniest and most heartwarming new comedy series. F English Teacher. All new Thursdays on fx. All episodes now streaming on Hulu for.

[C]

A limited time at McDonald's, get a Big Mac Extra Value meal for $8. That means two all beef patties, special.

[E]

Sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a.

[C]

Sesame seed bun and medium fries. And a drink. We may need to change that jingle.

[B]

Prices and participation may vary.

[A]

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[C]

Can you talk me out of it? Can you say some things?

[F]

I think I just have to show you again for longer. Just like really spread it open.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

You're worried you got. He got a bad look, right? Yeah, he got a bad angle. That's really funny.

[F]

He also probably like you got a back end angle too. Like I don't even know what the you saw.

[B]

Poor David's gonna be scarred by the end of the night.

[E]

No, look at it, David. Look at.

[B]

Look, it's normal.

[E]

Look at this shit. This is people like a lot.

[B]

I have never had any complaints.

[E]

Where are you going?

[C]

I go for it.

[F]

Himmy you with Wyatt. Show me versige.

[C]

Yeah, no, just go, go, go, go, go, go.

[E]

No.

[F]

What is this a fucking game? You're not seeing it again.

[C]

I'm ready right now.

[F]

If anything, you need to continue with the worst of it.

[B]

I love when people call you pervert.

[C]

I love it. I love the word pervert.

[B]

Cause everyone's a pervert.

[C]

Oh, fuck. These are podcast people. I forget.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, we get that a lot.

[C]

This is the pervert episode.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

Go ahead, John. Come clean. You can come clean. This is a safe space.

[C]

John. Have you been the same since you've seen my asshole? That one episode. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. Yeah, I mean, sure doesn't bother me.

[B]

Did you know we asked David if he was bedridden and someone had to clean his bedpan? Which friend would he choose? He chose you.

[C]

Are you honored you couldn't choose Tay? No, I don't think I'm choosing Tay.

[I]

Come on, John.

[C]

You guys literally are, like, cuffed to each other everywhere. Like, David does not go around the house without Taylor. Say, am I in your. Am I in your top three best.

[B]

Friends in your top three bedpan?

[I]

Yeah.

[C]

Really?

[I]

Yeah, I think we spend a lot of time together.

[C]

Oh, well, you make that sound like it's like a default, where would you put me in your best friend list? And I'll tell you where I put you. Ready? Go.

[I]

No, because that's not fair.

[C]

Okay. No, Can I. Can I knock out my hometown friends?

[I]

Okay.

[C]

Because that is not fair. Because I grew up. It's just by default. It's just like automatic thing.

[I]

Okay.

[C]

Okay. Where. Where am I? And then you. And then I go. Well, this is a fucked up question. I'm just asking. Just because it's bad. I would never ask you this normally. And I'm trying to get my mind off of what just happened so quickly. Hurry. Talk about. Keep talking.

[I]

I would say. I would say, like. Like, definitely, like three. Three.

[C]

Like the third position.

[B]

Yeah, it's pretty good.

[C]

I'll take it. Makes sense I would put you at nine. Hometown friends. You think you should be at one?

[I]

Yeah.

[C]

Jay's right here, man.

[I]

Oh, oh, I forgot. Right.

[B]

We're not that close.

[C]

I'd probably put. Fuck. Now. What do you think? Probably Tay's number one, right?

[F]

For sure. Hands down.

[I]

Okay, fine. You're number two.

[B]

Who's number one for you?

[I]

Oh, Jay, we have to keep this all a secret, okay?

[B]

Okay. You don't wanna. Oh, I see. You don't want McClane to get mad at Ella or her Jazz.

[I]

I don't want people to be fighting for the number one.

[C]

That's really nice. Why did you make me number two after you heard that you're number one?

[I]

Well, I. I don't know. I'm thinking, like, I definitely know, like, my number one, but then I like.

[C]

Why are you laughing, Jay? I'm not.

[I]

I'm also trying to exclude my life.

[C]

Wait, what?

[B]

It's Dave's best friend. Sorry. He just got bumped. Natalie's vagina. Is Dave's best friend.

[E]

Hey, how you doing, Damon? What's going on, man? Finally she let me out to play. Thank God I got out of here, man. Damn, is it hot in here? I'm fucking sweating, bro. Woohoo. Are you hot, D? Hey, let's get a Big Mac. What do you say? Finally. Oh, shit, Ben. Nelly wants to go home, but I want to hang out. Let's watch. Let's watch Marvel. Watch a movie together.

[C]

You're so chill.

[E]

Oh, thank you, Dave. I love being here with you.

[C]

It's so cool. Why have you never come out hung out?

[E]

Oh, man, I don't know. Now it's too stuck up. I told her we could be having so much fun together.

[C]

Sorry. Okay, go tay back.

[E]

I got a shave. I didn't shave bad man. I can't wax or shave her. Come on, Razor.

[F]

Oh my God.

[C]

Oh my God.

[B]

Okay, I don't have a best friend. I'm trying to think. I used to have a best friend. I don't talk to him anymore. I really dumped all my friends.

[C]

Jay, you're in my top three.

[B]

That's amazing. I don't think of you as a friend. I think of you more as like a family.

[C]

Oh, well, that's really sweet.

[B]

I bet you're a friend. I wish we were better friends.

[C]

You know, that ever hangs out. You dickwad.

[B]

I can't hang out. I have to fucking pay for my children and my wife. My stupid house that I bought that's so expensive.

[C]

I don't know why you bought a house in the hills.

[B]

I was trying to fucking have a nice life.

[E]

Why just you bought a house in the hills?

[B]

Cause I wanted one too. Smaller. It was the dumbest thing I ever did.

[C]

Is it? Cause you saw me do it?

[B]

Oh, my God. I used to see your view at Terry View. As soon as I saw that view when you bought your house, I was like, oh, my God, the view is everything. And then this fucking real estate agent showed me a house with a view. And I was like, I have to have it. I have to have it. It'll be just like Dave's.

[I]

We're so similar, Jay.

[B]

What's that?

[I]

Well, not that I was like. But like, you're right. Because then I'll start thinking a certain way after I hear David.

[B]

He's the worst. He's the most. He's the best influencer in the world. I know, because he'll make something look so good. And you're like, wow, I'm. I'm gonna get McDonald's tonight.

[I]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I don't even like McDonald's. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. That's what Zayn does a lot with me. Like, I'll get something, and then, yeah, Zayn will be like, I'm gonna get it. I'm gonna get a car.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

I'm gonna get a nice house. It's really funny. Yeah, Tay, too. A lot of times, Tay likes the things I like, and I'm like, are you actually liking this on your own, or do you just, like, you don't.

[F]

Like, when you get something, you, like, don't shut up about it. Like, you don't just, like, get it and, like, chill with it. You're like, you guys, isn't this amazing?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. You genuinely look so happy.

[F]

Like, today, when you wanted to cut.

[B]

The trees down, I was like, I thought you were crazy, but you. You talked about it so much, I was like, oh, maybe he's right.

[F]

I mean, how much you love this house gets brought up minimum three times a day.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[F]

You talk about, like, whatever is happening. You still. I think you thank Corinna for the Ferrari on a daily basis. She got it for you, like, three years ago.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[I]

No, but what's crazy is when you bought this house, your new house, I remember that you would always bring up your old house, and you were, like, it was gonna be, like, such a hard transition because you loved your old house so much that, like, you couldn't let it go. And you were like, am I even gonna. Is this a mistake? And you wanted to keep your old house so bad.

[C]

Yeah, I definitely wanted to keep your house.

[I]

You had an attachment there.

[C]

Yeah, I have, like. I can't let go of things.

[I]

But now you have one to your new house.

[C]

I still love the old house, but, yeah, this house, Like, I mean, this house just, like, fucking. No, it's insane. Like, it really is, like, a really special, special thing.

[B]

It's amazing.

[C]

But, yeah, you should sell yours so we could be friends. Wait, I don't get it. What do you mean?

[F]

So you don't have to worry about.

[C]

Oh, so my conversation started. Dude. Oh, my God. Are you talking. Are you thinking about Natalie's vagina too?

[B]

I gotta see it.

[C]

It.

[E]

You're. You're the best influencer, Dave. She said it was great. Now I gotta get it.

[C]

Oh, man.

[I]

Julia just said the government's being shut down.

[B]

But that's happened before, hasn't it?

[I]

I have no idea.

[C]

Why are they shutting it down?

[F]

They can't.

[C]

Vagina.

[F]

Vagina.

[B]

It's true. We had to shut the government down.

[C]

Natalie's vagina.

[B]

Very big. Very big vagina. Big and hairy.

[E]

Ew. Ew.

[B]

Scary. That's so gross. I didn't care for it. I've seen it. Everyone's scared.

[C]

Recommend everybody stays inside till the air is clean. I have workers working overtime purifying the air. Stench of vaginas coming from Sherman Oaks. Oh, man.

[B]

Hey, how about that woman tonight? That was like.

[C]

Oh, yeah, that was crazy.

[B]

All freaked out. Yeah.

[F]

She, like, sounded so normal.

[C]

That's how all drugged out people are, though. They're drugged out people are my weakness.

[F]

You can, like, snap into it because.

[C]

They could just talk. They were at McDonald's. We were filming this thing. Who can eat a Big Mac faster or something? Mm. And this woman was, like, sitting in her car right by us.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And pretty drugged up.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And she was talking to, like, three people in her backseat.

[F]

She was like, that weren't there. Her, like, eyes were, like, rolling to the back of her head. She was, like, slugged over her, like, steering wheel.

[C]

Yeah. It was really crazy.

[F]

Really scary.

[C]

But then she talked to us.

[B]

Yeah, she seemed more lucid when she talked to us.

[C]

She seemed pretty normal.

[F]

I mean, she totally just carried, like, a normal. I mean, she wasn't, like, normal, but she carried a full. It was like, conversation.

[C]

It was like a drunk conversation. Yeah, like, where you're, like, really into it. It was really.

[B]

What drug did you think she was on?

[C]

Really spooky. I mean, that felt like heroin to me.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah, that was, like, kind of spooky. Dude. My favorite. I love Tay, you know? You know, her dad was here. I was, like, so jealous because I'm like, damn. He got to see, like, Taylor, like, grow up. Like, wouldn't that be so. Wouldn't that be so funny? But, like, young Taylor, so funny. Oh, yeah, she told me. I was like, tell me a story about Taylor. And he's like, well, one time I. I really wanted to go camping with her. This is what her dad said. And she kept asking if there were going to be malls.

[F]

Wait, why?

[C]

I don't know. I just thought that was funny. Like, little four year old Taylor, like, going camping, and her one question is, will there be malls? And I like, that sums up, like.

[B]

You love malls from the movies.

[I]

I was definitely, like, in my own world. It was just.

[C]

I mean, you still are, which is why I can't imagine.

[I]

Right, right.

[C]

Like, what was that like when she was younger?

[I]

No, but I can't believe I think about this a lot. I. I used to just spend a lot of time by myself and I would just.

[F]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[I]

I've already. I think I've already mentioned. I would, like, sell walls and, like, write numbers and, like, glitter pen.

[C]

Sell walls?

[I]

Yeah, just to, like. I would, like, have imaginary friends. I would get bored and I would walk up and act like I was selling a wall to somebody or, like, what? Yeah. My parents never found out, but there was. I would write in my glitter pen, like, 12 sold to my imaginary friend.

[C]

Wait, wait, wait. What walls?

[I]

My customers. The walls of my house, like, everywhere.

[C]

How many did you end up selling?

[I]

I mean, I had to write, like, a number on each of them, probably by the time we moved.

[C]

Oh, you wrote it on the physical wall. Wow.

[I]

Yeah.

[C]

And then each imaginary friend got a wall.

[I]

My customers. My imaginary customers.

[C]

Was there a specific wall that was just, like, the toughest sell?

[I]

No, but I would act like that. Yeah, some. Some were tough.

[C]

How old were you? Oh, 19.

[I]

I'm probably early. Elementary school, I would say.

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[I]

Maybe younger.

[B]

I had an imaginary friend.

[I]

Really?

[B]

I used to play full baseball games by myself.

[I]

I don't know how I did, too.

[F]

I don't know.

[C]

Did you ever see, like, those Tiktoks where it's like, some guy will stare into a random corner and be like, me as a kid, trying to show the imaginary ghost that I know where it is?

[B]

No. No, but have I talked about this? No.

[C]

Have you seen Allie's vagina? I gotta end this.

[B]

Okay.

[F]

Like, we gotta go to bed.

[B]

If you end your life.

[C]

I don't know, dude. I got in this pot. It's like, it's. It keeps coming up in my thoughts.

[B]

Well, it's okay. We're done.

[C]

All right, guys, that's all the time we have for this podcast. Thank you for listening. Thank you for everybody that joined us. Jason, Taylor, Natalie. Natalie's vagina. Thank you, everyone that was a guest on this pod. Genuinely Very special moments were shared here. I'm sorry if this was the first podcast you listened to with your family. Do you have any final remarks?

[F]

I mean, I'm really sorry. I wish I could take it back.

[C]

I'm glad you did it, because it's. It's.

[E]

Hey, what about me? I'm not sorry. I'm glad I came out fine, finally.

[C]

Dude, that is a little light on my head.

[F]

I don't like that this is the fucking voice of my vagina and that it's big and hairy.

[E]

Shut up. No one wants to hear from you.

[C]

I can't wait till that guy that she likes finally listens to one of these episodes. Oh, my God. If he ever goes, what do you guys talk about on the pod? I'm gonna be like, give me your phone number right now. I'm sending you one. It's gonna be this one. The title is Natalie's vagina. How can we title this? We think we should come up with that.

[B]

Please help me right now because I have to. I'm the one that has to title it.

[C]

All right, see you guys.

[B]

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[C]

But now we want you to feel it.

[B]

Cue the emu music.

[F]

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[C]

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[F]

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[C]

We save. That may been have been too much feeling.

[B]

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