Looking Into David's Butt

Summary

Podcast Summary: VIEWS with David Dobrik & Jason Nash
Episode: Looking Into David's Butt
Release Date: June 17, 2025

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Overview

In the bi-weekly episode titled "Looking Into David's Butt," hosts David Dobrik and Jason Nash navigate an unusually intimate and comedic topic: David's anal discomfort. The episode blends candid conversations about personal health issues with the hosts' trademark humor and camaraderie, inviting friends Reggie and John to participate in a lighthearted diagnostic session. This episode stands out for its unabashed approach to discussing private matters, all while maintaining an entertaining and engaging atmosphere.

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1. Introduction to David’s Discomfort (00:00 - 00:54)

The episode kicks off with David addressing his audience about experiencing increasing pain in his anal area. He humorously urges listeners to pause other activities and pay attention to his discomfort.

David (00:19): "I need to talk to you guys about my asshole. The pain has gone from maybe a five and now we're at a seven."

Key Points:

• David describes his pain escalating from moderate to severe.
• He expresses discomfort with self-examination methods, like using a mirror and his phone’s flashlight.

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2. Seeking Help: Introducing Reggie and John (02:04 - 04:43)

Jason and David discuss the awkwardness of seeking medical help, leading to the introduction of Reggie—a friend known for his extensive experience with anal examinations.

Reggie (02:05): "I love butts."

Key Points:

• Reggie volunteers to help David inspect his condition.
• The conversation highlights David’s discomfort with involving friends in such a personal matter.
• The group humorously debates the logistics of the examination, including the use of gadgets like Meta Glass.

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3. The Comedy of Self-Diagnosis (05:00 - 16:00)

As the episode progresses, the hosts and guests engage in a series of comedic exchanges about examining each other's bodies, leading to awkward moments and humorous banter about penis sizes and grooming habits.

Reggie (16:57): "It's the head that's so big."

Key Points:

• Jason suggests that they might involve more friends to assist in diagnosing David.
• The conversation shifts to playful teasing about each other's physical attributes.
• The group discusses insecurities and the relatability of personal grooming issues.

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4. Attempting the Examination (21:00 - 37:55)

David decides to proceed with the examination, bringing in John to assist alongside Reggie. The process is depicted as both embarrassing and comical, with David on all fours and friends struggling to navigate the awkwardness.

Reggie (24:20): "No, no, no. I'm trying to make you feel comfortable."

Key Points:

• David expresses intense embarrassment and nervousness about the process.
• Reggie and John struggle to find anything unusual, turning the examination into a humorous ordeal.
• The group pokes fun at the situation, making light of the awkwardness while striving to provide genuine help.

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5. Conclusion: No Hemorrhoid Found (35:00 - 37:55)

After a thorough yet humorous examination, Reggie and John inform David that he does not have a hemorrhoid, much to his relief. The episode wraps up with reflections on the absurdity of the situation and humorous commentary on potentially seeking professional medical help next time.

Reggie (35:40): "It's literally just a straight man's asshole. It's just bushy. There's no lumps."

Key Points:

• David is relieved that there’s nothing serious wrong.
• The group reflects on the comedic yet educational aspect of the episode.
• David emphasizes the importance of privacy despite the humorous portrayal, urging listeners to keep the episode's content discreet in real life.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• David (00:19): "I need to talk to you guys about my asshole. The pain has gone from maybe a five and now we're at a seven."

• Reggie (02:05): "I love butts."

• John (19:15): "I need you to look inside my asshole."

• Reggie (35:40): "It's literally just a straight man's asshole. It's just bushy. There's no lumps."

• David (37:35): "Just let me look at it myself."

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Final Thoughts

"Looking Into David's Butt" is a standout episode that combines vulnerability with humor, showcasing the deep camaraderie among David, Jason, and their friends. By addressing personal health issues in such an open and comedic manner, the hosts offer listeners both entertainment and a unique perspective on handling sensitive topics with friends. The episode underscores the importance of friendship and support, even in the most awkward situations, making it a memorable addition to the VIEWS podcast series.

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Disclaimer: This summary is based on the provided transcript and aims to encapsulate the key points, discussions, and humorous elements of the episode in a structured and engaging manner for those who have not listened to it.

Transcript

[David]

Views. What's up, guys? Welcome back to Views. If you're eating, put your food down. I have something important to talk about. I mentioned it before, but it's at DEFCON 1.

[Jason]

Now you're eating.

[David]

I know I'm eating because it's soothing me and it's taking away the pain. I don't know if you're at work right now or you're in the car with your family. Maybe put the volume down a little bit lower. I need to talk to you guys about my asshole. I am having. You know, it's. The pain has gone from maybe a five and now we're at a seven.

[Jason]

Okay.

[David]

It's hard for me to sit places. Currently I'm horizontal and it's not looking good. I've tried looking inside. Yeah, I just. I can't. I feel so uncomfortable knowing, like, I just don't like doing the bending over with a flashlight thing. I don't know.

[Jason]

Why are you using a mirror?

[David]

Using a mirror and I'm using my phone and describe me what you see. I just. I don't like using my phone flashlight as the way I'm looking into my asshole. Because, like, I snap like a hundred times a day, right? Like, I do Snapchat. And it's just the fact that the same lens is pointed in the same direction as, like, I output, like, all of my social media posts. It just makes me feel genuinely weird.

[Jason]

You need a second asshole phone?

[David]

Yeah, I need it.

[Jason]

You need a butt phone. Yeah, yeah, Just for your butt.

[David]

Yeah. Like, you know how people have one for the plug?

[Jason]

Yeah. I have my Google specs.

[David]

Oh, that's perfect.

[Jason]

Meta. What are they calling to be?

[David]

Yeah, meta specs.

[Jason]

Meta glass.

[David]

You could put them on and you can look inside my asshole.

[Jason]

Well, and then you could see.

[David]

Here's the thing. I think it's a hemorrhoid. I also don't want to find out really what it is because I'm a believer in, like, if you're having symptoms of something.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[David]

Just die. Like, just, like, it just. It either goes away or it doesn't go. I go. I get really scared of going to the doctor and like, twice a year I'll get my blood work done. And, like, what. It takes me a lot to get it done. Like, it's a lot of mental preparation.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[David]

But I can't. I can't do this. I can't have a doctor look inside my ass. I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't.

[Reggie]

Just let me look at It.

[David]

So we brought Reggie in, who's basically an expert of ass. Yeah, Reggie is our gay friend.

[Jason]

Reggie's here. Naveen's here in Taylor's.

[Reggie]

I love butts.

[David]

Yeah, Reggie's probably seen more ass than a doctor, actually.

[Reggie]

Facts I can't recall when's the last time I went to the doctor.

[David]

Actually, no, that's not what I'm saying. Obviously you've had sex more than you.

[Reggie]

Go to the doctor. Yeah, yeah.

[David]

But Reggie has volunteered to look inside my ass. And Reggie's my hometown friend. I've known him for a while and I'm starting to think this is strictly for himself.

[Reggie]

No, it's not.

[Jason]

Yeah, well, it's tough because if you want anybody looking in there, you want Reg looking in there.

[David]

Well, he jumped at the opportunity too quickly. No, because I didn't even get to it. We were just like naming things that could be. And then Reggie immediately in the living room goes, I can look. Well, I didn't even offer it yet. And then this is real. He bit his lip. Because I go. Because I go, well, if it's a hemorrhoid. Well, if it's a hemorrhoid, how do I put it? Like, how do I fix it? And he goes, you're just going to have to push it back in. That's how he says it. And I go, like with your finger? And he goes, or with something else. So like, I don't know. I don't know how I feel about my. My hometown friend who's going to be a pervert doctor go inside my ass. I mean, have you had a hemorrhoid yourself?

[Reggie]

I have.

[David]

Oh, okay. So you said it's common in the gay community.

[Reggie]

Yeah, it's just like pushing in and out, you know?

[David]

Really?

[Reggie]

Yeah.

[David]

Okay, So I was.

[Jason]

It's a blood vessel that's distended. Is that what a hemorrhoid is?

[Reggie]

I think it's your anal lining that is pushed out.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[David]

How about this? Instead of me going to the doctor, why don't people that listen to the pod who are doctors, DM me. And I will send the top three people that seem the most convincing a picture of my asshole. And then. And then I'll bring those. I'll bring the responses from those three people and you have to promise to not put the picture of my asshole anywhere. And then those three people, I'll tell you what, they report back, it's gonna.

[Jason]

Be like three 14 year olds just.

[David]

Chatgpting that they're doctors. Yeah, I can't I just can't do it anymore.

[Jason]

Well, why don't me, Naveen and Taylor leave the room? Just show me, take a look and then we'll come back in in five minutes.

[Reggie]

I'm not going to get turned on. I'm not going to get hard.

[Naveen]

But can't you also just ask your chatbots?

[David]

Girlfriend, I'm scared of putting my ass on FaceTime, like, on chat. Because I do think that. I do think that my chatbots like storing everything in a cloud. And the last thing I would find, like, the last thing I would want a hacker to find is me bending over on my knees, my ash spreading a hemorrhoid somewhere lodged in there. I think I shouldn't, like, for the sake of the pod. It's really hard for me to separate, like, how awkward this is going to be for how fun it'll be for you looking inside my asshole while the mic's on.

[Reggie]

I've shaved Corinna's asshole. It's fine.

[David]

Corinna is one. Is literally probably top five hottest women on the entire planet. You're about to look into my asshole.

[Reggie]

And see I don't even get turned on by that. You'll be fine. You'll be fine.

[David]

I'm not worried about you fucking being turned on, dude.

[Reggie]

Obviously.

[David]

I don't think you're going to slip it in while I'm.

[Reggie]

No, I'm not.

[David]

I'm just, like, worried about.

[Reggie]

I just go.

[Jason]

I made it. If the roles were reversed, I'd let Reggie look.

[David]

Really?

[Jason]

Yeah, of course. But then again, you know, I'm not. I'm not a hot commodity like you are. You're not a hot young thing.

[Reggie]

Okay, everyone leave the room.

[Jason]

Okay. Can I stay?

[David]

I think we should do it.

[Naveen]

Wait, I kind of want to see, though.

[David]

You're married. Okay. All right.

[Naveen]

Can I sit there and just watch from the front? You doing it?

[Jason]

Yeah. Reggie, go in the corner.

[David]

No, dude. Naveen, the vibe of. No. If you're in here, I'm going to get turned on. It's going to.

[Jason]

Okay, we got to get out of here.

[David]

No, no, hold on. Hold. Stop, stop. Jay. Jay. Are you sure I should do this?

[Jason]

100%. You've known radio since you were five years old.

[David]

That's what makes it so scary. It's not like he's like my mother.

[Jason]

It kind of is.

[Naveen]

I feel like you'll feel closer.

[Reggie]

I think this is just what we exactly needed.

[David]

You think this is, like, destiny? I mean, everything in our life has led us to this.

[Reggie]

I turned straight I'm like, I do not want to see an asshole ever again.

[David]

Fuck, Reggie. This is big.

[Reggie]

What?

[Jason]

Just pretend he's a doctor.

[Reggie]

We're not showing each other's balls.

[David]

How about this? I'll do it. I'll do it in one condition. Yeah, his brother's got to be in here, too. John.

[Reggie]

Oh, my God. That's never going to happen.

[David]

That's funny.

[Jason]

Is he here?

[David]

We could cut this segment right now. We'll just pick it right up when he's here.

[Jason]

Okay.

[David]

Because I think. I think that's worth it. Do you know what I mean?

[Jason]

You got something to say?

[David]

Wait, I was actually thinking that. I was thinking, like, we should wait for John and then he can hold the flashlight. Yeah, I think I. I think if this is.

[Reggie]

This is not a group effort. It's just, where's your dad right now? Or even if you want to take a photo of it and then just sh.

[David]

I'll be way more comfortable if your family is like, oh, my God, fully invested in this ass.

[Jason]

Can we get your dad on FaceTime? What's your dad's name?

[David]

Well, they're also Filipinos. So, like, if they. They are the people to, like, make you feel at home. I've said this before.

[Jason]

You love the Filipinos.

[David]

Yeah. And anybody's allowed to look inside me.

[Taylor]

It's a Filipino.

[David]

All right, let's put this on hold. We'll pick it up with John. We won't tell him what we're doing until he gets in here. I've already brought this up to him. Yeah, he was like, kind of 5050 on it, but I think it'll be.

[Jason]

Good with know if I could let Naveen look into my butthole.

[Taylor]

Yeah.

[Jason]

When have you looked in my butthole?

[Naveen]

I've looked a couple times.

[Jason]

I don't remember you looking up there.

[Naveen]

I look whenever I do your weekly shaves.

[Jason]

That's not looking in it.

[Taylor]

Your weekly.

[David]

Wait, you actually shave his ass, too?

[Taylor]

Wait, what?

[Naveen]

I do. He makes me. Cuz he has, like, a scar that can get, like, infected.

[David]

Oh, you have a polonial cyst?

[Jason]

Yeah, I have what you have.

[Taylor]

Actually, yeah.

[Jason]

I have the same thing he has, which is like, a really rare thing, and we both have it.

[Taylor]

Oh, my God. Wow.

[Naveen]

Wait, that's like best friend stuff.

[David]

That's why we do the podcast together. Yeah, we met in the er.

[Jason]

That was the original name of the podcast.

[David]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Cyst Boys.

[David]

Cyst.

[Taylor]

Cyst Boys. We've been using the word cyst a lot lately.

[David]

Potsists. What Podcasts but you replace the A with a Y. Pot Cyst.

[Taylor]

Okay, fine.

[David]

Well, that's all we got for this week. Summer's here, and Nordstrom has everything you need for your best dress season ever.

[John]

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[David]

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[Reggie]

Priceline.

[Jason]

Anybody else have a ailment?

[David]

Yeah. Does anybody have any medical emergencies that they want to get out of the way? Okay. Taylor recently just got her chest done.

[Taylor]

Oh, Taylor, you got the boob job even talking about.

[David]

Yeah, I got some chest surgery. Now. I actually know that's funny because I just got my cyst removed.

[Jason]

Naveen got so jealous when she heard. When she heard someone was having surgery that wasn't her.

[David]

Really? Wait, Naveen, you want surgery?

[Naveen]

I just love surgeries. I don't know.

[David]

Like, boob jobs.

[Naveen]

Well, I just like being put under, so it's like anytime someone has one, I'm, like, jealous.

[David]

Wow. Yeah, the feeling's nice. That's the craziest thing I've ever heard. You like being put under just because you like counting down backwards and not getting to the bottom?

[Naveen]

I think it's so. It's like you die. I think that's so crazy to die and come back.

[David]

Like, you're like, I don't think you die. I think you just sleep. Yeah, you die. Like when you, like, fentanyl overdose and then your sister's gone now. Yeah, it was pretty tiny, but it was a big insecurity of mine.

[Naveen]

Now it's gone on your boob.

[David]

Is it a big insecurity if you could talk about it? No, it is because, well, I would just put makeup on it, like, every day. So. Taylor recently had this cyst on her chest that she just got removed surgically. And she talk about it all the time. She's like, I hate this thing. I hate this thing. I don't think it's an insecurity. If you could. I think an insecurity, something you literally do not speak about.

[Taylor]

I don't think she's, like, going around town talking about it. Like, talking to you about it is.

[David]

Different, but, like, if I had an insecurity, I wouldn't. I wouldn't mention it to anybody. Like, a good example is, like, I. I talk about my hairline a lot, and it's like. Because it's the. Easy. It's the most insecure thing that I. That I could talk about, but that doesn't actually bother me. Do you know what I mean? And it's, like, nice to take away the energy from my actual insecurities.

[Jason]

What are your actual insecurities? Insecurities that you can't talk about. I feel like you say everything.

[David]

I probably wouldn't mention them.

[Jason]

Like, what, you think you're dunch Tall enough or. I never said that penis is not big enough.

[David]

Also never said that. No, I think it's.

[Jason]

Have you ever had any complaints in the bedroom on your penis size?

[David]

Not about my size. I'm just really lazy.

[Jason]

Reg, have you ever seen a penis that was, like, so small? You're like, I'm out.

[Reggie]

Yes, plenty of times.

[Jason]

Really?

[Reggie]

Yeah.

[Jason]

How small?

[Reggie]

Like, smaller than mine.

[Jason]

Okay. I don't know what we're talking about.

[Reggie]

See, I'm not insecure about my penis.

[Jason]

I subscribe.

[David]

How big is your penis?

[Reggie]

Do you want to see a pic? I mean, you're going to show me your asshole. I'll show you my dick.

[Jason]

It's $28.

[David]

Yeah, let me see a picture.

[Jason]

Okay, well, you guys are getting intimate today.

[Reggie]

Do you want it in a. Or do you want to just, like, I'm not looking.

[David]

Cause he's your roommate.

[Taylor]

Really? I feel like he would just, like, walk around with it.

[Reggie]

Oh, no.

[David]

Ilya used to love when we were at Hot Tub, Ilya would bring up how much he loved his dick constantly when it was just us boys and, like, maybe the 20th hot tub sesh. We, like, we're all fed up and we're like, fucking. Just show us, dude. And then he's like, no, I don't want to. And we're like, yeah, you do. You do. You want to show us? Yeah, just show us. And then he whipped it out and he doesn't do it anymore, but he doesn't Talk about it. But like, literally he would talk about. I'm not kidding. For like months. He was talking about how great. How much he loved his penis.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[David]

Just to get us to look at it.

[Jason]

Was it great?

[David]

It was actually nice. I don't know. It just felt funny in my hand. It just didn't. The shape wasn't. The shape wasn't all there.

[Reggie]

Do I show you like the tip as well or just show me the fucking whole? Oh, my God, Reg. Hold on.

[Jason]

What are we talking about here? Is this a flaccid or is this an action?

[David]

Obviously he's going to show me it hard.

[Jason]

Oh, okay. Okay, okay, okay. Yeah, no, I get jealous when you guys hot tub because I think that's so fun. So I said to Naveen, I was like, well, maybe we'll go hot tub at David's house. And she was like, hot tub. She was like, what? She's like, is everyone, like, having sex? And I was like, no, basically. And then I thought, well, I guess when you're Naveen, that's what hot tub means.

[Naveen]

I've never like, hot tubbed with someone and then it not turn into like something.

[David]

Oh, that's crazy.

[Naveen]

Sounds like even yours really funny.

[David]

Do you. Have you guys had sex in my hot tub?

[Jason]

No, I don't think I've been in the hot tub with Naveen.

[Naveen]

No. Cuz I. I'm trying to be respectful of everyone.

[David]

You want to protect the hot tub?

[Jason]

She goes.

[John]

She goes.

[Jason]

If I come over there, she goes, I don't want anyone touching me.

[Taylor]

I go, no one's going to touch me.

[Naveen]

Also, like, my boobs keep growing too. Like, I don't know.

[David]

What do you mean?

[Jason]

Like, Naveen had a breast reduction and they're growing back.

[Taylor]

Really?

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Taylor]

You had a production?

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Taylor]

Wow.

[David]

So you just felt like the best wife ever.

[Jason]

These tits, we don't know what to do with it.

[David]

We try to chop it down. That's really funny. All right, Red, show us this dick, please. For the love of God.

[Reggie]

I'm like trying to like, look, do.

[Taylor]

You have a pic of your dick on your grinder?

[Reggie]

I mean, my album.

[Jason]

Oh, and by the way, I was listening to the last podcast and I help you all the time. And you kept saying for money. And I was like, that's not true.

[David]

I literally came for money.

[Jason]

I literally.

[David]

I went to Paramount with you that day for money.

[Jason]

No, not for money. I help you all the time. When you come.

[David]

If you ever. If you.

[Jason]

If you ever call me for money. And you're like, I'm doing this thing. I always come. That's not fair.

[David]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Taylor]

You can't say that. I'm looking at you, David, because like, everything, like, every relationship.

[David]

I know. I don't care that he does it. I'm not being angry.

[Taylor]

Yeah, but everybody does.

[David]

Conversation.

[Taylor]

Yeah, everybody. You're not. No one has relation. Like, no one's in a relationship with another human unless there's something mutually, like, beneficial happening. Unless it's your parents or your fucking siblings.

[David]

I told you. She's a cloud chaser. Told you. She's a cloud chaser. Told you.

[Jason]

I always tell Naveena, when we were in Chicago and we were with you from your nice, nice, nice family, and you start going, these fucking guys. They want my clout, man. My mom and dad.

[David]

You love that story.

[Jason]

I love that story.

[David]

It's like your favorite joke.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[David]

You do? Reference. No. I mean, I get what Natalie's saying. It's a little weird. Well, no, it's in France for a while, but it definitely does.

[Taylor]

Well, I don't. Yes, I. Obviously, we have business together, but I also, like, I have friendship from you. Like, I get laughs, but I don't get laughs.

[Jason]

I don't do things with expectations of getting something out of it.

[David]

I know. I'm just kidding, dude. I'm just trying to fill up 40 minutes of this fucking pot. I've said so much shit. I don't mean, dude. So much.

[Reggie]

Should I just airdrop it to you?

[Jason]

Like when you said you're in love with Naveen the other day?

[David]

Just fucking throw me your phone, dude. God, what is taking so long? All right, here I go. It can't even be that good. Good. All right, here I go. I'm looking at Reggie's dick.

[Taylor]

Oh, my God. I'm freaking out.

[David]

Whoa. What the fuck? Huh?

[Jason]

How big?

[David]

It's really weird looking.

[Reggie]

Okay, your turn. I want to see your deck.

[David]

He's like. He's, like, holding it in a way to make it seem bigger. I've done this.

[Reggie]

I mean, yeah, you hold it from the base, the shock and all.

[David]

It's. You know what?

[Taylor]

It looks like you're really staring at it.

[David]

Yeah, it's kind of bizarre. It's very.

[Jason]

How do you hold it to make it look bigger? You push down at the base.

[David]

Yeah, he's right. He's, like, all, like, his fingers are almost, like, inside him. That's how much. That's how much he's trying to grow the shaft. I mean, initially looking at it, for some reason, it was weird too. You want to look at this? No, no, Reggie. Nat, I haven't shown.

[Jason]

Don't look.

[David]

Don't.

[Reggie]

Look away, look away.

[Jason]

Reggie now guiding across the couch, toppling Natalie to get his phone back.

[David]

Wait, show me.

[Reggie]

Show me the penis.

[David]

Wait. Sure, sure.

[Jason]

That was Natalie.

[Taylor]

No, I don't know. I mean, like, I don't really care, actually.

[David]

Can you just show it?

[Taylor]

Flash it, flash it.

[David]

Why did I get so interesting?

[Taylor]

Oh, my God. Shut up. That's your penis.

[David]

Wait, what? Wait, what's your thoughts? Go quick.

[Taylor]

Well, it's just like, Reggie's so femme. Like, the fact that, like, he has, like, a male. I know a little dick thing.

[Reggie]

You know, sometimes when I'm like, I have, like, an itch in my nipple and I would just, like, pop it out. I'm like, wait. Some people would get shocked that have, like, I would just flash. Not like a.

[David]

Some people get shot shocked. Oh. Oh.

[Reggie]

To have, like, I just did. That's a good shot.

[David]

Yeah, that is like. That is weird about, like, what you do is, like, at what point do you, like, you want to dress like a girl one day, Right? But, like, are you just, like, I'm not gonna sit down to pee right now. Like, I'm just gonna lift up my skirt and piss in this urine.

[Reggie]

I swear, all the time.

[David]

Yeah. Where do you blend the line of, like, how girly am I gonna be today?

[Reggie]

Depends.

[David]

How are you ever in a public bathroom? Oh, yeah, you can just choose.

[Reggie]

Yeah.

[David]

Are you like, oh, this line's whichever.

[Reggie]

Shorter? Yep. Actually, yeah.

[David]

Oh, wow. That's crazy.

[Taylor]

Wow. Life hack.

[David]

Life hack.

[Reggie]

I know. I kind of just do both and then.

[David]

And then you whip that big out.

[Taylor]

That was bigger than I thought it was going to be. Honestly, it's.

[David]

It's the head that's so big.

[Taylor]

Yeah. Yeah.

[David]

The head is like, twice the size of a regular.

[Taylor]

It's crying in the corner.

[David]

You know, Taylor had no idea. Taylor had no idea her roommate had a penis. I was thinking about, have you seen John's?

[Taylor]

No.

[David]

No. Oh, it's got to be the same. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Like, how similar are we?

[Taylor]

Wait, that's crazy. Wait, do you and John. You've obviously seen John's penis.

[David]

Like, do you think Julie would think, like, that's John's? Wait, that's a good question. Can we show Julia and be like, look what we found at John?

[Reggie]

No, absolutely not.

[Taylor]

Oh, my God. Wait, that would be really funny for.

[Reggie]

You, not for me.

[John]

It's a little awkward.

[Taylor]

Is it? It feels like you're kind of free flowing, you know.

[Reggie]

No.

[David]

Why are you being all sad about it?

[Jason]

It's no Coke can, huh?

[David]

It's not that it's not a good size. The proportions are strange to me. I think he took it like almost 0.5 to the tip. So the tip you.5. I mean it looks like when you take a 0.5 and you put your head right in the lens and then like the rest of your body's tiny. That's what it looked like. What was going on there? That's why I was kind of like looking at it for a while. Anyway, let's move on. Matt, can I please see a picture of your dick?

[Taylor]

I have a huge. I have a Coke can myself.

[David]

I know.

[Jason]

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[David]

Get started risk [e-mail] Spotify. Your burger is served. And this is our finest Pepsi. Zero sugar. Its sweet profile perfectly balances the savory.

[Jason]

Notes of your burger.

[David]

That is one perfect combination. Burgers deserve Pepsi. Okay, guys, John has just walked in the room. John, do you get nervous when we call you in here?

[John]

Yeah, absolutely.

[David]

What do you think it is today?

[John]

I don't know. It could literally be anything.

[David]

Yeah, but if you were to guess, you'd take it really nice.

[John]

Something about my insecurities of some sort.

[David]

It's actually almost opposite.

[Reggie]

Oh, really?

[David]

Yeah. So me calling you in here is a big compliment. Cuz I need you too. Do you. You know what I'm about to say? Come on, we talked about it before.

[John]

I don't know.

[David]

And you were like half excited to do it.

[John]

I have no clue.

[David]

John, we brought you in here today because I need you to. Do you. You know what I'm about to say?

[John]

No.

[David]

I need you to look inside my asshole.

[John]

No way.

[David]

Yes.

[John]

It's kind of exciting.

[David]

And yeah. There's no one I feel more comfortable around looking inside me than you.

[John]

Dude, my heart.

[David]

Yes.

[John]

I feel so honored.

[David]

Yeah. So obviously you're gonna have.

[John]

How do we do this? Like right here?

[David]

Well, people are gonna leave the room. I think Reggie's gonna stay here. Cause he's seen A lot of assholes. So John, Reggie are brothers.

[John]

Yeah.

[David]

So Reggie's basically an expert at this. So Reggie, you're here just to make me comfortable, and Reggie's here to possibly diagnose me. Okay, so we're gon see if I have a hemorrhoid or what?

[John]

Definitely. Definitely. I mean, we amor even said so.

[David]

So I'm like, dude, yeah, my chat GPT said I have one, so I must have one.

[Jason]

You have John hold your hand.

[David]

No, I want him. I want him in the back.

[John]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Proper light in here. Everything good.

[Reggie]

It's going to be a little Eiffel.

[John]

Yeah, look, it's like perfect sunset too. It's like. It's going to be.

[David]

When you come back here, Reggie and John are Eiffel towering me. That's really funny. No, I'm gonna. I'm. I'm gonna put the shades down. We're in the movie. We're in the movie room right now.

[John]

Someone's gonna come from the back.

[David]

I'm not letting you look at my with sunlight.

[John]

Dude.

[Taylor]

What?

[David]

I don't know why. I. I think that's really weird.

[Jason]

Can't see. They need to be able to see.

[David]

No, no, I'm good. I want them to do a flashlight.

[John]

Okay, that's actually crazy.

[David]

Okay, this is how we're gonna do it, okay? Because this is my asshole, so it's my body, so I'm gonna get to.

[Reggie]

Make the body your choice.

[David]

This is what's gonna happen. You guys are gonna put on blindfolds and poke around till you find my ass.

[John]

No.

[David]

Okay, now let's just do it. What? I'm just a little confused because his. His dad. His dad's basically a nurse. Why did you choose Jo and Reggie just wanted to see my asshole, so it makes sense. Are you jealous?

[Jason]

No.

[David]

No, not at all.

[John]

You can stick around.

[Jason]

No, I'm good.

[David]

And also, you don't know what? Like an asshole. I'm not gonna stay anywhere where I'm not wanted.

[Reggie]

You know, that's fine.

[David]

All right? Let's just get to it. I need to do this quick.

[Jason]

All right.

[David]

Okay, but dead ass. You guys can't come around and look through the balcony.

[Jason]

We won't.

[David]

Dead ass.

[Jason]

Dead ass.

[John]

Why would. Why would I.

[David]

100%. I know. Ilyawa. Dead ass. You won't. Why don't you want me to? Deadass. You won't. Deadass. You won't.

[Jason]

Dude, please let me look.

[David]

Dead ass. You won't call him around. I can't. You can't. You Can't. What? Please.

[Jason]

Ilia, can I stay and make sure this records?

[David]

You're a pervert, dude.

[Reggie]

Dude, I.

[David]

Just make sure John's not gonna. You dead ass. You won't come. She's like, no promises. No, you won't come.

[Jason]

I'm gonna.

[David]

I'm gonna think about it. I'm so sorry. I can't promise that. Hey, please, dude, I want to see your. I don't think you understand this. I need my privacy.

[John]

Yeah, whose was it?

[David]

All right, fine. I won't. Welcome. What do you mean, whose was it? It's my.

[John]

Oh, yeah, no, no, I was talking about. I remember. I think it was Jason when Jason got his asshole wax at my house.

[David]

No, no, Ilya got his asshole wax, too.

[John]

That was Ilya? Yeah, that was Jason.

[David]

Oh, Jason at the house? Yeah, Ilya at the actual, like, waxing clinic.

[Jason]

You waxed my butt at your house?

[John]

Yeah, my sister did it.

[Jason]

What?

[David]

Yeah.

[Jason]

At whose house?

[John]

My house.

[David]

Okay, dude, Natalie's hiding under the covers because she thinks you think I'm not gonna know you're still in here?

[Reggie]

Here.

[David]

Wait, Nat, do you want to see it?

[Taylor]

Yeah, actually, I just want to sneak a peek. I don't want to be up in it. I don't want to watch from behind. I want to watch from the front. Like, I just want to witness this whole thing happen.

[David]

Yeah, no, my pro. My problem is. My problem's not from behind. My problem is, like, the position I'm going to be in for them to see it.

[Reggie]

Like, doggy.

[David]

Yeah. It's so embarrassing.

[Reggie]

No, it's not embarrassing.

[David]

Yes, it is embarrassing. It really is.

[Reggie]

No, it's not.

[David]

This is hard for me. I don't want.

[John]

You could do, like, a squad.

[Reggie]

I showed you my deck.

[David]

That was different. Was huge.

[Reggie]

Yeah, John, I showed him my dick.

[David]

Which means. John, I know what your dick is like. You got a tiny little pecker. All right, Ready? Let's do it.

[Jason]

You're doing a hell of a service for everybody out there that.

[John]

This is crazy.

[Jason]

Has hemorrhoids. Dave, you're being very brave.

[John]

I can't believe I have.

[David]

I don't know if I have hemorrhoids. Okay, Jay, you got to stay in here, actually, but.

[Jason]

Turn around.

[David]

Turn the fuck around. Hey, dead ass. Me. You're not gonna turn around.

[Jason]

I'll tell you what. I won't look, but I'm gonna make sure it's recording.

[David]

No, Jay, turn around. Look.

[Reggie]

All right, all right, don't.

[Jason]

Okay, go. I'll turn around, but I have at Some point, I'm gonna go like this.

[David]

To make sure it's recording.

[Jason]

D. I know, but when you guys start moving around, Natalie, leave.

[John]

Yo, I'm so glad I left early for work for this.

[Jason]

Is it cool after I take off?

[David]

All right. Can you give me two minutes? I want to go look at it myself.

[Jason]

My friend's asshole.

[David]

Can I just go look at it myself?

[Jason]

Yeah, go ahead.

[John]

Okay. Go ahead.

[Jason]

How is he gonna look at it himself?

[John]

I don't know.

[Jason]

Like, what's he gonna do, put his cheeks up to the bathroom mirror?

[John]

Yeah, I think so.

[Jason]

Taylor walks in.

[Taylor]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[Reggie]

Oh, I'm expecting, like, a little. Just a tiny bump.

[Jason]

What does it look like, Reg? Hemorrhoid.

[Reggie]

Usually hemorrhoid is just like. It looks like an excess skin.

[Jason]

Yeah, like a bump.

[Reggie]

Yeah. Usually guys who do anal a lot get them mostly.

[Jason]

Are they white?

[Reggie]

No, they're just your skin color.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Reggie]

And then sometimes when the hemorrhoid gets, like, big enough or irritated, it gets fissures, which just starts bleeding.

[Jason]

You don't think he's having anal sex, do you?

[Reggie]

I don't know.

[John]

You don't know his sex life?

[Jason]

We don't. We don't know. I wish I knew his sex life. The person that would know the most would be Natalie Mayman. Natalie would know his schedule. Natalie now trying to find the microphone. She's way too confident.

[Reggie]

I'm imagining Natalie's pecking.

[Jason]

David, is that what's going on?

[Reggie]

I think so.

[Taylor]

David makes me put his strap on, but only on.

[Jason]

Like, everybody wants a peek at David's asshole. Farah's coming by now. Everybody wants to look. Ilya was upset. He wasn't invited. It's happening. Yeah.

[John]

It's gonna look like a pov. Like, sex, sex, sex view, you know what I mean? With a flashlight. I mean, it's crazy. Not like, oh, all dark. All dark. And then a pink starfish comes around the corner.

[Reggie]

Pink starfish is deadass.

[David]

Somebody in here?

[Reggie]

No, no.

[David]

Okay, okay. Natalie, leave. You cannot see this. Nat, you have to fucking go. Nat. I don't care. Please, dude, please. You're such a fucking horny pervert. Dude. This proves it. This fucking proves it. Leave. Natalie.

[Taylor]

Ow. I don't want to move.

[David]

Nat, leave. It's weird.

[Jason]

Natalie now covering herself with a blanket. David putting the mic through the blanket.

[David]

But I could feel your presence.

[Jason]

This is weird pervert activity, actually.

[David]

Okay, so I'm about to get my asshole looked at by Reggie and his brother. Jason's recording, so he has to be in here for the pot. Natalie won't leave. Natalie. Natalie, I'm being serious. Can you please leave?

[Taylor]

I'm really dead ass. Not looking at all.

[David]

Why would you be in here? Why would you be in here?

[Taylor]

Be a part of the after. I don't want to move in Quebec. I'm lazy.

[David]

You don't need to be part of the the after. Okay. Dead ass.

[Taylor]

Okay. I can go home.

[David]

Dead ass. You're not going to look through the covers?

[Taylor]

Yeah, dead ass.

[David]

Dead ass.

[Taylor]

Dead ass. I. I don't care to look at your butt.

[David]

No, but I can't even look at any process of it.

[Jason]

This is what a horny guy does when he's trying to get laid.

[David]

What?

[Jason]

This is what a horny guy does when he's trying to get laid. I'm asleep. I'm not even. Not even.

[David]

You have to go home. I just want to sleep here. It's really late. It's really late. I want to sleep here. Okay. That. Just stay under there.

[Jason]

Okay. And I'm not allowed to look. Right.

[Reggie]

I'm nervous because we've been.

[David]

I just did it in the mirror.

[Reggie]

Uh huh.

[David]

It's. The problem is I have to like push a little to get the asshole to open up.

[John]

You want. You want a picture or something?

[David]

Natalie, stop talking. Yeah.

[Jason]

Do you want a photo while they're down there?

[David]

No.

[John]

Okay, no photo.

[Reggie]

Can you just like.

[David]

Jay, turn around.

[Reggie]

Can you put.

[John]

Dude, it's so dark.

[Reggie]

I can't see anything.

[John]

It's so dark in here, bro.

[Jason]

Okay, get your flashlights. Castro brothers, join. Join. Flashlights.

[Reggie]

This. That's fine.

[David]

Okay, ready?

[Reggie]

Yeah.

[David]

John, don't record this.

[John]

I'm not recording anything. Dude, relax.

[David]

Okay.

[Jason]

Okay. Guys, my back is turning. I have no idea what's going on.

[Reggie]

Okay.

[David]

Okay, here we go. John, When I brought this up to him earlier, he was nervous. But now that Reggie's here, he's so comfortable and the giddy about it.

[Jason]

Dave, you got to do the play by play. Okay.

[David]

Okay. Well.

[Jason]

Right.

[David]

Okay. Right now I'm taking off my pants. Halfway I'm gonna show my cheek, right? Just to get him comfortable.

[Jason]

I have a nice reflection in this mirror.

[David]

Okay.

[John]

I trust. I trust David's clearance.

[David]

Okay. No, no, no. I'm showing you.

[Reggie]

Oh my God, your dick is huge.

[David]

I'm showing you my ass cheeks.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Reggie]

Dude.

[David]

John. John, John, dude, sit down. John, you wanted to be a doctor at one point. So seriously, lock the fuck in.

[John]

Dude. Lock in.

[David]

It's fucking weird. Okay, okay. It's kind of Here, Jay, you're not turning around, right?

[Jason]

No, I said dead.

[David]

Okay, hold on. I'm putting my phone down. You better not peek. Oh, Nat's still in here. I totally forgot. Okay, here we go.

[Jason]

Dave, do the play by play. Are you on all fours?

[David]

I'm not on all four yet. Okay, okay, I'm on. On. I'm on. I'm getting on all fours.

[John]

Okay.

[David]

Okay. Oh, my God, dude. I'm going to have to be, like, fully, like, in, like, daddy fuck me position.

[Reggie]

I'm going to take this to my grave.

[David]

I'm not going to the grave.

[John]

This is so funny.

[David]

To the grave. Till Tuesday when this episode's up. Listen, listen, listen.

[John]

Them cheeks are barely hanging, Reggie.

[David]

I don't like that.

[Reggie]

I think he's getting horny.

[Jason]

I'm not even horny.

[David]

Can you be the same distance as Jon? You're a little too up in my face right now.

[Reggie]

Oh, my God.

[David]

Well, John keeps.

[Reggie]

Fuck.

[John]

Okay, I'm pretty far back.

[David]

Okay, here we go.

[Jason]

Okay.

[David]

Okay. So bending.

[Reggie]

Damn, that ass is so fucking nice.

[Jason]

Are the shorts down yet?

[David]

No, not yet.

[Reggie]

Why are you smacking it? Come on.

[David]

I'm trying to make you. It's.

[Reggie]

Dude, now you're making me feel uncomfortable. The only gay guy in the room who actually loves ass.

[David]

All right, stop.

[Jason]

Stop smacking his head.

[David]

Go, Jay. This is a lot harder than I thought.

[Jason]

Okay, Dave, I have to tell you. I'll be honest with you. I can see the reflection in the whiteboard. So can I do play by play for what I can see in the reflection? Okay. Right now, David is on his knees and he is shy. He is shy to get up to this, but he's got his. He does have his orange swim trunks down a little bit. So you do see a little bit of butt, but he's not going full blast yet.

[John]

He's definitely not spreading them.

[David]

Jeez. Are you sure people want to listen to this?

[Jason]

I promise you.

[David]

All right. Okay, here we go. Oh, man, I gotta.

[Jason]

Does he have a lot of hair in between his cheeks? Right?

[David]

100. Okay, I'm up. I'm open. I'm.

[John]

Open it further, bro.

[David]

No, take the shorts down. Did it. Oh, dude, I feel like I'm about the. I'm really so nervous, dude.

[Reggie]

I can't just go like this. Like, can I just.

[David]

You want to grab my ass and park the.

[John]

How the.

[Reggie]

Are we gonna see? It's a forest.

[John]

Yeah, bro.

[David]

Okay, first of all, it's not that bad.

[Reggie]

Yes, it's pretty hairy.

[Jason]

It's hairy all Right, bro, I can see the hair on the reflection from the whitebo. It looks like a goddamn forest.

[David]

All right, first of all, my pants are up, so please stop saying that. Here we go. They're going back down.

[Jason]

It looks like a bottom fall wall.

[Reggie]

I need you to.

[John]

Dave, you got to bend it further, bro.

[Reggie]

I need you to just go down.

[David]

Okay, I'm down. Okay, spread it.

[John]

You gotta spread it. Yeah, I can't.

[David]

Oh, my God. I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna fucking cry, dude.

[John]

I can't see anything.

[Reggie]

You're fine.

[Jason]

David, if this doesn't get us a Grammy, I don't know what will.

[David]

Man, this is great. It's the Golden Globe.

[Jason]

Golden Globe.

[David]

This is the Golden Globe episode.

[Jason]

This is Golden Globe episode. This is what we send to the Golden Globes.

[David]

Okay, I'm going in. Or nobody go in. I'm saying I'm bending over. I'm bending over. Oh, my God. It feels like there's stuff falling out of my ass right now. I don't know why.

[Reggie]

Just put your shorts down a little more.

[David]

Oh, Reggie, you're such a little whore.

[Reggie]

No.

[David]

Oh, God.

[Reggie]

Reggie.

[David]

Maybe if you talk dirty to me.

[Jason]

David is now on all fours.

[Reggie]

Okay.

[Jason]

And the shorts are on.

[Reggie]

Can I just spread it a little more?

[David]

No, I can't have you touch it. Let me spread it. I'm spreading.

[Reggie]

No, spread a little more.

[Jason]

It's genuinely, literally spreading one of the cheeks.

[David]

John, what does it look like?

[Reggie]

It's just hair.

[David]

Okay.

[Reggie]

No, like, holy fuck, bro.

[John]

The hair is insane.

[Reggie]

It's legit a forest.

[David]

You can't see anything.

[Reggie]

I need a machete just to like. Okay, Dave.

[John]

I mean, it's kind of red.

[Reggie]

Okay, wait, I can't see anything.

[John]

I genuinely can't see anything. I just see a hole.

[Reggie]

No, it's literally.

[David]

Dude, there's no.

[Reggie]

You don't have a hemorrhoid base.

[David]

I know. I was fucking with you guys. No, I'm totally kidding.

[John]

I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

[David]

I'm kidding.

[Reggie]

You don't have a hemorrhoid.

[David]

Really?

[Reggie]

Yeah.

[John]

I didn't see it.

[Jason]

Reg, Reg, what did you see back there?

[Reggie]

It's literally just a straight man's asshole. It's just bushy. There's no lumps.

[David]

Sorry. I'm not talking right now. I literally can't breathe.

[Reggie]

Where, where does it feel, like, painful?

[David]

Yeah, I feel like I need to push a little to open it up to expand so you can see.

[John]

Because I couldn't see anything.

[Reggie]

Yeah, it's just literally Bush.

[John]

It was, like, slightly red. Like, slightly pink and irritated, but.

[Jason]

But, like, brother, you gotta shave back there if you want them to look and find anything. Cause I can see the reflection in the whiteboard. It's like. I didn't know it was like that. I had no idea.

[Reggie]

We've seen the hole.

[David]

When do Golden Globes accept?

[Jason]

We've gotta get this out soon, Dave.

[David]

All right, I'm in.

[Jason]

We have till June 12th. All right, hurry up.

[David]

Do you see it?

[Reggie]

Where does it hurt?

[David]

Dude?

[John]

I genuinely.

[David]

You gotta look inside. It's okay. I'm spreading my cheeks. Reggie's touching my ass regular.

[Reggie]

Don't breathe in like that.

[David]

It's talking. Talking.

[Jason]

What happened?

[David]

It was winking.

[Reggie]

It was like every single time he left, it was, like, laughing with him.

[David]

Reggie just said, it's talking to us. It's like that guy from Harry Potter with two hats. When he takes off his scarf.

[Reggie]

There'S no hemorrhoid.

[John]

Yeah.

[Reggie]

There's no lumps. There's. If you shave it, you.

[David]

There's no way.

[John]

Yeah.

[Reggie]

What does it feel like?

[David]

There's no way.

[Jason]

I'd like to see Jack shepherd do this. Dax, your move.

[David]

Okay. Okay. Actually, hold on. All right, I'm doing one more time because now I am getting more. John, can you please put your phone down? I know. I trust you, but I just don't, like. Okay, Dude, a camera in your hand. It's freaking bad. It's a very vulnerable position.

[John]

No, I agree. I agree with you.

[Reggie]

I point with your finger. Can we.

[Jason]

Can we applaud David for doing this? This is absolutely.

[David]

Thank you.

[Jason]

So very brave and brilliant and you're helping.

[David]

Clapping. It's freaking me out that you're still in here now.

[Jason]

He's still here.

[John]

I mean, last year I saw his shirt off. Now I see next year. Later.

[David]

Next year, my full gonna be in your throat.

[Jason]

Reg, do you need more light?

[David]

One more, one more, one more.

[Jason]

I am, I am.

[David]

Okay, here we go.

[Reggie]

Okay.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Reggie]

Where does it feel? Where do you feel pain?

[David]

Inside. Inside. Any pain? Pain?

[Reggie]

No. You sure there's not. There's no, like, visible noise?

[John]

No, there is, like. I see, like, white.

[Reggie]

No, those are, like, his hair follicles.

[John]

You think so?

[Reggie]

Yeah. Toilet paper.

[David]

Okay. So I'm good?

[Reggie]

You're good? You don't have a hemorrhoid.

[Jason]

Did you make this up? So Reggie. Because you wanted Reggie to look in your ass.

[David]

No, that'd be ridiculous. Wow. Okay. Honestly.

[Jason]

All right, all right.

[John]

I can't imagine people driving their car and then listening to this.

[David]

This is insane. Or worse, eating their dinner. Yeah. Or with their loved ones.

[John]

You got to, like, put, like, a warning of some sort that was.

[David]

Please, please, please. If you have somebody that's never listened to this podcast, send them this one and just tell them we're a medical focused podcast and this is typically what we do.

[Jason]

Yes.

[David]

Wow. Okay. I mean, Nat, you want to see it at this point? If it's all good here, go in there. Yeah, yeah. Give Nat the mic. Give Nat the mic. Grab it so you can talk. At least now we're.

[Taylor]

I was in there for a long time. How'd it feel like under the blankets?

[David]

All right, Nat, real quick. Come look. Come here.

[Jason]

Reggie giving David a clean bill of health here on the Asshole Diaries.

[Taylor]

Oh, my God, I'm scared. I don't really, like.

[David]

All right, maybe we should. Maybe. The bit's already done, right? I feel like we keep going back into it. It's like, what are they doing? It's like David's got a fetish. Taylor, Al Lane, you gotta get in here. All right, all right. No more. No more. The bit's done. The bit's done. Okay, but diagnosis, no hemorrhoids. No hemorrhoids.

[Reggie]

No hemorrhoids.

[Jason]

What did you see? Did you see anything? What's causing it?

[Reggie]

It looks like a normal hole to me, and then there's just a lot of it. It looks just like a lot of hair.

[Jason]

John, what'd you see?

[John]

I saw forest. Dude, that was crazy.

[David]

But you didn't see anything? You didn't see anything wrong, John?

[John]

No, I didn't see anything wrong.

[Jason]

How would you know, though? You've never looked into an asshole before, right?

[John]

Like, the next step would honestly be, like, putting on a. Like, stuffing a hair.

[Reggie]

Okay, John. No, we're not fisting him.

[John]

I'm not like.

[David]

She's like. We're not putting on gloves, John. We're going in there. We're raw, dogging it.

[John]

Like, I mean, I. I genuinely could not see anything.

[David]

Okay.

[Jason]

Because of the hair.

[John]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Yeah. Well, you really should shave it.

[Reggie]

Are you sure you.

[Jason]

Can I tell you something, too. You know when I. My cyst, like, if I don't shave back there, it gets irritated.

[David]

Okay. Okay.

[Jason]

And from what I could see in the reflection of the whiteboard.

[David]

Yeah.

[Jason]

I mean, that's insane.

[David]

Yeah.

[Jason]

It's like, you only have hair there, have you? I mean, it looked like a tire going in the middle of your cheeks. Like a rubber tire.

[David]

Like, it was like, don't mess with the Zohan.

[Jason]

Yeah, he's got the bush. Yeah, yeah. Don't mess with the dobra. You've got that Slovakian. Yeah, dude, Slovakian.

[David]

Astro called the High Tatras.

[Taylor]

Yeah, we just use one of the race.

[John]

Yeah.

[David]

I feel like now that I'm really comfortable, maybe you should look at it again, and this time I really pop it out. It's in there, Reg.

[Reggie]

You feel the lump inside?

[David]

No. I don't know. Okay.

[Jason]

I wonder if Bigfoot has this problem.

[David]

Bigfoot. The problem with Bigfoot is he doesn't have many Bigfoot friends to look in there, and the only reflection he can use is the river. So that's like. And that's already, like, a little disoriented.

[Jason]

Right.

[David]

When you're looking through the river's point of view.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[David]

Cause Bigfoot says here, it's weird that you just grab my ass cheek and now you're hitting your vape. It's just like, go wash your hands or something.

[Reggie]

I literally did this.

[David]

Yeah.

[Reggie]

I wasn't grabbing it and getting in there.

[David]

I don't know, dude. It felt kind of hot because Reggie's got some long nails, so I was like. I was imagining some crazy things. That's why I was down there for so long.

[Taylor]

Wow.

[David]

All right, guys. I got. I think I'm gonna go see medical professionals now. All right, guys. Well, that's all the time we have for this podcast. Obviously, we shouldn't put anything else into the podcast that has anything to do with an asshole. Like, this is the asshole podcast, and that's it.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Taylor]

Yeah.

[David]

Okay. I don't know how long it is, even if it's fucking 12 minutes. Thank you, everybody who came on my Dr. Reggie, his assistant John Jason, for chaperoning and for watching the whiteboard reflection.

[Jason]

Amazing. I'll never forget that.

[David]

Listen, Golden Globes. We post two times a week, and this is our official submission. I mean, like, literally. Lighten up a little. You're gonna give it to Rogan, who's intelligent and high brow and talks about aliens. No, give it to us, the real common folk down here.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[David]

Okay.

[Jason]

Yeah. You guys want to plug anything?

[David]

My ass. Yeah.

[Reggie]

I'm posting David's ass on my only fans. Actually took a picture of it.

[David]

Go check out Reggie's only fans if you want to see another asshole. Reggie. Daddy. All right. Thank you, John. Also, I want to mention, just for the people listening, this is like, can this be our little secret? So, like. And I don't mean that, like, obviously we're putting it out, but, like, when you see me on the street. I'm with a random group of people that definitely don't listen to the pod or I'm just with anybody in general. Say anything about my potential hemorrhoid or anything about my asshole, please. Like, this is one of those episodes that if we had a Patreon, would go on there or would go behind layers and layers of paywalls. So just for the sake of me, I mean, you could wink at me and be like, hey, congrats on not having one. You could give me one of those. But just don't bring it up because I don't have to explain this whole situation to random people that I'm hanging out with. Okay? That's it. Thank you. Regardless, thanks for everybody that watched. Thanks for everybody that listened. Sorry, not watch. Well watched. John, Reggie, and Jason, the real winners.

[Jason]

Here, John and Reggie.

[David]

Yeah, and let us know if we want. If you want us to upload a Patreon episode where you actually see inside my asshole. Oh.

[Jason]

Let us know if you want more content like this.

[David]

Well, yeah, I think.

[Jason]

Whose asshole's next? Dave?

[David]

I think that's it. I think we peaked here.

[Jason]

You think so?

[Taylor]

I think so, yeah.

[Jason]

Okay. All right. I wanted to get in on the fun.

[Taylor]

I can't imagine Jason's.

[David]

I can't imagine. I feel like he's just been, like, doing this so, so long. It's. It's not even like a. Like a circle. It's just, like a droopy, saggy, like, eye drop. Yeah, just. Just, like, corroded, like, it's like it's been set in toxic ways.

[Jason]

Dude, I poop three times a day.

[David]

All right, enough.

[Jason]

It's awful.

[Taylor]

God. All right, wrap it up.

[David]

We'll see you guys soon.