Pitching Natalie for The Bachlorette

Summary

Podcast Summary: VIEWS with David Dobrik & Jason Nash

Episode: Pitching Natalie for The Bachelorette
Date: March 24, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode is a trademark VIEWS blend of irreverent humor, candid personal stories, and lively banter, centered around a playful campaign to get Natalie cast as the next Bachelorette. David and Jason, joined by Natalie, riff on why she’d be the ideal choice, pitch reality TV show ideas, and discuss everything from body counts to bidets. The episode also dives into pop culture (new Spider-Man trailer!) and personal crossroads, delivering both laughs and genuine introspection.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Natalie for The Bachelorette (00:56–09:30)

• Natalie jokes about wanting to be the next Bachelorette now that the new season was canceled.
• The group entertains the idea, discussing if they have enough industry connections to pitch her.
• David ponders reaching out to former “Bachelor” producers he met at a club, while Jason reveals his connections in reality TV (Storage Wars).
• Natalie explains why she thinks she's a compelling candidate: “I just think I would be more, like, interesting to watch.” (03:22)
• They imagine how her season would be different—having public figure friends as potential contestants for twists.
• Natalie recounts running into another "hot girl in a Ferrari," inspiring talk about “hot girl moments.” (05:01)
• The team speculates on how she’d handle Bachelor conventions like the “honeymoon suite” and dramatic eliminations, with David teasing: “I'm not watching this season. We already know how it ends. She's not having sex with them in the honeymoon suite. I'm out.” (07:50)
• Natalie invites listeners to DM the Bachelor with her nomination, joking, “Well, everybody should just go DM the Bachelor and tell them that I need to be the new one.” (09:26)

2. Making Their Own Dating Show (10:07–11:44)

• The hosts consider producing their own Bachelor-style show, referencing Alex Cooper’s similar projects.
• David says, “I would happily be adjacent to you looking for somebody. I would also do it for myself because I think that's fun.” (11:04)
• Natalie and David riff on doing a co-ed version, eventually deciding it sounds like too much work for David.

3. Pop Culture Sidebar: Spider-Man Trailer (11:45–14:48)

• David geeks out about the record-breaking new Spider-Man trailer: “It did 700, like, 15 million views in 24 hours.” (12:05)
• They briefly run through the plot (Peter Parker forgotten by all) and David theorizes about the MCU’s future: “I think there's gonna have to be a movie that none of us know about yet.” (14:14)

4. Superhero Mount Rushmore (14:49–16:32)

• The team debates the most culturally important superheroes.
• Natalie's list: Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Spider-Man. Jason adds Iron Man and Thor.
• David’s favorites: Superman, Iron Man, Spider-Man, Batman, Wolverine, making the case that “if it wasn’t for the X-Men movies, we wouldn’t have the MCU.” (29:25)
• Jason confesses: “Don’t like Spider Man... he's just, like, in that puny suit.” (16:03), which leads to some ribbing about his general distaste for “youthful” characters.

5. Jason’s College & Dating Life—Body Count Talk (17:48–29:07)

• Jason recounts heartbreak from college and explains why he never had a high "body count": “I've always had confidence issues. It just stems from my father.” (24:25)
• David and Natalie are surprised his count is only eight, considering his SNL internship, New York life, and comedy career.
• The conversation spins into stereotypes about sex and success, with humor and sincerity: “I just wasn't a big lady killer, that's all.” (23:34)
• They compare body counts, with David claiming his is “three” (26:32)—which everyone laughs at.

6. Societal Expectations, Confidence, and Maturing (25:31–29:59)

• Jason gets candid about maturing late in life: “I've always felt like I didn't really mature until I was, like, 30.” (25:32)
• The group muses on how self-image and context shape life experiences, with Natalie observing: “I just still think that people in his position were, like, getting laid, even if they weren’t.” (27:20)
• Jason demystifies the comedy scene's reputation: “You go to open mics...then you go to a diner and write jokes. It’s different.” (28:13)

7. Bidets, Toilets, and Heated Seats (33:04–37:39)

• The crew gets into the nitty-gritty of international toilets, bidets, and hygiene gadgets.
• Natalie stands firm: “I just don't think it’s effective. Like, I'd rather just wipe and be done.” (34:39)
• David raves about heated toilet seats: “I think everyone should switch over. It changes your life.” (36:48)

8. Study Abroad Dilemma (38:00–41:21)

• Jason shares his son Wyatt’s dilemma: stay in NY for music or study abroad in London?
• David reflects on New York: “If you can make it in New York, you can make it anywhere.” (39:55)
• Natalie argues for seizing the study abroad opportunity: “Right now is probably the time, the most amount of time he'll have in his life to go do something like that.” (40:26)
• The discussion leads to a philosophical tangent about life choices and “what ifs.”

9. Books, Literacy, and “The Midnight Library” (41:21–44:51)

• Natalie describes “The Midnight Library,” a novel about alternate life paths; David admits he hates reading: “I just can’t do books.” (43:35)
• The debate touches on the rise of TikTok movie summaries (“That doesn’t count!”).

10. Closing Circle Back to The Bachelorette (44:52–46:01)

• David circles back: “How do we get Natalie on The Bachelor? I think that’s the homework we're gonna give our listeners.” (44:52)
• Natalie laughs about turning 30 and the timing: “Also, I'm about to be 30. Like, I feel like it's, like, the perfect thing.” (45:06)

11. Memorable Ending Moments (45:22–46:01)

• David is excited to receive a DM from the creator of Fairly Oddparents about their 25th anniversary (“Oh, my God. This is so sick.” 45:25).
• Jason jokes about checking his own inbox: “Amazing. The IRS reached out.” (45:53)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Natalie (on her Bachelorette potential):
  “I just think I would be more, like, interesting to watch.” (03:22)

• David (about reality TV connections):
  “Not to flex or anything, but, like, I met the Bachelor producers once at a club.” (01:44)

• David (on a Natalie-led dating show):
  “I would happily be adjacent to you looking for somebody. I would also do it for myself because I think that's fun.” (11:04)

• Jason (on sex & confidence):
  “I've always had confidence issues. It just stems from my father.” (24:25)
  “I just wasn't a big lady killer, that's all.” (23:34)

• Natalie (on study abroad):
  “Right now is probably the time, the most amount of time he'll have in his life to go do something like that.” (40:26)

• David (on bathrooms in Brazil):
  “You weren't allowed to put toilet paper in the toilet? ... Your nozzle was good. I went to your bedroom.” (34:08)

• David (on books):
  “I just, like, can't do books.” (43:35)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:56 – Natalie pitches herself as Bachelorette
• 03:22 – Natalie on why she'd be a great pick
• 09:26 – Listeners encouraged to DM the Bachelor
• 11:45 – Spider-Man trailer discussion
• 14:49 – Superhero Mount Rushmore
• 17:48 – Jason’s heartbreak story
• 24:25 – Jason on confidence and sex
• 34:39 – Bidet debate
• 39:55 – "If you can make it in New York..."
• 41:21 – “The Midnight Library” & life choices
• 44:52 – How to get Natalie on The Bachelor

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Tone & Style

This episode features the show’s signature “hangout” tone—quick-witted, self-deprecating, and packed with comedic interruptions. There’s plenty of good-natured teasing, as well as raw, honest moments about adulting, self-worth, and life decisions.

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Summary for Non-Listeners

If you missed this episode, you didn’t just miss an extended Bachelorette pitch—you also missed VIEWS’ crew at their best: dreaming up reality TV, poking fun at body counts, sharing cringe college stories, and weighing real-life crossroads. The banter bounces effortlessly from pop culture to personal growth, with sharp one-liners and a peek behind the curtain of their daily lives.

Homework for listeners?
Bombard The Bachelor with DMs for Natalie, and go install a heated toilet seat.

Transcript

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[B]

What's up, guys?

[E]

Welcome back to View.

[A]

We are back with another podcast. Natalie wants to be the next Bachelorette.

[C]

Oh, my gosh.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

No one responded to me.

[B]

Wow, that's an actual good idea.

[C]

Isn't it great? Like, I would. I feel like I'm, like, a really great candidate.

[B]

Really good candidate.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

What's going. How do we do that?

[C]

I don't know, but did you. You saw, like, how they just canceled the new season?

[B]

I saw, Yeah, I saw.

[C]

So I'm like, maybe they cancel the season completely.

[B]

I have videos of you beating David, though, so I don't know.

[C]

This is true.

[A]

Oh, because of the beating stuff?

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Wait, wait. I'm so confused.

[E]

The season was already shot with her.

[C]

Already shot. Already done. Oh, sent to air this. This coming week.

[B]

Already shot.

[C]

Yes. It's supposed to come out next week.

[E]

And they can wait. That's wild.

[C]

They can. The whole thing. So I'm saying, like, this is the time we got to reach out to ABC or whoever is doing the Bachelorette now.

[A]

Dude, listen. Not to Flex or anything, but, like, I met the Bachelor producers once at a club.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Actually, I don't know. Maybe they were lying to me, but they were like, maybe they were PAs there. We do the Bachelor. I'm like, what do you guys do? We created the show. And they were like, they're like, we should do, like, a version where there's, like, an online person as a Bachelor.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And I was like, me or Natalie? And they're like, come on, dude, shut up. Is that a joke?

[C]

You love to do this.

[E]

No, no, no.

[A]

I'm.

[E]

I actually did meet people.

[C]

No, I know.

[A]

So I guess I do have a plug.

[E]

Well, I would obviously never do that.

[B]

I know people in reality, like, from that world. Oh.

[A]

What Jason has is incredible. That we're definitely gonna do for a vlog. Jason has connection to Storage Wars.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

My best friend Jeff, he produces Storage Wars.

[E]

I can't believe you've never told us this.

[C]

Yeah, that's crazy.

[B]

You never want to hear anything about me.

[A]

That's true. But this one, you could have. This one, you should have let us

[C]

know you have good stuff like this.

[B]

I didn't know you liked Storage wars.

[A]

Is like. I mean, if you guys don't know what Storage wars is, it's basically these storage units that are left abandoned. You go and bid on them, and then you hope you make your money back. Like, the people. People that are no longer there. It's like an auction goes around the Storage wars, and it's like you buy one for a thousand dollars, and then you go through the person's stuff, which is amazing because it's, like, so fun. You're going through somebody's things legally.

[B]

Story.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. And there's a story there, and you could get really rich. You could get a storage unit for $100,000, or most likely, you'll barely break even. Most likely. But, yeah. That's incredible. Okay, anyway, back to you being the woman of the hour.

[B]

Who would be better as the Bachelor? David.

[C]

I just think I would be more, like, interesting to watch.

[A]

What the fuck? That's literally crazy of a YouTube channel that's done pretty well.

[C]

I don't. I just think. I mean, I don't know. I could be wrong. I just. I mean. No, you are pretty entertaining.

[B]

I can't imagine David as the Bach.

[C]

I just can't imagine it. And I don't think you would ever do it.

[A]

Do the shirtless things. And it's like, half of it is shirtless, and half of it is being sexy. Like, there's never. There's never going to be a moment

[E]

if I'm the Bachelor where the women

[A]

walk out and they go, oh. And that's, like, really important. That's not true because, like, I'm getting

[C]

so excited thinking about myself as the Bachelor. I'm not even listening to a word you're saying.

[A]

Wow. You think this is, like, a thing you can do?

[C]

I really feel like if we put our heads together, we could get it done, but I know it's not going to happen.

[A]

Yeah, it's like one of those things. And the only way it would.

[C]

Yeah, it's like one of those things.

[A]

The only way it would possibly happen is if someone from the Bachelor Nation. People, like, listened to this.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And reached out to us because, like, Obviously, we shouldn't put the work in to, like, find this ourselves.

[B]

Well, what. What can you say to the Bachelor?

[A]

It's just, like, it sounds like a

[B]

lot of time if they're listening.

[C]

Well, I just think. I think that I would be. I think that they were heading in the right direction with the. The Frankie Taylor girl.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And I think, who is she?

[A]

What does she do?

[C]

She's on Secret Lives of Mormon Wives.

[A]

Oh, interesting. So they took from another reality show.

[C]

Took from another reality show. And I'm not like, direct reality, but, like, I feel like we're close enough to what that is. I'm pretty good looking, I think. You know, like, it'll be fun to

[B]

watch Dave hyper up.

[A]

Natalie said that the other day. She's like, I was in my Ferrari and then another hot girl.

[C]

Oh, my God, I saw her again.

[A]

She was like, another hot girl in a Ferrari pulled up. I'm like, another hot girl.

[C]

There's another girl that has my same car, and she's like this gorgeous Asian woman. Every time I'm on Sunset Boulevard, I see her riding in it, too, because I hear her revving it and like. Like, she'll drive past. Like, I hear the car and I saw her two days ago again.

[B]

Did you wave?

[C]

I waved the first time. Like, the first time she passed right by me, and I waved to her and she waved back, and we, like, laughed and had this, like, little, like. I hate to say this out loud, but, like, little hot girl moment. It was so. It was so fun. Girl. It was so fun.

[A]

And you saw her again?

[C]

I saw her again two days ago on Sunset, and she was cruising through. Anyways, hello, Bachelor Nation.

[A]

Yes.

[E]

I mean, listen, I like.

[A]

I like the idea.

[C]

No, you fucking don't. Because I'm gone for, like, three months.

[E]

Yeah, but that should be written into it.

[A]

Like, that would be part of the storyline. Like, there is no. You will be gone for three months. You work a lot, and that's part of your life.

[C]

I don't mind that either. Like, I feel like. I feel like. Yeah.

[B]

Like, they're not trying to get the guys over here.

[A]

Yeah, I'm trying to fuck dudes. No, but I'm just saying, like, I find that. I think that's kind of interesting.

[C]

I think that's interesting, too.

[A]

Like, to have that, and then. Then they have to go out with me and I have to pick one.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And I'm like, well, you know what's interesting, too? Like, and if anybody from Bachelor is, like, listening, like, there are other men in My life that you could, like, easily pull and cat. Like, I'm like a. You know, I'm a public figure of sorts. Right. So there's people, like, in the vlog that I've kissed before that you could, like, good plot twists that you could, like, put in there, you know, that I think would be, like, interesting.

[B]

Sure. You know, already built in interesting. And Natalie, how would you do if you had to, like, say goodbye to, like, three guys in one night? That be hard for you?

[C]

I don't think so.

[A]

No. He's really good at, like, now. He's really good at firing people.

[B]

Yeah, she's.

[A]

She's really good at having difficult conversations.

[C]

Tell David right now I'm decent at confrontation.

[B]

Tell David that he's. He's off the show right now. Like, he was a contestant. Go.

[C]

Is this, like, night one where I'm, like, getting rid of a bunch?

[A]

Well, a better question is when you get to the honeymoon suites and.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

How many people are there at that point? Three or four, I think three. Are you fudgeing all of them?

[C]

Am I personally?

[A]

Yeah. Or are you not sleeping with any of them?

[C]

I would assume not sleeping with any of them.

[A]

Really?

[C]

Yeah, I'm not.

[A]

Like, that's kind of the moment you, like. Let's just figure. You know what I mean?

[C]

No, I think. I think, you know. You know, before you have sex with someone, if you're into them.

[A]

Really.

[C]

I mean, it depends. Maybe it'll be really, really difficult. I don't think that sex is going to be, like, the deciding, like, oh, my God, you're my.

[A]

I think sometimes it is. You don't think it is. Like, there's one time I was into a girl, and then we had sex, and it didn't work, and I was like, oh, this doesn't work. Like, you don't think that's how. You don't think that's how like things.

[C]

But I think you had a hunch before you even got to that point.

[A]

Yeah. Maybe you have to act. I don't know. Whatever. Okay, so you're not all three of them.

[C]

I'm definitely not fucking all three of them.

[A]

I'm not watching this season. We already know how it ends. She's not having sex with them in the honeymoon suite. I'm out. Those are the craziest scenes in the Bachelor where, like, when they insinuate. Yeah. When the. And it's gotten crazier over the years.

[E]

Like, now they'll film the shower.

[A]

It's all foggy.

[E]

You see the hand?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

See the hand on the fucking shower? It gets more and more, like, fucking crazy every time. I think they go to their legal team, they're like, how much can we push it this time? And they're like, fog up the shower.

[C]

Fog up the shower. My only thing is, like, I just. I'm curious. I was actually curious for her season because she's, like, a prominent public figure. She makes, like, really great money. You know, she's very well established, like, who they were going to cast for the show. Now. Now we don't really. I mean, I guess you could probably figure it out, but. Or find out, but I'd be. It'd be interesting to see who they would cast for that.

[A]

Wait, so this video that came out about her, that's. That's the guy who won the Bachelor?

[C]

No, no, no. This is, like. It's an old video.

[A]

Oh. It's an old relationship.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Oh. Oh. And he posted it.

[C]

I don't know who posted it.

[A]

Oh, wow. That's crazy.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

So she might be married to someone right now, too. No. Or she might be in a relationship with one of the Bachelor guys because the season completed.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Wow. That's kind of crazy.

[C]

I know. There's, like, so many different.

[A]

What a whirlwind. That's fucking insane. Well, Natalie, I'm. I'm really rooting for you.

[C]

Are you?

[A]

Yeah. And we just dedicated. Let's see. That was about 10, 9 minutes. 10 minutes of the pod to you. So now let's talk about something I'm really excited about.

[E]

The Spider man trailer.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Well, do you want to say anything

[A]

else about the Bachelor?

[C]

Well, everybody should just go, DM the Bachelor and tell them that I need to be the new one.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Good idea.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Shoot some DM you'd like to see.

[A]

I would love that.

[E]

And I would love to be. And if the Bachelor is.

[C]

And hello, we have you, you're going to be salivating at the opportunity to be, like, a part of that moment and, like, documenting it, promoting it. Like, I have so many fun friends. You know how many friends would be, like, cheering me on and, like, doing fun stuff?

[A]

No, for sure. But I think we may be in,

[E]

like, a Discovery situation here again.

[B]

What's that mean?

[E]

When we did the Discovery show, our big problem was that I was making content. I was making. Yeah. I was making the vlogs, and they would want me to hold the content for, like, two months.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

But I was done with the vlog before we left the country from the show.

[C]

Or we just do it ourselves. We produce our own little show.

[B]

There's the idea.

[C]

We, you know, get some money together and we put together a show. Yeah, just like Alex Cooper just did that with Unwell, and she has a whole, like, dating show coming up.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know.

[C]

Maybe we should just go to Alex Cooper, huh?

[E]

Well, now you have me thinking. Maybe I'll be the bachelor on my own show. I'll make the rules where all clothes

[A]

have to stay on.

[E]

You have to keep your shirt on.

[B]

See what I'm saying?

[C]

You make the rules.

[B]

Everyone must watch the Spider man trailer.

[A]

Everyone must watch Spider man, the first activity into Marvel. That's really funny. There's, like, 13 girls. I watched 13 different Avengers movies with each of them.

[C]

That's really funny.

[A]

Today me and Cynthia are watching Civil War.

[C]

I'm telling you, it'd actually be really fun. It could be a fun thing to put together and, like, be a part of.

[A]

I mean, I get that. I think. Okay, that's another thing that is, like, something I just don't want to do, but I would be a part of, like, if a brand.

[C]

You don't want to put it together.

[A]

Yeah, I don't want to put it together.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But, like, I would happily be adjacent to you looking for somebody. I would also do it for myself because I think that's fun.

[C]

Oh, we do it together. We're both finding, like, separate love, and they're casting men and women. It's a whole, like, joint show.

[A]

Actually, I would honestly just rather watch you do it. It seems like a lot of work. Seems like a lot of work. And I kind of like the idea of, like, just being, like, on the Passenger, like, in the chair, coming in from time to the chair of Bachelor Nation. So you're gonna fuck my friend now in the honeymoon suite, huh? Well, the rule of our new show is I sit in that corner.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

Yeah, that's crazy.

[E]

Anyway, Spider Man.

[A]

Spider Man. I just watched the new trailer. Have you seen it, Jay?

[B]

No.

[A]

It broke the record for the most viewed trailer of all time in history for the first 24 hours. The previous record was held by Deadpool and Wolverine at 360 million views.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This did almost double. It did 700, like, 15 million views in 24 hours.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

It's crazy.

[A]

That's a big deal.

[B]

And what's the plot?

[A]

Basically, everyone's forgotten Peter Parker. Everyone's forgotten that Peter Parker is Spider Man.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So he's no longer in a relationship with mj, his best friend. Doesn't know who he is. It's like, ground. It's like, back to the basics of Spider Man. It's like his life is being restarted and so is kind of the. The series.

[B]

Okay. And I wasn't like, why have they forgotten him?

[A]

He had to, like, make a spell with Dr. Strange in order to, like, that's how the last movie ended is like, people had to forget that he was there because he was causing a lot of problems.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But. But I wasn't really, like, I wasn't too excited about the trailer when it first came out. Like, I wasn't, like, rushing to my phone because I've been so occupied with, like, Doomsday and Secret Wars. And the second I watched it, it's just, like, all came rushing back to me. Like, it was kind of crazy. I've never experienced anything. Like, I talked about it on my snap for, like, six minutes. I was just like. It just felt so incredible.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Did you see it?

[C]

The trailer?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

There's just, like, something so special about that movie. And, like, I got. I've gotten superhero fatigue because I've been seeing so many AI videos of, like, Spider man and Superman and all these superheroes that are, like, made by, like, random Chinese AI companies and stuff.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Where I'm just, like, over it. But then seeing, like, the actual officials thing, it, like, brought back, like, the reason I love Marvel. And I don't know, I guess I don't really have much to say other than the fact that, like, I am just so grateful to be in the timeline where I'm going to see Spider man eight days after my birthday. I think it's, like, a really perfect timing. It's incredible. I'm going to be 30.

[B]

And when does Doomsday come out?

[A]

In December.

[B]

Okay, so you got Spider man in the summer and Doomsday at Christmas.

[C]

I mean, what a year for Marvel.

[A]

Doomsday is going to be insane. Here is my theory for Doomsday, I think. So there's two more Avengers movies that are coming out, Doomsday and Secret Wars, Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think there's going to be a third one that we don't know about because, like, like, if you, like, if you. If you follow the Infinity War, like,

[E]

Infinity War ended with half of the Avengers being killed off. Right. Which led into end game. You would think that would kind of be the same thing that's going on in Doomsday, Secret Wars.

[A]

But I think in order for there

[E]

to be a new twist, I think there's gonna have to Be a movie that none of us know about yet. And I think that will be, like, the third and final.

[B]

And that's like, what, like 2028.

[E]

Yeah, 2028.

[A]

Wow. And then we're back and then.

[E]

And the whole MCU restarts again, which

[A]

poses my next question.

[E]

Jay, who are your top five superheroes?

[B]

Shane Dawson.

[A]

No, PewDiePie. Who are the top.

[E]

Who are the top five?

[A]

Or now, who do you think are

[E]

the top five superheroes that have, like, shaped superhero culture? That are, like, the Mount Rushmore?

[C]

Not for me personally, but just, like, for the general.

[E]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Like, who are the.

[E]

Okay, yeah.

[B]

The ones that are the most important.

[A]

Most important.

[B]

Not who I like.

[E]

Yeah, that. Who've made the biggest impact, Man.

[C]

It's a tough one.

[E]

Do you want me to say mine?

[A]

I'm so excited to share mine.

[C]

It's like.

[B]

No, that's okay.

[C]

Okay, wait. I have my five. I have my five.

[E]

Okay, go.

[C]

Superman.

[A]

Incredible.

[C]

Batman.

[E]

Incredible.

[C]

Wonder Woman.

[A]

Okay. She's important.

[B]

Catwoman.

[C]

No, I think Wonder Woman.

[E]

Jay, please.

[C]

Is much more.

[B]

Trying to name more girls culturally significant are worthy to be there.

[A]

Important. That's not what this is about.

[E]

This is not a gender thing.

[C]

Spider Man.

[B]

Captain Marvel.

[E]

Dude, you.

[A]

You almost. We almost had the same list.

[C]

I mean, I feel like it's pretty obvious.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

What about Iron Man?

[E]

I switched.

[A]

Iron Man.

[E]

I, I. Okay. What's your list?

[A]

Go.

[B]

Me?

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, I'm just going to do who I like.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

Thor.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

The best.

[E]

Iron.

[A]

Oh, just one.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

Iron Man.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Don't like Spider Man. Batman fogging.

[E]

Wait, can you say why you don't like Spider Man?

[B]

He's just, like, in that puny suit.

[E]

You hate that shit. You hate. I've noticed this about you. You don't like. You don't like teenagers.

[B]

Suit's so dumb. It's just like he's in this, like, weird, like, suit, and he's like, oh, golly gee. Well, wait a minute. I have all these powers.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[E]

You hate.

[B]

I hate that.

[E]

And you also hate music that's like, we're young.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[E]

Sports car in Malibu.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

Like, you hate that kind of music.

[B]

Oh, that Joe Vulpas music.

[E]

You hate anything that's, like, just, like.

[A]

Right.

[C]

So sad.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I hate that.

[E]

That's also.

[B]

Although I like Blink.

[E]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[E]

That's also a little bit different.

[B]

I mean, what kind of music does Spider man use? I don't really even know. Is that what he uses?

[E]

No, no, no, no. But I'm just saying it's like, in the same, like, vein of things. You just don't like things that are, like, rooted in, like.

[C]

Like.

[E]

I mean, it's like when I was in a relationship.

[A]

Right.

[E]

Yeah, you were always like, it's going to end. It's going to end. Because you just don't. You don't. You don't believe anything is real in that time period. Like, I think, like, something happened to you when you were 18 to, like, 25, where you were, got my heart broken. Oh, really?

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Oh, by who?

[B]

Oh, man.

[E]

This girl Shane, by the way. Superman, Iron Man. Spider Man.

[A]

Sorry. Go, go, go.

[B]

Yeah, he's got my hermit.

[E]

My dad.

[A]

Hold on, wait.

[B]

We talk about Spider Man. We're talking about.

[A]

No, no, I'm not talking about you. My dad said he's like. The one thing I don't like that you do on the podcast is when Jason has something to say, you make it very obvious that you don't want to listen to it.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Okay, I want to. I actually do want to hear this.

[E]

I actually enjoy the last podcast a lot.

[C]

Why don't you let him speak? Jesus.

[E]

I got to learn about you anyway. More about me, anyway. Wait, Natalie was listening to the podcast.

[A]

Sorry, we're gonna go back to this heartbreak.

[E]

I know, I know. This sounds like I'm doing a bit.

[C]

Wait, can we. You let him finish and then we can get to that, please.

[A]

Okay, but just remember that.

[C]

Yes, I already have it.

[A]

Oh, okay. Go.

[E]

You're genius.

[C]

Thank you.

[E]

What happened with Shannon? Shanna?

[B]

I just. I was in college.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I was like, you know, I was pretty vibing in college.

[C]

Wait, where'd you go to college again?

[B]

University of Massachusetts.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

And I was like. I was doing good in college. I was like, you know, doing good.

[A]

Were you a frat star?

[B]

No, I wasn't in a frat, but I had really good friends. I'd worked a Saturday Night Live. I was like, wow.

[C]

In college?

[B]

Yeah. I was, like, doing good, you know? I was like, man, I had a, like, bright future.

[A]

Wait, wait, wait. You worked at SNL in college?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, because I went. Was an intern.

[A]

Was that, like, a normal thing, though, like. Or did people think you were really cool for that?

[B]

People? I don't know if people thought it was. Yeah, people probably thought I was pretty cool for that.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I think. I think where I came from, people were like, what? How'd you get that?

[A]

Were you. Were you mentioning it every chance you got?

[B]

No, no, I'm not like that.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

No, but. But so Anyways, this is girl that lived across the street, was gorgeous. Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous. What?

[A]

I think she's hot.

[B]

Uh,

[C]

everything's about you.

[A]

She was like, I just need to. I need to see if I'm, like, feeling the story.

[B]

Yeah, you'd think she was hot.

[A]

Okay, Sick.

[B]

She was really pretty. But she didn't say anything. She was just. She never said anything. She was just like. So I was just in love with her. In love with her, in love with her. And then I started dating her. And, like, I don't think she actually ever liked me.

[A]

How long were you dating her for?

[B]

Probably, like, six months, Eight months?

[A]

Six, seven. And then when did you find out that it wasn't.

[B]

Yeah, and then she. Eventually, she just, like, dumped me. And I was crushed for so long, and it's just like. I was just really sad for, like, fucking, like, six months. It was really bad. I couldn't believe it. And after that, I was like. I was very, very, very turned.

[A]

How did she break up with you?

[B]

She's just like. I think she just, like, stopped calling me back. You know what I mean?

[C]

How long are you seeing each other?

[A]

He says that's not a real relationship.

[B]

No, it was a real relationship. In fact, I remember driving with her, being like. I remember being like, hey, do you even like me at all? And she was just like. Well, I don't know. Like, I guess she just never said anything. She's just really weird. It was just a classic thing of, like, liking somebody because they're really pretty and you're just like. But, But. But it's not, like, an actual thing there.

[A]

Like, you didn't like her even.

[B]

I liked her. I liked her a lot. I was in love with her.

[A]

Why are you sharing the story like you're making up everything on the spot?

[B]

I'm not. I'm telling you the story.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

This.

[E]

I mean, that.

[A]

Isn't that how it feels?

[C]

Well, I'm. There's a lot of, like, confusing twists and turns you're throwing in here.

[E]

Yeah, things aren't adding up.

[B]

Yeah, I dated this girl.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So you don't think she ever actually liked you?

[A]

Said it was the classic thing of liking someone that was really pretty. Like, it just felt like you just liked her because of her looks. So did you actually weren't in love with her.

[B]

I did like her, but I don't think I would. Maybe I was mature enough to realize, like, oh, like, we actually don't have, like, a good.

[A]

What is she doing now? I don't know. She's Scarlett Johansson.

[B]

I tried to. I got hired to write a story in a book once by my friend and the story was about her. And I hired a private investigator to track her down. And the private investigator came back and he was like, she doesn't want to talk to you. And I was like, okay, why did

[A]

he approach you directly?

[B]

Why did he.

[A]

Yeah,

[B]

because we wanted to talk to her for the story in the book. Oh, yeah. She said no.

[C]

Wow.

[E]

Huh.

[A]

Okay, now you fought your follow up question. Well, she kind of explains everything, I guess. Just now she's a fucking weirdo.

[C]

I was listening to the podcast yesterday because I wasn't here.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And I heard that your body count is eight people. That you've only slept with eight people in your life.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

That's crazy to me.

[B]

Why?

[C]

Because you're.

[A]

I wonder what people think of that.

[C]

I go, yeah, I wonder.

[B]

Well, let's be clear. Like, that's like actual sex.

[C]

No. For sure.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. But like, you went to college, you were at SNL in your 20s. You were in New York City in the 90s.

[B]

I wasn't getting laid when I was an intern at snl.

[C]

I know, but I'm just, I'm just.

[A]

Dude, you're kind of strange guy.

[C]

But.

[B]

Well, I don't know, because you lived

[A]

like such a cool life as you explain it.

[B]

What do you mean?

[C]

Like, it just feels like you were.

[E]

You were in the comedy scene.

[A]

I think you realize being funny, especially

[E]

in New York probably at that time

[A]

with those people, is like a superpower, right?

[C]

Yeah, like peak.

[B]

But I wasn't. I wasn't one of those people. I was the guy getting the coffee, you know?

[A]

But did you not believe in yourself?

[B]

No, you were. I didn't. Why do you think I'm sitting here across from you?

[A]

You were the guy getting coffee.

[B]

But like, never believe I would be

[E]

like, I'm the guy getting the coffee because I'm about to be like, you're there.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

How is that not enough for you? Were you that was that not like.

[B]

I mean, I don't know. I've never been much of a believer. I'm not like somebody that can like pick up chicks.

[E]

I'm pivoting.

[B]

I'm just not.

[E]

I'm just confused because you always. Because you do talk about this. Like, if I was an intern on snl, I would be like, I am one degree away from fucking making this shit. And like, right. You, you make it almost seem like you were like at the bottom of the ship just rowing with like a Hundred people. Do you know that analogy that I'm saying?

[B]

Right, right, right. And I did. I, you know, I don't know. I, I tried. I just, I got, I got it. I got an audition. I didn't get it. So then I was kind of like. That kind of ruined me.

[C]

No, but I'm just saying, like. But you were all that aside, like, you were still in an environment in

[E]

New York City, and you're still really

[C]

handsome with NBC, good looking, funny. Like, how did you.

[B]

But I don't, I don't feel that way about myself. I don't feel like, I'm like.

[C]

So when you went out, like, you just didn't. Did you go out, did you go.

[B]

Did I go out? No, we didn't have any money to go out in New York. We were so poor.

[C]

Okay, so what did you do?

[B]

I would just hang out with my friends.

[E]

What do you mean? You, you built fires under a bridge with logs.

[B]

When I lived in New York, we were just like. My friends and I were really poor, so we were just like. We didn't go to clubs. We couldn't afford to go to clubs.

[C]

You can go to the, you don't

[E]

have to go to the club.

[B]

What do you do?

[A]

What, what are you saying?

[B]

I'm just saying I, I don't, I, I don't know. I wasn't a big lady killer, that's all. I think that's pretty easy for someone.

[E]

I know, but, like, Alex has literally negative 50. Yeah, but he went to fucking college with.

[B]

No, he lives in a fucking mansion. What are you talking about?

[E]

Yes. Now this dude had sex like, fucking like he was a rock star in college.

[A]

What are you talking about? I'm just.

[E]

And I'm not saying I'm. I, I, I. Yeah, eight's a completely regular number. Yeah, I'm just, like, confused that, like, I'm confused at how you viewed yourself.

[B]

Well, David, you know how I view myself.

[E]

I know, and I'm confused.

[B]

I mean, you know me better than

[E]

anybody, but I thought I always in my head thought that view of yourself came, like in your 40s.

[B]

No, no, no. I've always been like this.

[E]

I've always had to have been some confidence in your, like, early 20s. And that's why I'm a little confused.

[B]

No, I've always had confidence issues.

[C]

I'm just confused.

[B]

Stems from my father.

[C]

Well, I don't think I know a man that's slept with less than 10 people other than.

[E]

I think that's also. I'm so curious what people say about this? Because I think a lot of people listening are gonna be like, that's a crazy number eight. Now we live in Los Angeles.

[A]

You're like, really?

[E]

You're really outing us here. No, but, like, you're doxing our location.

[C]

No, but, like, college, like, he went to college. People, People around. That's all you do in college.

[A]

My college friends body counts are like 40, 50.

[B]

I have to say, like, I don't

[C]

know if it's like, like, crazy.

[E]

That's fucking insanity.

[B]

I have to say, like, I just. My friends and I were not, like, banging chicks, but not.

[C]

That's not even banging chicks. That's like, that.

[B]

We just weren't like. So my thought process, like, we had, like, girlfriends.

[C]

That's what I was thinking. Like, were you just with the girlfriends, like, all the time? Like, yeah, okay. Because that, that makes more sense to me. But if you're, like, single in college, like, you're at least hooking up with one girl a year, you know, and that's already four people.

[B]

I wasn't, I just wasn't, like, in college. I just wasn't like.

[A]

Because it's just like, we're just grilling him because he didn't have more sex when he was.

[B]

I mean, I think you fucking lose.

[A]

It's like, we're going back to.

[B]

He's like, I, I just think I was just a little, like, slow. Like, I, I, I, I've always felt like. I've always felt like I didn't really mature until I was, like, 30. Like, when I was 25 and I had, like, a job.

[A]

Damn, I'm learning a lot about you in the last two.

[B]

When I was 25 and I had a job, like, when I had a job once and I used to mess up so badly at the job, like, common sense things. And they, and I'd. They'd be like, are you fucking stupid? And I'd be like, what was the job? I had a job at a news station, and I would, I would answer the phone and help everybody, and I had a job there. I would work, answer the phone, and I, and I would just, like, fuck things up and, and looking back, I'd be like, oh, my God, I was a fucking moron. Like, so dumb. I think, I think a lot of guys are really dumb until they get older.

[C]

Okay, that's fair.

[A]

Well, listen, I don't think. I wish we could just call a random viewer right now and just, like, hear their opinion on, like, what a regular. What an average.

[B]

What's your body count?

[A]

Mine's like, three.

[B]

Okay, so there we go.

[C]

No, mine's not high at all either. Granted, like, you're a girl. I'm a girl.

[A]

What's yours now?

[C]

Different, but I'm not going there.

[A]

Mine's not three either. Guys, n. It's like.

[B]

It's 400. It's pretty small.

[C]

400. It's really tiny.

[A]

Mine's four. That's probably, like, can I guess if I get it right on the money?

[C]

I mean, you know it. So, like, you should be able to guess it.

[A]

I think it's like, eight.

[C]

Interesting.

[A]

Is that wrong?

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

Oh, my God, it's 18. All right, well, yeah, I don't know. I guess, like, I just, like, always, like, I view you, Jason, in the 90s as, like, this complete stud.

[B]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[C]

Okay. I don't think that.

[A]

No, no.

[C]

Setting it up.

[A]

Interesting. I just, like.

[C]

I just still think that people in his position were, like, getting laid, even if they weren't. Even if you were. Position?

[B]

What position? I was. I wasn't in a position that I was like.

[C]

But you were still a part of the system. Like, you were still a part. You worked at NBC.

[A]

Yeah, you were like. You were like. You were a TikTok influencer in the 90s.

[B]

No, I wasn't.

[A]

You were part of the.

[B]

That's way different.

[A]

You're basically Sway House adjacent in the 90s. It's like, you had.

[B]

No, that. That analogy is not working for me. That. What are you saying? I was, like, a nobody?

[A]

Yeah, but you were, like, right next to, like, I assume, the kind of the pulse of, like, comedy.

[B]

Yeah, but that doesn't also, like, you. You've never been in the comedy scene. It's like, yeah, maybe.

[E]

Maybe.

[B]

You know what I mean? It's not like that.

[A]

Maybe I.

[B]

Only people aren't, like, partying. They're, like, writing jokes and, like, hanging

[A]

out, doing the Hollywood version of, like, yeah, here's Adam Sandler. Red carpet. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

[B]

No, no, no. And that. That's not. I'm talking about the comedy scene. That's not Adam Sandler. That's. I'm talking about you go to open mics and you're like. You're doing comedy every night, and you're like, hey, guys, let's go hang in a diner and write jokes. You know, like, it's different.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

You know, it's not like you're not getting drunk.

[A]

Also, there's nothing wrong with you not wanting to have sex with people. Let's make that clear.

[C]

No, for sure.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

It's just the way that you.

[B]

Bad move.

[A]

What's a bad move? Not having sex with people.

[B]

Having sex with people.

[C]

Having sex with too many people.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I agree with that.

[B]

Really bad.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

If I would. If I get anybody advice, I would give them that advice. It's just, like. People just expect stuff from you.

[A]

What? You said that. You said that to me yesterday. What does that mean, people expect stuff from you?

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

People get attached.

[A]

Yeah. Okay, Jay, that makes sense. Well, thank you for letting us grill you about that for a little bit.

[B]

Yeah, I just. I've always had confidence issues. It's just the worst.

[A]

My top five are Superman, Iron Man, Spider Man, Batman, and the one that you guys didn't have. Wolverine.

[B]

You like Wolverine?

[C]

I don't know anything about. I've never even heard of Wolverine until this new movie came out.

[B]

I think he's Hugh Jackman.

[A]

I think he's very pivotal. I think he's very pivotal in the superhero.

[C]

You think in the world or to the public?

[A]

What do you mean to the world?

[C]

In, like, in the superhero world? Like, in the Marvel world or like, to the public of the actual.

[A]

I think if it wasn't for the X Men movies, we wouldn't have a lot of the. We wouldn't have the mcu.

[C]

Okay, good point.

[B]

Yeah, I could see that.

[A]

So I think.

[B]

What about Deadpool? Deadpool too jokey for you?

[A]

No. No, I'm not saying what are my favorites?

[B]

Yeah. I'm asking you. Why come Deadpool's not in there?

[A]

Because he's not, like, a pivotal thing to the MCU whatsoever.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

Like, he's great, but, like, the MCU would very much exist without Deadpool.

[B]

Do people know when they hear that bong in the back that it's a pickleball?

[A]

Oh, do people hear that?

[B]

Yeah. I leave it in. I don't cut it.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Sometimes it's hard to cut, but yeah,

[A]

sometimes the pickleballs hit the glass. It's kind of funny that, like, while I do these, I'm kind of like a pickleball commentator. I don't. Without actually talking about the game, because I'm watching. I'm watching people play pickleball in the backyard the entire time we do this pod. It's really funny.

[B]

Did you hear raccoons are evolving?

[A]

What does that mean?

[B]

Means raccoons are making a motion to become pets, and their raccoons are doing a big push now to be domesticated.

[A]

What do you mean raccoons are making a big push? Like they've spoken out?

[B]

Well, if they could speak, they would have, but they are making a big push around the country. I saw an article about it actually, to be domesticated. And a lot of people are domesticating raccoons because if you think about it, a lot easier to be, you know, dogs. They became domesticated. The reason dogs are the way they are, it was a lot easier to be hanging out with humans all day than to go get your food. Raccoons are making a big push now.

[A]

So what's the problem with raccoons? They just go through your garbage?

[B]

There's no. Yeah, I mean, there's. I guess that's a problem with raccoons, but people are starting to, like, keep them as pets and stuff.

[A]

And it's, like, illegal as of now.

[C]

They're not domesticated.

[B]

I don't think it's illegal.

[A]

I'm shocked that, like, you can't domesticate really anything.

[B]

Like, I think if some states have different laws, but.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you see Tampa?

[A]

You're. You know, it's a. It's also illegal to communicate with a dolphin. Did you know that? It's kind of based off what I was saying.

[C]

I, like, fuck the dolphin.

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

Yeah, you can't. You can't try to communicate with a dolphin. It's like this.

[B]

You're making that up.

[A]

No, look it up. Yes, it is generally illegal to interact with or talk to wild dolphins in the US under the Marine Mammal Protection Act. Any act that disrupts their natural behavior, including calling, whistling, or approaching them, is considered harassment.

[C]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. And I think there's a lot of conspiracies that come along with this, and that's because people think they know things.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah. Interacting with wild dolphins is considered harassment, punishable by fines up to $100,000 in jail time.

[C]

I just think that has to do with the fact that they're, like, the cutest sea animal and people probably, like, fuck with them a lot. So they're trying to protect.

[B]

Oh, like, it's like, marine protected.

[A]

Like, people are hitting on them. I don't think that's how it works. You think there's laws like that?

[C]

No, I think people try to go, like, swim with them, touch them, play with them, and it's dangerous.

[A]

Or I think people try to go get information out of them. And dolphins are easily susceptible and manipulated to tell humans things that they shouldn't be telling.

[C]

Even if you just go up to a dolphin one time, like, to Try and attempt communication like you're not gonna actually have a breakthrough.

[B]

I wonder if anyone's gone to jail for it.

[A]

I think it depends who's watching. I feel like if I had, like, a week with the dolphin by myself.

[C]

Okay, a week is different.

[A]

I'd be able to break through.

[B]

Hey, speaking of how we've been flying so much, did you see Tampa outlawed pajamas? The Tampa airport.

[C]

I did see that.

[A]

I saw that.

[B]

Is that real?

[C]

No.

[B]

So what happens? I show up to the Tampa airport and I get a citation.

[A]

I saw a TikTok of this guy just, like, yelling at people for wearing pajamas as a joke.

[C]

But like, what. What. How do you define a pajama too? It's like, I don't think. Upset about.

[A]

Yeah, I don't know what that means.

[B]

It must be just like a piece of advertisement and not an actual law.

[A]

Yeah, like, you think that's so similar as to, like, the dolphins thing?

[B]

Yeah. Well, the dolphin thing, it probably is an actual law. That was.

[A]

Yeah. But it all done by environmentalists. But it still feels like a. Like a thing that's just like. Yeah, who gives a fuck? Like, no one's actually gonna cite you on this, right? I don't know what the. What is pajamas? Because they're like.

[B]

They don't want. You look like slob. Also, how did you deal with the toilets in Brazil? Normally, did you use the nozzle on your butt?

[A]

No.

[B]

Oh. Because in our hotel, we weren't allowed to use toilet paper. But the nozzle.

[C]

Wait, what?

[A]

Use me?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

What do you mean?

[A]

Excuse me?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Or you just weren't allowed to flush it?

[B]

You're not allowed to put toilet paper in the toilet? In the toilet?

[C]

Yeah. I mean, that was. Yes, I think that was true in our villa. And I don't think anybody.

[A]

You weren't allowed to put toilet paper in the toilet?

[B]

No. And so there's a nozzle next to the toilet, and. And I would use it, but it wasn't very strong, so I was complaining. And then I went over to your house at the Airbnb and I tried the nozzle and I was like.

[A]

You tried my nozzle?

[B]

Your nozzle was good. I went to your bedroom. Yeah, no, I just. I didn't even use it. I just was like walking by and I was like, oh. I was like, this is now. This is power. This will work. But at the hotel, there was no power on it. So you're just like. I don't know, just like putting water on shit.

[A]

Oh, I don't know. Do you think that those toilets that clean you are better than wiping?

[C]

I have one and I was really excited. I just got it.

[A]

I think that's really gross.

[C]

I don't think it's gross. I just don't think it's effective. Like, I'd rather just wipe and be done. Like, I don't want to.

[A]

Well, you have to do both.

[C]

I know. Well, technically, you're not. You're not supposed to have to. You're supposed to use the bidet, the water's supposed to spray, and then you're supposed to press the dryer and then it's. The fan dries. Your touch.

[A]

Shut the up.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I would never do that. In a million years, I would never do that. You got to do both.

[C]

I mean, I don't know what you got going on down there, what's coming

[B]

out of there, but, like, you should always say that.

[A]

Like, you're not fucking doing the biggest doo doo's on this fucking in this fucking house.

[C]

I'm not. I promise you.

[A]

You're literally queen of duties.

[B]

Dry your tush. How long does it take to dry your tush?

[C]

Well, that's the problem.

[A]

I've tried that drying the option. It's not really a thing.

[C]

No, it's not good. You have to, like, you have to find the right toilet that dries the right. It has the high powered dryer.

[A]

While we're talking about bathroom things. The one thing I wanted so bad, and it's like the biggest waste of water in the world, but I think it's so sick, is the. What?

[C]

You know, overflowing bathtub.

[A]

The overflowing bathtub is so stupid.

[B]

What is that?

[A]

I saw it at CES once.

[C]

Consumerism at.

[A]

It is the coolest thing. It, like, lights up from the side.

[C]

It's like an infinity edge bath.

[A]

It's an infinity edge bathtub.

[B]

Trying to imagine it.

[A]

The water just flows over the edge.

[B]

Yes. Yes.

[A]

So fucking cool.

[B]

Oh, you like that?

[A]

So cool. But you don't take baths for a reason.

[B]

Yeah. Because you don't have an infinity bath.

[A]

Because I don't have an infinity bathtub. I don't know if these things, like, are out on the market yet or they're probably not getting approved because, like, the amount of water that's. But then again, like, pools are overflowing a lot of the time, so I don't know what the problem is there, but yeah, I think it's like the biggest waste, the least environmentally friendly thing on the planet. But one of the coolest things I've ever seen. So that was my favorite thing I saw at CES. Like 2024 or something. Wow. So Kohler, whenever you actually come out with that, please hit my line. But yes. Back to those toilets. I don't believe in them. I do. Like a heated toilet seat.

[C]

Love a heated.

[A]

To the point where. How much are heated toilet seats?

[C]

Not that expensive, are they?

[A]

Like 80 bucks.

[C]

Like 50 bucks.

[A]

Really? Oh, I think everyone should switch over. It changes. Your life really changes. Yeah. Do you have a heated toilet seat at home? Okay, invest in one. I really worth the 50 bucks.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Because it gets you going. Well, you're looking at a guy who sits while he pees.

[E]

So most of the time, unless I'm in public, you know, like if I'm in my room, I don't even sit when I pee. When I'm down.

[B]

That is cleaner.

[E]

But like, it's just.

[B]

Shouldn't be embarrassed.

[A]

I'm not.

[B]

Okay.

[E]

I'm just trying to make it clear that I have stood before. I stand anywhere but my room.

[B]

My room.

[E]

I'm like always sitting down because it's just a comfy and I have a heated toilet seat. So when. That's when I go to a. Like a hotel and it's cold, it's. It's actually pretty crazy. Like the. The first like the change in that is insane. And then there's some nice hotels that even take a step further. Not only do they have heated toilet seats, but they have heated floors. And that is the craziest experience. Like, I've never wanted to fucking sleep on a bathroom in my entire life. There's one in London. I think it's like the Mandarin or something. It has heated to toilet floors.

[C]

Heated toilet floors, Heated toilet floors.

[A]

No overflowing tableau.

[E]

But Nat, do you sit while you pee or.

[C]

No, no, I like to stand. I like to just hover, honestly.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Here's something that you could probably be helpful with.

[A]

Oh, good.

[B]

Because you're like. Whenever I'm talking, whenever I'm talking to Wyatt, you always come up like all the time. You always come up as a reference point, which is what I think is really interesting.

[A]

Oh, okay. Like. Like he remembers something from his childhood.

[B]

No, no, nothing bad. Like.

[A]

No, no, I'm not saying it a bad way.

[B]

Yeah, no, like almost like. Like David's successful.

[A]

Why is that where your brain went?

[B]

Oh. Cause, you know, sometimes kids have bad memories.

[A]

Oh. O.

[B]

Okay. So here's this. Here's the dilemma. Go to stay in New York in the fall and keep. Keep being a College person.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Or go to London, stay in New York in the fall, be a college person and keep playing bands. Like, he has, like, gigs that he does all the time. He has a. You know, he plays gigs a few times a month. Or go to London for four months, do school over there and do gigs over there. But it's only four months.

[C]

It's a really good, Like a study abroad program.

[B]

Study abroad?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He got accepted to the. To the university over there, the sister school. And so his big dilemma, and we were talking about it all night last night, going back and forth, it's just like, well, what.

[A]

Like, that is actually a proper 50, 50 dilemma.

[B]

Because for some people, I think, like, going abroad, that's the best experience they'll ever have in their life. You hear it all the time. Oh, my God. I lived in France for four months and I spoke French and I. I ate French bread every day. But for him also, he's like, is it a. Is he. Should he just stay in New York and keep working on his music there? What do you think?

[A]

I think what you said is very accurate. Like, I think it will be great when he goes to London because it's gonna be different.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's going to have, like, the background of New York, whatever, and it's gonna be, like, exciting for him to meet people there. Like, I'm from New York and.

[C]

Right.

[A]

I think it'll just be, like, an interesting. He'll make a lot of new friends, make a lot of new connections, and maybe we'll meet somebody that he'd never meet before in New York. That changes his life. So. Yeah. But I. Especially when I think about New York, I always think about what JC said. If you can make it in New York, you can make it anywhere. And I think working at New York, like, and mastering the city of New York.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Is huge.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Like, I think. I think if you can. Like, it's like, it's. It's like. It almost feels like he's spreading himself thin.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

By going to lunch. It's like, okay, well, you've kind of done New York, but, like, fucking, like, you know, do it. Like, really do it. But that's why I'm saying it's a really good dilemma because I could also see, like, all it takes is one person, one interaction, one, like, lucky thing to, like.

[C]

But let's say that he does have, like, he finds this success in New York. He stays there, he keeps working at it.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

If he's not gonna have time to go do that, like, right now is probably the time, the most amount of time he'll have in his life to go do something like that and live in a new place, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So, like, taking advantage of that opportunity, I feel like, is, like, so invaluable.

[A]

Isn't it crazy that that decision, although is like a small one, is so. I mean, that's small, but, like, it's just like one decision. It's just so big.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So big.

[A]

Like, he could. He could move to London and he could fall in love with, like, some hippie and never, never do music again. Do you know? I mean, yeah, we could stay in. Stay in New York and nothing happens, or. And then vice versa. Goes to London, meets Paul McCartney's bandmate.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

John Lennon. I don't know.

[B]

I don't know if he'd meet John Lennon.

[A]

Yeah, he would be telling, but, yeah, like, it's just like, Ringo, maybe. Ringo. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of crazy. I wish, like, after you die, you can. You can kind of plug in things like that. Well, what if I moved to London when I was. When I was 22? What would have happened?

[C]

That was that book that I read, the Midnight Library. That's what it was all about. It was like, you could. When you were dying, you could go and relive different scenarios. Like, well, what if I stayed with my college boy?

[A]

You know, I started reading that book. I know, as part of my 75 day hard.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then I begged Ilya. I was like, can we just fucking not do the book thing? I was like, 30 days into reading it.

[B]

It's like, what's the book called?

[C]

It's called the Midnight Library.

[B]

And what's it about?

[C]

This woman, she's like, she's dying. She's dead, essentially. She's in hospital, she's dead. And then she goes, in her death, she goes to this place called the Midnight Library. And it's like, you know, in her consciousness, she goes to this library, and every book in the library, there's infinite number of books, and she can pick to relive a number of lives. What if I wanted to be a astronomer? And she goes and opens that book, lives that life for longer.

[A]

It's like, what if I. What if my relationship with this boyfriend worked?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What if I stayed with him instead of leaving?

[B]

Wow.

[A]

So what does she learn at the end of the book? Can you spoil it for us?

[C]

She, like, the whole Midnight Library just, like, crumbles. And she realizes that, you know, it's kind of cliche, but that she loved the life that she had, like, what she. Because she committed suicide. That's how she died. Oh, yeah. And so she hated her life so much that she committed suicide. So she goes to the midnight library to see if she can. If these other lives would have saved her and would have been so much better that she would have loved her life. And she realizes none of these other outcomes were that great because I stayed with the guy from high school, but then my dad ended up dying.

[A]

She sounds pretty miserable. She would have killed herself in every. Every option.

[C]

No, no, no. She had great options, but they just weren't. They weren't, like, as fulfilling, I guess, as she hoped they would be. And then she realized that the life that she had was. Was that. And she comes back to life.

[A]

Oh, okay. So she's not like.

[B]

I like that a lot.

[A]

Oh, so she's not like, my best option.

[C]

Well, read book. Say it again.

[A]

So she's. She's. She goes back, unkills herself, like, continues that life.

[C]

Yeah. Cause she just. She, like, wakes up out of her coma, essentially.

[A]

Oh, interesting.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Great read.

[A]

It does sound good.

[C]

Yeah. You should read books. It would be really good for you and your lack of vocabulary.

[A]

I suffer with that quite a bit. I just, like, can't do books.

[C]

You almost couldn't find the words there.

[A]

I. Protagonist with that. Yeah, no, I can't. I can't do books. I just. I don't especially. I just don't understand. What is the point? John almost can't even do movies anymore. John's like. I just. Because John watched the recaps on Tick Tock where there's a narrator that's like, this young boy suffered a car accident when he was young, which gave him powers. And, like, goes through the movie in, like, 15 minutes.

[E]

Wow.

[A]

So he's just like. So now, like, scroll through prime. And he's like, oh, I saw that movie the other day.

[B]

Ah.

[A]

And I was like, what? And he's like, yeah, I saw it on Tick Tock. I'm like, that doesn't count. It doesn't count. You saw. Yeah. So, like, that's kind of interesting. Yeah, I just. But I also never understood books.

[C]

It just helps with, like, literacy and, like.

[A]

Yeah, I get it. It's just not my cup of tea. And I've. And I've really, really tried. Only books I've ever read still to this day completely is A Series of Unfortunate Events. And I only read those because I liked how the pages were, like, cut at the end of it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They had, like, Fun, little brittle. And the books just looked. The books just look cool.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And it was like the first thing that was like a step one, step two, finish the 12 series. That's the only reason. But other than that, you read the whole series? I think I went like 7 in and didn't like the COVID of one. I was out.

[C]

Okay, nice.

[B]

How do we get Natalie on the Bachelor?

[A]

I think that's. That's the. That's the homework we're gonna give our listeners.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Please message the Bachelor people and just tell them that we have a really desperate woman over here.

[B]

We should just do it.

[C]

Also, I'm about to be 30. Like, I feel like it's, like the perfect thing.

[A]

It is. It is.

[B]

Yeah. Gotta get you. Gotta get you married soon.

[A]

Well, let us know, guys. Thank you for joining us on this pod. Very, very, very. Oh,

[B]

someone else die.

[A]

Guess who just DM me.

[C]

Oh.

[A]

Oh, my God. This is so sick.

[C]

Bachelor.

[A]

No. The creator of Fairly oddparents is turning 25 years old in a week. I'd love to be able to deliver a drawing to you for the 25th anniversary.

[B]

Wow, that's.

[A]

I'll come to you 10 seconds of your time.

[C]

Wait, what?

[A]

Wow. Are you kidding me?

[C]

Wait, how do you do?

[B]

How do you know this person is your life?

[A]

Yes. Yes, yes.

[C]

So cool. Damn, that's really.

[B]

Let me check my emails.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

See if I got anything sick. Oh, the IRS reached out. Amazing.

[E]

All right, guys, that's all the time

[A]

we have for this podcast. Thank you guys for listening, and we

[E]

will see you for the next one. Go watch Jason's daily vlogs and go get Natalie on the Bachelor.

[B]

Bye.

[C]

Bye.

[D]

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[F]

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