Police Can't Find My Porsche

Summary

VIEWS with David Dobrik & Jason Nash

Episode: Police Can't Find My Porsche
Date: September 12, 2025

---

Episode Overview

This episode of VIEWS features classic, freewheeling banter between David Dobrik, Jason Nash, and regular guests Natalie and Michael. The show swings from sexual humor and confessions about daily routines to David’s thoughts on social media, weird dreams, and a jaw-dropping story about Michael’s stolen Porsche. The episode is a blend of the hosts’ trademark goofy humor, vulnerability, and behind-the-scenes YouTuber life, punctuated with genuine gems on friendship, jealousy, and the chaos of modern LA.

---

Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. Opening Banter & Sexual Humor

• [01:04–02:19]
  The hosts immediately play off Views’ sometimes-raunchy reputation, joking about their fake “Squirt” podcast focused on “sex and AI.”
  • Memorable exchange:
    • Jason: “Is this Views or Squirt?” (01:33)
    • David: “It’s amazing and it’s doing really well… 50 people that listen, but they pay $3500 a listen.” (01:43)
  • The group jokes about being “horny AI superhero boy,” giving tongue-in-cheek pseudo-advice about sex.

2. Sleep and Dream Habits

• [09:00–13:30]
  Discussion shifts as David describes loving sleep, managing to sleep 12 hours a day, and the joy of lounging in bed. Natalie and the group share awkward/funny dream stories.
  • David: “I could sleep 20 hours a day… I only need to be up for four, like to go down and get food or something.” (09:20)
  • Natalie recounts a dream about a romantic party moment:
    • Natalie: “We’re sitting outside the party, just making out and stuff... then he’s like, let’s just go back to my place. That was just, like, my dream scenario.” (13:27)

3. On Relationships and Jealousy

• [13:30–15:10]
  Jason analyzes dreams (“She’s blocking the relationship by being at the party,” (13:56)) and shares a rare confession of envy about party invites. There’s a light exploration of personal insecurities and house envy.
  • Jason: “Sometimes I walk into your house and go, man, this would be nice.” (15:01)
  • David: “People just love their houses.” (15:19)

4. Naked At Home & Cold Plunge Debate

• [16:07–17:09 | 24:35–25:51]
  • Natalie reveals she often walks around nude at home:
    • Natalie: “I walk around fully naked… vagina. The boobs. It’s all out.” (16:17)
  • The group discusses home comforts, with David stating he doesn’t walk around naked because of housemates and cameras.
  • The conversation moves to wellness: saunas and the hype around cold plunges.
    • David: “I think [cold plunges] are disgusting... it’s weird to have a bathtub outside.” (25:08)
    • Natalie and Jason debate the merits, while David jokes about the social pressure to buy a cold plunge for his house.

5. The Porsche Gets Stolen — Michael’s Wild Story

• [18:09–22:23]
  Michael details how his Porsche was stolen within 20 minutes from a crowded LA shopping plaza:
  • Michael: “I come back 20 minutes later, my car’s not there… the car was stolen.” (19:07)
  • The thieves used high-tech methods to disable the car and tracking devices:
    • Michael: “They have an app that intercepts your signal and disables everything... the car, the AirTag, my headphones.” (19:52)
  • The police told him it’d likely be on a ship to Nigeria in days. The hosts express shock and riff about LA crime.
  • David: “There’s definitely a village somewhere just driving around Porsche Macans.” (20:17)
  • Michael: “This is the sixth car we’ve had stolen.” (19:38)

6. Chronic LA Stress & Jason’s Daily Anxiety

• [21:32–24:04]
  Reflecting on Michael’s misfortune, the group banters about LA life, car anxiety, and Jason’s ever-present worry:
  • David: “Jason’s in, like, forever hell here.” (21:44)
  • Jason: “Every phone call he assumes is bad news.” (22:04)
  • Jason tells a story about accidentally spraying “car cologne” on his neck at a car wash while vlogging.
  • Jason: “I sprayed car spray all over my neck... I was so sick the rest of the day.” (23:14)

7. Social Media Habits & “Close Friends”

• [25:51–29:06]
  David admits being more active on Instagram’s Close Friends than public posts, revealing it helps him feel connected without going out.
  • Jason laments not being added and laughs at the “nothing remarkable” content.
  • David shares a wild story about a girl posting a graphic bedroom scene to her close friends, highlighting the filter-free chaos of private stories.

8. Gym Renovation Drama & Nostalgia

• [29:06–32:15] Michael mourns people already destroying their newly built gym, and David admits seeing the space built ruined some of the “magic.” The group jokes about converting the gym into a movie theater or podcast studio.
  • David: “It’s like hibachi — I hate seeing the food cooked, ruins it for me completely.” (29:42)
  • Jason: “I’m so glad we’re focusing on abs and not comedy.” (32:15)

9. Sports, Game Competitiveness, and “John”

• [35:50–38:56]
  David describes dominating his sports circle, possibly out of a need for ego boosts. He shares an epic, frustrating tale of John failing at a generously handicapped basketball bet.
  • David: “I was screaming at John… He could have had $600… just get away from Adam and throw it up at the rim!” (38:09)
  • The group teases upcoming travel to the Philippines for John’s brother’s wedding.

10. Powerball Fraternity Prank

• [39:13–41:29] Natalie recaps a viral story where a Texas frat convinced pledges they’d won the Powerball by doctoring tickets and staging a fake celebration. David insists he would have checked the numbers himself and calls the prank “the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”
  • David: “There’s so many holes in this story... this just sounds like the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard in my life.” (40:50)

11. Avengers Salary Email (Fan Submission)

• [41:54–43:57] The hosts riff on a fan's satirical Avengers salary breakdown:
  • David: “I think Ant-Man [is] like... those YouTubers that secretly make a lot of money.” (43:34)
  • Jason (On Thor): “I agree with that — dude’s paycheck is literally beer, food, and free sleepovers.”

12. David’s Sweaty Hands & Medical Avoidance

• [43:59–45:06] Reading another submission, Jason asks why David doesn’t get surgery for sweaty hands:
  • David: “Every insecurity I have, I just like to complain about... To actually fix it, like, my sweaty [hands]? Nah.” (44:12)
    Natalie & Jason joke about their own medical routines and share banter on hair loss, stress, and wearing hats.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• David on social connection: “I could sleep 20 hours a day… I only need to be up for four.” (09:20)
• Natalie’s dream: “He waits for me until the end, and then... we’re sitting outside of the party, just making out and stuff.” (13:27)
• Michael’s car theft: “Within minutes, four or five guys come and it’s all done and gone.” (20:31)
• On LA anxiety: “Jason’s in like, forever hell.” (21:52)
• On sweaty hands/fixing insecurities: “Every insecurity I have that I complain about, I just like to complain about.” (44:12)
• On Avengers salaries: “I think Ant-Man [is] like... those YouTubers that secretly make a lot of money.” (43:34)

---

Timestamps of Key Segments

• Opening Laughs & Sexual Banter: [01:04–02:19]
• Dreams, Sleep & Routine: [09:00–13:30]
• Michael’s Porsche Stolen Story: [18:09–22:23]
• Close Friends & Social Media: [25:51–29:06]
• Gym Drama: [29:06–32:15]
• Basketball Stories: [35:50–38:56]
• Powerball Frat Prank: [39:13–41:29]

---

Episode Tone

The episode is playful, raunchy, and spontaneous. There’s plenty of self-deprecating humor mixed with sincerity, as the hosts open up about anxieties and LA living while never straying far from making each other—and the audience—laugh.

---

For Listeners

If you missed this episode, you caught the biggest laughs (and gasps) at Michael’s tech-savvy car thieves, Natalie’s detailed dream confession, and the hosts’ unfiltered, honest takes on jealousy, home life, and social media. Their blend of irreverence and real life continues to be the magic of VIEWS.

Transcript

[A]

I'm NFL linebacker TJ Watt and this is my personal best.

[B]

YPB by Abercrombie is the activewear I'm always wearing.

[A]

That's why I reached out to co design their latest drop. I worked with designers to create high performance activewear that holds up to my toughest workouts. Shop YPB by Abercrombie in store, online.

[B]

And in the app because your personal.

[A]

Best is greater than any.

[C]

When did making plans get this complicated? It's time to streamline with WhatsApp, the secure messaging app that brings the whole group together. Use polls to settle dinner plans. Send event invites and pin messages so no one forgets mom 60th and never miss a meme or milestone. All protected with end to end encryption. It's time for WhatsApp message privately with everyone. Learn more at WhatsApp.comviews.

[A]

What'S up, guys?

[B]

Welcome back to Views. We are back with another pod. I hope you guys are listening in your car, driving home from work. Wherever you're at, we're here to make you feel comfortable. Right, Jay?

[A]

Yeah, just. Just get ready. It's going to be a fun ride. It's going to be calm.

[B]

And if you're at home all alone.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Grab that bottle of lotion right by our bedside.

[A]

This is for the other platform that we do podcast on. Yeah.

[B]

Do get confused which pod we're recording.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Dave and I have an X rated pod that we do.

[B]

Is this Views or Squirt?

[D]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Squirt is on Fridays that we're.

[B]

Jesus.

[A]

It's amazing and it's doing really well.

[B]

It's doing really well.

[A]

Well, we only have about 50 people that listen, but it's not about that. But they pay 3500 a lot a listen. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Basically. I mean, how can we describe what we do on Squirt?

[A]

If you want to come listen to squirt.

[B]

Yeah, 100%. That is our tagline.

[A]

I mean, I'm feeling pretty gay this.

[B]

Week, so if you want. Well, what it is, is if you want to come first, you have to squirt. That's our tagline.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

It's pretty damn good. Should we start like a sexual only podcast?

[D]

Yeah, because that's what everyone wants to hear. They want to hear sex advice.

[A]

That's this podcast that is just about sex. Should we just rename pretty much Sex and AI?

[B]

Yeah, okay. Sex and AI.

[D]

Superheroes and AI.

[B]

That is kind of the way to describe me.

[A]

Yeah. Sex and AI. And I'm not Real superhero boy. Yeah. And disassociative personality. Wait, what did you say?

[B]

Horny. AI Superhero boy?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I haven't been that horny recently. I've been trying to cut back.

[A]

Oh, amazing. How are you doing that?

[B]

Well, I've just realized I've been doing. I've been. You know how people say, like, porn is bad for you?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I've got kind of a. I'm starting to understand that a little bit.

[D]

Yeah, for sure.

[A]

Explain. Explain that.

[B]

Well, it's just like. It's. It's become. It's gotten to the point where I'm just kind of, like. How do I say it? Like, a clean way. Doing it just to, like. Just to, like, kind of just do it. I don't even want to. Yeah, it's just, like, part of my day.

[A]

Just clean the pipes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know. I don't know if this is the best way to open the pod.

[D]

Yeah, I don't know about that either, but.

[B]

Okay, so. So I'm going to end the conversation here, but if you want to listen to more of this, it's on our new pod called Score.

[A]

Find [e-mail] I really do want to.

[B]

Start a pod like that. And maybe not even. Maybe just do episodes every week and not tell people where it is and have people find it. Maybe even change our voices.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Because you have, like, really good advice and insight.

[B]

Yeah. About sex.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Natalie, I am. I'm so well versed in that world.

[A]

How much do you think is too much sex? A week?

[B]

A week?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, it just depends, like, what stage of the relationship are you in?

[A]

What's a good amount? What's a good amount?

[B]

Yeah. Too much.

[D]

It's also like, are you in a relationship or are you just, like, single and having sex with random people?

[B]

Jason, this is a better question for you. You have friends, they've been married for 10 years, about your age, and your friend comes up to you and goes, yeah, we still have sex about four times a week.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What's your reaction to that?

[A]

I go, whoa, it's really good.

[B]

Is that, like, shocking? Shocking. How long were you married for?

[A]

It's pretty shocking. I was married for 10 years.

[B]

Oh, great. So year nine.

[A]

Yeah. It's still a few times a week.

[B]

Oh, what the.

[A]

Maybe two. Maybe two.

[B]

Oh, that's wild.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Natalie, you too. You're. You're that kind of your longest relationship, like, the last year. You're still going at least a couple times a week.

[D]

Yeah. But I'm, like, in my 20s. I feel like it's different.

[B]

I feel like a lot of people I know that have been, like, dating for, like, three years are like, yeah, we don't really do it that much.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Anything over three years.

[D]

I mean, I guess it depends on the person, right?

[B]

It is a very case by case.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

But I'm mainly speaking about people that, like, were hardcore at it in the beginning, and then they have kind of fallen off.

[D]

I mean, that definitely happens. Like.

[B]

All right, let me. Let me change the subject in case you're listening to this with your parents.

[A]

But you came out your dad's balls.

[B]

Yeah. Unless it's your stepdaddy, you're listening to this. Then tune into Squirt.

[A]

I went to the doctor today for my butt, and I was just kind of telling people about my weekend with Steve will do it. And the fucking place was. Their eyes were out of their head. They couldn't believe the stories I was saying.

[B]

Wait, excuse me. You went to the doctor with a bunch of older people?

[A]

No, they weren't. Yeah, they were all in their 40s. But I was telling them about my weekend at the doctor's office. Yeah, Yeah. I was just, like, talking shit at the doctor's office. They were like, well, what are you up to? We know you do YouTube. You've been there. It's where I go for when you hurt your leg, when you hurt your hip.

[B]

Okay. Yeah. You were, like, talking to the nurses and the.

[A]

Yeah, And I was just saying, like, oh, yeah. And then I did this, and. And then the guy was down, you know, 600,000, but then he won 800,000, and then he gambled, and it's a private room. And they were like, what?

[B]

What?

[A]

What? I'm like, yeah. And then there was a Lamborghini. Some guy gifted a guy a Lamborghini. They're like, what? What are you talking about? What video? Like, we have to see this video. Everybody was going ape shit.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

It gave me such validation because I was like this when I was there. I was like, this is crazy. But it doesn't feel like it's crazy.

[B]

No, no, no.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

That was a very crazy experience. Especially because we've had so many Vegas experiences, and that still felt so wild.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yo, I have a question. So imagine if you're an alien.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. So hear me out here. And this is a real thought I'm having, right? So if you, Jason Nash, went back in time and, like, there's a portal that opened up and you're like, oh my God, I gotta take something back with me.

[A]

Ready?

[B]

And you take back you quickly, you look around the room before you enter the portal and you pick up a flashlight.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And now you go through the portal and you're on the other side. It's the year 1100. And you're talking to all these people from this time period and they're like, what is this flashlight? What are the batteries? What's going on? They have no idea what you have. And then you are the person that has to explain it to them. You wouldn't know how to explain it. You wouldn't have the slightest idea of how a flashlight works.

[A]

I'm from the future. I'm from the future. We have these in the future. They emit light.

[B]

Yeah. Okay, so now.

[A]

Or I'd lie and go, it's magic. I'm, I'm a, I'm a wizard.

[B]

Yeah. But now I'm saying it's like, do you think there's ever going to be a moment or there's ever been a moment where there will be aliens in our solar system that are just regular aliens that don't know how to explain how they got like, they don't have a reasoning, like they took a wrong turn.

[A]

Okay. Okay.

[B]

And they just end up in our solar system and have to park on Earth.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And everyone is asking them like, what, what, what is this ship? But it's two 16 year old aliens and they're like, I don't know, I just, like I plug my antenna into it and then all of a sudden it works. Or like I fuck the transmission and then it turns on like whatever aliens do. Like there's a good chance that aliens can come to our Earth and it's just because it's just some young kids that stole a craft and like took the wrong turn through like a portal.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Do you know what I mean?

[A]

Are you pitching a movie right now?

[B]

No, but it doesn't sound like a movie. Like it's like aliens that don't really know how their technology works and we can't reverse engineer it because it's just like so not in our law office.

[D]

I mean, I mean something like that has happened. Not like two 16 year old aliens.

[B]

That are like, yo bro, we're here, like surfer aliens. Oh, at least there's waves, bro.

[A]

You would deduce, you would say like, oh, you don't have this here. You don't have a spacecraft. Or they would say, we don't have this here. And then I'd say, well, we have it back where I'm from. See the portal I just came through and then you would assimilate and then everything'd be fine.

[B]

Why?

[D]

Well, I just don't know. Like, is there an answer to this question? Thank you.

[A]

I'm trying, Natalie. I'm trying. This is the most Wednesday David question ever. Posting day after posting the vlog. He gave. He gave it all yesterday.

[B]

I mean, I'm really like to the most incredible maxed out juice.

[A]

I know you.

[D]

I'm like tingling. Like I can feel the blood going through my. From my toes to my fingers because.

[A]

What are you feeling right now? You. Both of you. Because I'm. I'm pretty rested.

[D]

I'm just like tingling. I didn't. I couldn't go to bed. I'm like jet lagged. I feel jet lagged right now because.

[A]

Went to Vegas on a half hour flight with no time change.

[D]

No, I know, but. But our sleep schedule has been so fucked that I feel like I'm in a different time zone. My body's like.

[B]

I feel like weak. I feel really like I don't feel good at all.

[A]

How much you sleep today? Like what? What?

[B]

I slept a lot. I slept like 12 hours.

[A]

That's. Oh my God.

[D]

You slept 12. I slept for six hours. How the fuck.

[B]

I mean, I could sleep. I could sleep. I could sleep. I genuinely don't understand people that wake up because I could genuinely sleep. I could sleep 20 hours a day. I only need to be up for four. Like to go down and get food or something.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I have no reason to be up. I don't really care. I could be in bed all day. I'm not depressed. I just love sleep. I love cuddling in my little bed. I got, I got two blankets I use.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

What goes on in there? So not sexual stuff. I mean, like what goes on in your dreams? Yeah, it's there for squirt. What goes on in there? Like in terms of like your dreams?

[B]

I don't really dream much. When I do, like. Yeah, it's pretty rare that I drink.

[A]

I think you do. You just don't remember.

[B]

Maybe. But even when I do, it's like, whatever. It's a fucking dream.

[A]

Is it a solid 12 hours? You get up to pee?

[B]

I get up. I pee like six or seven times a night.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. Yes. Oh, wow. I pee a lot. I go through like five bottles of water a night.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Cause if my throat like dries up, I start to panic. So I need to keep it constantly lubricated.

[A]

That's why you're not dreaming. You're not hitting that REM sleep.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. Because you're getting up to pee, you should drink less water. Or at least later, earlier in the day. Drink it all so you can sleep down. Hmm. What else goes on in there? Who else jumps in your dreams? Any like, celebrities, any girls or anything like that? Any famous? If you could have one girl in your dreams, if you could program a dream right now, what would it be?

[B]

That's a question. And it's just non sexual. It's just like, I'm just talking to them.

[A]

Yeah. You're like, that's no fun.

[B]

Yeah. What if I could just have a random girl?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Can I just do a person from history?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Jesus Christ.

[A]

Oh, you'd like to sit with Jesus?

[B]

Yeah, 100%.

[A]

Oh, that'd be sick. Imagine Jesus on the vlog. Huh? Imagine Jesus on the vlog.

[B]

So good, because it'd be like having. I mean, but he's fine. I already had him. It was kinda like David Blaine, right? Like the water to wine Shit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you think if the closest. Do you think if Jesus was on the vlog, he'd be like really preachy about it or he'd understand, like the platform he's on?

[A]

No, I think Jesus be hilarious.

[B]

I think so too.

[A]

I think he'd have like a sense of humor about it.

[B]

I don't think he'd be like coming in and he'd be like, like a, like a pope.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you know I mean. Yeah, he's talking like that. I think he'd be like, Jay, dude, you got to, you got to. You got to talk to your kids, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think he'd be chill.

[D]

My favorite kind of dream is like when you have a crush. Like when you're crushing somebody and then they're in your dream and then you wake up. I have one of these dreams, like a couple days ago, and it was like my dream, like it was just like my dreams knew what the was up and they knew exactly what to give me to make me feel so great in the morning when I was dreaming back. Wait, why are you saying that?

[A]

Was it a real person or a.

[D]

Please delete that.

[A]

Was it a real person or a celeb?

[D]

Yeah, no, it was a real person. It's like this guy that I've been talking.

[B]

Who you've been talking to? You've been talking to a real guy? Yeah, yeah. Right now you're getting catfished. Who are you talking to?

[D]

No, I'm Talking to a guy.

[A]

Okay, so what happened? What did he say in the dream? Whoever it is?

[B]

I don't know what you're talking about.

[A]

He was like, yo, Natalie, you want to have some pasta? This is what I imagined.

[D]

Yeah. What's my dream dream?

[A]

Do you want to watch Bridgerton? Is that what he said?

[D]

Basically, we were at. We were at this, like, big party.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

And all my friends are there. Like, everybody from here and everybody from, like, Vernon Hills, you know, like, all my friends.

[A]

Oh, fun.

[D]

And it was a really big, fun party, and we. Are you falling asleep on me?

[B]

No, I'm listening.

[D]

Okay. And then. And I was like, yeah, come meet us at this party. Whatever. It'll be really fun. Whatever. So we go to this party, and he, like, shows up on his own or whatever, and then he's just, like, kind of hanging out with me and whatnot, and he leaves to, like, go to the bathroom or something, and he can't, like, get back into the party. And he was like, don't worry, like, you have fun with your friends. I'll wait here until everything's, like, done. Blah, blah, blah. I'll wait. I'll wait. So I'm, like, hanging with my friends. Whatever. We're talking. Whatever. And he's, like, meeting all my friends. We're, like, making out a little bit. He waits for me until the end, and then I come back out and I'm like. I'm like, I'm so sorry. I don't know how to, like, get you into the. I can't get, like. We can't get back in. And so we're late. We're sitting. We're sitting, like, outside of the party, just, like, making out and stuff. And then. And then. And then he's like, do you want to just, like. Let's just go back to my place.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

We'll order some food, and we can just, like, hang out and. And then whatever. And then we. That's kind of where the dream ended. But that was just, like, my dream scenario.

[A]

I could. I could chop that dream up in a second. How about you, Dave?

[B]

What do you mean, chop it up?

[A]

I mean, like, you could. You could see what that dream means. Decipher that dream.

[D]

What does that mean?

[A]

What can you see? Can you see it? I see it.

[D]

What does it mean?

[B]

Yeah. What, that she doesn't want party. She wants relationship?

[A]

No, no. That she's, like. She's blocking the relationship.

[B]

By being at a party.

[A]

By being at a party. Yeah.

[B]

Well, he kind of met at a party.

[A]

No, no, that. That's basically saying, like, I'm putting my social life first. I'm never gonna let this go. And so in the dream, he's like, oh, wait. Which would never happen.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I don't think it's like that.

[A]

Well, what do you think it's like?

[B]

Well, I just know the situation in real life.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And I think Natalie's.

[A]

What are you gonna say?

[B]

I think Natalie's just scared to pull the trigger because she doesn't want to tell him. She's scared to tell him that she's a man. I'm kidding, dude. I don't know. I'm really loopy, guys. I'm really loopy. I'm trying to lock in. I just.

[A]

It's okay. I got really jealous last night.

[B]

What happened?

[A]

I saw this guy I know. He makes really. He makes really funny Instagram videos. He was invited to the Leonardo DiCaprio Paul Thomas Anderson premiere. I was like, damn, really? I wanted to go to that.

[B]

He makes Instagram videos.

[A]

He's really funny. He makes really good ones. And I was like, damn, I want to go to that.

[B]

You ever been jealous of me?

[A]

Not really.

[B]

Because we're so far in age, I.

[A]

Can'T say I'm jealous of you. Sometimes I walk in the house and I go, man, this would be nice. Really?

[B]

I feel like you really like your house.

[A]

I love my house so much.

[B]

Do you?

[A]

I do. I love it. I think it's great. It's. The proximity to the kids is nice. The proximity to the school is nice.

[B]

Matt, do you like your house, too?

[A]

Your house is great.

[D]

Yeah, I love my house.

[B]

Must just be, like, a house thing. People just love their houses.

[D]

I mean, I, like, definitely yearn for something better, but, like. Like, I don't think it's my forever dream home, obviously, but I like. I like my space, and I like that it's all of my things, and I like. It's the way that I set it up, and it's like, my comfort.

[A]

You ever go over there, Dave, to date Natalie's house?

[B]

No, I just. I like to keep my peace.

[D]

That is funny. You never come to mine.

[A]

You used to go over there quite a bit.

[B]

Yeah, well, I mean, what would I do if I went over there?

[A]

Go in her big closet, which is so cool. Hang out there.

[D]

My bedroom is, like, really nice for watching movies.

[B]

I think it would be nice if I got out of the house more.

[A]

You should rent the back, Nat.

[D]

I don't want a fucking weirdo living there.

[A]

Doesn't matter. It doesn't have to be a weirdo.

[D]

But, like, how do you know someone's not weird?

[A]

Literally, get somebody who, like, hangs out here to live there. Get a guy. Get a guy so you have a little protection.

[D]

I like, when I'm home, I'm naked.

[B]

Oh, I know you're not.

[A]

Yeah, so is Naveen.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

You little girls walk around naked. It's really weird.

[B]

You're fully naked.

[D]

I walk around fully naked.

[B]

Your boobs are flying around.

[D]

Vagina. The boobs. It's all out.

[B]

Your boobs are your vaginas.

[D]

My boobs are 100% out. I do have under on most of the time, but.

[B]

Okay, I was going to say, but.

[D]

Like, I would say 50% of the time my underwear is on, but the time it's not.

[B]

That's crazy. I don't walk around naked in my house.

[D]

Well, you have. You live here with, like, random people.

[B]

No. No. Even when I know I'm alone. It's just because, like, I. There's cameras in every room. Jason, what's your opinion on cold plunges and saunas? I just got a sauna.

[A]

I used to love when I could go to the sauna, but I. I quit that gym. That gym was so expensive, so now I don't have access to one.

[B]

What gym? I'm sorry I didn't bring Equinox. I didn't want to bring up a sore subject. Oh, Equinox is so expensive. How much is it here a month? I think it's going to blow people away that don't live in LA or New York.

[A]

It's $300 a month and you can't.

[B]

Park, which is insane.

[A]

Yeah, dude, you can, but it's really hard.

[B]

Dude, you know what happened at that parking spot, right?

[A]

What?

[B]

Should we have him in? He's right here.

[D]

Oh, yeah, sure.

[A]

What happened?

[C]

This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Checking off the boxes on your to do list is a great feeling. And when it comes to checking off coverage, a State Farm agent can help you choose an option that's right for you. Whether you prefer talking in person on the phone or using the award winning app, it's nice knowing you have help finding coverage that best fits your needs. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

[B]

Lowe's knows you've got a job to do and we help get it done with the Milo's Pro Rewards program. Eligible members save more with volume discounts on qualifying orders through a quote of $2,000 or more. Join for free today. Lowe's. We help you Save offer can't be combined with any other discount contract and. Or special pricing exclusions. More terms and restrictions apply. Details@lowe's.com Terms subject to change. So, Jay, listen to this story. Okay.

[A]

Okay, I'm ready.

[B]

So Michael's here. He helped us build the gym. He did an incredible job. He's also Ella's dad.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Ella used to work with us. Good. We. We were just talking about Erawan and Equinox, and Jason goes, it sucks to park there. Michael has a great story of what just happened to him. Have you not heard this?

[A]

No.

[B]

Are you sure?

[A]

Yeah. No, I really haven't.

[E]

So while David was whipping me into shape here, I was here from 6 to 8 and 8:30. I thought, I'll pick up some dinner on the way home.

[A]

Sure.

[E]

So I ordered some food from. Let's go to Ovo.

[A]

Erewhon.

[E]

Erewhon.

[A]

Oh, Wavo.

[B]

It's right next to it. It's in the same plaza, which is a horrible parking lot. It's like 100 parking spots, which isn't a lot because it's like a really busy place. And you have to. You have to valet your car. You have to go through, like, two of those gate thingies to get in. It's like, ridiculous.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Okay, so I. I park right in the middle. The cars on either side of me.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Go into OVO, pop into Air1 to get some juice.

[A]

Yes.

[E]

Come back 20 minutes later, my car's not there. I'm like, when I'm sure I parked here, you think I'm crazy. Then I walk away and I look again, like, no, I look in my app and it's been disabled. The car was stolen.

[B]

Someone stole his car while he went into air.

[E]

Fifteen minutes.

[A]

Oh, no.

[E]

So I called security and they were like, oh, well, we're not liable. You know, you park here at your own risk.

[A]

But you left the key for the valet.

[E]

No, this wasn't valet. I just parked.

[A]

Oh, you just parked. Okay.

[E]

And I said, is this common?

[A]

Yes.

[E]

Well, this is the sixth car we've had stolen.

[D]

Jesus.

[E]

Crazy.

[D]

Crazy.

[B]

Yeah, it's not. It's not. It's a really nice Porsche, too. It was just completely removed from the parking lot. And Michael, you were saying that these guys have an app.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Then they have an app that apparently they can intercept your signal and disable everything on the. They disabled the car. They disabled the airtag. They disabled my headphones.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[E]

My home Internet police the next day. And they were like, well, we reckon about three or four days it's gonna be on a container on the way to Nigeria. Seriously?

[B]

Wow. We should take a flight to Nigeria.

[D]

See where all these cars are ending up.

[B]

Do we know? Yeah, this. There is definitely a village somewhere or a town just driving around Porsche Macan's.

[E]

So the thing to remember is, according to them, they have a scout, a guy that sits in the parking lot and sees what's happening.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

And when they see a target, like within minutes, four or five guys come and it's all done and gone.

[B]

Wow.

[E]

And they're aware of it. And they wouldn't show me any video footage. They said, oh, no, only the police can ask for it. And the police says they don't. Too many stolen cars go after everyone.

[D]

Wow, wow, wow. So now we're getting a new car. How does that work?

[A]

Natalie. That's a. Natalie, you want to buy.

[E]

Me a new car?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Surprise.

[B]

Mine got a new car.

[E]

Can I use your own Tesla with the milk smell in it?

[B]

Yeah, please. Honestly, take it.

[A]

How does that Toyota Corolla sounds?

[E]

I'm lucky. Right now I've got Ella's car because she's away in a couple of weeks. I'm up.

[B]

Wait, wait. Are you going to. Can insurance pay you out something big? I always get excited about the insurance payments for stolen cars.

[E]

I don't know. I'm waiting to find out. I filled in all the paperwork.

[A]

We're just waiting for, can someone steal my car? Yeah. Really?

[D]

You have to get a new one.

[E]

The other day I was honking, but you didn't want to look up.

[B]

No, Jason can't really. Jason can't see when he's on the road.

[A]

He can't multitask either.

[B]

And he's always like, if you. If you do run into him the next to traffic, he's stressed out. Jason's like, forever. He's like, I feel really bad for him. He's just like. I think you know how people say, like, earth is actually hell? Jason's in, like, no, Jason's in like, forever hell here. I don't know what it is.

[A]

I'm in forever hell. It's.

[E]

It's really true.

[A]

It's really the college payments that's in.

[B]

The constant anxiety and it's constant like. Like. Like some. Someone's about. Like there's like a shooter. Like. Like if there's an assassin after him.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

He's always looking over his shoulder.

[A]

I'm ready.

[B]

Every phone call he assumes is bad news. So I. I like Charlie. Even. I.

[A]

What's up?

[B]

Yeah, Really? I Have to tiptoe around. How I tell him, like, really cool things. Like. Like, right now, I was like, steve will do a text of me, something funny. I was like, yo, guess what? Steve just texted me.

[A]

And he goes, what can I tell you?

[E]

When I. I was perpendicular to Jason. So his car is there, and I'm facing this way.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

So I'm facing him. I'm honking, and he's at a traffic light, and he's like this. I honked again.

[B]

Yeah. Head down. Head down.

[E]

Literally for five minutes, and he would not look up. Either you thought someone was up to him or.

[B]

I don't know. I think Jace is a computer program, and I think when he's driving around, he's on standby mode, and he doesn't turn on till he's here.

[A]

Everything's so bad.

[B]

That's how it is.

[A]

Like, I even went into the car wash yesterday, and. And it's just, like, I was. I started to freak out about, like, all the toxins that are, like, there. Like, Well, I. First of all, I made the mistake of I saw some cologne, and I was like, oh, cool, Let me spray some cologne. Try this cologne out at the car wash. Yeah, but it wasn't cologne.

[E]

Seriously.

[A]

It wasn't human cologne. It was car cologne. It was car spray. So I sprayed car spray all over my neck.

[D]

I mean, I don't know why you're sampling colognes at the car wash. You.

[E]

Can'T get the smell out of the car. Forget about putting it on yourself.

[A]

I was shooting. I was shooting a vlog, and I was like, oh, I'll take a little. And I thought it would be funny, so I, like, walk through it. And then I was, like, so sick the rest of the day.

[B]

You are a really interesting person. I really can't wrap my head around it really.

[A]

Is the two kids. The two kids just a constant worry.

[B]

But they're, like, pretty old. Dude, you make it sound like they're, like, 12 years old, running around New York City with scissors, but they don't have jobs.

[A]

Yeah, they cost a lot. And then it's like. Then I got the wife, you know, I got to make sure she's happy. And I got my mom, and she's worried about people.

[B]

And you have an ex wife and the ex.

[A]

Yes, that's constant. Damn.

[B]

I guess that is really tough.

[E]

David takes care of your mom, right?

[A]

Yes, David does send her a check every month, which is really nice.

[B]

So that should be one orientality.

[A]

And my mom won't give me any of it.

[D]

That's my David.

[B]

Ten G's a month she won't share with Jason.

[D]

Ten G's.

[B]

Well, all right. Thank you, Michael.

[A]

Thank you so much, Michael. Hope you get your car back. I went and I prepared a list here, Natalie, today, of topics for Dave, and I actually interviewed a bunch of people around the house. Yeah. And I got a little gossip, inside scoop as to what's happening.

[B]

Kimmy, what happened?

[A]

Well, number one, I heard you got a sauna in your gym.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

John was raving about that.

[B]

Well, that's how this. That's how this conversation started about Michael's car being stolen. But I got a sauna.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I like to get things that the community likes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And the community seems to be liking saunas. Everyone is begging me to get a cold plunge. Ooh, begging me. I think they're disgusting. Like, I think when I see a cold plunge, it's like. I just think it's weird. I think it's weird to have a bathtub outside.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's all. It's just like, just going in and.

[D]

At one after the other. It's like, it. I agree. It's kind of gross.

[A]

Prepping the ice, pouring the ice out, and then it ruins.

[B]

Well, it's. There's no ice. It's not like it's really cold water. No, it's. It's like.

[A]

It's like a. Oh, it's a tropical plug. Oh, I see. I see.

[B]

But I just think it's gross to just, like, have a tub sitting outside. But everybody swears by. Everybody says, like, it changes their life. And I'm like. I just can't really wrap my head around it. Like, what can it possibly do to your life that much? Where it's, like, that big of a difference. And it's going to. It's about to get cold outside. So, like, the pool will just be a cold plunge if someone really needs to use it. I'm just not a cold punch guy.

[D]

That's fair.

[B]

I mean, I post on my close friends yesterday. I'm in cold plunge. And, like, everyone was like, yo, get that fucking cold punch. Get that cold.

[D]

You know, it's so funny, David. Like, David doesn't really post on Instagram that often, I feel. But this man is so active on his close friends.

[B]

I post every day on my close friends. I like close friends because it's just like you. I can actually. Actually see who's watching it.

[A]

I don't think I'm on the close friends. I'm definitely not. Wait, what? Because I I'm like one of the first people that would want to know what you were up to.

[D]

Yeah? Yeah.

[B]

Oh, that's crazy. I post like six times a day. You do? Yeah.

[A]

Oh, man, I've been missing out.

[B]

Oh, okay. I'll put you on there. It's not for any other reason. I just like went through it real quick and I just selected.

[A]

I know you're just talking about Jason.

[B]

I just selected the hottest girls ever. No, no, no, no. Yeah, it's all about Jason. I have to work with this. You're on my close a day. It's just different angles of you. Look how fat and ugly this guy is today. Can we to record another pod? No, I'll throw you on there. It's not like really anything remarkable.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But it's just funny.

[D]

Like, it's just like, he'll just like upload a casual story, you know, it's just like him doing something silly or something.

[B]

I never understood close friends.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I never understood until I started doing it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It felt like I used to like going out like a lot, like to the clubs because I felt like I was connected with like my LA friends.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was like, oh, this is nice. It's nice to show face. And like, I don't feel the need to do that ever now with close friends. Like, now close friends. I feel like I'm. I'm just connected to those people.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And like, I'll see that they're opening and I'm like, oh, great. They'll respond to and I'll be like, here I am chatting with them and.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it just feels like I'm like keeping in touch with my close, like literally close friends.

[A]

Yeah. I'm always honored when I get picked on a close friends. Like I got a. I got a Harry Chowsy close friends once. And I was like, oh, Jason.

[B]

Oh, yeah. It is really cool. Like a bigger influencer, like a celeb. Oh, yeah.

[A]

And then sometimes I see stuff on close friends that I'm like, this is how the person really thinks.

[B]

Oh, my.

[A]

But they won't put it publicly. Yeah, that's really interesting.

[B]

Dude. My friend had the craziest close friends yesterday. Yeah, it was. This is. She's a girl. This is insane. She. She goes. She had apologized the next day. She didn't apology video to her close friends.

[A]

Those.

[B]

It was her on the bed. It was her on a bed. And it was three girls. She's one of the girls. And one of the girls was like ass up laying down. And the other Girl was eating out the other girl from the back, and she was, like, laying there naked next to the girls.

[D]

Wait, she posted on purpose?

[B]

Yeah, it was her close friends.

[D]

And why are you saying that? Like, people are just posting their nudes and on their close friends.

[B]

Wild. What? And then this happened.

[A]

Like, is this what's on your close friends?

[B]

Yeah, it's me jerking John.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

No, no, no. And then the next day, she posted. She's like, yes, that was real. I'm so sorry. I was really drunk. And she's like, I'm still drunk, but I was even more drunk when I posted it. So I'm sorry.

[A]

We know it was real. We saw it with our own eyes.

[B]

No, it was fucking wild. When you're on Instagram, you're not expecting anything like that. So I was clicking through it, and my eyes, like, literally were like, what the fuck is going on?

[D]

That's crazy.

[B]

But, yeah, close friends is just like a whole nother, whole nother world.

[D]

It really is.

[B]

It's kind of cool. I'm really glad I came to it. Okay, what else do you have on your gossip around the well, Other news.

[A]

In David Gossip, Michael is concerned that people are already destroying the gym.

[B]

Oh, yeah, Michael, who was just in here being interviewed.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I went into the gym today, and there's, like, seven people working out. I don't think the lifespan there is going to be too long before things start breaking.

[D]

No, for sure.

[B]

It's like one of the. It's one of those gyms that, like. You know what I hate? I hate that I watched it get built.

[A]

Do you.

[B]

Do you agree with that? It makes things feel, like, not as cool for some reason.

[D]

Yeah, you know that. It's just like, some glue and wood and things like that. Like, at the end of the day.

[B]

It'S like, it's not special. Like, it looks really magical when the final project is done, but it's like. It's like being. It's like being at Hibachi. Fucking hate being at Hibachi because, like, I hate seeing the food cooked. It ruins the food for me completely. I'm like, oh, this just started out as fucking raw meat. Like, it doesn't.

[A]

You don't think hibachi's fun?

[B]

No. No.

[A]

You don't like to see the food cooked?

[B]

No, no. I'm not saying, like, if I could choose to go to a restaurant where it's done or hibachi, I'm gonna choose done every time. I don't, like, hate Hibachi where I'm like, get me out of here.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I never want to. I never want to do it. And, like, this jam I watched get built for, like, four or five months, and it completely ruined the magic of what the final product looked like. The final product to me looks like a million dollar 2 million renovation. Like, it looks in incredible and insane. But, like, I saw them, you know, I literally saw them glue things to the wall.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

So I'm like, what? Like, there's just, like, really, like, hot glue guns. Put this together or what? Whatever. They. I don't know what they actually use, but it does ruin the magic. But, yes, I'm scared it's gonna be destroyed.

[A]

It's a little too nice of a gym, really. Just. Just the things that you chose are just like. Like the moss wall and, like, the fact that it looks like Nobu in there and the carpet is. It's gorgeous, but that just, like, makes.

[D]

You want to work out, I feel.

[A]

It's like, oh, right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There was.

[B]

There was part of me that was thinking, like, wow, now that we have this, because there's a big screen. There's a screen that's like 12 by 18ft or whatever. It's huge. So I was thinking to myself, I was like, why don't we just fucking lose the gym equipment or just put it back in the old gym and make this a movie room?

[D]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I would kill for that.

[B]

Yeah. A big movie room.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

It'd be epic.

[D]

It would be epic.

[A]

Or a podcast studio.

[B]

Jay, let's not get ahead of ourselves. Yeah. Yeah. How did you feel going in there in the podcast studio?

[A]

Awful.

[B]

I made a video.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I made this video a while ago when we started building the gym. Just because I changed the podcast studio.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Does not mean it ruins our chances of ever doing podcast video. That studio was never going to see the light of day in my eyes ever again.

[D]

It was going to get redone regardless.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. It was never going to look like that because that's not the vibe for our podcast, in my opinion.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So, like, I don't want you to think that just because the gym came in there.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Jay had all these good jokes I didn't want to put in the vlog.

[A]

Why did you put them in the vlog? They were so funny.

[B]

Well, one, I didn't make it clear that that was a podcast studio. So people. People didn't know.

[A]

Right.

[B]

They didn't know that. But two, I also didn't want people to know as a podcast studio because then People would be like, what the fuck?

[D]

He really gave up.

[B]

You put a fucking treadmill in here instead.

[A]

Yeah, that's what I said in the. In the vlog. That didn't make the vlog. But Dave was like, what do you think? And I was like, no, it's great. I'm so glad fucking we're focusing on abs and not comedy.

[B]

Yeah, well, it's also funny because John was on the treadmill, and Jason goes, look, John's finally on the treadmill. All it took was a $250,000 treadmill or gym renovation to get him back on.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, we're fine. It's fine. We're good. I like doing auto.

[B]

That was really fun. I really like that. The thumbnail bit we did in the last vlog.

[A]

Are you gonna second channel it?

[B]

Yeah. Cause there's a lot more thumbnails.

[A]

You had a really funny joke that didn't make the vlog.

[B]

Where was it?

[A]

We were outside. We were outside Keys, and you were showing Alex the billboard. You were surprising him, and she turned to John, and you're like, john, if Alex makes it as a dj, he's like, you're fucking sad.

[B]

I told him, if Alex makes it as a dj, you have, like, the luckiest.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Luckiest life ever. Like, you can mooch off me a little bit, and then you can go right over to Alex. He even said he's like, yeah, I'm gonna jump ship whenever it's ready, whenever it's time.

[A]

And then apparently that night, Alex was given a rider, and John filled it out. John just picked stuff that he wanted.

[B]

For what he wanted. In his green room.

[A]

Yeah. In his green room. Yeah.

[D]

That's really funny.

[B]

I mean, John's the best.

[A]

John's like, that's the best.

[D]

He's the best. Like, plus, plus one.

[B]

Yeah, he really is. Because he appreciates. It's weird because he's like, he loves everything, but he's also like. I don't know. He's, like, so used to everything, but he's still impressed by everything. Do you know what I mean?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Like, we went to. I took him to Steve will do it. Because I'm like, this is his Mecca. Like, he loves watching people gamble.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And loves, like, a lot of money being spent. And he was, like, drooling at the mouth the first hour or two, but then the last four hours, he was just in the corner on his phone, like, already over it.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Like, already desensitized, which was like, really? Which is kind of actually a good Way to explain John. Because like, this is all so crazy, Tim. But he's so used to like living in this house already.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And like, like, like I have to go to my roommates and be like, do you guys understand how lucky we all are to live here? Like, I have to explain it to them because sometimes I feel like they don't understand.

[C]

Tonight, turn down the noise of the day and focus on the rest with agz, the nightly drink for winding down and resting up. New from AG1. AGZ supports your body's natural sleep cycle with clinically studied key herbs, adaptogens and minerals in amounts supported by research. And no melatonin helping you wake feeling rested, wind down, rest up with Agz. Learn [e-mail] Mint is still $15 a.

[A]

Month for premium wireless and if you haven't made the switch yet, here are 15 reasons why you should. 1. It's $15 a month.

[C]

2.

[A]

Seriously, it's $15 a month. 3. No big contracts. 4. I use it. 5. My mom uses it. Are you playing me off? That's what's happening, right? Okay, give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront.

[C]

Payment of $45 for three month plan. $15 per month equivalent required. New customer offer first three months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See mintmobile.com Ford BlueCruise Hands Free highway driving takes the work out of being behind the wheel, allowing you to relax and reconnect while also staying in control. Enjoy the drive in blue cruise enabled vehicles like the F150 Explorer and Mustang Mach E available feature on equipped vehicles terms apply. Does not replace safe driving. See Ford.com BlueCruise for more details.

[A]

Also, John told me that Dave played basketball yesterday two on three and picked up a victory.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, dude, I think I do this to myself. I surround myself by. I don't know, I surround myself with friends that don't know how to play sports. I don't know if it's like subconsciously to make myself feel better and I have to, I have to find the root of that because it is, it does feel like any sport we play, I always dominate in but I think I'm doing that to myself on purpose to boost my ego. I don't think it's like, I just so happen to be better than everyone at all the sports and we have to do two on three. I think it's genuinely just people can't play.

[D]

Right.

[B]

So yeah, I don't know.

[D]

Yeah, you don't really have the most, like, athletic friends.

[B]

Like, Noah Beck's probably my most athletic friend. Yeah, like, he's good. Adam W. I play basketball with. He beat me one on one, which is insanity. Wow. He's really, really, really.

[A]

He's a lot taller than you, though.

[B]

Did I tell you the. The story of John and him playing?

[A]

No.

[B]

Oh, my God. It made me furious.

[A]

What happened?

[B]

Well, I was recording it for snap, and I just, like, stopped recording because I had to put my phone down because I was screaming at John. Like, screaming. Adam put thousand dollars for Jonah. I put up $1,000 for John to play one on one.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

First two, 21, I think.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

It's a really, really long game. And they were tied neck and neck at 19. And then John finally sunk a three. This was a very, very, very long battle. John wins. John wins 300 of that thousand. And then Adam W. Was like, okay, I got to win my money back. So how about we play till 11 and I'll give Jon a 10 point head start? It's Adam versus John. 10 point head start. Okay. And then Adam, to sweeten the deal, Adam goes. John doesn't even have to make a basket. All Jon has to do is hit the rim, and that counts as the final point, and John wins. And not only that, John starts with ball. And not only that, but every time Adam makes a shot, the ball goes back to John.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

So it's not even make it take it. There's no momentum. The ball goes back back to John every time. John lost that game.

[A]

No.

[B]

12 to 10, because it got to 10. 10. And then I told Adam, I'm like, you got to win by two. And Adam scored another two points. Adam made no threes. Adam won all by one point. Every point.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

John lost. He could have had $600 that day. And he lost all of it. I lost my at John. I lost my. I'm like, john, just get away from Adam and throw it up at the rim. I. I was losing my mind. And then John's like, okay, you show me how it's done. And the first point I play with Adam, I just throw it over my head to, like, try to hit the rim.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it just swishes right in. And John goes, okay, fuck you. Lucky shot. But, like, it's. It's pretty. Yeah. John's an incredible friend to have, but those are the moments. Those are the moments that I really like. John. He's just like. He's incredible. He really is one of a kind. And his brother's Getting married in the Philippines in January. And we're all going.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And John, be careful. John swears by the Philippines. He says it's incredible. So apparently he's like, he knows his around there, so I'm.

[D]

Can't wait to go. And he just doesn't know anything.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I'm excited to be in his world.

[D]

Yeah. It'll be so fun.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Texas fraternity pulls epic Powerball prank. Did you hear about this?

[D]

I saw that. Have you heard. Have you heard about the Powerball prank? That was.

[B]

Well, Jason was trying to explain this to me, but I don't get it, because someone did win in Texas.

[A]

Someone did win in Texas. Yes.

[D]

So. But. So the pledge master or whatever told all of the pledges, everybody has to go buy two tickets, two, whatever, Powerball tickets and bring them back to me. So then he collected all the tickets. So nobody knew, like, these pledges didn't have their tickets. And they doctored a photo with the winning numbers and they said, we won everybody back to, like, the frat house or whatever. And they threw, like, this whole thing. And they thought, like, they all thought that they had won the billion dollars and they were gonna, like, I don't know, do some epic.

[A]

They hired security to parade them down 6th Street.

[B]

I don't really understand. I don't understand. Like, there's so many, like, holes in this story that I think is like. Like, how do you not fact check if you want a billion dollars? Like, if I wanna maybe 18.

[A]

They're pledges.

[B]

Like, they're just like, exactly your pledge. Like, that's like, literally the number one. Get with. The first thing I'm doing is check. I'm. I'm going to Google something from my phone, from Jason's phone, from a stranger's phone. I'm going to Google from 13 different phones to make sure that these numbers match.

[A]

Right?

[D]

The numbers did match. They photoshopped it.

[B]

What do you mean?

[D]

Like, the pledge master had all the tickets, right? So these. The. The guy.

[B]

I need the physical ticket back, brother. I'm not going to look at a picture of my ticket.

[D]

Well, yeah, I guess when you're there.

[B]

Psychotic, I'm definitely not going to look. What do you mean? Especially in today's world. That's why this story just, like, doesn't. This story just sounds like the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life.

[D]

Well, I just think that they're also excited and they weren't. Didn't think.

[B]

Natalie, what if I told you you won $1.8 billion? What are you talking about? You just get excited and start parading down the street. But it makes no. This story makes no sense to me. I can't get behind it.

[D]

It wasn't like. It wasn't like a single one of them won it. Like it was for the fraternity or whatever. I would assume so. It was just like they were all rejoicing because now they have a billion dollars.

[B]

If this was like a yearly thing where like all the pledges always go and get two lottery tickets, I'd understand, but it just so happens to be the biggest lottery that's been recorded. Like the second biggest lottery. And, and the, the frat guys are telling everyone to go buy two tickets. Obviously there's something being set up. Like, my brain doesn't go to, what if they.

[A]

They had a fake ticket? They printed a fake ticket. So they hand it back to you. So then you go, you check the numbers.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. If.

[B]

If they did that. If they fit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If it's like, if it does actually. Lottery grade ticket.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, a thousand percent, but it's got to be like printed from the actual device that prints lottery tickets.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know. Don't worry. We got plenty of other stories.

[B]

No, no, no. I want to get to the bottom of it.

[A]

We got plenty of other stories.

[B]

All right. I'm sorry.

[A]

We got an email. Avenger salary breakdown.

[B]

I went through this. I saw that.

[A]

You got anything good in there?

[B]

Well, I don't agree with any of this.

[D]

I don't agree with it either.

[B]

Basically, Captain America, he said, makes 4,000amonth because he hasn't checked inflation since 1945. I think Cap's highly intelligent. So. That doesn't make sense. They said Tony Stark, like David said, basically an angel donates his entire salary to some non profit while still flexing 12 Lamborghinis. Yes, I think that's true. Thor doesn't believe in money. Dude's paycheck is literally beer, food, and free sleepovers at Avengers Tower.

[A]

I agree with that.

[B]

I could see that.

[D]

That.

[B]

Yeah, I don't. I. I don't think Thor needs money because I think he just goes back to Asgard. He lives like a king.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm sure they have a company credit card where he just like, you.

[D]

Know, he needs a hot dog. He can get it.

[B]

He needs a hot dog. Exactly. That's exactly. Hawkeye earns slightly more than a public school teacher, which is already too much because no one cares about it.

[D]

Ooh.

[B]

This is fucking one of the rudest things I've ever heard in my life. Public school teachers. Depends what public school you're looking at. Like, you know, teachers at my school make 140k a year.

[A]

Okay, all right, all right.

[B]

Not to flop bragging about Vernon. Can I tell you more about our high school Hulk? Unpaid intern. Government refuses to cut him a check after he destroyed half of New York just because he didn't get some pussy. I don't remember this. And then he said, Black Widow makes 25 less than Hawkeye for the obvious reason. And then Ant man gets paid in coupons, Target gift cards, and child support extensions. I don't believe that. I think. I think Ant man makes a lot of money. I think Ant Man's like, the Ant Man, I think is like. Like, what's. Like, you know those YouTubers that, like, secretly make a lot of money because they like to make, like, kids content. Like, that's kind of the vibe Ant man gives. Like, mayhap may actually be the most.

[D]

Well off.

[B]

Well off. Because, like, I think he monetized.

[A]

He.

[B]

He wrote a book, and I think he, like, monetizes his, like.

[A]

Oh, like, he has patents and stuff.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think he does things on the side.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, like, there's just some YouTubers that are just, like, really good at, like, monetizing everything.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Just like, create so many businesses around it. Like Dhar Mann.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

A billionaire.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Unsuspecting, yes. But a billionaire.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think that's what Ant man is.

[A]

Hey, Jason. Longtime pervert here. I've noticed how David always talks about how sweaty his hands are and how they cause him distress and plan out how to avoid shaking people's hands at meetings and such. I'm wondering why he doesn't get the surgery that stops him from sweating your hands.

[B]

Yeah, I just don't. I don't care for that kind of stuff. Every insecurity I have that I complain about, I just like to complain about, because I like to complain about insecurities. To go to the doctor's office is just, like, to actually fix, like, my sweaty.

[D]

That's such, like, so funny, like. Like, guys versus girl mentality on those things.

[B]

Well, you go to the doctor every week, which is, like, crazy. Like, I obviously don't want to get into your details of what's going on, but, like, you do.

[A]

Are you okay?

[B]

No, no, no. Some, like, I'm actually worried about her. It's like, really?

[A]

I don't know if she's mentally or physically.

[D]

Probably all the Above.

[B]

I don't know. No, no. She goes to, like, the physical doctors.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Like, I'm constantly, like, checking in. Like, I go to the dermatologist, I get facials, I get my nails done, I get my hairs done. I get.

[A]

Well, that's not the doctor.

[D]

No, no, no, I know, but I have to say it's the doctor. Otherwise, he's like, why are you getting your hair done?

[B]

Oh, really?

[D]

I'm not actually going to the fucking doctor three times a week. I'm doing my shit.

[B]

Okay, but you go to the doctor once a week.

[D]

No.

[B]

Oh, you've just been pain.

[A]

Hey, Naveen said her hair's falling out, too.

[D]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. And when I told her, I was like. She's like, my hair's falling out. And I go, natalie said the same thing. She's like, natalie said that about me? And I was like, no. She was like, I'm like, no. Natalie said she's having the. Oh, my God. She's like, it's so funny. Girls can take down girls so easily.

[D]

That's really funny.

[B]

You're just gonna have to start wearing hats like me.

[A]

I think it's stress.

[B]

I have an extra Dodgers hat. Do you want to wear an extra Dodgers hat? All right, guys. That's all the time we have for this podcast, you guys, for listening. Thank you, Jason, for joining us. Go listen to this podcast. All good things. Thank you, Natalie. She's the best. This has been an incredible experience.

[A]

Wish everybody a weekend, a happy weekend. It's Thursday. People are. They're getting ready for their weekend right now.

[B]

Go listen to our squirter podcast, Get Horny. This is the weekend for you to finally get laid. That's good, Jay.

[A]

It's very good.

[B]

Okay, see you guys later.

[A]

Bye.

[B]

Trip Planner by Expedia. You were made to outdo your holidaying.

[A]

Your hammocking, and your pooling.

[B]

We were made to help organize the competition.

[A]

Expedia made to travel.