Selling Our Sex Tape

Summary

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VIEWS with David Dobrik & Jason Nash

Episode: Selling Our Sex Tape
Release Date: October 17, 2025

Episode Overview

In this intimate, hilarious, and quintessentially chaotic episode, David Dobrik and Jason Nash—joined by Natalie and Taylor—dive into the absurdities of their intertwined lives. They open up about personal and professional struggles, riff on pop culture moments, and (most famously this week) propose the theoretical selling of a "sex tape" as a viral OnlyFans stunt—complete with hilarious negotiations about price, profit-splitting, and audience demand.

Along the way, they share behind-the-scenes stories from YouTube’s golden age, dish out honest creative advice, and reflect on money, friendship, success, and what it would be like to raise rich kids in LA. The episode is packed with David’s signature blend of sharp wit, unfiltered banter, and moments of accidental vulnerability.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Natalie’s Love Life, the Halsey Ticket Drama & LA Tech Week (01:08–08:46)

• The episode kicks off with playful roasting about Natalie’s maybe-boyfriend and how a failed Halsey concert surprise led to an avalanche of SeatGeek discount code jokes.
• David recounts being "volunteered" by Natalie for a tech speaking gig, expressing anxiety about imposter syndrome:
  • “I’m going to be out there on my own. Questions are going to be thrown at me while she’s having all the fun with this mystery man. It’s not fair.” (08:05)
• Natalie clarifies her matchmaking intentions, while Jason and David riff about LA’s networking scene and setting up Nash-themed promo codes.

2. David Dobrik: On Storytelling, Success, and Pressure (05:26–08:46; 46:10–48:33)

• Natalie preps David for his fireside chat:
  • “You’ve built a 70 million plus follower audience, but your real skill seems to be storytelling in short, punchy forms...” (05:26)
• David’s answer on creativity:

  “I look at what I’d want to see first... just trusting your own gut is what makes a creator stand out.” (06:33)

• David and Jason have a candid discussion about defining success:
  • For Jason: “Success for me is like, working on something that I love, that I’m passionate about.” (47:06)
  • For David: “The moment I was making $800 a month off YouTube...that was like, okay, you made it.” (47:14)

3. The "Sex Tape" Bit: OnlyFans, GoFundMe, and Profit Sharing (21:37–27:32)

• A wild listener DM about Natalie trading sexual favors for cars snowballs into an over-the-top brainstorm about launching a David & Natalie sex tape as a crowdfunded OnlyFans event.
• Memorable banter includes:
  • “We should have just like—we should sell a product that doesn’t exist yet. Like, a GoFundMe OnlyFans thing. Natalie and David sex tape, once it reaches $20 million.” (23:22)
  • Hilarious debates over price and split—David initially bemoans 50/50, Natalie holds firm, Jason offers to direct:
    “You look great. Don’t say that. No one wants to see my naked body...Natalie, I have to do all the fucking work.” (25:00)
  • The eventual “deal” floats between $20M and $50M as the minimum, including joking references to mysterious foreign princes and “the one true fan.”
  • “I would take pills...the sheik says it has to be to completion!” (27:17)

4. The Money Behind the Vlogs, Snap “Gold Rush,” and LA Living (19:12–20:29; 15:18–16:04)

• David lays bare the economics of big-budget vlogging:
  • “For going to Bangkok, that’s like a $40, $50,000 trip.” (19:35)
  • Admits he’s only slightly in the black: “I think I’m a little bit positive.” (19:43)
• On Snapchat's heyday:
  • “There was a moment where everybody was talking about Snap like it was the Gold Rush...[it] slowed down a little bit, but it was incredible.” (20:11)
• The group jokes about LA perks, meeting celebrities, and how “Joe will do anything for a free dinner or celebrity encounter.”

5. Pop Culture: Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, MasterClass, and Panels (09:40–13:04; 44:01–46:10)

• Natalie and Taylor nerd out about the high-production return of the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show:
  • “They have so many models. All of the icons, the outfits were fudgeing amazing, diamonds, crystals, like, ugh.” (09:51)
• David confesses to being lost on the appeal of panels:
  • “I went to a panel yesterday—fucking miserable. Are people actually going to learn?” (44:20)
• Jason sells David on MasterClass’s inspirational tutorials.

6. Parenting, “Nepo” Babies & Whether Money Ruins Kids (48:22–53:36)

• Deep (and sometimes sarcastic) discussion about how much privilege to pass onto future kids:
  • “I had a dream...my townhouse was attached to my mansion, and I’d sneak away so my kids wouldn’t see we had money.” (50:16)
  • Natalie challenges David on whether he’ll actually withhold luxury from his kids: “Anytime anyone asks [David] for money, he’s like, yeah, sure.”
  • David insists: “I want to move back to my hometown. They won’t know it’s Dad’s money.” (51:06)
• Jason notes: “Kids that grow up here love it...my kids aren’t on drugs or anything.” (52:31)

7. Classic Anecdotes & Creative Ideas (16:04–18:14; 35:03–41:53)

• The crew reminisce about over-the-top LA meet-and-greets (Martin Scorsese, Sza, Charlie Sheen).
• David accidentally gets “pranked” by YouTuber Eric with a fake Sza, not knowing he’d previously DM’d with the real Sza about tour documentation:
  • “Eric had no idea I’d ever texted her...it was the best prank anyone has ever pulled on me.” (40:26)

8. Rapid-Fire Fun: Cat Voices, Clothing Disputes, and Absurd Hypotheticals (33:03–34:42; 28:03–30:52)

• Taylor does her cat’s “voice” on-air in a surprisingly sweet moment.
• Jason goes on a rant about pink hats and camera-friendly fashion, with David firing back, “You look like a little gay butt plug.” (12:27)
• The group debates which “crime” they’d commit if, by doing so once, it would end the crime forever:
  • Jason: “9/11!”
    David: “...so you’d have to commit 9/11 and it would end?”
    Chaos and laughter ensue. (29:09-30:52)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• David (on algorithm vs. audience):

  “I look at what I’d want to see first...trusting your own gut is what makes a creator stand out on his own, because it gives them their own voice.” (06:33)

• Natalie (on OnlyFans hypothetical):

  “Maybe, like, a million bucks or something, I guess would do it.” (22:41)

• Jason (on David’s nakedness):

  “No one wants to see my naked body. Right. Like, it’s just, like, the camera’s gonna be on that the whole time.” (25:14)

• David (dream about raising kids in a “normal” house):

  “So from the outside, it looked like my townhouse. And my kids were hanging out in the townhouse. And I would sneak away and go into my house that was behind the small house, so I wouldn’t let my kids see that I had any sort of money. Ooh.” (50:16)

• Jason (defining success):

  “Working on something that I love, that I’m passionate about. That’s like, total success.” (47:06)

• David (story about being pranked by “Sza”):

  “...it was the best prank anyone has ever pulled out of me. And anyone will, because of the circumstances, because he had no idea how perfect it actually was.” (40:26)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:08 – 08:46: Natalie’s boyfriend, Halsey drama, LA Tech Week, David’s speaking anxiety
• 05:26 – 07:03: David on storytelling and ignoring the algorithm
• 21:37 – 27:32: The “sex tape” OnlyFans hypothetical
• 19:12 – 20:29: Behind-the-scenes of vlog budgets, Snapchat money talk
• 09:40 – 13:04: Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, fashion jokes, funny fashion clash
• 44:01 – 48:33: Success, panels, inspiration, and what motivates the crew
• 48:22 – 53:36: Parenting, privilege, “nepo baby” philosophy
• 35:03 – 41:53: Sza prank, celebrity encounters
• 28:03 – 30:52: The “crime” you’d commit to end forever, with Jason picking 9/11
• 33:03 – 34:42: Taylor’s cat voice and birthday traditions.

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Conclusion

This episode leans hard into the group chemistry that defines VIEWS: raw, irreverent, improv-style riffing that unearths the vulnerabilities and values behind the jokes. Whether they’re fantasizing about OnlyFans millions, debating childhood privilege, or questioning the very nature of creative success, David, Jason, Natalie, and Taylor deliver laughs—and occasional wisdom—for fans who crave both their glitzy LA antics and their grounded, relatable moments.

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Transcript

[A]

This Friday see what critics are calling a cold blooded masterpiece.

[B]

Hello, Finny.

[A]

Your back.

[B]

Dead is just a word. Did you think our story was over? Discover the secret.

[C]

It's brought us here for a reason.

[A]

Behind the mask.

[B]

What do you think happens when you die?

[A]

It's time to find out. It's a hunk.

[B]

I'm not afraid of you.

[A]

You should be. Black Phone 2 only in theaters Friday. Rated R under 17. Not admitted with that parent.

[C]

Arc Raiders, A multiplayer extreme abstraction adventure video game set in a lethal yet vibrant future earth. As a raider scavenging the remnants of a derelict world, you settle into an underground settlement. Hoping to thrive, you jump on the chance to start over. But doing so means you must return to the surface. Where arc machines roam and survivors motives remain dangerously unclear. But if you're brave enough, who knows what you might find. Play the server Slam open test from 10-17-19 on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series XS and PC views.

[B]

What's up guys?

[A]

Welcome back to Views. Good news everybody. Natalie's maybe boyfriend reached out to her.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no, don't start that.

[A]

Wait, what? We can't start like that.

[C]

No, I don't. I gotta stop talking about it.

[A]

Wait, why?

[C]

Because that's just from friend to friend, that's you and me.

[A]

But wait, but he doesn't listen to this because we've been talking about him non stop, so we're doing that.

[C]

So I'm like, one day if he listens to us, I'm gonna sell him. He's gonna be like, oh my go.

[B]

You'll already be pregnant by then.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, you tell them that when you have a kid.

[C]

Like, hey, listen to this shit, buddy.

[B]

Yeah, she ditched Halsey for this guy for me, okay? We got her Hallsy tickets and frickin. I'm pissed. I'm done with everybody.

[C]

I'm going to Halsey tonight. So I bought it. I bought tickets for myself for tonight. Wait, why?

[A]

It makes no sense. You surprised her with tickets?

[B]

I surprised her with tickets with SeatGeek. And it's crazy.

[A]

And then she bailed on you.

[B]

No.

[C]

It was like so rude to me. I felt really, really bad. But like, yeah, unreal.

[A]

Who are you going with Halsey tonight? My mom.

[B]

I thought she was sick.

[A]

That would ruin the whole concert experience.

[B]

And I thought Jen was going to be on the pod. I'm catching you in lie after lie after lie. And then David, I go, what about Jen? On the podcast? And she texts back today Jen's not been feeling well. Good enough to go to A fricking cemetery for an outdoor show with no seats, we have to sit in a blanket. And it's cold here right now.

[A]

That's where the show is.

[C]

Hollywood Cemetery.

[B]

Yeah, Hollywood Cemetery. Wow. And you can get those tickets on SeatGeek if you want.

[C]

I did actually use code DAVID10.

[A]

Well, it's for new and returning customers, too, so it's nice.

[B]

Why don't you use views 10?

[A]

We just keep going.

[C]

I should have used V10.

[A]

Why didn't use views 10?

[B]

There's also Nash 10, too.

[C]

We need a Nash 10 up in here.

[A]

I would love to see those analytics side by side.

[B]

I would love it all.

[A]

Your Nash 10 is just your family in Boston.

[B]

It's literally my family in Boston.

[A]

We're seeing a spike in Boston. There's four people using the code. Okay, so, yeah. So the guy called you and Natalie was kicking. I was looking outside, and usually when Natalie steps out of the house, take an important phone call.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, finally, like, this brand we've been, like, wanting to, like, chase down. Of course it's locked us in. Big money coming.

[C]

I go and I walk.

[A]

And she's eating a. She was eating a pretzel, to be fair.

[B]

A Wetzels.

[A]

A Wetzel pretzel.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And she was kicking her feet around like a ballerina outside. So it was a deceiving sight because I couldn't tell. I was like, I don't know if she's kicking her feet around because of the phone call or because she's eating. Genuinely, that is what went through my head. And then she comes back in. She goes, guess what? And I go, what? And how's it going, my boy? We're going on a date. I go, we're not really going on a date. I got so mad. Wait, what are you doing?

[C]

I'm just gonna see him tomorrow.

[A]

I have to do a speaking engagement tomorrow.

[C]

I know. I signed David up for the speaking engagement so that I could run into him.

[A]

Yeah. And he's meeting her there.

[B]

What are you. Where are you speaking? I don't know.

[A]

I didn't know about this. You know Ryan, the guy that we had on here that pickleballs?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He owns Charge Fuse.

[B]

Ryan's game.

[A]

Yeah. Apparently he roped me into some shit where I have to talk.

[C]

No, it's a really good opportunity. It's. He's leading, like, one of the top events at L. A. Tech Week, and he's speaking. There's a bunch of investors, a bunch of other, like, entrepreneurs.

[B]

Speak. What are you going to say?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

I don't know. Why do.

[A]

I don't fucking know. It's how long you are threatening Ryan. I'm like, I'm going to pull out of this shit. And he goes, no, no, no, no. He's like, you realize you have the. You have. What do you say today?

[C]

He's like, you have the top, you know, whatever. The top event at Stanford.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no. That's not what he said. He said, you have the ability to destroy my business here.

[C]

You make or break my career right.

[A]

Now by not showing up. And I'm like, okay, well, I probably won't show up.

[C]

Right.

[A]

So buckle in.

[B]

Unless you're talking about, like, great sandwiches around la. I don't know how you're going to.

[A]

No, it's going to be like social media stuff, I assume.

[C]

No, he's going to talk. Look at. He's a little entrepreneur. He's starting businesses left and right.

[B]

I gotta come. Can I come watch this?

[C]

Yes. Do you want to come?

[A]

Yeah. Hit me with one of my questions. Go right now. Natalie already has him. I hate Natalie. I don't like seeing questions before they're brought to me.

[C]

Sure.

[A]

Cause I overthink them. I like to just like he likes to raw.

[B]

Is Natalie gonna be feeding you the.

[A]

No, no, no. Ryan's asking me. It's like a Fireside Chat.

[B]

Ask the questions, guys.

[A]

I'm not like giving like a Harvard speech.

[B]

You're good at that. I've seen you do that at colleges.

[A]

Fireside Chat's very easy for me, but I don't like seeing the questions.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Because it just, like, stresses me out and I overthink it.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

So, but I'll give you one for the Views podcast. I'll give you an exclusive right here. Really excited now. Hit me with one of the questions.

[C]

Okay. Okay. This is the first question that he's opening up with. You've built a 7 million plus follower audience, but your real skill seems to be storytelling in short, punchy forms.

[A]

Okay, first off, 7 million feels a little low.

[C]

70.

[A]

Oh, you said 70. Did you not hear 7?

[B]

I heard 7.

[A]

I heard 7.

[C]

Oh, sorry. Okay. 70 million. Sorry.

[A]

You're 7 million. I would have walked right out of that fucking show. Just look around. Don't ever disrespect me.

[C]

When you're creating, do you think about algorithms first or audiences first?

[A]

Wow, that's actually a really good question, Ryan. Thank you for having me here. This is a beautiful, beautiful.

[C]

We're happy to have you here, David. I'M so glad you showed up today.

[A]

I love it. I was so excited.

[B]

Get to the point.

[A]

Do I look at audiences? Okay. I'll try not to be funny, because this is what I actually would say. I just look at. This is what I'm gonna say, actually. It's gonna be fucking. It's gonna be a banger already. I'm gonna say I look at neither. Whoa, curveball. I look twice, people start whispering at each other.

[B]

This is why we're here.

[A]

I look at what I'd want to see first, because I think creating is, especially with so many creators out there, very good. It's so case by case. And I think the most important part is having your own voice. So I think relying on algorithms or relying on what audience wants will put you into this. Like, will basically back you into a corner and kind of make you stand out a lot less. And I think just trusting your own gut is what makes a creator stand out on his own, because it makes. It gives them their own voice.

[C]

That was beautiful.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I have a question.

[A]

Yeah, of course. Jay, guy in the.

[B]

How much money are you worth?

[A]

Oh, come on. No, we can't do that.

[B]

Come on. Okay, let us know.

[A]

70 million.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

Did you say 7 or 70? I don't know.

[B]

Who's better, you or Logan Paul?

[A]

Oh, no, I can't answer that. Me. Yeah, sorry.

[B]

How come Mr. Beast has so many more followers than you?

[A]

Oh, that's a sore subject. That's how I walk off. No, no, no. Yeah, pretty good. But I love Logan Paul. Sorry I said that.

[C]

We knew. We know. It was a chance.

[B]

Yes. We love Logan.

[C]

Of course.

[A]

All right, what else? I feel like. I feel like I'm pretty ready.

[B]

Okay, good.

[C]

I'm excited. David crushes those things. He always is. Like, he has, like, this, like, panic before he's like, I can't believe you're signing me up to do this. But it's great. There's, like, all these other people.

[B]

You are good at that.

[A]

Guess what time it is? I was gonna bring it up 10:00am.

[B]

Oh, you gotta get up at 10.

[A]

And get up at, like, 8:30.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

It's gonna be crazy. Arts District also.

[B]

Natalie could get laid. You're a good friend, man.

[A]

Yeah. And Natalie won't even be there watching. She's gonna be getting in one of the closets. It's gonna. It's like. It's gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be out there on my own. Literally, questions are gonna be thrown at me while she's fucking dodging. Come it's not fair.

[C]

Shut up.

[A]

It's not fair. It's not fair. Like, why. Why do I have to go in there and fucking be the business guy all of a sudden when Natalie gets to have all the fun with this mystery man? Well, whatever. I'm doing this for her.

[B]

Maybe you'll meet somebody.

[A]

Maybe meet a tech conference person. Yeah.

[B]

Somebody way different than you.

[C]

I'm sure there'll be lots of hotties.

[A]

That is the place to meet somebody. Yeah.

[B]

10:00Am oh, yeah.

[A]

Like, meet a real 10:00am person. Wow. Okay, maybe you're right. I just look all puffy in the morning. I don't think anybody's gonna want it.

[C]

We gotta get you, like, we gotta ice. We gotta, like, de puff a little bit.

[A]

And then I've also been feeling a little bit under the weather.

[C]

I don't think so. I think I'm very. I'm very strong, like, proponent in this, where when the seasons change, everyone just.

[A]

Feels like, yeah, I duh.

[C]

You're not, like.

[A]

Actually, I say you dumb. I literally say, I get. I get. I get. I get sick when the seasons change.

[C]

Well, I said that.

[A]

I. Dude, you're doing the thing my mom would do is so fucking annoying. Or somebody would do it in my life. I don't remember who, but my throat would hurt. And she'd be like, it's just allergies. And I'd be like, you're missing the point. My throat's hurting. I can't go to school. I don't care what caused it. I don't care if God came down and tickled my throat or if it's the fucking pollen or if it's a real sickness. Like, my throat hurts.

[C]

And like, okay, fine, your feelings are valid.

[A]

You're taking away. You're taking away my power.

[C]

I'm backing out. You win.

[A]

Okay, thank you. Sorry. I'm a little fired up because obviously I'm pissed about this thing I have to do tomorrow.

[C]

I'm excited right now as we speak. The Victoria Secret fashion show.

[B]

Nadine was watching it too. Yeah, it's. I thought they got rid of that.

[C]

No, they did it last year.

[B]

Last year.

[C]

Last year was like, they're like, the first one in a while. This year, though, like, a lot of people were like, where's the bombshell hair? Where's all the icons? Like, everybody is in this show. It is, like, so highly produced. They have so many models. All of the icons, the outfits were fudgeing amazing diamonds, crystals, like, ugh.

[A]

It was so Madison beer singing in It.

[B]

That's great.

[A]

That's crazy. Madison Beer might as well be walking that thing.

[C]

I'm sure she will. I'm sure she'll perform.

[A]

I think she could do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they've done that.

[C]

Carol G just did it. That's what I saw.

[A]

But wow, that's amazing. She could do both. That'd be crazy. There's a lot of, like, influencers walking it.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Quinn Blackwell.

[C]

I saw Quinn walking. She looked great.

[A]

Oh, you already saw her walk.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

That's sick. And then Gabby, who's Josh Richards's girlfriend.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Is also walking it.

[C]

Y.

[A]

This is really sick. Things are really merging out here, huh?

[B]

Why did they get rid of it, though, for a while?

[A]

Remember perverts like you watch the show.

[C]

I think people, like, criticized it and. And whatever. I think, like, Covid kind of like, you know, amplified that, but now they brought it back better than ever.

[B]

But that's such a funny thing. Like, why would Covid take down supermodel show? You know what I mean?

[A]

It's just.

[B]

I think it's just because people were just sitting around and they were just fucking complaining.

[C]

Well, I think you just couldn't do events, so they stopped it. And then.

[B]

Oh, that's why it was shut down. I don't think that's why it was shut down.

[C]

No. And then I think then when they were, like, gonna bring it, people were like, you better make it different. I don't know.

[B]

Better be more inclusive.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. I'm not exactly sure, but I don't know.

[A]

I'm pretty out of shape right now. And, like, I. I just wanna. I wanna see the models. You know what I mean? If I saw myself represented out there, I turned the TV off. If I was watching that shit and I saw somebody like me, I'd be like, yo, what the fuck?

[B]

Hey, yo, the other day. You should be up there. John is here. Listen to what Dave said to me the other day. This really grinded my gears. I was wearing a pink hat.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

Okay. A pink hat that said Zila.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And you know what he told me? I can't wear that hat. It's not age appropriate. What do you think of that, Jon?

[A]

What is. I mean, I was definitely kidding, for sure. Okay.

[B]

You were kidding me.

[A]

I mean, when have.

[B]

I can't say that you were kidding.

[A]

Well, I mean, that was a joke. I don't want to say I wasn't kidding because I want to argue with you on it, but, like, there's nothing to argue with it.

[B]

Oh, you were Joking.

[C]

The neon hat was, like, very neon. It didn't really go with the outfit.

[A]

Oh, I think the neon hat with the outfit didn't go. Oh, that's what I.

[B]

That's not what you said.

[A]

No, I said, here, change hats because we were shooting something. It just didn't work together. And then you were like, I had.

[B]

A shirt on that was. Also had little pink flamingos on it. It matched.

[A]

I think that was the problem.

[B]

It was pink on pink.

[A]

You look like a little gay butt plug.

[B]

All right, young LA. Camouflage man.

[A]

Jay. I'm in my 20s, brother.

[B]

Yeah. You also look like you're going to war every day and you're just going out eating a sandwich with Tay.

[A]

Oh, I'm sorry. We can't all dress like dildos.

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

I'm going to war.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

I'm an army camo. I look badass.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

I was just too loud.

[B]

I like what you have on today.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

You could say, but I don't like that. I don't like when you're dressing too loud.

[A]

Oh, you don't like that? Yes. Well, that's what you were doing. That's exactly why I told you. I said you.

[B]

I had a crisp pink hat on. I thought that would pop on camera. You're the one always bitching about what people look like on came give me color. Nat. Put on this pink shirt.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true, that's true, that's true.

[B]

So I was trying to bring you a little pink.

[A]

I was just trying to. I'm telling you, I was just trying to balance the outfit. Listen to this.

[B]

I had a plan tonight to go to make a video at a restaurant with Joe Vulpas. Okay, 6:30. Great. Awesome. He says yes. So you call me and say we need to shoot at six. I go, okay, I'll move my reservation. Right. Being the nice guy that I am.

[A]

Yeah, that was really sweet.

[B]

Super nice.

[A]

Super.

[B]

I move it to 7:30. 6:30. 7:30. No big difference.

[A]

No change.

[B]

No change. Fucking Joe calls me Joe. Text back first. I get here from Caitlin, his wife. I'm just letting you know Joe is not going to want to do that. And I go, what? The hour difference? So I get him on the text and he goes, yeah, I can't do it. He goes, it's an hour later. He goes, I like to get to bed. I won't be able to sleep.

[A]

I'll go, what?

[B]

Like, is everybody crazy? Go ahead.

[C]

Well, am I wrong? No, I know.

[B]

Judge's not here to defend himself, but whatever.

[A]

You're not wrong.

[B]

An hour. What's an hour?

[A]

I don't know, dude. I'm good.

[C]

I mean, I agree. I'm like, I don't get the sleep thing. Just kind of.

[B]

You want to go to dinner at 7:30 now?

[C]

Well, I'm going to Hall's Aid tonight.

[B]

Oh, right, I forgot without you.

[A]

I kind of get what he's saying.

[B]

It's an hour.

[C]

I think it's a little dramatic. Like, you could also just eat the food really quick.

[A]

I think he didn't want to go probably initially. No, I think. No, no, no, no. I think knowing Joe, no.

[C]

He goes to bed by 8:30.

[B]

No, it's a free dinner.

[A]

Yeah, but I think you just give him an hour. I guess Joe does love his, like, free dinners, right?

[B]

It was free.

[A]

Free dinner. A weird thing for Joe to say no to, but he's also like, very, like, time conscious. Like when he asked for pickle, he means like, we should see how far Joe is willing to go for something that's free. Yeah, that's like, Joe is the type of guy that, like, it'll be like a give me a random celebrity Salma Hayek book signing. And he'll be. And he'll. And he'll tell you. He'll look you in the eyes and he'll say, he can't. He can't help you at it because he has work. And then you see his Instagram story that. It's like, so nice meeting you, Salma. Thank you so much for signing my book. It meant so much and, like, loves those things and good for him because, like, fuck you. Like, nobody takes advantage of living in LA more than Joe Vulpis.

[B]

Yeah, he does.

[A]

I recommend it. Like, they're looking for a new place. And I was like, you guys should move out of here. Like, save some money.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he goes, and what would we do? And then, like, it all hit me. I was like, oh, my God. That this is like their playground. Like, where else are they gonna do meet and greets?

[B]

Some people still like it. Like it here in la.

[A]

No, no, no. I still love it. But we should tell him. Like, we should tell him, like, Morgan Freeman is signing, like, video copies in, like, New Mexico.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But the whole catch is you have to drive there. Morgan Freeman wants to show your gas. Your gas stops and your receipts, and that's the only way he'll sign your video copy. And Joe Vulpas will do it. He will go to the. To the ends of The Earth to get something signed by a celebrity. It's really funny. Alex Ernst is the same way.

[B]

Yeah. I remember when he bothered Scorsese.

[C]

Oh, my gosh.

[A]

Oh, my God. Did we talk about that? Yeah, we did.

[B]

I know. We didn't talk about it.

[A]

No, we had. We went to screening. It was a private screening. Yeah, it was just our friend group, I think. I actually don't know. Yeah, it's like 30 people and Martin Scorsese. And Martin Scorsese was, like, introing the movie. What movie was it for?

[B]

Flowers of the Killer Moon. Killers of the killer moon.

[A]

The DiCaprio movie. Yeah. And Alex brought a videotape from one of his old movies. And he asked him as he was walking out, what did he say?

[B]

He just says, it's just that Martin Scorsese is, like, really old, and his wife was there in a wheelchair, and he went up to speak. He went up to speak at the movie theater, and they didn't turn the music off. So it's like this great legend. Like, one of the only times you're gonna get this fucking. I'm two feet from Martin Scrisser, the greatest filmmaker of all time.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And underneath, it's like, I am unwritten.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Right? Right. They didn't kill. You could barely hear em.

[B]

Yeah, you couldn't. They didn't kill the music. And then he's walking out, and Alex is just like, can you sign this? And Martin Scorsese looked like he was getting mugged. He was just so scared.

[A]

Wait, did he say yes?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Alex went outside and he got it signed. Yeah. But it was. It was kind of like, yes, come outside, I'll sign it. And.

[A]

Wow. Yeah. I mean, I love that. That's, like, so fun. Alex loves that type of. Alex will find something, like, on ebay for, like, $9. It'll be like a Charlie. It'll be like Two and a Half Men DVD or whatever. And then, I mean, he'll be like, dude, I just bought, like, this really rare collection of Two and a Half Men. So anyway, we can hit up Charlie Sheen to sign it. I'm like, what? Like, really like this? You're gonna like.

[C]

This is your one ask.

[A]

Call Charlie Sheen to sign this dvd. Copy.

[B]

I was going through my files today, and I found vlog ideas from July 2021. Oh, whoa.

[A]

Do you have them? Yeah. Wait, read them off. That's crazy. Or you have them in your memories?

[B]

I don't have them, but I have them on my computer. But one of them was I thought.

[A]

It was really funny. July 2021. Wow. That's crazy.

[B]

I thought it was really funny.

[C]

It was.

[B]

When Natalie walks in, everywhere Natalie goes, you have an orchestra playing the Death Star.

[A]

The Death Star. That's funny.

[B]

That's pretty funny.

[A]

Yeah. Like, when Darth Vader comes in. That's really funny.

[B]

Get me a headstone that was on there.

[A]

Get you a headstone? Yeah. Oh, for, like, in a cemetery? Yeah.

[B]

Couples counseling for Jonah and Natalie. That was on there.

[A]

That's funny.

[B]

That was probably when they were beefing.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I have this joke. I don't know if it lands. I think it's kind of stupid, to be honest, but every time I drive by a psychic.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I imagine that, like, one of the letters is out or something and said. It's. It says psycho. And I don't know. It's just. You're getting a. You're reading from a guy who just loses his shit at you. I don't. I feel like it's like a family guy, like, cutaway that, like, works better in a cartoon. You're like, this is stupid, but whatever.

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

Why the fuck are you here? I can't. I can't predict the future. What, are you crazy?

[A]

I don't know. Maybe. What else is there? That's funny. Was that the bigger budget era?

[B]

No.

[C]

No.

[A]

What?

[C]

We spend way more money.

[A]

We spend way more money now. It's not even close.

[B]

How much money you spent on the vlog so far, Dave?

[A]

Right now? Yeah.

[B]

How many vlogs you made? About eight vlogs. What are we at? We over a million dollars yet?

[A]

We're eight vlogs in.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I asked, actually, Natalie, this the other day, because I was like, am I. Am I net positive from these vlogs, or are these all costing me money? Yeah, I thought they were all. Because, like, we'll do a Seeking promo, or whatever, but, like, that's not, like, making me money, just, like, going to the production the vlog. Like.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know, for going to Bangkok. That's like a 40, $50,000 trip.

[B]

So what are you about even?

[A]

I think I'm a little bit positive.

[B]

Okay, good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Which is, like, you know, why do it?

[B]

Which is like, I won't be doing it much longer.

[A]

But you know what? It's hurting. It's hurt. It's hurt my snap. Like, big time.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Like, I never do my snap, and it's just, like, I definitely, like, lose money.

[B]

How much money you make a day on snap?

[A]

Good question, Jay. Let Me see? No, like a pretty solid amount.

[B]

Good.

[A]

It used to be there was a moment where everybody was talking about Snap like it was the Gold rush.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I've never seen anything like in my entire life for like three months. It was like, actually fucking incredible. This is when you heard everybody talking about it. It slowed down a little bit just because more. More people have gotten on it. Yeah. But it definitely was like, you've never seen a platform like this in your entire life. So. Yeah, it was pretty wild.

[C]

That's the reason why I was able to afford the Ferrari from Snap. Yeah.

[B]

Really?

[A]

What? Damn.

[C]

Yeah. When did making plans get this complicated?

[B]

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Use polls to settle dinner plans.

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Send event invites and pinned messages so.

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[A]

T, you had a question that you've been saving from the DMs.

[C]

Go.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yo, Jason. This is one for the podcast. Surely Natalie at least blew David once for one of the cars he gave her. Come on.

[A]

No, we've never been there.

[B]

That's Lockheed.

[A]

Do you want another car?

[C]

How bad do you want it?

[B]

I'll take one.

[C]

No, I don't want another car.

[A]

Why? What are you looking for?

[C]

I'm honestly looking for nothing. I was just telling. I was talking to somebody about this and I really have everything.

[A]

Sorry. I need to know. I need to know. Sorry. If you could blow me and receive one thing in return, what would it be like? And be 100 dead ass. Like right now. Like right now, I get out my checkbook. 100 happens. Would it?

[C]

Actually, I'm, like, cringing it. My nose is, like, crinkled.

[A]

Okay. What would it be?

[B]

You said you'd bang John for like 10 mil, so.

[A]

No, it was a lot less, I think.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

10,000.

[B]

I think it was 10,000.

[C]

I don't know what was up with Me that day. No. I don't know. Maybe I. Maybe like a million bucks or something, I guess would do it.

[A]

Oh, that's crazy. I can't make that happen. I thought you would want like a. I don't know, like.

[C]

Like my dream Patek. Like something like that.

[A]

No, no, you don't have a dream Patek dream. We have a dream Patek.

[C]

Of course.

[B]

What about a million dollars? A million dollars?

[A]

She just said a million dollars.

[B]

Oh, she did.

[C]

Oh, my God. He's not even starting.

[A]

Hates you, dude. He hates you.

[B]

No, I love you.

[C]

You asked the question. You're not even listening.

[B]

I didn't even know if we were recording.

[A]

Next he goes, what about the dream attack.

[B]

The gofundme right now. 1 mil.

[C]

And then we do record it.

[A]

Go find me for Natalie to blow, David.

[C]

Yeah, that's one way to launch my only fans career.

[A]

We should. Yeah, we should start an OnlyFans thing. And we should have just like we should sell a product that doesn't exist yet. Like a GoFundMe OnlyFans thing. Yeah, it's like Natalie and David sex tape. Once it reaches $20 million.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

That's kind of funny. I wonder if only fans would ever do that. And I wonder what number I would put up there. That would be one of the funniest sex. Oh, wait, that's not bad.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Okay, hold on. Wait. We can make some serious money.

[C]

I know, I know. I'm thinking about it.

[A]

Where would we. Where would we have to position that?

[B]

Who are you gonna film it?

[A]

You? Because obviously it's stem from the Views podcast. You'd have to be in there.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. I'd have to get the audio, right?

[A]

You'd have to get the.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wow. Okay. That's crazy. So what should we do? How much. What are we putting this out of the bounty hat?

[C]

It's.

[A]

It's.

[C]

Your body is pretty good.

[A]

That's it? You're gonna put a sex tape online for 20 mil? Nah.

[C]

Okay. Sorry.

[B]

You splitting it.

[A]

Come on. That's crazy.

[C]

I wasn't thinking about. Sorry, I wasn't thinking about the sex tape part. Like the fact that it's distributed publicly.

[A]

Yeah. The fact that it's just there forever.

[C]

Yeah, I wasn't thinking about that.

[A]

No, no, no, no. That's gotta be 20 mil.

[B]

Sounds like the right number.

[A]

No, I think it's 50 mil.

[C]

I think 20 is like reasonable. Like that could actually be achieved.

[A]

No, we'll pick up the phone call and we'll discuss. But we're not gonna do it. We'll probably do 50. And what's. What's the percentage split?

[C]

Obviously, more should go to me.

[A]

Okay, let's be. Let's be real. What is the percentage?

[C]

It's 5050 for sure, dude. David, there's a. I'm carrying a lot of weight in this relationship. Like, people want to see that.

[A]

Okay. What?

[B]

You look great. Don't say that.

[A]

Okay, you think that. You think it should be 1000%?

[C]

It should be 50. 50. And I know you're smiling because you also agree.

[A]

No, I don't. Jay, do you agree that it should be 50?

[B]

50?

[C]

I know.

[B]

Yeah. In face.

[A]

What? Because she's a woman.

[B]

She's a woman.

[A]

Naked body.

[B]

What?

[A]

No one wants to see my naked body. Right. Like, it's just, like, the camera's gonna.

[B]

Be on that the whole time.

[C]

I don't.

[A]

You're the cameraman. How did you. You already made that director decision.

[B]

I know. People don't want to see you.

[C]

Yeah, I have to do all the fucking work.

[A]

What? You don't know that.

[C]

Yeah, I do, but also, like, I can't think of, like. I mean, I know that you could, like.

[A]

Okay, I'm not doing it for fucking 50 million split in half.

[C]

Really?

[A]

Really? No, no, no.

[C]

That's crazy.

[B]

That's peace out.

[C]

You really think you'd have that bad of a time?

[A]

That's not peace out money. 50 mil.

[B]

Yeah, it is. 25 million for you is peace out money.

[C]

It's definitely, like, I can for sure.

[A]

Chill for two years.

[B]

No, man. Let me get in there.

[A]

The rate would go down.

[B]

I'll do anything. All right, so I'll build the goldfume tonight, and we'll set it at 50 mil, and you guys split it half and half.

[A]

15. Okay.

[B]

I mean, some chic might come in.

[A]

All you need is.

[B]

What?

[A]

Literally all you need is one guy. Yeah. Like, if I. If I was a listener, I would definitely. Don't put your. Don't throw your money at that thing. Yeah, maybe, like, doesn't charge you till it actually happens.

[C]

Maybe. Nice. We should just make our own website.

[A]

Yeah. And then don't. Yeah. This is mainly for, like, the kings and the princes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In different countries that have, like, a weird Natalie and David fetish. I know. I know. We're talking to one guy right now. I know. There's one guy on the other end of this that's like, yeah, this is me.

[B]

Yeah. One guy that had, like, a passing glance with Natalie in France once, and he did. He didn't have the courage to talk to her. And he's like, I'll do it.

[A]

This is for him. All right. Yeah, I guess. Okay. Natalie and I will split it 80, 20. And Bonnie said f50 mil. Jason will direct.

[C]

Jason will direct.

[A]

Wow, that'd be so fun. That'd just be a funny vlog.

[C]

That'd be great. I would love to partake. I would put on my best performance. Okay.

[A]

I don't need you to fucking say shit like that. That's like, weird.

[B]

David. Can't get hard in the moment.

[A]

I mean. No, I would. I would take pills. I would, like, take things to help me out.

[B]

The sheik says you have to. It has to be to completion.

[C]

Has to be natural.

[A]

Has to be natural or it doesn't count. I could never get hard. So we never get the money.

[B]

No performance.

[A]

I'm just sitting in front of Natalie with a limp penis for free. She's like, we had a deal.

[B]

It's live streamed.

[A]

That's really funny.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

With steak logos in the back. It's kicking.

[C]

Steak, cake and steak.

[B]

Just John knocking on the bathroom door trying to get you to come out.

[A]

Who?

[B]

John Castro.

[A]

Oh, John David, Come on. That's disgusting. My parents listen to this.

[C]

My parents actually listen to this.

[A]

Not your mom.

[C]

Not my mom.

[A]

Your mom doesn't have satellite.

[B]

Okay. So I was thinking about this, like, if you were like, a criminal.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Like, what do you think you could do as a criminal? What would you be good at? Could you rob a bank? Get away with a murder?

[A]

What do you think would be good at? Or what I would want to do?

[B]

Yeah, either one.

[A]

Oh. I always imagined that being. Being like a bank robber back in the day.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Would be really nice where it was like, you know, like Public Enemy. Like with Johnny Depp. Yeah. Like, where they. Like the long trench coats.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think that's a vibe. Or where, like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, where you're on, like, horseback.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Cowboys. I think that's cool. Why? What would you do?

[B]

Me?

[A]

Crime. Yeah.

[B]

If I could do any crime, I'd love to, like, like, break into, like, a jewelry place with, like, lasers and, like, get under the lasers.

[A]

Oh, that's good. But I have a good one for you. If you can stop one crime.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

From ever happening again.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

But you have to do it once to stop it. What would it be?

[B]

9, 11.

[C]

What?

[B]

What if I had to stop one thing? Wait, what did you. You asked me if I could stop one crime.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Nine, 11.

[A]

Yeah, but you have to commit once. You have to commit it once.

[B]

Oh, I have to do it once?

[A]

Yeah. So you probably have to take one of the towers down.

[B]

Oh, but that question doesn't make any sense.

[A]

Yeah, it does make sense.

[B]

Okay. Why?

[C]

Like, you. You could. You could.

[A]

No one would ever get murdered again. All you would have to do is kill someone once.

[B]

Oh, yes. Oh, okay. Who would I kill?

[A]

No, that's. I'm giving you an example, for fuck's sake. Oh, I need to stop all. All crime. All crime.

[B]

If I did it once.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So you're saying if I did not.

[A]

Yeah, if you did 9 11.

[B]

I mean, all terrorism would stop?

[A]

No, you. You specifically said 9 11, so. So you would do 9 11, and then it would stop, but that would just make you the terrorist, and that would be it. So technically, you put an end to it. I guess, in a way, that was.

[C]

The craziest answer you could have possibly. Really funny.

[B]

What would you do? Would you stop?

[C]

It's like, what are you comfortable with doing? It's like admitting to the fact that, yeah, I'm chill with killing someone. I'm chill with doing something.

[A]

Yeah, but if you had to kill someone for the sake of all murder to stop, that's pretty fucking big.

[C]

Yeah. I mean, I think that that's, like, the only answer.

[A]

Yeah. Unless you have, like, a guilty conscience, then it'd be like drug trafficking, or it'd be like doing drugs, being caught with a bag of coke. Do you know what I mean? I think that's easy.

[C]

Yeah. It doesn't feel.

[A]

Wait. But then does that. Does that stop getting in trouble for the cook, or does that stop you from ever having it in the first place?

[C]

I think you never have it.

[A]

Never mind.

[B]

Murder.

[A]

That's a tough question. Okay, I see. I see why you chose 9 11, J. Yeah. Yeah. Now, thinking about it, there is, like. There's definitely. It was by design that you chose that.

[B]

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[B]

What is David eating?

[A]

No way.

[B]

That one's. Wow.

[C]

Damn. That one is.

[B]

That's crazy. If you guys could hear this one on the headphones.

[C]

I like, actually feel like I know what it is.

[A]

That's because I'm eating your asshole out right now.

[B]

Oh, that's what that is. I was wondering.

[A]

You didn't hear from all the slurping?

[B]

No. No. Okay, then. Now it makes sense.

[C]

I did. Like when I showed you my vajine.

[A]

I saw her today.

[B]

Oh, really?

[C]

He did not see my.

[B]

What was the circumstance?

[A]

Huh?

[B]

What was the circumstance?

[A]

I thought you said what was the circumference? Hu.

[B]

Talking for diameter.

[A]

Here. Lock in. Lock in. What is it? Go.

[B]

Ten second.

[A]

You have a question for tj?

[B]

Yeah, I had a question for Taylor.

[A]

Hit me.

[B]

If. If you want me to ask you. And then you'll. You'll ask Taylor.

[A]

No, no, no. You ask.

[B]

Sorry. If. If your cat could talk. What would your cat say about you?

[C]

About me?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, I would. I would think he would say a lot of good things. I buy him a lot of toys. I spoil him. And I always tell him he's the. The cutest, most perfect thing.

[B]

What would he say?

[A]

My favorite is Taylor had to leave work early one day because it was his birthday. And I was like, he doesn't know if you come a little late. And she's like, no, he knows. He was turning one and she put up. She put up a happy birthday banner. Like, you know, normally you'd put it like, on the ceiling, like by a window.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But she put it, like on the TV stand because she had to do the cat level.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

So you could see it. Do you think he understood what's going on?

[C]

Oh, I thousand percent. And he. Every time I get home, he knows, and he loves it because he rolls on his belly or on his back. And he just looks up at me, and then he'll follow me, and then he'll do it again wherever I'm, like, moving into, like, a different room, you know? But yeah, no, his birthday was great. I bought him lots of treats. I bought him a new toy.

[A]

Does he have any friends come or.

[C]

No, just Luna.

[A]

Just Luna.

[B]

What's Luna like?

[C]

She's mellow.

[B]

Is Theodore more charged up?

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Okay. And if you could do Theodore's voice, could you do his voice right now? What he would say about you?

[C]

Oh, my goodness. He would be like, mom.

[A]

Mom.

[C]

Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. He's like, kind of just all over the place. And he loves food.

[A]

Loves. He does.

[C]

He's a little chunky man.

[B]

Oh, really? You give him tuna?

[C]

I give him tuna.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's great. But, yeah, I think he would. I think you would say I'm gone a lot, but I think I give him the time that he needs because when he. When I am around him, I want him, you know, in front of me at all times.

[B]

Got it.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

That's all I got.

[A]

That's really good. I mean, I've been wondering this too, but I've been kind of nervous to ask Tay.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

She's very protective about her cat.

[B]

Who do you think knows me? That's famous that I knows you.

[A]

Jason? Ash. Yeah.

[B]

Do you think there's any celebrities that know who I am, but I don't know who they are, but they know me?

[A]

Look, you're trying to say what celebrities know who you are that you don't know that they're aware of you? Yeah, but you know, the celebs.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Right. I'm trying to think of, like, someone who's reached out that you wouldn't know.

[B]

Anyone ever reach out and say that? Jason's great.

[A]

No one specifically, but I imagine if they've seen the videos. They have seen. You sure? There was one. I've never told the story. It's actually pretty good. I was gonna say it for a vlog. Cause I thought it'd be a fun vlog story, but I'll never get around to it. Right.

[C]

I don't know. Who is it?

[A]

The scissor story.

[B]

Oh, my God. Charlie loves Sza.

[A]

Yeah, this is pretty good.

[B]

Charlie loves you.

[A]

I'll actually probably put it in the vlog one day. So let's pretend this. Pretend you've never heard this when I say it right now on the podcast.

[C]

All right.

[A]

Sizzle just reached out to me once in covet times, I think during COVID Yeah. I was like, no, I was making. I remember I was making the vlogs.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

And she reached out and she asked me to come. Let me see what the DMS were. Exactly. She asked me to come on tour with her so I can edit her videos and like make. She said, oh. She goes, in 2019. Hi, this is random, but can we work together, please? Can you please call me or text or anything? Lmao. I have a specific project. And then she. She sent me a number and wow. I said on it. And then she texted me. I said, hi, what's poppin? It's David. She goes, fuck, this worked. Wow. I'm flabbergasted. Okay, sorry. Hey.

[B]

Hi.

[A]

Wow. I'm such w. Huge fan. I said, haha. Hi. Thank you. How are you? She said, I'm well. And then she went to this long thing. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. She was just doing this thing and she wanted to. She. She goes. She says a bunch of things and then she goes, maybe like four. Four paragraphs of things of what she wants to do. And then she goes, how are you? Where are you? I talk a lot. I'm quiet now. And then it was the crying eye emoji.

[B]

That's so cool.

[A]

And then she goes, oh no. Did I say the wrong thing? Because I wasn't responding and I said, no, my phone died. Hold on. On computer. Yeah. So she wanted to, like, me to like, help like, record her tour, which I've always wanted to do. This sure. Like, for an artist is like record her tour videos and edit them together. Yeah. I just think it's so. I think it's such a good idea.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To like, go backstage, get like the. The scoop of like an artist before and after. And like me being able to put it together would be so fun and be like so humanizing to the artist. I think it'd be like, really? But I couldn't do it because I was doing the vlogs. I don't have time, but this is sick.

[C]

Should do that. That would be like an amazing, like, second channel series that you could start.

[A]

Yeah. Or just a new main channel series where it's like true. Just that's like, it's. That's the new thing. I think that'd be just so easy.

[B]

Like a different artist every video.

[A]

Yeah. Like spend. Spend three weeks with the Chainsmokers. Yeah. Yeah. Go. Go to six locations of the Chainsmokers, put a video together. I think that's fucking sick.

[B]

Yeah. That's really cool.

[A]

I've always.

[C]

Oh, My God, one with Dua Lipa would be insane. So fun.

[A]

There's so many artists. And you'd be. And you'd be like, what the fuck? This is so like, dude, I'm telling.

[C]

You, like, I love this idea.

[A]

No, no, no, I think it'd be really cool. But what happened that was really funny is one day I was fucking hammered after my birthday party. And Eric. This is why I wanted to say I wanted to put in the vlog, because Eric came, who's a YouTuber. First of all, I didn't know Eric came. Let me say the way I saw it with my eyes. Sza pulled up in her car, the party was closing. And she pulled up, her team's like recording me. And she's like, hey, I came to party. And I'm like, oh, shit, no way. I've never met her in my life before. I just talked to her. No, I'm like, no way. You started your YouTube channel? Like, fuck yeah. Cuz she was recording and I'm hammered. And she's like, well, where do we go to party next? I'm like, okay, let's go. We'll. We're going to the club if you want to join us. And then I hopped. Or she. She drove and she met us there. Yeah, she met us at the club. We told the security at the club, like, this is coming, whatever. They like, made it very, like, nice and easy for her to come in. She came, the crowd was fucking flipping shit.

[C]

Yeah, they started playing her music.

[A]

She's like playing her music everything. She's like singing along, whatever. And. And then she asked me, she's like, what's your favorite song of mine? And I'm like, huh. I thought that was so strange. I've never, like, that's like, that's never been. I thought that was such a bizarre. But I was so drunk, I couldn't see my hands. Like, I was very drunk. And she said, what's your favorite song of mine? I'm like, I don't, I don't. I just like, blanked. And then I was just like. I kept panicking. I kept panicking. And then we were walking out of the club, like, we're going to the next place. And Eric comes out of nowhere and he goes, dave, that's not real, sizzo. We're just pranking you.

[B]

No way.

[A]

And I turn right around and I go, now it was a prank. Like this is. But it was so. And Eric had no idea that I've ever spoke it to her.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So everything aligned so incredibly perfectly.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

Eric had no idea that I've ever texted her about her starting a YouTube series or channel or whatever. It was fucking crazy. And I've never met her in my life. It was like the perfect opportunity. I was perfectly drunk. It was. It was fucking. It was the perfect prank. And it didn't even. I haven't even got a chance to tell this to Eric yet. So it didn't even get to play. Like, even on camera, the prank doesn't look as good as it was. It's the best. It's the best prank anyone has ever pulled out of me. And anyone will because of the circumstances, because he had no. He had no idea how perfect it actually was.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

It's completely sold.

[B]

Dang.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Gods gaveth that day to Eirak.

[A]

Yeah, but it wasn't like a big thing in his video. It was just like he was going around surprising, fooling people with Sza and everyone fell for it. But the way I felt for her was very different.

[C]

Cause in my head she was like fully with us.

[A]

Like, yeah, in my head, oh, this is Sza. Like she's been. She's. She gets really excited about this stuff. And it all matched up like perfectly. Vlog camera. And she's like, it's my first video. I'm like, hell ye. Like, like, let's make it fun. Let's go out. Like, it was so, so crazy right on the nose.

[C]

I feel like too in that moment, obviously he had no context on like the history and conversation you guys had prior. And like, you would think like, David would just be confused. Like, why is Sza so interested in like communicating with me or like interacting or be going to the club or doing whatever. Like, I'm sure Eric thought that the bit was going to be like 15 minutes tops. And it like was like we were hanging out for like two hours.

[A]

Goes on for three days. No, no, no. I was like, I fully was catering to Sza. I'm like, it's her first video. Like, I don't wanna. I don't wanna make a shitty video for the first one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What was this like two years ago?

[C]

Two years ago.

[B]

Did you ever tell the real sza?

[A]

No, I never told the real Sza.

[C]

Oh, wow.

[A]

No, no, I don't think I even like really saw that video. I think like, my part was buried with a lot of the other like people he surprised. So it wasn't like. But that's why I wanna do it for the vlog, because I think getting all his footage from that night would be fun.

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

And I narrate it and like, I tell Eric why it was such a fucking crazy, crazy prank.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I feel like that could be funny. No.

[B]

Yeah. And then you surprise Charlie with the real sza.

[A]

And then I surprise. Oh, Charlie Nash. Yeah, that could be. That could be the next thing. Natalie's being really weird. Natalie's thong is like.

[B]

It's riding up.

[C]

I'm sorry. I don't know.

[B]

I'm just sitting in like, mine's riding up too.

[A]

Wait, can you be honest with me?

[C]

Am I doing this all on purpose? I'm so sorry.

[B]

She's taking about that 50 mil.

[A]

No, no, no. Can you be honest with me? Did you. Were you wearing underwear today at our speaking engagement?

[C]

Yes. Oh, my God. Was my vagina out okay?

[A]

Fuck, dude.

[B]

Why would you ask that?

[A]

Because I went to go sit and she was sitting there and like. Was your vagina. Was your vagina. Was your underwear tan?

[C]

Yeah. Yeah, it's skin colored.

[A]

Okay, okay, okay. Fucking really freaked me out. I was like, she's brave not wearing underwear right now. It was just.

[B]

Wait, you saw her sitting and you just knew she didn't have underwear on?

[A]

I just assumed. Oh, wait, what do you mean it was her underwear?

[C]

Where was I sitting? In the room.

[A]

In the green room? Yeah.

[C]

And you walked in.

[A]

I thought you were doing that on purpose because the guy that you like is there.

[C]

Oh, yeah. I wanted him to see my vagine in the group.

[A]

I thought that was your weird move. I was like, damn green room vagina. I guess it's like, I didn't know. That's why I didn't want to say anything in the moment because I was like, oh, she's doing this on purpose.

[C]

That's really fucked up. You should absolutely say something.

[B]

You guys spend that much time together, you know, when she's not wearing underwear. That's wild.

[A]

Yeah. And I know if you're listening to this, you're probably like, okay, David, twice in one month. Like, you're looking, but I'm not. I mean, it's just like it like my eyes. If your ball sack was hanging out, right? Like, I would you just notice. Okay. It's just like.

[C]

But like, my vagine is not hanging out.

[A]

No, it's not hanging out. But you were. Yeah.

[B]

How was your speaking engagement?

[A]

It's pretty good. I mean, we talked.

[B]

How'd he do, Nat?

[C]

He did really great. He's like. He was freaking out. Full on panic attack.

[B]

He was pre.

[C]

And then he was just.

[B]

What was he saying?

[C]

Believe you're making me do this. Can't believe I'm here. Oh my God. This is the worst feeling in the world. It's like, it's like. Feels like I'm skydiving or something, like whatever. And I was like, this is not comparable. You're gonna be fine.

[B]

And then he gets up there and.

[C]

I mean he rushes it. The whole audience is laughing. Nobody laughed at any of the other panels.

[A]

Obviously no one laughed at the other panels. Natalie, please.

[C]

Well, you're good. You're good with the crowd.

[A]

My God, there's been a lot of panels this week. We have one tomorrow as we were talking about earlier. But there's been a lot of panels. I went to a panel yesterday.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Fucking miserable. They're miserable. I can't. Do people actually go and like, learn?

[B]

Yeah, people want to go and learn.

[A]

Yeah, people want to go and learn.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because you like, I would understand if I was listening to like maybe I. Maybe I don't know these guys well enough. I guess so I don't look up to them. Right. Like I don't know what Brock Financial Group is or whatever the fucking. You know. I mean, I guess if I was in that world, sure. It'd be like going to watch Mr. Beast talk. Like I'd be curious for sure. I guess.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Mr. Beast is an example. Like if like Roger Federer was talking to me about Call of Duty.

[B]

What about tennis?

[A]

See, I actually don't think I would. I don't think I have anything that I would like attend a panel for. Well, unless It's Robert Downey Jr. But even then I wouldn't attend it cuz I like. Robert Downey's a big Marvel fan. He just so happens to be the Marvel guy.

[B]

Yeah, but what if Robert, Johnny Jr. Was going to tell you like exactly how he acts and have you ever taken. You ever watched Masterclass?

[A]

No.

[B]

So good.

[A]

So what? So that's like when a celebrity hosts explain that to me.

[B]

It's this thing called masterclass. You pay $60 and you get access to 400 masterclasses. The best chef in the world, Judd Apatow, Steve Martin.

[A]

Judd Apatow teaches you how to screenwrite.

[B]

It's two hours of Judd Apatow talking about comedy and. And how he fucking made knocked up. Or you know, it could be like Mario Batali.

[A]

It's like a YouTube video.

[B]

Nope. It's on a website and it's. And over Covid. I was so bored and so lost.

[A]

And you pay $60. And you get all the master classes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh. To any genre.

[B]

And you get all of them. Yeah. So you can learn how to knit. You could learn about finance. You could learn about. They're really good.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

They have, like, the beauty people. Like, you know, some of the best makeup artists.

[A]

Okay, I think that's cool. But, like. Okay, back to the panel thing. Like, you know me, Natalie. What panel would I, like, actually enjoy going to?

[C]

I think it's not necessarily. It's just, like, about, like, I think also just getting inspired and motivated. Like, you see someone that's done what you want to do, like, you've accomplished a lot, so maybe there's not somebody.

[A]

That you're necessarily true.

[B]

Yes, you have, David.

[A]

Oh, you know a question I wasn't asked that I was kind of excited about. What defines your. What defines success? How do you define success? I thought that was. I thought that was interesting because I didn't have an answer for it. Now that, like, quickly read me the questions. I don't like to hear the questions before we read one earlier on the pod. Yeah, like, I don't like to. I don't like to hear the questions at all. But that. That's the one that she read. I was like, I have no idea, actually, like, what defines success for you, Jay?

[B]

For me?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's such a. It's such a tough answer for me because I have, like, so many responsibilities. If I didn't have, like, a wife and kids and a mortgage and stuff. Success for me is like, working on something that I love, that I'm passionate about. That's like, total success.

[A]

Yeah. Like having the financial freedom to continue doing your passion.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's a good answer.

[A]

That's what I think that. Yeah, that's what I think my answer would be.

[B]

Financial freedom.

[A]

Like, I think I reached. I think I hit success the moment I could pay for my rent with YouTube. Like, the moment I was making. What was it? $800 a month off YouTube. In my head, that was like, okay, you made it. Like, I could have. If it never blew up to this. I would have coasted on that till the end of time. I just had so much fun and making $800, making videos. Fucking. Fucking. You're making videos. It's insane. So I think that was success, and I think now. Now, now, now I could check that off, but I think there's, like, now. It's like, now, like, you're saying, like, now it's like family. Finding a family is my version of success, for sure. What about you, Nat? Finally wearing some underwear?

[C]

Being able to afford underwear? No, I think my version of success is being able to, like, I feel like I've accomplished it for myself. Like, I definitely have success, but then being able to, like, carry that over to, like, buying a home for my mother or, like, buying a place for my parents, like, helping to like, retire.

[A]

Them and stuff, I think it's sick. I also think, like, this. I think, like, as you go through life, you, like, unlock new.

[C]

For sure.

[A]

Like, new side quests.

[B]

Yeah, right.

[A]

Like, I don't have the most important one yet that I'm yet to unlock, but I think it's going to be the biggest thing is success for my kids. Like, I think that's going to be like, whenever that unlocks. That's something. I. I don't worry about my kids right now, Jay, at all. You don't know.

[B]

Good. I'm glad you don't, like, that's. They don't exist.

[A]

Yeah, it's craz to say that, right? I don't give a fuck about my kids.

[B]

Yeah, you don't have to. It's.

[A]

It's.

[B]

It's really nice.

[A]

Me and you, same thing, brother. Yeah. We just don't care.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No, no.

[B]

I'll tell you one.

[A]

The.

[B]

The. A good side quest for me is like watching Wyatt play to, like, you know, 200 people and you're like, well, what's going to happen? Like, is he going to do good? Is it. Are people gonna like him? Like, you know, it's. It's really fun.

[A]

Oh, yeah. That's gotta be crazy. It's like. Have you ever played Club Penguin?

[B]

No.

[A]

It's like having those little fur balls around and they got. Put clothes on them and you, like, watch them waddle around. Will he get. Will he get along with the other. What are they called?

[B]

Are you comparing my kids to Club Penguin?

[A]

Definitely Wyatt. You've seen this. He fucking looks like a. It looks like one of those puzzles. Wuzzles. Yeah. Puffles. He's a furry dude. Yeah. No, I mean, that's. That's the only thing I compare having kids to.

[C]

Are you gonna, like. Are you gonna Nepo your kids. Are your kids gonna be like Nepo for sure?

[A]

That's a really good question. What does that mean, locked in?

[C]

Like, I don't know. I feel like our lack of money is what shaped us into who we are today. And like. But obviously, like, your kids are going to be born into money.

[A]

No, they won't know that.

[C]

How they Won't.

[B]

You're not going to move out of this house.

[C]

Are you talking them Internet? What, are you going to keep them in the fucking.

[A]

I actually literally thought I had a dream of this the other day. It was really weird. I had two days ago.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it was. This was a very vivid dream. I wonder what it means. But it was me living in this house.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And on the front of it was my townhouse for my childhood home. And it was attached to it. So from the outside, it looked like my townhouse. And my kids were hanging out in the townhouse. And I would sneak away and go into my house that was behind the small house. So I wouldn't let my kids see that I had any sort of money. Ooh. It's weird that I dreamed about this.

[C]

That's what I'm saying. Like, makes a lot of sense. Yeah, I don't. I don't know of that. But, like, is that, like, when you have kids, are you going to, like, are you going to stay in this nice $10 million home?

[A]

No, I'm not going to live in LA. But are we going to, you know, most likely have, like, not the same house I had when we were in la, in Vernon Hills, or when I was like, I want to move back to Vern Hills. I want to move back to my hometown.

[C]

That's where you want to raise your kids?

[A]

Yes, I want to be part of the school district. I want to help bring the school lunch. Will our family have a little bit more money than people around? Yes. Well, you know, we'll be. We'll be doing okay, but, like, I'm gonna. I'm gonna make it very clear that, like, it's Dad's money.

[C]

I can't wait.

[A]

What about, can't wait to see the cold?

[B]

You're not gonna be Dad's money guy.

[A]

I call on that. I'm totally not.

[B]

You'll literally be like, oh, yeah, whatever you guys want.

[A]

Even I said that I was done.

[C]

Anytime anyone asks him for money, he's like, yeah, sure. It doesn't matter who it is. Crazy. You're going to, like, give it. Yeah, okay.

[A]

Whatever.

[C]

Yeah, it's fine. It's chill.

[B]

Go.

[A]

I also don't want my kids to be in LA and be like, and they're going to school with Mr. Beast kids. And they're like, yeah, I thought you were cool. And I'm like, oh, oh, wait, who's in there?

[C]

Yeah, that's funny.

[A]

Junior Beast is there.

[C]

This is a constant competition. Junior Beast.

[A]

Junior Beast goes to Your school. All right. We're going back to our hometown. Getting the. Out of here right now. I don't know. Yeah, I think that would. I think this town is scary for kids. I think that's just, like, a big problem.

[B]

They love it, though.

[A]

What do you mean? Like, obviously they love.

[B]

Kids that grew up here love it.

[A]

That's the problem.

[B]

I tried to move my kids out. They're like, no, we love it here.

[A]

Shit.

[B]

Huh?

[A]

It's fucking Los Angeles. It's the best place to be as a kid. Yeah, that's not my point.

[B]

What's your point? You think they're corrupt? That is your. They're corrupted.

[A]

You think? Yeah, 100%. Dude.

[B]

I don't know, dude. My kids aren't on drugs or anything.

[A]

Anybody. You got. You got lucky.

[B]

I got lucky?

[A]

Yeah. You're a good dad. And I don't know much about Marnie, but I'm sure she's good, too. You got lucky. Marty's great, but you actually ask. Any kid's great. You ask any kid in Vernon Hills. While they're in Vernon Hills.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they hate Vernon Hills. Do you know what I mean? I mean, they don't hate it because it's like a dangerous place.

[C]

Nothing to do.

[A]

There's just nothing to do. And that is boring. And that's just incredible. That's how. That's how it should be as a kid. Like, find your own things to do. Get invented. I mean, I don't know who. Who am I to say, like, what that's gonna be like, because my. By the time my kid's born, he'll be a. He won't even live in la. He's gonna live in Cybertron, in. In his VR. Like, he won't even physically be in a location. My son may just be a computer program. I genuinely don't know. I thought we're talking.

[B]

Oh, I know what's gonna happen.

[A]

A bunch of nothing.

[B]

You're gonna have a kid exactly like you, and you're gonna be. You're gonna get challenged. The out of yourself.

[A]

What do you think?

[C]

That's what's gonna happen.

[A]

Like, what?

[B]

You'll have a guy.

[C]

Well, no, he's just. He's gonna get a major taste of his own medicine.

[B]

You're gonna get a taste of your own medicine.

[A]

Really?

[B]

You're gonna get a kid with a big smile, lot of charm that you can't say no to, who's going to be causing fucking chaos, running up a huge bill.

[A]

That's gonna be really funny. That's gonna be the most exciting part, isn't it?

[B]

My best friend had a kid, and.

[A]

It'S just exactly like him.

[B]

And he's a. No, no, he's nothing like him. My best friend had a kid. They're the same age as Wyatt. He's a great kid. He's a fucking great kid. And this kid just drove my friend fucking nuts.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

He was just like. This kid just loved to have a good time. Was. Was a good time. Couldn't say no to him. So charming. He'd, like, run off with credit cards.

[A]

But he, like, liked him.

[B]

Oh, we love this kid. And he loves his son.

[A]

Oh, he loves.

[B]

But Jeff was constantly like, no, Max, no. Like, what did you do? He's like, I just. I just bought four sandwiches, the Four Seasons.

[A]

What's the big deal?

[B]

You know, it'd be like a bill for, like, fudge, $250.

[A]

You know, that's really. And then.

[B]

And then he became. And then this kid is so charming. He became friends with like, Madonna's son. And, like, then he goes on vacation with Paul McCartney, and we're just like, max, like, how does. Really. And Jeff will be like, I don't know.

[A]

What was the. What was the moment, like, when you started to realize that, like, your kids are like you? The, like, was there like, one.

[B]

Like when Wyatt would get soap in his eyes? Really? When he showered? Yeah. Like, oh, no.

[A]

That was the first thing.

[B]

Yeah. He'd be like. He's like, my eyes. My eyes. I'm like, what happened in there? He's like, I got soap in it. I'm like, that happened to me this morning.

[A]

My favorite thing that Wyatt ever did that you told me. And it's like, I fucking. He's cuz. He's the only person I've ever heard say this. And I like, I'll, like, die by this. He was sick one day, and you came to me and you're like, why? It's sick. And he keeps telling me his hair hurts. Yeah. And I was like, yes, my hair hurts all the time when I'm sick. And that is the exact way I describe it too.

[C]

What do you mean?

[A]

Like, like my body aches so much. Where. Like where your hair is like your follicles. Like when your hair moves, it hurts your head. Like where the follicles are connected to your scalp.

[B]

I've had that. I don't know when I'm sick, but, yeah, something's wrong.

[A]

No, it's always when I'm sick and I got really high fever. Like, when my hair moves, it hurts. That's. That's when. That's the only time I connected to Wyatt.

[B]

The only time. Come on, man.

[A]

No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. All right, well, that's all the time we have for his podcast. Thank you guys for listening. Thank you, everybody, for joining us. Listening. I said that already.

[B]

Have a great weekend.

[A]

Thanks to everyone listening.

[B]

Have a great weekend.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Thursday.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

You excited for the wedding?

[A]

I'm excited. We're gonna have a lot to talk about because our friends are getting married. We will see you guys soon. Bye. This episode is brought to you by 20th Century Studios New film Springsteen Deliver Me from Nowhere, starring Golden Globe winner Jeremy Allen White and Academy Award nominee Jeremy Strong. Scott Cooper, the director of the Academy award winning movie Crazy Heart, brings you the story of the most pivotal chapter in the life of an icon. Springsteen Deliver Me from Nowhere Only in theaters October 24th. Get your tickets now. Limu Emu and Doug. Here we have the Limu Emu in its natural habitat, helping people customize their car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual. Fascinating. It's accompanied by his natural ally, Doug. Limu.

[B]

Is that guy with the binoculars watching us?

[A]

Cut the camera. They see us.

[B]

Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty Savings vary unwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance company and affiliates.

[A]

Excludes Massachusetts.