Brandi Carlile helps us say goodbye to Bill Kurtis!

Summary

Wait Wait… Don’t Tell Me!

Brandi Carlile Helps Us Say Goodbye to Bill Kurtis!

Aired: May 23, 2026 | Host: Peter Sagal | NPR

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Episode Overview

This heartfelt episode of NPR’s beloved news quiz, Wait Wait… Don’t Tell Me!, is a milestone: it marks the final appearance of legendary scorekeeper and announcer Bill Kurtis, who helped define the show with his authoritative voice and wit for the past 12 years. Comedians Paula Poundstone, Negeen Farsad, and Luke Burbank join host Peter Sagal for a riotous and affectionate farewell, featuring their signature panel games, news recaps, and a special celebrity guest: Grammy- and Emmy-winning singer-songwriter Brandi Carlile.

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Key Segments and Discussions

1. Introduction & Tributes to Bill Kurtis

• 00:54–02:30
  Peter Sagal opens the show by reflecting on Bill’s lasting impact. With warm comedy, he frames Bill’s departure:

  “Today either Bill is stepping down after being the hilarious beso profundo soul of our show for 12 wonderful years, or he finally came to his senses.” (Peter Sagal, 00:54)

• Nostalgic banter and jokes about why Bill stayed so long, setting a celebratory tone.

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2. Panel Introductions & Listener Game: Who’s Bill This Time?

• 02:30–09:55
  • Contestant: Tiffany Washburn, Dayton, OH (cancan dancer and mom)
  • Panelists: Negeen Farsad, Luke Burbank, Paula Poundstone
  • Game Format: Bill Kurtis reads quotes from the week’s news; Tiffany must guess the story's subject.

Memorable Moments & Insights

• Food Prices & Beans

  • 03:52 — “This week, interest is surging in the tiny bulbous legume.” (Bill Kurtis)
  • Chickpeas’ popularity reflects economic hardship, with bean-influencers dubbed the “Leguminati.”

    “Economists…pointing to a somewhat troubling Americans are buying lots and lots of beans.” (Peter Sagal, 04:10) “We should have been focusing on the gas that comes out of our butts.” (Negeen Farsad, 04:32)

• Seniors on TV

  • 06:08 — “The Golden Girls template endures.” (Bill Kurtis)
  • New shows like “The Burroughs” and “Only Murders in the Building” center older characters.

    “In fact, Stranger Things dragged on so long, they were just able to cast the original kids from the show as senior citizens.” (Peter Sagal, 07:21)

• AI at Commencements

  • 08:28 — “Boo. Boo.” (Bill Kurtis)

  • Growing student impatience with AI references in graduation speeches.

    “AI is not for graduation speeches. It’s for writing the papers that help you graduate.” (Peter Sagal, 08:50)

  • Lighthearted exchange about Paula’s son being a class of one and memories of forgettable speeches.

    “No, my son graduated from high school in a very small program. He graduated in a class of one.” (Paula Poundstone, 09:41)

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3. News Quiz & Offbeat Headlines

• 09:55–15:15

Swiss Movie Theater's Bathroom Innovation

• 11:10—Paula wonders about someone shouting movie events into bathrooms.
• 11:14—Solution: TV monitors in front of every toilet, so moviegoers don’t miss a scene.

  “There are TV monitors in the floor in front of every toilet so you can watch the movie while you’re using the toilet.” (Peter Sagal, 11:16) “When I walked into the bathroom, I say, ‘I have become death, Eater of the world.’” (Luke Burbank, riffing on Oppenheimer, 11:50)

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4. Bluff the Listener

• 15:29–21:28
  • Contestant: Rhonda Graff, McCook, Nebraska

Stories Where One Letter Made a Difference:

• Negeen Farsad: A urologist was mistaken for a “ufologist” (UFO expert) on the radio.
• Luke Burbank: FBA (Farmington Bratwurst Association) confused with the FBI, leading to a bratwurst executive solving a crime.
• Paula Poundstone: A luncheon was ruined by booking “Lurch” (from The Addams Family) instead of “lunch.”

Answer: Negeen’s story was the real one.

“You log onto a call to think you’re gonna be asked about your medical expertise, and then someone’s like, do you believe in aliens?” (Dr. Reena Malik, guest, 21:12)

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5. Not My Job: Brandi Carlile Interview

• 21:28–32:00

Early Elton John Fandom

• 22:26

  “I was a massive Elton John fan as a teenager.” (Brandi Carlile, 22:26) “It was like they were all discovering Elton John through me until the Lion King, and then they all understood my obsession.” (Brandi, 22:52)

Meeting Idols and Life Philosophy

• 24:08

  “No, I’m not very shy at all. … Life is too short to not… be friends and to get close with people.” (Brandi Carlile, 24:08)

• Stories about being “rebuffed,” but trying anyway.

Growing Up & Childhood

• 25:13
  • Family lived “poor, rural” — sometimes eating only if her father shot an elk or deer from the window.
  • Father’s encouragement (“you don’t miss your fist fight appointments if you make them”).

Awards and Success

• 27:24

  “I keep them all on top of my piano that I’ve had since I was 18. … The whole top of it’s just covered in Grammys and Christmas lights.” (Brandi Carlile, 27:33)

Not My Job Quiz: “Returning to the Store”

• Quirky stories about consumer returns—including a man who won the lottery after returning orange juice (29:24), a shareholder who returned a package to Jeff Bezos (30:22), and a dead Christmas tree returned to Costco (31:26).
• Brandi wins with a perfect score.

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6. More News, Limericks, and Lightning Round

• 35:13–51:48

News Quiz

• Parents claim kids have IBS for longer SAT bathroom breaks, spotlighting privilege and test anxiety.

  “So many parents have never been more furious to have children without any neurological or medical problems.” (Peter Sagal, 36:34)

• Viral stories: Adult learning to drive, a bizarre baby name spelling (“GHIULIYETTE” for Juliet), and a bridesmaid splitting her dress doing the worm.

  “Stop zooming in, you bastards.” (Video caption, 42:07)

Lightning Fill in the Blank

• Panelists answer rapid-fire news questions.
• Sample Topics: Trump’s $1.8 billion fund for January 6th defendants, rising gas prices, indie bands at public events, World Cup ticket deals, and more.
• Winner: Luke Burbank, after a tight point race.

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7. Farewell, Bill Kurtis – Reflections & Predictions

• 52:00–54:58

The show concludes with a heartfelt tribute from Peter Sagal:

“For once, you’re wrong. We are the lucky ones. … Bill, in the end, the only way you know something is absolutely true is if you say it. So would you please do the honors?” (Peter Sagal, 53:51)

• Panelists’ tongue-in-cheek predictions for Bill’s next act:

  “He’s tired of being objectified for his voice, so he’s going to be a male bikini model so he can finally be objectified for his body.” (Negeen Farsad, 53:58)

  “Whatever the hell he wants.” (Luke Burbank, 54:09)

  “Bill will be applying for the weaponization reparations from the $1.7 billion.” (Paula Poundstone, 54:20)

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Notable Quotes & Humor Highlights

• Beanconomics:
  “We're not just buying more beans. We're really into them. This is true. There are bean influencers online and real bean fans call themselves...Leguminati.”
  (Peter Sagal, 04:50–05:06)

• Accidental Crime Solving:
  “Thanks to a typo on his LinkedIn page... Patel was actually emailing a guy whose real expertise was how spicy is too spicy when we’re talking kielbasa?”
  (Luke Burbank, 17:58)

• Brandi on Confidence:
  "Life is too short to not… be friends and to get close with people."
  (Brandi Carlile, 24:08)

• Panelist Playfulness:
  “When I walked into the bathroom, I say, ‘I have become death Eater of the world.’”
  (Luke Burbank, 11:50)

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Segment Timestamps (MM:SS)

• Bill Kurtis Tribute & Intro: 00:21–02:30
• Panelist Intros & Games: 02:30–09:55
• Swiss Movie Theater Story: 09:55–11:50
• Bluff the Listener Game: 15:29–21:28
• Brandi Carlile Interview: 21:28–32:00
• Listener Limerick Challenge: 38:45–43:16
• Lightning Round: 45:59–51:48
• Bill Kurtis Farewell: 52:00–54:58

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Conclusion

This episode is a laughter-filled and genuinely touching send-off for Bill Kurtis, packed with the show’s trademark newswise games, silly stories, and panel hilarity. Brandi Carlile’s appearance adds star power and warmth, and the entire cast makes it clear how much Bill has meant to the show and its listeners. “Wait Wait… Don’t Tell Me!” offers a perfect blend of irreverent news, clever quips, and sincere celebration—Bill Kurtis style.

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For more information, bonus sponsor-free episodes, and to support public radio, visit plus.npr.org/waitwait

Transcript

[Announcer]

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[Bill Curtis]

From npr n wbez chicago, this is wait, wait, don't tell me. The npr news quiz. I'm legendary anchorman bill curtis. Well, where are we?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Bill Curtis]

And here's your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal.

[Peter Sagal]

Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody. We've got a great show for you today. Later on, we're going to be talking to the fabulous singer songwriter Brandi Carlisle. But first, back in 2014, when our original judge and scorekeeper Carl Castle retired, someone suggested that we should ask Bill Curtis to succeed him. And I said, are you nuts? Why would Bill Curtis, groundbreaking journalist and giant of broadcasting, squander his hard earned reputation doing our silly little show every week? Well, today either Bill is stepping down after being the hilarious beso profundo soul of our show for 12 wonderful years, or he finally came to his senses. So if you want to be one of the last people to benefit from his wisdom and or his mistake, give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT, WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Now it's time to welcome our first listener contestant. How you run. Wait, wait, Don. Hi, this is Tiffany Washburn. I'm calling from Dayton, Ohio. Hey, Dayton is a beautiful place. I think we're going there later on. What do you do there? I am a mom of two and in my free time, I'm a can can dancer with Madame Gigi's. Hold on, wait a minute. Oh, another one. There's so many other things. I really, I gotta talk to our screeners. Too many cancan. Wait a minute. You're a can can dancer? Like the Moulin Rouge. Can can you come exactly like, is there a lot of call for cancan dancers these days in today's economy? A surprising amount of demand. Yeah. When you're in town, you should stop by. Yes, I'm making a note here. Absolutely. Tiffany, welcome to the show. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, a comedian who you can see in Chattanooga, Tennessee on June 24th at the Comedy catch with the show, the Muslims are coming with equally threatening friends, it's Negeen Farsad. Hi. Hi, Negeen. Next, it's the host of the daily podcast TBTL and the public radio variety show Livewire, which will be live at the Reeser center for the Arts in Beaverton, Oregon, on May 29th. It's Luke Burbank.

[Luke Burbank]

Hey there, Tiffany.

[Peter Sagal]

Hey, Luke. And you can see her June 26 in Atlanta, Georgia, at the Buckhead Theater and hear her on her podcast. Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone. It's Paula Poundstone. Hey.

[Caller]

Hey, Paula.

[Negeen Farsad]

Hey, Tiffany.

[Peter Sagal]

Tiffany, welcome to the show. You're gonna play who's Bill this time? Bill Curtis is gonna read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose for your voicemail. Are you ready to go? I'm ready. All right. Your first quote is from an NPR News story.

[Bill Curtis]

This week, interest is surging in the tiny bulbous legume.

[Peter Sagal]

That was NPR's annoying way of saying that as food prices go up, more and more people are eating. What is it, chickpeas. It is chickpeas and other beans. That's the answer we were looking for. Oh, the magical fruit. Yes. Economists right now are pointing to a somewhat troubling Americans are buying lots and lots of beans. I was worried when I saw the New York Times say seven delicious meals you can cook over a trash can fire.

[Negeen Farsad]

I love that this is an economic indicator. I mean, we've been like focusing on the price of gas so much. We should have been focusing on the gas that comes out of our butts.

[Peter Sagal]

Exactly. When you think about it, I guess it won't work scientifically, but you could think one surplus would solve the other shortage, right?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Peter Sagal]

We're not just buying more beans. We're really into them. This is true. There are bean influencers online and real bean fans call themselves. Again, I'm sorry to say this is true. Leguminati,

[Luke Burbank]

they run everything.

[Peter Sagal]

They really do. I've heard that.

[Luke Burbank]

All the way to the top.

[Peter Sagal]

Right, Right. This is happening, of course, as beef prices are reaching record highs, as are smugness levels among vegans and vegetarians. Yes, true, true, true, true.

[Luke Burbank]

I have to say, like, I know that this is sort of NPR framing this, the fact that people can't afford maybe to eat the kind of protein that they would like, which would be more like meat based, chicken based. But as a person who is, generally speaking mostly vegetarian, I'm appreciating some people coming over to our slightly gassy side of the fence on this. I was on Interstate 5 over in the Pacific Northwest where I live and one of those big trucks that's got all the chickens in it, like bombing down the highway. And I looked at it and a chicken looked into my soul.

[Peter Sagal]

Really?

[Luke Burbank]

And I have never been the same again.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah. It was like, save me.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, it was. It was saying, you know, give the beans a try. Everybody just leave the windows open at night.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah, exactly. Here is your next quote.

[Bill Curtis]

The Golden Girls templates endures.

[Peter Sagal]

That was the New York Times talking about how the latest trend in TV is shows. About whom? The older segment of the population. Yes. The older segment of the population. Yes. Seniors, old people, geezers. Yes. More and more TV shows are both featuring and are designed for older people. From the Matlock reboot to this new Netflix show, the Burroughs and other shows that will be on way too loud when you go home to visit your parents. It's true, there are a growing number of TV shows are featuring older characters, like only murders in the building or shrinking or 75 years young. Sheldon,

[Bill Curtis]

why am I leaving now?

[Peter Sagal]

That's true. This is your moment, Bill.

[Luke Burbank]

I didn't love the fact that in this New York Times piece, the photographs of some of the actors were, I would say, roughly my age.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah. Terrifying, isn't it?

[Luke Burbank]

Like, Alfred Molina is not that much older than I am.

[Peter Sagal]

Like, if he's playing a senior citizen.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. This is their idea of, like letting you know I wasn't ready to be part of that population so quickly. But I guess I'm here.

[Peter Sagal]

In fact, this is interesting. The Burroughs on Netflix, this new show that sort of inspired this article. It's set in an old age home and it's made by the people who made Stranger Things. In fact, Stranger Things dragged on so long, they were just able to cast the original kids from the show as senior citizens. Just segued into that.

[Paula Poundstone]

Have you heard about. They have a new one of those reality shows, Cops, but it's older cops and the criminals just get away

[Peter Sagal]

and they're going, I gotta sit. I just go, I'm spitzing. Just run. And I'm telling you, right, if you're younger, you want older people to watch shows about older people just to avoid that awkward moment when your uncle tells you he's all caught up in euphoria.

[Paula Poundstone]

Wait, what is euphoria?

[Luke Burbank]

That's the right answer, Paula.

[Peter Sagal]

That's the right answer. Very good. You represented your demographic well, Tiffany.

[Paula Poundstone]

Yes.

[Peter Sagal]

Here is your last quote.

[Bill Curtis]

Boo. Boo.

[Peter Sagal]

That was graduating classes around the country reacting to all these commencement speakers who chose to talk about what new technology. AI. Yes. AI. It is Commencement season and speaker after speaker are bringing up AI and getting booed by the graduates.

[Paula Poundstone]

Yes.

[Peter Sagal]

AI is not for graduation speeches. It's for writing the papers that help you graduate.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[Paula Poundstone]

Did the Secretary of Education. What's her name again?

[Negeen Farsad]

Linda McMahon.

[Paula Poundstone]

Did she do any graduation speeches and talk about A1?

[Peter Sagal]

Which she famously did reading a speech. Reading from notes in Congress, Talked about the potential of A one?

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

But that was at the Western Oklahoma School of Ribeyes.

[Peter Sagal]

Exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

Honestly, relevant to the.

[Michael Hosmar]

Great.

[Peter Sagal]

I want to ask any of you, assuming you all graduated college, if so, do you remember your commencement speech or the commencement speech that was given?

[Paula Poundstone]

No, no, no. My son graduated from high school in a very small program. He graduated in a class of one.

[Peter Sagal]

Really?

[Paula Poundstone]

Yeah. They had to cut Pomp and Circumstance short.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah. Must have been great. You didn't have to wait for his name to come around when they were accepting the class.

[Paula Poundstone]

No, exactly. Duh, duh. Duh.

[Peter Sagal]

Okay, Bill, how did Tiffany do on our quiz?

[Bill Curtis]

Tiffany was crystal clear with a perfect score.

[Peter Sagal]

Congratulations, Tiffany. Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Paula?

[Paula Poundstone]

Yeah.

[Peter Sagal]

I know you enjoy movies.

[Paula Poundstone]

I do.

[Peter Sagal]

When you're at the movies and you have to use the bathroom, it's stressful because you don't want to miss any of the movie.

[Paula Poundstone]

Right.

[Peter Sagal]

But now a movie theater in Switzerland has found an elegant solution. What is it?

[Paula Poundstone]

They have a guy that sits beside you when you come back and whispers, what happened while you were gone?

[Peter Sagal]

No.

[Paula Poundstone]

They have a guy that stands in the doorway just outside your stall and tells you what's happening on the screen while you're gone at a normal volume.

[Peter Sagal]

All right. If he's in the bathroom with you.

[Paula Poundstone]

Yeah.

[Peter Sagal]

How would he be able to watch the movie?

[Paula Poundstone]

Okay. They have a guy that stands just outside the actual bathroom, holds the door open so they can see what's happening on the screen and shouts to you towards the stall where you're sitting.

[Peter Sagal]

These are all wonderful ideas, but they.

[Paula Poundstone]

If somebody steals this, I'm going to be so pissed.

[Luke Burbank]

Literally.

[Peter Sagal]

Literally. But they came up with another solution.

[Paula Poundstone]

Oh, boy. You got any hints for me?

[Peter Sagal]

I mean, presumably you could sit there and watch the movie the whole time, but.

[Paula Poundstone]

Oh, my God. The film shows in the bathroom?

[Peter Sagal]

Yes.

[Paula Poundstone]

Oh, that's awful.

[Peter Sagal]

There are TV monitors in the floor.

[Luke Burbank]

Smart.

[Peter Sagal]

In front of every toilet so you can watch the movie while you're using the toilet and not miss anything.

[Paula Poundstone]

Wow. Yeah.

[Negeen Farsad]

Have you. I remember when I watched Oppenheimer, I needed a break because I thought it was too intense. And it would have been horrible if, like I went to go take a break in the bathroom and it was still there.

[Paula Poundstone]

Yeah. And it followed you to your car. Everywhere you go, Oppenheimer is playing. Yeah. No, that's abusive. That's not a good relationship with Oppenheimer.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

When I walk into the bathroom, I say, I have become death Eater of the world.

[Peter Sagal]

Son of the movies. Coming up, what if our bluff the Listener game was actually called blurf the listener call 1-8 8- wait- wait to play. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, don't tell me. From npr. This message comes from the Arbor Day foundation. Planting trees with intention and scale to support a greener future. For more than 50 years, the Arbor Day foundation has connected local experts with the support they need from passionate people and companies who care to plant trees in communities and forests across the world. They use data and mapping to ensure their focusing efforts in high priority areas where trees will make the most impact, like places affected by natural disasters. Disaster recovery work involving tree planting can take years to do right. In the two decades after Hurricane Katrina, the Arbor Day foundation has planted hundreds of thousands of trees in response. And the work continues to this day as the foundation is working with partners on the ground in New Orleans, Lower 9th Ward to help rebuild a greener community through trees. Most recently, they've brought that same spirit to Los Angeles, planting at several sites throughout the city impacted by the Eaton fire. Learn more and see how you can support their [e-mail] Arbor Day NPR this

[Announcer]

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[Michael Hosmar]

Senior Vice President Michael Hosmar explains the importance of providing a comprehensive approach for clients.

[Fisher Investments Representative]

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[Michael Hosmar]

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[Bill Curtis]

From NPR and WBEC Chicago, this is Wait, wait, don't tell ME the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Paula Poundstone, Nagin Farsad and Luke Burbank. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois. Peter, say you go.

[Peter Sagal]

Thank you, Bill. Thank you so much. Right now it is time for the wait, wait, don't tell me. Bluff the listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. If you would like to play our games on the air. Hi, you're on. Wait, wait, don't tell me.

[Caller]

Hi, this is Rhonda Graff calling from McCook, Nebraska.

[Peter Sagal]

McCook, Nebraska, where is that exactly?

[Caller]

We are smack dab between Denver and Omaha and home to Senator George Norris.

[Peter Sagal]

Oh, Senator George Norris.

[Paula Poundstone]

Yeah, you gotta go back a ways to, you know, electricity, I'm sorry, an hour to broadband.

[Peter Sagal]

So, yeah, the Senator George Norris. Now I know. Yes. Well, Rhonda, welcome to the show. You're gonna play the game in which you have to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what's Rhonda's topic?

[Bill Curtis]

Just one letter.

[Peter Sagal]

One letter can make a big difference. Consider the priest who told the congregation that all singers go to hell. This week we heard a story of something off just by one letter and the consequences were remarkable. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth and you'll win our prize, the wait waiter of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play?

[Caller]

I am.

[Peter Sagal]

First, let's hear from Negin Farsad.

[Negeen Farsad]

Dr. Mariano Cohen is a well respected urologist in Argentina who was invited to speak on a local radio station. He was probably flattered that his vast knowledge of urology was going to be useful on a more public facing scale. It's about time that the study of the testes, prostate, vas deferens and yes, the seminal vesicles be taken as a serious matter of public health and not as an uncomfortable joke made by dirtbag comedians on silly quiz shows. But when the urologist went live on the airwaves, the first question he got was where did he study to become a ufologist? As in someone who studies UFOs, quote, I'm a urologist, not a ufologist, he said, as all the genitals he studied metaphorically shrank. In the end, urologists are still the one doctor no one wants to see, but they're a pretty decent stand in when it comes to explaining inexplicable orbs with strange behaviors.

[Peter Sagal]

Urologist invited onto a radio show because they thought he was a ufologist. Your next Alphabet account comes from Luke Burbank.

[Luke Burbank]

According to a story this week in the Hill, about six months ago, Ben Forstag was at his desk as regional director of the fba, the Farmington Bratwurst Association, a Michigan based lobbying group representing the cased meats industry, when he got an email from Kash Patel ordering him to look into a series of bank robberies in the area. Why, though, would the FBI director reach out to him? Well, thanks to a typo on his LinkedIn page, his name came up when Director Patel Googled Michigan Regional Director of the FBI. Patel was actually emailing a guy whose real expertise was how spicy is too spicy when we're talking kielbasa? The even more amazing part, Forstag nabbed the suspect with no legal authorization. He staked out the one bank in town that hadn't been robbed yet, and sure enough, he caught the bandit when he showed up, something he said he saw in a Matt Damon movie.

[Peter Sagal]

Someone listening his job is with the FBI instead of the fba ends up catching a criminal. Your last story of someone playing loose with the letters comes from Paula Poundstone,

[Paula Poundstone]

Tech Tech, who Wired magazine has put in the top slot of their who to Watch in Tech list, recently held their Spring Fling Employee Recognition luncheon at the Southport Hyatt in Boston. The round tables were festooned with bouquets of flowers. The event featured an improv teacher who led the attendees in some hilarious group storytelling. But there was something missing the lunch. In fact, the crowd grew a little restless, digging through their bags for power bars and candy by the last speaker, who shook his head slowly and moaned in response to each disturbance during his somewhat out of place testimonial about the challenges of his life as a very tall man, his struggles with depression and the difficulties of finding work as a butler in the current economic climate. Of course, CEO Watson threatened never again to use let's have an affair, her go to party planners until they showed her a copy of the email asking for the event to include Lurch. Lurch was the butler from the Addams family.

[Peter Sagal]

So one of these single letter typos made it into the news this week. Was it from Negeen Farsad, a urologist who got invited to to talk about ETs and UFOs from Luke Burbank, Somebody who was a regional director for the FBA being mistaken for someone from the FBI? Or was it from Paula Poundstone, a corporate event that went awry because they ended up with this visit from Lurch, the butler from the Addams family, rather than a delicious lunch?

[Caller]

Well, while I love the Lurch idea and I believe the FBI, I'm going with number one.

[Peter Sagal]

You're going to go with Negeen's story of urologist mistaken for a ufologist. Well, to bring you the correct answer, we spoke to someone familiar with the real story.

[Caller]

You log onto a call to think you're gonna be asked about your medical expertise. And then someone's like, do you believe in aliens?

[Peter Sagal]

And you're like, how is this relevant? Yeah, how is it relevant? That was Dr. Reena Malik, a urologist, explaining the mix up in this week's news. Congratulations, Rhonda. You got it right.

[Caller]

Thank you.

[Peter Sagal]

Thank you. And now the game where people who have won a lot try to win one more thing. It's called Not My Job. Brandi Carlisle says that from an early age, she knew she was going to make it as a musician, and she was right. She has won 11 Grammy awards and two Emmys. She has an Oscar nomination for a song she wrote for her childhood idol, Elton John. Her new album is called Returning to Myself. And she joins us now. Brandi Carlisle, welcome to Wait, wait, don't tell me. Let's start with this Elton John thing. I was reading your memoir, or rather listening to you read it, which was pretty great. And you write that you were such an Elton John fan as a pretty young girl, you actually dressed like him in a singing competition.

[Caller]

Oh, yeah, many singing competitions and also Halloween. And I went to school with homemade Elton John jewelry. I mean, I was a massive Elton John fan as a teenager.

[Peter Sagal]

Right. So. And how much did you stand out amongst your peers being, you know, when they'd come in doing whatever they were

[Luke Burbank]

doing in Maple Valley.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah. Washington. This is rural Washington. Right. Your mother got you this white suit that she bedazzled and you had big fake glasses. What did they think of?

[Caller]

Well, it was 1995. So it wasn't exactly the height of teen pop idol fame that Elton John experienced in the 70s. So it was like they were all discovering Elton John through me until the Lion King, and then they all understood my obsession.

[Peter Sagal]

Really. They all realized you were a prophet before your time. So later on, you not only met Elton John, but collaborated with him and became very close friends. How early in your relationship did you tell him about this?

[Caller]

Like, immediately. I got right in it, really.

[Peter Sagal]

Hello, my name is Britt.

[Caller]

I don't want that kind of thing. You just have to get it right out in the open, you know? And I think when you're Elton John, you can't decide to choose friends based on who's a fan and knows your music. It's like he'd have no friends at all if you did that.

[Peter Sagal]

Well, granted, if you're an international superstar of that duration, yes, everybody's gonna be your fan. Not everybody is going to dress up as you as a 12 year old girl.

[Caller]

Tomato.

[Peter Sagal]

One of the interesting things about you is you meet Elton John, you become close friends, you meet Joni Mitchell, you become collaborators.

[Paula Poundstone]

Hi, Brandy.

[Caller]

Yeah, hi.

[Peter Sagal]

Have you ever. Have you ever felt shy about reaching up to any of your idols?

[Caller]

No, I'm not very shy at all. In fact, I'm married to a British woman and she just. She's in constant state of cringe because I will walk straight up to new people or people I admire, and I will just get right in there with a hug and I just. I have no. Life is too short to not. To not be friends and to get close with people.

[Peter Sagal]

You go, have you. Have you ever been rebuffed? No.

[Caller]

Yes.

[Peter Sagal]

All the time. All the time. Really? Can you dish on somebody who wasn't nice to you?

[Caller]

No, I can't get specifics. But I will say that I've had moments, even with my closest friends, where they've been like, oh, piss off.

[Paula Poundstone]

Brandi, I didn't recognize you right away.

[Peter Sagal]

I was fascinated to hear the details of your background. You grew up, as I said, in rural Washington state. You've written and talked about how poor your family was growing up. In fact, unless I got this wrong, sometimes the family would eat only if your father shot an elk or deer from your window.

[Caller]

I mean, I wouldn't say that we would only eat if we shot an elk or deer, but there were definitely a few elk and deer shot from the window and from the window part.

[Peter Sagal]

I mean, when you're just sitting around the house and somebody says it's a reverse drive through Kinda

[Caller]

why we can take the screen off.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah, true. It's like, well, somebody says, so, what's for dinner? And your dad says, well, let's find out. And he goes to the window. You also write about how your father more or less treated you just the same as he treated your brother, who was very close in age. None of that girly stuff for you. In fact, and I loved this story. He drove you to go have a fight with a bully.

[Caller]

Yeah, he did. He drove me to go have a. You know, you don't miss.

[Paula Poundstone]

It was in the 80s.

[Caller]

You don't miss your fist fight appointments if you make them.

[Peter Sagal]

Right. So I'm just. Again, just. I mean, I guess plaudits to you for having the courage. Plaudits to your father for supporting you and your goals. But I'm just curious as to how that went down. Like, you see your dad and you say, dad, there's this kid who's been bothering me and I challenged him to a fight and we agreed to meet down by the lake at 2. Can you give me a ride? Is that what happened?

[Caller]

That's exactly what happened.

[Peter Sagal]

Really? That's exactly. And your father said, okay, yeah.

[Caller]

And he drove me to the lake and he dropped me off and then he left. Left, left.

[Peter Sagal]

Wait a minute. So he drives you to have a fight with a boy? Wait a minute. I'm remembering a detail. Two boys. And he drops you off and he just leaves?

[Caller]

He left? Yeah. I didn't see him until I went back home at dark. And me and the boys, we did get into a scuffle and one of them fell on the lake and we wound up playing the game of baseball, the baseball diamond all together.

[Luke Burbank]

Wow.

[Paula Poundstone]

Who got the most points?

[Caller]

I got the most points in the fifth fight, but I think so wouldn't do so well in baseball.

[Peter Sagal]

So, as I indicated, you had an extraordinary amount of confidence in your career as a musician. You dropped out of high school, you went up to Seattle. You did make it, to put it mildly. I think we had the total of 12 Grammys to date. Two Emmys, one Oscar nomination.

[Bill Curtis]

11.

[Peter Sagal]

11. Excuse me.

[Caller]

We'll keep our fingers crossed for this year.

[Peter Sagal]

All right. Fingers crossed. I have to ask, that's a lot of Grammys.

[Luke Burbank]

11.

[Peter Sagal]

Where do you keep them?

[Caller]

I keep them all on top of my piano that I've had since I was 18. It's a 1900 upright old granny piano that I write tons of my songs on. And the whole top of it's just covered in Grammys and Christmas lights.

[Peter Sagal]

Wow. That's really cool.

[Caller]

Thank you.

[Peter Sagal]

It's enough. You know, it occurs to me you have enough of them. You could do like a whole dinner party and everybody gets one at their place setting, like holding the napkin or something.

[Caller]

Well, I definitely don't hide them when people come over.

[Peter Sagal]

No, sure. Well, Brandi Carlisle, it is an absolute delight to talk to you, but we have asked you here to play a game. And since your latest album is called Returning to Myself, we've asked you here to play a game that we're going

[Bill Curtis]

to call returning to the store.

[Peter Sagal]

Because when you think about it, returning to yourself is pretty easy. For example, you don't need a receipt. So returning to the store, though, is a different thing. We're going to ask you three questions about people returning things to the store where they bought it. Get two out of three rights. You'll win a prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they might choose for their voicemail. You ready to play?

[Caller]

Yes, sir.

[Peter Sagal]

All right, Bill, who is the great Brandi Carlisle playing for?

[Bill Curtis]

Jennifer Coggins of Richmond, Virginia.

[Peter Sagal]

All right, here we go. Here's your first question. In 2018, a man in New Jersey was sent back to the grocery store by his wife to return a $5 bottle of orange juice because she thought it was too expensive. His wife, it turns out, turned out to be very wise. Why? A, while he was at the store returning it, a plane crashed into his empty house, B, the next person who bought that orange juice found a live scorpion inside, or C, he spent the five bucks he got back on a lottery ticket that won him $315 million.

[Caller]

This feels like C to me.

[Peter Sagal]

It is C, Randy. Oh, my God. Oh, my Go. We presume after he won $315 million in the lottery, his wife let him buy as much expensive orange juice as he wanted.

[Luke Burbank]

Meanwhile, I get in trouble when I spend the grocery money on the lotto.

[Peter Sagal]

Isn't that funny? Just gotta win, baby. Alright, that was very good. Here's your next question. Amazon promises easy returns. But one Amazon customer who tried several times to return an item got so frustrated that she did what? A, as vengeance, she bought a piano on Amazon and instantly returned that so Amazon would have to pay for the returned shipping. B, she went to Amazon's shareholder meeting and tried to return the item directly to Jeff Bezos. Or C, with a friend, she embarked on an epic quest to cast the package into the fires of Mount Doom.

[Caller]

Well, I really want this to be B, so I'm going to go B.

[Peter Sagal]

That's exactly what happened. She turned out she was an Amazon shareholder. So she got to go to the shareholders meeting. She stood up and said, Mr. Bezos, I have this package. You won't take it as a return. I want to give it to you. Bezos was very gracious about it. He apologized. He asked if anybody else there had anything they needed to return. It was pretty cool. However, you can still hate him. All right. Here's your last question. Brandi, you're doing as well with this as you seem to do with everything. Here's your last question. Costco, famous for their incredibly generous return policy. In fact, Costco somewhere in the country once accepted a return of which of these A, the bones of the rotisserie chicken a man had just eaten in the food court, B, a dead Christmas tree in the first week of January, or C, everything a particular guy had ever bought from Costco?

[Caller]

I'm going with the dead Christmas tree.

[Peter Sagal]

Well, you're right, but all of them were true. Wow. Costco will take almost anything back if you bought it at Costco. That last guy, everything he'd ever bought, he pulled up with a U Haul. He unloaded all this merchandise he had bought over the years. He said, well, I'm moving. And I figured instead of putting this in a moving van, I'll just return it to you, take the money and buy it new when I get to my new home.

[Negeen Farsad]

Wow.

[Peter Sagal]

Bill, how did Brandi Carlisle do in our class?

[Bill Curtis]

Perfect score. She did three in a row.

[Paula Poundstone]

Wow. That's impressive.

[Peter Sagal]

A lot of points. Amazing. Brandi Carlisle is a Grammy and Emmy winning singer songwriter you can see in the road this year. Tickets for the Human Tour are on sale now. Brandi Carlisle, thank you so much for joining us on WAKE time. Thanks for having me. Bye, Brandi. Thank you so much.

[Paula Poundstone]

Thank you.

[Peter Sagal]

In just a minute, Bill shakes his money maker in our listener Limerick challenge. Call 1-8 8, wait wait to join us in the air. We'll be back in a minute with more Wait Wait, Don't Tell me from npr,

[Michael Hosmar]

This message comes from Fisher Investments. Senior Vice President Michael Hosmar shares why he believes in empowering clients with knowledge at every step of their financial planning journey.

[Fisher Investments Representative]

At Fisher Investments, we prefer to use a sizable group of experts with a diverse skill set, diverse knowledge, all collaborating together to deliver what hopefully is optimal advice for our clients. I believe the best and maybe the only way to properly address client expectations is through education. Once I've met with a prospective client for the first time, I hope they feel that they've learned something. I hope they feel they've made some progress and they understand not only the financial markets and financial planning better, but they understand their own personal goals and objectives a bit better as well. I hope they have a little bit more peace of mind.

[Michael Hosmar]

Learn [e-mail] Investing in securities involves the risk of loss this message comes from Capella University. You know that feeling when there's a spark building inside you that you were meant for more? That's your own drive pushing you towards what's next. Capella University gets that with their flexpath learning format. You can set the pace and earn your degree without putting life on pause. You've built experience and know what you're capable of. Now this is your time to turn that momentum into more. The only real question is what can't you do? Learn [e-mail] support for this podcast and

[Announcer]

the following message come from Strawberry Me. If you could go back and talk to your younger self, would you tell yourself that you have a job that truly makes you happy? Many people are stuck in jobs they've outgrown or never really wanted. A career coach from Strawberry Me can help you move on to something you actually love. Benefit from having a dedicated coach in your Corner, and get 50% off your first coaching session at Strawberry Me. This message comes from Charles Schwab with their original podcast Choiceology. Hosted by Katie Milkman, an award winning behavioral scientist and author of the best selling book how to Change. Choiceology is a show about the psychology and economics behind people's decisions. Hear true stories from Nobel laureates, historians, authors, athletes and more about why people do the things they do. Download the latest episode and [e-mail] podcast or wherever you listen.

[Bill Curtis]

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, wait, Don't tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Luke Burbank, Paula Poundstone and Nageen Farsad. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal.

[Peter Sagal]

Thank you. Thanks everybody. In just a minute, Bill, serenade you one last time with some topical yet beautiful poems in our Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call. 1-888-wait wait. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news McGeen According to the Wall Street Journal, to get their kids more time on standardized tests, parents are sometimes claiming those kids are suffering from what?

[Negeen Farsad]

Yeah, their kids Suffer from, like, not wanting to do it.

[Peter Sagal]

No, no, no. I'll give you a hint. It doesn't stand for I be smart.

[Negeen Farsad]

Their kids suffer from International Baccalaureate Syndrome.

[Paula Poundstone]

So close. So damn close.

[Negeen Farsad]

Yeah, I don't remember. Wait. Yeah, but pooping and stuff.

[Peter Sagal]

Yes, pooping and stuff.

[Paula Poundstone]

Pooping and stuff.

[Peter Sagal]

That would be padding more scientifically. Ibs. Irritable Bowel syndrome. Parents across the country are apparently falsely claiming that their kids have irritable bowel syndrome just so that their kids can have unlimited bathroom breaks during the SAT test. Kids with IBS and similar issues, of course they're allowed extra time. So many parents have never been more furious to have children with. Without any neurological or medical problems.

[Negeen Farsad]

Why doesn't the SAT testing service just provide diapers?

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah.

[Negeen Farsad]

You know what I mean?

[Peter Sagal]

Sure. That'll show them.

[Negeen Farsad]

Yeah.

[Peter Sagal]

So basically, what's happening is like, some parents are accusing other parents of having their kids fake this so they can get that extra edge of constantly being able to take extra time. And it is true. They've done studies of eruptions, if you will, of IBS among young people, and they're of sort. Sort of centered in wealthy neighborhoods. Wow. Really? So there you go.

[Paula Poundstone]

That's because beans are better for you.

[Luke Burbank]

As a person who did poorly on the sat, I can tell you that I would not have traded my low SAT score for my fellow Nathan Hale High School seniors thinking that I was about to absolutely destroy my pants.

[Negeen Farsad]

There's probably, like, a lesser. You could. There must be, like, a lesser thing that's like, I'm sorry. I need more time. I have bunions. You know what I mean?

[Caller]

Something.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Peter Sagal]

I got extra time for my SAT by telling them I had bone spurs. Coming up. It's lightning. Fill in the blank. But first, it's a game where you have to listen for the rhymes you could play on air. Call or leave a message at one triple eight. Wait, wait, that's one, eight eight eight. You can see us most weeks right here at the Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago. And you can catch us in the road as well. We'll be in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, on July 9 and in beautiful Sonoma County, California, making our debut there on July 30th. For tickets and more information to all of our live events, go to nprpresents.org hi, Jerome. Wait, wait. Don't tell me.

[Paula Poundstone]

Hi.

[Peter Sagal]

Hi. Who's this? My name is Brooke.

[Caller]

I'm calling from Pearland, Texas.

[Peter Sagal]

So what do you do there in Pearland?

[Paula Poundstone]

I work in the nonprofit field, yes.

[Peter Sagal]

Oh, more and more of us are doing that. Highly recommend. Yeah. Well, welcome to the show, Brooke. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly and two of the limericks will be a winner. You ready to play?

[Paula Poundstone]

I'm ready.

[Peter Sagal]

Here's your first limerick with a permit.

[Bill Curtis]

At age 45, I'm the oldest beginner alive. I stall and I swerve. Go too slow, hit the curb. I'm an adult who's learning to drive.

[Peter Sagal]

Yes. A column in the Guardian describes the humiliation of learning to drive as an adult. Makes sense. Nothing strips your dignity away like one of those student driver, be patient bumper stickers on your BMW.

[Negeen Farsad]

I should like, maybe be taught how to drive by an adult because I have a driver's license, but I don't really drive.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah. You live in New York.

[Negeen Farsad]

I live in New York City. I don't need it. And then now it's terror. And at one point I was driving in Los Angeles, but then I had to like, parallel park. This was years ago and I couldn't figure out the parallel park. And there was a guy and it was a large space. I should have been able to do it. And ultimately this. I was so stressed out and this random stranger was like, helping me. And then I was like, can you just do it? So a random man got in your car? Got in my car and parked it for me as I, like, gently cried on the corner.

[Peter Sagal]

That's very nice, though. It's a lovely story.

[Negeen Farsad]

Thank you.

[Paula Poundstone]

Yeah. Did you fill out a police report when he drove off?

[Peter Sagal]

Here is your next limerick.

[Bill Curtis]

It's a baby name you will regret. Even Romeo would be upset. G H I for a J is just not okay. It's 12 letters to spell.

[Peter Sagal]

Goes with Romeo.

[Caller]

Juliet.

[Peter Sagal]

Juliet, yes. This week the Mirror reported on a woman who is in a horrible fight with her best friend Lorene over Lorene's new daughter's name. That new daughter is named Juliet. That's lovely. But Lorene has spelled it G, H, I, U, L I, Y, E, T, T, E, Juliet. It's an incredibly elaborate way to spell it. And by elaborate I mean dumb.

[Luke Burbank]

Was she on Wheel of Fortune when she was naming the kids? You do get more points.

[Peter Sagal]

That's true.

[Paula Poundstone]

Well, she'll be called Ms. G her whole life.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah. Or whatever her middle name is.

[Luke Burbank]

What yonder window breaks.

[Bill Curtis]

Yeah.

[Peter Sagal]

Here is your last limerick.

[Bill Curtis]

Old older wedding guests started to tut, but mostly we busted a gut. She was doing the worm but her clutes were too firm so her dress tore exposing her butt.

[Peter Sagal]

Yes.

[Bill Curtis]

Good guess.

[Peter Sagal]

This week's viral wedding video was of a bridesmaid who danced with the groomsmen down the aisle to the couple at the altar like the cool kids do. And then as a little extra flourish, both she and the groomsman hit the floor right in front of the couple to do the worm and her dress immediately split open from hem to the middle of her back, revealing her entire butt. Everybody knows that's a terrible faux pas. You're not supposed to steal attention from the bride's butt. Thankfully, somebody captured all this on video from just the right angle behind and the bridesmaid herself posted it with the caption and this is true. Stop zooming in you bastards. But then of course it led to this insane Bridezilla moment when the bride said, well, I wanted matching bride bridesmaid dresses. So the rest of you hit the floor. Bill, how did Brooke do in our quiz?

[Bill Curtis]

Brooke did really well. Got him. All right, we're hard.

[Peter Sagal]

Congratulations Brooke. Thank you so much. Take care and thanks for playing. All right, bye bye.

[Michael Hosmar]

This message comes from Fisher Investments. Senior Vice President Michael Hosmar explains the importance of providing a comprehensive approach for clients.

[Fisher Investments Representative]

The culture at Fisher Investments. It's about helping. It's about improving our clients financial situation. Advising not just for now, but all the way through, hopefully to their next generation. A well designed financial plan will cover a number of important topics and many of these topics are connected to each other. Fisher Investments possesses the professional expertise across all these important disciplines from investment management to tax minimization to estate planning. You name it.

[Michael Hosmar]

Learn [e-mail] Investing in securities involves the risk of loss. This message comes from Capella University. You know that feeling when there's a spark building inside you that you were meant for more? That's your own drive pushing you towards what's next. Capella University gets that with their flexpath learning format you can set the pace and earn your degree without putting life on pause. You've built experience and know what you're capable of. Now this is your time to turn that momentum into more. The only real question is what can't you do? Learn [e-mail].

[Announcer]

this message comes from Charles Schwab with their original podcast Choiceology hosted by Katie Milkman, an award winning behavioral scientist and author of the best selling book how to Change. Choiceology is a show about the psychology and economics behind people's decisions. Hear true stories from Nobel laureates, historians authors, athletes, and more about why people do the things they do. Download the latest episode and [e-mail] podcast or wherever you listen. Support for this podcast and the following message come from Data IQ AI Agents are transforming how enterprises work. The problem is many operate in secret. The right people rarely know what their agents are doing, if they're doing it right, or that they even exist at all. DataIQ gives companies one place to see, control and measure every agent across the entire business. Visit Dataiku.com npr that's-a T-A-I-K-U.com npr Now

[Peter Sagal]

onto our final game, Lightning Fill in the blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Sure.

[Bill Curtis]

Again, Paula and Nagin each have two. Luke has four.

[Peter Sagal]

All right, Paula and Nagin are top. So Paula, why don't you go first? Here we go. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, President Trump announced a new $1.8 billion fund that could benefit the people involved in Blank.

[Paula Poundstone]

January 6th.

[Peter Sagal]

Right. On Thursday, the DNC released the so called autopsy of the 2024 Blank presidential election. Right. This week, the Surgeon General posted an advisory about the dangers of blank time for kids and teens.

[Paula Poundstone]

Screen time.

[Peter Sagal]

Yes. Screen time, Paul. After being forced out by cbs, Blank ended his run as the host of the Late Show.

[Paula Poundstone]

Stephen Colbert.

[Peter Sagal]

Yes. This week, analysts reviewing President Trump's financial disclosures suspect that while attempting to buy over a million dollars of pharmaceutical stock, he accidentally blanked.

[Paula Poundstone]

Bought over a million dollars of pharmaceutical stock?

[Peter Sagal]

No, he accidentally bought more than a million dollars of a conveyor belt sushi restaurant stock.

[Caller]

Wow.

[Peter Sagal]

Because it had a similar name. Following following negotiations with FIFA, Mayor Zoran Mamdani was able to secure $50 blank tickets for new Yorkers.

[Paula Poundstone]

Soccer tickets.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah. World cup tickets. Very good. Best known for being the U.S. s first openly gay congressman, Blank passed away at the age of 86.

[Paula Poundstone]

The great Barney Frank.

[Peter Sagal]

The great Barney Frank. This week, spectators at a Runway show at Sydney Fashion Week were surprised to learn the avant garde soundtrack playing as the models were coming down the Runway was actually blank.

[Paula Poundstone]

Lion King.

[Peter Sagal]

No, it was actually just the fire alarm going off. The models at this Australian Fashion Week show walked the Runway for a good five minutes back and forth as the fire alarm blared.

[Paula Poundstone]

Oh my gosh.

[Peter Sagal]

The sophisticated audience was like, wow, what a cool artistic choice. Commenting in the heightened sense of emergency in our society. The flames and smoke filling the Room. Also a bold choice. Bill, how did Paula do on our quiz?

[Bill Curtis]

She got six. Right. Total to 14. She did very well. She's in the lead.

[Peter Sagal]

All right, McGeen. All right, you're up next. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, a Trump endorsed challenger beat representative Blank in Kentucky's GOP primary.

[Paula Poundstone]

Massie.

[Peter Sagal]

Yes, Thomas Massie. On Monday, a judge ruled that the gun found in his backpack would be allowed as evidence in the trial of Blank.

[Negeen Farsad]

Mangione.

[Peter Sagal]

Mangione. Luigi Mangione. This week, tens of thousands of people faced evacuation orders as Blanks blazed through Southern California Again, Wildfires.

[Negeen Farsad]

Right.

[Peter Sagal]

On Monday, the WHO said that the Blank outbreak in central Africa merited serious concern.

[Caller]

Ebola.

[Peter Sagal]

Right. This week, the new CEO of Xbox announced plans to make that game system relevant again by changing its name to Blank.

[Negeen Farsad]

Uh, Ozempic.

[Bill Curtis]

No.

[Peter Sagal]

Good idea changing the name from Xbox to Xbox. But now it's in all capital letters. This week, a school in Maine apologized after students attending a dinner at the school were served Blank for dessert.

[Negeen Farsad]

Shards of gold?

[Peter Sagal]

No. Although close. They were served a tray of baked dirt. According to school officials, a science class had been conducting an experiment to see if plants could grow in soil that had been sterilized in the oven. And this baking dish filled with dirt was accidentally picked up with the food for the dinner and placed out on the table. Trust us, you do not want to know what those gummy worms actually were. Bill, how did Negeen do in our quiz?

[Bill Curtis]

She got four. Right. Eight more points. Total of 10. Means Paula's still out there.

[Peter Sagal]

All right. And now for the. What I hope is the last math problem you're ever asked to do. How many does Luke need to win?

[Bill Curtis]

5 to tie, 6 to win.

[Peter Sagal]

Here you go.

[Luke Burbank]

I just want to double check. You got the note. Yeah, from my mom. About the ibs.

[Peter Sagal]

All right, Luke, this is for the game. Fill in the blank. On Monday, the average blank price in all 50 states rose above $4 a gallon.

[Luke Burbank]

Gasoline.

[Peter Sagal]

Right. On Wednesday, the U.S. indicted former Cuban president Blank on murder charges.

[Luke Burbank]

Castro.

[Peter Sagal]

Right. This week, Iran's leader said that country's enriched Blank must stay within its borders.

[Luke Burbank]

Uranium.

[Peter Sagal]

Right. On Wednesday, space company Blank announced plans to go public.

[Luke Burbank]

SpaceX.

[Peter Sagal]

Right. This week, a politician in the UK who declined interview due to what he said was an important prior commitment was seen minutes later Blanking.

[Luke Burbank]

Feasting on beans.

[Peter Sagal]

No. Drinking beers at a pub. After she was found not guilty of tax evasion, a court ruled that Spain's tax authority must pay popstar blank $64 million. Shakira right. On Monday, auditions for who will replace Daniel Craig as the next blank began.

[Luke Burbank]

Bond.

[Peter Sagal]

Right. This week, the Washington Post profiled an airport detection dog who recently sniffed out two duffel bags filled with blank

[Luke Burbank]

illegal food.

[Peter Sagal]

Yes, I'm going to give it to you. 100 pork sandwiches. Merla the Beagle sniffed out the sandwiches at the Minneapolis St. Paul International Airport, where someone was illegally transporting those sandwiches from Thailand. Officers celebrated this dog for his remarkable achievement. Rightly so, because if there's one thing that really proves a dog is an illegal law enforcement canine, it's immediately detected when someone is holding a meat sandwich.

[Luke Burbank]

He should be allowed to eat whatever he catches.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah, I think so.

[Luke Burbank]

That's the people with.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah. Bill, did Luke do well enough to win? Wow.

[Bill Curtis]

He got seven. Right. 14 more points. 18 wins this week.

[Peter Sagal]

Congratulations. Thank you, Luke.

[Negeen Farsad]

Lou.

[Luke Burbank]

Lou, you can hear the enthusiasm in that result.

[Peter Sagal]

In just a minute, we're gonna ask our panelists to predict now that Bill is retiring from our show, what will he do next? But first, let me tell you that. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions. Hey, Doug. What are you doing here? Berman benevolent overlord Philip Gautica writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our ops manager is Jasira Vardak. Thanks to the staff and crew always at the Studebaker Theatre. BJ Ledemann composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Doornbos and Lillian King. Special thanks to Blythe Roberson and Monica Hickey. Peter Gwynn is our tomato. Emma Choi is our vibe curator. Technical direction from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chillock. And the executive producer of. Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me that's Mike Danforth. And now, for 12 remarkable years, Bill Curtis has performed with us and he has traveled with us. Hang on. He has traveled with us from Seattle to Florida. He has stood on stages in places like Red Rocks and Carnegie hall and Tanglewood. And he has said the most ridiculous things in that most serious of voices. And he has often said how lucky he feels to have done all that with us. But, Bill, for once, you're wrong. We are the lucky ones. The producers and engineers and managers of our show and the panelists and, of course, me, because we got to spend 12 years doing that with you. So let's, in fact, give it up for our legendary anchorman and our dear friend, Mr. Bill Curtis. One more time.

[Bill Curtis]

Wow.

[Peter Sagal]

Wow. So, panel, what will Bill Curtis do next? Negeen Farsad.

[Negeen Farsad]

He's tired of being objectified for his voice, so he's going to be a male bikini model so he can finally be objectified for his body.

[Bill Curtis]

Yes, I'll do it.

[Luke Burbank]

Luke Burbank, Whatever the he wants.

[Peter Sagal]

And Paula Poundstone.

[Paula Poundstone]

Bill will be applying for the weaponization reparations from the $1.7 billion.

[Bill Curtis]

And if I do any of that, we're going to ask you about it and. Wait, wait, don't tell me.

[Peter Sagal]

So thanks to Negeen Farsad, Paula Poundstone and Luke Burbank. Thanks to our fabulous audience who were here for this show at the Studebaker Theatre in downtown Chicago. Thanks for listening in, wherever you may be. I'm Peter Sagal. And Bill, in the end, the only way you know something is absolutely true is if you say it. So would you please do the honors?

[Bill Curtis]

This is Mr. NPR.

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