Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! — "We go to confessional with Father James Martin"
Date: April 25, 2026
Host: Tom Papa (filling in for Peter Sagal)
Panelists: Shantira Jackson, Josh Gondelman, Katie Nolan
Special Guest: Father James Martin, SJ
Overview
This episode of NPR’s “Wait Wait... Don’t Tell Me!” brings together comedians and quick-witted panelists for the weekly news quiz, with Tom Papa subbing for Peter Sagal. The highlight is a heartfelt and humorous segment with New York Times bestselling author and Jesuit priest Father James Martin, discussing his new book “Work in Progress” and reflecting on his many prior jobs, the lessons learned, and the current state of faith in America. As always, there’s no shortage of sharp banter, creative twists on news stories, and playful celebrity interviews.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Opening Banter and News Quiz Rounds (00:45–11:53)
- Host Introduction & Housekeeping: Tom Papa opens with jokes about filling in for Sagal and the irreverent tradition surrounding NPR’s “Bring Your Child to Work Day.”
- Panel Introduction: Panelists are introduced with their signature comedic flair.
- Listener Game: "Who's Bill This Time?"
- News Quiz Highlights:
- FBI Director Kash Patel's Drunkenness
Panelists riff on a report alleging excessive drinking by Patel. "I've never been battering ram drunk." (Tom Papa, 04:37)
- Robot Sets Half Marathon World Record
Lively speculation about whether the robot had “nipples bleeding” and how it compared to human runners. "Next year, it will murder all the humans at the starting line." (Tom Papa, 07:14)
- Rising Cost of Drinks Leading to Adult 'Pre-gaming'
Humorous takes on $20 White Claws. "If there's a $20 White Claw on offer, that better be the claw of an endangered species." (Josh Gondelman, 09:17)
- Listener Blanca from St. Paul, Minnesota, sweeps the segment with video game-fueled energy.
2. Odd News, Invention Patents & More Panel Quiz (09:50 – 11:53)
- Weird Inventions:
- Chinese electric cars have patented a passenger seat that turns into a voice-activated toilet.
- “Excuse me, fellas. Startup toilet function.” (Tom Papa, 10:38)
- “This would be called 'It’s a Terrible Life.'” (Josh Gondelman, 11:29)
3. Bluff the Listener – Job Openings You Won't Believe (13:39–19:58)
- Wildest Jobs Panel Game:
- Dog Breath Sniffer for Spot and Tango (the real news story, confirmed by a company rep at 19:30)
- Dating Copilot for Plenty of Fish (Katie Nolan's fabrication)
- Fun Guy Insurance for weddings (Shantira Jackson's fabrication)
- Memorable Moment: Even panelist Josh Gondelman couldn't believe “Dog Breath Sniffer” was real. "This was the first time on the show and was given the real story and was like, there's no way." (Josh Gondelman, 19:47)
4. "Not My Job": Father James Martin Interview (21:04–30:38)
Segment Overview
Father James Martin joins for a delightful conversation about his diverse resume, latest book, and relationship with faith and pop culture.
Highlights:
- Confessions of a Serial Summer Worker:
Reflects humorously on being the “world’s worst caddy” and nearly being struck by lightning.
“I realized that I was standing under a tree in the middle of an electrical storm holding a bag of lightning rods.”
(Father James Martin, 21:38)
- Lessons Learned:
- Emphasizes the value of hard work and humility.
“When you're humiliated as a busboy or a dishwasher or a caddy, you learn how not to humiliate people. It was as effective as a year's worth of homilies on being kind.”
(Father James Martin, 22:11)
- The Great Role Model:
- Describes Pope Leo as “wonderful... kind and smart and reserved and prayerful” and quips about his “flawless Chicago English.” (24:26)
- Shares a humble anecdote about realizing “No, Jim, you were at his table.” (25:25)
- Quiz – Stadium Concessions:
- Father Martin aces questions about Cracker Jacked Power Bites, tiramisu in little hats, and the $5 beer at Mercedes-Benz Stadium.
- Panel banter:
“I absolve you 40 years later.” (Father James Martin, 22:52)
5. Listener Limerick Challenge (32:49–41:13)
A game focused on humorous news-based limericks, with winning answers involving:
- The importance of actually washing your pants.
- Scientific “discoveries” that cocaine makes salmon swim faster.
- A Lego/pasta scam: replacing Lego sets with dried noodles for financial gain.
6. Lightning Fill in the Blank – News on Speed (43:21–48:55)
Panelists race through current events in a rapid-fire quiz format.
- Stories touched include: U.S.–Iran conflict, Spirit Airlines, TSA agent shortages, AI job threats, fake Rolexes, bendable iPhones, and more.
- Fun asides, e.g. insurance scammers using bear costumes, “He had singed eyebrows. He was Wile E. Coyoteing.” (Josh Gondelman, 44:20)
7. Closing Prediction (50:01–50:32)
Panelists jokingly guess what robots will beat humans at next:
- “The jobs that don't actually need to be done. CEOs.” (Shantira Jackson, 50:01)
- “Going to beat us at war.” (Katie Nolan, 50:06)
- “A robot will dance the robot with such precision...people will think it is a human.” (Josh Gondelman, 50:16)
Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)
- "I've never been battering ram drunk." — Tom Papa (04:37)
- "Next year, it will murder all the humans at the starting line." — Tom Papa on marathon robots (07:14)
- “If you're telling me there’s a $20 White Claw on offer, that better be the claw of an endangered species.” — Josh Gondelman (09:17)
- “When you’re humiliated as a busboy or a dishwasher or a caddy, you learn how not to humiliate people. It was as effective as a year’s worth of homilies on being kind.” — Father James Martin (22:11)
- “He’s wonderful. I mean, I don’t have to tell a Chicago audience… kind and smart and reserved and prayerful.” — Father James Martin on Pope Leo (24:51)
- "This was the first time that I’ve ever been on the show and was given the real story and was like, there’s no way." — Josh Gondelman, after learning about the real “Dog Breath Sniffer” job (19:47)
- “I absolve you 40 years later.” — Father James Martin (22:52)
- "A robot will dance the robot with such precision and artistry that people will paradoxically think it is a human." — Josh Gondelman (50:16)
Important Timestamps
- Panelist Introductions & Opening Game: 00:45–03:15
- FBI Drunkenness News Story: 03:15–05:24
- Robot Marathon Story: 05:47–07:49
- $20 White Claw & Pre-gaming Segment: 07:51–09:29
- Chinese Car Toilet Invention: 09:50–11:38
- Dog Breath Sniffer/Bluff the Listener: 13:39–19:58
- Father James Martin Interview: 21:04–30:38
- Listener Limerick Challenge: 32:49–41:13
- Lightning Fill in the Blank: 43:21–48:55
- Robot Predictions: 50:01–50:32
Tone & Style
The episode balances topical humor, offbeat trivia, and sincere insights with guest Father James Martin. The panel’s quick wit keeps things light, and Father Martin’s warmth adds a compassionate counterbalance, blending sincerity and laughter seamlessly. The show’s signature irreverence shines through in lampooning everything from robot athletes to cruise ship disasters—while managing moments of genuine heart and wisdom.
Summary for New Listeners
If you missed the episode, you’ll catch hilarious riffs on the wildest news of the week, absurd job openings (would you sniff dog breath for science?), and a wonderful guest segment with Father James Martin blending real-life lessons, pop culture, and trivia. The panel’s banter and absurd news stories are punctuated by memorable one-liners and, in classic NPR fashion, some surprisingly thoughtful moments—making this an energizing, funny, and feel-good listen.
