We're live in San Diego with Ron Burgundy!

Summary

Podcast Summary

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! — “We're live in San Diego with Ron Burgundy!”

Host: Peter Sagal (NPR)
Panelists: Paula Poundstone, Eugene Cordero, Alzo Slade
Guest: Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell)
Original Air Date: May 2, 2026
Location: San Diego Civic Theater

---

Episode Overview

This special live episode of NPR’s beloved news quiz show comes straight from San Diego and features the legendary (fictional) local news anchor Ron Burgundy as the celebrity guest. In classic “Wait Wait” style, the panel shares humorous takes on the week’s strangest headlines, plays games with listener contestants, and delivers a celebrity interview that is delightfully off the rails. The energy is high, the crowd is lively, and the jokes are razor-sharp—especially as the show pays tribute to Bill Curtis, the soon-to-retire scoring legend.

---

Key Segments & Highlights

Opening Banter & Panel Introduction

[00:22–02:42]

• Peter Sagal welcomes a packed house in San Diego, promising plenty of laughs and a classy guest: Ron Burgundy.
• Panelists introduced:
  • Alzo Slade: “So far, so good.”
  • Eugene Cordero: Promotes comedy roles (“Loki,” “The Good Place”) and a stage show.
  • Paula Poundstone: Jokes about the panel and her own podcast.

---

Who’s Bill This Time – This Week’s News Quiz

[02:43–10:01]
Listener Ben from Torrance, California, faces three headlines:

1. King Charles’ State Visit to the U.S.

• King Charles (and Trump) referenced in a satirical take on their commonalities.
• Panel jokes include:
  • “They’re both old white men who loved cheating on their wives. You know, that’s what the fist bump was about.” — Peter Sagal (03:20)
  • Paula highlights an awkward receiving line moment with Trump cutting in:
    “Apparently the king’s mother hadn’t told him that Trump does that.” (04:31)

2. $400 Million Mansion for Sale in LA

• US’s most expensive home: 6 family bedrooms, 10 staff rooms, x-ray suite.
• Jokes & takes:
  • “Be careful about letting the staff outnumber you.” — Sagal (06:56)
  • Paula: “Doesn’t it just seem a little tone deaf, with everybody struggling to pay their rent?” (07:05)
  • “I don’t have an x-ray suite, but I have a guy who just guesses what’s on your inside and sketches it.” — Paula Poundstone (07:52)

3. Polestar 4: A Car With No Rear Window

• New electric car omits rear window, relies solely on rearview cameras.
• “If you have that much money, you should be able to replace your bones with something that doesn’t break.” — Peter Sagal (07:46)
• “Objects are less important than they appear.” — Paula’s joke about new car displays (09:45)
• Ben aces the game, earning a voicemail prize.

---

Panelist Quiz: Horror Movie App & Dating Strategies

[10:09–11:42]

• Binge app warns viewers before jump scares.
• Alzo shares:
  • Wishes he’d had an app to know when a scary moment would happen, so he could time putting his arm around a date (11:10).
• Peter riffs on an app for dating red flags:
  • “‘Brace yourself, she’s about to tell you she’s a Scientologist.’” (11:27)

---

Bluff the Listener: Bad Days with Surprising Endings

[14:37–21:04]
Contestant Tim from Gallup, NM hears three tall tales—only one is true:

1. Eugene: Giants kicker’s flubbed kick leads to a fan’s laughter-induced seizure, revealing a life-saving tumor (17:05).
   • Memorable quote: “A terrible kick turned out to be a life-saving catch.”
2. Paula: Flight attendant, after a wild in-flight incident, creates a reality show about the crazy life of flight crews (18:28).
3. Alzo: LL Cool J, plagued by dry lips and dumped by his girlfriend, overcomes adversity and launches a “lick lip balm” business that makes him a billionaire (19:56).

Correct Answer:
Eugene’s story—the mistaken field goal leading to a miraculous medical discovery—is confirmed as the winner.

• “It literally saved my life.” — Real fan Mark Tacker (21:04)

---

Not My Job: Ron Burgundy Interview

[21:54–31:26]

Introduction & San Diego Legacy

• Burgundy jokes about San Diego roots, living in Pacific Beach, being evicted from Rancho Peñasquitos, “rehabbing dolphins to stay in high school,” and his sea shanty group travels.
  • “Guess what the dropout rate for dolphins is in high school? 100%.” — Ron Burgundy (22:42)

TV News Nostalgia, Adaptation, and Career Reflections

• Bill Curtis, legendary NPR voice, is both revered and envied by Ron.
  • “You are the gold standard. You’re legendary baritone voice is what I tried to emulate. And yet I couldn’t hate someone more. I’ve always been so jealous of your task.” — Ron Burgundy (23:21)
• Burgundy: Once reported the Vietnam War was over “after one month” and never got the big stories.
• Modern life: “I pretty much broadcast my weekly report from my garage... I have Stardink, which only broadcasts about 500 yards outside of my place.” — Ron (25:53)
• On adapting to social media: “Look, that’s a trend that’s going nowhere.” (27:07)

Not My Job Quiz: Famous Anchors—Sailor Edition

• Shackleton’s crew once built a “big, sexy lady snowman” (answered incorrectly).
• Real-life admiral dressed as a ninja to test base security (answered incorrectly).
• Only correct answer: Cap’n Crunch scandal—he’s not really a captain!
  • “He’s guilty of stolen honor.” — Ron Burgundy (30:56)
• Bill Curtis: “He did really well. He got one.” (31:20)

---

Panel Quiz Highlights & Witty Exchange

[33:27–37:41]

New Amenity: Showers at Airports

• “That is gross.” — Paula (34:31)
• “They should make us all go through the shower on a belt like a car wash.” — Peter (35:06)

Conservation: Gorillas Get Bank Accounts?

• “Mosquitoes have a Venmo thing now... When you check their Venmo, it’s just drop of blood, drop of blood, drop of blood.” — Paula (37:23)
• “I would so like to hit up a gorilla for five bucks.” — Paula (36:36)

---

Listener Limerick Challenge

[38:24–43:17] Marisa from Bellevue, WA, on sabbatical to be with her daughter, guesses all three limericks correctly:

1. Ancient Iliad fragment found inside an Egyptian mummy.
2. Walking in the rain reduces emotional pain.
3. Workouts in the park with “equipment” like benches.

---

Lightning Fill-in-the-Blank (Quiz Finale)

[44:22–49:45]

Sample Panel Jokes

• Chanel’s new “shoe” is just the heel: “Nothing else.”
• A woman releases bees during an eviction: “Sadly, she was then arrested for assault with a hilarious weapon.” — Peter (49:31)

Scores:

• Winner: Alzo
• Paula and Eugene score strongly in hilarious bursts.

---

Predicting King Charles’s Favorite Trip Souvenir

[50:44]

• Alzo: “Paper crown from Burger King”
• Eugene: “Doggy bag from the Virginia potluck”
• Paula: “Cracker Barrel T-shirt with the new canceled logo”

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “They’re both old white men who loved cheating on their wives. You know, that’s what the fist bump was about.” — Peter Sagal (03:20)
• “Guess what the dropout rate for dolphins is in high school? 100%.” — Ron Burgundy (22:42)
• “You are the gold standard... I’ve always been so jealous of your task.” — Ron Burgundy, to Bill Curtis (23:21)
• “I have Stardink, which only broadcasts about 500 yards outside of my place.” — Ron Burgundy (25:53)
• “Objects are less important than they appear.” — Paula Poundstone, on rearview video feeds (09:45)
• “It literally saved my life.” — Mark Tacker, after the football disaster led to his tumor being found (21:04)
• “I don’t have an x-ray suite, but I have a guy who just guesses what’s on your inside and sketches it.” — Paula Poundstone (07:52)
• “Mosquitoes have a Venmo thing now.” — Paula Poundstone (37:23)

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:22] Opening, San Diego welcome, panel intro
• [02:43] "Who’s Bill This Time" quiz
• [10:09] Panel quiz: jump-scare app and dating
• [14:37] Bluff the listener: bad days with a silver lining
• [21:54] “Not My Job” Ron Burgundy Interview & Quiz
• [33:27] Panel quiz: showers at airports, animal bank accounts
• [38:24] Listener limericks
• [44:22] Lightning Fill-in-the-Blank quiz round
• [50:44] Panel “predictions” and sign-off

---

Overall Tone & Style

Light-hearted and clever, filled with satirical takes on current events, absurd real (and fake) news stories, and rapid-fire wit between Peter, his panelists, and guests. Ron Burgundy’s appearance blended scripted jokes with classic improv energy—delivering a much-loved “Anchorman” flavor to the trivia and banter.

---

Perfect For

• Fans of smart, silly, topical humor
• Lovers of classic “Anchorman” moments
• Listeners who want to keep up with odd, entertaining news and laugh hard along the way

---

[End of summary]

Transcript

[Starz Announcer]

This message comes from Starz. With Amadeus, starring Will Sharp and Paul Bettany, comes the new Starz original series, Amadeus Experience, a tale of genius, jealousy and rivalry. Amadeus series premieres May 8 only on Stars and the Starz App.

[Bill Curtis]

From npr and wbez chicago, this is. Wait, wait, don't tell me. The npr news quiz. I am the anchorman, the anchor myth, the anchor legend, bill curtis. And here is your host at the San Diego Civic Theater in San Diego, California, Peter Sagal.

[Peter Sagal]

Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody. Thank you, San Diego. We have a great show for you today because later on we're going to be talking to a true icon who not only made San Diego great, he kept it classy. That's right. Later on, we're going to be joined by the anchorman himself, Ron Burgundy. But right now, it's your chance to join our action News team. Give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi, this is Ben Johnson from Torrance, California. Hey, Ben. And Torrance, up the coast in the LA area, what do you do there? I am a municipal planner. A municipal planner. You plan out municipalities. I know, it's very exciting work. Yeah. Yeah. Well, Ben, let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, a Peabody Emmy Award winning journalist and comedian. It's also Slade.

[Alzo Slade]

What's up, Ben? How you doing, buddy?

[Peter Sagal]

Doing well yourself?

[Alzo Slade]

So far, so good.

[Peter Sagal]

Next, you've seen him and heard him in in the Good Place, Loki, Star Trek, Lower Decks. And currently in man on the Inside. It's Eugene Cordero. Hey, Ben. And you can see her in Beverly Hills, California, at the Wallace Ennenberg center for the Performing Arts on June 12. Her podcast is Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone. It's Paula Poundstone. Hey, Ben. Hi, Paula. So, Ben, welcome to the show. As is our practice, we're gonna start with who's Bill this time, Bill Curtis is going to read for you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you know you'll win our prize. Any voice from our show, you might choose in your voicemail. Are you ready to go?

[Alzo Slade]

Ready.

[Peter Sagal]

All right. Your first quote is about somebody who made a state visit this last week.

[Bill Curtis]

People have switched them from no kings to, okay, one king.

[Peter Sagal]

So that was a journalist quoted in the New Yorker about the reception to whose state visit? King Charles King Charles. Yes. Charles iii, the President of the United States was absolutely thrilled to host the king for a state visit. They have so much in common. They're both old white men who loved cheating on their wives. You know, that's what the fist bump was about.

[Bill Curtis]

Right.

[Peter Sagal]

At the state dinner that Trump threw for the king, the king gave Trump a. This is true. A giant gold bell that said Trump on it to signify that his British friends were only a bell ring away. And he was excited. The president loved it. Melania was thrilled. She tied the bell around the president's neck so she knows when he's wandering near.

[Alzo Slade]

I wonder when they come over from across the pond. I wonder if they, like. How long are y' all gonna call this New York and New Jersey? Like, it's been around for quite a long time. I think you just call it, you know.

[Peter Sagal]

Well, if we just called it York and Jersey, they'd have to call their places old York and old Jersey.

[Alzo Slade]

Well, I think that's very American.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah.

[Paula Poundstone]

The only part of the whole thing that I saw, really, I heard about the speech, but I saw the clip on the Internet of Trump pushing, cutting in the receiving line between the Queen and King Charles, and they seemed surprised,

[Peter Sagal]

really,

[Paula Poundstone]

because apparently the king's mother hadn't told him that Trump does that.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah.

[Paula Poundstone]

Normally you have to be out on the streets to get that kind of rude stuff.

[Peter Sagal]

That's true.

[Paula Poundstone]

You know, when you're in the roped off section, you're generally safe.

[Bill Curtis]

Yeah.

[Paula Poundstone]

But.

[Peter Sagal]

Well, it is true that Queen Elizabeth's presence was there at the dinner. I mean, he's only been king for. For a short while. Trump even took a moment to ask King Charles, remind me, was the dead lady your wife or your mom? Wow.

[Alzo Slade]

Oh, San Diego. A little sensitive.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah, sensitive. All right.

[Eugene Cordero]

And what was the answer?

[Peter Sagal]

Apparently, the king, who knew, was very funny in his remarks at the state dinner. He. It was great. He spared nobody. He was like, I see we're having the classic British dessert tonight, Spotted dick. Oh, wait, that's just Stephen Miller.

[Alzo Slade]

You do a good King Charles, Dick.

[Paula Poundstone]

Thank you.

[Peter Sagal]

Thank you. Yes. All right, your next quote is from a Los Angeles real estate agent.

[Bill Curtis]

It was designed so you don't ever have to leave if you don't want to.

[Peter Sagal]

He was talking about one of his new listings. With a price of $400 million, it is the most expensive what ever put on the market in America. It's like a home or a mansion. Yes, it is a mansion. Yes. At that price, it had better be.

[Alzo Slade]

Hell, no.

[Eugene Cordero]

I will say that is not a home.

[Peter Sagal]

No, it's just one more sign that our revolution is overdue. The Journal says that the house is listed at a price is more than $100 million over the current record for an American home. The mansion has six family bedrooms, 10 staff bedrooms, a gym, a chef's kitchen and a pool. Oh, wait, that's the guest house. Wow. The main house. This is all true. Has its own chef's kitchen and gym, plus a spa, a Beauty Salon. 10 family bedrooms and 13 staff bedrooms, which is a lot of staff bedrooms. I don't know if you're the kind of person who can buy a place like this. You should be careful about letting the staff outnumber you.

[Alzo Slade]

I mean, $400 million, that's typical for

[Peter Sagal]

LA, you know, that's about right.

[Paula Poundstone]

Doesn't it just seem a little tone deaf with everything? You know, with people? You know, housing costs are really.

[Eugene Cordero]

You think $400 million is tone deaf?

[Paula Poundstone]

I. I kind of. I just feel like everybody's struggling to pay their rent or pay their mortgage in some. You know, if they were a little

[Peter Sagal]

bit more respectful of the trouble the rest of us in, they would have listed it at 399.99.

[Paula Poundstone]

That's what I think.

[Peter Sagal]

It has every possible amenity, including, and this is true, a working X ray suite. Wow. Totally unnecessary.

[Eugene Cordero]

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Read it. It's working.

[Peter Sagal]

Yes. Oh, okay. Okay.

[Eugene Cordero]

Because in my house, I have a non working X ray.

[Peter Sagal]

Just the worst.

[Eugene Cordero]

And I'm just like, what am I doing here?

[Peter Sagal]

It's. I mean, it's unnecessary. If you have that much money, you should be able to replace your bones with something that doesn't break.

[Paula Poundstone]

I don't have an X ray suite, but I have a guy who just guesses what's on your inside and sketches it.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah,

[Paula Poundstone]

now that's been enough so far.

[Alzo Slade]

Can you imagine being a guest at this place and you have such high expectations and you get into the shower and the water pressure is trash.

[Peter Sagal]

All right, Ben, your last quote is the Wall Street Journal again. This time they're writing about a new innovation in cars.

[Bill Curtis]

It increases the risk of backing over something or someone.

[Peter Sagal]

So apparently we're going to enjoy an increased risk of backing over something because what standard feature are the newest cars getting rid of? Do I get a hint? You get a hint. Yeah, well, automakers are all about looking forward, right? Not looking behind you. Oh, are they getting rid of rear view cameras? No, we need those. In fact, this car will entirely rely on rear view. Cameras. Because it will not have a. It won't have a back window. It will not have a rear window. Yes, it's gone. Gone. By the way, the hand crank on the front of the car, it's all obsolete. The 2026 Polestar 4 EV is sitting for five. A 300 mile range and no rear window. This is crazy. Actually, it's not that crazy. I just realized my own car doesn't have a rear window. I was just so focused on my phone while driving, I didn't notice. So you cannot see out of the back of the car. If you turn around, there's nothing. It's opaque. Instead, there are, of course, rear facing cameras. And instead of a rear view mirror, it is a rear view mirror shaped video display. Right. Gives you all the advantages of a window. And it could stop working at any moment.

[Paula Poundstone]

They have a little sign on it that says, objects are less important than they appear.

[Peter Sagal]

Bill, how did Ben do in our quiz?

[Bill Curtis]

3up got us off to a good start.

[Peter Sagal]

Congratulations, Ben. Nice, Ben.

[Eugene Cordero]

Thank you.

[Peter Sagal]

Right now, panel, time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Also, there's a new app for fans of scary movies. It warns you just before what happens.

[Alzo Slade]

You get scared.

[Peter Sagal]

Exactly. Something scary happens or jump scares.

[Alzo Slade]

I was just joking.

[Peter Sagal]

No, that's true. The app is called Binge, and you just tell it what you're watching. And when you start the movie, it'll warn you about the jump scares before they happen. It's a great idea. But why is the notification sound someone yelling boo?

[Eugene Cordero]

I mean, it truly does ruin the

[Peter Sagal]

whole movie for them. Yeah, well, I mean, apparently this is something that people want. It's a popular app, but I'm not a fan of horror movies myself. But isn't the point for those who do that they want to be scared?

[Alzo Slade]

Yeah. This is like watching a movie with somebody that's seen the movie already and they say, watch this. I was watching before you said, watch this. Yeah, I could have used this when I was dating.

[Peter Sagal]

How so?

[Paula Poundstone]

They jumped out at you.

[Alzo Slade]

I would have my phone, like, by my side. And when I know a scare's about to happen, I just put my arm around the young lady, you know what I'm saying? And then so when she gets scared, I'm already there to support her. Yeah, yeah, I'm that kind of nice guy.

[Peter Sagal]

No, I thought what you meant was you're like, you're at the date, you're talking, and like the phone lights up and says she's about to tell you she's a Scientologist. Oh, yes.

[Eugene Cordero]

I mean, that would be a great app.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah, that would be a good app.

[Alzo Slade]

Yeah, that would be a good app.

[Peter Sagal]

Brace yourself. Coming up, things are looking up in our Bluff the listener game. Call 188 wait wait to play. We'll be back in a minute with more Wait Wait. Don't tell me from npr. Hey, before we get back to the show, a quick plug for a very special event. Now, you may have heard Bill Curtis, our judge and scorekeeper, is retiring from Wait Wait. I, I still have problems dealing with it, but in Bill's honor, we are hosting a live virtual event on Monday, May 11, and you can join us. Bill and I will talk about his time on Wait Wait, his career as a legendary anchorman. And we'll be answering your questions about Bill and the so to get your invitation, just sign up for NPR and we'll send you a registration link. Signing up is also a great way to support the show and NPR. So just go to plus.NPR.org and watch your email. Again. That's plus.NPR.org.

[Marisa]

This message comes from Jerry. Many people are overpaying on car insurance. Why Switching providers can be a pain. Jerry helps make the process painless. Jerry is the only app that compares rates from over 50 insurers in minutes and helps you switch fast with no spam calls or hidden fees. Drivers who save with Jerry could save over $1,300 a year before you renew your car insurance policy. Download the Jerry app or head to Jerry AI, NPR this message comes from BetterHelp. May is mental Health Awareness Month, a reminder that you don't have to do this life alone. From loneliness to anxiety to financial stress, right now, people everywhere are struggling. But having a licensed therapist with you by video phone or chat can make a difference. And BetterHelp makes it easy. Sign up now and get 10% [e-mail] NPR that's betterhelp.com NPR this message comes from Prolon. Want to look and feel your best this spring? Prolon's Five Day Fasting Mimicking Diet is a clinically developed nutrition program with the goal of promoting fat loss while protecting lean body mass. Developed at USC's Longevity Institute, it aims to assist the body in entering a fasting like state that helps reset metabolism, target visceral fat and support healthy metabolic markers. Get 15% off, plus a bonus gift when you subscribe at prolonlife.com NPR.

[Bill Curtis]

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, don't tell me, the NPR News quiz I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Paula Poundstone, Eugene Cordero and Alzo Slade. And here again is your host at the San Diego Civic Theater in San Diego, California, Peter Sago.

[Peter Sagal]

Thank you, Bill. And thank you, everybody. Right now it is time for the wait, wait, don't tell me. Bluff the listener game. Call 1-8 8-8- wait wait to play our game in the air. Hi. You are on Wait, Wait, don't tell me. Hi, Peter. This is Tim Borden from Gallup, New Mexico. Gallup, New Mexico. What do you do there? I work for the National Forest Foundation. I do forest restoration and new forestry projects throughout New Mexico.

[Ron Burgundy]

And in my spare time I travel

[Peter Sagal]

around and I sing with a sea shanty band called the Strongback. You sing in a sea shanty band?

[Bill Curtis]

The Southwest is known for its flash

[Peter Sagal]

flooding, so you need to be ready. That's true. I see your point. Very good. Well, welcome to the show, Tim. You're gonna play our game in which you have to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Tim's topic?

[Bill Curtis]

A terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

[Peter Sagal]

We all have bad days. You get dumped, you lose your job. You're in the Epstein files telling him how you got dumped and lost your job. But sometimes something bad can turn into a good thing. This week we heard about somebody whose bad day ended up with a surprising silver lining. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth and you'll win the weight waiter of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play?

[Marisa]

I am.

[Peter Sagal]

Let's do it. All right. First, let's hear from Eugene Cordero.

[Eugene Cordero]

In December, New York Giants kicker Young Ho Ko ran up to kick a field goal at the Monday Night Football game against the New England Patriots and instead of the ball, kicked the turf right in front of it. It was instantly deemed one of the most embarrassing kicks in NFL history and Coe was cut from the team a few weeks later. So it was pretty bad for him, but ultimately good for a fan. One Mark Toothacher, watching from home. He replayed the slapstick kick multiple times and laughed so hard he had a seizure, a feat every comedian dreams of. Luckily, Mr. Toothacher's wife is a nurse and rushed him to the ER where they discovered a tumor on the left side of his brain. The tumor was swiftly removed and turned out to be benign. So a terrible kick turned out to be a life saving catch.

[Peter Sagal]

One of the worst kicks in NFL history leads to a fan's tumor getting discovered and removed Your next story of a silk purse from a sow's ear comes from Paula Poundstone.

[Paula Poundstone]

After an hour long standoff with a passenger who commandeered her drink cart and food service tongs before being subdued and duct taped to their seat, flight attendant Phoebe Whelan used her incident recovery time provided by American Airlines to prepare and pitch a reality show to the television networks. We just got the green light from ABC after a huge bidding war, says an overjoyed Wayland. It's like below deck, but higher. Each episode, the audience sees the struggles between the flight crew and the passengers they have to deal with. There are bloody fights over passengers putting their seat back. There are passengers claiming their steamer trunks or carry on luggage. There's one episode where a famous violinist is forced to put their violin in the overhead compartment. And another passenger releases termites into the compartment. And by the time the plane lands, there are termite mounds and violin strings in the overhead compartment, but no violin. Plus, the purser has a thing for the guy in 3F.

[Peter Sagal]

A flight attendant's terrible day at work inspires her to create a new reality show about all the terrible days that flight attendants endure. Your last story of a bad day turning good comes from Alzo Slade.

[Alzo Slade]

This story begins the day that the rapper actor LL Cool J woke up to his girlfriend frustrated with him over a constant problem, his ashy lips. His girlfriend looks at him and says, are you gonna do something about your lips? Every time we kiss, I need a band aid. He laughs. She does it. She breaks up with him because of his dry lips. He grabs a cheap corner store lip balm, applies it thick, chalky. It's like his lips are wearing a sweater. He wipes it off and it gets worse. So he does what most of us do. He licks his lips again and again and again. He goes to do an on camera interview. Every question lick, every pause lick, every close up lick. But instead of nervous, it looks intentional. Instead of a problem, it looks like a move. And the next week, he has a product meeting. They ask him, you know what people associate you with, right? He pauses, licks his lips, and says yes. So he introduces LL Cool J's Take a Lick Lip Balm, a flavored lip balm that inspires users to constantly lick their lips, just like he does. This week, it officially became a billion dollar business, which is why he's on the COVID of this month's Fortune magazine on his yacht that he named From Ash to Cash.

[Bill Curtis]

All right,

[Peter Sagal]

somebody's bad day turned into something good. Was it from Eugene Cordero. How they famously flubbed kick in the NFL, let a man to laugh at it so hard that he ended up getting a tumor discovered from Paula Poundstone, a flight attendant whose terrible day at work inspired her to become a reality TV mogul. Or from Alzo Slade, LL Cool J turns his dry lips ending a relationship into a brand and a business. Which of these was the real story of good coming from bad? Well, I'm not surprised that the Giants are going to be giving people seizures from how they were playing last year. So I'm going to go with Eugene story about the football fan with humor. You're going to go with Eugene's story about the football kick leading to a amused fan getting checked out when he needed to be. Well, to find out the correct answer, we spoke to that real person who benefited from a bad day. I hate laughing at kickers expense.

[Alzo Slade]

But you know what might have been

[Peter Sagal]

an embarrassing moment to him?

[Alzo Slade]

It literally saved my life.

[Peter Sagal]

That was Mark Tacker who laughed at so hard at that muffed kick, it ended up saving his life. Congratulations, Tim. You got it right. You earned a point for Eugene. And you've won our prize, the voice of your choice on your voicemail. Congratulations. Thank you so much for playing. Thanks, everybody. And now, the game we call Not My Job. There is perhaps nobody who represents the city of San Diego better than the legendary local news anchor Ron Burgundy. They agree. Whose story was told in two hit documentaries, Anchorman and Anchorman 2, both narrated by our own legendary newsman, Bill Curtis. We are delighted that Mr. Burgundy could join us here on stage. Ron Burgundy, welcome to. Wait, Wait, Don't Tell me.

[Ron Burgundy]

Thank you, Peter. Thank you so much for having me. It's great to be back here.

[Peter Sagal]

I imagine, and I think our audience has proved it, that when you come back to San Diego, where you started your career, you get quite a response. People must be very excited to see you people.

[Ron Burgundy]

Well, I still live down here.

[Peter Sagal]

Okay.

[Ron Burgundy]

Oh, condo in Pacific Beach.

[Peter Sagal]

Sure.

[Ron Burgundy]

I got evicted from my town home in Rancho Panasquitas. So I'm.

[Eugene Cordero]

I'm.

[Ron Burgundy]

Now, you know. You know, I'm walking around the beach with my metal detector. I still work with my. My charity, which is. We're rehabbing dolphins. We're trying to keep dolphins to stay in high school.

[Peter Sagal]

Right.

[Ron Burgundy]

Because guess what the dropout rate for dolphins are in high school.

[Peter Sagal]

I wouldn't know.

[Ron Burgundy]

100%.

[Bill Curtis]

Really? Yes.

[Peter Sagal]

Wow. That's why I see so many dolphins hanging out in the street corners with no.

[Ron Burgundy]

And then on weekends, I have my. My Sea Shanty Group. You do?

[Peter Sagal]

Yes, yes. A lot of that going around.

[Ron Burgundy]

We go back and forth from here to Gallup, New Mexico.

[Peter Sagal]

Sure.

[Ron Burgundy]

And we have competitions.

[Peter Sagal]

Absolutely.

[Ron Burgundy]

Things like that. So it's a very full, rich, busy life.

[Alzo Slade]

Yeah.

[Bill Curtis]

Yeah.

[Peter Sagal]

Bill here, your colleague in TV news, he famously got his start as a young man when he went on the air in Topeka and warned thousands of people saving their lives about an impending tornado. That's right. Yeah. I'm sure your start as a newsman was something like that.

[Ron Burgundy]

Can I just say something? I admire Bill Curtis so much. You are the gold standard. You're legendary baritone voice is what I tried to emulate. And yet I couldn't hate someone more. I've always been so jealous of your task. But Bill and I, we have had some times together.

[Peter Sagal]

Really? Yeah. Yeah.

[Ron Burgundy]

Don't get Bill going on this story of Bill and I. Walter Cronkite, Angie Dickinson and a flamethrower down at the dog track in Tijuana.

[Peter Sagal]

Oh, that's.

[Ron Burgundy]

That's all I'm gonna give you. Yeah, that's all I'm gonna give you.

[Peter Sagal]

I remember when Bill did that. All he said was, I'm on. Now, Bill here, I know, having recently read his memoir, has covered some amazing stories. He was at Chernobyl, one of the first American journalists to go there. He covered the fall of Iran. Were you covering those stories as well?

[Ron Burgundy]

Yes. Well, I would wait for Bill to file his report and then I, you know, I'd embellish. I didn't get the big assignments.

[Peter Sagal]

No.

[Ron Burgundy]

When I was a younger man, I. I remember I reported the Vietnam War was over after one month, so they didn't give me the big assignments.

[Peter Sagal]

Right.

[Ron Burgundy]

Yeah.

[Peter Sagal]

You went over there, came back and said, it's going great.

[Ron Burgundy]

It's going great.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah.

[Alzo Slade]

Now they're looking for you to report on the Iran war.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

[Ron Burgundy]

That one should be over any day now.

[Paula Poundstone]

Two weeks.

[Ron Burgundy]

Two weeks.

[Peter Sagal]

The TV news business has changed. Have you had to adapt from your early days here as an anchorman?

[Ron Burgundy]

It really. It really has. Network news is really down the old toilet.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah.

[Ron Burgundy]

So an applause for network for the demise is network news. I'm assuming that's what that.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah, pretty much. Yeah.

[Ron Burgundy]

Well, I.

[Peter Sagal]

Possibly for toilets.

[Ron Burgundy]

Look, I've still. Or there could be a lot of people who just enjoy a good toilet. Who doesn't?

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah, who doesn't?

[Ron Burgundy]

I mean, when you walk into a bathroom, you see a finely sculpted piece of porcelain.

[Peter Sagal]

Sure.

[Ron Burgundy]

You're like, that's a good looking toilet.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah.

[Ron Burgundy]

What were we talking about?

[Peter Sagal]

We were talking about. We were talking about how you, Ron Burgundy, legendary anchorman, has adapted to the changes in television video news.

[Ron Burgundy]

I have. I pretty much broadcast my weekly report from my garage. I have a satellite link up with my good buddy Elon Starlink, except he didn't give me access. I have Stardink, which only broadcasts about 500 yards outside of my place.

[Peter Sagal]

The one you bought on temu?

[Ron Burgundy]

The one I bought on temu, Yeah. I love temu. I'm a big TEMU guy.

[Bill Curtis]

Oh, God.

[Ron Burgundy]

Oh, gosh.

[Peter Sagal]

Just as good. 8th of the price, right?

[Ron Burgundy]

And I think that's their jingle.

[Peter Sagal]

Just as good.

[Ron Burgundy]

8th of the price, but.

[Peter Sagal]

So the Burgundy Report is out there.

[Ron Burgundy]

The Burgundy Report's out there. I'm still submitting my resumes to local news stations.

[Peter Sagal]

Really?

[Ron Burgundy]

Not getting any. Any nibbles.

[Peter Sagal]

I find that hard to believe, given. Given your talent, given your.

[Ron Burgundy]

You would think so.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah.

[Ron Burgundy]

You would think so.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah.

[Paula Poundstone]

Isn't independent news the thing? Anyways, don't you want to be on that train?

[Ron Burgundy]

Yes. What you said. I do. I want to be an independent journalist. I don't want to be told what to think or what. What to do.

[Alzo Slade]

Well, Ron, have you given any thought to using the TikToks and the Instagrams, for example?

[Ron Burgundy]

Look, that's. That's a trend that's going nowhere, so.

[Peter Sagal]

Well, Ron Burgundy, maybe you can consider this a job interview, because we have, in fact, invited you here to play a game we're calling Anchorman.

[Bill Curtis]

Meet the Anchormen.

[Peter Sagal]

You are, of course, the second most iconic anchorman in America. So we thought we'd ask you about anchormen, that is, sailors and seamen. Answer two to three questions correctly, you'll win our prize. One of our listeners, the voice of the wait waiter of their choice for their voicemail. Bill, who is your protege Ron Burgundy playing for?

[Bill Curtis]

Dave Dennis of San Diego, California.

[Alzo Slade]

California.

[Peter Sagal]

All right. A viewer.

[Bill Curtis]

All right.

[Peter Sagal]

Here's your first question. We'll start with Ernest Shackleton. He was the famed captain who kept his entire crew alive for 18 months after their ship got trapped in ice in Antarctica. Turns out, among other things, he was great at keeping up his crew's morale. They held debates, and they held sing alongs, and he let the crew do. What was it? A, hold a weekly vote to update the rankings of who would be eaten first if they ran out of food, B, think up fun new names for the constellations, or C, build a big, sexy lady snowman.

[Ron Burgundy]

Well, I have been stranded before, and with a large group and we knew we weren't going to be rescued for a while off the Aleutian Islands.

[Peter Sagal]

Sure.

[Ron Burgundy]

What we didn't realize was that we were literally five minutes away from an army base.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah.

[Ron Burgundy]

But anyway, so we had to have that discussion of who we would eat. I'm gonna say it's a.

[Peter Sagal]

They made a list. I was gonna say they made a list of who would be eaten first.

[Ron Burgundy]

Yes.

[Peter Sagal]

No, it was actually the Big Sexy Snowman. Here's your next question. Rear Admiral John D. Bulkley was a celebrated naval officer. He even has a destroyer named after him today. But he had an odd habit while he was in command of a naval base back in 1966. What was it? Was it A, he would dress up like a N and sneak around the base to test security? B, he would get around the base on a rowboat mounted on wheels that he would row? Or C, since the Navy banned alcohol, he would drink fruit juice and then just act drunk.

[Ron Burgundy]

Well, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

[Peter Sagal]

I don't know why.

[Ron Burgundy]

I always started every newscast with a stiff Scotch. I would guzzle it down like there was the last drop of alcohol I was ever going to have, and I was ready to go.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah, sure.

[Ron Burgundy]

I'm going to say he rode around on a rowboat.

[Peter Sagal]

He rode around in a rowboat? No, actually, he would dress up like a ninja and sneak around. And he never got shot.

[Ron Burgundy]

Right.

[Peter Sagal]

Either security was terrible, or more likely, the security guards were like, oh, geez, the admiral's a ninja again. Just play along.

[Ron Burgundy]

Let him do it.

[Peter Sagal]

Pretend we can't see him. Yeah. All right. You still can get one right here. Captain Crunch of cereal fame has been sailing the seas of breakfast since the 1960s. Always delicious, always the best. But in 2013, he faced a scandal. People accused Captain Crunch of what? A, using child labor to pick Crunch berries, B, violating the embargo on Cuba, or C, not actually holding the rank of captain.

[Ron Burgundy]

Wow.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah.

[Ron Burgundy]

D. Are you saying D? I'm gonna say for Captain Crunch. If you look on the box, he looks like a guy who's willing to cut corners.

[Peter Sagal]

So you're gonna go for C?

[Ron Burgundy]

I'm gonna go for C. That's right.

[Peter Sagal]

He's guilty of stolen honor.

[Ron Burgundy]

Yes, stolen honor, indeed.

[Peter Sagal]

According to the number of stripes on his uniform, he'd been an ensign, a lieutenant, and a commander. But he never wore the four stripes appropriate to a captain until 2024.

[Alzo Slade]

He'd never get away with that in San Diego.

[Peter Sagal]

Never.

[Ron Burgundy]

No.

[Peter Sagal]

That's right, Bill. How did Ron Burgundy do in our quiz?

[Bill Curtis]

Well, he did really well. He got one.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah, he did.

[Bill Curtis]

Hey,

[Peter Sagal]

Ron Burgundy was the legendary anchorman on San Diego's award winning KVWN News Team. Ron Burgundy, thank you so for joining us on Wait, Wait, don't tell me in just a minute why you better leave your umbrella at home. That's our Listener Limerick challenge. Call 1-88-HAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell me from npr.

[Marisa]

This message comes from Prolon. Want to look and feel your best this spring? Prolon's five Day Fasting Mimicking Diet is a clinically developed nutrition program with the goal of promoting fat loss while protecting lean. Developed at USC's Longevity Institute, it aims to assist the body in entering a fasting like state that helps reset metabolism, target visceral fat and support healthy metabolic markers. Get 15% off plus a bonus gift when you [e-mail] NPR this message comes from Sony Pictures Classics presenting I Swear. This year's must see drama is I Swear. A three time BAFTA winning film starring Robert Aramayo and directed by Kirk Jones. Based on the extraordinary life of John Davidson, it explores the reality of living with Tourette's in 1980s Britain and one man's determination to be understood and live life on his own terms. I Swear, now playing only in theaters. Support for NPR and the following message come from HomeServe. Owning a home is full of surprises and when something breaks, it can feel like the whole day unravels. HomeServe is ready to help, bringing peace of mind to four and a half million homeowners nationwide. Plans start at just $4.99 a month. Sign up today at HomeServe.com not available everywhere. Most plans range between $4.99 to $11.99 a month. Your first year terms apply. Uncovered Repairs.

[Bill Curtis]

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait Wait, Don't TELL Me the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Alzo Slade, Paula Poundstone, Eugene Cordero and Ron Burgundy. And here again is your host at the San Diego Civic Theater in San Diego, California, Peter Sagal.

[Peter Sagal]

Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill whispers poems in your ear. Unfortunately, they're limericks. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-88-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel though, some more questions for you from the week's news. Alzo There's a new amenity for travelers starting soon. You'll now be able to do what at the airport? Mmm.

[Alzo Slade]

Sleep.

[Peter Sagal]

Oh, people have been doing that for a long time.

[Alzo Slade]

Can I have a hint, please?

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah, you can have your hint. Good luck getting your personal bottle of body wash through security, though. Oh, wow.

[Alzo Slade]

Shower.

[Peter Sagal]

Yes, you can shower at the airport.

[Paula Poundstone]

That is gross.

[Alzo Slade]

That is great. There's a lot of musty people at the airport.

[Peter Sagal]

Yes, exactly.

[Paula Poundstone]

That's just gross.

[Peter Sagal]

Some airports, mostly at this point in Europe, are offering a new amenity for arriving passengers. You land, you go to the arrival lounge where you can freshen up and take a shower. They've just started installing these. Congratulations to that one passenger, whoever it was who smelled so bad. He inspired a whole new advance in the travel industry.

[Eugene Cordero]

Well, that's the thing. It should be before they depart because that's when you're going to be sitting

[Peter Sagal]

close next to you. Yeah, they should require it.

[Eugene Cordero]

Require it.

[Peter Sagal]

They should make us all go through the shower on a belt like a

[Paula Poundstone]

car wash. Or you know what, where the light and the AC are on the buttons up there. You're just. Right.

[Ron Burgundy]

Exactly.

[Paula Poundstone]

You push and you get a little psst.

[Peter Sagal]

And they'll be part of the security thing. Make sure you wash your own hair and rinse before washing the hair and rinsing it on. Somebody with you.

[Alzo Slade]

Can you imagine going through TSA and the thing beat. And they tell you, excuse me, Mr. Slade, can you come inside? You've been randomized. And they just hand you a bottle of soap.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah.

[Alzo Slade]

And point you to the shower.

[Peter Sagal]

It's like the airline equivalent of like a friend just offering you a breath.

[Paula Poundstone]

Yeah, right. Yeah.

[Peter Sagal]

Eugene. This week the Washington Post reported on a bold and effective new idea in conservation. You can save endangered species like gorillas. If we simply give them. What?

[Eugene Cordero]

What do they offer? Endangered species.

[Peter Sagal]

Yes.

[Eugene Cordero]

Other than hope.

[Peter Sagal]

We can't do that.

[Eugene Cordero]

Oh, we can't do that.

[Peter Sagal]

I'll give you a hint. The hard part is teaching the guerrillas to sign their name on the checks.

[Eugene Cordero]

Giving gorillas jobs.

[Peter Sagal]

No, not jobs. Oh. You sign a check to draw money from your bank account. Yes. Give gorillas bank accounts. What?

[Eugene Cordero]

What?

[Peter Sagal]

So a man named Jonathan Ledgard runs a non profit that sets up bank accounts for individual animals.

[Paula Poundstone]

I would so like to hit up a gorilla for five bucks.

[Peter Sagal]

Exactly. You know what's gonna happen? People are gonna like go out to lunch with gorillas and when the check comes, they're all gonna be like, oh, wow, I forgot my bottle. So here's how it works. They set up the account for the animals. And then like when someone provides a gorilla a service, like say, clearing a path, the gorilla pays that person. But don't get too excited. Gorillas are horrible tippers.

[Alzo Slade]

I don't know if I like this.

[Eugene Cordero]

Why not?

[Alzo Slade]

It's discriminatory. You have to be endangered to get a bank account. Imagine the species that are not endangered, they're like, this is messed up.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah, yeah.

[Eugene Cordero]

Giraffes have been making millions, you know what I'm saying? And they've just been putting it under a mattress.

[Paula Poundstone]

Yeah. Mosquitoes have a Venmo thing now.

[Peter Sagal]

When you check their Venmo, it's just drop of blood, drop of blood, drop of blood.

[Paula Poundstone]

I'm not even sure I understand it. But I don't want my cats to find out about it. I know that.

[Peter Sagal]

Give me the money before you go. I believe that you matter, you know? Just give me the money. Coming up. It's lightning. Fill in the blank. But first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-88-WAIT, that's 1-888-924-8924. You can catch us most weeks back at the Studebaker Theater at our home in Chicago or you can catch us on the road. We will be in Austin, Texas at the Bass concert hall on June 4th. For tickets and information to all our live events, go to npr. Present. Hi, Wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi, this is Marisa calling in from Bellevue, Washington. Bellevue, Washington? Up there near Seattle, right?

[Paula Poundstone]

That's right.

[Peter Sagal]

What do you do there?

[Paula Poundstone]

I'm a lawyer.

[Marisa]

But right now I'm enjoying my daughter's senior year. I'm on a sabbatical and she's enjoying her senior year before I become an empty nester.

[Peter Sagal]

Really? So you took off a year of work, a sabbatical, just to be with your 17, 18 year old daughter? That is correct.

[Marisa]

To her chagrin, Some days, yeah.

[Peter Sagal]

I was about to say when you told your daughter this is your last year of high school, you're a senior, you can relax and have fun. And I've decided to stop going to work so I can be here with you all the time. How did she react?

[Marisa]

She immediately lobbied for a pet or maybe a hobby for me?

[Peter Sagal]

For you, yes. Not for her. I understand. Well, welcome to the show, Marissa. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news related limericks with the last word of phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word of phrase correctly, and two of the limericks will be a winner. You ready to play?

[Marisa]

Absolutely.

[Peter Sagal]

All right, here's your first limerick.

[Bill Curtis]

This Egyptian found Greek stories. Yummy. That's how Homer wound up in his tummy. And this corpse inspector found traces of Hector on fragments embalmed in a mummy.

[Peter Sagal]

Yes. In a remarkable discovery, a page from the Iliad was found in the abdomen of an Egyptian mummy. Meaning that either it was stuffed inside this mummy during the mummification process, or this man died from eating the Iliad. Now, papyrus has been found inside Mulligan before, but it's always like, religious texts. This is like the first time it's been a page just taken from a book. But of all the books to be buried with, the Iliad is pretty cool, right? Yeah. Sophisticated guy. Whoever this guy was, how embarrassing would it be, for example, to be dug up 2,000 years from now with a copy of, like the Da Vinci Code inside you?

[Alzo Slade]

I was thinking more like Green Eggs and Ham or something like that.

[Peter Sagal]

Don't knock Green Eggs and Ham.

[Marisa]

That's a classic.

[Paula Poundstone]

Yeah, see, I was want with the Hardy Boys.

[Peter Sagal]

Exactly. All right, here is your next limerick.

[Bill Curtis]

This thunderstorm resets your brain. Get umbrellas and walk down the lane. Emotional pain will just wash down the drain when you take a calm walk in the rain.

[Peter Sagal]

In the rain?

[Bill Curtis]

Yes.

[Peter Sagal]

You know this living in Washington. According to experts, getting rained on is good for you. And not just because it's literally the most romantic thing that can happen to someone. It also apparently chemically boosts serotonin in your brain. That feeling you have when your genes are soaked through and everything is chafing, that's happiness.

[Eugene Cordero]

I also heard that if you run in the rain, you'll get more wet than if you just walk.

[Peter Sagal]

Oh, right. That's like a physics connection.

[Eugene Cordero]

That's a physics.

[Peter Sagal]

Because you're moving through, like more volume of water or something.

[Eugene Cordero]

Yes, because I try to run through it and I'm not having fun.

[Bill Curtis]

No.

[Eugene Cordero]

And if I walk through it, I feel like I'm really gonna have a blast. I can't wait for the next time it rains so I can have a blast. Being soaking wet, it's the best.

[Peter Sagal]

Here is your last limerick for my workout.

[Bill Curtis]

I need a fresh spark. I'll run faster if dogs chase. To avoid indoor stench, I'll do dips on a bench. No more gym. I work out in the park.

[Peter Sagal]

Yes, if you don't want to pay for a gym membership, don't worry. The New York Times says a public park has all the workout equipment you need. They published a list of exercises you can do using a park bench, like step ups, tricep dips and jump ups when you realize what you just sat in. And if there's a monkey bar, you know, monkey bars or a pull up bar, you can be the guy who says, mind if I work in to a 6 year old?

[Eugene Cordero]

I've seen some adults working out at a park while I'm there with my children.

[Peter Sagal]

Really?

[Eugene Cordero]

And it looks terrible.

[Peter Sagal]

How so?

[Eugene Cordero]

Just because the kids are just having fun and then there's just a grown man sweating very close to us.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah.

[Eugene Cordero]

And we don't need that.

[Peter Sagal]

One of the extra exercise, as the time suggests, is resting. If you can picture your upper back on the seat of a park bench and just doing upward hip thrusts. In a public park in New York City.

[Alzo Slade]

Can you imagine you just, you just want, you walking your dog and you just want to sit down, be like, hey buddy, can you move that pelvis thrust somewhere else?

[Peter Sagal]

Bill, how did Marissa do in our quiz?

[Bill Curtis]

Marissa was perfect. Congratulations on your sabbatical.

[Peter Sagal]

Well done. Thank you. Bye bye bye.

[Marisa]

This message comes from Prolon. Want to look and feel your best this spring? Prolon's five day Fasting Mimicking Diet is a clinically developed nutrition program with the goal of promoting fat loss while protecting lean body mass. Developed at USC's Longevity Institute, it aims to assist the body in entering a fasting like state that helps reset metabolism, target visceral fat and support healthy metabolic markers. Get 15% off plus a bonus gift when you [e-mail] NPR this message comes from Sony Pictures Classics with I swear, a three time BAFTA winner starring Robert R. Amayo in the true story of John Davidson. Navigating life with Tourette's in 1980s Britain while fighting for understanding. Now playing only in theaters.

[Peter Sagal]

Now it's time to our final game, Lightning. Fill in the blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds of which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

[Bill Curtis]

Eugene and Alzo each have three and Paula has two.

[Peter Sagal]

Okay. How did that happen?

[Alzo Slade]

Don't ask silly questions, Paula, just roll with it.

[Peter Sagal]

So Paula, you are in second place behind the two gentlemen. So you'll be up first. The clock will start when they begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, the Pentagon reported that the US had spent over $25 billion on the war with blank Iran. Right. On Monday, Cole Allen was charged with attempting to assassinate the President. Last week at the Blank at the

[Paula Poundstone]

White House Correspondent's Dinner.

[Peter Sagal]

Right. This week, Jerome Powell held his final meeting as chair of the Blank of the Fed.

[Alzo Slade]

Right.

[Peter Sagal]

Federal Reserve. This week, Chanel's newest shoe drew mixed reactions because it's literally just Blank.

[Paula Poundstone]

I don't know.

[Peter Sagal]

It's just a heel.

[Paula Poundstone]

Oh, just a heel.

[Peter Sagal]

Just the heel of a shoe. Nothing else.

[Paula Poundstone]

Yeah.

[Peter Sagal]

On Tuesday, UPS and FedEx said they would return refunded blank payments to their customers.

[Paula Poundstone]

Tariff.

[Peter Sagal]

Yell tariff. This week, the chief of NASA started a push to make Blank a planet again.

[Paula Poundstone]

Pluto. Pluto.

[Peter Sagal]

Yes. This week, authorities in Sri Lanka arrested Blank for trying to smuggle 200 pounds of weed into that country.

[Paula Poundstone]

Elon Musk.

[Peter Sagal]

No. 22. 22 Buddhist monks. The monks were just getting back from a weekend holiday in Bangkok. Monks go to Bangkok for the weekend, apparently. And they told the officers that arrested them that the $2.5 million worth of weed was a, quote, donation to the temple. You know, it is. You're in the temple, the donation plate comes around. You're like, oh, man, I don't have any cash on me. All I've got is this enormous bail here. Bill, how did Paula do on our quiz?

[Bill Curtis]

Five. Right. Good start. Ten more points. Twelve is her total. She's in first place.

[Peter Sagal]

All right, Eugene, I'm going to pick you arbitrarily to go next, so fill in the blank. According to new data, Blank prices are the highest they've been in four years.

[Bill Curtis]

Oil.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah. Gas. Oil prices. This week, a Taco Bell employee in Florida was accused of pulling a gun on the customers who blanked. Didn't pay. No. Who asked for a cup for free water, then went over to the machine and put soda in it.

[Paula Poundstone]

Whoa.

[Peter Sagal]

We're all feeling a little guilty, aren't we? On Wednesday, health officials warned of a blank outbreak tied to chicken in 13 states.

[Eugene Cordero]

Oh, salmonella.

[Peter Sagal]

Right. On Wednesday, the Flyers beat the Penguins to move into round two of the Blank playoffs.

[Eugene Cordero]

The Stanley cup playoffs.

[Peter Sagal]

Stanley Cup. Yes. This week, after 31 day, Winning Streak came to an end. Jeopardy. Champion Jamie Ding said that he may have finally lost because Blank.

[Eugene Cordero]

He got tired.

[Peter Sagal]

No, because he forgot to pack fresh socks and underwear for the taping. Jimmy Ding said that he knew his losing game of Jeopardy. Was going to be a tough one because he forgot to pack socks and underwear. When he flew out to LA for. For the taping, Sting still had an amazing run, but it must have been even harder for him because the guy he lost to was only Wearing socks and underpinning.

[Eugene Cordero]

Wow, man.

[Peter Sagal]

Bill, how did Eugene do in our quiz?

[Bill Curtis]

Three rights, six more points total to nine. Still trails Paula.

[Peter Sagal]

All right, and how many then does Alzo need to take it?

[Bill Curtis]

5 to win.

[Peter Sagal]

All right, Alzo, this is for the game. Here we go. On Wednesday, the Justice Department once again indicted former FBI chief Blank.

[Alzo Slade]

Comey, comey, comey, comey.

[Peter Sagal]

On Monday, the Mexican government arrested another high profile Blank member.

[Alzo Slade]

Cartel.

[Peter Sagal]

Right. This week, the United Arab Emirates announced he was Planning to leave blank on May 1st.

[Alzo Slade]

The LIV.

[Peter Sagal]

The golf tournament.

[Alzo Slade]

No. OPEC.

[Peter Sagal]

They're going to leave OPEC. On Monday, the White House once again put pressure on ABC to fire late night host Blank Jimmy Kimmel. Right. This week, a French teenager faced jail time for blanking in a public place.

[Ron Burgundy]

Peeing?

[Peter Sagal]

No. Licking a straw, then putting it back in the dispenser.

[Ron Burgundy]

No.

[Peter Sagal]

You're like, I'm away for life. That'll do it. On Wednesday, J. Craig Venter, the man who decoded the human blank, passed away at the age of 79.

[Alzo Slade]

Gino.

[Peter Sagal]

Yep. After Lucy losing Saudi Arabia as an investor, PGA competitor Blank is at the risk of shutting down.

[Alzo Slade]

Yeah, I see I was ahead of you. You were.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah.

[Alzo Slade]

Is it live? Right, Live.

[Peter Sagal]

Liv Golf. Yes. This week, a woman in Massachusetts was convicted for siccking her blank on a group of police trying to perform an eviction.

[Alzo Slade]

Her pet rabbit?

[Peter Sagal]

No, her swarm of bees. Whoa. In 2022, housing advocate Rory woods pulled up in her truck to try to stop sheriff's deputies from carrying out an eviction. When they wouldn't listen to reason, she went to her truck, selected one of her hives, and released the bees. Wow.

[Alzo Slade]

One of her hives.

[Peter Sagal]

Sadly, she was then arrested for assault with a hilarious weapon. Bill. Did Alzo do well enough to win?

[Bill Curtis]

He needed five. He got five.

[Peter Sagal]

There you go.

[Bill Curtis]

He's today's winner.

[Peter Sagal]

Congratulations. In just a minute, we're gonna add. Ask our panelists to predict what will be King Charles favorite souvenir from his trip to America. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Is a production of NPR and W. Bez Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions. Doug Berman. Benevolent overlord Philip Gaedecke writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Doornboss, and Lillian King. Special thanks to Blythe Roberson and Monica Hickey. Peter. Gwen is the comptroller of the city of San Diego. Emma Choi is our vibe curator. Technical direction is from Lorna White, our CFO is Colin Miller. And with this show, we are delighted to welcome to our crew our new operations manager, Jasira Vardak. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chillag. And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, don't tell me is Mr. Michael Danforth. Now, panel, what will be King Charles's favorite souvenir from his trip? I'll Alzo Slade, paper crown from Burger

[Ron Burgundy]

King,

[Eugene Cordero]

Eugene Cordero, doggy bag from the

[Peter Sagal]

Virginia Potluck and Paula Poundstone.

[Paula Poundstone]

He got one of the last Cracker Barrel T shirts with the new canceled logo.

[Bill Curtis]

Well, if any of that happens, we're gonna ask you about it. Wait, wait, don't tell me.

[Peter Sagal]

So thank you to Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Alzo Slade, Eugene Cordero and Paula Poundstone. Thanks to Carolyn Satter and the staff and crew at the San Diego Civic Theater. Special thanks to Heather Milne Barger and everybody at KPBS here in San Diego. And thanks to all of you for listening wherever you might be. I'm Peter Sagal and Bill Stay classy, San Diego.

[Bill Curtis]

This is npr.

[Marisa]

This message comes from Mint Mobile. If you're tired of spending hundreds on big wireless bills, bogus fees and free perks, Mint Mobile is for you. Shop [e-mail] Switch taxes and fees extra. See Mint Mobile for details.

[Starz Announcer]

This message comes from Mattress Firm. One move can wake you and ruin your entire night. Mattress Firm's sleep experts can match you with a Tempur Pedic adapt that absorbs motion for deeper rest. Visit Mattress Firm to get a $300 instant gift when you upgrade. This message comes from Leesa from Night one. Feel the difference with a Leesa mattress with premium materials that deliver serious comfort and full body support no matter how you sleep. Their mattresses are meticulously designed and assembled in the usa, and they back it all up with free shipping, easy returns and a 120 night sleep trial. Visit Leesa.com for 25% off today. Plus, get an extra $50 off with promo code NPR. That's Leesa.com promo code NPR.