WWDTM: Bridget Everett and Jeff Hiller

Summary

Podcast Summary: Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! Episode Featuring Bridget Everett and Jeff Hiller

Introduction

On November 23, 2024, NPR's beloved news quiz show, Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!, hosted by Peter Sagal, aired a special episode featuring the dynamic duo Bridget Everett and Jeff Hiller, stars of HBO's acclaimed series Somebody Somewhere. Filled with humor, insightful banter, and engaging games, this episode provided listeners with an entertaining blend of current events and comedian wit.

Opening Remarks and Host Introduction

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! kicks off with Peter Sagal greeting the audience from the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois. He introduces the guest comedians:

• Bridget Everett: A vibrant and energetic performer known for her role in Somebody Somewhere.
• Jeff Hiller: Co-star of Somebody Somewhere, bringing his unique comedic perspective.

The episode also features Tim Meadows filling in for Bill Curtis, adding his comedic flair to the proceedings.

First Game: "Who's Tim?"

The show begins with a listener named Daniel from Austin, Texas, participating in the inaugural edition of "Who's Tim?" Tim Meadows presents three news-related quotations, challenging Daniel to identify or explain two correctly to win a prize. Daniel impressively answers all three questions correctly, earning accolades from both the panel and host.

Notable Quote:

• Tim Meadows [03:28]: “If you can spill it, spread it, pump it, or pour it, it should go in a checked bag.”

Bridget humorously elaborates on TSA guidelines, sparking a lively discussion among the panelists about the peculiarities of traveling with food during Thanksgiving.

Panel Banter: TSA Regulations and Travel Quirks

Jeff Hiller jokes about the absurdity of flying with gravy, likening it to smuggling alcohol. The conversation delves into personal family traditions, cultural cuisines, and the humorous side of adhering to travel rules.

Notable Exchange:

• Jeff Hiller [04:15]: “My family is mixed. Like, I'm Iranian. My wife's Indian. So we have Persian food, and we have Indian food, right? And nobody touches the turkey.”

Bridget adds a comedic twist by suggesting that the TSA's rules inadvertently make Thanksgiving a prime time for smugglers, combining familial traditions with humor about flight security.

Second News Quiz: Rolling Stone's Lookalike Contests

Tim Meadows introduces a quote about popular lookalike contests featured in Rolling Stone, leading to a humorous discussion about celebrity impersonations.

Notable Quote:

• Tim Meadows [06:01]: “There's been a Dev Patel contest in San Francisco, a Jack Schlossberg meetup in Central Park, a Paul McAll hangout in Dublin, a Harry Styles party in London.”

Maz Jobrani shares a personal anecdote about mistaking Timothee Chalamet for someone else, highlighting the challenges of lookalike events.

Third Game: "Bluff the Listener"

Camille from Baltimore participates in "Bluff the Listener," where she must discern truth from fiction among three outrageous celebrity demands:

1. Tom Papa presents a fictional scenario about an Italian opera singer demanding a tropical environment complete with howler monkeys backstage.
2. Joyelle Nicole Johnson shares a fabricated story about a wealthy couple enforcing mouth-free zones.
3. Maz Jobrani narrates a bizarre tale about a Swedish minister with a banana phobia.

The panel confirms that Maz's story about the Swedish minister fearing bananas is the accurate one, awarding him a point and exclaiming hilariously about Maz's inventive storytelling.

Notable Quote:

• Maz Jobrani [07:19]: “So-temporary, it sounds like an I kind.”

Bridget playfully critiques the stories, adding her comedic perspective on the absurdity of celebrity demands.

Guest Segment: Bridget Everett and Jeff Hiller Discuss Somebody Somewhere

The spotlight shifts to Bridget Everett and Jeff Hiller as they discuss their HBO show, Somebody Somewhere. Peter Sagal commends the show for its relatable portrayal of everyday life in Manhattan, Kansas, emphasizing themes of friendship, community, and humor derived from ordinary situations.

Notable Interaction:

• Peter Sagal [21:41]: “It's a slice of life. It's about friendship. It's, you know, it's about making each other, lifting each other up and, you know, we're not afraid of a fart joke.”

Jeff and Bridget share behind-the-scenes insights, revealing how closely their characters mirror their real-life experiences. The conversation highlights the authentic and heartfelt nature of the show, celebrating its ability to connect with audiences through genuine storytelling and humor.

Listener Limerick Challenge

In a playful twist, Kristen from Virginia Beach participates in the "Listener Limerick Challenge." She attempts to complete limericks based on news events, showcasing the panel's quick wit and ability to improvise humorous endings.

Notable Limerick Example:

• Bridget Everett [38:52]: “They grow tomatoes. Tomato Wine, a wine made from tomatoes infused with basil that is supposed to taste like pizza. It is a wine that experts describe as technically non-toxic.”

The panel engages in humorous banter, debating the plausibility and comedic value of tomato-infused wine, ultimately delivering laughter-inducing explanations.

Final Game: "Lightning Fill in the Blank"

The episode culminates with an intense round of "Lightning Fill in the Blank," where panelists Maz Jobrani and Joyelle Nicole Johnson compete to answer rapid-fire news-related questions. Maz emerges victorious, securing a lead with 17 points.

Notable Highlights:

• Maz accurately fills in blanks related to political events, environmental issues, and cultural phenomena.
• Joyelle provides quick and humorous responses, though occasionally diverging hilariously from the expected answers.

Humorous Highlights and Panel Dynamics

Throughout the episode, the panel exhibits dynamic chemistry, blending sharp humor with insightful commentary. Jeff's deadpan delivery, Bridget's exuberant energy, and the comedic timing of Maz and Joyelle create a lively and engaging atmosphere. Their interactions, filled with playful teasing and genuine camaraderie, amplify the show's entertaining essence.

Notable Exchanges:

• Joyelle Nicole Johnson [24:42]: “Jeff, you know, I just got a face for murder.”
• Bridget Everett [25:09]: “I have a premonition of what the big surprise climax of Somebody Somewhere is going to be.”

Conclusion and Closing Remarks

As the episode wraps up, Peter Sagal and the panelists reflect on the humor and heart woven throughout the show. Bridget and Jeff express their appreciation for the opportunity to participate, highlighting the value of laughter and connection through shared stories and jokes.

Notable Closing Line:

• Bridget Everett [51:16]: “Thank you, guys. Happy Thanksgiving.”

The episode concludes with expressions of gratitude towards the hosts, guests, and listeners, leaving the audience with a sense of warmth and anticipation for future episodes.

Notable Quotes Summary:

• Tim Meadows [03:28]: “If you can spill it, spread it, pump it, or pour it, it should go in a checked bag.”
• Jeff Hiller [04:15]: “My family is mixed. Like, I'm Iranian. My wife's Indian. So we have Persian food, and we have Indian food, right? And nobody touches the turkey.”
• Maz Jobrani [07:19]: “So-temporary, it sounds like an I kind.”
• Peter Sagal [21:41]: “It's a slice of life. It's about friendship. It's, you know, it's about making each other, lifting each other up and, you know, we're not afraid of a fart joke.”
• Joyelle Nicole Johnson [24:42]: “Jeff, you know, I just got a face for murder.”

Final Thoughts

This episode of Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! successfully blends informative news quizzes with the comedic talents of Bridget Everett and Jeff Hiller. The engaging games, insightful discussions, and humorous exchanges create a memorable and entertaining experience for listeners. Whether you're a fan of NPR's signature humor or just looking for a good laugh during the holiday season, this episode delivers on all fronts, showcasing the perfect balance of wit, charm, and substantive content.

Transcript

[Capella University]

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[DSW]

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[Tim Meadows]

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago. This is Wait, wait, don't tell me, the NPR News quiz. I'm Tim Meadows making the best of a weather delay at O'Hare by filling in for Bill Curtis. And here's her host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal.

[Peter Sagal]

Thank you, everybody.

[Bridget Everett]

Thank you so much. Later on, we're going to be talking to Bridget Everett and Jeff Hiller, the stars of the HBO show Somebody Somewhere. But first, I gotta say what a thrill it is to be standing right next to legendary comedian and actor Tim Meadows. It's such a thrill to have you so, you know, thank you. Big thrill for me. Tim, how does it feel for you to take on this job?

[Tim Meadows]

I gotta say, after years of working next to some of the absolute greats, it's really exciting to try something different.

[Bridget Everett]

If you'd like to enjoy your debut on our show, just give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener. Contestant. Hi. You are on WAIT, Wait, don't tell me. Hi. Hi. Who's this? This is Daniel. Hey, Daniel, where are you calling from? I'm calling from Austin, Texas. Austin, Texas. We were just talking, ironically, a moment ago before the show about Austin, Texas, which a place many of us have been and all of us love. And I actually have a question for you that came up have, in fact, you been able to keep Austin weird? I guess you guessed.

[Jeff Hiller]

He doesn't sound very convinced.

[Bridget Everett]

Yeah, I don't know, man.

[Maz Jobrani]

That's how I feel about it.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Well. Well, that was a weird answer.

[Bridget Everett]

Yeah, I guess so. Well, Daniel, let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, you can see him at the Venetian Hotel in Las Vegas on December 21st and 22nd, and then at the La Jolla Comedy Store on December 27th through the 29th, it's Ma's Jobrani.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Hey. Hello.

[Jeff Hiller]

How are you?

[Bridget Everett]

Next, a comedian you can see New Year's Eve at the Burlington Comedy Store in Burlington, Vermont, it's Joyelle Nicole Johnson. Hey, Daddy boy.

[Maz Jobrani]

How you doing?

[Bridget Everett]

Hi. And a comedian who has a new Netflix special called Home Free, it's Tom Popup.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Hello.

[Bridget Everett]

Hello. So welcome to the show. Daniel. You are going to play the very first edition ever of who's Tim? This time, Tim Meadows, filling in for Bill Curtis, is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show, you may choose on your voicemail. Are you ready to go?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Absolutely.

[Bridget Everett]

Okay, here is your first quote.

[Tim Meadows]

If you can spill it, spread it, pump it, or pour it, it should go in a checked bag.

[Bridget Everett]

That was advice from the TSA for all the people who will be traveling next week with food. For what? Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving. That's right. The TSA expects this to be the busiest Thanksgiving travel period on record as millions of Americans will journey back home looking for someone to fight with. And the general rule is, as you heard Tim say, solids can go in your carry on onto the plane. Liquids have to be checked in luggage. This is for safety. When the soup in your checked bag leaks, it can help put out the fire when the lithium battery in there explodes. Are you guys going to be traveling? No, absolutely not.

[Jeff Hiller]

No. I mean, is it the point to go to someone's house and they've made it and. Or bring something from the same city or state? Who's flying with gravy? Who's doing this?

[Bridget Everett]

It is weird. It is a little strange to be flying to Thanksgiving dinner with food. I mean, like, first of all, why are you flying anywhere if you also have to cook? My rule is, if I'm putting on an apron, you're getting on a plane. Right.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

It is tricky because you get caught in these traditions. You have to go to the same place year after year, and sometimes they don't make great gravy or other things. So you gotta come up with sneaky ways to get yours in there. That Ziploc bag in your pocket full of gravy, good way to do it.

[Bridget Everett]

Yeah.

[Jeff Hiller]

That sounds like the uncle who sneaks in some alcohol in a little flask. You got a flask of gravy? What's he doing?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah, I get a little Ziploc thing of gravy. I'm like, don't tell your mother. Take it.

[Bridget Everett]

Yeah.

[Maz Jobrani]

And everyone in my family knows I do not cook. So they say, you bring the alcohol, baby.

[Bridget Everett]

Okay.

[Jeff Hiller]

My family is mixed. Like, I'm Iranian. My wife's Indian. So we have Persian food, and we have Indian food, right? And nobody touches the turkey.

[Bridget Everett]

Do you actually. Do you actually have a turkey, given all that?

[Jeff Hiller]

There's turkey there, you walk by, he goes, gobble, gobble. We're like, screw you. We got food, man. We got 1,000 years of cuisine.

[Bridget Everett]

I was about to say, the turkey's still alive, but if you're not gonna eat them, why not let them live? It's also, I should say, because of these rules, it's a great time to be a smuggler, because if they find drugs in your body, cavity search, you can just say, it's stuffing.

[Jeff Hiller]

It's cartel stuffing.

[Bridget Everett]

All right, Daniel, here is your next quote. It is from Rolling Stone.

[Tim Meadows]

There's been a Dev Patel contest in San Francisco, a Jack Schlossberg meetup in Central Park, a Paul McAll hangout in Dublin, a Harry Styles party in London.

[Bridget Everett]

So Rolling Stone was talking about this latest popular contest craze that's spreading around the world. What kind of contest specifically? Sounds like lookalikes. Exactly. Right? Lookalike contests. The hottest new pastime is celebrity lookalike contests. So recently, we had a Timothy Chalamet lookalike contest in New York, a Jeremy Allen White contest in Chicago. People are just flocking to these things. Is it surprising? I don't know. People come running when they heard there's a park where a bunch of guys who look like Glen Powell are hanging out hot. So this all happened. This all started just a month, month ago when some guy, for just a joke, I guess, threw a Timothee Chalamet contest. Broad daylight, Washington Square Park, New York City. And a lot of people showed up who looked a lot like Timothee Chalamet. And Timothee Chalamet showed up, which was pretty cool. And that made in the news that led to Jeremy Allen White contests here in Chicago and New York, and ones for Dev Patel and Harry Styles in London, as you heard. But all those fans were disappointed because just Timothee Chalamet showed up for those, too.

[Maz Jobrani]

So Timothy famously grew up in the health kitchen building in New York, right? So I was there last year for a dinner, and I'm coming out, and my friend was like, timothee Chalamet grew up in this building. And I was like, isn't it Timothee? And I get out the elevator and I'm like shouting, timothee, Timothee. And then he walked past me.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

What?

[Maz Jobrani]

And he like pulled down his hat because just some crazy woman is shouting his name in the lobby.

[Bridget Everett]

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Did you shout it three times? Because that didn't conjure him.

[Tim Meadows]

It did.

[Jeff Hiller]

I'm confused. Is he still living there or he just walks around the building now?

[Maz Jobrani]

He's waiting for somebody to recognize.

[Bridget Everett]

One of the side benefits of all these contests is it's amazing to see specifically what men think they look like. True. No, sir. No, sir. I'm sorry. You don't look like Jeremy Allen White from the Bear. You just smokes cigarettes and your T shirt is too small.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

This is very generational though, you know, like older celebrities. This isn't going to happen. Old people don't want to come out. Even if they look exactly like Jack Klugman. They're not coming out.

[Bridget Everett]

Exactly. Here, Daniel, is your last quote, california.

[Tim Meadows]

King not big enough for you? Meet the Alaska King.

[Bridget Everett]

That was a headline of the Washington Post about the new trend of people wanting bigger and bigger. Watts.

[Tim Meadows]

Beds.

[Bridget Everett]

Yes, beds. Very good. The Alaska King mattresses are really something. At 9ft by 9ft, they're great for anyone who loves losing their wife. The bed is equivalent of, quote, two full size beds jammed together. Then you add 28 inches of length. It's fun in a way that you could discover your spouse is cheating on you while you're in the same bed. And you catch them and they feel terrible and they're like, oh, sorry, we didn't think you could see us. What with the curvature of the earth.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

We'Ve gone way too far. It's so gross. My grandparents slept in a one full size bed. It was just a little bit larger than a twin. And these were not small people.

[Bridget Everett]

No.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

And they slept in that bed for 50 years together every single night. And let me be clear, they hated each other.

[Jeff Hiller]

And their grandparents slept in a drawer together.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah.

[Jeff Hiller]

And they despised each other.

[Bridget Everett]

Is it possible, Tom, that the reason they hated each other was because they were had to fight for space in a tiny bed together?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

They were maybe, maybe if you get.

[Bridget Everett]

One of these Alaska Kings, you don't see your spouse for so long, you begin to miss them?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I lose my AirPods on my bed five times a week. The idea of getting a bigger bed, unless they increase the size of the AirPods. I'm not getting it.

[Bridget Everett]

Alaska King AirPods.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah.

[Bridget Everett]

Yeah. Tim, how did Daniel do in our quiz? Wow.

[Tim Meadows]

I'm keeping score and announcing.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

That's a lot of work.

[Bridget Everett]

Okay, okay. But Daniel.

[Tim Meadows]

Daniel did really well. He got all three questions correct.

[Bridget Everett]

There you go. Congratulations, Daniel. Thanks for calling. Thank you. Take care. Right now, panel, time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Tom. A man was stopped from boarding a flight in Lima, Peru, last week when it was discovered that. It's not that he had a pot belly. He had what?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

A belly filled with pot?

[Bridget Everett]

No, not filled with pot.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Oh. He had a baby there. He.

[Bridget Everett]

Quite a baby. He wasn't kidding when he said he had a stomach bug. Ew.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Oh, geez. A bunch of diarrhea. What?

[Bridget Everett]

I said stomach bug. And you.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

And I said diarrhea.

[Bridget Everett]

I know.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Bedbugs.

[Bridget Everett]

I'll give it to you. Insects. Hundreds of tarantulas, centipedes, and bullet ants. What?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

What?

[Bridget Everett]

Who?

[Peter Sagal]

Where?

[Maz Jobrani]

What flight?

[Bridget Everett]

Airport security were suspicious of a man with a, quote, extraordinarily swollen belly. So they gave him a pat down and discovered he had bags of 450 insects taped to his abdomen.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

That's so gross. It's so gross that I was more comfortable with my first answer of diarrhea.

[Bridget Everett]

So the man, when they sort of got everything out of their bags and examined it, he had 320 endangered tarantulas, 110 RA centipedes, and nine bullet ants.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Bullet ants?

[Maz Jobrani]

Just a Ziploc bag?

[Bridget Everett]

Yeah, pretty much.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

So let me get this straight. Just because I'm flying tomorrow, no tarantulas, bullet ants, or gravy, Right?

[Bridget Everett]

I like bugs with 16 legs and bugs with lots of eyes. I like spiders that crawl on the floor and eats up all the flies. Coming up, we grant your special requests in our Bluff the listener game. Call 1- Triple-8. Wait. Wait to play. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait. Don't tell me from npr.

[Capella University]

This message comes from Schwab. It's easy to invest in ideas you believe in with Schwab investing themes like online music and videos, artificial intelligence, and electric vehicles. Choose from over 40 customizable themes.

[Bridget Everett]

[e-mail] support for NPR and the following message come from GoodRx. Did you know GoodRx offers 20 popular diabetes medications for under $20? Check GoodRx before heading to the pharmacy. And get up 80% off your prescriptions. Goodrx is free and easy to use. Search any medication, get your coupon, and start saving. Even if you have insurance or Medicare, Goodrx can beat your co Pay See how much you can save on diabetes and everyday [e-mail] wait.

[DSW]

This message comes from BetterHelp. It's important to take time to show gratitude towards others, but it's equally important to thank yourself. Life throws a lot of curveballs, and being grateful isn't always easy. Therapy can help remind you of all that you're worthy of and all that you do have. Let the gratitude flow with BetterHelp. [e-mail] NPR today to get 10% off your first month. This message comes from Progressive Insurance, where drivers who switch could save hundreds on car insurance. Get your [e-mail] today. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates.

[Tim Meadows]

From NPR in WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, don't tell Me the NPR News quiz. I'm Tim Meadows. We're playing this week with Joelle Nicole Johnson, Tom Papa, and Maz Jabrani. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal.

[Bridget Everett]

Thank you, Tim. Right now it's time for the wait, wait, don't tell me bluff the listener game. Call 1-88-WAIT wait to play our game in the air or check out the pinned post on our Instagram page 8 wait. NPR. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, don't tell me. Hi, this is Camille from Baltimore, Maryland. Hey, how are things in Baltimore, the Queen City? I love it there. Things are great in Baltimore. Yeah. That's great. What do you do there? Ooh, I love to go see concerts. I like to cook and be anywhere near or in the water. And you can do that there being a lot of water available in Baltimore. Exactly. Well, welcome to the show, Camille. You're going to play the game in which you have to tell truth from fiction. Tim, what is Camille's topic?

[Tim Meadows]

No brown M&Ms.

[Bridget Everett]

So we all love hearing about those fun tour riders, whether it's Van halen's no Brown MMs or Tim Meadows. Peter Segal, do not look me in the eye. This week we heard about a VIP who made a very unusual demand. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the real one and you'll win the wait waiter of your choice in your voicemail. Are you ready to play? I'm so ready. Okay, well, so are we. First, let's hear from Tom Papa.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

While some may think that the demands of rock stars can be extravagant, a famous Italian opera singer may put them all to shame. The legendary alto Josephine Giglio credits her longevity to creating a tropical backstage environment that keeps her voice in shape and Theater staff pulling out their hair. The dressing rooms must be kept at 85% humidity generated by plants, misting machines and 12 heavy breathing howler monkeys from the Peruvian rainforest. Two hours before showtime, anyone over 5ft 2 inches tall has to leave the backstage area so as not to directly inhale any of Josephine's perfect air. The monkeys, who average 3ft in height, are welcome to stay. Finally, after her vocal warmups in this perfectly tropical air, Josephine's private chef caps things off by serving her red wine and meatballs. Because after all, she is an Italian diva.

[Bridget Everett]

An Italian diva in her contract demands a tropical environment, complete with monkeys backstage. Your next story of ridiculous requests comes from Joyel Nicole Johnson.

[Maz Jobrani]

Most couples bond over things they adore, but Amarachman and Melody Merchant bonded over unadulterated hate. It was their second date that one of Forbes Pakistan's richest couples discovered they hated other people's mouths. He asked me out to a restaurant and I confessed my disgust, thinking the relationship would be over then and there. Merchant was amazed to find that her new beau shared the same idiosyncrasy. Anything mouth based is off the table, which is a lot more stuff than you think. So they do what any other rich couple would do. They throw money at the problem. They've hired a bodyguard whose sole job it is to get all mouths away from them whenever they go out, all mouths must stay closed. While they both know this behavior is ridiculous, when asked if they would ever seek therapy, Merchant bluntly stated, why, I have money, my man, and a bodyguard. When you have those things, you do what you want.

[Bridget Everett]

A very wealthy couple insists that they never see the mouths of anyone ever around them. Your last story of a peculiar plea comes from Maz Jobrani.

[Jeff Hiller]

Slipping on a banana peel might be funny to you, but to Sweden's gender equality Minister, Paulina Brandberg, it is terrifying. Why? Because she is afraid of bananas. In fact, she is so afraid that her staff has to quote banana proof any areas she might be present in so that she doesn't have to face her banana phobia. Who knows what causes this banana phobia in Minister Paulina? Now, I don't want to make any assumptions, but maybe as a child she had a pet monkey and that monkey's name was Bjorn, who doesn't go hoo hoo hoo, but has a Swedish accent, goes, and maybe the monkey went bananas. Seriously, it's a medical term for when monkeys eat too many bananas. And maybe to this day, whenever Paulina sees a banana, it reminds her of Baby Bjorn and The feeling she gets can best be summarized by the 80s pop band Banana Rama. It's a cruel, cruel summer Leaving me here on my own. It's a cruel, cruel summer. Now you're gone. You're not the only one.

[Bridget Everett]

All right, so this week we heard about someone who has an odd demand for pretty much when they leave the house. Was it from Tom Papa, an opera singer, an Italian one, who demands an absolutely tropical jungle like environment in her dressing room to preserve her voice. From Joy Elle Nicole Johnson, a wealthy couple from Pakistan who insists that whenever they go out, no one ever display their oral cavity. Or from Maz Jobrani, a Swedish government minister who is so terrified of bananas that her own staff has to make sure that numb will appear wherever she goes. Which of these is the real story of an unusual condition? I'm going to go with the prime minister afraid of bananas. We're going to go with the Swedish minister afraid of bananas. That was from Maz Galvani. Well, to bring the correct answer, we spoke to an expert on this area. What's probably happened is that this person had a banana, saw a banana, ate a banana during some negative experience. That was Professor Mark Sheffield, a neurobiologist at the University of Chicago, talking about the possible origins of the banana phobia suffered by the Norwegian minister. Congratulations. You got it right. Thank you. Pik Maz's story, He was telling the truth. That means he gets a point. But more to the point, you win our prize, the voice of anyone you might choose. Thank you very much. Thank you. Take care. And now the game where we ask famous people about obscure things. It's called not my job. HBO's Somebody Somewhere is not like their other shows. There are no dragons or gangsters or billionaires. Just a bunch of normal people trying to get by in Manhattan, Kansas. And it's become immensely popular because won't it be so cool when a dragon finally does show up? The two stars of the show, Bridget Everett and Jeff Hiller, join us now. Bridget and Jeff, welcome to. Wait, Wait, don't tell me. Thank you. So let's start here. I just started watching the show and I. I devoured a season or so and I've been trying to explain what it is and why it's so popular.

[Peter Sagal]

Well, I mean, it's not getting those House of Dragons not good.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I know. It was like so popular.

[Peter Sagal]

I don't know. You know, it's a slice of life. It's about friendship. It's, you know, it's about making each other, lifting each other up and, you know, we're not afraid of a fart joke. You know, I don't know. How can you say that on npr? I don't know.

[Jeff Hiller]

Our show is all fart jokes.

[Bridget Everett]

Really? I know you and I have the same formula. Bridget, since you are from Manhattan, Kansas, and it is a show set in Manhattan, Kansas, about a woman from Manhattan, Kansas, I'm assuming that everything we see in the show actually happened, right?

[Peter Sagal]

Oh, yeah, pretty much. Give or take six. Wait, I was gonna. I can't. I can't talk like this. I was gonna say something naughty. I'm gonna leave.

[Bridget Everett]

And Jeff, I'm told that your character that you play is. Is awfully close to your real life experience. Is that the case? Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

We both love Vitamixes and we're both, you know, middle aged homosexuals with asymmetrical faces.

[Bridget Everett]

That's true.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Was meant to be, Peter. It was meant to be.

[Bridget Everett]

Right, right, right. And I know Bridget. There are a lot of your friends in the New York scene in the show, including your own dog.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah, that's right. In season three, there's a dog. She's a. A beautiful Pomeranian who plays a rescue dog. And she's actually a rescue in real life. Thank you so much.

[Bridget Everett]

You are an angel. What's that? Is she there with you now in your home where we find you?

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah, she's. I gave her a little sleeping assistance in the other room.

[Bridget Everett]

I understand she wouldn't bother. Perhaps a big bottle of Chardonnay.

[Peter Sagal]

That's right.

[Bridget Everett]

Was this whole show just. Was this whole show just a plot to get your dog into the Union? You bet. It occurs to me, Bridget, that I don't know of any other major piece of entertainment set in Manhattan, Kansas. So you must be like a queen there, because you have done for Manhattan, Kansas what say Game of Thrones did for King's Landing? You put it on the map.

[Peter Sagal]

That's right. You know, they actually did a Bridget Everett day for me a couple years ago. So if anybody ever wants to go to Manhattan, Kansas, I think it's March 5th every year they make a little Bridget Everett donut and a Bridget Ever Beer.

[Bridget Everett]

And. Wait a minute. It's not just. Wait a minute, hold on. I mean, it's not just like they had a day for you when you showed up. There is an actual day on the calendar every year the kids get off school. Oh, it's Bridget. What are you doing for Bridget Everett?

[Peter Sagal]

That's right. As a great LL Cool J says, dreams don't have deadlines.

[Bridget Everett]

So that's Amazing. So this is the third and last season of Somebody Somewhere, which is sad, but I think four episodes are out now. I did want to ask you this, though, because the show is. The characters you play are broadly similar to you. They have similar styles, maybe in similar backgrounds. Would you both love to play someone next or soon who is nothing like you? And if so, what kind of character would that be?

[Peter Sagal]

I'm waiting for the trainwreck spin off for me and Tim Meadows to do, like some sort of rom com that gets a little freaky at the taco bar.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I don't know.

[Bridget Everett]

How about you, Jeff? Do you have any idea, like, if you said, oh, my God, Somebody Somewhere, what a huge hit, you can write your own ticket, you can play anything you want. What do you want to do?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Well, I've been playing a lot of serial killers lately, and that's nice to be someone who. You know.

[Bridget Everett]

Exactly. I thought for a second you were kidding, but are you not kidding? Have you been playing a lot of serial killers?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I have been playing a lot of serial killers.

[Bridget Everett]

I imagine that's kind of a mixed blessing because. Because you get steady work, right? Serial killers, always popular, but at the same time, what is it about you, you think, that makes them think, hmm, serial killer, psychopath, sex criminal.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Jeff, you know, I just got a face for murder.

[Bridget Everett]

I do. You give me Precious back. You give me Precious.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

That's my.

[Bridget Everett]

Oh, I. All of a sudden, I have a premonition of what the big surprise climax of Somebody Somewhere is going to be. Well, Bridget Everett and Jeff Hill. This is really fun. And we have asked you here to play a game that this time we're calling Nobody Nowhere. So, obviously, since your show was called Somebody Somewhere, we thought we'd ask you about Nobody Nowhere. That is three questions about places where it's hard to find anybody. Tim, who are Bridget and Jeff playing for?

[Tim Meadows]

Jack Powers of Las Vegas, Nevada.

[Bridget Everett]

Okay, come on, Vegas. Come on. Now, you guys. As we do this, you're allowed to argue, you're allowed to team up. You're allowed to play this however you want. Here we go. Here's your first question. The loneliest and most desolate place on Earth is Antarctica, an entire continent whose population never exceeds about 5,000 people, despite that one scientist who was there in December of 2013 managed to do what? A, convince the band Coldplay to come there and do a show, naturally, B, match with someone on Tinder, or C, organize the first ever Freezing Man Festival.

[Peter Sagal]

I think it's C. Me, too.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I think it's C. I'm so glad you.

[Bridget Everett]

Wait a minute. So you're saying Freezing Man. Freezing Man Festival. Ooh. The audience is objecting.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Wow.

[Bridget Everett]

I was gonna pull the trigger, but the audience is shouting, no, no, no audience. What do you think it is? They always know. They think it's B. They think it's B.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Okay, let's do B, then we gotta do it.

[Bridget Everett]

Bridget, they always know.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

They always know.

[Peter Sagal]

Okay, let's go, baby.

[Bridget Everett]

They don't always know, but they did this time. A scientist was sitting there and he was like, what the hell? And he turned on Tinder and he swiped right on this woman who was camping on the ice about 45 minutes away by helicopter. And they did meet up, but they say nothing came of it that time. So as far as we know, the first Tinder hookup has not happened yet on Antarctica.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

What a pits ending to a great story. I'm so sorry.

[Bridget Everett]

Here's your next question. Now, the loneliest place that anybody has ever been that we know of is the moon. Only 12 people have ever visited the moon. Now, the first astronaut to do it, after Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin was Pete Conrad. What were Pete Conrad's first words after stepping off the lunar lander onto the surface of the moon? Was it, a, One small step for a man, one giant step for mankind? Suck it, Neil. B. So where can I get a drink around here that's not recycled urine Or C. Whoopee? You're messing with us.

[Peter Sagal]

Right?

[Maz Jobrani]

Right. This guy sounds like an I kind.

[Bridget Everett]

Of am, but one of them is real. Well, he said one of those things as he stepped into the wild.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I love him.

[Bridget Everett]

I love.

[Peter Sagal]

I love. Like, Titi. I like. I think. I think it's a TT he drinks the tt. The TT one.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

The TT I don't know. I feel like it's Whoopi. It's definitely not the first one, because people tend to say suck it in the 70s, but.

[Bridget Everett]

So you're going to go with two different answers. Bridget, you're going to take the recycled urine and Jeff. Whoopee. Yeah.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

We're diverging in two different woods.

[Bridget Everett]

Jeff is the winner. Jeff is correct. Whoopee. All right, Jeff has already won. He got two. Right. Let's see if Bridget can catch up. Your last question. In 1993, I went to Arizona State.

[Peter Sagal]

Give me a break, Bridget.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I went to Texas Lutheran College. I think we're on the same plan.

[Bridget Everett]

In a famous incident in 1993, a French man car broke down far out in the Moroccan desert. And he was so Far out. There was no way for him to get back. So to save his own life, he stripped down the car and he built a motorcycle from the parts and drove it back to civilization. And when he got there, what happened? A, his wife said, oh, were you gone? B, he was ticketed for riding an illegal vehicle, or C, at the celebration of his miraculous return, he died when a popped champagne cork punctured his head.

[Peter Sagal]

Oh, if it's not C, I quit.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

It's gotta be C. They can't die from that. That's a fun answer. That's a fun answer. Come on, you gotta do better so.

[Peter Sagal]

You can die from that. And I'm willing to. I'm willing to give it a shot.

[Bridget Everett]

All right. Bridget wants to go with he died, ironically, from the pop champagne cork. What do you think? J?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

I think it's the ticket.

[Bridget Everett]

You think he got a ticket? Once again, Jeff is correct. So, Tim, how did Bridget and Jeff do on our quiz?

[Tim Meadows]

Jeff got all three questions correct.

[Bridget Everett]

Yeah.

[Tim Meadows]

It's a record.

[Bridget Everett]

It's a record. It's never happened before. Bridget Everett and Jeff Hiller are stars of Somebody Somewhere. And HBO And Max Season 3 is out. Now. Catch it. It is remarkable and heartwarming and funny. And every now and then, Bridget says something very dirty. Bridget and Jeff, thank you so much for joining us on Wait Wait. Don't tell me. Awesome to have you. In just a minute, a wine that could make a sommelier rethink every single one of their life choices in our Listener Limerick challenge game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us in the air. We'll be back in a minute with more Wait Wait, don't tell ME from npr.

[Capella University]

This message comes from Capella University. Learning doesn't have to get in the way of life. With Capella's game changing Flex path learning format, you can set your own deadlines and learn on your own schedule. That means you don't have to put your life on hold to earn your degree. Instead, enjoy learning your way and pursue your educational and career goals without missing a beat. A different future is closer than you think with Capella University. Learn more at capella.edu.

[Bridget Everett]

Support for NPR and the following message come from SimpliSafe. If you've ever worried about the safety of your home and family, there is no better time to act. Get 60% off a new Simplisafe security system today. Old school alarm systems only kick in once someone is already inside your home. Simply Simplisafe stops criminals from entering your home with its exclusive active guard Outdoor protection. To get 60% off any new system with a select professional monitoring plan, head to SimpliSafe.com wait, there's no safe like SimpliSafe.

[Tim Meadows]

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, wait, don't tell me. The NPR News quiz. I'm Tim Meadows filling in for Bill Curtis.

[Bridget Everett]

Thank you.

[Tim Meadows]

We're playing this week with Tom Papa, Maz Jabrani and Joelle Nicole Johnson. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal.

[Bridget Everett]

Yes, thank you, Tim. Thanks, everybody. In just a minute, Tim Meadows brings you our first ever Listener Timmeric Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. But right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Tom this week, a high tribunal in Britain ruled that calling someone what is a form of illegal harassment?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Calling someone an American.

[Bridget Everett]

No, that may be coming.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Can I have a hint?

[Bridget Everett]

Sure. Finally. Finally, some male pattern justice.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Oh, calling them bald. Yes, finally.

[Bridget Everett]

Yes.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

[Tim Meadows]

No, I'm cool.

[Bridget Everett]

So, yes, according to a court in Great Britain, bald is now a formal offense. A man named Tony Finn, a, a longtime employee of the British Bung Company, sued after his supervisor called him a, quote, stupid bald C word. Yeah. And to be clear, being called a C word, he's fine with. Totally fine. But bald was going too far.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

He sued.

[Bridget Everett]

And this week a high tribunal ruled that using bald as an insult is sexual harassment because only men tend to be bald. So again, all this is true.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Wow.

[Bridget Everett]

All three members of the tribunal that made this ruling were themselves bald.

[Jeff Hiller]

Oh, they stacked the court.

[Bridget Everett]

Why else do you think they all wear those wigs in red?

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

What if they flip it, though, and you have to start wearing a brassiere on your head and cover it? If this is a big sexual problem, I don't want you flaunting it around the office. Wrap that thing up.

[Jeff Hiller]

You take off your hat, you're like they go, you're flashing me.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

You're like, officer, my eyes are down here.

[Bridget Everett]

Ma's Last week, a group of fishermen, fishermen working in their boat off the coast of Norway must have celebrated when they caught. What in their net.

[Jeff Hiller]

They celebrated when they caught. Was it something valuable?

[Bridget Everett]

Oh, very valuable and very large.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Ooh, ooh, ooh.

[Jeff Hiller]

Gold.

[Bridget Everett]

No.

[Jeff Hiller]

Give me a hand. Give me a hand.

[Bridget Everett]

Give a hand. According to fishing regulations, they got to keep it, but they have to throw the missiles back because they're over the allowed size.

[Jeff Hiller]

Oh gosh. It was a nuclear thing, like a submarine.

[Bridget Everett]

A nuclear submarine. Yes. Specifically, they caught the USS Virginia, a 19,000 ton nuclear powered attack submarine armed with cruise missiles. Although of course, when they got back, the fishermen said it was really a 50,000 ton sub armed with ICBMs. The small fishing boat. Right. Lowered their net looking for one more haul before heading back into port. And all of a sudden they found themselves being towed very fast out to sea. Right. While down in the submarine they were all asking each other, have we been down here too long or am I really hearing the distant sounds of screaming in Norwegian?

[Jeff Hiller]

You know your military is not good when a net catches you.

[Bridget Everett]

That's right. Yes.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Hold on, Captain. There's a worm on a hook over there.

[Maz Jobrani]

Let's go investigate.

[Bridget Everett]

From now on, all the submarines in the sixth fleet are going to be equipped with scissors. Coming up, it's lightning. Fill in the blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can also see us most weeks at the Studebaker Theater right here in Chicago, Illinois. They love it. You will, too. And come see us on the road at Carnegie hall in New York City on December 12th. [e-mail] also check out our sister podcast, how to Do Everything this week, how to Handle It. If your cousin comes to Thanksgiving dressed as a furry. Hi, Erin Whitweight. Don't tell me. Hi, this is Kristen calling from Virginia Beach, Virginia. Virginia Beach, Virginia. I've been there. It's in Virginia. What do you do there? Well, I'm a hairstylist and I am an all star cheerleading coach. You're an all star cheerleading coach. You want to let us know that you are a very good one. I have. Well, my kids are very good. Of course. I have noticed in my very limited exposure to cheerleading that it's gotten really athletic, incredibly athletic. Does it ever get dangerous? Do you ever worry for your kids? Oh, all the time. But I'm a good coach. So they're pretty safe. We have established that. Okay. Well, welcome to the show. Kristen. Tim Meadows filling in for Bill Curtis is going to read you three news related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly into the limericks, you will be a winner. Ready to go? I am here Is your first limerick.

[Tim Meadows]

To Pizza Hut's wine? I won't say no. It's from fruits of a vine stalk that they grow like basil. Notes chased a crust forward taste in wine that is made from.

[Bridget Everett]

No. I don't know. Neither do. Neither does anyone at this particular juncture. So, Tim, why don't we do that again? Okay, here we go.

[Tim Meadows]

I'm not a limerick. Never in Detroit has limericks ever been taught or read. And I'm willing to allow someone who's better, like if you have an Irish person in the room Nate wants, I'm all for it. Okay, here we go to Pizza Hut's wine. I won't say no. It's from fruits of a vine stalk that they grow like basil. Notes chased a crust forward taste in wine that is made from pesto.

[Bridget Everett]

I truly don't know. Not an unreasonable guess.

[Tim Meadows]

They grow tomatoes.

[Bridget Everett]

Tomatoes, yes. Pizza Hut is now selling tomato Wine, a wine made from tomatoes infused with basil that is supposed to taste like pizza. It is a wine that experts describe as technically non toxic.

[Maz Jobrani]

How is it different from a Bloody Mary?

[Jeff Hiller]

Good point.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

It's not as good.

[Bridget Everett]

Yeah, I think you're about to say. Yeah. All right, here's your next limerick.

[Tim Meadows]

All right, hold your heads. Here we go. Listen closely as the brother reads the lyric. Once an asteroid belt was our thing and our skies had big rocks on the wing. They just kept flying around till they crashed to the ground. Just like Saturn, the Earth had a ring.

[Bridget Everett]

Ring. Yes. There you go. Your brother did it. Power crew. Easiest pie. That's right. According to a groundbreaking new geological study, at one point, God liked us, so he put a ring on us. 460 million years ago, the Earth was struck by a series of meteorites all along the equator. So scientists now hypothesize that the rocks were not just, like, randomly striking the earth, but instead dropping down from a ring around the Earth. It's fascinating what we didn't know about the past right now we know. Someday far in the future, scientists will discover that the Earth used to have land.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Aw. Cause we're dying.

[Jeff Hiller]

What are the benefits of having a ring? It just looks good.

[Bridget Everett]

Yeah, pretty much. I mean, Saturn's pretty sexy, right?

[Jeff Hiller]

So we had bling back in the day.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Saturn is really hot, right? Man, the number of times in grade school where I was like. They were like, will you focus? And I'm like, I am.

[Bridget Everett]

He's in an erotic reverie like, ladies and gentlemen, here is your last limerick.

[Tim Meadows]

Airline comfort is crossing a line when they sleep I have no space to dine. They lean back and I'm hoping my laptop won't open. I vote to ban seats that recline.

[Bridget Everett]

Yeah, there you go. This is like church in here. This is awesome. According to a new survey, 41% of airline passengers say they want airlines to ban reclining seats on flights completely. Which means, of course, that the other 59% of passengers are monsters.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

It is very offensive when someone just comes back and you're in that little tiny space and you're collapsing your skeleton in like a praying mantis and eating pretzels. It's like, bam, I'm here now with my bald head in your lap. What if. What if that's not cool.

[Jeff Hiller]

What if they add like the beep? The re.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Beep, beep, beep, beep.

[Jeff Hiller]

So you're reversing and the person knows it's happening.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Yeah.

[Bridget Everett]

Tim, how did Kristen do in our quiz?

[Tim Meadows]

It's a good question. You know, I was focusing so much.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

On this.

[Tim Meadows]

I'm going to give her 800 points.

[Bridget Everett]

There you go. I'm sure that's close. That's within a margin of error. Yeah. Congratulations. You've said it record on our show. Well done. Thank you so much for playing Kristen. Take care.

[Peter Sagal]

Thank you, guys.

[Maz Jobrani]

Happy Thanksgiving.

[Bridget Everett]

Bye Bye. You too.

[DSW]

Support for NPR and the following message come from Hydro. This holiday season. If you want to give the gift of an immersive full body workout all from the comfort of home, you need the Hydro Rower. No matter your starting point or goals. Whether you're training for a marathon or training for life, Hydro meets you where you are. Give the gift of a full body workout all from the comfort of home with Hydro. Head over to hydro.com and use code WAIT to save up to $475 off.

[Capella University]

This message comes from Noom. Using psychology and biology to build personal meal plans to fit your lifestyle, taking into account dietary restrictions, medical issues and other personal needs. With daily lessons that are personalized you and your goals. Noom's flexible program focuses on progress instead of perfection to help you build new habits for a healthier lifestyle. Sign up for your trial [e-mail] now.

[Bridget Everett]

Onto our final game. Lightning Fill in the blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Tim, can you give us the scores?

[Tim Meadows]

Tom has three points. Ma says three points. Joyel has two.

[Bridget Everett]

All right, very good. So here we go. That means, Joyel, you are in second place behind the guys. So you're up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Thursday, Blank withdrew as Trump's pick for Attorney General.

[Maz Jobrani]

Matt Gaetz.

[Bridget Everett]

On Monday, budget airline. Blank filed for bankruptcy. Bankruptcy.

[Maz Jobrani]

Ew Spirit.

[Bridget Everett]

Yes. This week, Rafael Nadal officially retired from professional Blank.

[Maz Jobrani]

Tennis.

[Bridget Everett]

Right. Tennis. On Thursday, the CDC confirmed the first U.S. case of the new strain of Blank pox.

[Maz Jobrani]

Oooh, monkey.

[Bridget Everett]

Yeah. Mpox, as they call it. After dozens of monkeys escaped a research facility in South Carolina this week, reports now say that Blank.

[Maz Jobrani]

That they could fly.

[Bridget Everett]

No, almost. That. There are also feral emu on the loose in South Carolina.

[Maz Jobrani]

Was I supposed to know the answer to that?

[Bridget Everett]

Well, okay. This week, the daughters of civil rights leader Blank sued the CIA over his assassination.

[Maz Jobrani]

Bernice King. Martin Luther King. Malcolm X.

[Bridget Everett]

That was Malcolm X. Yes. I'll give it to you. On Wednesday, Lady Gaga and Post Malone were named as headliners of 2025's Blankella Festival. Coachella. This week, authorities in Argentina caught a man trying to swim smuggled cigarettes across the border from Paraguay disguised as Blank Tarantulas. No. He was disguised as a giant aquatic plant. The man had been swimming across the river that forms the border between Paraguay and Argentina with 200 packs of cigarettes covered with leaves and artificial plants. And authorities were like, wait a minute. Plants don't usually have arms. Tim, how did Joyel do on our quiz?

[Tim Meadows]

Well, I'm happy to tell you, Joyel got six.

[Bridget Everett]

Right.

[Tim Meadows]

And she now has 12 points and she is in the lead.

[Bridget Everett]

There you go.

[Maz Jobrani]

I have 14 points.

[Jeff Hiller]

14 points.

[Tim Meadows]

Did I say 12? I meant 14.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

There you go.

[Bridget Everett]

Maz, I'm going to arbitrarily pick you to go next. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, President Biden authorized Blank's use of American supplied long range missiles.

[Jeff Hiller]

Ukraine.

[Bridget Everett]

Right. On Monday, the Manhattan DA agreed to postpone Blank's hush money sentencing. Trump's right. This week, the US Formally proposed a partial breakup of search giant Blank.

[Jeff Hiller]

Google.

[Bridget Everett]

Right. In order to avoid space debris, the Blank was forced to adjust its orbit on Wednesday.

[Jeff Hiller]

The Blank. The space station.

[Bridget Everett]

Right. This week, an art collector paid $6.5 million for a banana duct taped to a wall and then blanked.

[Jeff Hiller]

He ate it.

[Bridget Everett]

Yes.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

What?

[Bridget Everett]

Dozens of people were seconded this week after eating carrots contaminated with Blank.

[Jeff Hiller]

E. Coli.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Right.

[Bridget Everett]

For the first time, wildlife officials suggested that giraffes be added to the Blank list.

[Jeff Hiller]

Endangered species.

[Bridget Everett]

Right.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

To speak.

[Bridget Everett]

A woman who was baffled at how her puppy escaped its crate every night, set up a camera and discovered Blank.

[Jeff Hiller]

The puppy was escaping the crate every night, discovered that it wasn't a puppy, it was a monkey and was using his arms to get out of the crate.

[Bridget Everett]

No. She discovered that her other dog was unlocking the crate and letting the puppy out. As soon as the coast was clear, the woman caught her other dog on camera walking up to the puppy's crate and using his teeth and paws to unlock it. The woman has since gotten a more secure cage and is confident the puppy will not escape any longer. But why is that other dog bringing in a birthday cake? It's not the puppy's birthday. Tim, how did Maz do on our quiz?

[Tim Meadows]

I'm happy to tell you that Maz got seven right. He now has 14 points, but he is 17 points total and he is now in the lead.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

There you are.

[Bridget Everett]

There you go.

[Jeff Hiller]

17.

[Bridget Everett]

Here's the tough one, Tim. How many then does Tom Papa need to win?

[Tim Meadows]

7 to tie, 8 to win.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Nice nail, Pat.

[Bridget Everett]

There you are.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Nailed that.

[Bridget Everett]

All right, here we go, Tom. This is for the game. Fill in the Blank. On Thursday, the International Criminal Court issued an arrest warrant for Blank.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Netanyahu.

[Bridget Everett]

Netanyahu. Right. On Tuesday, Donald Trump picked WWE's Linda McMahon as his secretary of Blank.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Education.

[Bridget Everett]

Right. This week, Australia's government introduced a bill to limit kids under 16 from using blank social media. Right. This week, MIT announced it would offer free blank for families earning less than $200,000 a year college. Well, free tuition. On Tuesday, private space company Blank scrapped their latest booster catch attempt, SpaceX. Right. On Thursday, cryptocurrency Blank hit an all time high bitcoin. Right. Last week a man in the UK who had his phone stolen by thieves was able to easily chase them down because Blank.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Because find my iPhone?

[Bridget Everett]

No, because he happened to be four time Olympic gold medalist runner Mo Farah.

[Jeff Hiller]

Hilarious.

[Bridget Everett]

Amazing Mo Farah, one of the greatest middle distance runners who has ever lived, was out for a jog when the thieves snatched his phone. But I have a feeling they instantly regretted it after they heard the four time Olympic champion mutter finally, that is cool. Tim, did Tom Papa do well enough to win this?

[Tim Meadows]

Math is difficult. Tom got six right. 12 more. He had 15 total. But it doesn't beat Ma's because Ma's got 17.

[Maz Jobrani]

He's the winner.

[Bridget Everett]

In just a minute we're going to ask our to predict after giant mattresses, what will be the next innovation in sleep. But first, let me tell you all that. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions. Doug Berman, the Benevolent Overlord Philip Gutiercker writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shaina Donald. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theatre. BJ Lederman, composer our theme our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Norboss and Lillian King. Special thanks to Blythe Roberson, Binny Mbazuna and Monica Hay. Peter Gwynn is our turkey baster. Emma Choi is our vibe curator. Technical directions from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Neuhaus, our senior producer, Ian Chillock and the executive producer, Wait, wait, don't tell me. Is Mr. Michael Danforth. Now, panel, what will be the next big thing in sleep after big mattresses? Maz giobrani, now that the beds are.

[Jeff Hiller]

So big, Starbucks will build a store in your bed so you can have a cappuccino and then take a napuccino. Know.

[Maz Jobrani]

Joel Nicole Johnson, the Eternal Sunshine Mattress wake up refreshed not knowing what happened the day before.

[Bridget Everett]

And Tom pop up the San Francisco.

[Joyelle Nicole Johnson]

Sleep center where guests can go to sleep in pods and wake up in four years when this is all over.

[Tim Meadows]

And if any of that happens, panel will ask you about it on Wait, Wait, don't tell me.

[Bridget Everett]

Thank you so much. Tim Meadow, thanks also to Maz Jobrani, Joel Nicole Johnson, Tom Papa, thanks to our fabulous audience who joined us here in Chicago with the Studebaker Theater. And thanks to all of you for listening wherever you might find yourselves. I'm Peter Sagel and we'll see you next week. This is NPR.

[Capella University]

This message comes from NPR sponsor 1Password how do you make a password that's strong enough so no one will guess it and impossible to forget? Sounds impossible unless you have one password Companies lose hours every day just from employees forgetting and resetting passwords. A single data breach costs millions of dollars. 1Password secures every sign in to save you time and money. Money. Don't let security slow your business down. Visit1Password.com NPR to get a free two week trial for your growing business.

[DSW]

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[Capella University]

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