Loading summary
Nagin Farsad
This message comes from Capital One Access comprehensive solutions from a top commercial bank that prioritizes your needs today and goals for tomorrow. Learn more@capitalone.com Commercial Member FDIC.
Bill Curtis
From NPR and WBC Chicago, this is Wait, wait, don't tell me, the NPR News quiz. I'm the voice that tells souls to go toward the light. I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Nagin Farsad.
Nagin Farsad
Oh, thank you, Bill. And thank you, everyone. I'm filling in for Peter Sagal because he likes to take a full Father's Day week. We have a great show for you today. We're going to be joined by Chris Perfetti from Abbott Elementary. That's right. He plays the anxious, grammar sensitive Frisbee dork on the which means he'll fit right in with us. But first, it's your turn to dork out. Give us a call to play our games. The number is 1-888-WAIT, WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Now let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi. You're on. Wait, wait, don't tell me.
Christian
Hi, this is Christian from Portland, Maine.
Nagin Farsad
Hi, Christian. There's some Portland, Maine fans in the audience. What do you do in Portland? I'm a meteorologist, actually.
Devin
Oh.
Nagin Farsad
Is there do you have, like a favorite terrible weather?
Christian
Ooh, I'd have to say hurricanes.
Nagin Farsad
I love a good hurricane. Oh, that's right. You sound dangerous at a party.
Luke Burbank
Good news, Portland. We've got a hurricane bearing down on us.
Nagin Farsad
So fun. Now, Christian, let's introduce you to our panel. First up, he's the host of the daily podcast TBTL and the public radio variety show Livewire, which will be at kiln in Portland July 17th. It's Luke Burbank.
Luke Burbank
Hey, Christian.
Nagin Farsad
Luke. Next, she's a comedian who will be headlining the DC Improv July 11th through the 13th. It's Joelle Nicole Johnson.
Joelle Nicole Johnson
Hey, Christian.
Nagin Farsad
Hey, Joelle. And he's a comedian who will be playing at Blue Note Jazz Club in Hawaii on June 25th and Flappers Comedy Club in Burbank on July 25th. It's Alonzo Bowden.
Alonzo Bowden
What's up, Christian?
Nagin Farsad
ALONZO okay. So, Christian, welcome to the show. You're gonna play who's Bill this time? Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotes from this week's news. If you can identify two of them, you'll win our prize, which is any voice from our show. On your voicemail are you ready?
Christian
I'm so ready. I can't believe it.
Nagin Farsad
Okay, here's your first quote.
Bill Curtis
There will be 28 Abrams tanks, 6700 soldiers, 50 helicopters, 34 horses, two mules, and a dog.
Nagin Farsad
All right, what will this assorted collection of creatures and weapons be a part of this weekend?
Christian
That would be the 250th anniversary of.
Nagin Farsad
The army parade in D.C. i believe. That's right. Trump's military parade. This weekend, Trump is throwing himself a military parade honoring his birthday and the Army's 250th birthday. Just what the army needs, someone showing up at their birthday party and going, it's my birthday too.
Alonzo Bowden
I think that one dog, like all the other dogs are gonna be on. I'm like, what are you doing? Why are you out there? What are you one of them now? That poor dog.
Nagin Farsad
It's a lot of pressure.
Alonzo Bowden
Yeah. He's gotta go through.
Nagin Farsad
Well, look, I mean, it's one thing to demand a multi million dollar military parade, but did he also have to demand being Santa in the final float?
Joelle Nicole Johnson
You know what I hate about this? I hate having something in common with a wannabe dictator. I'm very vain. I'm a Virgo. I would love to have a military parade for myself. I'm mad that he, like, beat me to the punch. I'm gonna find out. Stalin also liked oyster. Happy hours. Like, what's going on?
Luke Burbank
Do we know what the weather is going to be like for the parade?
Alonzo Bowden
Well, I think we can ask Christian.
Luke Burbank
Hey. Yeah, there you go.
Bill Curtis
Good idea.
Luke Burbank
Can you.
Alonzo Bowden
We just happen to have a guy.
Luke Burbank
Can you summon a hurricane, Christian?
Nagin Farsad
I'll try my best.
Alonzo Bowden
I've driven in D.C. numerous times. I've gotten lost every time I'm there. I don't know how you're going to drive a tank through Washington dc. It literally. The streets are too small for a Prius.
Nagin Farsad
And actually, it's funny you should mention the streets because there's gonna be 28 Abrams tanks in this parade which are, and this is true, they're twice as heavy as the weight limit of the streets in D.C. nice. So it's not the greatest thing for our national defense to show people you can destroy Washington by simply driving tanks down the street.
Luke Burbank
Every time I think we could not do a bigger self own, we find.
Nagin Farsad
A new way yet another way. Let's move on to your next quote.
Bill Curtis
Even athletes, the most virtuously healthy of celebrities are involved.
Nagin Farsad
That was Guardian newspaper talking about how more and more celebrities are taking up what bad habit.
Christian
Oh, oh, smoking.
Nagin Farsad
That's right. Smoking. Now it's popular again. And to any kids listening, we want to be clear. Smoking is not cool. It only makes you look cool.
Luke Burbank
Yes.
Nagin Farsad
Important clarification, but thanks to more and more characters in TV shows, smoking is back. It's on the bear and on just like that. A musicians, too. Beyonce smokes on stage. Now it's all coming back around. We got rid of records, and now vinyl is back. We got rid of measles, and now measles are back.
Joelle Nicole Johnson
It was also on Broadway too. I went to go see goodnight and good luck, and they were smoking on stage. I'm like, bitch, I got asthma.
Luke Burbank
I think we'll know that this is officially a thing when they bring back the greatest joy of my childhood, which was candy cigarettes.
Alonzo Bowden
Yes.
Luke Burbank
With if you got one that had some dust in it, you could blow on it so it would kind of look like smoke was coming out.
Joelle Nicole Johnson
Yep. I had those.
Luke Burbank
You wonder why my generation is deeply, profoundly messed up because we had child cigarettes.
Nagin Farsad
Yeah. I was up to a full pack of candy cigarettes in my heyday.
Chris Perfetti
Yeah.
Alonzo Bowden
So who wins in the smoker versus vape debate? Like, which one is Alonzo? Who's cooler?
Nagin Farsad
Literally. Vaping has never been cool.
Alonzo Bowden
Okay.
Nagin Farsad
Yay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Put the vapes away forever.
Joelle Nicole Johnson
In defense of vaping, when you walking down the street and somebody is smoking a cigarette and that smacks you in the face, I'd rather get hit with a vape cloud.
Luke Burbank
You want to taste a root beer plum smoke that was in someone else's lungs? Because when you smell the smell of their vape, it's because it was in their body.
Joelle Nicole Johnson
I want some root beer. I want some raspberries. I want some strawberries. I want some snozberries. Let's do this.
Nagin Farsad
All right. Christian, you still there, right? Still here. All right, your last quote is some advice for choosing which concerts to see this summer.
Bill Curtis
Budget conscious fans get the best value from Usher.
Nagin Farsad
According to this advice, the best way to judge a concert's worth is to figure out the price. Per what?
Luke Burbank
Per ticket.
Nagin Farsad
Yeah, that is the traditional way. But there is another way. Let me give you a hint. The set list is basically an itemized receipt.
Christian
Price per song.
Nagin Farsad
Price per song. We got it on the first try. That's right. Price per song. So concert tickets are ridiculously expensive with Ticketmaster fees and those tariffs on encores. And when you break down the price of a concert by song, some fans are paying over $10 song at a show, which is crazy. Now, if there Was a way to pay extra for an artist to play my favorite songs first so I can leave early. I would definitely pay that.
Alonzo Bowden
So is Usher the number one value because of a low price or a lot of songs?
Nagin Farsad
Oh, he plays, like, a ton. A ton of songs. And also Usher's cost per. Yeah. Is the deal of the century.
Joelle Nicole Johnson
Yeah. Usher will also steal your wife if you go to a concert. So you get the value, but you won't have a wife no more.
Nagin Farsad
So just to be clear, the math comes down to average ticket price divided by how many songs they perform. So a ticket to a Beyonce concert is 490, and she plays 36 songs coming out to $13 each. And remember this math. Next time you're at a show and the band is like, all right, now we're gonna play some new stuff because that band is still stealing from you.
Luke Burbank
Yes.
Joelle Nicole Johnson
I'm going to say, I just saw Grace Jones on Monday. $18.70 a song, and it was worth every penny.
Nagin Farsad
Did you. Did you just do that math on that piece of paper?
Joelle Nicole Johnson
I did. I had the picture of the set list.
Nagin Farsad
But, I mean, this is my question. Like, do we really want to bring a buffet mentality to art? You know, where you're like, mona Lisa is a great painting, but price per inch. She is not worth it.
Luke Burbank
That was my literal reaction to seeing the Mona Lisa.
Nagin Farsad
Right.
Luke Burbank
I waited in a very long line, and I got there, and I was like, this is smaller than I was expecting.
Alonzo Bowden
Honestly, I think that's everyone's reaction to the Mona Lisa.
Joelle Nicole Johnson
Size does matter sometimes.
Luke Burbank
Yeah, I've been trying to say it doesn't, but it does.
Nagin Farsad
All right, Bill, how did Christian do?
Bill Curtis
Like, his forecasts? Perfect.
Joelle Nicole Johnson
Yes.
Tracy Feerick
Yeah.
Nagin Farsad
Congratulations, Christian. Thank you so much for playing our game. Thank you so much for having me. And now, panel, I have some questions for you about this week's news. Alonzo, you've heard of Real id? Well, this week, the TSA released an advisory reminding people that they cannot get on flights using what?
Alonzo Bowden
As someone who flies all the time, this one even surprised me. You cannot fly using your Costco card.
Nagin Farsad
That's true. Have you tried?
Alonzo Bowden
No, but I read the story, and I was like, I can't believe they're doing. You know, I have all of it. You know, I have clear. I have TSA PreCheck. In other words, I travel all the time. I'm getting through the airport. If I have to wait for you. Cause you broke out a Costco card, we gonna have a problem.
Luke Burbank
Plus, when you get off the plane. They go through your whole receipt just checking that the flight was okay, which is major time killer where my Costco head's at.
Nagin Farsad
One step at a time, in the blink of an eye.
Joelle Nicole Johnson
I'm learning to live.
Christian
I'm learning to fl.
Nagin Farsad
Coming up, our panelists celebrate when they were just a twinkle in their dad's eye. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play. We'll be back in a minute with more of wait, wait, don't tell me from NPR.
Tracy Feerick
This message comes from Grammarly. It's harder than ever to meet the demands of today's job priorities, but 90% of professionals say that Grammarly has saved them time writing and editing their work. Their AI communication assistant can help you communicate more confidently and effectively in just a few clicks. Let Grammarly take the busywork off your plate so you can focus on high impact work. Download Grammarly for free@Grammarly.com podcast that's Grammarly.com podcast.
Chris Perfetti
This message comes from Apple Card. Somewhere in the world, an Apple Card user is getting 3% daily cash back on the purchase of an iPhone 16 at Apple. That's not all. They also earned 2% back on the new shoes they bought using Apple payments. Visit Apple Co CardCalculator and see how much daily cash back you can earn. Subject to credit approval, Apple Card issued by Goldman Sachs Bank USA, Salt Lake City branch terms and more@applecard.com this message comes from Britbox.
Tracy Feerick
The stories you remember are often the ones you didn't see coming. Britbox invites you to see it differently with British tv. Shake up the everyday and discover worlds that are new, unexpected and perhaps just what you were looking for. Stream British series, including new Britbox Original Mystery Ludwig, starring Peep Show's David Mitchell. Sign up today and get 50% off your first month when you use the code. Wait@BritBox.com.
Bill Curtis
From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't TELL me, the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Luke Burbank, Alonzo Bowden and Joyel Nicole Johnson. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Nagin Farsad.
Nagin Farsad
Thanks, Bill. Now it's time for the Wait, Wait, don't tell me bluff the listener game. Call 1-888-wait-WAIT to play our game on air or check out the pinned post on our instagram page @waitwaitnpr. Hi, you're on wait, wait, don't tell me.
Devin
Hi, this is Devin from Tucson, Arizona. What do you do there I'm actually an elementary art teacher.
Luke Burbank
Nice.
Nagin Farsad
That's awesome. I have a six year old and the art teacher is her favorite teacher. Are you the favorite teacher of many children?
Devin
Of a lot of them. I would say, like, if you want to feel like a rock star, be an elementary art teacher. For sure.
Nagin Farsad
I've made some career mistakes. Okay. So it's so nice to have you with us. Devin, you're going to play the game where you tell truth from fiction. What's the topic, Bill?
Bill Curtis
How I met your father.
Nagin Farsad
So it's always fun to learn how your parents met, then not fun to learn anything about what happened later that night. Our panelists are going to tell you about this unique way two people got their families started. Pick the one who's telling the truth and you'll win the weight waiter of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play?
Devin
I'm ready.
Nagin Farsad
All right, first up, it's Alonzo Bowden.
Alonzo Bowden
Jennifer Langley loves to ride. Her happy place is whipping around Chicago on her Vespa. She knew she had to have a man who shared that passion. So when she heard about a biker rally in Sturgis, she had to go. Well, it turns out Sturgis is the biggest motorcycle rally in the country. Fortunately, she found out most of these guys weren't Sons of Anarchy. They were sons of arthritis. Soon, everyone at Sturgis heard about Jennifer and her Vespa, and she ended up winning the loudest motorcycle competition when her muffler was broken. When Peter, a Harley rider from New York, saw her accept her trophy, a chrome muffler with her name engraved on it, he fell in love. And when Jennifer watched him do wheelies on her Vespa, she fell in love with him. And now with a baby on the way, they're talking about a sidecar.
Nagin Farsad
All right, the love story from a biker festival from Alonzo Bowden. Your next man in a meet cute comes from Joyell Nicole Johnson.
Joelle Nicole Johnson
When Daniella senor attended the funeral for a family member two years ago, she spent the afternoon reflecting on their life legacy and how smoking hot the funeral director was. When you imagine an undertaker, maybe you picture a Nosferatu esque ghoul or the pro wrestler who wears that wet coat. But Apollo wasn't like your average undertaker. He was normal and handsome. So naturally, Daniella went to every funeral for two years trying to catch Apollo's eye. She's from a small town in Brazil where everyone knows each other, so it was easy to get away with going to all those funerals. But Wearing that black negligee did seem a little over the top. It took two years because Apollo was, quote, always focused on his work. What does a girl have to be dead to get any attention around here? But finally she caught his eye and they got married last weekend. I can't wait to see the rom com baby based on this. 400 funerals and a wedding.
Nagin Farsad
All right, the woman who went to a bunch of funerals to catch an undertaker's attention from Joyell Nicole Johnson. In your last future father comes from Luke Burbank.
Luke Burbank
About eight months ago, Yelena Kondikova noticed something was going on. Her meals on the International Space Station just looked and tasted better than everyone else's. It almost seemed like maybe it was all made with love. That's because it was. Down on terra firma, food scientist Pavel Yegorov was tasked with preparing the cosmonauts meals and sending them up. And he had fallen in love with Yelena, but not based on her brains or her beauty, but on her bizarre food requests. Once she asked me if she could have freeze dried pickle herring, which caught my attention because that's disgusting. No one has ever asked for that. Pavel explained to cnn, along with a batch of cabbage soup, extra sour, just how she liked Pavel started including little notes like have a great day riding on that exercise bike and spinning around, catching water droplets in your mouth or whatever you do up there. Yelena was charmed and started using her weekly phone time to chat with Pavel. And before you know it, the two were in love. Last week when Kondikova splashed down in the Black Sea, Pavel was there on the boat with an engagement ring. Kondikova, of course, said yes enthusiastically followed by, also, I really need to sit down because I am not used to this amount of gravity.
Nagin Farsad
Okay, Devin. Okay, Devin. So you've got a Vespa riding woman finding love at Sturgis from Alonzo Bowdoin, an Earth based chef who fell in love with a cosmonaut based on the food she ordered. From Luke Burbank and a woman who went to two years worth of funerals to catch the funeral director's eye From Joyell Nicole Johnson. Which one is real?
Devin
Oh, gosh, that's hard. I think they all deserve love, but I'm gonna go with the Vespa.
Nagin Farsad
Okay. Yeah, the audience is partially supportive of that. Okay, well, to find out which story is true, we spoke to a reporter covering the real story. This woman was going to strangers funerals.
Christian
For two whole years just to flirt with somebody.
Bill Curtis
There she goes.
Nagin Farsad
That's Right. That was Ashley Fike, a news desk writer for Vice, who reported on the woman who persisted after the funeral director's heart. I'm sorry, Devin, but Joyell has the real answer. You didn't win, but you did earn a point for Alonzo.
Alonzo Bowden
Thank you.
Nagin Farsad
Thank you so much for playing with us. Bye. All right. Thank you.
Devin
This was so fun. Bye.
Alonzo Bowden
Work, work Work the body for me.
Chris Perfetti
Work, work work the body for me Work the body for me Work the.
Nagin Farsad
Body for me and now the game we call not my job. Chris Perfetti was primarily known for his dramatic work before landing the role of beloved Jacob Hill on Abbott Elementary. Since then, he's won a Screen Actors Guild award and shared a Peabody with the cast and crew. Let's see if all that time at a fake school taught him enough to play our game. Chris Perfetti, welcome to. Wait, Wait, don't tell me. Chris, I, first of all, love the show. You're so funny. We have something in common. We both started out our careers in entertainment as baristas, apparently. You were a Starbucks barista, is that right?
Christian
I was. I still feel bad about it to this day, but I sort of used it as a way to get a job elsewhere. I knew about this kind of, like, Starbucks loophole that if you got hired, you could be transferred somewhere. And I knew when I went to drama school, I needed a job, and so I didn't tell them, but I applied and got a job in my hometown just so that I would have somewhere to work when I went to school.
Nagin Farsad
Oh, wow. Okay. So then they just put you at another Starbucks?
Christian
Yeah, there's, like, a few of them, I guess.
Nagin Farsad
I walked by three just to get to this theater. So. Yes. And then. Okay, so as a Starbucks barista, did you intentionally screw up names on the cup?
Christian
I was not trusted with the customers. They learned very early to put me at the bar to make the drinks. I was really good at that. I could, you know.
Nagin Farsad
But were you doing the heart shapes and the palm tree shapes on the foam?
Christian
Oh, no. There was no time. What are you talking about? I feel like I worked at quite possibly the busiest Starbucks in the world. And so you were just lucky if your order came out correct.
Nagin Farsad
So you spent this time at Starbucks, but you did a. You know, you put a lot of time in serious theater. Is there, like, a favorite theatrical piece that you did?
Christian
I don't know. I think doing Shakespeare in the park really kind of, like, came up first for me. You're doing a play for, first of all, just so Many people, it's outdoors, and sometimes it rains halfway through, and you flip and fall on your butt in front of everyone.
Nagin Farsad
Did that happen? You fell on your butt in front of everyone? Maybe.
Christian
Maybe it happened more than once.
Nagin Farsad
Literally everyone right now is googling. So that's. Now, let's actually. Let's talk about Abbott elementary. And there's something about that show, the elephant in the room, which is that you have one major quirk in the show. Your character is a huge. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Fan now. Yeah. Huge fan of the show. Now, I want you to be honest. Did you know about. Wait, wait. Before you were that character?
Christian
Are you kidding? Negeen? Yes.
Nagin Farsad
Oh, thank God.
Christian
And you saying that just kind of has renewed my fears about season five. I'm terrified about, you know, the line between Chris and Jacob is getting very blurry and decided to not share with Quinta any other personal details about my life because, you know, we show up to a table read, and there it is. So, yeah, I'm so glad that that made it into our show.
Nagin Farsad
So now. So knowing that, like. So when. When that trait was given to you, did that affect, like, how you did that character? Was it. Were you like, oh, no, I got this. Like, how did. What. What did you change about the character knowing that you could go full weight. Weight Dork. Really?
Christian
Not much. I mean, I feel like Quinta has given us such permission to, you know, be sort of the authority on these characters, and I think it made perfect sense. And once again, I'm just like, I'm terrified about what's going to show up next season.
Nagin Farsad
Now, actually. So I heard this rumor, and I wonder if it's true. I heard. I remember that your mom pitches ideas for Abbott Elementary.
Christian
Yeah, she totally does. God bless her. She's. She reminds me that the show is on, and she likes to, you know, kind of, like, go through the plot of that week with me.
Nagin Farsad
When I call on Sundays, she gives notes.
Christian
That's always a joy. Yeah, yeah, she thinks.
Nagin Farsad
I'm sure. Did she also do that with Shakespeare in the Park?
Christian
My mother has given notes on everything I have done since the day.
Nagin Farsad
So you play this iconic teacher on tv. Have your own teachers from the past approach you with tips or feedback?
Christian
Oh, no. I think if they ever saw me in person again, they would probably physically harm me. I made very clear of them, and probably they of me. I made their lives a living hell.
Nagin Farsad
Wait, so you were not. Were you, like, not a good student? Were you?
Christian
No, not at all. No, no, no. I really enjoyed school, but school did not enjoy me.
Nagin Farsad
All right, Chris. Well, we've asked you here to play a game. We're calling Abbott Elementary.
Bill Curtis
Meet the elementary Abbott.
Nagin Farsad
So you star in Abbott Elementary. Don't be scared. Don't be scared. It's gonna be okay.
Luke Burbank
Flashback.
Christian
I wasn't good at school, Nagin.
Nagin Farsad
Okay, so you star in Abbott Elementary. So we thought we'd ask you three questions about another kind of Abbott. That's right. We're talking about monks. Answer two out of three questions correctly, and you'll win a prize for one lucky listener, the voice of anyone they choose for their voicemail. Bill, who is Chris Perfetti playing for?
Bill Curtis
Jake Evans of Los Angeles, California.
Luke Burbank
Jacob, let's go.
Nagin Farsad
Okay, here's your first question. A group of monks in the French Alps have taken a vow of silence, but they are allowed to speak in certain conditions, including which of these Is it A, when singing along to their favorite Bad Bunny song? Is it B, when they really need to talk about a cool leaf they saw? Or is it C when calling the monastery cats to dinner by making kitty calling? No.
Christian
I really didn't think I needed to hear any more options after A, but I'm glad I did. I'm gonna go with C, I think.
Nagin Farsad
Wow. That's right.
Bill Curtis
Very good.
Nagin Farsad
That's right. Every abbey makes an exception to their vow of silence. As long as the monks are being adorable. Okay, here's your next question. Monks are known for living lives of peaceful contemplation, which is why one monk in Japan got in trouble when he started doing. What was it? A. Halfway through meditation time, he loudly said, boring. Is it B angrily responding to every negative Yelp review about his monastery? Or is it C trying to jazz up the chants by doing some sick harmonies?
Christian
I feel like I want to go with B.
Nagin Farsad
That is right. Yes. When one reviewer complained about the at the abbey, the monk responded, and this is true. Yeah, it's monastic cuisine, you uneducated.
Joelle Nicole Johnson
2025 will do that to a monk.
Nagin Farsad
All right, here is your last question. Though it surprises a lot of people, monks have unknowingly made a huge impact on pop culture and proven by which of these is it a? Law and Order's dun dun sound is partly a recording of 500 monks stomping on a wood floor. Is it B, the members of the band One Direction first met during a school trip to a monastery? Or C, the reason Vin Diesel shaves his head is because a monk came to him in a dream and told him he'd look cool bald.
Christian
God bless you. Wait, wait, don't tell me. I'm gonna go with those are so funny. I'm gonna go with a.
Nagin Farsad
A. That's right. The Dun Dun also includes the sound of a hammer hitting an anvil and if you listen closely, the scream of a man who just hit his thumb with a hammer. Bill, how did Chris Pervetti do?
Bill Curtis
The teacher is always right. And this teacher got every single one correct.
Nagin Farsad
Yeah.
Bill Curtis
Plum is going to be proud.
Nagin Farsad
Congratulations, Chris. You're a big winner. And Chris Perfetti is one of the stars of Abbott Elementary. All four seasons are streaming now. Chris Perfetti, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, don't tell me.
Bill Curtis
Thank you, Chris. Love you.
Nagin Farsad
Thank you so much, Chris. In just a minute, Bill tells you you have to save money on your next hot date in our Listener Limerick challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, wait, Don't Tell ME from npr.
Chris Perfetti
This message comes from Schwab. Everyone has moments when they could have done better. Same goes for where you invest. Level up and invest smarter with Schwab. Get market insights, education and human help when you need it.
Tracy Feerick
This message comes from Mattress Firm. Summer nights should be refreshing, not restless. Mattress Firm has an assortment of mattresses and sleep solutions with cooling technology to help you stay comfortable all season long. Mattress Firm's sleep experts will match you with the right one because there's no one size fits all when it comes to sleep. Plus, you get 120 nights to try it, love it or your money back. Get matched at Mattress Firm's Fourth of July sale and sleep at night. Restrictions apply. See mattressfirm.com or store for details. This message comes from NPR sponsor Viking, committed to exploring the world in comfort. Journey through the heart of Europe on an elegant Viking longship with thoughtful service, destination focused dining and cultural enrichment on board and onshore. And every Viking voyage is all inclusive with no children and no casinos. Discover more@viking.com.
Bill Curtis
From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Joel Nicole Johnson, Luke Burbank and Alonzo Bowden. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Nagin Far side.
Nagin Farsad
Thanks, Bill. In just a minute, it's the Listener Limerick Challenge, if you dare. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924, 8924. But now, panel, I have more questions from this week's news. Luke? Self driving cars will revolutionize the roads in all kinds of ways. And according to the Wall Street Journal, it'll especially change the time honored tradition of big family what?
Luke Burbank
Big family road trips.
Nagin Farsad
That's right. Big family road trips.
Luke Burbank
What else could have been the answer? Big family make out sessions. Only one word ends that sentence.
Nagin Farsad
But that's right. With self driving cars, family road trips will never be the same. Automakers are designing features like lie flat seats for naps and full screens to watch movies and shows on the road. Sorry, Yellowstone National Park. I can't look at you right now. I'm finishing season three of Yellowstone.
Luke Burbank
I'm the oldest of seven kids and we, we didn't have a lot of money, so when we actually went on a trip, it was always a road trip in an old Ford van. Probably not one seat belt in the whole thing. My dad would take out the back seats and put in a futon pad. There'd be like six kids just laid out reading Archie magazines as this thing bombed through the Pacific northwest. And those listening to Christian music on the tape deck. And let me tell you, those were some great memories. Oh, yeah, it was sad that people will not have that in their family life anymore.
Nagin Farsad
Well, honestly, I think you're right. I feel like it ruins everything magical about family road trip. Right, because where's the excitement of running out of gas on the highway because your dad was sure the next exit had it cheaper? Or if your parents aren't driving, how are you supposed to learn? Mom has some anger issues. And if you're facing each other, that just increases the risk of getting barfed on.
Alonzo Bowden
It eliminates the age old threat of dad driving and saying, don't let me come back there. And the kids knew dad couldn't come back there because he was driving. Well, guess what? In a self driving car, he's coming back there.
Luke Burbank
All we had to do was figure out how to bob and weave away from an arm that was going backwards. That was as dangerous as it got.
Nagin Farsad
All right, Joyell, that's me. It's wedding season and according to an etiquette coach, if you need to leave the wedding early, the best way to do it is approach the happy couple. And say what exact words?
Joelle Nicole Johnson
My, my baby has diarrhea.
Luke Burbank
And you're talking about your husband.
Nagin Farsad
No, no, this etiquette coach suggests, and this is true, you approach the happy couple and say these words. I must depart early. Please do not be concerned. I will be in touch later.
Joelle Nicole Johnson
Is it a Star wars themed wedding?
Nagin Farsad
It's basically an excuse that says I care enough to say goodbye. And apparently I have a gun to my head.
Joelle Nicole Johnson
Yes, I would prefer an Irish goodbye 100%.
Luke Burbank
I don't think anyone having been married multiple times, not to brag.
Joelle Nicole Johnson
You got.
Luke Burbank
Alimony when you're in the eye of the storm, AKA you're one of the people getting married, I don't think you are tracking when people are coming or going. Yeah, I don't think anybody take time out of their life to come up and do an AI adios to you. You are distracted. You know what I mean?
Joelle Nicole Johnson
Yeah. It's kind of like when you, you have a comedy show and people tell you, oh, I can't make it. You're like, I don't care.
Nagin Farsad
The other thing that works really good is I must depart early. I have just discovered it's a cash bar.
Luke Burbank
Yes.
Nagin Farsad
Which. There's more honesty to that one. Yeah. Goodbye. So, no, sorry, but I gotta go. Coming up, it's lightning. Fill in the blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you want to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT, that's 1-888-924-8924. You can see us most weeks here at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago or catch us on the road this summer. We'll be in Salt Lake City on July 31 and at Tanglewood in Western Massachusetts on August 28. For tickets and more information to all our live shows, go to nprpresents.org and you can now find us on TikTok@waitwaitnpr. That's TikTok with no Cs, you dweebs. Hi, you're on. Wait, wait, don't tell me.
Devin
Hi. So nice to be here. I'm Tracy Feerick. I live in Alexander, Virginia, right outside of D.C. tracey, what do you do? I am a high school English teacher.
Luke Burbank
Nice, nice.
Nagin Farsad
Okay.
Joelle Nicole Johnson
Tracy, how do you navigate knowing if a student use ChatGPT these days?
Nagin Farsad
Yeah, that's a great question.
Devin
I have them handwrite at the beginning of the year and so I kind of know their writing style. And when a student who hardly ever shows up turns in this work of masterpiece, you kind of just know. And when I type into ChatGPT, the exact prompt, I get the exact same thing. Then you know they're too lazy to even change it up a bit.
Luke Burbank
You're like the FBI. You're getting like a handwriting sample.
Nagin Farsad
I know. I can be hired by the CIA tomorrow.
Devin
I'm ready.
Luke Burbank
That's crazy.
Nagin Farsad
All right, Tracy. Well, Bill Curtis is going to read you three news related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two limericks, you're a winner. Here's your first limerick.
Bill Curtis
No. Tasting room parties are hotter and when done, we don't teeter or totter. The bouquet and the nose say it came from a hose. We are tasting assortments of.
Devin
Okay, so it rhymes with totter.
Nagin Farsad
It rhymes with totter. And it comes from a hose.
Bill Curtis
How about water? That's right.
Devin
And hose water is a whole different flavor of water.
Bill Curtis
Oh, yes, it is.
Nagin Farsad
So fine wines are making way for fine water. More and more fancy diners are embracing boutique water brands and looking to so called water sommeliers for advice. You'll really love the balance between hydrogen and oxygen in this one. The idea is that water from different areas has different minerals and a different taste. And I totally agree. I mean, nothing says Newark Airport like a sip from a plastic bottle of Aquafina.
Luke Burbank
Yes, we call that a reverse Jesus. When you turn wine into water, it is way less fun.
Joelle Nicole Johnson
And speaking of New Jersey, I'm from New Jersey and trotter does not rhyme with water.
Nagin Farsad
All right, Tracy, here's your next limerick.
Bill Curtis
With my new friend self pity decreased with this water and flour. We feast like me, he's a pun guy. Cause he is a fungi. My new friends, a culture of yeast. Yes, indeed. Did you nail it or what?
Nagin Farsad
So because dogs and cats are expensive and time consuming, youngsters in China have adopted pet yeast. They keep the yeast in a little jar after raising, which you could do by feeding dry yeast with flour, water and sugar. Or by wearing tight jeans for too long.
Joelle Nicole Johnson
Ew.
Nagin Farsad
So one of the two psychologists interviewed for the article explained that pet yeast can give its owner security because it doesn't get sick, make trouble, or need attention. It also doesn't. And this. This is true. Do anything else. Here's your last limerick.
Bill Curtis
This is frugal. It isn't a new con. I get discounts. So put one more scoop on. Since I am cash strapped, I browse flyers and apps and on dates, I.
Nagin Farsad
Will pay with a. Oh, I watched extreme couponing.
Devin
I got this coupon.
Bill Curtis
Bring it around.
Nagin Farsad
While it used to be considered tacky, more than half of Americans now consider it okay to use a coupon on a first date. It's a good sign. That your date is financially conscious. But it does ruin the vibe when they're like, you can't get shrimp. That's not part of the deal.
Alonzo Bowden
I wonder what world this is.
Joelle Nicole Johnson
Yeah, I don't eat at places that would take coupons.
Bill Curtis
Oh, my God.
Joelle Nicole Johnson
It's like, what in the Applebee's?
Luke Burbank
I feel like a lot of that stuff is on your phone now, so you might be able to be slick about the coupon.
Nagin Farsad
Right, right.
Luke Burbank
Like in the olden days, it's a physical thing, but now I feel like it's probably an app. Like, oh, you're gonna pay with the app. And maybe you could kind of like sneak it in or use your points or something. I think you could get away with it now more than you could in the olden days.
Joelle Nicole Johnson
I honestly wouldn't be mad if a dude was like, we getting 20% off? Cause I'm like, okay, I will get the lobster.
Nagin Farsad
All right, Bill, how did Tracy do?
Bill Curtis
Her classes are going to go crazy. She got them. All right. Perfect score.
Nagin Farsad
All right, thanks so much for joining us, Tracy.
Devin
Thank you so much.
Tracy Feerick
Support for NPR and the following message come from SimpliSafe. The moment @ night you lock up, you want to feel safe. SimpliSafe is the home security system that helps stop break ins before they happen. AI powered cameras and live monitoring agents detect suspicious activity around your property. No contracts or hidden fees. Visit simplisafe.com wait to claim 50% off a new system with a professional monitoring plan and get your first month free. That's SimpliSafe.com wait. There's no safe like SimpliSafe.
Chris Perfetti
This message comes from Redfin. With the Redfin app, you'll know the moment your next place hits the market. Whether you're looking to buy your dream home or rent a sweet apartment, give Redfin your gotta have it wish list of property features and you'll receive real time notifications tailored just for you. Ready to see it up close. And personal scheduling a tour is just a tap away. Don't wait to find your perfect match. Download the Redfin app and start searching today.
Nagin Farsad
Now onto our final game, Lightning Fill in the blank. Each player will have 60 seconds to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?
Bill Curtis
Luke and Joel each have two, but Alonzo has three.
Alonzo Bowden
Pressure.
Nagin Farsad
All right, so I'm going to arbitrarily choose Louis Luke to go first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. All right, Luke, fill In the Blank. On Wednesday, protests continued across the country against the administration's Blank policies.
Luke Burbank
Immigration ice Right.
Nagin Farsad
On Monday, a court ruled that Trump's blanks could remain in place as legal challenges proceeded.
Luke Burbank
Teeth.
Nagin Farsad
No tariffs. On Thursday, California Senator Allen Alex Padilla was forcibly removed from a press conference held by Homeland Security chief Blank.
Luke Burbank
Kristi Noem, Right.
Nagin Farsad
Best known as the primary songwriter for the Beach Boys, musician Blank passed away at the age of 82.
Luke Burbank
Brian Wilson, right.
Nagin Farsad
This week, a man in Kentucky was arrested after he responded to being kicked out of a store by Blanking.
Luke Burbank
Trying to climb back in through the air conditioner?
Nagin Farsad
No, by coming back and releasing a wild raccoon into the store.
Joelle Nicole Johnson
Nice.
Luke Burbank
Through the air conditioner. Half a point.
Nagin Farsad
On Wednesday, a jury once again found disgraced movie producer Blank guilty of assault.
Luke Burbank
Harvey Weinstein, Right.
Nagin Farsad
With Father's Day approaching, Wired recently recommended a $50 robotic dog that can dance, swim and Blank on command, rub its.
Luke Burbank
Own nose in the carpet.
Nagin Farsad
No P. The robotic dog, which is for sale on Temu, is listed as, quote, upgraded stunt robot dog with 18 modes including Kung fu, dance, swim and urinate. It's the perfect thing to buy for your dad because it wouldn't be Father's Day without a gift that says, I've known you for 40 years and still have zero idea what your interests are. Bill, how did Luke do?
Bill Curtis
He's going for the big one. Four. Right. Eight more points total to 10. He's in the lead.
Luke Burbank
Four now.
Nagin Farsad
All right, Joyel, you're up next. Joyel, fill in the Blank. Following their feud last week, Blank took to Twitter to apologize to President Trump.
Joelle Nicole Johnson
Ugh. Elon Musk, Right.
Nagin Farsad
After her aid ship bound for Gaza was raided, environmentalist Blank was deported from Israel.
Joelle Nicole Johnson
Greta.
Nagin Farsad
That's right, Greta thunberg. This week, RFK Jr. Fired every member of the White House advisory panel on Blanks vaccinations. Right. On Thursday, Israel launched an aerial strike against targets in Blank.
Joelle Nicole Johnson
Iran.
Nagin Farsad
Right. This week, Senator Rand Paul made a statement against the Trump administration complaining that he had been blanked.
Joelle Nicole Johnson
Punch in the face on his lawn.
Nagin Farsad
Close. Disinvited from the White House picnic.
Joelle Nicole Johnson
Oh, same.
Nagin Farsad
After whining about it, Blank was reinvited to the White House picnic.
Joelle Nicole Johnson
Rand Paul, Right.
Nagin Farsad
According to a new study, people use using TikTok skincare routines to help their skin problems are finding their skin problems.
Joelle Nicole Johnson
Are caused by blanking injecting sperm into their skin cells.
Nagin Farsad
The TikTok is actually causing their skin problems. The skin care routines themselves. A new study from Northwestern University found that many Skin disorders are directly linked to the TikTok skincare routines that are supposed to prevent them. But that makes no sense. How could plastering my face with eight mysterious substances, each with a different kind of acid in them, possibly irritate my skin? Bill, how did Joyell do?
Bill Curtis
Well, the technicality got her in the lead. 5 right. 10 more points. Total of 12. Right and high.
Nagin Farsad
Bill, how many does Alonzo need to win?
Bill Curtis
A mere five.
Nagin Farsad
All right, Alonzo, this is for the game fill in the blank. On Monday, Russia launched over 300 drone strikes against blank Ukraine. Right. On Thursday, a new study found that increased blank time is linked to low self esteem in kids.
Alonzo Bowden
Playtime.
Nagin Farsad
Increased screen time. This week, a town in Pennsylvania launched a new initiative to fix potholes called blank Fixing potholes. It's called fix my hole.
Joelle Nicole Johnson
Oh, my God.
Nagin Farsad
On Tuesday, paleontologists announced the discovery of a new dinosaur related to the blank.
Alonzo Bowden
Hole fixer.
Nagin Farsad
T. Rex. This week, programmers of a new video game revealed that whenever your character crouches, there's a one in 100 chance he'll blank.
Alonzo Bowden
When your character crouches as one in a hundred chance he'll get up, then.
Nagin Farsad
He'Ll let out a little fart. It's being hailed as a groundbreaking moment for video game realism, and it's designed to make the game more difficult. See, you're crouching to hide from your enemies, but it if you fart, they can find you. Bill, did Alonzo do well enough to win?
Bill Curtis
Well, he got one right for two more points. A total of five. And that means Joel is this week's winner.
Joelle Nicole Johnson
Yeah.
Nagin Farsad
All right. In just a minute, our panelists predict after Trump's military parade, what'll be the next surprising parade in the news? But first, let me tell you that Wait, wait, Don't tell me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions. Doug Berman, Benevolent overlord Philip Gautica writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shana Donald. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theatre. BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mitchell, Miles Doornbos and Lillian King. Special thanks to Blythe Roberson and Monica Hickey. Peter Gwynn is our hall pass. Emma Choi is our vibe curator. Technical direction, Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chillag. The executive producer of Wait, Wait, don't tell Me is Mike Danforth. Now, panel, what'll be the next surprising Parade, Alonzo Boden, the Perp Walk Luke.
Luke Burbank
Burbank, the Parade Magazine Parade with Grand Marshal Marilyn Vos Savant, World's Smartest Person.
Nagin Farsad
Yes. Joyell Nicole Johnson, the America we had.
Joelle Nicole Johnson
A Good Run Parade.
Bill Curtis
Funny that happens. We're going to ask you about it where? Wait, wait, don't tell me.
Nagin Farsad
Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Joyell, Nicole Johnson, Alonzo Boat and Luke Burbank. Thanks to all of you for listening. I'm Nagin Farsad and we'll see you next week. This is npr.
Chris Perfetti
This message comes from NPR sponsor Shopify. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the US from household names like Mattel and Gymshark. Get started with your own design studio. With hundreds of ready to use templates, Shopify helps you build a beautiful online store to match your brand's style. If you're ready to sell, you're ready for Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today@shopify.com NPR this message comes from NPR sponsor 1Password Secure access to your online world, from emails to banking, so you can protect what matters most with 1Password. For a free 2 week trial, go to 1Password.com NPR this message comes from Warby Parker.
Nagin Farsad
What makes a great pair of glasses at Warby Parker? It's all the invisible extras without the extra cost, like free adjustments for life. Find your pair@warbyparker.com or visit one of their hundreds of stores around the country.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! – Episode Featuring Chris Perfetti Released: June 14, 2025
NPR’s beloved weekly news quiz, Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!, returned with a lively episode hosted by Nagin Farsad, filling in for Peter Sagal during his extended Father's Day break. This episode, recorded at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, featured a special guest appearance by Chris Perfetti of Abbott Elementary, alongside regular panelists Luke Burbank, Joelle Nicole Johnson, and Alonzo Bowden. The show was filled with humor, engaging games, and insightful discussions on current events.
The episode kicked off with Nagin Farsad welcoming listeners and introducing the panelists:
The first game featured a listener contestant, Christian from Portland, Maine, who worked as a meteorologist. Hosted by Nagin, the game involved identifying real quotes from fictional ones presented by Bill Curtis.
Notable Quote:
Christian correctly identified this quote as pertaining to Trump’s planned military parade celebrating both his birthday and the Army’s 250th anniversary. The panel humorously critiqued the logistics and necessity of such a parade, with Alonzo Bowden remarking, “What are you doing? Why are you out there? You one of them now? That poor dog.” (03:56)
Second Quote:
Christian correctly answered that this referred to the resurgence of smoking among celebrities, highlighting its ironic comeback through media and performances. Joelle added her disdain for smoking depictions, joking, “I hate having something in common with a wannabe dictator.” (04:28)
The panel delved into the implications of celebrities smoking and the commercialization of health trends. They joked about the absurdity of calculating concert value based on the price per song, with Joelle quipping about the return of candy cigarettes, “I just saw Grace Jones… worth every penny.” (07:30)
The second game involved Devin from Tucson, Arizona, a high school English teacher, who participated in "Bluff the Listener" by determining which of three romanticized “how they met” stories was real.
Option Highlights:
Devin chose Alonzo’s Vespa story but the real story was Joelle’s account of the persistent Daniella, as reported by Ashley Fike from Vice. This segment highlighted the humorous and quirky nature of love stories.
Chris Perfetti, known for his role as Jacob Hill on Abbott Elementary, joined the panel to play games and discuss his work. Nagin and Chris shared anecdotes about their time as baristas, leading to lighthearted banter about coffee orders and performance nerves.
Notable Interaction:
The conversation shifted to Abbott Elementary, where Chris discussed the blurred lines between his personal life and his character, leading to laughs about maintaining professional boundaries. He revealed insights into his relationship with Quinta (quirkily referred to in the transcript), emphasizing the creative freedom in portraying his character.
In a playful twist, Chris was quizzed on “Abbott Elementary” related questions, successfully answering all three questions about monastic traditions and pop culture impacts. His flawless performance underscored his quick wit and depth of knowledge, earning him accolades from the panel.
The episode continued with discussions on:
Lightning Fill in the Blank:
The show concluded with light-hearted predictions about future parades, a nod to the dedication of the production crew, and teasers for upcoming live shows in Salt Lake City and Western Massachusetts. Nagin Farsad thanked Chris Perfetti and the panelists, ending the episode on a high and humorous note.
This episode of Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! delivered its signature blend of humor, current events, and engaging interactions. Chris Perfetti’s presence added a fresh dynamic, bridging the worlds of comedy and acting with ease. The panelists showcased their quick wit and camaraderie, making this episode both entertaining and insightful for listeners.