Bill Curtis (2:45)

That's their problem.

Peter Sagal (2:48)

Whose problem is it that they don't want to be invaded by the United States?

Caller/Guest (e.g., Benjamin, Kaylee Reese) (2:55)

That would be Greenland.

Peter Sagal (2:56)

That would be Greenland. This week, the administration met with the leaders of both Denmark and Greenland and told them, get ready to get liberated. Trump has been obsessed with Greenland for a long time, and we know why. They made Greenland one of the five words he had to remember on his cognitive test.

Luke Burbank (3:19)

I don't think I knew Greenland was a real place until about eight months ago.

Peter Sagal (3:23)

I don't think the president did either.

Narrator/Announcer (3:25)

Yeah.

Luke Burbank (3:26)

That's why neither of us should be trying to take control of the place. We only learned exactly eight months ago.

Peter Sagal (3:32)

Now, people have speculated, and the White House, like, has not been able to deny this, that Trump wants Greenland so badly because it looks so much bigger on flat maps.

Caller/Guest (e.g., Benjamin, Kaylee Reese) (3:45)

Right.

Peter Sagal (3:46)

Than it actually is. The Mercator projection is. If I needed to tell NPR people about that, we should never, never have given them any of those map of the world placemats.

Luke Burbank (3:59)

It's oil, right? What is up there?

Peter Sagal (4:01)

No, there's. What is there? There's rare earth minerals.

Luke Burbank (4:04)

Okay, right.

Rachel Koster (4:05)

Which ones?

Peter Sagal (4:07)

I don't know. Because I would love to hear. He doesn't know. They're rare, though, and they're in the earth. We have to go get them. Right.

Rachel Koster (4:12)

There's gotta be aliens there or something. Like he knows something, you think? Yeah, of course. Why would he be so excited and be keeping it such a secret? Rare minerals. No one's gonna look into that. An alien. I would live there if no one else is there. And I haven't thought this one through. Sorry, guys.

Peter Sagal (4:29)

Well, pretty much neither has anyone else. So that's.

Luke Burbank (4:33)

You wanna be president?

Peter Sagal (4:37)

All right, very good. Here is your next quote.

Bill Curtis (4:41)

We will be installing a few bidets in Gracie Mansion.

Peter Sagal (4:45)

That was somebody moving into his new residence in New York this week. Who is it? That would be Zoran Mamdani. Zoran Mamdani. Very good, Benjamin. Two weeks after his inauguration, New York's new mayor, Zoran Mamdani and his wife Rama are moving from, this is true, their one bedroom apartment in Queens to the 11,000 square foot mansion on the Upper east side of Manhattan that he gets to live in for free. See, he told you he would make housing more affordable. And the bidets that he is, in fact, having installed there are just confirming for his many enemies that he is one of those effete European types. Real Americans don't even wash their hands.

Hari Kondabolu (5:31)

He's installing bidets, or as we say, New York. He's taking care of the subway.

Luke Burbank (5:37)

The underground, as it were. I'm a huge proponent of bidets. As I've often said, if you got some peanut butter and a shag rug, you wouldn't take it out with a paper towel.

Bill Curtis (5:50)

Yes.

Peter Sagal (5:55)

I've never heard that metaphor before and I think I can tell you why.

Rachel Koster (6:02)

But like, carpeting is so old fashioned.

Luke Burbank (6:05)

Because of my love of bidets, I was doing some remodeling at my house and I thought I was really upgrading these two little bathrooms. Both of them have these robo toilets that have the bidet built into the toilet.

Peter Sagal (6:17)

Yes, those great tripanese.

Luke Burbank (6:18)

I was so excited to have people over and to have everybody enjoying this, like, really nice experience. And everyone has been going out to the garage to use the one normal toilet at my house because these toilets are terrifying if you've never used one before.

Peter Sagal (6:34)

I ask both for myself and for the new mayor of New York, if you were to throw a party or a gathering in which the purpose was to have people use the bidets that you're so proud of, what do you serve?

Luke Burbank (6:47)

See, that's a trap and I'm not going to fall into it. We did have a comment card that people were filling out on the way out. Like, how did you enjoy your bidet experience?

Peter Sagal (6:55)

I understand, I understand. What's interesting. This is a. And I don't think this has ever been as true in the history of New York politics. It's such an upgrade for the Maidanis. Right. 11,000 square feet is a tremendous amount of space to fill when you only own two IKEA tables and a futon. Prior mayors, right? Very different. Mayor Bloomberg. This is true. Never moved into Gracie Mansion because it would have been a downgrade from his own home. That's true. Now Rudy Giuliani, on the other hand, keeps texting Mondani, asking him if it's cool if he comes back and couch surfs for a couple of weeks while we get some things sorted.

Rachel Koster (7:35)

Eric Adams just lived in the club.

Peter Sagal (7:37)

Yeah. He didn't have to go home.

Rachel Koster (7:39)

He was riding up some Molly High.

Luke Burbank (7:41)

Yeah.

Peter Sagal (7:45)

All right, Benjamin, your last quote is from a NASA astronaut talking about their next mission.

Bill Curtis (7:51)

We are ready. We are going.

Peter Sagal (7:53)

Turns out that very soon we will be going back. Where would that be? The moon. It would be, Benjamin.

Bill Curtis (8:00)

The moon.

Peter Sagal (8:01)

NASA announced this Week that the first Artemis moon mission could launch as soon as February 6, which is really soon. I mean, all of a sudden they're going to the moon. This is like when my family puts off making spring break plans for too long and then it's like, oh, my God, it's coming up in three weeks. Oh, let's just go to the moon again. It's nice, man.

Hari Kondabolu (8:24)

The moon landing, really. Yet another Hollywood remake.

Peter Sagal (8:31)

Am I right? Has that come up in the original ip?

Hari Kondabolu (8:34)

Is it really that interesting to go to the moon anymore? Because we've already done it and at this point it's just a gas station on the way to Mars.

Peter Sagal (8:40)

Well, that's why they're presumably they're going. They need to set up the gas station.

Luke Burbank (8:43)

Right. Is Tom Hanks going to be part of this moon mission? Because I really think he should be. He did good last time.

Peter Sagal (8:49)

He did it fine. He did it fine. Yeah.

Luke Burbank (8:50)

Like, it looked bad for a while, but he figured it out.

Peter Sagal (8:53)

Yeah. By the way, the news came the same week. I don't know if this was a coincidence that a crew of four NASA astronauts returned to Earth early from the International Space Station because of a, quote, health issue. NASA isn't saying what it is and neither is that little freak that just burst out of the astronaut's chest. Bill, how did Benjamin do in our quiz?

Bill Curtis (9:15)

Benjamin is so smart. He got them all right.

Peter Sagal (9:18)

Congratulations. Thank you, Benjamin. Congratulations. And I'll see you around the commons someday, I hope. Looking forward to. Take care. Bye Bye. I hope you're having a good time. We'll reach a destination soon. We just having a quick ride to the moon right now. Panel. Time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Rachel? Yes, Rachel. Scientists working together around the world have finally agreed on the answer to the most important question about exercise. What is that question?

Rachel Koster (9:59)

How long before you get abs if you don't do that much work?

Peter Sagal (10:04)

You're close, you're close, but that's not right.

Rachel Koster (10:08)

What's the best way to make someone fall in love with you for your body, but not in a way that they'll break up with you if you change. I don't know the real answer.

Peter Sagal (10:20)

So I love that the idea is like you want them to fall in love with you because you're hard bodied, sexy, completely, you know, but then if.

Rachel Koster (10:27)

Things like kind of you get comfortable and like you're just having like meals at home a lot, then what is.

Peter Sagal (10:33)

The time frame in this transformation in your life?

Rachel Koster (10:36)

I can gain weight pretty fast.

Peter Sagal (10:37)

I would say.

Rachel Koster (10:38)

I'd say it within a month.

Peter Sagal (10:40)

I'm just gonna say, just based on this conversation, I'm gonna say that you'll be very interested in this finding because this is. They figured out what about exercise? Specifically the amount of exercise?

Rachel Koster (10:52)

One hour a week, all you need.

Peter Sagal (10:54)

I'm gonna give it to you. They figured out the minimum amount of exercise people need. Working out once a week for 20 minutes.

Hari Kondabolu (11:03)

20 minutes has real benefits.

Peter Sagal (11:05)

No, no. It's science.

Rachel Koster (11:07)

This country's gone soft. I agree with Peg. Seth.

Peter Sagal (11:10)

Literally, walking a little more quickly, just a little bit more quickly will extend your lifespan significantly. Even vigorously running errands helps. So just order. Really? This is true. This is science. So just order some weights from Amazon and then immediately return them. You did it. Now enjoy that smoothie. You've earned it.

Hari Kondabolu (11:35)

So my walk to the coffee shop in the morning and back that I'm good.

Peter Sagal (11:39)

Yeah, but you're basically a hero if you were. It's that easy. Now if you just walk more quickly and make it just a little, little hard, then you get huge health benefits and you'll extend your lifespan.

Bill Curtis (11:53)

All right.

Hari Kondabolu (11:55)

I'll think about it.

Peter Sagal (11:56)

Right. Coming up, our panelists rub elbows with the rich and famous in our beloved listener game called 188-wit-wait to play. We'll be back in a minute with more of wit Wait. Don't tell me from n. This message comes from Grammarly. In today's fast paced work environment, switching between multiple single function tools can be time consuming. Grammarly provides real time writing support designed to help professionals polish emails, presentations and proposals in one place. 93% of professionals report that Grammarly helps them get more work done. Sign up for Grammarly free and get your professional writing from draft to done. Visit Grammarly.com that's Grammarly.com this message comes.

Announcer (12:52)

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Caller/Guest (e.g., Benjamin, Kaylee Reese) (13:04)

There's dry eyes, dry hair, dry skin. There's dry mouth, trouble sleeping, panic and anxiety attacks. When we ask patients about common symptoms.

Announcer (13:13)

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Bill Curtis (13:45)

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is. Wait, wait, don't tell me. The NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Rachel Custer, Hari Kondabolu and Luke Burbank. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal.

Peter Sagal (14:04)

Thank you, Bill. Right now it's time for the wait, wait, don't tell me bluff the listener game. Call 1-8 8-8- wait wait to play our game in the air. Hi. You were on Wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi, this is Lauren from Minneapolis, Minnesota. Minneapolis. Got a lot of fans here. Minneapolis does. What do you do there? I'm an internal auditor at the Federal.

Rachel Koster (14:29)

Reserve bank of Minneapolis.

Peter Sagal (14:30)

Yeah, okay. You live in Minneapolis. You work at the Federal Reserve. You have no stress in your life. What? I'm so glad to hear it. Well, Lauren, it's great to have you with us. You're going to play the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Lauren's topic?

Bill Curtis (14:45)

I'm starstruck.

Peter Sagal (14:47)

It's always exciting to meet a celebrity. Who knows, you might discover that stars are just like us. Except, of course, they're not. Our panelists are going to tell you about a star studded encounter that we found in the news. Pick the one who's telling the truth. You'll win our prize, the weight waiter of your choice in your voicemail. Are you ready to play? Yep. All right. First, let's hear from Hari Kondabolu.

Hari Kondabolu (15:05)

When Jatin Chopra went shoe shopping last week, he thought he was getting some new kicks. Instead, he picked up the story of a lifetime. As the music blasted in the trendy streetwear store Tootsies, Chopra heard a quiet psst, psst. From the bench next to him. It was Timothee Chalamet. Chopra was familiar with Chalamet's work because according to Chopra, my wife has a huge crush on him, which is weird because he looks like that. But Chalamet wasn't at the store to promote his new movie or white rap. He was there to buy sneakers. And he had a problem. According to Chopra, Chalamet whispered, hey, bro, can you tie my shoes for me? I never learned. That's right. While Timothee Chalamet can sing like Bob Dylan, play professional level ping pong and do whatever Dune is about, he never learned how to tie his shoes. Jatin Chopra didn't just tie Chalamet's laces, but he Mr. Rogered the situation and taught him how to do it for himself. Wow, they really do look like bunny ears, marveled the Oscar nominated actor.

Peter Sagal (16:18)

The man teaches Timothee Chalamet how to tie his shoes because you didn't know how your next story of a dazzling how do you do you do comes from Rachel Coster Football fans will do.

Rachel Koster (16:29)

Whatever it takes to lift their team spirits. Usually that only goes as far as wearing the team's colors or getting really hammered and screaming at them. But for one fan, it didn't stop there. Natasha Lane, a Florida native, was waiting for a friend outside of Pete's Bar in Jacksonville, a bar with mostly positive reviews excluding one one star review that says stay away. Lots of fights if you like that. As she waited, who else would enter the bar but Jacksonville Jaguars star quarterback Trevor Lawrence, who was coming off a high from his victory against the Titans 41 7. Lawrence wasn't the only winner that night because upon seeing him in all of his big football guy glory, Natasha Lane asked what every girl dreams of asking an insanely hot pro athlete when he walks into your neighborhood bar. She asked if she could squat him. The 5 foot 5 inch tall 31 year old hoisted the 6 foot 6, a 6 inch tall 220 pound Lawrence onto her back and proceeded to squat him five times with perfect form. The Samsonian effort was recorded by a friend and went viral. When asked what Lane would do if she ever saw Trevor Lawrence again, she replied, I would ask can I squat you again?

Peter Sagal (17:39)

A woman meets her sports hero in a bar and immediately asks to squat him. Your last VIP in passing comes from Luke Burbank.

Luke Burbank (17:50)

Sandy DeCarlo knew her plumber looked familiar. As she explained to the Daily Columbian last week, the toilet in our guest bathroom kept backing up so I called a company to come fix it and when the guy shows up I was like, is that Christian Bale? It was Christian Bale doing research for an upcoming film role where he plays a plumber. He introduced himself as Ricky, but I could definitely tell he was Christian Bale, who counts herself a fan of his work in the Batman movies American Psycho. I told him what an honor it was to have Christian Bale fixing my toilet, but he just looked at me like I was crazy and headed for the guest bathroom. After four hours of dismantling the toilet with apparently no clear idea on how to reassemble. Also became obvious that Christian Bale doesn't know anything about plumbing. According to DeCarlo, Bale was swearing under his breath in his Welsh accent, which was another big giveaway. Eventually, Ricky said he needed to go back to the shop to get more parts. That was last Tuesday. He has yet to return. But Sandy is not mad. She says, I just think it's so cool that the Christian Bale broke my toilet.

Peter Sagal (19:00)

All right. One of these celebrity encounters happened in the news, and we found it. Can you pick it out from the fakes? Was it from Hari Kondabolu, a man who happened to run into Timothee Chalamet in a shoe store and taught him to tie his shoes? From Rachel Coster, a woman who ran into the quarterback of the Jacksonville Jaguars, threw him upon her shoulders and did squats? Or from Luke Burbank, a woman who was convinced that it was Christian Bale who came to her house and ruined her toilet. Which of these is the real celebrity encounter we found in the news? I'm going to say it's Trevor Lawrence.

Rachel Koster (19:35)

Seems like something a girl would do.

Peter Sagal (19:41)

Here's the great thing we happen to have for you now. The voice of the celebrity in question describing the event. Did not think that was gonna happen. So, I mean, I knew I was gonna get squatted. She didn't just pick me up. That was Trevor Lawrence talking about getting squatted in a bar for a group of reporters. Congratulations. Your instincts were correct. That is something a woman would do. Lauren, congratulations. You have correctly, you first of all won a point just because Rachel told the truth for her. But you have also won our prize. So congratulations very much. Thank you. Congratulations. And thank you so much for calling. And now the game we call not my job. If you first saw actor Kaylee Reese starring with Jodie Foster in the series True Detective, Night country on hbo, you probably said, wow, what an amazing actor. Did she train at Yale or Juilliard? No, she trained at the Big Six Boxing Academy in Providence, Rhode Island. The former world champion welterweight boxer now stars in the movie Mercy, coming out next week. Kaylee Reese, welcome to Wait, wait, don't tell me. So I was kind of describing myself. I saw you in True Detective in Night Country. I was extremely impressed. As we're the Emmy committee, you were nominated. And I was amazed to discover that was, as far as I can tell, your third professional acting job, correct?

Caller/Guest (e.g., Benjamin, Kaylee Reese) (21:10)

It was my third professional acting job. First TV show ever.

Peter Sagal (21:13)

Wow. And you did, in fact, train at the Big Six Boxing Academy in Providence where you're from, right?

Caller/Guest (e.g., Benjamin, Kaylee Reese) (21:20)

Yes, that is my extended family. I've been training with them for a.

Peter Sagal (21:23)

Very, very long time and from a very young age. When did you start boxing?

Caller/Guest (e.g., Benjamin, Kaylee Reese) (21:28)

Around the age of 13 or 14. I found boxing Prior to that, I did. I played softball, played basketball. I'm one of five kids. I'm the youngest girl. I always tried to do what my big brothers did, but nobody, nobody in my family boxed. It was kind of, you know, growing up, I wanted to be the Karate Kid. I wanted to be Bruce Lee. You know, I was so obsessed with Rocky. So it just kind of, just kind of happened.

Narrator/Announcer (21:50)

Yeah.

Peter Sagal (21:51)

Wow. I mean, you were obsessed with Rocky. Wait a minute, I've. I know some elite athletes. It doesn't just kind of happen. Right. You must have like, really been dedicated to it.

Caller/Guest (e.g., Benjamin, Kaylee Reese) (22:00)

Yeah, I was dedicated to. I mean, you know, I was a little rough kid growing up. You know, I wouldn't, I wouldn't start fights, but I'd finish them.

Peter Sagal (22:07)

Oh, yeah.

Caller/Guest (e.g., Benjamin, Kaylee Reese) (22:10)

So, you know, I didn't like to see kids getting bullied. I didn't like getting bullied. So I would always be the one standing up for the bullies. But it wasn't like I wasn't trying to be a fighter. I do come from a very musically inclined family, very artistic family. Fun fact, my father used to actually play with Marky Mark in the Funky Bunch.

Luke Burbank (22:26)

No, real part of the bunch.

Caller/Guest (e.g., Benjamin, Kaylee Reese) (22:29)

He was part of the bunch. He was the keyboard player. So there was good vibrations everywhere.

Peter Sagal (22:34)

Wait a minute, you're a descendant of Marky Mark. You truly are New England royalty. That is.

Caller/Guest (e.g., Benjamin, Kaylee Reese) (22:42)

I'll take that.

Peter Sagal (22:43)

I know. That is amazing. So again, I stress how amazed I am, am that with a background, not in acting, how good an actor you are. I know you have talked about how the discipline and focus of elite boxing has helped you into in the acting world, but isn't there an element of acting and boxing? I mean, like in the weigh ins, when you're like glaring at the opponent, you're like fronting a little bit, right? I mean, did that.

Caller/Guest (e.g., Benjamin, Kaylee Reese) (23:10)

Oh, it's an entertainment business at the very, at the very core of it. I mean, we're up on a stage, we're performing. You know, there's a character. I'm not going around one shot and hit people on the street. That's not who I am as a person. But it's also like, you know, you have to be an artist. You have to, you know, you have to be really calm, you have to prepare. So you. But there are people who build characters, big charismatic entertainment. You know, all that buildup is really good for it for when people tune in. I mean, we have some really cool things happening in boxing because of that charismatic type of entertainment value of boxing. So absolutely, we are performing there.

Peter Sagal (23:44)

Right. I mean, was there ever a moment when you started acting where you were like, you were completely at sea and you were like, you mean, they, they want me to say these words as if I'm thinking of them now? I mean, you know what I mean?

Caller/Guest (e.g., Benjamin, Kaylee Reese) (23:56)

Yeah, it's a crazy concept. But what helps me is I have a huge imagination. I, you know, it's, it's, it's not a big surprise. I got into acting. It wasn't something that I grew up. I want to be an actor, but I used to have these, like, I love to, like, just people watch and observe. So I used to have this character that I used to get my mom's stuff, like her jewelry and everything. And I used to have this. I'm from Rhode Island. We have a very heavy accent, but there's some more than others. I used to have this character called Mary and I used to come on her room like, how you doing, darling? I love to see it. I used to do this whole thing and it wasn't so far fetched, so it really wasn't. I could immerse myself in this imaginary world anytime by myself, which should be studied. I probably should as a child. I don't know why my mom didn't have me go to.

Peter Sagal (24:40)

Speaking of your accent, I read that in True Detective Night country, you play an Alaskan native. But what I read, and you can tell me if it's true or not, is that your native Rhode island accent would come out frequently enough that they figured they'd better write that into your character so that it would be explicable if all of a sudden you're like, looking at a corpse or something and you're like, oh, that's wicked gross.

Caller/Guest (e.g., Benjamin, Kaylee Reese) (25:05)

Yeah. I love Issa, the director. She decided to make my character part of it because I was, you know, with the dialect coach to keep my quote, unquote accent at bay. I didn't want to sound like Peter Griffin making, you know, an investigation. You know what I mean?

Peter Sagal (25:19)

So I just, I think you just sold the next hit series for hbo, by the way. Hopefully with you in the lead. Go on.

Luke Burbank (25:26)

It was weird how your character always had a cup of Duncan in her.

Peter Sagal (25:29)

Hand at all times. So in everything you starred in so far, from, like, True Detective to this new movie, Mercy, you always play people who seem like they could and would kick your ass at any moment. So do you ever, like, want to get cast in, like, a different kind of part, like romantic lead in a Hallmark movie, presumably Badass?

Rachel Koster (25:48)

I would.

Caller/Guest (e.g., Benjamin, Kaylee Reese) (25:49)

I would love to. I would love to. You know, I want to dabble in some comedy. I would love to do some comedy, but I would, you know, I love a challenge. I love something that maybe I'm not as strong at yet. I would love to take any, you know, whatever is meant for me. I don't want to just stick to the. I mean, I can't help that. The badassery just shines through.

Peter Sagal (26:04)

It does. It kind of does. I'm sorry. How about. How about. Let me pick something to you. How about a Hallmark movie where you come back to your hometown, leaving the big city, and you find the guy who, you know broke your heart 20 years before, and it turns out he's a jerk and you beat the crap out of him.

Luke Burbank (26:22)

I'm sorry.

Peter Sagal (26:22)

I got.

Caller/Guest (e.g., Benjamin, Kaylee Reese) (26:24)

If that's happened, it's fine.

Peter Sagal (26:28)

That's another show for hbo. We're off lining up projects for you. Well, they'll do a documentary. Well, Kaylee Reese, it is a pleasure to talk to you. And we have asked you here, as we do with everyone, to play a game. And in your case, we're calling it.

Bill Curtis (26:44)

The Future is Here.

Peter Sagal (26:46)

And by here, we mean Las Vegas, because that's where every year the Consumer Electronics show happens. It just wrapped this year. It's the annual convention where tech companies show off their newest innovations, hopefully to the public that will love them. So we're going to ask you three questions about the Cesar Consumer Electronics show, past and present. If you get two right, you'll win a prize for one of our listeners. Bill, who is Kaylee Reese playing for?

Bill Curtis (27:09)

Christopher Wolf of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

Peter Sagal (27:12)

All right.

Caller/Guest (e.g., Benjamin, Kaylee Reese) (27:13)

Hey, Go Birds.

Peter Sagal (27:17)

Here's your first question. At the 2017 CES, intel made waves when they introduced their newest VR headset, which they handed out to members of the media along with what? A, a nurse with an IV so they wouldn't have to stop playing and, you know, eat B, protective gear for when they banged into each other while playing the games. Or C, barf bags. C. You're right. You knew it, and you're right. Yeah. If you've. The demo program that they tried out included jumping off helicopters, ch, traveling to Vietnam, flying high with a drone, and in some cases, apparently projectile vomiting. All right, good. You did that really well. Now, there are always robots being demoed at CES, but in 2020, the most exciting new robot had one purpose. What was it? A, to open your car door from the inside if you lock your keys in the car. B, to look up people's names that you have forgotten. At a party or C, to bring you a roll of toilet paper in if you run out while you are in the bathroom.

Caller/Guest (e.g., Benjamin, Kaylee Reese) (28:22)

I'm gonna go with C. Cause I hope that exists.

Peter Sagal (28:24)

It does. If you're right. A tech company partnered with Charmin to create a new robot which you operate with your smartphone from the toilet.

Caller/Guest (e.g., Benjamin, Kaylee Reese) (28:37)

I need that.

Peter Sagal (28:38)

We all do. But here's the thing. So you have the wherewithal, the foresight to set up the robot in its little niche, wherever it is, with a roll of toilet paper on it, all set to go. Why don't you just put the roll of toilet paper in the bathroom? All right.

Caller/Guest (e.g., Benjamin, Kaylee Reese) (28:53)

Because sometimes stepchildren forget to put it in the bathroom and then you're stuck there with no toilet paper. That's.

Peter Sagal (29:01)

I'm just gonna say I haven't seen all your projects as a performer, but I've never seen you more vulnerable than.

Caller/Guest (e.g., Benjamin, Kaylee Reese) (29:06)

You were in that moment that I just gave you, like an audition of my vulnerability.

Peter Sagal (29:12)

I know, man. I am ready to cast you in your latest project about a vulnerable, sensitive woman who's caught in a bathroom with no toilet paper.

Caller/Guest (e.g., Benjamin, Kaylee Reese) (29:22)

That's gonna be my first short.

Peter Sagal (29:23)

Absolutely. We are planning a career here. Okay, last question. You were doing this pretty much about as well as you have done everything else you have ever attempted. At this year, CES1 manufacturer introduced a new device with which you can enjoy music. What is it? A, a large case with two built in style stereo speakers known as an iboom box. B, a lollipop that plays music inside your head when you suck on it. Or C, a robot bassist complete with genuine bassist scent.

Caller/Guest (e.g., Benjamin, Kaylee Reese) (29:57)

Um, what was B again?

Peter Sagal (29:59)

B was a lollipop that plays music inside your head while you suck on it.

Caller/Guest (e.g., Benjamin, Kaylee Reese) (30:04)

I'm gonna go with B because that sounds kind of cool.

Peter Sagal (30:06)

You're right again. I mean, awesome. Your competence extends to everything. When you put lollipops scar, that is what it is called, in your mouth, it vibrates against your teeth, which connects to your face bones, which connects to your ear bones. And it comes in three flavors, or rather songs. Bill, how did Kaylee Reese do on our quiz?

Bill Curtis (30:28)

Well, if I don't get it right, she's going to come down and beat the living hell out of me. Fortunately, I don't have to because she is perfect. Three in a row. There you go, Kaylee.

Peter Sagal (30:39)

I mean, honestly. Kaylee Reese is an Emmy nominated actress and member of the International Women's Boxing hall of Fame. You can see her in the new movie Mercy that is out next week. Kaylee Reese, what a pleasure to talk to you. Thank you so much for joining us. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Thank you. Thank you. In just a minute, Bill pays tribute to some grateful gams in our Listener Limerick challenge. Call 1- Triple-8-WAIT wait to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, don't tell me from NPR.

Narrator/Announcer (31:11)

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Bill Curtis (32:20)

From npr, WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, don't tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Luke Burbank, Rachel Custer and Hari Kondavolu. And here again is your host at the Studemaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal.

Peter Sagal (32:41)

Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, we get to the rhymiest part of our show. It's called the Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at one triple eight. Wait, wait. That's 1-888-924-8924 right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Hari Scientists have known for years that unlike all other animals, and this is this is true, of course, wombat poop is cube shaped. You all knew that, right? Mm. But a new study finally tells us why that is. What's the reason?

Hari Kondabolu (33:10)

They're robots.

Peter Sagal (33:11)

They're not robots, they're wombats. They're a wonderful Australian marsupial. I guess they have the stinkiest inboxes in the animal kingdom.

Hari Kondabolu (33:22)

They're trying to repel predators.

Peter Sagal (33:26)

And with what arrives in your inbox, your inbox mail, which is a kind.

Hari Kondabolu (33:32)

Of paper kind of correspondence, it's A way to communicate with the other wombats.

Peter Sagal (33:41)

Yes. They're communicating with other wombats with their square poop. You got it. Yes.

Hari Kondabolu (33:46)

That's insane.

Peter Sagal (33:49)

Some species, like us, communicate by email or text. Some do it via poop cubes. Here's the amazing part. All the wombat messages begin. I hope this poop cube finds you well.

Rachel Koster (34:02)

If I was pooping square, I'd leave that behind for my roommates to find to send a very powerful message. I've got something extremely cool going on in my body.

Peter Sagal (34:11)

Yeah. So wombats tend to be loners. They avoid each other in the wild, but they like to poop in common areas, and they do it in to let the other wombats who are around know that they're there and more or less who they are. It's sort of like very stinky, hello, my name is Badges. Right. And the reason they poop in cubes is so these very important messages to other wombats do not roll away. Wow. Isn't that amazing? And it's also so the wombats can use them as dice afterwards. Trust me, you do not want to play wombat. Yahtzee. Luke. New editor in chief Bari Weiss has been remaking CBS News, and in just a few months, I've heard. Yes, and in just a few months, she's already lost a million viewers. So to make the newscast more fun and relatable, they have announced a new weekly feature in which anchor Tony Decopol will do what on air?

Luke Burbank (35:07)

Drink.

Peter Sagal (35:07)

Yes.

Luke Burbank (35:08)

Daniel's Whiskey.

Peter Sagal (35:09)

That's right. CBS News is testing a segment with their new anchor called Whiskey Fridays with Tony Decouple. I know it's hard to believe, but as Walter Cronkite might say if he were working at CBS News today, lash the way it is. So it means great drinking segment. Instead of throwing to commercial, they'll throw up to commercial. And as you said, a picture of the set shows an anchor desk in the middle of what looks like a. A homey bar with a Jack Daniels sign prominently displayed. And if you're wondering how this whole idea is being received, Jack Daniels, the company, put out a statement saying they had nothing to do with it. Oh, my God, that's true. Imagine if your behavior is so embarrassing that Jack Daniels doesn't want anything to do with it.

Luke Burbank (35:57)

Another W for the Tiffany network.

Peter Sagal (35:59)

Exactly. Now, Mr. Decouple, who is on board with a new program he posted to Twitter this week, quote, you may not agree with everything you hear on our broadcast, but we trust you to hear it, unquote. So I guess Wait, you're gonna listen up. So I guess we can deduce it's also Whiskey Tuesdays with Tony.

Hari Kondabolu (36:23)

Wait, so he's just saying that you might not agree with what we're saying, but you're gonna hear it. The average age of a CBS viewer is like 98. Like I don't know if they're going to hear it.

Peter Sagal (36:33)

That's true.

Hari Kondabolu (36:34)

Respectfully.

Bill Curtis (36:35)

Yeah.

Hari Kondabolu (36:39)

Forgot where I was for a second.

Narrator/Announcer (36:40)

Yeah.

Peter Sagal (36:47)

Coming up, it's lightning. Fill in the blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at one triple eight. Wait, wait. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can come see us most weeks right here at the Studebaker Theatre in downtown Chicago. And you can also catch us on the road. And if you live in Chicago and want to come hang out with our panelists without me constantly interrupting them, come check out our special comedy Grab Bag Live stand up show March 11 at the Den Theater in Wicker Park. Adam Burke will be hosting along with Alzo Slade, Joel, Nicole Johnson and more. For tickets and more information for all of our live events, go to nprpresents.org and while you're at it, head over to nprshop.org and check out our new merch. Grab one of our new Wait, Wait. Tees and sweatshirts and we can be twinsies. Hi, you're on. Wait, wait, don't tell me.

Luke Burbank (37:35)

Hi, my name is Ken and I'm from Champaign, Illinois.

Peter Sagal (37:38)

Hey, Ken, how are things down in Champaign? A little chilly, a little windy, but not too bad. Not too bad. And what do you do there? Well, when I'm not chasing after my 4 year old or working from home.

Luke Burbank (37:47)

I play a lot of board games.

Peter Sagal (37:48)

Really? You're one of those board game geeks that I know and admire so much? I'm probably a little bit past that. The Collection's sitting around 2,100 items, 2,100 different board games. I guess I should ask, what is your favorite? It doesn't quite work like that, Peter.

Luke Burbank (38:12)

You've embarrassed yourself again.

Peter Sagal (38:13)

I really have. So wait a minute. So how does it work? Well, okay, what movie would you watch with your kids? And is that the same movie you'd watch with your wife? Well, yes.

Rachel Koster (38:26)

Pirates of the Caribbean. Pirates of the Caribbean, Yes.

Peter Sagal (38:31)

Well, welcome to the show, Ken. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can Fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Ready to play?

Luke Burbank (38:41)

I think so.

Peter Sagal (38:42)

Okay, here is your first limerick.

Bill Curtis (38:45)

With Bob Weir's guitar in support, the Grateful Dead gladly held court. And with his style of dress, his legs would impress. Cause he cut off his jeans. Really.

Peter Sagal (38:59)

Short. Yes, short. When Grateful Dead founding guitarist Bob Weir transitioned to the actual Dead last week.

Announcer (39:08)

Oh.

Peter Sagal (39:13)

You realize they were asking for it from the beginning for that joke. Fans around the world paid tribute to him, observing a moment of silence that was in honor of his music, 16 minutes long. But people didn't celebrate just his music. They also celebrated his iconic short shorts. They were such a part of his identity that Deadheads. This is true. Do not call cut off jeans Daisy Dukes. They call them Bobby shorts. The rest of us might call them Uncomfortably Shorts.

Hari Kondabolu (39:42)

Wait, so he would just play with his butt cheeks hanging out?

Peter Sagal (39:45)

Pretty much.

Hari Kondabolu (39:46)

Wow.

Rachel Koster (39:47)

The whole point of those concerts is to trip on drugs, not your pant leg.

Peter Sagal (39:51)

That's true.

Rachel Koster (39:52)

It's important to keep them tight to the body.

Peter Sagal (39:54)

That's absolutely true. All right, here is your next limerick.

Bill Curtis (40:00)

Not all princes can dance at our ball. And some short kings might just start a brawl to enter our club. You can't be a wee cub. You must be at least six feet tall.

Peter Sagal (40:16)

Yes. A nightclub in London is only letting men enter if they are over six feet tall. As to why they are doing that and what happens inside, how am I supposed to know?

Rachel Koster (40:34)

They're all just grabs up off shelves, bumping into stuff.

Peter Sagal (40:39)

Here, Bill, let me climb on your shoulders. I have an idea. The event. It's these one off events. They've already sold out. It's called Land of the Giants. Oh, God. You know what would make this really funny? If these guys line up to get in, they get in in the same. The ceiling of the club is, like, at 5 foot 10, and all the guys trying to pick up the girls are coming to her like, hi, Ow. I mean, what's your ow name? Here is your last limerick.

Bill Curtis (41:05)

My green Buddha gets prayers and respect. You see? Weird ears. But I didn't check. You say he's an ogre with bad swampy odors. Turns out I've been praying to.

Peter Sagal (41:21)

Shrek.

Luke Burbank (41:21)

Shrek?

Peter Sagal (41:22)

Yes. A woman in the Philippines worshiped a green figurine for four years, believing it was a statue of the Buddha, only to finally discover it was actually a little figurine of Shrek. Now, I know you're laughing. How could this be? But if you knew what it looked like it would make more sense to you. First picture Shrek. That's what it looked like, according to one article about this woman's mistake quote with its round shape and gentle expression. She believed it to be a depiction of Buddha and treated it with great reverence. Is it really that much of a mistake? Shrek is also a source of enlightenment. What is the sound of one donkey farting?

Rachel Koster (42:09)

I have to say, I feel for her as a girl dating in New York City. I've also worshiped the wrong nasty guy for a really long time. And I regret it too.

Peter Sagal (42:20)

Yeah, we're not gonna judge. Bill, how did Ken do in our quiz?

Bill Curtis (42:27)

He did perfect. Way to go, Ken.

Peter Sagal (42:30)

Congratulations. You've won our game. Thank you. Take care.

Luke Burbank (42:34)

Thank you.

Peter Sagal (42:34)

Bye.

Announcer (42:35)

Have a good one. Support for this podcast and the following message come from Strawberry Me. If you could go back and talk to your younger self, would you tell yourself that you have a job that truly makes you happy? Many people are stuck in jobs they've outgrown or never really wanted. A career coach from Strawberry Me can help you move on to something you actually love. Benefit from having a dedicated coach in your corner, and get 50% off your first coaching session at Strawberry Me. NPR this message comes from NPR sponsor Adobe introducing the all new Adobe Acrobat studio. Now with AI powered PDF spaces. Need to turn 100 pages of market research into 5 insights with the Click templates for a sales proposal that'll close that deal or an AI specialist to tailor the tone of your market report. You can do all that with the all new Adobe Acrobat Studio. Learn more@adobe.com do that with Acrobat.

Peter Sagal (43:44)

Now onto our final game. Lightning Fill in the blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

Bill Curtis (43:54)

Rachel and Luke each have two. Hari has all right.

Peter Sagal (43:58)

Hari is in first place. The other two are tied for second. So I will arbitrarily pick you, Luke, to go first. Here we go. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, the White House said it would stop processing blank applications from over 50 countries.

Luke Burbank (44:13)

Immigration close enough.

Peter Sagal (44:14)

Visa on Thursday, 17 players were charged with a scheme to shave points during college blank games. Basketball games, Right. This week, Russia launched another massive aerial assault on blank.

Luke Burbank (44:24)

Ukraine.

Peter Sagal (44:24)

Right. According to a new poll, over half of Americans think that blank officers are making cities less safe. Ice Right after naming his new megayacht Izanami billionaire Larry Ellison is renaming it because Blank.

Luke Burbank (44:37)

That name was already taken.

Peter Sagal (44:38)

No, because people pointed out that it spells I am a Nazi backwards. On Wednesday, the IOC began a lottery to win tickets to the 2028 Summer Games in blank. Los Angeles. Right. This week, IOC officials said they'd definitely be ready for the upcoming Winter Olympics in Milan, despite reports that the ice hockey rink had. Blank.

Luke Burbank (44:58)

Melted.

Peter Sagal (44:59)

No, a hole in it. Olympics officials in Italy said the country will be 100% ready to host the Winter Games despite a test event at the hockey arena being delayed thanks to a hole in the ice. They should model their prep on the TV show Heated Rivalry, where the only holes are off the ice. And then.

Luke Burbank (45:21)

We were all curious about how that sentence was going to end.

Peter Sagal (45:26)

Bill, how did Luke do in our quiz?

Bill Curtis (45:28)

He got five.

Peter Sagal (45:29)

Right.

Bill Curtis (45:29)

10 more points total to 12 puts him in the lead.

Peter Sagal (45:32)

All right, Very good, Luke.

Luke Burbank (45:33)

For now.

Peter Sagal (45:34)

Rachel. Yes. You're up next.

Rachel Koster (45:37)

I'm ready.

Peter Sagal (45:38)

Here we go. On Thursday, President Trump threatened to invoke the Insurrection act to quell the protests in blank.

Announcer (45:45)

Minneapolis.

Peter Sagal (45:45)

Right. On Sunday, the DOJ said they'd opened a criminal investigation into Federal Reserve Chair Blank.

Rachel Koster (45:51)

I don't know.

Peter Sagal (45:51)

Jerome Powell on Wednesday.

Rachel Koster (45:53)

Sorry about that.

Peter Sagal (45:53)

It's okay. On Wednesday, Microsoft agreed to pay higher electricity bills in cities where they build Blanks.

Rachel Koster (45:59)

AI.

Announcer (46:00)

Yeah.

Peter Sagal (46:01)

Data centers.

Rachel Koster (46:01)

That's right, data centers.

Peter Sagal (46:02)

This week, a bear in California who was finally removed from a crawl space by wildlife officials immediately blanked.

Rachel Koster (46:08)

Pooped.

Peter Sagal (46:09)

No, sorry. Moved into a neighbor's crawl space on Monday. On Monday, luxury retailer Blank filed for bankruptcy protection. Right. That, you know. On Sunday. On Sunday, Hamnet and one battle after another were the big winners at the 2020 Golda clubs. Yes. Blank awards. This week, a man who had collected a jar full of valuable US Coins was shocked when his partner blanked.

Caller/Guest (e.g., Benjamin, Kaylee Reese) (46:33)

Just took them.

Peter Sagal (46:34)

No one brought them to the store and exchanged them all for a couple of dollars.

Caller/Guest (e.g., Benjamin, Kaylee Reese) (46:39)

No.

Peter Sagal (46:40)

Man's partner took the jar full of old coins, some he collected years ago and that were worth $1,000 each, and brought them to the store, you know, to get rid of all that loose change, get paper money. Although lucky for him, and this is true, she did save, among all the coins, the Chuck E. Cheese tokens that were in there. The man was disappointed to lose such a valuable coin collection, but the woman is making up for it by mailing him an apology note every day using those old stamps he had lying around. Bill, how did Rachel do in our quiz for right?

Bill Curtis (47:10)

Eight more points. Ten puts her in second place.

Peter Sagal (47:13)

All right, how many then does Hardikondabolu need to win?

Bill Curtis (47:17)

5 to win.

Peter Sagal (47:18)

All right, here we go, Harry. This is for the game. On Tuesday, Bill and Hillary Clinton refused to appear before the House Oversight Committee investigating the Blank files.

Hari Kondabolu (47:26)

Epstein.

Peter Sagal (47:27)

Right. Amid the ongoing government crackdown, several European countries urged their citizens to leave Blank.

Hari Kondabolu (47:33)

Leave their homes?

Peter Sagal (47:34)

No, leave Iran. On Wednesday, an outage of Blank's cellular network left tens of thousands without service.

Hari Kondabolu (47:39)

Verizon?

Peter Sagal (47:40)

Yes. This week, a TV station in Japan regularly interrupted a horror movie to broadcast Blank.

Hari Kondabolu (47:45)

Uh, Godzilla.

Peter Sagal (47:47)

No, they interrupted the movie to broadcast a monk who offered a prayer every time the evil ghost killed someone. Don't want people to worry. After a four year hiatus, K Pop giants Blank announced a world world tour. Bts. Right. This week, Blank rates fell to their lowest level in three years.

Hari Kondabolu (48:05)

Interest?

Peter Sagal (48:06)

Close enough. Mortgage rates. This week, a man developed a new invention that you affix to your car's back bumper that allows the cars behind you to Blank go to hell.

Hari Kondabolu (48:15)

No.

Peter Sagal (48:18)

Nor does it suggest that they do that. No. It allows the people in the cars behind you to watch Tiktoks while they are all stuck in traffic with you. It's called Honk to Swipe. It's a tablet attached to the back of your car that lets people watch TikTok and scroll to the next video by honking their horn. The tablet, of course, is mounted high on the car above the trunk so it won't be ruined when people inevitably rear end your car because they are watching TikTok. Bill, did Hari do well enough to win?

Bill Curtis (48:46)

Well, he did well. He got four.

Peter Sagal (48:47)

Right.

Bill Curtis (48:48)

Eight more points for 11. But that means Luke is our champion today.

Peter Sagal (48:52)

Congratulations. Coming up, our panelists predict now that we're going back to the moon, what are we going to find there? But first, let me tell you all. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions. Doug Berman. Benevolent overlord Philip Gaeda writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shana Donald. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theatre. BJ Ledeman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Norbaus and Lillian King. Special thanks this week to Mohanad El Shechi and Monica Hickey. Peter Gwynn will defend Gwynlund at all costs. Our visual host is Emma Choi. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Shellog. And the executive producer. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Is Mike Danforth. And before we leave you this week, we lost our former senior producer, Murad Abid, known to us and all his many friends at NT NPR News, as Rod. Rod led our show in the early years from when it was a struggling show in just a few stations to a mainstay of public radio, most importantly by taking us from recording in a studio each week to in front of a live audience, which is why, in my opinion, we are all still here. So we owe Rod a tremendous debt. And if you enjoy our show, you do, too. Now, panel, when we go to the moon again, what are we going to find?

Luke Burbank (50:19)

Luke Burbank, a platoon of Scandinavian swimmers?

Peter Sagal (50:24)

Rachel Costa.

Rachel Koster (50:25)

It's already seeing someone we waited to.

Peter Sagal (50:31)

And Hari Kondavolu, Jimmy Hoffa.

Bill Curtis (50:36)

And if any of that happens, panel, we'll ask you about it. Wait, wait, no, tell me.

Peter Sagal (50:41)

Thank you. Bill Curtis, thanks. Thanks also to Rachel Koster, Hari Kondabolu and Luke Burbank. Thanks to all of you for listening. I'm Peter Saga. We'll see you next week. This is npr. This is Ira Glass on this AMERICAN Life. One thing we like is a good mystery sometimes about really big things, but most times the little mysteries are the best. Our lost and found is currently filled with pants. I don't know. I've never seen this happen. This is true. This is true. Mysteries of every size.

Hari Kondabolu (51:18)

Each week, this American Life.

Peter Sagal (51:21)

Wherever you get your podcasts, this message.

Announcer (51:24)

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