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Peter Sagal
Hey, a quick note before we start today's show. You may have heard that President Trump has issued an executive order seeking to block all federal funding to npr. This is the latest in a series of threats to media organizations across the country. This puts everything you love about NPR in danger, including even our show. And without us, where would the nation get its essential supply of dad jokes? We are proud to be here doing what we do for you, and now we have to ask you to be here for us. Visit donate.NPR.org to give. And if you already support us via NPR or another means, thank you. Your support means so much to us. And, of course, to the dads who need material.
Alzo Slade
From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, wait, don't tell Me the NPR News quiz. I'm Alzo Slade filling in for Bill Curtis so I can finally tell Peter Sagal what to do. Here he is at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois. Start talking now, Peter.
Peter Sagal
Thank you, Alzo. And thank you, everybody. Thanks for being here with us. It is a good day. It's an exciting time. Later on, we're going to be talking to Nathan Lane, who is star of stage and screen, and now he's the star of the new sitcom Mid Century Modern, which people are calling the Gay Golden Girls. So what does that make the Golden Girls? But first, before we get started, it is really nice to have Alzo Slade filling in for Bill this week. Alzo, I got to say, what made you want to leave the panel and take on the grave responsibilities of judge and scorekeeper?
Alzo Slade
It pays more.
Peter Sagal
And I'm glad you believed that when we told you. And we are glad you listeners out there are ready to do your job, which is to call in and play our games. The number is 1-888-wait- wait. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let' our first listener contestant. Hi. You're on. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi, Peter. It's Allison Becker from Indianapolis, Indiana. Indianapolis. That beautiful place? What do you do there? I actually administer a grant to provide solar opportunities to income qualified individuals. That is very exciting. Solar opportunities. I mean, I assume you mean tanning, sunbathing. It might come to that after the inauguration. That's true. Yes. All right. Well, welcome to the show. Alison, let me introduce you to our panel. This week. First up, it's the host of the daily podcast TBTL and the public radio variety show Livewire, which will be live back at the Alberta rose Theater, Thursday, May 15th in Portland, Oregon. It's Luke Burbank.
Luke Burbank
Hey, Alison.
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Flom.
Luke Burbank
They're booing for rolling back the subsidies for solar power.
Peter Sagal
Exactly. Next is a writer for Clean Slate, which is now on Amazon Prime. It's Shantira Jackson.
Shantira Jackson
Hi, Alison.
Peter Sagal
Hi. And a writer whose absolutely essential sub stack is Take Another Little Piece of My heart. Now It's Roy Blunt Jr. So, Alison, welcome to the show. Your job is going to be the first person ever to play Who's Alzo this time? Alzo Slade, filling in for Bill, is going to read you three quotations from the week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize, the voice of anyone you might choose from your voicemail. Are you ready to go? I'm ready. All right, here is your first quote.
Alzo Slade
This is the greatest thing to happen to Chicago since the Cubs won the World Series.
Peter Sagal
That was a Chicago woman talking to NPR on Thursday reacting to the news that. Who is from Chicago? The new pope. The new pope, ladies and gentlemen.
Roy Blunt Jr.
The Cub won the World Series.
Peter Sagal
Yeah, they did. Now, the pope has not lived in Chicago for decades, but that does not matter to us. We are so thirsty. We will say you are a Chicagoan if you have a long layover at o' Hare.
Luke Burbank
And is there any other kind?
Peter Sagal
No.
Shantira Jackson
I like it because I grew up Southern Baptist and I don't really know too much about the popes, But I will say that this feels like the Olympics. It's the only time where I'm like, go, America, go.
Peter Sagal
Really? Yeah. I'm like, we're all patriots.
Shantira Jackson
We won something, and I'll take the gold, even if it's a chalice.
Luke Burbank
You're like, whitewater canoeing. That's a sport.
Shantira Jackson
Like, go, America, Go, baby. Let's beat them in something.
Peter Sagal
I know. It was so great. When the smoke came out, it was white, then red, then blue. We knew it was awesome.
Shantira Jackson
Yeah.
Peter Sagal
And I need not tell everyone that we are incredibly proud here in Chicago that one of our own has gotten the big chair. And by that, I mean the big chair. One commenter on a news story here. This is true. He's, like, reading the news and he, like, said, oh, my God, this guy's been to my house. And this is true. He was reported to be a Cubs fan. Everybody assumes we're Cubs fans. And his brother called the news. To correct the record, he is, in fact, a White Sox fan, right?
Luke Burbank
Yes.
Peter Sagal
Imagine you really need the Lord if.
Shantira Jackson
You care about the White Sox.
Peter Sagal
Exactly. Imagine suffering that much and still believing in God.
Shantira Jackson
Honestly, I think that's so funny that a White Sox fan became the Pope to try to help them.
Luke Burbank
That's actually good to hear.
Shantira Jackson
That's love for Chicago, baby. I'll become the Pope to try. Try to get you a little bit of help.
Luke Burbank
That will be an interesting data point for the White Sox, who have not been so great.
Peter Sagal
Not recently. No.
Luke Burbank
To see if their fortunes improve now that they have a direct line.
Peter Sagal
Exactly.
Luke Burbank
The creator.
Roy Blunt Jr.
They need that and a couple more pictures.
Peter Sagal
Yeah, right. All right, here is your next quote. It was from someone who was interviewed at an airport.
Alzo Slade
I just procrastinated. I could have gotten it done. I just didn't.
Peter Sagal
That was a traveler who did not have an important document. You need to get on a plane as of Wednesday this week. What is it? The real id. Real id? Yes. You now need a real ID to get through security at the airport. That is, of course, the extra secure, federally mandated id, which requires proof of residency. So now the tsa, you know, they'll just wave you through saying, oh, this guy can't be a terrorist. He provided an electricity bill from his house in Cleveland. So remember, in case you're confused, you only need real ID to fly on a plane. If you're just going to a bar, you can continue to use fake id.
Luke Burbank
Yeah, they've been telling me that for years at the airport. Mr. Burbank, you need a real ID. This does not count that you have a note from your mom.
Peter Sagal
Sir, I don't know if people remember this. This was announced in 2006 that they were going to do that. This is true. And they finally did it.
Luke Burbank
Take that, Al Qaeda.
Peter Sagal
Yeah. So imagine they announced it in 2006. They finally instituted it this week. Just think, Bill Belichick's girlfriend has spent her whole life worrying this day, would.
Luke Burbank
I have a quote, unquote, real id? But I don't remember what I had to do differently to get that. It was just when I was renewing my driver's license, I think.
Peter Sagal
Yeah.
Luke Burbank
What is elevating the security of these IDs over the ones that we.
Peter Sagal
What it is is when you go get it at the dmv, the person, they get the meanest person to come out, and they look at you and they say, is this really you?
Luke Burbank
Yeah, that's what happened.
Peter Sagal
No, the way it works is you have to bring all these documents proving that you, like, have a Social Security number, that, this, that, the other thing.
Shantira Jackson
I think it's so rude because if I'm at the dmv, you should know that I'm taking things seriously. Like, nobody's just showing up to fool you. Like, no, I'm not going there unless I'm trying to never come back again.
Peter Sagal
Yeah. It's like they call you up and you're like, I don't need anything. I just like hanging out. Sitting here, watching the TV bolted to the ceiling. That's my idea of a good time. Yeah.
Shantira Jackson
Have a mean lady take a picture of me that looks worse than anything I've ever experienced and then said, keep it.
Nathan Lane
Yeah.
Luke Burbank
Catch up on your Judge Judy.
Peter Sagal
Muted. All right, Allison, you're doing really well. You have one last quote. Here it is.
Alzo Slade
It stings because I've been saving money, and this is my special moment.
Peter Sagal
That was someone, a young woman, as you could tell from Alzo's impression.
Alzo Slade
Thank you very much. I worked on that.
Peter Sagal
I could see it. I could see it in my mind's eye. That was a young woman speaking to the Wall Street Journal about how tariffs just sent her flower and dress budget through the roof for her upcoming. What?
Nathan Lane
Wedding.
Peter Sagal
Yes, her wedding. Top of everything else, the Trump tariffs are making wedding planning really hard and, of course, really expensive. It's so hard for the couples who chose a We Bought it All and Tamu theme for their wedding.
Luke Burbank
You know, was it like Tip o' Neill that said, all politics is local? Meaning, you know, I don't care that much about this story, but based on my track record, talk to me when divorces get more expensive, because that's really my sweet spot.
Peter Sagal
Exactly. President Trump defended the rising wedding costs, saying, come on, it's expensive, but it's something you'll do, what, four or five times in your lifetime?
Luke Burbank
I see you.
Peter Sagal
Yep.
Roy Blunt Jr.
You know why divorces are so expensive?
Luke Burbank
Because they're worth it.
Roy Blunt Jr.
There you go.
Luke Burbank
We worked that out backstage.
Peter Sagal
Yeah.
Shantira Jackson
I've never been divorced, so I wasn't included.
Peter Sagal
And, you know, it's going to affect everybody when you get an invitation for, like, you and a minus one. And here's the thing, The Wall Street Journal, which wrote about this, says that some people are so freaked out by the coming price rises in everything that they're stocking up for weddings they haven't even scheduled yet, just to make sure that when the time comes, they have the stuff. Like, nothing gives you the ick like being on a first date. And walking into their living room and finding 200 votive candles just waiting for the right guy.
Shantira Jackson
That is just a nice lady in her twent.
Peter Sagal
Alzo, how did Alison do in our quiz?
Alzo Slade
She was amazing. Three, four, three.
Peter Sagal
Brilliant. Well done, Alison. Thank you. May you continue to have good luck going forward. Thank you so much for playing. Thank you. Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about the week's news. Luke, there is a new style trend. Some men on social media are trying to look more masculine by shaving off. What?
Luke Burbank
Ooh, shaving. Is it eyebrows?
Peter Sagal
Lower.
Luke Burbank
Okay.
Peter Sagal
Little bit lower. Soul patch? Higher.
Luke Burbank
Okay. We're narrowing in on it here. Mustache. Eyelashes.
Peter Sagal
Yes. Eyelashes.
Luke Burbank
Eyelashes.
Peter Sagal
Eyelashes. Eyelashes. Yes. Men are shaving off their eyelashes in a growing trend among those men who yes, would in fact jump off a cliff if that's what their friends did. These men are going into barbershops and asking their barbers for an eyelash trim because eyelashes are now too feminine. What? What? It's true. What's more manly than constantly crying because of all the dust in your eyes?
Shantira Jackson
Have you ever met a woman? If you I love a man with nice eyelashes. This is how you know men only talk to each other. Girls like eyelashes. We especially like them when they look like ours because we are egotist.
Roy Blunt Jr.
That's how you do butterfly kisses, right?
Luke Burbank
Oh yeah, exactly. What's gonna happen to the butterfly kiss industry?
Shantira Jackson
And then all the men just gonna have pink eye. You know it.
Peter Sagal
Coming up, our panelists give you a civics lesson in our bluff. The listener game called 188 wait wait to play. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, wait, don't tell me.
Alzo Slade
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Peter Sagal
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Alzo Slade
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Alzo Slade
From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't TELL ME the NPR News quiz. I'm Alzo Slade. We're playing this week with Shantira Jackson, Roy Blunt Jr. And Luke Burbank. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theatre in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal.
Peter Sagal
Thank you, Alzo. Right now it's time for the Wait, Wait, don't tell me. Thank you everybody. Right now it's time for the Wait, Wait, don't tell me. Bluffed elicitor game. Call one triple eight. Wait, wait. To play our game on the air or you can always check out the pinned post on our Instagram page. Atweightnpr. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, don't tell me. Hi, this is Femi Ayee from Nashua, New Hampshire. Hey, Femi, how are you? What do you do there in Nashville? I am a independent mortgage bank executive.
Luke Burbank
I help people buy homes.
Peter Sagal
Do you really, Morgan? I work the machinery that's behind the loan process to manufacture loans from raw effort into this horrible commodity that we all trade. You're like a mortgage farmer. You're out there in the fields, tilling the fields, growing mortgages.
Alzo Slade
That's the thing.
Peter Sagal
That's the thing that we do all day. Exactly. Yeah. It's a mortgage farmer. Well, Femi, it's nice to have you with us. You're going to play the game in which you have to tell truth from fiction. Alzo, what is his topic?
Alzo Slade
Have I got a great deal for you on a 2016 Honda Civic.
Peter Sagal
All right. Recently somebody bought themselves a sweet ride, a 2016 Honda Civic, type R. They did all the usual due diligence. They kicked the tires, checked the carfax, made sure it hadn't said anything racist on Twitter. But nonetheless, the buyer of this car ended up getting quite a surprise. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the real story and you will win the weight waiter of your choice on your Voicemail. Are you ready to play?
Nathan Lane
I am.
Peter Sagal
All right. Our first 2016 Civic comes from Roy Blunt Jr.
Roy Blunt Jr.
When Bobby Higgins Sr. Of Mound, Alabama, saw that 2016 Honda Civic Type R in the lot, it spoke to him. He kicked the tires, he drove it around the block and bought it, cranked it up, turned some music on from the nostalgia station and oozed on out of there. Suddenly, he was not alone. On the dashboard, a mouse. And then another mouse. Brendan. I mean Bobby. I'm sorry. Bobby Senior jammed on the brakes and. Well, now I've lost my strength. I forgot to change. Brendan, the bus.
Luke Burbank
It's a very real story.
Roy Blunt Jr.
Bobby Sr. Jammed on the brakes. Who wants a vermin ridden car? Then the two little mice began to dance. They were doing the bossa nova. Several more mouse couples emerged and joined the show. And more and more. Well, long story short, a local showman had in fact been searching for missing dancing mice. But here's what interested scientists. There were more dancing mice in Bobby Sr. S car than had been missing. The original dancing mice apparently had reproduced and taught the next generation to dance as a survival tactic which worked.
Peter Sagal
This Honda Civic came with apparently a multi generational family of performing mice. Your next pre owned parable comes from Shantira Jackson.
Shantira Jackson
Jennifer Henry really lucked out when she saw the Craigslist posting For a used 2016 Honda Civic R hatchback. Sure, it was kind of beat up. The AC didn't work, you needed rope to close the trunk, and when she went over 65, it shook like a rocket ship at takeoff. But it was hers and she loved it. One day when she got in the car, the AC was suddenly working and sooner or later, a lot of things in the car started to improve. Instead of a shake, that baby started to sing. And not to be weird, but the wheels even seemed bigger. Jennifer wasn't going to question the improvements. She just felt lucky. Until one evening when she saw on the news that a street racing ring had been broken up and there was a Honda Civic speeding away from the cops as they announced the license plate number, she realized that little speed demon was her car. Turns out that she had unknowingly purchased a car that is prized among street racers for its aerodynamics. And a local car racer had been stealing her car in the middle of the night, souping it up and racing it fast and furious style. Her car was eventually returned to her with just a few scratches, a new radiator, and a big pile of red light speeding tickets.
Peter Sagal
Woman buys a car to find that it's a valuable racer, which she discovers by someone taking it and racing it every night while making improvements. Your last story of a wowie about somebody's whip comes from Luke Burbank.
Luke Burbank
February 28th was a crap day for Ewan Valentine of Solohull, England. He walked out of his house only to find that his beloved Honda Civic, a 2016 Type R custom racing model complete with rims and a spoiler, had been stolen. I was gutted, he told the BBC this week. And I was determined to get it replaced before one day I have to get something that's a little more family friendly. So that's exactly what Ewan did. Jumping on the Internet and managing to find a similar car for sale one town over. Valentine bought the car and was feeling good as he drove home. Until he started noticing things. A candy wrapper on the floor that looked kind of familiar. A peg for a tent that was like a tent. He had even the car's smell. But that couldn't be right. The VIN numbers were different. Well, then he punched his address into the navigation and it was already preloaded, as was his parents address, as were all of his saved addresses, because this was his car. A part of me felt triumphant, said Valentine. But then part of me felt stupid because I had just bought back my own car for £20,000.
Peter Sagal
So somebody bought a Honda Civic and got quite a surprise. What was that surprise? Was it from Roy Blunt Jr. That the car was occupied by a multi generational troupe of dancing mice? From Shantira Jackson that the car was a racer and was being borrowed every night, improved and raced before being brought back home before daylight? Or from Luke Burbank that it was the very same car that had been stolen from the guy shortly before, but he didn't notice it until he was driving it home. I'm hoping that it was Luke Burbank's story, because that sounds like it would have been a good Top Gear episode. Okay, your choice is Luke's story. Well, here is some news coverage of the man paid more than $20,000 to buy his own stolen car. That was Kimberly Hahn of ABC10 News San Diego talking about the man buying his own stolen car. Congratulations, Femi. You got it right. You earned a point for Luke. You've won our prize. The voice of your choice in your voicemail. Congratulations and well done. I am a winner. You are a winner in this and on all things. Thank you so much for playing and thanks for giving Luke a point now. Great.
Luke Burbank
Thank you very much.
Peter Sagal
Take care. Gonna jump in my car.
Shantira Jackson
Turn off.
Peter Sagal
The radio and now the game we call not my job. Nathan Lane is a movie and TV star and an absolute Broadway legend. He was last on our show a few years ago to promote the first season of Only Murders in the Building, but he's now starring in a new sitcom, Mid Century Modern, where he plays a gay man living with his two best friends and thankful, at least as of the end of the first season, none of them have been murdered. Nathan Lane, welcome back to Wait Wait, don't tell me. Thank you. Congratulations on the new show. I have been watching it and enjoying it immensely. It's on Hulu.
Nathan Lane
Thank you. Thank you.
Peter Sagal
This is not the first time you have starred in a TV show though, but it may be the most successful.
Nathan Lane
I mean, in terms of a multi camera show in front of a live audience. I've done a couple in the past that haven't been so successful, so this has been a great pleasure.
Peter Sagal
Right, and so what happened? Did you just have poor luck in the past?
Nathan Lane
Well, I don't know. How much time do you have? When I was a kid, I was cast in a show, a situation comedy starring Mickey Rooney and Dana Carvey called One of the Boys.
Peter Sagal
Okay.
Nathan Lane
And that was, I knew going into that it was not going to last. And Dana still talks about it. He's still traumatized by Mickey Rooney, as we all were. And then I did a show with the creators of Frasier and I thought that would be a good idea. They had won the Emmy five years in a row.
Peter Sagal
And.
Nathan Lane
And they pitched me an idea I didn't like. And then I pitched them an idea they didn't like. And then they came up with this idea that we wound up doing in which I was going to play a famous opera singer who lost his voice in a freak accident and had to leave the opera world. And he went to live with his mother and sister at their winery in the Napa Valley. By the time the premise was you were finished explaining it, people had left the room. That didn't go so well.
Peter Sagal
So this is exciting, the show. Let's talk about Mid Century Modern.
Nathan Lane
Okay.
Peter Sagal
My understanding is that it was pitched to you. This is made by the creators of the classic and brilliant sitcom Will and Grace. And they came to you and they said, it's a gay golden girl. Is that correct? Is that how they pitched it?
Nathan Lane
Yes. And I thought, well, that's kind of redundant. But it was actually Ryan Murphy. I was working for Ryan Murphy doing this miniseries about the Menendez brothers and he had read this script and he had never done a Situation comedy before. A multi camera situation comedy in. But he thought the script was great and they had written it, I was told, with me in mind. And so I read it and I thought it was hilarious and that's how it all came to be.
Peter Sagal
When you were on the show last time, you talked about some odd jobs you had, but we were looking over your resume and you are a Broadway legend. I don't know how many Tonys you've won. You just rule that street. But I found out that you're.
Nathan Lane
I've won three.
Peter Sagal
Three? You keep count? I don't keep count.
Shantira Jackson
One Tony for each panelist.
Peter Sagal
Exactly. But I found out that your Broadway debut was very surprising to me. It was a show called Merlin with. No, no, it was not your Broadway debut.
Nathan Lane
No, that's wrong.
Luke Burbank
You actually get a point for that, Nathan.
Nathan Lane
My Broadway debut was in 1982 at the Circle and Square Theater. I did a revival of the Noel Coward play Present Laughter directed by and starring George C. For Cuddles.
Peter Sagal
Scott Patton. For those who remember George C. I remember him well. But. But that. Yeah, but then, but I'm sorry, that was not. But then you did Merlin with Doug Henning. Doug Henning was this. For those who don't remember, he was a very famous magician in like the 70s who was sort of famous for his sort of, shall we say, hippie aura. Would that be accurate?
Nathan Lane
Absolutely. Marty Short on SCTV used to do an impression of him. He had a severe overbite and he did not. He was trying to bring magic back to the magic profession. And so he, he did not refer to what he did as tricks, but they were illusions. And he was a lovely man. And Doug was. I don't know if you've heard, but he was a triple threat. He couldn't sing, act or he was, but he was a lovely guy. And you know the first rule of musical theaters don't do a show that's built around magic tricks or illusions. So. So yeah, it did have a little bit of a run, but yes, it was, it was, it was doomed from the start.
Peter Sagal
And yet here you are.
Nathan Lane
And when I, I remember having to tell. I had to leave Present LAUGHTER and I had to tell George C. Scott that I was leaving the show to do this musical because he. So he knocked on my door and I opened it and he said to me, you're leaving me to do a magic show.
Luke Burbank
This is going to be the outtakes for people that support public radio at a very high dollar number.
Peter Sagal
I have mixed feelings about making you play I'd just rather hear more stories. But you know the rules. If you come on the show, you play a game, Nathan. And this time, we have asked you here to play a game.
Alzo Slade
We're calling, hey, stay in your lane, Nathan Lane.
Nathan Lane
Hey.
Peter Sagal
Yeah. Your name being Nathan Lane. As we all know, we were going to ask you about staying in your lane and other driving related matters. Answer two.
Nathan Lane
You're kidding. Because I, you know, I don't drive.
Peter Sagal
Well, I wondered about that. I wondered about that.
Nathan Lane
This is the wrong game for me.
Peter Sagal
An empty, like a Zen thing, an empty mind leads to success. Here. Here we go. Who is Nathan Lane playing for?
Alzo Slade
David Young of Phoenix, Arizona.
Peter Sagal
Finland is pretty serious about speeding tickets. When one guy was pulled over in 2023 for driving less than 20 miles an hour over the speed limit, what happened to him? A, the gas was drained from his car by police and he had to push it home. B, he was fined more than $100,000. Or C, he was forced to stand on a nearby corner for a whole day and hold up a sign saying I am sorry.
Nathan Lane
I think the last one, the sign he had to stand there saying I'm.
Peter Sagal
Sorry in Finnish, presumably.
Nathan Lane
In Finnish, Exactly.
Peter Sagal
No, he was actually fined more than $100,000. You see, Finland has listened to where they have a sliding scale for moving violation fines based on your income. And he was really rich. Wow. Yeah. You both have two more questions and you have a lot of fans in this room, so I think you'll be okay. We get news accounts every week about people using dummies to drive in the carpool lane. Are you aware of this, Nathan? Perhaps you've seen it in California, high occupancy.
Nathan Lane
I always travel with dummies.
Peter Sagal
Exactly. And one such person who tried that got an himself into even more trouble when he got pulled over and the highway patrolman gave up to give him a ticket for driving in the carpool lane with the dummy. What did the man do to get himself in trouble? A, he claimed, that's not a dummy, that's where I hide all my drugs. B, leaned over to the dummy and said loudly enough for the cop to hear, don't worry, I got this. Or C, just quickly swapped seats and claimed the dummy was driving.
Nathan Lane
I say he leaned over and said, don't worry, I got this.
Peter Sagal
You're right, you're right. All right, you have one more question. If you get this right, you win. If you don't like driving, you can take one of those self driving taxis that are now cruising around Los Angeles and San Francisco, but you should be aware they come with a bit of a risk. What is that risk? A, the taxis are programmed to find the shortest route to the destination, which has led to them driving through houses, up stairways and down into sewers. B, they periodically interface with your phone and take you to places from your incognito mode. Search history. Oh, no. Or see the mobs of people who sometimes attack the cars and set them on fire.
Nathan Lane
Okay, well, I'm gonna go with the arsonist in the aud.
Peter Sagal
You're right. That's what's happening. So far. I should say they haven't done it to any autonomous taxi with a passenger in it, but they have done it. And one of these days they might get carried away. Also, how did Nathan Lane do on our quiz this time?
Alzo Slade
He got enough points to win the game and an honorary driver's license.
Peter Sagal
Well done, Nathan Lane. I cannot tell you what a thrill it is for me to talk to you after a lifetime of being a fan. Nathan Lane is starring in Mid Century Modern on Hulu. Nathan Lane, thank you so much for being with us today. What a pleasure to have you. In a minute, the reason we're getting red carpet ready around here, that's in our Listener Limerick challenge. Call 1/38 wait wait to join us in the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait Wait, Don't Tommy from npr.
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Alzo Slade
From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait Wait, don't tell Me the NPR News quiz. I'm Alzo Slade. We're playing this week with Roy Blunt Jr. Luke Burbank and Shantira Jackson. And here again Is your host at the Studebaker theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal.
Peter Sagal
Thank you, Alzo. In just a minute, it's you versus poetry in a no holds barred grudge match. If you'd like to play the listener limerick challenge, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT wait, that's 1-888-924-8924. But right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Luke. A new burger joint has opened in California where all the food is lovingly made. By whom?
Luke Burbank
Cows?
Peter Sagal
No, that would be horribly cruel.
Luke Burbank
Yeah, that would be pretty. Pretty dark. Lovingly. It's a burger joint.
Peter Sagal
It's a burger joint.
Luke Burbank
Are the people. Is the their age?
Peter Sagal
I didn't say they were people.
Luke Burbank
Oh, okay. Is this some. Is this robots?
Peter Sagal
It is a robot burger joint. Burger bots. Burger Bots is a new restaurant in Los Gatos, California, where all the food is made by robots. And if you did not hate them enough just for me saying that their slogan is we are the droids you've been looking for. Wow. I know.
Shantira Jackson
I don't mind having at least one robot there. That way, if somebody wants to start yelling, you can just do that at the robot and leave the children alone.
Peter Sagal
Yes, right. Just yell at the robot.
Shantira Jackson
Yeah, just yell at the robot.
Peter Sagal
So if this customer gets angry, a robot comes in the back going, excuse me, I'm the manager. Can I help you?
Shantira Jackson
Yeah, and I want them to sound just like that.
Peter Sagal
Right. I mean, what's funny is they're using pre existing industrial robots and they program them to do the task because they're very good these days. And you just gotta imagine, you know, the robots back there making the burgers going, I was designed to manufacture cars. I thought I'd be making spaceships. And I'm just flipping burgers.
Luke Burbank
Yeah, I'm doing this to work my way through community college so I can get a dad desk job.
Alzo Slade
Why do all your robots sound like they're from the 1970s?
Luke Burbank
Yeah, that's the last time I understood how a robot works.
Peter Sagal
Exactly. Shantera. This week, a second grader playing with his mom's phone quote accidentally unquote. Did what?
Shantira Jackson
Okay, I think I saw this, like, spent $5,000 on like, Roblox or something.
Peter Sagal
Not Roblox.
Shantira Jackson
Can I have a hint?
Peter Sagal
Well, she shouldn't have left her Browser open on 70,000lollipops.com.
Shantira Jackson
Oh, yeah, I saw that. The. The Dum dums.
Peter Sagal
Yes, lollipops. Yeah, the kid ordered 70,000 lollipops.
Shantira Jackson
I saw that and she tried to cancel it, and Amazon said no.
Peter Sagal
Wait a minute.
Luke Burbank
Jeff Bezos was being mean to someone that doesn't check out.
Peter Sagal
After getting a hold of his mom's phone, the youngster got onto Amazon and ordered 70,000 Dum Dum lollipops, totaling over $4,000 in cost, depleting the Strategic National Lollipop Reserve and sending the barbershop and bank lobby communities into crisis mode.
Shantira Jackson
I feel like that's what we need AI for what? To watch the Internet and be like, are you sure that's a job for a computer? Like, to be like, I don't know, lady, do you really want this?
Luke Burbank
Like, Janice's browsing history involves zero candy purchases, and one day she goes for $4,000 of dum dums. That seems you're right, Shantira. That's something the computer could catch.
Shantira Jackson
Stop trying to make AI Recreate Notting Hill and let them do that. That is what AI Is for.
Peter Sagal
Exactly. Roy, question for you. Scientists announced the development of what might be the first universal snake antivenom. And they were able to do it with the help of a Wisconsin construction contractor who's been pursuing what hobby for 20 years?
Roy Blunt Jr.
Collecting snakes.
Peter Sagal
Not just collecting them, but doing what with them?
Roy Blunt Jr.
Letting them bite him.
Peter Sagal
Exactly. For the past 20 years, a man named Tim Frieda in Wisconsin has been collecting venomous snakes and letting them bite him on occasion. And he only did it 200 times.
Luke Burbank
He did this because the eyelash removal surgery didn't fully masculinize you.
Peter Sagal
Exactly.
Shantira Jackson
I think men will do anything but go to therapy.
Peter Sagal
It's really true. Here's one wife, and you're watching him saying, I'm gonna go to the snake bite me again. You're like, you know how many times that have to happen before she says, you know, I think this is about something else. Yeah.
Roy Blunt Jr.
You said he only did it on occasion. Does that mean, like, his birthday or something like that?
Peter Sagal
No, I didn't say on special occasions.
Roy Blunt Jr.
I don't want any cake. Just bring. Just bring out the snake.
Luke Burbank
Bring out the water. Ma said it's Flag Day.
Peter Sagal
Yeah.
Alzo Slade
We got a new pope. Bite me.
Peter Sagal
Coming up. It's lightning. Fill in the blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT wait, that's 1-888-924-892-4. You can see us most weeks right here at the Studebaker Theatre in Chicago or you can catch us on the road. We'll be in Des Moines, Iowa on July 10 and at Tanglewood in Western Massachusetts on August 28. For tickets and info about all of our live shows, just head on over to nprpresents.org hi, you're on. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi, this is Kristen Colin from Mount Lake Terrace, Washington. Mount Lake Terrace, where is Mountain Lake Terrace? Is that like near the coast? It's between.
Shantira Jackson
Basically between Seattle and Lynwood.
Peter Sagal
Okay. A little north. I have no idea where Linwood is, but I'll just take your word for it.
Luke Burbank
Do you like to. Do you like to kick it at the Mount Lake Terrace Pavilion?
Peter Sagal
Oh, yeah, yeah. Wow. Oh, you didn't tell me it was where the Mount Lake Taylor's pavilion is.
Roy Blunt Jr.
Mount Lake Terrace. That's three different things.
Peter Sagal
I'm gonna ask you where you're from. I just want you to say Seattle and we'll get on with it. Okay? All right, Sounds good. Welcome to the show. Kristen Alzo Slade is going to read you three news related limericks for the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly and two of the limericks will be a winner. Ready to go? Sounds great. Here's your first limerick.
Alzo Slade
Public transit can be quite a fuss. We're cops. Don't be bothering us. Our beats on the street. Not there by your seat. To remove smelly food from a bus.
Peter Sagal
Right. Police in Ireland were sent to stop a bus after a passenger complained about someone eating really smelly chips. You know the golden rule, Smell something, say something. The police actually refused to stop the bus. That's because it turns out they were cheese and onion flavored chips. So they called in the SWAT team.
Shantira Jackson
When you're on public transit, if somebody does something crazy, leave them alone.
Peter Sagal
Don't provoke them.
Shantira Jackson
Don't provoke them. If somebody's bold enough to be like, yeah, I want to eat onions next to you, you need to know that they're risking it all.
Peter Sagal
It is amazing to think on a bus. Somebody starts eating stinky chips and you're like, police. Yeah. All right, here is your next limerick.
Alzo Slade
The flight crew is silently creeping while the cleaners are wiping and sweeping. We won't disturb guests as they are getting some rest. We just leave them behind if they are sleeping.
Peter Sagal
Sleeping, yes. According to United Airlines, there is an alarming rise in accounts of sleeping passengers left on airplanes after their flight has landed. Because who hasn't just gotten done with a cramped five hour flight and thought, but I'm so comfortable. Just 15 more minutes, please.
Shantira Jackson
I want to know what flight this is. Everybody I get on a plane with stand up before we land.
Peter Sagal
I know, right?
Luke Burbank
Where are you going?
Peter Sagal
The flight attendants promise going forward they'll be extra diligent and wake up passengers, you know, in the traditional way, running into their elbows hard with the drink cart. All right, here is your last limerick.
Alzo Slade
When the next Golden Globes will be broadcast, all home studio people applaud fast. Now, basements with mics will see a big spike because the Globes have a prize for best podcast.
Peter Sagal
Podcast. The Golden Globes. You know them, they've always marketed themselves as the wildest award ceremony in Hollywood. Now they're ramping up the excitement by honoring the most boring art form. The top 25 podcasts of the year will be eligible for the best podcast. Golden Globes. Imagine, you know, a chance for Hollywood elites like Timothee Chalamet and Zendaya to mingle on the red carpet with Michael Barbaro and the hawk Tua girl.
Shantira Jackson
I just know that the worst person you've ever met is going to try and get go the go.
Peter Sagal
Exactly.
Luke Burbank
I would like to say as a podcaster, this is ridiculous. Unless I'm nominated, in which case, let's give it a moment, everyone. Let's see how it plays out.
Peter Sagal
Okay, it's very nice. It's very nice that the Golden Globes are announcing this new category early because it gives all the podcast hosts plenty of time to borrow a suit. Also, how did Kristen do in our quiz?
Alzo Slade
She won the game. 3 out of 3.
Peter Sagal
Well done. All right, thank you so much, Kristen. Bye bye.
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Peter Sagal
Now it's time for Our final game, Lightning. Fill in the blank. And the true challenge for the judgment Scorekeeper. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Alzo, can you give us the scores?
Alzo Slade
Yes. Shantira and Roy are knotted up in a tie at two and Luke has four.
Peter Sagal
How'd that happen?
Luke Burbank
All the bluff will really help you.
Peter Sagal
It's your birthday, so that means that Shantira, Shantira and Roy are tied for second. Shantira, we'll just start with you. Here we go. The clock will start when they begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, Chuck Schumer called for an investigation into the issues that shut down the airport in Blank. Briefly.
Shantira Jackson
Newark.
Peter Sagal
Right. On Wednesday, the Federal Reserve voted to keep Blanks steady.
Shantira Jackson
The Constitution.
Peter Sagal
No, that's not going to help interest rates. This week, the House GOP passed a bill renaming the Gulf of Mexico Blank.
Shantira Jackson
It's still the Gulf of Mexico. The Gulf of America.
Peter Sagal
Right. This week, a woman in Greece filed for divorce after Blank told her that her husband was cheating her husband. No, after ChatGPT told her that on Monday, membership based dieting company Blank filed for bankruptcy.
Shantira Jackson
The one that my mom probably had the shakes for.
Peter Sagal
Weight Watchers. On Tuesday, Abu Dhabi was announced as the location for Blank's first new theme park to be built in over 20.
Shantira Jackson
Walt Disney.
Peter Sagal
Yes. This week, a tourist in the Philippines who was bitten by a crocodile explained he only entered the crocodile's enclosure because Blank.
Shantira Jackson
He asked him to.
Peter Sagal
No, he entered because he thought the crocodile was fake. Police said the man mistook the 15 foot reptile for a statue. Clamored over the chain link fence in the zoo, waded into the shallow water as he took out his cell phone to take a selfie.
Shantira Jackson
That's a lot of work for something you're not supposed to be doing.
Peter Sagal
That's true. Officials say the incident was almost a disaster. Whereas the crocodile said it almost worked. Alzo, how did Shantira do in our quiz?
Alzo Slade
She got three right for six points, which gives her a total of eight. And she is now in the lead.
Peter Sagal
All right, well done. Roy Blunt, you are up next. Here we go, Roy, fill in the blank. On Thursday, President Trump announced a new trade deal with Blank.
Roy Blunt Jr.
England. Our Great Britain.
Peter Sagal
Yeah. The uk On Tuesday, the Supreme Court allowed Trump's ban on Blank troops to go forward.
Roy Blunt Jr.
His ban on trans, Transgender.
Peter Sagal
That's right. This week, the US surpassed a thousand cases of Blank measles. Right. On Thursday, Scientists discovered a genetic mutation that allowed some people to thrive on just four hours of Blank sleep. Right. This week, a man in Britain was shocked when he opened his bag of potato chips and found Blank inside.
Roy Blunt Jr.
Oh, let's see. A little bitty alligator.
Peter Sagal
No. 1. Just one really, really big chip. On Wednesday, cast members from a touring production of Les Miserables said they would boycott a performance at the Blank.
Roy Blunt Jr.
Oh. At the Kennedy Center.
Peter Sagal
Right. On Thursday, NASA warned that a Soviet era blank would likely fall to the earth this week.
Roy Blunt Jr.
A Soviet space thing.
Peter Sagal
Yeah. Spacecraft. After sending in a helicopter to rescue a man who got stranded while climbing Mount Fuji, the rescue workers in Japan had to save him again. Four days later, after he blanked, he went back. He went back.
Roy Blunt Jr.
He went back to get his cell phone.
Peter Sagal
He did exactly that. Roy. Oh, yeah. Oh. Oh. After being rescued the first time, the man quickly realized he had to scale the mountain again because he'd left his phone behind. Even worse, when he was being airlifted out again, he was like, hey, thanks, but one of you guys grabbed my keys. Right. Also, how did Roy do in our quiz? Pretty well.
Alzo Slade
I thought Roy slayed it. He got seven. Right. For 14 points, which give him a total of 16. And he is now in the lead.
Peter Sagal
All right, impressive. Then how many does Luke Burbank need to win?
Alzo Slade
6 to tie, but we're not looking for ties right now. Seven to win.
Peter Sagal
Here we go, Luke. This is for the game. On Wednesday, the Prime Minister of Pakistan vowed decisive action after Blank launched strikes against his country.
Luke Burbank
The Taliban.
Peter Sagal
No, India. This week, the official coronation portrait of Blank was made public.
Luke Burbank
King William. Is he king yet?
Peter Sagal
No, no.
Luke Burbank
King Charles.
Peter Sagal
King Charles, according to.
Luke Burbank
Is that how that works?
Peter Sagal
That is generally how it works. According to new data, the state Blank surpassed Japan to become the world's fourth largest economy.
Luke Burbank
The state of.
Peter Sagal
The state of California. Right. Months after zoos in China were caught painting dogs black and white and claiming they were pandas. A tourist attraction. They're Blanked.
Luke Burbank
Put up a sign that said, our alligators are very real.
Peter Sagal
No, this tourist attraction just painted the top of a small hill white and said, that's Mount Fuji.
Luke Burbank
On Wednesday, when they put the guy up there, too.
Peter Sagal
On Wednesday, streaming giant Blank announced announced it was testing a TikTok, like vertical video mode for phones.
Luke Burbank
Netflix.
Peter Sagal
Right. On Monday, Simone Biles, Colman, Domingo and other celebrities attended the 2025 Blank Met Gala. Right. This week, a man in the UK was arrested for riding the train without a ticket on the way to Blank.
Luke Burbank
The giant potato chip festival.
Peter Sagal
No. On the way to court to face 36 charges of riding the train without a ticket. Oh, no. According to police, this man is now one of the UK's most notorious fair dodgers. Thanks to this new charge, he now faces jail time as part of Britain's 37 strikes and you're out policy. Also, did Luke do well enough to win?
Alzo Slade
Absolutely not. He got four right for eight points for a total of 12. Roy kicked everybody's butt.
Peter Sagal
Yes. Roy Jr. Wins. And all. In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict what will be the new Pope's first official edict. But first, let me tell you that. Wait, wait, don't tell me. It's a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions. Doug Berman. Benevolent overlord Philip Gaeda writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shayna Donald. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theatre. BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Doornboss, and Lillian King. Special thanks to Mohamed El Sheikhi and Monica Hickey. Peter Gwynn. Now that's a name that I haven't heard in a long time. Emma Choi is our vibe curator. Today, we say goodbye to our fellow Hannah Anderson, whose time with us has come to an end. Hannah, we cannot thank you enough for the laughs and for the candy that your mom sent from your home in Canada. If things get bad, we might ask you to smuggle some lumber across the border. And if things get really bad, we might ask you to legally adopt us. Technical direction for our show is from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producers, Ian Chillag. And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike Danforth. Now, panel, what would be the first edict of Robert Prevost, now known as Pope Leo xiv? Yay. Luke Burbank.
Luke Burbank
Ketchup on a hot dog is now a mortal sin.
Peter Sagal
Shantira Jackson.
Shantira Jackson
He's gonna make Carmi from the bear a saint. And now, confessions. You have to say three Hail Marys and a yes chef.
Peter Sagal
And Roy Blunt Jr. Hey, y' all, I'm an American.
Roy Blunt Jr.
Call me Bob.
Alzo Slade
And if any of that happens, panel, we'll ask you about it on. Wait, Wait, don't tell me.
Peter Sagal
Thank you, Alzo Slade, for doing us a fine job. Thanks also to Luke Burbank, Shantira Jackson, and Roy Blunt Jr. Thanks to all of you for listening to us. I am Peter Sagan. We'll see you next week. This is npr.
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Alzo Slade
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Podcast Summary: Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! Featuring Nathan Lane
Introduction and Host's Note (01:02 - 01:22)
Peter Sagal opens the episode with an urgent appeal regarding President Trump's executive order aimed at cutting federal funding to NPR, highlighting the potential threat to NPR’s operations. He humorously underscores the importance of NPR by joking about the nation's need for "dad jokes" and urges listeners to support the network through donations (00:14).
Panel Introduction and Contestant Segment (01:22 - 10:42)
Alzo Slade fills in for Bill Curtis, introducing herself and the location of the live show at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago. Peter Sagal introduces the panelists for the week: Luke Burbank, Shantira Jackson, and Roy Blunt Jr., each bringing their unique comedic perspectives to the show.
The first contestant, Allison Becker from Indianapolis, participates in the show’s signature news quiz. She successfully identifies two out of three quotations related to current events, earning herself the prize of a personalized voicemail greeting. Notable interactions include Peter’s witty remark, “It might come to that after the inauguration” (02:05) when discussing Allison’s work in providing solar opportunities and Shantira’s humorous analogy comparing the Pope’s involvement to Olympic celebrations (04:26).
News Quiz Highlights (03:48 - 10:30)
During the quiz, Alzo reads three quotations from the week’s news:
Allison successfully answers two out of three quotes, showcasing her knowledge and winning the round.
Second Contestant and Panel Discussion (14:08 - 22:05)
Femi Ayee from Nashua, New Hampshire, joins the show as the second contestant. She engages in the “Truth or Fiction” game about a 2016 Honda Civic, correctly identifying Luke Burbank’s story where Ewan Valentine inadvertently purchases his own stolen car for over $20,000 (15:53). Femi wins the round, earning a personalized voicemail prize.
Guest Interview: Nathan Lane (21:16 - 28:02)
The spotlight shifts to Nathan Lane, a renowned Broadway star, who discusses his latest sitcom, "Mid Century Modern," on Hulu. Nathan shares anecdotes about his past unsuccessful TV ventures, including a failed sitcom with Dana Carvey and George C. Scott, emphasizing the challenges of television production (22:07). He humorously recounts his Broadway debut and collaborations, highlighting his resilience and passion for performing despite setbacks (25:27).
Nathan also participates in a trivia segment about driving laws and autonomous taxis, correctly answering questions about Finland’s stringent speeding fines and the antics of autonomous vehicles (28:09). His interactions are filled with witty banter, reinforcing his comedic genius.
Panel Trivia and Games (28:02 - 46:56)
The panel engages in various trivia games, including:
Notable Quotes and Moments
Final Segments and Winner Announcement (46:56 - 51:29)
Roy Blunt Jr. secures his position as the panel leader by correctly answering trivia questions faster than his peers. The panel concludes with a humorous prediction of the new Pope’s first edict, blending satire with witty commentary (50:58).
Closing Remarks (51:29 - 52:26)
Peter Sagal wraps up the episode by thanking the panelists—Luke Burbank, Shantira Jackson, and Roy Blunt Jr.—and acknowledging the contributions of the production team. The show concludes with final advertisements and a light-hearted farewell to Hannah Anderson, a departing team member.
Conclusion
This episode of "Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!" expertly combines humor, current events, and engaging interviews to create a rich and entertaining experience for listeners. The inclusion of Nathan Lane adds star power and insightful anecdotes, while the panelists’ quick wit and comedic banter enhance the show’s dynamic. Notable moments, such as the discussion on the Real ID requirement and the humorous take on rising wedding costs, provide both laughs and thoughtful commentary on societal issues. Overall, this episode is a testament to NPR's ability to blend information with entertainment, making it a must-listen for fans of news comedy.
Notable Quotes with Timestamps
This comprehensive summary captures the essence of the episode, showcasing the interplay between host, panelists, and guest, while highlighting the comedic and informative nature of the show.