WWDTM: Roy Wood, Jr.

Summary

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Episode Featuring Roy Wood, Jr. Release Date: March 1, 2025

NPR's beloved weekly news quiz, Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!, returns with an engaging and laughter-filled episode hosted by Peter Sagal. This edition spotlights comedian and CNN host Roy Wood, Jr., alongside panelists Helen Hong, Tom Beaudet, and Paula Poundstone. Recorded live at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, the episode seamlessly blends humor with current events, offering listeners both entertainment and insight.

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1. Welcome and Introduction

The show kicks off with Peter Sagal warmly welcoming the returning panelist, Bill Curtis, followed by an introduction to the week’s celebrity guest, Roy Wood, Jr. [00:18]

Notable Quote:

• Peter Sagal [00:43]: “We’re so glad to have you back.”

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2. Contestant Games: "Who's Bill?"

The first segment involves contestant Adam from Kansas City playing "Who's Bill?", where Bill Curtis reads three news-related quotes. Adam must identify or explain two out of three to win a prize.

Key Discussions:

• Federal Employee Email Mandate: An amusing account of an email sent to all federal employees requiring them to list five accomplishments or risk losing their jobs, attributed humorously to Elon Musk’s efforts to downsize government workforce.

  Notable Quote:

  • Bill Curtis [03:44]: “You sit there gigging, you know, doing your music, and you're thinking, wow, tonight I get to originate a mortgage.”

• Robot Umpires in Baseball: Major League Baseball’s experimentation with AI robot umpires to improve the accuracy of calls, sparking jokes about the robots' personalities.

  Notable Quote:

  • Paula Poundstone [05:45]: “Wow, it seems like there's a lot of jobs opening up for robots.”

• Amazon Acquires James Bond: A playful exploration of Amazon’s acquisition of the James Bond franchise, imagining humorous scenarios like Bond relocating to Brooklyn.

  Notable Quote:

  • Tom Beaudet [07:16]: “And of course they've made. They haven't made. They haven't announced exactly what they're going to do with them…”

Adam successfully identifies two of the three quotes, earning a prize. [08:51]

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3. News Discussions with the Panel

The panel engages in humorous and insightful discussions about the week's news highlights.

Key Topics:

• Hormonal Birth Control Side Effects:

  • A bizarre report about a woman experiencing unusual side effects from a new birth control, such as an obsession with Paul McCartney, leading to uproarious panel reactions.

    Notable Quote:

    • Peter Sagal [09:19]: “Worrying about him dying.”

• Humorous Takes on Current Events:

  • The panelists share witty remarks on the strange side effects of medications and societal trends, blending humor with topical issues.

Notable Quote:

• Helen Hong [10:33]: “I have no reason to go on birth control, but I would be willing to go on birth control and worry about Ringo.”

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4. Celebrity Guest Segment: Roy Wood, Jr.

Roy Wood, Jr. joins the show, bringing his comedic flair to the proceedings. He participates in games and shares personal anecdotes from his stand-up career, including his early days performing at Golden Corral.

Key Highlights:

• “Not My Job” Game:

  • Roy answers three questions about ghosts and hauntings, correctly identifying facts about the Red Ghost in Arizona, the kamikiri in Japan, and New York's haunted house disclosure laws, showcasing his quick wit.

    Notable Quote:

    • Roy Wood Jr. [27:00]: “I hope that prison has NPR.”

• Personal Stories:

  • Roy recounts his formative experiences working at Golden Corral, which he humorously describes as "the best life school," encountering a diverse array of characters that shaped his comedic perspective.

    Notable Quote:

    • Roy Wood Jr. [22:11]: “When you work in a restaurant, especially a mid-sized like that, with a staff of about 40 to 50 back in front of house... you have to figure out a way to connect with them.”

• Current Projects:

  • He discusses his new stand-up special, Lonely Flowers, and his role as host of CNN's Have I Got News For You, blending humor with critical commentary on news media.

Notable Quote:

• Roy Wood Jr. [20:44]: “This is very difficult. I don't have Smooth Bill Curtis making everything feel better.”

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5. Listener Games: "Bluff the Listener" and "Have I Got News for You"

The show features interactive games where listeners participate by calling in, sharing their stories, and playing along with the panel.

"Bluff the Listener" Highlights:

• Contestant Samara from Jersey City plays a game where she must discern truth from fiction among three limericks related to the week's news.

• Samara correctly identifies the true story about fish remembering previous interactions with humans, winning the game.

  Notable Quote:

  • Helen Hong [19:16]: “It kind of goes against our understanding of fish as, like, maybe not the smartest.”

"Have I Got News for You" Highlights:

• Roy Wood, Jr. participates in a ghost-themed quiz, answering questions about historical hauntings and cultural ghost legends with impressive accuracy, earning him bragging rights for the panel.

  Notable Quote:

  • Roy Wood Jr. [27:46]: “I don't know where Cocaine Mike is, but I sure hope that prison has NPR.”

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6. Final Games: "Lightning Fill in the Blank"

In the final segment, Paula Poundstone, Helen Hong, and Tom Beaudet compete in a rapid-fire fill-in-the-blank game covering the most recent news.

Key Moments:

• Paula Poundstone: Excels in the game, solving limericks related to fashion trends and viral challenges, securing a top position with her sharp responses.

  Notable Quote:

  • Paula Poundstone [42:51]: “In New Mexico, you can drive in the carpool lane if you have a ghost in the car.”

• Helen Hong and Tom Beaudet: Display quick thinking and humor as they tackle questions about aviation incidents, international relations, and bizarre viral trends like the "drop heavy objects on feet" challenge.

  Notable Quote:

  • Tom Beaudet [32:01]: “I don’t really belong on the earth any longer.”

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7. Conclusion and Closing Remarks

As the episode wraps up, Peter Sagal congratulates Roy Wood, Jr. on his participation and the panelists on their performances. The show ends on a high note with laughter and appreciation for the engaging discussions.

Notable Quote:

• Peter Sagal [48:45]: “Thank you so much and great to see you again.”

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Key Takeaways and Insights

• Humor Meets News: The episode masterfully blends timely news topics with humor, making current events entertaining and accessible.

• Comedic Perspectives: Roy Wood, Jr.'s contributions provide unique comedic insights, especially regarding the struggles and humorous aspects of his career in comedy and hosting.

• Interactive Engagement: Listener participation adds a dynamic layer to the show, fostering a sense of community and involvement.

• Thought-Provoking Content: Despite the humor, the discussions touch on meaningful issues such as government efficiency, AI integration in sports, and corporate acquisitions of beloved franchises.

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Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! continues to excel in delivering a perfect balance of laughter and information, ensuring listeners are both entertained and informed. This episode, featuring Roy Wood, Jr., stands out for its lively interactions, clever humor, and insightful commentary on the week's news.

Transcript

[Advertiser]

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[Bill Curtis]

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, wait, don't tell me. The NPR News quiz. I'm back, bitches. I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal.

[Peter Sagal]

Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody. But just to say it again, thank you, Bill. We're so glad to have you back. Now, a lot of people have actually gotten in touch to ask maybe with some concern where you've been these last six weeks. Can you reveal it?

[Bill Curtis]

I can't reveal much, but let's just say this Brazilian butt lift didn't happen on its own.

[Peter Sagal]

Well, it's great to have you back. And we're also delighted that comedian Roy Wood, Jr. Will be joining us later to play our games. And mainly we are delighted that you folks listening can also call into play. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi. You're on. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Hey, hey. Who is this? This is Adam from Kansas City. Oh, it's a great town. We were there just a few months ago. What do you do there? I'm a musician and I do mortgage loans. So you're a musician, but on nights and weekends you do mortgage loans. Cause that's your true passion. Yeah. Got to pay the bill. Yeah. You sit there gigging, you know, doing your music, and you're thinking, wow, tonight I get to originate a mortgage. He nailed it. Yeah. Well, welcome to the show, Adam. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, a comedian who will be performing at Cobbs Comedy Club in San Francisco on March 23rd. It's Helen Hong.

[Helen Hong]

Hi, Adam. Hi, everybody.

[Peter Sagal]

Next, he is a humorist, a tool impresario and the founder of Hatch Space Community Woodworking Shop and School in Brattleboro, Vermont. It's Tom Beaudet.

[Paula Poundstone]

Hey, Adam.

[Peter Sagal]

And a comedian who will be in St. Paul, Minnesota, on March 21 at the Fitzgerald Theatre. You might have heard of that. It's Paula Poundstone.

[Tom Beaudet]

Hey, Adam.

[Peter Sagal]

Hey. So, Adam, welcome to the show. You're going to start us off with who's Bill this time? I'm so pleased to say Bill Curtis back with us, is going to Read you three quotations from the week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you'll win our prize, the voice of anyone from our show. You might choose on your voicemail. Are you ready to go? Yes. All right, let's do it. Here is your first quote.

[Bill Curtis]

List five things you did last week.

[Peter Sagal]

All right, Adam, who got that email?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Me.

[Peter Sagal]

Wasn't it supposed to be every government employee? Yes, every federal employee.

[Bill Curtis]

Wow.

[Helen Hong]

Including some in this room?

[Peter Sagal]

Including somebody in the audience? Yes. Employees at every federal government agency received an email from the Office of Personnel Management over the weekend requiring them to list five things they had accomplished that week or they would lose their jobs. This is part of Elon Musk's crusade to fire as many government workers as he can. You know, the people who waste taxpayer money doing useless, busy work like keeping planes from running into each other.

[Helen Hong]

I think this would be hard for anybody in any industry.

[Peter Sagal]

Like, well, that's the thing. I mean, I couldn't do it. I can't think of three things I did in my life.

[Helen Hong]

I can think of one thing. I'm a stand up comedian. So my first thing was, think of a funnier word than spatula. And then it just devolved from there.

[Peter Sagal]

Right. Is there a funnier word than spatula?

[Helen Hong]

No, not that I could find.

[Peter Sagal]

That was the.

[Tom Beaudet]

Yeah, I'm self employed, so I knew the note was coming.

[Peter Sagal]

Who sent it? Did you send it to yourself?

[Paula Poundstone]

I did.

[Peter Sagal]

Yes.

[Tom Beaudet]

Yeah.

[Peter Sagal]

You were like, it's time to see what that Poundstone woman does to earn her keep.

[Tom Beaudet]

I'll tell you something. Sometimes I see that look in my eye and I know heads are going to roll.

[Peter Sagal]

But apparently, you know, some people, like, got it and copped an attitude. You want five things I did last week? Your mom, your mom, your mom, your dad, and your mom.

[Helen Hong]

That was definitely from someone at the dmv probably.

[Peter Sagal]

All right, here is your next quote, Adam.

[Bill Curtis]

This is the best thing to happen with sports in a long, long time.

[Peter Sagal]

That was somebody over on Twitter reacting to the latest attempt to modernize baseball. For spring training, Major League Baseball is trying out umpires who are what? AI? Yes. They're robot umpires. Very good. During spring training, Major League Baseball is experimenting with robot umpires to help call balls and strikes. The technology required to do this is amazing. Do you know how complicated it is to weld on a protective cup?

[Helen Hong]

Who is. Are they going to teach the robots to spit? Because that's all I see them doing ever is spitting and chewing gum and then making like weird hand gestures.

[Peter Sagal]

You're not a baseball fan, are you?

[Bill Curtis]

No.

[Paula Poundstone]

There'll be a little port that'll just spit out sunflower seeds every once in a while.

[Peter Sagal]

No, what it is, is it's an automated system that use lasers and cameras to judge the strike zone and see where the ball goes in it. And they act as fact checkers for the human ump. So if a player thinks the ump got a call wrong, he can appeal to the robot. And they get better results. If they start the request with, oh, my silicon overlord, I beseech your judgment.

[Paula Poundstone]

Wow, it seems like there's a lot of jobs opening up for robots. I think when I get that prompt, are you a robot? I'm going to start saying yes.

[Tom Beaudet]

Yeah, good idea. Yeah. Elon Musk can send out a note to the robots. Tell me five things you did this week. Is there ever an end to the baseball season? I feel like.

[Paula Poundstone]

Another fan.

[Tom Beaudet]

Yeah, well, I just. It's not that I dislike it. I just feel like, well, aren't there some months where they play it and then they stop?

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah, they.

[Tom Beaudet]

They generally stop, but then there's more talk about it.

[Paula Poundstone]

That's when we talk about it.

[Tom Beaudet]

Right.

[Peter Sagal]

Adam, your last quote is a headline from the Economist.

[Bill Curtis]

Amazon gains a thrilling new asset.

[Peter Sagal]

What thrilling and handsome new asset? Did Amazon just acquire the rights to. Oh, my gosh. Can you give me a clue? I can give you a hint. Like instead of one day delivery, it'll be 007 days delivery. Oh, God, the James Bond. James Bond.

[Bill Curtis]

Yes.

[Peter Sagal]

They bought the rights to James Bond.

[Tom Beaudet]

I hope when you give me hints, they're a lot like that last one because that was. That was all but packaged for Adam.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah, it's true. Amazon has bought the rights to the James Bond franchise. It's. Which is good, I guess. They'll make more movies, but it will not be the same when Q is like, I know you're used to carrying a Walther PPK 007, but Amazon's choice is an Omega 7 shot handgun with carrying case. Yeah, and of course they've made. They haven't made. They haven't announced exactly what they're going to do with them, but they have said in the first Amazon made Bond movie, he'll be fighting a true global super villain. Local bookstores.

[Paula Poundstone]

And I thought he was dead.

[Peter Sagal]

And of course it's not just gonna be movies because they own the whole IP. As the saying is, they could make a 007 sitcom where James Bond lives in Brooklyn with his quirky Waitress. Roommate. Trying to make ends meet. They could make a kid's version. James Bond babies.

[Paula Poundstone]

Jimmy Bond.

[Peter Sagal]

Exactly where he fights like gold. Pinky. No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to cry.

[Helen Hong]

Do you think Jeff Bezos just bought it because he was like Pussy Galore?

[Paula Poundstone]

No.

[Peter Sagal]

He did ask people. Once he bought it, he did ask people on Twitter who they thought the next James Bond should be because Daniel Craig has retired. You know, also asking, can James Bond be bald? And should it be me? Bill, how did Adam do in our quiz?

[Bill Curtis]

The name is Bond, and he did very well. Three in a row.

[Peter Sagal]

Congratulations, Adam. Well done.

[Tom Beaudet]

Two.

[Peter Sagal]

Thank you. Thank you. Right. Now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Helen, it's well documented that mood swings are one of the side effects of hormonal birth control. I say this as a feminist and an ally.

[Helen Hong]

Don't I know it.

[Peter Sagal]

Well, one woman who started taking a new birth control recently reported a rather surprising side effect. What?

[Helen Hong]

Having a baby. Whoopsie.

[Peter Sagal]

That would be a very interesting side effect.

[Helen Hong]

That would be a horrible side effect. Can I have a hint?

[Peter Sagal]

Yes. She really, really, really wants to know if you'll still need him when he's 64.

[Helen Hong]

Being obsessed with Paul McCartney.

[Peter Sagal]

Specifically, yes. Worrying about him dying.

[Helen Hong]

What?

[Tom Beaudet]

That's a side effect of a birth control?

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah, birth control.

[Helen Hong]

That's so specific.

[Peter Sagal]

I know, it's very strange. It's a little we. That's the thing. I mean, because all women know that birth control is a scientific marvel. It can protect you from pregnancy and make you cry at every TV commercial. Right. I mean, the avocados came all the way from Mexico. That is so beautiful. Anyway, but this woman says that she experienced a very strange symptom. She went on a new kind of birth control. She cannot stop worrying about Paul McCartney dying. According to the woman. Quote, every time I think of him, I start weeping. Doctors are concerned it's not serious, but still, they're trying a new prescription. It has different side effects. This one, for example, makes you want to murder Paul McCartney.

[Helen Hong]

I was gonna say, how did she know that it was specifically that? She got off it. And she was like, oh, screw that guy.

[Peter Sagal]

Pretty much, yeah.

[Paula Poundstone]

Yeah. Wow.

[Peter Sagal]

Yes.

[Helen Hong]

And then she went back on it. She was like, oh, wings is the best.

[Tom Beaudet]

That is weird. You know, I'd like to see some more studies on that. I think I. Yeah, I think that that's a little weird.

[Helen Hong]

I think that their sample size was 1.

[Peter Sagal]

No, the doctors do say that this weeping over Paul McCartney, that's within normal limits for mood swings brought on by hormonal changes. They would only start getting concerned if she was weeping over Ringo.

[Tom Beaudet]

No, I disagree. I think again, I feel that Ringo.

[Peter Sagal]

Is within more parameters. Right. Yeah. Reasonable parameters.

[Tom Beaudet]

I have no reason to go on birth control, but I would be willing to go on birth control and worry about Ringo.

[Paula Poundstone]

I just can't contribute to this.

[Tom Beaudet]

You can after you take this.

[Helen Hong]

Is there a Viagra version where if you took Viagra, Tom, you'd be like, oh, no. Hootie and the Blowfish.

[Peter Sagal]

Probably Hooty and the Bluefish.

[Paula Poundstone]

Hooly and the Blue Fish. Yeah.

[Tom Beaudet]

Okay. So there is a side effect where you mispronounce older bands names.

[Helen Hong]

Yes.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah.

[Helen Hong]

Yes.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah.

[Tom Beaudet]

Oh, the bottles. I love the bottles.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah.

[Tom Beaudet]

Oh, Peter, Poe and Murray. Oh my God, them.

[Peter Sagal]

Coming up, our panelists dress to impress on our bluff the listener game. Call 1-888-wait-WAIT to play. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from npr.

[Advertiser]

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[Bill Curtis]

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, don't tell Me, the NPR News News quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Helen Hong, Tom Beaudet, and Paula Poundstone. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theatre in downtown Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal.

[Peter Sagal]

Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody. Thank you all so much. Right now it is time for the Wait, Wait, don't tell Me Bluff. The listener game called 1-88- wait wait to play our game on the air or check out the pinned post on our Instagram page. WaitwaitNPR. Hi Jerome. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi, this is Samara. I'm calling from Jersey City, New Jersey. Jersey City, New Jersey. How are you? Samara, Great to talk to you. What do you do there? Well, actually I raised my kids here and this is the first year they're both off to college so I'm an empty nested. Wow. Some people find that depressing, but those people, they're nuts. How are you enjoying it? It's okay. My dog and I have sort of a co dependent relationship now. We hang out together and my husband just deals with us so it's okay. Well, it's great to have you with us, Amer. You are going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is your topic?

[Bill Curtis]

That's why I always do a fit check.

[Peter Sagal]

An outfit can say a lot about a person. Show off their personality. Show if they had mustard for lunch. Our panel is going to tell you about a whole new reason to care about what you wear. Pick the one who's telling the truth and you'll win the weight waiter of your choice in your voicemail. Are you ready to go? I'm ready. Let's go. All right, here we go. First, let's hear from Helen Hong.

[Helen Hong]

We've all done it. Spilled red wine on a white blouse or smeared cherry pie on a brand new white dress shirt. But why do we do it? Scientists now may have an answer. Researchers in the Deliciousness Lab at the University of Pennsylvania, Hershey campus noticed a strange pattern in their taste test data. Very different reactions to the same foods based on the color of your outfit. You may know intellectually that it's a terrible mistake to eat a bright yellow curry with your fingers. But if you're wearing white, your intellect seems to be taken out of the question, one researcher told Flavor Studies Weekly. The scientists have no theory as to why white clothing makes everything taste better. And dry cleaners, hopefully they never do.

[Peter Sagal]

A scientific study proving that wearing white just makes you want to eat those messy foods. Your next story in style comes from Tomdet.

[Paula Poundstone]

Before you head down to the river with your fly rod to outsmart some fish, you might think about wearing something other than your lucky shirt. Fish, it turns out, can remember what you wore last week. When they watch you yank their buddy out of the weeds by the lips, they won't look at a thing you throw them. Researchers at the Max Planck Institute of Animal Behavior have established through a series of experiments with actual fish over 12 days in the Mediterranean, that fish can remember what people wear. The experiments were based on divers feeding fish while dressed one way and noting how the fish would go to any diver dressed that way and would not go back to the same diver dressed another way. It's science, researcher Malin Tomasek said in a statement. It really shows that we have strong misconceptions of fish cognition. The team hopes their study could make humans reconsider the way they treat fish. Like maybe don't keep changing your clothes when you feed them just to mess with their little heads.

[Peter Sagal]

Fish can remember what you were wearing and they probably have opinions about it. Your last outfit bit comes from Paula Poundstone.

[Tom Beaudet]

Police in Bay City, Wisconsin arrested Virginia Welpner at the local International House of Pancakes on a charge of indecent exposure. I spilled boysenberry syrup on my lap. I thought it was maple, says Welpner. I was halfway to the ladies room before the whole top of my leggings was just gone. I wasn't just running around the IHOP with my Mary Ellen on display. There was a cop right there eating, and he didn't believe me. Biochemist Andrea Michaels says this particular spandex synthetic fabric not only disintegrates instantly on contact with boysenberry syrup, but also erodes any other fabric the combination has contact with. It's a phenomenon we've never encountered before. Not that many people use the boysenberry syrup. The Prescott Arizona Methodist Church Pancake Prayer Breakfast had several exposures that included Arizona state legislator Quang Nguyen and Pastor Paul Matlock. I didn't even want boysenberry syrup. It was the only one not being used, claims Pastor Matlock.

[Peter Sagal]

All right, then, an interesting discovery about clothing made this week and reported by one of our panelists. Which is it? Is it from Helen the discovery that white clothes actually make your food tastes better, which is why you end up smearing it on the white clothes. From Tom Fish can remember what you were wearing from the last time they saw you and you know, maybe they won't like it that you've changed. Or from Paula Poundstone. Boysenberry syrup, the kind they have at ihop, can dissolve most clothing fabrics. Which of these is the real story that we found about clothing in the news?

[Tom Beaudet]

Oh my goodness.

[Peter Sagal]

All right, let's try Helen's story about the color and the food. You're gonna try Helen's story about the fact that wearing white clothing makes you just crave the foods that will stand.

[Tom Beaudet]

No.

[Bill Curtis]

I was Just testing you.

[Helen Hong]

Thanks, Peter. You were just testing.

[Peter Sagal]

You were just testing.

[Helen Hong]

Thanks, Peter. So it's Tom's story about the fish.

[Peter Sagal]

So you're changing your mind. You're gonna go all right With Tom's story. Okay. All right. Well, to find out if that was the right choice, let's listen to this.

[Helen Hong]

It kind of goes against our understanding of fish as, like, maybe not the smartest.

[Peter Sagal]

That was Sarah Hashemi, who is a science journalist at the Smithsonian Magazine. Congratulations, Samara. You got it right. You earned a point for Tom and you've won our prize, the voice of your choice in your voicemail. Congratulations, Samara.

[Helen Hong]

Thank you so much.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Thank you.

[Tom Beaudet]

Thank you, thank you.

[Peter Sagal]

And now the game where we ask famous people about obscure things. It's called Not My job. Roy Wood, Jr. Became famous in the last decade or so on the Daily show, but he's been doing stand up since he was 19. He's got a new stand up special now out on Hulu, Lonely Flowers. And he's also the host of have I Got News for your on cnn, which is, of all things, a comedy quiz show about the week's news. What an idea. Roy Wood, Jr. Welcome to. Wait, wait, don't tell me. He.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

This is a nice concept. Yeah.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah. It's like. Yeah, we've had comedians in the show. We've had podcasters in the show. We've had game show hosts on the show. We've never had anybody who has exactly my job on the show. So it's a lot harder than it looks, isn't it, Roy?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

It's very hard.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

This is very difficult. I don't have Smooth Bill Curtis making everything feel better.

[Tom Beaudet]

Look at the smile on his face, Peter. You can tell it's not hard for him at all. He's just trying to get you off his back.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

I have another show that I'm getting ready to host called Fortune of the Wheel.

[Peter Sagal]

Letters, Sentences. Very smart.

[Tom Beaudet]

Very smart.

[Peter Sagal]

I want to talk about your new special, Lonely Flowers, which is truly great on Hulu. And I found out some things about you that. And this is my fault. I did not know. Including that you started doing stand up when you were 19 years old.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Yeah.

[Peter Sagal]

Which is amazing.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

I was still in school at Florida A and M. Right.

[Peter Sagal]

And what inspired you to pursue that difficult life?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

It didn't seem difficult. It was just like, just drive and talk to strangers and I get paid in Goldschlager and Rumpel Mintz. This seems like an ideal career path. I was going to school for journalism and I would get laughs and so I was like, all right, well this feels like comedy. I'm gonna go do that. And I would just sleep in bus stations and do stand up. Get back to Tallahassee on Monday and go to Golden Corral that night, work and just go to class the next three days. And that was my life.

[Peter Sagal]

There are a couple things about that that I wanted to ask you about, one of which is that you said that that job at Golden Corral, which is a buffet, was like one of the most important formative experiences of your life.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Yeah, I think that every American should either serve in the military a year or the food service industry for three years. Those two. Because especially the restaurant industry. Because when you work in a restaurant, especially a mid sized like that, with a staff of about 40 to 50 back in front of house, that job, your first job as a teenager, that's the first time you encounter adults who don't give a about you. Most adults, I'm serious, most adults in your life up until that point have a vested interest in you being okay. But I worked with a dude we literally called Cocaine Mike. This is a man who's 39 and doesn't care what 18 year old Roy and he's gonna talk to you about life. And I feel like it also introduces you to every type of American. I worked in North Florida, so everything from white supremacists to nuns to pastors to gang bangers to co. You meet literally every type of person and you have to figure out a way to connect with them. It's hands down the best life school I ever got was 2:13 an hour in Tallahassee, Florida.

[Bill Curtis]

Wow, that's amazing.

[Peter Sagal]

Just out of curiosity, this is like.

[Helen Hong]

The best commercial Golden Corral I've ever heard in my life.

[Peter Sagal]

You've been.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

And those bastards have never reached out. You know how McDonald's reaches out to all of their like, oh, this is Macy Gray. She used look at Macy Gray put on the apron. They never reach out.

[Peter Sagal]

Really?

[Helen Hong]

That's the first time I have ever wanted to go to a Golden Corral.

[Peter Sagal]

So. But here's the question. You've been pretty famous for at least a decade on tv, the Daily Show, a lot of other things. Has anybody who like knew you back then reached out and said, roy, I was the white supremacist, remember me? I was the guy with the Nazi tattoo. I'm Cocaine Mike, for example.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

I don't know where Cocaine Mike is, but I sure hope that prison has npr.

[Peter Sagal]

There's another story you tell in the special which I Actually, and I was unexpected because it's extremely funny, and I didn't expect to be moved. You start back when you were staying in bus stations because you couldn't afford hotel, and the story is that your mother found out somebody ratted you out to your mom, and she didn't know you were out doing comedy. Right.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

She had a student that was a baggage handler at the bus station, and he went to her class. She was a college professor. And he went to my mom's class the next day and said, Dr. Wood, I saw your son sleeping in a bus station. You ain't seen none of my damn son sleeping in a bus station. My baby in Tallahassee. No, he's not, Joyce. He's downtown. He's sleeping at the bus station. And so my mom never agreed or understood why comedy was what I wanted to do. But she was the one who put down for what ended up being my first road car because she didn't want me sleeping in bus stations. And it was essentially, I don't know why you do this, but you seem focused. Your grades have gotten better. Here's a car so you won't sleep in the bus stations. To which I said, thank you. And like, that car extended my reach. It changed everything. And I think my mom's objective was to get me the car so that I could drive back to Tallahassee after the show. But instead, I would now just travel twice as far and sleep in the car. Right in both bus station parking lot.

[Peter Sagal]

Well, Roy, it is so great to talk to you, and we have asked you here to play a little game with us. This time, we're calling the game have.

[Bill Curtis]

We Got Booze for you.

[Peter Sagal]

So you host CNN's have I Got News for you. We're gonna ask you three questions about ghosts and hauntings.

[Bill Curtis]

Booze.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

I believe in ghosts, by the way.

[Peter Sagal]

You do? Do you have any reason leaving ghost?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Yeah, I was. I was dating a widower, and we were trying to have sex, and I kept getting the Charlie Horse, and I feel like it was a dead husband.

[Helen Hong]

Does Joyce know about this?

[Roy Wood Jr.]

No, she doesn't know about. My baby ain't having no sex around no boat.

[Helen Hong]

Oh, Joyce.

[Peter Sagal]

You can't say that. This isn't cnn, Roy. We can't go blue here on npr. Well, all right. Knowing both your belief in the supernatural and the reasons, therefore, I will still proceed. Bill, who is Roy Wood Jr playing for?

[Bill Curtis]

Peter Grieving of Clucksville, Georgia?

[Peter Sagal]

All right, here's your first question. One of the most famous hauntings in US History was the Red Ghost, the spirit that haunted rural Arizona in the late 1800s. People were quite relieved, though, when the Red Ghost turned out to be, what was it? A, a vaudeville comedian who was trying to promote himself as being, quote, dead funny. B, a basset hound, which no one in Arizona had ever seen before, or C, a fearful that had been a part of a failed camel cavalry in the U.S. army.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Ooh, that feels like a. C, Give me, give me C. Give me the camel cavalry.

[Peter Sagal]

You got it. And that's correct. Nice. It was a camel. It had run away from the camel cavalry. It was out enjoying itself. People would see it and get scared. The Army Camel Corps, by the way, was created by Jefferson Davis, one of his many, many good ideas. All right, all right, second question. Every country has their own legends of ghosts, their own versions. In Japan, for example, you could be visited in the middle of the night by a kamikiri, a ghost that does what? A, gives you a really, really bad haircut, B, just sits, looks at you, shakes its head, sighs, and leaves, or C, raids your refrigerator and invariably steals what you were saving for lunch the next day.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

I don't. Japan has a lot of customs around food, so I don't think a ghost would be disrespectful on the food side of things.

[Peter Sagal]

Not even a ghost. Yeah, I can see that.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

I can see that logic. Give me bad haircut. I've seen some bad haircuts in Asia. I've been over there a couple times. Maybe it was a ghost that did it.

[Peter Sagal]

So your choice is A, the haircut. Roy is right. He picked correctly. Wow. It is. Stories spread back in olden days about people walking down the streets of Japan and all of a sudden their hair would fall to the ground without them noticing. It was the kamikiri. You're doing very well, Roy. One more question for you. Last question. A lot of people believe ghosts are real. In fact, so many people believe in ghosts. Which of these is true? A, in New Mexico, you can drive in the carpool lane if you have a ghost in the car. B, Vermont taxpayers are allowed to claim a ghost as a dependent. Or C, if you are selling a home in New York, you have to disclose if it is haunted.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

As much as I want to believe that New York has to declare ghosts, New York won't even declare bad pipes moving to these places. And it's all types of stuff. Vermont seems like a nice, fun, happy, go lucky type of place. Give me claiming a ghost on the taxes.

[Peter Sagal]

No, it was. In fact, if you sell a house in New York. You have to tell people if you believe the house is haunted. Bill, how did Roy Wood, Jr. Do in our quiz?

[Bill Curtis]

Two out of three gives you bragging rights for your panel.

[Peter Sagal]

Congratulations, Roy. You won.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Yay.

[Peter Sagal]

Roy Wood, Jr. Is a comedian and the host of CNN's have I Got News for your. His new stand up special, lonely Flowers, which is both funny and a little heartbreaking, is streaming on hulu. Roy Wood, Jr. What a joy to talk to you. Thank you so much for being with us.

[Paula Poundstone]

I'm glad to talk to you late.

[Peter Sagal]

Great pleasure to talk to a brother in quiz. Take care. Bye Bye.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Thank you.

[Peter Sagal]

Bye, Roy.

[Bill Curtis]

Thanks, Roy.

[Peter Sagal]

In just a minute, Bill reveals the number one sign your man is cheating in the listener Limerick challenge. Call 18 wait wait to join us in the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell me from npr.

[Bill Curtis]

From NPR and WBEC Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't TELL me, the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Tom Beaudet, Helen Hong and Paula Poundstone. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal.

[Peter Sagal]

Thank you, Bill. Thank you so much. For just a minute, Bill loads up at the all you can read limerick buffet in our listener limerick challenge game. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-88-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Paula, if you really love a movie, we all know you can buy a poster for the movie. Maybe you can get a T shirt with a movie. You can even these days get a commemorative popcorn bucket where you go to see it in the theater. But these days, apparently the newest, hottest kind of movie merchandise is what the.

[Tom Beaudet]

Star comes and lives with you for a weekend.

[Peter Sagal]

That'd be nice, I guess, depending on the movie.

[Tom Beaudet]

Yeah. De Niro.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah. Really? You'd go for De Niro right away?

[Tom Beaudet]

No, he's still stayed with me for a weekend.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah. How was that?

[Tom Beaudet]

You know, he's a nice guy, but cursing?

[Peter Sagal]

Well, that's good for you. But that was not the answer.

[Tom Beaudet]

Do give me a hint, would you?

[Peter Sagal]

Wow. Wow, what is that you're wearing? Is that Top Gun Maverick I smell?

[Tom Beaudet]

Oh, a fragrance.

[Peter Sagal]

Yes, movie tie in fragrances. If you watched Nosferatu, say and said to yourself, man, I wish I could get a whiff of those rats. You can now buy Eau de Macabre that's real. It's a scent inspired by the film. It has notes of lilac, moss, whetstone and desperate marketing exec flopsweat.

[Tom Beaudet]

Yeah, that's a reach. You know, even like when a celebrity comes out with their own right, you know, you're like, okay, did they go in the lab and make that? No. Did they like take scrapings from them and make it? No. You know, I remember when Cher first, she was one of the first celebrities ever owned scent. And I just, it just always irked me somehow. I just, you know who I like?

[Peter Sagal]

Cher.

[Tom Beaudet]

But I don't want to smell like her necessarily. That's weird.

[Helen Hong]

I don't want to smell anything that has scrapings off of anyone.

[Bill Curtis]

Tom.

[Peter Sagal]

The computer company HP wanted to encourage more people to use their website to get customer service. So they came up with what innovation on their toll free telephone help line.

[Paula Poundstone]

Well, like what they all do, they just put you in an endless loop of options until you reach the one that says, or you can check our [e-mail] and you won't waste your entire life listening to these options unless you'd like them to start again. Press 8.

[Peter Sagal]

I'm going to give it to you. Because basically what they did was they kept everybody on hold a minimum of 15 minutes.

[Tom Beaudet]

That is so low life, right?

[Peter Sagal]

It really is.

[Tom Beaudet]

You know what there's got, you know, if we, we still prosecuted people for crimes they should be prosecuted.

[Peter Sagal]

They chose 15 minutes because science has shown that's as much hold music as the human brain can withstand. And basically they decided to drop. This was in Europe in their helpline in Europe. And they decided to drop this policy because they were caught. And the problem was that people were so furious that when they did finally hang up the phone and go online, many of the AI chatbots quit, saying they couldn't take the stress.

[Helen Hong]

What happened to the people who stayed on longer than 15 minutes?

[Peter Sagal]

They finally get, yes, the people. If you were willing to brave it out, they would eventually sort of give in and somebody would answer. You'd get a customer service person who would be like, fine, what is it?

[Helen Hong]

The one guy.

[Peter Sagal]

The one guy. Paula, it's stylish to get a layered haircut or wear layered clothing, but the latest trend is layering your. What?

[Tom Beaudet]

Ooh, chin.

[Peter Sagal]

I'll give you a hint. Well, it's sure not a secret anymore. It's a new degree of dry idea.

[Tom Beaudet]

Layering. Oh, layering. Your antiperspirants.

[Bill Curtis]

Yeah.

[Peter Sagal]

Your deodorants. Yes. The hot new beauty hack is to give yourself a custom scent by combining fragrant products like perfumes, lotions and deodorants. Consider this a shot across the bow for you folks who forgot to put on one layer of deodorant deodorant this morning.

[Tom Beaudet]

I don't really belong on the earth any longer.

[Peter Sagal]

Really? This is finally what inspired you to ask the mothership to take you home. Everything you put up with.

[Paula Poundstone]

I'm so glad this is just catching on. After raising three teenage boys and going through those periods where the house is just a cloud complex carbon molecules, Axe body spray and just trying to imagine that mixed with the Old Spice.

[Tom Beaudet]

No, it's a repulsive idea.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah.

[Paula Poundstone]

Really?

[Tom Beaudet]

No, I couldn't.

[Peter Sagal]

But if you are thinking of trying this yourself, just remember you want to hit all 4 cents. Salt, fat, acid and heat. Coming up. It's lightning. Fill in the blank. But first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can catch us most weeks right here at the Studebaker Theatre in Chicago, Illinois. You can also see us on the road. We'll be at the Walt Disney theater at the Dr. Phillips center in Orlando, Florida on March 20th. For tickets and information, just stroll on over to nprpresents.org hi, you're on. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi, this is Corbin Weir calling from the Kansas City metro area. Hey, the Kansas City metro area. Thank you for identifying that. What do you do there in the Kansas City metro area? I work for a physician member organization and my team and I handle all things related to public health health for the organization. Wow. Do you realize that it may just be fault to you to do it for the whole country because no one else will at this point? Yeah, it's been a really long year. Well, welcome to the show, Corbin. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Are you ready to play? I am. Here is your first limerick.

[Bill Curtis]

Cheating men can make first dates feel bitter. I'll make sure that he's ready to quit her cause my bright shiny flakes help point out his mistake. When I hug him he covered in.

[Peter Sagal]

Dander. Dander.

[Bill Curtis]

No, no.

[Peter Sagal]

Try sorry. Let's hear it again. Let's hear it again.

[Bill Curtis]

Cheating Men can make first dates feel bitter. I'll make sure that he's ready to quit her because my bright, shiny flakes help point out his mistake. When I hug him, he's covered in glitter.

[Peter Sagal]

Yes, glitter. Apparently, the latest thing for those young women going out to the clubs is they douse themselves with glitter spray before they go out as a way to ward off men who are cheating on their partners. The idea is that men who are in relationships will avoid cheating with someone wearing glitter because they're afraid they'll get glitter all over them and they'll partner will notice when they go home. Hey, I think I finally figured out why I keep getting in trouble whenever I come home from my guy's craft night.

[Tom Beaudet]

Yeah. Yeah, that could be it.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah.

[Tom Beaudet]

Peter, you got a little something on your head.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah.

[Paula Poundstone]

Do you go to Michaels for men, too?

[Peter Sagal]

All right, here is your next limerick.

[Bill Curtis]

Trending fashion serves more than hot looks. We think literacy's a strong hook, but no, there's no need to turn pages and read. We take pictures of models with books.

[Peter Sagal]

Yes. Very good. Fashion brands like J. Crew, Prada and Tiffany's are now using books to appeal to female consumers, a tactic straight men on the subway have been using for years.

[Paula Poundstone]

So are these women models in women's clothes?

[Helen Hong]

Like, yeah, it's hot to be smart.

[Peter Sagal]

It's hot to be smart. And at home alone with your books. I guess. I don't know. I feel that way.

[Paula Poundstone]

Yeah. Yeah, me, too.

[Peter Sagal]

We're ahead of the curve fashion wise, Tom. All right, here's your last limerick.

[Bill Curtis]

A Podiatrist I'd love to meet or. My gimmick is hard to repeat. My toes. Immense pain is the Internet's gain as I drop heavy things on my.

[Advertiser]

Is it feet?

[Peter Sagal]

It is feet. Yes. In a trend that doctors are praising for letting them buy a new summer home, hundreds of people on social media are filming themselves dropping heavy objects on their own feet and then rating the pain on a scale from one to Wait. Oh, my God. My thirst for clicks has made me a fool. I see that now.

[Tom Beaudet]

Wow. Do you see why I feel I don't belong on the Earth?

[Peter Sagal]

I know. Wow.

[Tom Beaudet]

I would not, A, do that, and B, I would not enjoy viewing that.

[Peter Sagal]

No, but people do. It's amazing. Some of the objects dropped on feet in these videos include cases of soda, air fryers, vacuum cleaners. Those are especially popular because you can use them to clean up the bone fragments.

[Paula Poundstone]

Is this like that Tide Pod challenge kind of thing where you sort of like something really?

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah. And it sort of catches on and people start posting and they try to outdo each other. Well, that guy dropped a vacuum. I'll drop a printer or something. But I'm not impressed by people who are doing those videos because it's silly. I want to meet the guy who drops stuff on his feet and doesn't film it, who just does it for the love of the game.

[Paula Poundstone]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those are the real players.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah. Bill, how did Corbin do on our quiz?

[Bill Curtis]

Perfect score at three. And oh, Kansas strong.

[Peter Sagal]

Well done. Congratulations. Thank you so much. Good luck being in charge of the entire nation's health.

[Tom Beaudet]

Yeah, good luck.

[Peter Sagal]

Take care. I'm gonna need it. All right. Bye bye.

[Helen Hong]

FOREIGN.

[Advertiser]

This message comes from NPR sponsor Lands End Outfitters. Your brand is important and they create apparel your team will want to wear. Go to business.lands end.com pod20 and use code pod20 for 20% off your first product.

[Peter Sagal]

Hey, it's time for our final game, Lightning Fill in the blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

[Bill Curtis]

Paula has two. Tom and Helen each have three.

[Peter Sagal]

All right, Paula, that means you are in second place. So you're going to go first. Here we go. Fill in the blank. During his first cabinet meeting, President Trump asked if anyone was unhappy with blank's role in administration.

[Tom Beaudet]

Elon Musk.

[Peter Sagal]

Right. According to the new data, the number of Americans filing for blank reached a three month high.

[Tom Beaudet]

Unemployment.

[Peter Sagal]

Right. This week the USDA outlined their strategy to control the spread of blank Flu Bird. Right. On Tuesday, the White House floated the idea of a 5 million dollar gold card offering wealthy foreigners a direct path to blank citizenship. Right. During a daring heist this week, a group of thieves in the UK stole blank from Blenheim Palace.

[Tom Beaudet]

I don't know, a big painting, a golden toilet.

[Peter Sagal]

On Wednesday, a Texas based space company launched a craft headed for the Blank.

[Tom Beaudet]

Headed for the moon.

[Peter Sagal]

Right. On Thursday, a study found a link between extreme blank and accelerated aging.

[Tom Beaudet]

A study found between extreme depression.

[Peter Sagal]

No extreme heat. This week, President Trump sent the Oval Office's room desk to be cleaned and refinished. And many suspect it was because Elon Musk's small son blanked white boogers on it. That's exactly right. During their joint press conference last week in the Oval Office, sharp eyed viewers noticed Elon Musk's little kid pick his nose and then wipe it on the Resolute desk. Trump then immediately sent the antique desk to be deep cleaned and refurbished, which was understandable, I guess, but. But sadly means now that all of FDR's boogers are lost to history.

[Tom Beaudet]

Yeah, usually there's a. A little drawer for that.

[Bill Curtis]

Yeah.

[Peter Sagal]

Bill, how did Paula do in our quiz?

[Bill Curtis]

She got six more points. 12. Right. Gives her a total of 14. Doing well.

[Peter Sagal]

There we go. All right, I am going to arbitrarily pick Helen to go next. Fill in the blank, Helen. On Tuesday, the FAA confirmed that two Blanks nearly collided in Chicago.

[Helen Hong]

Airplanes.

[Peter Sagal]

Right. On Wednesday, Israel said it would not remove its troops from Egypt's border with Blank.

[Helen Hong]

Gaza.

[Peter Sagal]

Right. This week, health officials in Texas confirmed the first death from a growing Blank outbreak.

[Helen Hong]

Measles.

[Peter Sagal]

Right. On Monday, the US Reached an agreement with Blank to access their rare earth minerals.

[Helen Hong]

Canada?

[Peter Sagal]

No, Ukraine. This week, a man in Washington state was arrested after he crashed a car at an intersection one day after he had blanked.

[Helen Hong]

Crashed a car at an intersection?

[Peter Sagal]

Close enough. Crashed his car at exactly the same intersection.

[Tom Beaudet]

Wow.

[Peter Sagal]

On Tuesday, Amazon unveiled a revamped version of their digital assistant, Blank Alexa. Right. This week, a restaurant in Japan that had gotten a couple of bad reviews decided to deal with that by blanking.

[Helen Hong]

Giving out free sushi?

[Peter Sagal]

No. They responded to the bad reviews by putting a bounty out on the heads of the reviewers. Ramen Shop in Kyoto, Japan, got a pair of very negative reviews and handled it in the normal way. They posted pictures of the reviewers and offered 100,000 yen to anyone who could provide personal details, addresses, or quote, take action against them. What? True. You can learn all about it in the fabulous new documentary Jiro Dreams of Murder.

[Tom Beaudet]

That's a job opening there in Japan, if anybody's looking.

[Peter Sagal]

Bill, how did Helen do in our quiz?

[Bill Curtis]

Five.

[Peter Sagal]

Right.

[Bill Curtis]

Ten more points. Total of 13 is just one less than Paula.

[Peter Sagal]

All right, so how many then does Tom need to win?

[Bill Curtis]

6 to win.

[Peter Sagal]

Here we go, Tom. This is for the game. On Tuesday, speaker of the House Mike Johnson announced that the House had approved a sweeping Blank plan.

[Paula Poundstone]

The spending bill.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah. Budget. On Wednesday, Jeff Bezos announced that the opinion section of the Blank would now focus on, quote, personal liberties and the free market.

[Paula Poundstone]

Jeff Bezos.

[Peter Sagal]

Wait, the opinion section of the Blank.

[Paula Poundstone]

Oh, I'm sorry. Washington Post.

[Peter Sagal]

Right. On Thursday, the White House hosted Keir Stormer, the Prime Minister of the blank.

[Paula Poundstone]

Britain.

[Peter Sagal]

Yes. The UK. According to a new report, 70% of food in the US is ultra blank.

[Paula Poundstone]

Unhealthy.

[Peter Sagal]

Ultra processed. Is the answer. After being released from prison after serving a 30 year sentence for a crime he did not commit. A man in Hawaii celebrated by Blanking.

[Paula Poundstone]

I don't know. Committing three felonies.

[Peter Sagal]

No. Going to Costco. Can't blame him. On Thursday, the Vatican said that Blank's health was showing slight improvements. The pope right after her contact lenses kept disappearing. A woman in China was thrilled when she found five of them behind Blank. Behind her eyelids, Close enough. Behind her eyeball. While treating a woman for an entirely different issue, doctors in Beijing found five contact lenses tucked away behind the woman's eyes eyeball. When she asked how the contact lenses got back there, she was told good news. Apparently they were looking for these car keys. Bill Did Tom do well enough to win?

[Bill Curtis]

Well, he got five rights, 10 more points, but his total of 13 is one short of Paula. Paula.

[Peter Sagal]

Just a minute and we'll ask our panelists, now that Amazon has acquired James Bond, what's the next beloved movie character? Jeff Bezos will take over. But first, let me tell you. Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions. Doug Berman, Benevolent overlord. Philip Gaedecker writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shane O'Donnell. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theater. BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Stormboss and Lillian King. Special thanks this week to Blythe Roberson and Monica Hickey. Key grip number three, that's Peter Gwynn. Our jolly good fellow is Hannah Anderson. Emma Choi is our vibe curator. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Her CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Swallowed by a Whale Chillag. And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Michael Danforth. Now penal what character will Amazon buy next and what will they do with him?

[Helen Hong]

HELEN hong, Amazon will take over the Planet of the Apes franchise and offer a new dish in its grocery stores called Planet of the Crepes.

[Bill Curtis]

TOM beaudet, In a world where it's.

[Paula Poundstone]

All about the stuff, Amazon presents a good day to buy hard.

[Tom Beaudet]

And Paula Boundstone, they're going to take over Jaws. They're going to buy the Jaws franchise. They're going to make Jaws five. And the tagline will be this time, no one cared.

[Bill Curtis]

Well, if any of that happens, we're going to ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

[Peter Sagal]

Thank you so much and great to see you again. Bill Curtis, thanks also to Tom Beaudet. Helen Hong and Paula Poundstone, thanks to our fabulous audience here at the Studebaker Theater on Michigan Avenue in Chicago, Illinois. And thanks to all of you for listening wherever you may be. I'm Peter Sagal. We'll be back with a new show next.

[Tom Beaudet]

Foreign.

[Peter Sagal]

This is NPR.

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