Being Poly, Kinky and Married?

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Being Poly, Kinky and Married?"

Watts Your Safepod – May 22, 2026
Hosts: Amp Somers ("A"), Mr. Kristofer ("B")

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Episode Overview

This episode of "Watts Your Safepod" is a deep dive into polyamory, kink, marriage, and the nuances of maintaining public and private relationships while in the spotlight. Amp and Mr. Kristofer unpack the recent marriage of Kristofer to his partner Boss, dispel common misconceptions about polyamorous relationships, address listener questions, and share heartfelt (and hilarious) anecdotes about their experiences navigating love, kink, and family.
The conversation is light-hearted, honest, and full of educational moments, reflecting the duo’s aim to break down stigmas and make sex and relationships less scary for their audience.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Clarifying the Recent Marriage and Relationship Structure

• Mr. Kristofer recently married his partner Boss in a small, private ceremony, with Amp as his best man. This sparked confusion online regarding the dynamics between Kristofer, Boss, and Amp, as Amp and Kristofer have been together 12 years.
• They reiterate: Their long-term partnership is ongoing, and polyamory allows for marriage, love, and deep connection to coexist with multiple partners.
  • Notable Quote [07:38, B]: “Everyone has questions… you and I have had a relationship for 12 years and still do. And I think a lot of people can easily be confused why I’m marrying someone else…”
• Kristofer explains the logistical reasons behind his marriage to Boss—primarily that Boss is from the UK, and marriage offers practical, legal benefits for their relationship.
  • [20:30, B]: “Marriage is such a legally binding thing, that’s mainly for the government… I would only get married if it makes sense, financially, legally.”

2. Navigating Public Perception and Parasocial Relationships

• The hosts highlight the confusion and flood of messages from their community, many of whom assumed Amp and Kristofer were getting married, or believed Amp would be “left behind.”
  • [14:25, B]: “I saw one Patreon go and say, poor amp… Why did you not listen?”
  • Amp stresses he's secure, happy, and people don’t need to pity him.
  • [34:43, A]: “Please don’t pity me… I’m very confident, I’m very secure in my relationship with both with you, but also with myself.”
• The importance of boundaries in sharing private vs. public relationship details is emphasized. Some things are for their audience, while others remain private.
  • [12:35, A]: “There will be parts of our lives that we don’t share with you.”

3. The Proposal, Wedding, and Family Reactions

• The proposal was discussed as a mutual, pragmatic conversation rather than a grand romantic gesture—focused on what made sense for life logistics and planning.
  • [21:22, B]: “It wasn’t a romantic thing. It was talking things through logistically about our lives… Does it make sense for us to get married to make those things easier?”
• Amp’s best man speech was a highlight, breaking down polyamory and compersion (feeling joy in your partner’s happiness with others) for family and friends.
  • [37:08, A]: “Polyamory is confusing for people… but primarily, love, polyamory, and then, yes, jealousy exists, but the opposite of that being compersion…”
  • Kristofer was deeply moved by the speech and says it helped explain things to his parents.
• Family responses were supportive but sometimes humorous, like Kristofer’s dad mistakenly thinking Kristofer had been married before.
  • [17:14, B]: “My dad… he’s like, ‘Oh, why? This is your second one.’ I’m like, ‘What? I’ve never been married before.’”

4. Frequently Asked Questions from Listeners

How Does Marriage Change Your Polyamorous Dynamic?

• Both emphasize that nothing fundamental has changed in their relationships aside from legal structures.
  • [27:25, B]: “I can’t… I don’t see things changing with the addition of Boss. Even though marriage may make people think that one’s more important, you’re equally as important to me.”
• Amp rejects the notion that marriage undermines their bond:
  • [28:30, A]: “Some people, like, so you’re single now to me. And I’m like, well, no, because that’s not how polyamory works.”

Will Boss Become a More Public Figure?

• For now, Boss’s identity remains mostly private due to privacy and comfort, though he’s now tagged on Instagram as RubberBikerBoss.
  • [41:41, B]: “He woke up the day after the wedding going,’I have 500 new follow requests. Like, welcome to our world.’”

How Was Polyamory Explained to Family?

• Kristofer sat down with parents beforehand and found them supportive, if sometimes bemused by the logistics.
  • [43:53, B]: “The parents are often very confused by what’s going on. So they’ve been very supportive… They just sit back and like that’s Chris, whatever works for him.”

Navigating Living Situations

• The future is up in the air: “Right now we are figuring things out still.” [34:30, B]
  • Boss in the UK, Kristofer bouncing between SF and London.

5. Debunking “Amatonormativity” and Polyamory Resources

• Amatonormativity: The assumption that everyone strives for, and is best off in, monogamous romantic partnership.
  • [50:21, A]: “A societal assumption that everyone is better off in an exclusive long term romantic relationship… And there’s lots of ones, not just one.”
• Recommended Reading for Polyamorous Folks:
  • Polysecure by Jessica Fern (deep dive on attachment and polyamory)
  • The Ethical Slut by Janet Hardy & Dossie Easton (practical non-monogamy classic)
• Kristofer notes finding one’s secure style and honesty as crucial in poly relationships; both hosts have grown through years of communication and hard lessons.
  • [54:44, B]: “That is the number one rule I go by… I want you to be happy. You want me to be happy.”

6. Kinky Details: Collars, Cake, and Looks

• Both share details on their wedding attire: leather accents, including a Mr. S leather tie. Kristofer’s mom even received a leather vest from Mr. S for the occasion. [44:10–46:24]
• The wedding cake was a leather-themed, two-tier marzipan delight.
• The significance of collars in their dynamic is discussed, with Amp explaining why he still wears the same collar daily for years.
  • [29:42, B]: “It’s part of you… That is our symbol of our love to each other.”

7. Emotional Real Talk: Polyamory Isn’t Always Easy

• Both hosts are candid about the work involved: communication, compromise, and honest check-ins are essential and sometimes challenging.
  • [63:52, A]: “It’s not something that, as much as I might make it sound like, oh, so simple, there are times… that make it difficult, but that’s where having open communication…”
  • [64:20, B]: “There are bumps in the road that you have to work through. And they don’t see the hours of talking… nor should you.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Amp, on people congratulating or pitying him:
  “I got a lot of people texting me like congratulations on stepdaddy. And I said, that’s not how that works. No, that’s not how… And me and Boss are not in that dynamic…” [13:36]
• Kristofer, candidly on growing older and relationships:
  “I am 57… I am ready to retire and not work so hard. We want to enjoy our old age together. You’re still in the spring.” [22:35]
• On compersion:
  “Jealousy exists in our world, but the opposite of that being compersion, which was a big I wanted there to be a learning experience for everyone involved.” [37:25]
• Best man speech insight:
  “Love is not a finite thing that you have to bottleneck or put like a lid on… if you love people, let them know, because life’s too short otherwise.” [40:35]
• Closing gratitude:
  “I would say 85 to 90% of the people are just purely happy for… the congratulations and all this is so sweet. And all those messages were really nice to receive. So thank you for that.” [67:57]

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Selected Timestamps for Important Segments

• Marriage Confusion & Story Begins: [02:29–04:47]
• Engagement, Logistics, and Proposal: [19:39–22:01]
• Navigating Public/Private Life: [11:48–12:50]
• Best Man Speech & Compersion Explained: [36:01–38:18]
• How to Explain to Parents: [43:53]
• Resources for Polyamory: [51:43; 52:27]
• Kinky Wedding Looks & Cake: [44:10–47:15]
• Discussion on Boundaries and Emotional Health: [62:09–64:39]
• Polyamory is Work: [63:43–64:39]
• Outro and Community Thanks: [67:45–68:24]

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Tone, Highlights & Final Thoughts

• The episode is warm, humorous, and often self-deprecating, with plenty of running jokes about confusion, leather, collars, and protein shakes.
• Both hosts reinforce the message that polyamory is valid, dynamic, and requires communication—and that public perception often misses the depth and reality of their connections.
• They celebrate their community’s support, reflect on personal and relational growth, and openly discuss the realities of combining kink, polyamory, and family – not to mention wedding logistics and cake.
• If you’re poly, kinky, or just curious, this episode is a masterclass in vulnerability, communication, humor, and love beyond convention.

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Transcript

[A]

Talking about. Why are you wearing the Russia shirt again?

[B]

No, that's my safe word. Russian river.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

When cut off by the microphone, it looks like it says Russia. And you've. You've already gotten someone I know. It's like, oh, not promoting Russia. What's your safe word?

[B]

Russian river.

[A]

And welcome back to rushing.

[B]

Yeah, River. So the last time I wore this shirt, my Patreon or Patreons got upset because they thought I had a shirt that said Russia because the microphone blacks blocks the river part. So I am sorry. I apologize in advance. It says Russian river.

[A]

And you see what that is, y'? All? That's not learning, but growth. I think he didn't learn anything, but he grew. I got.

[B]

After the hernia surgery, there are only like six shirts that fit me because I used to wear medium T shirts because I liked it to be form fitting, but now none of them fit me. So I have. Have five large shirts that I keep rotating.

[A]

If only certain people had a merch box or two with a bunch of large shirts sitting right in front of your face there.

[B]

That's in a warehouse. None of those. They're all mediums.

[A]

There's a bunch of larger in there. Welcome back to the sex education podcast. It's got a few kinks. I'm amp.

[B]

I'm Mr. Christopher.

[A]

And we are rushing. We are rushed to IML because we're filming this right before going to sleep at like 6pm on a Tuesday because we gotta wake up at like 3am on a Wednesday.

[B]

A.m. on a.

[A]

And how are you doing this week?

[B]

Oh, Jesus, I am.

[A]

And okay, what it looks like it's just straining from lifting something so heavy.

[B]

So heavy. So it's boss put a ring on it. So, yes, it was a fucking great week, but it flew by and so much happened. And yesterday boss flew home on Sunday. Yesterday was the first day of. I've had to myself in six weeks. And my brain just completely shut off. I just turned into, like, mush because I didn't have to answer any questions. Do any coordinations of anyone going anywhere doing anything. And what was happening? Oh, my God, it is. It. It was exhausting.

[A]

Well, congratulations are in order.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Do you want to tell people what you did? You said nothing except that you're tired.

[B]

Well, I assume, which, for the record,

[A]

you always tell me not to do because then I sound like.

[B]

People listen to our podcasts and they would have known if they had listened last week with your clickbaity podcast message.

[A]

What was clickbaiting you? It said Getting married.

[B]

Getting married. Not clickbait.

[A]

What was clickbait about that?

[B]

Because everyone's assuming you and I got married, so. But.

[A]

But it wasn't clickbait because someone got married. It was you. And the. The. And. And I, we were very clear at the very opening of the show, even before the ad read that you were getting married.

[B]

Yes. And I did. And it went.

[A]

Really? Period? That's it. Okay, bye, y'. All. Today's podcast is gonna answer some of your questions, I'm sure, because as we're filming this, I'm literally getting texted by one of our friends saying, wait, Marriage. It's not clickbait if it's letting people know, you know.

[B]

Sure. But, you know, to be fair, this was an intimate, small thing that only our family kind of knew about. I didn't. I wasn't even. I wasn't even planning on telling the viewers as hell have going to happen until the very last minute when you pressured me into it. But I'm kidding.

[A]

I was about to read you for filth with the I don't know how many pages email of what you wanted to talk about.

[B]

I realize because everyone is so astute, they're going to see something on my hand that I can't take off now. So not only did boss put wrist cuffs around my wrist, a chain around my neck, now he legally made me bounce. So I think this is domination that made you. Yeah.

[A]

Forced. As if you don't enjoy that.

[B]

No, it was an amazing week, and I really. I really. All joking aside, I don't think I could have gone through it without you. You were amazing. Through the entire process, every step of it. You were the one person I could count on every step of the way, and I thank you for that. It was.

[A]

Oh, you're welcome. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know how high you can count. So that's. That's saying something.

[B]

Well, no, it's just we had so many people. We had Boss had two friends flying from London. I had my parents that, you know, you've known for 12 years. And just the amount of coordination and the things that we were doing and making sure everyone's okay. And, you know, my. My father lost his laptop on the plane when he arrived and had stolen someone else's credit card when he checked.

[A]

Don't read your dad. My God. No.

[B]

That's just how the week started. It was just drama after drama after drama. And you know who didn't have any drama? You. So I'm very appreciative of that, trying to think.

[A]

I don't think I had any drama.

[B]

You were amazing to the point where I kind of had a panic attack last night because I'm going through photos. So we had. We had hired. Hired a wedding photographer, Keegan Merling, who's amazing. And I still haven't seen them yet. And I'm not reading him because I know that's. But you were taking photos behind him the entire time, the day of and at the celebration and stuff. And so those are the only photos I have to go from are the ones that were on your phone. And then I realized you and I don't have any pictures together because you were taking all the pictures. So last night I frantically texted Keegan, I'm like, please tell me that you took some pictures of just me and amp, because I don't have any.

[A]

And he had sent us a folder last week with previously earlier this week, but there were folders of us in that.

[B]

No, no, no. He just added that yesterday because I said that too.

[A]

Yeah, okay. But we did have some photos. Nobody freak out. I mean, I had some people that were, like, confused why I wasn't in any of the photos. And it was because I was explicit. I was told, only the grooms.

[B]

That's not true. And then. And then your best man speech moved me to tears. It was funny as poignant. It hit all the right notes. It Just because nobody knows me. I mean, you. You started the speech with, I know where the bodies are buried.

[A]

Actually, that's not what I said.

[B]

But you say you know where I.

[A]

No, no, no. I said, because you always want to start with a joke. You always make people laugh. So I said, okay, y' all, welcome. Thank you. Also coming to the reception. So there is a karaoke roast. No, I said karaoke first. I said, it's an hour long karaoke of just the greatest hits from Christopher's playlist. And then someone said, oh, I thought, what? And I was like, oh, sorry, the roast is after this. And your mother, I think, was even like, I've got mine ready or something. Your mom was really funny. And then I gave us. It was a speech. It was fine. It was a speech.

[B]

No, it was very, very. Yeah, it was very moving and very touching. And I think it Actually, you explained even better than we did on the podcast on last week, which I thought was great. And everyone who listened to it thought it was great. Got a text from Dan Savage this morning saying, oh, my God, you guys did really good.

[A]

We're airing everyone's Laundry today. My gosh, what if Dan doesn't want to be called out?

[B]

Three seats. But yeah, your. Your best man speech was just. I think it explained it to my parents even better than I had. So. Everyone has questions, you know, they do. You and I have had a relationship for 12 years and still do. And I think a lot of people can easily be confused why I'm marrying someone else when most people think when I'm perfect.

[A]

Yeah. Honestly, I get it, you guys. I get it.

[B]

Yeah. So people have questions, and that's what

[A]

today's podcast is about.

[B]

Okay, great.

[A]

Because, uh, I. There are tons of questions, and this is a Patreon questionnaire only. We'll talk about experience, we'll talk about the week.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I. I need to. To preface this by saying none of this would be possible without today's sponsor, Leather Daddy Skinco.

[B]

Yeah, I have a story about that.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

So the morning of the wedding, I. We wore white oxford shirts, which I don't normally wear. And I don't normally wear deodorant. But the second I put that shirt on, it's like my body re rejected it. I just started pitting out and I could already smell myself. After 30 seconds I'm like, oh, this is not good. I just. Sweat started pouring out of me and I'm like, I don't even have deodorant. Oh. But I have Leather Daddy now.

[A]

You know that moment when you walk into your first leather bar and everything slows down for half a second? Kind of. Yeah. The lights are low, you feel the bass in your chest, maybe even your eyes. Asshole. Just like that. And the air smells like what? Daddy leather. Sweat, primal sex and an intense sexual energy might come along with it. And that's why we love Leather Daddy Skinco, A small, queer owned kink brand run by one kinkster who hand makes every plant based product themselves. No evil billionaires here. And we can all relate to that in the ethical consumption of today's capitalism. The signature Leather Daddy scent blends seductive leather, a touch of scotch, a of vanilla, and 18 erotic spices developed to get the blood flowing, turning you into someone warm, dark and magnetic. Just like a leather bar. It doesn't just announce itself, but it draws people in and leaves them begging for more. Some scents get compliments, but this one gets attention. It's in everything from Leather Daddy skincare, from their beard care, their home fragrances, their body care, and even the world renowned Leather daddy and kink 3D collab cage cream. I use cage cream on the daily When I'm using my chassis devices and I use Leather Daddy shampoo and body wash every day, I get in that shower.

[B]

It's the only cologne I wear actually. And you know, we just shot an on guard episode and we smoked cigars inside the Big's house. You know what got rid of the cigar smell?

[A]

Leather Daddy?

[B]

Yep. Incense. Just got rid of it.

[A]

So with over 19,000 orders shipped to over 30 countries all around the world, Leather Daddy isn't just a fragrance, it's a lifestyle. So you too can go to leather daddy skill skin.com and use offer code Watts W a T T S for 20 off your entire order. Again, that's Watts W a t t s@LeatherDaddy Skin.com for 20 off. Not only you gonna smell like another daddy, but you're gonna be walking into that bar and leaving those boys wanting more Leather Daddy.

[B]

I smelled great all day so it was better than deodorant.

[A]

So fair and true. Thank you Leather Daddy Skinco. So I would like to. I've got tons of questions here from the patrons. I know that last week's podcast, if polyamory and marriage and all of that doesn't entertain to you, stick around for some silly funny stories from the weekend. Because I love everyone's different perception or take on someone else's relationship.

[B]

Yeah. And so that was very interesting to see, especially on Instagram with the we got over 300 comments, mostly congratulations. But people who don't know us well or probably just casually or just tune in once in a while that their takes were very funny to me.

[A]

Oh, a bunch of people were like, you're making me download Spotify just to listen to this? No, you can also listen to it on itunes, on Audible, on Google Play or Patreon.

[B]

Join our Patreon and you can where

[A]

the patrons got an exclusive Q and A form. Literally anyone who follows our patron, even the free people, could view this forum. So if you care about our Patreon, great. If you don't care about it, maybe you should if you want to get that extra access and stuff ahead of time. But these questions today are coming straight from them. So a big shout out to our patrons over on Patreon. What's a safe word? Just go Google us if you want to find us. But I also want to say that today's episode's just meant to be silly, funny, down to earth and kind of our experiences. But I do want to preface all of that by saying that someone else's relationship and how parasocial or not it is to you is something that they allow you to be a part of and they share with you. There will be parts of our lives that we don't share with you. Kind of what we said last week,

[B]

I wasn't going to.

[A]

What?

[B]

I wasn't going to share that I was getting married publicly.

[A]

Oh, not at first. But then you and I had a conversation in private that was like, people are going to see things. People sleuth. People are smart and y' all are smart.

[B]

Y' all are smart.

[A]

But the number of responses that I got at least directed to me and some. Some of them were like texts from friends being like, congratulations for being there.

[B]

It's funny, we were at the Eagle. How many people came up and didn't know if they were congratulating you and me or me and Boss.

[A]

We walked back home after the reception, and one of our neighbors was walking the opposite direction, literally next to us, lives next to us in the house. And they go, oh, my God. Congratulations. What's going on? We're like, oh, we just came from a marriage ceremony, you know, and you showed your, I think, wedding.

[B]

I said, we just got married. And they're like.

[A]

And they look at me, they look at you, they look at boss, they look back to me and they're like,

[B]

well, congratulations to someone. No, he said congratulations to someone.

[A]

So, yeah, very confused.

[B]

It was hilarious.

[A]

Y' all are also confused probably on some things. I know for sure because there's questions, but I want to. I'm still prefacing all of this by saying, like, you don't have to congratulate me primarily, but I got a lot of people texting me, like, congratulations on stepdaddy. And I said, that's not how that works. No, that's not how. I need to be very clear that, like, no, I got texts about that, like texts from mutuals, and it's all well meaning, but I'm just like, that's not how that works. And me and boss are not in that dynamic or relationship. And the amount of congratulations I got for doing nothing, essentially, was just odd. But also tells me that there's a confusion as to how polyamory works, especially when you bring marriage into that and maybe preface all of this by also saying, I'm good. So I have some people like, are you okay? Like, reach out.

[B]

I saw one Patreon go and said, poor amp.

[A]

I didn't see that one yet.

[B]

Why did you not listen?

[A]

So take that as you will and listen to this and enjoy or don't, and we'll see you next week for another ridiculous podcast talking all about iml, which, first of all, I'm excited to get to that, but I also have no energy. We've had one day to downtime between

[B]

the ridiculousness of marriage and so here's the new thing. So you and. You and my relationship for 12 years. We have a lot of alone time because we don't live with each other. Well, Bast has been here for six weeks. It's been every single day. So this is the first time I've been 247 with someone since, I think, my previous relationship before you.

[A]

But thank God nothing's changed. Just the only one, the only one, the only one.

[B]

And I told this to Boss too, yesterday. Just having a day to myself without answering or talking to anyone. It was a godsend. I just.

[A]

Well, it's unfortunate that you're going to be over in the UK for a bit too, because they're gonna. They're gonna arrest you for all that step porn.

[B]

Boss is very good about being conscious of giving me space and time, and I likewise. And I think all couples in relationships need that. People need alone time, even when you're with someone. So.

[A]

Oh, I was. I was giving some updates in pop culture in the sex work variety as well. But also true, they just voted to ban step porn. So porn with stepdads, step moms, step bros. Oh, yeah, in the uk.

[B]

So, okay, well, there goes all of my missionary boys, literally.

[A]

And it was only passed by one boat, so it was 144 versus 143 approving the ban of step porn, which is just another.

[B]

It's crazy that this is what they're voting over, literally.

[A]

And I get it. Some of it revolves around, like, incest, obviously, but there's a difference in a fantasy and reality. Kind of in the same way that relationships sometimes can be a fantasy from the outward perspective, you know, versus reality that. Anyway, if you're not familiar with that, go, go read up on that. But do you have any other caveats or things you want to. Any. Anything you want to share about the weekend before we answer some questions, which I'm sure we'll probably bring up more.

[B]

Well, I have. I have an interesting tea this week.

[A]

Daddy. Daddy. Not offensive tea.

[B]

So a funny thing happened right before the ceremony that I don't know if I need to be offended about or how I feel about it, but I. We were going to City hall to see the officiant and I was a little nervous and I had to pee, so I ducked into A bathroom. And my dad followed me and he was peeing too. And we were washing our hands after and he's like, are you okay? I said, I'm a little nervous. And he's like, oh, why? This is your second one. I'm like, what? I've never been married before. And he's like, he's like, you haven't? And I'm like,

[A]

you also have siblings and some of them are married still.

[B]

And so I'm like, who do you think I was married to? And he named someone else two ex boyfriends ago. That was like around the 2000 mark. And I didn't even think of it at that moment. But gay marriage wasn't even legal then, so I don't know why he thought I was married. But going through my head was like, okay, I told you I got married. And you had no follow up questions like where, how? And then I went through a divorce. And like, I don't know.

[A]

I'm giving your parents the benefit of the doubt that they just have gotten so many kids and there's a lot of life.

[B]

They only have three.

[A]

You also.

[B]

And only one sport.

[A]

You also had a house with one of your exes.

[B]

I've lived together with them.

[A]

But marriage, you have done so many of the things minus the marriage with other people.

[B]

You would think your parents would know if you've been married before.

[A]

How old are your parents?

[B]

They're in their 70s.

[A]

Okay. How much pot did they do?

[B]

A lot.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So maybe, maybe, I don't know. But I just found that I didn't. And I didn't have the time to unpack it because I was literally going out to get married for the first time. Dad.

[A]

Okay, don't read your pet. You were on one today.

[B]

I'm sorry, I just thought. I'm like, who did you think I got married to? Anyway, so that was my tea and I still don't know how I feel

[A]

about it, but dad tea. Okay. Love that.

[B]

So actually that's dad dad tea. This is about my dad. Dad, Dad T. Get it?

[A]

Dadception.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That on dad violence.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And welcome to the questions that are directly from y' all listening here on the pod. Let's. You ready to get into it?

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Is that empty?

[B]

I'm done.

[A]

Last thing I knew. Right now it's tea. It's so fucking hot today in San Francisco.

[B]

I'm done.

[A]

Oh, sorry. Loki's first question says, I want the tea on the proposal. Who asked to where? And I'd ask, did anyone get on the knee but, you know, girl kneeling in leather. Yeah, Right.

[B]

I'm on my knees all the time.

[A]

Not recently.

[B]

It wasn't as romantic as you might think. Think it was a lot more conversational. And so the other thing you guys, you have to realize, and there's going to be some things I don't talk about, I'm going to keep private, is bosses from England, I am from the United States. For us to see each other on a continual pace is there. There are some things that marriage present for us that allow us to be together more.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that's. And I think that's something. And I think that confused Amp when I first put it out as well, because I've always said I've never pushed for marriage with Amp. And I've always said it's something I would do if it makes. Because marriage is such a legally binding thing, that's mainly for the government. It's not a romantic thing. For me it is. There's a romance element that. But I've always said I would only get married if it makes sense, financially, legally, those kind of things. And for Amp and I, it didn't make sense because actually our taxes would go up if we got married. It wouldn't answer the question.

[A]

You're going so far ahead and answering those people. No, no, no.

[B]

I'm saying that's the backstory of why my original. It wasn't a romantic thing. It was a talking things through logistically about our lives. Who's going to be where and when and what. And does it make sense for us to get married to make those things easier? So it was just talking it through. And then I was like, would you want to? Yes. Would you want to? Yes. And so then that is where it was mainly logistics. It wasn't the I can't live without you thing.

[A]

Who asked who?

[B]

I asked him, I believe. But again, it was a dialogue. It was a discussion that we had with each other and both agreed to and both felt we're both getting to an age where we're sun setting and we want to be intimate and grow old with someone else. Who is sunsetting.

[A]

Can you explain sunsetting? People might not understand that.

[B]

I am 50. We are both the exact same age. We're both 57. I am ready to retire and not work so hard. He just retired. So it's entering a new phase of our lives where we want to enjoy our old age together. You're not quite there because you are at the prime of your life at 36, and you have so much more I don't want to, I don't want to weigh you down with. And the hernia was a great example of that. I'm going to have health problems. I'm going to have so many issues coming up as I sunset, as I go into the autumn of my life. You're still in the spring.

[A]

Summer. It's summer right now. I can't, I can't even think about autumn. Okay. I don't think.

[B]

I know it's not romantic. I know it's not what people want with. I've never been a fairy tale marriage kind of guy. I've always said it had to be a logistically thing. That being said, Boss is way more of a romantic than me. And I, I, I realized my folly in just making it business and I have made it up to him romantically, let's put it that way.

[A]

And what about me? Okay. I think you answered the question which was literally just who asked who? But the follow up here says I also want to know the tea if Boss asked amp if it was okay. He did not. But you know who did.

[B]

So Boss asked you if it was okay to collar me and you had issues at, at the time that we wanted to do a caller, which I think was six months into a relationship.

[A]

It was barely six months. And I'd only met Boss like once or twice. Too soon at that point.

[B]

And Boss.

[A]

But, but, but, but let me, let me respected that he did. But it was too soon. Based on patterns and recognition of previous doms and how getting too quickly into something is just bad and you like to move fast and that is not a bad thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It is just a fact. Yes. And I am the type that moves very slow. Yes. And methodically with plans, not things in the air. And if things are in the air, they're not happening. Probably in my personal planning process.

[B]

We are a little different that way. Yes.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So. And then he respected it and he waited another six months to a year out and then we both asked you again if that was okay. And then now a year later, I had to make sure that he was on board with it first before we broke it to you or, or told you about it. And I'm the one who told you about it. And I was very nervous too, if you remember.

[A]

Oh, I, I vividly remember because I didn't.

[B]

And I think we were both a little gun shy because of the, the caller situation too.

[A]

But that was like a year and a half of two years ago at this point.

[B]

I know. Yeah.

[A]

And, and also how many Years. Have you been together with Boss in a dynamic before marriage to two and some change. Ish. Okay. Because a lot of people, like, married. I don't know who. Who's that guy? I mean, some people don't see everything.

[B]

We've kept him out of the limelight because he had a job where he. We couldn't show his face. So I've. And, you know, we are public figures. We don't put everything out there in our private lives. And that's a hard line to walk because you and I have had such an open relationship, and people have seen it as it's developed, but they haven't seen this other thing bubbling over on the side. So I can see how it can be a shock to them.

[A]

Hopefully not too much of a shock, but. But then people also don't. Some people don't consume the podcast, but they watch the YouTube regularly. So some people don't watch the YouTube regularly. Maybe they only consume the podcast. It's hard to know what people are consuming. And so you try to cover all your bases, but you also have to realize that from a content perspective, you're. You're creating echo chambers of people that only want certain kinds of content, probably.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And that's how content moderation kind of works sometimes.

[B]

And while Boss and I have been in love with each other for quite some time, we are also both respectful of Amp and the public perception that Amp and my relationship has. He didn't want to usurp that either.

[A]

Next question, though, from Genevieve asks. Congrats to all. Thank you for sharing a piece of your life that you didn't have to. But nothing's changed, right?

[B]

I think that's just a joke at this point. Right. I don't know.

[A]

I mean, I didn't.

[B]

I regret ever saying that. And I said that to Amp in private, and he corrected me on that. I was coming from a different viewpoint that because you and I have been in a relationship for 12 years, and the relationship that we have is going to continue on, pretty much the same for me. I just won't be around as much. But my love for you hasn't changed. You have been phenomenal. I've loved this version of myself. I've been with you these past 12 years. You know me so intimately. I think of you as a soulmate, and I can't. I don't see things changing with the addition of Boss. Even though marriage may make people think that one's more important, you're equally as

[A]

important to me that one is more important. And we'll let you guys decide which one that one is. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

That was a joke.

[B]

Okay, Careful when you joke.

[A]

I prefaced it or I said that it was a joke. Yeah. And to that, I think that it's also, like, some people, like, so you're single now to me. And I'm like, well, no, because that's not how polyamory works.

[B]

We've always had an open relationship.

[A]

Yeah, but people don't see it like that.

[B]

I know people don't see like that. And I think that was one of your things when. When we were discussing it privately, and. And I was like, well, do we need to take the collar off so people know that they can do it? And you're like, nope, I don't want to do that. And so, yeah, I think that's just going to be something people have to learn.

[A]

I didn't say, nope, I don't want to do that. I said, maybe something different in the future. As things change, things go. Also, like, I've had this leather, my thick leather collar for, I don't know, seven years, probably eight years, maybe. Yeah. At this point. Yeah, I love it. I'm not planning to get rid of it at any point, but, like, there will be a time in a place where I probably should stop wearing it. There's probably some, like, deadly mold growing inside of it. I don't know.

[B]

Actually, I did. I was held up very well.

[A]

I do weatherproof it every six months with, like, literally, saddle weatherproofing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But, you know, and it's got a chance.

[B]

It's part of you. It just looks good. So for me, that's molded to my neck. That is our symbol of our love to each other.

[A]

Have you ever seen my collar? Not on my neck. It takes me two seconds to take off.

[B]

But, yeah, every time you go through security at an airport.

[A]

Yes. Well, sometimes, but. But my favorite part is, like, look at this. Patrons can see it. Daddy can see it. But, like, you can see the curve of my neck and how it's just

[B]

like, it's molded off.

[A]

It's fucking. It's literally bent around. And you can see the shape of my neck. Well, because I've had it. I don't. And I don't take it off. And I. My favorite is always when people react to that. Like, wait, you always wear it? And, like, yeah, why would I take it off? Like, well. But does it come unlocked? I'm like, oh, yeah, I can take it off, but it's comfortable. I don't need to, as long as I'm not running around in it and. Oh, God.

[B]

I just. You just locked your headphones on. I saw that happening. I was gonna. It's gonna crack.

[A]

Thanks for your help. Thanks. But it's easy to get on and off. And even then, boss, don't. Don't get something that requires a key. Where's the key to my collar?

[B]

He's got the Carrera belt. He's got. Too late.

[A]

Yeah, well, sorry. Correction. Don't give the keys to a certain someone.

[B]

Yeah, don't give them to me. See, the other thing is, I'm a lot of fucking work, as you well know.

[A]

I would never say that.

[B]

I would. You see what I did in my car this morning?

[A]

Yes. But they didn't. How. Okay, you just sent me a picture, and it was. It looked like pink splatter.

[B]

So I was in a hurry. I was in a hurry. I made a protein shake out and I kept it in the original container, which has. You can't set it down on the top of those.

[A]

It's like a ninja bullet big thing.

[B]

And then I put it in the cup holder of my car, and it was a little too, too big. So it's just like sitting on that. And I was taking off for the gym, and this woman in a stroller just darted out into the crosswalk. And so I slammed the brakes on, and that protein shake just went all over. Not all over. Only all over my seat, but over my taxes that I was going to the post office to mail. And when I got to the post office, she's like, is this wet? And I'm like, yeah, I just spilled protein shake on it. And the woman behind the counter is like, well, we can't take that until it's dry. So I had to have it dry in my dashboard when I went to the gym. Then I brought it back in. I went to a different teller. I've had a morning.

[A]

You are a morning.

[B]

And this is what I mean by I'm a lot of work. So it kind of takes a village.

[A]

Side note. I just started using. I do smoothies usually in the morning or like a protein shake post gym because it's good breakfast things. Get your chia seeds, get your fiber in them. But I've started using psyllium husk. Have you heard of psyllium husk? I have.

[B]

I don't know what it does.

[A]

I was recently chatting with a butt doctor, and they were like, girl, wait. Fiber. Oh, you're gonna stop yourself up. We had A friend that went to the emergency room cause they were so stopped up from taking like Metamucil fiber, it's just sawdust that you put in water. You know. Metamucil's not bad for you by any means, but it's not gonna perfect. Psyllium husk is like this extra little, a little tiny like tablespoon. Like just put your spoon in there and put it in your smoothie. It's kind of got the color of like cinnamon and the consistency of like a ginger powder or like just a powder that you would put in like a smoothie. But it has been groundbreaking, life changing for bottoming and cleaning out really. It makes your stools a little more like gooey and spongy but it stays together if that makes sense. So it's less brick and more goo. But it comes out altogether in a nice way that just slides, you know, it slides out, you get it all out.

[B]

I feel like you're shitting on my wedding now.

[A]

I'm just trying to bowel move the conversation. No, you were talking about smoothies. I want to let everyone in on a smell smelly. On a special little trick that I've learned recently. I'm sorry. Fine, next question then. Didn't want to. Didn't want to change the conversation. Okay. Is boss moving to San Francisco or are you moving to London? Who's moving where? I'm confused.

[B]

I don't even know to how to answer that question. And this is why the puppies confused too. I have changed what I'm going to do this year probably 80 times. Where it stands now is we're going to go to iml. Boss flew to London yesterday. I'm going to go join him in London for the summer and focus on writing my book. Then we're going to come back here at the end of summer for a couple months and then we will figure out where we're going to go from there.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

Right now we are figuring things out still.

[A]

Oh, I found the comment. I'm not going to read their name. It doesn't matter. Dang, this is tough. All that got is I'm sorry amp why are you sorry?

[B]

Yeah, that's the one I read and I was like, why are they sorry?

[A]

First of all, anyone that thinks that they need to be sorry or feel bad for me or be emotionally like, aw, please don't pity me first of all. Second of all, please don't belittle me or infantilize me. And I'm very confident, I'm very Secure in my relationship with both with you, but also with myself. And I think that that takes a certain level of. I'm not trying to, like, pat my own back, but like, introspection, being able to compartmentalize things in a proper, like, healthy way.

[B]

I agree. And. And I wish. I wish we could say your best man speech on. On a recording somewhere, because it really spelled out kind of polyamory.

[A]

And what was y. A.

[B]

What was going on In a beautiful way.

[A]

You.

[B]

You did a brilliant job of it.

[A]

I don't want to post that anywhere because that's not for people that were

[B]

real names and there were names, and

[A]

it was very personal, private. But I can give you. I can give you the spark notes. First of all, it was four bullet points that I just had kind of memorized and added. You ad lib is not a written speech. I need to let you know that's not. It was something that I obviously had, like, compartmentalized in my brain.

[B]

Well, you're really good about public speaking, so this is really good.

[A]

Thank God. But essentially, I structured it in such a way that it was a three part speech. The first, if y' all ever need a best man speech, the multiple parts you need to have in there is an intro to who you are and your relationship to the grooms, some jokes, a little bit of a roast and deprecation of yourself, but also the people that you are giving the speech to. And then you did all that. Yeah, and then went into love, essentially. Because for me, our relationship has always started with making each other happy, making sure we were happy, making sure we're good, make sure we're taking care of

[B]

the first thing you ever told me.

[A]

Exactly. I'm the puppy. I'm here to make you happy. And then from there went into, oh, my God, thank you so much for putting up with us. And I think I. I took out a pronoun joke because I thought it was funny at the time, but I was like, and thank you to the parents and family and friends, because Lord knows how you had to keep everything straight between the boys and the sirs and the polyamory and who sleeps with who and the bedrooms and the pronouns and.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And everyone thought that was really funny, but then kind of broke down polyamory itself, because polyamory is confusing for people. And there are some questions later on here that I can't wait to dig into, but primarily, love polyamory. And then, yes, jealousy exists in our world, but the opposite of that being conversion.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Which was a big I wanted there to be a learning experience for everyone involved.

[B]

Yeah, I learned even though I knew it. But I mean, but you applied it in such a practical way that it was like, okay, this is really easy to understand for everyone, including my parents.

[A]

But that's, that's just it. People don't have to understand as long as they understand well. The only thing that they need to understand is people are happy, people are loved. And love is not. It's not a finite medium or not medium, a finite, like, thing that you can put into a bowl and say, I've got this much love. Yeah, there's a certain level of love you should give to people, and there's only so much you should probably rely on. There's different types of love, but there's different types. That's the thing. There's different types and different levels of love. Like, I love some of my friends, I love our followers in such a way, you know, but it's not the same love that I have for you.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's not the same love that I would have for friends that I'd known for 20 years or my family. But that's all different kinds of love. But it's always baffling to me that we can understand that we have love for friends, family, and our significant others, but you can't expand that to have other significant others. For whatever reason, the love that people look at when it comes to relationships is different than the love that we have for our close knit people. But for whatever reason, there can only be that amount of love. And if you have more than that, then it's weird and confusing. And if you prioritize it, then it's even more confusing for people. Like there's different levels and so.

[B]

Well, and what I want to say was that speech was so good. If you ever need someone to give a speech between the two of us, always choose amp. Because I tried to do a speech the day before the wedding. We had a garden party at my house with just my parents, the best man. On the other side, you just handful of core people. And so I get in the middle after serving lunch. I like try to stand up, get everyone's attention. And then I wanted to make a speech about how much I loved you. And you said that. Thank you for your story. Yeah, it basically just came out. I want to talk about amp who's my best man? I start crying and finally I just. I couldn't go on anymore. So I just sat down and everybody just claps at that. I'm like, I Just gave, like, a wet walrus speech about the amp. I don't even know what I said, but I don't think I said anything. But you get my intention, right? So don't have me do a speech. I turn into a blubbering idiot.

[A]

But I had to give a commencement speech 20 to 30 minutes. I was given 30 minutes beforehand because the person at said event that I was asked to give a commencement speech forgot that they had to give a speech. Do you remember that? No. We were. We were at a. We were at an event where we were guests of honor and it was a kink thing and they were doing. It's a title. And, like, literally the hour beforehand, they're like, oh, our commencement speech. The person who's supposed to open this up didn't make it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they were like, can you do it? And I was like, I guess. And so I had to give a 25 minutes.

[B]

You're called to fill in a lot, actually.

[A]

I'm just good at talking. Let's be real. Yeah. So four bullet points. I can give you 30 minutes if you need. But I forget what the question was. All that to say, love is not a finite thing that you have to bottleneck or put like a lid on. You know, if you love people, let them know, because life's too short otherwise. If you love people, expand that love and share it with the people that. That matter. Because what the are you doing? If you're sad and angry at the end of the day, you don't got no one to give some love to.

[B]

No.

[A]

You know, I agree. No crying. Next question. All right, Cub asks, since the official and boss is retired from his job, can we know his name? And this gets into a category of I don't know. That's.

[B]

Prefer to keep it with our intimate core for now. You have to remember, amp and I are very comfortable being public because we've had 10 years of it.

[A]

Let's.

[B]

Let's. Let's.

[A]

You're allowed to.

[B]

You're allowed to ask and give. Let me ask him. But I mean, people know who he is on Instagram now. He goes, right. Rubber biker boss. And that was the one thing. After I did that post on Instagram and I tagged him and you. He's like, he woke up the day after the wedding going, I have 500 new follow requests. Like, welcome to our world.

[A]

This is us saying, hey, respectfully, let's have a boundary there, maybe.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. I'm sure it'll come out over time. But, you know, it just. I'M trying to keep, I'm trying to ease them into this. It's not an easy.

[A]

Also boss. Boss is fine. How many bosses do you know besides maybe your boss at work? But you don't go up to your boss at work and go, hey, boss. Yeah, boss. How you doing, Bot? What do you want for lunch, boss?

[B]

The same reason I, I don't ever say the cigar pig's real name. You know, some people want to keep things things private and, and it's for

[A]

safety and security and so no, you can't know that name. And you know what? I think that that's okay. And then they also ask Cub also asked, how did you explain it to the parents? Love compersion did a really good job.

[B]

I had to explain. I had flown to Arizona a month prior and explained everything that was going on and they're not surprised at this point. Amp and I have brought other boys back to my parents house for Thanksgiving and for holidays and stuff. And it's always a logistical nightmare with the bedrooms and situation who's sleeping with who and more so for Amp and me. But the parents are often very confused by what's going on. So they've been very supportive. They, I think they just sit back and like that's Chris. Whatever works for him. And without prying too much.

[A]

So yeah, yeah. And I think that that's fine.

[B]

But they were great. They had a great time the entire trip. They stayed for five days. We, we went to dinners, we went, we went to the museum. We did all sorts of things.

[A]

Yeah. And I think they had a good time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, next. Actually there was a lot of questions about our looks for the wedding which first of all, Christopher's tie is so cool. Where is it from?

[B]

So that is a brand new product from Mr. S Leather. I explain it.

[A]

You want to explain?

[B]

Oh, so I had a leather tie on that didn't tie at the the knot. It was a leather thong going under the collar to a big O ring and the leather collar hangs from the O ring. I think it's meant for people who want to elevate their look with a T shirt or tank top.

[A]

Or if you don't know how to tie a tie.

[B]

Or if you don't know how to tie a tie. Exactly. But it's a new product from Mr. S. I will tell them this weekend to get it out there because many people are asking and they don't have

[A]

any product photos because Christopher only just wore it to the wedding.

[B]

I only wore it to the wedding. And so.

[A]

And I think that that was.

[B]

So I'll be expecting a big fat check. Mr. S, if you're listening.

[A]

Did they not pay for the reception?

[B]

No. They should have.

[A]

Sponsored by Mr. S. And then Badass Spinner asked where I got my look. So the underwear. I was wearing, the wolf underwear, which I did post on Instagram.

[B]

I was going to say I did not see that at the wedding because it was.

[A]

I was wearing under my pants.

[B]

I saw.

[A]

But then I also was wearing a leather tie and my leather vest on top of a dress shirt. The leather ve is from FM Leather and the leather tie was from Mr. S, but it was just a. It was a leather gray tie.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, it was. It was kind of important to me to get married. And. And what I said for the reception was wear leather chic. And I left that open to in interpretation from all the guests coming. Like, even my mother was like, she's like, I'm not going to wear leather. Is that okay? She said. She said, I have a polka dot dress that's like what Julia Roberts wore in Pretty Woman, but it's black. Is that okay? And I said, absolutely. But you know what's so funny is our bosses at Mr. S Leather did come to the reception and I had told them my mother didn't have leather she was gonna wear. They brought her a extra small Berlin bar vest and gave it to her at the restaurant.

[A]

That was really cute.

[B]

And she was so happy she wore it. She's like over her polka dot dress. Super cute.

[A]

It was cute. That was really nice. So that was sponsored.

[B]

So thank you, Mr.

[A]

Okay, this one. This is one of the comments where

[B]

I was like, can I talk about the cake really quick or is that coming up?

[A]

Well, I guess I shouldn't ask you what flavor was the cake, because that was a. That was a question from cake.

[B]

Oh, wait, go ahead.

[A]

Oh, what flavor was the cake? Ask Caitlin.

[B]

Oh, I'm so glad you asked. It was a two tier white cake from Glass Slipper, but they did a black marzipan, like fondant.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Harness. It was a butterscotch. I forgot. God, I forgot the name of it.

[A]

There was caramel butterscotch, vanilla buttercream, probably frosting.

[B]

Yeah, it was delicious. It was amazing. And so we only ate the bottom tier. And then I sent the rest of it to Mr. S Leather employees to have.

[A]

I don't think the employees got any of that cake. I think. I think the Two people from Mr. S that came to the reception took that cake and ate it. It was really good. But Also, y' all don't eat fondant. You're not supposed to eat that shit. So many people were eating.

[B]

I did eat it.

[A]

I mean, you can, but it's like not. It's like so processed. Like it's just a thick layer of.

[B]

That was my favorite part. I love the fondant.

[A]

The fondant. Oh, God. Okay.

[B]

It's like marzipan.

[A]

And then Caitlin also says, greedy, asking two questions. Is there a plan for the honeymoon? I actually don't know that. Do you guys have a plan? You could say, no. We.

[B]

Our life is a honeymoon.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

We travel.

[A]

Vomiting.

[B]

Vomiting. We travel so much back and forth. We don't have a set location to go for at the honeymoon. But he really likes Manchester. We might go for Manchester Leather Pride. No, we don't have a set location. And we. Like I said, we travel. But just him being here for six weeks taking care of me was already a honeymoon.

[A]

Also, home is where the heart is. And eat, pray, love and.

[B]

Exactly, exactly. But just don't eat the marzipan.

[A]

Yeah, don't eat the marzipan. Pray and then love. Because, yeah, you'll be stopped up from all that cheese and food.

[B]

Do psyllium husk if you do that.

[A]

Psyllium.

[B]

Psyllium.

[A]

No, psyllium ciliate. It's not like helium.

[B]

It's silly. Oh, my gosh.

[A]

Okay. Thank you for asking, Caitlin. It was a very good cake.

[B]

It was a beautiful cake. I. I was really. I didn't really. And the. The front of the cake, what looked like a white button up shirt with a collar. And so cutting it, I had to cut through the collar and I was just really nervous about it. So.

[A]

Yeah, it looked like a harness over a shirt. It was very cute. Yeah. Okay, this next one, I need you to listen.

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[A]

Kai says I feel like a lot of people are coming from an a mat to normative place and seeing this as a big negative.

[B]

Do you mean heteronormative?

[A]

No, a mat to normative. I will explain. Listen.

[B]

I'm listening.

[A]

Hey, jingle, jingle, jingle. Listen, Works with poppers at the bar. Trust me, this feels like people are coming at it from a negative place. And anti poly energy have any favorite pro poly or anti? Amoronomor. Oh, amorous. I'm not reading that word. Resources people could read and follow to learn more. So what have you. Let me explain what Ana is, but keep that in mind. What things have you read about polyamory? Start thinking about that because that'll be.

[B]

I'm thinking about it.

[A]

Okay. So a map to normativity is a societal assumption that everyone is better off in an exclusive long term romantic relationship and finding one universal goal and relationship. So. So monogamy based thoughts or just dating one person at a time and trying to find the one. And there's lots of ones. So my personal opinion, while you're still thinking about those resources you've read about,

[B]

I found the two hold.

[A]

So my personal opinion and our experience with the dynamics here that's happening is that everybody has a feeling of being included in a relationship that they see online, that they love, that they're a part of, that they're in a community of. And I respect and love that energy. But that a lot of people have really taken a. Like have felt bad for me for some reason or have seen this as a negative or that something's broken or

[B]

they think you're being pushed out or something.

[A]

Yeah. Or that there's a breakup happening or. And there's not, if we need to be clear about that. But I also think that those assumptions come from a place of. Sorry, I'm reading. I need you to try it. Just try to read that word.

[B]

Amatonormativity. Amatonormativity.

[A]

Amatoramanativity. Like a nativity scene, but aromantic. So that term was actually coined by philosopher Elizabeth Brake and it revolves around a lot of poly discourse, a lot of like aromantic discourse, a lot of just love and relationship. And if you try to break apart relationship and romance versus, like, dynamics and just people's brains break. So what are some resources that have helped you to better understand our own polydynamic as we've explored it over the years?

[B]

I think the most important one I ever read, and I don't know who wrote it, you probably will. Polysecure. Have you read Polysecure?

[A]

No. You have the book still, I think.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

But if you give me two seconds, I'll figure it out.

[B]

That, that one, I think really helped me. And like I said last week, I was feeling I had imposter syndrome when we first started a poly relationship. And we started talking about it on the podcast and on YouTube and I hadn't really researched much about it, so I was telling other people how to do this and I was just winging it basically with a lot of your guidance. Polysecure made me secure in my poly.

[A]

Oh God. So that one is by Jessica Fern. Yeah. And you'll be happy to know that I was about to say the ethical slut has always been one of my. Go to's that I enjoy and I read or listen to. There's an audiobook I will sometimes, no joke, because my brain is weird that way. I need to put on a book that I've read before. Sometimes I'll put on the Ethical Slut and just put that in the rotation of what I sleep to. Because yes, it's a lot of thinking, but it turns my brain off. You'll be happy to know that Polysecure and the Ethical Slut are available as a little book combination on Amazon, apparently. But the Ethical Slut is by Janet Hardy and Dawsey Easton. There are so many different versions of the Ethical Slut. It's wonderful. Polysecure. I only read a little bit of it, but we have a copy of it. Just because it's a good copy to have and hopefully you still have it. I do, but those are. Those are two really.

[B]

Maybe in a box in storage right now because my life is up in the air.

[A]

But yeah, not judging, but I think that those have helped a lot to differentiate and just talk about non monogamy and ethical non monogamy specifically because so many people think that in this way there is a one person has to be this way. It's only marriage and love and two kids and a dog, picket fence. Like, great. Love that. If that's your version of love, awesome. But that's not what everyone goes through. So thank you for that question, Kyle.

[B]

That was a very good one because I have never heard that. Can I say that word again?

[A]

Amatinormative. I'm having a hard time. There's too many A's in this word.

[B]

Amatonormative.

[A]

Yeah. Or amanatormativity. Okay, Kai, thank you for the question. And if you guys have more questions about polyamory, we love talking about it.

[B]

I've gotten better at it.

[A]

I think everyone gets better at it. I don't think anyone is hardwired or ready. I almost put this in my speech. I didn't because it would have confused my brain. Probably didn't even think about it. But I was gonna say something like, love is everywhere. There's books on love for dummies and how to make a relationship work for dummies. And there are so many how to's for just normal relationships out there. And there are not nearly enough for polyamory. But there's definitely not anything about like, compersion is not a word that is in the dictionary of your phone. I'll start typing conversion and it'll be like, that's not a word.

[B]

That is the number one rule I go by is because basically I want you to be happy. You want me to be happy. And when I see you like with your hypno dom and I see you with other people, you really click and connect in a way that, that I can't click and connect with you. I'm really happy because I know you're getting something you need and want from a relationship. The, the other thing is, when we first started doing poly, I went through a poly frenzy. I just started collecting boys in relationships left and right until they all crashed and burned and burned out because I couldn't get of any of them. Did for multiple reasons. So then I went through a dry, I'm not doing that again spell for a few years.

[A]

I don't think that was all your fault though, and I don't blame you for, for most of that.

[B]

I could have done some things differently.

[A]

You could have done something better. You could have communicated better. But like, the boys weren't doing a good job of communicating either. They didn't know what they wanted. So, like, when we tell you guys that polyamory is, is difficult and can be hard, we don't say that to scare you. We say that because, like, your expectations should be really clear for everybody involved. And I mean, when I say that, I mean, don't just tell the person what you think they want to hear to make a relationship work. Or think that you're going to change someone by like, telling them one or the other and just trying to make it so they're not mad or upset by whatever you've decided or you want from a relationship. If you don't tell someone what you want in a relationship, you're not going to get the thing you want in the relationship. Point blank, period. And sometimes that requires having a conversation, sometimes that requires compromise. But that's where like, oh, there's only one person that's going to be perfect for me. That's not how love works. That's not how relationships work.

[B]

Okay, well, you should preface that for all the people who are. That is working for them. If that works for you, that's great.

[A]

No, no, what I'm saying is not how it works, is expecting people to read your mind or that they'll just settle for the thing that you need and want just because it's what you want. And that's where the brain, the ego, is very much like, I'm gonna get what I want one way or another. Sometimes that ego gets in your way. So you just have to be Mindful of like communicating, I don't think. Was there a question to that? We were just talking.

[B]

Oh, by the way, if you're a Patreon, this is what we usually do at the end of these shows is in the after podcast. We get a question and then we just go off on a completely different tangent. And often you're like, what was the question?

[A]

Well, I think we're still in the

[B]

same ballpark, so this is very much the after pod.

[A]

It's not yet, but it's about to be where we're talking. More. More questions from our Patreon again, if you guys want to. Sometimes we do Patreon Q A only stuff. If you want to be a part of that, get in the Patreon. I've got a last couple quick fire questions just to get them all out. Will Boss ever join for an episode? I don't know.

[B]

Maybe.

[A]

No, I'm not expecting.

[B]

Oh, he said he's open to it, so. But that would be.

[A]

Well, we'll have to talk to the producers, I guess. Yeah, exactly. What about On Guard?

[B]

On Guard.

[A]

And also, is it going on hiatus? Someone asked

[B]

good questions. So because of my travel, definitely there will be a three month hiatus, but we'll shoot when I get back. Also, other members of On Guard right now are going through medical issues as I just finished up as well. A huge medical issue. So we do have a new episode coming out this weekend, I hope.

[A]

Has someone been sent an email asking about. Okay, when did that happen?

[B]

Two days ago.

[A]

Two days ago when you were getting married, you wouldn't send me an email expecting something crazy.

[B]

Can you do the.

[A]

That's crazy. I'm already doing too much or sorry. Apparently there'll probably be a new episode coming out this weekend. Yes, finally.

[B]

But no, there. We'll have a little hiatus for a couple months and then. But we'll be back. Would Boss be on that? Maybe if there was the right topic. I don't know. What I don't want to make like all of our shows all about the marriage. So they're not.

[A]

Don't expect all of them to be about the marriage. I just, I want to be very crystal clear about where we are, what's good, what's. I mean, nothing's bad, but like what's. What's good.

[B]

We might have bass on an after pod to answer questions. We could have joined the Patreon after pod. And you have specific questions for him. I'm sure he's been along for this ride the entire way too, so. And he's new to Paulie as well, so I'm sure he'll.

[A]

Has he read Polysecure and Ethical?

[B]

I haven't asked him that question.

[A]

Sounds like homework. I'll let him know this one maybe.

[B]

He does listen to every pod. So you just gave him homework. So he's probably trying to order the book as we speak.

[A]

Poly Book report. Or you could bring it with you.

[B]

It again. It's packed in a box.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

I'm fair.

[A]

No, we're speed running. Doing a very bad job. Speed running. What changed your mind about marriage? Quickly.

[B]

I think I explained that at the top of the show. That that for me it is a very legally binding agreement that's mainly for the government to tell the government where your money is going to go after you die and who to tax. So for me, marriage only means I don't need a marriage certificate to prove that I love you. And I've always said that to Aaron. I also said that to boss. But there are some legal things that marriage makes. It smooths the wheels of bureaucracy, especially when you live in different countries that make it beneficial.

[A]

So. And he is looking for different. He's finding he gets not finding he gets different things from Boston. He gets from me.

[B]

Great. Yeah.

[A]

I think that's the Quick and easy. Again, quickly.

[B]

Okay. Sorry. Sorry.

[A]

And last but not least. Fist Piggy. Love the name.

[B]

But, but, but, but. I'm gonna back up. But that's not saying that you didn't give me enough. You, you, you, you. I want to make that crystal clear. You've been amazing.

[A]

Oh, I know.

[B]

Needs change over. I'm in a different. That's why it's a stage of life. You. There's nothing you've ever done that has been wrong. So. And it's not like you weren't fulfilling my needs. So I went someplace else. It just. This is where I'm. I'm transitioning to now.

[A]

I know. That's why I said you did something different.

[B]

I know. You know, I'm making that clear for the, the audience.

[A]

I, I, I know. I. That's what I said.

[B]

Stop yelling at me.

[A]

Okay, last question today. This one, it looks like more for me from Fistpiggy who says congrats. I'm curious to know if Amp sees a marriage in his cards for him at all. Whilst I have some friends who have certainly taken a non traditional sense of marriage rather than the social you must get married or be single with society. Is this something in the cards for you?

[B]

That's a good question.

[A]

Well, that's why they asked. It really will depend. It would depend on if there was someone that. That ticked those boxes. I guess I've never been against marriage. It was just not something you were interested in, and so it wasn't on the table for us. I don't know. I find that wearing a collar does deter some people, and these are people that are more hardcore bdsm, that don't understand that. That there's different kinds of relationships out there. But I also have plenty of people I play with regularly that are like, oh, yeah, no, you're collared. But, like, we're having a scene, and that's fine. And I'm not looking for anything anyway.

[B]

I've seen daddies pick you up right in front of me at the Eagle, before, which I have a problem. Which ones? All the furry, hairy daddies that you talk to when we go to there, that's.

[A]

That's just a ballpark. I'm telling you, you're popular, maybe, but if anyone's looking, I'm single. I'm not, but I don't know. I'm too busy. Honestly, I'm busy. I got people in my life that tick all my boxes.

[B]

I don't think it's ever been a driving force for you and, like, even drive until recently.

[A]

So, you know.

[B]

Yeah, I think it's. It's not something we're like, oh, I hope I get married one day. I think, for you, if it makes sense, like you just said, sure, why not?

[A]

I just said that.

[B]

I know. I'm reiterating.

[A]

I do want to. I want to say all of that as we get to the tail end here, though, before we switch gears to the afterpod by saying, it's not easy. It wasn't easy. I don't think. I mean, there were parts that were.

[B]

What's not easy?

[A]

Have you met you? No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

[B]

Are you talking about our relationship?

[A]

No, I'm saying. I'm saying the shifting of relationship, different people coming and going.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

It's not something that, as much as I might make it sound like, oh, so simple, there are times and there are places that make it difficult, but that's where having a communication that is open and honest and telling people what you need and what you ask for. And I've also. I'm not perfect. You know, feelings get emotions in the way, but I want to be clear that it's a work in progress. There are plenty of instances that we've had conversations that Might not have been easy. Yeah.

[B]

People don't see. They're always in any relationship. There are bumps in the road that you have to work through. And they don't see the hours of talking we just flawless when we start

[A]

and stop a camera.

[B]

And the emotional things behind the scenes. Nor should you. You don't see that in anyone's relationship.

[A]

Those are the things that aren't for you. You know? And I don't say that to be. Again, I don't say that to be like, get out of here. I'm saying that because, like, you don't need to see or hear or be a part of those conversations. They're not for you. They're not your dynamic. They're for us. They're for us. And we're about to do some stuff that's only for our patreons here in a second.

[B]

Let's go fight for them. People like to see fighting.

[A]

But, Daddy, if people would like to see the adventures as you go on and do other things. The podcast. Nothing's changing about the podcast.

[B]

I mean, in a way, I mean, we'll do a podcast.

[A]

We're still doing podcasts on. You believe we're still doing the podcast. Daddy will still be on the YouTube every once in a while. It's still gonna. Daddy's on YouTube this last week. He'll be on it next week. There's. There's vlogs coming. There's video, videos. Don't you worry.

[B]

You're not gonna notice anything. Nothing's changing. You're not gonna notice.

[A]

Quite literally. Quite literally. We could film and. I mean, this is kind of. Look. Look back at the content for the last couple months.

[B]

I wasn't gonna tell you I was getting married.

[A]

Well, you're welcome for that. I'm glad we figured that. No, if you look at the content for the last couple months, every once in a while, you are on. But it's me and Samson. Sometimes it's travel stuff, sometimes it's other content, sometimes it's you and Samson. But our content is. Is. It's not easy to produce, I will say, because we are a constantly creating, like, machine. But if we shoot stuff every once in a while when you're visiting or I'm visiting you, like, we are capable. And it's not changing that drastically from the last couple years because Samson's been on the channel for the last few

[B]

years, pretty consistently shot it for Samson. And y' all like Samson, as do we. So it's been a smooth. It's actually been a Strangely smooth transition. You've had it. You've had to adjust to working with someone a little different.

[A]

Much younger and fresher and prettier as

[B]

me and as good as me. But Samson will get there. Sorry. Sorry. Samson, thank God you're not editing this,

[A]

nor does he listen to.

[B]

I know. I love it. I. I could tell you. Tish, Samson, he's never going to hear this unless.

[A]

But if you guys would like to ask more questions, we have a Patreon where we do we. We have an after pod every week after the normal pod that is free that you guys listen to on whatever

[B]

platform that you can go to the patreon.com.

[A]

what's the safeword where we answer another 20, sometimes 30 minutes of content where we're just talking with our patrons, answering their specific questions? If you guys have more specific questions. I don't think we've ever not answered a question.

[B]

And. And they knew. They get a video version of the podcast where they can see that I'm not wearing a Russia shirt. It's a Russian. Okay.

[A]

Anyway. But if people would like to join us beyond Patreon. Daddy, where can they find you online?

[B]

You can find me everywhere. Well, not everywhere. You can find Consistency, please. You can find me on blue sky at Mr. Christopher, or you can follow the naughty stuff that happened between me andboss on mrchristopher.com or tpeboss.com you can

[A]

find me everywhere at pump amp. It's just pup amp p u p A M P. Very simple.

[B]

See, I told you I'm complicated.

[A]

But regardless, thank you all for listening. Thank you all for your questions. Thank you all for your interest. Thank you all for your support. And we will see you all next time. Go.

[B]

Bye. But also.

[A]

Okay, confusing.

[B]

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you for. I honestly thank you for the number of people. I would say 85 to 90% of the people are just purely happy for not only boss and I, but you and I and the congratulations and all this is so sweet. And all those messages were really nice to receive. So thank you for that.

[A]

Can I sign us out now?

[B]

Now you can sign us and we'll

[A]

talk to you all next time. Bye. Bye. Wow, you're trying to rush me. We rush. We're. We're at a minute, like an hour 10. What do you mean rush? We went over.

[B]

This is very important topic.