627. Healing Through Conversation: Building Trust in Polarizing Times - Katie Hyten, Essential Partners

Summary

We Are For Good Podcast - Episode 627 Summary

Title: Healing Through Conversation: Building Trust in Polarizing Times
Guest: Katie Hyten, Essential Partners
Release Date: June 23, 2025

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Introduction

In Episode 627 of the We Are For Good Podcast, hosts John McCoy and Becky Endicott engage in a profound conversation with Katie Hyten, co-executive director at Essential Partners. The discussion centers on the pivotal role of dialogue in bridging divides and fostering trust in today’s highly polarized environment.

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Katie Hyten’s Background and Mission

Katie Hyten brings a wealth of experience in international negotiation and conflict resolution, having studied at Tufts University's Fletcher School. Raised in a military family, Katie’s upbringing involved frequent relocations, fostering an innate ability to understand diverse communities and cultures.

Notable Quote:
"Growing up in 11 different places taught me to understand where to fit in and how to be myself amidst diverse environments."
[04:09]

Katie's personal experiences, especially witnessing her father's challenges during the 9/11 aftermath, ignited her passion for facilitating meaningful conversations that center on lived experiences rather than abstract debates.

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The Importance of Dialogue in Polarizing Times

John and Becky emphasize the increasing polarization in society and how Essential Partners aims to address this through structured dialogue. They discuss the necessity of creating spaces where authentic conversations can occur, allowing individuals to express themselves without fear of judgment or backlash.

Notable Quote:
"Dialogue could be the most powerful tool for healing that change."
[02:52]

Katie underscores that effective dialogue does not require complete agreement but rather a commitment to understanding and empathy.

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Essential Partners’ Approach to Facilitating Dialogue

Essential Partners employs a blend of training, facilitation, and consulting to help communities navigate difficult conversations. The organization focuses on transforming the "container" – the environment and rules governing interactions – to foster more productive and respectful dialogues.

Key Strategies Discussed:

• Changing Conversation Dynamics: Shifting from identifying individuals as "difficult" to understanding systemic patterns that hinder effective communication.
• Creating New Norms: Implementing structured methods such as having each person respond to the same question or introducing pauses to manage the flow of conversation.
• Building Long-Term Capacity: Equipping community leaders with the skills to conduct ongoing dialogues rather than one-off discussions.

Notable Quote:
"All of these things repeat over and over and you might recognize this from your own classes or team meetings where kind of the same three people take up a lot of airspace."
[10:06]

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Case Study: Shenandoah University’s Dialogue Program

Katie shares a compelling case study of Shenandoah University in Virginia, which, following the 2017 Unite the Right rally in Charlottesville, invested in dialogue training. By 2023, over 150 faculty members and 3,400 students had participated in dialogues, leading to transformative outcomes.

Highlights:

• Campus-Wide Engagement: Implemented dialogue as part of the curriculum across 40 courses annually.
• Impactful Conversations: Facilitated interactions between Jewish and Palestinian American students, fostering mutual understanding and human connection.
• Cultural Transformation: Elevated campus culture to one where meaningful and respectful conversations became the norm.

Notable Quote:
"What we can start to see what becomes possible. Now that wasn't possible before and I just love that story."
[16:02]

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Practical Advice for Nonprofits on Initiating Dialogue

Katie provides actionable strategies for nonprofits seeking to engage their communities in meaningful conversations:

1. Align Purpose with Action:

   • Clearly define the purpose behind initiating dialogue.
   • Ensure that the objectives align with the desired outcomes, whether it's fostering safety, understanding budget implications, or building community.

2. Inclusive Participation:

   • Involve those directly impacted by the conversation from the outset.
   • Tailor the participant list based on the conversation's goals, ensuring relevance and investment.

3. Avoiding Common Barriers:

   • Recognize and address patterns that lead to unproductive dialogues, such as domination by a few voices or conversations escalating without control.
   • Shift perspectives from labeling individuals to understanding systemic issues.

Notable Quote:
"Don't do it alone. Articulate a purpose and bring people in early and say, is this something that is. That matters to you."
[24:13]

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Personal Stories and Impact

Katie shares two poignant stories illustrating the power of generosity and community support:

1. Organizational Generosity:

   • An accelerator fund from a generous donor allowed Essential Partners to match funds for their clients, enabling larger and more impactful projects.
   • "It's such a gift that we can give. It's honoring of our mission, it's honoring of their vision."
     [30:52]

2. Personal Generosity:

   • Facing her mother's illness, Katie's friends orchestrated a supportive weekend, handling all logistics so she could focus on her well-being.
   • "They organized a day at a place where you could just kind of relax and be without your phone."
     [30:52]

These stories highlight the profound difference that both systemic support and personal acts of kindness can make in individuals' lives.

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Conclusion and Resources

As the conversation wraps up, Katie emphasizes the importance of silence and pauses in dialogues, allowing participants to process and reflect.

Notable Quote:
"Don’t rush in to fill the gaps. Breathe so you can let the conversation breathe."
[34:00]

Katie encourages listeners to connect with Essential Partners for resources and support in fostering meaningful conversations within their communities.

Contact Information:

• Website: whatisential.org
• Email: [e-mail]
• LinkedIn: Katie Hyten

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Key Takeaways

• Dialogue as a Healing Tool: Structured and intentional conversations can bridge divides and build trust in polarized environments.
• Systemic Change Requires Intentionality: Transforming the "container" where conversations occur is crucial for sustained and meaningful dialogue.
• Empower Community Leaders: Providing the necessary skills and support enables individuals to lead conversations that matter.
• Generosity Amplifies Impact: Both organizational support and personal acts of kindness are vital in fostering resilient and compassionate communities.

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This episode serves as a compelling guide for nonprofit professionals, community leaders, and anyone interested in cultivating empathy and understanding in their interactions. By embracing the principles shared by Katie Hyten, listeners can contribute to an "Impact Uprising," fostering a more connected and harmonious world.

Transcript

[Becky]

Hey, friend. If you've been feeling stuck in your mission, you're not alone. Impact up movement is happening July 10, and it's designed to help you unlock momentum with clarity, courage and community.

[John]

Yes, Impact up is a free one day virtual event for change makers who are ready to move their mission forward. Here you'll walk away with real practical tools like how to use your data to spark action, how to craft a clear and compelling elevator pitch, and how to create messaging that really cuts through and moves people.

[Becky]

We'll also tap into joy fueled fundraising inspiration and even slow down for somatic practices to help you lead with more grounding and alignment. Because real movement starts from within.

[John]

And here's what makes it even more powerful. The We Are for Good community is hosting local meetups in 20 plus cities around the world. From New York to Nairobi, from Calgary to Caracas, Venezuela. Changemakers are gathering in real life to connect, reflect and build community together.

[Becky]

So grab your free [e-mail] impactup and check the map to see if there's a meetup near you. That's weareforgood.com impactup let's get in motion together.

[John]

See you there, friends. Hey, I'm John.

[Becky]

And I'm Becky.

[John]

And this is the We Are for Good podcast.

[Becky]

Nonprofits are faced with more challenges to accomplish their missions and the growing pressure to do more, raise more, and be more for the causes that improve our world.

[John]

We're here to learn with you from some of the best in the industry, bringing the most innovative ideas, inspirational stories, all to create an impact uprising.

[Becky]

So welcome to the good community. We're nonprofit professionals, philanthropists, world changers, and rabid fans who are striving to bring a little more goodness into the world.

[John]

So let's get started. Becky, the day is here.

[Becky]

I have wanted to have this conversation for almost three years, and I honestly think the timing that it's hitting could not be more perfect. I'm so excited.

[John]

Yeah, like, we thought we had problems three years ago. It's like, no, they just continue to grow. There's a. There's a tease for where we're going today because the topic we're leaning into is this idea of dialogue across difference. And you've heard us talk about that or you've heard it through the Gather at the well series with Lindsey Fuller. And we feel like it's an imperative at this time of figuring out how to hold space in such a polarizing time, not just for our country, but around the world. And we just have this belief that dialogue could be the most powerful tool for healing that change. Well, let me take you back. Three years ago, we were sitting at the Stand Together foundation event out in Denver, and Becky, Julie, and myself were sitting on the row. It's like a TedX style event. And Katie Hyten takes the stage as the co executive director at Essential Partners. And what transpired over 10 minutes, I'm.

[Becky]

Still not okay in that. Years later, years later, I'm still not okay.

[John]

Yes, that that planted the seed that the work that she's doing, the way that she sees the world, the way that she sees conversation, is so grounding and shifting, and we wanted to bring that conversation to the podcast. So today we're joined by Katie, and she's going to tell us a little bit about her work at Essential Partners, which is this organization that helps communities navigate difficult conversations and build trust across divides. Y' all see the through line that we need this right now, Right? With her background in international negotiation, conflict resolution from Tufts University's Fletcher School, she has this deep expertise in dialogue, identity, and civic action. And she's worked from everything from local churches and grassroots groups to consulting with the likes of Harvard Medical School. So her work empowers people to engage difference with both courage and curiosity. Katie, to have you on the podcast means the world. Welcome to the show.

[Katie]

Thank y' all so much for having me. This is. Has been a long time coming. I've been such fans of y' all for a long time, so this is gonna be such a fun conversation.

[John]

Oh, my gosh. Thank you, friend. Well, I mean, would you. Let's start by just kind of filling in some of the gaps of your story. We heard some of your professional accomplishments, but take us back growing up, like, what planted seeds in you that now is the work that you're doing? Take us back to growing up.

[Katie]

I love that. I. So I was actually raised in a military family. My father spent his career in the Air Force, and so we moved around a lot. And it's funny, the narratives that you make looking back that you never would have made in the moment. And I think one of the things that really stuck out to me growing up is I was spending so much of my childhood in really lovely ways, really trying to understand each place that I lived. Right. I was always kind of a little bit on the outside trying to understand, okay, how do people talk, how do friendships work, how do classes work, you know, what are the expectations here? And then trying to figure out where to fit in and where to be myself. And as a kid, That's a really interesting process. I think most kids go through a version of that. I just got to go through a version of it in 11 different places instead of just a handful. And that really intimate experience also connected with my father being stationed at the Pentagon on 911 and really seeing that viscerally connect with my own experience of watching my dad try to call everyone that he knows in the days after. And then also kind of looking at the news and the policy and seeing this real disconnect between what was happening at this national stage in this national conversation and the conversations that were happening in my own home and really just seeing these dots connect around. Wait a second, how does this dissonance happen? How does this become this whole big thing when I'm just sitting here watching my dad try to call all of his colleagues when the phone lines were down in the news? And so you have these little moments that come together throughout. I think anyone's growing up, but for me, I think it led to this deep desire to explore the world around me, to figure out what makes it so that people know they belong or don't belong, and to have the conversations that matter most, that center the people most impacted and don't blow up into this hypothetical conversation. That's this national news thing, but really deeply grounded in people's lived experiences and lives and the things that are impacting them every day.

[Becky]

I mean, you're being very humble here. I mean, your, your dad is a retired Air Force general, you know, and I can imagine that kind of proximity opens the world in different ways. But also every single one of us friends have a unique lived experience. All of us have unique values, belief systems. And John, I'm remembering this conversation we had with Kerry Watkins, who's the executive director of the Oklahoma City Bombing Memorial. And her biggest takeaway is so much of what I love about Essential Partners. And she talks about the importance of finding common ground and how can we start to not pick apart the things that tear us apart. But how do we start in the center on the stuff that we do believe in? And we are in the most fractured world I have ever lived in as a Gen Xer. And we have got to start building toward common ground again. The level of anger and opinion that all of us have about everything that's going on is at a fever pitch. And I just feel like, Katie, what you do at Essential Partners is such a microcosm of what we think could unlock this profound listening, this profound empathy, this need to remember our civility and our humanity and So I want you to take us into your mission, talk about its history, talk about Essential Partners, talk about what your work looks like today, because it was somewhat new a little bit when we were hearing about it. And I'm like, how has it evolved given this landscape that we've all been living in?

[Katie]

Yeah, Essential Partners has actually existed for more than 35 years, which is wild. It is old, is almost as old as I am. And we were founded actually to help people build relationships across differences that make it possible for them to address their community's most pressing challenges. And when we look around at the institutions at the heart of our community life, we don't really have the relationships and the skills and the infrastructure to engage effectively even across really tough differences, whether it's an everyday difference or really existential difference. And we see things devolve all the time. I know that y' all believe that community is everything, and we believe that too. So to help kind of combat that tendency to devolve, we want to work where people's lives and futures are already intertwined, where they're already in community together, where they're already living, working, studying, or worshiping together. And our work is really a blend of training, facilitation and consulting that is oriented around fundamentally changing, helping communities change the way they engage across differences. So it's not just a one off workshop or random encounter between strangers. We're really working to help people build the skills in their own terms, to co create their culture in a way that helps people feel heard and understood and able to move forward together. I think this is really interesting, especially where you started, because we can do that even in the absence of agreement or common ground.

[Becky]

There you go.

[Katie]

Even where common ground doesn't exist.

[John]

Yeah, that gives me hope, so much hope. And I just think you've already kind of seeded this. But I think it does come down to creating the container or the conditions where authentic dialogue can really flow. I mean, especially in today's polarizing world, it feels like it's sometimes hard to find the spaces where you feel like you can be fully authentic and fully like break it down with someone else. What does it look like to create that condition? What are they and what does it look like to hold that kind of space?

[Katie]

I love that question. It's really so important to our work. Whether it's an organization or a community, we oftentimes talk about these organizations or these communities as containers with rules and norms that kind of act as boundaries to invite some things and discourage others. And we believe that you can change the shape of conversations and relationships by changing the shape of that container. So when we talk about creating conditions, we're kind of changing or we're moving people away from this idea that this person is difficult into this notion that this person wasn't set up for success. No one wants to be the difficult person. We fall into those roles when we work with folks. More effective dialogue requires first, a really deep understanding of the pitfalls that your team or your organization or your community has fallen into in the past and to begin to recognize patterns. So, for example, do the same three people show up to every town hall? Does the same person speak every first in every meeting and anchor the conversation in whatever conversation they want to have? Does the conversation always speed up as people jump in? And it gets faster and faster and faster until all of a sudden it's a runaway train and you've completely lost control? Are people asked to constantly defend their perspective? Are people poking holes in each other so that people are forced into a defensive mode? Right. All of these things repeat over and over and over. And you might recognize this from your own classes or team meetings where kind of the same three people take up a lot of airspace. And usually it's not intentional. Those folks aren't sitting there consciously saying, my voice is more important than everyone else's voice. I would like to take this whole space. It's just patterns that we fall into. Once we figure out with folks what isn't quite working for them or what are the patterns that they fall into, then we can start to create a new container. We can start to design something that invites something new. In places where the same people speak first every time or take up most of the conversation, we might instead invite each person to respond to the same question before moving on. Or if the conversation always escalates, we might invite just people to start taking a breath between speakers. Or if people feel really backed into a corner, we might ask what they want others to understand about their perspective rather than really forcing them to answer a barrage of questions.

[Becky]

This is just such a human response that takes this defensive energy that we bring into conversations that honestly slows us down. And I'm not, and I'm not negating that that anger is not righteous and deserving in any ways. But I really like this approach to how can we mutually move forward? And I think it would be really helpful for people who are listening to hear a story of how this has played out. Like, in your world, can you share, like, maybe a time a conversation shifted something meaningfully Whether that was an individual or maybe at the community level, I'm remembering one you told before in the past. And I was shook to the ground when I heard about the farmers in Arkansas, you know, working with their city officials. So. And I'm sure you have many more, but yeah, make this practical for us.

[Katie]

Yeah, I was actually thinking about this, and for me, the stories that matter most to me are always the ones that are hitting home today.

[Becky]

Yeah.

[Katie]

And, you know, I think as we think about creating these new containers that set people up for success, we think about how these patterns exist everywhere and how to kind of create this long term vision. And one of the stories that I've been loving recently is In December of 2023, in response to the October 7 Hamas attacks on Israel and then Israel's bombing and invasion of Gaza, Shenandoah University in Virginia hosted a campus wide dialogue as part of its Shenandoah Conversations program. This event used dialogue, used our model of dialogue, and folks have been trained in it since late 2017. Where it ended is after the dialogue, one student described a moment between herself as a Jewish student and a Palestinian American student where they were able to mutually declare that they had seen each other as humans. The university president actually told the whole faculty afterwards that she had so many students coming to her office telling her that it was one of the most transformative educational experiences they'd ever had at Shenandoah University, especially in even students who had struggled to find a sense of belonging on campus. And the lead up to that dialogue. Now, what I love about this story is that they told us afterwards that the way that the Shenandoah campus was able to come together and have a conversation that was fundamentally different than it would have been six years prior is because dialogue had transformed their cultural, their campus culture. So something was possible now that wasn't possible before. Now this is really interesting to me, and it just hits home so much because Shenandoah actually reached out to us after the Unite the Right rally in Charlottesville in 2017. It took place right near their campus, and that had the opposite experience where people really wanted to talk about it, but they had no idea how to. And in this time between 2017 and 2023, they had trained over 150 faculty members to have dialogue in their classrooms. Almost half of all of their faculty, over 3400 students, have participated in a dialogue on campus.

[John]

Wow.

[Katie]

And over 275 students have been trained to lead their peers in dialogue. 40 courses every year embed dialogue into the curriculum. So when we talk about changing the container. When we talk about changing the way that people engage across difference, it doesn't happen overnight, but over this, over years, you can start to see what becomes possible. Now that wasn't possible before and I just love that story.

[Becky]

Can they come and teach my family how to communicate about strong feelings? Come on in. We got generations for you to work with.

[Katie]

I mean, I mean all of our.

[Becky]

Families, let's be honest, we need to.

[John]

Board gameize this somehow. Yes, that's a word. But I think your, your language sticks out to me because you keep talking about dialogue. That's the word of choice and I think it stands starkly against like a one time conversation. It's like a push and pull. It's a. You say this, I receive and say this and. And it feels more like a dance and people are uncomfortable dancing. You know, I think that there is. When you're not just sending a nameless survey and then we're going to file the results somewhere. It's like I have to make myself vulnerable to be able to respond and to know what to say next. So I do think creating this culture of a dialogue does take work to integrate this into our everyday practices. What are some suggestions you have of like how to codify this and make it part of an institution?

[Katie]

First of all, I love your dancing metaphor for so many reasons.

[John]

Because I'm a bad dancer.

[Katie]

I think it's so apt. And it actually reminds me of something that we talk about a lot in our work, which is that it's a little bit spreading out the discomfort. So if you go to say a dance class or a night dancing, this would be my absolute nightmare. I have too many limbs. Right. It just doesn't. And they all wire together.

[Becky]

Yes.

[Katie]

It doesn't work for me, but I'm usually going to that thing and I think I'm going to go to a line dancing event with one of my friends in a couple weeks. But he's been going for a long time. Right. And so he's been sending me videos and he's been helping walk me through it. And he's going to take me to a class and we're going to prepare. Right. And it's the same thing because he's trying to help me feel more comfortable doing something that I'm not comfortable doing. And I'm trying to find joy in something that gives him a lot of joy. Right. And that's how community is built is not in making everyone really uncomfortable and painful, it's in spreading out that discomfort a little bit so that we can be in community together when our lives are intertwined.

[John]

Ooh, that's good.

[Becky]

Katie, you are so good. I'm just like, what unites us has got to be so much stronger than what divides us. And I know that it can't just be this easy, that we just have these conversations, these one time conversations and they automatically shift the culture of what's happening in our organization. It has got to be like a drum beat. And I'm curious what some of the biggest barriers you see to this not working because I definitely want us to avoid them because we want to help support leaders in overcoming a lot of these barriers that you see.

[John]

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[Becky]

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[John]

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[Becky]

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[John]

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[Katie]

Absolutely. And I. So I'll kind of, kind of transition a little bit if that's all right. Because I think the thing that I feel is that people are really hungry for things to be different. No one wants to be in this horrifically devolving situation where we have to scream to be heard or we feel like we have to be silent because if we speak up, no one will understand us. And so when we think about this long arc, we're thinking about how do we help notice and support people who are already informal and informal positions of leading conversations, people who are already bringing people together. And it could be a faith leader, it could be a teacher, it could be an after school person at the ymca. It could be a team leader or a manager. And what we notice is that most of those folks are never actually trained to help their students or their teams or their kids grapple with really hot button topics. And whether they want to or not, those topics are coming up more and more. Even in math class or a daily stand up meeting or a gardening club. We can't really contain it or separate it anymore. And so often folks are terrified of starting or opening a can of worms or a conversation that could really go sideways. And so our job is to help equip them with the skills that they can feel confident and competent enough to have the conversations that matter most, while also recognizing that there are real risks. You know, we're seeing every day in the news teachers ending up at a school board hearing or managers suspended or people being villainized or targeted or professors getting bad reviews because they've opened up a conversation that really they weren't ready to have or they weren't equipped to have. And so we have a whole bunch of resources on our website. We have trainings that we can help folks become more equipped. But I will say that one of the things that we really encourage folks to start with is just recognizing that this is different and that there's risk and that change happens at the pace of trust. And that's, I mean, that's Adrienne Marie Brown's and probably many other folks as well. But when we equip them, when people have the skills to do this, then they can step into this work on their own terms in a way that gives agency to everyone involved. So we always make sure that people have a sense of agency to participate in something that impacts them. It's not hypothetical, it's not theoretical. This is something that people feel is they are connected to in some way and it's important and urgent enough to take that risk. And so it's that slow burn of amping up over time to say, yes, change happens at the pace of trust. Yes, we have to start somewhere. Yes, we need skills in order to do that. And that's really where we come in.

[John]

I mean, Katie, A, you're so quotable. B, you're so practical, just living for this conversation because we are in this season. I think we always try to be about this, but this season we're double downing on getting activated, doing the thing, not sitting on the sidelines, not feeling like we're just clammed up and feel like we can't move forward. So something that I feel through our community and conversations is that nonprofits are curious. How do you begin a dialogue with your community about a conversation that you're maybe worried about? Maybe when you're worried that you're going to alienate a certain demographic or you're going to say or present in a way that maybe alienates some of your donors. Like, how do you walk through a situation like that with as much guidance as you could give our listeners today?

[Katie]

I love this. I think there are two things that we start with in every engagement that we ever do. They are the North Star for our work and their purpose in people. So. And the. The clincher of these is that they have to be aligned. So hypothetically, if you're a nonprofit and you say something like, we really want to have a conversation about whether my city is a sanctuary city, or we really want to have a conversation about our LGBTQ community, something like that, first you have to understand what the actual purpose of that is, right? It's not what you want to do. It's what you want to become possible because of that. So are you trying to create a sense of safety for the people who come to your programming? Are you trying to understand implications for your budget? Those are two very different conversations, right? Are you trying to build a sense of community? Are you trying to build it specifically for those communities? Are you trying to build a broader sense of community? All of those questions impacts the kind of people we bring into the table and bring to this conversation. A question about the budget might bring in the board, but not bring in the random people who come to your after school programs. Or maybe it should, maybe it does, but that's. That's your call, right? A conversation that deeply involves the experiences of a particular group in your community, whether it's LGBTQ community, people of color, Republicans, you know, whatever group you want to bring in, does your purpose help meet them? Right? And so that's that alignment piece. Are the folks who you want to come to this conversation willing and invested in the purpose? And if they're not, then you have to adjust those two things. So what we always say is just don't do it alone, right? Articulate a purpose and bring people in early and say, is this something that is. That matters to you, that is impacted, that is impacting you, that is something that you want to see be connected in conversation about. And I think as we start, those would be the first two steps that I would take. You have a clear sense of what you want to be different as a result of being in dialogue. And are the people who are going to be impacted by that conversation involved from the beginning to say, yeah, we're on the right track. This is what we want to do. This is what's most important. And to have that kind of back and forth because, you know, as we said, there are risks and there are opportunities to be in community together. And it has to be worth the risk for people to show up and do something different.

[Becky]

You're just so right. And I can see this being such a multiplier in so many ways. If I just think dialogue as culture is such an impact elevated way to look at the way that your culture moves and your movement, whatever your mission is. Like how often are you in dialog with the people on the front line? And thank you for talking about the people on the front line are the ones who will be most impacted, so they should be asked first. So I think this is so strong. And I will also even argue for anyone that's kind of pushing back and saying, I don't feel good about this, y' all. Can you imagine? Remember that feeling when you had to take something to your the board for the first time? Like those of us who ever had to go and present in front of a board? Do you remember that feeling inside your body and your chest? And when you go alone to present something to a board, it is very isolating. But having dialogue is going to give you tons of people's voices behind you. You are speaking on behalf of so many and the collective is so much more powerful than the ones. Which is why I also the do not go in this alone. So I, I just think you are onto something categorically groundbreaking here. Katie. I. I wish everybody would hire you for all manner of work, from business to nonprofit to community to just my. I'm like my local PTA could benefit from a little bit of this honest dialogue. My kids pto. But I do believe that story is the thing that grounds us because when we see ourselves in someone else's story, we're more open. We're. We're going to be more vulnerable. And I'm curious about your story. And we love to ask every guest on our podcast about a moment of generosity, of kindness. Maybe it's philanthropy that happened to you in your life that profoundly changed you. And it doesn't have to be a multimillion dollar gift. It could be a random act of kindness. What's coming up for you?

[Katie]

I love this invitation to story. And I'll also just say one thing that we often start with. Every community is different. Every context is different. We often start with a question that we ask everyone, which is something like, can you tell us a story that would help us understand how this particular thing is impacting?

[Becky]

Oh, what a question.

[Katie]

It opens up something new every time, and it really kind of invites people to connect with each other's stories rather than each other's positions. So I really love this question. Can I tell two stories, one very personal and one great? Perfect. So the first I'll tell is for our organization because I think that right now, philanthropy matters and funding trusted funder relationships are some of the most joyful, life giving things that we can ask for because it allows us to say yes. And we did have a funder who stepped up after October 7th, and they actually said to us, let us help you make what you're already doing more accessible and more impactful. And so they've called it an accelerator fund. They gave us funds up front. And basically anytime a client or a partner comes to us and wants to do a thing and we say we create this whole vision for what we want to make possible with them, and they can only afford half of it. We can afford the other half, which is wild.

[Becky]

I love that.

[Katie]

And it's such a gift that we can give. It's honoring of our mission, it's honoring of their vision. It's. It creates a whole new world of opportunity where we can say yes. And as every nonprofit knows, being able to say yes sometimes is the hardest thing, right? Because you have resource constraints, you have time constraints, you have personnel constraints. And this incredible funder that. That just trusts us to say yes to the right people to do work that we're already doing was such a gift. So that I think really moved me and gives me such hope for what is to come in the funding space. I think more and more funders are doing that. On a personal note, a moment of generosity. Something about the way you framed that question made me want to be more personal. And I'll say my family has been going through a little bit of a hard time. My mom's a bit unwell, and I have three girlfriends, and we try to get together at least once a year. And we had been planning this trip for months. We were going to all meet up in Tennessee, where one of my friends lives. And about four weeks before this, my mom had a diagnosis that wasn't great. And my friends, unbeknownst to me, went behind my back and organized this weekend to really be about my own care in a way that I hadn't been able to do for a while. They planned all the meals. I didn't have to plan any meals. They did all the cooking for the weekend. They organized a day at a place where you could just kind of relax and be without your phone. And I just sat there feeling so deeply cared for by people who had seen me and I didn't ask for anything because at that point, it was so fresh. I didn't know what I needed or I didn't know what to ask for. And I was just trying to stay afloat and to have these folks show up with just such a generous spirit. It wasn't money. It was time, and it was effort and it was kindness, and it was the generosity that you spoke of, Becky, really hit home for me. And I think, you know, as we as those two stories together have really moved me because it's the systemic and it's the personal. It's the big and it's the very, very small. And I think especially this year, I'm feeling the need for both of those things.

[Becky]

And the fact that you have been sitting here preaching how belonging has to be central for this to work and it was paid forward to you is giving me all of those emotions coming up out of my stomach right now and telling me, one, that you have a really good community around you, and two, that what you're saying is work. It works.

[John]

It works.

[Katie]

Yeah, it works.

[John]

Yep. I love that I have to come out of this and try to bring this back. What a beautiful story. Thank you.

[Becky]

So glad it's not me.

[John]

Well, Katie, you know, from listening to the show that we wrap all of our episodes asking for a one good thing. And this could be a piece of advice. Maybe it connects to what we talked about, or maybe it's, you're gonna pull the wild card again on us and have us in tears. What you got? What's your one good thing?

[Katie]

I think today I'm feeling like my one good thing is to not underestimate the power of silence, that these pauses to take in what someone has said or think about what you really want to say or just taking a deep breath after hearing something hard, all of that makes such a difference. It gives a physical breathing room to a conversation where people can imagine and reflect and process. Don't rush in to fill the gaps. Breathe so you can let the conversation breathe.

[Becky]

I really needed to hear that on pretty much the daily Katie, because I do not like awkward silence. Yes, John knows this about me, but also there is something really human in sitting in that. The quiet discomfort of what could be. And so, Katie, we want more people to find you. We want people to hire you. I think the world, world needs this work on so many levels. I mean, you have worked with college campuses, workplace non profits, local communities, secondary schools. And I'm like, if you were thinking, we need this at our organization or at Our company like this is what Essential Partners is. We give people the means to strengthen relationships, deepen belonging and renew hope in their communities. So please connect the dots for all of our listeners. Where can they find you, Katie? Where can they find Essential Partners and give us all the social handles. Best place to reach you.

[Katie]

Oh, y' all are so wonderful. I am so excited to stay connected and I love this connection between We Are for Good and Essential Partners. So the best place for folks to reach out to us is on our website. So Essential Partners can be [e-mail] a short URL.

[Becky]

Yes. And where do you hang out, Katie? Where do you hang out online?

[Katie]

You can find me on LinkedIn. That's the best place to reach out to me. You can also email me. So my email is Katie K a t I ewhatisessential.org and I would love to hear from you because I think one of the things I love about this place and this space is we oftentimes talk about Essential Partners operating at the cornerstones of community life. And I think y' all do that as well. And so if you are at the cornerstones of community life and you want your conversations to be different, please reach out because we exist to help you, of course.

[John]

Katie invites dialogue.

[Becky]

Drop in your email address, very own brand.

[John]

Or if you just want to check in on your line dancing progress, we've got that hooked up and I can't wait.

[Becky]

We might check in anyway on that.

[Katie]

Yeah, y' all, it's not going to be great, but it will be fun.

[John]

It will be.

[Becky]

Yeah, I. I understand. My awkward mom dancing would be out there with you.

[John]

What a rich combo. Thank you. It was worth the wait.

[Becky]

And I just want you to know we are rooting for you. And honestly, I'm rooting for your mother. I'm going to put her in, in a place in my heart so I can think about her and keep going with this deeply important work that's going to heal community by community, person by person. I believe in it.

[Katie]

Thanks, y' all. Oh, come join US. US and 4,000 other people are doing this work. So you are not alone. We would love to. We'd love to be a part of it with you.