629. A Call to Kinship: Reimagining Generosity and Connection (Birgit Smith Burton, Mide Akerewusi and Nneka Allen)

Summary

We Are For Good Podcast - Episode 629: A Call to Kinship: Reimagining Generosity and Connection

Introduction

In Episode 629 of the We Are For Good Podcast, titled "A Call to Kinship: Reimagining Generosity and Connection," hosts Jon McCoy, CFRE, and Becky Endicott, CFRE, engage in a profound conversation with three esteemed guests: Anika Allen, Birgit Smith Burton, and Mide Akeruwusi. This episode delves deep into the essence of kinship, exploring its transformative power in the nonprofit sector and beyond. The discussion emphasizes moving from transactional philanthropy to building authentic, relational connections rooted in shared humanity and collective care.

Meet the Guests

• Anika Allen: A visionary founder of the Empathy Agency, Anika brings over 25 years of experience guiding the philanthropic sector towards practices rooted in justice and wholeness. As a descendant of African and Indigenous ancestors, her work embodies courage and resistance, fostering a practice of belonging.

• Birgit Smith Burton: Founder of the African American Development Officers Network (AADO), Birgit has spent decades breaking barriers in fundraising and mentoring fundraisers of color. As the first African American woman to chair the AFP Global board, her work is a testament to radical generosity and communal uplift.

• Mide Akeruwusi: CEO of HNC, Mide leads a global philanthropy consultancy grounded in equity and social change. With extensive experience across continents, his approach reimagines philanthropy as justice in action, emphasizing mutual care and solidarity.

The Essence of Kinship

The conversation commences with a heartfelt introduction to the concept of kinship. Anika Allen articulates, “We are connected to each other, whether we know it or not, whether we accept it or not [...] If we're going to survive or thrive, we can't do it alone. We have to do it with one another.” [Anika Allen, 06:59] This foundational idea sets the stage for understanding kinship not just as a professional connection but as a deep, intrinsic bond that transcends individualism.

Generosity and Philanthropy: From Transactional to Relational

Birgit Smith Burton emphasizes the need to shift philanthropy from being merely transactional to fostering authentic relationships: “Kinship and philanthropy is moving from giving to being with. How can you connect to that, not just giving to, but being with?” [Birgit Smith Burton, 25:19] This perspective challenges traditional donor-centered fundraising, advocating for a values-driven approach that prioritizes shared humanity and collective care.

Mide Akeruwusi echoes this sentiment, highlighting the barriers within the sector: “We have a racial schism in our sector, [...] we are met with resistance that tells us that we do not belong.” [Mide Akeruwusi, 15:21] He calls for a philanthropy that is not about charity but about justice and mutual upliftment.

Personal Stories of Generosity

The guests share personal anecdotes that illuminate their understanding of generosity:

• Mide Akeruwusi recounts a pivotal conversation with an elder who humbled him by stating, “The most stingy people in this world are the ones that complain the most about being generous.” [Mide Akeruwusi, 41:22] This dialogue reshaped his approach to generosity, reinforcing the joy and fulfillment derived from giving.

• Birgit Smith Burton reflects on her journey into fundraising: “I have been a member of AFP for 35 years [...] I do not call myself an accidental fundraiser or an accidental anything anymore. I am where I'm supposed to be.” [Birgit Smith Burton, 47:17] Her story underscores the intentionality behind her career path and the profound impact of communal support.

• Anika Allen shares a formative experience from her childhood: “My mother's approach to generosity was just so, so wise. She gave me a little envelope for my tithes and taught me the power of sharing and giving to something bigger.” [Anika Allen, 48:09] This early lesson ingrained in her the values of generosity and community.

Embodying Kinship in Daily Practices

Becky Endicott challenges listeners to integrate kinship into their everyday lives: “How can people really start to own this and start injecting it into the culture and the communities that they are right now?” [Becky Endicott, 30:20] The guests offer practical strategies:

• Mide Akeruwusi advocates for truth-telling and mutual understanding: “Let's be committed to telling the truth as we see it and not be afraid that the truth that we see may be different from the truth that others see.” [Mide Akeruwusi, 30:25] He emphasizes the importance of dialogue and understanding diverse perspectives to foster genuine connections.

• Anika Allen highlights the role of physical presence and empathy in sustaining relationships: “Radical kinship calls us to step around the table or around whatever the cord is, to stand next to the person and look out and see what they see.” [Anika Allen, 37:14] This approach encourages stepping into the gray spaces of conversation, beyond binary thinking, to nurture durable and accountable relationships.

• Birgit Smith Burton stresses the importance of mutual care and recognizing interconnected struggles: “Mutual care and solidarity [...] recognizing interconnected struggles. [...] it is about being with.” [Birgit Smith Burton, 25:19] She envisions a philanthropy grounded in collective responsibility and shared humanity.

The Power of Storytelling

Birgit underscores the unifying power of stories: “One of those connective tissues that is always going to connect us is the story.” [Birgit Smith Burton, 43:45] Sharing personal narratives fosters empathy and bridges gaps between diverse experiences, enabling a deeper understanding and connection within the community.

Conclusion and Call to Action

As the conversation winds down, the hosts and guests reaffirm the necessity of kinship in creating meaningful and sustained impact. They encourage listeners to embrace radical kinship as a pathway to transforming the nonprofit sector and fostering a more connected, generous world.

Anika concludes with a poignant prayer from Cole Arthur Riley's Black Liturgies, encapsulating the spirit of belonging and the intertwined freedom of communities:

"We are grateful that you are not a God who demands a spirituality rooted in some solitary existence... May we be stirred to extend [friends and care] to others." [Anika Allen, 53:35]

Notable Quotes

• “If we're going to survive or thrive, we can't do it alone. We have to do it with one another.” — Anika Allen [06:59]

• “Kinship and philanthropy is moving from giving to being with.” — Birgit Smith Burton [25:19]

• “We have a racial schism in our sector, [...] we are met with resistance that tells us that we do not belong.” — Mide Akeruwusi [15:21]

• “The most stingy people in this world are the ones that complain the most about being generous.” — Mide Akeruwusi [41:22]

• “Radical kinship calls us to step around the table or around whatever the cord is, to stand next to the person and look out and see what they see.” — Anika Allen [37:14]

Final Thoughts

Episode 629 serves as a clarion call for nonprofit professionals and philanthropists to reimagine their approach to generosity and connection. By embracing radical kinship, fostering authentic relationships, and prioritizing collective well-being over individual success, the episode inspires listeners to contribute to an "Impact Uprising" that transcends traditional boundaries and creates lasting positive change.

For more insights and resources, listeners are encouraged to connect with the guests through their respective platforms:

• Mide Akeruwusi: LinkedIn
• Birgit Smith Burton: LinkedIn
• Anika Allen: The Empathy Agency | Substack

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This summary encapsulates the essence of Episode 629, offering a comprehensive overview for those who seek to understand the transformative power of kinship in the nonprofit and philanthropic sectors.

Transcript

[Becky]

Hey, friend. If you've been feeling stuck in your mission, you're not alone. Impact up movement is happening July 10, and it's designed to help you unlock momentum with clarity, courage and community.

[John]

Yes, Impact up is a free one day virtual event for change makers who are ready to move their mission forward. Here you'll walk away with real practical tools like how to use your data to spark action, how to craft a clear and compelling elevator pitch, and how to create messaging that really cuts through and moves people.

[Becky]

We'll also tap into joy fueled fundraising inspiration and even slow down for somatic practices to help you lead with more grounding and alignment. Because real movement starts from within.

[John]

And here's what makes it even more powerful. The We Are for Good community is hosting local meetups in 20 plus cities around the world. From New York to Nairobi, from Calgary to Caracas, Venezuela. Changemakers are gathering in real life to connect, reflect and build community together.

[Becky]

So grab your free [e-mail] impactup and check the map to see if there's a meetup near you. That's weareforgood.com impactup let's get in motion together.

[John]

See you there, friends. Hey, I'm John.

[Becky]

And I'm Becky.

[John]

And this is the We Are for Good podcast.

[Becky]

Nonprofits are faced with more challenges to accomplish their missions and the growing pressure to do more, raise more, and be more for the causes that improve our world.

[John]

We're here to learn with you from some of the best in the industry, bringing the most innovative ideas, inspirational stories, all to create an impact uprising.

[Becky]

So welcome to the good community. We're nonprofit professionals, philanthropists, world changers, and rabid fans who are striving to bring a little more goodness into the world.

[John]

So let's get started. Hey, Becky. What's happening?

[Becky]

Hey, John.

[Anika Allen]

Wow.

[Becky]

The day is here. You know, I, I, we have a lot of podcast episodes, I think. I don't know where we're at right now. Six, 20 something, and it's like a joy to share brilliant ideas. It's a joy to get to know great humans. We are so thrilled that our guests are here today and it's going to be a powerful gathering of voices answering this call that feels more urgent than, than ever that we feel like, which is this call to kinship. So I am ready for this, John.

[John]

I mean, the word kinship, I know, united us as we got together to kind of talk about what this conversation could feel like, what we could walk away with. And we asked this question of like, what would it mean to really return to each other and to build relationships from that shared humanity and also the shared possibility, that critical hope that we have talked with Lindsey Fuller so much about on this show. But today, we're joined by three incredible leaders that are truth tellers who bring deep wisdom, lived experience, and global perspective to this topic. And so we're so honored.

[Becky]

Yeah, so honored. And just feeling the humility and the respect and the we're not worthy. I'm feeling like the Wayne's World we are not worthy. But it is truly a joy to bring two repeat alums back into the podcast. And then we have a new friend in the house. But first on honored to welcome back Anika Allen. She is a mother. Say that first. I know that's so important to you. Hello, Destiny Storyteller, leadership coach podcast alum. She's been in the We Are for Good podcast many times, and she's a visionary founder of the Empathy Agency. She is a descendant of African and indigenous ancestors whose courage and resistance shape her work today. She's a stone catcher and a freedom fighter. I love that so much. Who she's really helping guide the philanthropic sector for more than 20, 25 years. And so I love her work that really invites us into a practice of belonging that is rooted in justice and wholeness. I am here for both of those.

[John]

It's also so incredible to welcome back the incomparable Birgit Smith Burton. She's the incredible founder of the African American Development Officers Network, aado. Shout out to all of our friends. Part of this incredible community. But Birgit, you may remember, from the first time she came on the podcast, I often cited as one of my favorite episodes, she spent decades breaking barriers in fundraising, mentoring generations of fundraisers of color, and building equity into the very DNA of our sector. She was also the first African American woman to chair the AFP Global board. Hello. And her work is a living embodiment of radical generosity and a communal uplift. She is a culture mother to our entire sector, so to have her in this space means the world.

[Becky]

Okay, I'm fangirling on our third one. We are thrilled to be joined for the first time by our new friend, Made Akaruzi. He is the founder and CEO of HNC. I have been a long time like LinkedIn follower of Midday. I just think when he speaks, there is something about the world gets still and centered. And I feel like he understands my soul. But he has this incredible global philanthropy, consultancy and agency that's grounded in equity and social change. He's got this deep experience across continents. And Midday brings a perspective that is both expansive and it's intimate. And he's really extending this invitation to reimagine philanthropy not as charity, but as justice in action, which feeling very much the Darren Walker vibes on that, too. His commitment to black generosity and social investment really challenge us, challenges us to lead with values and vision. And I have seen this enacted in everything that he says, and from what I understand, he does. So Midday, we are pinching ourselves and so excited that you're here as well.

[John]

And I promise we're going to let everyone talk. We were just so excited to introduce y' all. But let me just level set that this is a conversation that's not about performative inclusion, conceptual frameworks. It's about embodied kinship. That's what we're inviting everybody into today. We do want to talk about reorienting our work, our leadership, our systems, but in the spirit of moving toward connection, repair, and reciprocity. So, friends, looking at you all and putting my hand on my heart, thank you for being in this space today. Welcome to the podcast.

[Anika Allen]

Thank you, Jonathan.

[Birgit Smith Burton]

Thank you.

[Anika Allen]

So good to be back.

[Birgit Smith Burton]

Good to be here again with you and my. My brother and my sister. Come on, now. I'm always.

[Becky]

Sacred space.

[Birgit Smith Burton]

Yeah.

[Anika Allen]

I go anywhere with y' all. Anywhere.

[John]

Well, friends, I mean, I want to give the floor to each of y' all. We gave small glimpses of your bios, but tell us about the work that you've been doing, what brought you to this table, to this moment, and into this conversation. Anika, I'll kick it to you first, my friend.

[Anika Allen]

Absolutely. Thanks, John. You know, it's interesting. More and more, I'm finding that radical kinships, it's at the heart of my work as a coach, and my passion for helping people is growing and it's expanding, and it's very much headed in the direction of helping us find hope and destination and more justice in all of our relationships. So our relationship first with ourselves, our relationship with others, and also our relationship with Earth, you know, inanimate things. I believe we're connected to each other, whether we know it or not, whether we accept it or not. And so when I continue to unpack that truth, it makes the quality of our relationships a consistent, urgent priority in a highly individualistic world. And so if we're going to survive or thrive, we can't do it alone. We have to do it with one another. My history bears testament to that, and I think it's true for all of us, no matter who we are. And so the sooner we realize that kinship is in us, it's a part of us. It's the way we were designed to be with one another. And that in order to do that, I think we're going to have to be radical about it. That just has all year long been simmering, simmering, simmering in both my personal life and in my coaching practice. And I've just been looking for more and more ways to unpack that, more people to explore that with. And so that's why I'm here. And there's no two other people in my life, in my work life, certainly other than my brother Midday and my sister Birgit, who demonstrate and perhaps Nicole Salmon, too. I have to just put her name right in there, who embody and personify what radical kinship is and can be and what it feels like in your bones. So I'm grateful to share this space with them and you.

[John]

So beautiful.

[Becky]

Such a good level said. And I. And I really. We're going to drop Anika's initial episode into these show notes because it is so deeply important for you to understand her history and her background. I mean, I think it gives a lens to what the empathy agency has become and such a powerful level set. Birgit, what about you? I see you jumping in there.

[Birgit Smith Burton]

So my story, there are a lot of twists and turns that brought me to where I am today and to who I am today. But when I think about my career, and many people know that I founded the African American development officers network, AADO, because 30 years ago, I was the first frontline fundraiser. And I say of color, but I was the first black fundraiser at Georgia Tech. And when I looked around the room, I saw other people who were black. But it didn't dawn on me for a minute that they were not fundraisers, that they were administrative person professionals. And I don't say that in a, you know, in a condescending, you know, manner or tone, but they weren't fundraisers. And it honestly wasn't until maybe five years later when I received a Trailblazer Award. And I said, what am I receiving this Trailblazer Award for? And they say, because you were the first black fundraiser. And I said, and we're celebrating that. I mean, like, you know, in almost 2000, that's something you give an award to someone for. But so, you know, so that that led me to founding aadl. I loved fundraising. I loved that work, and I believed in the missions that I was advancing. I needed a space where I could be understood, though, without Having to constantly explain. And I needed a community of people who looked like me, who shared unspoken realities of navigating predominantly white spaces and, you know, within white institutions while I was trying to thrive professionally. And so I realized and understood that that longing was not about connection. It was about kinship. And I didn't realize that then. Right. And it was many years later. I didn't even know what to. What to call it. Like, I didn't know it was kinship then, you know, and understanding that now is like the exclamation point. Right, I get it. And I'm working that into, you know, all of my, you know, conversations about it. And I'll conclude this part by saying I was speaking in Rochester, New York, last week, and a young woman got up at the end of my time. And, you know, I have spent half of the entire existence of AFP. I have been a member. Okay, so AFP is 65 years old. I have been a member of AFP for 35 years. Right. And one of the first founders of AFP was a black man in 1960. And people don't realize that.

[Becky]

I didn't know that.

[Birgit Smith Burton]

Yes. 65 years later, we have the first CEO. Do we go, yay, that's great. Or do we go, wait, What? It took 65 years? But anyway, I'll conclude by. The young woman stood up and she said, I attended an AADO meeting 12 years ago in Cincinnati. I worked with a wonderful young woman, Adrienne Taylor, in creating a session for folks in need, 75 people. And this young woman heard about it and drove. I'm going to get emotional. You know, I'll know how I am. She drove seven hours from Rochester, New York, to. To get to Cincinnati to be in community with professionals who looked like her and identified with her. Seven hours overnight to get there, to be there. We weren't even advertising this in Rochester for Cincinnati. And 12 years later, that was the connection that was important to her. She's still in fundraising. She's doing amazing things. And so that's. To me, that's. That's kinship. Right. And that. Okay, I could keep going, but we need to hear from the day. But, yeah, so, you know, kinship.

[Made Akaruzi]

Kinship.

[Becky]

Good luck following that one.

[Made Akaruzi]

Beautiful, beautiful expressions. I've heard from the very beginning of our conversation today, your wonderful, warm welcome. Yeah. I feel at home with this conversation. And thank you. Thank you for the love that is being shared and thanks for just the wisdom that is already coming to me just around what kinship is and how to take that and be radical about It I'm on board. And I would say that the reason that I'm on board is because ever since I was a child, I have.

[Becky]

Had.

[Made Akaruzi]

A very curious interest in justice, fairness, in equity, in balance, because I grew up in an environment where sometimes those virtues were lacking. And so no surprise that I would find the social good sector as a whole for myself is a place to dedicate my skills and my passions as a fundraiser. And I think that it has been very hard for me to locate kinship in 30 years that I've been in the nonprofit sector, both almost in equal time in the United Kingdom, in London mostly, and England, and here in Canada, and I'll speak more broadly in North America. And so when I sit back and I ask myself, why has kinship polluted me? Why has kinship eluded us? The first thing that I must identify is that I think we have a racial schism in our sector, that no matter how much we as black people, bring our skills, our experience, our passion, our dedication to want, to establish equity in our sector and across the world, we are met with a resistance that tells us that we do not belong, that our love, our passion, is not equal, is not accepted, doesn't have the same measure as those of our white peers. And so when I ask myself, what is kinship? I equate it to love. And I'll expand a little bit more on there. But I love this idea of radical kinship, because also, to my mind, it's about mobilizing. You know, love can feel sometimes very static. You know, it is. But radical kinship almost, for me, kind of tells you to get up and act on the love that one has. So I feel kinship in this conversation. And look at us, you know, with black and white people sitting down, having dialogue and conversating. And so what does that mean? It means that we have in this conversation, the blueprint for establishing dialogue. And it is something that I feel we all need to invest in, because if we don't, what we have is separation and hate and disparity and all the rest of discrimination and all those other things that we're familiar with.

[Becky]

First of all, I thank you all for sharing that Birgit and Anika, we've heard. So, you know, just a slice of your story. I want to make sure that I plug Collecting Courage, this incredibly powerful book and narrative that I believe everyone working in the sector should read, which was really my introduction to Anika, to this higher level of kinship, this higher level of awareness and allyship. And I just keep thinking, mire, what you just said. About how kinship is rooted in love, and we must be radical. We must be insurgents to protect that and the way that we fiercely protect our missions, our people on the front lines, how we protect our donors, you know, at the top, our board, how do we surround our friends? Because these are deeply painful conversations. This conversation came to bear because I read something deeply painful that had happened to my friend Anika, and we wanted to talk about the fracturing, and how do we get back to that space of belonging? How do we all look around and not feel like we have to drive seven hours to be with people who understand us? And so I want to go deeper into this call to kinship and what it means in this moment for our polarized country and our world. And I want you to talk about why kinship is necessary today, right now, in this moment, and why it is more important than ever.

[Anika Allen]

Yeah, I think radical kinship is the solution to what ails us all, frankly. And the more I dig into the component parts of radical kinship, the more that becomes clear. And so when I think about the radical part of kinship, I think it's really about how we engage and understand and respond to truth telling and conflict with each other. That's the radical part. The radical part is, guess what? I'm gonna tell you what I really think, and you get to tell me what you really think. And we might fight about it, but that won't change the nature of our connection.

[Becky]

There you go.

[Anika Allen]

Right. So those are the ingredients to durable relationships. So the presence of truth telling, the presence of conflict, the willingness to engage in both of those. And then when I think about kinship, you know, it is all about who we see as connected to us. And the who part is not just about people. It's also about the larger world around us. You know, I don't know if you know, but in Canada, you know, there are bodies of waters that are being given personhood. The world around us actually is alive. They're inanimate beings, and we are connected to them, too. So the who is not just about people. And so I like to get into the fabric of that. So what does that feel like, and what is that all about? Well, it's interconnected. It's interdependent. It's accountable. It is responsible. Right. It is tethered. You know, that's the part about being able to tell the truth and fight with one another. You understand that the tether is not coming undone, right?

[Becky]

The mental care is still there. Absolutely.

[Anika Allen]

Exactly. And so, you know, let's just think for a minute, like what would be different for each of us or for all of us if our relationships were marked by that way of being? If we just knew that we could tell the truth and fight with one another and remain connected, Right?

[Becky]

Boom.

[Anika Allen]

That to me, if we can like meditate and activate that, that would change us. I know my life is made richer, you know, and, and I think I become more useful in this world when I allow others to hold a mirror up to me. I tell the truth about how I feel and the things that I see. And when our connections are made explicit so we can disagree and perhaps fight, refuse to disconnect so that we can co create something better. That's been my experience. I've experienced that with my sister and my brother on this call. And it's messy and it is imperfect.

[Birgit Smith Burton]

But it is real.

[Anika Allen]

And let me tell you, it is strong.

[Birgit Smith Burton]

Foreign.

[John]

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[Becky]

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[John]

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[Becky]

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[John]

You want to learn more, head over to weareforgood.com Rex that's we are for good.com for VIP access to orgs and amazing humans doing really great work. It's the opposite of scarcity. It removes fear 100%. And if you get to the root of so much of what's broken in our sector, it's those threads, you know, so you're putting such a practical lens on what, what this unlock is. Birgit, I want to ask you about, you know, specifically in philanthropy where you see kinship because already midday let in with this of like his connection to love. And I'm like, we love celebrating that power of just our fellow love of humankind. Like that's what philanthropy is. So how do we, how do you see it in kinship show up and what's that look like for you?

[Birgit Smith Burton]

Yeah, so I wish we could, you know, get into that fabric with Anika and all, just like grab hands and move forward with that understanding and that passion, it ain't that easy, right? So if I had to deliver the message in my role in leadership, guiding those of, however they identify, what would be some of those kind of core things that we would latch on to, to understand what kinship looks like in philanthropy. I love thinking of it, number one, like kinship and philanthropy is moving from giving to. To being with. Right? So how, how does. How can you connect to that, you know, not just giving to, but being with. And that kind of throws a bomb on donor centered fundraising. Right? Because we could have a whole other conversation. So from sort of a values driven approach that centers on relationships, shared humanity. Can you imagine that? And collective care. I love that as the foundation for giving, for service and social impact, you know, so, you know, if we could begin to think about it like that, which is, you know, going to, you know, erase a lot of the. How we look at fundraising and focus more on, you know, what does kinship really look like in philanthropy. So a couple of key elements that I thought of is of course, you know, relational over transactional, emphasizing authentic relationships. You know, we could get into a whole three days seminar on that and not just financial exchanges. And I love this mutual care and solidarity. So this, this really resonates with me. Shared responsibility, you know, on this philanthropic journey and you know, recognizing interconnected struggles. Because, you know, Anika really, you know, put a spotlight on, you know, it can be messy, you know, our kinship and our relationships, but we don't fracture it because we have those points where we don't agree, we disagree, we have differing opinions, but that doesn't mean we have to fracture, separate and move on. And so I could go on and on, but I think that's the biggest point I want to make when we talk about kinship and philanthropy, that it's. It's not just about giving to, you know, it's about being with.

[Becky]

And so, yeah, that resonates so deeply with every belief system that we have here. We are for good. I mean, we talk about you cannot build for community, you build with community. If you want to have a movement because people want to see themselves in the movement, they want to see themselves in the impact and in the change. And if we are leaving people on the margins of this work because of race, because of sexuality, because of gender, because of religion, because of insert whatever divides us, then we are not allowing the movement and the people within it to power it to its most full potential. And midday, I want to go a little bit beyond just like intellectualizing these conversations and we're an activating community. We want to see the change, we want to know the change, we want to activate and be that change. So how can we start embodying kinship in our everyday lives? How can people who are listening, you know, someone who say, I'm only one person, I've only been in the sector for two, two years. I am not a manager, I'm whatever the excuse is. How can people really start to own this and start injecting it into the culture and the communities that they are right now? What do you have thoughts on that about?

[Made Akaruzi]

Yeah. Thank you. This feels like a bit of a layout because that's a basketball term, right?

[Becky]

You got it. Oh my gosh. I am alley ooping. Go.

[Made Akaruzi]

There we go. There we go. Because. Because I think certainly my sister Nika has spoken about truth telling. So I would say first of all, let's be committed to telling the truth as we see it and not be afraid that the truth that we see may be different from the truth that others see. Because right in the middle of that is a great opportunity for dialogue for us to actually speak to each other's truths. As my sister Mekha has shared and sister Beckett talks about mutuality. You know, there's a reciprocal nature, I think, to life, which means for me that not everything is a one way street. Right. And I often have to check myself that if ideologically I'm going in one certain direction, then I owe it to my self ideology ideologically also to understand what's coming in the other direction. I want to hold those two realities, the one that I treasure and the one that I see other treasure, others treasure, which may actually be different. But I have to be curious about why that person thinks this other way. And I think for us to be open in that way, I think we're living in times now where. Where somehow, and I don't know how we got here, but we now believe, broad based society, that if somebody gains, then I lose.

[Becky]

Why? Why is this in our brain?

[Made Akaruzi]

That's right. And I wish I could answer the question as to why. I just see it, I observe it, this belief that if somebody gains something, then that means I can't gain that thing or something. And especially, you know, when we add and layer race onto that, it could be defined in our sector as well. If black people succeed in their roles in our sector, then that means perhaps me, for example, as a white person will experience loss in our sector. But just imagine a sector where actually everybody gains right when we come together. That's right. That's it. So maybe what we're saying is that we have. Have mindsets that are not constructive to this concept of mutuality that we can all gain. Right. And I think it's normal and very human to want to gain. For me, that's the purpose of time, for me to be able to gain more knowledge, more experience today than I did yesterday. So that concept of gain, I think, is a good one, but it's not an either or. I don't experience loss because I see my peers succeeding. If anything, I gain inspiration. And I think there is a mindset here. I want to close on one thing. Just be practical about this. In Bell Hook's book, All About Love, she. She spends a lot of time trying to define love. And the crux of her discovery as to how these granular elements of love come together are really just two things. It is my ability to nurture myself spiritually while also looking for opportunities to nurture the spiritual health of others. That is what we need to be dedicated and committed to on a practical level as human beings, the upliftment of ourselves and the upliftment of others.

[Anika Allen]

And spirituality in that quote is not talking about faith. It's talking about the totality of who we are.

[Becky]

Yes.

[Anika Allen]

Yeah.

[Becky]

I am sitting at the feet of the pulpit of Midday, and I am never leaving. I think there's so much healing and wisdom, and I just. My therapist would say something triggered in you. You need to bubble that up. I'm so conscientious of how hurt, of how targeted you all have been and how this conversation has been. Nothing about a call to abundance, to connectedness. And there's no anger. There's love. And I. And I just want to tell you that I see that, and I have felt that every time I have worked or seen any of your work. And I just want to level set and thank you for the way you're modeling that and how much it affects me. And I hope it's affecting others who are listening.

[Anika Allen]

Becky, I just want to say there is anger. There's righteous rage in this, too. And that's good. It's actually good. And it's healthy and it's useful because we know how to channel it. And the abundance that we speak from comes from an experience of abundance in the communities we belong to. It's what we know. It's how we are who we are. And so we can only show up and be who we are, and that's effectively what we're doing. But there is a usefulness to righteous rage. And you Saw some of that play itself out and you will see it again. And you should.

[John]

I mean, could we talk about the tension of that? I think you framed this really beautifully earlier, that you can be on different sides of the equation from somebody. That there's that tether. The kinship is the tether. How do you walk that? You know, how. What are some practical ways that you can, like, lean into these conversations, that it's easier to just close the tab? Right.

[Anika Allen]

So from my perspective, a lot of the answer resides in our physical bodies, where we put them.

[Birgit Smith Burton]

Yes.

[Anika Allen]

So you just said on either ends of, you know, a discussion or a point. I think radical kinship calls us to step around the table or around whatever the cord is, to stand next to the person and look out and see what do they see. And they can do the same for you and you can have a dialogue and conversation about it. We live in a very binary society. And my brother was talking about a mindset. And I would say it's that mindset comes from a culture, a pervasive culture that says it's either this or it's that. And that's not true. We live our lives in gray space and in the gray space where our relationships exist. And if we decouple ourselves from the belief that it is either black or white or this or that, then we can let go of our position for a minute, step around, stand beside the other person and look out to see what they see and invite them to do the same. So that you can have a dialogue and a deeper conversation about what's real. That dialogue can be rage filled. That dialogue can be conflictual. That. I mean, I fought with both my brother and sister. Have we not?

[Becky]

You've thrown down Becky and I do. Yeah, of course we have.

[Anika Allen]

Never for a minute, never for a minute did I think, oh, we won't be connected.

[Becky]

Yeah, that's the difference.

[Anika Allen]

Never for a minute.

[Birgit Smith Burton]

Never.

[John]

I gotta lift Carlos Whitaker, we got the chance to hear him a few weeks back and he talked about, don't stand on issues, but walk with people. I'm like, oh, it's bubbling up for me. Like, that's a powerful living in the gray space together. That's where life happens. That's where relationships happen. It's beautiful.

[Anika Allen]

Yeah.

[Birgit Smith Burton]

Yeah.

[Becky]

We deeply believe that one of those connective tissues that is always going to connect us is. Is the story. And we talk about all the time, like telling the story of now. I mean, midday, I think. Birgit, you too, mentioned truth telling. You know, it's in bio for One of you and. And story really unlocks that empathy, that awareness, that ability to relate. And we really want to hold some space to give you each a chance to talk about a time where, whether it was philanthropy, generosity, love came into your life and profoundly changed you and made. I'm going to kick it to you first.

[Made Akaruzi]

Great. Thank you, Becky. You may have a different opinion of me after I share this story, so I'll put that out there. But I remember many years ago, well, maybe about 20 years. And actually this conversation has since shaped my approach to being generous. I was speaking with a friend of mine, and he was an older gentleman. I would consider him to be an elder. And I was complaining to him about the fact that I felt I had to be generous all the time. And, you know, there were some taxing issues that I had around, you know, either family members asking me for money or my church asking me for money or, you know, charities asking me to donate. And I was just speaking to him, and he said, you know what? He paused. He listened to what I said. He said, you know what, Mithi? I find in life that it's the most stingy people in this world that complain the most about being generous.

[Birgit Smith Burton]

Ooh.

[John]

Truth telling.

[Anika Allen]

True elders come.

[Made Akaruzi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I humbled me in that moment. Not only did he teach me, he humbled me in that moment in time. And that conversation has shaped my approach to being generous since that day. That I will not complain or miss an opportunity to be generous. Whatever I can do, I can just like, just do it, even if it's the smallest token, rather than complain about it. And I think for me, that has been a really important lesson for me to hold that there is no limit to being generous. And when I think back over the last 20 or so years, can I tell you that nothing has given me more joy than being generous with either my fun, my time, the things that I have, that I share, my skills. Nothing has given me more joy than to part with the things that I have and share them with others. And so I think there's a real lesson there that, you know, we should not tire of doing good, because in doing good, much goodness comes.

[Birgit Smith Burton]

Yes. Yes.

[Becky]

Well, you are incorrect. I love you more after that story. You know, our friend Jeff Schuck has. Has a really great quote, and he said it's never been easier to be a pessimist and to sit in the cheap sheet, cheap seats right now. Well, we need to realize is the world is waiting for us to step into that generosity, right? To realize that we each have a part to play in it, like preaching, inventing low social utility, you know, generosity. That is where the magic and the deeper connection happens. So, Birgit, what's bubbling up for you?

[Birgit Smith Burton]

Mine is around, you know, what I've done in my life being an accident. So I do a presentation called the Accidental Fundraiser. And if you've read any of my story or heard me speak about this before, about how I was on my way to a career in the theater, having spent a year at the university majoring in musical theater, studying classical voice for almost a decade, and so on.

[Anika Allen]

And so forth, which means she can sing, y' all. She can sing.

[Becky]

We're ready for it.

[Birgit Smith Burton]

The jury's out. Still out on that one. But that was. That was on my way. You know, that was my plan. And so as I've told my story over decades, you know, I've said that, you know, certain things happened. My advisor discouraged me from pursuing a career because I was black, and it was gonna be too difficult. And so that's part of my story, how I ended up in fundraising. And it was not my intention. And I've been telling that story, you know, for decades. Decades. And I had the opportunity to meet Justin Guarini, who was the runner up to Kelly Clarkson. We sat next to each other on a plane, and when he woke up from his nap, you know, after I took a selfie of me.

[Becky]

Overly. We're gonna need proof of that later.

[Birgit Smith Burton]

You know, I had a lovely conversation with him, and I told him how I, you know, I had gone into theater, and I was going. My plans for theater, and we had a wonderful conversation, and he, you know, shared a piece, had an amazing career, and people always say, well, he was the one that lost American Idol, that he lost to Kelly Clarkson. Well, he had to beat out hundreds and hundreds of people to be number two. You know what I mean? Like, he was number two, but people call him the loser. Right? He sent me a text message a couple of weeks later because he ended up speaking at the AEDL conference. And he pretty much corrected me after all these years by saying, what happened to me was not an accident. Exactly where I'm supposed to be. I would not be here on this podcast with y' all. I mean, I'd be off doing something else. I'm sure it would be meaningful. But when I look back on my career and the opportunities and just being able to be in brotherhood, sisterhood, you know, kinship with all of you, particularly Midday and Anika, would probably not have happened if my Life had gone in other directions. So I do not call myself an accidental fundraiser or an accidental anything anymore. I am. It's purposeful. I'm where I'm supposed to be. And I don't. I don't regret it, not one moment. And so that's. That's my. My. Aha. You know, and knowing that things don't happen in our lives, you know, simply, you know, by accident, I. I believe that we are where we're supposed to be, you know, in some divine order. We ended up here, so.

[Becky]

And we're all better for it because you did.

[John]

Yeah.

[Becky]

All right, Anika, bring us home.

[Anika Allen]

Well, you know, this is the sort of question that I feel like we could just spend a lot of time unpacking. I see evidence of black generosity everywhere I look. I think the space right now is an example of black generosity, because when you asked me to come, I said, well, let me go ask my brother and sister. And they never hesitate.

[Birgit Smith Burton]

Right.

[Anika Allen]

And so. And so I struggle with this question because there's just so many examples. I want to tell you about the. Our Day Studies Club, the oldest black woman led charity in Canada that started in Windsor, but I wrote about it on my substack, so I'm not. So folks can go read it.

[Becky]

Go follow Anika right now.

[Anika Allen]

Folks can go read it. And if we want to have a conversation about the beautiful ways that I'm connected and interconnected with that community, I would love that. But I think one of the most profound lessons around generosity came from my mother. I can remember being a girl going to church, and my mother's approach to generosity was just so, so wise. I remember she gave me little. She gave me a little envelope for my tithes. And she just said, you know, Ana, this is what a tithe is. I do it. You. You have your little monies. I don't know where I got the money, but little monies. And she said in a portion of.

[Birgit Smith Burton]

That.

[Anika Allen]

Belongs to God. Now I'm gonna give you the little envelope, and I want you to work out what you want to put in the envelope. And I did. I don't remember what my young girl self did to work that out. I have a memory of the sort of bodily sensation of letting go of what I thought was mine, you know, the power of sharing and giving to something bigger.

[Birgit Smith Burton]

Right.

[Anika Allen]

Something beyond myself, something that wasn't obviously, you know, improving my life. And that completely shapes how I view generosity and more than that, my role and responsibility to be generous. And then I've had the complete Delight to pass that along to my daughter, who is by far one of the most generous people I know. And so it was only when I heard my brother start to tell that story that I was like, oh, my God, I remember the little envelope that my mom gave me, and I remember that. That, you know, I think everybody has a money story. And she was teaching me how to relate to money and what money has to do with community and figure out for myself where I want to be in that dynamic. Carla Taylor, shout out to her right now.

[Birgit Smith Burton]

Mama.

[Becky]

Carla knows what's up. She is the change.

[John]

The three of y' all are incredible humans, powerful storytellers. I can't get the chills to go down off my arms over here. This is what matters. You know, it's like we have a podcast for nonprofits. Like, that's. That's nice. This is. This is what connects us in this world. It's what's calling us to something better. So thank you for the way y' all walked into this room, not just today, but just every day. Our listeners are going to want to be in kinship in connection with each of y' all. Can we talk about what's the best way to find each of y' all? Where do you show up? I'm hearing about a substack, so I'm getting on my app right now. Anika, I'm finding you, but, yes, why don't you tell us where you hang out and we'll. We'll roll around the circle so everybody can get connected to you.

[Made Akaruzi]

Social media phobe that I am, I try to stay dedicated to LinkedIn and so you can check me out on LinkedIn midair.

[Becky]

Kerosea, you will not regret it. I will say as a big advocate. Birga, what about you?

[Birgit Smith Burton]

Same thing on LinkedIn. If anyone feels compelled to ask a question or want to find out how to support AADO, they can send us an email to contact@aado network. And I do want to shout out to encourage people to, you know, consider the conference. I understand what you all are experiencing in Canada and trying to make every way of connecting you to our conference as possible. You know, and I can't apologize for our situation here in the States, but send the love and embrace. Embrace you and let you know that that silliness does not resonate with me whatsoever. Still love my Canadian brothers and sisters across the border.

[Becky]

And we're linking up AADO on the show notes. You can check that out. Please go check out the conference. Please make a gift. Let's do one Good thing. Anika, what about you, my friend?

[Anika Allen]

Yeah, there's a few places people can find me. They can certainly go to my website, the empathyagency. Ca. I do have a substack. I would love it if folks wanted to join me in that space. I'm really enjoying substack. I'm also on blue sky and LinkedIn. And then I just want to ask before we close, I brought a little prayer.

[Becky]

Let's close it out.

[Birgit Smith Burton]

Yeah.

[Anika Allen]

This is from one of my most favorite books, Black Liturgies, Prayers, Poems and Meditations for Staying Human by Cole Arthur Riley. And this is in the chapter on belonging. She writes, divine community. We want to be known and we're terrified of being known, of being laid bare in the presence of another. We are grateful that you are not a God who demands a spirituality rooted in some solitary existence. But it is hard to belong without allowing the direction of our lives to be dictated by those from whom we seek affirmation. Help us to daily discern the truth of our selfhood. That our communities are insight without commanding assimilation. As we find spaces that truly see and know us, help us to not run from them. The more beautiful a thing is, the more terrified we are of losing it. Do not let this terror keep us from the love we were meant for. And as we learn to accept friendship and care, may we be stirred to extend it to others. Keep us from contributing to loneliness and dislocation in the world, knowing that our freedom is mysteriously intertwined with the freedom of those around us. Amen.

[Made Akaruzi]

Amen. Thank you, sis.

[Birgit Smith Burton]

Thank you.

[Becky]

Thank you for all three of you, for the humanness, the love, and the expansion that I feel in this moment right now. I hope those who are listening right now will not only just listen to this episode and stop and be really contemplative. I hope you'll share it with someone else. Let's keep this ripple going because we need more conversations. We need more connections. We need more calls to generosity and more calls to kinship. Adore each of you. You are always in our hearts and always have a sense of belonging here.

[Anika Allen]

Thank you, John and Becky.

[Birgit Smith Burton]

Thank you.

[Anika Allen]

Opportunity. Beautiful. Always to be with you guys.