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Gather At The Well: Turn Down the Volume - Boundaries, Stress, and the Architecture of Recovery - Lindsey Fuller
00:35:06
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- [00:00]
Host (Possibly Lindsay)
Foreign.
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Co-host or Announcer (Possibly Lindsay or a Producer)
I'm Lindsay and it's time to.
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Host (Possibly Lindsay)
Gather at the well.
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Co-host or Announcer (Possibly Lindsay or a Producer)
We're on a mission to microdose wellness, create human centered systems and retain our.
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Host (Possibly Lindsay)
Greatest asset, our people.
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Co-host or Announcer (Possibly Lindsay or a Producer)
We believe it's time for podcasts that teach moving beyond thought leadership and towards change leadership. Join us and our friends at We Are for Good as we model the way with concrete examples from the field and gain tangible tools because it's possible.
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Host (Possibly Lindsay)
To build adult work cultures we don't know to heal from.
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Co-host or Announcer (Possibly Lindsay or a Producer)
Let's get into it.
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Host (Possibly Lindsay)
Hey hey. We're three for three. The third installment of our third season of Gather at the well. Glad you prioritized some time today together. So let's start right here. We're talking about that girl stress. She isn't a flaw in our design though it is our body's built in security system. I'm running with a metaphor this whole episode to see if it lands with you all. Yeah, that stress system, it's wired to keep us safe. So when I talk about the nervous system and the teaching world talks about the nervous system a lot, we really mean it is the system that creates safety inside of your home. Right. And I want you to connect with it in that way to make it really juicy and sticky and tangible. I've talked about my amygdala before in a previous episode. That little almond shaped cutie who acts as a smoke detector in your brain. Here's the picture I want you to hold when something unexpected rattles the window and just me. Or does everything feel hella uncertain? Or if a door creaks open in the night, that hardship sets the alarm off. Here's the thing. Your brain and body are doing exactly what they're meant to do. Alert you, protect you. I don't know, get your attention so you can take action. But sometimes that alarm keeps ringing long after the challenge has passed. And when it does, the noise feels like it fills every corner of your home. You can't rest, you can't focus. You can't even hear your own breath over the blaring siren. That's what ongoing stress can feel like. Living inside a home where the alarm never stops. So the question is, how do we know when our alarm is actually helping us? Or when is it harming us? And when is it stuck in the on position? How do we get out of that? Related to this series? How might that alarm become a part of data that informs our decision to take a powerful pause? Or perhaps it's about turning down the volume while we're already in a Break. And we just need to reset the system so we can fully relax and enjoy our time away from work. In this episode we're going to reframe stress. Not as a flaw, but as the body's way of communicating its unmet needs. We're also going to redefine boundaries. Do a little boundary play. Learning how to build limits that hold peace without shutting people out. We are social creatures. Yes, even you introverts. With the right people, you are able to accelerate your restoration. And of course we want to also refine our self care practices in this episode. Learning how to match your well being work to what your body and mind actually need. But first, a short somatic a body scan. I'm gonna call turning the volume down. I can't even front y'. All. I am tired today and you may be in that place. So this is an authentic share about what's up with stress for me. I want us to take just a couple of minutes because the good news is that somatic practices are always at our fingertips. Free a resource of restoration. Let's take a few minutes to check in with your body, your built in security system. You might place one hand over your.
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Guided Meditation Leader or Wellness Coach
Heart and one on your belly. Or if you're driving, you might just relax into your seat, staying focused but alert. Take a slow and steady breath in through your nose and exhale through your mouth. And again, maybe with a soft sigh.
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Host (Possibly Lindsay)
Ah.
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Guided Meditation Leader or Wellness Coach
Now begin to notice. Bringing your awareness to the top of your mind. And the top of your head is down across the forehead and the jaw. Are they tight or relaxed? Can you unhinge your jaw? Just softening it a bit. Notice your neck and shoulders. You might imagine the volume knob on your internal alarm turning just one notch lower as you exhale. Dropping your shoulders from your ears, rotating your neck if needed.
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Host (Possibly Lindsay)
Feel a little stiffness on the back of mine.
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Guided Meditation Leader or Wellness Coach
So I'm rotating in a little circle. Move your awareness down your arms and hands. Are you gripping at your clothing or holding tension anywhere? Maybe wiggle those fingers, finding more flexibility. Bring attention to your chest and if your hands there you might rub it a little bit and then tune into your belly. Feel your breath lifting your chest and as you exhale let your belly soften. Scan down your back and hips, then through your legs and feet. Notice any heaviness or buzzing energy and just make breathe in to there. Wiggling your toes and your shoes. Seeing if you can root into the ground. And remember you're being held by this beautiful planet.
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Host (Possibly Lindsay)
Take one more breath in and let it out.
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Guided Meditation Leader or Wellness Coach
Slowly. See if you can turn the volume down one more notch right here. Realizing 1% greater somatic release. Remember, you don't need to fix anything. I don't either. Just notice where there's a bit more space, ease or warmth in the body. That's your body shifting from alarm to awareness. That's a quiet act of resilience, y'.
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Host (Possibly Lindsay)
All.
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Guided Meditation Leader or Wellness Coach
Gently fluttering your eyes open. You might stretch or yawn. Today's gonna be a real one, hopefully one that you can source from as.
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Host (Possibly Lindsay)
You move forward through the. All right, let me bring in a little bit for you science nerds. All the people out there that love the brain terms and getting to figure out what's actually going on under the hood. It's me. I love that stuff. So here's the deal. I already talked about the amygdala, but she's spicy. She can't always tell the difference between burning toast in your home and whether the building is burning. She yells, fire. Fire. Every time something feels off, whether it's an email from your supervisor, a classroom meltdown, or a real emergency. And when that alarm goes off, it flips the switch on your sympathetic nervous system, your body's first responder. Bless the first responders. Also, folks that wake up every day to keep our community safe. You have one of those inside of you, too. And when adrenaline and cortisol, which I talked about in the last episode, when they flood your body, doing exactly what they're supposed to, they understand the assignment. Your heart speeds up, your muscles tense, your body's like, let's move. We got things to do. That system is vital. It's what keeps us alive. But it's not meant to stay on forever. At the highest alert level, just running on a loop. That's where our parasympathetic nervous system comes in, the one that slows your heartbeat, deepens your breath and whispers, you're safe now. It's just an email. And above it all sits your prefrontal cortex. I think of this as my inner grownup, that adulting cue that helps us be wise and know what's going on and interpret the world. One who can look around and say, hold up. We're in our home. That smell is familiar. It's just toast. We're fine. But here's where it gets real. When we live in constant stress, when our world feels as uncertain as it does and our bodies don't get a break, that alarm doesn't reset. It just keeps ringing. And eventually, it stops feeling like an alarm and starts sounding like the background music of your life. I'd much rather the Gap Band and Luther Vandross, and I don't know what your background music sounds like. It's a Maxwell or Raheem Devon. Maybe a little Jill Scott instead. When I am in my most profound moments of stress, it is a ringing alarm. It's ruminating thoughts. It's ashy, y'.
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Guest Expert or Somatic Coach
All.
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Host (Possibly Lindsay)
The playlist is giving panic, so you get used to it. And one of the tricky parts that no one talks about is that when that siren is blaring, you can get so used to it that silence feels wrong. If you've ever sat down to rest. And I'm big eye emojiing myself because this is actually me telling on me, but. But immediately you open your phone and start scrolling because quiet made you itchy. That's your alarm still running. If you've ever gone on vacation and needed two full days just to stop thinking about your to do list, that's your security alarm begging for a reset. Educators, caregivers, nonprofit folks. I see you. You're not alone. I'm in it, too. We live in houses where the alarm has been blaring for years. Every meeting, every deliverable, every crisis, every student, every. Can I just get a quick minute of your time? Adds another trigger to the system. But I've got good news. Okay. It's not all doom and gloom. If your nervous system is the alarm, your boundaries are the walls and doors of your home, the architecture that holds your peace. I've only recently started teaching about boundaries because for a while I didn't know how to set them. I also have seen that boundaries can favor the privileged. But I'm really on this mission, along with my colleagues at the teaching well, to think about what balanced boundaries look, sound, and feel like for self and collective care, to be really in a harmony and a flow, a reciprocity. So if you stick with this metaphor, boundaries are the architecture that hold your peace. And here's the truth a lot of us miss. Boundaries aren't about keeping people out all the time. They're also about keeping yourself in. As I journaled last night, I arrived at that awareness. Boundaries help us be whole and grounded, and they tether you to what restores you. Prentiss Hemphill says that boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously. A whole bar. And at the teaching, well, we define boundaries as the limits and guardrails to honor ourselves within relationships and situations. But sometimes we confuse boundaries with barriers, or we think they make us Selfish or unavailable. There is a skill, a fine line in our curriculum on balance, boundaries. We address two misconceptions. That boundaries are for other people to learn. We teach that they're actually needed to honor within ourselves too, because sustained wellbeing takes discipline and consistency. It's the unsexy part of the wellness industry that no one talks about. Getting well is not just soft and fluffy. It's hard and focused. The second misconception we teach is that boundaries don't always look or sound like a hard no. Sometimes it's a I don't have capacity today, but I do want to lean on that project. Am I able to meet with you early next week? Healthy boundaries are actually what makes compassion sustainable. They're what let us fully show up without burning out completely. And they invite others to be a part of a collective care model, reciprocal and anchored in support. That's where I want to work. I don't know about y', all, but sign me up. So how do we find balanced boundaries or even know if they've been crossed by others or ourselves? How do we know if we need to reset the alarm system leading up to or inside of a break? Sometimes our boundaries are too loose. We leave every door open. Checking work email on vacation, saying yes to one more thing. Logging in during your sabbatical to just observe a meeting. I know you're thinking, it's fine. Just listening in real quick. I'm going to join that zoom call while I lay on the couch. But that's the gateway drug to overextension. That's how your nervous system rehooks itself to urgency when. While you're supposed to be resting. This was me a few weeks into my sabbatical. I'm be real, real honest with y'. All. I did. I had a bloop. I thought I could attend our internal retreat. I love retreat. I love my team. I'm a neck tattoo away from them. The entire first day of the retreat, though, we all struggled to know how to interact. I was awkward because I was in my testimony about rest. I was so deeply in the taste of productivity and unproductivity. I was so clear that I wanted to bird watch and I didn't want to look at a computer screen, and I didn't. And my team wasn't sure if I was retreating with them or there to retreat by myself. I think I just felt the pull to care for others, and that's my default to ask questions about clients. And I don't have an outright regret. We actually had Some really productive grapplings during those couple of days. But I look back and I question why I thought I needed to attend. I know I wanted to, but I didn't honor my own needs to stay completely unplugged. And ultimately, we didn't count that week towards my sabbatical, and I extended on the back end. But I share that, because I never want to come off as having all the answers or getting it completely right. And sometimes the opposite can occur and our boundaries can be too tight. We grip our rest days with white knuckles, over planning, over controlling, trying to make rest happen. We tell ourselves, I should be calm, I should feel better by now. I should be grateful. This was me on our last vacation to Hawaii as a family a couple years back. I was a whole vibe. I was like, are we having the best time of our lives yet? My husband's like, yo, chill out. Go float in the ocean. I'm sitting there looking at my kids playing in the sand, like, is this the best day ever? Literally trying to narrate and reprogram. I'm like, okay, girl, chill. We don't always get vacations, but it doesn't have to feel like this. If we're not careful, we can show up to the people we love, cranky and closed off, guarding peace instead of living it. And when we lose rhythm, we lose restoration. This is the thing about healthy boundaries. It's like good architecture. Strong enough to hold, but flexible enough to breathe. They give us the rooms for rest, but the windows for perspective. So the next time you feel yourself edging toward burnout, ask am I keeping the doors wide open out of obligation, or am I locking everything down out of fear? Either way, your body is just trying to feel safe. And it may be time to schedule a break away from work or sit your butt down. Not doom. Scroll and have a compassionate, firm talk with yourself about how you are relating to rest. If you're already in a break and doing too much. I'm an expert at doing too much. I'm gonna add it to my LinkedIn profile. But the work is learning how to reset the alarm, y'. All. Adjust the walls and trust that safety doesn't come from control. It comes from connection to self and to joy sources. As you're reflecting on your boundaries and their role in restoration identification, I wanna call in a colleague, shout out to Rebe in the building the podcast doula. She's going to usher in a little somatic for us. Enjoy.
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Guest Expert or Somatic Coach
Hey, y'. All, Today you've been talking about boundaries. We've been talking about all of the ways in which we create safety and security and establish healthy parameters for the ways that we engage with ourselves, with the world, with our work. And the body is such an incredible vehicle to think about and contemplate this idea of boundaries. We could say that our skeletal frame, you know, creates a framing or a boundary for how we move through the world. Our skin keeps everything in, thus producing a boundary. But our joints are also a really important part of our skeletal structure. And the way that we trigger or the way that our body understands whether or not we are safe in the way that we're moving, moving through the world. So today, I want to invite you to play a little bit and rotate those joints. We want those joints fluid. We want them juicy. We don't want rigid, brittle joints. We want to be able to move gracefully and fluidly through the world. And our joints are a really great indicator for whether or not we are safe. So I want to invite you start by rotating the wrists. And if you have any mobility issues, remember that you are moving your own body and you can really roll to the extent that feels good to you. Mine are cracking right now, which says that I needed to roll my wrists a long time ago. I would invite you to move it down into the elbows, really, just rotating those arms one way and then another, and feeling the way that your body reminds you what the limits are, what are the parameters? There shouldn't be any pain here, just a subtle movement and an understanding of the way that your joints are holding you together. I'd invite you to bring it up to the shoulders. Rolling those shoulders back, really, with wide arms, kind of like a wing, like you're flapping a wing. I hold all of my tension right in the scapula, in the middle of those two bones in the back. So this feels really good to just rotate that shoulder girdle and wake up the back. Remembering to breathe, taking deep breath, deep breaths as we feel into those joints. Moving down into the hip, lifting that knee up and rotating your hip. A lot of tension also gets stored in the hips. This was really wonderful to just release that, whatever tension you might be holding, intentionally seeing it roll out with the rolling of the hip joint, moving down into our knees. Oh, got some knee cracks there as well. Rotating one way and then the other. Just feeling gratitude for the ways in which our knees, our hips, our ankles support us in being able to move through the world. Dropping that rotation down into the ankle. Oh, I took a walk today, so this is feeling really good to just Unhinge those ankles. Say thank you for getting me safely around my neighborhood. We might want to just end with a couple of neck rolls. Gently, not too hyper extending. Oh, just feeling the way that our bones, our ligaments and our joints work in tandem to keep our bodies together. Taking one last deep breath, feeling into whatever your joints might be telling you in this moment and remembering that we have the tools that we need at our disposal to really identify those boundaries and create greater safety in our bodies and in the ways in which we engage with the world. Thanks for practicing with me today.
- [22:57]
Host (Possibly Lindsay)
So I'm on this house metaphor thing, y', all, and I'm gonna ride the wave through the whole episode. So let's jump back in boundaries. Build the structure of your inner house. That's what I said. But structure alone doesn't make it livable. You have to listen to this is the main idea I want to get to what's happening inside your home. That's where the concept of self study comes in. The quiet, compassionate observation of your own stress patterns. I love a self study. I've talked about it in multiple curricular offerings, in multiple podcasts. In the schooling system, we talk about SSTs. They're student support team meetings. Basically. If we're concerned about a student, we hold a collaborative meeting where we start to get curious about what's going on with the behavior, what's going on with their mental health, what's going on with their academic journey and what's on going what we can do to launch interventions that might meet those needs and better uplift that. Kiddo, this is your self sst and I want you to bring a lot of curiosity and non judgment around how you're meeting those moments. By design, when you've lived with chronic stress and your body starts talking, not in words necessarily, but low key in whispers. Those cues are really critical. It's that tight jaw, the restless night ruminating. I love to rehearse a hypothetical conversation. I am grade A at that. That moment you snap at someone you love and think, who am I right now? Those are all signals from your internal security system saying, hey, we're not okay. And not like panic panic blaring siren but like, can we bring some attention and awareness and care here? And it's that here that we don't always see. But when you are able to study those cues, mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, they help you recognize fatigue before it turns into burnout. If you've ever been to a training with a teaching wall, we say the most critical thing you can do is recognize your fatigue cues. That's how you move from reactive to proactive. From constantly recovering to intentionally preventing. Here's where a lot of us get stuck though. We have our go to self care rituals. Okay, you've been getting manicures for 10 years. Or you get in the phone and you call your bestie, knowing that she's your hype woman and she's going to tell you to quit. That might not be the message you need today. Or maybe if you're like me, you love to scroll through funny videos and chuckle by yourself. There's my tea. Now you heard it. Fresh off the street. And then we expect to feel better. But if your body's alarm is blaring and your back's been in knots for three months, that might not be the medicine you need. Okay, I do have one little tangent. I'll let my brain go there because I told you I was a little tired today. But I have been really on this learning train about the concept of revenge. Procrastination. Have you heard of it? Again, I'm a resident expert. Picture this. I tell my husband I'm going to bed early after a incredibly long packed day. Of course, y' all know he's my pesh, so he cheers me on. I slink upstairs, I'm like, ooh girl, treat yourself. You are doing the right thing. I'm affirming myself. I get in the jams, I link up into the bed and do I sleep? Of course I don't. My day has been about serving everyone else. All my time filled. I'm exhausted. But I deserve some me time, right? Cue the rapid fire of memes and reels sent his way downstairs. Undoubtedly a text comes through and he's like, yo, thought you were going to sleep early, babe. I freeze. Not him. Mirroring my wellness. Intention back at me. I'm no more immune to this phenomenon. The intentional delay of sleep as an attempt to reclaim personal time after a busy day. That's revenge. Procrastination. This is the thing. Real well being is about alignment, not perfection. But matching the care to the stress is a critical strategy. The giggles in bed are never worth my tech neck, strained eyes, and way too late bedtime. If your exhaustion is physical, you might consider that your body needs nourishment or body work like massage or chiropractic or movement that releases tension. If your fatigue is emotional, maybe what you need is connection, creative arts or therapy. If it's spiritual, maybe you need silence or prayer or reconnecting with your purpose, self Study is how you learn to listen in a language that your body actually speaks. Not speaking for your body in your comfortable and maybe complacent self care strategies. While I'm not perfect at it, every time I align my self care investment to the actual presenting need, I recover more completely and I want this for you. So here this self care isn't a checklist, it's more of a conversation. It's not what should I do? It's what does my system need right now. Sometimes it's space. Sometimes it's sleep. Sometimes it's permission to say no. To stop trying to take the nap. To say yes with an asterisk. When you listen with compassion instead of judgment, you start to see the truth. Stress isn't something you have to outrun, it's something you can learn from. Because wellbeing isn't about exact balance. It's about rhythm. I think I started this episode talking about that. The rhythm of your own home. Knowing when to reset the alarm, when to patch the walls and when to throw open the windows and let the air move through self care leading up to or within a powerful pause. It's critical. It lets us turn down the blaring siren and find the inner peace to implement the three Rs of recovery with more efficacy. Take a breath with me dropping your shoulders from your ears. If my revenge procrastination got you worried is all right. You're not alone. A few affirmations for those who rock with them. Maybe these land. Maybe you try them on later. I honor my body's security system. It's trying to keep me safe. I can turn down the volume and still trust the signal my boundaries, protect my peace and preserve my presence. I'm learning to listen before I break. Oof, that one just hit me. I needed that for myself. I'm learning to listen before I break. I can align my stress cues to self care efforts. A bit of homework for the wellbeing warriors out there. Grab a piece of paper. Maybe it is your Lisa Frank Planner shout out to the 90s babies. Or maybe it's the back of a bill. Don't overthink it. Just get something to write with. Now sit still and scan your body and your mind. If that's a practice, you're still growing. Maybe you go back to the beginning of this episode for a moment and redo the turning down the volume body scan that I offered on that piece of paper. After you practice, I want you to note one to three areas of the body or brain that are communicating Stress. Be specific if it helps you. You could even draw a stick figure and circle the areas. Now open your calendar. Mm, I said it. Or that drawer where you hide your hoarded wellness gift cards. I know it's not just me. Can you match one of the presenting needs that you have on your stick figure with an upcoming self care appointment? If you have treat yourself, pat yourself on the back. If you haven't yet. You have self care acts scheduled, but none of them align to your body or brain stress cues. Maybe you need to add another one in the next seven days. Give yourself permission to be responsive to your recovery requests. I'm asking you to consider what does my body need today that my mind might be ignoring? How can I align my care to the actual need, not just my habits of self care? And what would it look like? What would it take to create a rhythm of rest that feels like home? I want to close with a little critical hope because we need hope right now, y'.
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Guest Expert or Somatic Coach
All.
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Host (Possibly Lindsay)
Hope is a somatic practice. Let's circle back your brain and body's relationship to stress. It's like a home security system. You can't and you shouldn't rip it out of the wall. Even though sometimes that's what stress and overwhelm make you feel like it's there to protect you, but you can tend to it. I want to learn to manage stress, not have stress managing me. Okay, if that resonates for you, just remember, you can walk through the house, notice what's been tripped, and say, oh, my alarm's going off again. That's all right. I know what to do now. Especially when you're stepping away from work, trying to rest and recover, it's easy to slip right back into urgency. But awareness is agency. I love agency. You can say, I'm safe right now. This is my time to rest. I'm choosing to turn down the volume. With practice, through rest, restoration and the right sizing of the mental load, yes, those three Rs of recovery, you can start trusting and responding to life without being ruled by it. The goal isn't to silence the alarm forever. It's to know when it's been tripped and to learn how to most effectively reset your system. When you do that, your inner house becomes a refuge again. Not just for you, but for the people you pour into every day. Take one more deep breath. You've got this self study thing. It takes practice. It does. But if you give it a bit of attention, you will figure out a consistent way, an effective way to turn down the volume of stress by 1% in your daily micro dose of wellness practice. Let the air move through you like opening a window after the alarm finally stops. Silence can feel scary, but it's the only way to hear how to heal. So thanks for gathering with me at the well today. Join me next time as we talk about sustainable re entry. Yeah, how to come back from time away without losing your rhythm of rest. Until then, take care of your home, the one within you. You deserve it. I'm rooting for you. Talk soon.
- [34:35]
Co-host or Announcer (Possibly Lindsay or a Producer)
All right y'. All, thanks for coming to play at.
- [34:38]
Host (Possibly Lindsay)
Gather at the well, the podcast that teaches.
- [34:40]
Co-host or Announcer (Possibly Lindsay or a Producer)
If you like this conversation, come visit us online@theteachingwell.org and hit us up on our socials. We're always looking for supporters to replenish the well. If you want this podcast to stay in the game, you or your company can donate on our website. Remember to visit the podcast page to download a couple of useful tools to get your life and heal up your org.