Episode Summary: "7 Questions To Reclaim Yourself with Dr. Thema Bryant"
Podcast Information:
- Title: We Can Do Hard Things
- Hosts/Authors: Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle
- Guest: Dr. Thema Bryant
- Release Date: May 22, 2025
- Description: Glennon Doyle, her wife Abby Wambach, and sister Amanda Doyle navigate life's challenges by fostering honesty and support, aiming to help listeners live more bravely and authentically.
1. Introduction to Dr. Thema Bryant
Amanda Doyle warmly introduces Dr. Thema Bryant, highlighting her extensive background as a psychologist, professor, sacred artist, minister, and author of the book Matters of the Heart. Dr. Bryant's work focuses on creating healthy relationships, healing trauma, and overcoming stress and oppression.
Quote:
Amanda Doyle [03:36]: "The person who we're speaking to today is absolutely revolutionary in this hour. She teaches us about self sovereignty... Dr. Thema Bryant is a psychologist, professor, sacred artist, minister, and author of the new book 'Matters of the Heart.'"
2. The Importance of a Good Relationship with Yourself
Amanda emphasizes that building meaningful relationships with others begins with cultivating a strong and honest relationship with oneself. She shares her anticipation to uncover what it truly means to have a good relationship with oneself, a concept many have been told is important but few understand deeply.
Quote:
Amanda Doyle [05:10]: "No one has ever told us what the hell it means to have a good relationship with yourself. And today I freaking learned it."
3. Dr. Bryant's Seven Questions for Self-Reclamation
Dr. Bryant introduces six foundational questions from her work aimed at helping individuals assess and reclaim their sense of self. Glennon Doyle adds a seventh question, enhancing the process of self-examination.
Dr. Bryant's Six Questions:
- Does the state of your life, internally or externally, fall short of what you imagined?
- Did you attain what you thought you wanted only to discover that you still feel empty and unfulfilled?
- Do you have a sense of powerlessness or hopelessness?
- Do you lack the energy or motivation to pursue the things that used to matter to you?
- Do you feel there are no words to capture the ache in your heart?
- Do you find yourself crying often? Or does it seem impossible to cry?
Glennon's Seventh Question: 7. Do you miss you?
Quote:
Glennon Doyle [08:55]: "Here are your six questions... and I will add a seventh one, which is also in a different part of your book, which is do you miss you?"
4. Embracing Grief and Self-Acceptance
Dr. Bryant explains that acknowledging and honoring one's grief is essential for healing and reclaiming oneself. She emphasizes that recognizing one's worthiness to grieve allows for deeper self-awareness and growth.
Quote:
Dr. Thema Bryant [10:25]: "This is the way we come home to ourselves, to finally tell ourselves the truth and to recognize that we actually are grief worthy."
5. The Role of Gentleness in Healing
The conversation shifts to the concept of gentleness, as discussed in Dr. Bryant's book. Gentleness is portrayed not as weakness but as a reflection of inner peace and clarity. It allows individuals to remain grounded and compassionate even amidst disagreements or conflicts.
Quote:
Amanda Doyle [24:28]: "Gentleness is reflective of being at peace with yourself... You are rooted, not reactive."
6. Defining and Practicing Sovereignty
Dr. Bryant delves into the idea of sovereignty, defining it as self-empowerment, voice, and agency. She discusses how sovereignty involves making conscious choices free from external pressures and societal expectations, and highlights its importance for trauma survivors in reclaiming their bodies and identities.
Quote:
Dr. Thema Bryant [28:47]: "Sovereignty is empowerment, voice, agency... I get to choose and care for this body."
7. Practical Strategies for Shifting Responses
Amanda and Dr. Bryant explore practical methods to manage and transform automatic reactions to emotional triggers. Dr. Bryant suggests:
- Breathing Techniques: To calm the nervous system during moments of panic.
- Scaling Situations: Assessing the true level of threat or disrespect on a scale of 1-10 to prevent overreacting.
- Cultivating Curiosity: Approaching situations with curiosity rather than assumption to understand underlying motivations.
Quote:
Dr. Thema Bryant [48:46]: "One of the things that's important to start to do is allow yourself to put the situation on a scale, right? On a scale 1 to 10, how dangerous is this?"
8. Personal Reflections and Examples
Glennon shares her personal struggle with expressing gentleness, associating it with vulnerability and weakness due to prolonged periods in "warrior mode." Dr. Bryant responds by honoring Glennon's resilience while guiding her towards embracing gentleness as a strength.
Quote:
Glennon Doyle [42:08]: "When I am scared... my reaction is anger, judgment... There's actually something under it, because those things feel too gentle and soft for me to touch."
Dr. Bryant's Response:
Dr. Thema Bryant [44:30]: "The warrior in you is actually allowed now to rest... and that has meant the other parts of you never fully got to develop."
9. Building Safe Relationships and Communities
The hosts discuss the importance of creating safe spaces within personal relationships, particularly highlighting the safety found with children. They explore how this sense of safety can be extended to broader relationships and communities, fostering environments where individuals feel known, accepted, and loved.
Quote:
Glennon Doyle [55:00]: "I have an endless capacity to receive their softness and give softness and joy... it exists for you."
10. Conclusion and Takeaways
The episode concludes with reflections on the journey of self-reclamation and the importance of self-love and sovereignty. The hosts express deep gratitude for Dr. Bryant's insights, encouraging listeners to engage with her work for further personal growth and healing.
Final Quote:
Amanda Doyle [62:25]: "Please do yourself a big favor and get 'Homecoming' and get 'Matters of the Heart.' Your work is revolutionary and everyone knows that."
Key Insights:
- Self-Relationship as Foundation: Building a strong relationship with oneself is crucial for healthy external relationships.
- Honoring Grief: Acknowledging and accepting one's grief is essential for healing and self-reclamation.
- Gentleness as Strength: Gentleness is a powerful tool for maintaining inner peace and clarity.
- Sovereignty and Empowerment: Embracing sovereignty involves making conscious choices that honor one's true self.
- Practical Tools: Breathing techniques, scaling emotional responses, and cultivating curiosity can help manage and transform reactions to triggers.
- Personal Growth: Transitioning from a "warrior" mindset to one of gentleness and self-love fosters deeper connections and personal fulfillment.
Notable Quotes with Timestamps:
- Amanda Doyle [05:10]: "No one has ever told us what the hell it means to have a good relationship with yourself."
- Dr. Thema Bryant [10:25]: "This is the way we come home to ourselves, to finally tell ourselves the truth and to recognize that we actually are grief worthy."
- Amanda Doyle [24:28]: "Gentleness is reflective of being at peace with yourself... You are rooted, not reactive."
- Dr. Thema Bryant [28:47]: "Sovereignty is empowerment, voice, agency... I get to choose and care for this body."
- Dr. Thema Bryant [48:46]: "One of the things that's important to start to do is allow yourself to put the situation on a scale, right? On a scale 1 to 10, how dangerous is this?"
By integrating Dr. Thema Bryant's profound insights with the hosts' personal reflections, this episode offers a comprehensive guide to reclaiming oneself through self-awareness, gentleness, and empowered living. Listeners are encouraged to engage thoughtfully with the provided questions and strategies to navigate their own hard things with greater ease and authenticity.