We Can Do Hard Things: Episode Summary Episode: Abby’s Greatest Fear & the One Gift that Freed Her
Release Date: January 28, 2025
Hosts: Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, Amanda Doyle
Produced by: Audacy

1. Addressing the Present Crisis in Los Angeles

The episode begins with the hosts acknowledging the ongoing devastating fires in Los Angeles, emphasizing the widespread fear and loss experienced by the community. Glennon Doyle expresses heartfelt sympathy:

Glennon Doyle [07:01]: “I just want to say to the folks that are horrifyingly been affected by these fires, you know, this is just so difficult. It’s a really, really, really, really devastating time for so many people.”

Abby Wambach reflects on the historical and cultural significance of Altadena, connecting it to the late author Octavia Butler:

Abby Wambach [08:07]: “I just learned that Octavia Butler is buried in Altadena. It feels bespoke.”

2. Glennon’s Journey Through Grief and Fear of Death

A significant portion of the episode delves into Glennon Doyle’s personal struggle with the fear of death, a fear compounded by her upbringing in the Catholic faith. She shares her internal battle with the belief instilled by her faith that being true to her queer identity could condemn her to hell.

Glennon Doyle [10:24]: “I have had this very large fear of death, and I've been working on it for the last couple of years. I had the distinct honor to work with and through and learn how to embody the grief of losing my brother Peter this past year...”

Glennon discusses her Catholic upbringing and the internalized homophobia that stemmed from it:

Glennon Doyle [11:50]: “I was born and raised in the Catholic faith tradition... I still needed to be gay, because I was. It was like, almost this choice that I had to make because between, like, I'm going to be gay, and if that happens, like, this is just who I am.”

3. Abby’s Insightful Intervention

Abby Wambach recounts a pivotal moment where she helps Glennon reframe her fear of hell through a metaphor involving St. Peter, the gatekeeper of heaven:

Abby Wambach [16:50]: “During the time that Abby has been healing from this pinpointed fear of hell... I have watched Abby grieve the loss of her brother.”

Abby presents Glennon with a uniquely crafted St. Peter medallion, symbolizing Peter’s role in heaven and offering Glennon a new perspective:

Glennon Doyle [32:57]: “This was the most important gift you could give me. Not just the medallion, but the story that can help me reshape my belief system.”

The medallion serves as a tangible reminder of love, existence, and the possibility of redefined beliefs about the afterlife.

4. Re-examining Conditioned Beliefs

The hosts emphasize the importance of questioning and reassessing deeply ingrained beliefs, especially those rooted in fear and misinformation. Glennon highlights the significance of understanding the origins of these beliefs:

Glennon Doyle [25:37]: “This has taught me to re-examine some of these conditioned beliefs, some of these deep things that are in us and why they're in us and who taught them to us.”

Abby elaborates on how societal and familial teachings contribute to these fears:

Abby Wambach [17:16]: “These beliefs... they're hard to disprove in yourself. And so, like, I don't know if you are wondering and if you have some overall, like, big fears. To me, what has helped is to understand when they got embedded in me.”

5. The Power of Stories and Imagination

A compelling discussion unfolds around the influence of stories and the narratives we internalize. The hosts argue that the stories we tell ourselves shape our perceptions and realities:

Abby Wambach [40:21]: “Stories ruin lives. Stories divide civilization. Stories could blow up our planet.”

They advocate for creating positive, empowering narratives to counteract harmful ones. Glennon underscores the importance of curating optimistic stories for a healthier mindset:

Glennon Doyle [43:12]: “How are we out here trying to curate the most optimistic, positive, motivating stories so that, like, we can actually enjoy what's happening here?”

6. Embracing Change and Personal Growth

The conversation circles back to embracing change and personal evolution. Glennon shares her experience with therapy and understanding her internal belief systems through internal family systems:

Glennon Doyle [31:37]: “I started therapy... to work on my shadow side. And it led me down this wild path that I feel like was preparing me for my brother's death.”

Abby encourages listeners to expand their perspectives and consider alternative possibilities beyond binary choices:

Abby Wambach [48:23]: “Tell yourself you're going to give yourself 24 hours. You're not going to make that decision today. And instead, you're going to dream up what is C, D, and E and F.”

7. Conclusion and Final Reflections

In closing, the hosts reiterate the themes of love, existence, and the transformative power of reimagining one’s beliefs. They emphasize the importance of support, community, and the continuous journey of personal growth.

Glennon Doyle [36:01]: “It was so incredible. And so, of course, I call my mom... But I will say what this has taught me more than anything is to re-examine some of these conditioned beliefs.”

Abby Wambach [50:32]: “He'll take care of it. We love you, POD Squad, so much.”

The episode wraps up with a positive note on upcoming projects and a reminder to listeners to engage with the community and continue their personal journeys.

Key Takeaways

• Coping with Loss and Fear: Navigating grief and existential fears requires support, introspection, and sometimes reimagining deeply held beliefs.
• Reframing Beliefs: Challenging and redefining conditioned fears, especially those rooted in upbringing and religion, can lead to profound personal liberation.
• Power of Stories: The narratives we internalize shape our reality. Creating positive and empowering stories can transform our perceptions and experiences.
• Embracing Change: Personal growth involves embracing change, expanding perspectives, and continuously re-evaluating one’s beliefs and fears.
• Community and Support: Sharing struggles and supporting each other can lighten the emotional load and foster a sense of belonging and understanding.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Glennon Doyle [07:01]: “This is just so difficult. It’s a really, really, really, really devastating time for so many people.”
• Abby Wambach [08:07]: “I just learned that Octavia Butler is buried in Altadena. It feels bespoke.”
• Glennon Doyle [10:24]: “I have had this very large fear of death...”
• Abby Wambach [16:50]: “I have watched Abby grieve the loss of her brother.”
• Glennon Doyle [32:57]: “This was the most important gift you could give me.”
• Abby Wambach [40:21]: “Stories ruin lives. Stories divide civilization. Stories could blow up our planet.”
• Glennon Doyle [43:12]: “How are we out here trying to curate the most optimistic, positive, motivating stories...”

This episode of We Can Do Hard Things offers a raw and honest exploration of fear, grief, and the transformative power of reimagining one’s beliefs. Through personal anecdotes and heartfelt discussions, the hosts provide listeners with valuable insights and encouragement to confront and overcome their own hard things.