We Can Do Hard Things: Being Left Out – Navigating that Lifelong Ache (Best Of)

Release Date: December 31, 2024
Hosts: Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, Amanda Doyle

1. Introduction to the Topic

In this poignant episode of We Can Do Hard Things, hosts Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle delve deep into the universal experience of feeling left out. They explore how this feeling persists from childhood into adulthood, its impact on self-worth, and strategies to navigate and survive the ache of exclusion.

2. Personal Stories of Being Left Out

Abby Wambach's Childhood Experience

Abby opens up about a heartbreaking childhood memory where, at the age of seven or eight, she felt utterly excluded by her friends. She recounts:

“I walk in... and eventually this must have been like four or five minutes being there. They just said, we don't want you here.”
- Abby Wambach [04:00]

This incident left a lasting impression on Abby, shaping her into someone fiercely inclusive later in life.

Glennon Doyle's School Memories

Glennon shares her traumatic experiences from elementary school cafeterias, highlighting the relentless cycle of inclusion and exclusion:

“...the dorsal anterior cingulate. It's the exact same place where we experience physical pain.”
- Glennon Doyle [07:30]

She describes the emotional pain akin to physical injury when excluded, emphasizing its deep-rooted impact.

3. Psychological Insights on Being Left Out

Amanda Doyle Explains the Science Behind Exclusion

Amanda provides a scientific perspective, explaining how the feeling of being left out activates the same brain regions as physical pain:

“...the dorsal anterior cingulate. It's the exact same place where we experience physical pain.”
- Amanda Doyle [07:10]

She further discusses the evolutionary basis for our need to belong, making it clear why exclusion feels so devastating.

4. Listener Contributions

Voicemail from Stacy (J Gal)

A heartfelt voicemail from listener Stacy addresses the challenges of feeling left out as an adult, particularly in workplace settings plagued by "mean girls":

“There's just, I guess you could say mean girls at work... I still feel that way as a grown 20 something year old adult.”
- Stacy [49:24]

The hosts respond empathetically, acknowledging the enduring nature of these feelings beyond childhood.

5. Strategies for Coping with Being Left Out

Hosts Share Coping Mechanisms

The trio discusses various ways to handle exclusion:

• Abby Wambach: Emphasizes the importance of inclusiveness, drawing from her personal experience to reach out and include others.

  “...I need to be more aware of including everyone because I now know what it feels like to not be included.”
  - Abby Wambach [09:13]

• Glennon Doyle: Advocates for inner resilience, reminding listeners that they possess internal resources to withstand external rejection.

  “...remembering that there's always something within you that will help you withstand the rejection...”
  - Glennon Doyle [15:51]

• Amanda Doyle: Highlights the balance between inclusivity and respecting personal boundaries, suggesting that not every exclusion is a personal failing.

  “...a culture of inclusivity where we're looking for those folks is very important.”
  - Amanda Doyle [34:30]

6. Discussion on Inclusivity vs. Exclusivity

The hosts engage in a nuanced conversation about the difference between genuine inclusivity and the pressures of always being inclusive. They explore scenarios where exclusion isn't about malice but about personal needs and boundaries.

“There isn't a lot of power...”
- Amanda Doyle [11:07]

They stress the importance of teaching both children and adults to recognize and honor their own needs while being empathetic towards others'.

7. Conclusion and Takeaways

Embracing the Duality of Connection and Exclusion

In their closing remarks, the hosts summarize the inevitability of feeling left out as a part of the human experience. They encourage embracing both the joys of connection and the pains of exclusion as integral aspects of personal growth.

“...being made as a human being who so badly wants belonging and connections. There's going to be moments of such beauty with that and there's going to be moments that feel so cold.”
- Glennon Doyle [65:24]

They advocate for open conversations about exclusion, fostering environments where both children and adults can express and process these feelings without shame.

Notable Quotes

• Abby Wambach [04:00]: “They just said, we don't want you here.”
• Glennon Doyle [07:30]: “...the dorsal anterior cingulate. It's the exact same place where we experience physical pain.”
• Amanda Doyle [34:30]: “A culture of inclusivity where we're looking for those folks is very important.”
• Stacy [49:24]: “There's just, I guess you could say mean girls at work... I still feel that way as a grown 20 something year old adult.”

Final Thoughts

This episode of We Can Do Hard Things offers a compassionate and insightful exploration of the feeling of being left out. Through personal anecdotes, scientific explanations, and heartfelt discussions, the hosts provide listeners with a deeper understanding of exclusion's impact and practical strategies to navigate its challenges. Whether you're revisiting painful memories or seeking ways to foster inclusivity in your own life, this episode serves as a guiding light towards healing and resilience.