Podcast Summary: We Can Do Hard Things – Episode: Debunking #Goals: Changing the Way We Set Goals
Release Date: November 26, 2024
Hosts: Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle
Platform: Audacy
Introduction
In the poignant episode titled "Debunking #Goals: Changing the Way We Set Goals," hosts Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle delve deep into the intricacies of goal-setting and its profound impact on our lives. Through heartfelt conversations, the trio explores the challenges of traditional goal-setting, the significance of gratitude, and the transformative power of envisioning one's future self without the constraints of external achievements.
Reevaluating Traditional Goals
The episode kicks off with a candid discussion about the pitfalls of conventional goal-setting. Glennon Doyle shares her personal struggle with being highly goal-oriented, highlighting how goals can sometimes overshadow genuine happiness and self-worth.
Glennon Doyle [41:20]: "It's like, oh, no. If I'm going to go and set out to do something different in my life, I have to think about the person down the road that I want to be and be that person today... it's about the lifestyle change."
Abby Wambach and Amanda Doyle add to this conversation by questioning the validity of setting goals based solely on societal expectations. They emphasize the importance of aligning goals with one's authentic self rather than external pressures.
The Role of Gratitude Practices
A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to discussing gratitude and its role in shaping our daily experiences. Glennon Doyle admits that she doesn't maintain a traditional gratitude journal but embodies gratitude in her daily life.
Glennon Doyle [04:45]: "I just am constantly grateful. I'm, like, constantly in my head, like, oh, wow, I'm super lucky."
Amanda Doyle shares her family's practice of expressing gratitude during dinner, illustrating how even simple acknowledgments can offer new perspectives and deepen familial bonds.
Amanda Doyle [06:14]: "Sometimes it'll be things that they're not going to come out and say to you, hey, thanks for doing that for me. But it comes out sideways and their thankfulnesses."
Abby emphasizes that gratitude isn't just a nightly ritual but a way of perceiving and interacting with the world.
Abby Wambach [52:10]: "If you are looking for reasons to be pissed, to be sad... if you've decided that it is your job to look for things to be grateful for... that is what you will see."
Vision Over Goals: Envisioning the Future Self
One of the episode's focal points is the concept of replacing rigid goals with a fluid vision of one's future self. Abby introduces the idea of having a vivid, personal vision of who she wants to be in her later years, detached from societal expectations.
Abby Wambach [20:15]: "What if instead of some sort of outer goal... no more goals. Got it. But what if it's a vision of yourself..."
She narrates a detailed vision of herself at 70, walking peacefully on a beach, embodying qualities like calmness, community connection, and personal fulfillment without the burden of external achievements.
Abby Wambach [21:35]: "I have a vision of myself and it's not like, organized. It's not a frickin spreadsheet... I'm walking on the beach... she is so calm... surrounded by things she loves..."
This vision serves as a guiding star, helping her make daily decisions that align with her authentic self rather than chasing after external milestones.
Personal Reflections and Transformations
Glennon shares her therapeutic journey of understanding how her goal-driven nature was a mechanism to soothe herself, masking deeper feelings of fear and aimlessness.
Glennon Doyle [11:51]: "Self determining that value. That is weird and scary."
Amanda echoes these sentiments, reflecting on how societal pressures can lead to self-abandonment when goals overshadow the present moment.
Amanda Doyle [43:12]: "If you are always looking at a goal, then your posture towards everything in the world is looking past whatever's happening towards the sexiest thing in the room... you're desperate for it."
The trio discusses how embracing the present and valuing daily experiences can lead to a more fulfilling and authentic life, free from the shackles of perpetual goal-chasing.
Redefining Success and Happiness
As the conversation unfolds, the hosts challenge the traditional metrics of success and happiness, advocating for a life centered around genuine connections and self-acceptance.
Abby Wambach [27:42]: "It's just a way of living inside out and not outside in... become yourself as opposed to trying to be what the world told you to be."
They argue that true happiness stems from internal fulfillment rather than the transient satisfaction derived from achieving specific goals.
Amanda Doyle [33:59]: "Goals can be motivating, exciting, totally. But it's the frosting, not the cake. There's a deeper thing that it can satisfy and that's the thing you gotta get to... pound frosting your whole life."
Glennon concurs, sharing insights from her therapist about how goals should not dominate one's identity or self-worth.
Glennon Doyle [34:14]: "If this is like the only way you can achieve some of the ways of being motivated... those are like red flags."
Practical Tips and Insights
Towards the end of the episode, Abby offers practical advice for listeners looking to shift from a goal-centric mindset to one focused on personal vision and presence.
Abby Wambach [25:55]: "It's just a way of living inside out and not outside in... conjuring up what's your truest, most beautiful vision of yourself you can have."
She suggests creating a vision that reflects one's true desires and values, which can guide daily actions without the rigidity of traditional goals.
Glennon and Amanda also share techniques like creating mood boards or engaging in gratitude practices with friends to reinforce this shift in perspective.
Glennon Doyle [21:38]: "Make a Pinterest board... Some things you're interested in doing, like a mood board for your inner self."
Conclusion and Takeaways
The episode culminates in a unanimous agreement on the necessity of redefining how we approach goals. By prioritizing personal vision, gratitude, and present-moment awareness, listeners are encouraged to cultivate a life that is authentic, fulfilling, and resilient against societal pressures.
Glennon Doyle [41:44]: "It's about the goal rather than about the lifestyle change."
Abby Wambach [35:17]: "Life is just lifing... you're looking for things to be grateful for... that is what you will see."
Key Takeaways:
- Shift from Goals to Vision: Focus on who you want to become rather than what you want to achieve.
- Embrace Gratitude: Integrate gratitude into daily life to enhance present-moment awareness and satisfaction.
- Align Actions with Authentic Self: Ensure that daily decisions reflect your true values and desires.
- Redefine Success: Move away from societal benchmarks of success towards personal fulfillment and connection.
By challenging conventional goal-setting paradigms, this episode of We Can Do Hard Things offers a refreshing perspective on living authentically and finding lasting happiness beyond the pursuit of external achievements.