Podcast Summary: "We Can Do Hard Things" - Episode: Glennon: Is it Insanity or Life?

Overview

In this poignant episode of We Can Do Hard Things, hosts Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle delve deep into the intricate balance between maintaining control and embracing the unpredictable nature of life. Titled "Is it Insanity or Life?", the conversation explores the metaphorical cliff and abyss, representing the tug-of-war between rigidity and chaos in our daily experiences. Through personal anecdotes, philosophical insights, and candid discussions about mental health, the trio offers listeners a heartfelt exploration of navigating life's challenges with authenticity and vulnerability.

Introduction to the Theme

At the outset of the episode, Glennon Doyle sets the stage for a candid exploration of the fine line between sanity and insanity. She introduces the metaphor of the abyss—a realm representing loss of control, depression, oppression, and the myriad challenges we face daily.

"It's about sanity versus insanity. It's about the abyss that we all live so close to... and how to survive that abyss."
— Glennon Doyle [03:04]

The Metaphor of the Cliff and the Abyss

The core of the discussion revolves around the metaphorical cliff and abyss. The cliff symbolizes a place of control, where one maintains a steady grip to prevent falling into chaos. In contrast, the abyss represents embracing life's full spectrum of emotions and experiences without the filters and protections we often impose.

"As you are on the cliff, you are driving, you're in control... But when you go off the cliff, you have to metabolize everything."
— Unknown Speaker [46:47]

Abby Wambach elaborates on her personal connection to this metaphor, describing her constant effort to stay on the cliff by "white knuckling the handlebars," a term she uses to depict her strategies to maintain control amidst life's unpredictability.

"I'm just white knuckling the handlebars so I don't veer off into the abyss of insanity, even though it looks kind of great."
— Abby Wambach [17:44]

Intrusive Thoughts and Mental Health

A significant portion of the episode addresses intrusive thoughts—unwanted, often distressing thoughts that can invade one's mind. The hosts share personal experiences, illustrating how these thoughts can range from worrying about accidents to more profound fears about failing in caregiving roles.

"Sometimes I'll be standing up at a church, and I'll be like, 'What if I just scream, fuck you all?'"
— Abby Wambach [11:58]

Glennon and Amanda also share their intrusive thoughts, highlighting that such experiences are universal and not exclusive to any one individual.

"What's better than two nose rings? Two nose rings."
— Unknown Speaker [03:25]

Shifting from Control to Embracing Life

As the conversation progresses, Abby discusses her journey of letting go of the rigid control she once held, leading her to feel overwhelmed and "desperate" in her efforts to connect and love without the safety nets she previously relied upon.

"The abyss, the purple, swirly, silvery, sparkly abyss that has been calling to me since I was 10, is not insanity. It is life."
— Abby Wambach [50:49]

Glennon encourages Abby, recognizing her courage in facing these overwhelming emotions and reassures her of her strength and resilience.

"The courage that it's taken for you to do this... I think slowly but surely, there's this confidence that's brewing inside of you."
— Glennon Doyle [43:13]

Personal Anecdotes and Emotional Moments

Throughout the episode, personal stories serve as anchors for the broader themes. Abby recounts moments from a trip to Seattle, observing the vulnerabilities and pressures experienced by young athletes and their families.

"I can tell that she's just about to melt... she has listened to every single podcast and read every single word we've ever written, and that has gotten her through the hardest times."
— Abby Wambach [26:48]

Another touching moment involves Abby's realization of the deep connection between her narrative writing in Untamed and her real-life experiences, highlighting the transformative journey from self-protection to embracing life's full spectrum.

"It's like my writing self is just me five years ahead of me... This is where we're going."
— Abby Wambach [54:29]

Philosophical Insights and Analogies

The hosts draw parallels between their experiences and established psychological models, such as Dr. Dan Siegel's model of healthy minds, which emphasizes balancing chaos and rigidity to achieve mental well-being.

"What you've got is... where you want to be is in the flow of the river between some chaos and some rigidity."
— Unknown Speaker [50:48]

Glennon adds to this by suggesting that adapting to the abyss involves learning to flow with its inherent unpredictability rather than imposing rigidity.

"You'll learn how to flow with the purple, swirly, glittery mechanism that's in the abyss."
— Glennon Doyle [48:58]

Conclusion: Embracing Life's Fullness

The episode culminates in Abby’s profound realization that what she once perceived as insanity is, in fact, the fullness of life. By removing the barriers between herself and life, she discovers a deeper, more authentic existence characterized by vulnerability, love, and present-moment awareness.

"It's life. It is being fully human and present without all of the things that we put in our lives to protect ourselves."
— Abby Wambach [50:49]

Glennon echoes this sentiment, highlighting the importance of embracing both the fear and the beauty that life offers.

"There is no crystal ball until that happens... Over 40,000 businesses have future proof themselves with NetSuite by Oracle."
— Amanda Doyle (Interjection about Advertisement) [26:48]

(Note: The above quote contains an inadvertent inclusion of advertisement content and should be disregarded in the context of the episode's main themes.)

Key Takeaways

1. Balance Between Control and Chaos: The metaphor of the cliff and the abyss illustrates the constant negotiation between maintaining control and embracing life's inherent unpredictability.

2. Universal Struggles: Intrusive thoughts and the fear of losing control are common experiences shared by many, emphasizing the importance of community and honest conversations.

3. Embracing Vulnerability: Letting go of rigid coping mechanisms allows for a more authentic and fulfilling engagement with life, despite the accompanying challenges.

4. Personal Growth Through Adversity: Facing and navigating through overwhelming emotions fosters resilience and personal transformation.

5. Connection and Authenticity: Genuine connections, free from pretense and protection, lead to deeper love and understanding both of oneself and others.

Notable Quotes

• "I just have to try." — Abby Wambach [08:12]

• "It's not insanity. It's like the truest reality, right?" — Abby Wambach [50:49]

• "We do not see the world as it is. We see the world as we are." — Abby Wambach referencing Anaïs Nin [32:04]

Conclusion

This episode of We Can Do Hard Things offers a heartfelt and relatable exploration of balancing control with the chaos of life. Through honest discussions and personal stories, Glennon, Abby, and Amanda provide listeners with insights into embracing vulnerability, navigating mental health challenges, and finding strength in authenticity. It's a compelling reminder that while life is undeniably hard, confronting its complexities with openness and bravery can lead to profound personal growth and deeper connections.