Podcast Summary: "Glennon’s Dramatic Social Media Plan with Amelia Hruby"

Introduction

In the December 3, 2024 episode of We Can Do Hard Things, hosted by Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle, the trio delves deep into the intricate relationship many of us have with social media. Joining them is Amelia Harubi, a writer, educator, and podcaster with a PhD in philosophy, who specializes in helping individuals navigate life beyond the digital noise. The conversation is a candid exploration of social media's impact on mental health, self-esteem, and real-life relationships, offering both personal anecdotes and professional insights.

Understanding Social Media Addiction

Abby Wambach opens the discussion by sharing her personal journey with social media addiction, likening it to other forms of addiction such as alcohol or drugs. She expresses her realization of social media's detrimental effects after years of active participation.

"I have been making so many rules for myself around... I just couldn't fuck with alcohol. Okay. I was making all kinds of rules for myself. Just like I delete the app and then I'm finding a ladder the next day to find the booze that I have hid from myself."
— Abby Wambach [MM:SS:39:20]

Amelia Harubi concurs, explaining that social media can exert a controlling influence similar to addictive substances. She describes her own struggle with codependency on social media algorithms, which dictated her self-worth based on likes and comments.

"I was obsessively trying to control the algorithm. I was constantly on this roller coaster... watching, watching, watching."
— Amelia Harubi [MM:SS:33:31]

The Emotional Toll of Social Media

The hosts and Amelia discuss how social media fosters a "compare and despair" mentality, where users incessantly measure their lives against curated portrayals of others. This comparison often leads to diminished self-esteem and heightened anxiety.

"When you're on social media, you feel fomo. When you're off social media, you just miss out. I miss stuff. I don't know what happened."
— Amelia Harubi [MM:SS:48:02]

Abby adds that the immediate negative emotions triggered by social media can spill over into real life, affecting relationships and personal well-being.

"When I get off social media, I change. I bring that Scarcity to my team, I bring that scarcity to my wife, I bring that scarcity to my kids."
— Abby Wambach [MM:SS:24:21]

Strategies for Managing Social Media Use

Amelia offers practical advice for those contemplating a reassessment of their social media habits:

1. Five-Minute Reflection:
   Engaging with social media mindfully by setting a timer and observing emotional responses.

   "Just try this five-minute practice and be with yourself on how you're feeling."
   — Amelia Harubi [MM:SS:50:05]

2. Gradual Detox:
   Taking incremental breaks from social media to gauge its impact on one's life.

   "Think about what's the amount of time you think you could take away from social media and then could you add an extra day."
   — Amelia Harubi [MM:SS:51:21]

Abby emphasizes the importance of recognizing when social media feels more like a compulsive need rather than a tool for connection.

"If it feels like freedom to you to be there, be there. If it feels like freedom to get off of it, that is a sign."
— Abby Wambach [MM:SS:42:56]

The Illusion of Community

The conversation highlights how social media can create a facade of community through parasocial relationships—one-sided connections where individuals feel a bond with content creators or peers without genuine mutual interaction.

"We had a faux community. I felt like I was always needing to buy more, look different, be more."
— Abby Wambach [MM:SS:25:27]

Amelia points out that while social media can expand one's network, it often dilutes the depth of real-life relationships, leading to superficial connections that don't fulfill deeper emotional needs.

"The algorithms have been trained to keep us on these apps... It doesn't make you okay and it makes some of us...we blacked out."
— Amelia Harubi [MM:SS:27:10]

Maintaining Relevance Without Social Media

Abby grapples with the fear of disappearing from the public eye if she steps away from social media, reflecting on her experience of maintaining an online presence through her team.

"I feel like I am sending a version, an Avatar of myself out into the Wild west... it feels like I want to gather all my selves back to myself and just be oneself."
— Abby Wambach [MM:SS:54:20]

Amelia reassures that stepping away from social media doesn't erase one's existence but emphasizes the importance of fostering real-life connections and self-worth outside the digital realm.

"We're able to come into ourselves... I'm the way that I found over and over again."
— Amelia Harubi [MM:SS:47:22]

Conclusion: Embracing a Balanced Digital Life

The episode culminates with a collective understanding that while social media offers unparalleled connectivity and opportunities, it's crucial to remain vigilant about its influence on mental health and personal relationships. The hosts encourage listeners to reflect on their own social media habits and consider steps towards a healthier, more balanced digital life.

"We are asking other people to come to it... Why am I doing that here?"
— Amelia Harubi [MM:SS:42:56]

Abby and Amelia emphasize the importance of authenticity and presence in one's personal life over the often superficial validations sought on social platforms.

"It's the ultimate disembodiment... We keep leaving our beautiful moments and our beautiful lives so that other people can tell us if they're beautiful enough."
— Abby Wambach [MM:SS:36:23]

Takeaways

• Awareness: Recognize the signs of social media addiction and its impact on mental health.
• Mindful Engagement: Implement practices like timed reflections to monitor emotional responses to social media use.
• Gradual Detox: Consider taking breaks from social platforms to reassess their role in your life.
• Foster Real Connections: Prioritize deep, meaningful relationships over superficial online interactions.
• Authenticity: Strive to live in the moment and value personal experiences over external validations.

This episode serves as a compelling reminder that while social media can enhance our lives, it's essential to maintain control over its influence to ensure our well-being and the authenticity of our relationships.