We Can Do Hard Things: Episode Summary Episode: HELP: How to Ask for the Help You Need (Best Of)
Release Date: June 14, 2025
Hosts: Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle
Produced by: Audacy

Introduction to Asking for Help

In the episode titled "HELP: How to Ask for the Help You Need (Best Of)," hosts Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle delve into the often challenging topic of seeking assistance in various aspects of life. They explore the emotional and psychological barriers that prevent individuals from asking for help, sharing personal anecdotes and insights to shed light on this universal struggle.

Personal Experiences and Reflections

Abby Wambach opens the discussion with a poignant story about her daughter, Alice, who struggles to complete a simple task—joining two friendship bracelets. This anecdote serves as a mirror reflecting Abby’s own difficulties in accepting help:

Abby Wambach [03:00]: "It's really the most unfortunate part is that you're like... you know, when I'm screaming at Bobby, you need to learn to regulate your emotions."

Amanda Doyle echoes similar sentiments, sharing her frustrations with everyday challenges like using remotes or navigating maps, highlighting the internal panic that surfaces when help is offered:

Unknown Speaker [07:18]: "I panic when people talk to me directly. Mostly when people speak to me directly."

The Psychology Behind Seeking Help

The conversation deepens as the hosts discuss the underlying psychology that makes asking for help so daunting. Shame and vulnerability emerge as significant barriers:

Abby Wambach [15:39]: "It's about vulnerability. It's about weakness. Not like in your perspective, being a bad thing."

Amanda adds that feeling overwhelmed can lead to reluctance in seeking assistance, as pride and the desire for self-sufficiency take precedence:

Unknown Speaker [16:17]: "I've felt that over my life. As opposed to the way you two are doing it, which feels like you're in a conference room by yourself with a bunch of whiteboards in your own brain."

Power Dynamics and Gender Roles

A substantial portion of the episode addresses how power dynamics and gender roles influence the willingness to ask for help. The hosts explore how societal expectations for men and women differ, often discouraging men from seeking assistance and pressuring women to appear strong and capable:

Amanda Doyle [35:04]: "Like, we put on all these roles as, like, women and men that then we're just fighting our whole lives against."

Abby discusses her own perception of being a workaholic and how it complicates her ability to accept help without feeling out of control:

Abby Wambach [32:42]: "I think it's because you're so desperate to help me that you're like, okay, here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna hire this person to do this."

Practical Strategies for Asking for Help

Transitioning from personal stories to actionable advice, the hosts offer several strategies to make asking for help more effective and less intimidating:

1. Be Specific in Your Requests:

   • Avoid vague requests like "Can we get coffee?" Instead, clearly state what you need.
   • Abby Wambach [55:58]: "You need to say, I want to ask of you X. And if you do, it will result in yes."

2. Personalize Your Approach:

   • Tailor your request to the individual, showing that their specific help matters.
   • Unknown Speaker [59:35]: "It's about the personalization... showing that your particular help matters."

3. Opt for Direct Communication:

   • Reach out via phone or in-person rather than impersonal methods like mass emails.
   • Abby Wambach [57:23]: "You have to do it over the phone or in person."

4. Celebrate No's as Well as Yes's:

   • Recognize and respect responses, whether affirmative or not, to maintain relationships.
   • Unknown Speaker [58:27]: "We always do that. We will honor your no because that's equally badass."

Overcoming the Illusion of Transparency

The hosts introduce the concept of the "illusion of transparency," where individuals mistakenly believe their needs are more apparent to others than they actually are. This misconception often leads to unspoken struggles:

Abby Wambach [52:48]: "We have to use our words because everyone thinks they know where someone else is, and everyone thinks someone else knows where they are, and no one does."

Building Community and Connection

Emphasizing the importance of community, the hosts advocate for creating environments where asking for help is normalized and encouraged. They highlight how mutual support strengthens relationships and fosters a sense of belonging:

Abby Wambach [54:17]: "You are the least likely anyone is going to ever intervene if you don't directly ask."

Conclusion and Encouragement

The episode concludes with a heartfelt encouragement to listeners to break down the barriers to asking for help. By implementing the discussed strategies and fostering open communication, individuals can alleviate their burdens and build stronger, more connected communities.

Abby Wambach [55:58]: "When you allow someone to help you, they feel good and then they associate that good feeling with you."

Notable Quotes

• Abby Wambach [15:39]: "It's about vulnerability. It's about weakness."
• Unknown Speaker [07:18]: "I panic when people talk to me directly."
• Amanda Doyle [35:04]: "We're just fighting our whole lives against."
• Abby Wambach [55:58]: "They want to know what they're being asked and they want you to be specific."

Final Thoughts

This episode of "We Can Do Hard Things" offers a compassionate and insightful exploration of the complexities surrounding the act of asking for help. Through personal narratives and practical advice, the hosts empower listeners to embrace vulnerability, foster meaningful connections, and navigate the challenges of seeking assistance with greater confidence.

Join the Conversation:
If you found this episode helpful, consider subscribing to We Can Do Hard Things on your favorite podcast platform, leave a five-star review, and share it with someone who might benefit from the discussion.