Podcast Summary: "How to be Sexually Confident with Mae Martin (Best Of)"

We Can Do Hard Things Episode featuring Mae Martin
Release Date: February 5, 2025
Hosts: Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, Amanda Doyle
Guest: Mae Martin, Award-winning Comedian, Actor, Writer, and Producer

Introduction

In this standout episode of We Can Do Hard Things, host Glennon Doyle welcomes Mae Martin, an acclaimed comedian and creator known for her work on Feel Good. Mae brings her unique perspective on sexuality, gender, addiction, and personal growth, engaging in heartfelt and humorous conversations with Glennon, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle. This episode delves deep into the complexities of modern life, offering insights and laughter as the trio navigates through challenging topics with authenticity and empathy.

Exploring Sexuality Beyond Labels

Mae Martin opens the discussion by challenging the conventional notions of sexuality, emphasizing that it transcends mere gender preferences.

• Sexuality Is Universal:
  • Mae Martin (02:50): "It's not just queer people that have a sexuality."
  • Glennon Doyle (02:20): "Sexuality is for everybody, not just queer people."

Mae explains that attraction is multifaceted, often rooted in specific traits like pheromones or a sense of humor rather than fixed gender identities.

• Personal Preferences:
  • Mae Martin (04:00): "I love a wink. It's very direct attention of someone going, I'm giving you attention."

The hosts and Mae discuss how societal expectations often silence straight individuals from openly discussing their sexuality, a privilege predominantly afforded to queer communities.

Upbringing and Open Conversations About Sex

Mae shares her progressive upbringing, where her parents fostered an open and sex-positive environment.

• Parent-Child Conversations:
  • Mae Martin (09:14): "My mom sat me down... she really covered every base."
  • Glennon Doyle (10:27): "This is what we're talking about. It's so clear and open."

Mae recounts receiving comprehensive, age-appropriate education about sex, which demystified the subject and built a foundation of comfort and safety.

• Breaking Stereotypes:
  • Mae Martin (11:02): "When two people love each other and they're naked... an explosion of rainbows cascades across the sky."
  • Glennon Doyle (11:15): "The first orgasm was really fucking let down. It was a letdown."

She humorously reflects on the poetic yet misleading explanations given to her as a child, underscoring the importance of honest communication.

The Intersection of Gender Identity

Mae discusses her journey with gender identity, transitioning, and the challenges of communicating these changes to her family.

• Transitioning Experience:
  • Mae Martin (15:28): "I just did it at Christmas, and it's been incredible."
  • Mae Martin (17:17): "They can't really wrap their head around pronouns yet, but they're trying."

The conversation highlights the fluidity of gender and the societal resistance to moving beyond binary classifications.

• Cultural Perceptions:
  • Mae Martin (20:40): "If we can get interested in it in a historical and scientific way... how limiting they can be."
  • Glennon Doyle (22:34): "Gender is not real. It's not fucking real."

They explore the tension between understanding gender as a cultural construct versus individual identity, with Mae advocating for a more creative and flexible approach.

Addiction and Healthy Coping Mechanisms

Mae candidly shares her struggles with addiction during her teenage years and her ongoing efforts to maintain a balanced life.

• Personal Experience with Addiction:
  • Mae Martin (36:41): "I have this little shrimp in the back of my head that's this... it devours everything else."
  • Mae Martin (38:08): "I'm just trying to keep that shrimp asleep."

Mae emphasizes that addiction extends beyond substances, affecting various aspects of life, including relationships and behaviors.

• Healthy Outlets:
  • Mae Martin (38:35): "I do a lot of escape rooms... it's psychotic."
  • Mae Martin (39:22): "Try Wet Head."

She advocates for adrenaline-inducing activities like escape rooms and playing games like "Wet Head" as healthier alternatives to self-medication.

Redefining Relationships and Monogamy

The discussion shifts to relationships, where Mae challenges the traditional notions of monogamy and advocates for communication and individuality.

• Monogamy Perspectives:
  • Mae Martin (29:28): "If you're miserable, you know, or stuck, then there's other options."
  • Mae Martin (32:31): "I'm trying to not let yourself get to that place."

Mae highlights the importance of maintaining individual identities within relationships and keeping communication lines open to accommodate evolving needs.

• Relationship Dynamics:
  • Mae Martin (32:57): "I have a fear of codependency comes from a fear of being abandoned."
  • Mae Martin (33:24): "Are we just the sum of our coping mechanisms?"

She and the hosts explore how past traumas and fears influence current relationship behaviors, advocating for self-awareness and mutual support.

Creative Expression and Personal Growth

Mae discusses the role of creativity in personal development and challenges societal constructs to foster a more authentic self.

• Breaking Social Constructs:
  • Mae Martin (30:46): "The creativity seems at the core of all of this..."
  • Mae Martin (34:02): "I'm trying to cheer up my mom probably."

By questioning rigid societal norms, Mae emphasizes the liberation and creativity that come from embracing one's true self.

• Personal Projects:
  • Mae Martin (50:44): "I'm about to record a new standup special, a new Netflix special..."
  • Mae Martin (54:07): "I'm trying not to do things out of habit."

Mae shares her ongoing projects, including writing a new Netflix show and working on films, all while striving to break free from habitual behaviors.

Relocating to LA and Future Endeavors

Mae reflects on her move from London to Los Angeles, embracing new opportunities and friendships.

• Adapting to Change:
  • Mae Martin (49:20): "I moved to LA in May. I've been in London for 12 years, and that was a big change."
  • Mae Martin (53:00): "I'm trying to manifest my dream friend group."

Mae discusses the challenges and excitement of settling into a new city, highlighting her desire to build meaningful connections and continue her creative pursuits.

• Upcoming Projects:
  • Mae Martin (50:44): "Recording a new standup special, a new Netflix special..."
  • Mae Martin (51:18): "Writing a new Netflix show, and then two movies I'm writing."

Humorous Anecdotes and Light Moments

The episode is punctuated with light-hearted stories and comedic exchanges, showcasing Mae's humor and the hosts' camaraderie.

• Toothbrush Incident:
  • Mae Martin (48:26): "We were getting ready with Elliot's hotel and that's one toothbrush."
  • Glennon Doyle (48:48): "That's so weird for queer people that it's..."

Mae recounts a humorous incident involving famed actor Elliot Page, illustrating the often awkward interactions that arise from public perception and speculation.

• Fashion Talk:
  • Glennon Doyle (52:19): "It looks confident."
  • Mae Martin (53:08): "It looks relaxed, confident."

The group engages in a playful discussion about fashion choices, adding levity to the deep conversations.

Parenting Insights and Empathy

Abby Wambach shares her insights on parenting, emphasizing the importance of empathy and avoiding the projection of personal fears onto children.

• Fear of Being a Poor Parent:
  • Abby Wambach (42:58): "I have a fear inside of me of being a poor parent."
  • Mae Martin (44:37): "If you change the language in your head..."

Abby discusses the psychological challenges of parenting, such as combating abandonment issues and authoritarian tendencies inherited from her upbringing.

• Effective Strategies:
  • Abby Wambach (44:51): "You are living in your own house."
  • Mae Martin (45:09): "Look at your kid as a human instead of a referendum on you."

They advocate for viewing children as independent individuals, fostering environments where kids feel safe and supported without becoming reflections of their parents' insecurities.

Conclusion: Embracing Hardships with Courage and Creativity

The episode wraps up with Mae Martin reflecting on her personal journey and the collective encouragement from the hosts to embrace life's challenges with honesty and creativity.

• Final Takeaways:
  • Mae Martin (55:34): "There's so much for joy with it."
  • Glennon Doyle (58:35): "Your responsibility this week is to figure out three things that are your sexuality."

Mae and the hosts reinforce the podcast's core message: facing hard things head-on allows for growth, connection, and a freer, braver existence.

• Closing Message:
  • Glennon Doyle (58:37): "We love you. When things get hard this week, don't forget, we can do hard things."

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Mae Martin (02:50): "It's not just queer people that have a sexuality."
• Glennon Doyle (10:27): "This is what we're talking about. It's so clear and open."
• Mae Martin (15:28): "I just did it at Christmas, and it's been incredible."
• Mae Martin (36:41): "I have this little shrimp in the back of my head that's this... it devours everything else."
• Mae Martin (29:28): "If you're miserable, you know, or stuck, then there's other options."
• Mae Martin (54:07): "I'm trying not to do things out of habit."

Key Takeaways

• Sexuality and Gender are Fluid: Mae Martin advocates for viewing sexuality and gender as broad spectrums rather than fixed categories, encouraging open conversations beyond traditional labels.

• Honest Upbringing Matters: Transparent discussions about sex and sexuality during upbringing can foster comfort and safety in exploring one's identity.

• Addiction is Multifaceted: Understanding addiction extends beyond substances to behaviors and relationships, emphasizing the need for healthy coping mechanisms.

• Redefining Relationships: Challenging traditional monogamy requires communication, individuality, and continuous negotiation within relationships.

• Embrace Creativity and Change: Questioning societal norms fuels personal growth and creative expression, allowing individuals to live authentically.

• Empathetic Parenting: Effective parenting involves seeing children as independent beings, avoiding the projection of personal fears, and fostering supportive environments.

Mae Martin's candid and insightful conversation on this episode of We Can Do Hard Things offers listeners a blend of humor, vulnerability, and wisdom, inspiring them to navigate life's complexities with honesty and courage.