We Can Do Hard Things: Episode Summary
Title: How to Let Go of “Not Enough” with Melissa Arnot Reid
Release Date: July 24, 2025
Guests: Melissa Arnot Reid
Hosts: Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, Amanda Doyle

Introduction to Melissa Arnot Reid

In this poignant episode of We Can Do Hard Things, host Glennon Doyle welcomes Melissa Arnot Reid, a trailblazing mountaineer known for being the first American woman to summit Mount Everest without supplemental oxygen. Melissa’s accomplishments extend beyond her Everest climbs; she is also a respected mountain guide, author of Climbing Toward a True Self on Mount Everest, and co-founder of the Juniper Fund, a nonprofit organization.

Glennon Doyle (03:11):
"Melissa is the first American woman to summit Everest without supplemental oxygen... her story is one of athleticism and deep psychological exploration."

Understanding Mount Everest's Significance

Melissa shares her profound relationship with Mount Everest, describing it not just as the world’s highest peak but as a multifaceted symbol in her life—a classroom, a church, and a mirror reflecting her deepest self.

Melissa Arnot Reid (04:36):
"Mount Everest has been a classroom, a church, and an incredible mirror, reflecting who I am and who I could be."

The Physical and Technical Aspects of Climbing Everest

Melissa delves into the rigorous process of climbing Everest, emphasizing the importance of acclimatization and the challenges of the Death Zone—altitudes above 26,000 feet where supplemental oxygen becomes essential for survival.

Melissa Arnot Reid (06:25):
"In the Death Zone, your pulse oximetry drops to between 40% and 60% without supplemental oxygen, making sustained life impossible without aid."

She outlines the typical 60-day expedition, detailing the methodical progression through various camps, acclimating by climbing higher and then returning to base camp to recover. This repetitive cycle ensures the body adjusts to the altitude, ultimately allowing summit attempts that must be swift to minimize time spent in the Death Zone.

Melissa Arnot Reid (08:03):
"Climbing Everest requires a meticulous process of acclimatization, spending days at each camp, climbing higher, then returning to base camp to rest and recover."

Melissa's Internal Struggles and Motivations

Beyond the physical demands, Melissa opens up about her internal battles with self-worth and the yearning for acceptance. She explains how her relentless pursuit of climbing Everest was driven by a deeper need to prove her worthiness and belong within the mountaineering community.

Melissa Arnot Reid (14:00):
"Climbing Everest was deeply born out of a sense of wanting to prove that I belonged, to show that I was a genuine mountaineer."

Melissa recounts her tumultuous childhood, marked by a complicated relationship with her mother and experiences of abuse and addiction. These early challenges fostered a persistent doubt about her sense of belonging and self-worth, fueling her drive to achieve extraordinary feats.

Melissa Arnot Reid (17:02):
"I grew up questioning if I belonged, craving acceptance, which led me to replicate destructive dynamics in my quest to be desired and worthy."

Overcoming the Need for External Validation

A turning point in Melissa’s journey occurs when she realizes that her achievements were not filling the void within her. She acknowledges that climbing Everest multiple times without supplemental oxygen was a form of escapism, a way to avoid confronting her internal struggles.

Melissa Arnot Reid (15:41):
"Climbing Everest was running away, an escapism from the rejection and inner turmoil I felt inside."

With time and introspection, Melissa begins to shift her focus from external validation to internal acceptance. She emphasizes the importance of unconditional self-love and the necessity of healing from within rather than seeking approval through achievements.

Melissa Arnot Reid (22:41):
"I began the process of unconditionality with myself, realizing that I couldn't achieve true worthiness through external accomplishments alone."

The Healing Process and Spiritual Awakening

Melissa describes a profound spiritual experience during a visit to a Tibetan monastery, where she encounters the Green Tara, a female Buddha symbolizing liberation. This encounter marks a significant moment in her healing journey, enabling her to release her inner darkness and embrace self-acceptance.

Melissa Arnot Reid (26:07):
"In the monastery, encountering the Green Tara allowed me to let go of my darkness and embrace a sense of innate enoughness."

This spiritual awakening leads Melissa to reassess her relationship with achievement and self-worth. She learns to accept support from others, recognizing that true strength lies in vulnerability and community rather than solitary triumphs.

Melissa Arnot Reid (35:15):
"Allowing myself to receive support was crucial in realizing that I deserve to be helped and that softness is a strength."

Lessons Learned and Ongoing Journey

Melissa’s journey is far from over. She continues to work on internalizing her sense of enoughness, focusing on daily self-care and nurturing unconditional self-acceptance. Her interactions with her young children further reinforce these lessons, as she witnesses their innate ability to accept and love without conditions.

Melissa Arnot Reid (42:37):
"My forever mountain is knowing that I am enough. Healing is a never-ending journey, a process of continuously letting go and embracing who I truly am."

Melissa concludes by emphasizing that her true summit lies in internal peace and acceptance, transcending the need for external accolades. Her story serves as an inspiring testament to the power of vulnerability, self-love, and the courage to confront one’s inner demons.

Glennon Doyle (56:57):
"Melissa, you're awesome. Thank you for coming on. This is a hero story—the real story that all of us need to hear."

Notable Quotes

• Melissa Arnot Reid (04:36):
  "Mount Everest has been a classroom, a church, and an incredible mirror, reflecting who I am and who I could be."

• Melissa Arnot Reid (06:25):
  "In the Death Zone, your pulse oximetry drops to between 40% and 60% without supplemental oxygen, making sustained life impossible without aid."

• Melissa Arnot Reid (08:03):
  "Climbing Everest requires a meticulous process of acclimatization, spending days at each camp, climbing higher, then returning to base camp to rest and recover."

• Melissa Arnot Reid (14:00):
  "Climbing Everest was deeply born out of a sense of wanting to prove that I belonged, to show that I was a genuine mountaineer."

• Melissa Arnot Reid (26:07):
  "In the monastery, encountering the Green Tara allowed me to let go of my darkness and embrace a sense of innate enoughness."

• Glennon Doyle (56:57):
  "Melissa, you're awesome. Thank you for coming on. This is a hero story—the real story that all of us need to hear."

Conclusion

This episode offers a deep and honest exploration of Melissa Arnot Reid’s journey from striving for external validation through extreme athletic achievements to embracing a path of internal healing and self-acceptance. Her story underscores the profound truth that true worthiness comes from within, and that letting go of the “not enough” mindset is a courageous and ongoing endeavor.

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