Podcast Summary: We Can Do Hard Things – "How to Let Joy Heal Us with Ross Gay"
Release Date: November 20, 2024
In this heartfelt episode of We Can Do Hard Things, hosts Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle sit down with acclaimed poet, essayist, and professor Ross Gay. The conversation delves deep into the transformative power of joy, exploring how embracing delight can heal individuals and communities alike.
Introduction to Ross Gay and the Concept of Joy
Glennon Doyle opens the discussion by highlighting Ross Gay's multifaceted work, emphasizing his commitment to observing and articulating joy amidst life's challenges. Ross Gay's accolades, including the National Book Critics Circle Award for poetry and his involvement in community projects like the Bloomington Community Orchard, set the stage for a profound exploration of joy's role in our lives.
Notable Quote:
Glennon Doyle [02:12]: "The good news of Ross Gay is the more joy you find, the more joy will find you and more joy will heal the world."
Defining Joy as Connection
Ross Gay challenges the conventional perception that focusing on joy is trivial amidst hardship. He argues that joy is fundamentally about connection—entanglement—with others and the world. Drawing inspiration from Anna Singh’s Mushroom at the End of the World, Gay redefines joy as "the evidence of connection and participation."
Notable Quote:
Ross Gay [05:16]: "Joy is fundamentally a kind of practice of connection. It's the evidence of participating in connection."
Backwards Healing: Healing Through Openness
The conversation evolves into the concept of backwards healing, where individuals heal past wounds by embracing actions previously discouraged by their upbringing. Gay recounts how engaging in simple, joyful acts—like wearing flowered socks—serves as a form of healing for himself and generational wounds.
Notable Quote:
Ross Gay [12:00]: "We are healing backwards because what we do now heals future generations and also heals our past."
Joy as Resistance and Radical Care
Abby Wambach brings attention to the notion of joy within marginalized communities, questioning how joy persists amid constant struggles. Ross Gay reframes joy not as mere resistance but as a truth, asserting that joy and connection provide a more substantial reason to live than perpetual fighting.
Notable Quote:
Ross Gay [14:25]: "Joy is the reason to be alive. If fighting is the reason to be alive, that's a meager existence."
The Delight Muscle: Practicing Joy Daily
Gay introduces the concept of the delight muscle, a practice of intentionally noticing and sharing daily moments of joy. Inspired by his project Book of Delights, he emphasizes that cultivating this habit enhances communal bonds and personal well-being.
Notable Quote:
Ross Gay [24:27]: "There's something deeply communal about sharing our delights. It strengthens our connection and multiplies the joys in our lives."
Community Gardening: A Laboratory of Care
Shifting to practical applications, Ross Gay shares his experience co-founding the Bloomington Community Orchard. He illustrates how open and collaborative efforts, even amid inefficiencies, foster a strong sense of community and shared purpose. The decision to keep the orchard open without restrictive fences symbolizes the prioritization of collective joy over perfection.
Notable Quote:
Ross Gay [48:16]: "The openness of the gate is worth more than the brokenness inside. It's about prioritizing collective joy over safeguarding perfection."
Embracing Vulnerability: The Power of Laughter and Tears
The discussion turns introspective as Gay explores the societal policing of emotions like laughter and crying. He connects vulnerability to authentic connection, suggesting that embracing our emotional expressions can dismantle harmful myths about individuality and strength.
Notable Quote:
Ross Gay [42:03]: "Laughter is policed because it draws us together, reminding us of the shared breath and mortality we hold. Embracing it strengthens our bonds."
Navigating Change in Relationships
Towards the episode's conclusion, Gay addresses the challenges of witnessing loved ones change. He underscores the importance of unknowing—continuously reassessing and rediscovering each other—to maintain deep, evolving connections.
Notable Quote:
Ross Gay [57:50]: "Being close means I will always be learning you anew, always unknowing you to deepen our connection."
Closing Thoughts: Letting Joy Heal
Glennon Doyle wraps up the episode by encouraging listeners to engage with Ross Gay's work and adopt practices that foster joy and connection. The hosts emphasize the episode's core message: by prioritizing and sharing joy, individuals can navigate life's hardships with resilience and collective strength.
Notable Quote:
Glennon Doyle [61:55]: "Ross Gay is the guide through leaning into what capitalism devalues. Go pick up his work. You will not regret it."
Key Takeaways
- Joy as Connection: Joy isn't superficial; it's a profound connection with others and the world.
- Backwards Healing: Engaging in joyful acts can heal personal and generational wounds.
- Delight Muscle: Regularly practicing and sharing moments of joy strengthens community bonds.
- Embracing Vulnerability: Allowing ourselves to laugh and cry fosters authentic connections.
- Unknowing in Relationships: Continuously rediscovering loved ones deepens and maintains relationships.
Through an engaging and thoughtful dialogue, Ross Gay and the hosts illuminate the vital role of joy in overcoming life's challenges. This episode serves as a poignant reminder that embracing delight can lead to personal healing and a more connected, compassionate world.