Podcast Summary: "How to Stop Worrying with Martha Beck"

Podcast Information:

• Title: We Can Do Hard Things
• Host/Author: Glennon Doyle and Audacy
• Guest: Dr. Martha Beck
• Episode: How to Stop Worrying with Martha Beck
• Release Date: January 9, 2025

Introduction

In this emotionally charged episode of We Can Do Hard Things, Glennon Doyle, her wife Abby Wambach, and sister Amanda Doyle welcome renowned life coach and author Dr. Martha Beck. Building on their previous discussion about anxiety culture, the trio delves deeper into personal anxieties and explores practical strategies to overcome them. The conversation is candid, heartfelt, and interwoven with humor, providing listeners with both relatable stories and actionable insights.

Understanding Anxiety Culture

Glennon Doyle [01:34]:

"In the last episode, if you have not listened yet, we dove into anxiety culture with Dr. Martha Beck. And Martha walked us through why it is that the things we do to try to help ourselves feel safer actually make us feel less safe and take us into anxiety spirals that we can't get out of."

Dr. Beck elaborates on how conventional methods of addressing anxiety can inadvertently perpetuate it, creating a cycle that's hard to break. She emphasizes the importance of recognizing these spirals and introduces techniques to disrupt them effectively.

Breaking Down Anxiety Spirals

Amanda Doyle [04:38]:

"I love that quote because it just shows that a lot of anxiety is coming from a place of love and protection of people."

Using Irma Bombeck's humorous metaphor about being the sole person keeping an airplane in the air ([03:52]), Amanda illustrates how anxiety often stems from a desire to protect loved ones. Dr. Beck acknowledges this, highlighting the self-imposed pressure to control outcomes for others’ safety.

Dr. Martha Beck [06:01]:

"You teach your own beliefs with every action, every choice, everything you say to anybody."

Dr. Beck underscores the ripple effect of our behaviors on those around us, advocating for personal calm and joy as foundational to fostering a supportive environment for others.

Personal Anxieties Addressed

Amanda's Concerns about Her Daughter

Amanda Doyle [08:31]:

"I have a big... I have always had, like, a kind of existential anxiety about my daughter not having a sister."

Amanda discusses her fear that her daughter, Alice, lacks a sibling for emotional support. Dr. Beck guides her through unpacking this anxiety, revealing that Amanda’s deepest fear is Alice's potential loneliness, rather than the absence of a sister per se.

Dr. Martha Beck [13:56]:

"How cool is that? Double sisters."

Dr. Beck reassures Amanda by highlighting the presence of both Glennon and Abby in Alice's life, transforming the notion of sisterhood into a broader support system beyond traditional sibling relationships.

Abby's Grief and Fear of Death

Abby Wambach [23:37]:

"My brother passed away at the end of December last year. It has felt like the hits just have kept coming."

Abby shares her profound grief following her brother Peter’s death, linking it to her anxiety about her own mortality. Dr. Beck explores Abby’s fears, encouraging her to question the absolute nature of death as taught by cultural and religious narratives.

Dr. Martha Beck [25:46]:

"Tell me, what is it? Remove your mind and your senses open the way they are open when you're on the soccer field... It gets to a place called transcendence."

Dr. Beck introduces the concept of transcendence, urging Abby to embrace uncertainty and creativity as pathways to peace, rather than clinging to rigid beliefs about death.

Glennon's Anxiety about Physical Health

Glennon Doyle [47:18]:

"I'm so scared of not sleeping. So I have to have all of these things in mind... I'm afraid of different... not having my specific foods, not having my specific... that magic potion is making me have aliveness."

Glennon expresses her anxiety related to maintaining specific routines and conditions that she believes sustain her well-being. Dr. Beck challenges these fears by presenting them as anxiety spirals that limit her experiences and growth.

Dr. Martha Beck [54:12]:

"Feeling bad is always bad. Is that true?"

She questions Glennon's belief that unpleasant feelings are inherently negative, using the metaphor of mountain climbing to illustrate how discomfort often leads to growth and fulfillment.

Strategies to Overcome Anxiety

Dr. Martha Beck [07:07]:

"The little scared girl inside you is who also really needs your care and compassion."

Dr. Beck emphasizes the importance of self-compassion in addressing anxiety. She advocates for shifting from a state of fear to one of creativity and transcendence, encouraging the hosts to embrace joy and connection despite life's challenges.

Dr. Martha Beck [45:48]:

"The brave way... That's the thing. I just haven't known, like, the direction to take the thought or the fear."

Acknowledging the bravery required to confront deep-seated fears, Dr. Beck encourages embracing uncertainty and creativity as tools to navigate anxiety, rather than relying on control or avoidance.

Conclusion: Embracing the Brave Way

Throughout the episode, the hosts and Dr. Beck explore the transformative power of shifting perspectives on anxiety. By embracing creativity, fostering supportive relationships, and cultivating self-compassion, they illustrate that it's possible to move beyond persistent fears and live more freely and joyfully.

Glennon Doyle [61:10]:

"Martha Beck, I love you so much. I'm so grateful for you in the world."

The episode closes with heartfelt gratitude and a reaffirmation of the community's shared journey toward overcoming anxiety together.

Notable Quotes with Attribution and Timestamps

• Dr. Martha Beck [04:04]:

  "Isn't that adorable that we really, really are trying to control the world so no one ever has to suffer again?"

• Amanda Doyle [05:02]:

  "I have thought about so much over the last year is that the thing that I'm doing to help my people is in fact hurting my people."

• Dr. Martha Beck [10:56]:

  "Sanctuary, safety, protection from the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune that security for you came from a sister."

• Dr. Martha Beck [36:57]:

  "Anybody who says this is the way it is, fuck you. It is not."

• Dr. Martha Beck [52:43]:

  "Feeling bad is bad. Is that true?"

• Dr. Martha Beck [60:55]:

  "Why the hell are you leaving when everything's so perfect at home? Why would you do that?"

This episode serves as a beacon for anyone navigating the turbulent waters of anxiety, offering both solace and practical wisdom. Dr. Martha Beck's compassionate guidance, combined with the hosts' authentic vulnerability, makes "How to Stop Worrying with Martha Beck" a must-listen for those seeking to transform their relationship with anxiety and embrace a life of courage and creativity.