We Can Do Hard Things: How to Survive This Absurd Life with Samantha Irby (Best Of)
Hosted by Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle
Release Date: May 4, 2025
Introduction of Samantha Irby
In this episode of We Can Do Hard Things, Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle welcome the incredibly witty and insightful Samantha Irby. Amanda kicks off the conversation by sharing the heartfelt origin of her friendship with Sam, setting the stage for an engaging and honest discussion about life’s challenges and the role of humor in navigating them.
Friendship Origin Story
Amanda Doyle reminisces about how she and Sam first connected after an event where Amanda instantly connected with Sam. Months later, amidst the grandeur of the World Cup in France, Sam reached out for support during an awkward moment, laying the foundation for a deep and enduring friendship.
Amanda Doyle [02:24]: "We can't believe you couldn't come with us. Here's your extra seat. This game sucks without you."
Samantha Irby shares her experience of stepping up when Amanda needed her, highlighting the importance of authentic connections.
Samantha Irby [05:38]: "I try to lead with honesty, even when it's humiliating."
Humor as a Coping Mechanism
A significant portion of the discussion delves into how Sam uses humor to cope with life's adversities. She explains that humor isn't just a shield but an active engagement with reality, allowing her to find moments of levity even in the darkest times.
Samantha Irby [06:07]: "I'm funny. Take that to mean what you will. But, no, no, let's say I'm very funny."
Sam reflects on her tumultuous childhood, marked by poverty and familial loss, and how humor became her lifeline.
Samantha Irby [07:41]: "This has to be funny or it'll kill me. I think that's my philosophy to this day."
Coping with Trauma and Laughter
Sam recounts a poignant and humorous memory from her mother's funeral, where she and her sisters found solace in laughing at the minister's repeated mistake of calling their mother by her sister's name.
Samantha Irby [10:20]: "I was screaming, laughing. Like, by the end, by like, the fourth time, I was fucking falling over in the pew, laughing."
This anecdote underscores how Sam transforms grief into moments of shared laughter, fostering resilience.
Therapy and Boundaries
The conversation shifts to Sam's experiences with therapy, where she candidly discusses her struggles with cognitive behavioral therapy, which often contradicts her natural inclination toward negative thoughts and humor.
Samantha Irby [17:34]: "I have a whole chapter snarking about therapy and why I'm paying. I'm paying all this money to argue with the woman."
Despite her reservations, Sam acknowledges the benefits of setting boundaries and learning to say no, which have positively impacted her interactions and personal growth.
Samantha Irby [18:41]: "Once she gets me to the point where I learn how to say no, I'm gonna tell her no, get out of therapy."
Creating Effective Strategies for Interaction
Sam shares two transformative strategies she developed through therapy:
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"I like it": Allows her to assert her preferences without feeling guilty.
Samantha Irby [19:46]: "If you just say I like it, it’s completely kneecapped them."
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Calling Out Dislike: Directly addressing when someone doesn't seem to like her, thereby setting clear boundaries.
Samantha Irby [22:17]: "I don't think you like me."
These strategies have empowered Sam to navigate social interactions more confidently and maintain healthier relationships.
Representation in Media: The 'Shrill' Pool Party Episode
Sam delves into her experience writing for the TV show Shrill, specifically the iconic pool party episode that revolutionized the portrayal of plus-sized women on screen. She details the creative process, emphasizing the importance of authentic representation and the emotional impact it had on both her and the audience.
Samantha Irby [28:33]: "If you can do it the right way, if we can do it our way, it makes something special."
Her collaboration with Lindy West and the challenges of bringing a genuine, colorful, and inclusive vision to life highlight the significance of diversity in media.
Friendship Dynamics: Capital F and Lowercase f Friends
The hosts and Sam explore the nuanced distinctions between "Capital F" friends—those with deep, meaningful connections—and "lowercase f" friends, who share more superficial interactions.
Samantha Irby [42:29]: "We need like a capital S friend and a lowercase."
This framework helps listeners understand and navigate their own social circles, recognizing the varying depths of their relationships.
Personal Relationships and Step-Parenting
Sam candidly discusses her romantic relationship and role as a step-parent to two children. She humorously admits to not fitting the traditional mold of parenting, preferring to be more of an adjacent adult who fosters a relaxed and fun environment.
Samantha Irby [54:38]: "I don't say, you should study this. We hang out, we watch movies. I'm like their cool aunt who has sex with their mom. That's great."
Her approach underscores the importance of authenticity and boundaries in blended families.
JOMO vs. FOMO: Navigating Opinions and Information
In a world obsessed with the Fear of Missing Out (FOMO), Sam champions the Joy of Missing Out (JOMO). She articulates her disdain for feeling obligated to have an opinion on every topic, advocating instead for selective engagement based on genuine interest and expertise.
Samantha Irby [57:15]: "I don't want to hear their take on global politics or whatever. Let's leave that to the experts."
This perspective encourages listeners to prioritize their well-being by curating the information they consume and the opinions they adopt.
Conclusion: Embracing Absurdity with Humor and Boundaries
The episode wraps up with affirmations of the importance of humor, setting boundaries, and fostering meaningful relationships. Sam's insights provide a roadmap for listeners to navigate life's absurdities with resilience and authenticity.
Samantha Irby [60:00]: "So anything I say that I wouldn't attempt to say anything smart about anything. I can only tell you about my little ant of an experience in terms of, like, this giant world."
Key Takeaways
- Humor as a Lifeline: Using laughter to cope with trauma and adversity.
- Setting Boundaries: Developing strategies like "I like it" to assert personal limits.
- Authentic Representation: The impact of diverse and genuine portrayals in media.
- Navigating Friendships: Understanding and valuing different levels of connection.
- Selective Engagement: Embracing JOMO by focusing on what truly matters.
Notable Quotes
- Samantha Irby [06:07]: "I'm funny. Take that to mean what you will. But, no, no, let's say I'm very funny."
- Samantha Irby [10:20]: "I was screaming, laughing. Like, by the end, by like, the fourth time, I was fucking falling over in the pew, laughing."
- Samantha Irby [19:46]: "If you just say I like it, it’s completely kneecapped them."
- Samantha Irby [57:15]: "I don't want to hear their take on global politics or whatever. Let's leave that to the experts."
Note: This summary focuses exclusively on the content-rich segments of the podcast, omitting advertisements and non-content sections to provide a comprehensive overview of the discussions and insights shared by Samantha Irby and the hosts.