Life Hacks: Strategies to Suffer Less (Best Of)

Summary

We Can Do Hard Things: Episode Summary – "Life Hacks: Strategies to Suffer Less (Best Of)"

Release Date: April 19, 2025

In this uplifting and pragmatic episode of We Can Do Hard Things, hosts Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle delve into a variety of life hacks designed to simplify daily challenges and reduce suffering. Through heartfelt conversations, shared experiences, and listener contributions, the trio offers actionable strategies across multiple facets of life, including productivity, technology, home management, friendships, parenting, and travel.

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1. Introduction to Life Hacks

Amanda Doyle kicks off the episode by expressing gratitude for the listeners' engagement over the past month and introduces the central theme: life hacks to make life easier. The discussion centers on the idea that while life presents numerous challenges, small, intentional strategies can significantly alleviate daily struggles.

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2. Overcoming Procrastination: "Eat the Frog"

The hosts explore the classic productivity hack, "Eat the Frog," which encourages tackling the most daunting task first thing in the morning to reduce the lingering dread throughout the day.

• Amanda Doyle explains the concept: "[04:35]...Eat the frog. Where did that come from? Well, a lot of people attribute it to Mark Twain..."

• Abby Wambach shares her personal transformation: "[06:20]...This feels like a really good procrastination hack, too."

• Glennon Doyle adds a humorous twist about adopting new habits: "[07:51]...And now we've jumped the shark. And now to you sister. What's one of your overall hacks?"

This segment highlights how prioritizing challenging tasks can lead to a more satisfying and less stressful day.

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3. Embracing Proper Breathing

Glennon Doyle reveals a personal revelation about her breathing techniques, emphasizing the importance of diaphragmatic breathing for overall well-being.

• "[07:57]...I have a simple one and then a bigger one. My simple one is that I just learned that I've been breathing wrong for four decades."

• Abby Wambach reinforces the significance: "[08:53]...It's called diaphragmatic breathing."

This newfound awareness serves as a foundational life hack for better physical and mental health.

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4. Managing Information and Responsibilities

The discussion shifts to the importance of not seeking unnecessary information to avoid unwanted responsibilities and emotional burdens.

• Glennon Doyle offers advice on handling sensitive information: "[09:21]...It's a good life hack to not ask to know things that you don't want to be responsible for."

• Amanda Doyle echoes the sentiment regarding emotional labor: "[12:18]...And I think everyone would just be better. More information is not better."

This segment underscores the value of setting boundaries to maintain emotional well-being.

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5. Tech Hacks for a Simpler Life

Amanda Doyle shares practical technology-based strategies to reduce digital overwhelm and increase productivity.

1. Turn Your Phone to Grayscale

   • "[29:17]...if you don't want to constantly be held hostage to your phone... turn your phone to grayscale."

2. Manage Communication Preferences

   • "[29:55]...tell people you prefer not to communicate via texting to avoid constant reactivity."

3. Curate Your Social Media

   • "[29:33]...unfollow people who make you feel bad to maintain a positive digital environment."

These hacks aim to foster healthier digital habits and reduce distractions.

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6. Home Management Hacks

The hosts discuss various strategies to create a more organized and peaceful home environment.

• Amanda Doyle emphasizes setting clear schedules for children to minimize repetitive questions: "[46:33]...tell them what's gonna happen that day... Point back to the schedule."

• Glennon Doyle provides practical tips for maintaining cleanliness effortlessly: "[54:14]...You know how annoying that is to find the way the fitted sheets fit."

Additional tips include preventing pots from boiling over and simplifying sheet folding, making household tasks less burdensome.

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7. Nurturing Friendships

Maintaining healthy friendships can be challenging, especially during difficult times. The trio offers insights into setting boundaries and fostering supportive relationships.

• Amanda Doyle introduces the concept of a "friend caucus" during major life events like a divorce: "[40:16]...bring all the friends together for a meeting to support the individual going through a separation."

• Glennon Doyle adds the importance of clear communication about boundaries: "[39:26]...have the ending time a half an hour earlier than the time that you really must be done."

These approaches ensure that friendships remain strong and respectful amidst life’s transitions.

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8. Empowering Parenting Strategies

Parenting comes with its unique set of challenges, and the hosts share hacks to foster better relationships and manage daily routines with children.

• Abby Wambach advocates for encouraging children's agency: "[48:24]...respond with, 'What do you think?' to empower their decision-making skills."

• Amanda Doyle shares tips on reducing children's repetitive questioning through structured schedules and prioritizing memorable activities: "[46:33]...little children are so annoying... have a schedule."

These strategies aim to create a more harmonious family dynamic and support children's emotional development.

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9. Streamlining Travel

Traveling can be a source of stress, but with the right hacks, it can become a more enjoyable experience.

• Glennon Doyle advises organizing travel essentials in a dedicated bag with designated spots for each item: "[50:18]...I have a bag that is my travel bag. Every pocket has a specific reason."

• Amanda Doyle highlights the importance of small preparations, like photographing hotel room numbers and parking spots to prevent forgetfulness: "[50:20]...take a photo of your hotel room number so you don't forget it."

These tips help ensure smoother travels by minimizing common hassles.

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10. Listener Call-ins: Community Life Hacks

Listeners Maggie, Kim, Leanne, Laura, and Katherine contribute their unique life hacks, adding depth and diversity to the episode's discussion.

• Maggie introduces the "Ten-Second Rule" for asserting needs: "[21:05]...wait 10 seconds after making a request to let it stand on its own."

• Haley shares a humorous trick for hiding dirty dishes: "[56:19]...hide dirty dishes in the stove when guests are coming over."

• Leanne offers a strategy for claiming personal space on the couch: "[56:21]...claim a corner of the couch as my own by leaving a blanket and shoes there."

• Laura suggests using black trash bags to discreetly dispose of children's artwork: "[57:28]...invest in black trash bags to hide the art from view."

• Katherine provides a laundry hack to manage piles efficiently: "[58:11]...do a load of towels to reduce the overall amount of laundry."

These contributions exemplify the community-driven spirit of the podcast, highlighting practical solutions from everyday experiences.

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11. Conclusion: Embracing Easier Strategies

As the episode wraps up, the hosts reiterate the importance of integrating simple hacks into daily life to suffer less and live more freely. They encourage listeners to share their own strategies and continue supporting one another in the journey toward a more manageable and joyful life.

• Amanda Doyle concludes with a heartfelt message: "[62:21]...if there's anything you do during the days that helps you suffer less, let us know."

• Glennon Doyle reinforces their collective mission: "[62:58]...We can do our things, but we're going to try easier."

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Notable Quotes:

• "[04:35] Amanda Doyle: Where did that come from?...Eat the frog."

• "[08:15] Glennon Doyle: You are supposed to inhale and your stomach goes out."

• "[21:26] Maggie: ...wait 10 seconds because it is so easy that we start explaining away..."

• "[50:18] Amanda Doyle: ...take a photo of your hotel room number so you don't forget it."

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This episode of We Can Do Hard Things serves as a comprehensive guide to implementing practical life hacks that address various aspects of daily living. By sharing personal anecdotes, expert advice, and listener contributions, Glennon, Abby, and Amanda create a supportive space for listeners to discover new ways to navigate life's challenges with greater ease and resilience.

Transcript

[Glennon Doyle]

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[Abby Wambach]

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[Amanda Doyle]

Welcome back to We Can Do Hard Things. Thank you so much for really sticking there with us with all of these hard things we've been discussing over the last month. Today we are going to talk to you about some life changing ideas to make your life easier. This is we can do easy things. Life hacks.

[Abby Wambach]

Well, on the surface they might feel like hard things.

[Amanda Doyle]

Oh no. Really?

[Abby Wambach]

Yeah. I mean, because these are life hacks. But sometimes the some of these hacks I think are going to be difficult.

[Amanda Doyle]

Okay.

[Abby Wambach]

They're hard for me.

[Amanda Doyle]

Well, it's as easy as I get in since college.

[Glennon Doyle]

Okay.

[Amanda Doyle]

Right.

[Glennon Doyle]

Okay. Oh, I got it.

[Amanda Doyle]

I was a little late, but I got it.

[Glennon Doyle]

Yeah.

[Amanda Doyle]

Okay.

[Glennon Doyle]

I was like, you didn't work hard in college. Oh, I get it.

[Amanda Doyle]

Yeah, there you go.

[Abby Wambach]

You were easy in college.

[Amanda Doyle]

I mean, I wasn't hard, I'll tell you that. Can we all talk about what a hack is? Like, what, sister? What's your definition of a life hack?

[Glennon Doyle]

I think hacks are things that people have discovered that simplify or streamline a smaller, big part of their life. That if we all added to our portfolio of skills, we might make some things easier for ourselves.

[Abby Wambach]

That was like, the most amazing definition of efficiency.

[Amanda Doyle]

Do you have it written down?

[Glennon Doyle]

No, I just.

[Abby Wambach]

Outrageous.

[Amanda Doyle]

So we have some categories here. We've got overall life hacks, We've got some relationship hacks. We've got some tech hacks, home hacks, tech hacks, relationship hacks, travel hacks, and.

[Glennon Doyle]

We have pod squad hacks.

[Amanda Doyle]

Pod squad hacks.

[Glennon Doyle]

You have written into us or called with voicemails. We are very grateful we are incorporating your hacks.

[Amanda Doyle]

Yeah. For me, I feel like life hacks are things also to help lessen suffering. Really, all I'm trying to do is suffer less. Okay.

[Glennon Doyle]

Right. It's the idea of try easier.

[Amanda Doyle]

Yes.

[Glennon Doyle]

We could try harder. In some ways we need to, but in some ways, we just need to try easier.

[Amanda Doyle]

That's right. That's right. And there are tricks that you can use to suffer less. That is how I feel about life hacks. So my first overall hack is called Eat the frog.

[Abby Wambach]

Where did that come from?

[Amanda Doyle]

Well, a lot of people attribute it to Mark Twain. There was like this quote that Mark Twain said that if you eat a live frog first thing in the morning, then nothing worse than that will ever happen to you throughout the day.

[Abby Wambach]

That's the truth.

[Amanda Doyle]

Which is kind of funny. Cause it's like, just do a terrible, horrific thing, and then everything's up from there.

[Abby Wambach]

Can you give me an example of something you eat the frog with?

[Amanda Doyle]

Okay, so the way we explained it to the kids is worst thing, first thing. So here's the way I think about it. We wake up in the morning and we all have that thing that we know we have to do.

[Glennon Doyle]

Write that email, make that phone call, have the conversation.

[Amanda Doyle]

All the things. Yeah. Or the project at work that you wanna do the least is gonna require the most of you that you just are dreading. It's the dread thing. Dread, dread. What we tend to do is put that thing off and off and off and off and off because we're dreading it. So if you think about your time as, like, a long stretch. Okay, you got A stretch of time each day. What happens when we put off that hard thing is that we spend all of the time between when we wake up and that hard thing in dread. So we kind of have a little pit in our stomach because we're looking ahead towards this thing that we are dreading. We're putting it off, putting it off, putting it off. Which means that most of our time is spent in dread. But if you wake up in the morning, you do your little things, whatever you have to do, but then you do the worst thing. First thing, it causes less suffering, only because it shortens the time of dread. So it's a short amount of time of dread now. And then the thing is done, and then you have the rest of the day. You just feel lighter and happier.

[Abby Wambach]

Yeah, everything's downhill. This feels like a really good procrastination hack, too.

[Amanda Doyle]

Yeah. It's just the opposite of procrastination. And it has nothing to do with, like, being more productive for me. Nothing. It just has to do with suffering less and living in that dread space.

[Abby Wambach]

I will say that this is probably the thing that I've learned the most from you in terms of how you live your life and that I've put into my daily regimen, because early days, when we first got together, I was the queen of procrastination.

[Amanda Doyle]

No, you did not want to eat the frog. You didn't want to look at the frog.

[Abby Wambach]

I was just like, no, that's for tomorrow. And now I really admire and I have admired you for all of these years because you do that. You do the very thing that you least want to do first. And then I look at you and I have. I mean, for the first few years, I just would have so much envy. Like, oh, she's done with her thing. I'm so jealous. And so then I started to implement it.

[Amanda Doyle]

Yes, you did.

[Abby Wambach]

And I am. I am a considerably more happy person after noon.

[Amanda Doyle]

Yeah, yeah. And the other thing is, people like me, you don't need to eat six frogs. If it's Tuesday, you do not eat next Wednesday's frog.

[Abby Wambach]

Just eat one frog.

[Glennon Doyle]

Okay.

[Amanda Doyle]

You must have time after the frog for enjoyment, or there's no point in eating the frog because I know you frog eaters would be like, great, so if I just spend Monday eating 365 frogs for the whole year. No, no, no. There has to be some discipline of rhythm in it where it's like, eat the frog and then enjoy the fruits of the frog digesting.

[Glennon Doyle]

Okay, that's a.

[Amanda Doyle]

And now we've jumped the shark. And now to you sister. What's one of your overall hacks?

[Glennon Doyle]

I have a simple one and then a bigger one. My simple one is that I just learned that I've been breathing wrong for four decades.

[Amanda Doyle]

Oh yes.

[Glennon Doyle]

And that was a surprise to me because I know how to properly cite a foreign constitution in a legal brief, but I didn't know how to breathe.

[Amanda Doyle]

Yep.

[Glennon Doyle]

I don't understand how that happened. So this is something I would like to share with the group. When you breathe, you are supposed to inhale and your stomach goes out. Okay, your stomach goes out because then you are expanding your diaphragm. You are letting the air into your lungs. Then when you exhale, your stomach contracts, comes in, and then if you give it a little pinch, that's like expelling the bad stuff in there. So think of it as that you're like breathing in the new. It's filling you up, then you're letting it all out and you're coming in. I was doing that wrong for 43 years.

[Amanda Doyle]

Yeah, like you're filling a balloon. I always think it's called filling a.

[Glennon Doyle]

Balloon, letting it out.

[Abby Wambach]

It's called diaphragmatic breathing. Diaphragmatic breathing.

[Glennon Doyle]

Yes, that's what it's called. I just didn't know how to say that word. Okay, that feels important since breathing feels essential. Also, I realized something that I think that it's a good life hack to not ask to know things that you don't want to be responsible for. So.

[Abby Wambach]

Oof.

[Glennon Doyle]

For example, on Thanksgiving, my amazing sister in law was here with us, Johnny's sister Kate. And she's wonderful and she. Curious minds wanna know about who was the person on the episode that wasn't.

[Amanda Doyle]

Ah, the person that. Okay, for reference, the person that we canceled the interview with because she was very rude to our producer.

[Glennon Doyle]

So she said, I need to know who the person was. And I know Kate very well. So I said, kate, do you want that job? If I were to tell you who that person was, I would be giving you the job of holding that information and never telling not one single person who that is. So you would have the information, but you would have to protect it for the rest of your life. And she said, oh my God, no, do never tell me that. I never want. And her like had kind of exploded about it because she, she hadn't done that calculus. She had only done plus for me in the column if I know more things, but not on the other column of now I have more jobs.

[Amanda Doyle]

Yes.

[Glennon Doyle]

And I Feel like that relates to so many things. Anytime someone butt dials me, I immediately, like, scream into it. I can hear you.

[Abby Wambach]

Yeah. I'm so scared of somebody talking to me.

[Glennon Doyle]

I'm so scared. Exactly. I'm so scared I'm going to hear anything. I never want to know anything that someone says about me. If someone starts telling me a story, oh, my gosh, I heard they were saying. I was like, please stop now, please. Why am I going to accept that burden from you? I'm just walking around in my life. I don't want to know things about things that are none of my business.

[Amanda Doyle]

Is a job. Being mad at people is a job. Yes. It takes a lot of your energy.

[Abby Wambach]

This is tough for me because I like to tell secrets.

[Amanda Doyle]

I know you do.

[Abby Wambach]

This is revolutionary for. For somebody like me. Like, don't. Don't tell me nothing.

[Amanda Doyle]

Yes.

[Abby Wambach]

Well.

[Glennon Doyle]

And also similarly, don't give people jobs they're not qualified for. So if you are a person with a secret, a very upsetting way to live is to know there are people in your life who can't keep secrets, then to know as you're telling them a secret that they're definitely gonna tell it, and then to harbor the anticipatory anger that will occur when they will tell it. And then to be shocked, which is a bullshit lie because you're never shocked.

[Amanda Doyle]

That they did tell it. Because also, it's the exact same thing as holding a very hot pot, being like, I can't hold this shit. It's too hot. It's burning my hand. So you hold it, handing it to your friend, and then being pissed when they help give it to somebody else. You couldn't hold it yourself.

[Abby Wambach]

That's right.

[Glennon Doyle]

It was too high. So you just don't give people jobs that they're not qualified for, and you don't ask for jobs that you don't want to be responsible for.

[Abby Wambach]

That's good.

[Glennon Doyle]

And I think everyone would just be better. More information is not better.

[Amanda Doyle]

Okay, babe, what's one of your life hacks?

[Abby Wambach]

Okay. Mine is on in the same vein a little bit as yours, Glennon, but it's kind of got a different vibe to it. Okay, so every single one of us knows that there are certain things in our life that when we do them, we just feel better. Like, for me, I know that I have a few things that I sometimes struggle with, whether it's motivation or just the doing of them that I know every single time make me feel better. So, for example, for me, it's exercise. Even though I was a pro athlete, like, staying fit and healthy was always something that was a big struggle of mine. So sometimes I would wait to be motivated or I'd wait to see how I felt that morning. And that always ended up giving me an option, like a choice, like, oh, I get to choose. So I have in my daily regimen that I do things no matter what that I know make me feel better every single day, every single time I do them. Like, every single time. I'm never like, oh, man, I wish I didn't work out.

[Amanda Doyle]

Yeah, that's how I feel about walking or meditation.

[Abby Wambach]

So I put into every single one of my days something like that. Whether it's working out or reading the book or meditating, the things that I know that never let me down when it's done, those are things I do every single day. So. Treat the frog.

[Amanda Doyle]

Treat the frog. It's kind of like, worst thing, first thing, next thing, best thing. It's like the. The hard, icky thing, and then the thing that feels like a treat to you because it doesn't always have to be working out something that's miserable during it.

[Abby Wambach]

Of course.

[Amanda Doyle]

Like, of course.

[Glennon Doyle]

So, like, for me, it's showering. Oh, I know that sounds ridiculous, but.

[Abby Wambach]

It'S like personal hygiene.

[Amanda Doyle]

No, I get it.

[Glennon Doyle]

To some people, personal hygiene. To some people, treat like, I will go days where I have slept in, whatever I sleep in, wake up, go the whole day still in those clothes, and go to bed in the same clothes that I slept in the night before. And it's just because I don't need to leave my house. I work from home. Whatever.

[Amanda Doyle]

Well, to be clear, you. You. You say you work from your bed, so she doesn't need to leave her bed.

[Glennon Doyle]

I literally don't. That's another story. It started with my broken toe where they said I had to work from my bed. And then I was like, oh, oh, my God. Why have I not been doing this for my entire life?

[Amanda Doyle]

Treat the frog. Treat the frog.

[Glennon Doyle]

Treat the frog. But I often feel like I don't need to take a shower, but every time I do it, I'm like, that was a great idea. Yeah, good for me.

[Amanda Doyle]

Treat the frog. Okay.

[Glennon Doyle]

Treat the frog.

[Amanda Doyle]

So good. Okay, I have a couple more. One I learned when the kids were little, I wanted to have, like, this vibe in my house that I thought would require me to create the vibe. So when the kids were little, I wanted everything to be, like, playful and cozy and fun, but I was miserable and tired and cranky, so I could not be the vibe that I wanted my home to be.

[Glennon Doyle]

Be the vibe you want to see in the world.

[Amanda Doyle]

Yes. I could not be the vibe I wanted to see, nor can I still be the vibe. So what I figured out one day, I turned on some kids music like that, you know, like a kindergarten teacher would like. I used to play in my classroom or circle time music or kids music. And damned if I was standing there just totally miserable, you know, third cup of coffee, unshowered, cranky, turned on that music. My house felt so peaceful, cozy, vibey, like preschool teacher ran this house. I looked at the kids and I had not changed my vibe at all. This is when I realized you just have to play the vibe you want to be in the world, you don't.

[Glennon Doyle]

Have to be it.

[Amanda Doyle]

All right? If you want some peace, turn on some peaceful music. If you want to remember your freaking college vibey self, turn on some Dave Matthews. You don't have to be a vibe, you just have to play a vibe. That's true. And suddenly you want your house to seem peaceful. How often do I turn on some freaking spot spa music when I'm cursing.

[Abby Wambach]

And miserable and I'm telling you it works. I walk into our room and I'm like, oh, I feel good.

[Amanda Doyle]

Yep.

[Abby Wambach]

She'll light some incense. And I'm like, oh, yep. Are we getting a massage? Like, what's happening?

[Amanda Doyle]

If you want to know how miserable I am and how cranky I am and how anxious I am, you just have to figure out how peaceful the music is on.

[Glennon Doyle]

You're always the equal and opposite of the music.

[Abby Wambach]

That's good.

[Amanda Doyle]

That's right.

[Glennon Doyle]

It's like joy to the world. And Glenn's like this.

[Amanda Doyle]

Exactly. So that's a life hack. You don't have to be it, you.

[Glennon Doyle]

Just have to play it.

[Amanda Doyle]

Any others.

[Glennon Doyle]

So good for you, too.

[Abby Wambach]

I have one. I just think that one of the best things that I heard long ago was, don't make any big decisions after 9:00pm like, after 9:00pm that's when all the things go silent. You're laying in bed and you start to the worry list and you get up and you make lists and what am I going to do to. It's like, no, don't make big decisions. Nothing good happens after 9:00pm 10:00pm that's right.

[Glennon Doyle]

And that dovetails a lot with that horseshit of never go to bed angry. You should mostly when you're angry, go to bed because half the time you wake up and you're like, oh, I wasn't so much angry as I was real tired.

[Amanda Doyle]

Exactly.

[Glennon Doyle]

And then you wake up and it's done.

[Amanda Doyle]

Yeah.

[Glennon Doyle]

Or you have some perspective on it where you're like, huh? Yeah. I kind of see another side of it I didn't see before.

[Amanda Doyle]

Yeah.

[Glennon Doyle]

When you're angry, like nine times out of ten just hit the old Sacaroni.

[Amanda Doyle]

You're tired. We need to not make any decisions about how much our life sucks at night.

[Abby Wambach]

Yeah.

[Amanda Doyle]

We can only decide in the morning if our life sucks. Well, which.

[Glennon Doyle]

Don't worry, it'll probably still suck at the moment.

[Amanda Doyle]

Of course it'll be there when you wake up to suck and suck and suck. S'more Sleep first.

[Maggie]

Foreign.

[Abby Wambach]

This episode is brought to you by Ring Cameras and Doorbells. A lot happens while you're away from home. That's why Ring makes it easy to check in from anywhere. Whether you're saying hi to an unexpected guest, making sure those packages are safe, or keeping your pet's company. My favorite? While you're out grabbing groceries, it's all a few taps away right from your phone. Be there with Ring Explore cameras, doorbells, alarm kits, and more right now at ring. Com. Finding a great mentor who can really help me level up isn't easy. But my dream mentor, Amy Poehler. So when I heard she had a class on Masterclass, I got so excited. Even though I don't really think I'm ever gonna become an actor. Masterclass is the only streaming platform where you can learn and grow. With over 200 world renowned for just $10 a month billed annually, membership gives you unlimited access to every instructor, whether you're watching on your phone, computer, smartphone, or even listening in audio mode. One class that has totally changed the game for me was James Clear's session on building new habits. I've always struggled with consistency, but his practical, easy to apply strategies helped me finally establish a daily routine that actually sticks. I've been using it every day and it's been a game changer. Right now, our listeners get an additional 15% off any annual [e-mail] hardthings that's 15% [e-mail] hardthings masterclass.com hardthings this podcast.

[Glennon Doyle]

Is brought to you by Kleenex Ultra Soft Tissues. It's that time of year again. The flowers are blooming and birds are chirping. And also that time when allergies can test you and show up when you least expect. But with Kleenex Ultra Soft Tissues, you can be ready to face them whether it's sneezes or watery eyes. You don't want to be caught without a tissue on hand. To help. Kleenex Ultra soft tissues are gentle on eyes and noses. They're for all the moments at home and on the go that allergies can disrupt this allergy season. Be better prepared with Kleenex Ultra soft tissues, which are allergist approved so you can go on with your day. Life and allergies can both be unpredictable, but you can be prepared for that time of year by making sure you've always got Kleenex ultrasoft tissues ready for whatever happens next. Grab Kleenex. All right, let's hear from Maggie. I loved this that she sent in about her life hack.

[Maggie]

Hi, Glennon, Abby, Amanda, this is Maggie. I think one of my favorite life hacks is the ten second rule. Ten seconds of silence. When you are asking for something that you want, need, or desire and deserve. When you explain what it is that you want, just wait 10 seconds.

[Glennon Doyle]

Wait.

[Maggie]

Because it is so easy that we start explaining away the reasons why or undermining our request to begin with. And so allowing for those 10 seconds to just let your request or your requirement stand on its own, it empowers it rather than devalues it. I appreciate all of you so much.

[Abby Wambach]

Hold.

[Amanda Doyle]

Hold. Oh my God, it's so good.

[Glennon Doyle]

It's so good. I feel like we need a 10 second silence. Silence after that. But wisdom, it's so good because think of all.

[Amanda Doyle]

We couldn't do it. We couldn't do it.

[Glennon Doyle]

No, we were like one. Think of all the, like the context where that applies. It's even when you're asking for something, when you're saying something and there's an awkward silence and you're like, I cannot tolerate this. I'm just gonna fill it, fill it, fill it, fill it. And then it doesn't honor the thing that you put out there. And then you're actually allowing someone to respond to it instead of just being like, oh, see, I knew I was wrong. Nevermind, take it back.

[Amanda Doyle]

I think that this is revolutionary because sometimes it's easier to say the thing than to hold the line of the thing. Because after you say the thing, you're dealing with the other person's facial expression. You're dealing with what they might say or not. You're dealing with the discomfort of what you just put into the universe. So then I think what happens is that we try to bolster our case. Like we try to bring more evidence to why we deserve to say the thing that we just said. Which reminds me, babe, of when we are arguing and you just say, that hurt me. And then you just leave it. And. And I'm like, whoa, you can't argue with that. You don't make a case of all the reasons because then you can, like attack the reasons. But just saying what you just said or what you just did really hurt me. And then leaving it is very powerful.

[Abby Wambach]

It reminds me of, like, getting the courage to say something that you want or need and then the fear of rejection of it is what makes us want to, like, add more and add more and not just wait and hold the space.

[Amanda Doyle]

Yeah.

[Abby Wambach]

That fear of rejection, I think that makes it really hard to actually do this 10 second rule, but I love it, Maggie.

[Amanda Doyle]

And standing strong in the disequilibrium that bringing your need to someone causes, because it does cause disequilibrium, because people are not used to hearing people say boldly what they need. So there is a disequilibrium that happens and allowing that awkwardness to be a sign that something new is happening instead of that you need to take back something. Yeah, I feel like that goes along with the idea of when you're drawing a boundary with somebody or you're saying no and that person gets really upset. I used to really think, oh, that's a sign that I've done something wrong and that I should backtrack what I just said I needed. And now I always think of it as a sign that, like, I should double down, that I absolutely did the right thing. Like if I say something to someone that's a basic boundary or need and then they are angry with that, that just shows me that was the absolute right move in the first place. That just because someone gets mad at you because you have said what you need does not mean that you've done something wrong. It probably means that you've done something right because your establishing of a boundary means that they no longer get to override your boundary. That was working for them.

[Glennon Doyle]

I also think it's just a lot of people who are most empathetic and most emotionally intelligent can see a hundred sides to the same situation. So we go through the process when we're figuring out what we need, we also can understand, okay, this is how that impacts that person and they might feel when I say this like this. And so I am prepared with all of that when I go in and stay state just my need. And so we, as soon as we state our need, we feel the need to bring up. And I know that it might be that you feel like this. And I know that in this one instance, that didn't work. And so you might be thinking that I'm not serious about this. We, like, bring it all to the moment. But I think if we can separate that and say all of this is true, and yet we still feel like we need this thing, there will be time to get to the rest of it. Just give this one thing that you have decided you want, the 10 seconds it deserves to stand alone, and there will be time for the conversations of all those nuances and holding your line and validating the other person. We just don't need to muddy the one moment where you need to say the thing you need to say.

[Amanda Doyle]

It would be a good life hack, I think, just to incorporate the pause into so many things. The pause is, you know, it's the difference between reacting to something and responding to something which people talk about so, so much, but I have found to be unbelievably true that for me, the difference between war and peace with someone is usually like, 15 seconds. Responding to something right away, which feels like it's gonna feel good almost always for me, creates more pain for both people. But if I can spend just a long pause metabolizing it a little bit, getting some creativity in there, some space, some breathing, I can almost always respond in a way that works better for both of us. And it's not just about being kinder, actually. It's. It's about being more efficient, being more generous, being more able to come out with an outcome that works for both people.

[Abby Wambach]

Yeah. It's just. It's so awkward. Like, I. I could use a total masterclass in this because I can't handle awkward silence. And that's what, like, is probably stopping so many of us from creating this space for even a pause in conversations.

[Glennon Doyle]

You know, and not for nothing, I don't think that this is where Maggie was going with this necessarily, but the. From a negotiation perspective, if you are asking for a salary, if you are asking for more flexible arrangements, if you are saying what you need in any kind of negotiation, the one who can handle the silences wins.

[Amanda Doyle]

Yes.

[Glennon Doyle]

Because what happens is you say, I need a $10,000 raise, and when you fill in that silence with, and I understand the business has been doing bad, and I understand better. And I.

[Amanda Doyle]

And.

[Glennon Doyle]

And, like, you've been so good to me, and you let me stay home with my kid for that week he was sick. What you're doing is handing the other person what they say back to you.

[Amanda Doyle]

Yes.

[Glennon Doyle]

Whereas if you say what you need? I need the ten thousand dollar raise. You are not showing them the keys to the kingdom. You are not showing them your vulnerable pieces that they know now to use against you.

[Amanda Doyle]

Exactly.

[Glennon Doyle]

They have to fill that silence, and then you get to react to what they say instead of reacting to what is your biggest vulnerability, which is what you're gonna fill the silence with to begin with.

[Amanda Doyle]

So good.

[Abby Wambach]

Is that how you've been arguing with me all these years? That's really smart.

[Amanda Doyle]

Yeah, I mean, I do think like.

[Abby Wambach]

Yeah, yeah.

[Amanda Doyle]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's correct. Okay, here are some tech hacks. I have three. My first one is turning your phone to grayscale. I'm not even gonna begin to try to tell you how to do that. Just Google it. Here's the reason my phone is on grayscale. It's so boring. Your eye does not go to it. It's not as pleasing. It's not as like moth to a flame y anymore. It's like the world is suddenly brighter than your phone, which makes you look at your phone so much less. Yeah, okay. It really works for me. Grayscale, your phone. Number two, I did it for one.

[Abby Wambach]

Day and I had to switch back.

[Amanda Doyle]

That is true. Number two, if you don't want to constantly be held hostage to your phone, if you don't want to live a life of reactivity by constantly having to text people back, tell people in your life that you're not a texter. Tell them that's not how you communicate, that you don't use your phone for that. That's what I always say. Oh, I don't use my phone for that. Just tell them. And it's suddenly you put down 479 jobs. Okay, you can then decide with people how you prefer to communicate. That's different for everyone. Number three. My third one, unfollow people who. Who make you feel bad. I know this seems simple, but I do it every few months. It is unbelievable to me how I will sit there and scroll through things that make me feel like crap for a very long time until I remember I don't have to do this. And what makes me feel bad or doesn't make me feel good is different all the time. So it does require a repeated curation. For me right now, I am allergic to anything that even has hints of diet culture. I'm learning about all of that. I don't, like, make myself prove why I deserve to unfollow this person. It doesn't mean they're bad people. It doesn't mean I'm even making a judgment about them. It means it's not good for me. And also, if you don't want to hurt people's feelings, then you can mute people. I'm not going to go through that. Just Google it. But you can. There's ways you can unfollow or not see things where that other person won't know that you have unfollowed them.

[Abby Wambach]

That's good.

[Amanda Doyle]

Sissy. What are your tech hacks?

[Glennon Doyle]

Well, I am the last person in America to know this, but if you happen to be the other person, this is for you. You know how on text you can send an audio file? Like if you, if you press the little thing, you can say something, the other person receives it as an audio file. There is another way to text. That is you say it it with your voice, but it goes into typed out words. Okay, so this is you. You go to your text. You, you click on the place where it says message, where you would normally type. Then there's a little microphone at the bottom of your phone. You hit that and you say, hey, I'll see you at 5:00. Do you need anything from the grocery store question mark? You actually say question mark and then you press it and it goes to them as writing. And I am the person who has written, you know, paragraphs and paragraphs with my thumbs on the text. This has changed my life. Okay, number two, when you're writing an email, I'm always afraid that the email is going to go to the wrong person, that it's going to go prematurely. Write your email and then put the recipient in the email last. Then you don't have to worry about it going prematurely or accidentally sending it to the wrong person.

[Abby Wambach]

That's good.

[Glennon Doyle]

Third thing, this is one for me because I wish people would do it for me and I wish to do it for other people. Venmo requests. So I live in fear that I accidentally owe someone money, that they are now harboring resentment towards me for. But I don't know about it because like if we were to go to dinner, I am always afraid that I owe people money. So it is kind to send a Venmo request. Then people know you owe me 30 bucks and then you can just press it. Also, it helps you not to harbor secret resentments. If instead of saying, oh, we're going to split this dinner, you'll just give me 30 bucks later, you can do it. In that moment, send the Venmo request. Then you don't have to worry about whether that person is doing it intentionally.

[Amanda Doyle]

Good job. I like that.

[Abby Wambach]

I love that so much.

[Amanda Doyle]

All right, babe, what are your sports?

[Abby Wambach]

Well, having been a professional athlete for so many years, I was never very good at staying on task. Basically, I just followed the herd everywhere it went. And so now in my post career early days, I would forget to show up or to write things down in a calendar. So what I do is actually I set 10 alarms in a day because, you know, when the calendar notification comes up on my phone, I ignore it every single time. I don't know what's wrong with me.

[Amanda Doyle]

Me too. I don't know. I'm like, why are you bothering me again?

[Abby Wambach]

I know. Like, it's. I just. I flick it. I like clear it. So that's one. Another one is to take selfies in the iPhone app. In the photos section. You just press the volume up button. So people are always amazed when anybody has ever asked me for a photo.

[Glennon Doyle]

Oh my God. I just did it while you were talking. I cannot believe that works. Yeah, I struggle to hit the dot in the middle every time. And then you have to hold it in a funky way on the side and on the middle. Wait, so you just hold it up like this and press the up volume?

[Abby Wambach]

Yep.

[Glennon Doyle]

Oh, my God. That changes everything.

[Abby Wambach]

It's a game changer for family photos.

[Amanda Doyle]

And you always take the selfies when we're out and someone asks for it. I hand it to you because you do it so easily. And that is why.

[Abby Wambach]

Yes, that is why.

[Amanda Doyle]

Great.

[Glennon Doyle]

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[Amanda Doyle]

I think that I know more than anyone on this entire planet that having the right therapist to talk to can make a life changing difference. That's why I think Alma is so cool. Alma connects you with real therapists who understand your unique experience. You can use their directory to search for someone who specializes in the areas that matter most to you, whether that's anxiety, relationships, or anything else. And what stands out to me about ALMA is that 97% of people seeing a therapist through ALMA say their therapist made them feel seen and heard. You know, I love that. That level of connection isn't something you can get from scrolling through online advice or following social media. It's about finding someone who truly understands your journey and is dedicated to helping you make progress better with people, better with Alma. Visit helloalma.com hardthings to get started and schedule a free consultation today. That's hello a l m a.com hardthings.

[Unknown]

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[Amanda Doyle]

Simple.

[Unknown]

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[Amanda Doyle]

Friendship hacks I've got a few. Okay, number one, when someone comes to your house, you can tell them what time you want them to leave. We always have start times for everything and then there's no the ending time is just this ghost. And you just have to like figure out when people want to leave and read the energy and you feel like you might they might never leave. No. I always say to people, well, to person, to Alex, the one person who comes over. I say to person, would you like to come over from 6 to 8? What's wrong with that? Then the person comes. Then you're not wondering the whole time. You know when your stuff is have an ending time hack within a hack.

[Glennon Doyle]

Have the ending time a half an hour earlier than the time that you really must be done. Oh, because then you can seem super gracious when it goes till 8:30.

[Amanda Doyle]

Yes, yes, yes. Okay. The five minute check in. This has been very, very important to me. I don't like to call people for a few reasons, but one, because I don't want to talk for an hour. I just don't want to do the whole thing where you're just trying to figure out what to say and how are you and how's everything? Five minute check in. Do you have five minutes to just check in and see how things are going? 10 minutes, whatever it is, every conversation doesn't have to be an hour long.

[Abby Wambach]

That's a preemptive text. So, hey, do you have five minutes check in?

[Amanda Doyle]

Yeah.

[Abby Wambach]

And so everybody knows this is a five minute call. It's good.

[Amanda Doyle]

Yeah. And then of course, we've talked about this one before, but I really like the post mortem where you like are with someone and then you at the end of the getting together, you talk about all the things that you wish you didn't say or that you already feel awkward that you said at the end of it so you can get that out of the way so you don't have to do it on your way home and then for the rest of your life.

[Abby Wambach]

That's so sweet. I never, ever worry about that.

[Amanda Doyle]

I just want to be you in another life.

[Glennon Doyle]

I know. What about you, Sissy one is the friend caucus. During difficult times when something happens in, like if there's a separation or divorce within your friend group, I think it is a really, really good idea to bring all the friends together for a meeting. So recently when this happened in my friend group, I called a lunch meeting at my house where we just had lunch and it was with the express intention that the friend in our group who was going through a separation and eventual divorce could sit down and tell us what she wished to share about the situation to all of us together once. So we're not doing this like phone tag game.

[Abby Wambach]

So smart.

[Glennon Doyle]

And even more importantly, hearing from her about what she wanted from us. So everyone is different when this happens. And I did this because I wish that I would have done it for myself when I went through my divorce. But there's so many things that come up in that situation that are not intuitive, that people who want to be a good friend don't know how to handle and also don't know how the person wants it handled. So we talked about very specific things like are you okay with us speaking individually about our concerns and worries about this? Or do you want us not to? Because then everyone could hear together. So if she said no, then you in this group, if you Come and talk to me about it. You know, it's not. It's not what she wants. And we can pretend that we're talking in a concerned way if she said she doesn't want us to do that. Also, the intention of how she could feel supported in our interactions with her ex. Do you want us to be gracious? Do you want us not to. Are you going to feel like we're disloyal if we say hello when we meet him? How do you want us to interact with your kids with respect to this. What do they know? Do you want us to keep inviting him to the family barbecues? Do you want us not to? All of those kinds of things.

[Amanda Doyle]

Things.

[Glennon Doyle]

And then we don't have to guess. Also, how do you handle the inevitable community members who during school pickup will say things like, what happened there? Because people are not equipped. If you don't think of it, you get caught off guard. You eventually say something that you end up feeling disloyal about. It's terrible. And so we actually practice, like, what I'm going to say is, it's a really hard thing. And I'm not discussing them. Want or it's very complicated, you know, how these things are or whatever it is that you don't walk away thinking, oh, I just shared my friend's.

[Amanda Doyle]

Yep.

[Glennon Doyle]

Confidence. And I didn't even mean to. And now I feel terrible.

[Abby Wambach]

Yeah.

[Glennon Doyle]

And also, do you want us to report back things you see? Like, see, back to the first thing about jobs you don't want. I didn't want to hear anything that people knew about my ex. I didn't want to hear they'd talk to him. I didn't want to hear anything. So I just feel like it's a really helpful thing to do because that is way too complicated of a system for everyone to be navigating independently without hearing directly from the person.

[Abby Wambach]

Really good. This is the only problem I have with this, is that I don't have more than one friend.

[Amanda Doyle]

Oh, my God, Abby. I was just thinking that. I was like, who would. I.

[Abby Wambach]

Who would be my.

[Amanda Doyle]

Who would come to the caucus? Like, that's a good. I don't know. I think that's good for us to sit with.

[Abby Wambach]

We need to find more friends.

[Glennon Doyle]

But it's different. This is the group that all of our kids went to preschool together. All our kids are in elementary school together. It's a different phase of life where we are in this community in all the same places. And so that makes it even more important that we are Representing her the way she wants to be represented.

[Amanda Doyle]

God, sister, that is really beautiful. I don't know. I just love that so much. It just shows so much about you, too, as, like, a protector of people. It has so much integrity.

[Abby Wambach]

Yeah.

[Amanda Doyle]

Like, everybody wants to be. To feel held by a group like that.

[Abby Wambach]

Talk about having gone through a divorce and needing a little bit of a playbook, Right? Yes. This is good.

[Glennon Doyle]

There's no playbook.

[Amanda Doyle]

That's exactly right.

[Glennon Doyle]

And then we're like, well, I hope all of these six people that are in this friend group that are all raised in a very different way, that all have different life's experiences. Experiences will do what I wish they would do, even though we never talked about it.

[Amanda Doyle]

Yes.

[Glennon Doyle]

It doesn't make sense. And then some people feel like they need to be mean to the dude because that's the most loyal thing. But that might not be what she wants.

[Abby Wambach]

Right.

[Amanda Doyle]

And families don't even do that. Like, you're going through divorce with the siblings and whatever. They don't know what to do. They don't know if they're supposed to be talking to that.

[Abby Wambach]

Like, this is good for families, too.

[Amanda Doyle]

The caucus. The caucus, sister. Very good life hack. Okay, super quick ones. Parenting number one, our biggest parenting hack and also Abby's biggest relationship hack with me is every time your kid comes to you with the drama and the trauma of little beingness or teenageness or whatever, not fixing the problem. The way we changed our relationship with one of our children is to every time they came to us to say in one way or another, are you wanting a solution right now or.

[Glennon Doyle]

No.

[Amanda Doyle]

That changed everything, because this kid needed a place to just be and have all of their feelings and have that space. And every time we jumped into solution mode, it would steal away her whole transformation. We talked in the Sara Bareilles episode about some people just need that cocoon time and don't want to be forced into being a butterfly because they know how to get to the butterfly place, and it's to stay in the cocoon place for a while. It's not to be shoved, because rushing the transformation doesn't work.

[Abby Wambach]

And now what she does is she just comes into the room and is like, I need to vent.

[Amanda Doyle]

Yeah, she doesn't.

[Abby Wambach]

Go ahead.

[Amanda Doyle]

She knows. Okay, Number two, and this comes from my teaching years, little children are so annoying.

[Glennon Doyle]

Okay, my fact, Children are so annoying.

[Amanda Doyle]

And one of the reasons that they're so annoying. And by the way, I love them more than adults. So let's just say, like, I'm obsessed with children. I would spend all day with them if I could. But the reason they're annoying is cause they have no power and control. So they nag the shit out of you all day. When I have little kids, tell them what's gonna happen that day. Put a piece of paper up, put a something, have a schedule. This nine to ten, da, da, da, da. Tell them what's gonna happen. And then 70% of their questions will be gone from you all day. Because you can just point back to the schedule. They just, what are we doing?

[Glennon Doyle]

What are we doing?

[Amanda Doyle]

What are we doing? What are we doing? What are we doing? Point back to the schedule. I used to do it when they couldn't read. I didn't even know what I was pointing to. It's just like something is there.

[Abby Wambach]

Structure liberates everyone.

[Amanda Doyle]

Right? Number three. Last one. When I was teaching preschool, I would prepare for hours and hours and hours all their activities all day. And then I would hear back from their parents that they didn't remember shit. They didn't know what we did. They know what we did all day. I might as well have just stood there and handed them iPads. So here's what I figured out. In preschool and with children, you start strong and you finish strong. That's all they remember. All right? They remember the thing that they did the second they get to you, and they remember the thing that they did right before they get in the car with their parents. Rest of the day. Abyss of nothingness. So apply this to your life in any way with children. Start strong, finish strong. All the middle screen time.

[Abby Wambach]

That's so good.

[Glennon Doyle]

I love it. Abby, what are your parenting things?

[Abby Wambach]

I think one of the things that I like to believe that I brought to the family is when the kid asks a question, I just respond with, well, what do you think?

[Glennon Doyle]

So good.

[Abby Wambach]

Before I go into my diatribe of I know how to answer it, but I want to call on them to start developing their own thoughts agency. I mean, even something as simple as, like, what do I get at a restaurant? Or what do you think I should get?

[Amanda Doyle]

Or what should I do with this friend?

[Abby Wambach]

And I'm like, well, what do you think?

[Amanda Doyle]

It works.

[Abby Wambach]

Yeah, it's good.

[Glennon Doyle]

It works. It works with things like God, too. Why God? What do you think? And they also have the way cooler answers than I would come up with, so it's fascinating.

[Amanda Doyle]

And they almost always have something, and it's like, oh, they just needed a sounding board.

[Abby Wambach]

Yep.

[Glennon Doyle]

Mm. My only parenting thing is to get.

[Abby Wambach]

A dog Ooh, that's good.

[Glennon Doyle]

Because it's just. It just takes the edge off the whole family.

[Amanda Doyle]

Oh, God.

[Glennon Doyle]

No one feels like talking to each other. No one knows what to say to each other. Everyone's talking to the dogs. Everyone's talking as if they were the dog.

[Abby Wambach]

Yes.

[Glennon Doyle]

Everyone's imputing some kind of conversation to the dog's mouth.

[Amanda Doyle]

Yes.

[Glennon Doyle]

It's so much more fun than it used to be.

[Abby Wambach]

It's like. It's like the bridge of all things awkward silence, energy. The amount of love that our children that are now in the teenage years, that they're expressing themselves with this, our dogs. I'm like, wow, that's so beautiful.

[Amanda Doyle]

We don't even look at each other. All we do is sit around and stare together at the dog. I don't even remember what anybody looks like in my house.

[Glennon Doyle]

Models, the kind of thing. Like, I look at my reaction when my husband comes through the door versus my dogs, and I'm like, take a lesson, Doyle.

[Amanda Doyle]

Yes.

[Glennon Doyle]

That is a lot of love when someone comes through the door. And that probably feels real good. Yes.

[Amanda Doyle]

And then you personify the dog and work out all your own shit. I'll be like, look at honey on the couch. She's thinking, why the hell doesn't anyone pick up their shit?

[Glennon Doyle]

Yes, exactly. Okay, let's do travel.

[Abby Wambach]

Yeah.

[Amanda Doyle]

Travel hacks.

[Glennon Doyle]

Someone wrote this in. Take a photo of your hotel room number so you don't forget it. So smart. Also, please take a photo of the nearest pole to the place you park in the parking garage.

[Amanda Doyle]

Yes.

[Glennon Doyle]

Cuz you need that too.

[Amanda Doyle]

Yes.

[Glennon Doyle]

Okay.

[Amanda Doyle]

Very good, babe.

[Abby Wambach]

Okay, so I travel, and I have traveled my whole life. And what I have found is if you find yourself traveling more than a couple times a month, even if you just don't. I have a bag that is my travel bag. And I know that might sound obvious, but every pocket in my travel bag has a specific reason for being there. My pens are in the same spot. My chargers are in the same spot. Where I put my wallet is in the same spot. My toiletry kit, I just bought double of everything. And so it just lives in my travel bag. So whenever I go to travel, it's all done and dusted, like I like to say.

[Glennon Doyle]

You do like to say that.

[Abby Wambach]

And so when I travel with my family, they don't also understand this life travel hack that I have. And so it's like, I don't have a pen. And I'm like, bam.

[Amanda Doyle]

Yep. She's got to have.

[Abby Wambach]

Does somebody have a charger?

[Glennon Doyle]

Bam.

[Amanda Doyle]

Bam.

[Abby Wambach]

I'm just bamming everybody on the freaking plane.

[Amanda Doyle]

That's true. You taught me some cool things about driving. Do you remember when you taught me about the aero. This is gonna blow the pod squad's mind. Unless it's something basic that everyone knows.

[Abby Wambach]

I think a lot of people know this, but maybe if you don't, it might blow your mind. Nobody ever remembers the side of the car the gas tank is on when you're going to get gas. And there's a little telltale sign on your gas gauge where there's a little gas pump. Next to your gas gauge, there's a little arrow and the arrow is pointing to the side that your gas tank is on.

[Amanda Doyle]

This has changed my life. The amount of times I pull up, guess, hope, pray, open my door, damn it, pull back around. There's a freaking arrow that points to the side.

[Glennon Doyle]

But remember when you realize that on every elevator there is a star next to one of the numbers and that star indicated for you where the lobby Was that after you realized that that.

[Amanda Doyle]

Was after eight years of travel, like every month and week. What a sweet thing to do.

[Glennon Doyle]

What a sweet thing to do to.

[Amanda Doyle]

Put that star on there.

[Glennon Doyle]

I have one. When you're traveling, if you happen to be a family of four with two adults like our family is, when you are traveling somewhere, you should book two of the three person rows and just book an aisle and a window in both sets of seats. And you book those seats because few people prefer a center seat so they won't purchase that ticket in between. And then you will have the whole seat to yourself, which is lovely. Now if by chance they do purchase the center seat and you get to your seat, you get to be a joy giver because you get to say, would you prefer to have the window seat? And then they say yay. And then you're a hero and you didn't end up any worse than you would have.

[Amanda Doyle]

Love it.

[Glennon Doyle]

We have a call in hack for travel from Kim.

[Maggie]

Hi, Glenn and Abby and sister. My name is Kim. My life hack is that if I go away, I tell everyone I'm coming back a day later than I actually do. That way no one is looking for me and I have a whole day for re entry back into the world. Love what you guys do. Take you on all of my walks, even when it's raining.

[Abby Wambach]

Really, really smart.

[Amanda Doyle]

That's awesome. Good idea.

[Glennon Doyle]

Okay, we have got home hacks.

[Amanda Doyle]

I saw this home hack on the interwebs. I don't know if it works, but I saw that if you don't want your pot of water to boil over, you can put a wooden spoon across the pot and it will stop the bubbles from boiling over.

[Abby Wambach]

Do you even know what that means?

[Amanda Doyle]

What does what mean?

[Abby Wambach]

How does that even work?

[Amanda Doyle]

The wooden spoon stops the bubbles.

[Abby Wambach]

I know. Do you put the wooden spoon just on the outside, under the lid? On top of the lid.

[Amanda Doyle]

So on the picture, Abigail, on the interwebs, the wooden spoon was splayed across the pot.

[Glennon Doyle]

No top, just boiling water. Lay it across the top of the boiling water. It doesn't overflow.

[Abby Wambach]

It works so good.

[Glennon Doyle]

Also, fitted sheets. You know how annoying that is to find the way the fitted sheets fit. To put a fitted sheet on the bed, the tag should be in the bottom left or the upper right corner. That's how you put it on correctly the first time.

[Amanda Doyle]

Oh, my God. That's life changing. I get so mad every single time.

[Glennon Doyle]

Every time. Every time. Okay, we have a couple of call ins from Haley and Leanne on Home Hacks.

[Amanda Doyle]

Great.

[Maggie]

Hello, it's Haley. I am calling with a life hack. Okay, so it's actually really funny. It's not mine, it's my sister's. So I just got off the FaceTime with her. I was on FaceTime with her, and she puts me down, she props me up on her counter, and she says, haley, look what I did. She opens her stove and proceeds to pull out all of her dirty dishes from the night before because she had people coming over yesterday. So she literally put her dirty pots and pans and hid them in the stove because they had people coming over. And he's a mom of two young kids. And I just thought it was the funniest thing. I'm like, that is the best life hack ever. If people come over, just hide your dirty dishes.

[Abby Wambach]

Freaking brilliant.

[Maggie]

Hey, it's Leanne, and I'm calling about lifehack. Mine is claiming a corner of the couch as my own for television viewing. It is, of course, the most comfortable part of the couch, the part that comes out long that you can lay out in. And I claim it by leaving a blanket there. And I leave my shoes, so if anyone comes up, they think I've just left and I'm coming back. And they won't sit there, although they're probably onto this now. But no one's sitting there, so it must be working.

[Abby Wambach]

Our kids wouldn't care.

[Amanda Doyle]

I feel like we need some kind of we can do easy things award that we give out to people like Haley and Leanne who just win at Life So. So I love that couch.

[Glennon Doyle]

The Leanne part of the couch is brilliant. I mean, Leigh Ann, you paid for it.

[Amanda Doyle]

Exactly. And we never get the good part on the couch, ever.

[Abby Wambach]

No, I'm always sitting. The kids are always like laid out, legs long, and I'm just sitting with like, I'm trying to put my legs on the coffee table and that's not comfortable. Coffee table's hard.

[Amanda Doyle]

I want to bought the couch.

[Abby Wambach]

Why aren't they deferential to what we want?

[Amanda Doyle]

I know. All right, let's hear from Laura.

[Glennon Doyle]

Or just deferential at all.

[Abby Wambach]

Okay.

[Glennon Doyle]

Laura and Catherine.

[Maggie]

Hi Glenn and Abby and sister. I am Laura and I am calling with one of my life hacks, which is a mom life hack. If you have small kids and they bring home roughly 1.7 million pieces of artwork or paper, and they're all special, but you just can't imagine where in the world you're going to keep it all. I would invest in black trash bags. That way when you throw it away, they don't see it through the white trash bag. It's completely blocked from their view. You just stuff it down there. They'll have no idea when they inevitably forget. And then when they ask you where it is, just, you know, complete the fact. But it's worked well for me, so hopefully some moms can use that. Hi, everyone, this is Katherine. So my life hack is doing a load of towels. I have three little kids. I have like endless, endless amounts of laundry. And when I get super sick of folding little shirts and pairing little socks and all of that, I throw in a load of towels. And the size of the mounds of laundry that I have to, to do decreases by, oh, I don't know, 50 to 60%. And so like, it feels like I have less to do then. And then also towels are super easy to fold. So I feel like I like win at life when I do a load of towels or when it occurs to me to do that, you know, you just got to grab the low hanging fruit where you can. All right, love you guys.

[Glennon Doyle]

Bye.

[Amanda Doyle]

I feel so strongly about the towel load of laundry.

[Abby Wambach]

Yeah.

[Amanda Doyle]

And when the towels are in the load of laundry, just pulling the towels out first because then the whole thing is reduced. It looks like such a huge pile. But really, if you pull the towels out, it's not so big.

[Abby Wambach]

Yeah, yeah.

[Glennon Doyle]

I feel like there's a life metaphor in this somewhere.

[Amanda Doyle]

I'm too tired.

[Glennon Doyle]

A lot of towels in my life.

[Amanda Doyle]

Yeah.

[Glennon Doyle]

Pull them out to the side, eat the towel.

[Amanda Doyle]

And then also, for you super moms who feel bad about throwing away the art, you can take pictures of the art. Okay? You take a picture of the art on your phone, you make a little file, and then if you're really an overachiever, you can throw it all to one of those companies that make it into a book at the end of the year. So then you've got all your kids art, but that fits in a very small spot.

[Abby Wambach]

That's good.

[Glennon Doyle]

And if you're not super, please know that none of the three people this podcast have ever done that.

[Amanda Doyle]

Oh, no, of course not. Of course not. Of course we've never taken pictures of pictures. Of course we have no books. All right, I saw it somewhere. My laundry hacks are just. Everyone in my family knows if you have a piece of clothing that can't be washed and dried, that piece of clothing will be ruined. You have to know thyself. I have never once, not one time hand washed something, not one time ironed something. If you are going to wear something that needs ironing, you are going to look like crap.

[Abby Wambach]

I also have a little bit of a hack because Glennon is the one that does our laundry in our family. Not well, but one thing that I do as, and I don't know if you know this, but I turn all of my clothes right side out.

[Amanda Doyle]

I do appreciate that.

[Abby Wambach]

And I take my socks off from the toe so that the socks don't need to be folded right side out. So that is a gift that you can give the person who is doing laundry. You're giving them time back because they're not having to spend the extra time turning the shit right side out.

[Amanda Doyle]

Yeah, I appreciate that, actually. The other thing is everyone in our family just has to be fine with all of their white clothes being gray or brown. I don't separate laundry. I will never separate laundry. It's not ever going to happen.

[Abby Wambach]

And what about the socks? Honey, we saw that tweet.

[Amanda Doyle]

Oh, yeah. So we saw this brilliant sock life hack from Tflankstake which said to declare sock bankruptcy. And Abby and I laughed so hard because if you knew Pod Squad, the amount of time that I spend trying to put socks back together, I don't understand. We have entire bags full of single socks.

[Abby Wambach]

Where do they go?

[Amanda Doyle]

Singles mingle together.

[Abby Wambach]

Singles mingle.

[Amanda Doyle]

Every couple of weeks, I lay them all out. I asked Craig to bring over his socks. We have a speed date. It's the eternal battle of reuniting socks. And so I just felt so much freedom seeing that tweet of Declaring sock bankruptcy.

[Abby Wambach]

It's also now kind of cool for, like a teenage kid to wear different socks. And I see kids wearing different socks and I'm like, oh, I know those parents. Those parents are us.

[Amanda Doyle]

Yeah.

[Abby Wambach]

Just can't find the other sock. Where the fuck do they go?

[Amanda Doyle]

I don't know.

[Abby Wambach]

Like, where the fuck are socks?

[Amanda Doyle]

I don't know. You guys, this is fun.

[Abby Wambach]

Do you feel hacked?

[Amanda Doyle]

Yeah, I feel hacked. I feel hacked, I feel hacked. I feel like all of these little things that can make life easier I'm actually very grateful for. And if the POD Squad wants to keep them coming, I'm open. I'm all about suffering less. If there's anything you do during the days that helps you suffer less, let us know. We will keep reporting back because we live to make hard things easier.

[Glennon Doyle]

We can do our things, but we're going to try easier.

[Amanda Doyle]

Yes, that's right. We love you, POD Squad, and we will catch you back here next time.

[Glennon Doyle]

Bye.

[Amanda Doyle]

If this podcast means something to you, it would mean so much to to us if you'd be willing to take 30 seconds to do these three things. First, can you please follow or subscribe to We Can Do Hard Things? Following the POD helps you because you'll never miss an episode, and it helps us because you'll never miss an episode. To do this, just go to the We Can Do Hard Things show page on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Odyssey, or wherever you listen to podcasts, and then just tap the plus sign in the upper right hand corner or click on follow. This is the most important thing for the pod. While you're there, if you'd be willing to give us a five star rating and review and share an episode you loved with a friend, we would be so grateful. We appreciate you very much. We Can Do Hard Things is created and hosted by Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle in partnership with Odyssey. Our executive producer is Jenna Wise Berman and the show is produced by Lauren Legrasso, Allison Schott, Dina Kleiner and Bill Schultz.