← We Can Do Hard Things
Loading summary
Transcript201 lines
- [00:01]
Glennon Doyle
It's hard to find a great mentor who can help me level up. My dream mentor, Amy Poehler. I was so excited when I heard that she has a class on Masterclass. With Masterclass, you can learn from the best to become your best. It's the only streaming platform where you can grow with over 200 of the world's top experts for just $10 a month, an annual membership gets you unlimited access to every instructor, whether you're watching on your phone, computer, smart tv, or even in audio mode. One of the classes that just really stood out to me was building Life Changing Habits with New York Times bestselling author James Clear. I use this, and you should too. Masterclass always has great offers during the holidays, Sometimes up to as much as 50% off. Head over to masterclass.com hardthings for the current offer. That's up to 50% off at masterclass.com hardthings masterclass.com hardthings the holidays are almost here. Between traveling, hosting, family, and finding the perfect gift, it's such an exciting, busy, and, yes, sometimes stressful time. Luckily, I've teamed up with Ring and it helped me stay connected to home for all the merry moments. Even when I'm on the go with Ring, you've got your whole home covered. Their video doorbells alert me when gifts arrive, and I can even chat with delivery people to let them know where to leave the package.
- [01:38]
Abby Wambach
Ugh.
- [01:39]
Glennon Doyle
It's the best. The indoor cam. Well, it's a game changer. So easy to set up. I use it to check in on my pets while I'm away. We love to watch Honey and Hattie. And with two way talk, I can even talk to them.
- [01:52]
Melissa McCarthy
Hi, honey.
- [01:53]
Glennon Doyle
Hi, Hattie. And when I want privacy, I just flip the manual cover to turn off the camera and mic. Wherever the holidays take you, Ring, make sure you're always home for the holidays. So head to Ring.com to find the latest deals on Ring, video doorbells, cams, and alarm kits. Ring makes the perfect gift for everyone on your list. It's the best. Go get it, folks.
- [02:31]
Abby Wambach
Hi, Pod Squad. Welcome back to we can do hard things. I can't. We have a treat and a half. It's like 12 treats.
- [02:38]
Amanda Doyle
Dozen treats. All right, we have a box of dozen treats.
- [02:42]
Melissa McCarthy
Yeah, I've never been called a dozen treats. Oh, my God.
- [02:45]
Abby Wambach
Do you hear that voice? Okay, when we heard that this person agreed to be on our podcast, we had a text chain celebratory moment. We were so freaking excited. Okay, you all, Melissa McCarthy.
- [03:00]
Melissa McCarthy
Hi there oh, my God. I'm so excited and weirdly nervous to be here.
- [03:05]
Abby Wambach
Same.
- [03:05]
Melissa McCarthy
I don't know why, just got really excited.
- [03:08]
Abby Wambach
Aw. Melissa McCarthy is an award winning writer, producer and actor. Her work includes Bridesmaids, can you ever forgive me, Ghostbusters, Gilmore Girls, and Samantha, who. She won an Emmy award and People's choice award for her role in Mike and Molly as well as an Emmy for Saturday Night Live. I'm laughing just thinking about all of these gods. Melissa and her husband Ben Falcone, who we're excited to talk about. Your relationship is so beautiful. Founded on the Day Productions and have produced Tammy the boss, Life of the party, and Bob Ross, Happy Accidents, betrayal and greed. Melissa McCarthy. Welcome to we can do hard things.
- [03:50]
Melissa McCarthy
Wow. What an. What a way to start it off, guys. I must be old. It's weird to hear a list of that because they're all like, they're such a part of us. But when you hear it in the list, you're like, all right, not old.
- [04:06]
Unknown
Badass, Badass.
- [04:08]
Amanda Doyle
Amazing.
- [04:09]
Unknown
And I actually want to start with you and I both went to Catholic schools growing up.
- [04:14]
Melissa McCarthy
Yes.
- [04:15]
Unknown
And I wanted to know how your experience was, you know.
- [04:22]
Melissa McCarthy
Good and bad. I think, you know, I was raised Catholic. There were certain things about it that I liked. I did find myself often getting kind of sent to the principal for things that now as an adult, I think back and I just had questions. Like, I was like, well, I remember one of the sisters saying, I think it was like our first foray into world, his or world religions. And I mean, I'm from a small farm town in Illinois, so anything with world in it. I was like, how exotic. How wondrously exotic. And I just didn't know anything. I mean, there was no, you know, there's no Internet. You could only if you didn't experience it, you really didn't know much about it. And I was little, you know, I was probably in like third grade. And I remember her say, talking about other religions. And then it was also kind of mentioned, you know, but of course, the best one is Catholicism. And I said, well, why? I said, isn't the whole thing that maybe none of them are better? And then the energy changed in the room.
- [05:21]
Abby Wambach
Yes, it did.
- [05:23]
Melissa McCarthy
And I said, how do you know that you were right? And she was like, because God would have told me. And I wasn't being. I really wasn't trying to be a smartass. I said, well, okay, so God would tell you. If you're wrong, then why, why hasn't God told everyone else that they're wrong. If they are wrong.
- [05:41]
Unknown
Yep.
- [05:41]
Melissa McCarthy
And she just said, you should go to the principal's office. I'm like, well, I'm like, the only nerd that actually had questions. I'm like, regarding the reading. And they just didn't want to talk about it. And I get that you're questioning someone's basic fiber and what they've built their world on, but I was so ready to be like, well, let's kind of talk about it. And I never liked the priest to nun ratio. I felt that the nuns got very subservient. And I remember being in second grade, being like, well, that's weird. It's like almost bowing when he came in. And I was like, hmm, that doesn't seem right. I didn't know why I didn't like it, but I didn't like that. And so many of the lessons that Be kind, love. There was so much good goodness to it. I don't practice anymore. I don't think you have to be inside a certain building to have a relationship with whatever you think of as God. And if you do find solace in that, I think it's great. I don't. I think it's become bit of a business, which I'm sure would really infuriate so many people, including my family, but I credit you. I can't believe I just said that. I'm in trouble.
- [06:53]
Amanda Doyle
The principal's knocking.
- [06:55]
Unknown
Melissa, I credit you, though, because you actually asked the, you know, in eighth grade. I was too scared. The Catholic guilt is real.
- [07:05]
Melissa McCarthy
It's real. Yeah. I think because I was younger, I didn't even know yet to be like, ooh, this isn't gonna go over well. I didn't know it was a trick question. Do you have any questions? Means don't have any questions other than saying, boy, all those other religions are wrong, aren't they? I can always kind of say the wrong thing. It's my talent.
- [07:24]
Amanda Doyle
It's a beautiful thing. Something you said that I felt very attached to. You said, I am a shark. I have to keep moving, keep moving. Like, you know how sharks, they stop breathing if they stop moving? And I am like that, too. And I just wondered, is that your way of being, or do you ever worry, like I do, that the need to keep moving, keep moving is just an effort not to be still?
- [07:56]
Melissa McCarthy
Yes. On both sides of the coin. I think it is my natural tendencies. I'm constantly moving. And I do always say, like, I'm a shark. I have to. I have to be in Motion, be moving, doing something. I'm. I like doing things, and I do think I fill my day probably with too much. Sometimes Ben is very calm and very steady, and sometimes he's like, it is okay to stop and just be in the room instead of me being like, I haven't lifted that chair in a year and a half. What's under it? He's like, you've been working for six weeks. I'm like, I'm gonna roll the whole couch. Like, he walked. The poor man walks in, and, like, the couch is literally turned upside down. And then I'm down another wormhole of, like, should I put casters on this? And he's like, I don't know what's going on. You've worked for six months. This is your first day off, and, like, you have taken apart furniture. But then I'm like, well, I have to, because I want to make it nice for everybody. I'm just constantly moving, and then I'm trying. It's like something I work. I like it because I like puttering and fixing things for people. But, yeah, I mean, sometimes Ben's just like. You know, I've come in, and I'm, like, holding up clothes to his back because I, like, shopped for him. And he's like, you know, sometimes it may cross over. It's too much. Like, I just. I'm like, hey, should we go into your closet and, like, make outfits? He's like, no, we should not. We should not do that ever.
- [09:26]
Abby Wambach
You two. Okay, so Abby and I, we've watched every movie of yours again.
- [09:30]
Unknown
So good.
- [09:31]
Abby Wambach
We've been hanging out with you, and we've been reading a lot about you and Ben, and it's just, like, you work together. You raised your girls, and it's beautiful. And the way you talk about each other is so beautiful. And, Abby, we read one interview where I think Ben was talking about you. And Abby looked at me, and she goes, they remind me of lesbians.
- [09:50]
Melissa McCarthy
First of all, thank you for the compliments. Yes.
- [09:52]
Abby Wambach
It's our own ultimate compliment.
- [09:55]
Melissa McCarthy
I'm always like, you're such a better human than I am. He's just literally like, there's no. There's no other side of Ben. He is exactly who he is. He's the weirdest person I have ever met, and that's high praise. And he's just steady and, like, endlessly kind. Like, he takes a minute. I mean, he always calls me fists of Justice. Like, I immediately. I respond, like, the second something happens, I'm like, oh, my God, what are we going to tell him? This is outrageous. And Ben's like, we could sit and think about it, and then. And probably there is a way to help. And I'm already like, my car is in reverse. I'm out the driveway, just, like, flipping off the universe. And he's like, you want to come on back? Because there's actually a hotline and we could help that. I'm like, okay. He's like, where were you driving to? I'm like, I don't know. But I figured we need to activate. There were two physicists that were like, there's the mosquito and the. What is it? Not the barge, but it's like a submarine. And one is just spinning and turning, spinning and turning, and the other just slowly goes. And they worked together as a team for years, and they said, you know, both were. Both were great, but they could never have come up with all the things they did without that weird dynamic. And there's something to that. Like, he is. I mean, you couldn't take two of me. That seems terrible. And probably two of Ben wouldn't be a good balance either. But, yeah, he's just the greatest. I feel like I can't even imagine a minute of my life without him. Not a minute.
- [11:35]
Unknown
And I love that he shows himself in certain moments of movies that you star in. And I actually have become accustomed to waiting for it.
- [11:43]
Abby Wambach
And we pause it.
- [11:44]
Unknown
I'm like, this.
- [11:45]
Abby Wambach
They're like, kids, kids. That's Melissa's actual husband. And they're like, we know that you do that every time.
- [11:53]
Unknown
I mean, it's my thing.
- [11:54]
Melissa McCarthy
I know. I always try to get him to do bigger parts in it, but when he's directing, as he usually does with our stuff, he's like, no, that's a terrible idea. So he only takes the littlest parts. But I'm like, or you can take a bigger part. And he's like, no, someone is supposed to be steering the ship.
- [12:09]
Abby Wambach
Yeah, right, Right.
- [12:11]
Melissa McCarthy
But I love it.
- [12:12]
Amanda Doyle
Your fists of Justice. I've been working into my lexicon lately. Run around the block, Run around the block. Can you tell us about your skill? Because I, too, am a shark. I, too, have Fist of Justice. I'm like a way less talented Melissa McCarthy.
- [12:29]
Melissa McCarthy
That is not true at all. My God. I often say, because I'm often failing at it. I'm forever trying to get better, running around the block. Which does mean to me when. When something happens that I don't immediately jump up. I think because we do run our own things. I Take great responsibility with how people are treated. And since I get to have that umbrella that I'm so grateful for, I also take it really serious that if someone is being, like, treated poorly, that I'm like, what? And I'm like, I have to go stop this right now. And I just lurch at everything because I think that just can't happen. And if you can do something, and often I feel lucky enough that I am the one that can come and be like, you can't do that. You can't talk to people like that, or you can't behave like that. What I always wish is that I said I would handle things so well if. When I heard that, I went, I'll be right back. And if I could just actually run a block, then I would come back and be like, john, I need a chat with you. Instead, I go immediately to John, and I'm like, yelling at people and like, everything. Everything is on, like, 22. And then sometimes I do run around the block, and then sometimes I don't, and I always come back in. And especially people that know me really well, they're like, did you run around the block? And I. I did not. I did not run around the block. I thought about it, and I didn't run around. And sometimes if I do run around the block, I'm literally like, guys, I ran around the block. I ran around the block. And I'm. It's progress. It's progress until I don't run around the block again.
- [14:08]
Amanda Doyle
So if that made any sense, it makes total sense. Perfection.
- [14:13]
Melissa McCarthy
And I love that waiting time, though, that waiting time, if you really physically did it. I feel like it's like the car ride home where you finally are like, well, now I know what I would have said. Or any audition. I'm amazing in my car on the way home. Yes, because you've just waited and calmed down. So it's what I'm always striving to be better at.
- [14:33]
Abby Wambach
My confusion about that with myself is I understand Fists of Justice when I have forgotten to run around the block. But what I don't understand about myself is when I'm about to start Fists of Justice and I think I should run around the block, and then I think, nope, Fist of Justice. It's like purposely overriding self even when you know that you're going to be apologizing later. It's an interesting pattern.
- [15:00]
Melissa McCarthy
It's the best and worst. It's like, I'm glad that I'm not like, I don't care.
- [15:04]
Abby Wambach
Yeah, yeah.
- [15:05]
Melissa McCarthy
I would hate that. I'm sure Ben and many people that know me would be like, we could. We could hit a sweet middle. We could probably hit a sweet middle between these two things, but I'm not a great gray area person. It's. I'm working on it. It is a study that does not come naturally for me. I kind of sound like a monster. No.
- [15:27]
Unknown
The beauty of people like you and my wife and Amanda, because I'm a little bit more like Ben, we need people like you because we are here and put on planet Earth to, like, support and kind of keep peace. And we're calm and cool and patient and collected, but nothing would go right if you guys weren't around.
- [15:49]
Abby Wambach
I could not agree more. Could not agree more with that analysis. So you and Ben are raising two girls. They're two teenage girls right now. Okay. Same. So what we have figured out, which is upsetting about parenting.
- [16:08]
Melissa McCarthy
I know.
- [16:09]
Abby Wambach
Is that in order to teach them shit, you have to know what you think parenting is. It almost demands that you figure out what you think about things because they're going to ask you questions.
- [16:21]
Melissa McCarthy
Yeah. And then you have to back it up.
- [16:22]
Unknown
Yes. Evidence.
- [16:25]
Melissa McCarthy
Yeah. Gone are the date. My parents, who are wonderful, wonderful human beings. Like, at that age, if you asked a question that was kind of complicated, they would be like, don't worry about it. And, like. And we were done. And they said it lovingly. They're incredibly loving people. But we just didn't delve into things. And that's not the way of the world. Which is great. But do you feel like you are clarifying your thoughts more than you thought you would just because you have to explain it?
- [16:54]
Abby Wambach
Yes. Our family's always having these ongoing conversations about sex. And I just. I'm like. She usually takes over because she has less shame and guilt and confusion. And then she didn't think she was straight her whole life. It's just. It's confusing for me.
- [17:10]
Amanda Doyle
You're like, you're coming to me to figure this out.
- [17:12]
Abby Wambach
I figured it out five years ago.
- [17:14]
Unknown
But I.
- [17:15]
Abby Wambach
But I'm confused about everything. So I'm like, sex is good and beautiful, except sometimes it's not. Just be open, except also be closed. How do you talk to your girls? If your girls were asked, what's mom's philosophy about sex, what would they say?
- [17:29]
Melissa McCarthy
Oh, Lord. First of all, I think they would be like, I'm so cringing right now.
- [17:34]
Unknown
Yeah, same with us.
- [17:35]
Melissa McCarthy
I probably don't do enough. Like, we've had the talk, which I did incredibly awkwardly. Because I knew it was going to come. I always thought, I'm like, I'm going to do it so early because we're open about anything and they can come to me for anything. But there is still a Midwestern former Catholic person that's like, talk about sex. The lightning bolt comes down. And so I just very awkwardly, right before she went to school, the day they were going to talk about it at school, I'm like, I'm certainly not having someone else initiate that conversation with my child. So we were literally in the backyard picking up after the dog. So it's really a wonderful time. And I was like, why should people love each other and physically? And Vivi just goes, oh, dear God, is this happening? And I was like, there are different parts of bodies be it. But at least I was like, just let me be awkward and get through it. But I think they know that as long as whoever you're with is incredibly kind and respectful and only lifts you up. We talk about that a lot. That whoever your love will be and it may change. I'm like, you don't have to pick a side. You can pick a side. You don't have to pick a side. You never know what's going to happen. I said, that person has to be incredibly happy when you succeed and incredibly supportive when you fail. And if those are ever switched, I said, that's, that's the biggest red flag on earth and nothing should make you feel uncomfortable. Like, you know, we haven't probably now. Thank you. Now I have to go have a better talk with her. No, it's so good. I realized I've been skirting it.
- [19:20]
Unknown
No, it's so good.
- [19:30]
Amanda Doyle
It's always so lovely when you can give someone something they wouldn't necessarily buy for themselves. Well, for quality gifts at an affordable price, my go to is Quintz. This season is the season of coats and jackets. I would like to Recommend to you 2amazing blanket coat jackets from Quince that are under a hundred dollars. One is their merino wool shirt jacket, also their hooded faux fur coat. You can get these for yourself or you can get them for others and I recommend both. The best part is that all Quint's Items are priced 50 to 80% less than similar Lux luxury brands thanks to their direct partnership with top factories. Gift luxury this holiday season without the luxury price tag. Go to quints.com hard things for 365 day returns plus free shipping on your order. That's Q U I n c e.com Hard things to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com Hard things the holidays have always.
- [20:36]
Abby Wambach
Been a time of joy and coming together, but let's face it, shipping out all those gifts can be a bit of a hassle. To help ease the load, turn to the United States Postal Service for all your holiday shipping needs. With over 600,000 employees, thank you, USPS employees working in sync all over the country, USPS serves over 167 million addresses six and seven days a week. The best part? Their enhanced network is built to deliver your packages reliably and on time, which always blows my mind. And if you're looking for an affordable shipping option, USPS Ground Advantage has you covered. It's a complete ground shipping solution for all your holiday needs. Reliable, with upfront pricing, no hidden costs, and it's fast helping you to stay on top of your holiday plan. So why not take your packages on a true holiday ride this season? Visit USPS.com HolidayRide to get started. It's officially sock season, also known as Bombas season. Whether you're shopping for your work bestie, your picky cousin, or that friend who already has everything, Bombas has you covered. No one can resist the snug, delicious feeling of new socks. And hey, don't be surprised if you end up keeping a few cozy treats for yourself. It's nearly impossible to pass up their marshmallow soft slippers, plush merino tees, or their incredibly breathable undies. I love wearing my Bombas merino wool socks. They are so, so comfortable. It feels like I'm walking on clouds and their underwear feels like nothing while giving you all the support you need. Plus, here's the best part. For every item purchased, Bombas donates an item to someone facing homelessness. So while you're gifting, you're also giving back. So, ready to feel good and do good? Head over to bombas.comhardthings and use code hard things for 20% off your first purchase. That's B O M B A S.com hard things code hard Things at checkout.
- [22:47]
Unknown
It's interesting because I came into the family six years ago, so I'm not biological mom. And so there was a little bit of like, ease or easier transition in the conversation for me to have. And because of the way that we were brought up, Melissa, I have completely counteracted the Catholicism that lives inside of me. I didn't ever get the sex talk. I didn't ever get the sex talk. And then when we were in Catholic school, it was all what is the word to not have.
- [23:17]
Abby Wambach
Abstinence.
- [23:19]
Melissa McCarthy
Abstinence.
- [23:20]
Abby Wambach
It seemed to really stick in with you.
- [23:22]
Melissa McCarthy
No.
- [23:22]
Unknown
Well, I was a rebel from the beginning, but it's just.
- [23:26]
Amanda Doyle
It's a very reliable strategy. So it's a shame you didn't.
- [23:29]
Unknown
It's so hard to have the conversations.
- [23:31]
Melissa McCarthy
It is. And they know so much. Like, my kids are so much more aware of the world, and they're such little activists. I always say, like, I don't think anyone will ever tread on them. They just won't stand for it, which is, like, I don't know what. How I could be more proud of them. They're just so well balanced, and they're not afraid to speak up if something, you know, is really wrong. Both of them are, like. They will stand up and say, like, this is not right. This is not okay. When it's really needed. And I think I do have to talk to them more about all of that. To their. They'll be like, oh, geez. But then I know the more you talk about it, then they will come to you, and they will actually talk to you about it. And I. Not a word was ever spoken. Like, with my parents. I don't think I've ever told this. God, my parents don't know how to get on a podcast, so I think it's okay. I remember it was in grade school toward, like, it must have been, like, seventh or eighth grade. And we went to. There was a sleepover at someone's house, I can't remember, and out came some kind of sex book. And I was like, oh, my God. Like, I'd never seen anything before I actually laid eyes on it. People were like, somehow parents got brought up, and I said, well, I know my mom and dad don't have sex. And they said, how do you. Like, first of all, I think they all knew, like, how dumb are you? And I said, I know for a fact they can't have sex sex, because my dad cannot do middle splits. And I literally thought. I was like, boom. So they were like, fuck are you talking about middle? Like, middle splits? And I was like, I didn't know that there was an erection. So I thought, well, it points down from what I know. And so the only way to have sex is I thought both participants had to do middle splits. And then I guess, kind of like. Like, wedge keep, like, wedging. And then somehow that's how a baby is formed. I literally was like, neither of my parents could do middle splits. And just the room of these young girls were like, I don't know where to even begin with what you've said.
- [25:42]
Abby Wambach
Thank you for the gift of that.
- [25:44]
Melissa McCarthy
I really thought. I was like, so. And I Not even realizing, like, you have a sister, clearly they've had sex at least twice. But I was like, nope, they're not that flexible.
- [25:54]
Abby Wambach
Yeah, but you were like, they must have been at some point that flexible.
- [25:57]
Melissa McCarthy
Yeah, but I've been taught a lot about Mary and the Immaculate Conception, which.
- [26:02]
Abby Wambach
Exactly.
- [26:03]
Melissa McCarthy
Another question that I was like, don't we assume that, you know, there has to be such shame that she can only be good if she got pregnant by not having sex? Like, even as a kid, I was like, I don't know what sex is, but I'm pretty sure it's part of having a baby. And they're like, no.
- [26:20]
Amanda Doyle
No, it's not.
- [26:22]
Melissa McCarthy
Here's the thing. Yeah, here's the thing. You don't have to have sex to have a baby. I'm like, what a thing to be teaching.
- [26:28]
Abby Wambach
Yeah.
- [26:30]
Melissa McCarthy
Yeah.
- [26:31]
Abby Wambach
The Immaculate Conception.
- [26:33]
Amanda Doyle
The flip side of abstinence is good news.
- [26:36]
Abby Wambach
Yes. Oh, my God.
- [26:38]
Amanda Doyle
You can have a baby or not have a baby using abstinence.
- [26:41]
Abby Wambach
Speaking of your parents, didn't you describe your sweet parents as having been carved from marzipan?
- [26:48]
Melissa McCarthy
Yes, I do. Especially my mom. My dad's feistier, and he's always on the mood. He's 82. He's unbelievable. He remembers everything. He moves 100 miles an hour. He's constantly like, what do you need? What do you want to do? And, you know, and I actually just went home and visited for a week. So I was in Plainfield, Illinois, and we would just sit in the backyard. And it's primarily just them being like, oh, there goes that guy. There goes that guy. And it's another squirrel. Uh, oh, look at this buster over there. It's the same squirrel just in a different position of the yard. And then my dad just walking around with a fly swatter outside because he's gonna. He's gonna put an end to those flies. I'm like, dad, if you just. We're not being bothered by them. You're. You're hunting them.
- [27:37]
Abby Wambach
That feels unfair.
- [27:40]
Melissa McCarthy
So they're just there. I mean, at any given point, I even. I remember when I called them because I thought I was gonna finish college in New York. And after, like, I don't even know if it had been 48 hours, I was like, so I'm not going to go back to college. I'm. I'm going to do stand up. And I was just waiting to hear the response. And my mom's like, well, okay, probably. And I was like, what? I was like, do you have any thoughts on it? Well, I find those. I find fashion very unreliable. I was like, so you're encouraging me to go into the rock steady world of stand up comedy. And they were like, well. And they said, well, why not you? They're like, if you work hard, you're a hard worker, and if you work hard enough at it and get good at it, why not you? And it kind of is like the basis for why I wasn't like, kid from a farm doesn't go to like LA and say, like, I'm going to. I'm going to be an actor. Like, it just those. That math equation doesn't add up, I think. Unless you have parents that are like, yeah, why not? Of course you can. Like, you're a really hard worker. Like, it's. Their work ethic is so strong. I think it's why I work so hard and I enjoy what I do. Their work ethic is like something. It's kind of remarkable that feels filtered into me. But also there was never a thought and anything, even if I couldn't do back handspring. Right? It's like, yes, you can. You just don't know how to do it yet. So go ahead and do it. And I was like, oh, okay. And then I kicked him in the head quite violently. But this sweetness remains.
- [29:26]
Abby Wambach
Oh, my God. Because so many of us try to protect our kids from the world's rejection by rejecting them. Like, we're afraid the world's gonna say no to them. So we say no first. You can't do it. It won't work.
- [29:37]
Melissa McCarthy
I know if I could physically wrap my children in bubble wrap, I would be like, I wanted to put a chip in my kids. And then that's awful. And I was like, we have chips in our dogs. I said, why can't I chip the kids? He's like, is this really the comfort? You want to go to the vet and have them chip our children? And I was like, can we do that? He's like, we're not going to have this conversation. I was like, we are in it.
- [30:04]
Unknown
We are in the conversation.
- [30:05]
Abby Wambach
Because I think about, I think it has something to do with human rights.
- [30:09]
Melissa McCarthy
That's what he said. I was like, they're little. They don't have rights yet. They don't own anything. They have rights. I don't mean that they have human rights.
- [30:17]
Abby Wambach
Human rights. So we're always talking on this pod about Generational things we're trying to break. So do you and Ben have those things that you brought that you're trying to do differently with your babes?
- [30:35]
Melissa McCarthy
Yes, even with my parents. So sweet. I went through a really like gothic phase, which I loved. I think it's probably why I ended up loving characters so much. I was like, I don't want to be me. But like, you put Robert Smith hair on a five foot Irish gal, she's suddenly a little more interesting. At least it was to myself. I try to. Whenever they're going through phases, I want to never. Even if it is something that's like kind of really funny or like, this will be funny later. I try to always think of it as what it means to them that, you know, I'm wearing these frozen boots for eight months straight. Georgie went through a phase where she just had these little, like these little black boots like that Anna wore and frozen. And I was just always like, I. Instead of being like, this is so cute, like, you're gonna remember this. And kind of almost there's a mockingness to that. Instead, I tried to always be weird, to be like, those boots are incredible because they made her feel good. So I was like, don't diminish or make cutesy something that for whatever reason she wanted those boots on and they empowered her. My mom lovingly, but would always like, come in with the disposable camera and be like, you're gonna get such a kick out of you later. And like, take a picture of me. And I was like, it's not a joke. It's not a costume. As I was like literally in a full costume. But I try not to do that. Or I try not to. I'm a real fiddler. So I try not to be like, that's great.
- [32:09]
Abby Wambach
Or yes.
- [32:11]
Melissa McCarthy
Which I'm, you know, I'm always like, if I. If I would just have ended the sentence after great.
- [32:16]
Abby Wambach
Exactly. It's just this constant, like, project. And people aren't projects, are they?
- [32:22]
Melissa McCarthy
No. And especially my oldest daughter. She truly is like, I don't care what. It's a shirt. I have shirt sometimes it's an amazing outfit. And it's so she's really has the heart of an artist. They're both really creative and I get such a kick out of that. And then when it's just like I'm in pajama bottoms and like, what I slept in, I'm like, or what about that Victorian skirt? What about the hat with like a doc mar. Is that fun? And she's like, no, not today. Like, she's more bent. And I'm always trying to be like, do you want me to run upstairs and get it and we can just look at it? She's like, no, that's okay. Like, no malice. But I'm like. And I can always feel myself where I'm like, I just. If I could just again, run around the block. Instead, I'm like, I'm just going to go get it because it'll be fun to look at. And Ben's like, don't do what you're doing.
- [33:10]
Unknown
I'm like, well, it makes me actually think of, like, the first thing you do when you get a new role or a character is you go to the wig store.
- [33:19]
Melissa McCarthy
Oh, God, yes.
- [33:20]
Unknown
Why do you do that.
- [33:24]
Melissa McCarthy
One? It's my super happy place. I think I'd love a wig shop because. And makeup and costume, it's all such a big part of it. I think there's something so altering about a wig that I find really magical because it's not just like, oh, it's a different color. It's a different texture. It's something that you really can't be, because I'm not that. And I can put it on. And I feel like this is as close as I can truly get to, like, walking in somebody else's shoes. It seems silly because it's such a superficial thing, but it's like, I can put on a wig, and I'll try on, like, 40 wigs, and when I get the right one, I'm like, well, she, like, you know, she loves grape juice and doesn't care. Like, I just suddenly have all these very, very weird, specific things that I feel like I know to be true in my heart. And I know it's all conjured, but a wig, it's like, it's the fun of acting for me because, like, sometimes I. I'm like, I don't always quite know what to do with myself as me, but when I step into somebody else's shoes, I feel like, well, I know how they feel about it. Like, it's much more, I think, difficult to sometimes state my own opinion. Not that I'm not that I'm tentative at all, but sometimes I'm like, I don't know. But, I mean, I see the good and the bad and this and this, but if I'm someone else, I'm like, they don't like it. And here's 15 reasons why they don't like it. I can really be more succinct with It. I don't know what that says about me is me, but that's cool.
- [34:57]
Amanda Doyle
It's like, your respect for your characters. You have such a profound respect for the characters that you play. And I. It's wild thinking about. You put on the wig and you're like, now I know she loves grape juice. Now I know it's so multidimensional. Every single character. Oh, that you play.
- [35:21]
Melissa McCarthy
I truly love people that walk to their. Just their complete. Their own rhythm. I find it, like, so beautiful to watch. I find it fascinating. I mean, I used to always go Big Lots was my favorite place to go because there used to be one on Western that was gigantic, and it reminded me of home. It was like an old dime store. It really was the place. I went a couple times a week, and I would just walk around for an hour because you saw the most eclectic group of people. They would never all be in the same place, and there was just always somebody in there that's, like, doing their own thing. She doesn't care. She's not causing trouble. But it's like, I'm all in purple, and I wear purple, and everything on me is purple. And then I followed them in the car, and their car is purple. And Ben would say, stop following people. It's getting weird. I also think they're the people that, like, get the eye rolls or get. Like, they're so strange, or they're. They're off putting. Not want people to be. To be mean to people. I don't like that. But when someone's just like, this is what it is. I get up. I put this armor on every day. And if it's all purple, if I only wear plaid and I do these. These strange things, I just love that there are still people out there that can, like, just own who they are. And they don't have to be like, do you. I mean, especially now with. I feel like social media, it's like, did you like my vacations? Do you like my holiday decorations? I'm like, what are we doing? Who cares? Why are you showing? And, like, so when I see someone who's, I guess, traditionally a little more off, I'm so enamored with those people that when I get to play them, I. I really do love them. Like, I feel like I've gotten to know all these different women because of those roles, and I love them for all their flaws and all their mistakes and their good and bad points. I just love it.
- [37:22]
Abby Wambach
And is this why you also are obsessed with. And maybe you're not obsessed.
- [37:27]
Amanda Doyle
Okay?
- [37:28]
Abby Wambach
I am projecting that because I share this with you. But I read that you enjoy going to vintage stores and finding random portraits of people.
- [37:37]
Melissa McCarthy
I love a portrait. I know. I'm. I'm obsessed. It's. I love it. You love it too.
- [37:45]
Abby Wambach
The whole entrance of my. And people will say, who is that? And I'm like, I don't know, but look.
- [37:50]
Melissa McCarthy
I don't know, but look at that. That's the whole point. I don't know.
- [37:55]
Amanda Doyle
I don't know. But she loves grape juice.
- [37:58]
Abby Wambach
Yeah, she loves grape juice.
- [37:59]
Melissa McCarthy
I also think, like, we're. Why isn't this person with their family? I always feel like I have to be like somebody. Oh, my God. Like, I can't. I can't leave. Like Bernice, you know, piled in a corner of some thrift store, right? So I bring Bernice home because Bernice now has friends, because there's 24 of them in my office. And I'm like, now all these people are together. It's like, I just, I. Ben is very terrified of portraits, okay? He's just like, they're haunting us. He does not like them at all. And he's kind of made. Now the kids are like, no more portraits. It's weird. And I was like, I think you're. I think you're lying.
- [38:38]
Abby Wambach
Yeah, I think you like them.
- [38:40]
Melissa McCarthy
And they're like, no, we're telling you, we don't like them. They have caught me, like, coming into the house and they're like, do you have one? You promised. I'm like, I never promised. I'm going to rescue you each time I find one. I love them.
- [38:53]
Abby Wambach
It's something like what you do in your work. I'm just saying it's like these people that aren't being seen. And then you're like, no, that person does not belong in the corner. I'm going to bring that person up, put them right on the wall.
- [39:05]
Melissa McCarthy
Yep. And if she's standing next to a horse, married proudly, all the better.
- [39:10]
Abby Wambach
Yes, that's exactly right.
- [39:24]
Glennon Doyle
Running a small business isn't easy. And when it comes to hiring people, it can often feel like a full time job in and of itself. As a business owner, I know firsthand how crucial it is to find not just the right skills, but the right fit for your team's culture. That's why for me, the Go to resource has always been LinkedIn jobs. LinkedIn isn't just another job board. It connects you with professionals you won't find anywhere else. Sometimes even those who aren't Actively looking, but would be open to the right opportunity. In fact, 70% of LinkedIn users don't visit other major job sites. So if you're not looking on LinkedIn, you're missing out on the best candidates. What I love about LinkedIn jobs is how fast it works. 86% of small businesses get a qualified candidate within 24 hours. Post your job for free at LinkedIn.com hardthings that's LinkedIn. To post your job for free, terms and conditions apply.
- [40:28]
Abby Wambach
When was the last time you really thought about your oral care routine? Bokeh is on a mission to inspire more mindful oral care. And it all starts with their proven ingredients and feel good formulas. It's not just about clean teeth. It's a full body experience. Because when you take care of your mouth, you're taking care of your whole body. I start using this stuff and it is actually a damn delight. All of these different flavors. Like, why did toothpaste decide it has to only be one flavor? Boca's secret ingredient is nano hydroxyapatite. N HA for short. It was first used by NASA astronauts in space to help rebuild their teeth. And now it's in Boca's toothpaste to restore yours. Boca is non toxic fluoride free and free from parabens, SLS and artificial flavoring. There's no better time to try out Bokeh than right now, this black Friday and cyber Monday. Bokeh is offering up to 65% off select products and bundles. No promo needed. So head to bo ka.com today and make the switch to non toxic bokeh for the whole family.
- [41:37]
Amanda Doyle
I don't even remember what happened, but I remember reading a. An apology that you gave. It was a video and it was such a gorgeous example of how to apologize that I saved it and I showed it to our whole team and was just like, this is it. This is correct. So what makes a good apology and why do 99% of the time we all suck at it?
- [42:14]
Melissa McCarthy
Well, I don't know if I was good at it. I just thought we literally were doing 21 days of kindness. It was. We were. I think it was superb.
- [42:22]
Amanda Doyle
No good deed goes unpunished. Melissa gonna have to apologize for that.
- [42:26]
Melissa McCarthy
Yeah. One of the charities we picked, which on paper and everything we vetted looked tremendous. And then literally the day we're like, here's the day, Send, you know, support this cause, blah, blah, blah, we found out that, like, they were also doing all these terrible things. We're completely like, homophobic. The headline for what the charity was doing was one thing. And then as we, like, got deeper into it, and I thought, my God, I've just. Literally, I'm trying to raise money for this. And it was like trying to catch something in the air. I felt so bad about. I just felt terrible. But I also. I think if you. Oh, my God, all I do is mess up. If I. If you can't mess up and then go, oh, my God, I screwed up so badly, and then just say, in all honesty, I missed it. We didn't know, like, we never would have done this. So, like, I'm. I think if it's just. It's sincere, and I don't think it has to be. So I'm sure I was rambling. That's another thing I try to teach the girls. Like, you're gonna screw up constantly. It's just part of being human. You just have to really own it when you do, and you have to own it quickly, and you have to own it 200%. And I did wonder. I was like, oh, I wonder, like, if there's going to be, like, fury about this, because it really was an organization that would never, ever back by 5 billion miles. And it really. People were just like, that's okay. We all make mistakes. And it was. It was such a nice. I was so pleased by the response because I do worry sometimes that the concept of one and done, I just. I don't know any humans that are able to do that and fit into that world. And if you really, sincerely apologize and you mean it, it also takes. I think it takes some of the pressure off of everybody. Yes. If it's okay to go, oh, my God, I couldn't have done that worse if I tried. I'm so sorry. Instead of, we're all supposed to be perfect and say the right things and use the right words and blah, blah, blah. I'm like, I'm going to screw up 20 times a day for sure. And so is everybody else. So if you're just sincere about it, I certainly felt like I had screwed up by backing that. But then I'm like, all I can do is say, I screwed up.
- [44:39]
Abby Wambach
Yeah. Owning it quickly and completely. I have found that people are so unused to hearing other people own anything completely that when they hear that, they're so amazed by it. They're so excited that somebody finally apologized without excuses. And all the, you know, you can.
- [45:03]
Unknown
Hear a real apology instead of a fake one.
- [45:05]
Abby Wambach
Yeah, you can tell. You can tell.
- [45:07]
Unknown
That's the difference.
- [45:08]
Melissa McCarthy
The response from so Many people now, I always think of, like, I always see people as like, giant toddlers that, you know, if they cover their eyes, they're like, you can't see me. Like, well, I can, because you're in the room. And they're like, no, you can't. Like, with so much in the last, especially four, five years of just, like, you know, you don't have a black headband on. I'm like, no, I. I'm literally wearing a black headband. No, you're not. Like, there's no. I think everybody wants to be like, if I just kind of duck and cover, no one will notice what I did. And so nobody either rises or falls. It's just this weird cowering because no one wants to get called out. I know I would be. I would love to hear a politician just be like, God, I screwed that up.
- [45:54]
Abby Wambach
Yes.
- [45:55]
Melissa McCarthy
I couldn't have screwed that up worse if I. Like, I think the world would just be so amazed and charmed by that. Coming from people that are, in theory, supposed to be helping people. Agree.
- [46:09]
Amanda Doyle
Yeah, it's so good, because wouldn't you just say owning it without the 14 asterisks that are like, but here's what we did, but here's why it shouldn't have happened, and here's why someone else is actually to blame. But I'm being big. By apologizing, people are then responding to your explanation. Whereas if you just say, I blew it and I'm sorry, then people respond to you saying that as opposed to inviting them to be like, well, was my explanation sufficient?
- [46:43]
Melissa McCarthy
The sincerity of it. We all have that little meter, and you can tell when someone's bullshitting or not or doing it to be like, I know it wasn't exactly right, but this. These were our motives. You can never trust that person again. There's just. There's a. There's a thing that's broken. Especially if that's a repeated thing. Like, you just need to come out and don't. Don't couch it. You have to really throw your whole self into, like, you screwed up. There's something really, like, from that. I think you can rebuild anything on that basis.
- [47:18]
Abby Wambach
Agreed. Agreed. I read that you said this recently. I don't do the thing anymore of, yeah, I don't like how that person treats people or treats me, but they're still in my circle. We're not all gonna be friends. And if you treat people like garbage, I don't care if you're nice to me. I can see that, and I can Take them off the list. A lot easier than I used to. Can you operationalize that for us? What are the words? How do you draw a boundary with someone if there's somebody in your life who you've just found out is an asshole?
- [47:51]
Melissa McCarthy
Yeah.
- [47:52]
Abby Wambach
What do you do? How do you say it?
- [47:54]
Amanda Doyle
Yeah. Like, is it internally being like, that person is done for me, or is it externally? Do you have to actually do something?
- [48:02]
Melissa McCarthy
I think it depends on if it's someone who's like, really in my heart. It's a conversation. And is there a way through this? Is this. Are you in a bad place? Is something happening? And then if it is like, no, this is really how I feel, then I'm like, okay. Then we part ways. If it's a business thing, we do crazy checks on everybody because we don't want to work with the person that, you know, is screaming at someone in the room or being terrible. But if it's not in, like, kind of my heart circle, it's very easy. No matter what the offer is. I don't choose to work with people that, you know, have come out and said things or just treat people abusively. It's. No job is worth that to me. I'd rather. I'd rather miss out. It's hard when they're people you love. I mean, it's really sticky when it's people you know in your family or you're in your tight rings when all of a sudden you're like, oh, we may be completely in opposing positions on some pretty huge things in life. That's something that, I guess, naively, I thought I'd never have to deal with, but it's. It comes up. And then I try to think about it in terms of. As much as I wouldn't want them to call me and say, I think everything you think is incorrect, will you change? Because I'd be like, I can't turn against my basic beliefs. And so I do try to hold some space for people that I think right now is not the time. They're not able to maybe see a different way. So I do kind of put them in a different category of, I know what I'm dealing with. But if I stay the course, will I be there for them when they maybe are like, oh, I hadn't thought about that. Especially with, I think religion and politics and everything right now gets so crazy, and no one's going to change my opinion. I mean, if you're like, well, I don't think two people of the same gender can be married. There's no version of a world where someone's going to talk to me and I'm going to go, huh, you're right, I hadn't. I'm just trying to hold a space for someone. So maybe at the right time, maybe I can be part of them going, oh, you know, as long, like, just do no harm. Do no. If you do no harm, you don't want someone to tell you what to do. They don't want to be told. I try to hold space, but I back off a little. I've done that with people that I'm still kind of. I'm certainly rooting for them to come. Come around to a more open and loving way of seeing the world. But I do worry about if I completely cut them out. Again, not everybody, certain people that maybe they don't have someone that will ever be the influence or being around my kids might make them be like, you know, it's a tricky, sticky. There's no way to do it. I think it's a person by person basis, and it's messy and it's heartbreaking. And I do try to run around the block a lot with that, so I don't really step in it.
- [51:14]
Unknown
Okay. So I was so freaking excited when I read what you said and you said, I believe in ghosts. I had an experience with the ghost. Me too. What was your experience? What was it?
- [51:27]
Abby Wambach
Ghost.
- [51:27]
Melissa McCarthy
What was yours?
- [51:28]
Unknown
Well, I was living in an apartment. I was living in an apartment, and I saw a little girl in a dress, white dress. And she lived there with me for the seven years that I lived in my apartment.
- [51:42]
Melissa McCarthy
Did you see her multiple times?
- [51:44]
Unknown
Oh, yeah. Like 20 times.
- [51:46]
Melissa McCarthy
Oh, my God.
- [51:48]
Unknown
Yeah.
- [51:48]
Abby Wambach
I mean, Abby was also on a lot of drugs for a while.
- [51:50]
Unknown
Yeah, that was during a pretty intense drinking, drugging.
- [51:55]
Abby Wambach
But what was your experience?
- [51:57]
Melissa McCarthy
Well, I've had when my great. My great grandmother lived with us on the farm, and when she passed away, I've had two different things. When she passed away, I was just distraught. We were very, very close, and I was crying in my room. And then all of a sudden, I, like, just felt a really strong presence. And she was in my little bedroom. And it was just a look. And I just kind of knew everything was okay. And I was like, oh. And just kind of went downstairs and my mom's like, are you feeling better? I'm like, yeah, I. Because I was upset about my great grandmother passing away. And I was like, yeah, I think Grandma, like, great grandma's fine. She was just in my room. I was like, she was just like, we're kind of not gonna touch that topic.
- [52:44]
Amanda Doyle
She's like, probably.
- [52:46]
Melissa McCarthy
And then I kind of said it casually. And then I had another thing with my. My mom's mom. I had. I was in LA at the time, and she had passed away. And I had just gotten the call, and I was driving and I was crying really hard, and my sweet dad had given me his car. That was. That I had in la. And I'd probably had it nine months, but I'd never gone in the glove compartment, like, ever. Like, I don't keep anything in there. I couldn't reach it. I'm too short from the driver's side. And I. And. But I was like, I need a Kleenex. And I was like, he probably had Kleenex in here. So I'm looking all over. The first time I ever. I opened the little door, you know, to the glove compartment, and a picture. And I swear I'm not lying, this little picture flipped out and landed on the passenger seat facing up. And it was a portrait of my grandmother, who two minutes earlier, I heard. Passed away, that I never. Like, I didn't have it in there. And my dad's like, I don't remember putting it in the glove compartment, but I must have. And it was just sitting there on the seat. And I had the same reaction. I was like, oh. And I got the feeling that she was like, for God's sakes, you're driving. Like, get it together. I should have pulled over, but she was just there. And then I had a weird thing in Colorado where, like, we. I took the attic because I was like, ha. A bigger room. And then you got up there and you're like, this is haunted by a million souls. And, like, you would hear things. It was in Boulder, Colorado. The feeling was so palpable that I would know, like, which side. Like, it was. You know, it was so strong. I never saw anything. But you would hear things. Or, like, you had to. The only way to get in the kitchen door, you had to, like, pull up the handle and, like, hit it with your hip to get in. And we were sitting in the living room once, and the door just, like, flew open, and there was no wind, and it, like, slammed against the door because they're just weird. Even a friend that stayed there with me, he's like, we are not alone in this room, like, at all. That's.
- [54:50]
Unknown
So do they scare you, or do you feel like these experience. Did it, like, make you feel safer?
- [54:56]
Melissa McCarthy
Especially with my 2. My great and my My grandma. Those were like. It was an incredibly calming feeling. And it was, it's funny, I've actually never thought about that. Both times I was crying about them passing. Like I thought of it separately and they just appeared in different ways. But it was the most calming thought of like, it's fine, I'm fine. Like it's okay. And then even in the, in the weird house that we were renting in Boulder, like I didn't feel it was menacing. It was just so palpable that I was always like, well, I know, I know somebody's here. But I didn't know anything about the history. We were the first people that were not of the family to live. It was like a hundred year old house and we were the first non family members to rent to have it. So I'm like, I don't know, but I was sleeping in an attic with somebody every night.
- [55:48]
Abby Wambach
So you're not Catholic anymore, but you do have a. You believe that there's more than we can see here. Like you're. How would you describe your spirituality?
- [55:57]
Melissa McCarthy
I strongly, strongly believe that this is not it. I just, I, in my head, I feel, I feel too much and I. Oh my God. I couldn't even, I couldn't even. I can't comprehend a world where I won't see my grandmother or my great grandmother are like, oh God, I can't even finish the sentence. I'll start crying. Like, the thought of not that it just ends. I just think there's too much magic. Whatever, whatever it is you feel between people, there's no way to quantify that that just ends one day. Like, I just couldn't bear it. I had my. My sister once said we went out ironically for a beer and then she sat down. She's like, I'd like to talk about your salvation. I was like, oh boy, O, this is a big one. But she was, she was worried. And I said, I, you know, I don't think any of us have the same thought of whatever God is, whatever swirling cluster of magic you know is it. I don't know what it is. I don't think it's a person. It's certainly. I don't see it as a white dude with a great beard. But I do think something's there. And I talk to God all the time. But it's like in my car or I'm just like thinking about things. I said, it's not that I don't believe in the magic at all. I just, I don't think it has. I Don't think it has a specific address. And I don't think it can be connected to anything hateful.
- [57:26]
Abby Wambach
Yeah.
- [57:26]
Melissa McCarthy
So if you're saying you're wrong, you're wrong, you can't do this. We don't acknowledge that. To me, you know, I think of those old, really old cartoons where it's like, you get to the pearly gates. I think so many people that are really religious, I'm like, you're not going to get into that club. You're going to have to do it. Like, I do feel like they're going to be like, boy, did you screw that up. Like, just go back and be nice. Like, it's so simple.
- [57:53]
Unknown
Yes.
- [57:54]
Melissa McCarthy
But I certainly don't. You know, I think. I think maybe my sister thought I was like an atheist, which I'm really not, because I. I just. I don't know how. That there's too much magic, I think. Yeah, whatever that means.
- [58:08]
Amanda Doyle
It's the theme of what you told your daughters about just always finding someone that will lift them up. And the way that your mom lifted you up when you said the audacious I'm going to move, and the way that your spirituality is about lifting up.
- [58:25]
Abby Wambach
It's a really beautiful theme of life.
- [58:30]
Amanda Doyle
Theme of life, yeah, beautiful.
- [58:32]
Melissa McCarthy
It's a constant fail and rejigger and try to do it better. But it's certainly in Ben. I mean, Ben's whole thing. I mean, he's just like, if there's one thing, if everybody was just like, is this the kindest not being walked over, but, like, is the next thing I'm about to do the kindest version that I can. That I can do, or the kindest version of this moment that I can participate in. He's like, if everybody just followed that. We think about it all the time. We're like, can you imagine a world, like, even 24 hours where everybody, like, stopped trying to, like, one up or I'm gonna get noticed for this terrible, hate shitty remark about someone. I look forward to being back in style where doing the right thing also seems interesting. Like, that would be so cool instead of, like, just being the biggest dirtbag gets you noticed. I'm like, oh, God.
- [59:28]
Abby Wambach
Okay, we're about to wrap here. Tragically for us.
- [59:31]
Unknown
Oh, my gosh.
- [59:33]
Abby Wambach
What's hard for you right now?
- [59:41]
Melissa McCarthy
Raising two women in a country that I feel like women are under attack for. I feel like all of my gay friends and women and my God, when they're both, they're like, I got it coming for me multiple ways. Sometimes the girls ask me questions about just basic human rights and kindness. And I. I am so overwhelmed that I don't have a good answer for them. I can't make it better. I can't say, this won't happen. We won't. It won't come to this. People just like to be loud. I'm like, we're in it. I never thought I would just be kind of fearful to be in this country. And I. I want to. I want to take it back. And I just want to look at people and be like, I. I'm here to tell you no one's trying to turn you. I can guarantee you, Mitch McConnell, no one wants you. I don't want to force you to believe anything. And you shouldn't force me. Just do no harm, and everybody should just be able to, like, play in the same sandlot. And I. It's really hard. I mean, you guys know, with. With kids, it's like they want an answer to something that seems insane. It seems like an insane, scary movie that I don't want to watch. And we're living in it.
- [61:05]
Unknown
Yes.
- [61:06]
Melissa McCarthy
And when there. There is no. I don't have the words because the thoughts aren't in my head of how to. How to make it better or even justify it. That's what scares me. And I feel. I believe there's more good than menace, 100%. It's just the hate is so much louder. I always think of it as a visual of, like, you have. You're at an intersection. There's one person that's just screaming like, y'all gotta die, and I hate you. Like, just. It's so aggressive and loud. And then there's somebody else on the other corner. It's like, you're doing a great job. You're great. You had a great day yesterday. Have another one today. It's like, there's no way to do that with the same volume. So I'm always like, do we just. Is it physically being like, you're not in Greg? I don't know how to go up against that. It's like one has a microphone and a huge amp, and then somebody else is, like, talking. Like, the nice guy is like talking into a milk bottle. Just like, I know the good outweighs the bad. I try to always, when I feel scared, remember that. But it's so quiet that I think we forget it's there. So I don't know. So I try to remember that, but it's a scary place right now.
- [62:18]
Abby Wambach
Can we please just Have a skit where Melissa McCarthy is screaming on the side of the road at people. Just, you're doing great.
- [62:26]
Melissa McCarthy
I would do that all day long. I would just love it. I do yell things at people. A bunch of background love, weirdly vocal. But it's. I think it's probably off putting to people because I'm always like, oh, say it. Like, if you think it's, say it. So I do often roll down the window and I'm like, I'm in love with that skirt. And then they kind of do as if they do recognize me. It's almost like, what? So I do, like, I try to do that more and more because everybody's yelling something. I love to throw, like a loud, aggressive compliment.
- [63:01]
Unknown
Yes.
- [63:01]
Melissa McCarthy
The first people are like, what's going on? I'm like, you like, I really encourage it. It's like, it's the best. And then I feel better for doing it. I think it's that wonderful ripple effect of like, I'm so glad I did it. And then I bet that person's within the hour, is going to say something nice to that person, and then it's going to keep ping ponging, and I want that ripple effect more.
- [63:24]
Unknown
So good.
- [63:25]
Abby Wambach
All right, that's our next right thing. Pod Squad. If we think something positive, we're going to say something positive.
- [63:32]
Amanda Doyle
And that's gonna say something.
- [63:34]
Abby Wambach
See something.
- [63:35]
Amanda Doyle
It's like a new twist.
- [63:36]
Melissa McCarthy
See something. New twist on it.
- [63:38]
Unknown
See something, Scream it.
- [63:40]
Abby Wambach
Okay, babe, I'm actually. I'm just gonna go with say, okay, because I want you doing that around the house. Melissa McCarthy, you are a goddamn dream. You are.
- [63:49]
Melissa McCarthy
Well, tell it to the mirrors, guys.
- [63:52]
Unknown
You're so awesome. And, you know, bridesmaids is our family's like, go to.
- [63:56]
Abby Wambach
Although I would say the starling is now up.
- [63:58]
Unknown
Well, that was just the most special.
- [64:00]
Abby Wambach
It just crushed us, that one. Go see the Starlink. If you haven't, get it in your living room. Thank you for this hour.
- [64:07]
Melissa McCarthy
Thanks. I can't. This has been such a delight, and I just love what you guys do, and I love that every day you're just. You're. You're making that ripple effect better, and you're making it easier to talk about everything instead of just holding. Holding in what weighs you down. It's like, it's really impactful what you do, and I just. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.
- [64:30]
Abby Wambach
Thank you. We love you, Pod Squad. We'll see you next time. Bye.
- [64:34]
Melissa McCarthy
Bye, guys.
- [64:39]
Abby Wambach
If this podcast means something to you, it would mean so much to us if you'd be willing to take 30 seconds to do these three things. First, can you please follow or subscribe to We Can Do Hard Things? Following the POD helps helps you because you'll never miss an episode, and it helps us because you'll never miss an episode. To do this, just go to the We Can Do Hard Things show page on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Odyssey, or wherever you listen to podcasts and then just tap the plus sign in the upper right hand corner or click on Follow. This is the most important thing for the pod. While you're there, if you'd be willing to give us a five star rating and review and share an episode you loved with a friend, we would be so grateful. We appreciate you very much. We Can Do Hard Things is created and hosted by Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle in partnership with Odyssey. Our Executive producer is Jenna Wise Berman and the show is produced by Lauren Legrasso, Alison Schott, Dena Kleiner, and Bill Schultz.
- [65:45]
Melissa McCarthy
SA.