Podcast Summary: “Melissa McCarthy: Sex, Nuns & Ghosts (Best Of)” on We Can Do Hard Things

Release Date: December 4, 2024
Host/Author: Glennon Doyle and Audacy
Guest: Melissa McCarthy

Introduction to Melissa McCarthy

In this special "Best Of" episode of We Can Do Hard Things, hosts Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle welcome the multi-talented actress, writer, and producer Melissa McCarthy. The episode delves into Melissa's personal experiences, spanning her religious upbringing, parenting challenges, beliefs in the supernatural, and navigating the complexities of modern life as a woman.

Challenging Religious Upbringing

Topic Overview:
Melissa McCarthy opens up about her experiences growing up in Catholic schools, highlighting both the positive and negative aspects.

Key Discussion Points:

• Questioning Faith: Melissa recounts questioning the exclusivity of Catholicism during her early education.

  "I was like, why? I said, isn't the whole thing that maybe none of them are better?" (04:22)

• Encounters with Authority: Her candid questioning led to disciplinary actions, impacting her perception of religion and authority figures.

  "She just said, you should go to the principal's office." (05:40)

• Evolving Beliefs: Melissa shares her transition away from practicing Catholicism, advocating for a personal relationship with spirituality outside institutional boundaries.

  "I don't think you have to be inside a certain building to have a relationship with whatever you think of as God." (06:53)

The "I Am a Shark" Philosophy

Topic Overview:
Melissa discusses her relentless drive, comparing herself to a shark that must keep moving to survive.

Key Discussion Points:

• Constant Motion: Melissa explains her need to stay active and engaged in various projects and tasks.

  "I'm constantly moving, and I do always say, like, I'm a shark." (07:24)

• Balancing with Partner’s Calmness: She contrasts her energetic nature with her husband Ben Falcone's more laid-back demeanor, illustrating how their differences complement each other.

  "Ben's very calm and very steady, and sometimes he's like, it is okay to stop and just be in the room instead of me being like..." (08:08)

• Personal Growth: Melissa acknowledges the challenges of her perpetual motion, striving to incorporate more stillness and balance into her life.

  "It's something I work on. I like putting things for people, but sometimes Ben's like, 'don't do that.'" (08:30)

Navigating Parenthood

Topic Overview:
The conversation shifts to parenting, focusing on open communication about sex and fostering resilience in children.

Key Discussion Points:

• Open Conversations About Sex: Melissa emphasizes the importance of honest discussions with her daughters about sex, moving away from the abstinence-only messages she received.

  "We talk about that a lot. That whoever your love will be and it may change. I'm like, you don't have to pick a side." (17:33)

• Empowering Daughters: She discusses raising daughters who are confident, aware, and unafraid to stand up for themselves.

  "They are such little activists. I always say, 'I don't think anyone will ever tread on them.'" (16:54)

• Balancing Honesty and Protection: Melissa shares the delicate balance of protecting her children from the world's harshness while encouraging them to face challenges head-on.

  "It's a tricky, sticky. There's no way to do it. I think it's a person by person basis, and it's messy and heartbreaking." (48:01)

The Art of Apologizing

Topic Overview:
Melissa reflects on her experiences with making genuine apologies, emphasizing sincerity over perfection.

Key Discussion Points:

• Learning from Mistakes: She recounts a situation where she had to apologize for supporting a problematic charity, highlighting the importance of owning mistakes fully.

  "If you're just sincere about it, I certainly felt like I had screwed up by backing that." (42:13)

• Sincerity vs. Perfection: Melissa advocates for heartfelt apologies without excuses, believing that authenticity can help rebuild trust.

  "The sincerity of it. We all have that little meter, and you can tell when someone's bullshitting or not." (46:43)

• Ripple Effect of Kindness: She illustrates how genuine apologies can create positive changes and encourage others to act similarly.

  "I'm so glad I did it. They're so amazing by that." (46:43)

Setting Boundaries and Letting Go

Topic Overview:
The discussion moves to the importance of setting boundaries with toxic individuals and the challenges of maintaining relationships.

Key Discussion Points:

• Evaluating Relationships: Melissa talks about assessing whether a relationship is salvageable or if it's time to part ways.

  "If it's a business thing, we do crazy checks on everybody because we don't want to work with the person that... is being terrible." (48:01)

• Holding Space for Change: She emphasizes the balance between supporting someone and recognizing when they may not be ready to change.

  "I try to hold some space for someone. So maybe at the right time, maybe I can be part of them going, 'Oh, you know...'" (48:01)

• Heartbreak of Letting Go: Melissa acknowledges the emotional difficulty of distancing from loved ones who hold opposing views.

  "It's messy and heartbreaking. And I do try to run around the block a lot with that, so I don't really step in it." (48:01)

Belief in the Supernatural and Spirituality

Topic Overview:
Melissa shares her experiences with ghosts and her personal spirituality, distancing herself from organized religion.

Key Discussion Points:

• Experiences with Ghosts: Melissa recounts encounters with apparitions of her great-grandmother and grandmother, interpreting them as comforting presences rather than frightening entities.

  "It was an incredibly calming feeling. I know somebody's here. But I didn't know anything about the history." (54:56)

• Personal Spirituality: She describes her belief in a force beyond the tangible, rejecting traditional religious structures but maintaining a deep sense of spirituality.

  "I strongly, strongly believe that this is not it. I just... I feel too much and I... couldn't bear it." (55:57)

• Magic and Connection: Melissa expresses a belief in the magic of human connections, viewing spirituality as an intangible bond rather than a personified deity.

  "I talk to God all the time. But it's like in my car or I'm just like thinking about things..." (57:25)

Challenges of Raising Daughters in a Turbulent Society

Topic Overview:
Towards the end of the episode, Melissa discusses the fear and overwhelm of raising daughters amid societal challenges.

Key Discussion Points:

• Societal Pressures: She expresses concerns about the current societal climate, feeling that women and LGBTQ+ individuals face increasing attacks.

  "Raising two women in a country that I feel like women are under attack for..." (59:33)

• Desire for a Kinder World: Melissa shares her aspiration to foster a more compassionate and understanding environment for her daughters.

  "I want to take it back. And I just want to look at people and be like, I'm here to tell you no one's trying to turn you." (60:26)

• Encouraging Positivity: She discusses her strategy of spreading kindness to counteract the negativity prevalent in society.

  "I do yell things at people. I try to do that more and more because everybody's yelling something." (63:00)

Closing Thoughts and Ripple Effect of Kindness

In the episode’s closing moments, Melissa emphasizes the power of positive reinforcement and the ripple effect of kindness. She proposes innovative ideas like loudly complimenting strangers to foster a more supportive and interconnected community.

"I want that ripple effect more." (63:24)

Melissa expresses deep appreciation for the podcast's mission to discuss hard things openly, affirming the impact of honest conversations on personal growth and societal change.

"It's really impactful what you do, and I just can't tell you how much I appreciate it." (64:06)

Notable Quotes

• Melissa McCarthy on Questioning Religion:

  "Isn't the whole thing that maybe none of them are better?" (04:22)

• Melissa on Being a Shark:

  "I'm constantly moving, and I do always say, like, I'm a shark." (07:24)

• Melissa on Apologizing Sincerely:

  "If you're just sincere about it, I certainly felt like I had screwed up by backing that." (42:13)

• Melissa on Spirituality:

  "I strongly, strongly believe that this is not it. I just... I feel too much and I... couldn't bear it." (55:57)

• Melissa on Kindness Ripple Effect:

  "I want that ripple effect more." (63:24)

Conclusion

Melissa McCarthy's candid and heartfelt conversation on We Can Do Hard Things offers listeners an intimate glimpse into her personal struggles and triumphs. From challenging inherited beliefs and striving for personal growth to nurturing resilient daughters in a complex world, Melissa embodies the podcast's ethos of facing life's difficulties with honesty and courage. Her stories inspire listeners to engage in meaningful conversations, embrace vulnerability, and foster a culture of kindness and understanding.

Timestamp Reference Guide:

• 04:22 – Questioning religious exclusivity
• 05:40 – Encounter with authority figures in school
• 06:53 – Moving away from institutional religion
• 07:24 – Adopting the "I am a shark" philosophy
• 08:08 – Balancing energy with Ben Falcone
• 16:54 – Raising confident daughters
• 17:33 – Open conversations about sex
• 42:13 – Importance of sincere apologies
• 46:43 – Authenticity in apologies
• 48:01 – Setting boundaries with toxic individuals
• 54:56 – Experiences with ghosts and calming presence
• 55:57 – Personal spirituality vs. organized religion
• 57:25 – Defining her own spirituality
• 59:33 – Raising daughters in a challenging society
• 60:26 – Desire for a kinder world
• 63:00 – Encouraging public displays of kindness
• 63:24 – Ripple effect of kindness
• 64:06 – Appreciation for the podcast's mission

Note: Timestamps correspond to the original transcript and are provided for reference.