Podcast Summary: "We Can Do Hard Things" Episode: On Not Being Chosen, Re-Parenting Yourself & Getting Started | Live on Tour! Release Date: July 17, 2025

Introduction and Live Tour Context

In this special live episode of We Can Do Hard Things, hosted by Glennon Doyle alongside her sister Amanda Doyle and wife Abby Wambach, the trio broadcasts from Portland, Oregon. This marks one of the ten cities on their inaugural tour celebrating their New York Times bestselling book, We Can Do Hard Things. The live event gathered thousands of listeners, emphasizing themes of connection and community in the face of daily struggles.

Key Themes Discussed

1. The Ache of Not Being Chosen

   The episode delves deep into the emotional pain associated with feeling excluded or unchosen in various aspects of life, including relationships and personal endeavors.

   • Amanda Doyle shares her personal experience:
     “But it's so hard. It's so hard and it's so heartbreaking. And I don't think it ever goes away because you can’t stop feeling it.” [07:27]

2. Grief of Lost Teams and Families

   Amanda, a former soccer player turned referee, discusses the profound grief of leaving her team—a surrogate family—and the subsequent loss of her own family structure. She reflects on the challenges of finding a new sense of belonging and the impact of these losses on her identity.

   • Quote:
     “I don't miss playing the game. I miss the people. I miss the feeling of belonging.” [11:10]

3. Re-Parenting Yourself

   The conversation explores the concept of self-parenting, where individuals nurture and care for themselves in the absence of external support. This involves embracing self-love and healing from past wounds.

   • Amanda Doyle encourages radical self-care:
     “Try to fall so deeply in love with yourself right now.” [08:12]

   • Kara's Insight:
     “A big part of being an adult is just constantly reminding yourself and your nervous system that you're an adult and you're safe now.” [23:38]

4. Fear of Starting Something You May Never Finish

   Addressing the paralytic fear that prevents individuals from embarking on new ventures due to doubts about their ability to see them through, especially in the face of mortality.

   • Kara responds to Brandy's fear of dying young:
     “If you are a person who thinks that you need to write a book, then I can promise you that you need to write a book.” [30:28]

5. Courage to Lead Hard Conversations

   The hosts discuss the importance of initiating and navigating difficult dialogues, particularly around topics like anti-racism and personal trauma, without succumbing to shame or fear.

   • Elena's Question:
     “How do we mother ourselves? How do we mother each other?” [20:21]

   • Response:
     “Remember that shame is not a tool of social justice, it's a tool of oppression.” [33:25]

Audience Engagement and Questions

1. Kara's Contribution:

   Kara shares a heartfelt story about her personal loss and how the book We Can Do Hard Things provided solace during a difficult period. She inquires about parts of the book that serve as particular medicine in the hosts' lives.

   • Kara's Question:
     “Are there any parts of the book right now that speak to you that are of particular medicine to you right now in your lives?” [05:00]

2. Elena's Inquiry on Self-Mothering:

   Elena poses a profound question on how to nurture oneself in the absence of traditional maternal support, seeking guidance on self-care and mutual support.

   • Elena's Question:
     “How do we mother ourselves? How do we mother each other?” [20:21]

3. Brandy's Fear of Mortality:

   Brandy expresses her fear of dying young and seeks advice on overcoming this barrier to pursue her memoir.

   • Brandy's Question:
     “I'm afraid I'm going to die young, that I'm not going to be around, that if I start it, I won't be able to finish it.” [27:23]

4. Anti-Racist Conversations and Overcoming Shame:

   A listener named Bernie seeks advice on leading anti-racist work and normalizing these conversations without inducing shame.

   • Bernie's Question:
     “How to normalize these conversations amongst my friends and get past that shame to have these conversations.” [32:15]

Inspirational Insights and Advice

• Amanda Doyle emphasizes the power of community and finding connections that foster a sense of belonging:
  “Keep trying to find your people, no matter what arena you're in.” [12:10]

• Kara highlights the importance of consistent effort and personal commitment toward goals:
  “Decide how many hours you're gonna suffer a day. And they’re gonna be in the chair each day.” [30:29]

• Elena reflects on the necessity of allowing oneself to feel and process grief without avoidance, advocating for embracing emotions as a path to healing.

Community and Acknowledgments

Towards the end of the episode, the hosts express gratitude to their team members who contributed to the book’s success, acknowledging their illustrations and creative efforts. Special mentions are made to Val, Annie, and Rachel for their instrumental roles.

• Amanda Doyle:
  “These three, two of whom live in Portland, literally all the illustrations in this book.” [50:10]

Closing Remarks and Musical Performance

The episode concludes with heartfelt thanks to the Portland audience and live performances by Tish Melton and Brandi Carlile, encapsulating the episode’s themes of resilience and collective strength through music. The closing song, "We Can Do Hard Things," reinforces the overarching message of the podcast.

Notable Quotes:

• “You have to decide whether it's one, two, or three hours. And that your butt is going to be in the chair each day.” – Kara [30:28]

• “When you have a sensitive kid with a lot of feelings and thoughts, you must get them into art. It saved her.” – Kara [44:16]

• “Shame is not a tool of social justice, it's a tool of oppression.” – Brandi Carlile [33:05]

• “I am inherently worthy of that love. And I don't have to. I should not have to hustle and perform for love.” – Unnamed Speaker [21:16]

Conclusion

This episode of We Can Do Hard Things masterfully intertwines personal narratives with universal struggles, offering listeners a blend of empathy, practical advice, and inspiration. The live format amplifies the sense of community, reinforcing the podcast's mission to help individuals navigate life's challenges with courage and authenticity.