(BEST OF) Our Most Hilarious Episode EVER: Embarrassing Stories Comic Relief!

Summary

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Summary: We Can Do Hard Things

Episode: Our Most Hilarious Episode EVER: Embarrassing Stories Comic Relief!

Date: March 31, 2026

Hosts: Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, Amanda Doyle ("Sister")

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Episode Overview

This riotously funny episode of "We Can Do Hard Things" is a pause from heavy topics, as hosts Glennon, Abby, and Amanda (aka "Sister") share their most mortifying and embarrassing stories, along with wild confessions submitted by listeners ("Pod Squad"). The through-line: vulnerability, laughter, and the power of normalized humiliation as a cure for shame—fueling a collective sense of humanity. Listeners can expect plenty of bodily mishaps, social faux pas, relatable moments, and honest reflection.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Power of Sharing Mortifying Stories

• Glennon introduces the episode as a needed break from serious themes, emphasizing laughter as a necessary "cleanse" (03:21).
• The hosts reference previous guests (Jenny Lawson, Brene Brown) who advocate for sharing embarrassing moments as a way to build connection and combat shame (02:02, 02:43).
• Sister notes: "Normalization is the antidote to shame." (02:02)

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The Hosts' Most Embarrassing Stories

Amanda ("Sister")'s Stories

• The Jeeves Incident (04:01)
  • On a Zoom with her dog-loving accountant, Sister bashes the name "Jeeves" for being hilariously pretentious—only to discover the accountant’s beloved dog is named Jeeves.
  • Quote: "This is Jeeves." (Accountant, 05:32)
• Parking Garage Fiasco (10:42)
  • Lost her car for three hours while pushing a dolly of sensitive documents, only to be "caught" by the general counsel at the end.
• Hospital Urgent Care Mix-Up (18:14)
  • Couldn't recall her son's birthdate, holding up a line at urgent care and getting increasingly indignant—only to realize her mistake.
• High School Traffic Pee (25:27)
  • Peed herself in her car during high school traffic, reflecting hilariously on the paradox of looking completely normal above the waist, while "party in the back" with a flooded seat.
  • Quote: "The mullet of bodily functions: business in the front, party in the back." (26:13)

Glennon’s Stories

• The Teacher's Necklace (07:22)
  • Received a gold chain from a sweet ESL student that read "Number One Sex Machine." She felt obligated to wear it through the entire school day.
  • Quote: "Nobody looks at Oscar’s eyes and says, no, I’m not wearing this." (09:46)
• Spray Tan Mishap (20:54)
  • Her baby's recurring “orange” rash was traced to her self-tanning spray—transmitted through breastfeeding.
  • Quote (Doctor): "It looks like from your appearance that you might go to a tanning salon."
• Epic Walk of Shame (28:35)
  • Peed her boyfriend’s bed while drunk; carried the soiled sheets home past the fraternity in a classic walk of shame. Earned the nickname "Puddles."
  • Quote: "Just a comforter in sheets…there had never been a walk of shame more shameful." (29:14)
• Unflushed Poop Party (35:25)
  • Accidentally left poop in her boyfriend's hotel bathroom, only to have his family all discover (and announce) it together.
  • Quote: "I forgot to flush the goddamn toilet. And Jeeves looks at me…so excited that this has happened to me." (36:19)

Abby’s Stories

• ‘Number Two’ at Fourteen (22:20)
  • Couldn’t make it home in time, so pooped her pants after getting off the school bus. The worst: hiding soiled underwear in her bedroom’s wicker trash basket, only for her cousin to discover it.
  • Quote: "She goes, Abby, I have a question for you... did you poop in your underwear and throw them in the wicker basket?" (24:29)
• Vibrator at Security (56:12)
  • TSA agent inspects her suitcase, finds a vibrator, turns it on, asks her about it in front of colleagues.
  • Quote: "He pulls my vibrator out and says, ‘What is this?’ ...‘It vibrates.’ And so he turned it on." (57:18)

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Embarrassing Bodily Mishaps: Feminist Context

• Sister explains the origins of "mortification"—both medical and religious—and how women's shame over normal bodily functions (pooping, farting) is a form of self-denial rooted in patriarchal expectations (31:03-33:42).
• “Why are everyone’s most embarrassing stories about pooping or periods or peeing—things that are totally natural?” (33:07, Glennon)

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Listener Voicemail Highlights

Lupus Subway (41:09)

• Caller, drunk and alone on the subway, reads "Someone on this train has lupus," panics, assumes it’s her, and leaves voicemails for coworkers about her "diagnosis."
• Hosts cackle at her logic and the act of earnestly calling work contacts (42:31).

Army Ball Toast (43:13)

• Michaela, at a military ball, shouts “moment of silence!” instead of actually going silent. 1,500 people stare at her.
• Hosts note, "That’s something I would have done." (44:48, Abby)

Restaurant Diarrhea (48:13)

• Allison accidentally soils herself at a restaurant, has to explain to her friend, hides the evidence, and flees.
• Sister: "Never like this." (49:49)

Wrong Boyfriend Sleepover (50:47)

• Glennon herself: went to the wrong boyfriend’s house while drunk, realized the mistake, but decided to just stay.
• "I just stayed there...I just needed a bed." (51:35)

Public Restroom Catastrophe (52:28)

• Andrea, using a stall with a broken lock, is sat on by an oblivious stranger who enters, drops her pants, and sits.
• Hosts need “the rest of that story.” (53:33)

Security Strap-On Story (54:54)

• Em calmly identifies her sex toy for familiar workplace security, then collapses in laughter/tears once out of sight.
  • "Yes, that is a prosthetic penis." (55:22)
• This phrase becomes a running joke and symbolic Pod Squad 'bat signal' for surviving mortifying moments (60:29).

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Other Noteworthy Moments

• Rapid-Fire Write-ins (58:02)

  • Standouts: Practicing kissing with an Abercrombie bag, "pooping in a takeout container at a red light," coworkers walking in on masturbation and a "potluck" mistaken for a "brothel."
  • “Until college I thought a brothel was a potluck. I learned when I offered to host one.” (58:40)

• Feminist Reflection (Throughout)

  • Discussion of shame, body image, and normalizing embarrassing bodily functions as feminist acts.

• Call to Listeners

  • The hosts invite listeners to continue sharing embarrassing stories for future episodes and declare the experiment of solidarity and laughter a resounding success (61:00).
  • “Part of the revolution of normalization.” (61:41, Sister)

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• "Laughing hard can be just as much of a cleanse as crying hard." — Glennon Doyle (03:21)
• "Normalization is the antidote to shame." — Sister (02:02)
• "Who needs a juice cleanse when you could just laugh like that?" — Sister (03:17)
• "You just sat in the front seat and peed...like a mullet: business in the front, party in the back." — Sister (26:13)
• "Nobody looks at Oscar’s eyes and says, no, I’m not wearing this." — Glennon Doyle (09:46)
• "Yes, that is a prosthetic penis." — Em (55:22), later adopted by hosts as the new code phrase for post-mortification composure (60:29)

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Key Timestamps

• [00:00] - Introduction & purpose of episode
• [04:01] - Sister’s dog-name faux pas story
• [07:22] - Glennon's “Number One Sex Machine” teacher story
• [10:42] - Sister’s lost car/document dolly odyssey
• [20:54] - Glennon’s spray tan/baby rash doctor visit
• [22:20] - Abby’s school-bus bathroom emergency
• [25:27] - Sister’s high school car pee
• [28:35] - Glennon’s drunken bed-wetting walk of shame
• [35:25] - Glennon’s "forgot to flush" hotel poop incident
• [41:09] - Lupus on the subway voicemail
• [43:13] - Michaela’s military ball “moment of silence” gaffe
• [48:13] - Allison’s restaurant diarrhea moment
• [50:47] - Glennon’s “wrong boyfriend” story
• [52:28] - Andrea’s public bathroom surprise guest
• [54:54] - Em’s security "prosthetic penis" story
• [58:02] - Write-in quick-fire embarrassing confessions
• [60:29] - Adoption of “Yes, that is a prosthetic penis” as official post-mortification mantra
• [61:00–end] - Closing reflections and invitation for more stories

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Final Thoughts & Closing

The episode succeeds in lightening the collective emotional load, affirming: shame dissolves in honest company, and we’re all united by the ridiculous unpredictability of being human. The new "prosthetic penis" mantra is born for facing future mortifying moments, and the Pod Squad is invited to continue normalizing embarrassment by sharing their own stories.

As Sister affirms:
"Send us your mortifying story. It's part of the revolution of normalization." (61:41)

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Want to share your own story? Call [phone].

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Transcript

[Glennon Doyle]

Hey, everybody. Welcome back to We Can Do Hard Things. Okay. I'm really excited about today because we need it. We have been discussing some very serious and hard things lately on the Pod, as we should. But we should also laugh. So today we're restoring some balance by revisiting our most embarrassing stories. I have to tell you that this episode is an episode that. That I think made the most people the most joyful. We are sharing today some of the most mortifying moments of our lives, along with your voicemail confessions that had us all cry, laughing, literally peeing in our pants in solidarity. Our theory is that when we share the stories that make us want to disappear, we realize we're not alone at all. We really hope that this hour gives you a good laugh because you deserve it. And if you've got any new embarrassing stories, please, please, God, you tell us. We need this. If you have a new embarrassing story, leave us a voicemail at 747-200-5307. That's 747-200-5307. Here we go. Today we have a real experiment to do, which is so exciting and fun. We had Jenny Lawson on brilliant, hilarious Jenny Lawson recently. It was our hundredth episode. Go back and listen to it. And she talks and writes so much about the power of humiliation, the power of sharing our mortifying moments

[Sister]

in the

[Glennon Doyle]

with the goal of connecting us further and making life funnier and more universal.

[Sister]

And it's so funny. And clearly we could use some LOLs at the moment. But also, it made me think of the Brene Brown episode where she was talking about how she talks about all of the horrible things she thinks to her kids. Yes, because she thinks that normalization is the antidote to shame. And it's so interesting because our mortifying stories often make us feel ashamed. But sharing our mortifying stories normalizes that and is the cure to shame.

[Glennon Doyle]

Right, Exactly. So. So that's what we're gonna do. That's our experiment. We asked a long time ago for the Pod Squad to send us their most embarrassing mortifying stories. What you need to know, Pod Squad, is that Abby and Sister and Allison and Dina and I have been listening to these stories. Yesterday, we could not. We weren't recording. We weren't. All we were doing was listening to your stories one at a time. Peeing the best.

[Sister]

Like, peeing.

[Glennon Doyle]

I haven't laughed. You know, that kind of laugh that just, like, makes you feel like you're a kid again and just like you actually are not.

[Sister]

Who needs a juice cleanse? When you could just laugh like that.

[Glennon Doyle]

Exactly.

[Pod Squatter / Caller]

A cleanse.

[Glennon Doyle]

It's a cleanse. I do think that laughing hard can be just as much of a cleanse as crying hard is. I kind of what I figured out yesterday. So we're hoping our experiment is we're going to tell some of our mortifying stories. We're going to hear from the Pod squad's mortifying stories, and we want to see if at the end of this hour, you feel a little bit more connected, a little bit more joyful, and a little bit less sucky. Okay, just a little less sucky is what we're going for.

[Sister]

It's a low bar, people.

[Glennon Doyle]

Yeah. Okay, so who wants to start? Who wants to share their embarrassing stories first? Sister, why don't you go?

[Sister]

I like how I was voluntold. Okay, so I have one that just happened a couple months ago because it's hard to narrow down my embarrassing stories. So I'm just gonna go sequentially. Um, the most recent one was I was on a call with our accountant, and what we need to know about her for purposes of this is that she and her little doggy are thick as thieves. Like, he has airline statuses. He's definitely cared for better than my children. Um, so we're on this Zoom meeting. It was when I was in the process of adopting our dog, Seamus, from this rescue group that rescued golden retrievers. And so we were in the process of applying to rescue him, but he wasn't actually Seamus. He had a different name. And she's so excited because she loves the dogs. And so she says, what's his name? And I, for no ascertainable reason, proceed to go into a diatribe in which I said, I promise you, the things I said were, don't judge us. This is not gonna be his name. We would never choose this name. It's the most pretentious name I have ever heard. I'm mortified by it. It's dripping with waspiness. I am allergic to this name. So don't judge me when I tell you, okay? She says, well, what's the name? I say, jeeves. At which point she pulls the dog into the Zoom screen and says, this is Jeeves. So that sucked. And so then I'm doing the thing where I am trying to dig myself out of the hole instead of just, like, not digging anymore, right? And I, if you can possibly believe it, I make it worse for all of us, including the Jeeveses. And that is the story of why we're getting audited this year. Because that's what John said when I told the story. He's like, why would you say any of that? Oh, my God, she's your accountant. Like, that's the worst person you could have completely offended. Also, his name was not Jeeves. Because you can't fool me 350 times. And I am not saying it out loud again because then all y' all with the original name are gonna call

[Glennon Doyle]

in, and I think you should. I think you should tell us the original name and because I actually. It'll balance each other out. Because I love the original name same.

[Abby]

I wanted to name it if I had another.

[Glennon Doyle]

If we rescue dog, I might name it this and tell us what it was named. This is a bad idea. It was Bentley.

[Sister]

Oh, it was outed. You're not allowed to out people. This is the 90s.

[Glennon Doyle]

The dog's name was Bentley. And I think that's the cutest freaking name. And I know it's a fancy car, that. Which is why you hated it, because it was a fancy car, right?

[Sister]

Yeah. It sounded like a frat boy who was like, I don't know. I think I want a Bentley.

[Abby]

I want some Bentley car.

[Glennon Doyle]

Not even a Bentley.

[Sister]

Summers in Maine. That's who this is.

[Glennon Doyle]

Okay, so I'll tell you. I'm going to tell you two quickly of mine, okay? Okay. So I taught third grade for a long time. It was the joy of my life. Okay. I still think I'm a teacher, just like on a very strange hiatus where I talk into a microphone. I'm waiting to get back to the classroom at some point.

[Sister]

But

[Glennon Doyle]

I taught at a school where barely any of my kids, my students, had English as their first language. So that's an important part of the story. A lot of them were very recent immigrants. We did a lot of communicating by body language, by a lot of things in the beginning. Okay, I had this one kid. I'm gonna call him Oscar.

[Sister]

Okay, Call him Jeeves.

[Glennon Doyle]

Call him Jeeves. I'm gonna call him Jeeves. Okay, so his name is Oscar. He was definitely not supposed to have favorites, but one of my all time favorite kids. He had barely any English. So Valentine's Day, he comes in, he walks up to my desk and he says, Ms. D. Present. And he's wrapped it with construction paper from our classroom. So it's all like smushed up. And so what you need to know real quick about Oscar is that he had an older brother who I loved so much and was only a few years younger than me, was getting involved, had some Stuff going on. But you would take such good care of Oscar and like bring him to school. Oscar was always stealing shit from his brother. So I open this construction paper present and it's this very thick gold chain. Like a rope gold chain. Like heavy, heavy, heavy gold chain. And it has this huge medallion on it. And the medallion says, Number One Sex Machine. Number One Sex Machine. Okay, now he. Oscar, I'm looking at this gold chain. Oscar is looking up at me with the most sweetest. I mean, just precious. Like, she's going to love this. She probably loves gold. The more gold, the better. He doesn't know what the hell this thing says, right? It's from.

[Sister]

She loves letters. Look at all these letters.

[Glennon Doyle]

She likes numbers. She likes letters, right? So then Oscar says, are you going to wear it? You're going to wear it, right, Misty?

[Sister]

You bet your Number One Sex Machine ass I'm going to wear.

[Glennon Doyle]

Exactly. Nobody looks at Oscar's eyes and says, no, I'm not wearing this. So I, I did walk from my classroom down to PE and then to the cafeteria with my teacher dress on. My little ducklings behind me, Oscar, proud as shit with a gold chain that says, Number One Sex Machine through an elementary school. Okay. And you know, the teachers who are my friends in the hallway were looking at me like huge eyed. And I was just like dagger eyeing them like, I dare you. You just, just look away. Just look away.

[Sister]

They knew it was true.

[Glennon Doyle]

But in the irony of Number One Sex Machine being my gift, that's what

[Sister]

we should have called Silent Sex Queen. Exactly.

[Glennon Doyle]

Number One Sex Machine.

[Sister]

Oh my God, I just thought of another one.

[Glennon Doyle]

Okay, what?

[Sister]

So when I was working at the law firm, there was this huge case that came up and there were like boxes and boxes of documents that we had to review for the court case. And it was too sensitive to even send by a courier. So they sent me over to the client's office to pick up these many, many boxes of documents. It's like a really big deal. I was like, oh, I'm being trusted with this very, you know, confidential, important thing. It was only like a mile away from my office. So I get in my car, I drive over to the client's office, walk in, meet the general counsel. He's very nervous about all of these things that are happening. I'm like, don't worry, you're in great hands. We're gonna take care of you. I have this huge dolly, like one of those not like hand dollies, but the big lie flat has two sides dollies. And I Have to take all these very sensitive documents and stack them on the big dolly. There's like 15 banker's boxes worth of documents. I have to take the elevator back down to the parking lot. I'm like, rest assured, you're in the best hands possible. You can trust us, okay? And I get to the parking lot and I'm like, huh? I can't find my car. That's odd. So I'm just. I'm like, I'll go look for my car. But I can't leave the dolly anyway, right? Because it's very important. So I'm rolling this giant dolly through the parking lot, and I can't find my fucking car. It's not there. And I have to go all through the five levels of the parking lot to look for my car with this giant ass dolly. I am seeing people, like, over and over again as I go. Up with the dolly. Down with the dolly. Up with the dolly. I. I did this. I am not joking you. For two hours. Oh, two hours with the dolly. I was just about to cry because I'm like, I don't know what to do. I can't leave, right? But I can't stay. And I can't very well go back upstairs to the general counsel of this client that I've just told he's in very good hands and say, I can't find my car. But don't worry. I have an. I have an acute legal mind. So. So after a while, I was just like, I'm screwed. There's nothing I can do. I can't call my law firm and say, thanks for trusting me with this case. Can you come help me find my car?

[Abby]

Dude, where's my car?

[Sister]

I just keep doing it. I just keep going up and down and up and down and up and down. Three hours later, I'm not joking. The elevator comes down to the garage. Who steps off the elevator? The general counsel of the company stepped off the elevator. And I am.

[Glennon Doyle]

He's going home for the day. He's going home for the day.

[Sister]

I am standing with the dolly that he has left me with three hours prior with no explanation as to how and why this would. This would possibly be the case.

[Glennon Doyle]

Oh, no.

[Sister]

And I just had to make some up, like, yeah, I just gotta do some legal things here with these documents for a minute. I had to wait till everyone left. I had to wait till everyone left.

[Abby]

For what?

[Sister]

So I could find my car. This is the only car left. There's no explanation for it. It doesn't make any sense. But I swear to God that thing happened.

[Abby]

Okay, thanks. I am Michelle and I am Craig.

[Sister]

Craig here is my big brother. We are so excited for you to listen to our brand new podcast. It's called IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson. Together, Craig and I are going to take your questions about the challenges you're going to grappling with in life.

[Abby]

So get in touch, send us your questions and join us on IMO with

[Sister]

Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson. Subscribe wherever you get your podcast to

[Abby]

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[Sister]

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[Glennon Doyle]

Do you remember when I called Craig, when Craig was married to Craig, and I called him at work from the mall and told him we had to call the police because my car had been stolen? And he did call the police, and I was standing in the very place, the very small part of the parking lot where my car should have been, except that I had just driven the other car. That was amazing.

[Abby]

Y' all are the smartest dumb people I know.

[Pod Squatter / Caller]

Yes.

[Sister]

That is a natural thing.

[Glennon Doyle]

I know we can do hard things, but we cannot do easy things. Yeah.

[Sister]

Oh, and one time I went to the hospital, to the urgent care, because Bobby had this situation that was urgent care worthy, right? And I go into the line and. And they're trying to check me in, and they're like, you know, your kid's name, your kid's birthday, all the things to look him up. I give them all the information. They're like, he's not in our system. I'm like, yes, he is in your system. He was born here, like two years ago. Check your system. This child was born in this hospital. And they're taking so long and they're saying, he's not in here. And now I'm getting pissed, right? Because this is the urgent part of urgent care. Like, we need to get in there.

[Glennon Doyle]

Not just care, right?

[Sister]

I'm not looking for care at your general convenience. I'm looking for urgent care, right? So there's this whole line behind me. I'm, like, getting very upset. Like, get your shit in a pile, people. The people behind me are like, yeah, this is. I mean, why isn't he in this system if he was born here? And I'm like, yeah. So I'm getting a little vocal. And they keep looking. They keep looking. Anyway, they finally find him. And I'm like, well, thank you. At which point they announced to me and the whole line, because obviously they're very annoyed too, that that is not, in fact, my son's birthday.

[Glennon Doyle]

Oh.

[Abby]

Oh, my God.

[Sister]

And that is why they couldn't find him, because I didn't know his birthday.

[Abby]

Wrong info.

[Glennon Doyle]

That's so embarrassing.

[Sister]

It is embarrassing.

[Glennon Doyle]

I Have a doctor story. So one time when Chase was a baby, he was teeny tiny. He started to get this wild rash on his face. And every once in a while, actually be on his hands, too. And it was like orange. Like this orange rash. And it would go away and come back, go away and come back. And I was very concerned about it. And so I finally could not figure out what it was. So I took him to the doctor. So I'm in the doctor's office, and I'm standing there with the baby. I'm showing him. He's examining the orange face. I'm like, what could this be? Doctor's kind of looking at me strange. Whatever. The doctor leaves, the doctor comes back, and he looks very kind of embarrassed, you know? And I'm like, what's. Oh, God, what's happening? And he looks at Chase's face, and then he looks at me, and he says, I just. I want to ask you a question. Do you. It looks like from your appearance, that it's possible that you might go to a tanning salon. Do you. Do you by any chance spray tan? Do you use that spray tan? And I'm just like, it's not. And I'm not computing. I'm like, why in the fuck is this guy judging me for?

[Sister]

None of your business, Doc. Can we focus on the kid?

[Glennon Doyle]

I have a young baby. I'm doing whatever it takes, all right? Whatever it takes to survive is what I'm doing. And the spray tanning is the least of my problems, if you must know the truth. So he goes. Cause the spray comes off like the orange on your skin. I was breastfeeding Chase. I was dying my child's face from my boob with spray tan.

[Abby]

I know what he was doing when he left the room. He had to go talk to the other nurses and be like, she's infected her child with spray tan. Orange.

[Glennon Doyle]

He's like, you know that orange chick that just walked in? You're not going to believe this shit.

[Sister]

She's like, you know, see that fluorescent orange that's around your kid's mouth? Have you noticed that it's the same hue of fluorescent orange that you are? Right?

[Glennon Doyle]

So I left, and I'm like, so, Craig, here's the deal. Our kid's just gonna be orange for a while because I'm not ready to stop. But we don't have to worry about it.

[Abby]

Well, this is a good segue. Cause this is kind of like we're now easing into body functions, body parts of mortifying stories. And we're gonna hear, I think a few of them in voicemails from pod squatters. But mine happened when I was about 14 years old. I got off the bus.

[Glennon Doyle]

Oh, God, she's gonna do it.

[Abby]

And, you know, I didn't like to go number two at school. Like many of us don't. We gotta be in the comfort of our own home. We got our one specific toilet in the house that we like to go to. And at 14 years old, I was just assuming it was gonna be like any old day. But this day, for some reason, my bowels got moving faster than normal. And so as I was walking home from the bus stop, I lived on a cul de sac, and it was maybe a couple hundred yards walk to my house. I thought, well, I really gotta go and I can't run because I gotta go so bad.

[Sister]

Yes, that's the catch 22 of the number two.

[Abby]

Yeah, I can't run. And so what ends up happening, long story short, is I shit my pants. I shit, like, full on shit in my undies. But. And it wasn't like die or die shit. It was like big poop.

[Sister]

Ew.

[Glennon Doyle]

Oh, my God, we're getting so specific.

[Abby]

And so I go back.

[Glennon Doyle]

That's better.

[Abby]

Yeah. I go back, I waddle into the

[Glennon Doyle]

house

[Abby]

and try to get upstairs as fast as possible. And I go into my bathroom and I get the poo in the toilet. I flush it, but that doesn't, like, clean up the whole problem.

[Sister]

Right.

[Abby]

And I didn't feel like I was just gonna throw it away. And so the mortifying part of the story, that wasn't it. It's not even shit in my pants. I don't care about that. It's that I threw my poopied undies into the wicker trash basket in your bedroom. In my bedroom.

[Glennon Doyle]

Not even the bathroom.

[Abby]

And so my cousin, who was living with us at. Who was living in my bedroom, we had two little beds in there. She calls me out on it when she gets home because my room smells like actual poo. Because it's a wicker basket. There's not even a plastic liner in it.

[Sister]

You just put it in an open air situation. You're like, that should do it. Oh, my God.

[Abby]

She goes, abby, I have a question for you. And I think, to this day, we still have never talked about it. Abby, I have a question for you. Did you poop in your underwear and then you throw them out in the wicker basket? And I was like, no, to your grave.

[Glennon Doyle]

I was like, no to the grave.

[Abby]

I Don't know where she's like. But they're your underwear. I know what your underwear looks like. Mike. I don't know what to tell you.

[Glennon Doyle]

I don't know what to tell you.

[Sister]

This is a case for the FBI.

[Glennon Doyle]

Abby's finally admitting it was her underwear.

[Abby]

I pooed in my pants. I couldn't make it back.

[Sister]

Okay. It's happened all the time.

[Abby]

I know. And you know, when you get closer, the urge gets worse all the time.

[Sister]

It does. Let. Let ye who has not pooped her pants throw the first time.

[Glennon Doyle]

Do you remember, sister, when you. I'm just. I'm having so many mortifying flashes right now. It's just all coming back to me. It's all coming back to me now. Do you remember when you were driving home from high school?

[Sister]

Yes.

[Glennon Doyle]

And in the Cressida. In the Cressida that we used to start with a screwdriver that none of

[Sister]

my friend's parents would let them drive in because they had sense and it was like a death trap. Yes.

[Glennon Doyle]

Yes, it was. But remember when you just. You just got stuck in traffic and you just.

[Sister]

No, I wasn't.

[Glennon Doyle]

You just sat in the front seat and just peed.

[Sister]

Like, I just did the whole thing full on gush.

[Abby]

What?

[Sister]

Gosh. Pee.

[Glennon Doyle]

Yeah.

[Sister]

Well, I was driving home and I did the calculus. I was driving home from school, and there was just zero chance that I was gonna make it home right in time. It was just. And so I just. I just peed.

[Glennon Doyle]

But quick cue, full on. Quick cue, full peed.

[Sister]

Yes.

[Abby]

Did you think you could just pull off the road real quick?

[Sister]

No. Here's the problem. Here's the problem. The main. So the high school got out, right? And it was one route out of the high school. Everyone's leaving on the same road. There's no way around the situation. It was like high schoolers in front of me, high schoolers behind me. There's. There's like, a inconspicuous place to stop. Like, I thought about it. I'm like. I could pull over and like, no

[Abby]

gas station or anything.

[Sister]

No, no, no, no, no, no. And. And, like, getting to a gas station was beyond the pale. I only lived half a mile from the high school. I couldn't even wait. She paed her pants in her, like, car. The amount of pee that goes in the toilet is what went in the Cressida, not just like a dribble. And then the weirdest part is that you're looking so it's. It's like a. It's like A mullet where it's like business in the front, party in the back. It was like half of my body look normal. I'm like waving to people like, hi, have a great night. See you tomorrow. But the other half of me is just gush, pissing all over my car. I'm like, how weird that none of these people know I'm pissing myself right now.

[Abby]

What did your parents say? Did you tell Bubba and Tisha?

[Glennon Doyle]

I remember her telling me. We probably didn't even count.

[Sister]

No, I'm sure I didn't. I just. And also, it's not like the crest. It could be damaged. I probably just let it air out and got back.

[Glennon Doyle]

Yeah, that was like the cleanest part.

[Abby]

Oh, my gosh.

[Glennon Doyle]

All right, I'm gonna tell my pee story and maybe even my pooh story.

[Abby]

You have a poo story?

[Sister]

You have a poo story.

[Abby]

Can you start with that?

[Glennon Doyle]

No. Okay. So they all have to do with my one long term ex boyfriend. We're going to call him Joe. Okay. The first time.

[Sister]

Let's call him Jeeves.

[Glennon Doyle]

Okay. The first time I dealt with Jeeves, I was very drunk also. All of the other times, for seven

[Sister]

years, every time, including the first.

[Glennon Doyle]

Yeah, yeah, super drunk. Okay. And so it was in college, I slept over at his house for the first time. And so I woke up at like 11 or something, and Jeeves was not in bed anymore. And the reason that Jeeves was not in bed is because I had pissed. Like. Like, it was like I was on a waterbed. Like, I was literally.

[Sister]

It was like. You were in the Cressida?

[Glennon Doyle]

Yeah, it was like I was in the Crescent. Okay. I had peed everywhere. And then I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do. And I was still kind of drunk. And so I real quick just gathered up all of the sheets and the blankets from the bed and I just stole all of them. I just walked from his house all the way to my dorm. So it was like the middle of the day and I was walking through with like my heels and my black leather pants and, like a shit ton of sheets.

[Abby]

Yellow stained sheets. Cause you know after a night of drinking, that shit's not hydrated, so it's like neon yellow.

[Glennon Doyle]

There had just never been a walk of shame that was more shameful. You know,

[Sister]

picturing you in your tube top where everyone's going out for brunch and carrying a comforter.

[Glennon Doyle]

Yeah, just a comforter in sheets. And then his whole fraternity called me Puddles for like an Entire year.

[Abby]

Rightfully so.

[Glennon Doyle]

Rightfully so.

[Abby]

If you pissed in the bed, I'd call you Puddles.

[Glennon Doyle]

Yeah. Okay. And then just. I'm going to tell the Pooh story. Just. I feel like this is. I'm. I'm.

[Abby]

It feels just for a little background, though, I don't and never have farted in front of Glennon before.

[Sister]

No.

[Abby]

Yes.

[Glennon Doyle]

No.

[Abby]

Yes, because she wants to keep some things a mystery, and that's one of them.

[Sister]

The mystery that maybe you're a person who doesn't fart. Look, you mean the lie. She wants to keep the lie.

[Abby]

She wants to. She wants to stay attracted to me because she sees as a farter. I think that she deems us less attractive. So we don't talk about poop stories or fart stories.

[Sister]

We don't talk about farting. No.

[Abby]

No.

[Glennon Doyle]

You guys, I have issues with body stuff, like bodily.

[Sister]

Oh, do. Yeah. That's so odd. I know, but isn't this.

[Abby]

Sister, what do you have to say about. About women who have issues with body stuff?

[Sister]

Oh, Abby, I'm so glad you asked. Okay, let's do our little. Our little five minutes of feminism

[Glennon Doyle]

and

[Abby]

then we're gonna get to Glenn and shit.

[Glennon Doyle]

Woohoo.

[Sister]

It's woohoo.

[Abby]

It's woohoo.

[Glennon Doyle]

Let's go. Let's go, you feminist killjoy.

[Sister]

Okay, okay, so here's the deal. Mortification, original term, is the Latin word meaning to put to death.

[Pod Squatter / Caller]

Wow.

[Sister]

This is literally.

[Glennon Doyle]

It's still immortal. Okay.

[Sister]

Yes, mortal. Exactly. Still, in medical terms, mortification refers to the death of one part of your body while another part is still alive. So it's necrosis. Right. Where like maybe your hand, but maybe necrosis.

[Glennon Doyle]

She says it like. That's a. That's an everyday word that we'll all know. So.

[Sister]

So, and this is the reason why when you have a mortifying situation, you feel like part of you has died. Yes, I am dead because this happened. I am now dead. And I actually regret the fact that the rest of me is still alive because I have to keep living in this untenable situation that I have created.

[Abby]

Yeah, continue.

[Sister]

But in. In Christianity, mortification, it's a whole Christian tenet that is the mortification of sins and the flesh. Right. I. Stay with me. I'm getting. I'm getting.

[Glennon Doyle]

Okay, okay, okay.

[Sister]

So it's this concept of self denial. You put to death the deeds of the body in you to repent for your sins. So that self denial, the discipline, it's the fasting, it's the abstinence. From sex. It's even in its most extreme form, the self flagellation.

[Glennon Doyle]

Whipping yourself, wearing hair shirts. They used to wear hair shirts to punish. Exactly.

[Sister]

Exactly. This is all mortification of the flesh. Okay? And that sounds absolutely insane, right? But how is that different from what we do, especially as women? I'm looking at you, Glennon. When there are natural deeds of the body, like the farting and the pooping and the peeing, all a hundred percent natural of the flesh, for some reason, we deny self denial that they are part of life. And when they show up, we proceed to self flagellate for being so evil as to let our bodies do what they do.

[Glennon Doyle]

Oh, my God. That's why everyone's most embarrassing stories are about, like, pooping or periods or farting or peeing, and they're all just totally natural.

[Abby]

So farting and pooping and the discussion of that is an actual act of feminism. This is what you're saying, S Sister.

[Sister]

I am saying that the body does what the body does. And if you have shame around the body or self denial, like, for example, that your partner farts, then it's possible that you are trying to put to death what the body does. Which, how is that any different from the self denial?

[Glennon Doyle]

I feel like people are going to be so mad at me about this one. I think. Well, they forget you think they're wrong, but I think they're going to be really mad at me for not letting you fart. And I just want to say to the pod squad, I don't need you to be on Abby's side about it. I know, I know, I know. And I'm working on being less mortified about having a body. That's what my whole eating shit is. And it's not. It's not about a shape of a body. It's about having a body. I am mortified at these things we live inside of. I would have. I would have designed them better.

[Abby]

Okay, go on with your poop story.

[Sister]

It's not about them being better. It's about you being okay with them.

[Glennon Doyle]

I know, I know. All right, But I'm just saying, why with all the farting and the pooping. Okay, why not?

[Abby]

I'm saying, why not?

[Glennon Doyle]

So I'm away.

[Abby]

Why not?

[Glennon Doyle]

I'm away with Jeeves years later.

[Abby]

Damn it. I was hoping so bad that this is a story that I was involved in.

[Glennon Doyle]

No. And I've never told you the story.

[Sister]

She hasn't pooped since she met you, Abby.

[Glennon Doyle]

But I want you to know that I don't I don't want to talk about this story after the podcast. I don't want you to bring it up again. I don't want it to be part of our familial canon.

[Abby]

Okay?

[Glennon Doyle]

I just. I want to tell it one time, and then I want to.

[Sister]

It's the cone of pod boundaries.

[Glennon Doyle]

Right?

[Sister]

It's just the three of us here and several million people. That's it.

[Glennon Doyle]

That's where I'm most comfortable. Okay. So I'm on vacation with Jeeves family. Jesus. Family is very fancy. I am in a hotel room. We have all different hotel rooms. Jeeves and I have our own hotel room. I have never admitted to pooping to Jeeves. This is not something that he knows that I do.

[Sister]

Okay.

[Glennon Doyle]

Also, to know Jeeves was very gross. Jeeves had no problem pooping. Anyway. Anyway, I had to poop. Okay, so.

[Abby]

Which is hard for you on trips?

[Glennon Doyle]

Yeah, super hard. So I go into the bathroom and I poop, and I come out and I sit down on the couch. And then Jeeves. It's a very small hotel room. Jeeves, his whole family comes in. Because we're all going out to dinner together. So there's, like, seven people in this room. Jeeves, his mom, Jeeves his dad. Jeeves, all his little brothers and sisters. He's got this teenage brother. His teenage brother walks into the bathroom. We're about all dressed up, ready to go. His little brother busts open the bathroom and goes, oh, my God. Who took this humongous shit?

[Abby]

You left a floater.

[Glennon Doyle]

Fucking forgot to flush the goddamn toilet. And Jeeves looks at me, and Jeeves is not the type to take one for the team, okay? That is not Jeeves. Jeeves looks at me with the most joy I've ever seen on his face.

[Abby]

Because he wants to go look at it.

[Glennon Doyle]

No, because he's so excited that this has happened to me.

[Sister]

Yeah, right. He delights in your mortification, and he

[Glennon Doyle]

just goes, it was her. She shit. She shit.

[Sister]

And then all

[Glennon Doyle]

family just stared at me, and I had no. I'm sweat. I'm like. I'm sweating. I'm sweating too much. I'm sweating so much. I can't. I had no idea how to. I didn't say any words. I just stared at everyone. There was no ending to this moment.

[Sister]

No.

[Glennon Doyle]

And truly, 80% of me died. And the 20% shell of me had to leave that room and go to dinner with those people.

[Abby]

Maybe this is what the real issue stems from. This is the trauma. The poop trauma.

[Glennon Doyle]

Who did it. She just did it.

[Abby]

So did you flush the toilet? How did the poop go down? What happened?

[Glennon Doyle]

I don't know, baby.

[Sister]

I don't know.

[Glennon Doyle]

I just. I went.

[Sister]

She blacked out after that.

[Glennon Doyle]

Yeah, I. I just.

[Abby]

Good job on taking a big thanks.

[Sister]

Go big or go home.

[Abby]

Wow.

[Glennon Doyle]

Yeah. I'm excited that I made it through that story and that time of my life. Foreign

[Sister]

I've never been great at winding down. My brain hits the pillow and suddenly decides it's the perfect time to replay the day, plan tomorrow and spiral a little just for fun. So lately I've been experimenting with small cues that tell my body okay baby, we're done for the day. One thing that's unexpectedly made an actual nighttime ritual out of my skincare is osea's dream collection, and the whole experience feels less like doing skincare and more like a signal to slow down at night. I use their Dream Night Serum and Dream Night Cream and the texture alone makes me relax. They also have a dream bioretinol body serum that I've been loving. It's a full body treatment that feels comforting and smooth without the irritation that people often associate with retinol products. Give your skin a rest with clean, clinically tested skin care from osea and right now we have a special discount just for our listeners. Get 10% off your first order sitewide with code wcdht@o malibu.com True story.

[Abby]

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[Glennon Doyle]

Do you guys want to hear some?

[Abby]

Yeah, let's do some voicemails.

[Glennon Doyle]

Okay, let's do it.

[Pod Squatter / Caller]

Hello, I'm calling to share a mortifying, embarrassing story. When I was 19, I had an internship at the Met Opera Guild in Manhattan and I went out with a co worker. I've never really drank before and got really, really drunk and she put me on a subway train to send me home at about like 3am I was the only one on the train and I was sitting there just concentrating so I didn't miss my stop. There was one of those ad posters in the train right across from me and I was reading it and it was a picture of a woman in like a looking for Lauren out a window. And the text said, someone on this train has lupus. And I read it and I looked around. I was the only one on the train and I decided that it was me. I was the only one here. And I was so concerned that I like called my roommate at the time and his mom and some folks that I worked with and left messages on office phones letting everyone know that I had lupus. Obviously did not, but good time, great time.

[Abby]

Someone on this train has lupit.

[Glennon Doyle]

She loomed and there's no one else on the train.

[Sister]

Oh my God, it's me. She called her friends to Brady and it said her co workers. She called her co workers at 2am and left them voicemails that she had that the train just informed her diagnosed her with lupus.

[Abby]

Oh my God.

[Glennon Doyle]

I love her so much.

[Sister]

Oh God, am I.

[Glennon Doyle]

And I love. I was just concentrating so I didn't miss my stop. I relate to that part too.

[Sister]

Oh God, yes. I just know concentrates as much as a person who can't concentrate because they're messed up. Oh my God. Okay, that was amazing.

[Glennon Doyle]

Let's hear from Michaela.

[Sister]

Oh, that was good.

[Pod Squatter / Caller]

My name is Michaela. I was dating a Man who is in the army, he brought me to an army ball. And there is a segment of this ball where everyone stands up and raises a glass. And the commissioner of the ball, they stand up there and they say a bunch of toasts. And you have dedicated responses in your program to these toasts. So, for example, the commissioner might say, I propose a toast to the usa. And everyone says, to the usa. And then there might be one that says, I propose a toast to field artillery. And everyone says, the king of battle. So there's all these responses and they're written in your program. I'm standing, I'm holding my glass. I am running through these responses. That and a thousand. Feeling so confident. Loving this. Feeling like a part of something. So cool, supporting our armed forces. I'm loving it. We get to the last toast and the commissioner says, a toast to our fallen comrade. And I scream out, moment of silence. Because I was reading the responses in the program and probably 1500 people in this ballroom looked at me with such disgust and disdain because not only had I disrespected all of our fallen comrade, I was truly just an idiot. Reading out the words moment of silence. So proudly, so proud of myself for going through these posts so well. So that moment haunts me to this day.

[Sister]

I hope that made you out and

[Pod Squatter / Caller]

I love you all so much.

[Glennon Doyle]

We love you more, Mikayla.

[Sister]

Moment of silence.

[Abby]

That's something I would have done.

[Glennon Doyle]

I agree with that.

[Abby]

I would have done that.

[Glennon Doyle]

Yes.

[Sister]

I agree.

[Abby]

I'm very like. I would love the order of it all. Reading. I've got a goal. I've got a job. There's one more response, and I would have also said, begins now. Moment of silence. Begins now.

[Sister]

That's good. That would be good.

[Glennon Doyle]

That's really good.

[Sister]

Can you. It's not good. It would not have covered. Yeah.

[Glennon Doyle]

Because it's better to pretend that that was your job, to announce the moment of silence.

[Abby]

Yeah. Or at least acknowledge the random lady

[Sister]

who's dressed up at table 38. That's her job. I don't think so.

[Abby]

Moment of silence.

[Sister]

Moment of silence. Can we just imagine that? 1500 people turning and looking at this woman who has just screamed at the top of her lungs, moment of silence.

[Glennon Doyle]

Oh, God.

[Abby]

I don't know why, but I. I would have. I would have paid a lot of money to see that.

[Glennon Doyle]

Me too. To be. To see that in real life.

[Abby]

I would have paid a lot of money to see something like that. I love seeing other people in their mortifying moments for some reason. Is there like, some science behind that.

[Glennon Doyle]

Well, I think it's gratitude. I love when people, like, add moments like that to. To, like, rigid things when, like, humanity and humor and absurdity get inserted accidentally into rigid situations.

[Abby]

Yeah.

[Glennon Doyle]

Like when people fall. Okay.

[Abby]

When people fall down in the airport. I just cannot love it more. Obviously, no injuries.

[Glennon Doyle]

Right.

[Sister]

That was the whole basis of that. Remember America's Funniest Home Video?

[Glennon Doyle]

Yeah.

[Sister]

That we used to watch every night, and it was just random people getting kicked in the ball. Y entire show. That was the whole basis of the show.

[Glennon Doyle]

Do you remember? Okay, I'm just remembering. Do you remember when I walked around for months in that padded bra that said. It was like a sports bra that was padded, but it had a sticker on it that said padded bra? And I just walked around it forever, and then I was just remembering. Remember when I moved to that new neighborhood in Virginia, and they were having a potluck, and we got a little inter. What? Not an interview invitation. Right. I don't get a lot of invitations.

[Sister]

You have more interviews than you have invitations.

[Glennon Doyle]

Exactly. So it was an invitation, and it said, bring a dish. And so I had never been to a fucking potluck before, and so I brought a dish. Okay, a dish. An empty dish.

[Abby]

What did the host say?

[Glennon Doyle]

Well, I do. I remember vividly the host's face, because I was like, what's wrong with this person?

[Sister]

Like, she doesn't like my dish.

[Glennon Doyle]

She doesn't like my dish. Maybe I was supposed to bring a certain kind of dish. I don't know. But I just. That was a moment in, like, you know, just say what you mean, people. If you want a dish with food on it, say it. If you want a dish. It feels like one plain thing.

[Abby]

But I just have a question. Let's just get to the root of. What did you think was gonna happen with your dish?

[Glennon Doyle]

Well, I thought somebody else was gonna put food on it.

[Abby]

So you were just bringing, like, plates.

[Glennon Doyle]

Yes. To a serving tray? Like a serving dish. I thought maybe my job was to bring the dishes and someone else was gonna bring the food.

[Sister]

I did my part.

[Glennon Doyle]

That's why I don't get a lot of invitations.

[Sister]

Oh, gosh.

[Glennon Doyle]

Okay, let's hear from our next pod squatter.

[Pod Squatter / Caller]

Hey, y'. All. Love the podcast. Love, love, love it. My name is Allison. Seriously, the most embarrassing moment of my life just happened on Friday. I already, like, lunch with a friend from high school. And we had just finished eating, and I leaned forward, kind of just to lean into the conversation, and I thought, I farted but no, I sat in my pants, sitting right there, my 55 year old self. Not just like regular poop.

[Abby]

Oh, no.

[Pod Squatter / Caller]

But diarrhea.

[Abby]

Die, Die.

[Pod Squatter / Caller]

Yeah. And I'm sitting there and I'm like, what the am I gonna do? What the. So I just leaned in, I said to my friend, I just pooped in my pants. Like, I just pooped in my pants. And I don't know if I can get up. So I got up and like, soaked to the bathroom quickly. And of course there was a line and I got in there and sure enough, there was. I threw my underwear away in the trash can. And you could see poof on the back of my pants were wet. So I'm like, what the fuck? So I'm like pulling my shirt down. I go back to the table. I'm like, girl, I got to go. I just left. She paid for my lunch. I just freaking left. I have a long purse, put it covered my ass, and just like got out of there. I've never done that in my life. I've almost pooped in my pants. But never like this. Have a great day.

[Sister]

Never like this.

[Abby]

I hope the trash can was not wicker.

[Glennon Doyle]

All right, let's hear from Anne.

[Pod Squatter / Caller]

Hi, this is Anne from Minnesota, and I am calling to tell you one of my most mortifying moments. This was years ago, and I went to the movies with my boyfriend, and it was a really intense movie, but I was dying for popcorn. So I was sitting on the end of the row and I snuck out and got my popcorn and came back in and got in my seat and kind of cuddled up and was looking at the movie. And I started to feed him some popcorn and play footsies and just catch up on the plot. And then all of a sudden, I noticed that my boyfriend was sitting three or four rows ahead of me. And I actually got down by some random guy who was all of a sudden more interested in me than the movie. So I was so mortified, I just dropped the popcorn at the movie theater. Didn't work out with that guy, but boy, it's a fun story. Years later.

[Glennon Doyle]

Oh, so good. Okay, that reminds me. The wrong dude just reminded me of something that I'm gonna admit right now. Okay, so during my drinking days, I was out at night with a bunch of friends, and I decided to take a cab to my boyfriend's house. So I had the cab. I told the cab driver my boyfriend's address. I got delivered to the door, but when the door opened, I realized that I had gone to the Wrong boyfriend's house. This was my old boyfriend from, like, from, like, a year before. And I had forgotten that I wasn't dating him anymore. I had forgotten I had a whole new boyfriend. Okay. And then do you know the worst part, the most mortifying part?

[Abby]

You stayed there, didn't you?

[Glennon Doyle]

I just fucking stayed there.

[Abby]

Oh.

[Sister]

What?

[Glennon Doyle]

I just stayed there.

[Sister]

I was like, you slept with the old one?

[Glennon Doyle]

Oh, my God. I was like, well, you know, I want to make this awkward. I'm just gonna act like I came here on purpose.

[Abby]

I came here for a reason.

[Glennon Doyle]

He looks happy to see me. Let's just do this. And I need a bed. I just need to go to bed. So, yeah, I slept with him that night.

[Abby]

Oh, my gosh.

[Glennon Doyle]

Yeah. So like the popcorn story, but just, like, much sadder. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Sister]

But. But the difference is you saw it was the wrong boyfriend, and you were like, ah, fuck it. Let's go.

[Glennon Doyle]

It. Fuck it. A guy didn't know.

[Abby]

Yeah.

[Sister]

She. When she was putting popcorn into the mouth of her boyfriend, that it was in fact a stranger. I know.

[Glennon Doyle]

I got sober. Okay. It's fine. It all. Well, that ends well. Jeeves was delight. Okay, let's go with Andrea.

[Sister]

Andrea.

[Pod Squatter / Caller]

This is Andrea. I was in a public stall. My door wouldn't lock. And so, you know, I was doing the balancing act of trying to hold the door closed and go to the bathroom, but, you know, you can't hold it the whole time. Right before I knew it, another woman had come in to my stall, not even seeing that I was there, and pulled her pants down and sat on me. No, it was mortifying. I don't know who it was more embarrassing for, me or her, but, yeah,

[Abby]

I mean, I can only imagine a little tinkle had to have come out.

[Pod Squatter / Caller]

Love you guys.

[Glennon Doyle]

God.

[Sister]

I mean, a stranger.

[Abby]

Naked woman sitting on your floor.

[Glennon Doyle]

Did you not notice that somebody. Maybe she was drunk.

[Sister]

Oh, I could. You know, you would. You could totally do it. Sometimes you just. Back in there, you just.

[Glennon Doyle]

Yeah, that's true.

[Sister]

You back in there, you totally couldn't.

[Abby]

But I would never walk into a stall without looking in the first. That is. That is the truth.

[Sister]

Maybe she was true.

[Glennon Doyle]

Maybe it was me. Maybe it was me sat on Andrea.

[Sister]

Yes, I'm gonna need Andrea, please, for the love of God, can you call back in and give us the rest of that story? Because what I need to know is when said naked woman who's sitting on top of you realizes that she is not sitting on a toilet, but sitting on you.

[Abby]

Yes.

[Sister]

What happens Next.

[Abby]

Yes. I need to know more.

[Sister]

How do you recover from that? Are you just like, oh, excuse me, sorry. And then she stands up and pulls up her pants and then leaves the restroom.

[Glennon Doyle]

That's a lot of mortifying moments end in no language.

[Sister]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Glennon Doyle]

Like, it's not. Mortification is not something that can be explained. It needs to just die. It needs to. You have to pretend that it never happened in public.

[Sister]

Yeah, you do have to pretend.

[Glennon Doyle]

That's right. Right. It's just. You don't explain it that. I remember pre Covid landing at an airport and getting into my Uber, putting my suitcase in the back seat, jumping into an Uber and saying, thank you so much for picking me up. And the woman saying, I am not an Uber. I am waiting for my sister. You got into a. I got into a random person's car. Right. And then the best part is I was like, oh, my God, I am so sorry, and started to get out of the car, and she goes, that's okay, Glennon.

[Sister]

No, no. She knew it was you. Oh, my God. Yes, yes, yes.

[Glennon Doyle]

Okay, let's hear from Em.

[Pod Squatter / Caller]

My name is Em, and I work in a workplace where we have security guards, and I've worked there for many, many years. So these security guards know me really well. And a few years ago, I was leaving from work and going to the airport and to visit a lover, and I had my suitcase with me, and in my suitcase, I had a strap on. Otherwise sometimes referred to as a dildo.

[Abby]

There it is.

[Pod Squatter / Caller]

And I put my suitcase through the metal detector, and these guards that I know very well said, ma', am, can you tell us what this is? And they pointed right to the strap on. And I held my shoulders back, and in a very calm voice, I said, yes, that is a prosthetic penis. And I took my suitcase and I walked very calmly to the elevator, where I melted into a puddle of laughing and crying and embarrassment. So that is my favorite strap on story. Thank you.

[Abby]

Favorite strap on story.

[Glennon Doyle]

That means she has a lot of other strap on stories.

[Sister]

Oh, my God, I love this. Straightened my back and said, yes, that is a prosthetic penis.

[Glennon Doyle]

Exactly.

[Abby]

Okay, I have a little story that I need to tell. So I was traveling.

[Sister]

You have a favorite strap on story?

[Abby]

I don't have a favorite strap on story, but this is a similar kind of story that I think might fall in the lines. I was traveling via plane, and so, of course, you have to go through metal detectors and security. And I was just doing Carry on. So I had a rolly Carry on bag. And this happened to be kind of a small airport, so they actually went through the whole bag. Right. And I didn't anticipate this. And I was bringing. I brought a vibrator with me on road. Wherever it was I was going. I think I was actually in, like, Birmingham, Alabama. So this sweet older TSA agent, he starts going through my bag and finds my vibrator. So he pulls my vibrator out and he says, what is this? And I said, it's a vibrator. And he said, what does it do? And I say, it vibrates. And so he turned it on and it starts vibrating. And his co worker walks over and catches this moment happening and he's like, oh, my God, I am so sorry.

[Sister]

Oh, my God.

[Abby]

Turn that off. Put that back. You know, And I'm not the kind of person that gets embarrassed about stuff like this. Pro vibrations.

[Sister]

You have high vibrations. High, infrequent.

[Abby]

But I was mortified in some ways for this older gentleman for me to walk away and then him to get told what it was.

[Sister]

On the upside, he now knows that vibrators exist and his life has gotten better since.

[Glennon Doyle]

Right.

[Abby]

I bet security people see a lot.

[Sister]

Yeah. Oh, can you. Random, weird.

[Glennon Doyle]

Yeah, A lot of mortifying moments in that line. Okay. All right.

[Sister]

We have some write ins.

[Glennon Doyle]

Great.

[Sister]

I. That we have to. Okay. All right. Top 10 of the write ins that y' all sent in.

[Abby]

Yes.

[Sister]

I once tried to flirt with a boy at work and accidentally concussed him. My mom caught me practicing kissing with an Abercrombie and fit shopping bag.

[Abby]

What?

[Sister]

Talking on the phone while asking Target employees to help me find my lost phone. Yes. I'm a 37 year old woman and I in my car in a takeout container at a red light last.

[Glennon Doyle]

Last week.

[Abby]

Yes. So good.

[Sister]

Opened my Mac in front of my date and it was a how to have lesbian sex YouTube video. A male co worker came upon me while I was masturbating in a work vehicle.

[Glennon Doyle]

Oh, that's hard day.

[Sister]

I pooped my pants during a job interview. I didn't get the job. I saluted my boss's bosses after they observed me. I am not in the military. Until college, I thought a brothel was a potluck. I learned when I offered to host a brothel, I was having sex for the first time and he pulled a piece of toilet paper out of my butt.

[Glennon Doyle]

Oh, bugs.

[Abby]

Oh.

[Glennon Doyle]

All right. I want to say this. I feel two things. I feel that for me, the experiment has worked. I feel closer to everybody, every single Woman who has shared their stories here.

[Abby]

What about this woman?

[Glennon Doyle]

Yes to you also.

[Abby]

What about. Can we fart now?

[Glennon Doyle]

I think we should talk about it another time. Okay. I just want to open the farting floodgates, and then we'll.

[Sister]

If not now, when? If not, who? You.

[Glennon Doyle]

Okay. I do want to suggest one thing for our next right thing.

[Abby]

Fart.

[Glennon Doyle]

I feel strongly about Em's response when the guards asked her what her strap on was. Her whole response, the squaring of her shoulders, the looking those men in the eye, the saying, yes, that is a prosthetic penis. And so I think we were just talking about how there's a silence after every mortifying moment. And I think it could be a forever kind of Mockingjay bat signal for the pod squad that whenever we get to the end of a mortifying moment, we just say in that moment, no matter what it's about, why, yes, that is a prosthetic penis.

[Sister]

That's good.

[Glennon Doyle]

So just start saying that if it's a mortifying moment. Do you know what I mean? I think that's how we get out of it. That's the language we have now that we didn't have before.

[Sister]

Well, thank God.

[Glennon Doyle]

Yeah, you've got it, I think.

[Abby]

Can't wait to do it now.

[Glennon Doyle]

I know, right? Aren't you almost hoping to be mortified so you can say it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you are now part of the mortification club. Also, I seriously. We haven't talked about this, but I think we should keep collecting these stories over time. When something mortifying happens to you, please call it in. I think we should do one of these shows every six months because it's just good for the soul.

[Abby]

Well, it's fun for us, too. Like, we've laughed so much over the last couple of days, and I think for us, we needed this. Like, fuck this world. We needed this big time.

[Glennon Doyle]

Yeah, we need to laugh. And I do want to say. I just. Let's just start with one fart and see how it goes.

[Abby]

Can I do it now?

[Glennon Doyle]

No, we're on the air. So here we go. We're ending the show. We love you forever, and we'll see you here next time. And I'm working on my shit. I don't want anyone to be mad at me or write me mean letters. I know that it's not right, and I'm working on it. I just am what I am. Okay. I love ya. God bless ya. Why, yes, it is a prosthetic penis.

[Sister]

Send us your mortifying story. It's part of the revolution of normalization. It is 747-200-5307. That's mortification at 747-200-5307. It vibrates.

[Abby]

And don't send us your actual prosthetic penis.

[Glennon Doyle]

We already have some.

[Abby]

That is just a general term we are using for mortification.

[Glennon Doyle]

Love you mean it. Bye. We can do Hard Things is an independent production brought to you by Treat Media. We make art for humans who want to stay human and you can follow us at wecandohard things on Instagram.