Summary of "Sara Bareilles: How to Remember Yourself (Best Of)" Episode of "We Can Do Hard Things"

Release Date: December 26, 2024

Introduction and Warm Welcome

In this heartfelt episode of "We Can Do Hard Things," hosts Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle enthusiastically welcome Grammy Award-winning singer-songwriter Sara Bareilles. The hosts express immense admiration for Sara, highlighting her influence not only as an artist but also as an advocate within the LGBTQ community.

Abby Wambach ([02:20]): "It's been so long that we've wanted this moment."

Sara reciprocates the warmth, expressing her excitement and gratitude for being part of the conversation.

Sara Bareilles ([06:27]): "I'm so excited to make this connection you've made. You have all made a huge impact on my life."

Sara Bareilles' Impact on the LGBTQ Community

The conversation swiftly delves into Sara's profound impact on the LGBTQ community. Amanda Doyle shares a personal perspective on how Sara's music, particularly songs like "Brave" and "I Choose You," transcended mere normalization of gay culture to become vibrant celebrations of love and identity.

Amanda Doyle ([05:04]): "It didn't just normalize, it was a celebration of us."

Sara acknowledges this impact, emphasizing the importance of representation and authentic advocacy through her art.

Sara Bareilles ([05:56]): "Sarah, you have not just touched my life, but all of our gay lives."

Personal Struggles: Anxiety, Depression, and Relationships

Sara bravely opens up about her lifelong struggles with anxiety and depression, tracing them back to her early twenties during her solo year at UCLA. She candidly discusses how these challenges have influenced her personal relationships, particularly her partnership with her husband, Joe.

Sara Bareilles ([26:31]): "I started having anxious episodes in my early 20s... It was terrifying."

Sara shares specific instances where her anxiety affected her behavior, such as avoiding necessary communications, which led her to prolong her studies unnecessarily.

Sara Bareilles ([10:27]): "I was too nervous to call the Centro Studi... So I just went to UCLA for an extra year."

Her relationship with Joe serves as a focal point for exploring how anxiety can strain even the strongest bonds. Sara describes her tendency to attempt to end relationships when feeling overwhelmed, revealing a pattern rooted in her fear of vulnerability.

Sara Bareilles ([17:06]): "I feel scared to separate... I'm trying to work through it."

The Interplay of Change and Help

The hosts and Sara engage in a deep discussion about the nature of change and seeking help. Sara posits that seeking help is, in essence, a form of change—an essential process for personal growth.

Sara Bareilles ([13:57]): "I think help is change... Change is where we grow."

She reflects on her reluctance to ask for help, stemming from a self-reliant attitude developed during her early career as a scrappy young artist facing numerous challenges.

Sara Bareilles ([13:57]): "I have a real 'I'll do it myself' attitude."

The conversation highlights the difficulty in distinguishing between when change signifies genuine help versus being a symptom of deeper issues. Sara emphasizes the importance of self-awareness in navigating this delicate balance.

Sara Bareilles ([20:17]): "It is help and it is a symptom. And all of those things relate to each other."

Embracing Vulnerability and Self-Identity

A significant portion of the episode focuses on Sara’s journey toward embracing vulnerability and maintaining her self-identity amidst life's chaos. She discusses the concept of the "dignity of discomfort," which involves respecting and honoring one's own emotional processes without the need to fix or solve others' struggles.

Sara Bareilles ([34:12]): "Real friendship, real love, real relationship is... to allow someone to move at their pace."

Sara shares personal anecdotes illustrating her struggle with social anxiety, such as her hesitation to communicate directly with service providers or her tendency to appear engaged while feeling overwhelmed internally.

Sara Bareilles ([11:19]): "I think there's something that feels... afraid of feeling stupid in front of someone."

Her relationship dynamics with Joe further illuminate how embracing vulnerability can lead to healthier and more authentic connections.

Sara Bareilles ([35:25]): "This is, you know what I mean? That's one of the things I work with, with my therapist..."

The Healing Power of Music and Art

Music serves as a therapeutic outlet for Sara, providing structure and a means to process her emotions. She describes songwriting as an organizing principle that helps her compartmentalize and manage overwhelming experiences.

Sara Bareilles ([48:22]): "It's like an organizing principle. It makes sense not of everything, but it will just make things bite size for me."

During the pandemic, Sara faced creative blocks, feeling that her emotions were too intense to translate into art. However, she emphasizes the resurgence of her creativity through medication and collaboration, which fostered a supportive environment for her artistic expression.

Sara Bareilles ([50:11]): "When I go back, I try to just keep a voice memo, and ideas come through... I need to just kind of walk forward and lean into that help."

Final Reflections and Takeaways

As the episode draws to a close, Sara reflects on the delicate balance between maintaining her creative spirit and prioritizing her mental health. She underscores the importance of self-care and authentic connection, encouraging listeners to honor their own needs and embrace their vulnerabilities.

Sara Bareilles ([46:44]): "Playfulness, joy, a spirit of like, I like me... maintaining a connection to that little spirit."

The hosts and Sara collectively reaffirm the podcast's mission: to openly discuss life's challenges, support one another through shared vulnerabilities, and inspire listeners to live more authentically and bravely.

Abby Wambach ([58:43]): "Hand on the heart, everybody. POD squad. Hand on the heart. Deep breath."

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Sara Bareilles ([07:55]): "I get to be the vessel that holds all of that stuff and try to move it through. And if it can offer comfort or connection for someone else, I feel less alone."

• Sara Bareilles ([07:54]): "It's all chaos and it will be forever until we go away. And who the fuck knows what happens then?"

• Sara Bareilles ([09:00]): "We're all just totally winging it here. No one has any answers, and we're all pretending we do."

• Sara Bareilles ([31:11]): "You can just see if it helps, and it might not. There are different options."

• Sara Bareilles ([34:12]): "Real friendship, real love, real relationship is... to allow someone to move at their pace."

• Sara Bareilles ([46:44]): "Playfulness, joy, a spirit of like, I like me... maintaining a connection to that little spirit."

Conclusion

This episode of "We Can Do Hard Things" offers a profound and intimate exploration of Sara Bareilles' personal and professional life. Through candid conversations about mental health, vulnerability, and the healing power of art, Sara provides invaluable insights and inspiration. The hosts' compassionate engagement reinforces the podcast's commitment to fostering honest dialogues, making this episode a poignant resource for anyone navigating their own hard things.