We Can Do Hard Things

Episode: Special Birthday Drop in Honor of G’s 50th!!!

Date: March 27, 2026
Summary by [Your Podcast Summarizer]

Episode Overview

In this emotionally rich and humorous episode, Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle (the Pod Squad) reflect on the complex feelings that come with birthdays, timed to Glennon's 50th. They candidly explore why birthdays can be both wonderful and deeply fraught: the silent expectations, comparisons, existential dread, and that poignant ache of wondering, "Am I loved?" The conversation moves from personal stories and family traditions to the philosophical, historical, and even mystical roots of birthday anxiety. Ultimately, they focus on shifting from expectation to gratitude, learning how to celebrate one another all year long, and facing the ache that comes with being alive.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why Birthdays Are Hard: The "Spotlight" Effect

[00:00 - 07:08]

• Glennon's 50th birthday prompts reflection: Birthdays stir up “all the feels”—joy, anxiety, longing, and even dread.
• "Birthdays are not just cake day. They're also this, like, spotlight. Like a pop quiz." (Glennon, 00:45)
• Discussion around wanting both celebration and to hide on birthdays—feeling exposed, judged, or unloved if expectations aren’t met.
• The trio agrees that birthdays often surface subconscious evaluations of our worth and place in the world.

2. Bodily Functions & Radical Acceptance (Comic Relief)

[01:50 - 05:28]

• Abby’s loud yawns and sneezes become a fun metaphor for acceptance in relationships.
• Amanda’s radical acceptance of her husband’s loud sneezes is called “the only area of my marriage in which I've been able to actually achieve radical acceptance.” (Amanda, 02:41)
• Glennon wryly admits to occasionally withholding “God bless you” from loud sneezers as mini-acts of rebellion.

3. Birthday Expectations, Comparison, and Existential Dread

[08:19 – 24:42]

• Glennon recounts a painfully quiet birthday—only four texts from friends outside her family—prompting her to realize relationships require her own investment.
• Amanda compares the emotional weight of birthdays to New Year’s Eve: “There's this kind of underlying expectation that those answers [‘do I matter?’] will be delivered to you on that day. And if they're not, then the answer is nope.” (Amanda, 11:48)
• Abby notes the letdown of growing up: big childhood celebrations vanish as adults, fostering nostalgic ache.
• The “Big Three” that make birthdays tough:
  • Expectations: “Expectations are just resentments waiting to happen.” (Glennon, 17:05)
  • Comparison: Comparing one’s day, life, network to others or to past selves.
  • Existential dread: Anxiety about aging or “falling behind.”
• Amanda shares her own existential crisis, triggered by finite “projects” left in life—intensified by supporting a friend through terminal illness.

4. Shifting from Expectation to Gratitude

[24:07 – 26:10]

• The team highlights that the antidote to birthday misery is gratitude—appreciation for what is rather than for unmet expectations.
• Discussion of Andrea Gibson’s philosophy after cancer: after loss or the threat of it, everyday existence and the body itself become profound sources of gratitude.

5. Birthday Traditions: Making Meaning

[28:09 – 32:29]

• Abby’s childhood memory: her mother bringing ice cream cups to school (28:09).
• Glennon shares her family tradition of “breakfast in bed” and their annual debate on the tempo of the “Happy Birthday” song—Amanda informs them of its historic origins (31:06):
  • “It was made by a kindergarten teacher named Mildred Hill... her estate still gets $2 million in royalties every year.” (Amanda, 31:06)

6. The Fascinating History & Mythology of Birthdays

[35:32 – 41:42]

• Amanda reveals the ancient and spiritual roots of birthdays—the Egyptians and Greeks saw them as liminal, risky times requiring protection from spirits or demons.
• Quotes:
  • “Friends and family would come to try to protect you from the spirit…” (Amanda, 36:25)
  • “We want people around us to block us from the ache, to keep us in this dimension. And when we're alone, we feel everything because we are right next to the ache.” (Glennon, 37:27)
• Later, Christian tradition shunned birthdays as a celebration of “original sin.”

7. The Modern Problem: Time, Comparison, and Milestones

[39:42 – 41:51]

• The invention of clocks and the rise of industrialization introduced anxiety around “timeliness,” falling “behind,” and hitting milestones.
• Age metrics in school, developmental checklists, and birthday celebrations all grow from this recent obsession with time.

8. How to "Fix" Birthdays: Truth-telling, Communication, and Spreading Celebration

[41:51 – 48:32]

• Glennon describes a beautiful, low-key friend birthday: “We just talked about Deb's intentions and hopes and dreams for the next year... now I know what's real for her.” (42:57)
• Abby and Glennon agree the “secret test” of birthdays—hoping someone will just know what you want—never works. “Telling what you want [is] really important.” (Glennon, 44:41)
• Amanda reveals they once threw an unwelcome surprise party—lesson: generic gestures aren’t real love.
• “If you are getting assurance throughout the year that you are known and loved…then maybe it does take off the pressure of the birthday.” (Amanda, 46:52)
• Suggestion: Don’t save all loving gestures for one day; instead, make others feel loved and seen year-round.

9. The Ache: Birthdays as Mystical, Liminal, and Emotional

[37:13 – 49:37]

• The group reflects on the “ache” at the heart of birthdays—a brush with the spiritual threshold between life and death, joy and sorrow.
• “This day is going to be intense and complicated and you're going to have a lot of feelings. Protect yourself to you.” (Amanda, 49:34)
• “Maybe a lot of the other days are for celebrating and then maybe it's just thinking of: how can I make people know that they are seen and loved and matter throughout the year, and maybe especially on this day.” (Amanda, 49:37)

10. Listener Story: The Power of Owning Your Birthday

[51:00 – 52:52]

• Listener Laura (51:00): On her 27th birthday, she fills her day with her favorite things, despite not knowing “what the hell I’m doing.” Her gratitude and self-care inspire the hosts.
• Quote:
  • “[Laura] didn't say, I'm waiting for somebody to come fill it with my favorite things…She understands that being lonely and being alone are two different things.” (Glennon, 52:31)

11. End Note: Honoring Lost Friends & Life’s Fragility

[53:48 – 54:25]

• Amanda shares a moving tribute to her friend Wende, who passed away before the episode aired. Her life and last birthday underscore the ultimate lesson: “any year we have is so freaking lucky.”
• “I will never again mark my own birthday without remembering … Wende's gratitude for life and without remembering how lucky I am to be alive. Because it's only life after all.” (Amanda, 54:25)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Birthdays are not just cake day. They're also this, like, spotlight. Like a pop quiz.”
  — Glennon Doyle [00:45]

• “Expectations are just resentments waiting to happen.”
  — Glennon Doyle [17:05]

• “If you are getting assurance throughout the year that you are known and loved and seen and that you matter, then maybe it does take off the pressure of the birthday.”
  — Amanda Doyle [46:52]

• “We want people around us to block us from the ache, to keep us in this dimension. And when we're alone, we feel everything because we are right next to the ache.”
  — Glennon Doyle [37:27]

• “Maybe it's just thinking of: how can I make people know that they are seen and loved and matter throughout the year and maybe especially on this day where they're going to be asking themselves that question, am I loved?”
  — Amanda Doyle [49:37]

• “It's only life after all.”
  — Amanda Doyle [54:25]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00 – 07:08: Setting the birthday theme; why birthdays can feel overwhelming
• 08:19 – 24:42: Expectations, comparison, existential dread, and the pain of unmet birthday hopes
• 28:09 – 32:29: Heartwarming birthday traditions and the surprising history of “Happy Birthday”
• 35:32 – 41:42: Spiritual and historical roots of birthdays and the birthday “ache”
• 41:51 – 48:32: How to “fix” birthdays: communication, avoiding the "secret test," and celebrating people all year
• 51:00 – 52:52: Listener Laura’s gratitude-fueled birthday story
• 53:48 – 54:25: Honoring departed loved ones and reflecting on the blessing of being alive

Episode Takeaways

• Birthdays are emotionally loaded: They surface our deepest questions about belonging, value, and love.
• Expectations and comparisons steal joy: Releasing these and embracing gratitude is the surest path to birthday contentment.
• Truth-telling matters: Sharing what you actually want, and spreading love year-round, eases the birthday ache.
• Birthdays are liminal, mystical, intense: It’s normal to feel a lot—and that’s worth honoring, not shaming.
• Find or create meaning: Whether through simple traditions, self-care, or collective celebration, find what fills your cup—and do it on purpose.

Closing Thought

“If nobody’s told you today: listen to me. You are loved.”

• Glennon Doyle [53:31]