We Can Do Hard Things – “The Best Advice We’ve Got on Loneliness & Jealousy (Best Of)”

Hosts: Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, Amanda Doyle
Date: August 31, 2025

Episode Overview

In this special “Best Of” episode, Glennon Doyle, her wife Abby Wambach, and sister Amanda Doyle dive deep into the complexities of loneliness and jealousy, especially in the context of advice-giving and relationships. The trio shares personal stories and perspectives before addressing listener questions: River asks about the value of aloneness and the meaning of loneliness, while Emily wonders how to deal with jealousy toward her partner’s affection for a dog. The conversation is vulnerable, compassionate, peppered with laughter and memorable insights into being human—reminding listeners that it’s normal to struggle and seek connection.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Who Do We Trust for Advice? (03:29-16:36)

• The hosts explore the nature of advice—why we seek it, who we turn to, and what we’re really looking for.
• Glennon and Abby trust friends like Liz Gilbert and Alex Hedison for advice because they've “proactively went in search of figuring some of that stuff out” (04:37, Abby).
• The importance of having “adventurers of the human experience” in your corner—those, according to Abby, who “dig in... their adventures of the soul” (05:27).
• Amanda notes most of the time “I am sharing a problem purportedly for advice, I actually don’t... I'm not seeking advice” (07:06), instead aiming for connection, validation, or just to process feelings.
• The hosts emphasize the difference between sharing for solution versus sharing for companionship, joking that some friends are best for “gather[ing] witnesses for your own case” (08:34, Abby) or commiseration.
• Quote: “...when someone says, I want to hear the truth. I mean, most—think of how many relationship stories that people have come to share a story, and you’re like, he’s never going to leave her... you’re not actually asking me what I think. What you’re asking me for is to lend you a listening ear and to actually not say what I think.” — Amanda, (09:24)

2. The Value of Aloneness & Understanding Loneliness (20:07-37:13)

Listener Question from River
“How badly do I need to learn to be alone? What is the value of aloneness? Is there value to loneliness? How can I let my community in more?” (20:07-21:08)

What the Hosts Say:

• Glennon: Sometimes we feel the most ourselves when alone: “When I am alone is the time that I feel like I exist the most... I am blue, and I can feel my blueness. And then with other people, I suddenly turn green...” (22:01, Glennon).
• Being “alone in a crowd” may be lonelier than solitude—loneliness is rarely about sheer proximity.
• Amanda references a USC study showing lonely people’s brains have uniquely individual processing styles, which only intensifies the sense of being different:
  “If you are lonely, your brain processing is very individualized, distinct, idiosyncratic… your brain just looks very individual. Which means that when you feel like you are not experiencing the world in the same way with a shared understanding, you are correct.” (26:46)
• Abby: Adding more people doesn’t always solve loneliness; sometimes it amplifies it if you’re not understood.
• The difference between feeling connection at a party (often missing) vs. at a concert (collective dissolution, feeling “molecularly... gone”).
• Amanda: The craving for “shared experience” is why finding “your people” is so rare and so deeply cherished.
• Quote: “Reframing what loneliness is—that’s the biggest difference between my first marriage and my second marriage. I was so freaking lonely... because I constantly felt like we were having different experiences.” — Glennon, (32:08)

Key Takeaways:

• Loneliness ≠ being physically alone; it’s about sharing meaning and understanding with those around you.
• For those who process uniquely ("blue" people), community is about finding rare kindreds—not just increasing one’s social group.
• It's normal to have a fundamentally different way of experiencing life—nothing is “wrong” with you.
• Art can offer connection when person-to-person understanding is elusive: “Art is where we express our little idiosyncratic worlds and say, someone please look.” — Glennon, (36:53)

3. Jealousy in Relationships: When the Dog Gets the Love (39:49-52:55)

Listener Question from Emily
“What do you do when you’re jealous of a dog and you love yourself?” (39:53-41:07)

What the Hosts Say:

• Compassion for Emily and her partner: Recognizing the trauma ripple effect—abuse can make physical intimacy with humans (but not pets) fraught.
• Glennon: With animals, affection is simple—no threat of escalation, no messy history. Suggests experimenting with nonsexual, boundary-defined touch (“snuggle like dogs... nothing going further than snuggling”) as a gentle first step (41:07-43:03).
• Amanda: Admits it’s "much easier" to show unguarded affection to her dog than her partner — “it's uncomplicated… with people, you have to work through all this memory and vulnerability” (43:03–43:31).
• Relates a study comparing empathy given to humans vs. animals: “The levels were the exact same for child, adult dog, puppy... adult person, low levels of empathy.” (45:08)
• Jealousy toward the dog is totally valid; Glennon even jokes about being jealous of Abby’s food: “I’ve been jealous of ice cream. I’ve been jealous of steak. So dogs to me are like, yeah, that makes perfect sense.” (47:38)
• Amanda: Sometimes the dog is “the wife that my ex-husband needed... all devotion, no memory, no counted costs...” (48:22)
• Advice: Emily’s feelings are natural and worth expressing, tenderly and without accusation; therapy for both partners can help.
• Quote: “It isn’t about whether that person deems you worthy of the kind of affection they can give the dog. It’s whether that person deems themselves worthy to give and receive that kind of love with another human.” — Amanda, (52:52)

Key Takeaways:

• “Dog jealousy” points not to the dog, but to layers of self-acceptance, vulnerability, and partnership challenges.
• Being honest about these feelings with your partner is important—though every partnership has limits.
• Healing requires compassion for everyone involved and a realistic sense of what may or may not change.

Notable Quotes & Moments (With Timestamps)

• On Advice:
  “We’re not saying it’s going to be good advice... what we're saying is we're going to give you our best ideas and advice.” — Abby (03:29)
• On Processing Out Loud:
  “When we are all in our heads, our problems, our frustrations are so incoherent, you can't touch them... if you’re able to verbally process, you are walking through yourself in that.” — Amanda (15:19)
• On Loneliness as Brain Wiring:
  “If you are lonely, your brain processing is very individualized, distinct, idiosyncratic.” — Amanda (26:46)
• On Craving Sameness:
  “That is why you dissolve into them, because it is an indistinction... you’re not lonely at a concert.” — Amanda (33:28)
• On Comparison:
  “I realized at the close of that marriage that the dog was the wife that my ex husband needed... all devotion, no counting.” — Amanda (48:22)
• On Root Causes:
  “It isn’t about whether that person deems you worthy... it’s whether that person deems them self worthy to give and receive that kind of love with another human.” — Amanda (52:52)
• Final Comfort:
  “There is nothing wrong with you. Not a damn thing. And life is really hard. And it’s not hard because you’re doing it wrong. It’s just hard because it was designed that way.” — Glennon (53:17)

Key Segment Timestamps

• [03:29] – Advice Giving: Who Do We Trust?
• [20:07] – River’s Question: Loneliness, Aloneness, Value
• [26:46] – Brains & Loneliness Study Discussion
• [39:53] – Emily’s Question: Jealousy of the Dog
• [52:52] – Amanda’s Insight on Worthiness and Affection

Conclusion

Glennon, Abby, and Amanda remind listeners that hard feelings—loneliness, jealousy, longing for advice—are universal and not to be pathologized. The episode encourages radical honesty and self-compassion, the pursuit of rare, meaningful connections, and granting ourselves grace in the messy effort of being human.

Listener takeaways:

• Seek advice from those who approach life consciously and honestly.
• Recognize that loneliness is about shared meaning, not numbers.
• It’s normal to feel jealous, even of a pet—talk about it, and be compassionate.
• There is nothing wrong with experiencing life as “hard”—it’s what connects us all.