Podcast Title: We Can Do Hard Things
Host/Authors: Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle
Episode: The One Way to Get the Truth from Someone (Best Of)
Release Date: July 13, 2025

Episode Overview

In this compelling episode of We Can Do Hard Things, hosts Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle delve deep into the intricate dynamics of lying and truth-telling in personal relationships. Building upon the discussions from their previous episode (#242), the trio explores various lying styles, the motivations behind them, and strategies to foster genuine honesty in interactions.

1. Understanding Lying and Truth

Abby Wambach kickstarts the conversation by reflecting on their last episode focused on lying and truth, emphasizing the prevalence of dishonesty in everyday interactions. She introduces the idea that everyone has a unique "lying style," which shapes how they communicate and connect with others.

Notable Quote:

"We're talking on We Can Do Hard Things about lying and truth and what the hell is lying? And why are we all liars?"
[02:10] Abby Wambach

2. Identifying Personal Lying Styles

The hosts categorize their lying tendencies, providing personal insights into how these behaviors manifest in their lives.

• Abby as the "Bullshitter":
  Abby describes herself as someone who "makes up" stories, often to appear more honest or entertaining. This style involves creating narratives that enhance social interactions without malicious intent.

  Notable Quote:

  "It's reckless. It's beautiful. Beautiful. Your bullshitting ways can be very, very beautiful and helpful also."
  [04:19] Abby Wambach

• Glennon as the "Puppeteer" or "Mastermind":
  Glennon refers to her lying style as being a "puppeteer," where she meticulously crafts and filters the truth to present it in the most favorable light. This approach is driven by a desire to manage perceptions and maintain harmony.

  Notable Quote:

  "I'm constantly wanting to present information in a way that makes everyone feel a certain way."
  [07:07] Glennon Doyle

• Amanda's Style – The "Mastermind PR Person":
  Amanda discusses her tendency to intellectually process and strategize her responses, often masking her true feelings to maintain control over interactions.

  Notable Quote:

  "When people are like, oh, how did the kids do at the play date? They actually don't want to know half the time, right. That they were fighting the whole time and their daughter was a brat..."
  [30:28] Amanda Doyle

3. Motivations Behind Lying Styles

The conversation delves into the reasons why each host adopts their respective lying styles:

• Desire for Approval and Control:
  Glennon explains that her "puppeteer" style stems from a need to be perceived positively, especially in her roles as a parent and spouse. This leads her to filter truths to avoid judgment and maintain a certain image.

  Notable Quote:

  "I think that it is a transferring this idea that someone's gonna pat me on the head and say, good job. You did it right?"
  [18:27] Abby Wambach

• Fear of Vulnerability:
  Amanda expresses that her avoidance of immediate emotional expression is rooted in a fear of being vulnerable and a reluctance to burden others with her feelings.

  Notable Quote:

  "I have a huge fear of being a burden or not handling my shit, taking up too much space in the sense of like, I only go to others if I can't handle it in all aspects."
  [31:00] Amanda Doyle

4. Strategies to Encourage Truth-Telling

The hosts discuss effective methods to foster honesty in relationships:

• Direct Requests for Truth:
  Amanda highlights that asking someone explicitly to commit to telling the truth can significantly reduce the likelihood of deceit.

  Notable Quote:

  "If you ask people directly to tell you the truth, and you're asking them to commit to that, it decreases lies by 40%."
  [36:12] Amanda Doyle

• Creating a Safe Space for Honesty:
  Abby shares a personal story where demanding the truth in a therapeutic setting led to the revelation of infidelity, underscoring the importance of creating an environment where honesty is encouraged and valued.

  Notable Quote:

  "I told her, 'I'm gonna go to the bathroom and I'm gonna come back. And you are going to tell me every bit of the truth.'"
  [38:16] Abby Wambach

5. Listener Submissions: Green and Red Lies

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to reading and analyzing listener-submitted stories of lies, categorizing them as "green" (harmless or white lies) or "red" (harmful or deceitful lies).

• Example of a Green Lie:
  Glennon shares a story where she told her son that his soccer game was canceled due to snow, despite knowing it wasn't, to avoid overwhelming him.

  Notable Quote:

  "Sometimes I adhere to this fully. Big green light."
  [47:30] Glennon Doyle

• Example of a Red Lie:
  An anonymous listener describes falsely claiming to be married at work, escalating to wearing a fake wedding ring to maintain the lie, showcasing the complications that arise from deceit.

  Notable Quote:

  "That's so good. That was posted by Anonymous."
  [48:13] Glennon Doyle

The trio provides thoughtful commentary on each submission, highlighting the motivations and consequences behind each lie.

6. Final Thoughts and Encouragement for Honesty

As the episode concludes, the hosts emphasize the significance of cultivating honest relationships. They encourage listeners to identify trustworthy individuals with whom they can commit to complete honesty, thereby enhancing the authenticity and depth of their connections.

Abby's Advice:

"Think about one person that you can have a totally honest relationship with in which you trust them enough to have accountability to them and from them to the truth."
[54:07] Amanda Doyle

Glennon's Suggestion:

"If you can't do that, just get a diary. I know that sounds silly, but I feel like a diary is people's way of having an honest relationship with someone, like, totally themselves."
[56:08] Glennon Doyle

Conclusion

This episode serves as a profound exploration of the complexities surrounding honesty and deceit in our daily lives. By sharing personal experiences and listener stories, Glennon, Abby, and Amanda provide valuable insights into understanding and improving our truth-telling practices. The discussion not only highlights the challenges of maintaining honesty but also offers practical strategies to build more authentic and fulfilling relationships.

Listen to the full episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Audacy, or your preferred podcast platform.