Podcast Summary: "The Power of No to Protect Your Peace"

Podcast Information:

• Title: We Can Do Hard Things
• Hosts: Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, Amanda Doyle
• Episode: The Power of No to Protect Your Peace
• Release Date: October 24, 2024

Introduction to the Episode

In the episode titled "The Power of No to Protect Your Peace," Amanda Doyle leads a profound conversation with fellow hosts Glennon Doyle and Abby Wambach. They delve into the significance of setting boundaries by effectively saying "no" and how it can enhance personal well-being, relationships, and professional life.

Recap of the Previous Episode

Amanda begins by emphasizing the importance of the previous episode, encouraging listeners to understand the foundational concepts of authentic yeses, nos, and maybes. She states:

Amanda Doyle [01:59]: "Our lives would be so much more beautiful... if we learned to say yeses, nos, and maybes from who we actually are right now instead of from this fake created version of ourselves that we think we should be."

The Art of Saying No

Transition from "I Can't" to "I Don't"

The hosts discuss the subtle yet impactful difference between saying "I can't" and "I don't." They highlight research by professors Patrick and Henrique, which reveals:

Amanda Doyle [03:12]: "I don't can't comes across as an invitation to be convinced that you can."

Amanda Doyle [04:05]: "If you say 'I don't,' it suggests that you have established certain rules and have conviction and stability around them."

This shift from "can't" to "don't" positions the individual as sovereign and self-aware, reducing the likelihood of others trying to change their stance.

Maintaining Personal Integrity

Amanda further explains how saying "I don't" maintains personal integrity without making the refusal feel personal to the asker:

Amanda Doyle [04:05]: "It is not about the person who asked you... It maintains that social connection. It just says that you have stability around this certain."

This approach ensures that one does not feel guilty or as though they are abandoning themselves or others.

Practical Strategies for Saying No

Being Clear and Direct

The hosts emphasize the importance of clarity when refusing requests. Amanda shares practical examples:

Amanda Doyle [10:49]: "Saying, 'I don't come out on Thursdays,' is a good enough reason. Why do we think that's not a good enough reason?"

They advocate for neutral noes that do not invite further negotiation, ensuring that the refusal is respected and understood.

Offering Vulnerability

While maintaining boundaries, the hosts also discuss the value of vulnerability in saying no. Amanda recounts:

Amanda Doyle [14:38]: "By being vulnerable, you help others understand your true self, fostering deeper connections."

This balance of firmness and vulnerability aids in preserving relationships even when declining requests.

The Impact of Saying No in Professional Settings

Abby Wambach shares her experiences from her time on the national team, highlighting the challenges of saying no in high-stakes environments:

Abby Wambach [26:21]: "In the workspace, it was really hard for me to say no."

The conversation extends to workplace scenarios, where Amanda and Glennon provide strategies for professionals to prioritize effectively without overcommitting:

Amanda Doyle [24:38]: "Give an example of asking what's more important when faced with multiple requests."

This method helps in negotiating workloads and maintaining quality in one's work.

Personal Stories and Real-Life Applications

Parenting and Modeling Boundaries

The hosts discuss the importance of modeling boundary-setting for children. Amanda references Brene Brown's experience, where saying no to an event empowered her son to also set his own boundaries:

Brene Brown Story [49:50]: "Her son learned that it was okay to say no to something everybody else was doing in order to be with yourself."

This highlights how adults' boundary-setting can positively influence children's emotional intelligence and self-care practices.

Creative Ways to Say No

Listeners contributed creative ways to decline requests without causing offense. Leslie shares her method inspired by her faith:

Leslie [44:32]: "Now I need to pray on that."

Amanda and Glennon applaud these inventive responses, noting how they can effectively halt persistent requests while maintaining respect and understanding.

Embracing Authenticity and Reducing FOMO

Amanda emphasizes the importance of aligning yeses and nos with one's true desires rather than succumbing to the fear of missing out (FOMO):

Amanda Doyle [30:35]: "Does this person add something to my life? Do I want to spend time with this person?"

This introspection ensures that decisions are made based on genuine connections and personal fulfillment rather than external pressures.

Conclusion and Final Thoughts

The episode wraps up with the hosts reinforcing the themes of authenticity, boundary-setting, and the empowerment that comes with the ability to say no. They encourage listeners to practice these skills to lead more balanced, fulfilling lives.

Amanda Doyle [53:34]: "Max is like a hero of avoiding FOMO. I've been to a party."

Through relatable anecdotes and actionable advice, "The Power of No to Protect Your Peace" provides a comprehensive guide for listeners seeking to navigate the complexities of modern life with grace and self-respect.

Notable Quotes

• Amanda Doyle [03:12]: "I don't can't comes across as an invitation to be convinced that you can."
• Amanda Doyle [10:49]: "Saying, 'I don't come out on Thursdays,' is a good enough reason."
• Amanda Doyle [14:38]: "By being vulnerable, you help others understand your true self."
• Amanda Doyle [24:38]: "Give an example of asking what's more important when faced with multiple requests."
• Amanda Doyle [30:35]: "Does this person add something to my life? Do I want to spend time with this person?"

Note: This summary excludes advertisements, introductory remarks, and concluding promotional content to focus solely on the episode's substantive discussions and insights.