We Can Do Hard Things: Episode Summary – "What Anxiety Feels Like (Best Of)"

Release Date: February 9, 2025
Hosts: Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, Amanda Doyle
Platform: Audacy

Introduction

In this heartfelt and introspective episode of We Can Do Hard Things, hosts Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle delve deep into the nuanced and multifaceted experience of anxiety. Recalling the podcast's origins and sharing personal journeys, the trio creates a safe space for listeners to understand and navigate their own struggles with anxiety and mental health.

Reflecting on the Podcast's Journey

Abby Wambach opens the episode by reminiscing about the podcast's inception and evolution. She notes how the podcast began as a solo endeavor but soon transformed into a collaborative effort with the inclusion of her sister, Amanda Doyle.

Abby Wambach [02:34]: "We are ending this year, which we're so grateful to have done with you. And we're gonna go back to the beginning for a few minutes because that's kind of fun to do and think about."

Amanda shares her initial apprehensions about joining the podcast, highlighting the organic growth of their conversation dynamic.

Amanda Doyle [22:24]: "I'd say since I'm very used to being at the back of the house, I'd say I'm not so much skyed as just scared."

Personal Experiences with Anxiety

Abby's Journey

Abby candidly shares her lifelong battle with anxiety and depression, describing them as constant companions rather than sporadic visitors. She illustrates how these feelings are intertwined with her daily life and personal relationships.

Abby Wambach [22:30]: "I became a food addict when I was 10 and then alcohol addict later in life... through early recovery, I learned that booze and food were kind of my ineffective and dangerous solutions to my problem, which was anxiety and depression."

She recounts a particularly intense anxiety attack triggered by a note from her son, Chase, fearing he might have been in an accident. This moment underscores the profound impact anxiety can have on one's perception of reality and decision-making.

Abby Wambach [32:08]: "I had an actual knowing... that something horrible had happened... I could barely breathe. I just went cold."

The Dual Nature of Anxiety

The hosts explore the duality of anxiety—how it can arise from both external pressures and intrinsic personality traits. Abby differentiates her existential anxiety from situational stress, emphasizing its deeper roots in her perception of life's fragility.

Abby Wambach [27:34]: "Anxiety is completely different. Anxiety has nothing to do with what's being required of me... I see anxiety as an acknowledgment of what love and life and risk are."

Coping Mechanisms and Strategies

The conversation shifts to practical strategies for managing anxiety. Abby introduces various techniques that have helped her regain a sense of control and presence amidst overwhelming feelings.

Breathing Exercises

Abby shares a specific breathing method known as the "box method," which involves structured inhaling, holding, exhaling, and holding periods. This technique serves as an anchor, pulling her back from anxiety-induced dissociation.

Abby Wambach [59:10]: "I have this one that I learned a long time ago... breathe in for five seconds, hold it... breathe out for five seconds, hold it..."

Grounding Techniques

Another strategy discussed is grounding oneself through sensory awareness—focusing on what one can feel, see, and hear in the present moment. This helps interrupt the cycle of anxious thoughts and fosters mindfulness.

Abby Wambach [60:42]: "Activating the senses brings me back into the moment and into my body and out of the spinning of my head, which helps every time."

Listener Q&A: Navigating Anxiety in Relationships and Self

The episode features a thoughtful Q&A segment where the hosts address questions from listeners, providing compassionate and practical advice.

Supporting a Partner with Anxiety

Kirsten's Question [47:26]:
"My boyfriend has anxiety and I don't understand it and I don't understand how to help him, how do I support him through this and these episodes or challenges that he is facing. Thanks so much."

Abby's Response:
Abby empathetically acknowledges the difficulty of loving someone with anxiety, emphasizing the importance of understanding and compassion over trying to "fix" the condition.

Abby Wambach [47:42]: "I often think that the only thing harder then living with mental illness is loving someone who's living with mental illness."

Navigating Medication and Family Stigma

Samantha's Question [51:58]:
"I've not been clinically diagnosed for anxiety, but I have many symptoms... I'm curious about seeking treatment and using meds again, but it's hard because my family is always talking to me about their concerns that the world is so overmedicated."

Abby's Response:
Abby passionately advocates for personal agency in mental health treatment, urging Samantha to prioritize her well-being over familial judgments.

Abby Wambach [56:13]: "Medicine for me... has balanced the chemicals in my brain to get me to an even playing field with everybody else. Mentally, I feel that my medicine has not helped me escape the human experience. It has allowed me to have the full human experience."

Coping with Detachment During Anxiety

Sarah's Question [56:15]:
"I'm so lost in myself when I'm having anxiety. I feel detached from everyone and everything. Have you ever found anything that helps make those tougher days better?"

Abby's Response:
Abby acknowledges the sensation of detachment and reinforces the importance of staying present through grounding exercises and mindfulness practices.

Abby Wambach [62:22]: "Whenever I can get out of my mind and out of the future, tripping and all of that, and back into the moment right now... I am always okay."

Building a "Pod Squad" for Mutual Support

Towards the conclusion, Glennon introduces the concept of a "Pod Squad," encouraging listeners to cultivate their own supportive circles akin to book clubs. This initiative aims to foster deeper connections and provide a platform for sharing and supporting each other through life's challenges.

Glennon Doyle [63:12]: "I want you to think of a few people that you might like to deepen your relationships with... Just text them this episode and say, want to start listening with me?"

Closing Anthem: "We Can Do Hard Things"

Abby wraps up the episode by presenting an original song titled "We Can Do Hard Things," written by her daughter, Tish Melton, and produced by Brandi Carlisle. The song serves as an empowering anthem, encapsulating the episode's themes of resilience and collective strength in facing life's difficulties.

Tish Melton [67:59]:
"We can do hard things
Adventurers and heartbreaks
Through the joy and pain that our lives bring
We can do hard, hard things..."

Final Thoughts

We Can Do Hard Things offers a profound exploration of anxiety, blending personal anecdotes with practical advice and fostering a community of support. By sharing their vulnerabilities and coping strategies, Glennon, Abby, and Amanda empower listeners to confront their own challenges with courage and solidarity.

Notable Quotes:

• Abby Wambach [22:30]: "Being anxious and depressed at the same time is a little bit like being Eeyore and Tigger at the exact same time every day."

• Abby Wambach [27:34]: "Anxiety is completely different. It's tied to mental health with people or mental illness, is that it feels very existential."

• Abby Wambach [35:31]: "I think that's progressing of being a 45-year-old woman... knowing I can't control shit."

• Abby Wambach [43:31]: "That is the core of my sobriety... accept, surrender, to show up for life on life's intolerable terms."

• Abby Wambach [56:30]: "I can't see the whole path, but I've learned that if I just do the next right thing, one thing at a time, life becomes like a yellow brick road."

We Can Do Hard Things continues to inspire and support its audience by addressing real-life struggles with honesty and empathy, reminding everyone that they are not alone in their battles.