Ari Shaffir - w/ Mark Normand & Sam Morril - We Might Be Drunk Podcast

Summary

We Might Be Drunk – Ari Shaffir w/ Mark Normand & Sam Morril

Episode Date: April 20, 2026
Guests: Ari Shaffir (with hosts Mark Normand & Sam Morril)

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Episode Overview

In this lively, globe-trotting episode, Sam and Mark welcome their comedian friend Ari Shaffir for an unfiltered hang centering on Ari’s recent 8-month South American odyssey. The crew dives into travel tales, comedy philosophy, drinks from across the Americas, and the ever-present grind of modern stand-up life. It’s a raucous mix of heartfelt stories, sharp bits, practical drinking hacks, and comedic insights.

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Key Discussion Points & Highlights

1. Setting the Stage: Guy Fieri Cancellation & Ari Steps In

• The show opens with playful banter about YouTube awards and confusion over set decor. Guy Fieri was supposed to be the guest, but bailed (“I guess he shook Andrew Tate’s hand and we didn’t have him.” – Sam, 01:17). Instead, Ari steps in, “dressed like a pregnant woman” (01:40).
• “I guess this isn’t the image rehabilitation pod.” – Sam (01:29)

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2. Travel, Drinking Cultures, and Storytelling

Ari’s South American Adventure

• Ari recently returned from 8 months backpacking and living across Mexico, Brazil, Guatemala, Ecuador, and more.
• Details on coping with travel illness, dietary mishaps, and adjusting back to American comforts.
  • “I ate some street meat in Brazil, like, day before I left... I've had lingering two logs since I've been home.” – Mark (03:40)
• On following American news while abroad:
  • “I realized after about five days... I'm checking two to three times per game updates. This is dragging me back to America mentally. So I was like, I'm gonna check in once 10 days before the playoffs.” – Ari (11:58)

Local Sports & Community in Latin America

• Mark describes the passion and chaos of attending Oaxaca Guerreros baseball playoffs: “Every time they hit a home run, they put this elephant Ganesh mask on them and then knight them with a sword.” (15:34)
• “I became a supporter. I’m a Guerrero until I die.” – Mark (15:50)
• Discussion on the authenticity and lack of regulation at Latin-American games: 12-year-olds selling beer, burrito plates instead of hot dogs, and hometown pride.
  • “What's great about those areas—and what's horrible—is there's no regulation.” – Ari (15:53)

National Identity: How Are Americans Seen Abroad?

• “Other parts of the world, you just say you're American, and they're just pissed.” – Sam (13:29)
• Ari on being American in the '90s in the UK: “American novelty accent. And this voice has never helped me with women. It was the only time.” (14:08)
• Mark on American confidence: “We are confident where no confidence is warranted. We’ll talk about anything, claim to know it all.” (47:31)

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3. Drinks, Cocktails & Travel Hacks

Sampling Latin Spirits & Their Stories

• The gang tries Club Colombia (beer), caipirinhas (Brazil), pisco sours (Peru/Chile), and mezcalitas (Mexico).
• Cocktails become a vehicle for cultural anecdotes and shrewd bar advice:
  • “The classiest outsider drink you can get is a Boulevardier. Bartenders go, oh, yeah—coming right up.” – Mark (07:41)
  • Capirinha logistics: “It takes a while... They cut the limes, start smashing them down.” – Mark (10:07)
• On American tipping habits in Latin America: “The bill was 10. Why would you give me 12? That doesn't make sense.” – Mark (14:33)

Travel Booze Hack: “Keistering” Booze into Stadiums (34:05)

• Mark shares how to smuggle alcohol into sporting events: pour liquor into small plastic bags (like local "Capri Suns"), hide them in your waistband.
• “This is the thing—they teach you, this will get you booze into any place, anywhere... It feels like what your balls feel like.” – Mark (34:35)
• “TSA is about to get so much worse after this video.” – Sam (35:02)

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4. Reverse Culture Shock

• Ari and Mark riff on what’s weird about coming home—flushing toilet paper, brushing your teeth with tap water, and the relentless chatter about politics.
• “It's just tacky, the amount that we talk about politics here.” – Mark (41:06)
• Sam: “I try not to weigh in unless I got a good joke.” (41:44)

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5. Comedy: Taking in vs. Putting Out & the Modern Stand-Up Grind

• Extended, thoughtful discussion on how much comedians create (“put out”) versus how much life experience and inspiration they take in.
• “Comedians in this day and age are putting out more than they're taking in—unsustainable levels... What are we taking in to draw from? I think it's a real problem.” – Mark (92:12)
• “I need more stories. And you don't get them by just going to the same bar every night and getting shit-faced. You gotta go on some adventures.” – Sam (93:57)

On Storytelling: American vs. International Styles

• “Edinburgh comics do stories. How do I say this without being rude? ...Boring.” – Mark (98:10)
• “American stand-ups will just naturally punch it up...out of survival.” – Ari (98:45)
• Analysis of how best to construct and punch up a story—emphasize the ending, make it count.
  • “The ending of a story—so important, so hard. That takes a whole…” – Ari (96:39)

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6. Comedy Life, Plugs, & Community

• Reflections on the NYC comedy scene, late nights at the Cellar, evolution of the crew, and nostalgia for old “booze bag” times.
• Mark’s “the End” storytelling show and the importance of comedians owning their material and releasing projects directly to fans.
  • “The money is going to the comedians. Every purchase you make of episode 5 of the End puts $2 in the pocket of Mark Norman.” – Mark (110:37)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On American Confidence Abroad:
  “We are so fucking confident. Blindly and just, like, carry conversations. We’re great at a party. We bring attitude. Australians bring, ‘I’ll find the coke in the city.’”
  – Mark Normand (47:41)

• On Getting Back in Touch with Friends:
  “I missed you guys...I'd be in a bar and think, specifically, you two would love these places. If I could just say, ‘come down!’”
  – Mark Normand (68:14)

• On Loneliness and Human Trust While Travelling:
  “There’s moments of extreme, soul-crushing loneliness. But they’re just moments...Most people are cool. The story isn't Jordan missed three shots, the story is Jordan went 23 of 26.”
  – Mark Normand (46:46 & 32:03)

• On Creating Comedy Out of Real Experience:
  “We're constantly putting things out. What are we taking in?...If you don't have anything to say, that's not gonna be good.”
  – Mark Normand (92:15)

• On Owning Your Content:
  “The money's going to the comedians...it's me taking my show back from corporate overlords.”
  – Mark Normand (111:05)

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Key Timestamps

• Guy Fieri cancelled, Ari steps in: 01:08–01:33
• Travel stories begin: 10:39
• Oaxaca baseball playoff adventure: 15:14–15:50
• American reception abroad & humility: 47:21–48:22
• Sports, drinking, and smuggling hacks: 34:05–36:54
• Drinks and their stories: 07:41, 22:13, 44:48, 62:17, 86:52
• Reverse culture shock, USA politics obsession: 41:05–42:58
• Tips on storytelling & standup philosophy: 93:05–98:45
• Plug for “the End” storytelling show (and direct-to-fan media): 110:12–111:43

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Summary Table: Drinks Sampled & Their Stories

| Drink | Country | Cultural Context / Anecdote | |--------------|------------------|--------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | Club Colombia| Colombia | Classic beer in social settings—"love a brown bottle" (11:02) | | Caipirinha | Brazil | Beach party staple; made with care; dangerous in street bars (22:13, 22:36) | | Pisco Sour | Peru / Chile | National pride, many flavors, a matter of cultural dispute (44:48, 62:17) | | Mezcalita | Mexico | “Margarita is low class…mezcalita is way better—smokier” (87:05) | | Godfather | US/Italy | Mark’s favorite “house” drink—scotch and amaretto | | Boulevardier | France/Italy/US | “Classiest outsider drink”—bartender respect |

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Tone & Language Notes

• The episode is casual, ribald, quick-witted, and filled with inside-joke camaraderie—classic for three well-traveled comics.
• Mark, Sam, and Ari riff hard, trade generous barbs, and move seamlessly from sincerity to savagely funny bits.
• Candid talk of bodily functions, travel mishaps, and drinking blends with real insight into the comedy grind and creative process.

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If You Only Listen To...

• 34:05–36:54 – How to “keister” booze into stadiums. A hilarious, practical, and all-too-relatable travel/drinking hack.
• 44:48–47:31 – On American attitudes abroad and the dangers of Dunning-Kruger confidence.
• 92:12–98:45 – Deep dive into the tension between content creation and living enough to have new stories; advice for comics and creatives.

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Resources & Plugs

• Mark Normand’s The End (Storytelling Show): “It’s me taking my show back from the corporate overlords.” (110:37)
• Ari Shaffir’s Pushing Boulder (Barcumentary): “It’s me building up to the special...special now on Netflix.” (109:11)
• Tour dates & comedy recommendations are scattered in the final 15 minutes.

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Final Word

This episode is a masterclass in guys-trip storytelling, a paean to the joys and risks of travel, self-deprecation, comedic craft, and the bonds of friendship that hold road-worn comics together. Frequent asides about craft, culture, and commerce make it a must for comedy fans and anyone chasing inspiration—or just a better drink.

Transcript

[Ari Shaffir]

Those are real boards, Peters.

[Mark Normand]

Take them outside and do some tricks.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, maybe we should. No, no, no, don't cross them. Yeah, show them. Maybe the bodega cat. When we put. No, no, put it, like, right here. Should we put the bode. We could hang out. Might be. Might be too tall, though, for camera.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, yeah, put it on that, like, pillar. Yeah, there you go.

[Sam Morril]

We could get rid of the YouTube thing. Who cares about that?

[Guest or Producer]

That's 100,000. That's a big fucking deal.

[Mark Normand]

My kid. My kid saw that.

[Guest or Producer]

He was like, you got one of them?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. People care about that.

[Guest or Producer]

People give a shit.

[Ari Shaffir]

Where are we at now? Have we gone up to 80? All right, all right.

[Sam Morril]

Do we get one for. When's the next one? You get a million.

[Ari Shaffir]

Damn, that's tough.

[Maddie]

That's insane. 100,000. A million.

[Ari Shaffir]

I know, right? Big jump.

[Sam Morril]

Guess we're keeping that up.

[Ari Shaffir]

I've never seen Cellock. He's defended anything like that in my life. Are you fucking kidding? That's a big deal.

[Sam Morril]

Are we recording? Should we just. Should we just keep that going? Kind of fun.

[Ari Shaffir]

Keep all that in.

[Sam Morril]

That was kind of stupid.

[Ari Shaffir]

All right. Hey, guys, can we on Guy or no?

[Guest or Producer]

Yeah, so we were supposed to have Guy Fieri.

[Sam Morril]

Let's not. Let's not.

[Guest or Producer]

Not on him, but like.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, we're supposed to have Guy on, but he's in a.

[Sam Morril]

We're supposed to have Guy Fieri on the podcast today.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

And I guess he shook Andrew Tate's hand and we didn't have him.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Guest or Producer]

Going from guy to goy.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wait, no Guy to no goy. Yes.

[Guest or Producer]

We're having Ari Shafir on this.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

I guess this isn't the email. The image rehabilitation pod.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, welcome back. He's wearing a romper. Holy. Looking good. There he is.

[Sam Morril]

You dressed like a pregnant woman. What the hell happened?

[Ari Shaffir]

Hell, yeah. Yeah, you're on air. All right. God, I hope you're wearing underwear.

[Maddie]

Drink the beer really quick for him to pee in a bottle.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, yeah, true.

[Sam Morril]

What is that? What kind of beer is that? Oh, Colombian beer.

[Ari Shaffir]

Looks damn good.

[Maddie]

Ooh, Club Columbia Dorado.

[Ari Shaffir]

You know, the lime in the beer is a full on white guy appropriation. They don't do that.

[Sam Morril]

But you know what? I'll be damned. It works.

[Ari Shaffir]

It works. I like it.

[Sam Morril]

There's something about those Corona. Oh, you feel like you're on vacation.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes, yes, exactly. When I was in college, we all went down to Mexico. Got pretty wild. But the Dos Equis were a quarter.

[Sam Morril]

Whoa.

[Ari Shaffir]

It was a different Time.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, I remember her. Cheap to cart. These used to be like a dollar.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, that's right. That's right.

[Sam Morril]

Damn.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's like a Mexican pbr.

[Sam Morril]

It kind of hit, though. Yeah, they were a little lime in one of those cans.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's true. I drank a lot of them. Yeah, that was all right. Yeah. Back then, you just. You'd wake up, you'd have diarrhea, and then you were back.

[Sam Morril]

I'm just not a big beer guy.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. I gave it up with my old age.

[Sam Morril]

It's not my go to. I'd rather have, like, a whiskey or, like a. A cocktail or something, like.

[Ari Shaffir]

But beer looks good. You see a baseball game with a big glass of beer, I'm like, oh, in the sun.

[Sam Morril]

It's the peeing for me that's the issue.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, the peeing. Yeah, you already pee. Like, you already pee a lot without being more coffee. Right.

[Sam Morril]

And then you. You know, in this heat, you got to drink some water.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. But, yeah, beer. You know, like the Shawshank Redemption, the roof scene with that bucket of gold. Beers. Ah, man, that's heaven. But I'm with you. Hey, look at it. It looks like Jesus in spring break.

[Sam Morril]

This is wild.

[Ari Shaffir]

What's shaking, man? What is that, linen?

[Mark Normand]

I don't know.

[Ari Shaffir]

Nice.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, right? Feel it a little higher.

[Ari Shaffir]

All right, Higher.

[Mark Normand]

Rub it up.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, like an old map.

[Sam Morril]

So you had a little of the diarrhea?

[Mark Normand]

It wasn't. Yeah, it hasn't really stopped. I brought. I ate some street meat in Brazil, like, day before I left, like, closing time street meat. And it has. I have had, like, lingering two logs since I've been home. Damn two logs. Rest. Just. Sorry, ma'. Am.

[Ari Shaffir]

I don't still.

[Mark Normand]

Nice to meet you.

[Ari Shaffir]

I guess we're going for it. It's summer, baby. The summer here. We're having a heat wave this week.

[Sam Morril]

So annoying. I love it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Really.

[Mark Normand]

You can only time you can wear this outfit.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's true. That and Coachella.

[Sam Morril]

I'm in one of those old buildings where they can't switch all the way to AC yet. Oh.

[Mark Normand]

They're like, no, it's not on yet. We. We haven't committed to staying warm.

[Ari Shaffir]

Brutal.

[Sam Morril]

And climate change, it's going back and forth and back and forth.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's like a woman with their boots.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And what never changes is landlords. We're still gonna do the minimum.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

It's just annoying.

[Ari Shaffir]

Well, you guys know all them.

[Sam Morril]

We have the direct line. It's not working.

[Mark Normand]

I know. If we can't get it to work.

[Ari Shaffir]

Does the phone ring by going,

[Mark Normand]

I missed you guys.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, it's good to have you back there. You look like the gay ayatollah. Or the ayatollah one was gay apparent. I already heard that.

[Mark Normand]

I had to leads.

[Ari Shaffir]

Hey. Yeah. Does he throw himself off a roof? Okay, I've made that joke about 900 times.

[Mark Normand]

I don't know the history.

[Ari Shaffir]

So you're right back at East Village. You're back home, dog. And the.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, dog's not. Dog's not here yet. Dog still hanging out because I'm in and out. So I had to leave her with the sitters.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, weird.

[Mark Normand]

I'm in and out. Running around the country doing pods like this.

[Ari Shaffir]

Hell yeah. Yeah. Well, Guy Fieri canceled.

[Mark Normand]

Time for the playoffs.

[Sam Morril]

I'm fired up, dude.

[Mark Normand]

One of the best times to be in New York is Yankees. And now lately.

[Sam Morril]

Did you kind of claim your return around baseball in the playoffs?

[Mark Normand]

Well, I. First I looked at the hockey standings and I said no, no rush.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

It turns out no rush at all.

[Ari Shaffir]

Not doing great. The Rangers.

[Mark Normand]

And then. And yeah, I mean.

[Sam Morril]

And fired up.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Baseball's back. Woo. Oh, you missed playoffs. Yankees next playoffs is the best.

[Sam Morril]

The city takes on a different energy. Who knows when this. When's this coming out? Two weeks.

[Mark Normand]

All right, so hopefully they're not out by now. No. When are they out?

[Sam Morril]

No, I think we got the Hawks.

[Mark Normand]

If they're out, you're doing an ayatollah? For sure.

[Sam Morril]

If they're out, I'll welcome it. I mean. No, we're taking the Hawks down.

[Ari Shaffir]

I mean, is there any team you're worried about?

[Sam Morril]

The cell? Yeah, every team. Every Celtics. The Pistons. The Pistons thunder and they're looking past the Pistons. Pistons are tough.

[Mark Normand]

It's the. It's the. What's it called? The popular picture to go. Nah, look past. Yeah. Everyone's going, it's the Celtics of the Knicks. I'm like, what about the number one seed sleeper?

[Sam Morril]

And they're tough.

[Ari Shaffir]

What does Kelsey say about the Knicks?

[Sam Morril]

Don't show me because it's going to depress me.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

What is that?

[Ari Shaffir]

An AI Kelsey is like a betting prediction site that knows all. They usually get everything right.

[Mark Normand]

You got cancel taker. That's wild that you found that. We heard you. That is nuts.

[Sam Morril]

You've been on an adventure. Peter's went all out for it.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's crazy.

[Sam Morril]

What are we starting with? What drink do we start with?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes. Lead the way, Ari.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, that is bathtub liquor. That is Guatemalan.

[Sam Morril]

Like Follow up my endoscopy Friday. This will be good for me.

[Mark Normand]

We end with that one. Okay. Prebiotics before shots.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, let's do it.

[Mark Normand]

It's a pretty good idea.

[Ari Shaffir]

Let's do it.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, any shot you take. I'll tell you something about that country.

[Sam Morril]

We've done these. I remember already took one of these at my place once, and I'm like, yeah, these help your hangover. And then he texts me the next day. He's like, they didn't do anything. I'm like, well, not if you have 40 drinks.

[Mark Normand]

Sam made pictures. That's not cool.

[Sam Morril]

I know. I made pictures. And you went out with my boy Dan hall from the Cellar. Who is?

[Ari Shaffir]

Pictures of what?

[Sam Morril]

Booze, Boulevardier pictures and paper planes.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wow. A picture of that.

[Sam Morril]

A lot of bodega cat was going down there.

[Ari Shaffir]

Look at that. It feels like the rock. We got our own vial.

[Mark Normand]

Can I tell you something I've learned from this podcast, Ari?

[Sam Morril]

Looks like it's an AIDS vial right now.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Why chase the bu. You could drink it in the shot.

[Ari Shaffir]

There's a little prep.

[Mark Normand]

It's the classiest outsider drink you can get is a Boulevardier. Bartenders go, oh, yeah. Coming right up.

[Ari Shaffir]

Exactly. And it's got a little French twang. Boulevardier, huh?

[Mark Normand]

I try a Godfather a lot. That's my house drink. Nice.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, we drank it. We drank it at your place once.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, but a lot of times, bartenders, like, I can look that up. I'm like, don't look it up. You're not going to make it. Right?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

How about a Boulevardier? And they're like, yes, sir.

[Ari Shaffir]

Hell, yeah.

[Sam Morril]

What is a Godfather again? What's in the scotch, right?

[Maddie]

You know, like scotch and soda. Isn't it just a really.

[Mark Normand]

No, it's. It's. What's that? Maraschino? Like liquor?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Maddie]

Yeah, see, that's. We don't have that at Stumbleman.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, yeah.

[Maddie]

Not a lot of Godfathers, but it's.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's three in a row. All right, there we go. Pull up Godfather drink there, Sally.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, it was cocktails and the Sierra

[Guest or Producer]

Madres you talking about?

[Mark Normand]

No, the Godfather drink. Yeah. They make no champagne.

[Guest or Producer]

I'm saying that's a reference in the Godfather. You're talking about an actual drink.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, it was that guy who played the Godfather.

[Ari Shaffir]

Brando.

[Mark Normand]

Marlon Brando, his favorite drink.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, really?

[Mark Normand]

They named it the Godfather. All of South America, it's called the Padrone.

[Ari Shaffir]

Whoa. Okay. Marlon Brando. Look at that. Boom. Scotch whiskey and amaretto.

[Sam Morril]

His favorite meal. One sound is sexy.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

12 ribeyes, right?

[Ari Shaffir]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

It's one to one petier, the better. It offsets the amaretto, but blended, they. They asked for, which is like.

[Sam Morril]

That's it. It's just scotch and amaretto. Yeah, that's nothing.

[Ari Shaffir]

Damn.

[Mark Normand]

It's supposed to be blended scotch, but when I bring people to my home. You're getting single malt.

[Ari Shaffir]

Hell yeah. I did Shay Shay and you. Oh, we have. We have Di Serono. That's different.

[Mark Normand]

No, no, that works.

[Sam Morril]

That's amaretto.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, really?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, a little orange peel. You got that?

[Maddie]

We have so much citrus, but not orange peels. We've got all the stuff for caipirinhas, pisco salad, capirinhas.

[Mark Normand]

Okay.

[Sam Morril]

Okay. We're taking Ari's journey seriously.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay, which one are we doing?

[Maddie]

Well, the lime and the sugar.

[Mark Normand]

Wow. The last place I went, this was my outfit for carnival.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, wow.

[Mark Normand]

So I had drank so many caipirinhas during carnival.

[Sam Morril]

It's just that we start with.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

It takes a while to make. Have you already. Have you already macerated?

[Ari Shaffir]

Why don't we crack open a few Club Colombias for an appetizer while you make a. Whatever. Yeah, Cardanina.

[Mark Normand]

The only problem with capparini is when you ask for it, you're like on the go. You're like, I'll give you caipirinha. Cool. I'm local. And then it's like 15 minutes. Are you serious? They make them with care. They have to like. They cut the limes, start smashing them down. It takes a while.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Maddie]

Do we all want beer?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, we'll start.

[Ari Shaffir]

We'll start with a beer. It's a tide you over the hot day. Yeah, you got that right.

[Mark Normand]

Capparino is one of the best drinks for taking into the. Into the water with you. Oh, you just like, get a beach. Like, can I like. Yeah, I don't give a shit. And you just take your glass right in there. Drink it in the waves.

[Sam Morril]

Give us a rundown. Where did you start?

[Mark Normand]

Started in Mexico.

[Ari Shaffir]

Thank you. Hey, look at it. We're back, baby. What a time to be alive.

[Mark Normand]

Club Columbia. Wait.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, that's lovely.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that hits.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Very nice. Love a brown bottle. Dorado Golden Lager.

[Mark Normand]

First time I've had one of these. Not this trip. I took Spanish class in 2018. And in outside Medellin and Regatto, and there are all these, like, pool halls with those. No pocket pool tables.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, yeah, Billiards.

[Mark Normand]

And all the old men are playing it. They like Shift. Like they have these, like, scorekeepers up there and they just twist them with their. With their sticks. It was so cool. And I just sat and watched them and drank some of these.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

That was like.

[Sam Morril]

Were you solo for that one?

[Mark Normand]

That was solo. Yeah. I lived with a family.

[Ari Shaffir]

Whoa.

[Mark Normand]

Like two weeks. To try to, like, hit it off with their kid.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

No Epstein stuff. Just.

[Ari Shaffir]

Do you feel like you're blood pressure and all that? Just went way down. Cortisol levels. You're out with no phone in the jungle drinking capillaries.

[Sam Morril]

Keep up with anything going back in America or in news or anything.

[Mark Normand]

Okay. Early on, I was keeping up with the Yankees.

[Ari Shaffir]

All right.

[Mark Normand]

Because I'm like, die hard, you know?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And it was like heading to the playoff bush. And then I realized after about five days, I'm like, this is taking me out of it. I'm checking like two to three times per game updates. And then. And then I was off news completely. But I'm like, that's the only thing I'll check. And I'm like, this is dragging me back to America mentally.

[Ari Shaffir]

Whoa.

[Mark Normand]

So I was like, I'm gonna check in once. What's 10 days before the playoffs? I'm gonna see how they're doing.

[Sam Morril]

American news must be so much funnier from, like, a beach in another country. You're just chilling on, like, you know, having a cabaret and you're like, trump started with the Pope. What the hell? This is crazy.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You know how I found out about Venezuela? I was on a overnight bus and I just see like three or four screens. Like, you know, when you look at other people's like, phones, when you're on like a plane or something, and I'm looking at screens like, do you consider Maduro a valid leader or, like, a legitimate leader? I'm like, why is everyone researching that?

[Ari Shaffir]

Uh.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, he was already gone.

[Sam Morril]

And where were you when I was.

[Mark Normand]

I was headed to Uruguay from Argentina. It's probably somewhere in Argentina.

[Sam Morril]

Wow.

[Ari Shaffir]

Damn.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And the Maduro thing was pretty cool.

[Mark Normand]

People.

[Ari Shaffir]

People were fighting just how easy it was.

[Mark Normand]

In and out, in and out.

[Sam Morril]

It was nice to get a smooth

[Ari Shaffir]

W. And I think he thought Iran was going to be as smooth as well. And then that was a show.

[Mark Normand]

But I know I've kept up on

[Ari Shaffir]

that one at all. Yeah. That's a whole nother thing. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But then I had some Uruguayan guy, Hieronymo. He's like, why is it always America? I get something had to be done. Why always you guys? Yeah. Fair. Totally fair. I'M like, you ain't gonna do it, Uruguay.

[Ari Shaffir]

Exactly.

[Mark Normand]

You ain't gonna do it.

[Ari Shaffir]

You got gay in your name. Do.

[Sam Morril]

In other parts. Like, other parts of the world, you just say you're American, and they're just pissed.

[Ari Shaffir]

I know.

[Sam Morril]

We were in Berlin, and I was with my buddy, and he was trying to get laid to some, like, hipster bar in Berlin. They're like, where are you from, America?

[Ari Shaffir]

They're like, yeah, just say Canada if

[Sam Morril]

you want to get your dick sucked tonight, buddy. Just say Canada tonight.

[Mark Normand]

It's not the time to be nationalistic.

[Ari Shaffir]

Right. Although sometimes it helps. In the 90s, it was cool. Like, I went to England in during college to visit a friend, and we went to Brighton, which is a cool, like, hipster island in England. And I was at a nightclub, and I was like, one beer, please. And girls were like, American novelty accent. Yeah. And this voice has never helped me with women. It was the only time that they were like, hey, nice accent.

[Mark Normand]

I like your clit.

[Sam Morril]

I'm gay.

[Mark Normand]

I don't believe you.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, it worked. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

In small countries, like. Like. Like Southeast Asia, they love us. They just know about our music and movies and. And that we give more than the bill, which they can't comprehend.

[Sam Morril]

That's huge.

[Mark Normand]

They can't comprehend tipping is big. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

You just do that. I just do that in other countries. Even when you're not supposed to, because I'm just used to it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

The bill was 10. Why would you give me 12? That doesn't make sense. And you're like, yeah, all right.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, like what? I'm used to it. But would they like our movies? Baseball? Well, we got some stuff. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. So I did log back in to check those last. Last week of the playoffs.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

Last week of the regular season, then the play. As soon as they went out, I was like, I'm back out. And then right then, I was also hella missing baseball. And I was in Oaxaca, and I was like, oh, they got a baseball team. The Oaxaca Guerreros. I'm like, man, my season ended yesterday. I'm like, number two seed. So I start going to playoff games. Oaxaca Guerrero's playoff games.

[Ari Shaffir]

Are you just you in the stands, I assume?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, they don't save seats. They just do sections. And it's so much fun because they go crazy, right? They go crazy. First of all, I was like, I'm not gonna eat because I want to get a hot dog at the game, you know? And then, like, no hot dogs, burrito plates, all sorts of, like, new types of food plates. They just come by with it already made. Like, who wants.

[Ari Shaffir]

Amazing.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Some 12 year old girls with signs. I'm like, what are you guys selling? Like beers? Like, okay. Yeah. It's so much fun. Every time they hit our home run, they put this elephant like, like Ganesh mask on them, and then they knight them with a sword.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, I love it.

[Mark Normand]

It was so much fun. I became a supporter. I'm a Guerrero until I die.

[Ari Shaffir]

See, what's great about those areas is. And what's horrible about those areas is there's no regulation.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

There's no one coming in going, why is a 12 year old selling beer? Is that burrito up to code? There's none of that, which is awesome.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

But also, you could get a parasite that's.

[Mark Normand]

I got it many times.

[Sam Morril]

There's also so much. I think we talked about this the other day, but there's so much hometown pride where, like, you go to a place like Cuba, they. They just play for their hometown. Yeah. So it's not like, it's not like, you know, it's like if all the Yankees were just New Yorkers.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes.

[Sam Morril]

You'd be like, holy shit, he was fucking. So. It's so cool. Remember, like, Clint Frazier was a Yankee and you're like, this is fucking cool.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. He grew up here. He's a New York kid, has an accent.

[Sam Morril]

Jose Alvarado is a Nick. He's a fucking kid from Queens. Right. There's something extra special about that.

[Ari Shaffir]

I don't know.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. When I was in with Dr. Like a few years ago, I went to a game and. And Pools was playing and he was like, I'm waiting. I've been waiting to play for my Hometown team for 25 years. I'm retired.

[Sam Morril]

I'm playing. It's so funny that they just get the worst version of him now.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's just.

[Sam Morril]

He's like one of the greatest ever. And they. I'll come back when I'm 42 and fat.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

That's what happens. Right? I mean, that you still want to play and you still kind of can play.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

You see some of these guys at Old Timers games and you're like, they could still fucking play.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Reggie Jackson at some Old Timers game. I went to it, I think it was a Camden Yards. He came out and like, was like, I'll swing. And then, like, missed a few and then like hit like three home runs and the place went nuts. And he rounded the bases, by the way.

[Sam Morril]

That was his career. Anyway, he struck out more than anybody. But he hit bombs.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, well, people care about their. Like, where's Pacquiao from?

[Sam Morril]

Philippines.

[Ari Shaffir]

They say in the Philippines, when he's fighting, the whole city shut down. Like, everything is out except for that fight.

[Sam Morril]

I love how much Ari loves baseball, though. He's like a baseball psycho.

[Mark Normand]

That's part of a born New York vibe. But also, Jews love baseball. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, that's true.

[Sam Morril]

I think it's just so American, too, I guess. It's everything. It's, like, so Latin American now, too. And, you know, Japan.

[Ari Shaffir]

Japan.

[Sam Morril]

But it feels like it's so in the. It's ingrained in, like, American culture, you

[Mark Normand]

know, so it's our game.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

The best in terms of people playing for their hometown is, you know, state of origin in Australia. No, it's rugby sevens, I think.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

And it's. So these are the best players in the world, and they go off to play in New Zealand. They go play whatever. But Brisbane plays against Sydney or their states, New South Wales versus Queensland. And they all come home to play for their state. And it's. Sometimes these guys are teammates on other teams, and now they're enemies and they're punching each other. And the. The long line is state versus state, mate versus mate. And you've seen them teammates fully fist fight. It's the best of three, and it's nuts.

[Ari Shaffir]

Go Maroons.

[Mark Normand]

Blues drool. Maroons rule.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, I love it. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Rugby's gonna catch on, America.

[Mark Normand]

It should.

[Ari Shaffir]

It'd be great. I don't know if we're tough enough.

[Mark Normand]

Black people gotta start it. If black people start rugby, it's on.

[Ari Shaffir]

Interesting.

[Mark Normand]

Look, pretty much black people started doing just like, poetry to a beat. And that caught on.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

That's so gay. But they made it cool.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. They made basketball cool.

[Sam Morril]

They had to add in shooting each other.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

This is. Okay. We gotta murder each other.

[Mark Normand]

Something. We can't do this.

[Ari Shaffir]

But yeah. Yeah. I went to the Rangers game a week ago, and there was a hockey goalie fight.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, my God. The devil.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's like once in a lifetime.

[Mark Normand]

That's his last. That was his last fight I'll ever do. He retired.

[Sam Morril]

No, that was quick. The other guy, the older guy, but.

[Ari Shaffir]

But just seeing the two goalies go in the middle, drop gloves and go at it was. Was awesome.

[Mark Normand]

That's like. That's like a Chappelle pop in. You see two goalies when they look at each other.

[Sam Morril]

It was over. Way shorter than a Chappelle set, for sure.

[Ari Shaffir]

Hey. Right. Less smoking.

[Mark Normand]

What is this here, this is Mark's.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, what are you putting. Wife. My wife is playing hockey in a league now in Jersey.

[Sam Morril]

What?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah,

[Mark Normand]

I gotta say, make him play hockey.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, she grew up playing it.

[Maddie]

Look at her.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's her as a goalie. Oh, she saved tits.

[Sam Morril]

She lost your second baby right there.

[Mark Normand]

No offense. That's the least attractive I've ever seen.

[Ari Shaffir]

Another save. It's amazing. I got her pregnant.

[Mark Normand]

You get hard for that.

[Sam Morril]

She is good at closing her legs.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's true. There you go. They got one in

[Mark Normand]

seconds.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, but those guys were good. I mean, this is a real league with refs and all this.

[Sam Morril]

I love that, dude.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, she's out there. I went and visited. I was the only guy in the stands. Like, come on.

[Mark Normand]

That's great. That's great.

[Sam Morril]

Just like all women's sports.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, bro. I was wearing. So I took with me anything. I was like, took with me. I'm like, I gotta be able to, like, not take it home because the odds of this getting stolen or go up or, like, losing something, stains, whatever. So I took with me a Yankee giveaway Nasty Nester T shirt.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

He's not the Yankees anymore. I'm like, I still like it. Just the mustache.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But I'm like, so I'll wear it. The baseball game, some guy started sending me drinks. Beer after beer. Try to send them. No, no, I'm cool. Then I was like. Went up to talk to him. I was like, all right. I can afford a fucking $2 beer, you know?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, that's. That's the one.

[Mark Normand]

That's the one.

[Ari Shaffir]

There you go. Good shirt.

[Mark Normand]

Good pull on the ones and twos.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Anyway, I went over there. He goes, I'm 16. I can't drink. He just looked older. He was with his mom. And he goes, I'm a humongous Yankee fan. I noticed you wearing that. And it's just like, I'm so stoked. Have you been to Yankee Stadium? Like, bro, like 50 times. Oh, I went to the World Series game. He's like, no way. Another drink. At the end of the game, I was like, buddy, this is yours.

[Sam Morril]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

I just gave it to him and walked home topless.

[Ari Shaffir]

Hell, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

He was so. He goes, I couldn't. And his mom's like, shut up. Because I can. I can. He was so happy. He was so stoked.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wow. Has he heard of the Internet? I mean, he could have bought one instead of spending $48 on beers.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, you could just buy one.

[Ari Shaffir]

But it means more from the old Man.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. It's a story.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's a story. Yeah. An American Yankee fan gave me this shirt. This is Hitler's butt.

[Mark Normand]

It's not a good taste.

[Sam Morril]

I would like.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, we have one. We have one.

[Sam Morril]

Switch over.

[Ari Shaffir]

We have two.

[Sam Morril]

Do we have three?

[Mark Normand]

But that's a. Two is not enough.

[Ari Shaffir]

The rule of threes. Look at that.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Ari Shaffir]

Very exciting.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, you upscaled it with the. With a toasted lime there.

[Maddie]

Oh, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

You took the jacket.

[Sam Morril]

It smells good. So caipirinha is Brazilian, right?

[Mark Normand]

Caipirinha is Brazilian. Okay. You can make a. With cachaca or vodka. What'd you make it with? Nice. That's the right way.

[Ari Shaffir]

If it's Brazilian, there's no pubes in it. That's right.

[Mark Normand]

That's right.

[Maddie]

Not in the recipe.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that hits.

[Ari Shaffir]

Hey. Damn.

[Mark Normand]

That's so fucking refreshing.

[Sam Morril]

Is that, like, what. So what's in a caipirinha?

[Ari Shaffir]

What is in that?

[Maddie]

Kashasa.

[Mark Normand]

Kashasa.

[Maddie]

Ton of sugar, ton of lime.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, you.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's why.

[Sam Morril]

That's it.

[Mark Normand]

It's a ton of sugar. It masks it so well.

[Ari Shaffir]

It really does.

[Mark Normand]

I had multiple, like, barfing days and then going, what the. And then finding other people at the hospital goes, no, they made him stronger there. They. They. They put him in extra.

[Sam Morril]

That's their fault.

[Mark Normand]

It us all.

[Sam Morril]

Not that I'm an adult man. Puking. It was on them.

[Ari Shaffir]

Boy, that is delightful.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, Damn. Right on the beach. Imagine the beach that's crazy with shades on. So you can stare at all the butts. Just, like, light head movements, but staring at butts.

[Ari Shaffir]

And dare I say, Brazilian butts are the pinnacle of when they call them the lift. That's right. They got the lift. The bbl.

[Mark Normand]

The Brazilian butt lift.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, yeah. They got that in the wax.

[Mark Normand]

Dude, They're. They're. They're bathing suits are shaped different. They won't fit American women.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wow.

[Sam Morril]

I feel like we've lost a lot of good influencers to that surgery.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

A lot of women have gone down.

[Mark Normand]

What do you mean?

[Sam Morril]

Just, you know, they're like, oh, tick tock, star 30 dead from butt lift. You see a lot of those headlines, right? It's dangerous.

[Ari Shaffir]

It is. Yeah. And then you get a bad job, and they put all kinds of. No, Firestone tires in there, and they go. They got to fill it out. Firestone. I think you get some weird. A couple of, like, old boots.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wow. Yeah. I think Kim K. Is getting hers removed.

[Mark Normand]

Boots on the mound.

[Sam Morril]

She's getting a butt reduction.

[Ari Shaffir]

I Heard that.

[Mark Normand]

Kim Kardashian or Kim Congan?

[Ari Shaffir]

Kardashian.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, because it's out now.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Congan can't afford.

[Sam Morril]

Butts are out.

[Mark Normand]

I guess I still like a good butt. Jesus. I mean, that's not a good butt, though.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's a large.

[Mark Normand]

That's crazy.

[Ari Shaffir]

But Ro Martin's into that ample cheek.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Like, it's a little too much.

[Mark Normand]

It's a little too much. It's. It's ridiculous.

[Sam Morril]

I remember meeting one of those women. Like, I saw, like, she was like a butt person, and I saw her at a show and I was like, oh, your butt is like, it's way too big. It looked cool in that photo. Then I saw. I was like, this is. This is a crime.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Yeah, look at that. That. That's.

[Mark Normand]

That's.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's silly.

[Mark Normand]

That's lunacy.

[Ari Shaffir]

And how do you penetrate that?

[Mark Normand]

I.

[Ari Shaffir]

How many inches do you need to

[Sam Morril]

get a running start? I'll tell you that much.

[Mark Normand]

That's an. Only from the front.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. I need a booster dick.

[Mark Normand]

If you love missionary, get that in.

[Sam Morril]

I stood in the phone book to her.

[Ari Shaffir]

Right, exactly. You need, like, the. The thing you use when you shoot pool when you can't reach my dick on the bridge. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, my God.

[Ari Shaffir]

That is a lot of too much ass, dude.

[Mark Normand]

Too much ass.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You need a vacuum changer or they fall to an even race, though.

[Sam Morril]

Like, you, like, you don't need that much ash when you're. That. You had to even hold it up.

[Mark Normand]

You got to gain some weight to make it look okay. You gotta, like. You gotta make it look like it's possible.

[Sam Morril]

All the asses.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's true.

[Sam Morril]

Maybe that's why asses are going out the Ozempic.

[Ari Shaffir]

That probably is part of it.

[Mark Normand]

The airline industry, because it was epic, saved $42 million in fuel costs.

[Sam Morril]

Same thing is that real people weigh

[Mark Normand]

less, they're less trans, less to transport

[Ari Shaffir]

because they can tell you, hey, your bag's too heavy, but you can't go, hey, Brenda's too heavy.

[Mark Normand]

20 pounds across the board.

[Ari Shaffir]

Off. Wow.

[Mark Normand]

Times 200.

[Ari Shaffir]

There you go.

[Guest or Producer]

Oh, Ari, have you heard about the height holocaust in the mlb?

[Ari Shaffir]

Whoa.

[Mark Normand]

First of all, I love a reuse of holocaust.

[Sam Morril]

That feels like not earned. I feel like you didn't earn holocaust here, but let's see.

[Mark Normand]

Holocaust mlb.

[Guest or Producer]

Okay. Because the abs strike zone thing, every per. Every Major League baseball player has to measure themselves properly because the strike zone is. It changes.

[Mark Normand]

So judges strike zone just went way bigger.

[Guest or Producer]

Yes. And people who said that they were 61 are actually 5 10.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, they were. Yeah. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

That sounds a lot like the Holocaust. Good use of the word there.

[Ari Shaffir]

Six one, six million.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, if that was the Holocaust, where they're like, we need your actual heights. You're like, I don't want. Like, we're forcing you to. Because we're totalitarian regime. Wouldn't have the same. Wouldn't hit as hard. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Jewish baseball players in the Holocaust. I'd like to challenge that right there. Can you get a video replay?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

That's so funny.

[Sam Morril]

Damn.

[Ari Shaffir]

So what happens?

[Guest or Producer]

So they can't registered on their baseball card. Says they're 61 or 6 2. They actually have to be accurately measured for this ABS strike zone.

[Sam Morril]

Because they've been lying about this for years. But why I never understood. I feel like in every sport, in everything, I feel like even like pro wrestling, they'd be like, he's 69 and 480 pounds. You'll be like, no, he's not.

[Mark Normand]

Parts are known. It's like, no outside Kansas City, it's just not very well known. But it's known. But they do you do suburb?

[Sam Morril]

Because you'll see. I've seen some of these players in person. I'm like, I'm taller than this dude.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

And he claims he's 6 3.

[Mark Normand]

Well, Barkley's thing was like, when he got in, they were like, what? He goes, well, that was his shoes on. Like, even with shoes on, you're not that tall. I go, really? Barkley, six four.

[Sam Morril]

And he was like, six four.

[Mark Normand]

That's a power forward.

[Sam Morril]

He was guarding like 610 dudes.

[Mark Normand]

That's Steph Curry's height.

[Sam Morril]

I know.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, he's six two.

[Mark Normand]

He's six three.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. He's like Steph Curry's height kind of. It's crazy. Barkley was just a fucking ox, dude. He's just built and strong and explosive.

[Ari Shaffir]

All right.

[Mark Normand]

I think.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, but Mark, I think he's 6 3.

[Mark Normand]

I'm sorry.

[Sam Morril]

I think it's good.

[Mark Normand]

It was. It was ridiculous.

[Ari Shaffir]

I've looked all these up.

[Mark Normand]

You were positive and I was wrong.

[Ari Shaffir]

There you go. Barkley with shoes. Six three.

[Sam Morril]

There you go.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wow. Damn. Yeah. Club Shay. Shay was 6:2. I thought he was gonna be huge.

[Sam Morril]

You know that's not his name.

[Ari Shaffir]

Nice to meet you.

[Sam Morril]

Club Shay Shay.

[Mark Normand]

So demeaning.

[Sam Morril]

I was just over with my friend, the Joe Rogan Experience earlier.

[Mark Normand]

That's beyond like their character name.

[Ari Shaffir]

I was hanging out, we had a pizza with Barstool

[Sam Morril]

Portnoy that's still hilarious. You did that show.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, it was crazy. We drank cognac the whole time.

[Mark Normand]

You did the pizza thing with Dave?

[Ari Shaffir]

No, Shay. Shay. Oh, yeah. Cognac is very good. It's kind of like a disarono or whatever.

[Mark Normand]

I saw Portnoy in the streets about a year ago.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I was like. Oh, let me go say. Like, I was inside a coffee shop. I saw him and I was gonna go say. And then it hit me, like, he doesn't know me.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

What am I gonna say to him?

[Ari Shaffir]

He might know of you.

[Mark Normand]

Hey, I've heard of you.

[Ari Shaffir]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

Like, I ate at one of your pizza places once.

[Ari Shaffir]

That is the tough thing when you see. But people do that to you all the time.

[Mark Normand]

I know. So then I second guess I was like, don't do that. It won't go well.

[Ari Shaffir]

Good point.

[Sam Morril]

But he might know you.

[Ari Shaffir]

He might know you're very recognizable. Look at this outfit.

[Mark Normand]

The side. Sure.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

From the front, not as much.

[Sam Morril]

Was he eating pizza on the street or was just hanging?

[Mark Normand]

He was doing something. He had a camera guy with him.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, yeah. You don't want to with that.

[Mark Normand]

It's a setup scene.

[Ari Shaffir]

But you gotta look. You look like a rabbi and Burning Man.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Laughing a little too hard over there.

[Ari Shaffir]

I mean, in South America, when you were in the middle of nowhere where people are like, who's this weirdo?

[Mark Normand]

Matt. Yeah. Some of those places, like, Guatemala is. Say whatever you want about every country. That is the shortest country I've ever been to. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Really?

[Mark Normand]

And if you have a Guatemalan, like, fix it guy. Super. They're tiny.

[Ari Shaffir]

Whoa.

[Sam Morril]

Why is that?

[Mark Normand]

Mayans. They had to get under those fucking carved doorways.

[Ari Shaffir]

Interesting.

[Mark Normand]

So they'd have to duck.

[Sam Morril]

Isn't Guatemala known for, like, jungles and volcanoes and stuff?

[Mark Normand]

That too.

[Ari Shaffir]

And nannies.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Hey, Nanny.

[Sam Morril]

What was the best part of Guatemala?

[Maddie]

Besides the bathtub?

[Mark Normand]

Besides the Quetzalteka. So I was there a few years ago. Not this time. And I went to this northern. Northern town. I've heard about the. You'll like this. I heard about a Schwitz. A very specific Schwitz.

[Sam Morril]

Love a Schmidt.

[Mark Normand]

That's just there.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

Or something like that. Native. And I went to find some nothing town. No shuttles go there. You gotta take bus after bus after bus to get there.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And so I'm there. Did it. Market day's the next day. I'm like, let me stay for mark. I'm the only white guy for months.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

So they were like, everyone's talking to me. World cup was going on.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh.

[Mark Normand]

Every and then they love soccer in Latin America. So everywhere I went, I'd be like. It'd be like a electronics store that I'd be like, is that gameplay? Like, come on in.

[Sam Morril]

Absolutely.

[Mark Normand]

And they loved Messi. They were all in an Argentina because they was their representative. So I was watching at some burrito place across the street at a pharmacy. They had, like, 20 guys watching, and they were looking at me, and they're like, you root for Netherlands? And I'm like, no, you're from the Netherlands. And I'm like, I'm not from the Netherlands. And like, come on, dude. You're Netherlands.

[Sam Morril]

You can tell by my voice I'm not from the Netherlands.

[Mark Normand]

But then I can't tell a difference. It's so funny. Like, what do you think? I'm from, like, Australia. I'm like, do I sound Australian? Like, to us. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

So. So anyway, so they're like, come watch with us. Watch a second.

[Sam Morril]

Were you secretly kind of rooting for the Netherlands?

[Mark Normand]

Sort of. Yes. Yes. I knew. So for the Netherlands, as soon as they invited me in, I'm all Argentina.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And then they won in. In a shootout, like, a comeback shootout in overtime. And then they sent their kids off to get some Quetzalteka. They're like, we got to celebrate. You're drinking. And I'm like, and you're gonna have it. It's ass. It's ass.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

It's like, they're malort.

[Mark Normand]

Kind of. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Do you ever worry, like, all right, I'm blacking out with these strangers in the middle of Guatemala. I gotta get home. I gotta get back to my treehouse or whatever the fuck.

[Mark Normand]

No, I got no home. It's fine if they invite me in a hotel, hostels. Their place was like this. That place was like this $3 a night hotel.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

With a dog that run about just, like, poops everywhere, but, like, white. Like, it. It had been there for quite some time with a shower way away. The drift. It was so cold. I had to get those two of those Jesus candles and light them just to keep. Just to heat up my. My apartment or my little, like, room.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Holy moly.

[Sam Morril]

You live an interesting life, man. It's amazing.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

I'm with Marcus. It is. You're very trusting. I mean, you're getting. Black people are cool. I mean, there are.

[Mark Normand]

People are cool.

[Sam Morril]

Most people are cool.

[Mark Normand]

That's the story. The story's not Jordan missed three shots. The story is Jordan went 23 of 26 for 57 points.

[Ari Shaffir]

I see what you're saying.

[Mark Normand]

People are cool.

[Sam Morril]

You stay positive.

[Mark Normand]

People are cool.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

It's not. That's not even a rare thing.

[Ari Shaffir]

But almost always people are cool pocketing going on.

[Sam Morril]

Not just that. People become uncool with booze sometimes.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, true.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, not anyone we hang out with anymore. Because you lose those people.

[Ari Shaffir]

You weed them out.

[Sam Morril]

You drink with the people who you don't want to be. You know, we all know the people we're talking about. The ones who corner you and get dark.

[Ari Shaffir]

Sure.

[Sam Morril]

Like a dark cloud where you're like,

[Mark Normand]

oh, boy, I gotta get out of this.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

So let me tell you another game I played.

[Sam Morril]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

With kids. I'll take a. I was going to a rivalry game in some city in Guatemala. Doesn't even matter. No, this is the soccer game.

[Ari Shaffir]

Got it.

[Mark Normand]

And so everyone's out there partying before the game. There's no. No booze because it's a rivalry game. They don't want fights.

[Ari Shaffir]

Damn.

[Mark Normand]

So we're out there, then it starts raining. Everyone crowds in under the awning of bodegas. But he cat get it now.

[Ari Shaffir]

Hell yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And then we start talking to some people. You know, it's me and, like, three guys in the hospital. Like, what? You guys aren't from here. Why do you know? Like, we're just gonna check out soccer? And we start talking. Like, what do you know about the. I'm like, not much. They start teaching us chance, stuff like that. They go. Eventually they go, you're sitting with us. I'm like, no, no, no. We couldn't get tickets there because, like, that's like, your home.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

It's right behind the goal. And he goes, that you're coming in. I'm like, but our ticket's not there. He goes, none of that matters. But I was like, all right, we're all getting drunk ahead of time because there's no booze in there. And then they start going, oh, there's booze in there.

[Ari Shaffir]

Ah, boy.

[Mark Normand]

What do you mean? He goes, you just got to take it in. And they taught me something that I'm going to teach all of you now.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, here we go.

[Sam Morril]

Get ready for him to spread his butt cheeks. Do you have any plastic bags?

[Mark Normand]

Anything small?

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, you might be onto something.

[Maddie]

I have the back where the lines came in.

[Mark Normand]

Okay.

[Sam Morril]

Do you have a balloon dump that?

[Mark Normand]

Unless you have something smaller. Unless you have something smaller.

[Maddie]

That seems bigger.

[Mark Normand]

That seems bigger.

[Maddie]

Do you just shoot this?

[Mark Normand]

No.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes. Like a coke bag.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it's a shooter. Okay, let me show you something. And they have flavored versions of it, too.

[Ari Shaffir]

All right. Now, when I was at lsu, we used to put booze and Ziplocs and line our coats.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, really?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

So this is the thing. I'm going to teach you guys, that this will get you booze into any place, anywhere.

[Ari Shaffir]

All right. This is exciting.

[Mark Normand]

Hot tip. They taught us. They go, okay, they're gonna search it, but not search you. That. That.

[Ari Shaffir]

Well, all right, let me get a hit of that.

[Maddie]

It's.

[Mark Normand]

It's not bad. The smell is not the worst.

[Ari Shaffir]

I'm trying to be, like, kerosene sick right now.

[Sam Morril]

I don't like Purell.

[Mark Normand]

Okay.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Good for the insides.

[Mark Normand]

So you pour it into a bag. This is what they teach you to do.

[Sam Morril]

And you just put it in your shirt or something.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, they have smaller bags at the bodegas.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's like an iv, Like a little Capri Sun.

[Maddie]

Yeah, that could go wrong.

[Mark Normand]

And then they have these bags everywhere there. You tie it off, whatever.

[Ari Shaffir]

All right, all right.

[Mark Normand]

Keister it. That's exactly right.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

So they go. This feels like what your balls feel like.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh,

[Guest or Producer]

how do you keep it there, though?

[Mark Normand]

It's in your waistband. Over.

[Sam Morril]

And TSA is about to get so much worse after this video.

[Mark Normand]

If they get you, what's that going to feel like? Women, too. That's just a cancer.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, I was going to say.

[Maddie]

I don't think I could come.

[Mark Normand]

Just cancer. Yes, you can. Who's going to go like this when they're searching you?

[Guest or Producer]

Mark, can you frisk him?

[Ari Shaffir]

Feels like a ball bag.

[Mark Normand]

Yep.

[Ari Shaffir]

I'll give.

[Mark Normand]

And then during the game, it's just a slow. You pull it out and then you go, wow.

[Ari Shaffir]

So no sharing.

[Mark Normand]

They're sharing. Oh, my God. You couldn't have gotten pineapple?

[Sam Morril]

What's happening?

[Ari Shaffir]

That was great. I'm okay.

[Sam Morril]

I'll try it, though.

[Ari Shaffir]

There's one pube on there.

[Maddie]

I have chocolate.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, that's definitely a classier way to do it. So I asked the guy. I'm like, so you got one on you now? He goes, I have 17 on me.

[Ari Shaffir]

Whoa. That's a big ball bag. A lot of balls.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. So we got into the stadium, and he goes and gets, hey, they're carrying this giant flag in. Go grab the flag. As if you're working with them. I mean, this, like, massive. It covers the whole, like, section.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

So we're like, okay. He goes, just sneak in with him. Just snuck in with them and Then at some point, I'm sitting there, me and, like, the three guys. And then somebody goes, hey. Hey. Said something in Spanish like. Like this. And I'm like, what? And he said. Then he's like, I had trouble understanding Spanish, especially early on like that. And he goes, hey, you cannot sit here. This is not for you. And I was like, okay. And then that guy who invited us was way back. Goes, they're cool. They're with us.

[Ari Shaffir]

Huh?

[Mark Normand]

Okay.

[Maddie]

This is quite the lineup we have.

[Ari Shaffir]

Thank you.

[Sam Morril]

So you're all good?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, all good. It was the. It was the. It was such a fun experience.

[Ari Shaffir]

Whoa. Hey, mazel tone.

[Sam Morril]

Shooting this or we just taking a sip?

[Ari Shaffir]

What are we doing?

[Mark Normand]

You can take a sip.

[Ari Shaffir]

Take a sip. We gotta see what to do.

[Sam Morril]

Whoa.

[Maddie]

Oh, boy.

[Ari Shaffir]

We get enough of those. You could just say you got.

[Mark Normand]

You just tried some.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, it's ass.

[Maddie]

That's not great.

[Sam Morril]

I mean, it's so. I don't hate it. I don't hate it. I don't hate it.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, it's not bad.

[Sam Morril]

It's got a whole hint of like. It's got, like, a hint of, like, vegetable, you know? You know, reminds me of a little bit. What's that stuff the Greeks drink? Uzo. It's got, like, a hint of that type of, like, wood type flavor, which actually don't mind.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, I don't mind it. This is not bad.

[Mark Normand]

I'm shocked you could get this here.

[Maddie]

It's from Houston, Texas.

[Ari Shaffir]

You can find anything.

[Maddie]

That's what the back of the bottle says.

[Mark Normand]

Wow. The importers, not bad.

[Maddie]

They're great.

[Mark Normand]

Because it'll take us.

[Sam Morril]

What do you guys think over there? You don't try it?

[Mark Normand]

What do you think? Peter's.

[Sam Morril]

It's palatable, but, yeah, a lot.

[Mark Normand]

It's better than vodka, alcohol, distilled from molasses.

[Sam Morril]

I get. I get a question. Ari, when you. When you're in these, when you're gone for. What were you gone eight months?

[Mark Normand]

Like that? Yeah, about. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

When you're gone for eight months, what do you miss the most about America?

[Ari Shaffir]

Hey, good question.

[Mark Normand]

That's a great question.

[Maddie]

Not drinking out of ball bags.

[Mark Normand]

Dude, if you don't think I'm doing that at any sport I go to from now on just to save the

[Ari Shaffir]

money, I'm with you.

[Mark Normand]

Forget about dry games. They cost a lot. Oh, yeah, it costs a lot.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, Yankee Stadium. Forget about.

[Mark Normand]

I'm getting booze.

[Maddie]

$28 for a surfside?

[Ari Shaffir]

That's robbery.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa. 16 ounces.

[Sam Morril]

I said, do you see that? Thing that deal Hughley posted where he said Netflix didn't kill movie theaters. Whatever. Popcorn, movies, whatever you're charging for popcorn and movies. He said, like six dollar soda or whatever. Like, all right, you haven't been to a movie in a while. Yeah, but, but he said, like, but he was like, it was like, those prices kill movies.

[Ari Shaffir]

I was like, you're not wrong.

[Sam Morril]

There's some truth.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Make it acceptable. That's why I like putting in Atlanta, their football stadium. They're like, we're going to be affordable, like hot dogs, $5 beers like they used to be. They're like, once you're in, we want you to have a good time and come back for Falcons games and for like.

[Sam Morril]

So what did you miss most about.

[Mark Normand]

So when I said there's some stuff I missed and there's some stuff when I got back that I realized, oh, I had been missing that.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

You know, miss my dog. Like, I mean, like crazy. I made so many friends with street dogs.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, you were lonely.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I went so nuts with street dogs. Found some. You give them a couple treats. Are buying treats. A couple treats. They'll go with you for like a

[Ari Shaffir]

three hour hike and come back, you know, no worry. They're going to gnarl your leg on the way up.

[Mark Normand]

They. They beat to death the bad ones. It's taking care of me for me. So when I got back, what I really noticed is brushing your teeth with sink water that's big, glorious, and flushing toilet paper instead of throwing it away.

[Ari Shaffir]

What about a tampon?

[Mark Normand]

What.

[Ari Shaffir]

What happens with that?

[Maddie]

What do you do with your tampons in South America?

[Mark Normand]

Well, I mean, I do what I always do. I soak them in alcohol and up

[Sam Morril]

there, but bring them into the game and then slurp on them.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

If you're not boofing, you ain't living.

[Ari Shaffir]

T shirt.

[Mark Normand]

Yes. That part was. Bobby Kelly says something funny. He goes, it's funny, like, finally, strays.

[Ari Shaffir]

Just joking, Bobby.

[Mark Normand]

He said, it's more dangerous to brush your teeth with tap water there than to brush your teeth with toilet water here.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. I believe that you could dip your

[Mark Normand]

toothbrush in there and then brush. And you're like, you'll be fine as long as you're.

[Sam Morril]

And that was a whole Seinfeld episode. When they dropped the toothbrush, it was the girl from the second city.

[Ari Shaffir]

Remember? My wife did all the right things in Mexico. She did one tap water with the toothbrush on accident. She forgot. She was like, oh, that's three drops. She got Monuma's revenge. It ruined the whole trip.

[Sam Morril]

She was such a funny word for yourself.

[Mark Normand]

Who's Monuma?

[Sam Morril]

I don't know.

[Guest or Producer]

I think he was a Spanish conqueror. And they said. And he killed a lot of the Aztecs.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Guest or Producer]

And then they said. He said, where's the gold? And they're like, in the middle of the country. And they sent in the middle of country. And all of his guys died of that dysentery.

[Ari Shaffir]

Whoa.

[Mark Normand]

So revenge on Montezuma.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And not his revenge.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes. Got it.

[Sam Morril]

Damn.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Grammatically, it's problematic. It's not Montezuma's revenge.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay. Now let's flip it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

What, did you get back to America and go, I missed that shit when I was over there.

[Mark Normand]

I got to be honest. And it's. I don't know. It's not. It's not you guys. I'm not attacking you guys here. I mean, it's us obsessed with politics in an unclassy way.

[Ari Shaffir]

Unclassy.

[Mark Normand]

It's. It's just tacky, the amount that we talk about politics here.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. We tried not to do it on air.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. No, you guys are good about it on air. For sure. For sure. It's smart not to.

[Ari Shaffir]

But just like, just in general.

[Sam Morril]

I feel like it's everywhere. So you kind of. Unless. Yeah. You try to make this escapist as possible. I think that's what people want.

[Mark Normand]

That's what they want. No more.

[Sam Morril]

At least here.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, but remember when you were in the 90s, somebody brought up Kosovo, and you're like, shut up, you nerd. Sarajevo. Hey, they're bombing and whatever. You're like, get out of here, you dwee.

[Mark Normand]

Back then you'd be like, I've never heard of that.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Try to watch Beavis and Butthead.

[Mark Normand]

No one had a take already.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

Now we have to take everybody is exactly right. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

I try not to weigh in unless I got a good joke.

[Mark Normand]

Joke.

[Sam Morril]

That's kind of a joke.

[Ari Shaffir]

But you still gotta watch it to write the joke. Totally. Still consuming.

[Sam Morril]

No.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

No, it's. It's a. It's a problem. Yeah, but you got to know what's

[Ari Shaffir]

going on in the world, too. Yes.

[Mark Normand]

Do you?

[Ari Shaffir]

Do you, though? Yeah. Why do I do. Scaramucci is.

[Mark Normand]

Let me ask you two questions. How's your life different? Knowing versus not knowing? And how is the world going to change? Whether you don't know.

[Sam Morril]

I'm not going to change. Nothing I'm going to do is going to change the world, regardless.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

It's just I just want to know stuff.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, how interesting.

[Sam Morril]

How are you going to change the world reading a Steinbeck book? Right? No, it's knowledge. It's good. It's good to. It's good to take things in.

[Mark Normand]

That's fair.

[Ari Shaffir]

But Steinbeck is art. He's a brilliant writer. This is a. Hey.

[Mark Normand]

Political discussion. Barely research things.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, I think you could. Look, I think you could tune out a lot of the current events, like the scandals and stuff.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sam Morril]

But there's stuff you should know.

[Ari Shaffir]

This stuff you should know. But I think people make it their whole personality.

[Mark Normand]

I think it's way more. Way more important to know what was gonna happen with the L train that ended up not happening. We got together, we go. That can't happen. And we changed their fucking plans.

[Ari Shaffir]

Here, here. Village takes a village.

[Mark Normand]

Much as rumors. Revenge. So it. What would it be to be grammatically correct? Revenge on Montezuma.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, there you go.

[Mark Normand]

Didn't have the. Didn't we need something catchier though? Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Fuck Montezuma.

[Guest or Producer]

I'm double checking my Montezuma facts.

[Ari Shaffir]

All right? But it was. I mean, she was laid up and I got to look at the toilet at one point and it was just yellow bubbly liquid.

[Sam Morril]

You just hand divorce papers under the door.

[Guest or Producer]

Okay.

[Ari Shaffir]

She would have been able to sign them.

[Sam Morril]

Damn, that sucks.

[Ari Shaffir]

It was bad. Like she couldn't. I had to help her to the toilet.

[Sam Morril]

That's love right there. That's love. We always think of love as like. But love is taking care of someone when they're struggling, you know?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. I was wiping.

[Sam Morril]

You were wiping her.

[Ari Shaffir]

Well, I would handle the front to back.

[Mark Normand]

That's a good question.

[Ari Shaffir]

I hit her with a hose.

[Mark Normand]

What's your name?

[Maddie]

I'm Maddie.

[Mark Normand]

Nice to meet you.

[Ari Shaffir]

There you go.

[Mark Normand]

Are you always here? Sometimes when we have a guy. When it took off.

[Sam Morril]

When we have a guest. When we have a guest who we know wants to have a couple cocktails, it's a good idea.

[Ari Shaffir]

And we don't know what the.

[Mark Normand]

I did tell though. I was like, hey, what I'm asking you to make. That's not a simple pour. You're gonna need someone.

[Sam Morril]

Are there other drinks that were.

[Mark Normand]

That we did say get a bow type type of person. That's perfect.

[Ari Shaffir]

Let's get another. Another round of a new thing.

[Maddie]

Let's go sour going.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, this is. You were talking about.

[Mark Normand]

This is Peru.

[Ari Shaffir]

Peru.

[Mark Normand]

Peru. So there's a battle going on on who invented the pisco?

[Ari Shaffir]

Macho Picchu. Machu Picchu. It's A fun to say.

[Mark Normand]

Machu Pisco. I like it.

[Ari Shaffir]

I like it.

[Mark Normand]

I didn't quite understand it, but I like it. It's either Chile or it's Peru. And they're both like them. We have the pisco.

[Ari Shaffir]

Got it.

[Mark Normand]

Pisco is from us Now I believe it's clearly Peru.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

The reason is because they think it originates from the city named Pisco.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. They're still. Are they both calling it the pisco?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. End of story.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And end of story.

[Sam Morril]

What is a pisco Sour.

[Maddie]

It's pisco sour and sweet. Simple. A little bit of egg white.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, egg white.

[Mark Normand]

You can get in different flavors. I will tell you.

[Sam Morril]

Get some protein in our day.

[Mark Normand]

Blueberry. Yeah.

[Maddie]

Because I've been to Chile and Argentina.

[Mark Normand]

Really?

[Maddie]

I hiked Patagonia two Novembers ago.

[Mark Normand]

Nice. I was just there last November.

[Ari Shaffir]

What? So what is this, like a rum kind of stuff?

[Mark Normand]

It's its own thing.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, it's its own thing.

[Mark Normand]

It's like Malorts. It's its own thing.

[Sam Morril]

What is. Look up what pisco is.

[Mark Normand]

Wait, where'd you go in Patagonia? Where'd you hike? I was there last November. I was already a year after.

[Maddie]

Yeah, last November.

[Mark Normand]

So I found your wallet.

[Maddie]

Chile and Argentina.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, we.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's a great brand.

[Maddie]

Supposed to be a longer trip, but we got stuck in the Miami Airport for 37 hours. Oh, it's not fun.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh.

[Mark Normand]

Peru and Chile both claim its origin.

[Ari Shaffir]

There you go.

[Maddie]

All the way down to Puntarenas.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's kind of like the Wright brothers. Everywhere I go there, the Wright Brothers. They're from here. First in flight. It got to be one place.

[Maddie]

I'm so jealous.

[Ari Shaffir]

Same with Rosa Parks. Everybody claims Rosa Parks.

[Maddie]

After being stuck in Miami for 37 hours, we'll see you for fucking.

[Mark Normand]

I saw the penguins. Right after they gave birth. There's a bunch of baby penguins. So cute.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wow. That's fun.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. The dads would come back with a bunch of grass and put it in there.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Guest or Producer]

I want to correct the record on Montezuma.

[Ari Shaffir]

I fucked up.

[Mark Normand]

What?

[Guest or Producer]

He was an Aztec ruler who the Spanish killed, and this was his revenge on.

[Ari Shaffir]

This is his revenge. That makes sense. All right.

[Sam Morril]

I bet someone in the comments already beat you too, though. Someone who had this diarrhea was like. I looked it up.

[Mark Normand]

This is my favorite comments. You don't know anything about Matsuma's revenge. And then no explanation. No. What. What should we know?

[Ari Shaffir]

Just.

[Mark Normand]

You're wrong. I'm not gonna tell you what the real thing is, okay?

[Ari Shaffir]

Also, if I remembered, I don't want to be the diarrhea guy, you know,

[Sam Morril]

like, can I just be conqueror?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, you just make people waste two days of their vacation.

[Sam Morril]

Right before he died, he's like, I'll get my revenge.

[Ari Shaffir]

Right?

[Maddie]

Did you hike Patagonia at all? Because we did Torres del Paine on the Chile side and Fitzroy on the Torres del Pane.

[Mark Normand]

I was at a camper, and I, I, I parked while camping on a, on a, on a, on a riverbank in the middle of nowhere. And Torres del Paine was past the river, way, way in distance for two days. You saw a glimpse of it for, like, 10 minutes on day three. Got sunny, opened up, and you just got this most beautiful view you've ever seen in your life.

[Maddie]

Fabulous.

[Ari Shaffir]

Now, do you feel when you're out there, you're representing America, like, you try to be nice and try to go, hey, I tip well. I'm cool to everybody. I'm an American.

[Mark Normand]

I do notice some American stereotypes enough. You notice it like, you know, when you haven't seen somebody in a while, like, oh, I never realized you, you're kind of this, kind of this way.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes, yes.

[Mark Normand]

We are confident where no confidence is warranted.

[Ari Shaffir]

We didn't earn it.

[Mark Normand]

We will go into American feminism and stupid feminism. American sports knowledge and stupid sports knowledge.

[Sam Morril]

We'll claim we know what Montezuma revenge is without even researching it.

[Mark Normand]

We are so fucking confident. Blindly and just, like, carry conversations. We're great at a party. Yeah, we bring attitude to a party. Australians bring, I'll find the coke in the city.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. You know, and we're louder, too.

[Mark Normand]

We're loud. We know what we're doing even if we don't.

[Sam Morril]

Why are we so confident?

[Mark Normand]

I think it's the most dominant place and that's it.

[Maddie]

And something about the tea in the harbor.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. And we come from, like, wealth. The poor people Here are, are 1 percenters in other countries.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

We're the white women of countries. We were entitled. We want everything.

[Sam Morril]

That's a bit. That's a bit Dunning Krueger.

[Mark Normand]

What is that?

[Guest or Producer]

It's the dumbest person is the most confident in their beliefs.

[Ari Shaffir]

Ouch.

[Mark Normand]

Ronnie Chang had a great bit about it where during COVID and he was like, all these dummies talking about how viruses are spread. Like, you were a D student. You're supposed to shut the fuck up and let the A students talk. Now the D students are all talking. That's funny. Yeah. Some people know how, like, metal burns during 9, 11 like you don't know any of this. Shut the fuck up, D student.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes. That's so true.

[Mark Normand]

Dunning Kruger. Cognitive bias, where low ability individuals overestimate their competence.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's true.

[Sam Morril]

What's your favorite country that you went to on this one? And what's your favorite South American country?

[Mark Normand]

Favorite is Ecuador. I spent six months there.

[Sam Morril]

Why is the pandemic.

[Ari Shaffir]

Whoa.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I went when. When stuff shut down. And I remember a soda story of he went to the airport to go do the Tempe Improv.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

And then they called him they Turn around. They. They meant they shut down.

[Ari Shaffir]

So turn around.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. He was already playing a 1/3 capacity room.

[Ari Shaffir]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

And then he was like, turn. It's like. So he spent a hundred dollars to get to the airport, $100 back.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yep.

[Mark Normand]

Can't even go. So you're just out 200?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yep.

[Mark Normand]

No shows. You didn't call them for spots. And I was like, I don't want to be here for this. This seems like the right time to get away.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

So I got away to Ecuador.

[Ari Shaffir]

You and Monil.

[Mark Normand]

What?

[Ari Shaffir]

You and o'? Neill?

[Mark Normand]

No.

[Ari Shaffir]

Didn't he go?

[Mark Normand]

No.

[Ari Shaffir]

List.

[Mark Normand]

List visited me.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay, sorry.

[Mark Normand]

O' Neill came to me through Machu Picchu.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay. That's what I saw.

[Mark Normand]

I gotta. Wait, everyone. I remember doing an ad read for you guys. I did a. For my old podcast. Yeah, Long live Skeptic Tank. You had a podcast I recorded ahead of time. Us in a car. And I go, he's got a new. He's got a new podcast called. You had a different title for this.

[Ari Shaffir]

One More Drink.

[Mark Normand]

One More Drink. And it's me in front of a waterfall.

[Sam Morril]

There was like a pod called One More Drink already with like six reviews. But we were like, let's just not take another name, even if they might not exist anymore.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I mean, there's way. My very drunk is way more fun.

[Ari Shaffir]

All right.

[Sam Morril]

The spirit of this pod was One More Drink because of Mark and I just being at the Cellar and seeing each other. You know, you used to drink every night and then you see each other once a week because of the road. And it turned into one more drink. And then we closed the bar.

[Mark Normand]

My core memory of New York Stand Up Comedy 21 is being immediately put on the late show at the Cellar. And so I'm like, oh, these are booze bags. And I'm in. Learning how to appreciate a bullet. Rye on the rocks.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You know, with booze bags and lists for no reason.

[Ari Shaffir]

Next. Booze bag.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. And then. And Then the other memory was us being at the old Fat Black bar, which used to be a fucking jam.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And me and Norman, just one more beer, one more beer, one more beer. And then all of a sudden, you see a light cracking through the windshield windows and you're like, oh, no. But also. Oh, yes.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

You get out and this guy's, like, picking up all the garbage or deliveries going. And you're like, oh, no.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

You feel like a loser, but you also feel kind of cool because it's that, like, Rat Pack photo.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Mark Normand]

Like, as people going to work and you're going to sleep.

[Sam Morril]

The problem is that the Fat Black, which those you don't know is. Is like the satellite room of the Comedy Cellar. They just would used to just be a bar. And they wouldn't kick us out.

[Mark Normand]

Kick us out. Free drinks.

[Ari Shaffir]

Free drinks.

[Sam Morril]

And the staff would be drinking with us. And like, do not try to go toe to toe with that bar staff. Holy. They'll drink you under the table.

[Ari Shaffir]

You got.

[Sam Morril]

We try. And we'd still leave at like 6, 7 in the morning.

[Mark Normand]

You win if you fail.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. But man, it would. It would get wild and fun and just like. It was just. If the vibe was right, it was hard to leave.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. When they got that new. The new cellar, they're about to open. Like, does that mean get the bar back? And they're like, no.

[Sam Morril]

I'm like, well, guess who fought for the wall. The wall, though, in there, that's me.

[Mark Normand]

Save the show, buddy. I wish went in there. There was. Since I was gone, it came. I'm like, there was no.

[Sam Morril]

We couldn't talk at the bar.

[Mark Normand]

Much better show.

[Ari Shaffir]

No. All right, so what happened?

[Mark Normand]

So anyway, in Ecuador, when you. When I. I was like, I'm off. This is silly. Let me get out of here. I wanted to travel. It's time to now. So I went to Ecuador for six months.

[Ari Shaffir]

Damn.

[Mark Normand]

Took my dog. Just got a. Rented a car and just drove around the country. Meanwhile, during that time, you guys, Schultz2Bear, all these guys massively succeeding.

[Ari Shaffir]

Blew it. Tim Dillon blow it up.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, everybody did.

[Ari Shaffir]

I don't know where or when that was.

[Sam Morril]

That was the old studio.

[Mark Normand]

That's the old studio.

[Ari Shaffir]

I guess we were putting them back.

[Mark Normand]

Where was that? Look at that hair on that 38th Street. Look at us wearing matching shirts.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, yeah. It was a flannel day. I remember that.

[Mark Normand]

Still have those socks.

[Ari Shaffir]

I lost those pants. Drinking.

[Guest or Producer]

How's the Bolly of our day?

[Ari Shaffir]

I went out drinking one night. I woke up with no pants.

[Mark Normand]

Where was this? Where was this?

[Guest or Producer]

38th Street. So it's like a block away.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Ari Shaffir]

Are you like 12 years younger?

[Mark Normand]

God damn age.

[Sam Morril]

This is a nicer green is kind of ugly. I never really. Never realized that.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

What were we most Tavern. Look at these colors. Colors are rough.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Norman's out.

[Ari Shaffir]

I'm out. Well, hey, don't make me pull up the picture of you at the Rogan studio.

[Mark Normand]

I think they lost that picture.

[Ari Shaffir]

I still haven't off the Internet. Keep it.

[Mark Normand]

Anyway, so that. Because I was there for six months, Ecuador is my favorite. For sure. I have a softball at my heart. They qualify for the World Cup. This year

[Sam Morril]

is so great, though.

[Mark Normand]

The people, the. The food.

[Sam Morril]

What kind of food is. I don't even know what Ecuador is.

[Mark Normand]

There's not that much specific to Ecuador. Besides, in Sevillaro, they have a specific type of ceviche, but it's just the freshest fish. And it's like there's no real tourism board, so it's just like everything you find is untouched.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And also they think the $2 bill is magical.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, I can see that.

[Mark Normand]

So you about a two at a place, they use the American dollar.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, really?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And it's just cheap as.

[Mark Normand]

Everything's cheap.

[Ari Shaffir]

See, that's the thing. I did your podcast before you left, and I was like, are you worried about money? You're going to be gone for eight months. You're gonna run out of money because you're not working. And you said, the amount I'm saving on this apartment alone is gonna pay for the whole trip.

[Mark Normand]

I could not. I could not spend $6,000 in a month in. In South America. That's crazy.

[Sam Morril]

Even where you're. Where are you staying there?

[Mark Normand]

Hostels, mostly. Yeah, so. So get a private. You don't tell anybody else, but you get a private, and it's like 70 bucks. Damn. Or dorms for like 15. And there's no privates available, which is fine. It's fine. You're not in them. That's crazy that I have no memory of that.

[Ari Shaffir]

That was a crazy night.

[Mark Normand]

He drank me under the table.

[Ari Shaffir]

To Ari's credit, you got up after an hour sleep. We all left you and went out to eat, and you got up and did the show later.

[Mark Normand]

I didn't do the show, but I was up enough for it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

I met up. I was like, let me get some tacos. I saw Rogan. I was like, got up, and I went over to the Rogan's, like, pool room, and he's in there with like four high level pro professionals of pool.

[Ari Shaffir]

Uh huh.

[Mark Normand]

But I'm like, what? Anyway, he goes, hey, buddy. And then they drove me home.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You guys are trying to get me up. Like, come on. I'm like, buddy, I've been drunk before.

[Sam Morril]

Leave me.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

I want to be on the floor.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

We've all been drunk. I know. It's raining. I know.

[Sam Morril]

Because you tried to go toe to toe with Shane with beer.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

And Shane's got a lot of weight on you.

[Mark Normand]

Shane also is a bully to the point. He's got. Thank you.

[Sam Morril]

Well, he does have a lot of weight. Got a lot of weight on you.

[Ari Shaffir]

And he does this. He's been conditioning himself to drink Bud Lights for the past 12 years.

[Sam Morril]

It's literally the equivalent of me bullying a girl on a date with like, have another. Yeah, it's the same level of bullying.

[Mark Normand]

The same.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes.

[Sam Morril]

Between your weight. Difference. Difference with Shane.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Wait, what is.

[Mark Normand]

So the night. But the day before we were all talking.

[Sam Morril]

Guys, it's been a while since we talked about this. All right, let's do this. That takes a while to make this one.

[Mark Normand]

I'm sorry.

[Sam Morril]

Thank you so much, man.

[Mark Normand]

The day before we were all talking, I was like, I'm going to go toe to toe with you tomorrow. He goes, really? Actually, maybe not. Maybe. Maybe one for two. He goes, sir, immediately being pushing out.

[Sam Morril]

All right, hold on, hold on.

[Mark Normand]

Let me get my.

[Sam Morril]

No.

[Mark Normand]

Sh.

[Sam Morril]

Shane will monitor your drinks. He will monitor and I hate the monitoring.

[Ari Shaffir]

Well, I'm opening for him this weekend and I heard he quit boozing, so we shall see. I'll. I'll get him going again. I got Rogan going again.

[Mark Normand]

Nice.

[Ari Shaffir]

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[Sam Morril]

Who?

[Mark Normand]

Okay, you stopped. Who's going. Is this costing me data? That's a crazy thing. I know, I know. They have to say it just in case you're like, I spent this money sending one text or a free deal.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's true. Keep that in Ethos. Life insurance is one of those things that people tend to put off, but it's one of the simplest ways to help provide financial security for your family.

[Mark Normand]

Is it fast?

[Ari Shaffir]

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[Mark Normand]

Okay, great.

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[Mark Normand]

How many millions yet in coverage?

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[Mark Normand]

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[Mark Normand]

Oh, it's important.

[Ari Shaffir]

Must drink on camera. If you're looking for an alternative to alcohol, this still gives you a social buzz. Willie's Remedy plus is a THC infused with anything THC designed for that. It's a low calorie, low sugar option that delivers a fast acting.

[Mark Normand]

I don't want any calories.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, locale.

[Mark Normand]

Okay.

[Ari Shaffir]

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[Mark Normand]

How many milligrams does it come in?

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, that's a good question. Five milligrams and 10 milligram options.

[Mark Normand]

That's all I want.

[Ari Shaffir]

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[Mark Normand]

Sarah, the weather's getting warmer. What do we gotta start doing as

[Sam Morril]

the weather gets warmer? You start opening windows, spending more time outside, and that's when the bugs are start showing up again. These bugs. Cunts. Pes. A simple way to deal with it before.

[Mark Normand]

Hey, hey, hey. There's a lot of like, difficulty. I need a simple. I need a simplified kit. What I need is something simple.

[Sam Morril]

You need like a customized kit, you mean? Well, something you need with like a sprayer, pesticide, gloves and instructions.

[Mark Normand]

I need instructions for sure. Minutes.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Well, this is right for you. This.

[Mark Normand]

Well, hold on now. What grade is this? The same as like professionals use professional

[Sam Morril]

grade treatment used by pest control companies. But you can apply. Apply it yourself.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, great.

[Sam Morril]

I love this. I use it all the time. I. I give it to Mark's kid

[Mark Normand]

was like a thousand dollars.

[Sam Morril]

It's. It's cheap as it's 35 bucks a treatment, man. It gets bugs out of your house. Pesty. Go to pesi.com mightbe drunk for an extra 10 off your order. That's P E-S-T-E T I E P-E-S-T-I E.com might be drunk.

[Mark Normand]

I love that. Sam was like, I'm not really drinking

[Sam Morril]

much lately for like a month. I had to take a minute. Wait, wait, wait. I did take a minute off. Starting a business or launching something online can feel overwhelming, especially when you're trying to manage everything at once. Shopify is a platform that brings all of that into one place, used by millions of businesses, and it handles a

[Mark Normand]

significant break into this podcast ad. Read for a second.

[Sam Morril]

Yes, come, come by, Ari. What's up?

[Mark Normand]

[e-mail] I do use Shopify.

[Sam Morril]

It's huge.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it's not. I didn't use it because I got in this podcast today.

[Sam Morril]

I've been using it and Ari's got big fake tits, so he knows what he's talking about. Look at those jiggle. Shopify includes tools that help you write product descriptions, approve product images, and streamline your workflow. You can also create email and social campaigns to reach customers and grow your audience.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. That's all great and narrow, but can it handle like shippings and returns and shit?

[Sam Morril]

It sure can, Ari. Sign up now for your $1 per month trial at shopify.com/drunk. Go to shopify.com/drunk. Shopify.com/drunk. That might be number one.

[Ari Shaffir]

That is frothy and delicious.

[Sam Morril]

Great. So the grape look.

[Mark Normand]

Crisco, a great job.

[Maddie]

Thank you.

[Ari Shaffir]

This would feel good against your ball bed.

[Mark Normand]

What is this? The staple of Cusco, the jewel of Latin America. This is a staple there. And it's just like, they're shockingly strong. You also could get them just straight high level pisco over rocks and stuff like. Like ramen. Dominican Republic is like nicer.

[Sam Morril]

And just pisco straight is really good.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, but people mostly do pisco sours. That's their drink.

[Ari Shaffir]

Now I get why they're fighting over this. This is delightful.

[Sam Morril]

Really good.

[Maddie]

I added a splash of pineapple to just make it.

[Sam Morril]

How does this compare, Ari, to like a Chilean or whatever Peruvian Right there.

[Maddie]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Sorry.

[Mark Normand]

Right there. No. If I got this at a bar Cusco, I'm like, great, thank you. This is awesome.

[Maddie]

Thank you.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

What would that be at a bar? 14 cents.

[Mark Normand]

I mean. Yeah, like $3.

[Ari Shaffir]

Nice.

[Maddie]

When you were in Argentina or Chile, was the currency rate constantly changing? Because when I was one each, it was like per shop. They would be doing the math.

[Mark Normand]

Bolivia was that interesting. So Bolivia was. Was. It was seven to one. But they're like, you are dumb. If you try to go to a bank and get 7 to 1. That's dumb. Because the actual street currency was between 11 and 14 to 1.

[Ari Shaffir]

Whoa. Wow. That's crazy.

[Maddie]

I went with a guide for all the hiking and we were like, oh, where can we exchange our bills? And they're like, no, no, keep it American, Keep it American. Every single shop is going to be different. And sure enough, it was. We would go into one restaurant, be like, okay, how much does this cost? They'd be like, one second. Then they'd get out a calculator and do it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. And they go like this and turn it, show it.

[Maddie]

And then you'd go to. And you're like, oh, I think I know what the conversion rate is. I think it's this. And then you'd go to a different shop.

[Mark Normand]

It's a massive difference. It's a massive difference. For 100 bucks, how far it'll go. It'll go two extra days if you just get the right place.

[Ari Shaffir]

Now you're exotic over there. Where the ladies going, hey, who's this hunk of jewelry?

[Mark Normand]

My hair. What's left of my hair would get touched a lot.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, that's the telltale sign.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Little beard play.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. That wasn't as much as I would have loved, but it was all right. Yeah. The locals are like, what are you. Yeah, I'm trying to think. When I went to deep jungle and stuff.

[Ari Shaffir]

More action from the street, dog.

[Mark Normand]

It wasn't like. It wasn't like Cambodia or Thailand where they see you as a way out.

[Ari Shaffir]

Right, Right. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

There they're really like.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, they latch on you.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, really, bro?

[Sam Morril]

Like how they.

[Mark Normand]

Two ways in. In Cambodia or Thailand, they can get you on the hook. One, I'm moving you to. Back to the States.

[Ari Shaffir]

Sure.

[Mark Normand]

To Tucson. Oh, my God, what a better life.

[Ari Shaffir]

Classic.

[Maddie]

What did you say Tucson?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Oh, really? Well, that was my example of the dumbest city I could think of.

[Ari Shaffir]

Shitty.

[Mark Normand]

Wait, and the second level is just send me 500 bucks twice a year for my kids. I'm having trouble. And they have like eight of those guys on the hook for that. How you been? I. You know, I'm doing great. You know, I'm having a little trouble. My kid needs braces.

[Ari Shaffir]

I consider ghosting her if I get back.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, these old men are like, right. 500 bucks, nothing day. You know, they do that twice a year.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

And they think like, I'm still gonna her again when I get there. So those are the two ways they get you on the hook there. But that's. They really see that as like, like you as an out.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Latin America. They're not. Maybe Colombia.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, I could see that now. Are there nightclubs? Like, what do you do at night?

[Mark Normand]

Depends where.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

Colombia is one of the most world. Medellin is one of the most worldly cities in the world.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, I didn't know that.

[Mark Normand]

It's so high level. It's so cool. The food, the. The, like, the, the. The artsy, you know, like bars. You know, when you go to like a cool like East Village bar. Yeah, that's, that's, that's everywhere in Colombia.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, I didn't know that. I just. The blow capital. You know about it?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, we did have a fun time once. A Toot Park.

[Ari Shaffir]

Toot Park.

[Mark Normand]

Nope. Oh, Prasta.

[Ari Shaffir]

Ah, really?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

What's. What's happening there?

[Mark Normand]

It's prostitutes.

[Sam Morril]

What's it look like?

[Mark Normand]

So it's a nice park.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

It's mostly, Mostly if I find out where it is, you'll. You'll see it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Toot Park.

[Mark Normand]

It's mostly cement, but a little. Some trees and. And you just go see the process. Cops are there. They don't care. Yeah. And we just bought like Lucy's crushes and just sat and smoked and watched these toots get picked up.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

So fun.

[Sam Morril]

It's like the zoo for adults.

[Ari Shaffir]

What?

[Sam Morril]

It's like the zoo for adults.

[Mark Normand]

It's Medellin. Yeah, Sorry. Yeah. It's so fun to watch. And you see most guys just going, trying to talk because they want to talk themselves into actually paying for it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

They don't just go, how much? They go, what's your name?

[Sam Morril]

How do these prostitutes look? Are they. Are they attractive or no?

[Mark Normand]

Sam. Your question, champ.

[Sam Morril]

Charlie Rose, baby. Yeah, I'm that drunk.

[Mark Normand]

The mixture between, like, you could never score one at a bar to. To like, just girl next door, like regular girl.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's still pretty. Pretty good range. You're not getting a salad cues?

[Mark Normand]

No.

[Ari Shaffir]

All right. Yeah. Cause you always hear about these patricias

[Sam Morril]

in the tube top would be pretty rough.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, God. You always hear about the Patrice o' Neill and Norton would always go to Brazil to get hookers back in the day.

[Mark Normand]

What is that?

[Ari Shaffir]

Who's that guy?

[Guest or Producer]

That's the guy from Spin Doctors. I was trying to do it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, that's fun.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I was like, wait. I was like, I'm wearing that hat now. So one or two princes kneel right in front of you. He's been to Peru, clearly. Yes.

[Sam Morril]

Hold on.

[Mark Normand]

What's up?

[Ari Shaffir]

Reversible.

[Mark Normand]

That's right. Brody, that's alpaca.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah. Damn. Salak using the dress. I'm like, just make it quick. Come on. Suck my dick.

[Mark Normand]

It's a good picture, brother.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, that is good.

[Mark Normand]

Guys, I honestly, here's what I missed. My friends. Hey. Yeah, A lot of times I was in a bar or not. Hikes, hikes were different people, but in a bar and stuff like that. And I'd be like, damn, like, you got. Specifically, you two would have been like. If I could just like, say, come down. You'd love these places.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, I hear you. Because you can't really connect with this. You know, you don't have the same inside jokes and you don't know the

[Mark Normand]

same jokes of like, oh, you guys would make fun of these guys with me, right?

[Sam Morril]

Do you get lonely at all?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah. There's moments of extreme. Extreme like. Like soul crushing loneliness. But they're just moments.

[Ari Shaffir]

But see, that's when I would go to the phone, I'd be like, oh, what's he up to? Let me look at his Insta. Or what's this guy up to?

[Mark Normand]

You don't even bring a phone. I took that ability away from me.

[Ari Shaffir]

Good for you.

[Sam Morril]

You just didn't have.

[Mark Normand]

No, I got a phone, got a new number with. No, none of my contacts, none of my emails, no nothing. And so if I had to look up a flight or a bus or whatever, I could do it on the phone or if I met somebody, I'd be like, yeah, let's, I'll. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Let's do it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Did you get a little too chummy with some guys where you're like, what are you tomorrow? And some guy's like, hey, well, I'm leaving tomorrow. Get off me.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, a couple times I got too lonely and clingy with dudes. It was funny. It's like, yeah, I got, I got, I got like, leery with dudes. Yeah, I need companionship.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, I've been there. Yeah, I had that in college. I just went to college without knowing people and I was like, what are you guys doing? They're like, something else. Yeah, exactly.

[Mark Normand]

Where's else?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, well, you're starting from scratch.

[Mark Normand]

Starting from scratch. Kind of like Norm saying we lost all his money, you know, clean. I'm like, I've got to bring something to the table.

[Sam Morril]

Norm is so zen though. You just piss away a shitload of your. Maybe your whole life's money.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

And then you're just like, it's good.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Like, that's crazy to me.

[Ari Shaffir]

Crazy. But that's.

[Mark Normand]

I'm sure there was a moment where he wasn't like, right away, it wasn't like, this is good. It was like. Probably came to terms with that.

[Sam Morril]

Totally.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But so there is something though, that I, that I realized, like, look, I'm a. Whatever I am as a comedian, I'm somewhere. I'm not the best, I'm not the worst. Yeah, I'm somewhere. But I'm a professional New York comedian.

[Ari Shaffir]

Hell yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Raised in la, perfected in New York. I'm so much funnier than a normcore person in Guatemala.

[Ari Shaffir]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

It's no question.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

You know, if Brian Scalabrini was just playing pick up hoops in Cambodia, he would dominate. Like, who's this fucking?

[Sam Morril]

I love when he does that shit.

[Mark Normand]

White mamba. Yeah. And it's just like. So it's like my weapon is humor. And you're like, oh, I'm actually really funny compared to the whole world, of

[Ari Shaffir]

course, in the 1%.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. So that part was kind of cool. I could bring something to the table,

[Ari Shaffir]

but there's a language barrier, there's a culture barrier.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

So you gotta, you gotta figure out what they laugh at because, you know, we've all had jokes in the middle of nowhere where you're like, this is funny. And people are like, shut up.

[Mark Normand]

Shut up. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

So you gotta find their thing.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Find out something to reference.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, yeah. You know, you're like, oh, this guy did a lot of pisco. What are you gay? You know, or whatever. Like, hey, is that. Was that a ball bag or is that a drink?

[Sam Morril]

You know that piece going before the show? He was.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Guest or Producer]

So are you there trying to write

[Mark Normand]

and not trying to write at all?

[Guest or Producer]

You're not trying to write at all?

[Mark Normand]

No.

[Sam Morril]

But did you write by just by being there? Do you just have, like, a notepad Every once in a while?

[Mark Normand]

I had a notepad for, like, well, I journaled.

[Sam Morril]

That's cool.

[Mark Normand]

Like, I want to keep track of all this stuff. I tried every day, and sometimes it would, like, fall behind five days and, like, I'd catch up. Like, what did I do? Just, like, bed to breakfast.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

The other way. Just. I can remember names and places and stuff.

[Sam Morril]

Being a comic is. Is journaling is. You're just like, this happened to me today. Can I make this.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Into a thing?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. But, yeah, I'll. I'll write from that later.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Like, I have the stuff. So it'll start to come out.

[Sam Morril]

You'll reread and be like, oh, this is kind of funny.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I've done it before. And then I'll, like, start, like, let me do a story about this. And then it'll be like, let me go back to my old journal in, like, Latin America or South America. South. Southeast Asia. And then find about some bus in Vietnam. Like, oh, right, that guy was there.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

I forgot about that part. And then that goes into it.

[Ari Shaffir]

I do that with my phone. I'm, like, looking over old photos. Oh, wow. 2016, I was this. I did this. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

The whole place. I forgot I went to.

[Sam Morril]

I went to a gay bath house.

[Mark Normand]

I blew three dudes and took a spit roast.

[Ari Shaffir]

Crazy.

[Mark Normand]

I remember the blowing spit roast.

[Sam Morril]

This is terrible.

[Ari Shaffir]

On the last pot, I talked about the going to Mexico in college. And my friend who was there with me goes, hey, I have photos from that. That weekend. I was like, oh, my God, send them to me. So he sent me the photo.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Ari Shaffir]

Donkey show. The bar. It's just me, like, arm in arm with some crazy fat Latina. I have no memory of this. I don't remember the shirt I'm wearing. I don't. I didn't know half the guys on the trip. Wow. Insane. Wow.

[Mark Normand]

After college, you're so much freer then O.

[Ari Shaffir]

Completely.

[Sam Morril]

You just kind of taken that credo and you just made it your thing now.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I guess.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I. Honestly, guys, there's no way you were freer in college.

[Sam Morril]

Look at you right now.

[Ari Shaffir]

Good point.

[Sam Morril]

You're very free.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

When your life flashed for your eyes. It's gonna be long and weird. Speaking of long and weird.

[Sam Morril]

What? Yeah. Are you ever gonna do like a. A one man show type thing? Not one man show, but like maybe some kind of special. Just like here are all the places I've been and.

[Ari Shaffir]

And that's good.

[Sam Morril]

I can be kind of a fun because not many people have just shut off like you, like off the grid.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I'm trying to write a book of short stories about.

[Ari Shaffir]

There we go. Put the journal in there.

[Sam Morril]

That's a wreck for me, by the way, is just read short stories. Like you'll be shocked.

[Mark Normand]

You could tackle it. It's like, it's episode of like Love, Death and Robots. Like, I can handle seven minutes. Let's load it up.

[Sam Morril]

I'll try to read one a day. I'll just like, let me just bang out one thing.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, you commit to it. Even if it takes you three days to read a short story, you're like, like, I can hit War and Peace, like, dude, nah.

[Sam Morril]

Well, some of the really dense stuff and then some of the stuff you think is going to be dense is not that dense. You're like, this is pretty readable, you know, and then sometimes I'll just buy like, I'll just go to like the Strand or go to some random bookstore. And I was like, I never read this play. I should read this play. Play? You read plays. I like dialogue. So yeah, I'll just burn through like some Sam Shepard or Tennessee Williams or something. And I'm like, I love this. It's all dialogue now.

[Ari Shaffir]

Do you ever read it and go, I hate this. Like you're halfway through. You go, I'm.

[Sam Morril]

I never hate it. Sometimes I'm like, this doesn't resonate with me. But there's always like at least something where you're like, oh, that was a fucking great line. Yeah, sometimes it's really experimental. I read this one called the Bar of the Hoky Tokyo Hotel. It's Tennessee Williams and it's fucking weird as shit. But I dug it. It was, it was. They say it's like a later life. I like weird.

[Mark Normand]

Like make attempt.

[Sam Morril]

And there's some lines that we're like, this is a failing marriage. And it's sad. And it's like an artist who's not a good artist anymore.

[Mark Normand]

I like random going into that play in two scenes.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, it was cool.

[Mark Normand]

Tennessee Williams is like, the man.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, he's a man.

[Mark Normand]

So if you want to try something weird, it's like, well, Mark is an alcoholic. Oh, Mark is an alcoholic.

[Sam Morril]

His last name is Norman, too. It was weird. And he was trying to do a podcast. I don't know.

[Mark Normand]

Peace go sour. Wait, wait. Do we have anything else to drink?

[Maddie]

Mezcalita.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, make one more for the road. Yeah. Mescalita is Mexico. You know what? I have that with his documentaries. I can watch any documentary and love it. It could be a document about fashion. It could be a documentary about, like, gay sex in the 80s in New York. It could be a ducky. I love a doc. I get something out of everyone.

[Sam Morril]

I'm with you, man, because you learned something. Like. Yeah, we were talking about it. Salacus's favorite doc, Paris is Burning. Oh, my.

[Ari Shaffir]

Great.

[Sam Morril]

I mean, that will break your heart.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Unbelievable.

[Mark Normand]

Really.

[Sam Morril]

New York drag queens and. Oh, it was the 80s. It was.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

But a lot of them got the shit kicked out of them and, like,

[Ari Shaffir]

a lot of drugs, tough chicks, you

[Mark Normand]

know, There's a book about one of the drag queens back then. Fuck it all that.

[Guest or Producer]

I know everything about it.

[Mark Normand]

What's the name?

[Guest or Producer]

The woman extravaganza. The one who was killed and at the Carter Hotel.

[Mark Normand]

No, she's still alive. She wrote a book.

[Guest or Producer]

Okay.

[Ari Shaffir]

RuPaul.

[Guest or Producer]

Sorry.

[Mark Normand]

But it was all about that time getting beat up all the time for just being them. It's crazy. What they used to have to go.

[Sam Morril]

And they're scrappy as fuck. They're really amazing. They're like. Think it's.

[Mark Normand]

It's a sad.

[Sam Morril]

It's a sad thing.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, The. The. The. The lady boys in. In Thailand, if you pick on one, you don't understand. It's like, what are those small dinosaurs from Jurassic Park?

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, the little.

[Mark Normand]

But they all come in droves.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes, yes.

[Mark Normand]

That's how they are. And so, like, you pick on one, you think, like, I can beat up this? It's like. It's like trans.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Like, dude, it's not one. Trans.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

It's like trans is bees. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Coming at you.

[Mark Normand]

And they all come up and they all know Muay Thai, so you're fucked.

[Sam Morril]

Muay Thai.

[Mark Normand]

Before they went fully the other way,

[Sam Morril]

they were like, you can beat him with elbows.

[Ari Shaffir]

With a trans woman once. And she was the spitter. Okay, okay. From Jurassic Park. All right, Sorry.

[Guest or Producer]

Apparently there's beef there between the trans and the lady boys.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, really?

[Guest or Producer]

They don't like.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, transforms versus Decepticons.

[Mark Normand]

I got a lot of heat for a special. I called them trans. I called them lady boys. And somebody's like, that's fucking bullshit. They're trans. How dare you call them. I'm like, I'm following their lead. They call themselves lady boys. You want me to not, well, respect their decisions? And I guess that's. They're different things.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes, yes. Some people call themselves Edward, too. I mean, you could say it.

[Mark Normand]

I've been saying it.

[Ari Shaffir]

All right?

[Mark Normand]

I refuse to let it go.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. I said cross dresser, and I got yelled at. And I was like, I don't know.

[Mark Normand]

What is it?

[Ari Shaffir]

Like? It was like a drag queen.

[Mark Normand]

What happened to. What's. What was Eddie Edison transvestite? What happened to them?

[Sam Morril]

Eddie's trans, though, now. I think he's drawn by Susie.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

What happened to transvesta?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Well, transvestite is just, I think, women's clothes. Right.

[Mark Normand]

They got developed.

[Sam Morril]

But.

[Mark Normand]

What. So where are you.

[Sam Morril]

I mean, Byron Gnome is technically a transvestite, right?

[Guest or Producer]

Yep.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, the. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Well, that's not even closed. That's body. So what's that? Which one? I want your skin.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Hannibal.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah. Hannibal.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Put the lotion in the basket.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Can I go piss real quick?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I broke the seal.

[Sam Morril]

I do. No, I believe in breaking.

[Ari Shaffir]

All right. Go pee.

[Sam Morril]

I believe in high fiber, the hanging curveball, the small of a woman's back, the novels of Susan Sontag or overrated crap.

[Ari Shaffir]

Don't pee on that plastic bag on your balls, by the way.

[Sam Morril]

Bull Durham, dude.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Great flick.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's what that's from?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Smallville Woman's Back.

[Sam Morril]

That's a great flavor.

[Ari Shaffir]

Great movie. Back when you could make a baseball comedy.

[Sam Morril]

Dude, you know what I.

[Ari Shaffir]

Who wrote that?

[Guest or Producer]

Which.

[Sam Morril]

I know.

[Ari Shaffir]

Bull Durham.

[Sam Morril]

I love that movie.

[Ari Shaffir]

Great movie.

[Sam Morril]

That's one of my favorites.

[Ari Shaffir]

Susan Sarandon had some real sex appeal.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. And it's just a cool movie. It's like. I love movies about the miners.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes.

[Sam Morril]

Because it's all, you know, it is. It's about love of the game. It's like being like a road comic or something.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes.

[Sam Morril]

You're just a fucking dog. You do that because you love it. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Get a clip of Sam saying he loves movies about minors.

[Sam Morril]

So this is crazy.

[Guest or Producer]

Shelton.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's who it was.

[Sam Morril]

I just keep going. I'm like, cuz. They do it for the love of the game. They do it cuz they love it.

[Ari Shaffir]

They're young, they're hungry, fingernails dirty.

[Sam Morril]

The other options didn't work out, so the minors were their only choice.

[Ari Shaffir]

A lot of runaways, you know, they had hard parenting.

[Sam Morril]

That is a great movie.

[Ari Shaffir]

Great. Oh, look, the guy did. He did. White Men Can't Judge. Tin cup and Bull Durham.

[Sam Morril]

Tin cup is like a little forgotten gem too. It's like great. It's a fun one, man. Just cooking in the 90s.

[Ari Shaffir]

Hell yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Every movie so good.

[Ari Shaffir]

Thomas Crown Affair.

[Sam Morril]

Major league.

[Ari Shaffir]

Major League.

[Sam Morril]

Get Shorty.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh boy. She was very milfy.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, she's still got it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Still great.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Good for her.

[Sam Morril]

I'm a fan. Oh, yeah, dude, I. I rewatched out of the Past for like the 12th time this week. It's my favorite movie. I think it's like the best movie.

[Ari Shaffir]

I gotta rewatch it.

[Mark Normand]

Watch.

[Sam Morril]

It's the best. My favorite line ever. She's the femme fatale. He goes, you're like a leaf that flows from one gutter to the next.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, that's great. Gold.

[Sam Morril]

It's so good. I made a woman watch it and she was dreading it and she was like, it's one of the best movies I've ever seen.

[Ari Shaffir]

Women hate black and white.

[Sam Morril]

She made me watch Panic in Needle park right before.

[Mark Normand]

You watch it.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, I've never seen it. Oh, what'd you think? It's good, but it's two hours of heroin.

[Guest or Producer]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Upper west side.

[Mark Normand]

It was good.

[Sam Morril]

It was good for sure. But I'm just like, come on, man. This is a fucking. I like the ending a lot.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, I mean, happens in that movie. I watched it too and I was like, come on. For heroin. This is slow.

[Sam Morril]

I don't know why, like I can handle like a movie about a gambling addict, but something about like a drug addict really just is like.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Like even the Nirvana doc.

[Ari Shaffir]

When it's montage of Heck yeah.

[Sam Morril]

When it's like Kurt Cobain and corny love with the baby screaming and they're on drugs. I'm like, I hate this. Yeah, your pieces of.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's not. It's gross.

[Sam Morril]

I don't like it. I don't like it.

[Ari Shaffir]

I'm with you.

[Sam Morril]

It's hard for me to watch. Oh, here we go.

[Ari Shaffir]

Hey, gnome.

[Sam Morril]

Welcome to Is it. Is this me or have you gotten hotter?

[Ari Shaffir]

Did you get a surgery out there in Guatemala?

[Mark Normand]

A lot of medine surgery. What's going on, Mark? I notice you're more Interested in my stories now. Yeah, I noticed you guys are laughing at my stories a lot more.

[Sam Morril]

Is crazy. You would not have made it out of Ecuador with that top.

[Ari Shaffir]

Ju. Paul. Oh, good to have you back.

[Sam Morril]

All right, Go Sour is hitting now.

[Ari Shaffir]

Where the hell are you going to go next? You. You've already conquered the. The hills of Oaxaca.

[Sam Morril]

Where have you never been that you're like, I.

[Mark Normand]

Well, I got to go back to Nicaragua. I got turned away.

[Ari Shaffir]

What? What? What? What happened? They saw your ass.

[Mark Normand]

Took a two and a half.

[Ari Shaffir]

Sorry. They saw Jew.

[Mark Normand]

I got turned away from Jews. Out on Netflix right now. They picked it up.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, is that right? Wow, perfect timing. Everybody's loving you guys.

[Mark Normand]

I actually told they were gonna put it out in August. I was like, hey, guys, I don't if what I'm hearing is true.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, they're like, kanye sold out two shows. We'll take it this month. We gotta even things out.

[Mark Normand]

Now's the time. But. But I. What was I talking about?

[Ari Shaffir]

Nipple pit.

[Sam Morril]

Nicaragua.

[Mark Normand]

Bus from boat from El Salvador. And then I get there, everyone, they stamp everybody and they go, like, ari, can you come with me? Oh, okay. Like, close the door behind you. I'm like, what? Close door behind you. And they start grilling me. They. They're against journalists there. Can't have any journalism. Like, any stuff on your, like, LinkedIn. If it's journalism classes.

[Ari Shaffir]

I know you have a journal.

[Mark Normand]

So the more they search, the more it look like I might be one. I've been on cnn, you know, I've been on the Wall Street Journal, like, podcast. I've been on, like, you know, Tucker Carlson. I've been on Rogue. Is he a journalist at some point? 3 hours are grilling me.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Taking calls from the Capitol. And eventually they go, I'm really sorry, buddy, you can't come in today.

[Sam Morril]

So what do you do in that situation?

[Mark Normand]

Three hour boat back to this port town in El Salvador. Then the guy. The boat was like, what? And I'm like, they got turned away. He goes, I'm really sorry, man. I'm like, can you get back to the Capitol? He goes, I'll get. Give me five more bucks. I'll get you back to the capital. Four hours of capital. Here's the best thing about having a schedule, you just roll with it.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's true.

[Mark Normand]

I was gonna go scuba diving, go to some cigar factories, do some fun stuff in Nicaragua. All right. Plans changed. I did have two, like, two days of hostel paid for. You're not get a refund in. In like, Managua or whatever. But then, like. And then like, oh, where do I go? So I'm like, it. Medellin.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I flew from San Salvador to Medellin, had a blast for 10 days. And in Medellin. And I wasn't going to go to Colombia. I went to Colombia.

[Ari Shaffir]

Whoa.

[Sam Morril]

There's something fun about not having a playbook, bro.

[Mark Normand]

It's the best. If you go to a bar, you're like, let's all go to this bar. And there's a line around the block. You don't go, shit.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

How about that place?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Okay, well, that's some digi. Let's just do that.

[Ari Shaffir]

Living by the seat pants.

[Sam Morril]

Even when you. When a flight gets fucked and it gets canceled and you're like, fuck, I'm stuck in the city for a night, you go from being like, fuck. To like, I wonder what I'm gonna do tonight.

[Ari Shaffir]

I'm a church.

[Mark Normand]

What can I do?

[Sam Morril]

And then, like, man, there is something fucking magical about just hitting, like, a hotel bar, ordering, like, a fucking steak tartar, getting a couple whiskeys on the rocks, and you're just lit up and you're just like. Like, I feel great.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

I got the whole city. Is your oyster going in?

[Sam Morril]

Like, a little adventure. It's fun.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

The best one of those we ever did was, were you there, Bonaru? You were?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

Me and Big J, I think I

[Sam Morril]

was there the year after you guys.

[Mark Normand]

Okay, so we're all there. On the way back, there's hurricanes or whatever, so early flights went off, later flights got delayed. Jay got off.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

And he goes, yeah, my flight's taken off. They go, oh, my flight's being delayed. It might canceled. And he goes, what are you going to do? And I go, this is from Nashville. And I go, I'm gonna call Rafi May. He's gonna invite me over to barbecue.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, how about that?

[Mark Normand]

I'm almost positive. And I was. He was like, really? I'm like, I mean, I'll be okay. And I call. I was like, hey, my flight's laser, man.

[Sam Morril]

Come over.

[Mark Normand]

I got the egg going. You gotta get over here. Yeah. And we went over there. Barbecue. Where? Just ate barbecue and watched, like, the induction for, like, Green Day into the Rock and Roll hall of Fame.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's cool.

[Mark Normand]

And just had a blast. I gotta call that guy. Oh, my.

[Ari Shaffir]

Damn. Yeah, that is pretty.

[Mark Normand]

If you can roll with stuff, it just makes your life here, here. If you're not locked into your, like,

[Sam Morril]

expectations, you're allowed to have a moment of like, but then after that moment.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

And you roll with it.

[Ari Shaffir]

You got to spin it.

[Mark Normand]

Give me 10 seconds ago. Damn it.

[Sam Morril]

I will say. Mark is so good at that. Like, I think. I think I'm pretty good with it too.

[Mark Normand]

Like, we.

[Sam Morril]

We had a thing. We like a setback with our movie today, and we both didn't panic. We both were just like, it's gonna be okay.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's gonna be okay.

[Sam Morril]

And we both.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Sam Morril]

Completely. I mean, you get. You get the fuck. Yeah. Out of the system. But then you're kind of like, we're gonna pivot. We're gonna figure it out. And that attitude in life is like, it's so fucking essential.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh.

[Mark Normand]

The fact that it could be worse is actually a real thing. It could be a lot worse.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's true.

[Mark Normand]

I don't know how I know. I'm not gonna tell you any names.

[Ari Shaffir]

Which one's this?

[Maddie]

This is a mezcalita.

[Ari Shaffir]

This is just for the One for the Road.

[Sam Morril]

I don't even know what this is. One for the road.

[Mark Normand]

Based on the One for the Road podcast.

[Maddie]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

So the. The margarita was. Is, like, low class in Mexico.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

Mezcalita. It's just a mezcal margarita.

[Ari Shaffir]

Way better, I think.

[Mark Normand]

Way better. Smokier.

[Ari Shaffir]

Everything better.

[Sam Morril]

I love a mezcal Negroni, too.

[Maddie]

Here, here.

[Ari Shaffir]

Smoky.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, my God.

[Ari Shaffir]

Very nice. You're on fire.

[Maddie]

Thank you.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, my margarita. Maddie, Maddie, Maddie.

[Sam Morril]

That's salt on the rim. I love this fahim.

[Ari Shaffir]

Now, let me just say this side note. I kind of like the no journalist idea. Journalists. Let us do our thing and quit documenting everything. I don't want to answer questions.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, you need some journalists.

[Ari Shaffir]

I like a place.

[Sam Morril]

You need some journalists.

[Ari Shaffir]

That doesn't have it. Let's have society.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Let's have Trump with no journalism. That's a good idea.

[Ari Shaffir]

Nicaragua. I'm talking.

[Sam Morril]

Okay, but I'm saying I don't think. I don't think it's a one size fits all system.

[Ari Shaffir]

We need journalists. But, hey, if we can have one place without it, it. Let's party there.

[Mark Normand]

I hear you. I hear you're not wrong. Yeah. I would have loved to have gone

[Sam Morril]

like a New Amsterdam type thing.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Yeah. Give me one spot with no journalists.

[Mark Normand]

That would be there. So the question. That'd be a place I want to go.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's what I'm saying.

[Sam Morril]

There's going to be a lot of beheadings, this place.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Well, what. What's Nicaragua's thing? Soccer.

[Maddie]

No having journalists.

[Mark Normand]

No. Drones also can't take a drone in with you.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

They search back only for drones. Like you're good sandboarding. O down volcanoes.

[Ari Shaffir]

How about that?

[Mark Normand]

Cigars. Top two in the world.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay.

[Sam Morril]

Nicaragua. They're number two after Cuba.

[Mark Normand]

No, Cuba's three.

[Sam Morril]

What's number one?

[Mark Normand]

Doctor. Doctor. Nicaragua.

[Sam Morril]

Doctor over Cuba.

[Mark Normand]

Cuba went to really? China bought most of the.

[Sam Morril]

I'm behind on no of the brands.

[Mark Normand]

No, it's normal. I have to know they brought most events slash their like quality. Yeah. Volcanoes, scuba diving in the corner.

[Ari Shaffir]

Cool. Okay. I don't know. I'm not.

[Mark Normand]

I don't know. Oh, I. I was there for three hours.

[Sam Morril]

You're talking of the tourism and you're like, I. I wasn't.

[Mark Normand]

I was there for three hours. I fed a street dog and then I went home.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay, they got poetry. Maybe. Maybe this place, they got poetry.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I did heard about a comedian. So I'm being interrogated by this guy and the guy's like, okay. Then he, he hangs on the phone with. With manag with a capital. And now he's just. He's like, I'm not, I'm not in charge of this. I'm just like taking stuff from them. So now we're talking. In between, the phone rings back again. Ask him how much he charges for tickets. How many people does he play for? Stuff like that.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

But in between, we're just talking and he goes, I'm asking about foods to eat when I should. I think I'm still getting in. And I'm like, yeah, are there any like, Nicaraguan comedians? He goes, yeah, there's one guy, junior. And I go, is he like. I still got my. Is he like a sketch guy or is it actual stand up there?

[Ari Shaffir]

Thank you. Good question.

[Mark Normand]

Actual stand up.

[Ari Shaffir]

Is that him?

[Mark Normand]

He only plays. Yep. Only plays in Nicaragua.

[Ari Shaffir]

Four point.

[Mark Normand]

Wait, 4.3 million subscribers.

[Sam Morril]

Holy hell, this guy's big time.

[Ari Shaffir]

How many live in Nicaragua? Four point.

[Mark Normand]

That's all four. That's all of them.

[Maddie]

Him.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's got them all.

[Mark Normand]

Wow. Wait, does he have any stand up clips? I haven't seen any stand up either. No.

[Ari Shaffir]

All right. He's a funny actor.

[Mark Normand]

Damn it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Stand up's hard.

[Mark Normand]

Damn it. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

All right, well, shout out to oh, bad bunny. 3.2 million views.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, jr's in a bad Bunny video.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wow, this guy's big.

[Guest or Producer]

No, he's doing a bad Bunny song, I think.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, he's making fun of

[Guest or Producer]

crazy.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wow. He can't leave this.

[Mark Normand]

It's my hard. Why? I didn't read the rest what this?

[Guest or Producer]

What you get with no journalist, by the way.

[Sam Morril]

It's my hard one.

[Mark Normand]

It's very hard. What did he say, Esmo?

[Maddie]

He said, yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I get. I don't want nothing to understand. I don't know what that word is.

[Ari Shaffir]

Pretty good.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it got better.

[Ari Shaffir]

Nice. All right, well, hey, good on you, junior guys.

[Mark Normand]

I missed you guys.

[Sam Morril]

Hey, you, man. It was. I was really happy when I saw you at the Cellar the other night. And then again in. In the park playing basketball. That was fun, man.

[Ari Shaffir]

Well, you give me hope, because I have all this fear of not being relevant. If I don't post a clip, people are gonna forget about me. If we miss a week with the pod, it's all over. You went for eight months. You came back with a vengeance with

[Sam Morril]

this story, and it's like, nothing is changed, really.

[Mark Normand]

I went the last time I went to 2017, I went to Southeast Asia for four and a half. Yeah. And Joe lists, you know, there's, like, conversations where, like, stuck in your brain is. He goes, aren't you afraid of, like, falling behind? And I'm like, well, I have a special gonna come out when I get back, and I have a. I have my storytelling show that's not happening. That didn't work out. But nothing can be predicted on that.

[Ari Shaffir]

What do you mean it didn't work out?

[Mark Normand]

They replaced me when I said, I want to sell my special.

[Ari Shaffir]

Enough.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, but that was. Hadn't been done yet.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

It was waiting for me, and I was like, like, things are going great. We can take time off. I have an idea that comedians in this day and age are putting out more than they're taking in to an un.

[Ari Shaffir]

I think you're right.

[Mark Normand]

Unsustainable levels.

[Sam Morril]

You're right.

[Mark Normand]

So we're constantly this once a week here. Sure. You have a second podcast. Okay, sure. It's more and more put out. What are we taking in to draw from? I think there's a real problem. I think it's a real problem where we're like, I gotta do something this week. I'm like, do you have anything to say? I'm like, no. Yeah, well, then that's not gonna be good, right? I don't have stuff to talk about.

[Sam Morril]

We're bad at it. It's the truth. I mean, we got to step it

[Mark Normand]

up with just meeting you at the park for basketball. Like, yes.

[Sam Morril]

No, I do that stuff. I like to just shoot a ball around. Just, like.

[Mark Normand]

Especially in my neighborhood at Tompkins. It was, like, perfect, dude. I'm like, Three minutes away. I'll meet you.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, but yeah, we, we run our own business here. No one's gonna do it if we don't do it. So I kind of have that fear. Like there's.

[Mark Normand]

Okay, but you also got to have if you're on Friends. This is, I'm old, but this is my. Okay, this is my example of like successful sitcom.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Number one in the world. Big Show, 22 weeks on, 30 weeks off. And NBC decided that for them, if we had to decide for ourselves, if they had to decide for themselves, they're not taking 30 weeks off. They're getting the 3 million an episode for 52 weeks.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And I'm not saying take off, I'm just saying take in. Take in.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, you're right.

[Ari Shaffir]

You're right. We used to take more in.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. When we were open micros. When I moved to New York, you guys were all barely doing stuff and we were out doing things, making memories.

[Sam Morril]

Making memories. Well, there was no more.

[Mark Normand]

Like, I gotta get up for a podcast.

[Sam Morril]

There was less to do. I mean, it was an easier time. I mean, Chris Rock has said this many times about young comedians. Even LeBron had an off season.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, take a, take a break, take some time off.

[Sam Morril]

He's right.

[Mark Normand]

We do. The guy went off a boat for a while.

[Sam Morril]

We need inspiration. Needs stories. Like, I think about that sometimes. Like, I close my last couple specials on stories. I'm like, I need more stories. And you don't get them by just going to the same bar every night and getting shit faced. You gotta go on some adventures. And you're going on adventures. And that actually is, it's inspiring.

[Ari Shaffir]

You're right.

[Mark Normand]

I actually asked Sam to be in my storytelling show. The end. I think it's correct. If I'm wrong, you're like, bro, I can't, I do have a story.

[Sam Morril]

I'm closing my hour.

[Mark Normand]

I can't spare, I can't spare this.

[Sam Morril]

I can't spare my closer.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Because it's a close. I, I want to do your storytelling show. I've done the live ones.

[Mark Normand]

You've done the live ones. But, but to me they're all the same live ones and tape ones all the same.

[Sam Morril]

But, but yeah, I, but I, I, I arc an hour a certain way where like I like to have short jokes up top. A couple, a couple short stories. And I like to have a long story at the end. And I couldn't, I can't give up this long story.

[Mark Normand]

What I needed was to give you a. And I used to do that for. This is not happening. We're like, hey, don't make this your closer.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yep.

[Mark Normand]

Save it for me.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

If it ever comes back, please, you

[Sam Morril]

have to do it. I will. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

You got to do it. You're one of the. You're one of the storytellers in New York especially.

[Mark Normand]

No. When I asked you the first time to do it live, you were like, it's not really my thing.

[Sam Morril]

No.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, no. White knight, all that stuff.

[Sam Morril]

I got a few. I got a few.

[Ari Shaffir]

I've done the live one a bunch and I've done.

[Sam Morril]

Well. I gave Mark. I gave Mark some shit.

[Mark Normand]

He's on it twice.

[Sam Morril]

I think Mark is such a good storyteller, and Mark doesn't think he's a good storyteller.

[Mark Normand]

He does not think.

[Sam Morril]

He's annoys me. No, no, no. It annoys me because of you guys. No, no, no. Hold on. You're so scared for a silence.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes.

[Sam Morril]

And storytelling's about building tension.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes.

[Sam Morril]

And you want like, bam, bam, bam.

[Mark Normand]

But you.

[Sam Morril]

You're not gonna let a story not be super funny, so it's gonna. It's gonna naturally just have a shitload of punches.

[Mark Normand]

That's why comedians are better at it.

[Sam Morril]

You can't not but embrace the silence and have that. Because it's even bigger tension, at least at the big pop when you embrace that. But you hate it so much. But I think it's like, oh, man, I want to see the Mark Norman like. Like a 12 minute Mark Norman story.

[Ari Shaffir]

12 minute.

[Sam Morril]

It's gonna be punchiest.

[Mark Normand]

That's 12 minutes.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, really? That, that.

[Sam Morril]

It's gonna be. It's gonna be punchy. As you know.

[Mark Normand]

You got another one in the can that I told you, like, you gotta save that for another time.

[Ari Shaffir]

Aha.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah, we've talked about like that. Like, Jim Jeffries has those stories where you're like. Like the muscular dystrophy bro story. That's like a 25 minute bit.

[Ari Shaffir]

Is it that long?

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

But it's so punchy one story sometimes. And you're like. But at the end, you're just like. Before they even say, that's it for me. Thank you. You're just like, oh, yeah. You know, you've completed a journey with.

[Ari Shaffir]

But here's the thing about stories nobody brings up.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Is I can punch up a story. But the ending of a story, so important. That is so hard. That takes a whole.

[Sam Morril]

Sometimes you need the ending first because. And then you can just take liberties. But you know, Ryan Hambleton Another friend of ours has a bus. He's got like a story. It's like, might be a 30, 40 minute story.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, he did it on my show in Salt Lake.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, wow.

[Mark Normand]

I'm pretty sure. Did I get there. I might be conflating memories, but like. Yeah, I was like, hey, you're in town to do your whatever, you know, reversioning whatever the. Those Mormons do. I was like, come do my show. I was there doing it. We've done the Salt Lake ones.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, a couple times.

[Mark Normand]

Ski trips, had a blast. And it was like, like, did he ever do one?

[Ari Shaffir]

No, not when I was maybe. I'm thinking he was there.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Doing something else.

[Maddie]

He does like 30 minutes. Just about getting hit by a. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

It takes you on a trip. It was like, it's so you're there

[Maddie]

from contact to healing.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And even if you're not laughing, you're just like this. Like, you're like that. It's like, yeah, they're fun. They're fun.

[Ari Shaffir]

In this next hour, I'm doing a story.

[Sam Morril]

I think you should.

[Mark Normand]

It's a good closer because it's also,

[Sam Morril]

you know, it's an energy shift too. It's like, like I think.

[Mark Normand]

And that's with check drops. You don't do clubs anymore.

[Sam Morril]

Like, exactly.

[Mark Normand]

Check drops are like, this is the bright time for it.

[Sam Morril]

That's, that's why I started doing stories is because I was like, I need something to hold them. But you know, you listen to an old Dangerfield album and he's doing bit, bit, bit. And that's why he going to crowd work, just to mix up. Just to mix up the rhythm so it would become less predictable. But I think a story serves the same thing.

[Mark Normand]

So I, I love Juan, but it's a punchy story. Here's the thing. Edinburgh, those are like UK and Australia comics. They do stories. How do I say this without being rude?

[Ari Shaffir]

Boring.

[Mark Normand]

That's with being rude.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, no.

[Sam Morril]

But I know what you're saying.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Americans are like, well, I can't. So one time when I was at the improv lab doing this, not before we even had our name, we were doing the shows and John Reap was doing it. John Reap was a killer.

[Sam Morril]

Great person too.

[Mark Normand]

Great guy. And. And he, he was like, dude, after like 30 or 40 seconds, I was like, I gotta make a funny face or something. This is like, yeah, I haven't got a laugh. I'm used to getting laughs every 10 seconds.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

So you're like. But American stand ups will Just naturally punch it up.

[Ari Shaffir]

You have to. Out of survival.

[Mark Normand]

Big J told the story. He's in the hall of fame of this show. He told a story about seeing a fight outside the Comedy Cellar. The fight itself. The story itself was a. Was 98 seconds where the cops came to.

[Sam Morril]

The guy was with Jay that night. But.

[Mark Normand]

And it was like a 15 minute story.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

On his descriptions where they choked the

[Sam Morril]

guy out or whatever.

[Mark Normand]

Two, three women.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, different time.

[Mark Normand]

And he's such a good storytelling that he making it long last longer than the actual details.

[Ari Shaffir]

And it had an ending.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, he's the best.

[Sam Morril]

He's a great story.

[Mark Normand]

Him, Ali, Bert Diaz and. And like Ms. Pat and Sean Patton. Those are like the top.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Patton's got some crazy stories.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And he tells him so well.

[Sam Morril]

And his show just cancel on FX. I'm so mad. Go YouTube some Sean Paddon stories.

[Ari Shaffir]

YouTube.

[Sam Morril]

He's phenomenal.

[Mark Normand]

The Cuban story on this. Not happening.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

The fake gay bashing in New Orleans.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, he's a natural.

[Sam Morril]

That was a good show on fx. The English teacher. I'm.

[Ari Shaffir]

Great show.

[Sam Morril]

I really liked it, man.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, I had.

[Sam Morril]

I'm pissed that got canceled.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Sean.

[Sam Morril]

Sean was. He shined in that, man. He really shined in that role.

[Mark Normand]

What a good drinker.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, my God, the best. The best.

[Mark Normand]

I had cross on. You guys have had him on, right?

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, yeah, Yeah. I farted on him.

[Sam Morril]

Not as good a drinker.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, no.

[Mark Normand]

But I remember asking him, like, hey, Sean, hey. You know Sean, he almost read something. He's like, yeah, like, what a good drinker. He's like, bro.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

He doesn't like pressure like Derosa. Like, that's that.

[Ari Shaffir]

Shots.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

But he's happy to be at a funeral because we have to take the shot with him.

[Ari Shaffir]

Right, Right.

[Mark Normand]

Hey, what do you think of this? I have a new. New subject change.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

You know when people like, you want to do shots? You're like, no. And you're like, you know, we're all in our 30s now. We know, like, who we are. I already told you, laughing too hard. It's not the shots. It's what you really want to do is have people turn it up. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

So how about this? Go. Hey, guys, can you guys all turn it up? Fifteen.

[Ari Shaffir]

I like that.

[Mark Normand]

And then it's like, you know what? I got half a beer. I'm going to chug this and get another one.

[Ari Shaffir]

I love Turn it Up.

[Mark Normand]

Turn it up. 15%.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Shots.

[Mark Normand]

It's not shots. I'll barf and go home.

[Sam Morril]

We're all adults. We know our limits. I know ourselves.

[Maddie]

So.

[Sam Morril]

So I don't like the whole like, catch up. It's like, bro, bro, you're gonna like me better at this level.

[Ari Shaffir]

I'm drinking.

[Mark Normand]

I know where I'm at.

[Ari Shaffir]

Right.

[Sam Morril]

But also, this is embarrassing that we're adults and we still hang out with people that pressure us.

[Mark Normand]

Like this Derosa.

[Sam Morril]

No. No adult should be hanging out with someone who's like ketchup pussy. That's like fucking college.

[Mark Normand]

What? Who the are you?

[Ari Shaffir]

It's a horrible flavor ketchup. But yeah. Oh, but back to the relevance thing.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Because you were gone for eight months.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Last year I went to Australia, uk and I did a whole run somewhere else.

[Mark Normand]

Do you feel like you're missing out?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes. I was gone for a month.

[Sam Morril]

I was gone for a couple weeks and I. Three weeks maybe. And I felt this.

[Mark Normand]

Where? Where?

[Sam Morril]

All over Europe. It was great. Okay.

[Mark Normand]

This is the craziest thing to me. Okay, can I just ground you guys for a second?

[Ari Shaffir]

Second week you started kitchen.

[Mark Normand]

You're doing a European tour.

[Ari Shaffir]

I know.

[Mark Normand]

It is so high level. It's something we could not have imagined.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's a good point.

[Mark Normand]

Doing when we were starting.

[Sam Morril]

I'm having so much fun doing it.

[Mark Normand]

So much fun. You're in Berlin in a nightclub at 7:00am yeah. Still doing drugs.

[Ari Shaffir]

You're going to Lizzie.

[Mark Normand]

But like. But like we're do. We're doing a European tour and we're feeling like, am I missing out? It's everyone. You know how Sagolo would fucking cut himself to be where we are.

[Sam Morril]

That's his new clothes are actually.

[Mark Normand]

And we're thinking we're doing something wrong. It's messed up.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

We're doing it right.

[Sam Morril]

I don't feel regret. I'm actually doing another Euro tour in a few months and I'm so pumped. I'm just going to random places I've never been because I want to go to them. We'll plug it at the end. I mean, let's fuck it. Plug it. Let's do some plugs.

[Mark Normand]

Shit.

[Sam Morril]

We've been on for almost two hours, right? Oh, yeah, yeah. What do I got? Well, I got LA coming up with lists. Jordan, Jen Lisbon's the prettiest. And Rachel Feinstein, Dynasty Theater.

[Mark Normand]

Okay.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, seventh bro.

[Mark Normand]

Wait, what's Athena?

[Sam Morril]

Verona, Greece, Athens. It's supposed to say, but yeah. Verona, New York. Turning Stone, Casino, June 6. Then we got Lisbon. August 30, September 2.

[Mark Normand]

No, no, pause, pause. I'M gonna. We're gonna do your plug. So I'm gonna stop in a minute.

[Sam Morril]

Stop me. What's up?

[Mark Normand]

Okay, here's what you're doing, right? August is 31 days. Okay, great. When you're doing a European tour, you want to have Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays off.

[Sam Morril]

I'm getting. I'm getting to Lisbon early.

[Ari Shaffir]

Early.

[Mark Normand]

Okay, Lisbon early. Wait, go back up. Go back up Some great. Get to Lisbon. Hella early.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Leave the next day, get to Athens is one of the most underrated in the world. It's so punk rock. It's so cool. The outdoor theaters are sofa. Outdoor movie theaters. You can see a black and white, like film noir in a language you can't understand with. With Greek subtitles. And you follow along some out drinking booze, smoking rolly cigarettes. And an outdoor theater.

[Ari Shaffir]

Hell, yeah. You'll smoke a cigarette.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, we got. I love it. Love a drunk.

[Ari Shaffir]

What the hell is grad? The grub.

[Mark Normand]

It's a gray.

[Sam Morril]

That's crazy. Croatia, we got a hungry. Budapest. In Hungary, we got Croatia, Warsaw.

[Mark Normand]

Going to the camps.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Vienna, I heard Poland, Warsaw, dude, this is Stockholm. And Copenhagen.

[Mark Normand]

This is a great Stockholm.

[Sam Morril]

I haven't. I've been to some of them. I haven't. I've been to Stockholm. Copenhagen, I've done. Haven't done. Finland, haven't done. Via Vienna. I really just want Copenhagen. I just want to go where Orson Welles and the third man goes on that tran and gives that speech like, look at them. They're all like ants, you know? Would you miss any of them if they died?

[Ari Shaffir]

You know, Sweden is so pretty. You're gonna love Sweden.

[Mark Normand]

And the girls are not bad.

[Sam Morril]

They're pretty. They're pretty attractive.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's right up here.

[Sam Morril]

That is a juice. That is the Jews type, by the way. Blonde hair, blue eyes. Woody, you would you have hidden us in the Holocaust? Who knows? But I'm willing to.

[Mark Normand]

I'd hide in your. Yeah, wait, forget that.

[Sam Morril]

No, no, no.

[Mark Normand]

Go to the end.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, there we go.

[Mark Normand]

Nor Mark Norman's in it. Me and Mark Norman in the same episode. Hey.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, I'm honored.

[Mark Normand]

An episode called. Hold on. Not all heroes wear capes. Go down. Go down some. Go down some. Go down some time. Bo Boom. There it is.

[Ari Shaffir]

You and Duncan.

[Mark Normand]

Me, you and Duncan.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, I miss Duncan, man. He's a good dude.

[Ari Shaffir]

Good guy.

[Mark Normand]

He's one of the best dudes and comics. He's the most. Honestly, the most creative guy in comedy. Easter egg. At the end of that, Duncan does the theme Song at the end of that.

[Ari Shaffir]

Now, you worked with me. Pretty hands on with this story. Is it? Do you do that with everybody?

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, wow. That's a lot of work. Because we were back and forth back. I think you should talk about this. Change that. Take that out.

[Mark Normand]

I do a thing where I'm like. I'm trying not to overstate. I produced a few things now.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

My friends.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Sal, aj, Adrian. Where it's not like producing. I. I gotta think it's more than that.

[Sam Morril]

It's how producing should be.

[Mark Normand]

It's like, hey, what's your material? What are you closing on? Why? Okay, here's the things. You have 10 bits. I want you to like, get the.

[Sam Morril]

Isn't that what producing should be?

[Mark Normand]

It should be be. That's why I'm still calling myself producer. But I'm like, get those 8, 9, 10 bits. I want you to go get those to 4, 5, 6. So work on those. Only your 1, 2, 3 are great. They're done. Get those up. Working on those only. Why are you closing on this? What are you trying to say in your thing? It's like a director sort of. Sort of like. Like a theater director.

[Ari Shaffir]

Sure.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I want to go hands on Doug Smith for his story.

[Sam Morril]

One of the guys look up that story. Doug Smith, the subway hero dude.

[Mark Normand]

I went to New York Comedy Club 40 to watch his story.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

I'm like, I got 20 minutes. I'll come down, watch you. And then go back to the stand, pull it out.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's one of the. It's got like 5 million views.

[Sam Morril]

It's one of the most.

[Mark Normand]

Turn him into a headliner.

[Sam Morril]

Doug's a great dude and he's very, very funny.

[Ari Shaffir]

This is not happening. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

And it's an incredible story.

[Mark Normand]

It's an incredible story already. So you just got to get to it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

Stabbed in the face.

[Ari Shaffir]

And he knew this would be his ticket, and he put all the work into it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

He.

[Mark Normand]

He was willing to go.

[Ari Shaffir]

Him.

[Mark Normand]

Louis Katz that year.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Were like. Like, let me just not just say it.

[Sam Morril]

Let me tell it right.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes. I mean, it's punched up. The ending's amazing.

[Mark Normand]

Doesn't look like this anymore.

[Ari Shaffir]

Lower it a little bit or go scroll down. Just want to see the views on this thing. 6.

[Mark Normand]

6.2 million people.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wow. That's incredible.

[Sam Morril]

It. It deserves it. It's. It's an incredible story. I sent it to my mom and

[Mark Normand]

it's like, it's not ending right, man. You haven't made yourself this. So it's like, okay, but it's not. You're not changing details. You're changing. Changing how you say it.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You're not lying. You're just like, what, what do I end. Do I learn something at the end or What? You learn 20 things. Which one do you want to say?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, it helps to have a person help you take a step back and be like, yeah, what is this?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. So I'm not. I'm not some producer. I'm a comedian. So I'm going to help you as a comedian who also has a vested interest in making your story the best it can be.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

And that's what I did with the End.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I talked to everybody. I was like, what's your. I actually got accused. I'm not going to say who, of helping a woman with her story on this not happening. And she goes, you're miss. You're a misogynist because. Because you were trying to help a woman along with the story.

[Ari Shaffir]

Not men.

[Mark Normand]

I'm like, bro, I help everyone. That's crazy to call me misogynist for trying to help you.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

That's not what misogynists do.

[Mark Normand]

That's not what misogynists do.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, right. You think.

[Mark Normand]

You think this is a misogynist? Anyway, the End is available right now. You can get me and mark's episode for $5.99.

[Ari Shaffir]

Hell yeah. Are you going to be on the road at all?

[Mark Normand]

I'm at the Netflix Festival May 7th during the end.

[Ari Shaffir]

I'll see you there.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Who's on. You got any. Can you. Any spoilers?

[Sam Morril]

Oh, I'm doing a show May 7th.

[Mark Normand]

What time?

[Sam Morril]

9:45.

[Mark Normand]

Where?

[Sam Morril]

Dynasty. I think it's Dynasty.

[Mark Normand]

Your own hour Tower.

[Sam Morril]

No, it's with a few other people.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's a good room.

[Sam Morril]

Where is it?

[Mark Normand]

It's Comedy Store.

[Sam Morril]

I might do an old story, but I'll do an old.

[Ari Shaffir]

Do an old story.

[Mark Normand]

What do you mean? The recorder, maybe.

[Sam Morril]

I don't know.

[Ari Shaffir]

Mark.

[Mark Normand]

Hey, Sam. Do my show.

[Sam Morril]

Okay, I'll do a story. I got a story.

[Ari Shaffir]

We got a booking.

[Sam Morril]

I'll do it. Yes, I'm in.

[Ari Shaffir]

Let me just be selfish here. Check out Pushing Boulder. It's. I got a barcumentary on. It's a. It's me building up to the special. Special. All bombing green room at the Dallas Improv for 10 sold out shows. And I'm working on working out the new special that you've seen on Netflix. So there you go.

[Mark Normand]

Nice.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's on YouTube. Pushing Boulder.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, but the end is available right now.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

You will have to pay for it. The money is going.

[Sam Morril]

It's also $6. Guys. Come on.

[Ari Shaffir]

All these guys.

[Mark Normand]

Okay. Tom Segura, Neighbor Gazzi. These are the headliners. Neighbor Gazzi, you're headlining your episode. Mark Norman, Dan Soder, Shane Gillette.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

Roy Wood. And then these are the hall of famers of the show. Okerson, Sadiq, Ms. Pat List, Robbie Kelly, Boy Body. Boy Body, Babe Boyface.

[Sam Morril]

I'm in for the. I'm in for LA, though.

[Ari Shaffir]

All right.

[Mark Normand]

Okay. Go to orange.com to get that and. Wait, hold on. I was gonna say something about it.

[Maddie]

Oh, the money is going.

[Mark Normand]

The money's going to the comedian. Unlike most shows, I've decided to cut the comedians in to a profit margin of this show. So if you're like, I don't want Thomps to go to get the money. Guys. Are you.

[Sam Morril]

You completely, I think, needs more money.

[Mark Normand]

Do you think this would allow the money to go to someone else? The money's going to me and the comedians.

[Ari Shaffir]

Thank you.

[Mark Normand]

Every purchase you make of, of, of episode 5 of the End puts $2 in the pocket of Mark Norman.

[Ari Shaffir]

So even if you go just to see Shane, I'm still getting a penny.

[Mark Normand]

He's still getting a penny.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

So you can get all of them. Five, wait, seven for the price of five@orange fear.com right now. Or you can get one individual one for. For five. For six bucks. 5.99. But get them, spread them. It's me taking my show back.

[Ari Shaffir]

Hell yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Corporate overlords.

[Ari Shaffir]

Have you gotten an influx of money already? Have you seen.

[Mark Normand]

So, I mean, we're two weeks out, but.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, okay.

[Mark Normand]

But in the pre sales alone, we've gotten 70% of the budget back.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, my Lord.

[Mark Normand]

And we were expecting like 10% of that to come back.

[Sam Morril]

That's amazing.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's amazing. That's awesome.

[Mark Normand]

It's our world.

[Ari Shaffir]

Hell yeah.

[Mark Normand]

They should be honored to work with us.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, yeah. You hear that? Amazon Prime.

[Sam Morril]

It's all up, dude. It's. We got to do it ourselves.

[Ari Shaffir]

I mean, we have to.

[Sam Morril]

Mark and I talking about. This is all it.

[Mark Normand]

This is the people that.

[Sam Morril]

I had a long talk about this. We. We. This movie.

[Mark Normand]

You're making your movies together. It's your second movie you're making alone.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's true.

[Mark Normand]

We're doing it ourselves. We're the talent.

[Ari Shaffir]

Hear, hear.

[Mark Normand]

You think anyone's coming to see the LA Lakers? They're coming to see LeBron.

[Sam Morril]

I don't know what that had to do with any of this, but I'm with you. The Lakers. Let's go, Nicks. No one's going.

[Mark Normand]

Like I want to see the comedy cello tonight. You're coming to see who's all on the comedians.

[Sam Morril]

No, it's not TR pay people.

[Mark Normand]

They respect us.

[Sam Morril]

They. I love this.

[Mark Normand]

They know where their money's bre on. Come on, guys. I'm a little drunk.

[Ari Shaffir]

They can't bear one more drink.

[Mark Normand]

Best podcast on the planet. Hottest new podcast. New York Times.

[Ari Shaffir]

Tits.

[Maddie]

You guys want some water?

[Sam Morril]

We should, before we leave, get some

[Mark Normand]

decrepit monster zoomers revenge water. Let us get all get diarrhea from this latte.

[Ari Shaffir]

If we want to stay on, would you call me? All right. Hey, I'll be in Raleigh. Good night. It's almost sold out. And LA Comedy Fest. We got Bill Burr on the live show. So that'll be fun with the Tuesdays.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, wow, that's cool.

[Ari Shaffir]

So we'll get yelled at for an hour. And then I'm in Ontario. Nouveau Brunswick. Spokane, Washington. Wow. Philadelphia. That's sold out. And Milwaukee at the Improv. Irvine, California. That's a big room. Tempe, Arizona. Royal Oak. Mish. We added a show. Cleveland, Hilarities. Great clubs. Seattle and Emerald City. Never been checking it out. I'm back in the club, so I gotta work out the story.

[Mark Normand]

Side splitters.

[Ari Shaffir]

Side splitters.

[Mark Normand]

Can I get a short story about size splitters, please?

[Ari Shaffir]

And then we'll get the hell out of at the Hamptons in San Francisco.

[Mark Normand]

Do you guys not like doing content during your plugs, or do you like

[Sam Morril]

doing I don't give a hit?

[Ari Shaffir]

Me.

[Mark Normand]

Okay. Side splitters. I was always. I was Tampa. I was always a. For no reason, really. Improv guy. The old size footage owners was such a wreck that my agent, Bobby was like, don't. We're not doing that.

[Sam Morril]

I have great times with Bobby, though.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And anyway, so then one time I was like, greg Fitzsimmons, like, I'll be in Tampa. And he goes, oh, side splitters. I'm like, no. The improv goes, oh, man. I'm like, that's an honest reaction.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

What do you mean? He goes, no, it's side splitters. I got Covid in between Orlando and Tampa.

[Sam Morril]

That's where you get it.

[Mark Normand]

100. Orlando. Hanging out with Steve Simone. He's in between. So I was like, let me do two weeks in a row, hang out with him. Got had to cancel, so I owed him one. And then my friend Mark Norman. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Hey, thank you.

[Mark Normand]

Nailed it got hitched, got engaged, and we were gonna do a bachelor party, and so we had to have a show. Pay for the bachelor party. Me, Mark, my friend, it's you. I can say a bunch of comedians.

[Ari Shaffir]

List, Spurt Joe.

[Mark Normand]

List, Bert, Kreischer. These. By the way, I got the burts on right now. Favorite shoe I've ever had. Literally just broke on the cab over here. Taking these to 20 countries. Best shoe I've ever had. Just broke. I'm heartbroken.

[Ari Shaffir]

That sucks. He can fix them.

[Mark Normand]

And I went to Brian BT at side splitters.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Hey, can we do a show? They goes, you can do three shows. You could have 100 of the door. I want you here.

[Ari Shaffir]

Hell, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And I went. Did the shows. A bunch of N words are dropped. I had a blast. And I go, I'm done with the improv. I'm a side splitters guy forever, so.

[Sam Morril]

And they were like, we don't want to work with you. After all those N words, you can

[Mark Normand]

see Mark Norman at side splitters in July.

[Ari Shaffir]

That was a great weekend too. That we did. We did. We went tuna fishing. We went. Remember Derosa showed up. We were at a bar, and Derosa showed up. Up with. Out of nowhere with a tray of shots.

[Mark Normand]

First, Derosa was like, I can't come. I was like, what the. He goes, I gotta do reshoots for some YouTube show. Something. I was like. And I. And I like, you know when you go too far with somebody and you're like. But I'm so. I was so angry that he wasn't gonna come to this bachelor party, that I was like, you're a piece of friend. You. You're. You're. You're all in the wrong place.

[Ari Shaffir]

You.

[Mark Normand]

So meanwhile, he's planning on coming the whole time and surprising us. So we went fishing. And then he. He comes out at the bar. Bar with a tray full. You guys order shots. And it was him.

[Ari Shaffir]

We're like, that waiter's ugly. Oh, my God, Nerosa. Holy.

[Mark Normand]

Why does he have no chin?

[Ari Shaffir]

No will to live. And then we did a bunch of. Well, he bought a bunch of blow.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And a guy did it that we didn't know, and he went to the hospital. Good times.

[Mark Normand]

Brought a friend.

[Ari Shaffir]

Cancer. Brought a friend.

[Mark Normand]

And no one. Like, at a bachelor party. There's no plus ones in a bachelor party.

[Sam Morril]

He wasn't plus.

[Mark Normand]

That's a life story. He what?

[Ari Shaffir]

But, yeah. So the guy we didn't like did too much blow and went to the hospital.

[Mark Normand]

They tested this coke, and it Came up with a squiggly line like, maybe, maybe not. And they go, all right, what do you think? I'm like. And then they go, we're gonna do it anyway.

[Sam Morril]

I still can't get used to this.

[Ari Shaffir]

I know. It's pretty hot. It's, like, confusing.

[Mark Normand]

And if you don't take me seriously, then we have a real problem.

[Maddie]

I like that the sunglasses are in the tits, not in the shirt. That's what I like.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, I didn't even notice that. Yeah, look at that.

[Mark Normand]

Tampa, Florida. Mark Norman. Check him out at mark. Norm. Punch up.com, mark.

[Ari Shaffir]

Hell, yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Buy some bodega cat whiskey.

[Mark Normand]

Give some bodega whiskey.

[Sam Morril]

We love you in the world.

[Mark Normand]

I'm actually bringing this bottle. Do you have an extra bottle?

[Ari Shaffir]

Give me a bottle.

[Mark Normand]

Nashville, Tennessee, and Zany is one of the greatest clubs in the country. Pittsburgh, Psych. Regina, Saskatoon. Nice. Calgary. The last stop, wrong club. Minneapolis, Minnesota. Acme, Denver. The Commerce. Legitimately the best story. Every time Joe Rogan goes, hey, the comedy. Comedy Mothership was the best club. Like, no, I mean, dude, to his face. I'll go. It's. It's. The comedy works.

[Ari Shaffir]

Denver, baby.

[Sam Morril]

He loves it, too, though. He does.

[Mark Normand]

He goes, fair Point Comedy. Madison, Wisconsin. Charleston, South Carolina. Portland, Oregon. Austin, Texas.

[Sam Morril]

All right, we got it. We got it. We're not even the summer yet. All right. We love you guys. Guys, thank you so much. We'll see you next week.

[Ari Shaffir]

Hell, yeah, guys.

[Mark Normand]

Fucking fun. Sunday's the day for my next bender. A bit of P. You know, the beer Jew's close. I've had a little too much burping. And Norman's talking shit about the fucking post.

[Ari Shaffir]

And I get down in the same

[Mark Normand]

way up on the roof like a car and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous. I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans this woman doesn't look like I

[Ari Shaffir]

remember her and I get down in the same way

[Mark Normand]

we might be true.