Caitlin Peluffo, Usama Siddiquee, Joe List, Greg Fitzsimmons w/ Mark Normand & Sam Morril - We Might Be Drunk Podcast

Summary

We Might Be Drunk – Funny AF, Comedy Competitions & Road Stories

Guests: Caitlin Peluffo, Usama Siddiquee, Joe List, Greg Fitzsimmons

Hosts: Mark Normand & Sam Morril

Date: July 6, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this lively, inside-baseball episode, Mark and Sam are joined by NYC standups Caitlin Peluffo, Usama Siddiquee, Joe List, and Greg Fitzsimmons, fresh off their run on Netflix's "Funny AF". The panel dives deep into their experiences on comedy competition shows, particularly "Funny AF" and "Last Comic Standing", swapping stories about the grind of stand-up, the stress and quirks of TV sets, legendary roasts, and the sometimes surreal effects of newfound attention. The conversation swings from practical advice for comics to hilarious peeves, road stories, sports fandom, and plenty of comedic roasts—a must-listen for comedy fans and comedians alike.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Netflix’s "Funny AF" — Behind the Scenes

00:19–22:40

• Entry & Exposure: Caitlin, Usama, and Greg share their journeys getting onto the show, dealing with online sign-ups, and the bizarre viral "fan" Instagram accounts trying to get random people cast.

  “They had a post on Instagram, tag a friend… And here comes all the homeless weirdos. ‘I’m good. I can do it.’” — Greg (00:35)

• Old-School Comedy Clubs: The crew reminisces about bringing up open mic days and the ‘comic strip lottery’ grind, including horror stories of following bombing acts and navigating outdated gatekeeping.

• Casting & Vetting: Discussion of the difference between being cast for TV competitions now vs. earlier days, with more psychological and social media vetting.

  “We also went through our Instagram and everything to make sure we weren’t saying like crazy.” — Kaitlyn (03:25)

  "They had a psych eval person therapist before you even got on the show." — Greg (39:23)

• The Experience: They detail the stress of multiple rounds, adapting sets, and the curveballs of crowd work and roast rounds—especially roasting Marshawn Lynch (who, apparently, wasn't told he’d be roasted).

  “They don’t tell Marshawn that we’re roasting him. So he starts talking back while I’m roasting. I’m like, ‘Buddy…’ ” — Greg (12:34)

• Growth in Audience: Since the show, club dates are selling out, agents are calling, and the cast notes the surreal jump in fan diversity and random DM attention.

  “My audience looks like a UN meeting.” — Caitlin (05:23)

2. The Art and Pain of Roasting

16:04–30:36

• Writing & Delivery: The group swaps classic roast jokes, big and small, and discusses the challenge of writing last-minute, risky material for big opportunities, the ethical lines of roasting people absent/unwilling, and the tradition's evolution.

  “I think my favorite roast joke is: ‘Ice T, you’re so old, the first thing you bought with your money was your freedom.’” — Bobby (26:15)

• Old Roast War Stories: They reminisce on legendary roasts—Chevy Chase, Larry the Cable Guy—and the sometimes dark reality behind the scenes (Geraldo’s meltdown, Artie Lange as caretaker, etc.).

  “Chevy wouldn't say hi to anyone. Sat with sunglasses... It was famously the worst roast of all time.” — Steve (28:38)

3. The Life Cycle of Competition Comics

35:38–43:12

• Material Burn: Contestants lament the speed at which competition shows can eat an act—how a 20+ minute act might need to be “burned” for TV, and how tough it is to generate new, A+ material under pressure.

  “They wanted me to shoot a Netflix special with stuff I just did in the final.” — Greg (20:34)

• Post-Show Bump & New Pressures: The panel jokes about the ups and downs of immediate fame, including “menu upgrades” at clubs, suddenly sold-out rooms, but also the stress of not disappointing as a new draw.

4. Comedy World Peeves

63:31–69:05

• Pet Peeves Segment:

  • Staff going on break at the worst time.
  • Barbacks and hotel employees avoiding actual service.
  • Overly complicated subscriptions (esp. Microsoft Word).
  • The pet peeve of “bandwagon” sports fans and people rooting for non-U.S. teams in the World Cup.

  “You go to a rental car place… the guy goes on break right when you’re next. Drives me crazy.” — Bobby (63:36)

  “I hate it when Americans root for other countries in the World Cup… All of a sudden, you’re French? Get out of here!” — Caitlin (85:28)

5. Sports, Fandom, and True Loyalties

53:09–73:33

• NYC Sports Mania: The conversation veers to the Knicks’ resurgence, local sports fandom, and the authenticity (or lack thereof) of certain fans—

  “I see girls with pink Red Sox hats on… I want to smack them in the face.” — Matt (68:52)

• Sports Cross-Fandom: Amusing debates about Ari Shaffir being a Yankees/Cowboys fan from Maryland, the sins of picking “winning” teams as your own, and the agony/ecstasy of true sports suffering.

  “If you just grew up picking the best, you’re gonna fuck someone over at some point.” — Usama (70:28)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Comedy Show Fanbases:
  "My audience looks like just a UN meeting."
  — Caitlin Palufo (05:23)

• On Roasting Styles:
  “Best roast joke of the night was Ron’s: ‘Kevin, you look like a slave you get for free when you buy Marshawn Lynch.’”
  — Greg (23:04)

• On Traveling Comics’ Hardship:
  “Your call time is 9; you’re not coming in at 4, they're stewing you.”
  — Greg (24:12)

• On Microsoft Word Subscription Hell:
  “Microsoft Word—annual fee of like $150 a year—for a piece of simple fucking software.”
  — Steve (83:21)

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Important Segments (Timestamps)

| Timestamp | Segment | |------------|----------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:19 | Panel introduced, discuss "Funny AF" on Netflix | | 05:23 | The unexpected diversity of post-show fans | | 12:34 | Roasting Marshawn Lynch, live on-air confusion | | 16:04 | The crew swaps legendary roast jokes | | 24:12 | The logistical nightmare of filming a TV competition | | 35:38 | "Material burn"—how TV shows force comics to use all their A-material | | 53:09 | NYC sports fandom, authenticity, and bandwagoners | | 63:31 | "Pet peeves" section—service complaints, bell-ringing anxiety | | 69:05 | Sports fandom, true loyalties, and sports heartbreak | | 83:21 | Subscription complaints (Microsoft Word) | | 85:28 | Caitlin's peeve about non-American rooting in the World Cup |

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Recommendations & Anecdotes

• Crowd Work & Roast Rounds: The team shares advice for comics facing new comedy show formats—how to adapt with minimal time, handle pressure, and avoid cringe moments.
• Running Bits: Several running jokes emerge, including net worth searches, WikiFeet for comedians, and the recurring “who’s dead?” confusion.
• Insider Insights: Comics offer a rare, frank look at behind-the-scenes mechanics of mainstream comedy competitions—from selection, to stress, to post-show gigging, to "selling out shows" reality.

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Final Thoughts

This episode offers a hilarious—and surprisingly candid—look at the careers and struggles of contemporary standups, from the Netflix "Funny AF" circuit to old-school roasts and road life. Whether commiserating over missed opportunities, celebrating new fans, or lamenting the price of Microsoft Word, the panel keeps the pace fast and funny with sharp wit and real talk. A must-listen for comedy enthusiasts, competition hopefuls, and anyone who loves comedy’s backstage world.

Transcript

[Usama Siddiqui]

Roll.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, we're rolling.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Rolling. Wow, that was so quick. Is this water?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes. Take some water. Nice. Ready? Whoa.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Holy. Yeah. What's the. They're not practical.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

No, not at all. I need a man.

[Greg]

Is that jealous?

[Usama Siddiqui]

Feels nice to be needed. Welcome to We Might Be Drunk Here with Usama Siddiqui and Kaitlyn Palufo, fresh off funny AF on Netflix.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hello. Just signed up for season two.

[Greg]

Crazy.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yes. Yeah.

[Greg]

And you have to tag somebody to get into the show now.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

It's not a real thing.

[Usama Siddiqui]

You have to what?

[Greg]

Dude, it was this weird thing, so we did the show. I don't. They didn't tell us about this at all. They had this thing like tag. They had a post on Instagram, tag a friend who thinks who would be good at the show. Oh, and here comes all the homeless weirdos. I'm good. I can do it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right, Right.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

And it's not even like that account isn't associated with the show. It's a fan.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, really?

[Greg]

It was a random post out of nowhere. But then, remember those comic strip lottery days where you'd see comics come out the ground? Like, where were you for three years that was going on? I was like, who are these people tagging who?

[Usama Siddiqui]

I remember when I finally got my comic strip opportunity, it's like I drew sixth on the show. So you were like, at the end of a three hour show and then five amateurs are going on before me. And I was like, fuck, all right, I hope I can just make it to the end. Whatever. Hope the crowd stays. The crowd stays like 80 people. And I'm like, all right, thank God. The guy before me has a full on nervous breakdown on stage. Like, he just starts going, oh, fuck, I'm bombing. I'm bad at this. He has a full on freakout and he goes, oh, fuck, I suck. And I'm like, just get off stage. He walks. I want to say, like, all but 12 people. And I had to go up for 12 people. And it went like, how well can you do for 12? But it went just enough. The owner's like, yeah, you didn't look like scared up there, so I'm passing you. There was a low bar after a guy nearly shits himself. Before you.

[Bobby Kelly]

I believe Venter went on before you.

[Greg]

I was just going to do that joke.

[Bobby Kelly]

Was it.

[Greg]

Was he rich? I remember, rest in peace. He was like, you're very funny. You're very good. Can't use you say that. Was it just all compliments at the end? We already have a brown guy with the weird Eye.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Yeah.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

I think he already had a girl.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, one.

[Usama Siddiqui]

One. They were like stuck in the past for sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Come here.

[Usama Siddiqui]

We used to manage Eddie Murphy. You're like, oh, you've told this story 400 times tonight.

[Bobby Kelly]

If you walked in with two pies, they would have hired you. Like, that's comedy, dude.

[Greg]

They still have the little open mic list right? Where they have like Seinfeld's name, Eddie Murphy's name.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, that's right.

[Greg]

That's cool. I like them.

[Usama Siddiqui]

No, the headshots. The old headshots in clubs.

[Bobby Kelly]

Amazing.

[Usama Siddiqui]

It is cool. I think it's very cool because you're killing. I mean, it's kind of like a museum in a way, you know?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah. The coolest is Zany's in Chicago has Ellen. A handwritten letter from Ellen. Jerry Seinfeld gave me your address. I'd love to work your club. I'm not gay yet. Yeah, something like that.

[Greg]

Really Call us back when you're gay.

[Usama Siddiqui]

It doesn't sell you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but yeah, speak of crazies. I did the last comic standing wait in line. Like the open casting call. Holy. That's crazy. The ghouls and goblins in that line. I mean, it was like a guy dressed as Batman. He's a magician. It was Judy Gold. Yeah.

[Greg]

It was all the same person, dude. They had more of a vetting process for that one. This show was not. You have to do like a questionnaire, checks.

[Bobby Kelly]

We had to meet psych eval.

[Usama Siddiqui]

What kind of background check are we talking?

[Greg]

I mean like a full Criminal.

[Steve]

Criminal.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

We also went through our Instagram and everything to make sure that we weren't saying like crazy.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Whoa.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Social media.

[Bobby Kelly]

So Cosby couldn't get in?

[Usama Siddiqui]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Which is kind of a shame. I'd love to see him do a set.

[Greg]

The first round, low key.

[Usama Siddiqui]

I mean, she's like, I'm trying to come back.

[Greg]

I love the young people.

[Bobby Kelly]

Out of all the shows like this, there's been a million of these. Competition show. This was definitely the most well done.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Yeah, it's so nice. It's not NBC either that you can actually curse. Cuz we know how hard it is. You go round around and you're on that show.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's good point.

[Greg]

The first word you said was smegma. I think I said

[Usama Siddiqui]

m. Check.

[Steve]

Yeah, yeah,

[Usama Siddiqui]

that's. But it's so hard. I remember on NBC back in the day, we're like, oh my God. Like, I mean, we've done a ton of late night sets, but they had a. They Were stricter than Late Night. Because they're like, this is on to, like, eight.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Greg]

Because y' all came in up in it, like, right before us, where it was like, last comic standing was that thing for y'.

[Bobby Kelly]

All.

[Greg]

And also, this is like a Netflix thing, so people could watch it after it's done. So I'm getting people now being like, I watched it last week, which is not going to happen for.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Are people still watching?

[Greg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

People come up to me. They're like, don't tell me how it end. And I was like, I didn't win.

[Bobby Kelly]

Relax. But, yeah, I did a show with you, what, two weeks ago at the Union Square Park. You got a huge pop.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

So people are watching it.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

People are watching it. People are sweet.

[Greg]

People are very nice.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

I haven't gotten a lot of hate. I got a lot of. I get a lot of dms, and

[Bobby Kelly]

they're usually like, I sit on my face.

[Usama Siddiqui]

But yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I. I was drinking at the time.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

But the rest of them are, like, very nice. They're like, oh, we. We enjoyed you very much. And I was like, this never happens.

[Bobby Kelly]

Great.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Wow.

[Bobby Kelly]

Great.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

It's usually, women shouldn't vote.

[Greg]

And, well, they could think that. And also pretty funny out there, I think. Like, I'm not sure if y' all had this, like, when you. After the show was a demographic crazy. Like, I'm getting, like, random white dude incels. We're talking, like, abuelita grandmas, you know?

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

I swear to God, my audience looks like just a UN meeting.

[Greg]

It's crazy. It's really crazy. And we knew each other for a long time. We're friends for a long time going in. So I don't know if y' all had the same thing where y' all coming up with the rounds together with your friends.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't make it that far.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Yeah, me neither. I was gone pretty quickly.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Matt]

Really?

[Usama Siddiqui]

We were out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, they. They wanted. They wanted, like, a sitcom person. There were two guys, like, with 10 minutes on pedophilia.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Yeah. We have the personalities.

[Greg]

Yeah, I remember. With you. Didn't you talk back to it?

[Usama Siddiqui]

Yeah, I talked back to Keenan. That was my one cool moment. Is that. Is that Norm, after that, put his arm around me? He was like. Because we weren't supposed to cross paths, but Norm put his arm around me, and he was like, I like the. On him. So that was a cool moment.

[Steve]

But.

[Usama Siddiqui]

But I did go home that night,

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

so it was Keenan.

[Usama Siddiqui]

It was just like a quick zing back and forth. It wasn't like anything harsh. I made a joke about one of the scary movies.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Usama Siddiqui]

But it wasn't that hard. I mean, but he. But yeah, they.

[Greg]

No, there was one. I remember this line because I was coming up as a comic. Dude, I'm seeing you on this episode, bro. It's a formative moment. This guy, I'm telling you right now, this guy. One of the judges was like, yeah. I don't know if you're a good guy or a bad guy or you're like, I don't know your style. And then Sam goes, so I'm what, a three dimensional person? And everyone laughs. And then I think they're like, get out of this show.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Yeah, something like that.

[Greg]

Do not have a good one on him, please.

[Bobby Kelly]

They don't want any pushback at all.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Not really, but it sounds like something I would say.

[Greg]

Yeah, it's very.

[Usama Siddiqui]

I think women have said that to me, dating. I've been like, so what?

[Greg]

I cheat. I don't cheat.

[Usama Siddiqui]

I'm keeping on your edge. It's a show, lady.

[Greg]

It's part of your journey.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. You have a black guy. But I'm complex.

[Usama Siddiqui]

No, it was. It was a bad experience. And the thing, too, is, like, I did America's Got Talent, too, which was one thing around comic energy. You're on everyone's anxious energy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Usama Siddiqui]

And you realize what a ruse it is what we do. When you're next to, like, dancers, they have to stretch. They have to stay warm. I can go up drunk, you know, but. But I'm like, you know, I'm texting my mom, like, oh, I'm freaking out. She goes, read a book. I'm like, there's two fat people from Atlantic City dancing mambo number five next to me. There's a bird squawking like. I can't just get lost in literature right now.

[Steve]

This is.

[Usama Siddiqui]

This is stressful.

[Greg]

When I was doing agt, I was about to go up and AGT is what I did. I did a Covid year, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

Pull it up.

[Greg]

Day before COVID started, right? So I'm in the stage. I don't know if it happened to you where, like, Terry Crews is there. I'm waiting. Leukemia guitarist is on stage or something, right? I'm freaking out, trying to get my set right. Terry Crews has to do, like, B roll now. So I'm trying to get my set ready. He comes up, he's like, what's your favorite day of the week? And I'm like, the most fearful, hard questions.

[Usama Siddiqui]

I like that.

[Bobby Kelly]

And you're like. He's like, if you're nervous, just watch porn. That's what I do. Yeah. He's addicted to porn.

[Greg]

It was truly insane.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Oh, my God.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, we found it. Oh, my God.

[Greg]

We can't watch this Stand up on the show.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, you better believe it, fatty.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

This is the one where you called Heidi Klum a slut.

[Greg]

This is. This is the day before COVID Look at you.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're so cute.

[Greg]

I'm so young.

[Bobby Kelly]

28, 29.

[Greg]

Oh, my God. Skinny boy, no shoulders.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, you look like a guy being forced into England,

[Greg]

buddy.

[Steve]

I was.

[Matt]

This is.

[Greg]

This is right before COVID I looked like a straight up

[Usama Siddiqui]

mama. Oh, that's cute.

[Greg]

Oh, you guys just show stuff like this.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is crazy. This is the footage before the knife attack in London. Holy.

[Greg]

My mom. I love her. Love you, Mom.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah. Mother is adorable.

[Greg]

We love my mom.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you have a traditional sword?

[Greg]

My mom. I love my mom. Guys.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at that.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Cute. How far did you make it on?

[Greg]

I was. I was quarterfinals.

[Usama Siddiqui]

I was.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right.

[Greg]

Is this an Oasis phase?

[Bobby Kelly]

What are you going through here?

[Greg]

I took her glasses. Oh, okay. No hate. No shade on Oasis.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah.

[Usama Siddiqui]

People love competitions. It would be awesome. It was just like Showcase, but it's like. Nope. They want. They want to root for someone.

[Greg]

They wouldn't watch the show if it was, like, funny people on a show.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

I will say, this was the. I thought it was pretty close to a showcase because no one ever got, like, reamed, you know?

[Bobby Kelly]

Really?

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

The judges were never like, you're an idiot.

[Greg]

Chicago got a little reamed.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Well, Chicago. Well, yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

How so You.

[Usama Siddiqui]

You did shows in Chicago and la?

[Greg]

No, no, no. So we did the New York one. There's three cities. New York, la, Chicago, with the Chicag, the Kevin. They edited it where everyone's bombing.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah.

[Greg]

And Kevin's so annoyed at the bombing that he changes up the rules of the show mid episode.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Greg]

Y' all should watch this, but it's kind of interesting.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

I'll be honest. I didn't watch any of the episodes.

[Bobby Kelly]

I get that.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

I can't watch myself.

[Greg]

I watched everything. You watched everything I did. I want to see how I come off.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

How'd I do?

[Greg]

People love you, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

What about Mike Turner? I heard he got shafted.300.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

That's the one he got. He's the only one that kind of got a bad.

[Bobby Kelly]

But then he did it like a face to camera after. To explain himself.

[Greg]

So, you know. Yeah, he does. He was. You got to choose one, Mom. For the show, you can't kill it. You have to show that he got chosen as the. As the guy who, you know, ate a fucking dick.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

But he handled it well.

[Greg]

I don't know. What do you mean?

[Bobby Kelly]

When he wasn't happy after, he was pissed.

[Greg]

Okay, so he goes up, right? It's a black crowd in Chicago.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right. He's kind of wiggered fine.

[Greg]

He's great.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

I don't know.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's great. You could say bigger. One letter off.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know what I mean? He's got some flavor.

[Matt]

He's.

[Greg]

He's flavored. He's.

[Usama Siddiqui]

But what happened? It wasn't connecting. He had a showcase. Sets are very hard, dude.

[Greg]

He had a black woman crowd in Chicago, right. Which are fun, which we love, but I want to go against the grain here. So he goes up. His first thing he says was, man, don't we all miss Bush? Which is like, if you're in a middle aged black lady, that's the last. That's your ultimate hater of the vagina.

[Usama Siddiqui]

What are we talking about?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't even know.

[Greg]

Honestly, with them. Both, they hate. I feel like both of them stink either way. They hate it. But it was just. He goes in and he's talking about President Bush, how it's so good for white. It's still good for white guys, isn't it? It's still good for white guys. And like an older black lady just hates all this. So he just starts bombing.

[Usama Siddiqui]

My note would be, don't open with something that divisive.

[Greg]

Boom.

[Bobby Kelly]

And some of that old bush is what, 30 years ago? What are we doing? Keep it current.

[Greg]

Keep it current especially.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

There's a much more controversial figure in office right now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right, right, Exactly.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Probably not great for black ladies.

[Greg]

Like this bomb. They like throw it from like nine different angles. They get like a golly shot. There was a drone, drone footage of him bombing with the timer going up on the bottom line. So he bombed pretty hard. And it was. It was pretty embarrassing.

[Bobby Kelly]

And they said they edited it to make it look worse. Worse and worse.

[Usama Siddiqui]

But, you know, the hardest thing about moving on is not. I don't think even the closer. In my experience. I think the opening joke, it's like you have to write an opener for every set.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Usama Siddiqui]

How many sets did you guys do?

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

We ended up doing 6.

[Greg]

8.

[Bobby Kelly]

8.

[Greg]

Oh, what do you mean sets? Oh, sorry, sorry. Yeah.

[Steve]

Six.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Six. Yeah, we did six.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's a lot.

[Usama Siddiqui]

How long is each set?

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Five minutes. And then the last one was seven. Well, one was A roast. And the other one was work, but it was still. You had to open with a drill.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who are you roasting?

[Usama Siddiqui]

Oh, that's cool.

[Greg]

It was crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why him?

[Greg]

We got some good ones. I think it was tough, though. That was like, eight months of, like, pain and fear because we were just terrified of, like, you know, you're going up to Netflix. Millions of people. I'm first on the show, terrified.

[Bobby Kelly]

They don't.

[Greg]

They don't tell Marshawn that we're roasting him.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

What? So what?

[Greg]

He starts talking back to me while I'm roasting. I'm like, buddy, Buddy. He's like, oakland's coming out. Yeah, Oakland's coming out.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Why would they not tell him?

[Greg]

Buddy? I think they did tell him, but, you know, he don't be listening to shit.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Greg]

He's on media or not thereof.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

He had his. He had his. His drink, Hennessy, and then he was sitting there and he had a microphone here. His drinks last night, and he was Hennessy.

[Greg]

I mean, it was.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

And then he.

[Usama Siddiqui]

For me and a great guy to roast. A guy who took a lot of shots to the head with a drinking problem.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah, right.

[Greg]

The dui.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

He would get genuinely upset. Like, some of the things we would say, he would be like, I'm gonna kick your.

[Greg]

It might have been Oakland back and forth, but, jeez, every. The first couple of roasts, it was like, hey, yo, bruh. He did the side mic, where you're

[Usama Siddiqui]

kind of like, did you roast the whole D or just him?

[Greg]

I. Everybody.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who else was out there? Well, we had to do all the comics.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

So cute.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are we on Google Images?

[Greg]

Oh, my God.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, my God. That reg.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah, it was sis. This is literally my Instagram.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's so funny.

[Greg]

How terrifying. I'm like, back there.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Our faces are like, oh, my God.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is that fury?

[Usama Siddiqui]

Yeah.

[Greg]

So this is the top 10, I think, right?

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Hey, so the judges were Segura, Chelsea. Yeah. Nikki.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's a good group. Actual comics. It's not like when I do contests.

[Greg]

Chris Rock was there.

[Usama Siddiqui]

How was Ross?

[Greg]

You know?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I heard he was tough. I heard he was a little scary.

[Greg]

He's a legend. He's a legend and he keeps it real.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

He.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Well, he was. He was. He was one of the last ones.

[Greg]

He was the one for the. What the.

[Bobby Kelly]

Was it the semi final?

[Usama Siddiqui]

Like, I don't have my best material at this point. I'm feeling a bit handicapped. I gotta go in front of Chris.

[Bobby Kelly]

The best comic you could have given

[Greg]

the best Joke of your life to him, really.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

They had to stop cutting to his legend.

[Greg]

But he's not, let's say, a laugher. He's not, let's say, like a guy, Right. If he's a good joke, he'd be like, that's a great joke. But he won't. He's not like a giver.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sure. As opposed to Nick computing the premise.

[Greg]

He's a very smart. Very smart.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

This was his face. It was literally like

[Bobby Kelly]

everything.

[Greg]

Like, if you went, knock, knock, you'd have been like, I don't even know what to say to. Yeah, I wouldn't even know the next. So he was tough, but, you know, I guess it's part of it that's the.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Most people come up to me afterwards and they're like, how is Chris Rock?

[Greg]

He's an obvious legend. He's an amazing comedian, but he's not someone I would be like, hey, tutor me. Yeah, I want to, you know. So it was kind of tough. And he can't be. Not. He can be fit. He's like. He's supposed to be unable to, like, change his face in a way that he's not trying to.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right?

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, it's totally even. There's a video of him coming in when you guys are all in the green room. He's like, all right, guys, it's gonna be great. You gotta give it extra. And even that looked weird. I was like, what are you doing? It's a weird clip. It went viral, but it looked very strange.

[Usama Siddiqui]

But it is weird that the bigger the stage, it's like, you're like, I have. Did you open on your favorite jokes on your first set?

[Greg]

On the first set, I did some of my favorites.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Yeah.

[Greg]

But by the semifinal, I was doing some of the older bits. And then the last set, I just did the set I was doing in the clubs. Same perfect time.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

I saved my most recent stuff for the end because I was like, if I make it to the end, then, you know, I'll burn that stuff.

[Greg]

It's so weird. I was working on it. I wasn't done with those bits, and now I'm gone. I don't use them anymore. So it feels like a weird, like, strangled my baby in the cribs. That's what I did. And it feels wrong. Real game.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. We had a rose. Aaron Hernandez on last comic. It was. It was really tough. It was tough. He killed my wife. The whole thing.

[Greg]

Not a good combo on the roasting the year thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

But it was weird.

[Usama Siddiqui]

It was weird because none of those people were in the. Like, I don't like a roast when the people aren't in the room. So we kind of made it a point to be like, we're just gonna roast like Diddy and Luigi because they're in prison.

[Matt]

Exactly.

[Usama Siddiqui]

So it makes sense. Or not there. But if you feel weird being like, hey, Machine Gun Kelly's in the news.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but he's not here.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And we got Stephen Hawking pretty good because he was dead. And a pedophi. While.

[Greg]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

The double whammy.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Well, we don't know for sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's true. That's true.

[Usama Siddiqui]

He never came out as a pedophile, though. Does anyone?

[Bobby Kelly]

I. Ah, good point.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

You get found out

[Greg]

he was on the island. Platinum membership. I think he was. He was club access.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's a gold member.

[Greg]

They gave him the towel before he walked in.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

He was taken to the island.

[Greg]

Hot towel.

[Bobby Kelly]

Holy. What the hell's going on, everybody? What is this, St. Patty's Day parade? Look at these mix. Hey, pull up the seat.

[Matt]

If you can stand. Literally, right here.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thanks for bringing food.

[Matt]

Where are the cameras?

[Bobby Kelly]

Where are the cameras?

[Matt]

No camera here.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hello.

[Matt]

But it's not pointing at us.

[Bobby Kelly]

You got to turn around. Turn around this way. There you go.

[Steve]

All right.

[Matt]

Anyone want a slice? It's a giant slice.

[Greg]

Thank you.

[Usama Siddiqui]

You brought cookies.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thank you.

[Greg]

What's up?

[Steve]

How are you, man?

[Greg]

How are you, buddy?

[Matt]

You know what?

[Greg]

I really likewise.

[Steve]

Dude.

[Matt]

Accident.

[Steve]

What race are you?

[Greg]

I'm. I'm black.

[Steve]

Are you?

[Greg]

Yeah. I'm black Asian.

[Steve]

You could be anything. That's. That's. You can go in any neighborhood.

[Greg]

Grew up in. My parents are from Bangladesh.

[Steve]

Oh, wow.

[Matt]

It's really inappropriate.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

I was like, are you gonna ask me?

[Greg]

You're like, I'm black too.

[Matt]

I feel like I'm blocking your cameras.

[Greg]

It was with love. I thought was never. Wasn't too negative.

[Usama Siddiqui]

You've gone.

[Bobby Kelly]

You guys done already?

[Matt]

We started. We did an hour and a half.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right.

[Steve]

Nice to meet you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Watch out, big guy. Come behind you.

[Matt]

You know what I discovered, Mark? That could be useful to you by accident. Carrying a pizza. Great way to get out of a hug. He tried to hug me like a homo and I had a pizza. Sorry.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's good.

[Usama Siddiqui]

You could have just put it down for a second.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I'll bring a pizza to my. My parents house.

[Matt]

That's what I said. I'm like, I'll just bring it up to pizza. I can't.

[Bobby Kelly]

My dad hugs like this.

[Greg]

Oh, yeah, same.

[Bobby Kelly]

He does that One.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Same.

[Greg]

Same.

[Steve]

Is that why punk rockers wear, like, spikes all over their jackets?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't think that's hilarious. Yeah, I think that's for the mosh pits they get in there. Yeah, they can do some damage.

[Steve]

I feel like I saw these punk rocker girls on the subway yesterday, and they had dyed hair, the spikes, the combat boots. It was like, you're a rebel, right? So why are you wearing a fucking uniform?

[Bobby Kelly]

I know it's a lot of work,

[Steve]

but, I mean, it's been 50 years of the same uniform.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, good point.

[Greg]

You also want to see, like, tattoo sleeves, and the sleeves are like this. I'm like, you're just. You're trying to show the sleeve. You're trying to show the tattoo, which kind of ruins the coolness factor of it.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you're saying they cut off the sleeves. No, no, no.

[Greg]

You have the whole sleeve tattoos, then they're shirts like this. I'm like, you're not cool anymore. Cause you're trying to show the tattoo. Now you're laying.

[Usama Siddiqui]

It's like an addiction, too. You see some people get, like, they do one arm, then they just do the other arm, then the leg, and you're just like, this is like an expensive thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Very expensive.

[Usama Siddiqui]

That was the most Jewish reaction to it. I mean, the money you waste.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jesus Christ.

[Greg]

And I went hepatitis, and I was like, we're both are our race right now.

[Bobby Kelly]

But, yeah, these guys were just on a big Netflix show. Did you see Funny af?

[Matt]

You know about Netflix, Greg?

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

New network service.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Have you heard of this? It's like the new Last Comic Standing, but it's. I think it's bigger.

[Steve]

Kevin Hart thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes. What is it?

[Steve]

Congratulations. That was big.

[Greg]

That was good. It was cool.

[Steve]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who.

[Steve]

Who won?

[Greg]

Ron Taylor.

[Bobby Kelly]

Pull him up.

[Steve]

He's a Comedy Store guy.

[Greg]

Fun guy.

[Steve]

Fun guy.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Very funny.

[Matt]

I don't like him. I like you guys

[Greg]

funny, cuz. Annoyed the entire time. He. I don't know why I'm here, man. He kept getting through.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's a throwback. He's like one of Red Fox.

[Steve]

Lives in his van.

[Greg]

No, I think that's done. But that was.

[Bobby Kelly]

Although he did last year, he's still doing it.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

He said, if I win, I'm going to buy a new van and go

[Greg]

back to the van. And I was like, he's the most, like, annoyed man.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah, he's pissed that he won.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at that turtle.

[Usama Siddiqui]

What was the prize?

[Greg]

Netflix special.

[Usama Siddiqui]

A Netflix special. Do they give you money on top or just the specials?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, there's a SAG Day race that's a great price. I mean, Netflix special, but it's a

[Matt]

hard prize because you're like, but I just did all my material on Netflix.

[Greg]

I know, I know.

[Matt]

Give me some time.

[Bobby Kelly]

Push it back five years.

[Greg]

Yeah, they. They get. I think they were trying to get them the next month. Like, hey, man, do the special.

[Steve]

And they.

[Greg]

And they pushed it back, but. Jesus Christ.

[Matt]

Right? You hear about.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

And I had a. I had taped a special beforehand, so I was just sitting on a special and then I just did all of the material from that special. So I was like, I'm just gonna throw this on YouTube.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Prosciutto Rose, please. Watch it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Check it out. So Caitlyn finished second.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Is that correct?

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

No, third.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Third.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Third.

[Greg]

Osama finished second. Sorry.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Okay.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matt]

Second is the best. Third is the nerd.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay. First. The worst.

[Matt]

Second.

[Greg]

The best.

[Matt]

Second is the best.

[Greg]

Third is the hairy chest.

[Bobby Kelly]

The nerd.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

The nerd.

[Matt]

Fourth is the one with a hairy

[Bobby Kelly]

chest around the corners.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

What if he has both

[Bobby Kelly]

bullets for, like, the last.

[Greg]

For the finale, I. I had one that I was like, that Tom liked. He was like, I wish I wrote that joke.

[Bobby Kelly]

Tom Segura, which was a big.

[Greg]

That was like. They got that on screen. I was like, that's gonna really help.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's a good clip.

[Greg]

It was good. So I saved some. Some heat, but Ron had this five minute dick bit that I think was like, the world loved.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really?

[Greg]

When you're on tv, it's that you're doing it for the world. You know, it's not just the crowd.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Greg]

So going as. As possible is probably in your best interest.

[Bobby Kelly]

100.

[Greg]

I was doing, like, Europe versus America type stuff for, like, just random. I had like eight different topics for like, one set, which I kind of wanted to do my. My way.

[Matt]

And how did they vote who decided

[Greg]

it was that moment?

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Them?

[Usama Siddiqui]

The judges?

[Greg]

No, no, no. It was the.

[Bobby Kelly]

The world.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

It was the world.

[Bobby Kelly]

They literally put the world.

[Greg]

It was just like, yeah, for the

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

semifinals and the finals, they could go on their. Roku and not Roku, but, like, they're. They could pick.

[Matt]

Really?

[Bobby Kelly]

You can do that? Uhhuh. Yeah.

[Steve]

And there was a roast.

[Bobby Kelly]

There was a roast.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

We roasted Marshawn lynch and Kevin and Nikki Glaser.

[Steve]

So that kind of stepped on because then they roasted Kevin Hart literally two weeks later on the same night.

[Matt]

So random.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

I think that's why they brought in Marshawn, because they were like, oh, we can't do two roasts of Kevin Hart. And so they brought in Marshawn, like, two weeks before we were supposed to film. I don't know if I'm supposed to be saying this, but.

[Greg]

No, yeah, absolutely.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can put it together.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah. And so then we had to rewrite all of our jokes for Marshawn.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Were you guys zinging each other in the rounds? Like, would you go on after someone and zing them? Or is that kind.

[Greg]

I had some Caitlyn jokes.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I had some Usama jokes.

[Matt]

She had some.

[Greg]

What was the best joke about me? Olivia was like, usama looks like he eats pussy with his hands.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Greg]

Pretty good.

[Bobby Kelly]

Brown. That's great.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Brown.

[Greg]

Usama's an Indian fuck boy, so he can charm a snake and then ghost it. Fun.

[Bobby Kelly]

Fun's good. Ooh, I love it.

[Greg]

Best joke of the night was Ron's. He was like, kevin, you look like a slave you get for free when you buy Marshawn Lynch.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Oh, bam.

[Greg]

Cause he didn't have a great sense. That joke actually saved him in the whole round Down. That joke was so good, it saved his ass for the whole.

[Matt]

Wow.

[Steve]

Did anybody tank? Because that's not a sport for every comic.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

No, I think everybody had a good set. Some people just didn't roast Marshawn, and I think that's what got.

[Bobby Kelly]

What? How do you not roast them?

[Greg]

Dude, I'm saying actual names. Yeah, Ray Loud.

[Steve]

See it?

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah.

[Greg]

Ray didn't roast Marshawn. He got the email. He didn't check it.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah, brother.

[Greg]

Biggest day of your life.

[Usama Siddiqui]

You know who I missed? Bush?

[Greg]

Michael Turner. Ghost wrote some of his jokes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wait, Ray La is a tough name for an Asian. That is a curse to give an Asian negative.

[Greg]

Which one's the.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Which one's the.

[Bobby Kelly]

Which one's the R? That's a. That's a meme.

[Usama Siddiqui]

I think he figured it out probably at some point.

[Bobby Kelly]

I feel for you, Ray. Ray or Le Ra, either way.

[Greg]

And if he likes Frito Lays, that's even. Now it's Ray La likes. What do you even say anymore?

[Bobby Kelly]

That is.

[Usama Siddiqui]

That's crazy to. I mean, seven rounds is crazy.

[Greg]

I mean, it was the most harrowing experience of our lives. End of the roast, your. Your call time is 9. You're not coming in at 4.

[Bobby Kelly]

They always do that.

[Greg]

Put you in the fucking pan. You're just, like, stewing.

[Bobby Kelly]

What is that?

[Greg]

I don't know. And the roast is the craziest one because we don't have anything tested, so it was just going to be on Netflix Film.

[Usama Siddiqui]

You didn't run it by any crowds at all.

[Greg]

Dude, Steve Fury blew up pictures of the. I was like, what we could do.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

I ran it. I went to.

[Greg]

She ran it.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

I didn't Comedy seller, the new joke nights. I would have pictures of people on

[Bobby Kelly]

my phone and be like, look at this good move.

[Steve]

Did you get people to help you? Because most roasts, you got like eight people writing for you.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's true.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

I met with friends. I met with friends. I went with Ron on Hirschberg. I met with.

[Usama Siddiqui]

He's an angry little fucker.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's the king. He can write.

[Matt]

The best roast joke writer. Most underrated, too.

[Bobby Kelly]

Tell him the big J joke.

[Matt]

The big J joke was. Big J doesn't seem Jewish except that he chains his wallet to himself. That's the joke I get complimented the most. And I feel like that was killer. Yeah. One of the great jokes.

[Usama Siddiqui]

You know, he's got one of the craziest roast jokes ever. You know Dina Hashem's joke? She was roast battling a guy whose mother motorcycle crash and. And she goes, his. His mom died. The way he lives. An unrecognizable road feature.

[Greg]

That joke will 100 years.

[Matt]

One of the best jokes ever.

[Usama Siddiqui]

That's when we're like, oh, my God. But the craftsmanship. You go back and forth. You're like, it's so vicious.

[Greg]

That joke is so good. Even if you don't know the word feature, you kind of know what it is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes. You put it together.

[Greg]

You put it together. It's like you learn something in the joke.

[Usama Siddiqui]

I told him to attend once. He goes, jesus, keep it surface.

[Matt]

I think one of the most underrated roast jokes ever is. I think it was Florentine. He goes, Bonnie McFarlane, living the American dream. She moved to America and got stupid rich.

[Greg]

That's great.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Great.

[Greg]

That's the rich boss roast, right? Oh, my God.

[Usama Siddiqui]

That's a good joke.

[Matt]

She also. Yeah, Bobby at that point. That was when Bobby was his heaviest. He was like 380 pounds. She goes, hey, Bobby, it's one more than you. So if you want to start making

[Bobby Kelly]

your way up, that roast is underra. It's like wall to wall bangers.

[Matt]

Oh, it's incredible.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think my favorite roast joke is iced tea. You're so old, the first thing you bought with your money was your freedom.

[Greg]

Boom.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Which means it might have been Jesse Joyce.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's true.

[Greg]

Wait, Jesse Joyce was writing Geraldo together.

[Bobby Kelly]

He wrote the pizza joke. Ralphie May, you're so fat when you're watching porn, you come when they deliver the pizza That's a perfect joke.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Usama Siddiqui]

There's a clip of Ralphie standing and applauding, which, you know, that took a lot for him.

[Steve]

Well, he got annihilated in a roast battle with. You ever see Lawrence Lawrence.

[Bobby Kelly]

Steve Lawren. Oh, my God. Legend.

[Greg]

What was going to happen?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, he knew.

[Greg]

Prepare any jokes.

[Bobby Kelly]

He just thought, oh, Mike's nobody.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Mike is an unbelievable writer, but it's also.

[Greg]

You got paired with the best. Also top five roast rider of all time, and you came with nothing. You came. I know schoolyard stuff.

[Bobby Kelly]

He bought a Febreze bottle that was his big. That just looked worse.

[Matt]

How about Tapaolo Robin quivers? Yeah, you would, too, if your father finger you when you were six.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Those old Howard Stern rogues. Are you some of those?

[Steve]

Yeah. I roasted baba booy one time, and I go. I said, gary's teeth look like a row of urinals at Shea Stadium.

[Bobby Kelly]

What was that? Was it the Paula who said? Oh, he goes, lisa Lampinelli's so many black guys, she calls them on her sickle cell. Was that Depaolo?

[Matt]

I don't know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sickle cell.

[Matt]

That's pretty good, though.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think that was Nick.

[Usama Siddiqui]

They're core. They're really dumb. That's why they're so funny.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's great.

[Usama Siddiqui]

It's great.

[Greg]

Schoolyard shit is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Have you guys done roasts many times?

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah.

[Steve]

Did you roast?

[Bobby Kelly]

We more roasted each other. We roasted Nate Bargazi. We roasted.

[Greg]

What's.

[Bobby Kelly]

Remember Eric?

[Matt]

The Giannis roast.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, Eric, I forgot what was a

[Greg]

good Nate roast that y' all had.

[Matt]

That was. It's so crazy. Didn't film it. There's like. It feels like we're from, like, the 50s. We did a roast of Nate Bragazi, Whatever.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was Michael Chef stars.

[Matt]

Nobody thought to be like, should we roll camera on this? It was just a literal private run.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes. For fun. It was Michael Chase, Sal Volcano. Big deals. All these killers Soder and. Yeah. No film.

[Matt]

We did a Nate one and a Giannis one.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Steve]

I roasted Chevy Chase on Comedy Central.

[Greg]

The one that got canceled famous.

[Steve]

I did. I went on three. I went on in three hours. In.

[Bobby Kelly]

Whoa.

[Steve]

And it was back when it was still the Friars Club roast. So, like, the audience was like all these old Jews from the Friars Club, and they started at, like, noon, and I got on at, like, 3 o', clock, and. And Chevy wouldn't say hi to anybody. Like, backstage, he. He had sunglasses on, and it was like he hated being there. So he sat there with his.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Did he just do it for money. I mean, why did he do it?

[Steve]

Yeah. For his wife's charity. He said he did. I guess they donate like a million dollars to. And so I went on and I mean, I got cut. Kevin Meaney got cut. Marin.

[Bobby Kelly]

Damn.

[Steve]

All these people that went on towards the end. And it was famously the worst roast of all time.

[Greg]

He cried.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Didn't he cry?

[Steve]

I don't know.

[Matt]

Let's say it. Why not?

[Bobby Kelly]

You cried. Cried like a.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Remember Marin had that joke from that roast where he said he kept. Chevy Chase, kept saying, who are these nobodies? And he goes, we're nobodies at the beginning of our career.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ooh, that cuts down Jeep.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Was that. Was Colbert on that one, too? He had a pretty great set.

[Steve]

He did. And so did Al

[Bobby Kelly]

Lubell.

[Steve]

No. Who's the guy? Al Franken.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, wow. I've never heard that. Really? He always sticks it up.

[Greg]

Never heard that then.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yikes.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Geraldo was on that too, though, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Wasn't Todd?

[Greg]

Todd Barry.

[Bobby Kelly]

Todd was on there. Young Todd.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Steve]

Jeff Ross. Ross. Lisa Lampanelli.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Ross had hair.

[Matt]

Diversity was a thing back in the day.

[Greg]

Oh, my God.

[Steve]

And then some of the old timers like Freddie Roman, Alan King, Capri. Alan King might have hosted it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I think he did.

[Steve]

No, no, no. Paul Schaefer.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, that's right. Schaefer.

[Steve]

And I said, Dr. Phil with AIDS, everybody. And people bummed out.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Steve]

It's great.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Damn.

[Usama Siddiqui]

With AIDS is the classic add on to the.

[Bobby Kelly]

Was that the famous one where Geraldo had the drug infused meltdown?

[Usama Siddiqui]

No, that was Larry the Cable Guy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay. Then Artie Lang. Artie Lang had to help him get to. Which is crazy. Artie Lang is the guy. Like, you got to get your shit together.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Well, yeah. The whole story's already helped Greg get on a flight. He was, like, freaking out. He took care of him this whole time. And he held his hand through security. He was bugging out. And then Greg shows up for the roast, and his first line is, he goes, arty Lang, you fat drug addict. He just turns to life.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's show business. Great.

[Matt]

Paul had a great Larry the Cable Guy. He goes, his real name's Dan Whitney, but he had to change it because it had the word wit in it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Clever.

[Greg]

That was a good roast. The cable guy roast was phenomenal.

[Bobby Kelly]

That was a great one.

[Greg]

There was some head, there was some anger on that. That one was good.

[Bobby Kelly]

That was the one where he said Geraldo, like, lost it. He was like, why are you so famous? I don't get it.

[Matt]

He's like, this one broke me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Usama Siddiqui]

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[Bobby Kelly]

I think he said Jeff Foxworthy was Magnum PI with aids. I could be wrong there.

[Greg]

There was an era when everyone had an AIDS AIDS metaphor.

[Bobby Kelly]

AIDS was big.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because it still killed with an AIDS truck.

[Greg]

I hope an aids. The bird flies into your face. AIDS was it. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

AIDS was big. Well, it killed like a couple million gays. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I believe traits, too, actually.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's a rumor. It's a myth.

[Steve]

Hemophiliacs and homophiliacs.

[Bobby Kelly]

Drug addicts.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, there you go.

[Matt]

I heard that story. I went to the.

[Bobby Kelly]

The.

[Matt]

What do you call, STD clinic, whatever. And in the waiting room there was a video, and it was like a 15 minute video about how AIDS was ravaging the black community. And then it turned over into a drug community. And then it was like 10 minutes on the gay community, and then it looped back to the black community. And I was like, I guess I'm all right. They just address the three.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Then it was a MASH rerun.

[Greg]

And then so imagine you got the disease and you're like, but I'm white.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Why?

[Greg]

Check it again, Doctor.

[Steve]

I'm so old. When I used to work as a teenager at a hospital delivering the food to the rooms, and then this disease came out, and nobody knew what it was, but they told us that when we delivered to these rooms, it was like all disposable utensils and plates, and I had to wear a mask and gloves, but they still sent me in and they. This was like in the first year of the name.

[Bobby Kelly]

Whoa.

[Greg]

Are you scared?

[Matt]

Whoa. Whoa.

[Steve]

That is fucking hot.

[Bobby Kelly]

What do you call grids, then? Gay related immunity.

[Steve]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Whoa. Grids. Yeah. That is a roast.

[Matt]

Joke

[Greg]

Victims in the name.

[Matt]

They're like, bring this to 3s. Don't anyone in the room.

[Steve]

They don't look hungry. They're not.

[Greg]

Pre AIDS protocol. You're going in with just like a gas. This is a mask.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Greg]

That's terrifying. Oh, my God.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I'm a ride of H. Pylori story. Famously, this virus you get from eating ass. But I went to the doctor and I was like, I have aids. I know it. I was kind of having a real breakdown. And he goes, you gay? And I go, no. He goes, you use needle. I go, no. He goes, you don't have aids. That was a doctor in lab coat told me that and I left.

[Greg]

You use needle. Is. It was like a Japanese.

[Bobby Kelly]

He was Indian.

[Greg]

He was Indian.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can't do the accent there. I was. Look how puffy that was. Me in the throes of illness.

[Matt]

God.

[Greg]

Oh, my God. This is what I found, all y'.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

All.

[Matt]

It's horrible.

[Greg]

I started.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Started looking like Nick Turner with AIDS

[Greg]

hit by an AIDS truck.

[Matt]

You look like you need AIDS there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Pull up, Nick Turner.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Pull that up. So they realize it was a good joke.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I want the people at home to appreciate it.

[Steve]

Remember that.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Come on.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, good.

[Greg]

I haven't seen him.

[Bobby Kelly]

He went to LA and I think he does a lot of acting.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Okay, okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

He got aids.

[Usama Siddiqui]

So you guys now you. You burned. How much? Like 35 minutes. Is it 20?

[Greg]

It's like 20, 25 of the. It was fine if you've done it for like 14 years at this point.

[Matt]

Right.

[Greg]

So it's like we have some extra stuff. If I was like five years in, this would be a terrifying moment.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sure.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

I think we were lucky because I had Dirty Bird too, my previous album. So, like the semi finals, I was like, I'm just going to do everything from Dirty Bird and then the crowd work. We didn't have to. You. I didn't. I think I burned one joke.

[Usama Siddiqui]

There's a crowd work set.

[Greg]

Yeah, that's br. It was crazy. You get to work in crowd work and topical, so it's random. Just do any topic and also have some crowd work in there.

[Bobby Kelly]

A lot of work.

[Greg]

Steve, is this.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah, that was the one I was the most nervous about because they did the roast and then we didn't get a day to practice or run our set. We had to do the next day, show up 9am and then. And then do crowd work.

[Matt]

Crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

This must have been a hellish week.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

It was the hardest week of my life.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Greg]

We were terrified. We were terrified the entire.

[Matt]

And where were you filming this? Sorry, I missed.

[Greg]

Is New York the first round? Yeah. I don't think me and Kaylin give up. Give a fuck that first round. We were like, yeah. And then we got in, and as you get in, you more and more, you're like, well, okay, now I truly give a. Yeah, I need this. But it was fun. It was like, thank God you were there, because every time I was feeling too much, I would. Yeah, I would pour myself into you.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

There's really a great picture of us. It was after we were waiting to find out the results from the roast. And we're sitting there in a corner just huddled together, and then he said something stupid. I don't remember what you said. And we're just doubled over laughing, and then panic sweating. And just like this. Never again.

[Greg]

It was crazy. It was crazy because. Yeah, I think we had. Everyone was from New York and some people from New York, but I think me and Kaylie, we started together, like, auto shrunken head. We're talking, like, the shittiest mics on planet Earth.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Been there.

[Greg]

The third friend in New York, basically. I met her immediately when I High school.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah.

[Greg]

So that was great.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

And then we were. We made it to the finale together. And that was nice.

[Greg]

That was like. That was the best part of the whole, actually.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah.

[Steve]

Have you found your draw on the road?

[Matt]

Pixels. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you notice a difference?

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah.

[Steve]

Immediate.

[Greg]

Immediate.

[Usama Siddiqui]

I think before agents Paying way more attention to you, buddy.

[Greg]

Yes, I know. There was a different menu for the sellouters.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah.

[Greg]

You can buy meats and cheeses at

[Matt]

the club

[Greg]

before I. I was doing. Maybe I'd be the same way. Friday early, say 50. 60. Friday late. 30.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sold.

[Greg]

Saturday, 80. Saturday late.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yep.

[Greg]

50, right. All that barely struggling in.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know.

[Greg]

Definitely got a kill. Or else they hit you, right?

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah.

[Greg]

And now it's all sold out. Everything's now.

[Matt]

Are they still accepting applications for this program? Yeah, I remember those days, too. A few days ago.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was literally insane.

[Greg]

I think everything. Everything's going out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Adding shows, stuff like that.

[Steve]

Meanwhile, Rich Voss is like, Sunday at

[Bobby Kelly]

6, I'll be selling CDs out of my trunk.

[Greg]

I saw Rich recently. He's still doing that roast. That riff. It was like, you ever been to a Hampton Inn? I'm like, he's still doing that one. Still kills, still hits.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, boss. Is the thing where he's like, what's up? You middle? I'm like, come on, man. I've been headlining for 10 years.

[Greg]

I mean, a rip that lasts 40 years.

[Steve]

Do you need.

[Matt]

You're still.

[Greg]

I don't ever been to a head.

[Bobby Kelly]

But you let him have it. You're like, yeah, you got me there.

[Matt]

No, you gotta. Once you're over a certain age, respectfully, you just gotta go, all right, you got me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you got me there. I'm just wiping spit off my face. Like, good one.

[Usama Siddiqui]

He's like, bonnie's gonna wheel him in. He's gonna be like, you middle.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're 90.

[Usama Siddiqui]

He will be in a wheelchair, gray hair, in Air Force One.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now, did you guys have. Because when I did last comic standing, when you got kicked off, you had to talk to a psychiatrist. Yeah, they had that still.

[Matt]

What? Oh, yeah, I never had a psychiatrist.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I did.

[Greg]

They had a psych eval person therapist before you even got on the show. So they would run through your shit and your baby like, so you ever suicidal? And we're comics. You're like, only after a bad set. And they're like, ha, ha.

[Matt]

Right?

[Greg]

And they're like, so after you felt suicidal, did you harm any? Like, there was no riffing.

[Matt]

Oh, geez.

[Greg]

I riffed a couple times, and I was like, that's out. I'm done.

[Bobby Kelly]

Suck. I like my comic suicidal. I want a headbird.

[Greg]

You want a better show?

[Usama Siddiqui]

You want a couple?

[Bobby Kelly]

Exactly.

[Matt]

I am. After you said your numbers,

[Greg]

I think some comics we know were in, and then last day, they were like, no.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah. They found out the day before we were supposed to shoot that they didn't get it.

[Usama Siddiqui]

What does that. What does that mean?

[Greg]

The psyche. Val didn't. They were crazy.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

The background check. Psych.

[Greg]

The psych. They failed.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Usama Siddiqui]

So they had a. And then it's like, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Whoa. I gotta hear this.

[Usama Siddiqui]

The jokes hit, but their mental state got them off.

[Greg]

That's what I'm saying. Like, that's crazy. Everything was. Everything was set.

[Bobby Kelly]

Should be funny. Funny.

[Steve]

I think Uncle Vinny's in Jersey. Should have a psychiatrist.

[Matt]

So was Yamanika furious when they kicked her off?

[Steve]

Yeah, that is.

[Usama Siddiqui]

I did.

[Greg]

It was crazy. They did that.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Who's that? To have a therapist?

[Bobby Kelly]

Also, if you comp. Is crazy. Crazy, then you might get mad that you got kicked off, then you might shoot somebody or something.

[Greg]

Yeah. I thought it was in my best interest to be a little crazy. That's what I did. I was like, I'll be a little suicidal. Oh, you know, I was trying to

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

play it cool the whole time. I was like, you're not gonna get my ass. I'm a nice lady.

[Greg]

Yeah. It was weird. Then we got in, and then it was the. It was a view. That was the first round.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Yeah.

[Greg]

And it was.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

That was awesome.

[Greg]

People go crazy on. I don't know if you like friends. You know, we're not the same people.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

People.

[Bobby Kelly]

Totally.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah.

[Greg]

They lose their good friends. Totally angry people.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

I know.

[Greg]

We're like, ripping the mics off. Like, that's a nice light skinned guy. I don't know why he's being so dark skinned.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Right? Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Anyone have a snap set? Anyone just go, this you, Kevin Hart. N word. Beep.

[Matt]

Did it make it?

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

No,

[Greg]

there was a couple a comment or two that. That had some crap. Russia's.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh.

[Matt]

So how many did it start with? How many people were.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

There was 15 people in each city. And then it went to.

[Steve]

How many cities?

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Three.

[Bobby Kelly]

I missed five. Still on.

[Greg]

So first round was with me, you, who's from New York, who else? Jackson Leclerc was in it. Winston.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Winston.

[Greg]

Reg.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah. Andrea. Gin.

[Greg]

Jan. Yeah. Because she didn't want to do the roast.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is not me. Interesting.

[Greg]

Even though she made the top 10,

[Bobby Kelly]

might as well try it.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Greg]

Oh, she was doing, like, opening. Can I say this? I don't know how many ideas have we.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

I took the first one.

[Greg]

She was only from Mulaney at the time.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, wow.

[Greg]

He was paying way more money.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sweet gig.

[Greg]

And he has a production deal, I think, with Netflix. So she was like, why don't I just.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Greg]

Devote to.

[Bobby Kelly]

He got Robbie Hoffman a special, I believe. Mulaney. Yeah. So she's like, I'll be fine with this guy.

[Greg]

She's got.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Yeah.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

I think she also just didn't want to do the roast. And then this opportunity came up and she was like, yeah, I'm gonna do that.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's weird.

[Usama Siddiqui]

You have to be like. You have to hit every beat. Because not every comic is a crowd. Work person.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right.

[Usama Siddiqui]

The roast person.

[Greg]

Video's crazy.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah.

[Steve]

Yeah. But you're creative. You do. You go, all right, I'll do the roast. And you go, you know what? I don't like being mean to other people, so I'm gonna roast myself.

[Bobby Kelly]

Just do, you know, interesting.

[Steve]

But survive. Go to the next round.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right? That's good.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

That was the one everybody want wanted. They were like, just get me past the roast and it doesn't matter. I'll be happy. And then we said that with every round. But, like, the roast was. The roast was the one where we're like, just don't embarrass yourself.

[Bobby Kelly]

But yeah, yeah.

[Greg]

I mean, it was like, I want to do it myself. So I didn't want any writers too. I was like, let me. If I'm gonna die on this, let me just die on my own.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Greg]

So I just. I watched every roast I could possibly. I watched every single Comedy Central roast.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow.

[Greg]

Slowly figured out how to do it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Good for you.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah, no, I. I met with. With people. I'm busy.

[Greg]

Run on sweating, please.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you throw him some money? Because he needs

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

was before the baby was born.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I opened for a last comic winner. I'm not gonna say who. And I gotta tell you, he would do these shows, sold out big theaters, and I would open for him. And you could see people slowly walk out 10 minutes into a set 12. Cuz then they heard it all. Wow. They heard it all. So they were like, we've seen this. This. They were so excited to see him the same act every time, and they hated it.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Really.

[Usama Siddiqui]

But enough about that fan. Anyway. It wasn't.

[Bobby Kelly]

It wasn't that fan.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Okay.

[Steve]

All right.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

I can't believe I'm not that old.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Yeah, I opened for him once.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, really?

[Greg]

What?

[Usama Siddiqui]

He was a nice guy.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right.

[Matt]

Do you know that dad fan story at the. I think it was the store. Where did he come up? Is he from the store?

[Usama Siddiqui]

I don't know.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know. Probably.

[Matt]

I think it was the store. That fan was like a door guy at the. At the store. And everyone kind like busted his balls. He's like this nerdy guy and wasn't funny in their perception, so they're like, you know how you bust the guy's balls? And it's like, yeah, fuck you, dat. You suck. Whatever. And then he goes and does last coming stand and he wins. And he's coming back, and it's his first time coming back to the store where he was a door guy and this kind of nerd that everyone, you know, punked or whatever the term. And he's walking in and everyone starts applauding and he's like, oh, my God. He's like, moved. He's like, this is like the greatest moment of my life. Everyone's clapping. People are like, emotional, and he's like, wow, he's really taking it in. He looks back and Rodney Dangerfield has a cane and he's.

[Greg]

There's no way that's true.

[Usama Siddiqui]

That's too funny. Amazing.

[Matt]

There is a version of that that is true. And I think that's pretty close to the story.

[Greg]

That's that fan.

[Bobby Kelly]

He doesn't get no respect.

[Usama Siddiqui]

I'll tell you guys are great.

[Matt]

No respect to Rodney's in a bathrobe.

[Greg]

That fan is dead.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I saw him at a casino. I saw his poster at a casino.

[Greg]

Someone told me he died.

[Matt]

Maybe on stage.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Greg]

Boom.

[Bobby Kelly]

Still working.

[Matt]

Oh, D75. There you go.

[Bobby Kelly]

I met him once. He told me he gets his pants tailored so he can high kick during his set so his pants don't rip.

[Steve]

Yeah, Good for him.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Commitment.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know.

[Greg]

He beat Rock May, right?

[Usama Siddiqui]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And in life.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Greg]

Oh, dead.

[Bobby Kelly]

There we go.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Was it Voss? Third on that season.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, is that right? No wonder he's a layout, because that

[Matt]

was the first year.

[Greg]

Didn't y' all have the crowd work? Episode two? I saw y' all have like, it. Wasn't there a crow episode on the last comic standing season where April Macy gets like destroyed or something?

[Bobby Kelly]

Not on my year.

[Matt]

No. I did the last year. They didn't it then. It's wild.

[Bobby Kelly]

You had a good year because you had Norm and Jezelic. So I had more real comedians.

[Matt]

Well, it was a very exciting year. Jes was there and Norm was a judge. But it was the first year they didn't do the Challenge. And then it aired at 10pm instead of 9pm so nobody watched it.

[Bobby Kelly]

And you got pretty far before I did comedy.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

I was watching it and I was like this.

[Matt]

Joe, thank you. I was in the top 10.

[Greg]

That's how I found out about you.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

You did the baby joke with the itchy.

[Matt]

Yeah, I had a great set, but it was one of many things that I was like, now it's over now, here we go. And they were like, yeah, that's ratings.

[Steve]

Did you run out of clean material?

[Matt]

No, no, I. I did great.

[Usama Siddiqui]

I remember what's hard. We were just saying it was hard. Netflix, they can say whatever.

[Steve]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Greg]

Were you on that on the one that Joe was on?

[Usama Siddiqui]

No, I was on the season Joe was on and I think, Marv, you were on the year before.

[Bobby Kelly]

The year before, Yeah, I had.

[Matt]

What was amazing about it was it was union because I was doing Last Guy We Stand at the exact same time that Veeder was doing America's Got Talent, which was a non union. So he was like on the show all the time making no money and flying himself to la.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Yes.

[Matt]

And I was getting paid like hundreds of dollars an hour to just fart around.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Matt]

So he got like 100,000 followers. I got none, but I made like $75,000 or something. I'm guessing on the number, but it was a of bunch much.

[Steve]

I just added up how much he makes a year. You know he's making half a million dollars a year.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is slowing down.

[Matt]

Why this good podcast? No, this is him assessing. Do that. Do these guys.

[Greg]

That's a low ball for a joke.

[Steve]

Yeah, I think it is. After I said it, I went, no, he's making more.

[Bobby Kelly]

Pull up the. The Google on him.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Why are we doing that?

[Matt]

I'm not all that comfortable with this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's like women's weight on Tinder.

[Matt]

That's actually hurtful.

[Greg]

That's so funny. Not the 1.2 million from holy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thank you. There you go. Now who is your judges?

[Matt]

I just. I just made $800,000. Look at that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Whoa.

[Matt]

Scroll down.

[Greg]

One more. Let's see if I can get to 3 celebrity now.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Jesus.

[Bobby Kelly]

Don't click on that.

[Steve]

Over 500,000 easily.

[Matt]

Wow.

[Greg]

About this. A lot of people are thinking about this.

[Bobby Kelly]

The regs is paying.

[Matt]

What is this?

[Bobby Kelly]

Home screen.

[Matt]

What's wrong with you?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, God. Now, who were your judges? You had Norm. Who's the other guy?

[Usama Siddiqui]

Norm Keenan and Roseanne.

[Matt]

Roseanne, that's right.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Matt]

And Norm was incredibly nice to me. And then the entire country took it as very insulting. He's like, you're an amazing writer. Your future is going to be in writing. And everyone's like, he just said he's ugly. He called him a piece of. And I was like, oh, I think. I think he was being nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, let's see pool's feet.

[Matt]

What are you doing?

[Greg]

Is there.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is Kay. They got everybody wiki feet. Oh, I'm on wiki feet.

[Greg]

This is crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who's looking at her feet?

[Usama Siddiqui]

We finally get a woman on the show and you have to make her uncomfortable.

[Greg]

What the.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

It is crazy that you're pulling up a bikini pic of me right now.

[Matt]

Right after he pulled up my net worth.

[Bobby Kelly]

What the. I looked up your wiki feeds.

[Steve]

I looked up his wiki feet first

[Bobby Kelly]

and he's not on there.

[Matt]

This is insane.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now pull up Greg's dick

[Matt]

before you do that. Send me the link to that site. But that is inappropriate.

[Greg]

Greg's on wiki.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Who are the judges? Who are the judges in your final round?

[Bobby Kelly]

Glaser and Tom, Real comedian.

[Usama Siddiqui]

So they have to choose. Oh, the country.

[Greg]

Choose country.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

They had no say, but they must

[Usama Siddiqui]

have some say because they're commenting on it before people vote.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right.

[Greg]

There was There was a. Yeah, they

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

commented, but they were nice to everybody.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. It looks a bad look if you're like, you. Heck yeah. Kill yourself.

[Steve]

Nor could be a little rough, though.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nor could be rough.

[Matt]

He got into it with Harrison Greenbaum. I remember because he did some anti Christian stuff and it got heated.

[Bobby Kelly]

Went back and forth on Twitter after that, too.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Didn't end on screen. Yeah. Norm, like, couldn't let it go.

[Matt]

That's crazy.

[Steve]

No, Nor. I remember he was on my podcast once and I said something about priests and he laid into me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really?

[Steve]

He was a big defender. The. The Chris.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Really?

[Greg]

I think it was Cassidy.

[Bobby Kelly]

He fought with a Dawkins online once.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Greg]

Oh, my God.

[Bobby Kelly]

They went at it. I think he got the best of him a little bit than Dawkins. Yeah.

[Greg]

He had all the stuff locked in, though.

[Bobby Kelly]

He was.

[Greg]

He was good.

[Bobby Kelly]

He had one that Dawkins didn't. He couldn't. He's like, I can't answer that. That one. And Norm was like, I think I got you there, dickless. So very excited. Then he died. So maybe God got him both dead. I guess Dawkins died.

[Greg]

Is he dead?

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Buddy, you got to stop saying, I don't know what you're doing, but you can't swing again from the hip.

[Matt]

Sam's like Daryl Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens, the death.

[Greg]

A couple of God hater novel guys.

[Bobby Kelly]

True. That's a good point.

[Greg]

They all the same to me whether the.

[Matt]

The new atheist people. Is Dolly Parton dead? Why is she up there right now?

[Bobby Kelly]

She's been dead.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

My screen sa.

[Bobby Kelly]

She is alive.

[Greg]

No, she's alive.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, she has that wiki feet. Oh, pull up her wiki feet.

[Greg]

Good guy.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Good guy.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

I didn't even know that existed.

[Bobby Kelly]

Stand by your man.

[Matt]

That's a different lady.

[Usama Siddiqui]

This is Goof who's saying Sam ir, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm sure she did a rent.

[Matt]

Tammy something, I think Tammy Pescadill. Upside is Tammy Womack.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Whyette.

[Matt]

Why?

[Usama Siddiqui]

Net opening to the great. What? Opening to what movie? Salus.

[Matt]

Which one?

[Usama Siddiqui]

Stand by your man. I don't know. Five easy Pieces. Nicholson.

[Matt]

Also amazing role played in Blues Brothers. Stand by you.

[Steve]

Oh, you're right.

[Bobby Kelly]

They're singing on stage.

[Greg]

Last up. Say, this is good. Yeah, I might.

[Matt]

Oh, you can't see this.

[Bobby Kelly]

What are we doing?

[Matt]

Get all into wiki feet.

[Bobby Kelly]

I look up every guest when they come in. I apologize to you, but I looked up Joe. Are you a fe.

[Greg]

Am I in there? No, I'm not a foot guy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Am I in there? I don't think so.

[Greg]

I think I keep my feet pretty.

[Steve]

I have a theory that is gross.

[Greg]

Men disgusting in an episode or something.

[Matt]

I think foot fetishism is more shame than pedophilia.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, he's a big.

[Usama Siddiqui]

I would rather be a foot fetish.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

But people react in my mouth, people

[Matt]

react like, hey, hey, I'm not a.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, what are you? A foot guy.

[Matt]

People act like it's like crazy.

[Steve]

People start looking at feet.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're a foot guy.

[Steve]

I'm not a, I'm not a fetishist. But like, I'm not afraid to say I like a nice pair of feet.

[Matt]

I like a foot too.

[Steve]

You know, like if a girl's got flip flops on and you know, it's a nice rounded to like an Asian foot where it's, where it's very specific.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Fetish,

[Greg]

binding, whatever.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've got a video.

[Steve]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I saw that.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is fun.

[Greg]

Oh, where the guy. Yeah.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Oh, I hate this. I can't even watch. This is so.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's a Midtown.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

I know what's happening.

[Bobby Kelly]

Midtown foot right there against my will.

[Greg]

Like a city foot.

[Bobby Kelly]

Exactly.

[Greg]

It's been on the subway train.

[Steve]

Were you at the parade, Sam?

[Usama Siddiqui]

No, it's too much for me. I, I celebrated from home.

[Greg]

I, I, I was there. I loved it.

[Usama Siddiqui]

It was, it's too, it's too small an area. You, you gotta get out of the canyon of heroes and put it somewhere else.

[Matt]

I agree. It's in my neighborhood. It's horrible.

[Usama Siddiqui]

You sent me that video early.

[Matt]

I was leaving for the airport like 5, 45 and the, what are you called? Were coming in. They were like bringing the floats in.

[Steve]

My son works on that street and he couldn't go to work that day.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Yeah, my brother works down there too. He couldn't go in.

[Steve]

So. I feel like all comedians watch the series through you.

[Bobby Kelly]

I really do.

[Steve]

I was happy for the Knicks, but I was happier for you.

[Greg]

It was crazy.

[Usama Siddiqui]

It was a good time, man.

[Matt]

You're a better man than me. Because Stavros is. I would have to be be unfriends with him. I couldn't handle it. Cuz he run for the Bucks like three seasons ago. He's posting like a carousel of the Knicks. I'm like, get out of here.

[Steve]

This is my day.

[Usama Siddiqui]

He was, he came here and became a Knicks fan because he didn't have a team growing up. But he rooted for Giannis. He loves Giannis.

[Bobby Kelly]

Green Creek. Yeah.

[Matt]

I can't abide. I don't accept it.

[Steve]

Did you Go to every game.

[Usama Siddiqui]

No, I wouldn't go. Not every game, but I went to a few.

[Matt]

Look up his. Look up his net worth real quick. Let's see.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Not paying for those seats, so. But no, that was. That tipping game was the greatest thing I've ever seen.

[Greg]

My mind.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

So cool you were there.

[Usama Siddiqui]

I wasn't at that one.

[Greg]

I was, you know, I was in LA doing shows. I had it playing streaming while I was doing standup. So I was like, I have.

[Matt]

The audience loved that.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Sold out crowd. Hot ticket.

[Greg]

It was like 25 people.

[Bobby Kelly]

What club?

[Greg]

Laugh Factory.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Greg]

It was fine. It was fine. Who. Listen, it's like a Thursday show that's worse than Kramer. Tuesday.

[Steve]

I was in the city for game three. And it was so weird because I'm out on the street and it's all black people. You know, by Bryant Square Park. And then you watch the game.

[Matt]

Well, they live there.

[Steve]

And you watch, like, the inside. Sorry, the in. What did you say?

[Matt]

They live in the street. It was a joke.

[Bobby Kelly]

I feel horrible.

[Matt]

Cut that. Jesus Christ.

[Steve]

But, like, everybody in the street is black.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Black.

[Steve]

And then you cut to inside the arena and everybody's white. Then you cut to the floor and all the players are black.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Interesting.

[Steve]

It is interesting.

[Greg]

It's a liberal gay

[Bobby Kelly]

cuck alert. So what you're saying is the hockey team needs to win some bites out in the street.

[Steve]

Did the Knicks have any white players?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, we got Kolak.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Kolik's white.

[Steve]

Did he play?

[Usama Siddiqui]

He played. He's a good player. We're just that deep. That Alvarado took his minutes, but no Colex.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really good. He got snubbed at the parade. You saw that.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Amazing.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's racial profiling. They're like, who's this twink out here?

[Usama Siddiqui]

Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

All the cops grabbed him and he's like, I'm on the team, dick. That's kind of up. That was reversed on a hockey team.

[Matt]

That happened to. What's his toes. The tennis player there, Serena. Will. James Blake, he got, like, tackled and tased at the US Open. 1. I don't know about tase, but, yeah.

[Greg]

Might have been a James Blake hater.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was about to get him. I mean, in their defense, he. He looks like a guy who works at Buffalo Wild Wings or something. Like, he's just a regular guy.

[Greg]

I'll give a wing. Stop.

[Matt]

That's amazing. This would be literally the biggest news story.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's what I'm saying.

[Matt]

This was reversed, but, I mean, he

[Greg]

was moving kind of Gen Z. I'm not going to lie.

[Bobby Kelly]

He was.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah, he was skipping.

[Greg]

He was not championship.

[Bobby Kelly]

He was skipping championship.

[Greg]

Moving like that, you're allowed to skip.

[Bobby Kelly]

He won a championship.

[Greg]

He was crazy.

[Usama Siddiqui]

I. I ran a Michael Cox from. From Fallon last night and he said, man, I was there when the whole team was there. They were lit up. And I was like, they deserve it, man.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let it be lit up. Let them be lit all year.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah.

[Usama Siddiqui]

10 weeks of just grinding.

[Steve]

Look at the 86 Mets.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, they were more than lit up.

[Steve]

They were lit before and after.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. During.

[Greg]

I will say, the switch up of the commentators is crazy. So, like, the hate Brunson was getting before and now the way they're like, you know, shooting at anybody who's not ranking him higher immediately. It's so quick how they change up.

[Steve]

Are they going to trade anybody out in the off season?

[Usama Siddiqui]

Well, it's about who you question.

[Greg]

Giannis is in the heat now.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Giannis to Miami is pretty big.

[Steve]

That's why.

[Matt]

Did that happen?

[Greg]

Yeah, it happened. Yeah.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

What?

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Matt]

No shit.

[Greg]

A lot of years.

[Usama Siddiqui]

They're going to be thin, though, because, you know, it depends who they can afford to keep.

[Bobby Kelly]

We'll see.

[Matt]

Well, Stavros will have to go to the Miami parade next year.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, too warm. He can't handle it.

[Usama Siddiqui]

I got it, Joe.

[Matt]

Oh. So anyway, this happened with a tennis player, James Blake. The thing that we're talking about, where was he? But we've moved on at this point.

[Greg]

But he got arrested.

[Bobby Kelly]

He just. What happened? I don't even do anything. They mistook him for a criminal. Oh, there was a crime in the area?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Did he get a lawsuit out of this?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, yeah.

[Usama Siddiqui]

I've really got my Jew cap on today. You got a sue.

[Bobby Kelly]

What? What. What ethnicity is this? Cat, I think he's black.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, no.

[Steve]

And he's light skinned, too.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can go either way.

[Greg]

James Blake is a very.

[Usama Siddiqui]

He was a good player. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not anymore. They ruined his arm.

[Matt]

He was a terrible. It's called play up 10 years ago.

[Bobby Kelly]

Damn.

[Greg]

Did he win anything else at all?

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Usama Siddiqui]

What's your sport?

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Soccer. I'm watching the World cup right now. USA's doing pretty good.

[Greg]

I like the games.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Pretty good. They're great. I'm so exc. Excited.

[Bobby Kelly]

Fun seeing all the stereotypes come to life. You know, the Scots are drinking.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

The Norwegians are rowing up an escalator.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

The Japanese are cleaning up after them.

[Greg]

I mean, it's very sweet. It's lovely.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Everybody's getting along. We love it.

[Greg]

The Japanese people are coming in. Like they didn't have Internet for the last 10 years. Barbecue. It's like you Googled it before, Hiroshi.

[Steve]

True. It's so weird though. The Iranians finish their games. They get flown to Tijuana immediately that night in this country.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is that right?

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Damn.

[Greg]

It's pretty bad that they're. They're. It's like deported almost.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah.

[Greg]

You know, basically.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

I mean.

[Greg]

I mean. And they also got a goal taken away from them. You know this. The Iran. The Iran team, they took away a goal from them and they said sorry later after the game. My bad. It was a goal.

[Steve]

Haha.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really?

[Greg]

Yeah, they're them up little bit.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thank God they don't have nukes.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Greg]

That we know of anymore.

[Bobby Kelly]

Good point. Nukes of hazard.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Also the. Oh, sorry. But there was a Norwegian guy in Buc EE's filming and he was just like, this is insane. This is what a country.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Every French person in a Costco or Walmart is a video I am double tapping.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bring it on.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Everything is so much.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. You can buy a bed here.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah, sure.

[Greg]

They would never go to, like, Biloxi, Mississippi. Of course, it's always New York or la. So now they're really seeing.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah.

[Greg]

America, which kind of just. I kind of like it.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's great.

[Steve]

Well, Kansas, they say the people in Kansas are kind of welcoming to all these different people.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah. The Algerian team, they're like out there with signs being like, welcome.

[Greg]

You know, there's one. One guy who's really mad the whole.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Oh, of course.

[Greg]

What the hell is this?

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

They're not showing that on TikTok.

[Bobby Kelly]

You couldn't get Sweden here.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I find the World cup to be the most underwhelming trophy in the history of sports. It's like.

[Usama Siddiqui]

It's a bad trophy.

[Matt]

It's a terrible trophy.

[Bobby Kelly]

It looks like a cup.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Small.

[Bobby Kelly]

I need him to pull up.

[Matt]

Oh, Salaki just went to take a. Oh. Or look at the wicked.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah.

[Matt]

We need to see the World cup trophy.

[Usama Siddiqui]

He rubbed one out of the back.

[Matt]

Particularly if you could get it next to the other famous trophies.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's little.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah, it's like the size of. Of a bottle of whiskey.

[Matt]

It's like a little ball.

[Bobby Kelly]

The World Cup. The world. It's terrible.

[Greg]

It's pretty bad.

[Bobby Kelly]

It should be like a Epcot Center. What is that thing in Queens? That big old globe.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Matt]

See, like, it's like a little shitty. It looks shitty.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, which one?

[Greg]

Okay, that's it.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

That's it.

[Matt]

Yeah. Fits in your hand.

[Greg]

It's lame. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's worse than the MTV popcorn win. You know what I mean? When you win the. The MTV Awards. Yeah.

[Greg]

They still do those?

[Matt]

No, they don't do those, do they?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know. That was a good trip.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

VMAs.

[Greg]

I mean, that's like. The Stanley cup is the coolest trophy in my opinion.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Greg]

And you can drink out of it.

[Matt]

And the hardest to win.

[Greg]

That's a party.

[Matt]

And the Rangers all pissed.

[Bobby Kelly]

At least the astronaut.

[Greg]

So lame.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Oh, yeah.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

The moon man.

[Greg]

I think people would watch the Oscars more if the trophy was bigger. Oh, that's my. That's my take on how to get the Oscars more. Watch huge trophy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Peter Dinklage is out there.

[Greg]

Peter Dinklage side trophy.

[Matt]

Now this is one of the most depressing things in society to me because I had what matches had. If you Google the Stanley cup, you get pages and pages of the stupid coffee cup. Stanley Cup.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Why is that cup so pop popular?

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Well, that one, as the token lady. It's just very insulated. It's cute. It has a straw. It goes all the way to the bottom and it's. And it doesn't spill. It's spill proof.

[Usama Siddiqui]

But doesn't every. Doesn't.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

No, it does not.

[Matt]

Okay, Sam, you shut your mouth.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

It fits in every cup holder.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no. I'll tell you what it is. This cup is like Pete Davidson. Women only like it cuz other women like it. It's not cuz the cup is that great. Other women like the cup.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Well, it had this viral video.

[Matt]

The mug is round. The cup is round.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah, I saw a Kardashian.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think I have a point.

[Greg]

What is happening?

[Bobby Kelly]

Pete Davidson, good guy, other women, funny guy, trying to save it. I'm not saying this cup is bad either. I'm just saying other women go, what's up with this?

[Usama Siddiqui]

It's a good cup. It's a fine cup.

[Matt]

Good cup.

[Bobby Kelly]

2F. Good bits.

[Matt]

Very nice.

[Greg]

A deadbeat cup over. No, it's a good cup.

[Bobby Kelly]

Great cup.

[Usama Siddiqui]

I like a cup like that, but I just don't understand the. The, the hysteria.

[Matt]

You don't know the cups.

[Greg]

Wait, why, why is there something that's 40, 20, 300? Why the price range so crazy different?

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

I mean that I don't.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's like Beanie Babies.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah, I think there's.

[Matt]

All of our references are from 1990.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's like pogs

[Greg]

Mass reference.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Anyone got peeves?

[Bobby Kelly]

I got a peeve. I actually have a peeve. Yeah, I'm Proud of this. Peeve.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Peeve.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, I hope we haven't done this one. You go to a rental car place or some place where you need help. You need a guy at the desk right when you're in line. You got the fucking, you know, the mouse maze. You're waiting in line. I'm next. Here we go. That guy goes on break. You ever have that right when you're next and the guy goes, I'm going to break. And you go, ah, there's like four people, you know, and you're like, ah, that guy's. He's closing up. He's finishing with the computer guy. And then he goes on break right when you're next. Drives me crazy.

[Greg]

I agree. Also, the person left is never the A team.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

No, it's always.

[Greg]

It's always B team, Betty.

[Matt]

B team.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

And they're pissed that they're still there.

[Greg]

Oh, yeah, yeah, that one's amazing.

[Matt]

To get rid of labor laws.

[Steve]

I was checking out of my hotel yesterday and there was a huge line and one person checking people in. And then the concierge guy is standing right there behind his little concierge desk. I'm like, dude, grab. Grab a. Let's work as a team here.

[Greg]

I agree.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're like, oh, there's another guy. No, he's a different guy.

[Greg]

Oh my God, you're so right. When a bar back is in the bar and he's not doing shit. Ah, king buddy. Take the towel off. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You could open beer.

[Greg]

That's so true. I hate that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Barback is a. Yeah. Gasket has a great bit about that.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

I love a bar back.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why?

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Oh, I date a bar.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, yeah, I've dated a lot of

[Usama Siddiqui]

barbacks are strong, cuz.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

They're strong, they're fun. They still get free drinks.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's humble.

[Greg]

They have no future. Kind of none. Yeah, you want, you want the, you want the, the rag on them one?

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Absolutely.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Of course.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah. I want them with a list and a pencil in their hand. I want to go into the Mason.

[Matt]

That's what a lisp. Oh, I like you talking about specific fetishes.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

I'm literally thinking of one guy.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I need a man with a lisp.

[Bobby Kelly]

Joe Lisp.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah.

[Greg]

That's a great pet peeve. I. I really appreciate it. I had that in Portland. Had that in, in Seattle a couple times.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, the hotel is a big one. When you're just waiting. There's like three desks also.

[Usama Siddiqui]

It's like, you know, the person just traveled to get There, Right.

[Bobby Kelly]

They don't care. They don't care.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Or when you do the. The walk up and they go, actually. And then they make you step back.

[Bobby Kelly]

O.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Actually is never.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah, that actually.

[Greg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know what else I don't love? If no one else is chiming in the bell on a hotel desk. They hate when you hit that ding. Right? They don't put it out there. I'm dying to hit that bell. Everybody wants to go, yeah. It's sitting right there teasing you like a stripper you can't touch.

[Steve]

It's like the flight attendant. You got the light.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, they hate that light. They hate it.

[Greg]

Oh, right.

[Steve]

And I overuse it. Like if I have two people sleeping next to me. Because I would get the window if I want a cup of coffee. Coffee. Ding. Coffee. One thing, I'll do it twice in a fly.

[Usama Siddiqui]

I used to love. Remember on Virgin Airlines, you could. You could just do the. On the, on the, on the little screen. You like coffee?

[Bobby Kelly]

Really?

[Steve]

It was the greatest.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've never knew that.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Oh, my God, I missed that airline.

[Steve]

This Virgin was the best.

[Greg]

Airplane pet fever saying, you know what? The lights don't aim right anymore, so I'm trying to sleep. The person next to me got a. Got a reading thing. But that light's hitting me in the eyes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why?

[Greg]

Why is that his light hitting me in the eyes?

[Bobby Kelly]

Easy, Greg. Getting close to home there.

[Greg]

I hate that. I hate that a lot.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's a good one. That's the worst.

[Steve]

I hate trying to watch an in flight movie. Cause you always think, oh, you know, I got one on my phone, but I can now watch it on the screen. I'll do that. And then on your left you can see the.

[Usama Siddiqui]

I know.

[Steve]

And then it freezes.

[Greg]

It's always a pivotal scene.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt]

True.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Someone posted recently they were watching. I forgot who it was, but someone posted it was literally the scene where Joe Pesci's about to get murdered in Goodfellow. Fellas. And it was like you've been interrupted by your pilot just watching the Gun.

[Greg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Damn.

[Greg]

They don't censor the movies anymore in the other.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

You watch people full on, straight up.

[Greg]

This kid's watching like Basic Instinct.

[Matt]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Remember this?

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Kind of a fun movie, actually. All the nudity aside, it's still kind of fun.

[Greg]

It's fun.

[Steve]

Wayne Knight Greg.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you remember Plane Rise where everyone would watch the same movie?

[Matt]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

We used to go country communal and

[Greg]

you have to all watch the same movie.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Steve]

Well, did you see, when the Knicks won, the reaction on the flight.

[Greg]

That was cool.

[Steve]

No, because everybody had it streaming on their screens and the flight went bananas.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow. If you muted that and put 911 footage, same thing.

[Usama Siddiqui]

But if you're not that big a fan, then, though, if you're flying during that game, because there's a chance you wouldn't have a. There's a chance you wouldn't have a tv. And if you're willing to take that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Interesting.

[Greg]

A lot of old school New Yorkers do not like the sort of bandwagoners. But I'm like, no, I'm okay throughout the show. Like, the girls are hot. They're hanging out. Not you. I'm saying, I'm saying, like, it's fun when girls are into the stuff, you know?

[Bobby Kelly]

I agree.

[Greg]

I, I like, I like the vibe.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Usama Siddiqui]

I'm happy. I'm happy. How much Nick's. This is like a little, like, weird utopia I'm living in right now where just everyone's walking down the street and Nick stuff.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I was like, oh, my God.

[Usama Siddiqui]

I thought I'd never see the day.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, people are licking toes out here.

[Matt]

We're so. We're so different. We're so different. I'm like, outrage. I see girls with pink Red Sox hats on and I want to just smack them in the face.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really.

[Matt]

Get the out of here. Get out of here. I'm just trolling Caitlin on that one, but you know what I mean,

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

a

[Greg]

hot girl means nothing to you.

[Bobby Kelly]

You.

[Matt]

No, this is my pet peeve is on this side. You can, you can enjoy the n.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, I moved to New York.

[Matt]

You don't get a carousel post and to march at the parade.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is just stock from Baltimore or many other people.

[Matt]

I love Stavi. I love the. He's the great guy. And they go to your house, give you a hug. I texted you. Congrats, buddy. But I this idea of like, well, I love the Bucks six months ago, but today I'm gonna do a carousel. And by the way, you go to the comments and there's plenty people lighting them up with the same.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, really?

[Matt]

Someone's like, you wrote three paragraphs to say you're a bandwagon fan. And there's a few others like that.

[Greg]

You're on this. A pet peeve as a human being

[Bobby Kelly]

is groups, you know, Jews just saying, like, you gotta.

[Matt]

If you were to fight a fan as a child

[Usama Siddiqui]

in Baltimore. So we didn't have a team. So I, I, I'm with you. Like, but he Is. And when I had a show on msg, you. You had a role on that show. So did he.

[Matt]

Oh, oh, the tv, the channel. I see what you mean.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I thought you meant the Madison Square Garden. I was like, I didn't do that show.

[Bobby Kelly]

And we've gone to some games with Stav.

[Greg]

Yeah. So, yeah, Stav is a Ravens guy. Huge Ravens guy. So if you're a super fan of one team, I kind of respect you.

[Matt]

Now, how do you feel about Ari Shafir as a Yankees and Cowboys fan from Maryland?

[Usama Siddiqui]

I didn't know he was a Cowboys fan.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a little cheating.

[Steve]

I went to a Cowboys game in Dallas with him one time.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Really?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Steve]

He. He went fucking crazy.

[Usama Siddiqui]

I don't. I just don't trust people who. With those allegiances. Cause you just grew up picking the best, so it's like, you're gonna fuck. I, I. That's like you're gonna fuck someone over at some point.

[Steve]

It feels like Dallas, though, is they're America's team. And I do feel like there was a certain time where, you know, Roger Staubach, and it just was a team that the country came together for. And I kind of feel like it's like that with the Knicks right now. And people don't like to like New York teams, but they have. And it's funny, got, like, somebody like you who, you know, proselytizes about their team. The Knicks are great. Knicks are great. And then too many people like him, you go, no, you're not allowed to. Like.

[Usama Siddiqui]

I don't feel he feels that way. I don't feel. I think. I think if it makes you happy, I'm happy that this is what it takes to get you into basketball. I'm okay with it because I love it, so. I love that other people are getting into it. But, yeah, I mean, this, like, it definitely feels better when you suffer, you know, when, you know this hit.

[Steve]

But it.

[Usama Siddiqui]

It almost hit too hard. Like, this 10 weeks for me was like, what the. It was the biggest nut ever. That when I finally. That when it was released, I was

[Matt]

just like,

[Usama Siddiqui]

I didn't know how to conduct myself.

[Greg]

I don't know that post, not Nick's clarity.

[Usama Siddiqui]

It was crazy.

[Matt]

What's crazy, though, is then you feel. You feel that way, and you're like, nothing could ever. And then the next April, round one, game one, you're like, you, you. You're like, you just won. But it just comes back.

[Usama Siddiqui]

I'll let you know. Probably it comes back.

[Greg]

You're, you're all Boston. Boston, right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Everything.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I got no respect for these other,

[Greg]

like, intense about their.

[Bobby Kelly]

Philly's up there.

[Greg]

Philly's up there.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

There.

[Greg]

I grew up in Dallas, so it was big Cowboys town, but Mavs, I was there when Nowitzki won.

[Usama Siddiqui]

That was an awesome.

[Greg]

And it was crazy. It was the first time people were outside in Dallas.

[Matt]

They were down 02, weren't they?

[Greg]

Yeah, too. And.

[Usama Siddiqui]

And Dirk had already lost to that Heat team. And people say that's the heaviest ring ever because he had to go through, like, Kobe, the KC with Duran and Westbrook and Harden. And then he took down the. The Heatles, the LeBron Heat.

[Greg]

And they were evil. LeBron was evil back then. He was like a young hater.

[Usama Siddiqui]

And.

[Greg]

Yeah. But Dirk was sick the first game. They were like. And they mocked him. Mocked him. And that was like. The whole world came on our side.

[Matt]

Right.

[Usama Siddiqui]

They were so likable. That match.

[Greg]

It was great. It was great.

[Bobby Kelly]

Was that Mark Cuban out there too? Oh, yeah.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Great team.

[Matt]

Well, that's a. The. I had this experience, but then also everyone turns like the Patriots in 2001, 2002 Super Bowl. The whole world was rooting for them as it was post 9 11. They were the underdogs. Rookie quarterback. The Rams had already won. It was this 911 thing. And so the world.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Hilarious.

[Matt]

What's that? Because the planes took off in Boston. People were. No, you dummy. Because they're the Patriots. Yeah, but red, white and blue Patriots. No, no. Everybody was rooting for. America was rooting for them. They were an underdog. We just been attacked. The Rams. Pipe down if you don't know the second team, but the Patriots. Patriotic Patriot, you dummy.

[Usama Siddiqui]

And the one one, Right?

[Steve]

So.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Yes, I hear you.

[Matt]

They're the Patriots. You're missing the point here.

[Bobby Kelly]

About plastic mugs again.

[Matt]

I just can't believe this isn't getting through the fate. Red light and blue.

[Usama Siddiqui]

I got to pee.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, we got to pee.

[Steve]

There we go.

[Matt]

I thought you said you have to pee.

[Usama Siddiqui]

That too.

[Bobby Kelly]

But he always. He peed three times already.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Peak like crazy. But that's another reason I go to that parade. I need a. I need a bathroom. From nearby. I need access to pee.

[Matt]

I remember we went to the movies together, and you and I both went to the piss, like, three times. You made me feel better about my life. I was like, I think I have cancer. Prostate cancer. And you're like 10 years younger than me, and you peed like twice as much. And I was like, I'm Good.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, true.

[Greg]

I'm a big movie pisser.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Greg]

One time I was watching Black Swan that filmed. So I. All the. All dude friends are watching it. Because you heard about the scene, right? And then I go to piss. I come back like, dude, you missed the. I missed the eating out scene. It was one bathroom breaks worth of time. Oh, was that scene.

[Matt]

You know, there's a website that does this. They watch the movie and then they post the best time to piss.

[Greg]

Oh, really?

[Matt]

I forget the name of the website, but yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, best time to piss.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not the nudes.

[Matt]

I thought it was gonna be Dr. No, no. When you can piss without missing anything.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow, that's great.

[Matt]

Sorry. I want to hear your peeve. I got excited about it.

[Usama Siddiqui]

It's movie related, actually. When you're seeing someone and they're just fucking tough with it, like, you can't find a middle ground on movies. And I'm pretty easy, but she's hit me with like three gay movies in a row and I'm like, I could do one.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Usama Siddiqui]

I can't do only gay movies. So now to like, now I don't know what the equivalent is for women, but I'm like trying to get revenge with my picks. So I'm picking like Seagal movies just to throw her. I don't even really enjoy these movies. I'm just trying to get back, actually.

[Matt]

By the way, give me her number. I watch gay movies all day.

[Greg]

I just piss him.

[Usama Siddiqui]

I can do one. I just can't do only gay.

[Bobby Kelly]

What are we talking? Broke back? Call me by your name. Broke back.

[Usama Siddiqui]

No, it was a single man, which I was like, it's a good movie,

[Greg]

but I don't know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Single man.

[Matt]

What about Stranger by the Lake? At all?

[Bobby Kelly]

That's.

[Greg]

Don't give her ideas, dude.

[Matt]

No, but if you show her this movie, it's. It's super gay, but it's an amazing. We watched it on our picture. It's a great, great movie. But it's like, shits me. It's like pulling out and coming on the guy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Gay. You're watching it like that.

[Greg]

Oh, it's gay.

[Matt]

Have you seen it? Gay.

[Steve]

I was 15. We used to go to this mall in White Plains. You know the Galleria Mall in White Plains? It was like where every kid in Westchester would kind of converge on the weekends. So me and my buddy Sneaky Pete smoked some tie stick.

[Matt]

Sneaky Pete.

[Steve]

And then we meet these two girls from Yonkers, and we're 15 years old and we go, do you guys want to like go see a movie. So we go to the movie theater and. And the next movie playing was a film called Cruising with Al Pacino. So we walk in and we have no fucking idea what it is. We just know it's Al Pacino. So we sit.

[Usama Siddiqui]

This sounds like one tough movie.

[Steve]

It's about guys in leather cruising and fucking each other up the. And so we watched the first gay scene and me and Sneaky Pete go. We gotta go to the bathroom and we just. And these two 15 year old girls are just sitting alone in a movie theater.

[Bobby Kelly]

Classic. Sneaky Pete.

[Usama Siddiqui]

I love that you're wearing that hat. And have a friend named Sneaky Pete. Yeah, that took us all back.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

On paper this movie sounds great. Cruisin's a cool word. And it's Pacino. Look, he looks tough.

[Matt]

It's not.

[Steve]

I only know the first nine minutes.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

I gotta theater. Yeah.

[Usama Siddiqui]

I love the palma dude.

[Greg]

But you did a couple of gay roles. He was never above it. Right. He did Dog Afternoon where he was trying to get the money surgery.

[Bobby Kelly]

True, true.

[Greg]

The cowboy one Gigolo.

[Usama Siddiqui]

That's a sneaky gay. A Sneaky Pete type of sneaky, sneaky dog.

[Greg]

It's a sneaky gay sneaky ski.

[Matt]

Sneaky Sarah and I saw the master in the theater and there was a bunch. There was like a family of black people behind us. And then there's a scene where everyone's just naked, like full nudity. And they're dancing around just dicks everywhere. And they all got got up there.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. Hell no.

[Matt]

No way. No way.

[Greg]

Why would that was even build as a black family movie. Like why would they even.

[Matt]

I think this is long enough a gun that people just went to movies.

[Bobby Kelly]

Whoa.

[Matt]

I'm looking at somebody's pud Richard Gear

[Bobby Kelly]

which I think he should have fluffed. I watched that when I was a kid even I was like, oh, he up.

[Matt]

It looks sever, doesn't it?

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah.

[Greg]

Howard either like you know, really. Everyone thinks he has a small one. Bob Howard wasn't Terrence Howard.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Tower penis.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I'm sure it's better than gear.

[Steve]

Yeah. What's the biggest schlong shot in the movie? Was anything?

[Usama Siddiqui]

Oh yeah. The dicks in any given Sunday.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Given Sunday. They're bad.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, wow.

[Greg]

It's rough.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow. No wonder he's out of movie. He has. He never worked again.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Oh my God.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's hard out here for a pimp.

[Usama Siddiqui]

It looks like a pug's nose. That's rough.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, wow.

[Steve]

It doesn't clear as balls. That's a bad song.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who's that behind Grower?

[Greg]

You don't know?

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

But like, yeah, no one grows that much.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Greg]

I mean, it's a. It's a clit.

[Bobby Kelly]

Also, do a sit up or something. He's jiggling right out of there.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yikes.

[Bobby Kelly]

So shiny.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

It gets lost in the bush.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Yeah.

[Greg]

Real actor. That's a real actor. I am an actor.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

I thank God he's good at something.

[Matt]

Wow.

[Bobby Kelly]

Holy mo.

[Matt]

Huey Lewis has got a be.

[Usama Siddiqui]

No. Any given Sunday locker room scene.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, y.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

That's one.

[Usama Siddiqui]

I know. I'm giving you ammo to search.

[Greg]

Hogan in Saltburn. Was that his real dick?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I wasn't that impressed. Everybody's like, he's got a huge hog. I was like, yeah, it's. It's a normal hog.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Well, he's six, eight, so maybe it's like Barry Kogan. Oh, they said Hulk Hogan.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think he's 5, 7.

[Greg]

Saltburn penis at the end of.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know that was a rift around. Yeah, that. That. The grave scene was a. Ad lib.

[Greg]

Oh, really?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Greg]

The grave.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Yeah, that was mb.

[Usama Siddiqui]

I don't know if I should be impressed by that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know. I know. That was not in the script and they just kept it.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Have you guys seen Obsession?

[Greg]

No. I liked it.

[Matt]

It's fun.

[Usama Siddiqui]

I thought it was really fun.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's fun. Yeah.

[Matt]

It makes no sense, but it's really fun.

[Steve]

Like less than a million dollars.

[Usama Siddiqui]

750k and it's. And it's broken over 300, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Matt]

It's crazy.

[Steve]

That's good for people that are trying

[Bobby Kelly]

to make indie films or you better believe it.

[Greg]

Guys, we're making stuff on Instagram.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey. Now we're trying. We're shooting an October. October.

[Matt]

So that's not trying.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Exciting.

[Greg]

Amazing.

[Matt]

That's doing.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Matt]

That's not trying to make a movie. You're making a movie.

[Bobby Kelly]

We're making a movie.

[Greg]

Amazing. Call sheets are coming out and stuff.

[Usama Siddiqui]

We're working on it.

[Bobby Kelly]

We're getting there. Slow down. I've never heard of a call sheet. Is that that prop BET website? Kelsey,

[Matt]

the obsession was fun and funny and scary. It was great.

[Bobby Kelly]

I enjoyed it. The acting was great. The girl was amazing and I appreciated

[Matt]

that the director came out was like this massive plot hole. It doesn't hold up. It doesn't make sense.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thank God.

[Matt]

It's good. Which is good.

[Bobby Kelly]

It is good because there's a lot of them. Yeah.

[Steve]

I just saw the new Spielberg movie two nights ago.

[Matt]

Disclosure.

[Steve]

It's so fun. I didn't hate it. I thought it was fine. You know I hate it. Think about Spielberg is he's made the greatest Alien movies of all time. And then the fucking alien comes out at the end and he's got a skinny body and long fingers and a big oval like the same alien as every movie since the 1950s.

[Matt]

Sounds like kind of a hot body if you ask me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Pull up the alien. I want to see this guy.

[Matt]

I hated the movie. I was at the premiere and he spoke and everything, but silly.

[Bobby Kelly]

A different alien. Fill up his feet too. What kind of dick? Oh, that guy's got a crazy hoe.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Come on.

[Steve]

But he was.

[Greg]

Would never be big enough.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

It would never be big enough.

[Usama Siddiqui]

He's got a bigger hug.

[Bobby Kelly]

Strong, nice, healthy heteroceter. Conversation. Obsession.

[Usama Siddiqui]

What? The art director came out.

[Bobby Kelly]

She said, I only made $10,000 on this.

[Greg]

What?

[Usama Siddiqui]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, it's a low budget movie.

[Usama Siddiqui]

I know, but I deserve a bonus.

[Greg]

Ah, she made the deal before, I guess, huh? She did.

[Usama Siddiqui]

And he and the director responded and

[Bobby Kelly]

he said the people who got money back were the people that risked money up front. That's fair.

[Greg]

You're sort of a day player. You were a contract director.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's fair. Yeah.

[Greg]

You think that's fair?

[Bobby Kelly]

I think it's fair.

[Greg]

I think it's fair.

[Matt]

Well, is that. Is it standard for movie for the art director to get a percentage of the movie? I've never heard of that in my life.

[Greg]

It's a standard thing.

[Matt]

Yeah, yeah. I've never heard of that.

[Steve]

With a limited release, which is probably sag, Aftra will make a limited release deal with everybody. Everybody. And I know the actors in success get more money. Like you accept lower than scale because it's low budget. But then it. It goes up as the movie.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nicholson did that on Batman and made a fortune.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

In the back end.

[Usama Siddiqui]

I think he still gets paid from Batman movies. That's crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's not dead.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Still very much alive.

[Greg]

Nicholson. Although he looks rough.

[Steve]

He does looking great.

[Usama Siddiqui]

I think he's. He's 90, dude. He might pull it up. 89. Maybe he's up there.

[Matt]

Wow.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let's take a bet.

[Greg]

I saw that one romcom recently. He was in as good as it gets.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow.

[Steve]

Loved it.

[Bobby Kelly]

89 Oscar.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Wow.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Really good.

[Greg]

I movie dude. Never heard of it. I was like, this is fun and different.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, yeah.

[Greg]

The script isn't normal. It's like unique.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was like, you make me want to be a better man.

[Matt]

Nicholson was kind of older when he really broke.

[Greg]

That's true.

[Bobby Kelly]

So Joe List.

[Matt]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

We do this thing on this pod called Working on Any Bits. Well, we gotta go in a minute.

[Steve]

All right.

[Bobby Kelly]

17 people in the room. They're all good comics here. Working on Any Bits.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Anyone?

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, it's gonna be a while, but we didn't get any peeves from everybody else.

[Matt]

I'm working on a bit about how the Patriot. The name Patriot means a lover of America, somebody that defends America.

[Steve]

My peeve is try to get out of your. Your Microsoft Word contract. Like, I found this place where you can buy Microsoft. Microsoft Word is a fucking annual fee of like $150 a year. Yeah. For a piece of simple fucking software.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't know that.

[Steve]

Yeah. So if you. And then I found a place where you can actually buy it. It's like a little glitch. So I bought it and then I tried to get out of my Microsoft Word.

[Greg]

It is.

[Steve]

Is impossible. They put you into, you know, big companies, they just put you into a circle of hit one, hit five. Then you get somebody and they give you another number and you go on the website and they ask you for serial. I don't have the fucking serial number for my. That's my pet peeve.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's cruel. What's the payment a month?

[Steve]

It's like 15 bucks a month.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, shit. That's substantial.

[Matt]

Now you're sound like Sam.

[Steve]

I'm trying to clean up subscriptions. I have so many.

[Bobby Kelly]

They add up.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Bobby, this is a segment of Pogo. Well, that's a bad deal,

[Matt]

Bobby Kelly, you know, what's the sponsor that goes through all your stuff and take your subscriptions.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Oh, rocket.

[Matt]

Rocket money. Bobby went on.

[Bobby Kelly]

He had 83.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

I didn't know there was 83 anything.

[Steve]

83 things you could subscribe that might

[Matt]

not be the exact. It was like something in that ballpark.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Subscribe to Haribo Gummies.

[Matt]

You talk about being an addict. This guy just weighs 380 pounds. Can't drink, can't do drugs. He's like, I have 90 subscriptions.

[Bobby Kelly]

Home and Garden. Wired magazine highlights.

[Steve]

I have a Patreon for Ralphie May's podcast.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Nice.

[Matt]

I'm not working on any bits, Matt. I love you, though.

[Bobby Kelly]

You gotta pee there.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

I gotta peeve. I gotta pee. I'm watching the World cup and I hate it when Americans root for other countries.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, what I'm talking about, you're American.

[Matt]

Yes.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

You can't root for America in the Olympics. And then it comes to the World Cup. All of a sudden you're French. Get out of here, here, here.

[Matt]

Who's St. Ros rooting for?

[Steve]

Greece.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

I mean, they're not in it, to be honest.

[Steve]

What if you're not rooting for America as a country right now?

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Doesn't matter.

[Steve]

You're American Soccer.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Okay, sorry. Stinky Pink. And get behind America. Get behind Pulisic. All right, we're gonna do it. This we're not, but we're gonna do very.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Even if you're not a hockey person. It was so cool when they won hockey.

[Bobby Kelly]

Of course.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You gotta get behind the best. Yeah.

[Steve]

Yep.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah. These Spanish people don't clip that up.

[Bobby Kelly]

But wow.

[Matt]

This is a peeve. I can get behind.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow.

[Greg]

Madam.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Yeah, See everybody here on the road. Buy tickets. Any quick website plugs we could do?

[Bobby Kelly]

Gotta give them some dates here.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah, I just added a Denver date. Please come to Denver. We just added the Comedy Works on a Thursday.

[Bobby Kelly]

When's this come out?

[Steve]

It's the big room.

[Bobby Kelly]

July 5th. Okay, great.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Oh, yeah. Okay, good. Yeah. Sacramento. We added dates. And then Charleston.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hell, yeah.

[Greg]

Oh, yeah. I might go there too.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then Raleigh and. Oh, yeah, that. Oh, yeah. What am I doing in New York?

[Bobby Kelly]

Good night. Oh, good club.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah, good nights.

[Bobby Kelly]

Florida.

[Matt]

Coastal Creative.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Yeah, we had it Shows in Florida too. So please buy tickets because I have student loan debt.

[Bobby Kelly]

Student loan debt?

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Oh, honey, she's going to die with it. Yeah.

[Matt]

Jesus Christ.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

So please buy tickets. Come see me live. It's different jokes than what you saw on the show.

[Bobby Kelly]

Good for you. I love to hear it.

[Steve]

They're not her jokes, but they're different jokes.

[Matt]

Yeah, she's like, there's black people and there's n words.

[Greg]

Whoa. What's up, guys? The shows.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at them. Sold out.

[Greg]

The one that's not selling is Milwaukee Improv. So if you're in Wisconsin, please come. That's the only one. That's really tough. I don't know why. Yeah, Comedy Nest. Comedy Nest. It's for off, Jeff.

[Matt]

Gotta talk to your agent.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's a tough room.

[Greg]

I don't know.

[Matt]

You're selling out everywhere. You're doing the Nest.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

The Nest is fun.

[Greg]

Jfl. That's what they get.

[Steve]

They literally hand you.

[Greg]

Just come to Brookfield, Wisconsin. That's. That's all I need y for.

[Bobby Kelly]

I like the photo. You look like a Nickelodeon bully.

[Greg]

Let's go, Connie.

[Matt]

Caitlyn responded to Comedy Nest like a bad answer on Family Feud. No, no, it's good. Okay.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Steve Har Harvey of bad gigs.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Yes, sure.

[Matt]

I feel bad. You're overtime. I'm in Tacoma and Portland, Oregon. Go to. Go to Punch up for my stuff.

[Bobby Kelly]

There you go. We're all on punch up over here.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

All on punch up. There you go.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Joe, give me some of those.

[Bobby Kelly]

Greg, July 24, you getting out there, you?

[Steve]

I'm out. I don't do a lot in the summer because it's just nobody comes out. But I have dates coming up and.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow.

[Steve]

And you know how they have low ticket warnings? Sure, I have some high ticket warnings.

[Bobby Kelly]

I got.

[Steve]

Oh, this is fun.

[Matt]

Brand new headshot, by the way.

[Bobby Kelly]

Holy shit.

[Steve]

Now that's not right. Right? I just.

[Matt]

Who took that head shot? Ansel Adams.

[Bobby Kelly]

I look like the Riddler. The old Batman from the 60s.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Wow. You really leaning into this Irish thing.

[Greg]

Holy cow.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Green on.

[Steve]

Green on.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Steve]

All right, all right. Take this down. My feet are on the next day.

[Bobby Kelly]

What you make is on dos. Pittsburgh.

[Steve]

I'm coming up in Pittsburgh. Cincinnati, Columbus and a couple dates in LA. Oxnard. Whatever. Go to fitzdog.com. something's there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Here, here.

[Steve]

Jesus.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm in Cleveland at Hilarity.

[Matt]

I'll join you.

[Bobby Kelly]

There you go.

[Matt]

Inside joke.

[Bobby Kelly]

Emerald City. Seattle. Was that Tampa and doing some show in East Hampton. Come on out to that. Making a weekend out of it. Cubs in San Francisco. Houston. Improv. A lot of tickets there, there. Nashville, come on by. Pittsburgh. Improv. That's a tough market. And the list goes on. Thank you. What do you got there?

[Usama Siddiqui]

Right now I'm gonna add some stuff, but right now we just got Lisbon.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Cultured felt.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Budapest tickets very available in Budapest. Holy. Vienna. Added a show in Warsaw. And then we had Helsinki, Stockholm and Copenhagen. I'll add some American dates very soon.

[Matt]

Have you been to Poland?

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Warsaw?

[Usama Siddiqui]

I have not been to Poland.

[Matt]

Oh yeah, that's cool. It's unbelievable.

[Steve]

What's amazing is heard you're doing it in the native language.

[Usama Siddiqui]

Two minute set and. No. And buy some bodega cat. Whiskey Bod. Whiskey dot com. Great app. Congrats.

[Bobby Kelly]

Congratulation, guys.

[Matt]

Thanks for letting us crash. I hope it's okay.

[Greg]

Chilling.

[Matt]

Blame Matt if you didn't like it.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, Sneaky Pete.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

Sunday's the day for my next. You know. The beard. Close. I've had a. A little too much burping. And Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope. And I get down in the same way up on the roof like the cops coming. And naked. Samuel is feeling dangerous.

[Greg]

I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans.

[Bobby Kelly]

This woman doesn't look like I remember her.

[Kaitlyn Palufo]

And I get down in the same way we might be be true.