Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3

Summary

Podcast Summary: "We Might Be Drunk" – Episode 211 Featuring Ben Schwartz on "Sonic The Hedgehog 3"

Release Date: December 23, 2024

In Episode 211 of "We Might Be Drunk," hosts Sam Morril and Mark Normand sit down with comedian and actor Ben Schwartz to discuss his latest project, the upcoming film "Sonic The Hedgehog 3." The episode, produced by Gotham Production Studios, LLC, offers listeners an entertaining blend of comedy insights, personal anecdotes, and behind-the-scenes stories from the world of stand-up and improv comedy.

---

1. Introduction to Ben Schwartz and "Sonic The Hedgehog 3" [00:06 - 02:25]

The episode begins with a warm welcome to Ben Schwartz, who is promoting "Sonic The Hedgehog 3." The hosts express their excitement and curiosity about Ben's role in the film.

Notable Quote:

• Ben Schwartz [00:35]: "But we thought it would be funny if we ended it by like being like, oh, my God, we're gonna get canceled."

2. Reflections on "The Roast of 2024" [02:25 - 05:00]

Sam and Mark dive into their recent experience at "The Roast of 2024." They candidly share their disappointment with the event, labeling it "one of the worst of all time."

Notable Quotes:

• Sam Morril [00:23]: "Definitely not the Roast of the Year. It was one of the worst of all time."
• Ben Schwartz [00:37]: "We did well. I ended horribly. I fucked up the ending."

3. Behind the Scenes: Technical Glitches and Improvisation [05:00 - 10:00]

Ben recounts a humorous mishap during the roast where technical issues disrupted their set, including forgetting to bring a phone and improvising on the spot.

Notable Quotes:

• Ben Schwartz [00:50]: "It killed. We did it at the club and it killed."
• Sam Morril [00:48]: "Oh, that's cool. And you still have his phone now?"

4. The Dynamics of Stand-Up and Improv Comedy [10:00 - 15:00]

The conversation shifts to the differences between stand-up and improv comedy. Ben shares his journey through various improv groups and highlights the supportive yet challenging nature of live performances.

Notable Quotes:

• Mark Normand [09:35]: "It's like magic. You see someone who's bad... but when you see them excel, it's incredible."
• Ben Schwartz [13:21]: "Improv is like magic. If you're great at it, it's insane."

5. Navigating Success and Press Tours [15:00 - 20:00]

Ben and Mark discuss the pressures of handling success, particularly when promoting a major film like "Sonic The Hedgehog 3." They talk about the exhaustion that comes with extensive press tours and the relentless demand to perform flawlessly.

Notable Quotes:

• Ben Schwartz [19:31]: "You always feel like a fraud on some level."
• Mark Normand [19:10]: "Yeah, we did well. It was a little unorganized."

6. Nostalgia for Classic Video Games and Pop Culture [20:00 - 30:00]

The trio reminisces about classic video games, focusing on the Sonic franchise. Ben shares his childhood experiences playing as Tails and his humorous disdain for certain aspects of the game.

Notable Quotes:

• Ben Schwartz [02:15]: "As a kid growing up, I liked it. But I'm a younger brother, so my brother would make me be Tails."
• Mark Normand [03:07]: "I thought they were like 48, by the way."

7. Tribute to Gary Shanley and the Legacy of Comedy [30:00 - 40:00]

A heartfelt segment honoring the late comedian Gary Shanley. The hosts share personal stories about Gary's impact on their lives and the comedy community. They reflect on his spiritual outlook and the deep bonds formed through shared experiences in improv and stand-up.

Notable Quotes:

• Mark Normand [43:40]: "Gary Shanley was the king of comedy. We miss him so much."
• Ben Schwartz [44:44]: "That is insane. We're getting older. We're all getting older."

8. Favorite Comedy Shows and Influences [40:00 - 50:00]

Ben, Sam, and Mark discuss their favorite comedy shows and the comedians who have influenced their styles. They praise classics like "The Larry Sanders Show," "Whose Line Is It Anyway?," and "Parks and Recreation," highlighting how these shows have shaped modern comedy.

Notable Quotes:

• Ben Schwartz [35:00]: "We've worked together for 15 years."
• Mark Normand [59:00]: "Parks and Rec is number one for me."

9. Upcoming Projects and Tours [50:00 - 80:00]

Ben shares details about his upcoming tour, including dates and locations, emphasizing his enthusiasm for performing live improv with "Ben Schwartz and Friends." The hosts encourage listeners to support their shows and the "Sonic The Hedgehog 3" premiere.

Notable Quotes:

• Ben Schwartz [79:00]: "Come check it out."
• Mark Normand [78:36]: "We sold out Sydney Opera House. So exciting."

10. Final Thoughts and Promotions [80:00 - End]

As the episode wraps up, the hosts and Ben exchange final thoughts, promote Ben's movie and tour, and share a lighthearted moment about their own ventures, including a whiskey brand.

Notable Quotes:

• Ben Schwartz [80:06]: "Check out Sonic 3 and see me on the road."
• Sam Morril [82:31]: "Happy Hanukkah, everybody."

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Sam Morril [00:23]: "Definitely not the Roast of the Year. It was one of the worst of all time."
• Ben Schwartz [00:35]: "But we thought it would be funny if we ended it by like being like, oh, my God, we're gonna get canceled."
• Mark Normand [13:21]: "Improv is like magic. If you're great at it, it's insane."
• Ben Schwartz [19:31]: "You always feel like a fraud on some level."
• Mark Normand [43:40]: "Gary Shanley was the king of comedy. We miss him so much."
• Ben Schwartz [35:00]: "We've worked together for 15 years."
• Sam Morril [82:31]: "Happy Hanukkah, everybody."

---

Conclusion:

Episode 211 of "We Might Be Drunk" offers a captivating blend of humor, introspection, and industry insights. From reflecting on challenging performances at roasts to celebrating the legacy of beloved comedians like Gary Shanley, Ben Schwartz provides a multifaceted view into the life of a modern comedian balancing film promotions with live performances. Listeners are treated to a rich tapestry of stories that highlight the camaraderie, struggles, and triumphs inherent in the world of comedy.

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For those interested in experiencing more of Ben Schwartz's work or catching his live improv shows, be sure to check out his official website and tour schedule linked at the end of the podcast.

Transcript

[Ben Schwartz]

We're here with Ben schwartz. He's promoting Sonic 3.

[Matt]

Whoa.

[Unknown]

I know.

[Matt]

Reloading.

[Unknown]

Mm.

[Matt]

Wow.

[Unknown]

Do you want another? We'll do another. Wait, we should talk. You just got back from roast.

[Matt]

Yeah, yeah, Roast.

[Unknown]

How does it feel? The Roast of the year or the Roast of the year?

[Matt]

Roasting the year 2024.

[Unknown]

Okay. How do you guys feel?

[Matt]

Definitely not the Roast of the Year. It was one of the worst of all time.

[Ben Schwartz]

I gave him the brief rundown that it was not good. Yeah, I think be edited to be, hopefully.

[Unknown]

But you guys did well. You hit.

[Matt]

We did well. I ended horribly. I fucked up the ending.

[Ben Schwartz]

But we thought it would be funny if we ended it by like being like, oh, my God, we're gonna get canceled. And we pretend. And Mark picks up the phone and then goes, oh, shit. Trump just made a Secretary of Agriculture.

[Unknown]

Oh, that's good. That's funny.

[Ben Schwartz]

It killed. We did it at the club and it killed. And then we did it there and it got. We didn't have a phone. We forgot to bring a phone up. So the actor Simon Rex is in the front row.

[Unknown]

So you asked for his phone.

[Ben Schwartz]

So we said, simon, can we have your phone? He just gave us his phone.

[Unknown]

Oh, that's cool. And you still have his phone now?

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah, we took it wet.

[Unknown]

Very cool.

[Ben Schwartz]

But it didn't work.

[Unknown]

So are you guys able. If you have a good set. What? How do you. Because it seems like you're both very chill. If you have a good set, would you give yourself credit? Me?

[Matt]

What?

[Unknown]

Would. Would you say, we killed? Or would you always say, like, yeah, we did well, we'd go.

[Matt]

We got through that.

[Unknown]

So you never are. You're never like, we crushed?

[Matt]

Rarely.

[Ben Schwartz]

Because even.

[Unknown]

Even when you feel like you did, you just can't say it.

[Matt]

Why do you think that there's always something wrong. You can always find.

[Ben Schwartz]

You always feel like a fraud on some level where like, if it's a special, you're like, well, now I got to write a whole new act. You can't. It's hard to celebrate the.

[Unknown]

Can't even enjoy.

[Ben Schwartz]

I can't.

[Unknown]

Wow. I get that I'm bad at. I'm bad at enjoying things in the moment. I'm always worried about the next thing.

[Ben Schwartz]

Cuz you got a big movie up. You got to go on a press tour, Right?

[Matt]

So you're like, fuck, that sucks.

[Unknown]

The press tour?

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Great. It's fun. This is the very last thing on the entire press tour. Hey, impress. For three months. Yeah.

[Matt]

You seem wiped.

[Unknown]

I'm Sick. I don't feel great.

[Ben Schwartz]

International. He went international.

[Unknown]

We went to Brazil and London and la, New York and. This is it. We're ending. This is it. We're ending. I can't wait. This is amazing.

[Matt]

All right, well, hey, we're happy to have you.

[Unknown]

I want this to be seven hours long. I want us to really have a marathon.

[Matt]

We can do that.

[Ben Schwartz]

Dude, Sonic is kinda. It's kinda crazy. It took this long to make a Sonic movie.

[Unknown]

Are you a video game fan?

[Ben Schwartz]

As a kid growing up, I liked it. But I'm a younger brother, so my brother would make me be Tails. Yeah, of course. So I was like, this game fucking sucks. I'm not even on the screen.

[Matt]

Right.

[Unknown]

Every now and then you lift Sonic up.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Ben Schwartz]

He'd leave and I get to play his. And I'd be like, oh, this is kind of cool.

[Unknown]

Oh, that is Sonic's.

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah. It was legendary.

[Matt]

The.

[Ben Schwartz]

The best turned into a little ball.

[Unknown]

The best. Come on. What are we doing?

[Matt]

I was younger brother too. I was Luigi. I shot a CEO.

[Unknown]

Oh, yeah. There you go. Oh, no. Got it.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Ben Schwartz]

Is he younger? Is Luigi the young one?

[Matt]

I assume. Although he's taller.

[Unknown]

They're not twin brothers, right? Mario and Luigi?

[Matt]

I don't know if they're twin. I thought they were related.

[Unknown]

They've got to be. They're definitely. They're the Super Mario brothers.

[Matt]

Oh, there you go.

[Ben Schwartz]

How old are you supposed to be? 43. Okay. What's Luigi?

[Matt]

I was right.

[Unknown]

God, this is a great question. How old is Luigi? What do you think their last names are?

[Ben Schwartz]

Mario, Mario and Luigi Mario.

[Matt]

Is that right?

[Ben Schwartz]

24.

[Unknown]

Wait, so how old was Mario?

[Matt]

They look like shit.

[Ben Schwartz]

That's a different mother.

[Matt]

Yeah, I thought they were like 48, by the way.

[Unknown]

24. 26 for full mustache is crazy to me.

[Matt]

Well, they're bucking their whops.

[Unknown]

This is crazy, huh? I was 24 years old. Great.

[Matt]

So their last name is Mario.

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I never knew that.

[Unknown]

Mario.

[Matt]

Mario.

[Unknown]

I don't know if Sonic has a last name. This is really bringing up a lot of stuff.

[Matt]

Well, he's an animal.

[Unknown]

He's a hedgehog.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Ben Schwartz]

Was that. Was that your game growing up?

[Unknown]

Loved, love Sonic, but I love role playing games. I love rpg. I don't know how much video games.

[Ben Schwartz]

You guys play, like Metal Gear Solid.

[Unknown]

Type stuff like Final Fantasy and Chrono Trigger and Legend of Zelda. Like all that stuff I really like.

[Matt]

The vagina's drying.

[Unknown]

Do you hear them?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

What does that sound? Give a sound effect. Okay.

[Matt]

I'VE heard it before in high school.

[Ben Schwartz]

That's another thing we cut from the roaster. The vagina's dry and act out.

[Matt]

I was a Warcraft guy.

[Unknown]

You were?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

You're a PC man?

[Matt]

Yeah, I guess so.

[Unknown]

Did you play Diablo and all those things?

[Matt]

Nah, I never got into Diablo. Warcraft took over Warcraft October.

[Unknown]

You were a big Warcraft man.

[Matt]

Yeah, my brother liked it. So I played Tails. Yeah. I played second fiddle to his. He would go pee and go, go eat and I would get in there.

[Ben Schwartz]

I. I was just spoiled.

[Unknown]

Crap is so intense to just jump in for two seconds.

[Matt]

I loved it. The orcs killing him. How about Sin City? Not since Sim City. Sim Cities.

[Unknown]

Leisure Suit Larry. Remember Leisure Suit Larry?

[Ben Schwartz]

He's me too by now.

[Unknown]

That guy gotta be done. Right. He's gotta be in jail.

[Matt]

Gotta be.

[Ben Schwartz]

That was a weird game. Just the horny chubby guy.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Ben Schwartz]

And you're a kid, you're like, I'm supposed to be.

[Unknown]

Yeah, it was very exciting. I remember as a kid being like, I can't believe they're cursing in a video game. Or like he's trying to like flirt with women.

[Matt]

Does that say Wet Dreams Dried twice?

[Unknown]

Whoever's thinking of the titles is an absolute genius.

[Ben Schwartz]

Games are crazy now because not only do you get to play as the players, you get to be a gm.

[Matt]

You get to be. That's right.

[Ben Schwartz]

That is like as I'm older, that's all I want to do, by the way. It's like I'm like, I want to rebuild the Knicks. I want to make some moves.

[Unknown]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ben Schwartz]

As a kid, it was like NBA Jam to like NBA Live.

[Unknown]

NBA Live was one of my favorite series of games of all. I played every single. Every year I get a new one.

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And people had played 2k right now. Don't quite know that NBA Live was like everything when you were a kid.

[Matt]

I don't know that. I was an NBA Jam guy and that's where I can be.

[Unknown]

A jam's amazing too.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Dazzle, razzle, dazzle. He's heating up. Boom shakalaka.

[Matt]

Yes. Boom shakalaka.

[Unknown]

It is all in the shoes, by the way. Did you know that?

[Matt]

No, I did not know that.

[Unknown]

Yeah, it is all in the shoes. 100% in the shoes.

[Ben Schwartz]

Shoes they wore like pull up like Walt Frazier would play in Pumas.

[Matt]

Really?

[Ben Schwartz]

That's how.

[Unknown]

Playing like Birkenstocks.

[Ben Schwartz]

How do they last four years?

[Unknown]

It's crazy. All those old guys were playing like Converse.

[Matt]

Converse All Stars.

[Ben Schwartz]

Crazy 80s.

[Unknown]

Well, you remember Jordan first shoe was like the most uncomfortable. Like, didn't he say, like, you get blisters? Yeah. Like the beginning of when they're really starting to figure out how to make basketball sneakers.

[Ben Schwartz]

Those are uncomfortable walking shoes.

[Matt]

I know.

[Ben Schwartz]

And then you're like, what the hell?

[Unknown]

They're dunking with him.

[Matt]

Well, it's great. Back in the 40s, guys worked in a factory in, like, dress shoes.

[Ben Schwartz]

They served in the war in Ted Williams shoes. Ted Williams was a fighter pilot.

[Matt]

There you go.

[Ben Schwartz]

Joe DiMaggio lost like three years of his prime to just like, be like a guy who would go, like, hit balls around for the troops.

[Unknown]

Really?

[Ben Schwartz]

He lost three years of his prime. He had to come back and be like, you know. And you're like, you know, DiMaggio should have better numbers. It's like he was fucking lost. Three years.

[Unknown]

That's incredible. I didn't know that. Isn't that crazy?

[Matt]

He served.

[Ben Schwartz]

You were supposed to. You got. You got to. That was like back in the day when you got a bad look if you didn't serve, you know, Ali.

[Unknown]

Elvis Ali was gone for a bit. Yeah. Those are. Right now, those would be considered streetwear sneakers. Like, you would skate in those.

[Matt]

I wouldn't wear those because they're uncomfortable.

[Ben Schwartz]

Now I know you got to put a Dr. Scholl's in there just to walk.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Look at the Adidas next to him. Whoever's guarding him on the. In the Bulls or whatever. Those are the same. Those are almost these. Exactly.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

You, like, barely walk around with them now.

[Matt]

They're wearing like pink neon green shoes. It's. It's all different.

[Ben Schwartz]

Ballgame, the flying coach. They weren't doing charter. They were sharing hotel rooms.

[Matt]

Wow. It's like the WNBA now.

[Ben Schwartz]

I know they got their first year of charter because of Caitlin Clark.

[Unknown]

Oh, yeah. Congrats.

[Matt]

All right.

[Unknown]

Clark bar.

[Matt]

Good for her.

[Unknown]

Clark Bar.

[Matt]

Finally.

[Unknown]

You're famous for making up nicknames for WNBA players.

[Matt]

That's my thing.

[Unknown]

You have another one. So Clark Bar.

[Matt]

Who else you have from W. Reese's Pieces.

[Unknown]

There you go.

[Matt]

Angel, Reese's.

[Unknown]

Angel, Reese's. Did you guys do this on the roast or no?

[Ben Schwartz]

You say I cut a WNBA joke from the roast because I. They said that they own the material. Like, that's. I'm putting that in a special.

[Unknown]

Oh, yeah. You have to be careful. With what? I used to freelance jokes for Letterman. And if they got an snl, we can update. And if they use it, I'm no longer allowed to say it. They own it. And they're allowed to keep it for three months. And if they don't use it, then I get back. But I would always have to be careful, not use anything that I would want to use in a movie or whatever. So I wonder if that's the same for you guys. If it's not your special, do you want to use it and waste it on a roast? Is that something.

[Ben Schwartz]

I wasted two bits on this because we. I just want to make sure that our set was good. So I was like, it's a P. Diddy joke. I'm like, how long am I going to tell this? And then a. An Epstein joke that I'm like, I'm not. I never tell this.

[Matt]

There you go.

[Unknown]

Theme with your stand.

[Ben Schwartz]

I know.

[Matt]

Jesus Christ, kid. Fucking.

[Unknown]

Well, take it down a notch.

[Ben Schwartz]

We. By the way, you're in a movie I enjoyed called Standing Up, Falling Down.

[Unknown]

Did you see a movie?

[Ben Schwartz]

I shout out Pete Hori for writing that. That was a. That was Pete.

[Unknown]

Is that. Pete is the best. Peter is the best.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Ben Schwartz]

It's a good movie, man.

[Unknown]

Oh, thanks, man. I got to work with Billy Crystal.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Legend. Wow. He was incredible. And we filmed it in Long island, right where he grew up.

[Ben Schwartz]

Governors, weren't you.

[Unknown]

Yeah, we were.

[Matt]

Whoa.

[Unknown]

Did everything. Yeah, we did everything.

[Matt]

We.

[Unknown]

It was. It was awesome. That movie cost $1 million to make, so we would, like, change in the car, change in, like, the restaurant we're going to film in. It was crazy. We just. I can't believe you said yesterday it was amazing.

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah, it was a good movie. And it was like, you know, I.

[Unknown]

Was a stand up in that.

[Ben Schwartz]

It had some darkness to it.

[Matt]

Well, making a stand up movie is always challenging because punchline, they're all kind of considered a joke.

[Unknown]

Yes. And my character is supposed to be bad at the beginning and better. And so we used tweets of mine at the beginning that were cheesy, and then slowly, like, started.

[Ben Schwartz]

Neil Brennan's tweets.

[Unknown]

Right. Better. Yeah, like shitty tweets by me. And then Neil Brennan tweets by the end. Yeah, that was fun. It was also funny to go, do, you know, stand up, but, like, do it over and over. It's so different than I started doing stand up when I first started comedy, and it wasn't. I couldn't. I did improv at the same time, and I was so drawn to improv because when you suck, you fail with everybody, and then when you succeed, you succeed everybody. And at the beginning, you. You guys know way more about this than me. But it's like, I feel like it's so lonely at the beginning of Stand up because you don't really know anybody. Everybody has five minutes. You have to bring people to your shows.

[Matt]

Yep.

[Unknown]

It's like, so you have to love it. You would have to love it to keep going.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And I loved improv and sketch and I like Stand Up. I was like, I'm not good enough to get on stage. I was. I got. I got to the point where they said, you have to bring people. I was like, oh, this is exciting. And I. I just bombed in front of friends. In front of no friends, though. The one with like, you have to bring people anymore. Come and do a set. And I.

[Ben Schwartz]

It makes no sense that you have to bring people at the beginning. Cause I'm bad.

[Unknown]

I know.

[Ben Schwartz]

It's like your first show.

[Unknown]

That's how they make money. The only way they make money.

[Ben Schwartz]

Of course. But it makes no sense for us, I'm saying. But, you know, you found like improv and sketch. What about that? Is it for improv? Your mind works quickly. I saw like a snippet of you when you were doing it with Middle Ditch. Yeah, Middle Ditch and Schwartz, and I think we both did Clusterfest one year and I was on one. I saw a bit of you.

[Unknown]

It was like, oh, nice.

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah, yeah. So I was like, oh, man, they're mom.

[Unknown]

That was Ben Schwartz and friends or Middle Age and Schwartz for.

[Ben Schwartz]

I think it was you two together.

[Unknown]

Oh, yeah, yeah, probably.

[Ben Schwartz]

But I was like, man, their minds are working Quick. Do you have stuff that you're like, please hit this, Please hit this?

[Unknown]

No, I go on stage with nothing. Literally zero.

[Matt]

You two are insane.

[Unknown]

Oh, thanks.

[Matt]

The connection. You're so in sync.

[Unknown]

It'd be so funny if you've never seen us.

[Matt]

I've seen it. I've seen it.

[Unknown]

Never seen it. This is the way I've heard about it.

[Matt]

I watched Coming up, like, he was always great at the UCB theater.

[Unknown]

That's where we started doing stuff at UCB in New York. And then at the same time, you guys know Adam Pally and Gil Ozerdo?

[Matt]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Unknown]

So me, Pally and Gil had a three person sketch team called Hot Sauce. And then Montreal Comedy Festival first introduced sketch. And we were able to do like that first batch where like Bob and Dave or Bob Odenkirk and David Cross were hosting. It sounds like the biggest thing in the world.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Because we could not get into Aspen for some reason. All these festivals, I don't know if they exist. Anymore.

[Matt]

Naspen's gone.

[Ben Schwartz]

Montreal. I think this is the first year it's gone.

[Unknown]

Isn't that crazy?

[Matt]

It's wild.

[Unknown]

It was such an exciting thing. That was, like, the landmark, if you could do that.

[Ben Schwartz]

It was exciting. But then it, like, slowly, like. Like back in the day, you hear stories from the 90s where a guy's like, I got a $750,000 holding deal.

[Unknown]

Yeah, dude.

[Ben Schwartz]

I'm like, yeah. I went there and I got, like, a shitty agent.

[Unknown]

Oh, yeah. I didn't get anything.

[Ben Schwartz]

Like, all you get.

[Unknown]

I was so excited, though. I remember being so exciting. But you're right. Nothing happened after I got an agent.

[Ben Schwartz]

And then, like, the guy. You know when you sign with an agency, like, the big guy comes in to, like, close it.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Ben Schwartz]

Like, this is, like, the big dog at our agency. And I was like, oh, shit. And then I was like, so that guy's my agent? They're like, yeah.

[Matt]

And then.

[Ben Schwartz]

And then I was like, whatever happened to Fred? They're like, oh, he left. He just went to another agency within signing me, like, weeks later. He went to, like, you.

[Unknown]

I'm gone.

[Ben Schwartz]

I was like, that was the. He was like, the guy that's so fun. I was that stupid.

[Matt]

We have a friend who. I'm not gonna say his name, but he did Montreal and had a bad set and lost his manager. No, he went to Montreal and lost industry. Wow. Representation.

[Ben Schwartz]

Jesus.

[Unknown]

That's. I've never heard of that before. Yeah, he must have been really bad.

[Matt]

He's good. He just had. It was like, one of those industry nights where they're all in their blackberries, no one's listening, and he just tanked. And they're all there to see one hot guy.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Matt]

That guy skyrocketed. Matt Rife. And then all the other people there's waiting, like, who's this douche? Get out of the way. And then they bombed.

[Unknown]

Wow.

[Matt]

Yeah, but it was better off. He's better off. You don't want that manager.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Person that gives up on you immediately.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

After one bad set.

[Matt]

Remember Getting New Faces. What did. What did you guys call it for? Improv.

[Unknown]

That was it for. Well, improv. That doesn't exist. Improv. Also, the touring that I'm doing now for improv doesn't exist. It's the first time we're playing. Like, the venues that I play are bigger than any improv tour kind of that's ever happened. So we're, like, trying to show that. I'd love to hear your honest. I know you Guys are always honest. Bear honest. Anytime I talk to stand Ups or do stand up podcasts, I feel like stand ups kind of shit on improv a little bit.

[Ben Schwartz]

No, no, Literally the same time.

[Unknown]

We do 100%.

[Ben Schwartz]

But not good improv people, though. I mean, I think.

[Unknown]

Right.

[Ben Schwartz]

Look, here's the thing. If you're great at improv, it's like, that's insane. But I've seen. It's like. It's kind of like magic. You see someone who's bad.

[Unknown]

That's exactly what I say. Oh, I'm talking about magic in general. Just the idea of, like, when you pull it off. But same with you guys, when you have a great stand up set and everything's going.

[Matt]

So much bad stuff.

[Ben Schwartz]

How are stand up? You know, how are we portrayed outside of stand up? We look like the corniest.

[Unknown]

No, Stand up. No, because you can point to a thousand movies, you can point to a thousand specials. You can even point like, you can point to Pryor or Steve Martin. You have different versions of stand Up. And in improv, before Middlesean Schwartz, there was only like one real special out there. And then there's a documentary on a team called TJ and Dave, who are great, but it was a doc, kind of. And the other one was like Ass Cat, which was a UCB show, but it was on Bravo and it was shot different, so it wasn't really what they do. So, like, we never had some. We could point to like a Kevin.

[Matt]

Hart special or Whose line. I know that's super mainstream.

[Unknown]

That's short form. I do. That's like. It's like quick little jokes as opposed to, like.

[Ben Schwartz]

So you're like building something.

[Unknown]

Yeah, like we do. So if you ever watch a special, it's an hour, an hour and a half, like almost a play. We do an entire hour. We talk to an audience member for 10, 15 minutes. For Ben Schwartz and Friends, what I did this year was I asked the audience what's. Tell me about the most exciting day or night of your life. And people raise their hands and we pick someone that doesn't seem fucking bananas. And then we ask them, they tell us a story about the most exciting day or night of life. And then we said, thank you so much. They don't talk to the rest of the show. And then we. We improvise for 70 minutes.

[Matt]

Jeez.

[Unknown]

Yeah. And we try to do like the whole thing. And now I'm trying to give an intermission because I'm kind of learning that to give even more. More show and People, like, going and getting to drink and intermittent. Like, we never gave an intermission, but now, like, the venues are also, like, they would appreciate it and stuff like that. So we're doing two halves. So we're doing two tiny shows, but by the end of the second one, we're calling back everything from bullshit.

[Ben Schwartz]

Are you ever up there when you're like, this is. Are you ever like, no, that's bad. Give me someone else.

[Unknown]

When I'm interviewing the audience all the time.

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Because I can also tell when, like, if they're telling us a story. Like, there's an example of. I was like, tell us the most exciting day in our life. And the guys, like, it was in Chicago. We're playing the Chicago theater. And he goes, dude, when the. When the Cubs won the World Series, I was like, amazing. Were you there? He's like, nope. I watched on my tv, and I was like, okay. Did anything happen? He goes, I watched the game, my man. And I was like, well, we have to do this for an hour and a half. We'd, like, tell us a story or, like, you know.

[Matt]

Right.

[Unknown]

Who are you around? Or blah, blah, blah. So it's like. So I learned really quick, like, oh, this isn't gonna be good. Or this person's really excited. Not really. Doesn't have anything to say. But I'll, like, politely go to someone else or someone else. But the most I'll go to is probably three people or something like that. And then I'll be like, all right, we got to figure out something from these three.

[Matt]

Have you ever had one of those? Because you've done a million shows, I assume.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Matt]

You ever had one of those ones? Like, there's good, there's great, and then one is just magic. Everything just comes together. I did improv for, like, 10 minutes, and I had a. Oh, yeah. Somebody told me, if you're gonna do stand up, you should do an improv class just to learn how to.

[Unknown]

This is great. Where'd you take an improv class?

[Matt]

The Pit.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I performed with the Pit when I started. Who's your teacher? Nice.

[Matt]

He was an old, kooky guy.

[Unknown]

Armando Diaz. Maybe he's not kooky, but he's like the old school. He's like the veteran over there.

[Matt]

He was not. He was. He was low bar.

[Unknown]

He's like the guy that like their forms. Named after Armando Diaz.

[Matt]

Yeah. Okay. This guy, he's intro. He probably was an intern that they gave us, but it was bad. But first thing I noticed was improvisers. Are supportive. Comics like, get out of my way, you piece of shit.

[Ben Schwartz]

Open mics at standup were like, they're just not listening. Ruthless, the guy I tour with, who's like now one of my best friends, Barack Obama. Barack Obama?

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Ben Schwartz]

We started out, you know, bad, but no, he. My friend Gary Veder just saw me spacing out during open mics at Maui Taco, and he goes, this fucking asshole's not listening. How I met him.

[Unknown]

Really?

[Ben Schwartz]

And we were on a show the next night, and he goes, I'm really sorry. And I was like, nah, I get it.

[Matt]

Oh, I saw how much bigger you were. Sorry about that. He's a little guy.

[Unknown]

Oh, is he?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Oh, amazing.

[Matt]

But yeah, yeah, you got. It was. First of all, it was crazy supportive. That's what I knew. I was like, this isn't for me, because I didn't care about any of them, you know, but they were super nice. They're like, oh, you're having. You need a place to go to Thanksgiving. And I was like, oh.

[Unknown]

I mean, like, in life. They were supportive.

[Matt]

Both everywhere.

[Unknown]

That's great. This makes me so happy for my community.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

You're scared of it. You hate it.

[Matt]

Well, it just wasn't. I knew it was.

[Unknown]

How are you at improv? Were you so. I bet you were very. You're trying to get the laughs, so you're nothing.

[Matt]

Yes, exactly.

[Unknown]

Whenever I. For people who start our standups that start, like, they'll break the scene to make themselves look funny. Like, if. I'll be like. I'll be like, man, it's. God, it's cold out here. They'll be like, no, it's not. I'm like, well, it's like, now you got a joke and the scene is over. But now that joke is over.

[Ben Schwartz]

We could like, ball hogs.

[Matt]

I wasn't that bad. I hate the negate guy. That guy's. Get. Get rid of him. That guy's a problem. The gate guy. The real N word.

[Ben Schwartz]

I think it's crazy that you had no one to look for to, like, for what you want as a career.

[Unknown]

People don't really get paid for this.

[Ben Schwartz]

Sure.

[Unknown]

You guys have a thousand examples of people getting paid.

[Ben Schwartz]

Exactly. Like, there was a trajectory. Like, what. What did you think? Your career.

[Unknown]

We performed for free. We probably shouldn't get into this too much, but at ucb, I perform for free for my entire career for from 2003 to 2009, and never got paid for a show. And then at the beginning, it's. This is why I think it happens at the beginning. Nobody's coming to my shows. Literally nobody.

[Matt]

Sure.

[Unknown]

But I'm still able to get up and do 30 minutes of improv. So, like, they're not making money at all. They're losing money off me. And slowly as I got better and better, and the shows were better. Stadium, the word got out. Word got out. People started being like, oh, you should come see this guy, or our group or hot sauce or shitty jobs or something. And then now we're selling out every show but still not getting paid. But in my head, it's probably. I mean, I don't even know how much this. So when you go to a comedy seller, how much you guys get paid?

[Ben Schwartz]

We should. Yeah, well, yeah, that's what it would. Cut that out.

[Unknown]

Oh, really?

[Matt]

Beep it.

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Why? You think that's bad?

[Ben Schwartz]

It's weird. I feel like they look bad. Yeah.

[Matt]

Okay. Okay.

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

A week per set.

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Unknown]

And then you guys are trying to fit in a bunch of different sets.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Ben Schwartz]

But I think the deal in our head at this point is like, we're trying. Shit.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Ben Schwartz]

When you're starting out that you got to kill every set.

[Unknown]

Yeah. It's gotta be so much pressure. You must been way more nervous before than now because you bomb and not care now 100%.

[Ben Schwartz]

You still care, but still hurts. It's still. Yeah, it still feels bad, but it's like, you know, you look. Did I get a new bit? Like, we were. We were honing a joke. A joke, joke, joke. Set for, like a week for this roast.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Ben Schwartz]

And we were really like youe have to really be hard on each other. Because we'd never worked together on a set.

[Matt]

Right.

[Ben Schwartz]

So we're like. Yeah, we've never gone up together, so we're like, well, we'll just wait.

[Unknown]

What was that, like, thing? Because you guys have to bolt. You guys both have specials. You guys both have your own thing. Is it weird?

[Matt]

This is you guys completely new and different. But we. We've worked together for 15 years. Yeah, jokes. But this is the first time we went up together and told them. So you have to be like, that one's not hitting, or you got two killers. I got two weak ones. We got a swip and swap.

[Unknown]

Do you ever share a joke? Someone sets it up. The other one. Punches or. No, it's always I do my bit, then you do your bit. I do my bit. You do your bit.

[Ben Schwartz]

We tag each other. But we didn't. We didn't do. We didn't.

[Matt]

We didn't want to get too scar, brother. Yeah, you know, we wanted to keep it stand upy kind of. Not that they're not standups, but you know what I'm saying?

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Like we didn't want to finish each other.

[Unknown]

Brothers. Did you like, also huge Knicks fans are huge basketball fans. You huge sports fans. Did you like, would you want to do it again or no, you hate it.

[Matt]

Well, the show is such a. I feel like we came prepared. The show was a little unorganized.

[Unknown]

Right.

[Matt]

So that was the. That's the risk you take.

[Unknown]

Right.

[Matt]

I think we could do it again if we were.

[Ben Schwartz]

If we wanted to.

[Matt]

Wanted to?

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

There was a secretly hate each other.

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Well, you've barely looked each other's in the eyes.

[Matt]

Well, that's my. I can't look people in the eye. That's really not him. Yeah.

[Unknown]

Why not?

[Matt]

That's too intimate.

[Ben Schwartz]

He's gotten better though.

[Matt]

I'm doing it with you right now.

[Unknown]

I gotta try looking in the eyes.

[Matt]

I'll kiss you.

[Unknown]

No, you won't. Talk. Talk me for two seconds. Just say kiss him. Why? What does it feel?

[Matt]

It just feels like, what, are we gonna hug?

[Unknown]

Talking to each other?

[Matt]

Well, I'm listening. If I, if I look in the eye, I'll listen less.

[Unknown]

When you do stand up, where do you look?

[Matt]

Right over the head.

[Unknown]

Never look anybody.

[Matt]

Well, that's different because I think when you look at the audience, they're go, haha.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I agree, I agree with.

[Matt]

I don't want to force a lot.

[Unknown]

I also, I hate look, I hate when I see the audience. I love when it's totally dark. Same I love when I hear the. For me, if it's like a big show, I, you know, I come out after all these shows. I probably done 2,000 shows by now, but it's like after all these shows, like, I'm not nervous anymore. Unless it's like a big one. Like unless a biggie is coming up. But I'm always, whenever I get my first laugh, I am fine. I'm so comfortable. I just, Just to know, like, okay, we're all, we're here, we're gonna have fun. And I feel like a part of what I do. I remember Jim Carrey used to say, this also is trying to make the audience feel comfortable. So it's like at the beginning when I come out there, because for improv, they're like, they're gonna make it all up on the spot. It could bomb. Oh my God. I'm nervous for these guys. I come out I talk to the audience for five minutes. Just talk to them. And then I invite my. The people I bring on my show, which is three people, whoever. I change up per show. And then we all talk to the audience. And then I do the interview. And now we're fucking. Everybody's fucking calm. The audience knows what's gonna happen. They're relaxed. We're relaxed. And then we do the show. And it always helps. Is there a version of that for you guys? Or you have to go out blasting with, like, a great joke?

[Matt]

I go out blasting. I want to get them right away because I don't feel like they trust that I'm funny.

[Unknown]

Right.

[Matt]

To prove it. Right.

[Unknown]

But they know what stand up is. Sometimes people at our shows don't know what improv is. So that's true. They're like, what's gonna happen? So we kind of explain it to.

[Ben Schwartz]

I get that there's less of a trust thing with you guys.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Or just from the audience just being like, what's gonna happen? Bit nervous now that learning more people.

[Matt]

Always go stand up. I don't know how you do it. It's so brave. It takes balls. This, to me, is way ballsier because you have no net.

[Unknown]

We have nothing.

[Matt]

We have at least if it's written and it still could bomb. But you know what you're gonna say when you go out there. You gotta go out blank.

[Unknown]

It's scary. I think. So for me, when I started doing stand up, I was way more nervous for stand up than I was for improv.

[Matt]

Really.

[Unknown]

Way more. Because you have to work. And then you're saying, this is what I found funny. I find this so funny that I've been working on it for weeks. And now I'm gonna show it to you. Let's see what you think. For me, it's like I listen to something now on the spot, and everybody in the audience knows on the spot. I'm gonna try to make a beautiful scene that makes you laugh. But it's like, we all know what's happening on the spot, and we're trying to find it. You guys are like, I've been working on this. This is the funniest thing I can think of right now. I'm like, let's see what you think. And if they say no, it almost feels like. But again, anytime I talk to stand up, the same thing. They're like, I'm not gonna go on stage with nothing but even the crazy. By the way, you're looking so much more. This is amazing. Do you Feel yourself doing it.

[Matt]

Full nose.

[Unknown]

You're looking at my nose, you can't look at my eyes now.

[Ben Schwartz]

Even the greats have a low batting average, though. Like, I mean, we were talking about the other. We'd throw jokes that we thought were hilarious to each other out and it would get just nothing. Yeah, I had one that I was like, maybe that's a bit. And the line between like, truthful and too mean is so thin. I wasn't working. That he thought was funny. That was like, let me. It was about Luigi and about like, we're doing all these topical jokes that Luigi.

[Unknown]

Oh, just recently then.

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah, it was last week. Yeah, Remember that one? You're like, that's got to be in it. Because it hit. And then the next show they looked at me like I was the biggest asshole in the world, where I said, no, you know women, you know, you like all these bad boys. It was like Luigi Mangioni and. And the Menendez brothers. Like, you like, these guys are hot. I'm like, maybe that's why you're so mad that they're taking away a woman's right to choose. You choose horribly.

[Unknown]

Oh, God, that's funny. How'd it go?

[Ben Schwartz]

The first show it killed. And then the second show, they were.

[Unknown]

Like, what are you guys, the barometers for each other?

[Matt]

Well, you a little. But you can never know as good as the audience.

[Unknown]

But no, I'm saying for you guys, who's the person you go to to be like, is this funny? Is it each other?

[Ben Schwartz]

Text each other sometimes? Not just is this funny?

[Unknown]

That's cooperative. That's amazing.

[Ben Schwartz]

Not just is this funny, but is this hack. Has this been done right? Does someone do this angle? But like, you know, you're doing. When you see a perfectly honed joke, like there was trial and error. It didn't just come out perfect. That thought. I mean, cuz we're so numb. We're so numb to what? We didn't. We don't realize how offensive some of the jokes we're telling are because we just don't.

[Unknown]

We were like, yeah, you guys are your own audience.

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah, but we trying out jokes where they were like. Like we had a couple Stephen Hawking jokes with the like, what the fuck is wrong with you guys? And we're like, oh my God. We thought that was just like a funny play on words. I don't know.

[Unknown]

Oh, wow.

[Matt]

Right? Sometimes you get so lost in the mechanics of the joke, like the word play or the punchline, they don't realize we're saying something. Something about Lizzo being fat.

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Matt]

You're like, I used to have a joke where I go, you know, kids back in the day, they yelled shotgun. Now in the yellow, they're in a classroom.

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Matt]

And to me, I'm just like, shotgun, Shotgun. There you go. That's a joke, right? The audience is like, jesus, you're talking about dead kids. And I'm like, oh, yeah. I just. I working on the shotgun thing. Right.

[Unknown]

So you're like, then. Then you adjust.

[Matt]

Nah, I kept it. But my crowd liked it.

[Ben Schwartz]

No, you have to tweak, though. I mean, that's the thing is, like.

[Unknown]

You do figure it.

[Ben Schwartz]

That's why we still do the Cellar. Because, like, some comics get spoiled with their crowd and then they.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I agree.

[Ben Schwartz]

Only kidding. It's like, no, you want to make sure you're still just funny to the masses.

[Unknown]

Yes. Although when you go tour, people are seeing you for you guys.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

So you can do your style whenever. That's why it's interesting. When you did that roast, that's not your audience.

[Matt]

Now.

[Unknown]

People there may like you guys, but they're not there just to see you. That probably is more nerve wracking.

[Matt]

It was. Yeah. That's why we prepared the shit out of it.

[Unknown]

Yeah. That's awesome.

[Ben Schwartz]

We were. I mean, we were on a flight. That was great just being on a flight bounce. I mean, the people next to us must have thought we were the worst human beings.

[Unknown]

We're just bouncing terrible, mean jokes.

[Ben Schwartz]

Well, literally. Jeff Ross is revealing he has cancer on this thing. He's okay in real life. Yeah.

[Unknown]

What type of cancer does he have?

[Matt]

Colon.

[Ben Schwartz]

But we're bouncing like cancer jokes off each other because we're like, he wanted us to roast him for the cancer.

[Unknown]

Really?

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah, he was. Thought it was like, he was, like, moved by the fact that we could roast him.

[Unknown]

Is he in remission?

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah, they're cutting the last chemo short, so he's okay. Yeah. I mean, there were so many cancer mis jokes too.

[Unknown]

Oh, really?

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah. Yeah. But, yeah, I mean, we're just like, what does Jeff look like? A lump.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Ben Schwartz]

Right. Then you're like, you look like a lump. And like a lump women are terrified to find you in their shower joke, you know? So we're just bouncing bits like that.

[Matt]

Imagine hearing that in first class. What the fuck?

[Unknown]

I love that you guys flew first class.

[Ben Schwartz]

Well, they're flying us, you know, Netflix.

[Matt]

I flew back coach, by the way.

[Ben Schwartz]

What the hell? Why?

[Matt]

Because I needed that time slot. That's all they Had.

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah, I'd rather a red eye and just pass out.

[Matt]

Did you get any sleep?

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Oh, look at me.

[Ben Schwartz]

It's the best I felt in weeks.

[Unknown]

You look awake. You're ready to go.

[Ben Schwartz]

This guy's sick now, everybody.

[Unknown]

I'm the only one that's sick. You're doing great.

[Matt]

Thanks. Yeah, I feel good. But back to the movie. God damn it.

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah, sure. Harry.

[Unknown]

Jim Carrey's in it.

[Ben Schwartz]

Is that not crazy?

[Unknown]

Classic. Insanely crazy. He's so good in it too. I don't know if you've seen him, but he like. He like, feels like. You know those movies in the 90s, obviously you do. Like where he just crushes. She is crushing in these movies. He's so funny and playing like a big character. And then in this one he plays himself, which is Ivor Robotnik. Then he plays his grandfather.

[Matt]

Oh, wow.

[Unknown]

He's playing two characters who play with each. So he would do scenes where he would do one side and someone else would be the other guy. And then he'd have to respond to what he did the day before as the other character. So it seems where it's just him too.

[Ben Schwartz]

Would he watch the scene? So he'd kind of nail it.

[Unknown]

You'd pick which ones which. Which takes that. I think he wanted. I'm never on set. I'm in a booth the whole time.

[Ben Schwartz]

Is that weird that you're just not. He's in this movie, so I only.

[Unknown]

Get to see him for like, press.

[Matt]

Well, at least you get to see him.

[Unknown]

It's amazing. Keanu Reeves is in this one too. So we did. Dude. Yeah, we did press and the line was, Idris Elba's in it. Keanu Reeves is in it. Jim Carrey's in it. James Mars and is in it. And I'm just looking down the line and it's like fucking Ocean's Eleven. It's like crazy. All these huge actors in a video game movie. Sonic the Hedgehog. Yeah, that's crazy. All these pictures are fucking bananas.

[Matt]

That's incredible. You made it.

[Unknown]

It's crazy.

[Ben Schwartz]

And do you have any cool Jim.

[Matt]

Carrey stories or Keanu.

[Unknown]

Keanu love. So Keanu. I just. The thing is like the. I shook counters hand beforehand. He seemed really nice. And then we were doing this the red carpet and we closed down Leicester Square. Would you guys ever been in London? It's like a huge deal. It's like our Times Square kind of. And so they close it down. There's an enormous thing. I've only said hello to Keanu and said, hey, man, I'm a big fan, Sugar. Saying he was very nice. And then they come to me, they go, hey, you're gonna go live on television with Keanu in 20 seconds. And then they go. I go, what? And they bring me to the end. And there's a woman from itv, a local news station there, a big one, and she has a microphone, and she's like, nice to meet you. And I go and counter looks at me. And then I was like, I guess we're. This is like how I meet you. And let's go. And they're like, all right. Three, two, one. And they do the interview. And I kind of started playing in the interview and being, like, doing a little bit of bits, and he immediately jumped on.

[Matt]

All right.

[Unknown]

Loved it. And the whole press tour, when we did interviews together, we would do bits and it would. And he was. He was. He just couldn't wait. Of course, he's like. He was the best.

[Matt]

That's great.

[Unknown]

We had the best time.

[Matt]

Look at that. That's a photo. You know.

[Unknown]

That's crazy. I do. I did. It's amazing.

[Matt]

Well, I'm just glad he's still working because, like, Mike Myers is kind of done and the. Eddie Murphy's kind of done. It's just good to see.

[Unknown]

Dude, he's so funny in this thing.

[Ben Schwartz]

Eddie Murphy was in a movie, like, four months.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

He came out with three movies.

[Matt]

Oh, really?

[Unknown]

He's been. Three movies and a new Beverly Hills Cop.

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Matt]

All right. Why I missed it.

[Unknown]

That's true. But this was the. That's the London. That's the London premiere.

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah. Jim Carrey has. Other than this, he hasn't done.

[Unknown]

I think this is the only movies he's done since COVID maybe.

[Matt]

Wow.

[Unknown]

Could be because our movie came out during COVID I think he's semi. Like he said. He's semi retired. He takes power breaks.

[Matt]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Unknown]

But she's like, I. I just. If something amazing happens and I want to jump in, I'll jump in. But, like, outside of that, it's like. I think he's pretty content and a pretty. He's a very spiritual guy. He's pretty remarkable.

[Matt]

Yeah. He's a painter now.

[Unknown]

He paints. He does every. He's. He's amazing. Yeah. Did.

[Ben Schwartz]

I mean, what kind of stuff? When you guys talk, what kind of stuff do you talk about?

[Unknown]

We'll talk about. He's very macro, very big universe type thing. You guys ever know Shanley at all? We friends with Shanley and all.

[Matt]

Love Shanley. We never met him. Okay.

[Unknown]

Yeah, so I was very close with him. He's one of my guys.

[Matt]

I love him. Wait, you knew him?

[Unknown]

I played in his basketball league every week for six years.

[Ben Schwartz]

Larry Sanders is like.

[Unknown]

Larry Sanders, I think is the best.

[Matt]

The wall.

[Ben Schwartz]

Why? Why is he not on the wall?

[Matt]

There he is.

[Ben Schwartz]

Oh, there he is.

[Unknown]

Good. He's the best. Oh, and he was so close to Bob, so the fact that they're next to each other makes me so happy. He's probably really close to Norm too. But he was very spiritual also. So it's like that type of feel where he was like a Buddhist kind of.

[Matt]

Yes.

[Unknown]

He would talk about spiritual stuff all the time. Yes, he. Jim has that. I think he was. He was the most famous person in the world. Jim. For so long, I think. Sure.

[Matt]

I believe that.

[Unknown]

I wonder. I don't. We can't. We could never relate to what it feels like to be him because even when we go to dinner or something, when he walks in, you know, when we're like a famous comedian, some people look and like they're excited, but like he is. There's nobody that doesn't know who he is.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

So he can't have a genuine normal experience. I bet. I don't know. I'm not asking. But it's like when he walks. I remember when I was a page at Letterman and Letterman, security guard would be like, Letterman can't even go get a pack of cigarettes. Sure he can't. And like he wants to be. He wants to, but he can't. And it. That drives him crazy or whatever. So for a gym. I wonder if it's like he's amazing. Like he doesn't. He says hello to everybody. He's incredible. You guys would love.

[Ben Schwartz]

It is crazy. I remember I was doing like a interview thing at the Big three tournament when that started. The NBA.

[Unknown]

Oh yeah.

[Ben Schwartz]

And who'd you interview?

[Unknown]

Like Ice Cube?

[Ben Schwartz]

Everyone. Yeah, but then that's so exciting. And everyone. And everyone was like, oh, cool. That guy. Oh, Kenyon Martin. This guy was a good player. He's good players, right. New Jersey, Allen Iverson walked in and it was like that where everyone just like everyone was like, yeah, dude. It was that type of energy. Yeah, yeah.

[Unknown]

Is definitely a league above. I mean, he's just super.

[Ben Schwartz]

Everyone's. He's. You get a little starstruck. Cuz it's Alan. I.

[Unknown]

Of course. You know, I feel like also before you meet somebody that we've known, like in movies or TV or stand up for a Long time before you meet them. They're the person you've seen on. They're not real person yet. They're like this fictional character. And then when they start talking like normal humans, like, oh, I can like bond with you about real shit, right? Like, and then they become human beings and stuff like that. Yeah, that makes sense.

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah. Who was a good Hooper in the Shanley League?

[Unknown]

Who is it? There's a bunch, by the way. It was a thing where we were always supposed to. He liked to keep it private. Nobody talk about it and nobody talked about it. And then when he passed away, like a big article about it came out and like a couple magazines and I was like, oh. The whole point was like to not whatever but like stand ups that played there that were amazing.

[Matt]

Kevin Nealon in there, dude.

[Unknown]

Kevin Nealon I think is one of the funniest people in the world.

[Matt]

Whoa. We were just talking about.

[Unknown]

And Adam McKay played in that too. And he's also one of the funniest people in the world. But Nealon would do these bits where he would be like, he's just so committed. He commits so hard to bits. He would be near. He was standing near a tree and he goes, he goes, ben, did I ever show you my coach Giraffe character? And I go, coach Giraffe? I go, no, let me see it, Kevin. And he literally did this. So imagine, you know, he's six foot three probably, or four, something like that. And he goes, I need you to get up there. I need you to play three, two defense, you know, make two, three difference. I need two guards up top, three in the bottom. And then he slowly eats a leaf just easily and never. And commits like a real monologue from a coach, but slowly eats leaves throughout the whole thing. And it. He's so funny and his delivery is so dry that it's like so good.

[Matt]

Yeah. Can we pull up? I know this could be a tough find, but Larry. I'm sorry.

[Unknown]

Gary.

[Matt]

Gary. I think Larry Sanders. Gary on the green room going at it with Bo Burnham.

[Ben Schwartz]

It's pretty funny.

[Unknown]

They're both Bo Burnham.

[Matt]

They kind of got into getting a.

[Ben Schwartz]

Little squabble, but they're both funny and it's good.

[Matt]

Yeah. I mean it's going to take some, some whittling down because that's a long clip.

[Ben Schwartz]

But it looks like it's just both.

[Matt]

I think it's out of the. It's right out the gate. This show is amazing.

[Ben Schwartz]

But it was a good show.

[Matt]

It's like tough crowd, but he shouldn't.

[Unknown]

Be able to talk before him.

[Ben Schwartz]

There's a lineup.

[Matt]

He's like 22 here.

[Unknown]

God, he's so young in this wonder for all of you.

[Matt]

Here we go.

[Unknown]

Who are you?

[Matt]

So that gets on a fun laugh. Young guy with this shanling. He's locking and loading.

[Unknown]

No, he's. That's him respecting the joke. Absolutely. That's some respect.

[Matt]

Hold on. It's so good.

[Unknown]

See, it's.

[Matt]

It's so good because it's so mutual. The delivery was so perfect. I mean, that was like.

[Unknown]

He's amazing. He would work on stuff for a bit also, like. Like, Gary.

[Ben Schwartz]

I don't know if we needed that part. I don't know if we needed the.

[Unknown]

Gun, but that's amazing. That's them playing with each other.

[Matt]

Yeah, I love that scene. That's. That whole episode's great.

[Unknown]

So funny. Larry Sanders, I think, is the best comedy ever made.

[Ben Schwartz]

I watch it so much.

[Unknown]

It's. It's perfect. And it makes them stars.

[Ben Schwartz]

With Hank.

[Unknown]

Oh, my God. Hank Kingsley is on. There's this scene where they do where he's asking. He's trying to get him to ask, or he's trying to either ask to be invited for a party, and Hank comes in the room pretending like he has boxing tickets for the same night. Or like he's trying to offer boxing tickets. I wonder if we can find it. There's also one where he, like. And he goes in his pocket, and he's like. So Larry Sanders calls him out on a bean. Like, let me see the tickets. Let's go. And he goes, huh? He goes, let me see the tickets. I'd love to go there. And he's like, I'm butchering this, by the way. If you find it. It's unbelievable.

[Matt]

All right, I'm sure we've seen the scene.

[Unknown]

I'm sure you have, but tell them at the office anyway. But he goes in his pockets, and he only has pills, and he has to embarrass him. Like, I don't have the tickets.

[Ben Schwartz]

I just watched one where he has this long scene with Gloria Steinem, and it's so painful.

[Unknown]

Hank Kingsley does.

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah. And there's this long talk, and he's just like, I just want you to know, I'm a feminist. I think women can do any men can do. He goes, men, you know, we're a little bit stronger, you know, has to throw that in. And she's just in. In hell for, like, that whole minute, and then she walks away. And he turns to his receptionist and goes, she's got a great ass.

[Matt]

It's brilliant.

[Ben Schwartz]

It's just perfect.

[Unknown]

Appetite wrote on that show. There's so many great writers on that show.

[Matt]

Oh yeah. Everybody like young Piven, young Duchovny.

[Unknown]

Young Sarah was on that show. Sarah did that show the other day.

[Ben Schwartz]

Like this is amazing.

[Unknown]

I just saw Todd Barry in la.

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

A very LA sighting of Todd Berry is very rare.

[Matt]

That's gross.

[Unknown]

Very rare.

[Matt]

Even sunlight.

[Unknown]

This is it. This is exactly.

[Matt]

Wow. All right, Peters.

[Unknown]

I can't believe you found it. This is the exact scene.

[Matt]

I hope you're sitting down. Oh, Denise, I am sitting down. Well then don't get up because I have here so good for tonight's holy fight. And I would like to bring you. Let me see him. That's great.

[Unknown]

Let me see him. Let me see him. Come on.

[Matt]

Let me see.

[Unknown]

This is. He's inviting me.

[Ben Schwartz]

Please invite me to your party.

[Matt]

Tickets. Hank. I was just going to invite you when you came in. And now.

[Unknown]

Great.

[Matt]

Oh so good. That is so funny. He's an amazing actor.

[Ben Schwartz]

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[Matt]

You got that right. Thank you. Can you just imagine this is some. Some sappy shit. But Seinfeld and Gary started basically around the same time. They kind of came up together. Did they both. Did Carson.

[Ben Schwartz]

Carson. Yeah.

[Matt]

Very paralleled careers. Stand up wise and they really fell in love with each other and became fast friends. They both get a sitcom. This is in the same lot. Seinfeld and Larry Sanders show and so they got to do the shows together and then both win Emmys together. I mean it's pretty. Pretty wild.

[Unknown]

That's crazy.

[Matt]

Yeah, they were tight.

[Unknown]

That's amazing. I know. He did so Shanling did these things on the dvd. If you get this black box Set of it where he did these incredible interviews with people from the show, but they were, like, slow, patient interviews, and he wanted them. If they felt uncomfortable, that's what they were. If they, like. He just let them be what they were, and they let them play for a long time, and they're amazing. Some of the coolest interviews ever. Because he's interviewing comics, he's interviewing actresses like Sharon Stone and, like, all these people that did the show, they dated.

[Matt]

For a while, too.

[Unknown]

Did they? Yeah, and then I think he did it with Seinfeld or I think. Yeah, Seinfeld. Yeah. Right.

[Matt]

I've seen that.

[Unknown]

Or was that. Maybe that was Seinfeld's coffee?

[Ben Schwartz]

No, no, that was way before that. Yeah, yeah.

[Unknown]

And he did one more time, but it's. Those are the cool. Especially if you like comedy. The cool. He did one with Tom Petty and was like. He was boxing with Alec Baldwin. 1.

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah. Bo, like, kind of trying to alpha.

[Unknown]

But he kept. He kept it in because he's like. He always talked. I remember when he did. He would always talk about keeping everything in. He's like, yeah, but, like, even instead of editing it down, what if we just kept. Let the whole thing breathe. Let people understand how he got there. Let it be uncomfortable for a bit. When he went near the end, I remember he always was pitching that. Like, you're talking about how people would edit stuff down. Like, even when he was doing interviews or, like, thing. He was like, how fun if you just kept that whole thing in. See, that's what podcasts are.

[Matt]

Yeah. I was gonna say it's before podcasts, so seeing that kind of stuff was so rare. I remember on the bench there in the park, and Seinfeld's like, don't you hate when everybody says comedians are depressed? Like, people driving bread trucks aren't depressed. Come on, get the hell out of here. And he goes, I'm sensing rage broke up. It was great.

[Unknown]

It's great.

[Ben Schwartz]

I mean, he's the king.

[Matt]

He's the best.

[Unknown]

He's the king. He's the best guy ever. I miss him so much.

[Matt]

Another nerdy comedy nugget. Have you seen the Ricky Gervais interview with him?

[Unknown]

Yes. And Ricky went to his house before he was supposed to. Like, in real life. He went to his house.

[Matt]

He's annoyed.

[Unknown]

Yes. He should be.

[Matt]

Yeah. And he kind of calls him out. It's all on tape.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Great.

[Unknown]

It's nothing that isn't out there. But I think they were supposed to interview each other for each other's things.

[Matt]

Yes, yes.

[Unknown]

And Ricky kind of set up and like did everything and like he didn't have his contacts in yet or, you know, I mean, like, it was like. It was like.

[Ben Schwartz]

I pretty cringe.

[Unknown]

It was.

[Matt]

It is.

[Unknown]

It was. It wasn't. I don't think it was handled the best way.

[Matt]

And Gervais does that big high pitched laugh and he goes, are you really mad? Are you actually mad? And he's like, yeah, yeah, mad. That's great.

[Unknown]

You got to find the. Yeah, that's in his house.

[Matt]

There it is. It's part one. Because it's right in the beginning. So you could skip all though the makeup bullshit. And if you get right to the. What he gets in the house.

[Ben Schwartz]

Should have gifted you YouTube Premium. Why did we give you a freaking era gun?

[Unknown]

But didn't he say also that like the office couldn't exist unless Sanders came out?

[Matt]

Oh, wow.

[Unknown]

I think that's what Ricky said.

[Matt]

Nice feather in your cap.

[Unknown]

That's what I think Ricky said.

[Matt]

Yeah, you're probably right because like, he just. He just, you know, no laugh track.

[Ben Schwartz]

A lot of those kind of awkward, just let it play out scenes. I mean, right?

[Matt]

He's so young and chubby. Yeah. He's in the house. Such an LA house.

[Unknown]

This is living room.

[Ben Schwartz]

Is it like a British thing to wear the muscle tee when you don't have mussels? Because that was like a Simon Cowell thing too.

[Matt]

Oh, yeah.

[Unknown]

Going through his fridge. That's crazy.

[Matt]

There it is. He's already directing your house.

[Unknown]

What?

[Matt]

We had you that was looking this way. Who was looking right here when I was walking in? When I was standing out there? Didn't you see that I was coming?

[Unknown]

Hold on.

[Matt]

Before I shake your hand and say first you said, no, that wasn't me.

[Ben Schwartz]

I didn't see you.

[Matt]

I swear to you. He's like a lawyer.

[Ben Schwartz]

That's true.

[Matt]

But you said. Is it you that looked out there? What I was doing was talking to my producer.

[Unknown]

That was here.

[Matt]

Right. Because you were standing about here looking this way.

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Well, this is the way to sound.

[Ben Schwartz]

If it was me or not.

[Matt]

Don't touch me.

[Unknown]

Did it look like me?

[Matt]

If it looks like me and it smells like you, but it might have been me. I doubt that it's you.

[Ben Schwartz]

What are you doing?

[Matt]

It's my contact lenses. I don't. That's why I have these on. These are my prescription sunglasses. Okay. Hi.

[Unknown]

It's a pleasure to see you.

[Matt]

Gary. Sandy. I've never met Ricky before, so this is actually thrill uncomfortable.

[Unknown]

Great.

[Matt]

And yet exciting, because there will never be, as they say, this first moment again when I meet you the first time. Well, where do you want to do this interview then? The kitchen sink isn't so bad. All right, all right, all right. We can keep going, but, yeah, these are. These rigging. He does the one with Larry David. They're all great.

[Unknown]

Amazing.

[Matt]

Sanders is the Sanders. Shanley is the king.

[Unknown]

The best. I miss him so much.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Ben Schwartz]

So, I mean, what was your relationship like with him?

[Unknown]

I mean, we would see each other every week for a long time. He had a basketball game. So, like, we went there. Sarah was the one who invited me over there for the first one. And I was really young. I just moved to la, and Sarah played my sister in a movie. And I play basketball. Back then, I played basketball a lot. Like, multiple times a week. My favorite thing to do. And then you get older and your knees hurt more, you know, becomes harder to do. And so you never talk. We never talk business. We all just, like, do, like, whatever. We really. When we're playing, we're really. Everybody's really trying, really playing. And then afterwards, we'd all watch sports together and we'd. That's when we do bits and everything. And the funniest people in the world are just in the room. And then, you know, it becomes normal after all, because you're there every week. But he was the best. I could text him. I could talk to him about stuff.

[Matt]

Wow.

[Unknown]

Have, like, real conversations. We go on hikes and talk about real stuff. He's very. He just has a grasp on life and even looking at things, it's in such, like a. Yeah. A level that's so much more zoomed out than most other people. So you just want to listen to him and stuff like that. There's a. Do you want to hear a sappy. I'll tell you.

[Matt]

Please SAP it up. Okay.

[Unknown]

So when he passed away, it was very sad. Very sad. And he died. He did die.

[Matt]

Ah. Did you.

[Unknown]

You didn't kill him, right?

[Matt]

No, it wasn't me.

[Unknown]

All right, wasn't you. Okay, so we. There's a funeral, and there's this crazy funeral where like. Like, everybody from Sanders was there. It was crazy. And then afterwards, I ate with Wayne Fetterman and Sarah, and we were, like, talking about Gary. It was amazing. Wayne had known him forever. Sarah known him forever. And then I went home. I know this is probably not the right audience for this, but I went home and I lived in, like, a small apartment, and I had a. I had a Guitar. And I thought I said, I'm gonna do. This is so stupid. I can't believe I'm gonna do this. I said, okay, Gary, if you're there, I know this is stupid. I can't believe I'm saying this. You're dead. I'm even thinking. I remember even saying. I was like, why would you fucking haunt me? You have so much people that you're closer than I am. But if you're here, like, do something or make me understand that you're here. And I sat down for like 30 seconds and obviously nothing happened. And I started cracking up so loud, being like, oh, my God, if he was here, that's exactly what he would fucking do. And then my guitar made a noise on the other side of the fucking room. No, after I laughed and was like, of course my guitar made a noise. Nobody was near it. It was just me in the apartment. Crazy. That's beyond immediately called. Sarah was like, you'll never fucking. We. This is insane.

[Matt]

Wow.

[Unknown]

That crazy.

[Matt]

Kooky.

[Unknown]

Very. Cookie. Cookie. Spoon.

[Matt]

More dookie. Good album.

[Unknown]

Way off.

[Matt]

Ah, well, last. Last nugget on. On Shanley. And then I'll. I'll put it to bed.

[Unknown]

Please.

[Matt]

Do you see the documentary about him?

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Made is great.

[Unknown]

Gorgeous.

[Matt]

My favorite.

[Ben Schwartz]

Every doc he's made on comedy lately has been.

[Unknown]

Yeah, so good too. He is someone who loves comedy.

[Matt]

The first half is always great, but. So he always does two parters. But okay, Funny people, four parter.

[Unknown]

But you can't get him on the podcast. What are you doing?

[Matt]

Oh, we've had him many times. He's a friend.

[Unknown]

There you go, friend.

[Matt]

But he would told his wife wanted to get married or his girl, his girlfriend want to get married. We got to get married. We got to get married. You know, Gary did. Yeah, Gary's girlfriend's like, we have to get married. You're like 48.

[Unknown]

Linda.

[Matt]

Was that it? Was that maybe.

[Unknown]

Maybe. Keep going.

[Matt]

So he's like, I don't want to get married. I'm scared. She's like, you got to marry me. And he goes, how about this? I'll marry you when the house is finished being built. And she was like, duh, Done that. That works. And he's like, all right. And he kept adding wings to the house just to get out of the marriage. He was like, oh, the pool's not done. Oh, we gotta. The garage is halfway. And then she'd be like, well, the garage is done. He's like, I had the guest room to the third floor, like. So he Kept building and then he died.

[Unknown]

That's so funny. Yeah. His house was never done. He always talked about how much more work he had to do. His house.

[Matt]

What a. What a great loophole.

[Ben Schwartz]

That is crazy.

[Matt]

I love it.

[Unknown]

That's so.

[Ben Schwartz]

You love it because I'm a commitment folk. Yeah.

[Matt]

I caved because I can't afford to build more house, but ran out of things to build. Yeah. But so, so cool.

[Unknown]

I love this. A love fest for Gary. What a cool thing. Cuz a lot of people probably listen to you. Probably don't even know about Larry Sand.

[Ben Schwartz]

I think a lot of them know we have a lot of comedy nerd.

[Unknown]

All right, good, good, good. I mean, an incredible standup too. We haven't talked about a stand up. He was so strong.

[Ben Schwartz]

If you haven't seen the Larry Sanders show, that's your wreck for this week.

[Matt]

You got that right.

[Ben Schwartz]

Great show.

[Unknown]

Amazing show.

[Matt]

He's got a joke. Oh, I'm gonna fuck this up. He goes, you know, I fucked Miss Georgia. And then a guy goes, really goes, well, former Miss Georgia. He goes, well, really? He goes, all right. It was George Foreman. Norm MacDonald, the king, the funniest guy ever quotes that as like, I can see how every joke is constructed. I've been doing comedy so long. He's like, I have no idea how he wrote that joke.

[Unknown]

Really?

[Matt]

Yeah, he's just like, that joke is on another level of joke writing.

[Unknown]

Did you have Norm on this podcast? There was two.

[Ben Schwartz]

We never did.

[Matt]

We.

[Ben Schwartz]

This started after he passed, I think. Oh, no, we. We know. We.

[Matt]

He died.

[Ben Schwartz]

We got the news while we were.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Really?

[Matt]

That was tough.

[Unknown]

That's kind of. Did you get it on camera? Is it like.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Wow, that must be so hard.

[Matt]

It was September 14th. I want to say September 13th. Give it a go. Because I still remember the date. Wow, 11.

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah, we just had Spade on it. We should have. We should have asked.

[Matt]

Oh, yeah.

[Ben Schwartz]

Some more Norm stories. Colin Quinn.

[Unknown]

Oh, my God. Dude.

[Matt]

Bam.

[Unknown]

Are you good with dates? Are you.

[Matt]

Are you that autistic?

[Unknown]

Are you. Are you for real?

[Matt]

Well, no, I just remember that d. It's my birthday is four days later my birthday.

[Unknown]

September 15th. Hey, come on, Virgo. What's your birthday?

[Ben Schwartz]

Chicks. What are we doing here?

[Unknown]

This is great, isn't it?

[Ben Schwartz]

August 29th.

[Unknown]

Really doing it. We're saying, what's your favorite Norm joke?

[Matt]

I love the joke. I mean, I can't. I can't pick one, but my. One of my favorites is he goes. The gay pride parade.

[Ben Schwartz]

I was going to say that oh, my.

[Matt]

Are you. That joke is like a stat.

[Unknown]

I don't know. This is great. Can you do it? Don't say what it's like, just do it.

[Matt]

I'm gonna fuck it up. But it's like, he's at the gay pride parade. A mom had a sign, said, I'm proud of my gay son. Or, I'm proud that my son is gay or something. And he's like, well, what are you proud of? It's not an accomplishment, you know, It's. It's like if you're like, my son graduated from law school at Harvard. You're like, all right, that's proud of that. That's worthy of being proud of. Now you're just like, he loves. Yeah, something like that. I can't do it.

[Ben Schwartz]

Like, yeah, no, you're butchering it. But it's like, yeah, you know, you're butchering it.

[Matt]

I butchered it.

[Unknown]

Yeah. No, you're butchering it. It's hilarious.

[Ben Schwartz]

I could. I would have done better. I. It's his delivery. Is it?

[Matt]

Pull it up. Are we watching too many videos? Sorry.

[Unknown]

Is this where you guys watch a lot of videos? Usually.

[Ben Schwartz]

Not usually, but this. Is this fun?

[Matt]

Here it is. Wow. Peters is on fire.

[Ben Schwartz]

We can get rid of.

[Matt]

Salad is canned.

[Ben Schwartz]

And I saw in it, there were these old men and old ladies, like.

[Unknown]

With these signs that said, we are proud of our gay son. That's an odd thing to be proud of, you know, because it's not an achievement, you know, it's not like something.

[Ben Schwartz]

You work all your life to be.

[Unknown]

Gay or any of that. Hey, Bill.

[Matt]

It's a great point.

[Unknown]

My kid. Oh, my God, we're proud of him. Johnny. He graduated from Harvard, you know. Now he's articling over at a law firm. Oh, yeah, he loves cock.

[Matt]

I mean, that's. That's. First of all, that observation is brilliant. Anyone would see, I'm proud of my gay son and go, oh, that's nice. Mom's proud of her son. She's not homophobic. That's nice. He goes, why are you proud of him? It's not an achievement. I mean, that's a brilliant.

[Ben Schwartz]

Kind of mocking the idea parades.

[Matt]

That's.

[Ben Schwartz]

That's kind of taking down the idea of, like, well, you were born this way. Why are you. I mean, it's good to, like, you know. I don't know. It's a. It's an observation. I hadn't heard. I love that, and I loved.

[Unknown]

He's so funny. He's also so amazing at like, the joke is this. And he'll just make you go here for like, five.

[Matt]

That's. Yeah, that.

[Unknown]

And then come back and cry. That's my favorite stuff that he did was like, the joke is here. He could easily say the punchline about 20 seconds or 10 seconds.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

He will take a long walk around to get to that point, and then it makes it so much funnier.

[Matt]

Fun nugget. The moth story, you know, it's five minutes long. That's a one line.

[Unknown]

That's an incredible joke.

[Matt]

That's probably, like, masterpiece. Yeah, the. The Mott joke is one line that Colin Quinn told him. He's like, hey, you ever heard that joke? Why'd the moth go to the therapist? He goes, well, what are you in here for? Goes, the light was on. That's the whole joke. But he made it five minutes long because Conan said, oh, our guest didn't show. Can you stretch a little?

[Unknown]

No.

[Matt]

So he took that joke and just stretched. That was on the fly.

[Unknown]

Is that true?

[Matt]

That's true.

[Ben Schwartz]

That's crazy.

[Unknown]

He was improvising that shit too, because. Yeah, just, like, he was going in a weird direction.

[Ben Schwartz]

And that joke is amazing too. Like, knowing when to. I mean, hundred funniest people ever, but also knowing when to be the straight man. Like a great host. But I was gonna say the norm joke from his last Letterman set when he did the. The Germany versus the world.

[Matt]

Amazing.

[Unknown]

Oh, incredible. That's also the set where he gave him a hug and told him how much he meant to him. That was an incredible moment. Yeah, that was an incredible moment.

[Matt]

Letterman didn't give much back. I can be so.

[Ben Schwartz]

I think he was. I think he's not good with emotions, man.

[Unknown]

You can't look people in the eyes.

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Matt]

What are you talking about?

[Ben Schwartz]

Mark wrote me a very long. I was shocked. The message you wrote me yesterday.

[Matt]

Well, I get it. I get sappy on a plane. I get emotions on a plane.

[Unknown]

But you won't say it to him. You'll email, I'll text you. I even said the way that you gave your gift to your friend was the most. You didn't look at him and go, we got you someone.

[Ben Schwartz]

I am bad with that.

[Unknown]

Literally. Literally gave it to him. Why are we gonna look Nat. So you.

[Ben Schwartz]

He.

[Unknown]

We were right here. Me and my friend Emmy were right here. And he comes in and then has a bag, takes out his dog, I think, or something. No. And he had. He goes, yeah, and this is for you. Then we got this for you. We know this is for you. We got it. Didn't look at him. And Matt's enjoying it. Doesn't look at him to see if he's enjoying it. Matt understands what this relationship is and gets it. He just nods. And I was like. And then we're like, oh, that's a cool gift. And massacre. Yeah. Like, yeah, yeah.

[Ben Schwartz]

Well, he's the alternative. Like, check it out, dude.

[Unknown]

Well, you see, you didn't even. You didn't even look at him.

[Ben Schwartz]

I didn't look at you for that. We appreciate you very much.

[Unknown]

Because it must have been awkward for you to give a gift.

[Ben Schwartz]

Not good at gifts. Yeah, I mean, I'm good at getting gifts. I'm not good at the giving the gifts.

[Unknown]

I'm bad. I hate receiving gifts, too.

[Ben Schwartz]

I mean. I mean, getting. Like, picking them out for someone.

[Unknown]

I love getting gifts for people. Or I'm good at getting gifts for people, like, who like specific things that I'm all right.

[Ben Schwartz]

But you're right.

[Unknown]

Giving and then receiving. I'm not good at getting compliments either.

[Ben Schwartz]

I'm very.

[Unknown]

I get awkward when someone says something nice. I have to, like, find a way to make it about them immediately. Like, oh, good show. Oh, man. You were. Dude, two weeks ago, even me.

[Ben Schwartz]

A long message. I was shocked.

[Matt]

I mean, it was a text, but.

[Unknown]

Let me get this out.

[Matt]

This is good.

[Ben Schwartz]

It was a text, like, this long, which was all, like, how much she appreciated, like, building this thing with me. And I was like, oh, wow. I'm not. You're not like that. No, it was. It was surprising.

[Unknown]

Do you think you're changing a little bit as you get older?

[Matt]

No, I just think it was.

[Ben Schwartz]

I think you are.

[Matt]

It felt necessary. Maybe I'm changing.

[Ben Schwartz]

I think you are. I think you're more comfortable with your feelings than you were.

[Matt]

Guys, I have cancer.

[Unknown]

Jesus.

[Ben Schwartz]

Well, you look like a lump.

[Matt]

I don't know. It had to be said. And it felt like we left abruptly, like we did a podcast. Then he got into a car, I got into a car. I went to the airport.

[Unknown]

I love it. We're getting older. We're all getting older.

[Matt]

It was too abrupt, so I felt like I had. It needed a tada at the end.

[Ben Schwartz]

What are you uncomfortable with? Like, what.

[Unknown]

What makes dog is unbelievable. Absolutely in the zone. I'm not good at getting compliments. I'm not receiving gifts. I'm bad at. Because I'm afraid I'm not gonna like it before I open it.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

I'm like, oh, boy.

[Matt]

Don't get me gifts. It just piles up. Unless I really need it.

[Unknown]

Right, right.

[Matt]

A good hairline.

[Unknown]

I do, yeah. Oh, thanks.

[Matt]

I'm trying to compliment you.

[Unknown]

Thank you, brother. I appreciate it.

[Matt]

Yeah, There you go.

[Unknown]

You got great hair, too. It's fun to see both of your hair.

[Matt]

It's a bird's nest.

[Unknown]

No, it's great. That's what I do. I can't talk.

[Matt]

They'll be like, oh, that's flowy, black, thick, thick black head of hair.

[Ben Schwartz]

What's like a P for you? What. What bothers you? You.

[Unknown]

That people that just people do in general.

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Oh, Any peeves? Any peeves at all about anything that bothers me?

[Matt]

I got one to buy you some time.

[Unknown]

Go, please.

[Matt]

All right, how about this one? The guy who doesn't know the answer to something, he asks you, you don't know either. And then he gets mad.

[Unknown]

Oh, that's good. I like that.

[Matt]

This happened to me today. The guy's like, well, the guy's like, when. When does this place open? Or he said something like that. Where does it close? And I go, oh, I don't know. I try to give a little shit because I don't want to be the guy who goes, I don't know. Get out of here. So I go like, ah, yeah. I go, I don't know, four or five. I'm not really sure. And he goes, thanks a lot. I'm like, well, you didn't know either, dick cheese. What the.

[Unknown]

I like. I guess there's more industry stuff that makes me like, if people say, like, they're like, oh, what the Ben Schwartz of it all. There's sentences that I can't read anymore in emails. Like, the Ben Schwartz of it all. Or like, it means, like, let's. Let's say we're talking about Larry Sanders show. Like, yeah, we'll have a meeting about the Larry Sanders show of it all. And I was like, oh, I learned sentences where I can't. I can't read them anymore. And oftentimes when we have a phone call, if it's a lot of people for business, like, I just want to get to what we're talking about. I was ready, you know what I mean? Instead of. But like, there's so much time that is wasted just, like, saying hello and catching up. I was like, oh, let's talk about what we need to get to and let's move. But a lot of stuff in email, business wise, I can't. I have. I have to, like, read that part quickly.

[Matt]

100%.

[Ben Schwartz]

This was a recent peeve of mine that in the business type. Email. Emails. Thanks for understanding.

[Unknown]

Oh, yeah, we'll. We'll circle back soon. Also, when I don't get a role, they said that they went a different way. I'm so tired of hearing they went a different way but not telling me why.

[Matt]

Yes. Oh, they love you, but they're going a different way.

[Unknown]

So they don't love you. Crushed it. But they're going to.

[Ben Schwartz]

They're an executive. They could give me something.

[Matt]

I know.

[Ben Schwartz]

They're such a big fan.

[Matt]

There's a couple others. Let's table that.

[Unknown]

Yes.

[Matt]

Put a pin in it. Unpack this.

[Unknown]

These are true things that I can't do anymore. Pin. Table it. You're all the ones.

[Ben Schwartz]

Ones biological father. This is a.

[Matt]

Let's unpack this.

[Unknown]

I agree, though. So those are the things I'm like, for business wise. Sometimes I'm like, I can't do it anymore. I've been doing this for too long. Where it's like, please don't. I can't. Don't do that.

[Matt]

Yeah, I can't do that. You ever heard that Bill Burr thing? He says those, those LA meetings you got to do over the phone, like a general or whatever.

[Unknown]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt]

He goes, I throw my phone across the bed while I'm laying on the bed and I cover my eyes and I just wait till it's over. So, like, unless they ask me a question, I'll answer it. But if they don't, I just wait and like, that's amazing. And then wait till it's over. And I totally understand.

[Unknown]

Do you guys have top comics? It's your favorite comic of all time.

[Matt]

Come on, what are we doing? I'd be like, Cosby's later work.

[Ben Schwartz]

I mean, we love, we, we praise David Tell no end on this.

[Unknown]

Oh, yeah, my God. David Tell. When I was a kid on Comedy Central was like the biggest thing. And he was a guy that played at the Cellar a lot too. I don't know if he still does all the time, every night, but he had a. What was his show on Comedy Central called?

[Matt]

Insomniac.

[Unknown]

Yeah, dude. That. For a kid that loved comedy, I was obsessed with that show.

[Matt]

Me too.

[Unknown]

And then I remember I went to the Comedy Cellar when I was finally old enough. And the first time I ever saw a stand up show that was like me as a kid going to the Cellar. Colin Quinn got fired from SNL that day and he brought the newspaper, I think that said that he was getting fired. And it was like such a crazy. Whoa.

[Matt]

Crazy.

[Unknown]

Yeah, it was Like a. It was a. I don't know if he got fired, but he was. I'm assuming he was. I think he did a bit about it.

[Matt]

That Must have been the 90s rare or early?

[Unknown]

Two must have been. Yeah. But I remember that set. And I was like, there. And he was right there with the newspaper. And I was like, oh, my God, I love this guy from SNL and his stand up and then that. But Dave Attell as a kid was one of the funniest things in the universe.

[Matt]

Oh, of course.

[Unknown]

So cool.

[Matt]

98. Wow.

[Unknown]

There you go. Were you 10, 17? 16. 17.

[Matt]

You're going to the cellar at 16, 17?

[Unknown]

I guess so.

[Matt]

That's fucking awesome. You're a New York kid.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I grew up in Riverdale. Riverdale. Then went to Westchester, and then I was living in Manhattan when I was doing UCB after college.

[Matt]

Hell yeah.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Matt]

Dale.

[Unknown]

Yes.

[Matt]

One of those fucking kids who lives up in Riverdale that's a taxi driver.

[Ben Schwartz]

What? Do you have any wrecks otherwise than Larry Sanders? Sometimes we do wrecks on this show.

[Unknown]

Oh, yeah. My favorite comedy shows of all time.

[Matt]

Anything, Any movies, Anything drama.

[Unknown]

Oh, my God.

[Matt]

Songs. The porn.

[Unknown]

Tyler Creator album is pretty amazing. The new one, the TV shows that usually I say are Larry Sanders Simpsons, I think is probably the most influential show for me.

[Matt]

Love it.

[Unknown]

I think it taught me how to. I write a lot of movies and TV shows for places in that writer's.

[Matt]

Room, dude, up and at them.

[Unknown]

What Incredible.

[Matt]

The Goggles do nothing.

[Unknown]

Incredible. UK Office is a top five show for me.

[Matt]

Love it. Love it.

[Ben Schwartz]

Have you met Gervais?

[Unknown]

No, I've met him. Have you guys met him?

[Ben Schwartz]

He's met him before.

[Matt]

Yeah, we've. We've DMed a little.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

How'd that go?

[Matt]

Good, actually. It was very nice and complimentary of my dumb tweets.

[Unknown]

I love it.

[Matt]

Also, I got a joke on the Globes for him. I sent him.

[Unknown]

I used to. I did some. I wrote for, like, the Oscars one year.

[Matt]

Oh, really?

[Unknown]

Yeah. I used to freelance jokes for Letterman's monologue.

[Matt]

Right.

[Unknown]

And I used to freelance jokes for snl. We can update. So I was writing jokes a lot when I was younger, and so every now and then I get a job to do that for people.

[Matt]

Aha.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Ben Schwartz]

Who do you write for for the Globes?

[Unknown]

I wrote for the Oscars.

[Ben Schwartz]

Oh, yeah.

[Unknown]

I wrote for Hugh Jackman. I wrote his musical opening number.

[Ben Schwartz]

Wow.

[Unknown]

Do you remember that musical opening number? So it was Dan Harmon, Rob Schrob and I writing It Rob Schwab. Yeah, dude. He's a genius.

[Ben Schwartz]

Dan Harmon is. Must have been fun to write.

[Unknown]

It was when he was trying to cast Community, so. Community. So we wrote this musical. It' gonna be too long, but it's in. It won an Emmy, so I won an Emmy for writing for the Oscars.

[Matt]

Man, He's a hunk, huh?

[Unknown]

He's great. And the full callback is that he. I did a show. I do two shows in New York every year, and he came to one of my shows, the Beacon, as a. Like, I hadn't talked to him in years. And then he came and watched one of the shows, the Beacon, and he was.

[Ben Schwartz]

It's like the best venue ever, dude.

[Unknown]

I played. I think I played almost every theater. Theater in New York now.

[Matt]

Nice.

[Unknown]

That's my. And that's my favorite one.

[Matt]

It's easily.

[Unknown]

Yeah. I did Radio City, which was fucking enormous.

[Matt]

That's too big.

[Unknown]

I think if for improv. Imagine four people doing improv on there.

[Matt]

Yeah. That's crazy.

[Unknown]

It went great. But I was like, I. This is. I think we pushed it. I think we pushed it a bit.

[Ben Schwartz]

Something's lost when you lose. The Beacon's huge, but it still feels kind of.

[Unknown]

Beacon feels like you're talking to friends.

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

You don't need screens. You don't need any of that stuff.

[Matt]

That's true.

[Unknown]

Anyway, it was the recession, so we did a recession number.

[Matt]

You wrote this whole thing.

[Unknown]

Me, Dan Hartman, Rob Trout. But Dan really did the. Got, like. There's a bit that I wrote which was probably coming up, which is he brings Anne Hathaway on stage. And I wrote that whole part of the song.

[Matt]

Wow.

[Unknown]

And then I wrote a bunch of jokes for him to tell as, like, a monologue.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And my joke was going to be the opening of the Oscars, and it was lined up and then the. The writing team. I guess that wasn't us three. Nixed it and put something else there. But I was so excited that I was going to get jokes on too.

[Matt]

Of course.

[Unknown]

But I started my career by writing jokes for Letterman.

[Matt]

That's crazy.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Ben Schwartz]

Remember Frost, Nixon? That was a cool movie.

[Matt]

That was good.

[Unknown]

I was good.

[Ben Schwartz]

That was.

[Unknown]

I wrote this whole thing and I did it like ucb, where he pulled her up from the crowd and he interacts like. Because Upright Citizens Brigade, me and Hot Sauce would always, like, do. Like we would before we did a set, we would start a heckle and I would come out there and we would. They would heckle me and then they would join Me on stage. And then we do an improv show.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

So it kind of starts where, like, he pulls her up on stage.

[Matt]

Wow.

[Unknown]

They kind of, like, make fun of whatever.

[Matt]

Anyway, how old are you?

[Unknown]

This is. Right. I bet it was, I don't know, 2009. 2009. So I would be.

[Matt]

Jesus. You got it in the business early. Yeah.

[Unknown]

I mean, well, I'm 43. Am I older than you guys?

[Ben Schwartz]

You look young.

[Matt]

41.

[Unknown]

Thanks, guys. I'm doing press, so it made me look pretty. But 2009 would be 28. Is that right?

[Matt]

That's pretty good to be at this level. Level writing. This was crazy on this.

[Unknown]

The 81st Oscars, I moved to LA and I got a job to write for his part of the Oscars. And then I. I got very lucky when I moved to la. Like, a lot of things fell into place. I was in New York. I didn't want to leave New York. My family's here. I'm very close to my family. And I waited till literally the last second, and then I left New York and I came.

[Ben Schwartz]

Are you happy you ended up leaving?

[Unknown]

Yeah, I changed my whole life. Yeah. Yeah, there was.

[Ben Schwartz]

You live in LA now?

[Unknown]

Yes, but also, like, I wasn't doing state stand up, so the options for me in terms of movement, like, I wasn't gonna be a writer on snl. Didn't look like I wasn't gonna be writing for Letterman at the time.

[Ben Schwartz]

Did you want to be on SNL at the time?

[Unknown]

Oh, my God. Everybody who does sketcher improv, thinking, how.

[Matt]

Did you not get on snl?

[Unknown]

I didn't even get an audition.

[Matt]

A shoo in.

[Unknown]

I don't know if I'd be good because they do, like, characters and impressions. I don't know if I can do any impressions.

[Matt]

Okay.

[Unknown]

I don't know, like, how. I mean, but writing, I didn't get to really, like, give it a shot.

[Matt]

Right.

[Unknown]

So I was like, okay, if I want to act, I can go out there. And there's an upright citizens brigade out there. So I can impress, improvise, and people who actually make decisions on TV shows can see me improvise. And then I had a lot of short films, and that was the way I was gonna show people. Like, so we, like. I got a job writing for Robot Chicken. That was my first writing.

[Matt]

Hey, we just met Seth Green the other night.

[Unknown]

I heard that he was at the roast with Brecken. Brecken's the best.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

But so that's how I started. I started very much as A writer that did improv and slowly got into commercials and slowly got into all the other acting.

[Matt]

Wow. Yeah, man. What a career. Because your resume is bananas.

[Ben Schwartz]

You've been in stuff. I mean. Yeah. I mean, what do you recognize from the most? Is it Parks and Rec?

[Unknown]

Yeah. Still Parks. Oh, sure. Parks and Rec is number one, I think. And now. And now Blizzard Wizard. Now it's.

[Matt]

That's big money, right?

[Unknown]

So Sonic is a big one, too.

[Matt]

Of course.

[Unknown]

I got to do a scene with Animal and the Muppets.

[Matt]

Whoa.

[Unknown]

Which, by the way, is so funny. I bet you guys would be the same way. Is that we just started going. And you just know. I just know the rhythm. How to make Animal funny. Because I've watched the Muppets my whole life, so I know exactly what to do to set him up.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

So, so easy. So it's like I know the cadence to make a Muppet funny because I know the Muppets so well as a kid.

[Matt]

Man. So many kids yelling. A lot of kids stuff.

[Unknown]

It's a lot of voiceover. I love voiceover.

[Matt]

Wow. Boy, if you can get into voiceover, you are set for life, baby.

[Unknown]

It's doesn't pay very well.

[Matt]

Oh, it doesn't?

[Unknown]

Yeah. Voiceover does not pay very well.

[Matt]

I just thought. I just. Guess I go off the Simpsons guys. Those guys are.

[Unknown]

Oh, my God. No. I mean, usually all these jobs that you're looking at are probably SAG scale.

[Ben Schwartz]

I think a lotto ticket to be Hank. Hankazay.

[Unknown]

Oh, my God. And it doesn't exist anymore because now there's not even residuals.

[Matt]

Exactly.

[Unknown]

It's like, even. Like in the beginning, when I did DuckTales, we would get a bunch of residuals because they played over and over again Disney. But now they give it a Disney plus and you don't really get residuals.

[Matt]

God, they fuck you every way. And then that writer strike, I think had a. Had, like, an opposite effect.

[Ben Schwartz]

I know.

[Matt]

Yeah. Modern Family. Wow. That show is underrated.

[Unknown]

I feel like this is very weird to look at this. Sorry. You Got a Long Blue Iguana was with Sam Rockwell, and I just sold a movie with him. That's gonna be fun. He's a beast, dude. He's the best. Dude. He's the best. And I wrote a really fun movie for us that Yorm is gonna direct.

[Ben Schwartz]

You wrote the movie Yorma?

[Unknown]

The.

[Ben Schwartz]

What's it?

[Unknown]

Yerma from Lonely Island.

[Matt]

Oh, yeah.

[Unknown]

Gonna direct it.

[Ben Schwartz]

And so you. It's a. What kind of comedy is it?

[Unknown]

They haven't announced it yet, or they haven't announced what it is yet. Oh, yeah. I did the voice of BB8 for Force Awakens.

[Matt]

Wow.

[Unknown]

BB8, my man. And then I think they. I think JJ just found a fucking app on his iPad and that was what he used.

[Matt]

Oh, wow.

[Unknown]

It was me. I did lines as BB8 and then they transformed them into beeps and boops. And then.

[Matt]

And you made it on the Simpsons. Your dream.

[Unknown]

That was it. I had three goals when I first started. One was to be. Because I was a page at Letterman show people. The bathroom was. So one was to be a guest on Letterman. I did it two weeks before he stopped.

[Matt]

Okay.

[Unknown]

Simpsons to be voiced in Simpsons. The third one was to host SNL, which I have not.

[Matt]

Wow. That's coming, baby. Sonic 6.

[Ben Schwartz]

I did a Letterman thing, but it was on Netflix. It's like one of those, like, sit down things. And it was.

[Unknown]

Wait, you did his interview show?

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah, it was.

[Matt]

That's emo it Up. It was stand up.

[Ben Schwartz]

It wasn't like. It wasn't like the one that Kardashian. He did one for Stand Up. So you do a standup segment and then you'd sit down and talk with him and it was like, I know.

[Unknown]

Exactly what you're talking about. That's enormous. There it is.

[Ben Schwartz]

It was good.

[Matt]

That was a great moment.

[Ben Schwartz]

This is.

[Unknown]

Do you realize how insane this is?

[Ben Schwartz]

It was insane. I mean, that was one of my lines. I was like, you went to. He goes, you know, when do you think you'll make. You'll know when you made it. And I'm like, I'm talking to you, dude.

[Unknown]

I agree.

[Ben Schwartz]

And I said, I'm like, what were you. You gonna be in a couple years? I said, you went from Obama to me. Are you gonna be talking to a crackhead?

[Unknown]

Oh, I love that.

[Ben Schwartz]

And he was like, if I'm talking to anyone, you know. But no.

[Unknown]

Do you know what this means, though, by the way? This means that he had to have seen you do comedy.

[Ben Schwartz]

He was very.

[Unknown]

And think you're funny enough because he would not have you on the show unless he personally thought you were funny.

[Ben Schwartz]

He was. So I did a thing during COVID where I just filmed a special on rooftops in New York.

[Unknown]

Oh, that's great.

[Ben Schwartz]

So he was.

[Unknown]

What's that called?

[Ben Schwartz]

It's called up on the Roof.

[Unknown]

Great.

[Ben Schwartz]

But he.

[Unknown]

Dude, this is crazy.

[Ben Schwartz]

He was crazy. He was crazy cool. And. And it's funny talking to a guy from that era because he doesn't understand how we have to make Comedy now. Because he came up in the 70s, 80s when you just wanted to get on TV, but he goes for stand up. We wanted a sitcom and I was like, yeah, but they don't really do that often anymore. It's impossible.

[Unknown]

It's not real. That's not real anymore.

[Ben Schwartz]

Because he didn't understand why I put a special out for free. I was like, well, because we make the bulk of our money touring.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Ben Schwartz]

So he was, I think just. You see why he's the best interviewer? Because he's so cute.

[Unknown]

He is the best. I was a page at that place. I watched him do it, you know, I watched my whole life. My parents would be lying down their bed like this, I'm like perpendicular them, you know. And we would all watch Letterman every single night.

[Ben Schwartz]

Wow.

[Unknown]

It was like such a big deal in our house. And then when I was a page there and I like hustled my way to get that job, we didn't know anybody, so it's like I got so lucky in getting that job. And when I was a pager, I saw him every night. And then when I started freelancing for the model, I would, whenever he ended all of his monologues, he would point to Paul Schaefer and say, ladies and gentlemen, Paul SCHAFER in the CBS orchestra. And that's how you know no more jokes are gonna be said. And so me as a page, I'm there helping people of the audience. Oh, cute. Oh yeah, I just post that yesterday. Cuz I did Colbert yesterday. That's me as a page on the bottom. Well, 20 years ago. That's me 20 years ago.

[Matt]

That's amazing.

[Unknown]

And so then anytime you'd point, you know, it's over. I know I didn't get a joke on. So I started to say like. And you could hear it in the show. And I started to get yelled at by the audience person being like, Ben, you can't, you can't be on the floor anymore because you're cursing when you don't get your jokes on. And I was like, I'm so sorry. I had no idea you could hear that.

[Matt]

You could host. You look right in that desk on the.

[Unknown]

I love Colbert. He's so smart dude.

[Matt]

Very talented guy.

[Unknown]

I love.

[Ben Schwartz]

I was, I was in college, I was an intern at his show, the Colbert Report.

[Unknown]

Oh my God.

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

That's huge.

[Ben Schwartz]

That was a pretty epic experience. And you know what does an intern.

[Unknown]

Do for the Colbert airport?

[Ben Schwartz]

Any run they need any.

[Unknown]

Like I bet people were nice there though, no?

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah. He was great and he was incredible. I was there when he threw Richard water in Richard Branson's face. Richard Branson pulled. And you could hear me saying, fuck no. But you could see Richard Branson got mad during the interview. So he just takes water and throws it in his face. And Colbert, he got water back. He waved over for his producer to bring water and he threw it back in his face and like, like, I was like, this ain't a bit.

[Matt]

Whoa. Branson didn't know he was joking, I guess.

[Ben Schwartz]

No, I think he would with people on that show. I mean, that was kind of what was incredible.

[Unknown]

He was playing a character.

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah. I mean, he was kind of, oh.

[Unknown]

I can't wait to see this.

[Ben Schwartz]

He was kind of messing. I mean, it might not be online.

[Matt]

Whoa. Scrubbed.

[Ben Schwartz]

But he was.

[Unknown]

Oh, I guess he came on the late.

[Ben Schwartz]

No, it's not on his late night show. It's on Colbert.

[Matt]

At least he came back. They rekindled.

[Unknown]

There you go.

[Ben Schwartz]

But it. It was a tense moment where I was like, that is bad.

[Matt]

Damn.

[Unknown]

Did it air?

[Ben Schwartz]

You think it aired?

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Ben Schwartz]

I mean, you can't not air that, right?

[Matt]

Takes off his pants. Yeah, I think they scrubbed it.

[Ben Schwartz]

They scrubbed it.

[Matt]

What the fuck?

[Ben Schwartz]

It was weird.

[Matt]

That's a good moment.

[Ben Schwartz]

So was he a dude? Were you watching like Stranger with Candy and Colbert?

[Unknown]

Love Stranger with Candy. Love Colbert. But I think him on late, late shows, pretty fucking awesome. God, Richard Branch is throwing water in everybody's face.

[Matt]

That's his thing.

[Ben Schwartz]

Is he your late night host?

[Unknown]

Is he your fave right now? Yeah, I love him. I like, I've been. I've been lucky enough to do all of them. I did Cordon's show 17 times.

[Matt]

Seven.

[Unknown]

I was like, I did it more than anybody else. Crazy, by the way. That's literally, by the way, my goal. As someone who's a page on Letterman. When they needed someone, he would have his people.

[Matt]

Yes, I was.

[Unknown]

I always want to be that person. Person. And they weren't even the most famous people. Sometimes they were, but sometimes weren't.

[Ben Schwartz]

And for who is Letterman's people for that?

[Unknown]

There was a. There's a stand up that came over every Christmas. I forget. And he took a football and he hits like a meatball off the top of the Christmas tree. I forget who the people were, but he had his people like he. Bill Murray. Anytime he came on was. It was amazing. Howard Stern would come on and be incredible, and he would come a bunch of times a year. Tom Hanks was amazing on that show. But I always wanted to be like the whatever. And then for Corden, I slowly became that thing when people dropped and I lived in la. They're like, hey, can you come here today? And whatever. I'm like, great.

[Ben Schwartz]

And were you ever on with someone where it just didn't vibe at all? Because they did the two guests, right?

[Unknown]

Yeah, they do sometimes more than two guests. It never really. I've been on with so many people that they kind of use me as someone that could, let's say they have guests and, like, they need someone to, like, be a little bit funny or, you know, liven it up. I think that I kind of help with that comedic relief, I think, a little bit. Or like to make people feel comfortable, whatever.

[Matt]

Now we did Corden, I think once each.

[Ben Schwartz]

I did it twice.

[Matt]

Twice I was.

[Ben Schwartz]

I did stand up. I wasn't in guest.

[Unknown]

And that's got to be terrifying.

[Ben Schwartz]

No, they were the most juiced and.

[Unknown]

Because that lives on forever. Like. And you're. But can you use those on a special after or no?

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah, you probably could use them if you want. I don't think I use all of.

[Matt]

Them, but, like, I didn't either, but.

[Ben Schwartz]

I use some of them. And you know, he was one of the coolest in that he would be like, this is not normal, what this is. But not everyone does this. Yeah, it's not normal what's about to happen. This guy's doing stand up at 5:00pm yeah, dude. For a studio crowd. Give him everything. And like, dude, not everyone does that.

[Matt]

That goes a long way, you know, I love Conan.

[Ben Schwartz]

I'm a huge Conan guy. But he would just be like your next guest.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Ben Schwartz]

Come on.

[Unknown]

Wait, so who. Is there some show does it too? Is there some show that you always wanted to get on that like Conan.

[Matt]

We got on Conan.

[Ben Schwartz]

We did that a few times.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Because Conan had the coolest. The music guests and the coolest stand up.

[Matt]

And he seemed fun. He was. He didn't like Letterman to me was cool, but he was like this older statesman where Conan felt like a guy I would hang out with.

[Ben Schwartz]

He was kind of my. My brother loved Conan so much that like, that kind of became our guy.

[Unknown]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ben Schwartz]

But I love Letterman.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Ben Schwartz]

I mean, he's amazing.

[Matt]

I gotta ask though, you did 17 cordons? That's what I was gonna see.

[Unknown]

How many? Thirteen.

[Ben Schwartz]

Did you do Ferguson?

[Unknown]

Five times, I bet.

[Ben Schwartz]

Wow.

[Unknown]

I bet I've done every. I did Leno, I've done every. I've been a guest on every talk show host.

[Matt]

That was Dick Cavett.

[Unknown]

He was gone. God, I wish. Yeah, me, I went on Tom Snyder for three hours.

[Matt]

Steve Allen.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Me and Steve Allen really go back. Back.

[Ben Schwartz]

I kind of miss.

[Unknown]

I feel like I love late night. Like, I love late.

[Ben Schwartz]

I love the crowd. I love the show biz of it all. That's not normal anymore. I feel podcasting is great, but I miss. I turn it on so much harder when there's a crowd there. And I miss. I do miss that. Like even doing a live podcast when there's a crowd.

[Unknown]

Oh, I bet it crushes. I bet you guys go crazy.

[Ben Schwartz]

We.

[Unknown]

We're. You guys are drawn to crowds. That's what. You know, it's better.

[Matt]

You want the laugh. You want the big laugh in the room.

[Unknown]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did once with Julia Roberts, which is really cool. Every now and then you like sitting next to someone.

[Matt]

That's banana.

[Unknown]

Thirteen. Thirteen episodes.

[Ben Schwartz]

That's amazing though.

[Unknown]

What TV.

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah. Was.

[Unknown]

How is Julia Roberts 13? Amazing. Amazing. You know, they take a picture of you like before you go on and you like. They take a picture of you and she like snuck into my picture and I kept it. I have it in my frickin. You know, like I have like a wall of like all these things. No, I don't. I never show anybody that.

[Matt]

Well, it's funny, we were just talking about this the other day. If. If we photobomb a photo, people will stab us. But if. If Julia Roberts does it' like a huge.

[Unknown]

I literally have kept it my whole.

[Ben Schwartz]

Life to pull that move.

[Unknown]

It was so cool. I can't believe I have it.

[Matt]

Damn. How's she looking person?

[Unknown]

Gorgeous.

[Matt]

I bet.

[Unknown]

Incredible.

[Matt]

Hubba hubba.

[Unknown]

She's amazing. Hachimachi.

[Ben Schwartz]

Hot. Is there anyone that you've wanted to meet that you haven't met yet?

[Unknown]

Like directors? I want to work a lot of directors. I'd love to work with Steven Spielberg.

[Ben Schwartz]

We were just talking about how he's. What do we say? He was like maybe top three ever.

[Unknown]

He's gotta be easily. Gotta be. I did a movie with Zemeckis, who did Back. Back to Future is my favorite movie of all time.

[Matt]

Come on. Yeah. What are your favorite love?

[Unknown]

Never heard of it.

[Matt]

Yeah. Huey Lewis.

[Unknown]

Oh, just him.

[Matt]

I think the news as well.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

What are your favorite movies?

[Matt]

Well, we gotta wrap this up, but yeah, give it. Throw something out there.

[Unknown]

Two girls.

[Ben Schwartz]

Annoying. I love film noir so much that like I'll throw like 1940s movies.

[Unknown]

Oh my God.

[Ben Schwartz]

So like out of the past.

[Unknown]

You're Begging to go in letterboxd.

[Ben Schwartz]

Well, I love. I love. Those are like my two Double Indemnity and Out of the Past.

[Unknown]

Oh, Double Indemnity is amazing.

[Ben Schwartz]

It's just the most perfect script.

[Unknown]

It's an incredible film.

[Ben Schwartz]

But then like guilty like Back to School makes me laugh.

[Unknown]

Sure.

[Ben Schwartz]

Bonnie Dangerfield is the course I love. Fuck man, there's so many. If Fargo's on tv, I'm always watching.

[Matt]

Yeah, it's another any Cohen is.

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah. What are you saying?

[Matt]

Well, I like Cool Hand Luke. I just love that movie. I love Groundhog Day.

[Unknown]

Oh, that's a perfect comedy.

[Matt]

Deep.

[Ben Schwartz]

You know something Dumb and Dumber.

[Unknown]

Dumb and Dumb is the top five movie of all time for me.

[Ben Schwartz]

It's perfect.

[Unknown]

I think it's a top of the time.

[Matt]

It's great.

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah. There's so many.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Ben Schwartz]

Any. Any like badass throwback if a Michael Mann movies on TV too. It's like it's impossible not.

[Unknown]

I find myself watching older movies now. I don't know if it's to connect with me being a kid but like I love watching older movies now more than I love watching like stuff that I love. My top five is prob. I mean listen, Ferris Bueller's up there too from Ferris Bueller is amazing. Oh yeah. I'm going on tour again. Back to the future. Probably Dumb and Dumber. Shawshank. I'd put an animated movie in there. So probably Aladdin.

[Matt]

No, great movie. Yeah, great is amazing.

[Unknown]

And then. And then like there's a hundred other ones that like Jurassic park is probably there.

[Matt]

Hell yeah.

[Unknown]

There's some big is probably up there big. There's so many Coco Pop Sonic is out right now. I don't know this coming up but to come. It's literally out this moment. I just went to the first screening that the public could see. We just surprised people. It was great. It's great. It's. I'm so happy with it.

[Matt]

And it's in theaters which is nice. I love a theater movie. Yes. Keep the theaters.

[Unknown]

It is in theaters. The hope is that if enough people see it, we keep getting to make them. But this is like imagine for like two years you waiting for this movie or a year and it's. Today is the day it was out. And we went to the first screening that fans went to today at 3pm right before we. We came here and we got to like surprise. It was awesome.

[Matt]

I saw Ghostbusters. The new one with Paul Rudd.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Matt]

With Ronnie Chang in mid in Lincoln Center. It was so fun.

[Unknown]

So Cool.

[Ben Schwartz]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

So cool.

[Matt]

Day of the. What is it, the release day?

[Unknown]

Yeah, the premiere premiere.

[Ben Schwartz]

Fun. So fun to still go to the theater, man. So, yeah, support this movie so they can keep making more. Check it out.

[Unknown]

Oh, yeah, My tour.

[Ben Schwartz]

That's a peeve when people say support. Go see the movie, go see the port. He's not homeless. He's crushing. He's in the.

[Unknown]

Enjoy the movie. Have a great time. And then my tour in January in Milwaukee alone, it's Ben Schwartz and friends, so it's me doing improv.

[Matt]

Got it.

[Unknown]

So we'll do improv. But we're playing. We're playing more casinos than we've ever played.

[Matt]

Whoa. A casino.

[Unknown]

A bunch of them. We did a couple. Now we're like, well, I guess we'll just do a couple more. But we're playing the Beacon again for New Yorkers in April.

[Matt]

Hell, yeah.

[Unknown]

And then we're going. I'm doing Sydney Opera House in May.

[Matt]

Nice.

[Ben Schwartz]

Oh, that's legendary.

[Unknown]

Great. Yeah. There's, like, all these venues that I always want to play, and that's the.

[Ben Schwartz]

It's one of the most full. I mean, just on the water.

[Unknown]

I know. It's crazy. And also, you guys know when we, like, I played Royal Albert hall this year, you won't get. You won't get paid a ton of money to do these venues because it's so expensive.

[Matt]

Yes.

[Unknown]

Radio city music hall, 6,000 people. You don't get paid as. Like, it's. You don't get paid more.

[Matt]

No.

[Ben Schwartz]

It's like, there's really no one you can complain to about it.

[Unknown]

And also, it's like, I don't even care.

[Matt]

Yeah, I know.

[Unknown]

I just want to say that I played. I want to be in that theater. I want to say that I was on the same stage as Blank.

[Matt]

Right.

[Unknown]

And it doesn't even matter. Like, we have our other shows that we can make a little bit of money, but there's some that you're like, man. So Sydney Opera House is one of those. And Royal Albert Hall. Radio City was one of those.

[Matt]

You do two, you make some money.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I bet that's how it works.

[Ben Schwartz]

Oh, you're going all over. Yeah, you got to go.

[Unknown]

Oh, we sold out Sydney Opera House. So we did a state theater show right before it.

[Matt]

Hell, yeah. Wow.

[Unknown]

And then we're gonna go to Melbourne. But this is great. You guys have been to Paramount Theater in Seattle.

[Matt]

Yes.

[Unknown]

One of my favorite venues to perform comedy.

[Matt]

It's.

[Unknown]

And Prince used to play there, or Prince has played there.

[Matt]

I Didn't know that.

[Unknown]

I, like, sometimes, like, looking through and seeing, like, what other people have played.

[Matt]

This is exciting. All right, well, go. What's the website?

[Unknown]

It's rejected jokes dot com. Because when I started to freelance jokes for Letterman, I used to take all the ones that he rejected, and I would perform them to zero people. And then I put those videos on the Internet, and that's how I started.

[Matt]

Whoa, crazy.

[Ben Schwartz]

And because there's a low bar already, so they.

[Unknown]

And nobody's in the audience, so they all bomb, and then I just release them. And that's, like how I. Wow. I haven't updated this in a long time. Anyway. That's right. You don't have to look at any of this.

[Matt]

Check it out. Rejected jokes dot com. For the tour dates.

[Ben Schwartz]

Go see Ben on Tour. Check out Sonic 3.

[Matt]

Yes.

[Ben Schwartz]

And yeah. Thanks for joining us.

[Unknown]

Thanks, guys. How fun.

[Ben Schwartz]

Drink Bodega Cat whiskey, by the way.

[Unknown]

Is that yours?

[Ben Schwartz]

That's ours.

[Unknown]

You have your own whiskey?

[Matt]

Oh, yeah.

[Ben Schwartz]

Give you a bottle.

[Unknown]

How does that happen? Do you, like, go to where they make it?

[Matt]

It's a long story.

[Ben Schwartz]

Long process.

[Matt]

We make it in a bathtub and then we ship it out.

[Unknown]

God, how exciting. I can't believe you guys make the labels for this and everything.

[Matt]

Well, we had a lot of help. We don't know how we're doing, but we're getting there. We're in all these comedy clubs now, and it's online for sure.

[Unknown]

How cool is that?

[Ben Schwartz]

Very cool.

[Unknown]

Are you happy you're doing it?

[Matt]

Yeah. Yeah. Trying to retire on this beauty. Where are you going to be?

[Ben Schwartz]

We'll do. We'll let him leave.

[Matt]

Oh, okay.

[Unknown]

I'll hear it. Where are you going to be?

[Matt]

I'll hear it.

[Ben Schwartz]

All right, get it up. What do you got? Oh, I got San Antonio, January 3rd and 4th. I'm doing clubs to warm up for this tour. San Antonio, third and fourth. I got Liberty Township, Ohio, the following weekend. Pittsburgh, improv, the 23rd through 25th. And then it's just all theaters. Charlotte, Richmond, Philly's.

[Unknown]

So fun to play. Bethlehem, Austin is. Ooh, dude, that Paramount Theater is really fun, too.

[Ben Schwartz]

Tulsa, Austin, Dallas, Houston, New Orleans, Memphis. Memphis. We're moving slowly, guys. Come the fuck out. Knoxville, Atlanta.

[Unknown]

Great one. I played the Tabernacle. It's great.

[Ben Schwartz]

Birmingham, Durham.

[Unknown]

Such a fun city.

[Matt]

Durham. Love it.

[Ben Schwartz]

Haven.

[Unknown]

Hey, we're playing the same one. I'm playing that Vets, too, in Providence.

[Matt]

A good room.

[Ben Schwartz]

Oh, I'm pumped. Yeah, I heard it's great. Portsmouth, we added one There. So come check it out. Portland, Maine. Burlington.

[Unknown]

Oh, you like food? Are you a food person?

[Ben Schwartz]

Fuck, yeah.

[Unknown]

I'll give you restaurants for a bunch of these cities, please.

[Matt]

Hell, yeah.

[Ben Schwartz]

Montreal, Buffalo, and that's. And they're more and more. But that's Albany. Punchup Dot. Live. Samuel. Or just Samuel dot com. All these. So many. I'm doing the west coast, too, so you'll see if you don't.

[Unknown]

Are you touring now, too?

[Ben Schwartz]

In here, your city?

[Matt]

Yeah. My wife's eight months pregnant.

[Unknown]

Oh.

[Matt]

Taking a break after January.

[Unknown]

Congrats.

[Matt]

Thank you, sir.

[Unknown]

How cool.

[Matt]

Not mine. Houston, Texas.

[Unknown]

All right.

[Matt]

Phoenix, Dallas. And then I'm gonna take a break, and then we're back in Nashville at the Ryman. And then.

[Unknown]

Dude, that ven is the best.

[Matt]

I'm excited. And then Asheville, I'm doing a makeup date because of that cunt Helene. Ruined the city. So I'll be back in April.

[Unknown]

Look how sold out you are. Go up. Look how exciting this is.

[Matt]

Does it say sold out?

[Unknown]

All of them. So you don't have to think about this at all.

[Matt]

No, we. We pump out the jokes. So come on by. I don't know when this comes out. Oh, all right. Well, yeah. Happy New Year. Happy holidays.

[Unknown]

Happy Hanukkah, everybody.

[Ben Schwartz]

Kwanza. Do it up. Have a great. We'll see you before the new year, but thanks for listening, guys. Support. Support. I'm gonna say it again. I'm an idiot. Go see Ben's movie and go see him on the road.

[Unknown]

Thanks.

[Matt]

Comedy Sunday's the day for my next bender. A bit of piva wreck. You know the fear Jew's close. I've had a little too much burping and Norman's talking shit about the fucking post. And I get down in the same way up on the roof like the co and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans this woman doesn't look like I remember her and I get down in the same way.

[Unknown]

We might be true.