Ep 223: The Cold Open with Phil Hanley

Summary

Episode Summary: Ep 223: The Cold Open with Phil Hanley

Released on March 17, 2025

Hosts: Sam Morril and Mark Normand
Guest: Phil Hanley

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1. Introduction to the Episode and Guest

In Episode 223 of "We Might Be Drunk," hosts Sam Morril and Mark Normand welcome comedian and writer Phil Hanley. The trio delves into a variety of topics, blending humor with insightful discussions about the comedy world, personal experiences, and the challenges of balancing life on the road.

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2. The Cold Plunge Experience

The episode kicks off with a lively conversation about cold plunges—a wellness trend involving immersing oneself in cold water to rejuvenate the body.

• Mark Normand [00:26]: "Oh, we got a 69. Come here."
• Sam Morril [01:01]: "This is freezing."
• Mark Normand [01:17]: "I feel like Whitney Houston. I'm dying in here. This is crazy."

The hosts humorously describe their physical reactions to the cold plunges, highlighting the brutal yet invigorating experience.

---

3. Scheduling Challenges and Guest Cancellations

Mark shares a recent frustration with a guest cancellation, emphasizing the difficulties in scheduling amidst their busy lives.

• Mark Normand [02:33]: "This is tough because we had a guest cancel on us today. This is my peeve."
• Sam Morril [03:08]: "That's a confirmed. I mean, this is a Larry David moment."

They discuss the importance of clear communication and how misunderstandings can lead to scheduling mishaps, likening the situation to a scene from "Larry David."

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4. Frank Sinatra's Rider and Their Own Riders

Phil presents an authentic Frank Sinatra rider, prompting a discussion on the elaborate requirements often set by high-profile performers.

• Sam Morril [06:33]: "Color TV. We got to move these. Upright piano for the dressing room."
• Mark Normand [07:03]: "I might have overpoured here, dude. I apologize in advance."

The trio compares Sinatra's luxurious demands to their own preferences, sharing anecdotes about ensuring comfort and the essentials needed backstage.

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5. Phil Hanley's Book "Spellbound"

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to Phil Hanley's journey in writing his book, "Spellbound: My Life as a Dyslexic Wordsmith." He candidly discusses the challenges of overcoming dyslexia and the creative process involved in authoring his work.

• Phil Hanley [34:02]: "I started just trying to write, and it was so bad. And then I slowly got better."
• Mark Normand [36:07]: "Phil, you're on it. Do you watch the Oscars?"

Phil elaborates on the lengthy process of writing and the emotional hurdles he faced, inspiring fellow dyslexic individuals and offering a glimpse into his resilience.

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6. Audiobook Experiences and Dyslexia

Phil shares his experience recording the audiobook version of "Spellbound," highlighting the additional challenges posed by dyslexia.

• Phil Hanley [34:31]: "And then I thought I was done and I'd hand it in and then it would just be like slight changes, but it just took so long."
• Sam Morril [34:51]: "But that's a great pitch. The fact that you can't fucking read or spell."

He discusses strategies to manage reading aloud despite his dyslexia and the satisfaction of completing such a demanding task.

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7. Stand-Up Life, Touring, and Personal Balance

The conversation shifts to the rigors of touring life, managing performances across different cities, and the impact on personal relationships and responsibilities.

• Mark Normand [40:19]: "But it's gonna get fucking gift now. God damn it."
• Phil Hanley [41:20]: "I get a lot of kid material."

They explore the tension between maintaining a hectic work schedule and nurturing personal lives, particularly the challenges of parenting while on the road.

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8. Evolution of the Comedy Industry and Current Challenges

The hosts reflect on the state of the comedy industry, discussing the rise of arena shows and the perception that the "comedy boom" is nearing its end.

• Mark Normand [53:03]: "Colin Quinn keeps saying, the boom's about to end."
• Sam Morril [53:23]: "We know people at 10 guys at arenas that. Friends of ours."

They debate whether the influx of comedians performing in large venues signals a decline or evolution in comedic formats.

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9. Pet Peeves: Airport Noise and Modern Conveniences

Mark and Phil vent about common annoyances, such as noise in airplane pods and the transformation of traditional venues like diners.

• Phil Hanley [83:44]: "There you go."
• Sam Morril [84:22]: "I go the pods."

These lighthearted gripes offer relatable humor for listeners, underscoring the everyday frustrations experienced during travel.

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10. Movie Discussions: "After Hours" and "Taxi Driver"

The trio discusses classic films that have influenced their comedic sensibilities, using them as references to highlight changes in societal norms and comedic styles.

• Mark Normand [71:26]: "It's so funny. It's Scorsese's funniest movie."
• Sam Morril [74:15]: "I know, I know."

They analyze scenes from "After Hours" and "Taxi Driver," appreciating their comedic elements and narrative craftsmanship.

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11. Encouraging Engagement: Phil's Book and Upcoming Shows

As the episode nears its end, Sam and Mark enthusiastically promote Phil Hanley's book, urging listeners to support him by purchasing and pre-ordering.

• Mark Normand [75:35]: "Buy the book. Spellbound by Phil Hanley."
• Phil Hanley [76:08]: "If you could please buy it."

They also highlight Phil's upcoming performances and book signings, fostering a sense of community and support among their audience.

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12. Conclusion

The episode wraps up with heartfelt thanks to Phil Hanley for joining the show, reinforcing the themes of friendship, mutual support, and the shared journey within the comedy landscape.

• Sam Morril [90:23]: "Hug your father, hug your book."
• Mark Normand [90:27]: "We love you. Thank you for listening, guys."

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Notable Quotes

• Phil Hanley [34:02]: "I started just trying to write, and it was so bad. And then I slowly got better."
• Mark Normand [53:03]: "Colin Quinn keeps saying, the boom's about to end."
• Sam Morril [84:22]: "I go the pods."
• Phil Hanley [76:08]: "If you could please buy it."

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Final Thoughts

Episode 223 of "We Might Be Drunk" offers a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and insightful discussions. Phil Hanley's openness about his struggles with dyslexia and his perseverance in the comedy world provides a compelling narrative that resonates with both comedy enthusiasts and those facing similar challenges. The hosts' dynamic interplay ensures an engaging listen, making complex topics approachable and entertaining.

Transcript

[Mark Normand]

A. Oh, you.

[Sam Morril]

I'm just kidding. Oh, but he does this every day.

[Mark Normand]

No, I don't. You got to join me, dude.

[Phil Hanley]

Come on, Norman, you.

[Sam Morril]

Can'T fit.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, we got a 69. Come here.

[Sam Morril]

Ah, the ball sack.

[Mark Normand]

The sack broke that cold plunge. Ah, cramping. Oh, God. Get down to you.

[Sam Morril]

My C section scar. Go. What's the timer? 40 seconds. 40 seconds.

[Mark Normand]

This is nothing. Get spotty in there, man.

[Sam Morril]

I'm in.

[Mark Normand]

This is brutal.

[Sam Morril]

You're a dude.

[Mark Normand]

This is not that cold.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, Rose.

[Mark Normand]

Jesus Christ.

[Sam Morril]

Stop.

[Mark Normand]

This is.

[Sam Morril]

This is freezing.

[Mark Normand]

All right, do the library.

[Sam Morril]

What's the line? Get a cold plunge.

[Mark Normand]

The line is. I didn't know Mark was this big. A gaping hole.

[Phil Hanley]

Here he is.

[Sam Morril]

The cold. I can't do the cold.

[Mark Normand]

The cold punch is great. It's like 48.

[Sam Morril]

It's not even that bad, dude. I feel like Matthew Perry.

[Mark Normand]

I feel like Whitney Houston. I'm dying in here. This is crazy.

[Sam Morril]

Give me some ketamine.

[Mark Normand]

Mark, come on. This is nothing.

[Sam Morril]

My legs. 10 more seconds. Yep. What? You can do it.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, this isn't bad.

[Sam Morril]

Ah, my legs. They don't work. I'm like osteopestorius.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah, this is.

[Mark Normand]

I. I expected better for Mark. This is a pretty.

[Sam Morril]

There's no room. It's like my first apartment.

[Mark Normand]

So were you. Were you going after me?

[Sam Morril]

Sure.

[Mark Normand]

Really?

[Sam Morril]

Wow. We got the video. I. Look, I have trauma from Katrina. I can't be around water. All right, you got to get the.

[Mark Normand]

Dunk at the end.

[Sam Morril]

You're going under.

[Mark Normand]

You're going under, bro.

[Phil Hanley]

I'm ready.

[Sam Morril]

Get the dunk. Dunkin Donuts.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, wow.

[Sam Morril]

What an animal.

[Mark Normand]

All right, you ready to rock after. I mean, I just had one. I'm a piece of.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, do it.

[Mark Normand]

I'm a piece of. We're rolling.

[Sam Morril]

Wait a minute. Where's those coffees?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I. I thought we said we're not doing coffees because we're drinking.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, I thought you already bought them.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, no, I thought it was either or. Ah, I feel like the caffeine or the booze? I'm not a big mix. The booze.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, my. The Rizzler.

[Phil Hanley]

This is.

[Mark Normand]

This is tough because we had a guest cancel on us today. This is my peeve. I wrote to this person. They said, you never confirmed. So then I pull up a screenshot. I hate being. I hate doing the screenshot. I love it, but I did it. Pull it up, and it said, this date. Yep, I'm in. And I wrote confirmed.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, what did they write?

[Mark Normand]

Right before that, you never confirmed. Didn't they write, hey, Harry, you never called?

[James]

Did they write, let me know when it's confirmed? And then you wrote, confirmed.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[James]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

No, I didn't say, let me know when it's confirmed. They said. They said, this date. I'm in. And I wrote confirmed.

[Sam Morril]

That's a confirmed.

[Mark Normand]

That's a confirm.

[Sam Morril]

Can't confirm more than confirm.

[Mark Normand]

And then. And then said, okay, I'm sorry, but it's a peeve.

[Sam Morril]

Of course.

[Mark Normand]

Mark and I are in here a lot. It's hard to schedule these.

[Sam Morril]

Well, how long ago is that?

[Mark Normand]

How long ago before this? It was a few weeks ago.

[Sam Morril]

It was.

[Mark Normand]

It was. And this person said, there should have been a confirmation after the confirmation. So right before the thing, we still on? But it's like, for me, it's like, no, it's in the calendar. It's confirmed.

[Sam Morril]

That's a confirmed. I mean, this is a Larry David moment.

[Mark Normand]

It is a Larry David moment completely. But I think I'm in the right.

[Sam Morril]

You're completely in the right. You wrote confirmed. That's up to her to put in the calendar. We can't hold your hand. For every date you have, you're at an appointment. Was that confirmed Every day till the day of? No, you write it down.

[Mark Normand]

But then here's the question. Are we like a dental office? Because they do write the confirmation the day before, and I'm going against myself, but it annoys me when you make a restaurant reservation on, like, resi or open table, and they're like, are you still in? Press 1 to confirm. I'm like, oh, fuck you. To scramble to, you know, press one.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, you're in.

[Mark Normand]

But I'm like, I had a. No, I said I was in a day ago.

[Sam Morril]

Right, Right. And now they do it now on resi. If you don't show up, they charge you 50 bucks.

[Mark Normand]

That's. I get it. You're holding a table. If it's like a weekend and it's a. That is. I think that there's. That's fair. But, you know.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. We're not a dental office.

[Mark Normand]

We're not a podcast.

[Sam Morril]

No. But I think. Yeah, you can only do so much. You're an adult. You got to put your shit in the date book.

[Mark Normand]

Got to put in the date book.

[Sam Morril]

Yes. A planner. Get yourself a Palm Pilot, sister.

[Mark Normand]

A Palm Pilot. Remember Dope Wars?

[Sam Morril]

Dope Wars.

[Mark Normand]

That was a game on a Palm Pilot.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, no.

[Mark Normand]

You want to grab your dad's Palm Pilot. And then you'd be like, let Me download this. And it's just a game where you sell drugs. It's like the Sims for bad kids.

[Sam Morril]

Right? Right. I never knew dope or. That's a dark game. Look at that pilot.

[Mark Normand]

Like, what's. What's. What's acid going for in Harlem? I'm in like fifth grade.

[Sam Morril]

My mom had a Palm Pilot that was a hot ticket item. She was like Elon Musk walking around that thing. In the 90s, it was like pre BlackBerry. Right, right.

[Mark Normand]

Remember blackberries?

[Sam Morril]

Of course. The ball, the wheel. It was like the little golden tea on there.

[Mark Normand]

It was pretty cool.

[Sam Morril]

The. A little clit.

[Mark Normand]

I like that clit.

[Sam Morril]

He loved it. I could find it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it's nice to have one you could see.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, that clit actually did something.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, look at that.

[Sam Morril]

No hood on it.

[Mark Normand]

The hood.

[Sam Morril]

The clitoral hood.

[Mark Normand]

You learn a lot as you get older.

[Sam Morril]

Could have used that in high school.

[Mark Normand]

They never tell you about the hood when you're a kid.

[Sam Morril]

Remember, David tell. Ah, the clit under a hood. Like a little racist. By the way, is the cues on Mike? Because I. I read 78 comments about it. I love. Got a producer. Google bitch over there is talking a mile a minute and we can't even hear what he's saying. Really? Yeah. So get the guy a little. As much as I hate to say it, get this bad. A microphone.

[James]

All right, well, I'm going to take advantage.

[Mark Normand]

We need a scoop for this too. For the ice.

[James]

I sent this rider.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, wow. My burps are not as good as yours.

[Sam Morril]

That was solid.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it was not a burp. It was a bad burp. Sorry, what were you saying?

[James]

I found a Frank Sinatra rider from the 50s or 60s.

[Mark Normand]

You sent me this. It's. This is extensive. This makes me feel like. Not a diva.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, boy. What. What year?

[James]

Based on the color TV, I would guess early 60s.

[Sam Morril]

Early 60s. Okay.

[James]

You want to read these? Mark, can you read them?

[Sam Morril]

Color tv. We got to move these. Upright piano for the dressing room. Private telephone with dedicated line. One bottle each of vodka, gin. Jack, white wine, Shivas Regal red wine and Kvassier.

[Mark Normand]

It's a lot. Thank you. That is a lot.

[Sam Morril]

That's a lot. I mean, an upright piano. What a psycho.

[James]

I love number 11, which was two tuna sandwiches crossed out to be two ham sandwiches.

[Sam Morril]

Interesting.

[Mark Normand]

I might have overpoured here, dude. I apologize in advance.

[Sam Morril]

You know, it's afternoon.

[James]

12 rolls of cherry Lifesavers.

[Sam Morril]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

Only cherry. That's. To me. That's the most annoying part of the whole thing.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Do they Sell them as just.

[James]

They must have.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, they must have back then. Because that would be. That's the worst part. If you have to pick them apart.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. 12 boxes of Luden's cough drops. Jesus. One bag of mini Tootsie Rolls. A bowl of pretzels and chips. Salt and pepper, tea bags, honey, lemon, lime, sugar.

[Mark Normand]

It is funny that he's like a tough guy who's like smacking women around. He's like, don't forget my Tootsie Rolls.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, right.

[James]

Check out number 35. Doesn't like this one.

[Sam Morril]

35. We're on a carton of Camels.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[James]

No filter.

[Sam Morril]

This should be a show. Seeing the pimple faced nerd going out to get all this. The intern who's like, ah, Frank Sinatra.

[Mark Normand]

Grocery games. But if you don't deliver, you get fucking beat up by the mob.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. You get hit with a whiskey glass. Six napkins.

[Mark Normand]

Mine.

[Sam Morril]

Linen napkins.

[Mark Normand]

I got the bodega cat whiskey in there. Gotta have that. I got a fruit plate. Get some. This was when I was doing clubs hard. A fruit plate and a veggie plate. Cause you just get some healthy food and you some hummus.

[Sam Morril]

I do the same.

[Mark Normand]

And then I got nuts. I used to have some fucking natty wine in there. Just because you get hangover free.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, it's natural. It's nice.

[Mark Normand]

Trying. Think what else? Oh, I got. I got the fixings from Manhattan. So I got vermouth.

[Sam Morril]

Nice.

[Mark Normand]

I got the cherries. And I got the. Man, this might be a photo finish. I might have made this.

[Sam Morril]

This is a classy rider you got here. You're like, martin, all I have is a veggie plate. Almonds, bodega cat.

[Mark Normand]

That's it.

[Sam Morril]

That's it.

[Mark Normand]

That's a boring rider.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You had a better writer when you were opening for Schumer. You had like beef jerky in there.

[Sam Morril]

Well, she was footing the bill. And I didn't feel as guilty when it's me that they're gonna go talk later. But with her, they talked about her, so I was okay with. Look at that. Making a cocktail in a robe in the middle of the day in Manhattan. Now that's living, baby.

[Mark Normand]

We're doing all right.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, you gotta.

[Mark Normand]

You gotta up that rider game. I'm not going crazy, but yeah, a lot of it's. Honestly, a lot of it got pushed up. Cause of eater. When you're in the theater, you know, you kind of order dinner and stuff in the club. It used to be hard back in the day. You couldn't get a healthy fucking. I don't want to have wings for. Eat that for years on the road. And at a certain point you're like, I don't want to eat this shit anymore.

[James]

Can I give you one from Stavi's Rider?

[Sam Morril]

Please. Stavros.

[James]

Roasted chickens.

[Mark Normand]

Two.

[Sam Morril]

Two.

[Mark Normand]

You know, they say those are bad for you. No. What? Look it up. But it's, like, in the bag. It's in a plastic bag. There's all these reasons it's not good for you. Look, I didn't retain any of these. I just see an Instagram video and I'm like. And then I looked it up, and then I was like, I don't remember.

[Sam Morril]

I get one every time I go and I pop that iron dome right off there. And that. You know what's annoying? This is my peeve. Those tampon strings on the rotisserie that are tying everything up. You try to get a good pull of a chicken leg and it's. It's lynched up with a. With a twine. I hate that twine.

[Mark Normand]

I do love a good rotisserie chicken too, you know. Oh, no, go ahead.

[Sam Morril]

Well, the pro move, you take that thing, you flip it over, and you eat the bottom first. The bottom's where all the flavor is.

[Mark Normand]

You eat ass.

[Sam Morril]

Yes. I'm eating chicken, poultry, pussy.

[Mark Normand]

Remember, whenever you open, my comic had a bit about eating ass. Oh, that was every comic. They'd be like, I eat ass. And you'd be like, I don't want to know that.

[Sam Morril]

I don't give a. I don't want to say this because I'm sure 900 comics are going to hear it and go, fuck, I have that bit. But I heard this bit. You don't do coke, but you eat ass. You don't drink Coca Cola, but eat ass. Everything was, you don't do this, but you eat ass. 800 comics had that formula, but it would.

[Mark Normand]

It would probably kill everything. Yeah, that's why they did it.

[Sam Morril]

I don't have. I don't eat gluten, but you eat ass.

[Mark Normand]

You know, in retrospect, not a bad point, though.

[Sam Morril]

No, it's a great point.

[Mark Normand]

The first person who wrote it had something. And then every other comic.

[Sam Morril]

There you go.

[James]

I can't remember who it was, but.

[Sam Morril]

They'Re talking about like, oh, that's a perfect looking boulevardier.

[Mark Normand]

That's what I'm doing this because we have Phil Hanley coming in. He's a big Negroni guy, said he didn't want to drink. We heard it through his reps, I guess. But then I text him and he said, no, I'll have a drink. And he's a big Negroni guy. Boulevardier is just whiskey in place of negroni. It's whiskey, sweet, vermouth and campari, equal parts. So it's a good cocktail.

[Sam Morril]

I drink it a lot. Put it over Negroni for my personal taste. My personal taste.

[Mark Normand]

Because of the bodega cat. That's why.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. What do you got, Sally?

[James]

Oh, I was gonna say that Phil has people.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, we all have people. What do you mean?

[James]

I don't know. He knows you really well. Why would he have to have people to get true?

[Mark Normand]

You know, we're busy. And Peters was dealing with them. I don't know.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, but they don't seem like they're in sync. These, these Phil people, they're never.

[Mark Normand]

Are they ever in sync. I feel like whoever's repping us always makes us sound more difficult than we are.

[Sam Morril]

That's true, that's true. But you need that.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

You know, because if we don't want to be the bad guy.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, you don't want to be a bad guy. But also we're not bad. I mean, I'm pretty easy usually.

[Sam Morril]

Same. Same. My rider. You heard it.

[Mark Normand]

You're easier than me. I also got a crew. I got a few people with me in there. They all want to pick at stuff, you know?

[Sam Morril]

Right, right. That's true. Well, that's nice of you.

[Mark Normand]

I got coffee in there too, actually.

[Sam Morril]

Coffee's big.

[Mark Normand]

You used to not drink coffee.

[Sam Morril]

That's true. 33. I made it till 33.

[Mark Normand]

That's fucking insane. I was drinking coffee in like seventh grade.

[Sam Morril]

Wow, man. I pictured you with a black coffee. Those. Those New York blue cups with the Greek on them.

[Mark Normand]

I got those like, but like glasses at home.

[Sam Morril]

Really?

[Mark Normand]

I love those things.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, that's cool. Pull that. Pull those up. Those ceramic. Not ceramic, but they're like paper. That's it. I love New York than that cup.

[Mark Normand]

I love those. Yeah, I got those at home.

[Sam Morril]

And are those still around?

[James]

Watch the whole TikTok about it. They went out and then a company brought them back in 2015.

[Sam Morril]

Hell yeah.

[Mark Normand]

There's a spot in the East Village called a Brocco and they serve. That's like really, really good coffee. And they. They serve him out of there. And it's one of those places, I think it's big Naba. When it open, it was one of those, like, you know, curly haired Italian guys, old guy with great curly gray hair and he would just open when he felt like it. Which was so annoying because you're like, I want a coffee. But he'd be like, yeah, I feel like working from like 12 to 3 today. And I'd be, right, okay. But I don't know when you're going to. We don't know it, but he didn't give a shit. And it worked.

[Sam Morril]

Damn.

[Mark Normand]

Not caring works.

[Sam Morril]

I know. It's so true. Every guy who didn't care gets laid.

[Phil Hanley]

It's true.

[Sam Morril]

You know? And then every guy's like, what does she like? He's getting nothing. He's dry as a bone.

[Mark Normand]

Twiddling the fingers doesn't help either.

[Sam Morril]

Come on.

[Mark Normand]

Come on. Tell me about her pussy.

[Sam Morril]

There's a dumpling place in Chinatown. Four dumplings for a dollar. But they'll just close when they run out. So they'll just run out, you know, for a dollar. Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

It's.

[Sam Morril]

Best deal in town.

[Mark Normand]

That's incredible. What were they, pork? What are we talking, pork?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, and there's a line out the door every single time.

[Mark Normand]

Even the biggest vegetarian will kind of clamp up in the city when there's a deal. Oh, yeah, how about the. How about that? The frog legs in the winter, like the. You pass those windows, you see the ducks. It is a little. It is aggressive.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, the skin, ducks, the red. Yeah, that's you.

[Mark Normand]

Chinatown. You're like. It's a. It's a culture clash.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah, it's nice. Chinatown is eating little Lily alive, by the way. You see in this.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Little Italy used to be here, and then Chinatown was here. And now Chinatown is slowly. The Chinese, they're better at everything. They just. They're killing the wop.

[Mark Normand]

They're eating them alive. And then they're hungry again 30 minutes later.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, I mean, I think Chinatown is. Is morphing. Little Italy used to go all the way up to Houston.

[Mark Normand]

What is the significance? Oh, the movie Chinatown.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, nicely done. I'm a dumb Chinatown, Jake.

[Mark Normand]

But, yeah, look at those. I mean, it looks delicious. So another.

[Sam Morril]

Better than a Peking God.

[Mark Normand]

It's good crispy skin.

[Sam Morril]

You know what I love are those bow. Those little white fluffy bread, the dumpling things.

[James]

Shrimp toast.

[Sam Morril]

No, no, no. It's like a fluffy bread that you clamp onto a meat.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah. Got like a bow.

[Sam Morril]

I think it's bow.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

B, A. Oh, I love a bow bun. Look at that thing. Yes. It's like a puffy.

[Mark Normand]

It does.

[Sam Morril]

Look at that.

[Mark Normand]

She stops saying taco, we start calling it a bow bun. Yeah, I mean, taco's not a great.

[Sam Morril]

That's true.

[Mark Normand]

No woman wants pink. Nice taco. That's a good taco.

[Sam Morril]

You know, my lady calls it the dolphin smile.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Sam Morril]

Why? She's got a real.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, no.

[Sam Morril]

Zipped up, organized, tight clam. Really don't give me a. Just a dolphin. There it is. That's it on the. On the left.

[Mark Normand]

So she's saying she has a great vagina.

[Sam Morril]

Yes. It's tight and it's sealed up. It's not all wacky like a. Like a sale at a car lot. That fucking inflatable thing you see.

[Mark Normand]

You hear guys brag about their dick, but you rarely hear women say, I got a great pussy.

[Sam Morril]

She's very into her vagina.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

As am I.

[Mark Normand]

You should be.

[Sam Morril]

I guess so. Yeah. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I would suck if you're like, her pussy stinks.

[Sam Morril]

And what's fun about her vagina is I've seen it more than she has.

[Mark Normand]

Really?

[Sam Morril]

Well, yeah, because she can't. A woman can't get down there.

[Mark Normand]

I guess. I don't know why I said. Really? That makes more sense. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

I've seen it a million times and she's seen it maybe twice. 3.

[Mark Normand]

A good vagina is so important. I've definitely, like. You have those one night stands where you just. You have a real bad one.

[James]

What's a bad one?

[Sam Morril]

Not flappy, floppy.

[Mark Normand]

Not sanitary either. It was a bad smell once and I was like. I was too embarrassed to say anything, so I just ate it. It's like sending the food back. But the. But the rest. But the chef would be really offended.

[Sam Morril]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

You can't do it.

[Sam Morril]

Ye can't do it.

[Mark Normand]

Sucked.

[Sam Morril]

But, yeah. You're face to face with that thing. So you want it to be somewhat, you know, attractive.

[Mark Normand]

There's definitely a. There's definitely a moment when you're down there and you're like, phew, yes, for sure. How do you. Where do you stand on hairy muff?

[Sam Morril]

I don't mind. Like, I worked a hard day. Don Draper, 5 o'clock. Sometimes I put a cigarette in it, but I don't love the full bush.

[Mark Normand]

Full bushes. It feels aggressive.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

It's like I. You know, I could have guessed you were. For a woman's right to choose, you didn't need to rub it in.

[Sam Morril]

Right. Right. Yeah. I mean, if your vagina looks like the top of my head, I'm out.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. If it looks like a Tommy Chong's hair, we got a problem.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. But I don't mind a little stubble. I like a little stubble or a little fluff on the top. Like a little Hitler on top. I'm cool with that.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. How about, like, armpit hair? What do you stand?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, I know I'm an asshole, but I, too. I just don't like it.

[Mark Normand]

I can't do it.

[Sam Morril]

See, women are allowed to not like things. Like, my wife would be like, ponytail on a guy. Fuck that. If I ever met a guy with a ponytail, I'd kick him down the stairs. But I feel like if a guy goes, hey, armpit hair is fucking gross. Everybody's like, you're an asshole. Oh.

[Mark Normand]

And I'm. I'm aware of my body. Hair is a situation. I know it's bad.

[Sam Morril]

But you're a male.

[Mark Normand]

But see, that's the problem, right, Is we're. We're like. We're like, I don't like this. And I'm like. But I just. I got. I got some hair up here. I got the Captain America fucking shoulder hair.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, wow. Damn.

[Mark Normand]

You know, it's not great.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But, yeah, the armpit hair is tough.

[Sam Morril]

But she's like, if I see a guy with jewelry, if I see a guy with a ponytail, if I see a guy with, like, I don't know, tight. Too tight of a jean. She's out.

[Mark Normand]

A lot of actors do the ponytail.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Like Leo, do it for a while. Orlando Bloom. I feel like some of those guys were just getting so much pussy. They were just like, let me. Let me do a heat check.

[Sam Morril]

Right. Right.

[Mark Normand]

Let me see if I'm still getting ass with this ponytail. And they do.

[Sam Morril]

They clean up it.

[Mark Normand]

I'll cut it, you know?

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

The man bun. Every guy who gets a man bun, women make fun of them, but that guy gets tons of gash.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. And, you know, they could probably play guitar.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. And maybe surf or woodworking. Look at the all hot guys. Man bun. Man bun. Man bun. Steven Seagal.

[Mark Normand]

Steven Seagal is one hot dude. Man, Seagal movies are just. They're not good.

[Sam Morril]

No, but they're, like, so bad. They're fun.

[Mark Normand]

Pull up, pull up. Like a classic one.

[Sam Morril]

He. I would say he's the original Andrew Tate, because he's like, I'm the shit. I'm awesome. Everybody wants to be me. I can kick anyone's ass. I'm the coolest guy. He has zero humility, this guy.

[Mark Normand]

And he eventually had to leave America.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Potatoes back, they say, right?

[Sam Morril]

Oh, is that right?

[Mark Normand]

That's what they're saying.

[Sam Morril]

Well, there you go. We'll get them on Here. Do you watch the Oscars?

[Mark Normand]

I did watch him. I thought Conan was unbelievable.

[Sam Morril]

Conan's always.

[Mark Normand]

He's just. He's just the best.

[Sam Morril]

He's a great guy.

[Mark Normand]

That Drake halftime joke was so good.

[Sam Morril]

So good. And I love the Lithgow thing. I love the show. You're like, this is. No one else would do this but Conan and the.

[Mark Normand]

The worm from Dune. And he goes, this is the showbiz thing. You spend that kind of money, you got to use it twice. I love that.

[Sam Morril]

I love Conan. Me, too. Yeah, he's the best. I thought it was fun. I felt like it wasn't as queefy as the rest of them.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Until Adrian Brody spoke.

[Sam Morril]

I didn't make it that far.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, my God. Longest acceptance speech ever.

[James]

Like five minutes.

[Mark Normand]

It was almost as long as the Brutalist. Was that fucking. No, it was a really good tweet.

[James]

What was it?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I don't remember, but it was something along. Yeah. It needs an intermission or something.

[James]

Intermission.

[Mark Normand]

No, but he. Yeah, he. There's. It was like everything people hate about actors.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Is what he did in the speech. It didn't. He didn't say anything, but he just was like, I'm going to keep going. It's like, it reminds you, like, you're really good.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

When you have a script.

[Sam Morril]

Right. Right.

[Mark Normand]

When you're writing it, there's a reason there isn't any screenplay by Adrien Brody things out there.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. But Shalomu.

[Mark Normand]

He should have won.

[Sam Morril]

I think he was upset. You could tell he was visibly upset.

[Mark Normand]

This is the same thing with the me More. But I thought. I thought Chalamet should have won the Oscar. I thought he was awesome.

[Sam Morril]

Somebody had a good tweet. Demi Moore lost to a hotter, younger woman. And they're like, this is the plot.

[Mark Normand]

This is the substance. Did you see the substance?

[Sam Morril]

I have not.

[Mark Normand]

You heard my story. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of fucked up, right?

[Sam Morril]

Oh, look at Kylie, man. She is like a cartoon woman.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Huge cans, nice face, big hips, small waist.

[Mark Normand]

That's like the Kardashian way.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, but how do you go from. What is it? Travis Scott? Was that who she was with?

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

The blackest man on the planet to this little twink dressed as Curious. Curious George.

[Mark Normand]

I think sometimes you overcorrect.

[Sam Morril]

Ah, yes.

[Mark Normand]

I remember Jim Jeffries had a bit about. Dated a girl whose ex was Michael Phelps. And he's like, can you imagine the greatest athlete in the world? And then me so true.

[Sam Morril]

Over. Correct. I think you got something There. Because we all do it, I think.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I think it also.

[Sam Morril]

You've been pretty consistent.

[Mark Normand]

I think I'm all over the map, honestly. I think you also, when something goes wrong, you're like, look, as you get older, I think you get better at this. And you kind of like, I'm going to rule this out. I'm going to rule that out.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You know, but then when you. I think she's still young, I think you kind of like, this was an extreme choice. I'm going the other way.

[Sam Morril]

And he is maybe one of the hotter actors in show business right now. So it's. No matter what he looks like, you're still dating one of the, like, the. He's like the Leo of our time.

[Mark Normand]

You know, he's crushing it.

[Sam Morril]

Crushing it. And he's good. He's.

[Mark Normand]

Do you like that movie?

[Sam Morril]

I liked it. I. I thought it was okay. And I talked to him and he, you know, you ever have that where you see a movie and you're like, yeah, it's pretty good. Then you talk somebody. You're like, oh, maybe it was great.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, you thought it was great?

[James]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[James]

I had some analysis for Mark.

[Mark Normand]

What's your analysis?

[James]

It's just that he was involved in, like, two different love triangles, one with two men and one with two women. And the stories paralleled each other. I was telling him how great the writing was.

[Sam Morril]

What do you think?

[Mark Normand]

I thought some of the dialogue was not great, but, like, great director. Love. James Mangold. It looked so beautiful, and he was incredible, man. And the woman who played Joan Baez was amazing.

[James]

I've never seen her in anything.

[Sam Morril]

Monica.

[Mark Normand]

She was great. Oh, yeah, dude, he nailed it. It's one of those things where you're like, oh, yeah, I love Bob Dylan songs.

[Sam Morril]

Me too.

[Mark Normand]

You're watching a biopic, and even if they're bad, you're like. Like, people hate the Queen one. But just watching Rami Malek do Bohemian Rhapsody, all these songs, you're kind of like, it's kind of cool.

[Sam Morril]

That Live Aid scene was unbelievable. The fact that they recreated that so perfectly, it was incredible.

[Mark Normand]

It's like, I'll watch someone do bad karaoke. So when you see someone fucking crush it with, like, high production value, there's worse ways to spend your time. I saw the Elton John movie. I thought that guy was pretty incredible.

[Sam Morril]

I was great. Rocket Man.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, it is usually. At least this wasn't like, the totally traditional storyline that they all follow. It was like, okay, it was. It was unique. It was like about being a folk artist versus being, you know, doing what you ever. Whatever you want to do. I think it's a little weird to go in electric thing because it's like he had everything and this is like kind of all they had. And I'm gonna fucking do what I want to do. And. And I also get. The other part of me is like, that's rock and roll, man. Yeah, you gotta do what you want. So I kind of go back and forth where it's like, we didn't have to do this there. You just did it to kind of be a dick.

[Sam Morril]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

But also like getting you get to this level because you do whatever the fuck you want. Right? And that's. I don't know.

[Sam Morril]

I get you.

[Mark Normand]

What do you think of that?

[Sam Morril]

I felt the same way when I went from a toothbrush to an oral B. I went from acoustic to okay, but remember David tell's joke. He goes, what do you like, ma'am? A vibrator. She goes. I go fingers. He goes, acoustic.

[Mark Normand]

Acoustic.

[Sam Morril]

Acoustic. But yeah, I thought it was good.

[Mark Normand]

I felt with the vacu glide. I was like, I'm still good. Jerking off with my. Did you. The vacuum glide, Matt?

[Sam Morril]

No, that's a yes.

[Mark Normand]

Was it amazing? Well, then what. What happened to it?

[Sam Morril]

It's in the storage room somewhere.

[Mark Normand]

What? We thought you were gonna take it.

[Sam Morril]

I'll give it to Hanley. All right.

[Mark Normand]

We got to give it to someone. I mean, it's so. For those of you who don't know, the vacuum Glide is a $1,000 dick sucking device.

[Sam Morril]

Is it a thousand bucks?

[Mark Normand]

Thousand bucks. And. Yeah, I know. And Mark and I, to protect our friendship, since they only sent one, we decided to neither take it.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. I mean, for a thousand. But you could get 10 hookers.

[Mark Normand]

10 hook. Where are you getting hookers?

[Sam Morril]

Wait a minute. How much is a hooker these days?

[Mark Normand]

100 bucks for a hooker. What is this, 1922?

[Sam Morril]

Go down to AC, get a. Get a couple of skeevy pockmark.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, you don't play my shit. No, but you know, vacu glide.

[Sam Morril]

So we.

[Mark Normand]

So we. So we. I thought we gave it to you because you could. Someone could enjoy the greatest blowjob ever. You'll fuck it tonight.

[Sam Morril]

And report back. Full review.

[Mark Normand]

Let us live vicariously. Remember at the end of Ebert's life when he was missing his jaw and people were like, I feel bad eating in front of you. And he's like, no eat for me. This thing for us. Report back.

[Sam Morril]

How did he. Was that from dick sucking? How do you hurt his jaw? All right, sorry, that was too far.

[Mark Normand]

Putting it in there might feel as good as a vacu glide.

[Sam Morril]

That's true. That thing's loose.

[Mark Normand]

No bones anymore.

[Sam Morril]

Look at those lips. Well, you see your dick come out the side, I think.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, no.

[Sam Morril]

That was a tough, tough. Poor guy. Great doc.

[Mark Normand]

Great writer too.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, he was.

[Mark Normand]

Anytime I watch an old movie, if he has a review on it, I'll read it after the movie because he's so good.

[Sam Morril]

I did the same thing.

[Mark Normand]

Cuz he'll say shit that you don't realize you. That you feel.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Wow. You articulated that in a way I never. Like, maybe I would have someday figured that out. But like, he's so good at breaking down.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, he was a little harsh at times too. There's some stuff where you're like, oh, easy ebird. You'd have to say that I disagree.

[Mark Normand]

With him a lot on comedies.

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

That's kind of where I'm kind of like, he could trash a comedy. Be like, no, I think it's funny. But then sometimes he would like. He loved Booty Call. He'd occasionally like. When we'd be like, damn, I didn't see that coming.

[Sam Morril]

That's hilarious. Yeah, there you go.

[Mark Normand]

There you go.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, as the wife, pull up that.

[Mark Normand]

Remember that scene in Booty Call? This is like 90s comedy where you could get away with shit that, like, they just don't do anymore. The two deli guys. You got to lick it before you stick it. This is the scene where I'm like, this would never. You gotta love the 90s for just doing insane like this.

[Sam Morril]

Well, boy, did they.

[Mark Normand]

This movie had some elements. You gotta skip it a little.

[Sam Morril]

Y'all got anything cheaper than that?

[Mark Normand]

As soon as he shoots them, I'll.

[Sam Morril]

Go get some groceries and stuff.

[Mark Normand]

You want some bread? Yeah. A little further than. What the is this? I don't remember this part when you realize it's movie had an insane budget too.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, this is a big budget picture.

[Mark Normand]

This definitely isn't it. It must be way before this.

[Sam Morril]

I bet this cleaned up at the box office.

[Mark Normand]

God, Jamie Foxx has been around a while, huh?

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah. Living Colored. They were on together, those two. Speaking of.

[Mark Normand]

No, this isn't it. It's another one. Whatever.

[Sam Morril]

Speaking of overcorrection, Katie Holmes was dating Tom Cruise and then went to Jamie Foxx. Talk about ultimate. Correct.

[Mark Normand]

That's crazy.

[Sam Morril]

Color. Correct. But yeah, yeah, she. I watched her make out with him at the backstage of Jimmy Fallon.

[Mark Normand]

You watched it?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Did he tape it?

[Sam Morril]

I. I drew it. I taped it. I filmed it. I audio recorded, and I tried to join in.

[James]

That is definitely a white guy on the right there, isn't it?

[Sam Morril]

That's a Jewish guy, for sure.

[Phil Hanley]

All right.

[Mark Normand]

What's so funny?

[Sam Morril]

This is the 90s.

[Phil Hanley]

You got to lick it before you kick it.

[Mark Normand]

You got to make it soft and wet before you stick it. Someone wrote that in the script.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. And they had to audition for that. You got to lick it. No, no. Go browner. Go more ethnic.

[Mark Normand]

The 90s were a good time.

[Sam Morril]

They were great.

[Mark Normand]

Hey, what's up, dude? How are you? Sit down, sit down. We figured for you because you're a Negroni guy. We made boulevardier.

[Phil Hanley]

Oh, that's beautiful.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Don't mind the robes. Don't ask.

[Mark Normand]

We did a cold plunge before because.

[Phil Hanley]

I said when I got in here, I was like, do I have to sit beside Norman wearing that? And he goes, yeah, they need a cold plunge. Do you have a cold plunge in the studio?

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah.

[Phil Hanley]

Oh, yeah. Put that front inside.

[Sam Morril]

It's a sponsor, so.

[Phil Hanley]

Oh, really?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. I got to show some love.

[Phil Hanley]

Wow. Thank you. How. What, do you do that every episode?

[Sam Morril]

No, he has one at the house, and he does it every morning.

[Mark Normand]

I don't do it every day. I had a cheap one. I got rid of it, and I got one for, like, 500 bucks. And I was like, I use it for a while. It's good.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But then the winter comes, and I got a cheap one, and it was so cold this winter, it just turned like a block of ice. I go on the road and forget about it, and I come home, I'd be like, how the fuck do I get rid of this?

[Sam Morril]

Right?

[Mark Normand]

So I just waited till a day it got warm and melted. I tossed it, but they sent us a few of these, so.

[Phil Hanley]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

This is a good one.

[Phil Hanley]

How? It's just such an unpleasant experience.

[Sam Morril]

It's brutal.

[Mark Normand]

He couldn't even get in. I got a fucking baby.

[Sam Morril]

I got up to here, and I squealed like a pig.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I tried to pull them in.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Phil Hanley]

So. But you do you do them?

[Sam Morril]

No.

[Phil Hanley]

Oh, really?

[Sam Morril]

No, no. I'm gonna try. I'm gonna really go for it because they wake you up. They're great for the. The body.

[Mark Normand]

I like waking up to it.

[Phil Hanley]

Do you feel great afterwards? Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You feel amazing.

[Phil Hanley]

Really?

[Mark Normand]

I would, like, listen to my girlfriend's stories. It was crazy.

[Sam Morril]

I'd be connected.

[Phil Hanley]

How long do you feel good for?

[Mark Normand]

It gives you a boost. You feel more focused for someone who has bad add? It would make me pay attention. So. Cheers, boys.

[Sam Morril]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

That's on the book.

[Sam Morril]

Congrats.

[Phil Hanley]

Did you guys get co. You. I mean, got copies and you guys are on the list.

[Sam Morril]

I'm waiting.

[Phil Hanley]

Oh, really? It's going to arrive.

[Sam Morril]

Okay. I'll leave when I see it.

[Mark Normand]

No, I love it, dude. I love the. But it's. I get that it's. You sound like a douche. It's like, I remember I was on Legion of Skanks once and Lewis was like, the two douchey thing a person could do is cold plunge and get an IV drip. I'm like, I've done both this week.

[Sam Morril]

I like how they're telling us. What's douche? I've got a black baby with like a swastik on its forehead. Like, hey, cold plunge is horrible.

[Mark Normand]

I'm like, yeah. Can you clip that out of the clips you post with me?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Phil Hanley]

IV drip is great. I love it once.

[Sam Morril]

Love I.

[Phil Hanley]

Can I put my coat somewhere?

[Sam Morril]

Throw it anywhere.

[Phil Hanley]

Okay.

[Sam Morril]

Throw it on the. On the big.

[Mark Normand]

Put it in the plunge.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, there you go.

[Phil Hanley]

On screen. Does that look bad?

[Sam Morril]

All right, you're fine.

[Phil Hanley]

Sweet. Oh, my God. It's great to see you guys. I feel like I never get to see anymore.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, we're all pretty busy. We're running around. I got a kid, he's on a bus.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Phil Hanley]

How's the bus?

[Mark Normand]

Good. Throwing on some movies, having fun. How's the road? How you like it?

[Phil Hanley]

It's good. It's been great. I don't. I just fly everywhere, but same.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, I don't like the bus.

[Phil Hanley]

I. I think you'd have to be really selective. I think Sam's got a good crew.

[Sam Morril]

Great crew.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Peter can't go wrong with Vitor. He fits in the overhead. He doesn't talk.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah, yeah. It's cheap on flights.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Phil Hanley]

What. And how's the kid?

[Sam Morril]

You know, he's in the Cold Plunge right now. He's. He's belly up. But jokes. I got a lot of kid material.

[Phil Hanley]

Really?

[Sam Morril]

I don't want to be the dad comic, so I'm making it.

[Mark Normand]

You'll never be the dad.

[Sam Morril]

Okay. They're dark, twisted jokes, but with the kid people, really, I get the whole rock thing. People, like, open up to you. When I say I have a kid, they're like, oh, this guy's a kid. I got to hear that.

[Mark Normand]

Rock said that to me once. He was like. He's like, you got to have a kid to grow with your audience. Because all the old guys who don't have kids are weird.

[Phil Hanley]

Oh, I think that's true. I don't want to name names.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But I said. I said, how about Quinn? He goes, one exception. He goes, that's one exception.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah, But Quinn is so tuned in to everything that.

[Sam Morril]

And he's so empathetic and warm already.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

You know, other comics, we're not going to name names, but they get a little cold and stiff over the years.

[Phil Hanley]

I remember coming home and I was getting. We were. I was in Philly, and I was taking the train home after a gig. Like, there was like, one show at the Punchline, Whatever. And I met a comic who is single, doesn't have kid. Definitely will never have a kid. And I was like. And I was going home to an unhappy relationship, and he was going by himself, and I was like, fuck. You got. You can't. He's like a comic. Comic comet. I'm like, you got to introduce some normality to this life.

[Sam Morril]

And it shakes it up because we could do the same. We could do the same thing for the rest of our lives. Routinely road.

[Mark Normand]

Well, how. You're on the road so hard right now. You're in the road so hard right now. It's, like, so easy. Just be like, here's another fucking airport joke.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I finally have airport jokes, but I bought it for two decades. But you can't. You spend so much time there. You shit happens.

[Sam Morril]

I know. And I don't subscribe to that whole, like, hey, you can't do this topic. No, if it's funny, it's funny. Like, Louie has amazing airplane jokes.

[Phil Hanley]

Yep.

[Sam Morril]

So just do it if it's funny.

[Phil Hanley]

This is an airplane. But it's the. It does take place in an airport.

[Sam Morril]

That's fine.

[Mark Normand]

It happens. Yeah. The opening of my last special was, like, missing a connect flight. And it was just. It was more about, like, just how I dealt with it. Yeah, baby. It wasn't really a great joke. Oh, thanks, man. But that.

[Phil Hanley]

Joe, I was thinking that. That particular joke I think of now because I'm trying to. I haven't been writing the way I should because I've been working on a fucking book for eight years.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I can't imagine, like, how much creative energy you have to put in that. And then trying to write. Stand up. It's right, dude.

[Phil Hanley]

And then now. And then after this, I have to do the audiobook. I can't read. I know it's gonna be.

[Mark Normand]

How do you do an audiobook when you Cause a book's about being dyslexic.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah, it's about being dyslexic. It's Salacus. Was there part of it.

[Mark Normand]

Did your agents laugh when you said you wanted to do the audio?

[Phil Hanley]

I want me to. My manager wasn't, like, over the moon about it because most people do it in a couple days, and it took me 64 hours. I have one more session I have to do today, and then I have a pickup session. But, wow. It's. It was like I would. Because I can't read. Like, I can read in my head, but out loud. It was like, I'd have to be like. Like, I was like, okay. You can do that. Like, right. Pepping My. Like, getting. Oh, man, it was crazy.

[Mark Normand]

It's like Rocky, but for a paragraph.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Chugging eggs.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah, it was. Yeah, it was fucking rough, but I'm almost done. But I thought it was important because otherwise, it's like the whole book is, like, kind of about, like, you know, overcoming, you know, diverse or diversity, and you tough the times.

[Mark Normand]

Three white guys.

[Phil Hanley]

Guys overcoming adversity and stuff like that. So it felt weird not to do the audiobook, but God damn, it was brutal.

[Sam Morril]

But that's a great pitch. The fact that you can't fucking read or spell. I mean, text it with you. It's crazy shit.

[Phil Hanley]

You said. Yeah. You said it seemed like a ransom note.

[Sam Morril]

Yes. Yes. It's all over the place, and I'm, like, deciphering words. Like, he meant adversity, not diversity. You know, you learn to speak, Phil.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah. So it was fucking. Yeah, it was something. But I'm almost done. I got one more second. Only have one drink.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

All right.

[Mark Normand]

All right. It's a stiff one, but. Yeah, man.

[Sam Morril]

You get paid on the audiobook, too, so you got to do it.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah. It's not. It's. You don't get. Yeah, you get paid, but it's not like, 64 hours worth of fucking the most.

[Mark Normand]

But it's cool that you're doing it. Yeah. A lot of people listen. I listen to a lot of books on tape.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And if. You know, if the community. I listen to Segura's book on tape, and it was way funnier because he read it.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, interesting.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah. That was the thing, because I have Joe. I mean, there's, like. In the book, there are jokes, and then there's also, like, you know, kind of dark shit. But I was like, someone's gonna fuck these. Some actor. Yeah, it's gonna fuck these Jokes me crazy. Could you imagine an actor doing your joke?

[Sam Morril]

Oh, God. I read Sam Talent's book because he wanted every comic to read a chapter. I read it so poorly, he didn't use it.

[Phil Hanley]

Wait, you had. So you know what it's like to do an audiobook?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Phil Hanley]

It's fucking brutal.

[Sam Morril]

It's brutal. Yeah. I didn't want to read his book. No, no, I'm kidding. But it's amazing.

[Mark Normand]

It's a great book. Unreal.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah. What's it about?

[Sam Morril]

It's about a road com. Fictional guy.

[Mark Normand]

Like a washed up road comic.

[Phil Hanley]

Like it's like a novel.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Wow. It's incredible.

[Sam Morril]

Running the light. Check it out.

[Phil Hanley]

What's it called?

[Sam Morril]

Running the light.

[Phil Hanley]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

He's working on a new book now too. He said.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, is he?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

I bet it becomes a movie. It's so captivating because it's so detailed. Like doing the line of coke, the hooker bombing, the corporate. Getting back on the plane.

[Mark Normand]

It's great, but it's hard to watch. He's right. Like, it's hard to hear an actor read your jokes. Hard to watch actors play stand up. It's getting kind of played out.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

It happens a lot.

[Sam Morril]

That's happening right now. Yeah.

[Phil Hanley]

Any. Anyone ever captured stand up on TV or in a movie?

[Mark Normand]

Funny people. Sandler. Oh, but he's a comic.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And Judd wrote it and.

[Sam Morril]

And Aziz is in it. Seth Rogen did comedy for a while.

[Mark Normand]

Was a stand up at 13 dude in Vancouver.

[Sam Morril]

Wow.

[Phil Hanley]

When I started comedy, everyone had stories about Seth Rogen's parents would bring him to. At the time, there was a. It was like. It was like a book show, but it was Tuesday nights in Vancouver at a bar. But it was killer. And Brent Butt, who I think was.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, it's funny.

[Phil Hanley]

He would host it anyways. His parents would bring like Seth when he was a kid.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, man, it must have been good to get spots on a show. Like.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, he has a clip on YouTube. It's pretty funny. It's pretty funny.

[Phil Hanley]

I never.

[Sam Morril]

It was before.

[Phil Hanley]

It was before I started. Yeah. That might actually be at the venue I'm talking about.

[Sam Morril]

There you go. 13. To me, this is the opposite of comedy. My parents weren't around to drive me to a show. Like they were doing their own thing.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

So like the fact that loving parents is crazy.

[Phil Hanley]

I was unacid.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, exactly.

[Mark Normand]

But he was just funny. I think. I think he was just a funny kid. And then he got cast in Freaks and geeks at like 17 or 18 and yeah, it was just. He was just set. It's crazy.

[Sam Morril]

Look at that.

[Phil Hanley]

It's weird to think, like I just wouldn't have crossed my mind. I was a smart ass. I was making people laugh. But I would never think to do. Yeah, it's wild.

[Sam Morril]

Wild. I would never think to go in this adult.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Venue where they. Where adults are drinking.

[Mark Normand]

That was the reason I went when I was young.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, really?

[Mark Normand]

Alcohol. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

They'll sit there arguing, but they're both deaf, so they can't hear what they're arguing about. Callie, pass me a pillow. I love that.

[Mark Normand]

He's like. I feel like bits like an 80 year old man would do.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

He's just like. He was like an old Jew since he was a kid.

[Sam Morril]

Armadillo.

[Phil Hanley]

Another thing that Rock said, and sorry that I meant to say this about having the kid. He also said, like, you have to get married because if you're not married, people are like, why is this guy not married in the eyes?

[Sam Morril]

I don't know. I don't like. Seinfeld has all these absolutes.

[Mark Normand]

Where all the absolutes.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Like you have to do. Louis does it too. They're like, you have to do this.

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

I don't know. And also Rock's divorce. I mean, you can get married in divorce.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Right? Yeah. Louis told me, don't do clips. Clips are bad. Don't ever tweet. And now he does both. So I'm like, what are we doing here?

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. But he hates them. He hates all of that.

[Sam Morril]

We all hate it.

[Phil Hanley]

I feel like all. Because that's what I say. It's like a comic starting out. I'm like, listen to advice. But people are going to tell you what they do.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Phil Hanley]

Everything is such an individual thing. Coming up with material is such an individual thing. Everything is such an individual thing. But comics will tell you, absolutely, this is what you got to do.

[Sam Morril]

Comics will tell you, this is what you got to do. And then they'll tell you, don't listen to advice.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Comics are all over the place.

[Mark Normand]

But it's also the advice I give you is also what worked for them. Like, Louis would say, you don't want this shit in a career. You want this. I'm like, well, that's what you did.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But there are people who blew up. Like Adam Sandler blew up young.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You blew up this. There's many ways to. To have a big career.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

If anything, it's kind of nice to have this because you have it longer.

[Phil Hanley]

That's True.

[Sam Morril]

Elon.

[Mark Normand]

It's just. I did this. I didn't.

[Sam Morril]

I know, I know.

[Mark Normand]

But it's gonna get fucking gift now. God damn it.

[Sam Morril]

As long as you don't do that one, you know?

[Mark Normand]

But, yeah, I mean, I think it's more like, are you equipped to handle it when you're young? Because we've seen people flame out, we've seen people like, pop. And then you're just like, oh, you. You were not mature enough.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And that's not an age thing always. That's like, are you ready for that?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. It's similar to a cancel. If you're like, he got canceled, but he's doing great. I'm like, but he's also good. Yeah, if you're. If you get canceled, you're good. You're fine.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

You just show them, hey, I can do this, I can do that. But if you suck, you're like, ah, it kind of.

[Phil Hanley]

Also. If you blow. I mean, there's such pros and cons. Everything. But if you blow up immediately, then you miss. I mean, some of the best parts about being a comic are all like, the weird situation.

[Sam Morril]

That's true.

[Phil Hanley]

Also. What about when we were just all at the Cellar every night?

[Sam Morril]

Right.

[Phil Hanley]

You know what I mean?

[Sam Morril]

That's some of the best times.

[Phil Hanley]

Absolutely.

[Sam Morril]

The come up.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

You got nothing to lose having.

[Mark Normand]

Having like a Glenfiddick. That's your drink.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Glenn Fittick. Or like, you know, just those long nights fucking with Liz, the manager there.

[Phil Hanley]

Just hanging out. Everyone. Like, walking in there, knowing everyone you want to see that night are going to be there, and then doing your sets and then hanging out and being like, a towel goes on in 45 minutes. I'm gonna have another drink, stand by that cash register door in the. And watch. A towel. Yeah, there's nothing better than that.

[Sam Morril]

And you had no responsibilities. You get home at 4 and you're like, who cares?

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah, I still have no responsibility.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, but you're worried about. Well, you wrote a book. I mean.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah. You're in it, Sammy.

[Mark Normand]

I'm in it? Yeah.

[Phil Hanley]

The Colette when we first met. Because I talk about, you know, my whole life, but I talk about when I first moved to Vancouver. I can't say his name, but the person that owned the bar where we met, the. The. He was your roommate.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, shit.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, he's. Damn.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, now, I want to hear this.

[Mark Normand]

You know who it is?

[Sam Morril]

Dan?

[Mark Normand]

No. I used to live with this guy.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah. Jello shots.

[Phil Hanley]

Let's call him Jello Shots.

[Sam Morril]

There you go. That guy was wild.

[Mark Normand]

Jello shots.

[Phil Hanley]

It was weird because I was so paranoid. I used people's real names. If they're in the public eye, I figured if I could say this on a podcast and use the real name, then I could do it.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Phil Hanley]

But then people from home, I, like, change certain people's name. Some people, I reached out and I was like, hey, can I use your name in the book? And they were like, yeah, but some people, I was like, oh, fuck. I don't know, man.

[Mark Normand]

You know, in Bukowski's book, Hollywood, he just would use famous people's name and like, you can't use their name. And he'd be like, all right, Arden. Or say se. He would just write names like that. And you're like, oh, that's fucking genius.

[Sam Morril]

Why not?

[Phil Hanley]

I had to go through the whole thing with a lawyer and change people's names.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, damn.

[Mark Normand]

Like. Like just people who just grew up with. And yeah.

[Phil Hanley]

Not like there's a couple people that, like, if it was like, I tried to be real, I was like, really careful. I didn't want anyone to look bad or whatever. But yeah, just like, certain people, like, teachers names and stuff like that. The teachers were shitty to me.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, gotcha.

[Phil Hanley]

Stuff like that. I just changed their names.

[Mark Normand]

If they're dead, can you use a real name?

[Phil Hanley]

I. I mean, I would like to think they are, but. Yeah. No, there's mean. They're mean to kids.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Gross.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah. Called me dumb and lazy.

[Sam Morril]

Damn.

[Phil Hanley]

Oh, yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Really?

[Mark Normand]

That's how teachers used to be.

[Phil Hanley]

I feel like, yeah, now they're not like that.

[Sam Morril]

I was in French immersion, so I didn't know when they were calling me that. Yeah, they were mean.

[Phil Hanley]

Well, you know, they were calling you that.

[Sam Morril]

Wait, what?

[Phil Hanley]

No. Wow. Really? Can you speak French?

[Sam Morril]

I used to. It's gone away. But I was pretty good. I was. I think if I gave it like an hour and really, like, hung out with a French guy. Get it back.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

What if you went to France and you spent, like, two weeks here?

[Sam Morril]

You think Easy.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Week one, I'd have it.

[Phil Hanley]

Dude, you should just do that.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, I know, but I got a kid.

[Mark Normand]

You could take a kid on vacation. Yeah, that's not a good kid. Vacation.

[Sam Morril]

Really get to the flight. Yeah. There's no really land in Paris.

[Phil Hanley]

List says he flies with his kid all the time.

[Sam Morril]

He's flown with his kid, I think, 28 times.

[Phil Hanley]

Holy.

[Sam Morril]

Which is insane.

[Mark Normand]

Kid is actually diamond medallion.

[Phil Hanley]

That's amazing. I bumped in. I was flying to Milwaukee Never mind. And I got on the plane. I was like, that dude looks like List. He was like. Like, already asleep before it took off. Yeah, but he's back on the bottle and. No, he was already asleep.

[Sam Morril]

And you're like, damn, that guy's ugly.

[Phil Hanley]

I go, that guy looks so much like List. And then we get off the plane, and it was Joe List.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, he told me. He's like, I saw Phil Haley on the plane to Wisconsin.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

So there you go.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

He thinks you're Batman. He's like, I don't know what Phil Hanley's up to. I don't know where he is, who he is. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. But List does it. But he's hard to fucking find, too.

[Sam Morril]

That's true.

[Phil Hanley]

He says he has a kid.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, he's at home right now, I guess.

[Mark Normand]

I love how hard at work you are. We're talking about List. You bring up a picture List.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You're fucking working, man. I appreciate it.

[James]

I shot this pic.

[Sam Morril]

So.

[Mark Normand]

Okay.

[Phil Hanley]

Great, big thank you. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

I think that's the first hour at the Celery did.

[James]

I think so.

[Sam Morril]

Which now is like 10 million views.

[Phil Hanley]

But, God, that's a great hour.

[Sam Morril]

Killer.

[Mark Normand]

He's prolific as fuck.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Keeps pumping it out.

[Mark Normand]

And they're all great.

[Sam Morril]

They're all great. He's going in the can right now. I think it's coming out. I don't know. Soon.

[Phil Hanley]

Really?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Phil Hanley]

I don't know how. He just. Yeah, he just pumps it out.

[Sam Morril]

He has really found. I remember seeing, like, a Rory Scoville or Nate Brigadsi, where you're like, oh, they know exactly who they are. They're. They're, like, on the way to being great. Yeah, you gotta just know your voice. Like, Nate would have a thing happen to him, and he would just go on stage and talk about it, and it would do okay. And they would do it again, and it would kill. Yeah, he just knows where to go.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

I'm still all over the place.

[Phil Hanley]

Rory's like that, too.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, Rory's unreal. A famous story. Not a famous story, but I opened for him once. He was doing four hours at the Relapse Theater in Atlanta. All no material, just riffing for four. Four different hours. Yeah, I opened for him. I would do material, and I was like, hey, I did. I had a good set. I'm the man. Here we go. And then he would go up with no material for an hour and crush and blow me out of the water. And I'm like, damn it. I worked so Hard on that. And this guy's just killing with nothing.

[Phil Hanley]

He just did 10 nights in Brooklyn.

[Sam Morril]

Really?

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah. He did 10 nights at. What's that place with his, like, shuffleboard upstairs. Union Hall.

[Sam Morril]

Union hall?

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Ten nights.

[Phil Hanley]

I saw him on a flight and he was talking about it. Yeah, he did 10 nights, 10 new hours, and he had, like, music in the background. Wow.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Are any of them good enough to, like. How do you film something like that? Do you break it up like something night one? I feel like editing that together has got to be a nightmare.

[Phil Hanley]

Cats broke it up, I think. Cats?

[Sam Morril]

Oh, he filmed it?

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah, I believe so. Yeah. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

I'm bummed. I didn't know he was here. I'd love to have him on. I know he's a really special talent.

[Mark Normand]

That guy really is hilarious.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Interesting.

[Mark Normand]

I fucking hate that airport. That's the thing about, like, you got. Wherever you live, you got to have a good airport if you're going to do this.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Any airport with a tram in the middle. I want to kill myself.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

You know, like, you land, like, you got to go on the air train to go to baggage claim. You're like.

[Phil Hanley]

And you feel like such an amateur. I was. That's Minneapolis this weekend. I was like, what do you. What. How do you get. You know, you're asking people, like, where the.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, I know. It's the worst. Airports. Got to get it together. LaGuardia voted number one.

[Phil Hanley]

Really?

[Sam Morril]

Really?

[Phil Hanley]

Other people. I love LaGuardia.

[Mark Normand]

I do, too, suck. Like, ten years ago now. It's amazing.

[Sam Morril]

Now we're doing Phil's airport material.

[Phil Hanley]

So.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, how long does this book take you, dude?

[Phil Hanley]

Took about, like, from the beginning. When? Like, eight years.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah. Because I started and I had no. I didn't even fucking take English in school. I finished high school having never read a book.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa.

[Phil Hanley]

I had a special ed teacher read me a book about some kid who got lost in the wilderness, which I think she was, like, pushing me in.

[Mark Normand]

That direction, but were you running a lot by? Was there anyone you'd run stuff by or.

[Phil Hanley]

No, I started. I made a list of everybody. It was when I was, like, living in New Jersey. That's how long ago it was.

[Sam Morril]

Wow.

[Phil Hanley]

And I made a list of everyone I had ever met in my whole life. And then I made a list of everywhere I'd ever been in my whole life. And then I started just trying to write, and it was so bad. And then I slowly got better.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Phil Hanley]

Because I was trying to, like, at first, my first draft That I ended in my agent was like, I can tell when you're going for a joke because that's all I've ever written.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Phil Hanley]

So I would like set up a paragraph where like, oh, this is going to be a doozy at the end. And he's like, just tell the story. And so it's like funny. But it was so freeing to not have to worry about punch lines, of course. Or anything like that. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Like, Sam.

[Mark Normand]

I was gonna make a one man show joke, but that was. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah, that works too.

[Mark Normand]

But yeah, man.

[Phil Hanley]

So it just kept going and then I guess I sold it like maybe four years ago and then I finished it. So it took four years and then I finished it like a year and a half ago. And then I thought I was done and I'd hand it in and then it would just be like slight changes, but it just took so long.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Phil Hanley]

And then the audiobook and then it comes out in two days from when this airs. Yes.

[Mark Normand]

Were there any writers whose brains you picked for advice?

[Phil Hanley]

No, like the only. I mean, I was inspired that Quinn had done it before.

[Sam Morril]

He's got a book.

[Phil Hanley]

He's got a coloring book. He's got a couple. Yeah. Coloring book. And then he wrote another one too. But I was inspired. Matt took that picture.

[Mark Normand]

It's a good book.

[Phil Hanley]

And then you don't know. And the only people that I can really read is like, I can read Brikowski because it's so straightforward.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Phil Hanley]

But I can't read like flowery. So the book's written very like, you.

[Mark Normand]

Know, like Hemingway sentences, tight.

[Phil Hanley]

That's. Yeah. That's the comparison I keep getting.

[Sam Morril]

Hopefully it ends the same. But I think this is gonna really hit home. People who are dyslexic and they're gonna send you all kinds of up letters.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah. A lot of dyslexic people that come to my shows are dyslexic people, Parents to dyslexic people and self induced dyslexia.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Do you think the drugs did anything to you or.

[Phil Hanley]

No, I don't know.

[Sam Morril]

A lot of acid in his history for the folks at home.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah, I took a lot of lsd. But the reason, and I always thought it was just because I was like, whatever. I felt like dirty as a teenager before taking so much drugs. But then I had a therapist be like, well, you. It was so miserable. Can you imagine going through school and not. You just don't. You don't know what they're fucking reading. So. Yeah, I would just like fake read.

[Sam Morril]

Right.

[Phil Hanley]

And then they'd ask questions. You'd be like, I have no. It's like, you know when you're this.

[Mark Normand]

Probably why you became a smart ass.

[Phil Hanley]

Yes. 100%. 100.

[Mark Normand]

Because you needed some control. So the sarcasm was your control.

[Phil Hanley]

Right. Absolutely. Recess. I would be fucking, you know, introduced by Johnny, and I would fucking go out and be bopping and Scott in that recess. Or also just to like prove that I was smart. Because you're told you're dumb. You felt. You feel dumb.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Phil Hanley]

You can't read and can't write. You feel stupid.

[Mark Normand]

What about. What about the relation to you. Because you have two older siblings, right?

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

So were they. They were good students.

[Phil Hanley]

Great students. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

So that, I mean, that's got to be. I relate to this very much.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, what did that feel like when they're pulling back good grades and you're just like, yeah, because I do.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah. You just feel like. Because at first they didn't know what was wrong. So they would just say I was lazy and I was dumb and my mom would just show up and fucking fight for me to get put to the next grade because she thought it would be devastating if I didn't go to school.

[Mark Normand]

You have that great joke about how your mom was doing your homework and then the teacher was saying how bad all the homework was and you're like, damn it. Phil is working two jobs, raising three kids. That's a great joke.

[Sam Morril]

Also, you're big into the crowd work. I feel like.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

And that almost feels like you're smartass now. You're putting it to work and making money on it.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah, I think. Yeah, that's. It's a weird thing because when people started. Because I always did crowd work from soon as I started comedy.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Phil Hanley]

And I never thought anything of it. Just because you get it in your head, if you're dyslexic and you're bad at everything, you get it in your head that the things that you are good at, you devalue them because you're like, this must just be easy if I can do it right. So used. So it took me a long time to start posting clips and accepting like, oh, no, this is a skill.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Phil Hanley]

Besides, if you watch certain people's clips.

[Sam Morril]

Well, it also became popular too. And you happen to be good at it.

[Phil Hanley]

Well, yeah, it became popular and I'd been doing it for 19 years.

[Sam Morril]

Exactly where it was kind of an. I don't want to say an afterthought, like crow work. Was always around, but it wasn't what it is now. Now crowd.

[Mark Normand]

There are people who I thought of as. As being good at, and Phil was one of those people. I think it would. You know, you're New York. You're like Phil, Todd, Barry.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Big Jay does it well. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, that's true. But, yeah, you're. You're selling tickets.

[Phil Hanley]

Hotcakes now.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Phil Hanley]

After all that. Yeah. Which feels so crazy.

[Sam Morril]

That's what it's all about, baby butts and seats.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah. Yeah. It feels so weird because now to do. When I started comedy, the only people that did theaters were people that, like, the only way you could do it would be on a sitcom.

[Sam Morril]

I know, I know.

[Phil Hanley]

So weird.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. No, it's. We're. We're in a boom. Quinn keeps joking like, it's about to end.

[Sam Morril]

I've been hearing that for five years.

[Mark Normand]

Colin Quinn keeps saying, the boom's about to end. And he keeps saying, like, you know, he made a great point last night about how, you know, comedy. He's like, I felt this. Like, the crowds are getting dumber.

[Sam Morril]

Yep.

[Mark Normand]

He's like, the. The. The end is coming. He's like, what killed comedy back in the day was like. Like, we'll just do karaoke night. He's like, now, like, it's like, everyone's doing karaoke on TikTok.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And you're like, fuck. He'd make all these comparisons to, like, these huger versions of what happened. He's like, this is five times. Because the boom. This boom is, like, huge. 20 times the boom of the.

[Sam Morril]

We know people at 10 guys at arenas that. Friends of ours.

[Phil Hanley]

So insane.

[Sam Morril]

Insane.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Two guys at arenas in the history of comedy. Or three guys, and now it's like four people we know.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Nate does an arena at 4pm I started. We started with him at the World.

[Mark Normand]

He's adding shows like it's an improv. Yeah. In an arena.

[Phil Hanley]

I talk about the world a ton of the book.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

If you. For those who don't know, there was a. There was a place called the World. It was like a satellite room to Broadway Comedy Club already. Not a good club.

[Phil Hanley]

No.

[Mark Normand]

This is the bad room at that club.

[Phil Hanley]

It's like a. It's like a storage space. They had tables. On the stage. Yeah, on the stage.

[Mark Normand]

And I. I run by a guy in a fedora.

[Phil Hanley]

His name you didn't use Summer.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Phil Hanley]

In the winter. Fur coat.

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Phil Hanley]

And then there you would. I was on stage at the World and had someone tell me that their bill was wrong. Like, mid set. Like, that was. That was what it was at. That was where it was at. There's like, this is wrong. And I. So wrong.

[Mark Normand]

My career was so in the toilet. Let me fix it.

[Sam Morril]

I just paid the bill. I remember getting you in there.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

And you crushed, like, the first night. Because you were. You had to be. It was like a. It was a papered room. Obviously, it was all barked in. Randos.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

And so you had to shuck and jive. I was up there like, what's the deal with peanuts? They're weird. You know, it's not a pee. It's a nut. Whatever. And I'm bombing.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

And you went up there and you were like, look at this guy. Holy. And I was like, who's this dude?

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah. Yeah. Because I'd done so many shitty gigs.

[Sam Morril]

Right.

[Phil Hanley]

Whoever I used to do shitty, he was.

[Mark Normand]

He still had a very professional.

[Sam Morril]

You did.

[Mark Normand]

We didn't have. Because I think Mark and I were so used to just doing kind of just like these shit rooms in New York, and Phil kind of came with a more professional approach. Where I remember we were to. At a bar show and there were like, five people in the room. And Phil just went up there and really handled it. Like, it was like. It was a big show. And I was like, oh, shit, this is kind of cool. Everyone else was like, oh, four, five people showed up. But he really, like, played to them. And I was like, oh, that's what you're supposed to do as an entertainer. You're supposed to. I mean, it's obvious. Yeah. But it wasn't obvious to us.

[Sam Morril]

No.

[Phil Hanley]

For me, it was a big fucking deal because I, like, ended a relationship of five years and didn't get to see my nephew and, like, to move here.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Phil Hanley]

Every show in New York, to me just felt like a fucking huge deal.

[Sam Morril]

Interesting. I didn't know about all that.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Sam Morril]

That's kind of how I feel with the kid. Like, every set I'm working.

[Phil Hanley]

Oh, that's great.

[Sam Morril]

You get out the house. Like, just getting out of the house is hard.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

And so you're like, I got to make sure this line works. I got to take that line out, tweak that. Like, you go in there with a mission.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Because you can't. Stage time is precious now. Before, I was like, I'll fuck around. You just want to kill.

[Phil Hanley]

I can't imagine.

[Mark Normand]

We were laughing because we were on the road. And Mark's like, God, I can't get out of the house with this baby and we look on YouTube. I'm like, did Mark just do Brendan Sagalo's podcast in Queens? Your wife's at home dealing with the baby. Like, I gotta go to a store. Eater.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

To bang out this pod real quick.

[Sam Morril]

I lied. I was like, I'm doing the Tonight Show. I gotta go. Yeah. I kept putting it off for years. So I was like, it, I'll do it. My parents were in town. That's what got me out of the house.

[Mark Normand]

I knew it was something.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. It would drive me nuts.

[Mark Normand]

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[Sam Morril]

Love it, Love the food. It tastes great. It's easy to make. I love the smoothies. They come with really good juices, baby. And you know me, I'll eat Panda Express if you, if you have it around. So this is good. I need the nutrients.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it's good stuff. It's nice that, like, it's like that healthy heat and eat type stuff. It's hard to come by.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

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[Sam Morril]

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[Mark Normand]

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[Sam Morril]

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[Mark Normand]

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[Phil Hanley]

I can't imagine how that would affect time management.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, dude, that's the hardest part about a kid. It's not the keeping it alive. It's not the shitty diapers and the screaming. It's like the scheduling. I got a pot of this time. She's like, well, I have yoga and I'm like, like, so you gotta hire somebody or get somebody over. It's brutal.

[Phil Hanley]

I've done everything I've wanted to do all day, every day. It's hard.

[Sam Morril]

Cherish it, cherish it because that goes away quick.

[Mark Normand]

But do you ever think about having a kid?

[Phil Hanley]

I want to so bad.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah?

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Really?

[Phil Hanley]

Yes. I love kids. What? Yes. I was like, yeah, totally. I just. Wow.

[Sam Morril]

I didn't know that. So you want to do the old fashioned way or you think about adopting? What do you like?

[Phil Hanley]

Oh, I think, I mean, ideally I would do the old fashioned.

[Sam Morril]

You never know. Yeah, like adopt. You get like a 17 year old, you're.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

One year. In a year you're cruising.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I think about it. So you ever see the movie Thief? You ever see Thief with James Cobb?

[Sam Morril]

I have seen Thief.

[Mark Normand]

You know, there's that scene where, you know, he's like an ex con and he's trying to. He's trying to adopt a kid and they're like, where were you from year these years to your. She's like, I was in prison. They're like, yeah, you can't adopt a kid. And he's like, I'll take a black or a Mexican one. I don't give a shit. He's doing them a favor.

[Sam Morril]

I forgot about that Ye most up.

[Mark Normand]

Hilarious scene.

[Sam Morril]

He died, right?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I do that movie rules, though.

[Sam Morril]

He's an ex con.

[Mark Normand]

O.

[Sam Morril]

Okay.

[James]

Phil likes kids so much, his home screen is his nephew.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Phil Hanley]

You're super close to the nephew. Yeah, I'm super. Yeah, I have a. Yeah, when he's a baby.

[Mark Normand]

Kevin Spacey's home screen is also your nephew.

[Sam Morril]

I was going to say. You got to explain that one quick. Is that your kid? No, that's my nephew.

[Phil Hanley]

I. I think since he was born, I don't know if I've ever not had him as my home school. He's 18 now, but. Yeah, the picture of him went out is just.

[Mark Normand]

But you're tight. You're tight. You're really tight with your sister, too.

[Phil Hanley]

Save my sister. Tight with my. Super tight with my nephew. I'm going home and performing in Vancouver this weekend.

[Sam Morril]

Hey.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

What club?

[Phil Hanley]

The Queen Elizabeth.

[Sam Morril]

Hell, yeah.

[Phil Hanley]

No, no, that was in. Where did you play, Sammy?

[Sam Morril]

The Vogue.

[Phil Hanley]

Vogue.

[Mark Normand]

That's a good one.

[Sam Morril]

That's a great room.

[Phil Hanley]

Is it?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, it's amazing.

[Phil Hanley]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah.

[Phil Hanley]

Okay.

[Sam Morril]

Great crowds in Canada.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Vancouver's awesome.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, I love it. I remember the mix. Too bad the mix is gone.

[Phil Hanley]

The mix was such a great. And the thing that sucks is it's still there. It's just not a club. It was sold out from Tuesdays, like, the whole week.

[Sam Morril]

I know. That was. I stayed in that hotel recently, randomly. I did the Great Outdoors, whatever with Santino and Soder and I.

[Mark Normand]

That's a fun. That's a fun show.

[Sam Morril]

It was a great time. But I was like, why is this hotel familiar? What's going on? And then I realized the mix is right up.

[Mark Normand]

3 and Joe list were in the sauna at that hotel.

[Sam Morril]

Holy.

[Phil Hanley]

No, that Wasn't that the Sutton play when we all did the Vancouver comedy? Yeah, that was one block down. That was a Sutton place.

[Sam Morril]

Okay. Okay. Damn, what a great city.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I'm pumped to go back. I love. I really like that. Like, I love Seattle, too, man, for comedy. I love. I love. I know the downtown. Seen better days with that. Pike Market. So fucking cool.

[Sam Morril]

Killer.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I love the Pacific Northwest. I mean, Portland, Oregon, gets a bad rap, but, like, I usually have fun, though.

[Sam Morril]

Crowds are great.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

That whole strip, that Pacific Northwest, it's.

[Mark Normand]

A good strip for shows, man.

[Sam Morril]

I mean, heroin.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Great for heroin. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[Phil Hanley]

Hastings is nasty.

[Sam Morril]

Yikes.

[Phil Hanley]

I always. Wherever I am, I always text Peter for Rex for food.

[Mark Normand]

It's insane. He's actually. It's annoying because he's so arrogant about it, but every fucking meal is a home run.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah. Okay. To me, he thinks it's a real.

[Mark Normand]

Skill though, to just take my credit card and just be like, I found a spot.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And everyone, by the way, I'm paying for these, these like insanely expensive meals. And. And everyone's like, Gary, thank you so much. Thank you, Gary.

[Phil Hanley]

That's hilarious.

[Sam Morril]

I took him to Chicago to open for me and he had a dude.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah, he didn't live.

[Sam Morril]

I thought he was gonna hang himself.

[Phil Hanley]

Oh my God.

[Sam Morril]

I was gonna come into his closet with a belt.

[Mark Normand]

I got food wrecks too. Chicago's easy. Come on.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, yeah.

[Phil Hanley]

But Gary, so, I mean, one of the most fun loving, easy to laugh when he's on a mission. Finding after we did the Beacon, when I. I was on your Beacon show.

[Mark Normand]

That was fun.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah, it was fun. But afterwards, Gary was trying to find a place to go and it was like ins. It was like a doctor trying to save a life, man. He was like, he's like on his phone. You can't joke around with him. He takes it seriously.

[Mark Normand]

He takes the vibe of the road very seriously. And that's who you want to be on the road with is someone who like, he's like, every moment has to count. Like, he gets me up early in the morning. We go to like. By the way, here's a rec. Go to the rec center. Seriously, like you go on, you go on the road. The south, every YMCA is like fucking beautiful now.

[Phil Hanley]

Really, dude.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, rec centers, they usually have a steam room, a sauna. They have like a basketball court, a pool.

[Sam Morril]

It's like, that's good wreck.

[Mark Normand]

You can get, you can get a seven day pass for free usually. Or it's like a day rate. But it's like, man, you're on the road, it's. And if you live there, it's like 150 for the whole year. I highly recommend that.

[Phil Hanley]

Wait, you get up when you're on the road.

[Mark Normand]

We veeder. Veeder fucking pushes us and really he's sober. Veter sober. I still drink at night, so I'm like the superhero here. But like. Right, but like they're. Yeah, we, we try to like, I'll play ball with my tour manager, Brian. We play basketball. Veterans doing weights. We fucking. Yeah, we. Yeah, there we go. There's Gary there he is. Special. Yeah. Look at that little suit. I. I feel like looking like a million bucks.

[Phil Hanley]

If you get up then, because you don't Nap, Right?

[Mark Normand]

I hate naps.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Kind of a peeve to me.

[Sam Morril]

Really. I mean, it works. It feels great. I highly recommend.

[Phil Hanley]

That's a wreck for me. Really? Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

What's the trick? The trick is you try to read, go out.

[Phil Hanley]

The trick is the reading would totally. It's fucking exhausting, dude.

[Sam Morril]

It is.

[Phil Hanley]

It's hard, but, yeah, I just wait. I just don't have a coffee till I have a nap, and then after my nap, I have a coffee.

[Sam Morril]

Whoa.

[Phil Hanley]

You get up and drink coffee, it's gonna up your nap.

[Sam Morril]

There you go.

[Phil Hanley]

But 20 minutes, man, because don't you tie. If you get up.

[Mark Normand]

But how do you do the alarm? How do you. So my question is, see, how long does it take you to fall asleep for a nap?

[Sam Morril]

That's the question.

[Phil Hanley]

Because then maybe, like 10 minutes.

[Mark Normand]

You have to keep adjusting the alarm. I feel like.

[Phil Hanley]

No, I. I'd set the alarm for like an hour out, even though I'll probably wake up in 20 minutes.

[Sam Morril]

Right, right.

[Phil Hanley]

But if I work out and do shit on the road, like, when I look the road he's hiking and all that, I'd be like, I'll be so tired in between the early show and the late show.

[Sam Morril]

What are you, an old man? Come on.

[Mark Normand]

Picture him with a walking stick.

[Phil Hanley]

No, I would just be burnt. You know what I mean?

[Mark Normand]

We. Honestly, it wakes me up. Like, if. If we exercise and, like, hit the sauna and. And do a little shower, get a good breakfast. I'll have, like, four coffees at breakfast. But, like, I'm, like, up for the day. I don't. I. Yeah, and. But then we fall asleep somewhat early on the road, but really, aren't you.

[Phil Hanley]

Not tired when you're on the road?

[Sam Morril]

I am, but I just push through, and then I try to get some good sleep at night.

[Phil Hanley]

You're the only person. Is that. That's where the booze comes in.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, that helps.

[Phil Hanley]

You're the only person that. And I think you. When I'm on the road, like, Norman gets so pumped about, like, he's like, flew in from South Africa, did a podcast. I got three spots tonight. Like, that. Psych. The. That would weigh me down.

[Sam Morril]

Right?

[Phil Hanley]

Get you pumped?

[Sam Morril]

Pumped. Yeah, I guess so. Because I. I am tired, but I'm pumped that I could get it all in.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

I beat the system. I feel like.

[Mark Normand]

Because you do, you get a feeling like when it's all over, you're like, yes, it's satisfaction.

[Sam Morril]

Satisfaction. This is for the kids at home. Satisfaction is better than happiness. Everybody's like, I want to be happy. I want to be happy. You're not satisfied, you get satisfied, you'll be happy.

[Mark Normand]

But maybe they're connected. Satisfaction makes you happy.

[Sam Morril]

I think so. I think so. Everybody's chasing happy. They want to take a pill or just like, what do I do? I want to be happier.

[Mark Normand]

Fulfillment.

[Sam Morril]

Go fulfill yourself. And. And. And then scratch something off a list.

[Phil Hanley]

I will say, after four hours, I would do. I would prep for the audiobook for four hours. Then I would do the audiobook session for four hours.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Phil Hanley]

And I felt burnt. But on top of the world after.

[Sam Morril]

That, because don't you got. Maybe we're all different here, but I feel like a vacation. I almost can't enjoy it because I'm like, I'm not being productive. I could have done this, I could have done that. I wasted a day. And I don't enjoy the vacation because I'm just thinking of what I could have done with those hours.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Maybe that's a disease.

[Mark Normand]

I'm bad at vacation, dude.

[Sam Morril]

There we go.

[Mark Normand]

Look. You have to almost trick yourself, because I think we're all wired in this way where, like, to get good at standup, we had to do so many shows a night, never really take nights off for so many years that you're like. It became hard to relax, and then you go on. I'd be in, like, Santorini, and I'd be like, I'm supposed to just, like, go on a catamaran.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

What the fuck is this shit?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, I got stuff to do.

[Mark Normand]

And even then my girlfriend would be making fun of me. She'd be like, you're just gonna read, like, a Pudin book by the pool. I was like, that was me trying to be good. But, yeah. Ye. I don't know. It's hard for me. Like. Yeah. I'd always want to be like, what's this doing for my comedy? And that's a really unhealthy way to think, I guess.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But. But because I don't do that. If I go to, like, a Knicks game, I'm like, how is this good? But I guess the things I enjoy, the ways I, like, kind of decompress, aren't vacation. I feel like, I think a lot of mini vacations.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I go to, like, a Knicks game or, like, a fucking, you know, a hockey game or go to, like, a museum or go see a movie. But, like, I'm not gonna. But I'm not gonna, like, mini vacation.

[Sam Morril]

That's big.

[Mark Normand]

But when I go travel, I'd Be like, well, I'm here. I want to do like a gig. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

That's how I feel. And then, you know, the women in your life get mad at you. Like, you gotta. You gotta go do this. What I thought about dinner and I'm like, I hate dinner. I wanna go do this.

[Mark Normand]

It works both ways though. Because I was just in, you know, I did a low Euro tour and dude, I. I did too many countries in too short a time. I didn't enjoy it. Like, that's the other problem. Like, I want. The balance is hard. But man, I did like, like all the Scandinavia in like four days.

[Phil Hanley]

Really?

[Mark Normand]

And I'm like, this isn't how you enjoy it.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

You know, wake up, you know, at an airport.

[Mark Normand]

It sucked. And every time I'd land there, I'd be like, man, I found a good restaurant. I'd be like, I want to be here for a few days.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

So then I see what like Leonard Cohen used to do when he just like live in Hydra for a month. And I'm like, that's kind of cool. I mean, I guess a musician, you can do that.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But like, we don't.

[Sam Morril]

Yari lives in Cambodia for a month and I'm like, like, ah, that's too much.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

68 years old.

[Phil Hanley]

But if you were doing. If you did that and did like every other day.

[Sam Morril]

That's true. That's the move, you know what I mean?

[Phil Hanley]

Do a show in Norway. Spend the day in Norway.

[Sam Morril]

Fly to, you know, I brought the wife on that. I did the same run where you just wake up, go to the airport, you fly to Oslo.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

The show's that night. You do the show, you try to get dinner, try to do something.

[Phil Hanley]

Which is so hard when you don't know what's going down.

[Sam Morril]

I know. And it's late and closes early. We live in New York. We forget, like, rolls up over there.

[Mark Normand]

Even New York. I was trying to go to a bar the other night after I saw you at the Cellar when I was fucking shit faced that night. All I know is I ran the light. Liz, the manager's lighting me. I was like, I impregnated her and I won't pay child support. And the crowd's like, what the fuck is happening? I was just like fucking with her.

[Sam Morril]

He's laughing.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. She was cracking up. I got off stage of a bomb to try to find a bar and like, nothing was open. I was like, the fucking West Village, dude.

[Sam Morril]

Bars are gonna start closing more and more because no one drinks now.

[Phil Hanley]

East Village.

[Sam Morril]

That was a hot spot.

[Phil Hanley]

It was a hot spot. 7A. There was that other. You know.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah. Seven days, 24 hours. Or used to be.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah. Vaselka is not 24 hours. That.

[Mark Normand]

That was the one that ripped myself as a spot.

[Phil Hanley]

It's the spot.

[Mark Normand]

That's a spot.

[Phil Hanley]

It's a spot. And it. It was such a comic spot.

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Phil Hanley]

You'd go there.

[Mark Normand]

We've been there together. Come on. That's a great spot.

[Phil Hanley]

And I've been there. I. Because I live so close, I'll stop in and you always see comics there. But.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Phil Hanley]

Closes at 12, which now is, like, late for the city. It's like, why are we.

[Sam Morril]

What happened?

[Mark Normand]

We need a new catchphrase. It's not the city that never sleeps anymore. It really isn't. Like, diners are also dead too, in the city. Like.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Because. And then you go to a diner and you're like, how do you stay open? You're like, oh, eggs are $22. It kind of takes away the charm of a diner.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Now they got these diners that are pretending to be a diner. It's like, I identify as a diner, but it's so expensive. And you're like, what are you doing? It used to be like. Like blue collar people in here, middle class. And now it's just everything's like, fake. It's like a diner. Accoutrements.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

You know, but they don't have the prices.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah. But not East Village. Nothing. Open late now.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, that was the bar area.

[Phil Hanley]

I know.

[Sam Morril]

Remember Mars Bar and all that?

[Phil Hanley]

I mean, bars might still be open.

[Mark Normand]

Late, but Norman and I talk about the movie. How much we both love After Hours. So much. Just about the idea that this, like, the chaos of the city all night.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

What it represented. And now that part, like, look, it's crazy to see, like, Tribeca and soho and, like, how fucking grimy they were. It's also awesome. Great. Fucking.

[Phil Hanley]

I love that movie. You recommended that to me during the pandemic and I fucking loved it.

[Mark Normand]

It's so funny. It's Scorsese's funniest movie.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But, yeah, it's crazy. Like, I love that he's in that bar late night, all these. Oh, you know, there's the weird bar owner, all the weird characters, the diner.

[Phil Hanley]

That'S late and just soho when it wasn't a mall.

[Sam Morril]

I know. They had strip clubs in soho. Isn't that crazy? They were strip clubs in soho.

[Phil Hanley]

Wow.

[Sam Morril]

It's insane to think about.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

How much has changed.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

But, yeah, it's sad. And the problem is we're bitching about it, but the kids now don't even care. They're like, ah, we don't want to do that. We want to watch Netflix and take edibles and vape.

[Phil Hanley]

That's.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. These kids today, statutory vape. That's all it is. They just want to like, like, play twitch and. Yeah, yeah, that's sad. No one's got any fire in the belly. Maybe I'm an old boomer. I don't know.

[Mark Normand]

In the robe, it hits harder, too.

[Sam Morril]

Well, the kids. Kids are fascinating now because they're like, soft and queefy, but they also eat ass and do ketamine.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

So, like, they've just. They've stayed crazy. They just do it in different ways.

[Mark Normand]

That's. That's interesting.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Like, Luigi is killing CEOs, but he was. He didn't drink. You know that's what I'm saying.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

I think I got some here.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah, there could be some.

[Mark Normand]

All right, Luigi.

[James]

This is a prototype, like Larry David scene from After Hours. Curb your enthusiasm. He's trying to buy a token.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yes.

[James]

They're at like 1201. And the price of the token, it just goes up.

[Mark Normand]

He's a great scene.

[Sam Morril]

Griffin Dunn.

[Mark Normand]

He's in a new movie. Yeah. I've got 97 cents.

[Phil Hanley]

No.

[Mark Normand]

Raining like mad out there.

[Sam Morril]

No.

[Mark Normand]

Would you just give me a break?

[Phil Hanley]

I really just want to go home. I'm sorry, I can't do that.

[Sam Morril]

I could lose my job.

[Phil Hanley]

That's heavy. The one actor's probably like, 48.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Phil Hanley]

Go to a party, get drunk, talk.

[Sam Morril]

To someone who knows.

[James]

That was the line.

[Mark Normand]

Sorry.

[Sam Morril]

Every knows.

[Mark Normand]

Everything going. Everything going wrong is like, it's. It can be annoying. And this movie does it right. Which is a hard thing to do. You could just be annoyed watching it.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But this movie keeps it just funny enough.

[Sam Morril]

Right, right.

[Phil Hanley]

And visually, it's just so good.

[Mark Normand]

Beautiful. So you ever just see, like, a taxi, an old taxi cab in a movie, and you get, like, sad?

[Sam Morril]

Of course.

[Mark Normand]

Like, that's. I was. The Untouchables was on TV the other day. And those old timey cabs, like, I miss just seeing, like, cabs, the Checker cabs. Those are cool looking.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Remember Arthur?

[Phil Hanley]

I love Arthur. Man, that was in New York City.

[Sam Morril]

Exactly. New York was wild. Taxi Driver, all that. I mean, it's really buttoned up.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I watched the movie Taxi Driver. It really made me miss Taxi Driver. Seemed like really stable people.

[Sam Morril]

You could do everybody's wife and jizz on the back seat. Those are good times.

[James]

So we have three premier joke writers in New York City right here. Are you guys working on any bits?

[Mark Normand]

You always do this when I got nothing. Every time he does this, I'm like, I got no fucking. All my new shit sucks.

[Sam Morril]

You got some stuff. I saw.

[Mark Normand]

You fucking suck.

[Sam Morril]

All right, well, Bill Aly's got a book he's been writing.

[Phil Hanley]

The last line's a punchline.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, setup.

[Phil Hanley]

No, that's not true.

[Mark Normand]

That'd be cool for a build up that long.

[Phil Hanley]

Well, it is kind of. The first line of the book relates to the last line of the.

[Sam Morril]

Hey, call back.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Or bookend.

[Mark Normand]

And where's the best place to buy it from?

[Phil Hanley]

If you. This is. If you could do anything for me, my dream is to go from special ed to the New York Times bestseller list.

[Sam Morril]

I love it.

[Phil Hanley]

You. You have now the people that are watching the podcast. Now is the time. If you pre order it now, today or tomorrow, then it. It can happen.

[Sam Morril]

Okay, we can do this.

[Mark Normand]

Pre order. This guy's now spellbound. And Amazon's a place to do it.

[Phil Hanley]

You can do it on Amazon. If you go to my Instagram, give a little follow and then the link in the bio. There's a link in the bio. It's on Amazon. It's on, like, wherever you buy books.

[Sam Morril]

I love it. And we'll put it on the YouTube as well. We'll put it on our page and we'll. We'll plug it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, we'll plug it. There'll be a link in the YouTube, right?

[Phil Hanley]

There's a modeling photo in there.

[Sam Morril]

Whoa.

[Mark Normand]

I think I've seen some of these.

[Phil Hanley]

On the end pages. Sammy, if you look at the end pages, those are all. I made a list. List of all the words I couldn't spell as I read as I wrote the book. Oh, and the end pages, the black pages there. Those are all. That's a list of all.

[Mark Normand]

Wow, it's great. Oh, this is great.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, cool. Look at that.

[Mark Normand]

Okay, cool.

[Sam Morril]

All right, all right. And there's a zillion people out there with the reading problems and writing problems. So this is going to hit home. And kids now are illiterate.

[Mark Normand]

You can also get the audio, but.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Does the audiobook cost count toward the bestseller list?

[Phil Hanley]

It counts as. There's like, two categories. There's one category that. That encompasses everything. But if you actually buy the book, I mean, if I was you, I would just go. You get both.

[Sam Morril]

You know, There you go.

[Phil Hanley]

Nobody the hard copy of the book. Then that goes towards the New York Times bestseller list. But that's like my dream, dream, dream.

[Mark Normand]

Okay, well, let's get him there. Let's get him there. That was this morning by his agents. You're not gonna get the best seller list. No, get him on the bestseller list. New York Times, Spellbound by Phil Hanley. My life is a dyslexic wordsmith. It's. I. I can't wait to read this. I know Mark's gonna.

[Phil Hanley]

You're in it, Sammy. You're in it.

[Mark Normand]

I can't wait.

[Phil Hanley]

We talk about going to Cafe Colette, doing that show.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, those. Yeah, those cappuccinos.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, those were good, man.

[Phil Hanley]

Talk about when you got passed at the Cellar.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Hey, man. All right. And check out him on the road, too.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, give us some road dates as well for Phil. Pull up some road dates. Yeah.

[Phil Hanley]

Can you bring it up?

[Sam Morril]

Punch ups. The Way to go.

[Mark Normand]

Punchup. Live Philhanley slash tickets. You can see Phil. This comes out the 16th. I believe so.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, these are killer rooms.

[Mark Normand]

San Francisco at Cobbs. One of the best rooms in the country. We got Washington, D.C. the D.C. improv. Another classic.

[Sam Morril]

Kimball Theater in Virginia. You got the Variety playoffs in Georgia Plaza, Orlando. Asheville.

[Phil Hanley]

Orange Peel. Have you played there?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Let me tell you something. It was only. Asheville's a great city. It was one of my least favorite shows in my last run. But I might have just draw a bad crowd that day.

[Phil Hanley]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

I think Asheville is great.

[Phil Hanley]

I love Asheville.

[Mark Normand]

I have a sweatshirt from the Orange Peel. That's why I remember. Oh, really?

[Sam Morril]

What is that?

[Mark Normand]

No, it's a really cool little rock club.

[Sam Morril]

Okay.

[Phil Hanley]

And then I'm at Town Hall.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa.

[Sam Morril]

In New York.

[Phil Hanley]

Yep. And then the Wilbur, which were two dream venues for me to play.

[Mark Normand]

Two of the best rooms in the country.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Wilbur's top five, I think, in the whole country.

[Mark Normand]

I taped a special there. I fucking love the Wilbur.

[Phil Hanley]

And we just added a show in D.C. beautiful, man. And that's not me, man.

[Mark Normand]

You gotta go to Old Ebbets. You ever go there?

[Phil Hanley]

No.

[Mark Normand]

Pull it up real quick. Sylacaus. Old ebbets in D.C. old ebbets, dude, trust me.

[Sam Morril]

I don't know.

[Mark Normand]

Old Ebitda. This is a Gary Doesn't Miss Old Ebbott Grill. Pull up a picture. It's fucking old school. Like a Sinatra type place. Dude, it's so.

[Phil Hanley]

Looks like a big version of the Tornado Room in Madison.

[Mark Normand]

And the host with the. We might be Drunk listener. So he made sure we were taken care of. He was like, I got you the coolest waiter. It was like an old guy who was like, kind of a boy ball buster. I was like, oh, this is all right. We got sauce. We're pounding martinis. We're getting great stuff for the tables. It was. It was a great night.

[Sam Morril]

I love it. Look at that. That's beautiful.

[Mark Normand]

Old school. Gotta. Gotta check it out.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, look at that.

[Phil Hanley]

Looks beautiful.

[Sam Morril]

I don't want to brag, but I'm doing Vegas and I got a. The Spearmint Rhino guy hit me up. Whoa. Yeah, so I'm gonna go in there with just gym shorts on and.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah, hide your wallet out what you're wearing tonight.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, exactly.

[Mark Normand]

Dude, that's. That place is classic. Oh, yeah, I've been.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, you have? I've been. Yeah, I've been once, too. I got my headshots on the wall. Yeah, I'm all over the road. I'm in Reno. Oh, we've got the live page of stage premiere at the Village East. We're playing our second episode.

[Phil Hanley]

Oh, yeah, I might be there for that.

[Sam Morril]

Hey, we'd love to have you.

[James]

When is March 26th?

[Mark Normand]

I'm going. I'm going to a next game. Oh, I'd be there.

[Sam Morril]

That's understandable. The ryman doing the rhyming.

[Phil Hanley]

Oh, my God. You've done the ryman.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, you've done the. Right years ago.

[Phil Hanley]

That's amazing.

[Mark Normand]

Sick.

[Sam Morril]

Very exciting. That's a. What's a bucket list?

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah, that's a bucket list.

[Mark Normand]

One of the best rooms in the country. I just did a pretty cool one in Nashville. That wasn't the rhyming. It was like. Some. Like. It was on a university thing, but it was pretty good.

[Sam Morril]

All right. Yeah, Nashville, Great, great comedy town.

[Mark Normand]

Had Taylor Lawan from Busting with the Boys come out. Oh, we. Yeah, yeah. Great hang, man. Dude, three. James, our video guy, had three hot chickens, which on the bus, you gotta know not to do. You can't poop on a bus. No, he hot boxes the bus and then throws it in the garbage.

[Sam Morril]

And I was like, oh, he fished it out.

[Mark Normand]

He had to fish it out because he triple bagged it. I'll give him that. Or so I was like, all right. At least he had the foresight this to triple bag it. But we're like, dude, you can't do that.

[Phil Hanley]

You can't be carcasses on the bus, man.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, that's a spicy.

[Phil Hanley]

That's a spicy carcass.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, but God damn the hot chickens. It's good, but it's a mistake.

[Phil Hanley]

It's a huge mistake.

[Sam Morril]

But all right. So, yeah, the come out to my show, Busted with the boys. They did the jelly roll roast with me. They had a better set than I did. They killed.

[Mark Normand]

They're funny dudes.

[Sam Morril]

Uptown theater in Napa, which Napa I'm very excited about, just going to win.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah, I'd love to go to.

[Sam Morril]

Now.

[Mark Normand]

You get some wine, I get some merlot.

[Sam Morril]

I feel like Giamatti.

[Mark Normand]

No, don't drink mer.

[Sam Morril]

Right. Oh, really?

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Oh. All right. Santa Barbara. Asheville. Makeup date for the hurricane. Although Asheville just had a crazy fire. You see that?

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

They just don't want you to perform there.

[Sam Morril]

They really don't. Bristol, Tennessee. New Brunswick, Ithaca. Then I'm going on a UK tour. Yeah, that'll be fun. And I love the uk.

[Phil Hanley]

I love.

[Mark Normand]

I love it.

[Sam Morril]

They gave me a long Europe tour, and I say break it up. I got a child, Dude, I.

[Mark Normand]

You know what? I. I really wish I did the same thing because I loved Copenhagen and I loved Amsterdam. I love all these places I didn't get to fucking explore. Broke my heart.

[Phil Hanley]

I'm gonna spread it out.

[Mark Normand]

Spread it out, spread it out.

[Phil Hanley]

Oh, dude, the egg.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, the egg is sick.

[Phil Hanley]

It looks cool.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I got. So we got the. But that. This is after that.

[Sam Morril]

Wait, I'm in. Are we on the same week?

[Mark Normand]

That's the 12th.

[James]

This comes out the 15th. 16th.

[Mark Normand]

Okay. That's March 13th. Yeah. I would have played the egg, though. The Egg was great. Great show. They. Cuomo came out. It was a blast. Columbus, Ohio. April 10th. Royal Oak, Michigan. Grand Rapids, Milwaukee, Madison, Des Moines, Iowa. Never been. St. Louis, Missouri, Kansas City, Minneapolis, Phoenix, Arizona, San Diego, Sac, SF Portland. We added a late show on a Monday, so please come out. I hope I don't regret this.

[Sam Morril]

The Vogue.

[Phil Hanley]

The Vogue.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, we got the Vogue. We had a late show there. Please. These are like midweek things. They make me fucking nervous at show. But Seattle, the Moore is great. Late show in Vancouver, May 7.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, that Egyptians killer.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah. Boise and then Salt Lake and then closing out in Denver, Paramount.

[Phil Hanley]

Supposed to be great.

[Mark Normand]

It's fucking insane. It's.

[Sam Morril]

It's top five as well.

[Phil Hanley]

I love Denver.

[James]

Sam, what are you doing in this big break here between. April. There's a big break here, right?

[Phil Hanley]

April 30th.

[Mark Normand]

Two weeks is a big break, I guess. Yeah. 12th and guess I'm a piece of shit match. Sorry. Yeah, sorry. I'm taking two Weeks to recover.

[Phil Hanley]

What are you doing that week?

[Mark Normand]

Dude, I'm doing like 12 days at a time. I gotta recoup a little bit.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Bank some pods with. With Mark over here.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Podcast some other Sardinia or something. Like.

[Phil Hanley]

Are we doing pet peeves?

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah, please. Yeah.

[Phil Hanley]

Kidding me. I got a bunch. This is a huge pet peeve. And then is when you're. You get upgraded, right?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Phil Hanley]

You're in first. You want to sleep. I need to sleep.

[Sam Morril]

Sure.

[Phil Hanley]

You know what I mean?

[Sam Morril]

You're a napper.

[Phil Hanley]

I'm a napper.

[Sam Morril]

Napa Valley fucking.

[Phil Hanley]

The whole plane is completely silent. Everyone is not being a dick. Everyone's got the blinds down. It's just like fucking.

[Sam Morril]

I already know.

[Phil Hanley]

Xanadu. The stewardess in the little cubby thing are talking and fucking being so loud. Have you had that?

[Mark Normand]

Were they not aware of the volume? It's like you got to be respectful to the sleeper.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

That you don't do noise cancel.

[Phil Hanley]

I don't earplug.

[Mark Normand]

It's hard to sleep in the noise cancel. It's hard to get a good angle on those.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah, sure.

[Sam Morril]

I go the pods.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, really?

[Sam Morril]

Not the headphone.

[Mark Normand]

You know what's a good hack for that actually, is you put the pods in and you play. I play like just a white noise app. And I'll just do a fan or just be in the noise of a fan. But it's with the pods and it works.

[Sam Morril]

I never thought about it.

[Mark Normand]

It's not going to cancel out if they're yapping.

[Phil Hanley]

But yeah. Yeah, that's a.

[Sam Morril]

That's a good one. Good peeve. Good peeve.

[Phil Hanley]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

Damn. We gotta. This guy.

[Sam Morril]

Can we show the writing that you're writing just to get let people know how fucked up you actually are?

[Phil Hanley]

This is pretty good. This is pretty good.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, that is pretty good.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that's not bad.

[Phil Hanley]

My girlfriend wrote that up. Okay. And then this is a huge. This is a huge one. That ruins my night. So I'll do standup. All I want to do is go back to the hotel and watch the Leafs. Right? Watch the Maple Leafs.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah.

[Phil Hanley]

People who ruin the game, like after the game, they're like, I guess that's another one in the win call. Whatever, dude. First off, no one gives a shit what you think. Secondly, my night's fucked.

[Sam Morril]

Exactly.

[Phil Hanley]

I'm supposed to watch a game not knowing.

[Sam Morril]

That's a big one.

[Phil Hanley]

Because that's what most people do.

[Sam Morril]

Of course. Of course. Don't read the comments.

[Phil Hanley]

No.

[Sam Morril]

Did you. Did you see the. The Canada One. Eventually, the. The. What is it? The Final four. What do you call it?

[Phil Hanley]

Four nation, four. I know.

[Mark Normand]

Vitor told me. He was texting you. I was like, well, let's send him a middle finger right now. And he was like, no, no, no. I was like, why? It's funny.

[Sam Morril]

Canada 1. You got to hand it over.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. They're so. They're so talented, their team.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah. And, I mean, the States were great, too. Was hard to vote because some of my favorite players were playing for the Americans.

[Mark Normand]

The Kachuk brothers are so cool.

[Phil Hanley]

Oh, dude, they're such bad.

[Mark Normand]

Just like the fact. Did you see that they got into three fights within the first nine because.

[Sam Morril]

They booed the anthem.

[Phil Hanley]

Three scraps. But the thing that was crazy was because they'd been hyping it up. The NHL had been hyping that up. And I was like, I don't know. Because the. The All Star Game's always so boring and lame.

[Sam Morril]

Right?

[Phil Hanley]

These guys went. So they were playing game seven. It was insane scraps, crazy hits.

[Sam Morril]

Yep, yep.

[Phil Hanley]

We saw it in Montreal. I was with.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah. And so they're in Montreal. They, like, sing, and it was like, yeah, it was huge.

[Sam Morril]

It was great.

[Mark Normand]

It's. It's kind of sad to see the tension between Canada and the U.S. where, like, they're booing and you're like, ah, just. It's a bummer.

[Sam Morril]

We're neighbors.

[Phil Hanley]

It's such a bummer. And when I. The one thing that I'll say when I tell people, like, Americans, I'm like, yeah, they were. They boo. The Americans are always like, I guess. So, like, the people that I tell are understand why Canada's hurt, right? Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Wait, wait. What do you mean? They booed the anthem?

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah, they booed the anthem.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But they're mad at us.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah, they're.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, they're mad at Trump.

[Phil Hanley]

They're. Well, they're mad. Yeah. I mean, they're mad at the States, but I think they. Yeah, they're a little upset because of the tariff thing.

[Sam Morril]

Sure, sure. You know what I mean?

[Phil Hanley]

Just because we kind of had your back.

[Mark Normand]

You see, everybody.

[Sam Morril]

Is Trudeau in or out? Because I thought he's on his way out. Oh, he is. Okay.

[Phil Hanley]

He's on.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. We got one little snipe on the way out on Twitter, but every commercial.

[Phil Hanley]

In Canada right now is referencing the terror. Like, it's a huge deal. It's a huge deal.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Look at Mike Myers.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah. He did a fun elon with the chainsaw. I don't Know if you guys caught that.

[Mark Normand]

I know I caught it.

[Sam Morril]

13 million. Boy, that Tate McCray is not too shabby.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, she's like 21, right?

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah. I didn't know who that was until.

[Sam Morril]

I. I watched either.

[Phil Hanley]

I thought it was a dude.

[Mark Normand]

I just heard Tate and I'm like, it's a shame. Maybe it's like a country singer.

[Phil Hanley]

I thought it was a country singer, too. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Damn, she's hot. Tate McCrae. There you go. All right, so, yeah. Thanks, folks. Get the book.

[Mark Normand]

Buy the book. Spellbound by Phil Hanley. We're very impressed. That's my wreck for the week. Spellbound by Phil Hanley.

[Phil Hanley]

If you could please buy it. It. So this comes out. I have, like two more days to get it on the bestseller list. If you buy it. If you buy it today or the next or I guess, yeah, the next few days, then it would get on the New York Times bestseller list.

[Mark Normand]

We're gonna get there, spread the word. Great comic, great joke writer.

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

I. I have every belief that this is gonna be amazing. I haven't read it yet, but.

[Phil Hanley]

You get a copy.

[Mark Normand]

I got a copy coming to me.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I can't wait.

[Sam Morril]

All right.

[Mark Normand]

I'm gonna bring it with me on the bus us. I'm gonna read it for real. So please.

[Phil Hanley]

I don't want James farting near it.

[Sam Morril]

I'm gonna get it too. I'm gonna.

[Mark Normand]

By the way, I just. I just skipped to a chapter. It said chick sick chicken.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah, no, that's a modeling story. That's kismic.

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

So I can't wait. Buy the book. Support our buddy over here, please.

[Phil Hanley]

Thank you guys so much. Thank you for having me.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, of course.

[Phil Hanley]

So great to see you guys.

[Sam Morril]

If you want to plunge before you go.

[Phil Hanley]

Absolutely. Yeah. Off camera, but yeah, definitely.

[Sam Morril]

We both had our balls in there. So it's a nice.

[Mark Normand]

It's filtered. It's a good. That's a good plunge right there.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah, dude. The hell of a plan.

[Sam Morril]

An rip. Hackman rip.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, we didn't do that. We. We should have. You know, it bugged me a little. A lot of people were pissed. David lynch didn't get a bigger thing at the Oscars.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, that Memoriam is always a popular.

[Mark Normand]

Always. People always get pissed. Yeah, they'll get pissed over random people. And they're like, shannon Doherty wasn't in the Oscars. I'm like, she wasn't like an Oscar. I mean, she. I. I liked her.

[Sam Morril]

TV actor.

[Mark Normand]

I liked her. Yeah, she was hot.

[Sam Morril]

That was. She Asian. She had a look.

[Mark Normand]

Is that how we're going? No. Gene Hackman. So this is my book. My. My movie. Wreck is gonna be the Conversation with Gene Hackman.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, you should.

[Mark Normand]

And another one more Gene Hackman Night Moves.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

That's a tight. Way too unsung. Great. I mean, people know the Conversation, I guess, but Moves. But it's fucking. These are, like, great movies.

[Phil Hanley]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And I feel like they get forgotten. And. God, Hackman was great and everything.

[Sam Morril]

He was the man. You know, his dad walked down on him. He was 13.

[Phil Hanley]

No way.

[Mark Normand]

Really? In the interview, he was, like, tearing up over.

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

And he kind of paused. He goes, guess you never get over it. And I was like, jesus.

[Sam Morril]

I know.

[Phil Hanley]

Wow.

[Sam Morril]

But what a tough, like, 13. He's playing with his friends in the neighborhood, and his dad just goes. And he never saw him again.

[Phil Hanley]

No way.

[Sam Morril]

That was it. Yeah.

[Phil Hanley]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

Damn.

[Sam Morril]

Thanks a lot, folks. Hug your father, hug your book.

[Mark Normand]

We love you. Thank you for listening, guys.

[Phil Hanley]

Thanks for having me.

[Sam Morril]

Me See it out.

[Mark Normand]

Sunday's the day for my next offender.

[Sam Morril]

A bit of P. You know the future's close I've had a little too much burping and Norman's talking shit about.

[Mark Normand]

The post and I get down in.

[Sam Morril]

The same way up on the roof.

[Mark Normand]

Like the cops coming and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans this woman doesn't.

[Sam Morril]

Look like I remember her and I get down in the same way we might be true.