Ep 225: Drunk History w/ Chris DiStefano & Yannis Pappas

Summary

Summary of "We Might Be Drunk" Episode 225: "Drunk History w/ Chris DiStefano & Yannis Pappas"

Podcast Information:

• Title: We Might Be Drunk
• Hosts: Sam Morril and Mark Normand
• Guests: Chris DiStefano and Yannis Pappas
• Produced by: Gotham Production Studios, LLC
• Release Date: March 31, 2025

Episode Overview: In episode 225 of "We Might Be Drunk," hosts Sam Morril and Mark Normand are joined by fellow comedians Chris DiStefano and Yannis Pappas. The group dives into a whirlwind of topics, blending sharp humor with insightful commentary on contemporary issues. The conversation spans from online hate and anti-semitism to the intricacies of transgender participation in sports, all while maintaining the show's signature irreverent tone.

---

1. Social Media, Anti-semitism, and Elon Musk (01:46 - 05:08)

The episode opens with a heated discussion about the prevalence of anti-semitic content on social media platforms, particularly Twitter. Giannis Pappas expresses his frustration:

Giannis Pappas [02:05]: "When I go on Twitter, I'm either seeing an Elon Musk tweet or I'm seeing, like, hardcore, uncut, unadulterated anti Semitism, Big Jew hate. It's huge, right?"

Mark Normand adds his concern about the negativity permeating online spaces:

Mark Normand [02:06]: "I was worried. It's good to know. That's just not my feed. And that's everyone's. That's very common."

The hosts lament the ease with which hateful rhetoric spreads online, emphasizing the detrimental impact on societal discourse.

2. Kanye West, Swastikas, and Symbolism (02:28 - 04:00)

The conversation shifts to Kanye West's controversial use of swastikas in his merchandise and album art. Yannis Pappas comments:

Yannis Pappas [02:40]: "And his new album, I think, is just a swastika. And his new studio is two swastikas."

Chris DiStefano humorously suggests a role reversal between Kanye and Elon Musk:

Chris DiStefano [02:53]: "So it's almost like they should switch places. Kanye was probably like, 'You did the Heil?', 'Yeah, I'm doing that. That's my thing.'"

The discussion highlights the complexities of symbol interpretation in popular culture and the fine line between artistic expression and offensive gestures.

3. Conspiracy Theories and Nick Fuentes (03:05 - 05:08)

Sal Vulcano brings up Nick Fuentes, a known figure in far-right circles, and the misinterpretation of his gestures:

Sal Vulcano [03:05]: "They say he was like, yeah, that was a Nazi salute. He was like, it was enthusiastic."

The hosts engage in a broader critique of conspiracy theories that blame specific groups, particularly Jews, for societal issues:

Mark Normand [05:01]: "That's how it starts. That's where every conspiracy theory either starts or ends. With Jews running everything."

This segment underscores the persistence of anti-semitic conspiracy theories and their roots in historical prejudices.

4. Transgender Issues in Sports (05:08 - 15:00)

A significant portion of the episode delves into the contentious topic of transgender athletes in competitive sports, with a focus on the WNBA. The hosts debate the fairness and implications of allowing transgender women to compete in women's leagues.

Giannis Pappas offers a pragmatic view:

Giannis Pappas [14:15]: "Sports are separated by sex and not gender identity. Because if there was a trans man who could cover Odell Beckham Jr., I mean, those jerseys would fly off the field."

Mark Normand elaborates on the perceived advantages:

Mark Normand [14:37]: "Because there's nothing you can say. Because there's no controversy on the male side shows that there's an unfair advantage for trans women going into women's sport."

The discussion touches on specific athletes like Brittney Griner, the complexities of biological differences, and the broader societal debates surrounding gender identity and fairness in sports.

5. Modern Health Concerns: Colonoscopy and Preventable Cancer (45:00 - 46:20)

The conversation takes a more serious turn when Sal Vulcano emphasizes the importance of regular health screenings:

Sal Vulcano [45:53]: "People need to know, preventable cancer. If you catch it early, it's the most deadly. If you don't, you're dead."

The hosts advocate for proactive health measures, highlighting colonoscopies as a crucial tool in cancer prevention and early detection.

6. Insights into the Comedy Industry (Various Points)

Throughout the episode, the hosts and guests reflect on the state of the comedy industry, referencing legendary comedians like Don Rickles and Joan Rivers. They discuss how comedic norms have evolved and the challenges comedians face in maintaining humor amid shifting social landscapes.

Mark Normand shares a reflective thought:

Mark Normand [49:14]: "Don Rickles as a legend already for years."

Additionally, Chris DiStefano recounts an encounter with Chevy Chase, adding to the rich tapestry of comedy anecdotes:

Chris DiStefano [48:08]: "I did a gig this weekend. Chevy Chase shows up... he just showed up with his handler and wheelchaired it in."

7. Banter on Historical and Cultural Topics (Various Points)

The group engages in rapid-fire discussions on a myriad of topics, blending historical references with contemporary humor. Highlights include debates on the origins of the pyramids, modern slavery, and cultural appropriation. For example, Giannis Pappas humorously theorizes:

Giannis Pappas [66:16]: "When you hire Mexicans, you go and you make a coffee... you just look at how they build those stones."

This segment showcases the group's ability to intertwine humor with thought-provoking commentary, even amidst playful banter.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Giannis Pappas [02:05]: "When I go on Twitter, I'm either seeing an Elon Musk tweet or I'm seeing, like, hardcore, uncut, unadulterated anti Semitism, Big Jew hate. It's huge, right?"

• Chris DiStefano [02:53]: "So it's almost like they should switch places. Kanye was probably like, 'You did the Heil?', 'Yeah, I'm doing that. That's my thing.'"

• Sal Vulcano [03:05]: "They say he was like, yeah, that was a Nazi salute. He was like, it was enthusiastic."

• Mark Normand [05:01]: "That's how it starts. That's where every conspiracy theory either starts or ends. With Jews running everything."

• Giannis Pappas [14:15]: "Sports are separated by sex and not gender identity. Because if there was a trans man who could cover Odell Beckham Jr., I mean, those jerseys would fly off the field."

• Sal Vulcano [45:53]: "People need to know, preventable cancer. If you catch it early, it's the most deadly. If you don't, you're dead."

• Mark Normand [49:14]: "Don Rickles as a legend already for years."

• Chris DiStefano [48:08]: "I did a gig this weekend. Chevy Chase shows up... he just showed up with his handler and wheelchaired it in."

---

Conclusion: Episode 225 of "We Might Be Drunk" masterfully combines humor with incisive discussions on pressing societal issues. From the dark corners of social media hate to the nuanced debates surrounding transgender athletes in sports, the hosts and guests navigate complex topics with wit and candor. Additionally, the episode offers heartfelt moments on health awareness and provides a behind-the-scenes glimpse into the comedy industry's evolving landscape. This blend of laughter and introspection makes for a compelling and engaging listening experience.

Transcript

[Chris Distefano]

Hey, we're here, folks. We might be drunk. We got the hyenas. What's shaking, boys?

[Sal Vulcano]

We're back, baby. Our ticket sales dropped and we have to get back together.

[Chris Distefano]

Tell me about it.

[Giannis Pappas]

I have a side job. Yeah, yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

It's what it is. We're uber pooling it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Nice.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

I'm working on my pilot's license.

[Mark Normand]

No, you're not.

[Sal Vulcano]

Oh, really?

[Chris Distefano]

No. Yeah, I'm working for ice. I'm cleaning up. I'm making.

[Mark Normand]

Burr has a pilot's license. That's why.

[Sal Vulcano]

No, I know.

[Giannis Pappas]

Does. Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And so, I mean, just don't say heil around him.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Republican crowds. He may need to. That may be.

[Sal Vulcano]

I heard. I heard you and John Stamos have the same father. Who?

[Giannis Pappas]

Me and Stamos?

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's very possible.

[Sal Vulcano]

No, I was making a Bill Burr Billy Corgan joke. 30 seconds in. A bomb.

[Mark Normand]

What was that move by Howie Mandel? When did he become fucking Maury Povich? That was.

[Sal Vulcano]

That was a stupid move.

[Mark Normand]

Move.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

He's a germaphobe. He doesn't have much.

[Mark Normand]

I know.

[Sal Vulcano]

Bill should have just touched his hands.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Should have licked his fingers.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. You don't want to throw any surprises at Burr, but look at that.

[Chris Distefano]

I mean, that is dead on. That dad is definitely a piece of.

[Giannis Pappas]

Dad is really. But, I mean, do you think some of it is that they're both bald? Like, if they both hair, then it would. It would definitely. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

I heard he. Jason Statham's mom and Vin Diesel.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that guy's. Gary Ver's dead, too. Terrible father.

[Chris Distefano]

Right. And Jeff Ross.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

We should have burn and surprise him with Elon Musk.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, that's big.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

Those.

[Giannis Pappas]

He's love. Those two guys are having a love fest right now, baby. Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

Well, call Tim Dillon.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

Get Elon on the phone.

[Chris Distefano]

Apparently, he said Musk suppressed him on Twitter. He's like, I got off Twitter because every time I make fun of him, I get no views.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, I can't go on Twitter without seeing Elam. I can't. There's two. And here's the deal. When I go on Twitter, I'm either seeing an Elon Musk tweet or I'm seeing, like, hardcore, uncut, unadulterated anti Semitism, Big Jew hate. It's huge, right?

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I was worried.

[Sal Vulcano]

We're back, baby.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it's good to know. That's just not my feed. And that's everyone's. That's very common.

[Sal Vulcano]

It's getting Bad that. The antisemitism.

[Giannis Pappas]

Wow.

[Chris Distefano]

It doesn't help that I heart all of them.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Yeah. The problem is I can't look away.

[Chris Distefano]

I know.

[Giannis Pappas]

My whole feed now is just that because I want to know what's going on.

[Mark Normand]

Same thing. I only follow Kanye. So it's getting rough.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

But that merch is well made, I gotta be honest.

[Sal Vulcano]

Well, it's good. It's. You know, I've say what you want about the symbol, but the quality is top notch.

[Mark Normand]

Good cotton.

[Sal Vulcano]

Soft cotton.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. And his new album, I think, is just a swastika. And his new studio is two swastikas.

[Chris Distefano]

You know what's weird is Kanye has got all the swastikas. He wants to be a Nazi, and then Elon Musk as a heil, but he doesn't want to be a Nazi.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right.

[Chris Distefano]

So it's almost like they should switch places. Kanye was probably like, you did the Heil? Yeah, I'm doing that. That's my thing.

[Giannis Pappas]

Well, the funny thing is, is everyone was going like, it wasn't a how. It wasn't a how. And then you turn on Nick Fuentes, who is a. You know, he's a out Nazi. Like, he wants people. And Nick Fuentes was like, funny that.

[Mark Normand]

Nazis have to come out now.

[Giannis Pappas]

Oh, no, he's not even. There's no closets in his house. He lives in a studio apartment. You can see all the walls. I mean, he is a Nazi. And he wants you to know about kid Nick Fuentes. And he said he was like, yeah, Elon Musk. He was like, that was a Nazi salute. He was like, it was enthusiastic.

[Chris Distefano]

Whoa.

[Giannis Pappas]

So Nazis think it was a salute, but everyone else says thinks it's an autistic.

[Chris Distefano]

What's his name?

[Sal Vulcano]

Nick Fuentes.

[Chris Distefano]

I don't know.

[Sal Vulcano]

Latino name. Yeah. I mean, I'm supposed to be the Puerto Rican Nazi.

[Giannis Pappas]

Dude. Racists are more diverse than anything right now. I mean, that's true.

[Sal Vulcano]

Oh, Salaki was. Look at who just showed up. You better have been late because you're cutting my fucking promos.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it is getting more diverse. Clan rallies have Black Lives Matter stickers now.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, that was a joke of Nazis. He's across Europe.

[Mark Normand]

I saw you do a bit about. That was really funny.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's true, right?

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

Looks good. Cleanly shaven. Yeah, I like it. Just the stash. I love it.

[Chris Distefano]

Are you on camera? Okay, let's turn that one off. No. Good to have. Is this the kid?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, and he is.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, wow.

[Giannis Pappas]

Blown out. You know, white supremacist like, it's just like, whoa. He's all about, like, hating the Jews.

[Sal Vulcano]

Interesting.

[Chris Distefano]

It's funny because we keep calling people Nazis. Like, Obama was a Nazi, Trump's a Nazi. But we actually have not.

[Giannis Pappas]

No, they're. Yeah, they're. We got a lot of them.

[Chris Distefano]

Damn.

[Mark Normand]

And these guys want the title.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Now they want it. Now they want it.

[Sal Vulcano]

It's just out and. What I read Viktor Frankl's book, Man's Search for Meaning. He was a Holocaust survivor. And he says in the book that if you would have told him and the people that he lived. I think he was living in Germany as a Jew, that in 1930. So 15 years. Ish. Before the Holocaust stuff, that they would have been. This would have happened to them. Like, and they would said you're crazy. Like, that's barbarians. Did that 200 years ago. We're civilized. So every point in civilization, you think you're the most civilized, that you won't do that again. And then it happens again.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

All the same. We just keep repeating everything.

[Mark Normand]

They went after the rich German Jews and they were like, these guys. Control.

[Sal Vulcano]

Exactly.

[Mark Normand]

That's how it starts. That's where every conspiracy theory either starts or ends. With Jews running everything.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. A lot of things.

[Mark Normand]

We do.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, we do. You got any Spidey senses? Do you feel some tingling? Is it around microwaves and shit?

[Chris Distefano]

Can you tell if a hurricane's coming?

[Mark Normand]

Might be an std? I don't know. I don't know what it is.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yes.

[Giannis Pappas]

Are you feeling any Jew stuff?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, just kind of. Get off your phone. No, I don't feel like. Not from, like, my crowd. Not from, like. I feel like I go into a gas station. I'm like, oh, shit.

[Giannis Pappas]

No.

[Mark Normand]

But you know.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You got to just get off Twitter.

[Chris Distefano]

Jews have the cloak of white guy.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right.

[Chris Distefano]

You know?

[Mark Normand]

Or undercover.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, exactly.

[Giannis Pappas]

They're like Cubans.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

You Latin. You're like.

[Chris Distefano]

Are you Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

You look Swedish.

[Mark Normand]

You just gotta. You just gotta not let your Jewish tendencies come out. So you. So you busted. Like, you can't send food back, right?

[Chris Distefano]

No Pepto.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, right. Not Pepsi. They see.

[Mark Normand]

I know that doesn't help. I wonder who that one belongs to.

[Chris Distefano]

Breaks it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Now you gotta, like you're feeling that though, right? You can't have an anxiety attack in public. You gotta go into the bathroom. Don't let any sign show.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

If someone. Is there any food allergies at the table, you just go, nope, nope. Then you just deal with the rat.

[Mark Normand]

Just take It.

[Sal Vulcano]

You got to deal with going to.

[Chris Distefano]

The hospital, but you guys dominate. Like, I. I gave birth in a Jewish hospital and there was a lot of different races and whatnot. Saw some. What are those Muslim head things?

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

So when it comes to the hospital, they want you like, you see a Jewish doctor walk in, you go, all right, we're going to be okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

You know, so you're. They, they. They pick and choose.

[Giannis Pappas]

They do. It's funny that the conspiracy never goes to that. Like, why are there. They're only 2% of the population, but they're 14% of doctors. Nobody ever goes, hey, what are they doing exactly?

[Sal Vulcano]

Well, didn't we say. Didn't we talk about on historians that it's actual a stat that Ashkenazi Jews are the smartest race, the highest intelligence, like data measured.

[Chris Distefano]

Is that right?

[Giannis Pappas]

You just look at the Nobel Peace.

[Sal Vulcano]

Prizes and it's Ashkenazi.

[Mark Normand]

According to rfk. We're also the best at dodging Covid, which I was like, I've never heard about Jews being good at dodging any illness.

[Sal Vulcano]

The only issue with Ashkenazi Jews is they're the smartest. But they all look like Ari. Yeah, it's a tough jo, but that's why Jesus is like, hey, I can't give it, give it all.

[Giannis Pappas]

Don't feel like the right is starting to gaslight in some way the way the left did. Right would be like, you'd be like.

[Sal Vulcano]

Hey, is that a dude swimming in the pool?

[Giannis Pappas]

And they're like, that is a woman. And you're going, she's 66. And you're going. And then you go. They go, yeah, she was a guy two years ago. She was a male swimmer.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And it's totally fine.

[Sal Vulcano]

Cuz now deroza jumps in the pool, starts blowing her.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. And everyone's just going like, that's a girl. That's just cool. There's nothing wrong with that. And like, it's kind of.

[Chris Distefano]

You're going like, lady.

[Giannis Pappas]

And now you're going. You're watching Elon just go like, yeah. And he's like. Like, it's an autistic.

[Mark Normand]

I don't think. I don't think he's a Nazi, but I do think he's sig hailed.

[Giannis Pappas]

I mean.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Isn't that coming full across? Yeah. Twice.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

That's cultural appropriation too, by the way. Why don't we call up cult appropriation when you Nazi Heil cuz you're not a Nazi. So where's the. The left on that right?

[Giannis Pappas]

Well, where's the Germans speaking up? That's our culture.

[Chris Distefano]

Good point.

[Giannis Pappas]

Culture vulture.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, good point.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah. My mother came home, she said, did you see the good news? What Elon did?

[Chris Distefano]

The right is also getting cancelled. I posted a Baron Trump joke and it was like, this is appalling. You should be ashamed or an abortion joke. They get mad at. You're like, yeah, wait, wait, now everyone's.

[Mark Normand]

Blue haired, everyone's cool until you with.

[Sal Vulcano]

Their yes, silence is violence. Unless you speak up and say something they don't agree with, then you're a piece of.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, good point. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Everyone's full of like, big is beautiful. Hey, we got Ozempic. Put that my ass. Yeah, yeah, I thought it was beautiful, you fat fuck. It made me call you pretty.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, yeah. It just shows, literally.

[Sal Vulcano]

Ozempic is a drug that we are like, you know how like people used to walk around with like scurvy used to die, that obesity and therefore type 2 diabetes, like they don't have to exist. We can fully eradicate it with Ozempic and Mounjaro and all that, but it's this life saving drug. But now people are against it because they're like, hey, you know, don't, don't label me that. I lost my weight on Ozempa. Who gives a fuck? Just lose the weight, you fat.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah, but people say they're cheating, but it's like, no, it's a drug. We don't do that with anything. A woman gets breast implants. We're not like she cheated, we're like cool.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, great.

[Giannis Pappas]

You know, I like natties though.

[Sal Vulcano]

I like natties too.

[Mark Normand]

Natties are great.

[Giannis Pappas]

I don't like inflicted.

[Sal Vulcano]

I don't mind fake boobs. I don't like a fake butt and I don't like fake lips or Botox. But I don't know, I don't mind a little, you know, whatever. Fake tit don't hurt anybody.

[Giannis Pappas]

It doesn't.

[Sal Vulcano]

I don't love it. I'd rather think everybody would prefer natural.

[Chris Distefano]

Sure.

[Sal Vulcano]

You know, but I good fake tits these days. They do.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, they do.

[Sal Vulcano]

They really do.

[Giannis Pappas]

They really do.

[Sal Vulcano]

You can't tell the fake butt. I'm not into at all. No, I don't like that.

[Mark Normand]

I feel like that's how every influencer dies. Just like a butt implant always in Mexico.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, right.

[Chris Distefano]

I was gonna say, but Amber Rose and Kim K. Got the butt taken out.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, it's, it's.

[Giannis Pappas]

Those are some bad ones.

[Chris Distefano]

Yikes.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

What the hell was happening before those.

[Giannis Pappas]

Are what you call third World tits.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, that's what.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, that's when you go to Chile or you go to Madagascar. You're like, give me some implants.

[Sal Vulcano]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

Who releases these photos? This is a bad doctor. I guess.

[Giannis Pappas]

This is lawsuits.

[Chris Distefano]

Wow.

[Giannis Pappas]

My tits came out like that, I'd go lawsuit.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Nose job was the original fake.

[Sal Vulcano]

What was the nose job? Oh, that was the original one right there. I can't tell those two apart.

[Yannis Pappas]

That's racist.

[Giannis Pappas]

This is all not going anywhere.

[Chris Distefano]

No, no.

[Sal Vulcano]

What, this podcast episode or a careers.

[Mark Normand]

Which one?

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, maybe.

[Giannis Pappas]

But fake tits. Trans technology, it's going nowhere. People are resisting it. But, you know, they also resisted. Remember when Netflix used to do the DVDs?

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And then they switched to streaming and people rebelled and they canceled all their Netflix subscriptions when the new technology came out. That's what they're kind of doing with trans. They're like resisting going. But you're like, this technology is not going.

[Sal Vulcano]

Not going anywhere now.

[Mark Normand]

And it's going to get better.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's only going to get better.

[Sal Vulcano]

And it'll get probably more acceptable as time goes on where it's like, you can just marry a trans woman and nobody even bats an eye.

[Giannis Pappas]

People are just going to give in. The future is going to be. The future is going to be wild.

[Mark Normand]

Wait till we take. We might be drunk to Thailand, lady boy.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Once. Wait. Wait till the robots come out and then the. The trans women are going to start protesting the robots.

[Sal Vulcano]

Well, dude, did you ever see that movie that just came out with Megan Fox as a robot? That's a real thing. That could happen. It's one of the hottest things I've ever seen. She go, She's. She's smoking hot. It's Megan Fox. And she goes to her owner because the wife is in the hospital. She goes, I sense that you're depressed. She goes, and I also sense an increase in blood pressure. There are certain things I can do to relieve your stress about your wife. And then.

[Mark Normand]

And then.

[Sal Vulcano]

And then she goes, oh, I've just calculated a rise in blood pressure in your genitals.

[Chris Distefano]

Whoa.

[Sal Vulcano]

You know, and then it's like. It's like. So it's all scientific.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

But then her hand opens up and it's just a fleshlight. She starts fucking jerking.

[Giannis Pappas]

So she just acts like an Asian woman, which is great. Yeah. Just very subservient.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Kind of like once in a while.

[Chris Distefano]

That's what. We just want to go back to that. Let's be honest.

[Giannis Pappas]

But no, the the trans women will look at the robots and go, hey, no, we're the fucking artificial women, not you. Oh, yeah. They'll be going, like.

[Chris Distefano]

Then they're gonna go, women are women. Robot women are women.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Robots will be like, robot women are women.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Trans woman be like, no, we're the trans women. That.

[Chris Distefano]

But they can't win the swim meet because they'll malfunction in the water.

[Giannis Pappas]

They can't. But the liberals won't be able to. The only way they'll beat us in everything except swimming.

[Chris Distefano]

It's like black people.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

The liberals will let in the robots, too, and they'll be like, we have to be. We have to accept the robot.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And then the robots will kill all of us.

[Chris Distefano]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

That's how it's gonna happen. They're gonna be. No, we need to. We need to tolerate them. And then they're gonna.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, it's like, safe in the pool.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's right.

[Chris Distefano]

And hockey a little bit there. They're starting to bleed in.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's got to be H2O, either frozen or liquid.

[Chris Distefano]

Exactly, Exactly. Oh, now, wait a minute. We got Leah Thomas dominating the other lady. Whatever. Why aren't trans women going into the wnba?

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

What's taking so long? That could save the sport, right?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

The sports. No one watches.

[Mark Normand]

Do you want a man?

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, do you want a man?

[Mark Normand]

No one even watched that movie.

[Chris Distefano]

No.

[Mark Normand]

No one wants to see that.

[Chris Distefano]

Didn't see that.

[Giannis Pappas]

I mean, Britney Griner's in there. You can't tell me.

[Chris Distefano]

But I'm talking man to woman.

[Giannis Pappas]

You're talking man.

[Chris Distefano]

She's. She's going woman.

[Giannis Pappas]

Griner.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

No, Brittney Griner's just so. I think she's just a lesbo. But you think she looks like a man.

[Giannis Pappas]

Pete David, I think the verdict is not out.

[Sal Vulcano]

I mean, he got his tattoos removed.

[Giannis Pappas]

She looks like she's never had tits.

[Mark Normand]

I heard her on Fresh Air, and she said when she goes in the bathroom, she has to pull down her pants. So people aren't mad.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

People be like, what the fuck? And then she has to, like, show she's a vagina. And people like, sorry. Which is like that. You got to feel kind of bad.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Another thing robots won't have to worry about.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah. What are you. Talk back.

[Giannis Pappas]

Because her voice is very masculine, too.

[Sal Vulcano]

She is?

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Really?

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah. There will. There has to be a trans man or, like, in any sport. Well, the boxer.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

That was a woman, wasn't it?

[Sal Vulcano]

That was. She just had really high levels of testosterone.

[Giannis Pappas]

Well, this is how, you know, sports should be separated by sex and not gender identity. Because there is no controversy on the other side.

[Chris Distefano]

Exactly.

[Giannis Pappas]

Because if there was a trans man who could cover Odell Beckham Jr. In the Open field, I mean, those jerseys would fly off the.

[Sal Vulcano]

Sure.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

That would be a hero. But it's just not possible, Right?

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Not possible for someone who was born a woman to cover Odell.

[Chris Distefano]

Well, how do they argue that? Like, if you said that to, like, a trans activist, how would they.

[Giannis Pappas]

They can't, because there's nothing you can say. Because it's true. Because there is no controversy on. There's no. There's no conservatives getting riled up about trans men and men's sports because they can't. Because sports is separated by sex and not gender identity. And that there is no controversy on the male side shows that there's an unfair advantage for trans women going into women's sport.

[Chris Distefano]

And. Very interesting.

[Giannis Pappas]

And it's just what it is. You can support trans women, but you got to say, hey, sports are separated by sex, not gender identity. And then you end the whole thing.

[Chris Distefano]

There you go.

[Giannis Pappas]

Diffuse the whole thing.

[Sal Vulcano]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And you're running for office.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. You go. Trans women are for sneak. Secretly sneaking around with.

[Chris Distefano]

But sports. Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

Very simple thing.

[Chris Distefano]

And put them in the military. That would scare the Russians.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Trans women in my Internet history. And then they get erased immediately.

[Mark Normand]

That was. That was the joke I tried the other night. But being trans is already kind of like being in the military, because you got to get a new haircut, and you got to figure out how to work a different piece, and your dad is like, hope he comes back.

[Chris Distefano]

That's great.

[Yannis Pappas]

Have you heard there's a call in the WNBA to lower the rim?

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, really?

[Sal Vulcano]

Really?

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, to make it more, like, more dunking, more activity around the rim.

[Chris Distefano]

It would help numbers.

[Sal Vulcano]

I would help numbers. Because the thing is, with the wnba, it's not men not watching it. It's women not watching it. Of course, you can't blame that on men, because the women. I have two daughters. I've asked my older daughter, let's go to WNBA games. She's like, these are not as fun as the Knick games.

[Mark Normand]

No, they're getting better, though. They are getting better.

[Sal Vulcano]

They are. Oh, yeah, they are.

[Giannis Pappas]

They are getting better.

[Sal Vulcano]

Caitlin Clark is.

[Giannis Pappas]

I love it. Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

Caitlin Clark is awesome.

[Giannis Pappas]

Awesome. And the reason why she's awesome is not because she's white. Doesn't hurt. You know, there's a lot of White people in the country. But it's because she shoot bombs. She shoots. That's like the dunk in women's basketball.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa. She shot it from the NBA. Who's more fun to watch than Steph Curry?

[Sal Vulcano]

No, he's the best.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, well, you know, and dunks are fun.

[Mark Normand]

Dunks are.

[Giannis Pappas]

Mac McClung. It's like, give him a contract, dude.

[Sal Vulcano]

But he's not in the NBA.

[Giannis Pappas]

Put him somewhere.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, it's so sad the way they wheel him out at All Star Weekend every year, like a freak show.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. But I mean, just, he's a white kid who can dunk, like, really bad.

[Chris Distefano]

I don't know.

[Mark Normand]

He's in the G League. He's won the last three dunkies.

[Sal Vulcano]

Unbelievable.

[Giannis Pappas]

Really?

[Chris Distefano]

Pull him up.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah. He jumps over cars. He's. He's unbelievable.

[Giannis Pappas]

Throw him on the kings to sell tickets. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Mac McClung.

[Sal Vulcano]

McClung. And you know what's happening now? It's same thing that's happening in comedy. These kids, they get drafted to the NBA or D1 scholarships because they go viral on social media from the stuff they can do. And then they get an agent like we would. And it's the same thing. Yeah. Look at this.

[Chris Distefano]

Look at this. Hockey.

[Giannis Pappas]

He's six two and he's white.

[Sal Vulcano]

Look at that. Look at how sick this is.

[Giannis Pappas]

This is crazy.

[Sal Vulcano]

The thing is, is like, even the best dunkers in the NBA just can't do this.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Is that right?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

No, they can't.

[Giannis Pappas]

No.

[Sal Vulcano]

You could put who's the best? Like NBA.

[Giannis Pappas]

Aaron Gordon did this and he didn't do it as good because Aaron Gordon just jumped over the car.

[Mark Normand]

But also, being a tall is like a disadvantage.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Because you're not. You're not as athletic kids like six.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. When I grew up, and if you told me the best dunker in the. In a basketball player was a 6 foot 2 white guy, and the best running back in football would be a White Gu.

[Sal Vulcano]

Christian McCaffrey.

[Giannis Pappas]

I mean.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Like what?

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, boy. We're taking over.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

It's over.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah. Look at this.

[Chris Distefano]

Gentrifying.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, look at this. But it is crazy how the NBA just adjusts the rules now because he's not even in the NBA.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Sal Vulcano]

He's in the G. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But they know it's good for ratings because that All Star weekend was. You see what hockey is doing? It's so much better.

[Sal Vulcano]

No, I don't. What are they do.

[Mark Normand]

Like the tournament. So it was, I think was Sweden, America, Canada. And I Believe Finland was for the All Stars. That was their All Star week.

[Sal Vulcano]

I didn't know that.

[Mark Normand]

These guys are savages. U.S. and Canada. Three fights in the first nine seconds. And you know, the Tkachuk brothers are fucking psychos.

[Sal Vulcano]

Psycho.

[Mark Normand]

They're awesome.

[Chris Distefano]

Couple of hunks.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. And I mean, that's cool, man. You're repping your country as opposed to this All Star game, which in the NBA, they don't even try. They don't give a shit.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right.

[Sal Vulcano]

So you're saying do a mini.

[Giannis Pappas]

Do that in basketball?

[Mark Normand]

Well, yeah. Well, they say they don't want to get injured, which I totally get, because how mad would you be if your star player got injured? But like, look at these. Fucking hot. There's like more pride in hockey. I. Oh, yeah, yeah. And when your country's on the line, like, I mean, look what America did in the Olympics when. When we fucked up every. I mean, we barely beat France, but courage is going off.

[Sal Vulcano]

By the way, one of the best Netflix documentaries is Court of Gold. Did you see that Court of Gold dude on Netflix? It's about. It's a documentary about the 2024 Paris basketball.

[Mark Normand]

This is a peeve of mine. The documentary coming out immediately after. I think there's got to be a reminisce period right before. I want like 10 years.

[Giannis Pappas]

That was like that movie Nicolas Cage about nine, 11. Yeah, it came out like nine months after nine.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Did you guys. Were you. Were you writing the script, like while the towers were burning?

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

NBA views are way down.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Really, really bad.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, yeah. But it's also people watching a lot of different ways, like.

[Chris Distefano]

But I think NFL's up.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Less games.

[Chris Distefano]

Let's games.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. And NFL is just the American sport holiday Sunday.

[Mark Normand]

NFL is always going to be the biggest in America, but NBA International, man, it's huge.

[Sal Vulcano]

We had Pac Man Jones on History Hyenas yesterday was unreal to have to like talk to like an NFL frickin cornerback, like, who's just doesn't give a fuck. Trump. Giannis said. What did you say? He said something about Trump and he's like, I voted for Trump. I already told you that. Yeah, he got mad at you. He was like, I told you I vote for Trump.

[Giannis Pappas]

I told you.

[Sal Vulcano]

I was like, oh.

[Giannis Pappas]

And then which group is the worst? You know what he said? Unfortunately, blacks.

[Mark Normand]

He said no answer was gonna make us feel good.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, it's Pacman Jones.

[Chris Distefano]

If he said Inuits, I'd be like, all right.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, I think we edited that part out. But I guess not now.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, no, he said it. Yeah, I was just.

[Sal Vulcano]

It was. But he was just.

[Giannis Pappas]

I don't agree.

[Sal Vulcano]

He was just saying that because I asked him like, you know, I wondered like, you know, we do comedy and stuff. Like times you're like, do you ever forget like that you're a pro athlete and like feel not ungrateful, but. But you know, just like, do you ever like not pinch yourself? He goes, every day in my life, I couldn't believe that I was playing in the NFL.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, I love. That's cool.

[Sal Vulcano]

I like that about. Because, you know, some guys all get all the money, all the fame, they don't feel that way. But he did.

[Yannis Pappas]

Did he keep money?

[Sal Vulcano]

Huh?

[Yannis Pappas]

Did he keep any money?

[Sal Vulcano]

He said he spent a lot of it. Stupid. But he still has enough money.

[Chris Distefano]

Hell yeah.

[Mark Normand]

What was the dumber thing? He spent it on a slave.

[Giannis Pappas]

I mean, I think he was wearing some of the dumbest.

[Sal Vulcano]

Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, but he were pretty. But he was funny. He was cool.

[Giannis Pappas]

He was a great dude.

[Chris Distefano]

Back to NBA for a second. If this McClung guy isn't. You're saying he's not pro level?

[Sal Vulcano]

He's not.

[Chris Distefano]

But what about Bronnie? He got in. He stinks.

[Mark Normand]

I wonder how he got it.

[Chris Distefano]

I know, but I'm saying if he got in, you could put in the. The crack.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah. Matt McClung's father owns a AutoZone.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Get in the zone.

[Sal Vulcano]

Auto zone.

[Giannis Pappas]

It just shows you America.

[Mark Normand]

I think nepotism exists everywhere. It exists everywhere.

[Giannis Pappas]

And it's not about color as much as it is about money. Bronnie's a power, connections connect. LeBron's a powerful guy. He is the NBA.

[Chris Distefano]

But it shows things that flip that now the white guys dunking, can't get a job. Black guy sucks. He got hired, right? We flipped it every way.

[Sal Vulcano]

That in the end, that's what. That's what we wanted here.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

People still fucking complaining.

[Chris Distefano]

I know. We got it made.

[Giannis Pappas]

I mean, listen, a DEI higher in the NBA would be a white guy.

[Sal Vulcano]

At this point for a long time. You know what?

[Chris Distefano]

That's Asian.

[Giannis Pappas]

You know, Asian or Indian.

[Sal Vulcano]

Even when we were bringing up, I always thought about this. Even when we were bringing up, you know, over the last few years, you know, to fill in quotas and di. Hiring that. How come it doesn't apply to sports? Sports, you can have an all black team and all white team. In hockey, you don't. You don't ever have to do that and fill a Quota in sports. So what's the difference between.

[Mark Normand]

Well, in the arts versus sports?

[Giannis Pappas]

Because you can. Bullshit in the arts.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. It's exactly subjective. Subjective versus actual hard statistics. Right.

[Sal Vulcano]

But I'm just saying it's still. It's bullshit. If it's got to be. It's got to be di. It's got to be everywhere.

[Chris Distefano]

If you really believe it, might as well put it everywhere.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

Right.

[Chris Distefano]

But it would ruin sports. Sports would go through the.

[Sal Vulcano]

That's what I'm saying. So that's why it would be kind.

[Mark Normand]

Of funny if they forced a DI hire for, like, four minutes a game.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Bring in the Indian guy.

[Chris Distefano]

Like, fuck, we're getting crushed.

[Mark Normand]

Although Jeremy Lin, it worked against him because they profiled him being like, well, we've never seen a dude who looks like this.

[Chris Distefano]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

Who's good enough for this level. So that's why it worked against him. And then he was like, oh, shit.

[Giannis Pappas]

He's.

[Mark Normand]

He also went to Harvard.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

He was up dudes at UConn.

[Chris Distefano]

At Harvard, we have an Indian guy in the NBA. Steph Curry. All right.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

We need one of those breakaway bottles for that. Can we get more of those? Those are fun.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, those were fun.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah. I got. You guys cracked me over the head with one last time I was here.

[Chris Distefano]

We pick and choose, though, because, like, we all love Ukraine, but, you know, gay marriage isn't legal there.

[Sal Vulcano]

Sure.

[Chris Distefano]

So all these Americans were like, we're not. We're all racist and this country sucks. And you're like. Like, yeah, but they don't. Zelinsky is your hero. He's. He's anti gay.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah. He'd throw you off a roof if you went to Ukraine.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yes.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And he's dressed like a ninja.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

So.

[Sal Vulcano]

But that's just.

[Giannis Pappas]

Can you be gay in Russia?

[Chris Distefano]

No.

[Mark Normand]

I don't think they're cool to gays there.

[Giannis Pappas]

Hey, let them fight it out.

[Chris Distefano]

Gays can fight.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, let them fight.

[Sal Vulcano]

People don't realize they have it the best here.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

They just do. I don't care what you tell me. They just have it the best here, so shut up.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, there's some places that might be.

[Giannis Pappas]

I love America.

[Mark Normand]

There might be some places that are nice to live.

[Giannis Pappas]

There are some good.

[Sal Vulcano]

No, but I'm saying, like, there's really, like, you know, there's not, like, outrageous issues here like there are in other countries. I mean, you're pretty much safe to do whatever you want, despite what you think.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. The only issue here is that, like, you know, women you know, have a lot to say.

[Sal Vulcano]

Right.

[Chris Distefano]

The Texas abortion stuff.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. I'm just kidding. I'm joking.

[Mark Normand]

He's in his marriage right now.

[Giannis Pappas]

Exactly.

[Chris Distefano]

Yes.

[Sal Vulcano]

But you can move within the country. I know it's not what you wanted to, but you can move within the confines and you can find a place that allow it. But other nations, you cannot. Like, they're not gonna let you get an abortion anywhere. In Russia.

[Mark Normand]

No, it is. You go to certain cities, you go to small towns, like the liberal small town, and you go to the coffee shop and the barista's trans. And you're like, good, good.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's what they do here.

[Mark Normand]

Nice safe space.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

[Giannis Pappas]

Best thing America can hope for is that is like, everyone stop complaining. Like, everyone want to be trans. Go to Vermont.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

Leave Arkansas. First of all, you should leave Arkansas anyway. If you're trans, you should definitely leave Arkansas. Go to Vermont. Just move to Vermont.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And if you're like a crazy. If you like, really into Jesus or whatever, like, go anywhere.

[Chris Distefano]

And it works both ways, because Musk or Rogan's like, it's too woke here. I'm leaving.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

I'm going to Texas or I'm going to Phoenix.

[Giannis Pappas]

You're never going to get everyone to like your. Everyone's just got to respect their differences. Right.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

You got to do it to Jews. They're just different. They run the banks. Accept it. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I'll be right back.

[Sal Vulcano]

That's what I like.

[Mark Normand]

Yummy.

[Chris Distefano]

Hello, lovely boy.

[Sal Vulcano]

Pain and one of my faves.

[Yannis Pappas]

This is hanging in Epstein's home.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Is it?

[Sal Vulcano]

Yes, it was.

[Mark Normand]

Now who gets not the only thing that was hanging in Epstein's home.

[Giannis Pappas]

Do you know that the JFK is supposed to be files are supposed to be released today?

[Chris Distefano]

I'm not holding my breath.

[Giannis Pappas]

8,000 page, 80,000 pages.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, but all the names and everything got redacted, they said, because of national security. That's what they said. And that Trump's team said that. So it's like.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

Well, he was the one. He was the one who promised.

[Chris Distefano]

Right. The new Epstein or not Epstein, New JFK files. Is this black runner who hit the lady with a baton. You following this?

[Mark Normand]

What?

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, pull that up. This is huge news.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, but was it by accident or no?

[Chris Distefano]

Well, that's the question.

[Giannis Pappas]

It was by accident, but when you watch it, you go, how is that an accident?

[Chris Distefano]

And the other girl, thank God they're both black, because this would be a riot in the street if this was a white lady.

[Giannis Pappas]

This is the Was it a Heil Hitler or not? Of sports.

[Chris Distefano]

Yes, exactly.

[Sal Vulcano]

All right.

[Chris Distefano]

This is taking over the Internet.

[Sal Vulcano]

Oh, my God.

[Chris Distefano]

That's a metal baton.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, look.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Chris Distefano]

This is Latonya Harding.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, my God. Did she lose a race after that or what?

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, that's brutal. Playing it black and to the left.

[Yannis Pappas]

Oh, my God.

[Giannis Pappas]

Latonya Harding. Yes.

[Mark Normand]

Christ.

[Chris Distefano]

Wow. Yeah, that's. That's sports, baby.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Where was that? In what part of the world?

[Yannis Pappas]

I'm gonna go with the South.

[Giannis Pappas]

Names are the best.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Chris had a joke on history. Hyenas that, like, tariffs are so big that some kids gonna. Some black kid's gonna be named Tariff. Generations of tariffs. Tariff Jenkins coming.

[Sal Vulcano]

Tariff Jenkins. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Boy, Canada hates us. You know at the. At the hockey game when they booed us.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Trump apparently did a speech to the. To the players in the locker room before, like, go out. Fuck him up, Kill him. This is America.

[Giannis Pappas]

Because they booed the national anthem. Yeah, that's what happened.

[Chris Distefano]

So they got all hyped. They got all hyped up.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. They're not thrilled over there.

[Sal Vulcano]

No, we were at this game.

[Yannis Pappas]

You're at this game.

[Sal Vulcano]

We were there last night.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

Giannis. Giannis. We're sitting. Dude. Our seats last night were directly next to the Knicks bench. Like, I'm talking about. The closest Nick to us was right here.

[Chris Distefano]

Damn.

[Giannis Pappas]

I gotta admit, I think it was one of the best nights of my life.

[Chris Distefano]

Come on.

[Sal Vulcano]

We were watching Tom Thibodeau, coach and the play. Like, we were.

[Mark Normand]

We tried to get us tickets, but it was too last minute.

[Chris Distefano]

I appreciate it.

[Sal Vulcano]

And then, so we're watching the game, and then Giannis. Giannis goes, dude, I think Tracy Morgan's throwing up. And I was like, what?

[Giannis Pappas]

Might have been the first person that saw it in Madison Square Garden.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

He was like this. And they just went, wow. And he just started, bro.

[Sal Vulcano]

He couldn't get up. Like something. What? Did we find out what happened?

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, he said it's food poisoning.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I heard Walmart's behind it.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Gonna get a sweet settlement nose or something.

[Chris Distefano]

Or something.

[Sal Vulcano]

It was. It's bad, dude, because he was just, like, sitting there, like. Like, just vomiting. And I was like, he must not be able to get up.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Damn.

[Sal Vulcano]

And they had to take him out on a wheelchair.

[Chris Distefano]

But the craziest part of all that is this will help him sell tickets.

[Sal Vulcano]

Oh, 100.

[Chris Distefano]

He could do an arena. After that, I was literally.

[Sal Vulcano]

I was wishing that I was right next to him with a shirt to come see me. 9 11.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, exactly.

[Sal Vulcano]

That said MSG911 with two thumbs up. That's what I wanted. Look at the girl face. She was just looking away. We were sitting directly across from those two chicks.

[Chris Distefano]

That's quite a snap. But he got the mid flow of the puke and everything.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, it was. It was a. It was. He was puking like profusely projectile. And then when they even put in the wheelchair, was just vomiting everywhere.

[Chris Distefano]

Holy moly.

[Sal Vulcano]

It was bad.

[Giannis Pappas]

It was. It was an incredible night. I. We sat like the two seats next to the Knicks bench. So I. We were just in the huddle. We were on the Knicks.

[Chris Distefano]

That's amazing.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, we were. It was one of. It was one of the coolest experiences ever.

[Giannis Pappas]

The Kid in me was just going nuts. Yeah, I still is. One of the best nights of my life.

[Mark Normand]

The Kid in Me is also the name of Epstein's novel and a ton of.

[Chris Distefano]

I mean, the Knicks aren't that bad. Jesus.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, it was. It was wild. Was it Nimesh Patel's Netflix? Catch him on.

[Chris Distefano]

Shot the whole thing at New York Comedy. Left the sign up and everything. Good for him. Oh, there it is.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, there it is.

[Chris Distefano]

Steph Curry.

[Sal Vulcano]

Indian meme song.

[Chris Distefano]

That's what it's called. They have one song over there. How does that work? There's like this 18 million people or whatever. There's one song.

[Mark Normand]

Apparently the Snake Charming. Very cruel to the snake, huh? Yeah, apparently.

[Chris Distefano]

I could see that.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it's like with them.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, interesting.

[Sal Vulcano]

Like messing with your.

[Chris Distefano]

Like it's like our laser pointer with a cat.

[Mark Normand]

No, I think it's worse.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, okay. Shit.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

I would think the rapes over there.

[Giannis Pappas]

We'Re not hurting their feelings. They don't have. They don't have them snakes. Yeah, they have no feelings.

[Sal Vulcano]

Really?

[Giannis Pappas]

So if you're gonna fuck with something, fuck with.

[Sal Vulcano]

Are you, you know, animals? Is that an actual fact?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, they're reptiles. I don't have feelings.

[Sal Vulcano]

They just. Because their brains are too small. Like they just eaten.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, the lizard brain.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, it's a lizard brain. They have no feelings. They feel nothing.

[Sal Vulcano]

I know. Alligators are like that too. They just eat nothing, search for food. That's it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, they fucking live a peaceful existence. You ever see a lizard? Just anything that could just meditate and chill like that? Yeah, no feelings. It must be great. Psychopaths have no stress, no anxiety. Snake brains, really great. Like peaceful.

[Sal Vulcano]

They don't get anxiety. They don't worry about shit.

[Giannis Pappas]

We gotta like meditate for hours just to get a Glimpse of what a psychopath feels every second of every day.

[Chris Distefano]

But we got ubereats, you know, it's the toss up, right? What do you want, Right? But yeah, alligators. Pull this up, if you can.

[Yannis Pappas]

Oh, that's a crab being cooked and he's eating.

[Chris Distefano]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

No feeling out like a fucking G, though.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Alligator. In Louisiana, when it snowed for, like, 10 seconds, the swamp froze and the alligator froze. And then it just hung out and then it thawed and he swam away.

[Giannis Pappas]

Wow.

[Chris Distefano]

Wow. Yeah, they're dinosaurs.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, they're.

[Sal Vulcano]

They're really just survive anything.

[Chris Distefano]

The only way to kill an alligator, I don't know. If you guys watch Swamp People. These are my. These are my roots. But you got to go up and shoot it at a certain part of the head. You can stab it, you can shoot it in the back. You can, you know, flamethrower. You got to shoot it in one part of the skull. It's the only way to kill it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Wow. Really?

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Now, your ancestors that went to New Orleans, they did some bad stuff.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, yeah, awful.

[Giannis Pappas]

We were talking about that before. Like, the Norman family name. Like, there's something. You were not kind to people who had a little more melanin in the skin.

[Chris Distefano]

Well, in my defense, I'm half guinea. And they. We were hungry, like, oh, you're half Italian.

[Sal Vulcano]

In New Orleans.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, they hated Italian. More. More Italians got lynched in Louisiana than Jews.

[Giannis Pappas]

Wow. I didn't know that.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, yeah. Big Italian hate down there.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Sal Vulcano]

Nice.

[Chris Distefano]

We don't get any love.

[Mark Normand]

Why is that?

[Chris Distefano]

I think because we were a little swarthier, a little grosser.

[Sal Vulcano]

Right?

[Chris Distefano]

Greasier.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

You know, we were louder.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. They didn't like them over here for a while.

[Mark Normand]

Cold sauce, gravy.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, exactly. Lynchings. Murder of 11 Italians.

[Giannis Pappas]

Wow.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

That was a Tuesday.

[Giannis Pappas]

Those are some guys right before they got hung, they just called out, ma.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, I love you, Ma.

[Giannis Pappas]

Go up, dude.

[Sal Vulcano]

Is Yankee score.

[Giannis Pappas]

Somebody take care of my mom.

[Mark Normand]

Jason Giambi for life.

[Sal Vulcano]

I love this country.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. What is free Luigi mean?

[Chris Distefano]

What are these?

[Mark Normand]

Let him out of jail. What else could it mean?

[Giannis Pappas]

I know, but, like, why are they, like, what are you supposed to do? Like, this murder not supposed to apply. Just because you. You hate insurance company. What are you supposed to do?

[Chris Distefano]

That's a good question. Yeah, it's a silly statement. He shot a dad in the back. I had three kids.

[Giannis Pappas]

They need a new slot. You're like. You're almost going, like, freely free Luigi from what he did.

[Sal Vulcano]

Murder.

[Chris Distefano]

Well, that's what it is. People think. I think this. I hate this guy. I hate this company. So shoot people. Yeah, like, that's where we're at now. It's just like, I don't like something, get rid of it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Like, I understand their point. They're saying, like, the insurance companies are bad, but the guy did commit a murder. We have laws. Like, what do you. How do you.

[Sal Vulcano]

You got to do it.

[Chris Distefano]

Also, it didn't work. Y health. Sure. Health care still sucks.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Like, it didn't even help.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, but it got us talking.

[Sal Vulcano]

That's right. We started the dialogues, man. When I saw Norman did the ice bath. Yes. I said body by Luigi.

[Giannis Pappas]

Gotta have something to do with how hot he is.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, of course.

[Sal Vulcano]

That's all it has to do with.

[Mark Normand]

What about. What about this sex tape? This sex tape that's they're apparently trying to get for 500 grand with Luigi. Have you heard about this?

[Chris Distefano]

I'll donate from the jail cell.

[Mark Normand]

Or no, no, before that.

[Giannis Pappas]

Funny. Just some black guy ramming over.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, dude, One of my.

[Mark Normand]

Well spent.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yo. One of my friends is a cop. One of my friends is a cop. I was like, what? He goes, there was a new guy that got. Was in the jail. This is like a week ago. And he texts me, he goes, bro. He goes, one of the head guys in the head prisoners in the jail just told this new kid he had. The kid was taking a shit. He goes, the prisoner comes by the jail cell and he goes, turn around, look at the wall and don't wipe.

[Chris Distefano]

Ooh.

[Giannis Pappas]

I was like, natural lube.

[Sal Vulcano]

Exactly.

[Mark Normand]

That's not good. It was diddy pink guy.

[Chris Distefano]

They're in the same jail, by the way.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And somebody on the third Bankman freed.

[Sal Vulcano]

That's who it is, right?

[Chris Distefano]

It's like an old joke.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

A Jew and Italian and a black walking myself.

[Sal Vulcano]

I'll put that big three up against any other. No, that's crazy.

[Chris Distefano]

Crazy. Baby oil meets olive oil.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

I love it. Okay.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. This is a wacky time to be alive.

[Giannis Pappas]

It is a wacky time to be alive.

[Mark Normand]

You know, Luigi gets all the props in there. He. Because white collar, I guess you get some love. But the way he did it is. Is more up. Like, I feel like Madoff got more props in prison than a guy like Bankman freed.

[Chris Distefano]

Good point, Right?

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah. Bankman freed and now. And out of those, I mean, look at this.

[Chris Distefano]

He's a gay man, though. That's a gay pun.

[Mark Normand]

He's definitely gay.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, he has to be. You can't get that ripped unless you're.

[Chris Distefano]

That's why he had back problems.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

That's why I think you're a homo, Norman. Look at those abs.

[Chris Distefano]

You queer.

[Sal Vulcano]

I mean, that is. That is a. That is a 10 out of 10 bod.

[Giannis Pappas]

Like.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Killer bod.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Dude, would.

[Sal Vulcano]

You would again? No. Hell yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Dude apparently had real bad back problems, too.

[Sal Vulcano]

I. Him, for no.

[Chris Distefano]

And he eats McDonald's, too, which is even more impressive.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, I mean, he is a hottie.

[Sal Vulcano]

He's a hottie with body.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah. Like, that's like, you know, one of the. If, like your ex.

[Chris Distefano]

Girl.

[Sal Vulcano]

If, like your girlfriend. If that was, like, her last boyfriend. It just hurts. Oh, just hurts if it's this guy.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. When girls go and do a semester in Italy, like, you know, like rich girls, that's what they think they're gonna meet a guy like that.

[Chris Distefano]

Right?

[Giannis Pappas]

Want. Yeah. That's the dream. So I think it's playing into their.

[Sal Vulcano]

And they. Instead they meet a guy. A guy who looks like Salacus.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's what happened.

[Mark Normand]

He changed them to a radiator. He's like, I'll feed you when I feel like it.

[Sal Vulcano]

He goes, I want to edit your.

[Mark Normand]

He's just taking photos. She's chained up.

[Giannis Pappas]

It is true. When you go to Italy, there's like. Like three Luigi's. And the rest of them just look like.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, the rest look like poly walnuts.

[Giannis Pappas]

They're short people, the Italians.

[Sal Vulcano]

Talent is not. This one jacked, ripped.

[Mark Normand]

How tall is he?

[Sal Vulcano]

Threw it all away.

[Chris Distefano]

I'm gonna go six even.

[Giannis Pappas]

I'm gonna go five, nine.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I don't think he was as tall as.

[Sal Vulcano]

Okay, remember Paulie Walnuts used to live in Bay Ridge?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yes. We used to see him where he's a really. We used to go walk down by the water in Bay Ridge when we were doing those Bay Ridge boy stuff, which we just put another episode out, by the way. Chris Mullen and the crew of 82. Yeah, that's up at YouTube.

[Giannis Pappas]

You got.

[Mark Normand]

You got Chris Mullen in there?

[Sal Vulcano]

No, we did a sketch about how. Because I have a good jump shot that I am I possibly Chris Mullen's illegitimate son. And we just wrote a whole sketch about it. Allegedly. We got word that him and his family don't appreciate it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Well, yeah, he. You know who loved it, though? Mitch Rich.

[Sal Vulcano]

Mitch Richmond.

[Giannis Pappas]

He reached out to us.

[Sal Vulcano]

He reached out. But we. We heard.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, he was a badass.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, we heard that. You know, he didn't appreciate the fact that we were alluding to the fact that maybe cheated on his wife in 1982. So I guess that wasn't. That wasn't family watching for them. It was just a sketch.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's a sketch. Chris doesn't know his pops. And then his mom, who is played by the woman from. She was in Orange is a New Black.

[Sal Vulcano]

She was okay. She was great. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

But we would see Paulie Walnuts, and he. So what his real story is, you know, he got on the Sopranos, so he was a real mobster.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh.

[Sal Vulcano]

And so he came in for an audition, and he told. They auditioned all these people, and he told the casting agent. He goes, listen, me and David Chase. He fucking knows me. So he already told me I got the part. And the casting agent was like, well, you know, obviously have to audition people, whatever. And, you know, I wasn't told of that. And he goes, I got the part. I know him. He's a friend of mine.

[Chris Distefano]

Wow.

[Sal Vulcano]

And then she allegedly said something like, he know. He's. He knows. We already spoke that I got to get that part. So you're gonna just give me the part now. And if you let him know that I told you anything about it, he's gonna be a bigger problem for him. So it's this whole thing that was all made up. Yeah, she just gave him the part.

[Mark Normand]

What?

[Sal Vulcano]

Supposedly, that's a story I heard from, like, guys that know him, that know the real him. He's a legitimate. Like, I saw him one time leaving the supermarket, and he was holding all his bag, like, he had, like, so many bags. Like, he was like. Like in his 80s. So I said to him, I said.

[Mark Normand]

Hey, it's a pinky in there.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, you know, his name's Tony Sirico. So I said, hey, Mr. Sirico. Like, you know, my name is Chris. I live in the neighborhood. Would you like any help with your bags? He goes, I'm. I ain't no mook. I'll take my own bags.

[Chris Distefano]

Damn.

[Sal Vulcano]

And I was like, all right, see you later.

[Chris Distefano]

He was in Goodfellas. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And Broadway.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. So he had a resume.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

He fought his way into every role. Hey, Woody, I got the pot.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, right.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's a look, dude. He was great on the show.

[Sal Vulcano]

Oh.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, my God. He's fucking amazing.

[Sal Vulcano]

Perfect. Perfect.

[Mark Normand]

You can't picture anyone else's Pauli wano.

[Sal Vulcano]

I mean, that hair.

[Giannis Pappas]

Look at me.

[Mark Normand]

Recognize you once, too.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

What'd he say again?

[Sal Vulcano]

The. The supermarket thing?

[Mark Normand]

No, but didn't he say, like, take care of his stuff or something to a guy helping him. To you?

[Chris Distefano]

No.

[Sal Vulcano]

Well, he told me. He told me later on, he was like, you know, somebody said I was like, comedian. He goes, I like what you do, and you represent the neighborhood.

[Chris Distefano]

Hey, he does the three like this.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Hey, T. Yeah. That's what Trump did with Zelensky. He did that one.

[Sal Vulcano]

One. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

If you could pull that up, I.

[Sal Vulcano]

Might know when Zelinsky got. You know that.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Chaz Palmitari from Bronx Tale.

[Chris Distefano]

He does it.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

The Bulls.

[Giannis Pappas]

I think you're the comedian for these guys.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

100.

[Sal Vulcano]

No, Sebastian is. I'm not. I'm not. I'm the guy for maybe their sons. I'm not Sebastian All. Any hope I had of getting this fan base was just taken by Sebastian.

[Chris Distefano]

It was Dice Sebastian, now you. Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah. Well, based off my ticket sales, not me, but. No, we are. We're doing great.

[Chris Distefano]

Good.

[Giannis Pappas]

Internet says, well, he died.

[Chris Distefano]

I didn't even know he died.

[Sal Vulcano]

Walnuts died a few years ago. Yeah, not. Not that old either. 79 guys live to their.

[Mark Normand]

That's old for a gangster, that is.

[Chris Distefano]

That's a good point.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Damn. Biden's 80. Yeah, 81.

[Mark Normand]

81, probably.

[Sal Vulcano]

The hell are you doing, Giannis?

[Giannis Pappas]

I'm getting a snooze.

[Yannis Pappas]

Snooze?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

You got to get a snooze. You're addicted to the snooze.

[Chris Distefano]

What is this?

[Mark Normand]

What is this, Giannis? Oh, no, no. Why you taking that?

[Giannis Pappas]

It snooze because it's sweet.

[Sal Vulcano]

Guy who's drunk at noon.

[Mark Normand]

I. I do do that to people. I'm like, there's processed sugar in that. Meanwhile, 6 Manhattan's deep.

[Giannis Pappas]

I'm sorry for my bad habits, Sam.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, no, I veto. Called me out for that on the road. I. I was like, nah, there's too much sugar in this. And I was. I was drunk as I was giving him the advice.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, you got to even it out. At least eating right, but still drinking wrong.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, we try to be healthy. We're having some. Some bad ethnic farts on that. Pull up the video. I sent you this bus. We're on a tour bus right now, and there are some bad farts on this bus. It's Peter.

[Giannis Pappas]

Oh, wow.

[Mark Normand]

Look at the little smile at the end. Look at this devious.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, wow. Not happening on the Tig Notaro tour. This is a dude thing.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

That's good. Bass and treble.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, he's so proud because his farts are the loudest, littlest guy with the loudest ass.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Well done. That is talking.

[Mark Normand]

There will be a lot of silences in the bus. And then there'll be, like, just, like a horrible smell. And we'll look around like, who did it? Yeah, but what can you do? We're all doing it. Little Gary, you're trying to eat clean and, you know, but, like, what's the healthy option in this town? Get, like, Turkish food and then our asshole just. Yeah, you can't. You can't poop on that bus.

[Chris Distefano]

No, no.

[Sal Vulcano]

Do you guys like the bus? You like?

[Mark Normand]

I like it, yeah. For my lifestyle. I like it for you. You gotta. You got a family and stuff?

[Sal Vulcano]

Well, no, just for that alone, I'm like. I got able to. I mean, you saw what I did in your bathroom.

[Mark Normand]

I smelled it. I went in right after you. I was furious. I was like, this guy's a pig.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Did an episode on Louis xiv, and there was no toilets in Versailles except for his toilet.

[Chris Distefano]

Come on.

[Giannis Pappas]

So everyone would just.

[Sal Vulcano]

All over Versailles, in the palace, like.

[Giannis Pappas]

Behind a curtain, there was no toilet.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

What?

[Giannis Pappas]

The only toilet was his.

[Chris Distefano]

Was that a mental thing? Like a power move?

[Giannis Pappas]

It could have been, because he actually would do business meetings on the shit. It was part of the ritual for everyone to gather around and watch him shit.

[Mark Normand]

And then he had analy rubbing it in, too.

[Giannis Pappas]

It is rubbing it in.

[Sal Vulcano]

Just taking his shit. And then he had anal fistulas, which is, like, you know, protruding, like, blisters coming out of his asshole. And they didn't know, like, what to do. It's because of poor hygiene. Yeah. And then so they finally, like, fixed it kind of a little bit with a surgery, but because they didn't want to just practice the first time on the King, they took, like, 14, 15 pens and they just started ripping apart their assholes.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa.

[Sal Vulcano]

The technique, killing them, they didn't care. Throwing them down the toilet, and they got it right for King.

[Chris Distefano]

Well, you know what it is? If you sit on the shitter for too long, you get the hemorrhoids. So you're probably just shitting for weeks. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

It's so easy to sit in the toilet forever. You just bring a laptop in. You throw on a fucking dock.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah. Could you? Yeah. You brought in a small slave.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

Dude, If I have 2%, like, I will. Even if I have diarrhea, I will wait. It's like, wait until it gets to, like, 4% just to be able to take my phone into the.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Try without your phone.

[Chris Distefano]

You're going with laptop. That's bad. You got a phone. Is phone is bad enough. You're going with a full computer.

[Mark Normand]

Just some work emails.

[Sal Vulcano]

Dude, I go in with a desktop.

[Chris Distefano]

You don't want to watch a Ken.

[Sal Vulcano]

Burns, I bring the whole thing.

[Chris Distefano]

You got Ken Burns, Civil War. You're gonna get it.

[Sal Vulcano]

I'm going with a Zenith.

[Giannis Pappas]

But can you imag used to shit without phones. I stare at a wall.

[Sal Vulcano]

I remember the books, books you would read. The shampoo bottle. Yeah, I made it work.

[Mark Normand]

You would think, you would think, you.

[Giannis Pappas]

Would think you'd be bored for.

[Sal Vulcano]

Well, that's why meditation is. I saw an article about this. That's why it's so important today and why they're trying to ram it down your throats to meditate is because you're never, you never give your brain a moment, never because of. You're constantly occupied. So that's why they're saying if you can just detach for 20 minutes, your brain will be like. You'll feel like a superhero. Where if 40 years ago you didn't have to do it as much because you had just these times in nature or not looking. Not having to be stimulated all the time. I see with my kid, I gave my daughter, she's nine, I gave her a cell phone, but it's called Gab G A B B. So it's specifically designed to help children, you know, who have to lean into technology because the world we live in but not get addicted to the phone. So it's like it's not an iPhone. It can only do certain things. It only can send out like a hundred texts in the day. It doesn't have any social media apps, nothing.

[Mark Normand]

I kind of like the idea of 100 text. Then you're like, oh, these actually mean something.

[Sal Vulcano]

But even her, even with that, if you once you tell her, hey, time for no phone, you give her like a five minute grace period. It's like a drug when you take it from them. She's so angry and then she's so agitated. I have a three year old, so three year old would be three year old. And she doesn't really annoy her that much. But when my daughter's on the phone and my 3 year old starts running around, she starts screaming at my daughter and I'm like, oh shit. That's how we all are as adults. Subconsciously, like you're just such. You have kids. The only time I ever really ever yell at my kids is when I'm trying to do something on my phone and they're just asking me to be their father.

[Chris Distefano]

Right?

[Sal Vulcano]

Not right now. I gotta post.

[Chris Distefano]

Well, it makes you wonder. Has hemorrhoids gone up? Because you get on the toilet and it's your only alone time.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

So you're gonna have to sit for a while. You're gonna text, you're gonna do emails, you're gonna look at, you know, shark attacks or whatever.

[Giannis Pappas]

Sure, I have them on the inside of my asshole. And they just said leave them.

[Sal Vulcano]

You have any?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, I got innies. They just flatten the. As they come out, so it's right. Like a rolling pin.

[Sal Vulcano]

I remember that when used to take. Used to take pencil shits, we used to call them.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. And I was worried. I was like, is this a prostate?

[Sal Vulcano]

Colon cancer or something?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, your prostates.

[Mark Normand]

Your shits look like the ketos.

[Giannis Pappas]

They come out like tacos.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, they really do.

[Giannis Pappas]

Soft tacos.

[Chris Distefano]

You got pegged. It might clean house a little bit.

[Sal Vulcano]

Well, that's what we were saying the.

[Giannis Pappas]

Other day, like, a little, like. Because we were talking about Louis xiv, and he's like, why doesn't a guy just come and just clean it out?

[Sal Vulcano]

Clean him out. That's what Giannis has on the inside of his ass.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I haven't. I haven't gotten one yet. How was it?

[Giannis Pappas]

You need to get. Get them.

[Mark Normand]

Really?

[Chris Distefano]

Really?

[Giannis Pappas]

To get them? Yeah, I just tell everybody what age.

[Sal Vulcano]

I got my first one at.35. Dude, the profile alone, you feel great.

[Giannis Pappas]

They're already lowering it.

[Mark Normand]

I do like, the propofol.

[Sal Vulcano]

It's an epidemic.

[Giannis Pappas]

People need to know preventable cancer.

[Sal Vulcano]

Do it. Just get four polyps. When I was 35. I had, like, seven when I was.

[Chris Distefano]

Whoa.

[Sal Vulcano]

And it's as long as you go. They. They know how long they grow, so what they do is they burn them off for you. And then my doctor says come back every five years. Yeah, three to five years. But because they know what. It's okay to have them. The pile, but they know they take this long to grow.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right.

[Sal Vulcano]

So that's what it is.

[Mark Normand]

We've lost every young listener on this podcast.

[Giannis Pappas]

I'm telling you, like, you got to.

[Mark Normand]

Get rid of those polyps.

[Giannis Pappas]

We're doing a service to people right now. Go. Just tell your. Your. Tell your doctor. I feel bloated. Something's up. I'm. I'm getting some pain. They give you a colonoscopy, and then if you have them, they take them out. It is the most.

[Mark Normand]

It's like, you want to do it together?

[Chris Distefano]

Patreon.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Do it for the most preventable Cancer. If you catch it early, it's the most deadly. If you don't, you're dead.

[Mark Normand]

If they grow up, I wish my biological father had. It would have been nice to have him kick the dirt, but.

[Sal Vulcano]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

He had prostate cancer. The only thing he passed down to me.

[Giannis Pappas]

Do you ever see him? You know him?

[Mark Normand]

No, I don't see him. He's coming out.

[Giannis Pappas]

Welcome to How I Met you. Howie mandel me there, Mr. Morrell.

[Mark Normand]

He'd come in on a walk. When you're looking for the most comfortable underwear that's gonna cradle your balls and make your package look awesome, sheath underwear is where it's at. It's the official underwear of comedy. Anyone who's anybody is wearing them. Let's see if I'm wearing right now. See? Yep. Sheath Love. Sheath underwear. Sorry, I almost whipped my penis out for you guys. Sheath has two pouches, one for the dick, one for your balls. You never realize how awesome it feels to have things separate down there till you give it a shot. I mean, I wear them every day. They send them to me. I love them. I would have bought them if they didn't send them to me. I have bought some since, gave some to my dad. He loves them. Sheath underwear also lasts for years. Yeah, I mean, they really are. You buy a lot of underwear, it turns into Swiss cheese. This stuff has all been solid. I love it. Go to sheathunderwear.com and use code drunk to get 20% off your first order. Plus sheath underwears, 100% off money, 100% money back. Guarantee that sheathunderwear.com promo code drunk. Really? The best underwear I've ever had. I wear them every day. So you should give it a shot. Get sheath underwear. Support the show. Support your balls.

[Chris Distefano]

By the way, I did a gig this weekend. Chevy Chase shows up.

[Sal Vulcano]

Whoa.

[Chris Distefano]

In a wheelchair.

[Giannis Pappas]

Whoa.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. We did that Adam ray thing of Dr. Phil, and it was at Chicago Theater, so it was like a big one. And Chevy Chase got wind of it, and he just showed up with his handler and wheelchaired it in.

[Mark Normand]

And he did a set.

[Chris Distefano]

He did a little interview for, like, 10 minutes. And then.

[Mark Normand]

And how was he?

[Chris Distefano]

A little persnickety?

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

You know, he didn't.

[Sal Vulcano]

What is it? Because they always say he's, like, so tough to be around. But, like, is it. Is it ego? Is it, like, what. What is it about him?

[Chris Distefano]

I don't know. That's a good question. I think it's ego. I think he's just like. He's just that guy.

[Mark Normand]

He's Like, I'm a dick and he's a difficult guy.

[Chris Distefano]

I think that's what I hear. I didn't even ask for a photo. I was like, holy, that guy's a, you know, comedic legend. Vacation and all. That was funny.

[Giannis Pappas]

You were like, he's a dick. And he goes, and he's a difficult.

[Mark Normand]

Guy, but there's a difference.

[Giannis Pappas]

There's a difference. Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

What's crazy, too, you're dick and you're.

[Giannis Pappas]

Difficult, then you're a real dick. You gotta be a real dick.

[Sal Vulcano]

This guy Dan I know, he told me, you know, like, what's happening, like, in comedy with all of us being like, Adam Ray selling out the Chicago theater, the venue size we're doing. He said he used to book the Chicago theater in the late 90s. He goes, and in the late 90s, it was, like, unheard of for a comedian, even a big comedian, to be able to sell that place out. He said, I had Don Rickles in there.

[Chris Distefano]

Wow.

[Sal Vulcano]

In like, 1999, we had to curtain off the balance.

[Chris Distefano]

Wow.

[Sal Vulcano]

That's Don Rickles as a legend already for years. And he said, so what we're doing, like, with these ticket sales. He was like, this is, like, crazy and unheard of, and you guys should be happy with what's going on, even if the sales are down a little bit. Because he was like, this did not happen ever in comedy.

[Mark Normand]

Rickles is looking up at the curtain, like, all sad. Like, there should be a up there.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, it's that.

[Giannis Pappas]

That scene from Louie was the best scene about that.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

With the Dane Cook one.

[Giannis Pappas]

No, Joan Rivers. Joan Rivers.

[Mark Normand]

That was great.

[Sal Vulcano]

What was a great episode.

[Mark Normand]

Great episode of Atlant goes back to.

[Sal Vulcano]

Like, the cabaret lounge complaining.

[Giannis Pappas]

He's complaining about the room. He's in the small room, she's in the big room. And she gives him this speech about, like, hey, that's the career. You go big small, back to the big small.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And then he just tries to kiss her. It's so fun.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. I think they. At the end. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, it's really funny. But it's a great. Cool.

[Mark Normand]

It's like. It's just. It's cool because it's coming from her.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Like, scene wouldn't have carried weight if it wasn't like, Joan.

[Sal Vulcano]

It had to be Joan river.

[Mark Normand]

And the fact that she's been through hell, you know, she's been through hell.

[Chris Distefano]

That hack show kind of covers this. They do a good job of doing the old school, new school. And the older lady's like, you got it good. You're a writer. You work in air conditioning, craft service. You know, you get free lunches. Shut the up. She's like, I had to grind my way to the top clock guy that.

[Giannis Pappas]

He come out and take your jobs from, you know, when you're lucky.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, I know. I mean, I know all that.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's just that sometimes I get sick of the. Sick of the. What is your problem? I am a million years old. Do you know what I've been through? I've been in this business for a million and two years.

[Sal Vulcano]

And I'm a woman.

[Giannis Pappas]

I'm a woman. It's not easy. Do you know how many blowjobs I had to give to get where I am now? Come on, give me a number. Give me a number. How many blowjobs did it take for Joan Rivers to end up in a suite with lots of flowers?

[Mark Normand]

I don't want to guess that.

[Giannis Pappas]

Guess. Come on. To go from clubs to Carson and Carson to Fox and my own trip show, daytime and an Emmy and then red carpet. Give. Give me a number.

[Sal Vulcano]

Give me. I don't want to guess.

[Giannis Pappas]

And then Melissa. Now I have my own show. Melissa.

[Chris Distefano]

Give.

[Giannis Pappas]

Give me your number. Guess, guess. Come on, give me a number.

[Sal Vulcano]

Guess, guess, guess, guess, guess.

[Giannis Pappas]

I want to hear a number.

[Sal Vulcano]

40. Excuse me.

[Mark Normand]

Around 40.

[Chris Distefano]

She was what? Pull up her red carpets, though. Like, she has a. She goes.

[Mark Normand]

The answer was none, you idiot. But yeah, dude. I mean, Louie Lou's new, by the way, is.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, my God, two hours. Incredible.

[Mark Normand]

He's locked in right now.

[Chris Distefano]

This would be on Kill Tony now.

[Giannis Pappas]

I'm not gonna say, how do you do? I'm gonna say, get to the actors. She was a beast.

[Chris Distefano]

Filthy, raw, fun, offensive.

[Mark Normand]

I love the doc.

[Chris Distefano]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

It's great.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's the best.

[Sal Vulcano]

She's just.

[Giannis Pappas]

I saw her live. I went, wow. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Really?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. We went to. She used to do this basement of this Chinese restaurant, like, right in midtown.

[Mark Normand]

It's like a workout room.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Whoa.

[Giannis Pappas]

Like an hour.

[Mark Normand]

Hour.

[Sal Vulcano]

Kill.

[Giannis Pappas]

Killed. I mean, she's. She's so mean.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, yeah, I saw that. Just for laughs.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

In, like, 2013.

[Giannis Pappas]

Celebrities killed her.

[Chris Distefano]

Really?

[Giannis Pappas]

She's so mean and hilarious, but she was mean.

[Chris Distefano]

She was mean.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

She said up.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

To their face.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

She Interact was filled with that stuff, right?

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

The way she died, didn't they blame doctors for kind of that up.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

That's brutal.

[Chris Distefano]

She was getting surgery, and I think they up the anesthesia.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

Oh, what was the surgery? Like, plastic surgery?

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, I think it was dental.

[Chris Distefano]

Was it dental?

[Sal Vulcano]

Dental surgery.

[Yannis Pappas]

I think so.

[Chris Distefano]

Interesting.

[Yannis Pappas]

But it was like, not in a professional setting. It wasn't like in a, it was like in an off brand dent. Like a guy who had his own practice.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Small.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Michelle Obama dentistry, Right?

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Cuz she called her a man.

[Chris Distefano]

I'm doing her podcast.

[Giannis Pappas]

Are you?

[Chris Distefano]

No.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

She would never have me, but was Joan Rivas.

[Giannis Pappas]

The one that started was one of the first ones. But she was the biggest person. Person to say it.

[Chris Distefano]

That's right.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

She would always comment on her arms.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. And so she was like, she's a man. Everyone knows she's a man.

[Sal Vulcano]

What was it?

[Yannis Pappas]

A routine endoscopy.

[Chris Distefano]

Wow, what's that? A butt stuff in the butt.

[Sal Vulcano]

Endoscopy's in the mouth.

[Chris Distefano]

Got it.

[Sal Vulcano]

That's crazy. That, like, is so routine.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Malpractice lawsuit. God damn.

[Chris Distefano]

Maybe you're right. Maybe it was a like.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Michelle put a call in and said, you know what?

[Mark Normand]

Let's.

[Giannis Pappas]

I don't like her talking anymore.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Just like to shake chef. It's like the chef.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

I don't like you talking anymore. I'm talking. This is for sucking, not for talking.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

Joan, Joan Rivers calls President Obama gay. Says first lady is.

[Mark Normand]

How about these breakup rumors?

[Giannis Pappas]

Oh. Between them.

[Sal Vulcano]

Of Joe. Of Barack and Michelle. I, I, I don't think it's true. Well, they, I mean, I don't think that Barack Obama's dating Jennifer Aniston.

[Giannis Pappas]

No. No.

[Sal Vulcano]

Right? No.

[Chris Distefano]

She's racist. Racist.

[Sal Vulcano]

No.

[Giannis Pappas]

But they are not friends. Seen together a lot.

[Sal Vulcano]

What?

[Giannis Pappas]

You say they're not being seen together a lot.

[Chris Distefano]

That's true. And it's got to be a hard life.

[Sal Vulcano]

That's because Michelle's going for swims.

[Giannis Pappas]

Dude, Chris solved the thing on Ellen. It was a battery pack. Oh, battery.

[Sal Vulcano]

That's what it was.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, she, you know, she didn't want to.

[Chris Distefano]

You never watch this. You can see something swinging.

[Giannis Pappas]

You can even see that it's the.

[Sal Vulcano]

Battery pack is what it is.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

From the mic. She's mic'd up.

[Chris Distefano]

Why is this entertaining? I don't get the, what's the talent here.

[Giannis Pappas]

Because America's retarded.

[Chris Distefano]

Yes, apparently.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

This is what daytime TV is, Mark.

[Chris Distefano]

This is why Theo Vaughn gets way more numbers than. What, what, what is the upside?

[Mark Normand]

No, the problem is, Mark, we're not dancing enough.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

You know who else dance Bill got? Cosby did. He would always dance in front in the beginning of a show.

[Mark Normand]

Dancing Might be a sign of evil.

[Chris Distefano]

I think we got something here.

[Giannis Pappas]

Michelle Obama. Penis Allen.

[Yannis Pappas]

And they'll be like, there's one where she's walking outside.

[Giannis Pappas]

Oh, yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

Downstairs. There it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

And then. All right, I'll be able to tell you what kind of this is.

[Giannis Pappas]

I mean, this kid.

[Sal Vulcano]

It's one of my specialties. Let's see. Okay, that was a Lenin. Those were her ball balls.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, she grabbed something. Yeah. All right, well, this has turned into. You can see us on Truth Social.

[Sal Vulcano]

She's got a gorgeous body.

[Giannis Pappas]

I mean, Big Mike jokes are funny.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

I don't think she's a man.

[Mark Normand]

No.

[Chris Distefano]

No. But then Macron's wife.

[Mark Normand]

I don't think that's what they're saying.

[Sal Vulcano]

Who was saying.

[Chris Distefano]

Who's Candace Owens?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah, but someone else going wild. No, she says a lot of crazy. Who is it?

[Giannis Pappas]

The.

[Mark Normand]

It was someone. Someone else who's been saying the story is crazy.

[Chris Distefano]

He. She was his teacher. She's like 35 years older. He was friends with her dog. I mean, the whole thing's insane.

[Mark Normand]

He was banging his teacher. And it worked out.

[Chris Distefano]

And it worked out.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, but isn't that just French?

[Sal Vulcano]

From a French story I heard in France, you don't. You're allowed to cheat on your wife as long as you don't fall in love with the other woman. Yeah, you can physically cheat, and then it's like. It's not like they love it, but they're not going to divorce you over that. Like, you couldn't bring that up in divorce court, which is a real thing in France. Divorce court, dude. There's this thing. We got to do a history episode on this. In, like, the 1600s, 1700s, you could not. You could. They would allow you for, like, a period of time. In France, you could only get divorced from your husband if. If he couldn't get it up. If he had an impotence issue, they would in. In a divorce. A French divorce court, if you could.

[Mark Normand]

That sucks, because then everyone knows why you got divorced.

[Sal Vulcano]

But that's the only way they would allow it. So what would happen is you would have to go in front of a court with an audience, like a court today, and have sex with your wife. And if you couldn't get it up.

[Chris Distefano]

Come on.

[Sal Vulcano]

I swear to God.

[Mark Normand]

But doesn't mean your dick doesn't work. That means it doesn't work.

[Sal Vulcano]

Impotence trials where men were forced to prove their virility was a legal justification of divorce, rooted in the belief that marriage's primary Purpose is procreation.

[Chris Distefano]

This is the ultimate Blue Chew commercial.

[Sal Vulcano]

Seriously.

[Mark Normand]

Maybe your dick does still work. It just doesn't work with her at that point.

[Sal Vulcano]

That's what I. That's what I said.

[Chris Distefano]

Good point.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I said, give me any other woman in here, I'll show you.

[Sal Vulcano]

She's gross. Look at this bush.

[Chris Distefano]

Also, the pressure's on with this. This is the hardest boner ever to get up.

[Sal Vulcano]

So. But here was the loophole. You would get divorced. You could get, you know, they would grant you the divorce. Fine, you know, whatever. But it was like a whole process to grant you a divorce. It like, didn't happen that day. And in French law at this time, if you. A family fight, like if you killed your spouse, handled with the family. French court doesn't intervene, what, years. So you would kill. So these guys would get the divorce and then have this two week lay period where if that woman didn't get away, like, well, now we're gonna fucking kill you.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, what about.

[Mark Normand]

Here's a question about the vaginal.

[Giannis Pappas]

Simpler times.

[Mark Normand]

Do they put the vaginal wetness on trial?

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, yeah, Equality.

[Sal Vulcano]

That's it.

[Chris Distefano]

I like it.

[Giannis Pappas]

It what?

[Sal Vulcano]

1600 something. Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

Pre revolutionary France.

[Chris Distefano]

I thought it was 81.

[Giannis Pappas]

I'd have no problem getting hard because the room would be full of dudes and wigs.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, they would all be going. You would be. And they would all be going. That's it.

[Yannis Pappas]

Do you know that in ancient Greece, if your wife was frigid, meaning she couldn't come, they would match her with another woman who couldn't come, and they would scissor.

[Chris Distefano]

Come on.

[Yannis Pappas]

They said there was like a buildup of blood in there that you had to, like, sort of release. They had to do it together.

[Mark Normand]

Did it work? Yes.

[Yannis Pappas]

Because they're probably lesbians.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's Roman propaganda, dude.

[Chris Distefano]

So then my wife's a lesbian.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's not true.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Ancient Greeks didn't consider the sexual desires of women.

[Chris Distefano]

Ah, good point, dude.

[Sal Vulcano]

The ancient medicine is wild. I mean, they used to think.

[Giannis Pappas]

Think.

[Sal Vulcano]

I mean, George Washington, they would put leeches on him.

[Chris Distefano]

Sure.

[Sal Vulcano]

And just suck his blood out. Like, you got to go. When you go back in time and you think like Thomas Jefferson when they had the Louisiana Purchase.

[Giannis Pappas]

There you go. I was right.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah. What do they say?

[Giannis Pappas]

Look, women's. Women's lives were significantly restricted, with their primary roles centered around domestic duties and maintaining the household in ancient Greece.

[Yannis Pappas]

Let me type in scissoring now.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

I don't think they use the word scissoring in Those books, man. But we'll see.

[Sal Vulcano]

But they would sc.

[Mark Normand]

Are you seriously spelling it? S, I spelled for me. S, C, I, S, S, O, R, S or scissoring.

[Chris Distefano]

Frigid.

[Mark Normand]

You can find anything, though, if you plug it in the Internet.

[Giannis Pappas]

Journal of Women Empowerment. I've never heard this.

[Chris Distefano]

Wait a minute.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

Ology. Select a female character.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. These are from Greek mythology. Mythology is not reality.

[Sal Vulcano]

Journal of Women Empowerment.

[Chris Distefano]

There's no God of war.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. This guy thinks Hermes is real. Get him.

[Giannis Pappas]

Let me get it real. So the court of law made Aphrodite and Hermes scissor.

[Sal Vulcano]

Probably.

[Mark Normand]

Hermes is a. Gotta be true.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, I know. I can't think of another female guy because there's nothing.

[Mark Normand]

Athena.

[Giannis Pappas]

Athena, Artemis, Medusa. Medusa. Medusa wasn't a.

[Chris Distefano]

She'll get your dick. She was the one.

[Sal Vulcano]

Snake hair. She's the one that sounded Puerto Rican.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Chris already knocked her up 100.

[Sal Vulcano]

She has a tattoo on her stone tit.

[Giannis Pappas]

I want to know, was female homosexuality accepted in ancient Greece? Probably.

[Sal Vulcano]

Homosexuality was accepted in women.

[Yannis Pappas]

Lesbian named after.

[Sal Vulcano]

When you look back in history, you. You recognize one thing, that homosexuality was widely accepted in every race, religion, culture, creed. We accept homosexuality the least today.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, no. Africa.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it's rough there.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, you mean we as a humans. No, I'm saying even American.

[Sal Vulcano]

No, no, no. Like af. Like. Like gay people. Like throughout history.

[Mark Normand]

It was like a power thing.

[Sal Vulcano]

Alexander the Great. Nobody cared. We care about it the most today.

[Giannis Pappas]

But even just men to man love. Like even samurais. Samurais were gay.

[Chris Distefano]

Really?

[Mark Normand]

Even when they killed themselves. Penetration.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, penetration right there. Yeah. But they were. They were gay on their knees. Pure love was restricted for guy on guy.

[Sal Vulcano]

Guy on guy was pure love. Ancient. What was it? The sacred band of thieves. They would all have sex with each other.

[Giannis Pappas]

Elite warriors.

[Sal Vulcano]

Elite warriors would all have sex with each other for a battle. Because in their mind, they were like, well, the only way we can really protect each other. Fellow brother in battles. If I'm in love with you, the way I could fall in love with you is I put it in your ass the night before.

[Giannis Pappas]

Women were looked at it for procreation, but for fun. It was more like, you know, you had a buffet at the table of eunuchs. You know, boys, kind of the same today.

[Mark Normand]

You got. You knock up your wives, then you go to the Knicks game with the boys.

[Sal Vulcano]

That's what I'm saying.

[Giannis Pappas]

Except you. Them.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, right.

[Mark Normand]

That's what Mark and I jerk each other off in the bathroom.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

I'm loving It. Yeah, take it to the hole.

[Sal Vulcano]

What's this? African Care Core. Core.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh. Why are you gay?

[Yannis Pappas]

What's your gender?

[Chris Distefano]

I'm a mechanic.

[Mark Normand]

The.

[Giannis Pappas]

I don't think you can be gay in dagger and so on.

[Sal Vulcano]

Will be in.

[Mark Normand]

Even in a deeper.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, no, that is local.

[Mark Normand]

What do we watching?

[Yannis Pappas]

African core.

[Giannis Pappas]

What is that?

[Yannis Pappas]

It's sort of like ultra manliness in Africa.

[Sal Vulcano]

Oh, okay.

[Mark Normand]

Well, now that I know. Play one. You just put it on. You didn't explain it.

[Yannis Pappas]

Sorry, I thought we were talking about Africa.

[Giannis Pappas]

Africa.

[Chris Distefano]

That's the other thing about America. Everybody shits on America. But like, whenever the. The war breaks out, they call us. Yeah, we're ugly Americans. We're. We're stupid. We're picking up the bar tap.

[Giannis Pappas]

Are you a new location email?

[Sal Vulcano]

What. What is your gender?

[Giannis Pappas]

My gender.

[Chris Distefano]

We saw that one. I'm a mechanic.

[Sal Vulcano]

Right. We bring.

[Mark Normand]

I don't.

[Giannis Pappas]

I'm very confused. What's going on? Yeah, I don't know what's going.

[Mark Normand]

I don't know. I don't know what you're doing.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. What is this?

[Yannis Pappas]

I thought we were talking about machismo in Africa.

[Mark Normand]

What does mechanic have to do with.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, but what did that video have to do with that?

[Chris Distefano]

They're so not gay. That is like, what's your gender? And he goes, mechanic. Like, he doesn't pull a video up.

[Giannis Pappas]

Of a guy cutting a. Off of a woman.

[Sal Vulcano]

Now we're getting Journal of Powerful Women that you subscribe to.

[Giannis Pappas]

Is that. Jesus Christ.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Clip cutting. Still. Still happening. And slavery still happening.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

In Saudi Arabia. It's the biggest it's ever been.

[Chris Distefano]

Wow.

[Sal Vulcano]

Nobody sells more tickets than slavery in Saudi Arabia.

[Giannis Pappas]

Is it. I don't know if it's still happening 100%.

[Sal Vulcano]

Who do you think builds all the fucking soccer stadiums and all? I saw something that said that the most amount of human slaves that have ever existed in the world is right now. Now. And it's mostly in the Saudi Arabia and Middle East. Some of these African nations, they enslave, you know, the. The people there. And what is it? Where's. Where's all the war happening? That's awful. In Africa. It's like, way bigger problem than Darfur. No.

[Giannis Pappas]

Congo. Everywhere.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, everywhere. Somewhere. No, it's. Maybe it's Somalia where it's like they're going around. It's like a Kenya. It's like a 10 times worse problem than Russia. Ukraine.

[Giannis Pappas]

I'll say this one slow. Niger.

[Sal Vulcano]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's the country didn't help.

[Sal Vulcano]

Chicago.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. I like to Call that country African America.

[Chris Distefano]

I like to call it Niger.

[Sal Vulcano]

See, yes, while slavery was a reality in 1860, estimates suggest that far more people are in some form of modern slavery.

[Mark Normand]

Define modern slavery. Like, what's an example? Like, beneath.

[Sal Vulcano]

Right, right.

[Mark Normand]

Forced labor, forced marriage, Other forms of exploitation which differ from the historical transatlantic.

[Chris Distefano]

That's the name of J.K. rowling's boat.

[Giannis Pappas]

My theory is, you know how they have the pyramids in what is now Mexico, and people always wonder, what are they doing there? What happened was, I think the Egyptians were probably the first ones, and this was lost in history to figure out boats. They went over there, they saw what the Mexicans built, brought them back and built the pyramids. Because, like, who could build pyramids like that? It's like, dude, anyone who owns a house knows it was Mexican.

[Sal Vulcano]

It was Mexican.

[Mark Normand]

I don't know, dude. Jews are pretty good at building stones and stuff like that. We're.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, they did the ones in Egypt.

[Mark Normand]

No.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, no, I don't. Probably thought it was Jewish slaves. I haven't seen a Jew do manual labor in my entire life. Jesus grew up around Jews.

[Mark Normand]

Okay, well, maybe the. Here's another theory. Maybe the Jews in Egypt called maintenance, and they did it for them.

[Giannis Pappas]

Exactly, exactly, bro.

[Mark Normand]

Jesus.

[Giannis Pappas]

And they went on a boat.

[Mark Normand]

So maybe it was a collab effort.

[Chris Distefano]

I used to live in Crown Heights. You'd see Jews with, like, a tool belt.

[Mark Normand]

No, there are. There are.

[Chris Distefano]

It was weird.

[Mark Normand]

We were making a joke.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Not many, though.

[Chris Distefano]

No, not many. Not many.

[Giannis Pappas]

But the Mexicans, dude. And it's just a coincidence that they happen to be in Mexico and they happen to be there. Mexicans built the pyramids.

[Chris Distefano]

Now have we done a date? Like a. What do you call where you can see the date made of each?

[Sal Vulcano]

Well, they don't. They try to guess where. They don't know the exact dates that these things were built. Right, right.

[Yannis Pappas]

They don't know. But I believe these are three to six thousand years old, where the Yucatan ones are in the 1500 years old.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay, you're right.

[Yannis Pappas]

No, he said first.

[Giannis Pappas]

I'm right. Dude, I'm telling you, it was Mexicans.

[Sal Vulcano]

No, no, he's saying you're wrong.

[Yannis Pappas]

So I'm saying. I'm saying the Egyptian pyramids are far older.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, so they actually found records.

[Giannis Pappas]

So the Mexicans that look like they look alike, the Mexicans, they got on a boat from Egypt and they went and built those over there.

[Sal Vulcano]

But then why are the. Why are the ones in Mexico younger then?

[Giannis Pappas]

Dude, all I'm saying is when you hire Mexicans, you go and you make a coffee. Whatever job you told them to do, it's done.

[Sal Vulcano]

Right?

[Giannis Pappas]

Like, you're just like, hey, can you take. And then you turn around and the tree or the thing is built right? And then you go, how did you do it? It's the same question I'm asking in my head that everyone's asking about the pyramids. The answer is Mexicans.

[Sal Vulcano]

That's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

You're the only ones who can do that. It's like a magic trick.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. And they'll take the work overseas before they work in their own home.

[Giannis Pappas]

Exactly. This was off the books. Mexic neighbor.

[Chris Distefano]

There you go.

[Giannis Pappas]

I'll tell you one thing.

[Chris Distefano]

Another table.

[Giannis Pappas]

There was no receipt of the work for this. This was off the books.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay. We just got to find some used halal plates around there, and we'll know it's them.

[Mark Normand]

Some empty bottles of Haritos.

[Chris Distefano]

Exactly. All right. We're learning. This is why it's great to have you guys. Louis XIV hemorrhoids. Mexicans.

[Giannis Pappas]

We do accurate.

[Mark Normand]

It's learning, but it's fun. It's.

[Sal Vulcano]

No, we don't want to tell you. Louisiana Purchase.

[Chris Distefano]

Thank you, Jefferson.

[Sal Vulcano]

Thomas Jefferson. El Presidente at the time.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, you better believe it.

[Sal Vulcano]

He. When he sent. This is how. This is what just shows you, like, how, like, at every point in history, you think you know everything and you really don't know anything. Like, the smartest man right now, Elon Musk, say, or people like that.

[Chris Distefano]

Howard hughes, Ben Frank.

[Sal Vulcano]

200 years from now, they're gonna look back at some of the things that Elon Musk thought was correct, that was wrong and be like, these fucking idiots.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

Because it's just what Thomas Jefferson, arguably the smartest man in the world at that time, he's President of the United States. He told Lewis and Clark, because they were going westward and they had never been west of Pennsylvania. It was outside the thirteen colonies. Got this whole new territory to bring certain types of tools and pictures because there might be dinosaurs out there.

[Chris Distefano]

Whoa.

[Sal Vulcano]

He thought there were dinosaurs walking around Louisiana and Mississippi and these places.

[Chris Distefano]

Wow.

[Sal Vulcano]

And, you know, of course there wasn't, but that's, like, fat. Like, from Creed of the President, really. Like, there's dinosaurs out there. But, baby. Damn.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

Lewis Clark. They just came back with Sackajawea. We found some titties. She was supposedly a smoke show.

[Chris Distefano]

Come on.

[Sal Vulcano]

That's what they say.

[Chris Distefano]

It's not true. Have you seen those natives back then? They old catcher's mid.

[Sal Vulcano]

I like it. I have kids with them.

[Mark Normand]

Let's get, can we get it, can we get a, a photo or sack? I mean something like AI enhanced, I.

[Chris Distefano]

Don'T know, thirst traps out there.

[Sal Vulcano]

There it is.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, that's a filter.

[Sal Vulcano]

That's got to be. Yeah, yeah, that's.

[Mark Normand]

That's close. It's not bad.

[Chris Distefano]

All right. She's not bad. Especially for back then everybody had scurvy and monkey pox.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, all right.

[Chris Distefano]

All right.

[Sal Vulcano]

I mean, yeah, I like that. She looks like she could have built a pyramid.

[Chris Distefano]

Look at Easter island statue.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, that's another one. How the do you explain Easter Island?

[Chris Distefano]

Easter Island.

[Sal Vulcano]

How the hell did they get those rocks over there? Nobody knows.

[Chris Distefano]

Stonehenge, baby.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

I just feel like if there's no answer, I think it's a good guess that it was Mexicans.

[Chris Distefano]

There you go. I like that. Yeah, Mexicans should run on that. Like, hey, we built everything. Hire me.

[Giannis Pappas]

I've never seen. I mean, I know it's a stereotype and it's but. But when you have experience with it, you know, you're just like, nobody, nobody can.

[Mark Normand]

And they did it at a decent rate too.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Under the table. I will say this. I went to Mexico last year. They could use some Mexicans. A lot of dilapidated buildings, a lot of crumbling infrastructure. I'm like, hey, I guess they all left.

[Giannis Pappas]

I heard Mexico City is very built up.

[Sal Vulcano]

Up though.

[Chris Distefano]

It's beautiful. But there's pockets where you're like, did a bomb go off here?

[Sal Vulcano]

Did you feel safe though? Pretty much in Mexico City, yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Certain area. It's a cool ass city, right?

[Sal Vulcano]

Like down.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. This, it's two times New York. 20 million people and you ate.

[Mark Normand]

You ate very well.

[Chris Distefano]

Ate well. The pollution's a problem, but yeah, ate well. But the scary thing is there's posters everywhere, like abducto. Abducto, Abducto. And you're like, oh, is that a new magician? But no, it's a bunch of abducted kids.

[Mark Normand]

It is weird when you go to other parts of the world and the air is just that much better. Like you just end up in like Vancouver and you're like, why is the air so much nicer here?

[Chris Distefano]

So true.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, I, when I went to Vancouver, it's a beautiful city, but beautiful. You can't go there in the winter.

[Chris Distefano]

No.

[Sal Vulcano]

They also have a lot of drug problems.

[Chris Distefano]

The heroin's the problem there.

[Mark Normand]

Everywhere is of everywhere it's a problem.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, but Vancouver, it's like there's that one section that's like, holy balls.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Go to any. Any city in the country.

[Chris Distefano]

Right now, Dallas is thriving, but there's.

[Mark Normand]

There's downtowns where you're like, what the.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, yeah. Oh, I mean.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, dude, anywhere. Like. Like, I was just. Every city I was in, walking around Burlington, we're like, what the.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, yeah. Whites love the.

[Sal Vulcano]

Well, we voted for change.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

I mean, it's just like, dude, just stop hating Jews.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

That's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

Just look at what they do. Good. And just. Why don't you do it?

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

They're the first to figure out, like, well, that's why they hate New York when it's warm. And then when it gets cold, I go to Miami. Everyone's upset that they chose Palestine. They offer. They also offered Greenland, right?

[Chris Distefano]

Is that right?

[Giannis Pappas]

It is, right? So they were also offered Greenland, but they're fucking smart. They go, we don't control the weather yet. I can't make it warm yet.

[Chris Distefano]

Interesting.

[Giannis Pappas]

Choosing a warm place.

[Chris Distefano]

I didn't know anyone had Greenland.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, they were offering it years ago.

[Giannis Pappas]

Offered it. And they went, I did. I can't.

[Chris Distefano]

It's too cold.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's too cold. I can't. Yeah. No.

[Chris Distefano]

You think Justin would get them over there?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, the green. That's right.

[Chris Distefano]

Interesting.

[Giannis Pappas]

I think initially that was the interest, right? They're like, oh, green.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, talk more. What about the Gold Coast?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, talk more. Gold Coast. But then they said the weather and.

[Mark Normand]

They knew which land would be worth more.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Yes, Right.

[Sal Vulcano]

For Jews.

[Giannis Pappas]

It was a very uncharacteristic move to pick Palestine because it is a worthless desert.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, but it's beautiful. You've been Israel.

[Giannis Pappas]

There's no resources there.

[Chris Distefano]

They got a beach.

[Mark Normand]

It's beautiful.

[Giannis Pappas]

They got a beach. But I'm talking about no natural resources, bubba.

[Chris Distefano]

That's why they're all tech.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, Bubby. But I mean, it's just amazing what they did with that rock, Bubby.

[Chris Distefano]

It's incredible.

[Giannis Pappas]

I just love Bubby. Bubby, Bubby. Like, dude, when you. When they go, oh, what's up with the. Dude, they took that place that has no natural resources, no oil, and they turned it into a first world country. It's like, stop being a hay there, bro.

[Chris Distefano]

Well, that's why they hate them, because they ain't them.

[Giannis Pappas]

They ain't.

[Chris Distefano]

I mean, they're good.

[Mark Normand]

That Thomas Dale right there.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

I mean, what do you suck his dick off?

[Giannis Pappas]

The Long island thing, which is.

[Sal Vulcano]

Let me. Let me read your tavern.

[Chris Distefano]

Give him some iron Doma.

[Giannis Pappas]

People go, where's the Jewish accent.

[Sal Vulcano]

I'm a homosexual.

[Giannis Pappas]

I'm a homosexual.

[Chris Distefano]

Hot as in here. Peters, what are you doing to me? Hit the ac. Good Lord.

[Sal Vulcano]

Jesus Christ. All this talking. Thomas down, getting hot.

[Giannis Pappas]

But everyone's complaining about the Jews. It's like, what are they doing that you can't do?

[Chris Distefano]

Everything what they do.

[Giannis Pappas]

So do it.

[Chris Distefano]

Shut your mouth and do it. It's like when the fat white guys on the couch yelling at the bears, they're like, oh, these guys are bums. Like, you could never do that.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, so shut up. I mean, they control me. So start your own bag bank.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, what do you want me to do?

[Giannis Pappas]

Start your own bank.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

Stop complaining. They hate us because they ain't us.

[Giannis Pappas]

They control comedy. We'll tell better jokes.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

What do you want from me? They're good, but you're not.

[Sal Vulcano]

You're not cheating.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, they're not cheating.

[Chris Distefano]

Well, it's like Salky show. You know, Bill Burr's on that new Broadway show, Glenn Glengarry. And then a bunch of articles are like, because it's Bob Odenkirk, Kieran Culkin, Bill Burris. All these women are like, hey, what about a women's Glen Gary Free? And you're like, well, go start it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yes.

[Chris Distefano]

You know, go do it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Do it.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, you make it wnba.

[Giannis Pappas]

But, you know, we're used to women yelling at us for things that are really their fault. It's like they're yelling about the wnba.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

It's like, yeah, always be closing, but always be complaining.

[Chris Distefano]

I could work for Jews as well.

[Mark Normand]

No, I'm actually pumped to see that show.

[Chris Distefano]

I heard it's lights up.

[Mark Normand]

I saw it years ago with. With Alan Alda and Le Schreiber and Jeffrey Tambor was really good.

[Chris Distefano]

Damn. That's another great cast.

[Mark Normand]

Great cast.

[Chris Distefano]

Damn.

[Mark Normand]

That's a m. Old mammoth. Great stuff.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, I like the movie. The movie was good. Movie's great with Jack Lemon and Alec Baldwin.

[Chris Distefano]

You know, the Baldwin character was put in for the movie. That's not in the original.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it's not in the play.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, brass.

[Mark Normand]

But that's a great scene.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. And the rust scene didn't have the shooting. All right.

[Mark Normand]

They added that in.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. That's a tough one.

[Chris Distefano]

I see Baldwin in the Village all the time.

[Sal Vulcano]

Me too.

[Mark Normand]

Did you see that clip with his wife? That was crazy.

[Sal Vulcano]

Well, with. With that comedian Jason Scoop.

[Mark Normand]

No, we play a lot of Baldwin on here. I realize now, but yeah, pull up thing with his white. His wife is, like, shushing him at a Red carpet thing.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, no. That's the end of that.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I didn't.

[Giannis Pappas]

Say.

[Chris Distefano]

What was that? That's a divorce right there.

[Giannis Pappas]

He's a Jewish girl from Boston.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I see her on the street a lot, and she's always loudly speaking, like.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, where's the appropriation there?

[Giannis Pappas]

I mean, she's funny. I mean, it's funny.

[Chris Distefano]

Seven kids and that have that body. I guess.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I think it's there. Go down.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

There.

[Mark Normand]

No, that's right. I think it's. I don't know. It's. Whoever. She interrupts him.

[Giannis Pappas]

Her real name is Hillary.

[Sal Vulcano]

This one's got to be it.

[Chris Distefano]

Google.

[Mark Normand]

I don't know. Try Twitter, maybe try shushing.

[Sal Vulcano]

She's pretty hot.

[Giannis Pappas]

I like to live in America.

[Chris Distefano]

I'll tell you, I watched the reality show they had. It's just depressing. You're like, come on, Alec, you know you're. You're better than this.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, well, seven kids in Manhattan, that's expensive, dude.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, I guess so.

[Mark Normand]

And legal bills, right?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, I guess. But, like, what are you doing to your legacy?

[Chris Distefano]

I know.

[Giannis Pappas]

What are you doing? You know, that was.

[Mark Normand]

I don't think anyone's doing a reality show because they're thinking about their legacies.

[Chris Distefano]

Like, well, some people just have nothing going on. So, like, hey, I'll be on Love Island. Yeah, there it is.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah. Him shooting someone is better for his career than that reality show.

[Giannis Pappas]

You don't think he's got enough money?

[Mark Normand]

I don't know.

[Chris Distefano]

Seven kids.

[Sal Vulcano]

People spend, man. You, like, that's the thing is, like, it's not about what you make. It's about what you spend. And people spend like you cannot imagine.

[Giannis Pappas]

I know. That's with Tim Dylan.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Talk about lady boys.

[Sal Vulcano]

Oh, yeah, man.

[Mark Normand]

You were a bad Googler. Ceus ouchie.

[Chris Distefano]

Damn.

[Giannis Pappas]

Damn shifting.

[Sal Vulcano]

That's difficult. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Go back to African core.

[Chris Distefano]

It's crazy. The. The. The South African racial tension still happening. Like, we think we have racial tension. It's bananas down there. I went there for my honeymoon when that was a mistake.

[Giannis Pappas]

Isn't it on? Isn't it, like, disturbing?

[Chris Distefano]

It's palpable.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's really pal. I went there, I was in Johannesburg, and you feel like you're going back in time, but everyone lives behind security walls. The wealth disparity is one of the worst in the world. You can. In the world. You can feel it.

[Chris Distefano]

It's crazy.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's crazy. You got, like. You stop your car. There's, like, people without shoes.

[Chris Distefano]

Yep.

[Giannis Pappas]

And then you go to this. Like, mansions behind walls. It's. And then, like, it's very weird.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. I would walk around with my wife and I'd be like, where's a good bar? We want to go drinking. They're like, you go to that bar. Don't go over there. You're like, oh, geez.

[Sal Vulcano]

Cape Town.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, Cape Town.

[Sal Vulcano]

It's beautiful.

[Chris Distefano]

It's beautiful. The beach is great. And the safari was unreal.

[Mark Normand]

Can't believe you found it. Sy at that.

[Chris Distefano]

Now you gotta hit the play button.

[Sal Vulcano]

Be Greg. You're a winner. Oh, my God. When I'm talking, you're not talking.

[Mark Normand]

No, when I'm talking, you're not.

[Giannis Pappas]

Whoa, whoa.

[Sal Vulcano]

This is why. Yes. We'll have to, like, just cut him out of. Be great. You're a winner. Oh, my God. When I'm talking, you're not talking.

[Chris Distefano]

No, when I'm talking. Oh, you can blame Kamala for that.

[Mark Normand]

He's gonna cast her in his next movie.

[Giannis Pappas]

If he was gonna do a reality.

[Chris Distefano]

Show, he's shooting her mouth off.

[Giannis Pappas]

He should have done a reality show with his brothers.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Reality show.

[Chris Distefano]

Stephen Baldwin's, like, huge with him and that kid Jason. Right. Wig nut.

[Sal Vulcano]

That's. But I. What I respect about Alec Baldwin is like, he will throw hands to this.

[Mark Normand]

Day, and he is an insane talent.

[Giannis Pappas]

He really is super fun.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, on 30 Rock, that is one of the greatest performances ever.

[Giannis Pappas]

He's great in everything.

[Sal Vulcano]

He's like a long came poly. Remember in a long came.

[Chris Distefano]

He's great in that.

[Sal Vulcano]

That his boss or whatever. Whatever. It's.

[Mark Normand]

He's a great actor.

[Giannis Pappas]

Great.

[Mark Normand]

And a great and great series and comedic.

[Giannis Pappas]

He can do both. Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

We did a whole thing on him last week about how they must have just run Long island and like their 20s and I mean, the. Billy Baldwin's a stud.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Gorgeous.

[Sal Vulcano]

Oh, yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

But it would be great to just be a fly on the wall at Thanksgiving at the Baldwin house when they start talking politics.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Wow.

[Sal Vulcano]

Cuz Alec obviously hates Trump, but the other Baldwin's like, him.

[Giannis Pappas]

Alec and Billy are like, way left. And especially Billy.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

He's on Twitter all the time.

[Sal Vulcano]

But Steven is. Steven is hardcore to the right.

[Giannis Pappas]

He's a born again, Kunan kind of Christian dude.

[Sal Vulcano]

Nice.

[Mark Normand]

So that look he gave her when she shushed him was like, oh, this is. Something bad will happen at some point.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

But wait, the daughter is like, whoops.

[Giannis Pappas]

I. I didn't know the gun was loaded.

[Chris Distefano]

Sorry. Hilaria Bieber's husband.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, Man's wife. Right, Beaver's wife.

[Giannis Pappas]

Sorry, that's Stephen Baldwin one's daughter.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, sorry. Yeah, and then there's an older one.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, there's another one.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, no, they're all in movies.

[Giannis Pappas]

They all did movies and they're all good looking. They were all like when they were young. They're all good looking.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, yeah, there it is. Usual suspects. Boy.

[Sal Vulcano]

Beautiful, beautiful daughter.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, she's got an interesting look.

[Giannis Pappas]

Oh, his daughter.

[Sal Vulcano]

Beautiful.

[Chris Distefano]

When's people come out with the P. Diddy stuff.

[Giannis Pappas]

We're all waiting when he blows his brains out.

[Mark Normand]

All right, that's. There might be a moment where we look back and like, we were horrible in that video.

[Sal Vulcano]

So he's definitely going, somebody and ob. Odell Beck.

[Mark Normand]

We might. We might have been harder because he was a kid looking.

[Sal Vulcano]

This should be on after that N Word video.

[Giannis Pappas]

You ever see that? Oh, man, that was a classic.

[Chris Distefano]

That's when I became a fan.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, Bieber blowing Odell Beckham.

[Mark Normand]

Really?

[Chris Distefano]

Wait, what?

[Sal Vulcano]

Bieber, Odell Beckham blow job. You know, allegedly Sam J. Creeping on Justin Bieber. See the Drew Ski stuff? I don't really. No, no, that's because it's like he wasn't famous.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, same with the jc. Jay Z. It's like, like, it's also Jay Z.

[Mark Normand]

Went so hard as like, fuck you.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, that.

[Mark Normand]

That was kind of like a power flex. I'm innocent.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, well, she dropped the charges and now he's suing her back.

[Chris Distefano]

Good. Good for him. Enough's enough. The old baldoni, we call that.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, this. This video is nuts.

[Sal Vulcano]

Disturbing.

[Mark Normand]

What is it?

[Giannis Pappas]

It's disturbing. You'll see.

[Chris Distefano]

Paint a picture. Where are we? When are we?

[Sal Vulcano]

This is at a Diddy party. Everyone's filming everything thing.

[Chris Distefano]

Maybe early 2000.

[Sal Vulcano]

Like, no, like a few years ago.

[Mark Normand]

Those are iPhones, buddy.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, yeah, you're right.

[Sal Vulcano]

And then you see.

[Giannis Pappas]

Oh my God, it's so disturbing.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, no.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. What the dude.

[Chris Distefano]

No, I think he's just standing there, but he's sort. Oh, his pants are down.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, it's disturbing.

[Chris Distefano]

At least he's wearing a mask.

[Yannis Pappas]

It could be cocaine.

[Chris Distefano]

Like, why the pants? He's pulling his pants up.

[Yannis Pappas]

You ever see the way some people wear their pants?

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, good point.

[Mark Normand]

Racist.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, some people. You're fucking racist On African Core, your favorite website mechanic.

[Mark Normand]

Play it again.

[Giannis Pappas]

I think he's right. I think the cocaine was on Odell's dick.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, there we go.

[Giannis Pappas]

Split.

[Mark Normand]

Split medium.

[Chris Distefano]

I've seen some people blow people in a club. You get there's more like this going on. I don't know. He's. He's too. Too fresh.

[Sal Vulcano]

Right?

[Giannis Pappas]

I don't know.

[Chris Distefano]

All right, maybe I'm just trying.

[Giannis Pappas]

Maybe, maybe not.

[Chris Distefano]

I don't know.

[Giannis Pappas]

They both got their hoods on. They like kind of trying to conceal.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. All right.

[Mark Normand]

Either way, they're also both really famous, so that's also part of it. Maybe they're trying to, you know.

[Chris Distefano]

He did look. He looked ashamed, though.

[Giannis Pappas]

I do think bad things happen to Bieber.

[Mark Normand]

I think I. Yeah, unfortunately.

[Sal Vulcano]

Unfortunately. I think so as well.

[Giannis Pappas]

Unfortunately.

[Chris Distefano]

Damn.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. You want your ticket to Hollywood, kid? I think it was one of those.

[Chris Distefano]

It was a Joan Rivers.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

I'll make you famous.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

So I'll be glad we weren't cuter kids.

[Sal Vulcano]

Seriously.

[Chris Distefano]

Hear, hear.

[Mark Normand]

Talent.

[Giannis Pappas]

I mean, just be thank. I think it's thankful that we're like ugly celebrity. Well, not Chris, but we're. Because I think nobody cares, you know, Nobody wants to make us famous. They're not going to offer us anything. But I. Yeah. Chris eventually will get that offer.

[Sal Vulcano]

Eventually. I had to suck for Anthony.

[Mark Normand]

I don't know, dude. I think. I think Chris is on his way down. I think it would have happened.

[Sal Vulcano]

I know. I'm already 40, man.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, you are.

[Sal Vulcano]

That's right. I got no bond.

[Chris Distefano]

You got any things up your sleeve for the Garden? I mean, you don't have to tell us, but you have to bring out some big guns.

[Sal Vulcano]

We'll see. Right now. Right now. No. The only thing I have up my sleeve is moving it to the theater.

[Chris Distefano]

It's scary when you're Jesus Christ, but.

[Sal Vulcano]

Chicago theater's almost sold out. Come see me there in September and.

[Mark Normand]

Go see Chris at MSG, man.

[Sal Vulcano]

September 11th, baby.

[Chris Distefano]

Hell yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

Oh, yeah. Bring your turbans.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. And see me at Comedy on the Carlson in Rock.

[Mark Normand]

Great club.

[Sal Vulcano]

That is a good club.

[Chris Distefano]

Good room.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

Boise, Houston, Austin.

[Chris Distefano]

Where are you going to be?

[Sal Vulcano]

Dallas, New Haven, Albany.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, got to get that. I had that. Frank Pepe's and the salad.

[Giannis Pappas]

What do you think's better?

[Mark Normand]

Sally's Last time I thought Sally's. This time Frank Pepe's was.

[Sal Vulcano]

I like Frank Pepe's. I agree with you.

[Chris Distefano]

Interesting.

[Mark Normand]

But they're both amazing.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And I do think that it's the best pizza.

[Mark Normand]

It's the best.

[Giannis Pappas]

I think it's the best.

[Mark Normand]

And we're New Yorkers, tried and true, and we have. New York is the most consistent with pizza in America. But New Haven's the best.

[Sal Vulcano]

I'll tell you Something. I said it yesterday on the Patreon. And I stand by this. If you ever go to Belfast, Ireland, you go to flout pizza.

[Mark Normand]

I've heard about.

[Sal Vulcano]

Right. It's up there with New York pizza.

[Mark Normand]

Really? He makes every type, which is nice. He does a deep dish. He does like a Detroit style. New Haven, New York.

[Sal Vulcano]

He's playing Wu Tang while he's doing it.

[Chris Distefano]

Interesting.

[Mark Normand]

And you're in there drinking Irish whiskey with him while he's making it for you. It's great.

[Sal Vulcano]

Cool.

[Chris Distefano]

They say the best pizza now in New York's on Long Island. Island.

[Sal Vulcano]

Which. Which spot?

[Chris Distefano]

That's what Colin Quinn.

[Giannis Pappas]

They got great pizza in Long Island.

[Mark Normand]

Jersey is great pizza, too. I mean, this is where New Jersey.

[Giannis Pappas]

Oh, yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

Staten island has great pizza.

[Chris Distefano]

Sure.

[Mark Normand]

The Northeast has got great pizza.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, right.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

New Brunswick. All right.

[Sal Vulcano]

I mean, you know, just go over there.

[Chris Distefano]

I mean, go to the website.

[Sal Vulcano]

The big ones are. Oh, Paramount Theater, Denver. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Great room.

[Sal Vulcano]

Got a lot of casino gigs. Thank you, Mr. Berkowitz. Guaranteed money.

[Chris Distefano]

Nice moolah.

[Mark Normand]

Love a good casino.

[Sal Vulcano]

The Ryman, where me and Mark are in selling. Yeah, all there in September. When is Mark? When are you there?

[Chris Distefano]

I'm there in like a week.

[Sal Vulcano]

Oh, in a week.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. So I'll be even more nervous.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, but well, go. Go see Mark and then, oh, Madison Square Garden, September 11th. You'll see the promos coming out. All filmed and edited by Salacus.

[Yannis Pappas]

All right.

[Chris Distefano]

Worst thing that ever happened in New York.

[Yannis Pappas]

Me.

[Chris Distefano]

No, that show.

[Sal Vulcano]

Oh, okay. Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

All right, Yanis, that is.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, See me in Rochester, San Diego, and one more Cleveland. And that's it right now. And then I'm gonna fire my manager.

[Sal Vulcano]

And he has a high. He has. There's a chance of him doing those gigs even though the last three gigs, he has canceled all of them.

[Mark Normand]

What?

[Giannis Pappas]

Just one.

[Chris Distefano]

What happened, bird flu?

[Giannis Pappas]

No, just these.

[Sal Vulcano]

He's going to do.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, I'll do these.

[Chris Distefano]

All right. All right.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Let's start. Yeah. Columbus, Ohio. Royal Oak, Michigan. Grand Rapids, Milwaukee, Madison. On a Monday. Please come to that. Des Moines, Iowa, St. Louis, Missouri, Kansas City, Minneapolis. And then we got Phoenix, San Diego, Sacramento, San Francisco, Portland. Added a late show there. Seattle, Vancouver, added a late show. Get on that. We got Boise, Idaho, Salt Lake City and. And Denver.

[Chris Distefano]

Gotta love Hell yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. All right, Samrall.com shows or follow us all on Punch up.

[Chris Distefano]

Hey, hey. I'm at the Villages. We're premiering pace to stage episode two. It's gonna be in New York City. That'll be fun. It's almost sold out. State Theater in New Brunswick. Then we got. What is that? Gotham. What the hell is.

[Yannis Pappas]

Is that benefit NCAC Benefit?

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Helping isis. Then Port Chester, Ben Salem, pa. Hampton, New York. We'll see Alec Baldwin out there. Reno. And then Nashville. Coming to the rhyme in Napa, Santa Barbara, Asheville, Bristol, Tennessee. New Brunswick, Ithaca. Come on by. And then we're going to UK and then Australia. So let's yuck it up. We need those.

[Giannis Pappas]

Is that an Iceland date?

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, and Iceland. So yeah, we'll do Bring out the.

[Sal Vulcano]

The Brits in Belfast is great.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

It's a good one.

[Chris Distefano]

Is that where the pizza is? Yes. Okay.

[Mark Normand]

I'm sure. Hey up.

[Chris Distefano]

Bring it on.

[Mark Normand]

Drink our bodega cat whiskey. We're making moves. We just had a great signing. We. We got a big article coming out and. Is it wine enthusiast?

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, yeah. We made it. We're winning.

[Sal Vulcano]

Ronan Farrow wrote about you.

[Mark Normand]

Four page spread. Yeah, he's bringing down this whole operation.

[Chris Distefano]

But that's Frank Sinatra.

[Mark Normand]

We love you guys.

[Giannis Pappas]

Without a doubt.

[Mark Normand]

Great app. We love seeing you guys.

[Chris Distefano]

You guys feel that. Always the best.

[Giannis Pappas]

Thank you.

[Chris Distefano]

Great podcast, Great duo, Great comedy.

[Sal Vulcano]

Sunday's the day for my next a.

[Chris Distefano]

Bit of P. You know the future's.

[Giannis Pappas]

Close I've had a little too much.

[Chris Distefano]

Burning and Norman's talking about the post.

[Sal Vulcano]

And I get down in the same way up on the roof like a.

[Giannis Pappas]

Car Cops coming and naked Samuel is.

[Sal Vulcano]

Feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here.

[Mark Normand]

In New Orleans this woman doesn't look.

[Sal Vulcano]

Like I remember her and I get.

[Chris Distefano]

Down in the same way.

[Sal Vulcano]

We might be drunk.