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Joe List
Hey, we're here.
Mark Norman
We might be drunk. We got Tom, Dustin, and Joe List. He's about to crack open a bodega cat.
Sam Morril
Fresh off their. Their new movie, which I. I really enjoyed. I think it's really great. Can. Can you. Can you watch it yet or. No?
Joe List
So it's coming into the theater. I don't know when this comes out, but it's coming into theaters. It's coming to movie theaters.
Mark Norman
Unbelievable.
Joe List
Unbelievable. Literally. Not believable. We just did Bennington. He's like, this makes no sense. Shouldn't be in the theater.
Mark Norman
Well, in the toilet now. So you can pretty much do anything over there, I imagine.
Joe List
Oh, yeah, I'll. In your mouth. We can get it into a Regal.
Mark Norman
Two boys, one mouth.
Sam Morril
David Fincher's going straight to Netflix. You're like, I'm going to the theaters.
Joe List
We're taking the theaters back, baby. So we got Some Day. I sent them to Salicy. April 25, the Quad Cinema here in New York City.
Sam Morril
Nice.
Joe List
And the Sunset 5 in Los Angeles. But it's coming everywhere. Look at this. Philadelphia, Cambridge, Massachusetts. Atlanta, Houston. I can't read that fast.
Tom Dustin
That's not on there is the best one.
Sam Morril
What?
Tom Dustin
It's the Tropic Cinema in Key West.
Mark Norman
Yeah, baby.
Joe List
So it's coming everywhere. Go to tomdustendoc.com all the info's there. You can't get tickets yet, but they're coming because it's a movie, right? So it's not. It's not a. You know, a fucking. The Wilbur Theater or whatever.
Mark Norman
There's no link.
Joe List
Not a link yet. Look at that poster. Is that beautiful?
Tom Dustin
I don't never seen it with that.
Sam Morril
You look way worse in that picture than you do in real life.
Mark Norman
Yeah, that's.
Joe List
Oh, give him an hour.
Tom Dustin
I remember when they. I don't remember when they took that picture. Cause I was hammered.
Sam Morril
But it's a haunting portrait.
Tom Dustin
Well, I don't like how my facial hair looks like it goes all over my face.
Mark Norman
That's true. Yeah.
Tom Dustin
It looks like I got hairy forehead.
Mark Norman
You're Teen Wolf. You're drunk wolf.
Joe List
Also, by the way, I was like, this poster. This is finally Salacus does some work that I can really sink my teeth. This is his best work.
Tom Dustin
I didn't take the picture for six months.
Joe List
I told everyone, this is salt. His best. Some other guy took it. No way.
Mark Norman
I've been saying that too.
Tom Dustin
I designed it.
Sam Morril
I didn't take it.
Mark Norman
You put letters on him.
Joe List
He put letters over the hair.
Tom Dustin
The guy that took that Picture. His name's Tom. Flippy's an artist and whatever. Flippy photographer in Key West. And he prefers Flipper. He does it. He does a thing every. Every five years. He takes pictures of everyone in Key west, all the locals. And so that's what that came out of is he does like a big art project where it's every local.
Mark Norman
Oh, fun.
Tom Dustin
It's pretty cool to see how people age every five years. He also does a thing called.
Sam Morril
He doesn't take many second portraits.
Mark Norman
Yeah, exactly.
Tom Dustin
He does the flip book, which is Nude Women in Key West. Locals of any shape, size, ugliness. And my. My fiance, Kristen, she's in it. She's last page with her tits.
Mark Norman
Pull it up.
Joe List
I don't want to see. To pull up someone else.
Mark Norman
She said she's in the book, it's open game.
Joe List
But her husband's not next to her in the book.
Mark Norman
Well, how do we buy the book? Get. We have a book.
Joe List
I'll send you.
Tom Dustin
I'll send you a copy.
Joe List
Well, who had the line? Was it your line about it? Because someone was saying, it's porn. And he was.
Sam Morril
Reiner, what the hell?
Joe List
He said, bring up somebody's tits. Oh, God. I thought that was Reggie Miller on the right.
Mark Norman
Oh, yeah, I can see it. I thought it was Pete Davidson.
Joe List
That's who I was thinking of. But someone said that like, well, this is porn. And then they were like, no, it's art. And that was it. You. Yeah, yeah, tell that.
Tom Dustin
Oh, I think. I think basically because Kristen sold me. Sold a shoe, I gotta take these pictures. They're a little risque. I go, I don't care. Do whatever you want.
Mark Norman
Yeah.
Tom Dustin
And she goes, it's for the, you know, nice coffee. It's fucking paperback. Paperback does not mean art.
Mark Norman
Good point.
Tom Dustin
You need a hard cover. You need a fucking hard cover.
Mark Norman
Right?
Joe List
Can we get a ruling on that? Anything non hardcover is porn.
Sam Morril
I mean, it sounds, right? It sounds.
Mark Norman
Yeah.
Sam Morril
If you're not. Yeah, I mean, I mean, you're in like a paperback.
Tom Dustin
Yeah. I mean, it's fancy, it's glossy.
Joe List
You could flip through it.
Mark Norman
It's like a palm flip through it. Yeah, like a. There's no soft cover Bible. No, you know, Bible's. A bible. You know, it's.
Sam Morril
It's.
Mark Norman
It's hard.
Joe List
No, this soft Bibles, the one in the hotels are soft. I think.
Sam Morril
I think they're hard.
Mark Norman
Yeah. The Quran is a little floppy tourist soft. The Taurus soft.
Sam Morril
You open it up, it's like a little scroll.
Mark Norman
That's True.
Joe List
I'm always blown away by people that know about religion, like many religions. Like, I was watching Jason Born Salmon.
Tom Dustin
Salmon.
Joe List
How do you say his name? I think, yeah, Salmon. Yeah, he's hilarious. Great bits. But he was doing a long bit about religion. He was doing all the things from every religion. I'm like, you know about the religions.
Mark Norman
Interesting.
Joe List
He's like, because in Ramadan is this and hula hoops are that. And I was like, what the fuck are you talking about?
Sam Morril
He could research.
Joe List
Yeah, no, I know. That's what I mean. I'm like, I don't research, so I'm impressed by people that do.
Mark Norman
Right, right.
Joe List
Do you guys. For the bed. I guess if I had a bid, I would research, but that seems like.
Mark Norman
Which one is Ramadan? Is that Muslim?
Sam Morril
Yes.
Joe List
Okay, you're with me. Religion is your neighbo.
Mark Norman
Stayed in that hotel.
Joe List
Ramadan Hirschberg.
Sam Morril
Ramadan in. Worst breakfast ever.
Mark Norman
No bacon, nothing.
Joe List
But.
Mark Norman
But yeah. So tell. Tell the world about you. You and Tom give us the whole history.
Joe List
We got the movie, so we made a movie. I made a movie, but Tom's in it. It's called Tom Dusted Portrait. Comedian Matt Salakus is. He was the cameraman on the damn thing.
Mark Norman
He grip.
Sam Morril
What made you want to do this?
Joe List
Well, Tom. I mean, you guys know Tom. Tom is like the best hang. The funniest guy I've ever met. My best buddy here, here. And you just want people to get to see what it's like to hang out with. With Tom because, you know, he's down in Key West. He's not on the podcast. Everyone knows what it's like to hang out with you guys.
Mark Norman
Sure.
Joe List
And it's not ton of fun. Great. But Tom is a laugh a minute. He's a hoot. And so I. I just wanted to make him. Originally, it was just gonna be. Tom has so many great stories and that maybe we to a couple. But he's got so many great stories. And I was like, let me capture Tom telling some stories and doing his job and put together, like, you know, just a. A portrait of Tom being Tom.
Sam Morril
It was like originally, you're thinking as like a short maybe.
Joe List
I thought it could be a feature. So this. Matt's ahead of us here. He's pulling it up. There's a great doc called Italian American by Martin Scorsese and another one called American Boy Learned. Did you ever watch those movies? I own them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So basically, I was watching this American Boy, which is a fun profile of this guy Steve and he's telling stories. And the most famous thing from that movie is he tells the story. That's the scene in Pulp Fiction where she gets the heart. No way. Tarantino stole it from this documentary.
Mark Norman
Wow.
Joe List
You got to stab him three times. He tells all that stuff. It's pretty amazing.
Mark Norman
A felt pen.
Joe List
Yeah. A fucking black magic marker. So I was like, well, Tom's more interesting than this fucking fella. And they even look similar. So I thought, I'll go down there. I'll shoot Tom telling some stories. And we shot for three days, and Salacus was asking some questions that ended up having great answers. And then it became this much sort of bigger thing. And Tom was very sweet to me, so it kind of became about our friendship in a lot of ways.
Mark Norman
Yeah. Yeah. It's a beautiful thing because you guys were tight as a kissing cousins, and then you moved to nyc, you stayed in Beantown. Then eventually you kind of. You went to Key West.
Tom Dustin
Yeah.
Mark Norman
And you wanted to stay friends, and it's a great way to bring it back in.
Tom Dustin
Funny. We wanted to stay friends.
Joe List
Well, I mean, I've seen you more the last year. If you want to reconnect.
Sam Morril
This isn't Charlie Rose, dude.
Mark Norman
I'm sorry.
Joe List
If you want to reconnect with a friend, make a movie about him. Because now we got to go around.
Mark Norman
Promoting the great point.
Joe List
That's my podcast.
Sam Morril
Make a movie about my father. Ghost Dad, I think. No, that's nice. A nice little.
Joe List
All right.
Sam Morril
But, dude. Yeah. I love when you talk about, like, you, like, make Key west kind of a character in this, and it's like, you call it, like, the land of broken Toys or something. Who said.
Joe List
Oh, a lady said Misfit toys.
Sam Morril
Yeah, I love that.
Joe List
So, yeah, I wanted Key west to be, like, a character in the movie, which I think we got. I think we got a lot of Key west stuff. And so. But there's also. I want to make sure people realize, like Ari said, he's like, this is literally the funniest documentary ever. Like, you guys came to the theater and saw it, which meant a lot to us. It's a laugh a minute. I mean, there's, like, a lot of big, big laughs. You got, like, probably 20.
Sam Morril
Capturing the Friedmans was pretty funny, but I guess. Oh, if you're gonna force. Yeah, it was cut that.
Joe List
No, Tom does about 15 or 20 minutes worth of stand up in there, which is killer. And then we tell some story, and then Tom is just. So we gotta get Tom to talk.
Tom Dustin
I need this. I Need this to be big because you burned my 20 minutes movie.
Sam Morril
They didn't even use one of your favorite. One of my favorite bits of yours. The you don't shit what you eat bit.
Tom Dustin
Oh, that's a great bit.
Joe List
Do the bit. I still do it.
Mark Norman
I don't know this.
Sam Morril
You're burning 21 minutes.
Tom Dustin
Now, the thing about it's tip your bar staff bit. I always used to do it, which was funny. Cause I work like comedy clubs and be like, don't do that bit. Because the bar staff would be like, hey, there's already 18% gratuity. Don't call attention to it.
Sam Morril
Oh, wow.
Tom Dustin
Don't call attention to the tip.
Mark Norman
Right.
Tom Dustin
But I. I used to do the bit about tip your boss staff. I don't know. I worked in a bar in Boston, and I forget how the.
Joe List
The bit is. You were talking to a woman, one of the waitresses, and the manager said, hey, oh, yeah, don't try to.
Tom Dustin
I was trying to. All the waitresses and they were like. The manager was like, don't shit where you eat. And I was like, I'm not trying to. Where you eat. I would never eat here. Yeah, Trying to fuck where I steal.
Mark Norman
Hey, that's great.
Sam Morril
Good bit.
Joe List
There it is.
Mark Norman
That's great, folks.
Joe List
For more bits like that, check out Tom Dust portrait of a comedian.
Mark Norman
Now, are you guys going to go to some of the theaters and do like a little live thing as well? Well, too much work.
Joe List
Here's the thing with Tom. The master of promotion is leaving on a world round, round the world trip the day before the fucking movie premieres.
Mark Norman
Leaving or deporting?
Joe List
I didn't know.
Tom Dustin
I didn't know. So, no, my. My fiance, Kristen. I don't know.
Joe List
You didn't.
Tom Dustin
You didn't meet her yet, Flip. Oh, no, you met her at the.
Mark Norman
Yeah, we met her.
Tom Dustin
But yeah, she. Her brother is getting married in Vietnam.
Mark Norman
Oh, God.
Tom Dustin
So she was like. One day, she was like, tom, we got to go to Vietnam. And I was like, I got some old scores to settle.
Sam Morril
How did they land on Vietnam?
Tom Dustin
Well, the. The white. Her brother's wife is Vietnamese.
Mark Norman
Oh, that makes sense.
Tom Dustin
Yeah, he met her online. Charlie met her online. I was convinced it was a dude, but no, it turned out she's a wonderful lady. And we're going over. I even. I'm wearing the traditional Vietnamese wedding outfit. It's called an ao dai. It means long shirt.
Mark Norman
Ao dai. That's what the victim said.
Tom Dustin
But, yeah, we're going over there. And I was like, I'm not going halfway around the world unless we can keep going. I want to go all the way around and tell these flat earthers to fuck off.
Mark Norman
Hell, yeah.
Tom Dustin
So, yeah, we're going Vietnam, Thailand, Nepal, Dubai.
Mark Norman
Damn.
Tom Dustin
Greece, Turkey.
Mark Norman
Damn.
Tom Dustin
Portugal.
Mark Norman
You got that kind of scratch? I mean, that ain't cheap.
Tom Dustin
My fiance's mother is paying for it.
Mark Norman
Wow, beautiful.
Joe List
But once you folks come to see.
Tom Dustin
The movie, then I'll have that kind of scratch.
Joe List
Well, that. That money goes back to me. I spent a lot of money on this.
Tom Dustin
Yeah.
Mark Norman
In the hole. A little bit.
Joe List
Quite a bit. And it keeps being more. It's like. It's like owning a boat. Everything's like another thousand. We bought a song, and then. What song?
Sam Morril
Which song do you buy?
Joe List
Souvenirs by John Prine.
Sam Morril
That was a good pick.
Joe List
One of the greats. Thank you. And Henry Phillips covered it for us. But then my manager, God bless his heart, he's one of the best, he writes to me and goes, hey, looks like the movie's going to be the songs and be a thousand bucks. And I was like, that's a steal. You got to be kidding me. That's crazy. Crazy. And then, like, six months later, he was like, actually, it's $75,000. $7,500. $7,500. But I was like, ah, that sounds more like it. Can you put this on? I might play all of it.
Sam Morril
Yeah, we just. He's literally saying it's $7,500. Salaki's like, let's play it. Great instincts now. It's crazy what certain songs cost. I'm trying to get. There were songs. Some songs I wanted for this movie I'm trying to make. And it's like. It'll be like a jazz song. Like, oh, it's kind of a cool song. And they're like, yeah, 15 grand. I'm like, no one knows this song.
Mark Norman
I'm helping you out.
Sam Morril
But then, like, something like, Sony will own it. And they're just like, yeah, it's 15 grand. But, yeah, you can bargain them down.
Joe List
I think you can bargain. And also we got Henry Phillips. Brilliant. Henry Phillips to play it. And so that made it cheaper to just cover the things, certain rights or whatever. But that's what they say about Henry's.
Mark Norman
Like, that'll be eight grand, by the way.
Joe List
Henry. And I'm in the hole a ton of money on this. And that's without Sylacau or Henry charging me for services.
Mark Norman
Man, oh, man.
Joe List
Thank you.
Sam Morril
How do you make money? Sell, Accuse. I feel like, you're very generous.
Tom Dustin
Yeah, I can't make rent.
Sam Morril
All right, well, we'll figure it out.
Joe List
This got dark.
Mark Norman
Yeah.
Sam Morril
All right.
Mark Norman
Seriously, you got the.
Sam Morril
No, no, I do okay. My wife does okay.
Mark Norman
Oh, yeah.
Joe List
And you did that gig the other day. I assisted Salacus on a photo shoot. Sunday.
Tom Dustin
I made $1,000 cash.
Joe List
I got rooked.
Sam Morril
There we go. Yeah.
Joe List
Yeah. You gave me 20.
Mark Norman
Oh, well, that's the other thing about Sally. Even when you get paid, you pay everyone else out good. From your pocket.
Sam Morril
That's true.
Mark Norman
You're the one who was hired.
Joe List
Yeah. You think you'd pick up on that. I had to hold a light for Salak. He's like, you're gonna learn. You know, I'm into photography. Check out Joe List Photography. You know, I. I dabble. And he's like, come and I will. I will. I will learn anything. And he goes, oh, you'll learn. I'll teach you all about the thing. And then he goes, hey, hold that lamp. And I'm just holding a fucking light. And then the subject goes. She goes, do you ever get recognized? And I'm like, I guess not. I'm just standing around holding a light. Nobody recognized me. Damn, that was embarrassing.
Mark Norman
Well, yeah. You know, you're an intern.
Joe List
I'll get there.
Mark Norman
Yeah.
Tom Dustin
Can I say this is. This is a good, good little Bev.
Mark Norman
Thank you, sir.
Tom Dustin
I'll tell you, and I'm not a huge. Is it a. What is it?
Sam Morril
It's a rye whiskey.
Tom Dustin
Holy macaroni.
Joe List
I love it.
Mark Norman
All right.
Tom Dustin
Yeah. If you don't mind.
Sam Morril
Go for it.
Tom Dustin
You gave me an ice cube the size of the thing that sank the Titanic, and.
Mark Norman
Well, we gotta get that down in your club. We'll sell it at the bar.
Tom Dustin
Oh, I'll sell that at the bar. As soon as we get a liquor license. We have beer and wine only.
Mark Norman
Okay.
Tom Dustin
But we can get creative with. They make wine based vodka and wine based tequila, so.
Mark Norman
That's beautiful.
Tom Dustin
You can make a margarita with that. It's just not good.
Mark Norman
Well, what's going on with bodegas?
Joe List
Every.
Mark Norman
Every club I go to, they're like, we can't get it here. I'm like, I gotta call it the.
Sam Morril
Question for our guy.
Mark Norman
Yeah, yeah.
Sam Morril
He's. I think he's honest. I don't know. We're not good business.
Tom Dustin
No, I want to get this down in Key West.
Mark Norman
We will ship it.
Tom Dustin
Ship it.
Mark Norman
You'll be in Vietnam, but we'll ship.
Joe List
But. Yeah, so I'm gonna do. I'm gonna make some appearances at the events. I think. I don't know, April, but it starts in New York, The Quad Cinema, April 25th. We're doing a full run, full run in LA at the Sunset 5 starting the same time. But Atlanta, Chicago, Houston, all these places.
Mark Norman
I'm so retarded with business. Let's say you sell all these out.
Joe List
Yeah.
Mark Norman
Do you make a bunch of money?
Joe List
I think that they. The distributor gets the first. He's got to make back whatever money, and then I start making money.
Mark Norman
Who's a distributor? I mean, is it like a company?
Joe List
No, it's a guy. He's a Tuesday.
Mark Norman
Really?
Joe List
Yeah, yeah.
Mark Norman
Oh, wow.
Joe List
Distribute whatever you want. This guy, he loves us.
Mark Norman
Good to know. We need a booze distributor.
Joe List
Big, big fan. So, yeah, if. If it keeps up. But the hope is people go see it and then it spreads and then more theaters go, what's this movie? It's a little engine that could. That's the hope. And then eventually we're gonna have it on punch up so everybody can see it in. In London and all that stuff.
Mark Norman
Punch up live, watch it in the comfort of your own home. It's. It's funny as hell. And it's Tear jerker. I mean, we all walked out of there a little. A little wet.
Sam Morril
We said, me, Salakis, Norman, We're. We're in a row watching it. We're like, this is. This is awesome. Yeah, it's one of those. It's one of those movies, like, you laugh, you have moments where you turn to your friends. It has those kind of heavy moments, you know? Yeah, it's. It's awesome.
Mark Norman
Yeah.
Tom Dustin
Mark had a feeling. Like, I saw him get misty. I've never seen him have a feeling before.
Mark Norman
I got a boner.
Sam Morril
Yeah.
Joe List
So what. What were you. What were the feels?
Tom Dustin
I was blown away that you were even there because, like, everyone was like, oh, Sam doesn't go to stuff.
Sam Morril
Like, I go to big stuff and I support my friends.
Tom Dustin
And it was incredible that you were there. Like, I was like, oh, my God.
Joe List
Oh, yeah.
Sam Morril
But makes a movie. I'm gonna go to it, you know?
Mark Norman
Well, it is a gamble to get the friends out at night because it was showtime, right. And so if it sucked, we'd all hate you guys.
Joe List
Right.
Mark Norman
You know? But it was. It was great.
Joe List
That's right. Mark got married on a Tuesday morning, like 911 at the Comedy Cellar.
Mark Norman
Peter actually did get married on 9 11.
Joe List
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Sam Morril
He's got a bit about it.
Mark Norman
He's Got a great bit of it.
Sam Morril
Yeah.
Joe List
Yeah.
Mark Norman
Wife hates.
Joe List
That was a fun wedding.
Mark Norman
That was fun.
Sam Morril
Luis Gomez, best man.
Mark Norman
Wow.
Joe List
Hell of a speech.
Mark Norman
Oh, yeah. One of the all time out there.
Joe List
He said that comedians were, quote, in the trenches and that people that aren't in the trenches don't get it. And to a bunch of like, like a Long island family of, like, roofers and like.
Sam Morril
Peter's grandma had a heart attack. It was rough.
Mark Norman
Well, your sister's wedding will be in the trenches in Vietnam. Is it your sister?
Tom Dustin
It's my fiance's brother, but his fiance is his sister.
Joe List
So you're close.
Tom Dustin
Yeah.
Joe List
Okay. Okay.
Mark Norman
Got it.
Joe List
But yeah, the movie, the movie. I think people are really like, you have all these people. So people write to me, like, why we want to watch a movie about some guy we never heard of? And you're like, is that how you watch movies?
Mark Norman
Yeah. Right.
Joe List
So this is just some dude who smokes pot and goes bowling. I never heard of hat.
Mark Norman
Yeah, good point.
Sam Morril
Not only that, most docs, you know, a lot of the great one, like Searching for Sugar, man, that's a great doc. That guy.
Joe List
Yeah. Or King of Kong, which is the greatest doc in the history of.
Sam Morril
I have not seen that.
Mark Norman
The 7 5.
Joe List
All of it.
Sam Morril
I've heard. It's.
Joe List
I hate to be that you got a. It's. It's the best.
Mark Norman
It's really good.
Joe List
It's like one of the best movies of anything.
Sam Morril
Were there movies that inspired you while you're making this that were like, oh, this is giving me. Even if it's not from the same genre?
Joe List
Well, the two Scorsese movies. And then I. We watched the Woodstock doc. We kind of use like a split screen thing. The woods got like. Yeah, the good one. The original Woodstock film. And then. What do you call it? The. Oh, I can't remember the name of it.
Sam Morril
Yeah, what the hell.
Joe List
Yeah, get in there. Put a little in mind, too.
Mark Norman
What are they at 12 years.
Joe List
12 years? Yeah. Almost 12 and a half.
Tom Dustin
Is this tastes like an 18.
Sam Morril
Oh, give me a little.
Joe List
Just, just, Just a smooch.
Sam Morril
Yeah, just a smooch.
Mark Norman
There we go.
Tom Dustin
So that's not. Scott. We went to Scotland. That's where I got engaged.
Mark Norman
Is that right?
Tom Dustin
In Scotland? I had a. I, I had it done, but. Oof. I had it done by a bird of prey. I hired a falconer and I go, hey, I want one of them, whoa, giant birds to swoop in on my lady and fucking. That's how I'm gonna propose.
Mark Norman
Holy. That's a risk.
Tom Dustin
I know.
Sam Morril
Little kid in her face.
Tom Dustin
That's what fucking happened.
Mark Norman
What?
Tom Dustin
What happened? So we show up. I call the guy. No, that's legit. I call up the guy and I go, hey, I want one of them giant birds of prey to swoop on my lady, and that's how I'm gonna propose. And he goes, yeah, we can do that. He go, and what would you get?
Mark Norman
Rfk.
Tom Dustin
And then the day we show up, I go, I got the note. Because originally I was like, do we tie the ring to the falcon? He was like, no, that's fucking dumb. These things fly away. He goes, we'll tie a note to the fucking falcon. And I go, all right. And I had my friend calligraphy up a note and put a ribbon on it. We get all go down to the falcon joint. And the falcon. Falcon guy goes, hey, listen, I'm real sorry. He goes, the falcon's having a bad day.
Joe List
Falcon's broken.
Sam Morril
What do you mean?
Tom Dustin
It's my big day. I'm proposing. He goes, don't worry, I got you an owl. I swear to God, I do it as a bit in my act, but essentially, they tie the fucking note to the owl's talon.
Mark Norman
Oh, aren't they. What do you call that?
Sam Morril
Only nocturnal.
Mark Norman
Nocturnal.
Tom Dustin
No. This album was at Wide Awake.
Mark Norman
Okay.
Tom Dustin
But, yeah, that's how I did it. I proposed via bird of prey.
Mark Norman
Wow.
Tom Dustin
Swooped in on the lady. It was pretty.
Joe List
Pretty fun.
Mark Norman
And it worked.
Joe List
Oh, yeah.
Tom Dustin
She said yes. The owl was like, who gives a shit?
Joe List
But didn't she initially talk to the owl?
Tom Dustin
Yeah, she. When. When. When she pulled the note off the owl, the Scottish guy was like. He was like, oh, Kristen, it looks like Dougie. That's the owl. Dougie. Brought you a present. And Kristen's like, I fucking love presents. And she pulled the note off the owl, read it out loud. She was like, kristen, will you marry me?
Joe List
Wow.
Tom Dustin
And she looked at the owl and was like, where are we gonna live? She really thought the owl was proposing.
Mark Norman
I swear to God. You should have written in a Boston accent, man.
Tom Dustin
Dougie the owl.
Mark Norman
That's a fun proposal because you always gotta have something. But that feels so original.
Sam Morril
What did you guys do? I don't even know what you guys did.
Joe List
I did nothing.
Mark Norman
I did it on a be beach and Martha's Vineyard.
Sam Morril
That's good.
Mark Norman
Yeah. I did the whole. I got a pee. Can you turn around and keep an eye out? And then I fake pissed. I got on one knee, she turned around, and I was there with the ring.
Tom Dustin
That's pretty cool.
Mark Norman
And she cried and all that.
Joe List
They pissed on her.
Mark Norman
And then two old Massachusetts people, like, were just at the beach on lawn chairs. They went, good for you, honey. And it was fun.
Joe List
Yeah, I was in. Just in. Mine sucks. But my thing is, when you buy the engagement ring, you just want to get rid of it. I don't want the fucking thing. I want to be responsible for it anymore.
Mark Norman
Totally.
Joe List
And so I had it. And we were sleeping in this. We had roommates at the time, which is also hilarious. And I just woke up and was like, hey, do you want. Here you go. Married. It was terrible. But she was very happy. She thought it was sweet. Our own way. And then we went our separate ways because I was going to see Pearl Jam in Central park and she was going to see Brian Regan at Radio City. So we literally got engaged. And then I was like, all right, I'll see you later.
Mark Norman
Damn.
Tom Dustin
A friend of our comedian that I know, she was proposed to. And then it was so bad, the proposal, she made him redo it.
Sam Morril
Oh, what'd he do?
Mark Norman
That's a deal breaker.
Tom Dustin
The dude had proposed to her.
Mark Norman
He used a pigeon.
Tom Dustin
It was. It was her, the dude and the dude's mother, and they were just playing cards.
Mark Norman
Oh, no.
Tom Dustin
On a card tape. You know, playing whist or Go Fish. Yeah, they're playing Go Fish. And he was like. And she was like, yeah, this isn't gonna do. You're gonna have to. Oh, this whole thing.
Joe List
Well, my thing was. My wife's a cynical comedian. I could use other adjectives, but everything that's pro. She's like, that sucks. That's stupid. Hot air balloon is gay. Red Sox game is obnoxious. So you did. Or.
Tom Dustin
I was gonna. But, Well, a private hot air balloon ride over Loch Ness in Scotland, but I found out what that cost, and I was like, fuck. That's more than the ring, you know, plus the monster.
Mark Norman
Sure. But if she said no, you could put your right over.
Joe List
I think that was an old bit of mine. I did the thing. Remember that? About the clip clop?
Tom Dustin
Oh, yeah.
Joe List
I had one of my first bits. It's a horse and carriage.
Tom Dustin
The most popular place to propose is a horse and carriage ride in New York City.
Joe List
But it's awkward if she says no, because then you're just like. Like. That was. I was like, 19. Yes, I do. Yeah, I taste it. I said, you smell? Yeah, I think I taste it.
Mark Norman
That's good.
Joe List
And then I. I tagged it with like. Well, you want to do it is on the top of a mountain. Because if she says no, you push it or something like that. There you go. But I was, you know, a boy.
Mark Norman
Yeah. It's scary. Proposal. I was nervous.
Sam Morril
But you knew she was gonna say yes.
Mark Norman
I knew she was gonna say this, but it's more like, do I really want to do this? It's not like she's going to say yes or no. It's like, holy shit, this is a huge decision that I'm making right now.
Joe List
Yeah, that's awkward. And then it's like the old Louis bit when you. Then you're like, oh, I could have. Still could get out.
Mark Norman
Right, Right. Then you have a kid, right. You're like, damn, I could have left.
Sam Morril
Yeah.
Joe List
But then they break up anyways.
Mark Norman
That's true.
Joe List
Congratulations, by the way.
Mark Norman
Thank you, sir.
Tom Dustin
Not only. I don't think we've tired since you've been already been married three years now.
Mark Norman
Yeah, three years and a kid for two months.
Tom Dustin
Oh my good.
Mark Norman
Yeah. Yeah. I'm on no sleep. My head is throbbing. Then I have to break it down. But yeah, the sleep does. It gets better.
Joe List
Yeah, my kid sleeps well now he sleeps seven to seven. But I'm still exhausted. Because then you want to get all your things in because you still want. I still want to watch a game and a movie and a. And have sex and.
Mark Norman
Sure.
Joe List
All that stuff. So then you end up staying up late.
Sam Morril
Yeah, right. We're night people. I mean, that's like. I know, it's tough.
Joe List
Very tough.
Mark Norman
We're on a shift system where I take the baby from like 11 to 5am and then she tags me out and goes in from five and I sleep till like noon.
Joe List
Yeah, it's. It's. It's funky, but it gets easier.
Tom Dustin
You get 11 to 11pm to 5. So you 5 get to sleep.
Mark Norman
Well, I have to be with the baby, so it wakes up every 10 seconds. So you're not really getting great sleep. That's why you got to.
Tom Dustin
Baby sleeps like a rock last night. I'm over his house, the baby's sleeping. I'm like, joe, should we be whispering? He's like, we started like right outside.
Joe List
Yeah, I scream when I come. I remember we said we sat in the balcony and smoked. It was beautiful.
Mark Norman
Oh, that's nice.
Joe List
Yeah, but no, he sleeps. He's problems. He's sick every 10 seconds. What the hell is that?
Mark Norman
Half a bagel, a special needs kid every six minutes.
Joe List
It's a little dark.
Mark Norman
Yeah, dark.
Sam Morril
No, it's.
Joe List
I'll Take it.
Sam Morril
You know, it's not ideal for an audio form to.
Joe List
This is fantastic.
Mark Norman
Wow, that's good.
Joe List
P. All right.
Mark Norman
That's a thicky too.
Joe List
That coming in big.
Tom Dustin
What is it, a cookie?
Joe List
Yeah, it's a cookie.
Mark Norman
Where you get the Albanian? Yeah, it's a cookie.
Sam Morril
Nice.
Mark Norman
All right. You going to eat that whole thing or should I crack this one?
Joe List
Yeah, you better get that.
Mark Norman
All right, I'm cracking. You sure you don't want this? Oh, you fat basket.
Joe List
No kidding. All right. A bunch of buddies eating cookies.
Mark Norman
Hell yeah.
Sam Morril
It's like back in the day. We. We've known Tom. We've known you for a long time.
Tom Dustin
Yeah.
Sam Morril
When do we finally met you?
Tom Dustin
Like, I think. I don't know. I can't be sure. I thought about this the other day. Were you living in Astoria with like. So I remember going to Dan Soder's house and it's somebody. There was another comedian living there. Maybe it was Becky.
Joe List
I remember being there with Nate a long time ago when I first got you, me, Nate and somebody.
Tom Dustin
But we had to be quiet because one of the other roommates was.
Joe List
Maybe it was Vecchion. I think it was probably Vecchion. Yeah.
Mark Norman
You know.
Tom Dustin
Aren't you going to a big wedding soon?
Joe List
By Vecchion is marrying Katie Hannigan. Yeah.
Tom Dustin
Yeah, we had them both down at the Comedy Cake. They were fantastic.
Mark Norman
Oh, yeah, good eggs. But yeah, those days we all bonded because we were all raging alcoholics.
Tom Dustin
Yeah.
Mark Norman
And it was so nice because you meet people in the wild and they're like, boy, you're drinking a lot. And I'd meet you guys and. And we were all blacked out. So I was like, all right, I'm home.
Tom Dustin
Right.
Joe List
I felt like you drank less then than you do now.
Mark Norman
No, it would go nuts.
Joe List
No, we just didn't drink together that much.
Sam Morril
I don't think we drank together a ton, but yeah. No, I'd get fucked up with Mark all the time.
Mark Norman
We got come home, the 7am sun was up.
Sam Morril
Yeah.
Mark Norman
Go all night.
Joe List
Well, we did that. Me and Hanley went out. I don't know what. We must have lost you somewhere along the way. We went to the Caroline's Christmas party.
Sam Morril
I remember that night.
Joe List
Yeah.
Mark Norman
Open bar.
Sam Morril
Was that the night Rich Voss spin kicked.
Joe List
A copy of Film Picture? Oh, yeah. So exciting.
Tom Dustin
Wait, who is that?
Mark Norman
That's Rich Voss.
Sam Morril
That's a retouched Phil Hanley.
Joe List
That's Phil Hanley. He was touched as a kid. They retouched him like refried beans. But by the way I was talking to sd. Sorry, I'm all over the place. It's good to see you guys. Phil Hanley has a new book, which I'm so excited about. I cracked it open yesterday. Hey, but sd, I hate people like this. She goes, it's written. You can read it in one sitting. I just flew through it one sit. So I thought it was like, oh, he wrote, like, a pamphlet. It's this thick. It's a real book.
Mark Norman
Oh, really?
Joe List
I thought it was gonna be, like, one sitting. I'm like, what are you, nuts? That's gonna take me six months to read this thing.
Mark Norman
Tell you one thing, it ain't no paperback. That hardcover mofo.
Joe List
It is a. It's beautiful. And she said, it's a tear jerker. I didn't realize. I've been poking fun of Hanley for 20 years.
Mark Norman
Me, too.
Joe List
He was getting called a retard.
Mark Norman
And, like, guilty.
Joe List
Had to go to special schools.
Sam Morril
Makes me feel bad. We've been calling my retard for about 15 years.
Mark Norman
I told him he wrote, like, a. Like, a ransom note.
Sam Morril
We used to see those settlers back in the day. I was like, what the hell is wrong with you? Turns out it was a serious disorder.
Joe List
Yeah. He has, like, a horrible debilitating disorder. He almost killed himself. He was sent to specialists. I'm like, the whole time we've been like, look at this idiot.
Mark Norman
Yeah. Why has he got a Crayola?
Joe List
I threw gum at him once.
Mark Norman
Yeah. So good for him. But wait, what were we talking with the blackout? Caroline's.
Joe List
Oh, we went to the Caroline's Christmas party, and then you, me, and Phil Hanley ended up at a diner, and I was drinking beers at the diner.
Mark Norman
Yeah, that's right.
Joe List
And then we got the check. It was like the classic thing. To me. It seemed romantic that the sun was coming up and we're at a diner and we're still drinking. It was like swingers, you know?
Mark Norman
Yeah.
Joe List
And then they bring the check, and I'm like, that's 100% of my money. And then some of your money.
Mark Norman
Yes.
Joe List
It was, like, $185 check.
Sam Morril
Oh, my God.
Joe List
And then I was walking home because.
Sam Morril
You were the Times Square diner.
Mark Norman
Yes, exactly.
Joe List
And then I was walking home, and I bumped into Sarah on her way to work because we were dating at that point, and she's, like, in her, like, managerial uniform, and I'm like, what are you doing? She's like, I'm going to work.
Mark Norman
And she'd been sober for years at that point.
Joe List
Yeah.
Sam Morril
Was that. Was she, like, put off by that?
Joe List
She wasn't put off, but she wasn't put on. She wasn't pumped. And I got sober shortly after because that was the last Christmas party. That was 2012.
Mark Norman
That's one thing I'll say about my wife is I will come home legless, falling down, knocking lamps over, smothering the baby. And, like, the next day, my wife will be like, man, you were funny last night.
Sam Morril
Killed the baby. It was hilarious.
Mark Norman
Yeah. So good on you, sister.
Joe List
Well, you bring home that coin, you got a lot of leniency.
Mark Norman
Good point. I brought that up.
Sam Morril
The late night diner in New York City. Like, it's not really a thing anymore. What kind of kills me is I was with a friend the other night. We were kind of hammered at, like, 12:30. We're walking around the West Village looking for a diner. They're all fucking closed.
Mark Norman
I know It's. It's heartbreaking.
Sam Morril
We got, like, whatever they call them. Those, like, Indian wraps, but you want to fucking. I wanted, like, eggs and.
Joe List
Yeah. Waverly closes.
Sam Morril
Closes early.
Tom Dustin
Well, that's cuz times I ever visited you guys in New York. The few times we. We always went to the Neptune diner.
Joe List
Yeah, Every.
Tom Dustin
Every night.
Mark Norman
That's still there.
Joe List
No, it's gone.
Mark Norman
What?
Sam Morril
What?
Joe List
Neptune's a staple. It's out.
Mark Norman
Oh, no.
Sam Morril
Wow.
Joe List
Yeah. That's like a New York crown jewel staple. Oh, Bel Air is still there.
Mark Norman
You got Court Square.
Joe List
Court Square is still there.
Mark Norman
Okay. But I didn't know that.
Tom Dustin
I think.
Sam Morril
And then if you go to a diner now in Manhattan. Holy shit. It's, like, comically expensive.
Mark Norman
It's crazy.
Sam Morril
It's like you're like, $30 for an omelette. It's fucking insane.
Tom Dustin
Yeah, it's Blue Heaven, Key West.
Joe List
That's a.
Tom Dustin
That's the only place you pay $30 for a omelet.
Joe List
Little price. Oh, yeah, that's there.
Sam Morril
To the Goodfellas diner.
Tom Dustin
Oh, that's by the airport, right?
Joe List
Yeah.
Mark Norman
2N word. Stole my truck.
Sam Morril
You know, that's Bob Golub.
Mark Norman
What?
Sam Morril
The guy who said that line.
Mark Norman
What, Bob Golem?
Sam Morril
Yeah, he. He. That's his line. And I did a weekend with him once in Reno.
Mark Norman
And is he open with it?
Sam Morril
No, but he said, you know, I improvised that line. It was supposed to be one N word. I was like, nice. He was a nice guy.
Joe List
A fun fact about this scene. It's. They're leaning on a 1963 Impala, but it says 1961 as the year. It establishes the year as 61.
Mark Norman
Fun fact. Do you watch those YouTubes? 18 things you didn't know about Goodfellas?
Joe List
I never watch them because I watch.
Mark Norman
Them all the time.
Joe List
They used to get me with the fucking thing, the thumbnail, and I put it on. They're like, ray Liotta is an actor. Yeah.
Tom Dustin
Yeah.
Joe List
It's like, not a good fact.
Mark Norman
Yeah.
Joe List
A lot of it's like, you knew.
Mark Norman
Was a real gangster, right?
Sam Morril
Those stories about Henry Hill, how they would torture people. He'd put a cheese. They'd shave the head and then put a cheese grater to the head. That's the one where I'm like, oof.
Joe List
What?
Sam Morril
That's a. That's a rough.
Mark Norman
That feels like Three Stoogesy. You know, that doesn't even seem like a pretty violent thing. I mean, it's violent. Don't get me wrong. I don't want that happening to me, but it seems goofy.
Sam Morril
Three Stooges is like an eye poke or something, not a scalp.
Mark Norman
Making. Making pizzas one day, like, they do the cheese grating off the head, you know, it's dandruff.
Sam Morril
Yeah.
Joe List
If you were gonna make a documentary about a comedian, who would you choose? Yes. He's the most mysterious comedian he's got.
Sam Morril
Not many comedians have a mystique and a tell. Does. He would hate it. You want them to hate it. You don't want to do a doc on someone who's like, yeah, yeah, come follow me.
Mark Norman
Yeah, good point.
Joe List
Whoops.
Tom Dustin
I was against it. I didn't even know what it was about.
Sam Morril
No. It seemed like it bothered him, which is good.
Mark Norman
Yeah, that's perfect.
Sam Morril
It's like, people who want to be president, it's like, you don't want them to. You want someone who doesn't want to be president.
Joe List
Right.
Tom Dustin
Forced into this position because.
Mark Norman
Yeah.
Joe List
I just had a guy. I don't want to be political, but some guy. I was critical of RFK for a moment, and then some guy wrote. The guy. He's reluctantly a politician. I'm like, well, no one's reluctantly. Like, he was like, no, I don't want to run for president. He ran for president. He announced he's running for president. He campaigned. No.
Sam Morril
No one's, like, accidentally took out expensive ads, right?
Mark Norman
Yes.
Sam Morril
He did a Kennedy ad during the Super Bowl.
Joe List
Like, I didn't want to do that cheap.
Tom Dustin
Do the voice when you're gonna do.
Joe List
I had to do it last week when I had my sore throat. I pledge in the video.
Mark Norman
Yeah.
Joe List
Crazy. I lost my voice in Nashville. You Got to hear it. I sound exactly like rfk.
Mark Norman
It was crazy.
Joe List
It's goofy.
Tom Dustin
Can I just say, this is the weirdest timeline ever. Antonio Brown just tweeted this.
Mark Norman
Okay. We got a Shane Gillis as Trump.
Sam Morril
Yeah, that's weird.
Mark Norman
I mean, he loves Gillis.
Sam Morril
Oh, he does.
Mark Norman
Oh, he loves him.
Tom Dustin
Okay.
Sam Morril
Okay, what's the next one? Oh, that was it. This is Ginger of the day. That's it.
Tom Dustin
I was. I just thought that the Shane and Antonio Brown catch. I thought that was.
Mark Norman
Oh, he's a huge fan.
Sam Morril
No, he's done it before.
Tom Dustin
Oh, shit.
Mark Norman
He was cracker of the day once. So was Theo.
Sam Morril
Yes.
Tom Dustin
Cracker of the day and ginger of the day.
Mark Norman
He does. Of the day. He does.
Tom Dustin
Wait, can you say that?
Mark Norman
I don't know.
Joe List
Just bleep it.
Mark Norman
Yeah, bleep it.
Sam Morril
All right.
Mark Norman
I'm just saying what he does. Okay.
Tom Dustin
He's got n word of the day, too.
Mark Norman
I think he has a guy who's Antonio Brown.
Joe List
The receiver. The wide receiver.
Mark Norman
He's got some CTE stuff.
Sam Morril
That's what I'm saying.
Tom Dustin
This is strange.
Joe List
Like, I don't know if it's. Interrupt the show strange, but.
Mark Norman
Yeah.
Tom Dustin
That there was a lull, and he's.
Mark Norman
Very big on Twitter.
Tom Dustin
Okay.
Joe List
No lull.
Sam Morril
It is weird to see people just completely fall apart on social media, though. That's a thing. Like, you know, if. What's his name? Aaron Hernandez.
Joe List
If he just.
Sam Morril
Like, he could have been tweeting crazy shit before he did that.
Mark Norman
That's true.
Sam Morril
You know, we just. He just murdered people, but.
Mark Norman
Right. I think more people should tweet on the. On their demise. Like, if Epstein was tweeting in the cell, that'd be great. It's, like, as a noose around my neck.
Joe List
Yeah. There's. Or was there. Yeah. A lot of people having breakdowns. It's really devastating.
Mark Norman
Yeah. Good times. I almost had one in Key west that time I went because I think I drank for. Yeah, six days straight.
Tom Dustin
We hit it hard. We did the Jet Ski.
Mark Norman
Yeah, I barely remember that.
Tom Dustin
Oh, I got pictures of us hammered on Jet Skis.
Mark Norman
That was like 11am it was awesome.
Sam Morril
Is Key West a dark place?
Tom Dustin
No, it's wonderful.
Mark Norman
It's a great time.
Tom Dustin
Whatever you want to be. You could be gay, suck a dick, take it up the ass.
Joe List
Those are all the same thing, Tom. Well, we had that in the movie. We had that section with James Patterson. This is funny. So we've played the movie in Boston, Key west, and New York so far, and there's A section where we wanted to talk about if there is a dark side to Key West. And James Patterson, brilliant comedian, you guys know him, he talks about the darker side of Key west and he finds it more depressing and dark and everyone thought it was funny and interesting. In Boston, New York, we played that part in Key west with all the whole island, it was dead silent. You stopped, you like this, what the fuck's he telling? Like everyone was like, it just hit home.
Sam Morril
They've got a heroin needle in their arm. They're like, we're not dark here.
Tom Dustin
A little known thing is Key west does have a. For the population, a huge suicide rate.
Joe List
Ah, but it's not dark.
Tom Dustin
That's what it is. It's people.
Joe List
Light suicide.
Mark Norman
Hawaii has a big one too, by the way.
Sam Morril
Yeah, yeah.
Mark Norman
So the good with the bad, this.
Tom Dustin
Is what it is. People move to a place and they're like, oh, this is paradise.
Mark Norman
Yes.
Tom Dustin
Oh my God, everything's wonderful. And it's Jimmy Buffett Margaritaville playing and steel drums and I'm like drinking a mock but. And. And then they realize if I can't be happy here exactly in par. In what, what. What people call paradise, then I'm not going to be happy anywhere. So.
Joe List
Right.
Tom Dustin
I should probably end it.
Joe List
They should move to somewhere shitty, you.
Mark Norman
Know, go to Syracuse.
Sam Morril
Syracuse has a high suicide rate.
Mark Norman
Does it?
Sam Morril
Very high.
Joe List
Thank God.
Mark Norman
They should go to Key West.
Sam Morril
A suicide exchange program.
Mark Norman
Exactly. Hey, that could do a bit scp.
Sam Morril
No, that's got a crazy high.
Mark Norman
Really give us some stats here, fatty.
Joe List
Suicide rate, Onondago County.
Mark Norman
Where's that include Syracuse.
Tom Dustin
That's where the funny bone is. Honestly, that's where it is.
Mark Norman
I believe.
Sam Morril
It's funny, that funny bone's got a darkness.
Mark Norman
Oh yeah, the vortex.
Joe List
There was.
Sam Morril
There was. I remember there was a shooting in the mall and my first thought was, why not here? Yeah, why not me?
Mark Norman
Come up a few floors.
Joe List
10.3 deaths per 100,000 people. Damn.
Tom Dustin
It's higher than the state's rate or what?
Mark Norman
Can't you just leave? I don't get just leave, but it's.
Joe List
Lower than the national rate. That's pretty good. Okay, wait, so 13 of a hundred thousand people kill themselves?
Mark Norman
13.9.
Joe List
That seems pretty high.
Tom Dustin
No, US suicide rate says. Oh, all right, nevermind.
Sam Morril
13.9. So one guy like almost kills himself. He's like right there and then he takes the rope off.
Mark Norman
Right?
Joe List
That's a lot of.
Mark Norman
Let's see, Key West.
Tom Dustin
Oh God, here we go.
Mark Norman
I'm nervous. I don't want to ruin the movie.
Sam Morril
You really didn't even come close to spelling suicide.
Joe List
No, you read seussed.
Mark Norman
Oh, one for every 25 Honda.
Sam Morril
That's a lot.
Joe List
That's crazy. Is that a lot?
Tom Dustin
That's high.
Joe List
The other one was, ah, that's like.
Mark Norman
Way, way, way higher and a way less population.
Joe List
Staggering, staggering, staggering.
Tom Dustin
27.7.
Joe List
Well, everybody's staggering there.
Tom Dustin
That's.
Joe List
We do.
Tom Dustin
We have beaten Syracuse.
Joe List
Got him like doubled up.
Mark Norman
Damn.
Sam Morril
But a lot of people who move there, as you said, are like, they're trying to get away from something.
Mark Norman
That's right.
Joe List
Yeah.
Mark Norman
Running like something.
Tom Dustin
You know what people say weird shit like, hey, how long. When I first moved down. How long you been living in Key West? And they go, they don't say I moved down here. They say I quit the real world in 1991.
Mark Norman
Right.
Tom Dustin
I quit the Real World is what they say. Because it is a weird. My girlfriend calls it Adult fan. What do they call adult? Never Never Land. Oh, that's what it is. Like you're just going away.
Joe List
That's where Michael Jackson raped children.
Tom Dustin
He did it at Child Never Never Land.
Joe List
Yeah, that's a beautiful portrait there of.
Mark Norman
One of the most famous.
Tom Dustin
Hemingway.
Mark Norman
Was that James Key West. Did he do it there?
Tom Dustin
No, he didn't kill himself in Key West. He killed himself in Cuba.
Mark Norman
All right, Cuba sucks worse.
Tom Dustin
But no, James Patterson, who we're just talking about, he does a killer show called Hemingway in a funny way. And it's just an interesting look at the lesser known things about Ernest Hemingway. And he researched the fuck out of it and wrote a beautiful show. It's an hour long and it's really interesting and really funny and I think this week is his last week doing it.
Joe List
He's got to kill himself.
Mark Norman
Yeah, he's gonna Big closer.
Sam Morril
The, the. The Ken Burns Hemingway thing is so good.
Joe List
Oh, I haven't seen that.
Mark Norman
Really?
Sam Morril
I really. I thought you. We talked about it. I thought you watched it.
Mark Norman
Maybe.
Joe List
It's really.
Sam Morril
It's really good.
Joe List
Might have been pretending.
Mark Norman
I think I saw he like Cats.
Sam Morril
No, you'd watch it. We talked about it. Yeah, it was like a. It was a years ago.
Mark Norman
I didn't know it was Burns.
Sam Morril
Yeah. Oh, that was a good one.
Mark Norman
Pbs.
Sam Morril
Yeah.
Tom Dustin
Oh, wait, that's the one where they allude to Hemingway being queer.
Sam Morril
No, but he would dress as a woman and fucking.
Mark Norman
Well, no.
Tom Dustin
No, he didn't. This is what happened. And this is in James's show is when he was a boy, a young boy, his Mother would dress him up as a girl.
Mark Norman
Oh.
Tom Dustin
And called him little Dolly.
Mark Norman
Wow.
Tom Dustin
And so that's why he went on this rampage of killing everything. Like being a hunter in a fucking killing rhino.
Mark Norman
You gotta overcompensate.
Tom Dustin
Yeah. That's what James show is kind of about. It's interesting.
Mark Norman
Okay.
Tom Dustin
But yeah, yeah. He was.
Mark Norman
That's interesting.
Tom Dustin
Little Dolly.
Joe List
I've been called worse by my mother.
Sam Morril
It's warming up outside. So your dick and balls are about to get musty. That is, unless you have sheath underwear. I bet I'm wearing it right now. Let's see. Good bet. Boom. Always sheath is two pouches. One for your dick, one for your balls. Put in the other. That means nothing's bouncing around down where getting sweaty and stuck together. I mean, you see, I'm wearing it already. I guarantee you Norman's wearing it right now. We always are wearing it. I wear it every day. It's the best. You know how a lot of your underwear gets like ripped up like Swiss cheese? Not this shit, dude. This is some good ass underwear. I love it. Once you try sheath, you're never gonna wanna wear anything else. And also looks good. I get compliments about it. They're like, ooh, you look good. And it's definitely not my body. So, you know, this is the underwear. Go to sheathunderwear.com and use code drunk to get 20% off your first order. Plus sheath underwear is 100% money back guarantee. Plus, this guy's a veteran, guys. Don't you want to support a veteran? This is the best underwear you're ever going to get. It's amazing. That's sheathunderwear.com promo code DRUNK. Get sheath underwear. Support the show. Support your balls.
Joe List
What was I going to say about the fucking movie? A doc, something. Oh, Ken Burns. I don't know. Does that guy. How does he work this much? He's made like 750 hours of the movies. I know his brother makes movies too, which I think sometimes people squeeze them.
Mark Norman
Together and he's got a full head.
Sam Morril
He almost had him on the pod. And then note I got from the publicist was Mark can't fart on him.
Mark Norman
You never told me that.
Sam Morril
Yeah. Yeah, but we were like this. I think we still could maybe get him at some point.
Mark Norman
All right.
Sam Morril
But he was promoting who? Promoting something I think was on like Da Vinci or something. It was a new thing he was doing and.
Mark Norman
But that means he's watched if he.
Sam Morril
Knows publicist as well.
Joe List
Right? Right.
Sam Morril
I don't think he's Aware of us.
Joe List
I love the idea that he's like, I'll do it, but I don't want to be far.
Mark Norman
Yeah.
Joe List
No. He never stops making movies, this guy. He's unbelievable.
Mark Norman
Yeah. Some could be edited.
Joe List
Well, he's.
Tom Dustin
Isn't it kind of. Because it's not original footage. He's not shooting a movie. It's just a photo taking archives.
Mark Norman
Yeah.
Tom Dustin
Of stuff and being like, all right, this is what happened.
Joe List
But that's even harder. That's the hardest part of doing the fucking thing. You got to find all the stuff. Shooting is easier.
Sam Morril
He's definitely got help.
Joe List
He's got a lot of help, of course, but still, it's a lot of work. I always love Ken Burns. I talk about this anytime he comes up. He made the baseball doc. And I think the Red Sox were celebrating, like, 100 years of 99 or whatever, and they had him. And he goes. He read a poem or something that he wrote, and he goes, like, no matter what, the Boston Red Sox will always be the greatest baseball organization ever. And you're like, well, they have a history of extreme racism and haven't won a championship in 86 years. We're like, I think that could be up for debate.
Mark Norman
Pretty good.
Joe List
They were the last team to have a black player or manager and haven't won in eight decades. He's like, that. Number one.
Mark Norman
Didn't they beat the Yankees?
Joe List
I bet you post that.
Mark Norman
Oh, shit.
Joe List
But baseball. That documentary is amazing.
Mark Norman
And, yeah, the Vietnam one was a tad dense.
Sam Morril
I don't think I saw that.
Joe List
Oh, it's awesome.
Mark Norman
It's good, but. Oh, it was heavy.
Joe List
It's really great.
Mark Norman
You're going there.
Tom Dustin
Yeah, I'm going there.
Joe List
Wow.
Sam Morril
This is amazing.
Tom Dustin
This is Boston's first black player, Elijah pumpy green. In 1959, the. The league got integrated in 47.
Mark Norman
Oh, wow.
Sam Morril
Yeah.
Mark Norman
They held out.
Joe List
Yeah. Tough to win a pennant when you refuse to have a black guy.
Mark Norman
Yeah. Damn.
Joe List
Little tricky, I think. Yawkey. They had to change the name of the street. It was called Yawkey Way, but Tom Yawkey was, like, a vile racist. So now it's back to Jersey Street.
Tom Dustin
Wait, really? They changed Yawkey Way?
Joe List
Yeah. Quite a while ago now. Yeah. There. He has a racist face.
Mark Norman
He does.
Tom Dustin
Wow.
Joe List
He's really Bonnie's, you know, born in 1903. What do you want him to do? Yeah, yeah.
Mark Norman
It wasn't. What's his face. Was it Ted Williams or.
Joe List
No, Ty Cobb.
Mark Norman
Ty Cobb was a raging race.
Joe List
Yeah.
Tom Dustin
They made a movie about how they.
Joe List
Did Tommy Lee Jones beat his wife.
Tom Dustin
Yeah, Tommy Lee Jones.
Joe List
Well, Bulger had that. Great show.
Tom Dustin
Yeah, there's more than one. There was another comic from Atlanta that had pretty much the same joke about how crazy Ty Cobb's racism was. And basically the joke was Another reporter in 19, whatever, 29 wrote an article about how crazy Ty Cobb's racism was. And he's like, do you know how racist you're gonna be to have a white guy call another guy, another white guy fucking racist in 1929.
Sam Morril
Damn.
Tom Dustin
I think I butchered it.
Sam Morril
No, it's.
Joe List
Baldry had his joke was something about that there was a quote that said he's racist almost to the point of psychosis.
Sam Morril
Yeah.
Tom Dustin
Yeah.
Joe List
And it was the same thing of, like, a white dog put it on.
Tom Dustin
Delusional, right? And it was like, what does that mean? He was like, everyone's like, I don't think black people should be in the same swimming pools, people. And then Ty Cobb's in the corner of the pool, like, yeah, they're gonna steal our mermaids. That's great.
Mark Norman
Damn, that's great. Well, you gotta think, if you're a white player back then and you're super racist, you gotta play your fucking head off because you want to beat. You want to show everybody, like, hey, we're the best. We can't have these blacks coming in. Look how good I am.
Sam Morril
Yeah, but those Negro leagues, like, they just started letting those stats in for, like, the hall of Fame now, like, recently.
Mark Norman
Oh, no, that's it. When those stats get in, it's over for the honkies. We should do a black versus white.
Joe List
I don't know.
Mark Norman
See what happens.
Sam Morril
Depends on which Dominican's taking everybody.
Mark Norman
Oh, good point. Well, we could do swimming.
Joe List
Yes. Women, I think would be okay. Hockey, running.
Sam Morril
Who would Sammy Sosa play for?
Joe List
Hockey's tough.
Sam Morril
He was Dominican, I think, but have you seen him, lady? He's black again. Is he? Yeah, he's back.
Mark Norman
Oh, yeah. He got pretty white there.
Sam Morril
He got white, but I think he's back. And he finally admitted he cheated. He finally admitted to steroids.
Joe List
Really nice. Geez.
Mark Norman
Like mambo number five over here. It's like a Batman villain on the right.
Sam Morril
Now he looks. It does not look good there.
Mark Norman
Wow, look at that. That's crazy.
Joe List
That is really something.
Mark Norman
Steroids make you whiter.
Joe List
It's just powder. Ah, powder up.
Mark Norman
Good movie.
Joe List
I drink to differ.
Mark Norman
It's not great. I saw it in the theater.
Sam Morril
Did you really?
Mark Norman
Oh, yeah.
Joe List
I think I did too.
Tom Dustin
Well, powder Came out at the same time as the other one. That was just like it.
Mark Norman
Phenomenon.
Tom Dustin
Phenomenon.
Sam Morril
John Travolta.
Tom Dustin
John Travolta.
Sam Morril
Yes. I was thinking of Michael.
Mark Norman
Michael too. Big spiritual moment in movies. I'll see anything in the theater. This Portrait of a comedian.
Joe List
Well, back in the day, you went to every movie. I did. Anyways, I went through a lot and it was always full. It was great.
Tom Dustin
I saw batteries not included by myself.
Mark Norman
Wait, was that Johnny Five?
Joe List
No, that was a short circuit.
Tom Dustin
Same time as all that. This was a Spielberg film?
Joe List
Yes.
Tom Dustin
And it was the robots that came and helped the poor people in a fucking house that they were gonna tear down.
Mark Norman
It was stop motion.
Tom Dustin
I don't know. It was awesome.
Sam Morril
Real people?
Mark Norman
No, no, but they had the little.
Sam Morril
Oh, like this?
Tom Dustin
Yeah, that was the one.
Mark Norman
Those were cute as hell. Wow. That's a fucking blast from the past, I thought.
Sam Morril
I haven't heard of it.
Tom Dustin
Oh, it's great because all those people live in like a tenement building in New York and they're getting ready to demolish the block, but they don't, they don't want to leave. And so the developer is like, we're going to fucking kick you out of here. And then robots come in and help them.
Mark Norman
Yeah.
Tom Dustin
I can't believe he made E.T.
Sam Morril
And then this.
Mark Norman
This.
Tom Dustin
Yeah, yeah.
Mark Norman
How could you?
Sam Morril
Spielberg? Yes.
Joe List
No, he produced it.
Tom Dustin
Oh, he didn't direct this?
Joe List
No, Marty Robbins directed it. I saw it on the poster a second ago.
Mark Norman
Well, it's funny how times have changed. Now robots are gonna take away from poor people. They're like, hey, you drive a truck? Well, that's over. Yeah, we can do that. Yeah, exactly.
Joe List
And the rich people too. It's terrifying. You guys terrified? Oh, Matthew Robins.
Mark Norman
Ah, we got a little time.
Sam Morril
Very little, not a lot of time.
Tom Dustin
Time.
Joe List
Well, I was just in those tours now. I was just in Tempe and they got the self driving. This. This sounds like a made up story. It was so perfect for a movie or I did it in my act.
Mark Norman
The way Mo.
Joe List
Waymo.
Mark Norman
Yeah.
Joe List
So it's like a self driving lift. And we, Matt Wayne and I get to Tempe, we get in the car, the. The lift is all duct taped together. The whole trunk is duct tape. She goes, my trunk doesn't open. I was in a fender bender. I gotta put your suitcases in through the back. So she has to open the back door and put our suitcases. And I go, what's with the Waymo. They got the robot car. Huh? And she goes, I Don't know how people trust these with their lives. It's insane. She literally pulls directly into traffic. It's like, oh, Jesus. I'm like, yeah, it seems crazy to trust these things. Yeah.
Mark Norman
Well, what's worse, Self driving or woman? It's, it's.
Joe List
Oh, my God. I mean, if they're gonna replace Asian drivers, I'm all for it.
Mark Norman
Yeah. Waymo. I think that's what Tom's wearing to the wedding.
Joe List
Hol.
Sam Morril
More.
Joe List
Way more.
Mark Norman
Way less.
Tom Dustin
That was a bit I, I years ago when they first come out with the GPS directions.
Mark Norman
Oh, yeah, that was big.
Tom Dustin
I, I always questioned, why is it always a lady's voice?
Sam Morril
Yeah.
Tom Dustin
Why is it always a lady's turn left? I was like, no lady has ever had. Good difference.
Mark Norman
That's a good point.
Joe List
But there's all these studies, the psychological. This is why the subway is like this. Men listen, not hear. Instructions from women better. Information from women, better. And commands from men better.
Mark Norman
Right.
Joe List
That's why we're on the subway. It's a lady says, the next stop is 42nd Street. And then a man comes on and says, stand clear of the closing doors, please. Yeah. So women are, we're better at.
Tom Dustin
Because women are like teachers.
Mark Norman
Right.
Tom Dustin
Men are here.
Joe List
Can I say that? Bleep it.
Mark Norman
Yeah.
Tom Dustin
Hey, let me get a hit of Bodega Cat.
Mark Norman
Keep it coming, man. We got 18 bottles back.
Tom Dustin
Bodega Cat.
Mark Norman
You got it. Say it again.
Tom Dustin
That one's open. I don't want to open a new one.
Mark Norman
You got a. You got another cocktail left in that one.
Tom Dustin
Oh, my goodness. This is. I really enjoy your whiskey. Hello. Now, do you brew it at home?
Mark Norman
Yeah. We'd make it in Vietnam, but we'll send some to the club for sure. But I don't know, we don't want to get you in trouble.
Tom Dustin
There names right on it.
Sam Morril
Oh, yeah.
Mark Norman
Somewhere on there. Yeah.
Joe List
I like to picture Sam and Marcus in a bathtub on the back.
Tom Dustin
Oh, my God.
Sam Morril
Yeah.
Tom Dustin
I'm bringing this all over the world.
Mark Norman
Hell, yeah.
Joe List
Get a bottle. Take a bottle.
Tom Dustin
Yeah, it's more than. I think it's more than 4.3 ounces.
Joe List
No. You check the thing.
Tom Dustin
Are you kidding?
Sam Morril
Checking a bag?
Joe List
Really?
Sam Morril
I hate checking.
Mark Norman
I don't check either.
Joe List
Oh, I check sometimes. Now, I never checked in.
Sam Morril
I'm going on a long. If I go on like a 10 day stretch, I'll, I'll check, but other.
Tom Dustin
Than that, I'm going for 40 days. I have a backpack and a duffel.
Mark Norman
Jesus.
Joe List
Duffel. Yeah.
Mark Norman
Yeah. The The. I do the check sometimes when I have to, and then I'll go to the lounge and burn like 10 minutes. And then you come back and the bag's waiting for you.
Joe List
Well, yeah. Also, if you rent a car, it just takes time. And I put my opener in the back of the plane, so I got to stand around waiting for his anyways.
Mark Norman
Well, there you go.
Joe List
By the time he gets there.
Mark Norman
I do that with my wife. Wife.
Joe List
I've done that too, actually.
Mark Norman
Yeah, they don't like it.
Joe List
Yeah. What can you do?
Mark Norman
What I did once we flew to London when we did that game show.
Joe List
Oh yeah, that was great. I loved every second of it and I hope they bring it back.
Mark Norman
We had a great time. A lot of work, this show. But you hated it. We went to London, I hated it. But the wife, I brought the wife. But they gave us a first class ticket, which was not too shabby. Ticket to London. Lay down, great meal. So what I would do is eat half the meal and then walk back to the old peasant area and give her half the bowl and.
Joe List
Very nice.
Mark Norman
It's trying to be, you know, equality.
Joe List
That's pretty good. I did the same, but I just whipped it back there. Just kind of hurled it back at all of them.
Mark Norman
Catch it like a seal.
Joe List
No, I had that one time when I was on a flight. I was in first class because I bought my ticket first and then Sarah tagged along.
Mark Norman
Yeah.
Joe List
And so she was in the back and then. And so when I was sitting there, there was a big Texas guy. We were heading to Texas. That's where she's from. He was next to me.
Mark Norman
Yeehaw.
Joe List
And then she got on and I was like, ah, too bad you didn't work harder. I was busting her balls. The guy was like, well, down in Texas. No, no man. No gentleman would let his wife sit back there. And they certainly wouldn't make any jokes about it.
Mark Norman
Geez.
Joe List
And I was like, wow, that's a good thing I'm not from Texas. Wife was good point.
Mark Norman
She was in Oklahoma trying to get an abortion.
Joe List
But he.
Sam Morril
He's in the overhead.
Joe List
But he talks.
Sam Morril
Talks to her nicely.
Mark Norman
Right, right.
Joe List
Yeah. He tried to like shame me. And I was like, I don't know what to tell you.
Mark Norman
Yeah.
Sam Morril
Damn. Did he talk to him or no?
Joe List
No, no, I try not to.
Mark Norman
Yeah, the plain chit chat is tough.
Sam Morril
God, that's the one thing I liked about the masks is it was like you could just avoid a conversation. I mean, I hated everything else.
Joe List
Right.
Sam Morril
But like, no one talked to you in those things.
Mark Norman
That's true. And I had a. After Covid, I sat next to a woman. I don't want to. To be too mean here, but she smelled horrific. Like the craziest bo. A weird milky soury smell coming off of her. And I had to. I had to ask for a mask so everybody thought I was like a Covid queef on the plane. This is like six months ago. Like, look at this fucking nerd. And I'm like, no, no, it's. It's the giant.
Sam Morril
I did that. I did that with Hanley once. Phil Hanley and I were on a flight together and the person sitting next to me smelled like absolute shit.
Mark Norman
There we go.
Sam Morril
And I was just. I just walked over, I was like, hey, do you mind if I. My friends right here, do you mind if I switch? And they were like, yeah, sure. The person walks over and they just looked at me like you. Because they couldn't say. They couldn't say without being rude. And. And I told film, like, smells really bad.
Mark Norman
Good move.
Sam Morril
It's a good move.
Joe List
That is a dick move.
Sam Morril
But it was a good move.
Joe List
What's a dick move?
Mark Norman
To smell like ass in public.
Tom Dustin
Also, I had it yesterday, cuz I'm. I'm not familiar with New York City. I get to the laguardia, I get on the bus. Bus, which was fine.
Mark Norman
Oh yeah.
Tom Dustin
And then the train to Joe's place.
Mark Norman
Yep.
Tom Dustin
And there was a fella, the only seat available. There was a fella across from me and he was an older African American man.
Mark Norman
Sure.
Tom Dustin
And he had pissed and his pants for weeks. Like same pain, like just in like a whole leg. Yeah, clearly he hanged to the right. Sure. Just pissing shit down his fucking. And I'm sitting across and it was nauseating, of course, but it was the.
Mark Norman
Only seat on the thing you didn't want to stand.
Sam Morril
Then finally he sat in his lap, of course.
Tom Dustin
So eventually somebody over there moved and I go, oh, I'm gonna move seats to get a better smell.
Mark Norman
Yes.
Tom Dustin
And everyone looked at me like I was an asshole. Like they were like, why are you moving seats in the middle of the ride?
Sam Morril
No one cares. No real New Yorker gives a. Yeah, I don't.
Tom Dustin
I. I don't get this.
Mark Norman
It's too big.
Tom Dustin
You know what you can place is.
Mark Norman
Too big in that situation, you wait for the pregnant woman to come and you go, ma'am, here you go. Got a seat right here for you. I'm a gentleman.
Joe List
Well, you want that stuff they have in Sounds of the Lambs, when they work with the dead body. You put, like, a little Hitler mustache with the thing.
Mark Norman
That's good.
Joe List
What's that? What's that called?
Mark Norman
What is the spelling?
Tom Dustin
Oh, when he goes. I can smell your cunt hunt.
Joe List
No, that's different.
Sam Morril
I just saw a thing about that movie that Gene Hackman was originally supposed to direct that What? Yeah, he was. And his daughter talked him out of it. She's like, it's really dark. You shouldn't do it. And that's why Jonathan, like, it's hard to picture someone crushing it like Jonathan.
Mark Norman
Yeah.
Sam Morril
It's such a good movie, guys.
Mark Norman
I think, basically.
Tom Dustin
Didn't he just die in a weird thing?
Mark Norman
Yes.
Tom Dustin
You think with his wife, that movie.
Sam Morril
Yeah, I do. I had just direct long game.
Mark Norman
People sometimes place methylated mentholated product like Vicks or Stink Bomb. Oh, I like that.
Joe List
Stink Bomb. I had a couple of those.
Mark Norman
Yeah, that. They should get more of that. You know that. You ever done the smelling salts? Yeah, that hurts.
Joe List
Yeah.
Sam Morril
No.
Mark Norman
Oh, I hate it.
Tom Dustin
Never done.
Mark Norman
Oh, well, like, it's hell.
Sam Morril
I didn't know. I didn't. I didn't know you're supposed to put it, like, down here. I. Yeah, I was in Rogan's green room, and I just put it, like, right here, and I was like, yeah. And he. And he's just, like, shaking me. I'm like, am I dying? He's like, I'm like, oh, I'm the. This is like a Jew in that green room. Right? Like, God damn it.
Mark Norman
Well, Ari has to hold it over here.
Tom Dustin
Why would that come into play at all? Why? You got smelling salt.
Joe List
Get you jacked up. You got to be. Then Austin, you got to be jacked up to do comedy.
Mark Norman
You got that right.
Joe List
I was just hating.
Sam Morril
You're just on the road that many days. I'm like, I've never tried it. I'll try and I'll try. Try it once. And then I was like, I'm never doing this.
Mark Norman
It works. I had a hangover. I hit that. I was cool as a cucumber.
Joe List
Cocaine, that's around. Not scary.
Mark Norman
Yeah, but it's just another.
Joe List
You know what?
Sam Morril
It's just another form of discomfort. It's like when you. Right. It's like when you're like a jam pinky. And then you up your toe and you're like, ah, this is the focus.
Joe List
Yes.
Sam Morril
I don't know if it's curing it or you're just annoyed with something else.
Joe List
That's how I feel about Drinking caffeine. People like, you tired. Have a cup of coffee. I'll have caffeine. I'm still sleepy, but I'm jittery and sleepy right now. I'm still tired, but I'm doing this.
Mark Norman
Yeah.
Sam Morril
I would think coffee's gonna, like, cure depression when I'm feeling low, and then I have, like, five of them, and I'm just anxious.
Joe List
Yeah, exactly.
Mark Norman
And depressed.
Sam Morril
Yeah.
Mark Norman
I'm just like, oh, well, they say coffee doesn't make you energetic. It just makes the tired feeling. You don't feel it, so it actually doesn't give you any energy. It just blocks that feeling of tiredness for a second. But the problem. It's like the mafia coffee. Because once you get in, you can't get out.
Sam Morril
Yeah.
Mark Norman
And that's the problem. Like, I don't even want to.
Sam Morril
If you're gay, they'll kill you.
Mark Norman
Yeah, that too.
Joe List
That would be a good coffee product.
Mark Norman
Gay coffee. There you go. What the hell is this Gay mafia guy? Well done.
Sam Morril
Oh, man. I got to tell a quick story about Steve Sharipa, because this is. Because he's coming on the pod, and I was texting with him, and he was like, no other Sopranos people. And I was like, that's fine. It can be just you. And he's like, like, call me. And I was like, all right. And he goes, you booking any other Sopranos people? I was like, no. And he's like, no setups. And I was like, this isn't the Sopranos, dude.
Mark Norman
Oh, it's Baklava.
Sam Morril
Bakala.
Mark Norman
Bakala. Sorry.
Sam Morril
Yeah.
Joe List
But I was like, what the geez?
Mark Norman
What's that about? He wants to be the main star.
Sam Morril
No, I think he's just like. I think he's probably just done a ton of with them, and he just wants to do his own thing.
Mark Norman
I get that.
Sam Morril
But then also, I just like the idea that he thought I was gonna set him up.
Mark Norman
Right. Right. I think it's kind of like, you know, is he the.
Tom Dustin
He. He's not the one that turned out gay on the show.
Mark Norman
No. Veto.
Sam Morril
That's Veto. That's a crazy storyline.
Mark Norman
But I think it's like, you call Andrew Santino, and he goes, no, Bobby Lee. Like, I don't want to always be associated.
Sam Morril
I don't. But he wouldn't say that. Do you.
Tom Dustin
What?
Sam Morril
Do you have any movie Wrecks list?
Joe List
I haven't been watching too much. We just watched Leave the World Behind. Did you watch that one? The Netflix?
Mark Norman
Yeah.
Joe List
Really comes apart for, like, 45 minutes. I was like, this movie is chilling and fucking cool as hell and then it falls apart.
Mark Norman
Produced by Obama.
Joe List
Weird. Oh yeah, both Obamas. Michelle and Brock. Very strange. What have I been seeing? I. We saw the new Woody Harrelson is underwater movie.
Mark Norman
I heard it was.
Tom Dustin
Kristen wants to see that.
Joe List
It's all right. It's not great. Deep breath, deep breath. Last breath.
Tom Dustin
Last breath.
Joe List
Last kiss. Yeah, we saw that.
Tom Dustin
True story though, right? About the guys down in.
Mark Norman
That's right.
Joe List
Yeah.
Tom Dustin
They try to reattach the thing and drag them up and. Well, it's not gonna work out.
Joe List
I was bummed out because it's based on a documentary and if I knew that, I would have just watched the goddamn documentary.
Mark Norman
It's like the Bob Dylan movie.
Joe List
I don't know what else. Yeah, I don't know what else.
Mark Norman
Oh yeah. A little later. Did you see the movie?
Tom Dustin
No.
Mark Norman
Chalamet's good.
Sam Morril
I liked him. I thought it was good.
Mark Norman
He's good in it. He was pissy. And win that Oscar. You could tell.
Sam Morril
He's a young guy. He's gonna be all right.
Mark Norman
He'll be.
Joe List
He'll be back. He's like Damarino. They'll be back. Plenty of opportunities.
Sam Morril
Him, Chrome alone. Figure it out.
Mark Norman
You're a weird guy, Ace.
Joe List
The Mailman. I'm reading that Phil Jackson book. I'm loving it.
Sam Morril
I'm gonna pick it up.
Joe List
I'm ripping through it.
Sam Morril
I got. I just read the Facebook. It's called. What's it called?
Mark Norman
Meta.
Sam Morril
No, no.
Mark Norman
The new social network.
Sam Morril
Careless People. It's like everyone's talking about this book. She's not even allowed to promote it because they're suing her.
Joe List
Whoa.
Sam Morril
Yeah, but it's like crazy stories about Zuckerberg and Cheryl stuff. It's fucking crazy.
Mark Norman
That'll help. Help numbers. If you're getting sued, that'll make it some buzz.
Sam Morril
I know you can't do any press, but everyone's fucking talking about this book and it's crazy. It is funny. This thing I've realized about these super famous or super powerful like people who just control everything. Whenever they do like a board game on their private jet or any game, they just. Everyone just throws a game.
Joe List
Oh, wow.
Sam Morril
And they don't realize it. The same thing with Sumner Redstone. All these like big powerful, like, you know, because I think they're just terrified of them. And they all. And these people all can't accept losing. They don't understand losing. Cuz their life is all winning, right? So when they lose, they're just like, wait, what? No, it's. And this one woman, like, told like, no one let him win. And Mark Zuckerberg's like, what are you talking about? They don't let me. Like, he didn't realize that everyone lets him win every.
Joe List
No kidding. I. For Louie, we played tennis. I dominated his ass. Killing him. I was like, suck my dick.
Mark Norman
As old as.
Tom Dustin
Weird to think about, like, these just being like, all right, we're on the private jet. Let's bust out the Monopoly. Yeah, Weird game.
Mark Norman
You'd think they'd look at Facebook, you know, any game.
Sam Morril
Yeah, but it was. Yeah, but it's interesting as hell. It's like. It's really good.
Tom Dustin
You gotta play left, right, center, because there's no skill or talent.
Mark Norman
Never heard that.
Sam Morril
Oh, my.
Joe List
You must have played.
Mark Norman
I don't think.
Sam Morril
I don't think I played it either.
Mark Norman
What is that?
Joe List
That was a three dollar ante, so that might put both of you guys out.
Mark Norman
How about. Is it a gambling.
Joe List
It's. You never played at Ha. The world. Aha. What the.
Tom Dustin
What go bananas? Were you lol?
Mark Norman
Maybe I was.
Joe List
Beatrice was booking, remember lol? LOL Took over. We were all playing there. It's you. You roll dice and you. You put. You start with $3 in front of you, and there's a L die, which means you pass a dollar to the left.
Mark Norman
Oh, geez.
Joe List
There's a center die. If you get that, you put it in the center. That's out of play. Now, now, okay, there's a right one. You pass your dollar to the right and there's a dot, and that means you keep your dollar. Eventually, only one person has a dollar left and they win all the money.
Mark Norman
So how long do you have to.
Joe List
Play before it takes a while.
Tom Dustin
It's the only game that you're like, I really want to be surrounded by dots, right?
Joe List
That and cricket. But also, you're never out of the game because you think, like, I have no money left. But some. If you roll, you get a right, a dollar goes to him. You roll a right, it goes to them.
Mark Norman
We gotta play it. Should we do a round?
Tom Dustin
I brought left, right, center, but it's in my bag.
Mark Norman
Epic.
Joe List
We were playing at. I tried to get it at your bachelor party. Ari and I went on like a fucking epic. What do you call that?
Mark Norman
Run Run, Beer Run.
Joe List
Quest. Quest for left, right, center. We couldn't find it.
Sam Morril
It.
Joe List
But we used to play in the green room at LOL when Lewis's girl was booking it and there'd Be like nine of us and everyone's screaming. It's the. It's the most fun.
Sam Morril
I totally forgot about Beatrice. Time flies, man.
Mark Norman
Oh, yeah.
Joe List
Oh, yeah.
Sam Morril
Those were crazy days. LOL days.
Joe List
It was during December. It was the best club in the city.
Mark Norman
That's true.
Joe List
January, it was the worst place on earth.
Sam Morril
I did New Year's there once. I was probably the worst New Year's. What? I had nothing booked. I was like, I want to work. And I. Yeah, I wanted to fucking kill myself. But.
Mark Norman
Oh, wow.
Joe List
Oh, that, like, hurt my heart.
Mark Norman
Sam.
Sam Morril
It was a bad New Year's.
Mark Norman
That has a better suicide rate than Syracuse New Year's and lol.
Joe List
Do you still work New Year's?
Sam Morril
Usually not.
Joe List
I haven't worked.
Sam Morril
I don't like performing for gigs that are just like. People are out for the night and not for the show.
Mark Norman
It's babysitting. Yeah. When you said you quit, I quit.
Joe List
Yeah, I said for.
Sam Morril
I had to think about it. But I don't think I've done it the last couple years.
Joe List
For years, I would say. I remember being at Caroline's with you saying my. My goal in comedy is to no longer work. New Year's Eve.
Mark Norman
Yeah.
Joe List
And I did. The last one I ever did was Grand Rapids.
Mark Norman
I did that one.
Sam Morril
Dr. Grins.
Joe List
Dr. Grins. And it was a fucking. It wasn't even a knife fight. It was a gun and sword fight all in the same building.
Mark Norman
Yeah.
Joe List
And I said, I'm like, that's it. I'm done.
Sam Morril
I haven't worked since three show Saturday. We did too many clubs. There were three shows Saturdays. And the green room in the winter would be like 25 degrees.
Joe List
Yeah.
Sam Morril
Yeah. You gotta get like a fucking space heater or something. I'm dying in here.
Mark Norman
I know. Yeah, I did that Same New year. That's already a boozy show. That's a boozy show in May.
Sam Morril
Yeah.
Mark Norman
You know, let alone New Year.
Sam Morril
Oh, they're booze bags in that city.
Mark Norman
It. The. The building. It's in the big old building. The Bob is literally like a drinking center. You know, they have like a bar on every floor. There's a wedding on the top floor, then a comedy club, then a brothel.
Joe List
And you know what they did? They put up nets like the Apple.
Mark Norman
That's right.
Joe List
Because people were falling off.
Mark Norman
Yes.
Joe List
Like many times we were like, well, we'll see you tomorrow. They set up y.
Mark Norman
That's a fat bachelorette. Go down the stairs.
Sam Morril
That's got to be a lot of deaths. Just being a fall down drunk you just fall.
Mark Norman
Oh, yeah, yeah, do it.
Sam Morril
I got a little terrace area and I'm like, oh. I almost. There was, like, one time, I was like, oh, I'm fucking hammered. This could be ugly. I had to, like. I had to be, like, aware of my steps.
Mark Norman
Oh, yeah.
Joe List
I've told this story before, but on the north end, our friend Ryan Cott, who's the old manager of the comedy club, I was. He had a rooftop in the north end, the fifth floor. And I was woken up by someone sleeping on, like, this thing. But, like, this was a drop, like five. And I was laying on it, like, taking a nap like this. And they were like, dude, you gotta wake up. And I was like, well, get out of here. Whoa.
Mark Norman
There's a Clapton song about that.
Joe List
I was. Yeah, it was just straight down. If I had moved, like, if I had rolled in my sleep, I would have fucking fallen off a building.
Sam Morril
Oh, my God.
Mark Norman
Good Lord, man. What a place to nap.
Joe List
But I don't know why it made sense to me at the time. I was like, oh, this is like a good size.
Mark Norman
Like a cot.
Sam Morril
You just fucking pass out.
Joe List
Yeah. Just drunk.
Mark Norman
Yeah. The amount of falling asleep driving, I've done. We're all lucky to be alive.
Joe List
Oh, yeah.
Sam Morril
Well, dude, plug the movie, you know, one more time. Plug the movie. Portrait of a Comedian.
Joe List
Tom Dustin. Portrait of a Comedian. Quad Cinema in New York, starting April 25th. I mean, there's a whole list. Atlanta Midtown Art Cinema in Atlanta, May 9th. Kendall Square in Cambridge, Massachusetts, May 9th. These are all full runs, by the way. Ritz 5 in Philadelphia, starting May 9th. Los Angeles, Sunset 5. And you can go to TomDustendock.com to see where it's playing near you. And we're gonna be adding theaters. Grand Rapids. Must. Must.
Sam Morril
It's at the. Bob. You can see it.
Joe List
Oh, there you go. Yeah. Lexington, Mass. San Jose, San Francisco. It'll be all over. It's a fun movie. It's a.
Tom Dustin
First of all, it's 93 minutes long, funny like that. That's what I like about it. You made a. Because I was bummed. Like, I was like, oh, my God, everyone's gonna know what a fucking piece of shit I am.
Joe List
No, blah, blah, blah.
Tom Dustin
And you made it so funny. And it does tell a nice story, I think. You fucking did a nice thing.
Mark Norman
Beautifully done.
Sam Morril
Yeah, I come off very funny in it. I mean, it's a lot of. A lot of laughs in the theater.
Mark Norman
When you pull that shotgun out. I lost it.
Sam Morril
Yeah.
Mark Norman
I don't wanna give anything Away.
Joe List
Yeah, that makes it sound like the suicide happens and then. Yeah, I mean, I got a bunch of dates. April. I don't know when this comes out, but punch up live. April 10th through the 12th. Minneapolis, Acme, which is selling out, so do that. And Wilbur Theater, April 19, which is really close to selling out, so you might be too late on that. Rochester, Cleveland, all those things.
Tom Dustin
They're gonna be playing it at the Tropic Cinema in key west on May 9th.
Mark Norman
Okay.
Tom Dustin
And they're doing a free bodega cat tasting.
Mark Norman
Hell, yeah.
Tom Dustin
Did you know about that?
Joe List
You get one full free bottle.
Tom Dustin
I'm fucking doing a bodega cat.
Mark Norman
Set it up. We'll set it up.
Sam Morril
Up.
Tom Dustin
I want you. I wish. I wish you guys would come back down. I'll figure it out. I'll make it worth it. I'll. I'll figure it. I know you big stars.
Mark Norman
Well, if I can get a hotel this time, I'm in.
Tom Dustin
Yeah.
Joe List
Yeah.
Tom Dustin
No, would you stay with Joe Madaus last time?
Mark Norman
Yeah, I think so.
Tom Dustin
No, no. I'll tell you, we got to figure it out now. I. I got you.
Joe List
I believe you.
Mark Norman
I mean, CK Just did it. Louie, Ari, Chad Daniels. You guys have killer lineups.
Joe List
Jim Norton.
Tom Dustin
I got Jim, Odin coming out.
Joe List
You know, we should do. Let's go do the three of Us.
Tom Dustin
Oh, my God.
Joe List
Oh, boy.
Tom Dustin
That's the festival. That's the comedy kid.
Joe List
Right.
Mark Norman
One of us will kill ourselves.
Joe List
We'll leave the babies behind. I say we do it.
Mark Norman
I love it. And just go see the movie. It's fantastic. Have a few pops. Make a night out of it. Try to match Tom's drunkenness. Go see the movie. Well, in the movie, I mean.
Sam Morril
Oh, yes, Mark, you got Napa.
Mark Norman
Oh, hell, yeah. Napa. Santa Barbara, Asheville, Bristol, Tennessee. New Brunswick, New Jersey, Ithaca. I'm going in the Syracuse area. And then we're going to the United Kingdom. Salford, Birmingham, Cardiff, London.
Tom Dustin
This is your schedule?
Mark Norman
Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to the uk baby.
Tom Dustin
Forgot to say Reykjavik.
Mark Norman
Oh, thank you. I didn't know how to pronounce it. It's almost sold out, Which I don't know anything about Reykjavik, but I can't wait to go. And Albany, Burlington, you know, Mark Normancommy.com, go to punch up Live. We're all on there. Figure it out. Get a ticket and say hello.
Sam Morril
Yeah, I got Columbus. Yeah, what do you got there? You know, go up. It's the 10th. No, you. Wrong way. Columbus, Royal Oak, Grand Rapids, Milwaukee, Madison, Des Moines, St. Louis, Kansas City, Minneapolis, then Phoenix, San Diego, Sacramento, SF, Portland, Adelaide. Show on a Monday. So please fucking don't make me regret that shit. Seattle, Vancouver, Boise, Denver. I'm all over. So, yeah, adding. Adding a bunch of dates coming out soon for the fall and the summer. So punch up dot Live slash Joe List. Punch up dot Live. Mark Norman. Punch up dot Live. Sam Morrell. We love you. Go see the movie, get some Bodega cat. Bodega cat, Whiskey dot com. And we'll see you next time. Thanks, guys.
Joe List
Oh, can I add one thing? I'm so sorry, my. I don't think this has been announced to anybody on. I'm the first one in the pool. May 21, my new special is premiering at the IFC center at a movie theater. You can come see it live. I love a movie theater. They'll let you do anything at these places.
Mark Norman
You're like Paul Rubens.
Joe List
May 21st, here in New York City. The IFC center, right by the Cellar.
Mark Norman
He got it.
Joe List
It'll be in the cinema. You can watch a comedy special. This could be the. I'm gonna be the first pirate.
Mark Norman
I don't wanna be a pirate. All right, great.
Joe List
I'm sorry.
Sam Morril
Love you guys. Go see it. I'll see you guys soon.
Mark Norman
Comedy Sunday's the day for my next spenders.
Tom Dustin
A bit of Piva wreck.
Joe List
You know, the beer juice. Close.
Tom Dustin
I've had a little too much burping.
Mark Norman
And Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope.
Tom Dustin
And I get down in the same way up on the roof like the cops coming and naked Samuel is feeling.
Sam Morril
Dangerous I'm out to lunch and New Orleans this woman doesn't look like I.
Joe List
Remember her and I get down in the same way.
Sam Morril
We might be true.
Podcast Summary: "We Might Be Drunk" – Ep 228: Joe List & Tom Dustin - Portrait of A Comedian
Release Date: April 21, 2025
Produced by Gotham Production Studios, LLC
In Episode 228 of "We Might Be Drunk," hosts Sam Morril and Mark Normand are joined by special guests Joe List and Tom Dustin to discuss their latest collaborative project, the documentary "Portrait of A Comedian." The episode is filled with humorous anecdotes, behind-the-scenes insights into the making of the film, and light-hearted banter about personal lives and the comedy industry.
The episode kicks off with the guests enthusiastically promoting their new documentary, "Portrait of A Comedian." Joe List shares details about its theatrical release, highlighting key venues and the widespread distribution plans.
Notable Quote:
[00:50] Sam Morril: "We got Some Day. I sent them to Salicy. April 25, the Quad Cinema here in New York City."
Joe emphasizes the documentary's humorous nature and invites listeners to watch it across various cities, including Los Angeles, Philadelphia, Cambridge, Atlanta, and Houston.
Joe List delves into the inspiration behind "Portrait of A Comedian," explaining his desire to showcase his friendship with Tom Dustin and provide an authentic look into Tom's life in Key West.
Notable Quote:
[06:01] Joe List: "Tom is like the best hang. The funniest guy I've ever met. My best buddy here."
The conversation reveals that the documentary started as a short project but evolved into a full-feature film due to the depth of Tom's stories and their enduring friendship. They draw parallels to iconic documentaries like Martin Scorsese’s "Italian American" and "American Boy Lost," aiming to create a similarly engaging and heartfelt portrayal.
The hosts and guests share hilarious and unconventional marriage proposal stories, highlighting the unique personalities involved.
Notable Quotes:
[19:17] Tom Dustin: "I had to put your ring somewhere else. They tie the fucking note to the owl's talon."
Tom recounts his elaborate proposal using an owl, which led to a memorable and amusing moment when his fiancée, Kristen, initially believed the owl was proposing.
Joe shares a less successful marriage proposal attempt, adding to the humorous exchanges.
Notable Quote:
[22:34] Joe List: "I was just trying to... I got sober shortly after because that was the last Christmas party. That was 2012."
The conversation shifts to their experiences in the comedy scene, touching on the challenges and humorous moments of performing, especially during significant events like New Year's Eve.
Notable Quotes:
[25:18] Mark Norman: "I'm on no sleep. My head is throbbing."
Sam Morril and the others discuss the exhausting yet rewarding nature of performing multiple shows in a single night and the camaraderie built through shared experiences.
Joe List and Tom Dustin talk about the reception of their documentary during screenings in different cities, noting how certain parts resonated deeply with local audiences, especially the segments addressing the darker aspects of Key West.
Notable Quote:
[37:19] Tom Dustin: "We played the movie in Boston, Key West, and New York so far, and there's a section where James Patterson talks about the darker side of Key West."
They highlight how some audiences were silent during intense parts of the documentary, indicating a powerful impact beyond just the comedic elements.
As the episode progresses, the guests provide updates on their ongoing and upcoming projects. Joe List announces his new comedy special premiering at the IFC Center in New York City, while Sam Morril and Mark Normand share their extensive touring schedules for upcoming "Punch Up Live" shows.
Notable Quote:
[72:19] Joe List: "May 21, my new special is premiering at the IFC center at a movie theater. You can come see it live."
They also discuss their preferences and challenges regarding performing during holidays and maintaining a work-life balance amidst their busy careers.
Throughout the episode, the hosts and guests engage in playful and comedic exchanges, sharing stories from past performances, awkward encounters, and mishaps during tours.
Notable Quotes:
[54:19] Mark Norman: "It's too big in that situation, you wait for the pregnant woman to come and you go, ma'am, here you go."
[58:08] Joe List: "I'm the first one in the pool. May 21, my new special is premiering at the IFC center at a movie theater."
These moments add a relatable and entertaining layer to the conversation, showcasing the personalities behind the comedians.
As the episode wraps up, Joe List, Tom Dustin, Sam Morril, and Mark Normand make final promotional remarks about "Portrait of A Comedian," encouraging listeners to attend screenings and check out their other projects.
Notable Quote:
[68:25] Tom Dustin: "You can go to TomDustendoc.com to see where it's playing near you."
They reiterate the documentary's availability across multiple theaters and tease upcoming events, leaving listeners excited about their work and eager to engage with their content.
Episode 228 of "We Might Be Drunk" offers a blend of humor, heartfelt storytelling, and insightful discussions about the comedy world and personal relationships. Through engaging dialogue and entertaining anecdotes, Sam Morril, Mark Normand, Joe List, and Tom Dustin provide listeners with an enjoyable glimpse into the making of "Portrait of A Comedian" and the lives of those who create it.
For more information on "Portrait of A Comedian" and upcoming screenings, visit TomDustendoc.com and follow the hosts on their social media platforms.