Ep 233: Eric Andre

Summary

Podcast Summary: We Might Be Drunk – Ep 233: Eric Andre

Host/Guests:

• Mark Normand: Comedian
• Sam Morril: Comedian
• Jono Zalay: Guest, Comedian and Producer of the Eric Andre Show
• Eric Andre: Guest, Comedian and Creator of The Eric Andre Show

Release Date: May 26, 2025
Produced by: Gotham Production Studios, LLC

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1. Opening Banter and Light-Hearted Topics (00:06 - 01:52)

The episode kicks off with Mark Normand and Sam Morril engaging in their signature humorous banter about rolling dice and drug references. They delve into the infamous internet prank known as "Rickrolling," mistakenly attributing it to the wrong individuals before humorously clarifying its origins.

Notable Quotes:

• Mark Normand [00:08]: "Sylacause's nipples are hard. He loves when we roll."
• Sam Morril [00:14]: "You should get you some Molly, then you can roll."
• Eric Andre [00:25]: "So you would play the Rick Astley song, you would send somebody a link and it would play the Rick Astley song instead."

2. Whiskey Preferences and Drinking Stories (00:39 - 01:52)

Mark and Sam discuss their favorite whiskeys, highlighting brands like Lagavulin 16 and Petey Diabro. Their conversation shifts to personal anecdotes about attending games and the excitement of playoff seasons, interspersed with references to 90s rock music.

Notable Quotes:

• Mark Normand [00:46]: "We’re doing a little Lagavulin 16 today."
• Sam Morril [01:22]: "A rye whiskey. I love our whiskey. But sometimes you gotta do a Petey Scotch."

3. Nostalgia for Classic Films and TV Shows (01:22 - 07:13)

The hosts reminisce about classic movies like "The Big Lebowski" and discuss the enduring appeal of 90s rock music. They delve into the complexities of acting careers, touching upon legends like Cary Grant and the challenges faced by actors in maintaining their legacy.

Notable Quotes:

• Mark Normand [04:28]: "I was in a shower with, like, me, Gary, Brian, and there was a dude, an old man next to us. And I said, hey, guys, listen to this."
• Sam Morril [06:51]: "His Girl Friday is hilarious."

4. Experiences in Athletic Clubs and Shared Shower Stories (02:12 - 03:56)

Mark shares a humorous and slightly awkward story about being in a communal shower at the New Orleans Athletic Club. The conversation highlights the outdated facilities and the challenges of maintaining functionality in historic establishments.

Notable Quotes:

• Mark Normand [02:12]: "I was in a shower with, like, me, Gary, Brian, and there was a dude, an old man next to us."
• Sam Morril [02:28]: "It's been there since like 1808 or whatever, so it's really cool."

5. Deep Dive into Cary Grant and Classic Hollywood (07:13 - 10:50)

A significant portion of the conversation focuses on Cary Grant, his comedic genius, and his influence on modern filmmakers like Quentin Tarantino. The hosts explore Grant's versatility, discussing his roles in slapstick comedies and his lasting impact on cinema.

Notable Quotes:

• Mark Normand [06:28]: "Look at the chin on that guy."
• Sam Morril [07:16]: "It's the Big Sleep. The Big Lebowski is the Big Sleep."

6. Stand-Up Comedy Insights and Current Trends (11:05 - 24:28)

The discussion transitions to the world of stand-up comedy, examining the evolution of the industry post-pandemic. They critique modern entertainment trends, emphasizing the decline of traditional cinema in favor of short-form content consumed via smartphones. The hosts share personal anecdotes about bombing during performances and the mental toll it takes on comedians.

Notable Quotes:

• Mark Normand [22:04]: "It would take me like, we are all gone too much on the road."
• Sam Morril [23:22]: "It's a lot of dairy. Yeah, but it tastes good."

7. Guest Introduction: Jono Zalay and His Comedy Journey (30:02 - 52:23)

Jono Zalay joins the podcast to share his extensive experience in the comedy industry, particularly his role in producing and managing "The Eric Andre Show." He recounts the challenges of creating and maintaining the show's unique comedic style, emphasizing the importance of genuine reactions and the meticulous planning required for successful pranks and sketches.

Notable Quotes:

• Jono Zalay [33:18]: "I keep it clean. I only do clean material. Since the beginning, never did one dirty joke."
• Mark Normand [46:27]: "Oh, I didn't know he did that until I was, like, a door guy at Broadway comedy club."

8. Handling Hecklers and Bombing Sets: Jono's Stories (53:50 - 84:03)

Jono shares vivid stories about his experiences bombing sets and dealing with hecklers. From throwing a phone into the audience to cutting his set short due to disruptive behavior, he illustrates the unpredictable nature of live performances. These anecdotes provide valuable insights into the resilience and adaptability required in stand-up comedy.

Notable Quotes:

• Jono Zalay [57:13]: "I grabbed her cell phone and I wrote, 'Mom, I've always had a thing for dad.' Send."
• Jono Zalay [61:03]: "So I was like, ruining lives."

9. Reflections on the Comedy Industry and Personal Struggles (53:50 - 84:03)

The conversation delves into the darker side of the comedy world, touching upon the mental health struggles faced by comedians. Jono and the hosts discuss the high rate of mortality among comedians and the pressures of the industry that contribute to these issues. They emphasize the importance of support systems and coping mechanisms for those in the profession.

Notable Quotes:

• Mark Normand [52:54]: "Wow. I feel like in that, like, two year span, so many comics died."
• Jono Zalay [79:52]: "Read every. Read, Save The Cat, Reddit, McKee. Read all that. You gotta educate yourself."

10. Advice on Writing and Producing Comedies (80:00 - 84:03)

As the episode nears its end, Sam Morril and Mark Normand seek advice from Jono on writing and producing their own movie projects. Jono provides practical tips on screenwriting, emphasizing the importance of a solid story over mere jokes and the necessity of understanding the emotional underpinnings of a narrative to enhance comedic value.

Notable Quotes:

• Jono Zalay [79:50]: "You gotta educate yourself. Find a coach. Find a script writing coach that you trust."
• Sam Morril [79:52]: "We wrote with two other writers who have experience with it."

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Conclusion

Episode 233 of "We Might Be Drunk" offers a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and industry insights, particularly through the contributions of guest Jono Zalay. The hosts navigate various topics, from nostalgic film discussions to the intricacies of stand-up comedy, providing listeners with both laughs and valuable perspectives on the entertainment world.

Overall Notable Quote:

• Eric Andre [24:40]: "Is it second screen worthy is what you're making second screen worthy."

This episode serves as an engaging exploration of comedy, creativity, and the personal journeys of those who shape the humor we enjoy.

Transcript

[Mark Normand]

Are we rolling, Salacus?

[Sam Morril]

We're rolling.

[Mark Normand]

We're rolling. Yeah. Sylacause's nipples are hard. He loves when we roll.

[Sam Morril]

There we go.

[Mark Normand]

Guy always wants to roll.

[Sam Morril]

You should get you some Molly, then you can roll. All right. Rick Roll. What is Rick Roll? Remember that?

[Mark Normand]

Like Rick Ross, his cousin.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, wait, I don't know. Remember Rick Rolling? Yeah, like a prank or something.

[Eric Andre]

So you would play the Rick Astley song, you would send somebody a link and it would play the Rick Astley song instead.

[Mark Normand]

How old are you, Salacus?

[Sam Morril]

Never gonna give you up. Never gonna. Then the Rick Roll became the guy, the black guy with the dick. Remember that?

[Mark Normand]

No, no, that was the Buffalo Bill.

[Eric Andre]

Oh, yes, the Rick roll. You get the black guy with the long dick.

[Sam Morril]

The San Francisco Chronicle. That was always the giveaway.

[Mark Normand]

We're doing a little Lagavulin 16 today.

[Sam Morril]

Treating ourselves, you know, every once in.

[Mark Normand]

A while you got. I love rye whiskey. I love our whiskey. But sometimes you gotta do a. I love a Petey Scotch.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, can't go wrong with Petey Diabro. That is very, very nice. 16 year.

[Mark Normand]

I take it that's clean, baby.

[Sam Morril]

I like Epstein.

[Mark Normand]

Ah, he wouldn't go that old. This is good stuff, baby.

[Sam Morril]

Yes, very nice.

[Mark Normand]

I'm fired up. I'm fired up.

[Sam Morril]

We got the game tonight.

[Mark Normand]

I'm. I'm nervous. I'm fired up.

[Sam Morril]

This is make or break right here.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it always is. It always is. Although I remember seeing Rocket and Nick game once and I was like, I'm freaking. It was the playoffs. I was like, I'm freaking out. I don't know what to do. And he goes, hey, we're playing in June. This is the best. That's the attitude you gotta keep. You gotta be grateful to stay in the playoffs. Been rewatching some early rock recently. So good, man.

[Sam Morril]

The bad 90s rock's always been my number one.

[Mark Normand]

I think bring the Pain might be my favorite.

[Sam Morril]

It's incredible. That's three on three with a half court.

[Mark Normand]

No, that's bigger and blacker.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, geez. Sorry, man.

[Mark Normand]

I've taken a lot of YMCA showers the last few months on the road.

[Sam Morril]

I don't love him.

[Mark Normand]

Don't love him.

[Sam Morril]

No.

[Mark Normand]

I will tell you, I was in a shower with, like, me, Gary, Brian, and there was a dude, an old man next to us. And I said, hey, guys, listen to this. And I just let out a wail of a fart and we all laughed. And you can tell this guy's like.

[Sam Morril]

What the fuck am I yeah, that is awkward.

[Mark Normand]

It is awkward. But you gotta do the laugh for the boys.

[Sam Morril]

Of course. Of course. And you're in a male locker room. I think fart is okay.

[Mark Normand]

Farts I think, should stay funny.

[Sam Morril]

I signed up for when I lived in New Orleans at the New Orleans Athletic Club.

[Mark Normand]

It's beautiful.

[Sam Morril]

Beautiful. It's been there since like 1808 or whatever, so it's really cool. But the showers have not been updated.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

So you're like, what am I doing? This mold from like, you know, the Nixon era in there. And it's. It's a communal. Everything's a trough. You know, it's like eight shower heads in one room. And you're like, oh, this sucks now. You know, like, it's a cool idea. Hey, the old club, it's all kitschy.

[Mark Normand]

It's like weird. It's almost, you know, it feels like. Like a. One of those weird renovated apartments that doesn't work. Yeah, there's like weird little nooks everywhere. And you're like. It's like. It's like an eight bedroom right? Or something. You're like, what? What's going on here?

[Sam Morril]

But, yeah, it's not functional.

[Mark Normand]

We went there and Vitor got injured because he was trying to be. It'd be really funny if we did pull ups. Behind in front and behind each other.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You know, for a funny post or something. I was like, all right. So he jumped in front of me, not realizing that the pull up bars are like those monkey bar things. So there's another one in front of him and he just cracks his lips and he's bleeding everyone. He's like, oh. And I was like, oh, man.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I was like, all right, well, feel better. I'm gonna go try the cold punch. He's like, literally can't speak of. His lip is inflamed. And we're all just like, dude, have you tried the sauna and the plunge? Great.

[Sam Morril]

I know those. They have those weird old machines like that.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

She went to wrap around and it just shakes. You remember that one? They thought it would. There's medicine balls. They got weird. Those giant. It's like a dumbbells but with a weird bar. And then the old round brass balls on the side. Luckily, it's whites only. That's really the only upside.

[Mark Normand]

That's the funny thing is you see, like, why people were not in good shape from those machines. Because, by the way, now you see a guy there who's just like a regular gym guy and he looks better than bodybuilders from the 50s.

[Sam Morril]

That's true.

[Mark Normand]

You see like, what was like a ripped guy. Like, look at a dude with a shirt off in the 50s who was like a leading male. Look at like, Jimmy Stewart, shirtless. You're like, what the fuck is this?

[Sam Morril]

There's no definition. It's smooth.

[Mark Normand]

And that guy was in the war.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Like, Jimmy Stewart went to like world war. I mean, these dudes were. I mean, like, Paul Newman was kind of ripped.

[Sam Morril]

He was kind of.

[Mark Normand]

But he was like one of the new ones.

[Sam Morril]

Right. But now the old guys, like alcoholics, they were.

[Mark Normand]

Rock Hudson were thin for a different reason. Age joke. AIDS joke.

[Sam Morril]

Did Anthony Perkus get aids?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, he did.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, crazy.

[Mark Normand]

If you look up Anthony Perkins from Psycho, he died of aids and his wife died in like a crazy plane crash. So that kid just like lost his parents in two. I think it was like the TWA crash. His wife passed away and.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, I thought he was.

[Mark Normand]

He was gay, but he was married to a woman.

[Sam Morril]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

As you were back then. World Trade Center 9 11. Yes. What? I mean, I thought it was a TWA, but yeah. Whoa, whoa. So Norman. Norman Bates fucking died of aids, man.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Awful. Great actor.

[Sam Morril]

Great actor.

[Mark Normand]

Couldn't kind of couldn't get roles because I think he was so known as Norman Bates.

[Sam Morril]

Damn. He killed that role.

[Mark Normand]

He killed that role.

[Sam Morril]

Well, he made it to 60. That's something.

[Mark Normand]

It's not great.

[Sam Morril]

Not great. But. Yeah. They also drank every day, they smoked. So yeah, it's hard to get a hot bod back then, I think.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that was kind of what's fun about it is you just got. You just got hammered. And like, Carrie Grant wasn't doing sit ups. No guy was. That's how. That's how much sex they had back then. He's like, I'll just. Dudes, I'm not going to work out. I'll just. Women and men.

[Sam Morril]

Wait, he was bi.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, oh. Carrie Grant was definitely by.

[Sam Morril]

Is that right?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Sam Morril]

I didn't know that.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I think the mob back then had like, tapes of him. Like, they would. They would like Mickey cone and his guys would kind of like blackmail him. And they'd be like, well, we'll release the gay footage if you don't pay us money. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

All right. You want topical, folks? You come to this pod.

[Mark Normand]

Topical stuff. Cary Grant.

[Eric Andre]

We'll cover breaking Cary Grant news in his personal life. He was dating Howard Hughes.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa. Is that confirmed?

[Eric Andre]

That's what it says here on the Internet.

[Mark Normand]

Is that why Howard Hughes is Always hiding in the closet.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, we think all this is new with the P. Diddies and the Kevin Spacey's. That shit's been going on for decades. Yeah, everybody's hiding.

[Mark Normand]

Fluid. He did have a lot of baby oil. I want to see.

[Sam Morril]

Look at the chin on that guy.

[Mark Normand]

Was a cool dude.

[Sam Morril]

Very. He was the Clooney of his day.

[Mark Normand]

He really was. He was like, classy and could do. He could do humor.

[Sam Morril]

Could do humor.

[Mark Normand]

What's the. What's that really funny movie with him?

[Eric Andre]

His Girl Friday?

[Mark Normand]

No, that's a great movie, but I was thinking of something else. It was a more slapstick Arsonic and Old Lace. Ooh, that's a funny one of Michelle Wolf's favorite movies. His Girl Friday is hilarious.

[Eric Andre]

Hilarious.

[Mark Normand]

And it's. It's like the opening scene of that is just like a joke a minute. Like he. You know who he is. He's like a. One of Tarantino's favorites. That's why I watched it because, you know, talked about how much he loved and I was like, I gotta see it. But so many fucking good zingers.

[Sam Morril]

What that His Girl Friday means? Like a fun girl?

[Eric Andre]

No, it's your right hand man. But a woman.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, His Girl Friday.

[Eric Andre]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

A strange saying.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it's got some darkness in it too. There's some dark.

[Eric Andre]

But if I said like His Man Friday, it's a His Man Friday. That would make more sense as a kiss.

[Mark Normand]

Really?

[Eric Andre]

I don't know.

[Mark Normand]

Maybe not everything's a girl you call. She's a beauty. She runs well.

[Eric Andre]

Yeah, I'll look it up.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, it's funny that I looked it up. Why they talk like that in the old movies? It was a transatlantic accent. They call it like, ah, I'm out here. See, like that whole thing, that's an accent that came somewhere. Yeah, all that shit is from the British, I think New Englandy. They all had that weird style of.

[Mark Normand]

Speak, that Katharine Hepburn voice.

[Sam Morril]

Yes, yes.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, see?

[Sam Morril]

Yes, exactly.

[Mark Normand]

What. What do you. What kind of cocktail you making over there, Peters?

[Sam Morril]

Ooh, tropical.

[Mark Normand]

That's an interesting drink.

[Sam Morril]

I never touch rum.

[Mark Normand]

I'm not a rum guy.

[Sam Morril]

Like, I don't go near rum unless I'm drinking like a pina colada.

[Mark Normand]

I don't mean to be disrespectful here to rum drinkers, but when I meet an adult rum drinker who's not from, like the Caribbean, I just think he's like an amateur.

[Sam Morril]

I completely agree.

[Mark Normand]

I just. Look, it's like what I would get on up on when I was, like, 13, I was like, oh, rum and coke.

[Sam Morril]

Rum and coke.

[Mark Normand]

But, like, it feels like an amateur. Like, if I get heckled. I got heckled by a dude once, and he was like, I had too much rum. I'm like, of course you did, you fucking lightweight.

[Sam Morril]

What are you, a pirate? Give me another bottle of rum.

[Mark Normand]

But. But Eric, I. Eric seems like he could. I don't think of him as an amateur drinker, just the little I know of him.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, well, I do. That's gonna sound controversial, but I give black guys, like, a little leeway with the booze.

[Mark Normand]

Interesting.

[Sam Morril]

You see, a tough black guy was like some Tahiti Blue nonsense with an umbrella and a fruit on it. I'm like, all right, if you were white, I would really call you homo. But if you're black, I can let you slide with some of these hot pink drinks.

[Mark Normand]

That is fair. But I remember Mike Yard, our buddy from the comedy seller, black guy, was drinking a Bailey's Irish Cream on the rocks once, and I said, ooh. I made a comment, and he goes, I could still whoop your ass.

[Sam Morril]

There you go.

[Mark Normand]

And I was like, you could, but then you would celebrate with the Bailey's Irish Cream. So it's not as cool, but. But to me, like, people who drink Bailey's Irish Cream straight up, that is a weird. Like, it's fine.

[Sam Morril]

It's a milkshake.

[Mark Normand]

It's a milkshake.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I would go White Russian over just, like, if I was doing. So we never really do that on here.

[Sam Morril]

Well, it's a lot of dairy.

[Mark Normand]

It's a lot of dairy. Yeah, but it tastes good.

[Sam Morril]

It tastes great. But two or three of them, you're like, exactly.

[Mark Normand]

Lebowski kind of popularized. And then you had all these college kids being like, fucking lebet. We're getting fucked up on White Russians. And by, like, the sixth one, you're like, this was a horrible idea.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. And a little redundant.

[Mark Normand]

Very.

[Sam Morril]

Is there.

[Mark Normand]

Is there a black guy that even makes sense? Very redundant. That doesn't make sense. Just redundant.

[Sam Morril]

Good point. It's, like, very unique.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. No, it's redundant. You want to mix it up a little bit.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, yeah, Yeah, I agree. But they look great on camera. I mean, what a fucking movie that was.

[Mark Normand]

God. And, you know, I feel like it got kind of like, it became uncool to say how good it is.

[Sam Morril]

Yes, it was.

[Mark Normand]

It was like. It didn't crush in the movie theater, I don't think. I think it's one of those, like, it Blew up on dvd. And dvd. But it's so good. It's. Dude. It's the Big Sleep. The Big Lebowski is the Big Sleep. Instead of. Instead of Philip Marlowe. It's a. Yeah, it's a burnout, but it's the exact plot.

[Eric Andre]

I use the Big in the title. I never saw that coming.

[Sam Morril]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

Fucking. What's not. I mean, they admitted it, but I didn't know that. Yeah, it's such dude.

[Sam Morril]

DVDs, we don't realize how good they were for cinema because they saved movies like this.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

So, like, hundreds of movies were saved because of dvd. Like, Office Space was all dvd. It got passed around, and it's an amazing movie.

[Mark Normand]

So, like, I feel like Austin Powers blew up on dvd, too.

[Sam Morril]

I saw that in the theater.

[Mark Normand]

I did, too. But I feel a lot of people.

[Sam Morril]

Maybe, maybe.

[Mark Normand]

Maybe Grandma's Boy was a big dvd.

[Sam Morril]

Big dvd.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

But, yeah, it saves the movie. And now they don't make these anymore, so, like, they're not gonna make money. But the DVD was the parachute.

[Eric Andre]

I got a factoid about Lebowski.

[Sam Morril]

Please.

[Eric Andre]

That Lebowski is in every scene except one, where they're in the diner plotting how to, like, the.

[Mark Normand]

And the toe.

[Eric Andre]

Yes, but if you.

[Mark Normand]

You want a toe, I can get you a toe. But if you look. You got me till 2pm if you.

[Eric Andre]

Look very closely, his car drives by in the background. So he is in the scene.

[Sam Morril]

Ah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Domererra. Little cameo in that.

[Sam Morril]

Remember?

[Mark Normand]

Yes. The limo driver. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Such a great movie.

[Sam Morril]

Goodman in that movie, is lights out.

[Mark Normand]

Every time he speaks. Yes, every time he speaks. Just that psychotic friend. And Julianne Moore, that voice. We're talking about that. Transatlantic.

[Sam Morril]

Yes. Yeah, that's it. She was sexy in that.

[Mark Normand]

So sexy. Would you. No question.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, I'd fuck Donnie. Will Slovince is Donnie, by the way. He is Donnie goes. Who?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Get the hell out of here. Been talking for 20 minutes. Can't repeat everything. That's a deep cut. No one knows who that is.

[Mark Normand]

Will. Still. Vince is our buddy, Haitian comedian.

[Sam Morril]

Are you into the redhead?

[Mark Normand]

Am I into the redhead? I am, I think. Because I think a redhead is like. It's like.

[Sam Morril]

Obviously depends on the head.

[Mark Normand]

It depends. But when you. When it's done right, man, it's like, oh, full bush. Yeah. That's not. That's not Lebowski.

[Eric Andre]

No, that's right. It's. I can't remember.

[Mark Normand]

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[Sam Morril]

I love chubbies. These pants are Chubby's. I wear half their shit. I got a great jean jacket from Chubby's. I mean, this is good stuff. And the swimsuit stuff, Big fan.

[Mark Normand]

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[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

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[Sam Morril]

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[Mark Normand]

Oh, that's better, man.

[Sam Morril]

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[Mark Normand]

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[Sam Morril]

She looks like a normal lady. That's what's hot about redhead.

[Mark Normand]

Could. It could go. It could go wrong so easily.

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

Take a trip to the fucking Caribbean. Could be amazing. Could go very sideways.

[Sam Morril]

Right?

[Mark Normand]

But no, I mean, but when it's. When it's like Julian Moore, like, oh, my God. It's like even hotter that it works, right? Or like. Like a Christine Hendricks or something. You're like, oh, my God, this is crazy.

[Sam Morril]

So hot.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, boy. Her and that madman. That was something else.

[Mark Normand]

Hourglass.

[Sam Morril]

Look. Look forward to those scenes.

[Mark Normand]

I like it, dude.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. And it's cool that they address. That's what I love about mad men. She was so hot. She had the va va voom. The hourglass. And Sterling's like, jesus Christ, look at this chick. I hate when they have her on a show and they don't address it. You're like, how could everyone not be gawking at her? That's. That's not realistic.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Real life, you're just all day, like, please, can I fuck you?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Like every person in her life. Yeah, she's ridiculous.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, you're right.

[Mark Normand]

In a great character, too.

[Sam Morril]

Great.

[Mark Normand]

Like tough. Like, you know, she had layers.

[Sam Morril]

It wasn't just a hot lady. She was developed. No pun intended.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, she was. I mean, dude. Yeah. The super troopers guy.

[Sam Morril]

What the is going on?

[Mark Normand]

This comedy, baby.

[Sam Morril]

This is every nerd's dream. Wow.

[Mark Normand]

Good for him.

[Sam Morril]

Everybody's got a type.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Hang in there.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, well, he's also is eight foot one, this guy.

[Mark Normand]

And he's also probably funny.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, I'm sure.

[Mark Normand]

And being funny helps.

[Sam Morril]

Wow. That's why you gotta take that walk over the end of the bar and talk to that lady. Because you never know. She could be into you.

[Mark Normand]

You could be batting.111. You still get on base that one time.

[Sam Morril]

It's like George Costanza. Wait, wait. Marisa Tomei like short, stocky, balding men. That's her type. I know. She threw stocky there.

[Mark Normand]

Damn.

[Sam Morril]

Does she have nudes? I just want to see what it looks like once. I'm not saying you got to pull up now, but just.

[Mark Normand]

You know what's fun about this podcast? It's like a. It's like a sleepover.

[Sam Morril]

Ah.

[Mark Normand]

You're just like, does she naked anywhere?

[Sam Morril]

That's a good point.

[Mark Normand]

Let's go to Celebskin.com.

[Sam Morril]

Well, these youngsters don't know what they got. You could just pull up a new chick before you had to wait till she was in a movie.

[Mark Normand]

Remember having a rent Unfaithful? My dad's like. My dad's like. Wait, what's the movie? Wild Things. It's a Neo noir. Let me see that. Lesbian kiss. Come on.

[Sam Morril]

Species of sci fi thriller. You wouldn't like it, Mom.

[Mark Normand]

The funny thing is, some of these movies are actually kind of like, campy and good, but as a kid, you're only renting it for one reason. You would rent a movie to jack off.

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

You get one. Your parents are taking your blockbuster. You get one.

[Sam Morril]

Yep.

[Mark Normand]

And you're picking the Beat off movie.

[Sam Morril]

Well, you could do a combo. Like, I rented Time Cop, which has the Van Damme ass kicking and the. The Mia Sarah Sit tits.

[Mark Normand]

So the combo is big.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, it's like.

[Mark Normand]

It's like a lunch special at a restaurant. You're getting a deal, you know, a pad thai and an egg roll. I didn't know Thai and Chinese went together. What the hell? It's a combo.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Give me this AI shoe.

[Eric Andre]

That's all they got?

[Sam Morril]

That's all they. All right, well, good for her. She hung in there. Yeah, that's like a fortune on the cans.

[Mark Normand]

We're jerking off to celebrity Death Match here, I guess. This is great.

[Sam Morril]

Did you hear the the only fans gala got arrested for banging a Chihuahua. What? On her only fans? It just keeps escalating like, she's like, what else should I do? Finger myself? They're like, is that a Chihuahua in the background? Pull that thing out.

[Mark Normand]

I just thought it was the worst Taco Bell ad I'd ever seen.

[Sam Morril]

I don't know, Yakira. Only fans.

[Mark Normand]

Damn. OnlyFans is getting out of control.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You meet these people that just make a living on it, and you're just like, you idiot. And they're like, I cleared 7 million last month. And you're like, maybe I'm the idiot.

[Sam Morril]

I know, I know. And some of that was my money.

[Mark Normand]

How about these people just like, I'm just gonna show feet. And they're still crushing it.

[Sam Morril]

I know.

[Mark Normand]

Because feet, I guess, if you're into that, that's like, oh, my God. But like, I'm. I've never been in. Feet are Fine.

[Sam Morril]

Wait, so what happened? Did she do it?

[Mark Normand]

I don't know.

[Eric Andre]

But look at that dog's face.

[Mark Normand]

He's seen some things, that dog. That dog's had a dark life.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But, you know, it's like, if you're in the feet, dude, the world is your fucking oyster.

[Sam Morril]

I'm so jealous. I got a bit about the feet, guys, because there's flip flops, there's open toe, there's barefoot. I mean, we like tits. It's hard to find a tit.

[Mark Normand]

But I feel like once you see if, like, you live in the strip club, it's no longer that interesting.

[Sam Morril]

Sure.

[Mark Normand]

Like cgi. Now no one gives a fuck about cgi because you're just like. It's not. It's not that. Like, back in the day, you'd see a train on a movie screen and be like, oh, my God, I'm scared.

[Sam Morril]

Right?

[Mark Normand]

It would be coming out, you'd be like, ah. But now you're just like, who gives a.

[Sam Morril]

It's true. Yeah, I remember I rented a. What is that movie called? Jesus. Girls Gone Wild.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

And me and my friends got it. It was a big deal. The early 90s or whatever. And it's two hours long, 38 minutes in, you're like, I'm good.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. 30 minutes in, I'm like, what's the plot? Where's this going?

[Jono Zalay]

I don't.

[Sam Morril]

Well, it was the saddest moment of my life because I'm like. I'm bored of.

[Mark Normand]

I know.

[Sam Morril]

Good. I never thought I could get here, but it's. It's too much. It's like a diner menu. Too much is bad.

[Mark Normand]

Too much is bad. You get to page 47. And you're like cottage cheese and melon. That's the tits in minute 47. Yeah. I have a bit I'm working on about, like how now, you know, you get the phone and you're just like staring at your phone while watching this like big budget show. Like, they spent fucking $40 million on this one scene. And I'm like, I'd rather watch a guy power wash a sidewalk on TikTok instead. You know what's amazing to me is like the entertainment business is crumbling. Hollywood is crumbling. And it's because we'd rather watch a guy eat a sandwich in a fucking Toyota Camry. Like, that's, that's not what I thought would destroy Hollywood is a guy being like 7.5.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. And you're watching every minute of it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. You're loving it. It is amazing. Like, that's like your tongue. Tits. I mean, like, look, if you see too many, like, that's why at a certain point, like the strip club is sad.

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

You're there too long, you're just like, who cares? Well, my friend, the first minute in, you're like, oh my God, of course. Minute 47.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Well, then you start buying pussy and then you start going to the back room and you gotta always gotta up it, whether it's sex or drugs or whatever. But my buddy works at Netflix. He's just like in the marketing, whatever. He has no pull or anything. But he told me, he goes, I go, what's up with Netflix? Everything they're buying is like just bullshit game show reality, garbage bin shit. And he goes, they buy stuff that you could watch while scrolling.

[Mark Normand]

I know.

[Sam Morril]

That's where we're at.

[Mark Normand]

That's why they're saying like the names out loud. They'll be like, that's right, Steve.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You don't even have to look. You're like, oh, that guy was Steve. I don't know.

[Sam Morril]

Yes, exactly.

[Mark Normand]

Some guy just scrolling on fucking hinge.

[Sam Morril]

I know.

[Mark Normand]

By the way, think about how privilege. I mean, maybe it's privilege, maybe it's bad, dude. Because you used to go to a movie and you would like really sit down and enjoy it. Like you're not watching Chinatown.

[Jono Zalay]

No.

[Mark Normand]

In the theater. While doing anything else, forget about it. You're blown away. And that's a slow mov. Of course, now think about how fast paced these movies are. Like you watch an old movie, the credits is like six minutes.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

It's just words. It's like directed by Blank, Blank.

[Sam Morril]

Over a horizon.

[Mark Normand]

Over a horizon. That's it. And you're like, oh cool. It's just like getting me into the movie. Yeah, it's. It's pacing me for the movie. And now you're watching these fast paced movies and you're just like, who gives a shit?

[Sam Morril]

Who gives a shit? Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You know why? Because it's. There's no confidence in a movie like that.

[Sam Morril]

Aha.

[Mark Normand]

A slow movie at least has the as the confidence to be like I'll get you. It's like a low energy comic who's like, I'll get you.

[Sam Morril]

You'll figure figured out exactly.

[Mark Normand]

But these fast paced ones are like. It's like you're running up to go to ball and be like, what's your name? Can I buy you a drink? What's going on? There's almost like a lacking of confidence in that type of filmmaking.

[Sam Morril]

100. But you can't even blame them because they're like no one's gonna watch. No one's gonna get off their phone. But now it's to the point where I'm mad. I'm watching that show the Pit. Everybody's raving at the Pit. It's a new like ER ripoff.

[Mark Normand]

I don't even know what it is.

[Sam Morril]

But it's kicked up a notch. It's like a ER emergency room. There it is.

[Mark Normand]

And you like it.

[Sam Morril]

It's. It's. The writing's not great.

[Mark Normand]

It's in Pittsburgh.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. And that's what they call the hospital. Like they're out of money. There's. They're understaffed and it's just bullet wound coming in. Guy with a head sawed off. A lady with a. I watched the.

[Mark Normand]

Gynecology spin off the clit. It's not as good.

[Sam Morril]

But yeah. So it's good. When they're in the middle of the. You know, you're like, oh my God, this guy's leg got cut off by a train. Holy. And they got eight guys working with a scalpel and the beep, beep, beep. But other than that I don't care about it. And I'm getting angry because I'm like I'm trying to look at my phone here. Stop being interesting. That's where I'm at.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

I'm watching this bullshit at night going, hey, what are you doing? Being captivating. I got a. I got a tweet to write.

[Mark Normand]

Interesting. Yeah. So you almost like maybe we are ultimately part of the problem is completely conditioned.

[Eric Andre]

I heard a Hollywood note which was. Is it second screen worthy is what you're making second screen worthy.

[Sam Morril]

Second screen worthy mean, is it good.

[Eric Andre]

Enough, what you're making that I won't look at my phone?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

That's horrible. Here's what I do, though. I. I make it a point. Like, I'm gonna put my phone. If I'm watching, like, a classic movie, I make it a point to put my phone away. Like, I watch this old movie. I had a lady over. She wanted to watch an old movie. She suggested Belle de Jour, which is a Catherine Deneuve movie from, like, the late 60s French movie. It's good. It's like she's a bored housewife who just decides she wants to be a whore, basically. Gee, it's good. And she's hot as fuck, dude.

[Sam Morril]

Really?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, my. I mean, look at her. She's ridiculous.

[Sam Morril]

Looks like Bewitched.

[Mark Normand]

She is hot. And. But I was like, yeah, let me, like, give my. I want to watch this movie. And it helps. It has subtitles. Yeah, you can't. That's the good thing about foreign films. You have to pay attention.

[Sam Morril]

You have to.

[Mark Normand]

That's why I. Like what I think. That's why I'm suddenly, like, really getting into foreign movies. Because it forces you to put your phone down.

[Sam Morril]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

Or else you miss a plot point.

[Sam Morril]

Totally.

[Jono Zalay]

What's the story with this one?

[Sam Morril]

She becomes a whore.

[Mark Normand]

She becomes a. She's, like, so bored. Her husband's, like, a sweet guy. Yeah, that's one of her fantasies. She's getting, like, humiliated. She likes getting. She likes getting tortured and humiliated.

[Sam Morril]

This is ahead of its time.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, the French don't fucking play, dude. They. With sex. Remember when the MeToo started? They had the Not Me movement. The French don't fuck around with sex.

[Eric Andre]

Is that cow poop?

[Mark Normand]

They throw mud at her face when they tie her. It's what her fantasies are all about. Being humiliated. Her husband's like a vanilla, really sweet, attractive doctor, and she wants to be, like, dominated and treated like. And that's why she. Like. It's about sexuality and being a prostitute. It's a cool movie. It's like. And she is nice to look at is this.

[Sam Morril]

This must have not been played in the US it feels like this would be banned.

[Mark Normand]

I don't know. Yeah, I don't. I don't know, but I've never heard of it. She is a sexy lady.

[Sam Morril]

You got that right.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, but it's. But that's like. That's what I love. When we were texting about, like, you know, all these Danish movies and stuff. I love That I have to put my phone away and I have to just watch. It's good. It's good because you're like, oh, I feel better that I had to give myself to this.

[Sam Morril]

Well, you know who's the genius of all this is Josh Johnson. You know about this kid?

[Mark Normand]

Of course.

[Sam Morril]

He's a friend of mine. And he just started putting these long form, which everyone said, clips, short clips, gotta get to the punch. No setup. And he put this long voice. He zigged when everyone zagged. And he's fucking the number two on YouTube or whatever. Views like, Jesus Christ. Sold out a couple of town halls. He's selling out everywhere. He's doing big theaters.

[Mark Normand]

Sold out.

[Eric Andre]

Three town halls in one day.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Eric Andre]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Good for him.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah, it's cool. It's cool to see people doing different things. For sure.

[Sam Morril]

Well, it kind of feels like. But whenever was like, everything on YouTube's got to be three minutes. And then Rogan's like, we're going to do a three hour podcast. And it worked.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Sam Morril]

You know, so you never know.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Although I will say they say, you know, brevity is a soul of wit. Right. I think less is more.

[Sam Morril]

I agree.

[Mark Normand]

I'm a big fan of less, and that's why I've been underachieving for years.

[Sam Morril]

I tell my wife, less is more.

[Mark Normand]

No, I think I love. I mean, look, I love short jokes. I love, you know, I love a story as well, if it's done right. But, like, I do. I'm never mad that a movie was 90 minutes.

[Sam Morril]

No, no.

[Mark Normand]

You know what I mean? Like, I was like, oh, they found. I love that succession ended after season four because I was like, fuck, I wish it didn't end, of course. And I respect the hell out of.

[Sam Morril]

That, you know, leave you wanting more.

[Mark Normand]

This scotch is just.

[Sam Morril]

I feel like, put it over here. It goes down too easy.

[Mark Normand]

What, is our guest an hour late now? This is impressive.

[Sam Morril]

Well, I think he'll have some guilt on the way in, and that'll buy us.

[Mark Normand]

I would love some guilt because, you know, it's bad when. When you fix the guest to drink and the ice is melting. Not a great sign. Yeah. I feel like I got stood up on a date here. What do you drink? I'll be there. Will you?

[Sam Morril]

We should do ice cream next time. And when he shows up, that shit's a puddle. You go, hey, we tried to give you ice cream.

[Eric Andre]

When he sits down, we should just do his dates and be like, all right, thanks for coming.

[Mark Normand]

I've always There's a couple guests. I would have loved to have done that, too.

[Sam Morril]

I know. Yeah. Why can't the bad guests be late? You know, Al Franken showed up two hours earlier. Leave that in.

[Mark Normand]

But when he's on stage, he.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, my God.

[Mark Normand]

Holy crap.

[Sam Morril]

I pull out a pillow, a sleeping hat, and a candle, and I go.

[Mark Normand]

I recorded on my phone. I put it next to my ear. I pop an Ambien. I sleep like a baby.

[Sam Morril]

Stick to the news. Frankie.

[Mark Normand]

Lagavulin fucking rules.

[Sam Morril]

It's too good.

[Mark Normand]

We were drinking this at my place last week. That was good times, man.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah. The Knicks party had a little shebang.

[Mark Normand]

Hello. Nick's thing. Just a few comics. Just watching the fucking game, but. Oh, we got a guest.

[Sam Morril]

Hey. Oh, okay.

[Mark Normand]

You watching him? I might have to have round two, buddy.

[Sam Morril]

I'll take a squirt.

[Mark Normand]

Love a squirt.

[Sam Morril]

Just give me a squirt.

[Mark Normand]

You ever sleep with a squirter?

[Sam Morril]

Yes. Old lady.

[Mark Normand]

What's old lady? Squirter.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Ruined my whole bed. I didn't have. I had to sleep in it. I had a.

[Mark Normand]

That was all the water she had left.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Eric Andre]

Could have just been a bed wetter.

[Sam Morril]

No, it was a. It was a rooster tail. Oh, there he is.

[Mark Normand]

Well, we. We poured you. We made you a drink.

[Jono Zalay]

Thank you.

[Sam Morril]

Oh.

[Mark Normand]

For you, Via Corota.

[Sam Morril]

What, are you crazy enough to bring gifts?

[Mark Normand]

What is this? Whoa.

[Jono Zalay]

Beautiful, independent black queen.

[Mark Normand]

Yes. Thank you. Looking good.

[Sam Morril]

Damn, that was like the Predator Arnold and Carl Weathers right there. Oh, you're. You're in Brooklyn.

[Jono Zalay]

You're not supposed to say the neighborhood.

[Mark Normand]

Of the guy BLEEP it and scramble it. We got it.

[Jono Zalay]

Now I'm going to have a lot of problems. Oh, I'm going to have a ton of problems.

[Sam Morril]

You're in Brownsville, too.

[Mark Normand]

Finish that up so I can pull you in the. A Manhattan or a Negroni.

[Jono Zalay]

I don't really.

[Sam Morril]

I don't.

[Jono Zalay]

I haven't been drinking.

[Mark Normand]

Well, we. We have a drink for you right there.

[Sam Morril]

Not even rum.

[Jono Zalay]

Quick.

[Sam Morril]

No. No pressure. It's right there.

[Mark Normand]

We have a cocktail for you right there.

[Jono Zalay]

Oh, my God, you're such a sweetheart.

[Sam Morril]

And we put it out.

[Jono Zalay]

I'm sorry.

[Mark Normand]

Cheers. No, no, no. We.

[Sam Morril]

What happened?

[Jono Zalay]

Very rude. And I just moved back after 15 years, so I don't. I'm. I'm like an hour late to every meeting.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, you do?

[Jono Zalay]

I don't understand. I'm like, yeah, I'll be there in 15 minutes. And then. And then I'm like. I'll I'll cram a bunch of meetings right before.

[Mark Normand]

What were you coming from for this?

[Jono Zalay]

I had a Zoom meeting at my. So I was at my house. TikTok's gonna go ahead.

[Mark Normand]

Norman, what are you doing?

[Sam Morril]

I'll do a Manhattan if you don't mind.

[Mark Normand]

I want to try this.

[Sam Morril]

Where he lives. This is Manhattan.

[Jono Zalay]

What did you make?

[Sam Morril]

Rum and soda.

[Mark Normand]

Cat, that's our whiskey.

[Sam Morril]

That's your own?

[Mark Normand]

That's all. That's our whiskey.

[Jono Zalay]

Congratulations.

[Sam Morril]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Jono Zalay]

What kind of. Where's the rum? What do you have?

[Sam Morril]

Rumpels still?

[Jono Zalay]

He's keeping secrets.

[Mark Normand]

Which Pat Riley are you wearing? Right here. Is this like Miami Riley, LA or New York?

[Jono Zalay]

It would only be Miami Riley because I'm a Heat fan. Oh, are you a Heat fan? I'm from Miami.

[Sam Morril]

I didn't know that.

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Jew and black.

[Jono Zalay]

Jew and black. Haitian and. Oh, that's very Miami. This is a great rum producer, and I met him in New Orleans.

[Mark Normand]

He's a great boxer.

[Jono Zalay]

Very drunk with him and his son.

[Sam Morril]

Hell, yeah. He was on time for that one. No one has taken more Black Promised land.

[Mark Normand]

Pat Riley just rewatched that special.

[Sam Morril]

It's great.

[Mark Normand]

That's a great fucking special. Nick's doing Nick's. As of today. We're going tonight. We're still in. We're still alive, baby.

[Sam Morril]

We're in the nosebleed, but we're gonna.

[Jono Zalay]

Move my shit out of.

[Sam Morril]

You're good. You're good. What brings you back to the big app?

[Jono Zalay]

I never wanted to be in LA for so long. It was like. It's like the Bermuda Triangle. I kept getting sucked back in, but.

[Sam Morril]

You got to bang Rosario Dawson. So I would move out there for.

[Jono Zalay]

That was 10 years ago. And that was here.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, New York's better, baby. New York.

[Sam Morril]

How about Amber Rose?

[Jono Zalay]

You want to talk about my love life?

[Sam Morril]

Sure. You got a good piece?

[Jono Zalay]

Let's put it all out at all.

[Mark Normand]

You just went right in.

[Jono Zalay]

You went right into my love life.

[Mark Normand]

Finish that. Finish that.

[Jono Zalay]

You married?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

So your love life. You. You. Your wife.

[Sam Morril]

We actually banged the other day.

[Jono Zalay]

Hell, yeah, dog. That's sick.

[Sam Morril]

Smell my dick.

[Jono Zalay]

I don't want to do that. That's crazy.

[Sam Morril]

I'm just kidding.

[Jono Zalay]

I'm just dabbing you up for your wife. Smell my dick. That's. It's outrageous. This is an outrageous podcast, and I. You know what? I didn't think it was going to be so much blue humor.

[Sam Morril]

You're bluish.

[Jono Zalay]

I thought it was.

[Mark Normand]

We had Ed Helms before You and he did not. He did not want us to go there.

[Sam Morril]

He did the view, then us, and he like. Geez.

[Mark Normand]

Very cool guy, though.

[Sam Morril]

Great guy.

[Jono Zalay]

But yeah, for me, I keep it clean. I only do clean material.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

Since the beginning, never did one dirty joke.

[Sam Morril]

I know. Your whole act. Baconator. The Anthony Bordeaux.

[Jono Zalay]

My God, those show. Those. Those jokes are from 15 years ago.

[Sam Morril]

Well, you were making.

[Jono Zalay]

You're in a. You're in a fog.

[Sam Morril]

I remember everything.

[Mark Normand]

Do you get mad when people remember the really old shit?

[Sam Morril]

Well, yes.

[Jono Zalay]

No. I haven't written any. I haven't read anything since. That's all it is. I kind of quit.

[Mark Normand]

Toast.

[Jono Zalay]

You show me naked up on the thing. You guys are distracting.

[Mark Normand]

We're very distracting.

[Jono Zalay]

Cheers. What did you. What did you get?

[Mark Normand]

I went with. I went with the Manhattan.

[Jono Zalay]

Oh, delicioso.

[Mark Normand]

Thank you for the thank you cocktail. That's very nice. Of course. Did you pull it. Did you pull in a lane and do the Jujubes thing? Did you get it on the way here?

[Jono Zalay]

Someone gave it to me as a gift.

[Mark Normand]

Okay.

[Jono Zalay]

I can't stand this office.

[Mark Normand]

Thank you, but yeah.

[Sam Morril]

What a career you've had. You had your own talk show.

[Mark Normand]

This is good.

[Sam Morril]

And move.

[Jono Zalay]

It's not bad.

[Mark Normand]

It's good with you, man. You look good.

[Jono Zalay]

You have an age. That. For a drunk, you have an age. Oh, I'll take young.

[Sam Morril]

Thank you.

[Jono Zalay]

Look fresh.

[Sam Morril]

And I had a baby, too. Did you? Yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

Well, how recently you wife?

[Sam Morril]

Three months. Yeah, the wife had the wife, but I watched it come out. Yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

You watched it come out?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

You saw your wife poop?

[Sam Morril]

C sect. No poop.

[Jono Zalay]

Okay. C section. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

I'll send you the video.

[Jono Zalay]

Okay. Nice. What? Your wife's Puerto Rican? Yeah, assuming so.

[Sam Morril]

She got pregnant just when I looked at her.

[Jono Zalay]

You hugged her?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

That's not where I was going with the joke.

[Sam Morril]

Oh.

[Jono Zalay]

Oh, so you tricked me into a koi, Put me in a corner.

[Mark Normand]

It was racist.

[Sam Morril]

40S. Good people. What are you working on? You got a pop.

[Jono Zalay]

All right, I guess that's. We're out of time.

[Sam Morril]

Show your dates.

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah, yeah. I'm playing at the Chuckle Factory in Coyote Bladder, Mississippi.

[Mark Normand]

That's a good one.

[Sam Morril]

Doing stand up.

[Mark Normand]

That's one of the.

[Jono Zalay]

I'm not doing stand up anymore. I haven't done stand up since 2020. Like, right before COVID I like film. My Netflix special.

[Sam Morril]

I. Oh, yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

Edited it. Edited it, edited it. February 2020. Delivered it, and then Covid hit, and then people were like, we'll do stand up on Zoom. I was like, I'm not fucking doing stand up on Zoom.

[Mark Normand]

And then we're shaking our heads, but we did it. And then I taped a special on Zoom.

[Sam Morril]

Bombing in your own home. It was awesome to go. You close the laptop, you're like, I.

[Mark Normand]

Remember doing one of them on Zoom. And I was just like, let me just. I have no outlet. Let me just work out new jokes here. And one of the comments was like, this is so bad. And I was like, I know. I don't want to be doing this about the.

[Jono Zalay]

The shows where they were at the drive in movie theaters. Yeah, yeah, no, I don't, like stand up as much as you guys.

[Mark Normand]

I didn't do those.

[Jono Zalay]

I don't, like, stand up regular. You know? Like, I don't like when everything's set up for us to succeed.

[Sam Morril]

Right.

[Jono Zalay]

I'm still kind of in a bad mood about my set. It's still so a car honking and a Zoom.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

Put a bullet in my brain. So when I came back from.

[Sam Morril]

If you really feel like you got the wipers, that's all I remember.

[Jono Zalay]

Oh. Oh, you were bad.

[Sam Morril]

If you were killing, you got the wipers.

[Jono Zalay]

Oh, killing. What was. What was like bad?

[Sam Morril]

Bad was like, yeah, it's silence and maybe a nightmare, you know, don't get off stage. Yeah, yeah, sorry.

[Jono Zalay]

People. Then people yell you. No, just. When I came out of COVID I was like. Other than when shows started coming back, I was in my 40s, and then I was, like, old and tired at night, and I was like, I don't want to do that. I'm exhausted.

[Sam Morril]

It's a young man's game. You got a young man up there. Bomb fail. Yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

And, like, my sleep is all up. I have insomnia, so, like, it gives me.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, people say. A lot of people say they have an insomnia. But, like, how screens? How. How bad?

[Jono Zalay]

Well, now I'm on medication, all right? I'm medicated, and I'm seeing an insomnia specialist.

[Sam Morril]

Whoa.

[Jono Zalay]

Oh, yeah. But it was.

[Sam Morril]

It was rough because I get bouts of that. What do you take? Give me some stuff. I'll get some.

[Jono Zalay]

You got to do the orange sunglasses at night.

[Sam Morril]

Whoa.

[Jono Zalay]

The screens is killing you.

[Mark Normand]

I've had people tell me, even the WI fi, you turn off WI fi on your phone and don't put it next to your nightstand. Put the floor.

[Jono Zalay]

I don't even charge my phone in my room. No electronics in my room. Orange sunglasses at night. You got to wear those.

[Sam Morril]

Really?

[Jono Zalay]

You got it.

[Mark Normand]

I got to I got to order another. I keep losing those.

[Jono Zalay]

And then. And then I'm on Trazodone and Q. Vivic. I'm on two.

[Mark Normand]

What's your. What's your, like, wind down routine? Like, no tv, right? Nothing.

[Jono Zalay]

I just started this with this insomnia. So, no, I can watch TV. I try to do seven hours of sleep. And so at like 10, the blue light blocking glasses come on. 11, the screens go off. Brush my teeth, whatever, get ready for bed, take my medications. And then. And then I go into my bedroom with no electronics and I can only read a book or journal. Like, whoa. And so I sit. I have like a Moroccan poof that I sit. So I sit. I journal. I read a book.

[Mark Normand]

This is why Anne Frank slept very well.

[Jono Zalay]

You can't get sleepy. You can't touch your bed until you're like, yawning and sleep.

[Sam Morril]

Okay.

[Jono Zalay]

Can't associate your bed with tossing and turning because it Pavlovian.

[Sam Morril]

Interesting.

[Mark Normand]

Really? I'm a tosser and turner.

[Sam Morril]

I did the trans.

[Jono Zalay]

Gotta. It's better to get out of bed if you're tossing and turning more than 15, 20 minutes and just go read by candlelight. You want dim light read by candlelight? Journal. It's a. You know, living in the medieval times.

[Sam Morril]

The Amish must be just 10 hours a night. They must be getting great sleep. Yeah. No screen.

[Mark Normand]

I do a king. I have a king sized bed, but I have two twin mattresses because I don't want to annoy the person next to me that I'm tossing and turning that much.

[Jono Zalay]

This is your wife or it's a. Oh, I'm.

[Mark Normand]

I'm single. It's just hopeful that it's. I won't annoy the next person.

[Jono Zalay]

An unlucky lady. And I got a sleep AP machine. So now I'm locked in sleep app. Cpap. Yeah. I'm like bane. I got a whole system. I got a silk bonnet.

[Sam Morril]

Jeez, you can't get laid with this.

[Jono Zalay]

No, I look horrible.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, a silk bonnet.

[Sam Morril]

I did the Trazone. I blew through it. It worked for like a week. And then I was like, I'm up it. I wore through it.

[Jono Zalay]

You can always go up and dose it.

[Mark Normand]

What about like a unisom?

[Jono Zalay]

What is that? It's like a. Oh, that's like a Benadryl.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

In a pinch, you take that stuff. But I don't think you can take that all the time. Trazodone's a SSRI or an SNRI or something. So I Think you can take it? I want to wean off it, but for now, I'm like. I had to stop the bleeding. It was real bad.

[Sam Morril]

I'll tell you. I got hooked on Xanax for a while. Yes. Because it works.

[Jono Zalay]

The only thing that knocked me out.

[Sam Morril]

Me, too. But I was, like, licking the inside of the bag, and I was like, I gotta stop. I gotta stop.

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah. I was like, no more.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

So I called my psychiatrist. I was like, just Kalana bit.

[Sam Morril]

You got any?

[Jono Zalay]

I sure do.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, I'll buy it from you.

[Jono Zalay]

They go. They make every drink two for one.

[Mark Normand]

I think they. I think they put peach in this. I think there's peach bitters in this. It's delicious.

[Jono Zalay]

This guy, Sommelier.

[Mark Normand]

It's really good.

[Jono Zalay]

So.

[Sam Morril]

Okay. So, yeah. What's good to have you back in the up.

[Mark Normand]

You call me gay, dude. That was. That was weird.

[Jono Zalay]

Who do you hate the least? Or who do you hate the most?

[Sam Morril]

Who do I hate?

[Jono Zalay]

Who's the one that you're like, you know what? Kind of. Glad he's dead.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Well, Patrice could be mean. Phyllis Diller. I never got to do rough. Yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

Met him. Never met him.

[Mark Normand]

I just. I was never.

[Jono Zalay]

And this is Kurt Cobain. Smash, man.

[Sam Morril]

It's actually a rifle.

[Jono Zalay]

This is the picture of him killing him.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

Okay.

[Sam Morril]

There's Michael Che, Judy Gold.

[Mark Normand]

And next to him, Judy Gold as well.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, man.

[Jono Zalay]

Not even. Even dead. You got three of her.

[Sam Morril]

Yes. Strays, as the kids say.

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah. So he was mean to you? What do you say?

[Sam Morril]

Well, he was just, you know, a scary guy.

[Mark Normand]

He was.

[Sam Morril]

Cut you to the bone. One time, my friend opened for him and he bombed. And my friend had glasses.

[Mark Normand]

Who was this?

[Sam Morril]

I don't want to say his name. He's very sensitive about it, but I'll tell you after.

[Mark Normand]

Okay.

[Sam Morril]

So he opens up. Patrice walks up and goes, ugh, I hate when these alt open for me. And that was the first line of his set.

[Mark Normand]

Did it kill?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Killed a different time.

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Sam Morril]

But. And he was a funny guy, too.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I'm sure he looked up to Patrice because everyone thought Patrice was hilarious.

[Sam Morril]

Everyone loved Patrice. His comedy.

[Jono Zalay]

I don't. Yeah, his comedy. I've heard the controversial things.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I don't know if I'd love to hang with him, but. No, I liked watching his elephant in the room.

[Jono Zalay]

What do you think that is? A personality disorder, definitely. Or just profound depression. Hates himself, Hates everybody.

[Mark Normand]

Probably. Probably. Some people just love confrontation and conflict and just depressed people. They just want to with you.

[Jono Zalay]

With people that are severely depressed.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Sam Morril]

This is pre therapy.

[Jono Zalay]

Giant hole in their heart that the.

[Mark Normand]

I think Patrice would break.

[Jono Zalay]

A therapist or just sociopath? Yeah, maybe a sociopath.

[Sam Morril]

There's a little that in there for sure.

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But Dammy was funny.

[Jono Zalay]

He loved animals.

[Sam Morril]

He loved.

[Mark Normand]

He's Tony Soprano.

[Jono Zalay]

What do you mean?

[Sam Morril]

Like, he's a classic.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

If an animal's in pain, I feel horrible, but I'll. I'll ruin a human's.

[Jono Zalay]

You think. You think he was abused when he was a kid?

[Mark Normand]

I would assume he had a terrible childhood.

[Jono Zalay]

Terrible childhood.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Elephant in the room. Great, special.

[Mark Normand]

Great, special, dude. I loved it. Yeah. The other ones didn't capture his greatness. Like the one night stand for HBO he did was like. He was doing like street jokes at the end.

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

It was just weird. It was like, you're brilliant, clearly, but you're. It's like you're just bored or something.

[Jono Zalay]

You gotta see stand up live. I never feel like he captured on.

[Sam Morril]

It's hard.

[Jono Zalay]

He's always missing something when you.

[Mark Normand]

He certainly was. He was definitely missing.

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah. You have to see. There has to be this, like danger in the air or something.

[Sam Morril]

Especially you. I feel like you're all alive.

[Jono Zalay]

I don't do stand up. Well.

[Sam Morril]

When you did, you. You got. You had an energy about you that. That no one could follow and no one wanted to follow.

[Jono Zalay]

Thank you.

[Sam Morril]

We're all doing just like a. What's the deal with cereals? And you were like. You ever got an anal, Fisher?

[Jono Zalay]

You never get an anal.

[Sam Morril]

You remember. You remember the Bourdain bit about diarrhea?

[Jono Zalay]

Not really.

[Mark Normand]

What?

[Sam Morril]

That was one of my favorites about how he must have had the worst diarrhea on the planet.

[Mark Normand]

No.

[Jono Zalay]

You know what? That joke lasted like. Like two shows and you were at one of them.

[Sam Morril]

I caught it. I was like, that's a keeper.

[Mark Normand]

I remember some of you. I remember. I think I met you at the underground lounge on 107th, like way back in the day. I was. I was out barking for those. Those were not fun.

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But bringer shows. Barking.

[Mark Normand]

Barking was crazy. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

How about the. The Jamaican bit about cops, bad boys?

[Jono Zalay]

I only have like 45 minutes worth of jokes after 22 years. Did you.

[Mark Normand]

Did you tour at all or no?

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah, yeah, I toured. I toured last year, but the Eric Andre show, live. And then before that I toured 2019, 2020, filmed it, sent it into Netflix, and then never did stand up again. I did like a little bit. Che pulled me out on stage a year ago, I think, and he was like, you're doing stand up. But I was like, I don't. It's too hard.

[Sam Morril]

Damn.

[Jono Zalay]

Because now you're. You're just coming. I'll sit with me and Will Sylvanz will sit next to you and help you out. I go, okay.

[Mark Normand]

I miss seeing Shade you stand up because I think he had, like.

[Jono Zalay]

Isn't he still doing his job?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, but I don't see.

[Sam Morril]

He doesn't.

[Mark Normand]

We don't see him come around ever.

[Jono Zalay]

He doesn't, like, hit the. No. Hey, pound the pavement.

[Mark Normand]

But he used to always come to the cellar and, like, you know, and his mind is so. Is so sharp. Like, he has such great premises and stuff. So I would, like seeing him work out and it not work. I was kind of like, oh, this is, like, fun to watch.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

This is the first drink I've had in a long time.

[Sam Morril]

How the hell.

[Mark Normand]

Really? You quit comedy? You quit alcohol? What are you still doing?

[Jono Zalay]

Really drink? I didn't really quit alcohol. I'm just like. Puffs me up, man. I'm trying to. My old jeans. Yeah, now puffs me up.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, puffs.

[Mark Normand]

No, I'm feeling puffy.

[Jono Zalay]

I'm puffed up.

[Sam Morril]

All right. This is the juice.

[Jono Zalay]

I want to fit, and I want to fit my old jeans.

[Sam Morril]

All right, well, how the hell slide.

[Jono Zalay]

In those old Wranglers?

[Sam Morril]

Well, the sweatpants will help.

[Jono Zalay]

No, the sweatpants is because I look fine. I just. I just lost £30. Whoa.

[Mark Normand]

Really?

[Jono Zalay]

Ozempic Manjaro.

[Sam Morril]

There it is.

[Jono Zalay]

Really? Any needle?

[Mark Normand]

What is it?

[Sam Morril]

Is that the black version? What is that?

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Okay. It's kind of like the. The.

[Jono Zalay]

I saw the ad on bet.

[Sam Morril]

What was. The black version was Johnson and Johnson, and the whitey got Moderna, I think.

[Mark Normand]

Is that right?

[Sam Morril]

I think so. It's.

[Jono Zalay]

Hey, how'd you guys come up with this silly.

[Sam Morril]

Drinking, drinking.

[Mark Normand]

Old drinking buddy Manjaro.

[Sam Morril]

Is that a shot in the ass?

[Jono Zalay]

No, it's an Italian sauce.

[Sam Morril]

Sounds like a slur. A couple of manjaros moved into the neighborhood.

[Jono Zalay]

Couple of manjaros in here. You know who we got to get rid of in this country? What's a white negroni? It's got tequila in it.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, it's on time is what it is. All right.

[Jono Zalay]

Hello.

[Sam Morril]

But. Yeah, how the hell did you sell the Eric Andre show? How do you do that? The show's wacky. You're falling through a table.

[Jono Zalay]

Everybody passed. Everybody passed except Adult Swim. So it wasn't like it was it wasn't selling like hotcakes. There wasn't a bidding war.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

But Adult Swim hadn't. They were looking for a talk show at the time because they hadn't had space ghosts on the air for a while, so.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

So I made, like, a little demo reel with Hannibal in this, like, shitty, abandoned bodega in Bushwick. Or Bed Stuy.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

Rat's Nest. And. Sorry. Sorry. Excuse me. And I, like, taught myself. Final cut. And I. Whoa. It took me like, a year to edit together a seven minute.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

And I sent it.

[Mark Normand]

Did you do it? You did it yourself? Oh, it was on the area. Sorry.

[Jono Zalay]

No, no, no. It was on the air. No.

[Sam Morril]

Wow. And that's how you sold it. You showed them the. The.

[Jono Zalay]

I showed him a tape. I went up to Nick Weidenfeld, who was the.

[Sam Morril]

That's his buddy.

[Jono Zalay]

VP of development. I was, like, showing him the first cuts at parties on my, like, iPhone one. And I was like, hey, I'm not done with this yet. I'm learning how to. When you're done, show me.

[Sam Morril]

Whoa.

[Jono Zalay]

Like, I kept, like, just showing, and then a year went by, and then when he sent it to Mike Lazar, who's his boss at the time, who ran the. The network, he, like, loved it instantly. And that was 2010. Thanksgiving, 2010. I was in Guatemala.

[Sam Morril]

Wow.

[Jono Zalay]

And then it was like, let's do a pilot. And that was 2011.

[Sam Morril]

And then they picked it up and brilliant. To bring Hannibal on, who is the lowest energy guy on the planet. And you're the highest. And it was a fun little juxtaposition I ever got.

[Jono Zalay]

Was about that pairing was Chris Rock called me, like, after the first season, and he goes, the reason your show works is because there's no two black guys that have less in common.

[Sam Morril]

Wow. That's great. Yeah. And the show is wild. And you'd have stars on, and then you could tell they didn't get it. They were freaked out.

[Jono Zalay]

You don't want to tell them. You don't want them to get it.

[Mark Normand]

So you. You gave them no prep. So. So when in the beginning, we were.

[Jono Zalay]

Like, well, we'll tell them. Some days I won't tell them to be like, maybe season one. And then we realized if you tell them anything or you tell even one guess something and the other 19 guests aren't in on it, it ruins it for everybody. Like, everybody has to be completely in the dark, and every prank has to be 100% real, so. Or you jeopardize the stakes of the whole show right.

[Mark Normand]

When you.

[Jono Zalay]

There's never fake reactions. There's never. Nobody's in on it. There's never like. Yeah, we learned that quick.

[Sam Morril]

Lauren Conrad. I mean, she's like.

[Jono Zalay]

She was very.

[Sam Morril]

She's not going to get it.

[Jono Zalay]

Well, I. I vomited.

[Mark Normand]

You thanking.

[Jono Zalay]

That's right.

[Mark Normand]

She's terr.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, that's great. He's a little stressed.

[Jono Zalay]

You're off the. Okay.

[Mark Normand]

Did you ever break on these?

[Jono Zalay]

No. Because it takes so much prep. So much goes into it. When you have somebody on the hook, you don't want to run it. Trying to do the Manson swastika gun.

[Sam Morril]

Almost got it.

[Jono Zalay]

It's hard to do it without a mirror.

[Sam Morril]

She's gonna kill herself after this.

[Jono Zalay]

I'm listening.

[Sam Morril]

Animal got it.

[Jono Zalay]

He got it, right.

[Mark Normand]

Just straight up. Eat the lettuce.

[Jono Zalay]

What up? Hey, have you ever heard a guitar before? Yeah, they're like.

[Sam Morril]

Between two ferns on Ken.

[Mark Normand]

Did anyone ever walk off set?

[Jono Zalay]

Like, she walked off on the second part. Yeah, she walks and ti. Walks.

[Mark Normand]

What about like, when you had Stacy Dash on. I remember that one.

[Jono Zalay]

And she w. She jumped up because of rats coming out of the.

[Sam Morril]

Whoa. Yeah, she's very.

[Jono Zalay]

She was. She was like, game.

[Mark Normand]

She is attractive.

[Sam Morril]

Hot lady.

[Jono Zalay]

Very attractive.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. When you whipped out Obama's dick, that was. That was pretty. That was a good. That was a good one right there.

[Jono Zalay]

And I didn't want to get political.

[Sam Morril]

Damn, that's fun. Donald Glover must have gotten it. He's a comic.

[Jono Zalay]

Well, he knew I'm a. But he didn't know what we're gonna do.

[Mark Normand]

Was there anyone you were dying to get on that you couldn't get on?

[Jono Zalay]

Bill Cosby. That would have been nice, Especially during the. Hannibal.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, sure. Oh, yeah. Damn.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. He doesn't even like bad language. And you come out with a chainsaw and a swastika. Guys.

[Jono Zalay]

Well, it's more of the fact that Hannibal.

[Sam Morril]

Wow.

[Jono Zalay]

You know, presented the world with this certain information about him that we all knew 40 years.

[Sam Morril]

I remember that.

[Jono Zalay]

What a weird.

[Mark Normand]

What a weird thing to just do.

[Jono Zalay]

Like, why didn't. Why did they cover it up? I didn't see the documentary, but, like, they're like, just, hey, NBC. Everybody, his wife, everybody's just like, it's okay. Hey, he's Cosby.

[Sam Morril]

He's a little crazy, right?

[Jono Zalay]

I don't know, man. He's a serial rapist.

[Mark Normand]

We all go. We all go on riffs during sets on the road that you don't, like, think about. You don't think it's Gonna destroy Cosby. Like.

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah, no, I could tell. That was, like, a throwaway joke.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

Working on. And then everybody. Everybody was itching to take him down, I think.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

Like, for some reason, broke the camel's back. It was in the. It was in the ether.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, for sure. We all heard it.

[Mark Normand]

I didn't know. I didn't know he did that until I was, like, a door guy at Broadway comedy club. And Mike D. Stefano, I remember him, was on stage, and he was like. Like, he did a joke about. He's like, yeah, I'm dirty, but Cosby's clean. He's a rapist. He is. I didn't know. I. I had to, like, go online. I was like, oh, I guess he's like, a bad guy. I didn't know that. Oh.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

That was around before Hannibal called him out.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it was before. Oh, but it was a Broadway comedy club, and nothing leaves that room. Everything dies in that room.

[Sam Morril]

That's true.

[Jono Zalay]

I miss Mike.

[Mark Normand]

He was a funny guy. Very funny.

[Jono Zalay]

He had the best joke. He goes. He goes, this woman came up to me after a show and said, you know, calling women the C word is like calling black people the N word. And he goes, yeah, but I'm not worried about a bunch of C words beating me up after the show.

[Mark Normand]

Wow. He was so good, dude. The one he did on last comic stand, the one about, like, his agents, like, fax me a bio. He's like, bio? I fucking yell at strangers. This joke.

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And he's like, what do you do before comedy? He's like, I was a drug counselor. What did you. Before that? I was a drug addict. What did you do before that? I was 12. He was so funny.

[Sam Morril]

So funny.

[Jono Zalay]

Put him up on this.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

Over and over again.

[Sam Morril]

That's a good point. Let's get old, Mike D. And what.

[Jono Zalay]

Else did he have?

[Sam Morril]

He died of aids.

[Jono Zalay]

He. He did.

[Sam Morril]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

Heart attack. But I don't think aids was doing him any favors.

[Sam Morril]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Sorry, Mike.

[Jono Zalay]

And then he had a joke. He goes, I went to a Chinese restaurant. They had a suggestion box. I wrote in Free Tibet. Oddly woke for the.

[Sam Morril]

Right, Right?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, no. He was so, so funny.

[Sam Morril]

He was. Somebody asked him on an interview what his voice was. How'd you find your voice? And he yelled at the guy for, like, six minutes. He's like, my voice. I'm trying to get laughs up here. Get the out of my face.

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah, yeah. My voice.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, 44. 44.

[Jono Zalay]

He was 44. But he looked like he was, like, 60. 4.

[Mark Normand]

I feel like in that, like, two year span, so many comics died. Like Geraldo, Patrice, Robert Schimmel. Like, so many comics just.

[Jono Zalay]

Well, comics aren't health nuts.

[Mark Normand]

No, no.

[Sam Morril]

They kind of are now, which is weird.

[Eric Andre]

A lot of death came hours after filming a video for Funny or Die.

[Jono Zalay]

And then he died.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Funeral home in the Bronx. Look at that dude rip.

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah. Comedy's not healthy. Comics aren't help nuts.

[Sam Morril]

Nah.

[Jono Zalay]

Clearly there's something wrong.

[Sam Morril]

Sure. That's part of the fun.

[Jono Zalay]

There's clearly.

[Sam Morril]

But I'm sure.

[Jono Zalay]

Apparently clear.

[Sam Morril]

I'm sure there's garbage men who got problems too.

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah, everyone's got. Everybody's got problems. Yeah, everybody's a disaster.

[Sam Morril]

As we sip on our second.

[Mark Normand]

These are phenomenal.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

Okay, good.

[Mark Normand]

I'm putting these away for a rainy day. We're getting lit up on these. You're great.

[Sam Morril]

Thank you for the gift.

[Mark Normand]

What a cool gift.

[Sam Morril]

Are you doing the rounds for the pod, the circuit, the press?

[Mark Normand]

What else you doing?

[Jono Zalay]

I can't remember. I can't remember.

[Sam Morril]

Can I ask you about your movie? Yeah, all right.

[Jono Zalay]

Whatever you want.

[Sam Morril]

I thought it was innovative.

[Jono Zalay]

Thanks. You're talking about bad trip.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

Thank you.

[Sam Morril]

Because the reactions were real, right?

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sam Morril]

That was a brilliant move. Sorry.

[Jono Zalay]

You got it. You can't fake a reaction.

[Sam Morril]

You can't make a reaction.

[Jono Zalay]

You fake one, you compromise all of them.

[Sam Morril]

Hear, hear. So how'd you do it? You just shot it in the middle and you'd have these cards incredibly hard.

[Jono Zalay]

It took seven and a half years.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa.

[Jono Zalay]

Wow. Earliest writings to airing the movie. It was almost eight years, and it was supposed to debut at south by southwest March 2020, and covet happened.

[Sam Morril]

Damn.

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah. And then it was nowhere. And then MGM tried to sell it to Quibi behind her back, but the only reason they got busted with their hand in the cookie jars, because they told, oh, my. Producer Jeff Tremaine had final cut, and they had to ask him for. They had to ask him for permission to cut it into little quibby iPhone segments. And he's like, what the fuck's going on here? And they were like, yeah, we tried to set up to Netflix. They didn't want it. And then we called Netflix and they were like, well, we absolutely want this.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, wow.

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah. And they were like, mgm was willing to take it at a loss.

[Mark Normand]

And you're like, hold on, let me go back to Quibi real quick.

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Quibi's kind of cool.

[Sam Morril]

Thing, but it.

[Jono Zalay]

Was number one on Netflix and we've all Us Quibby.

[Mark Normand]

See? So we're. Yeah, we're crushing.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah. Damn. It's such a cool movie. It's kind of got a Buster Keaton vibe. And Haddish killed it.

[Jono Zalay]

Oh, yeah, she killed. She thrives in those.

[Sam Morril]

She does. I think I could afford her.

[Jono Zalay]

Oh, yeah.

[Sam Morril]

She was all over me. Yeah. We did really run together.

[Jono Zalay]

Oh.

[Sam Morril]

On the. On the road and. Yeah. I think she likes the honky.

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah. And you blew it.

[Sam Morril]

Well, I was.

[Jono Zalay]

You're too shy.

[Sam Morril]

I was married.

[Mark Normand]

She did sleep. She did sleep with a friend of mine who's a white guy. And he's very white. He's Irish.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, that's wider than me.

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah, well, it gets wider than Irish. Swedish.

[Sam Morril]

Maybe Gaffigan. Yeah, after that.

[Mark Normand]

Those Scandinavian countries are fun. Man, I just tore the insanity. Oh, my God. Going to, like, go to hit Copenhagen, man. Hit rough.

[Jono Zalay]

I have rough stand up crowds internationally. Stand up is hit or miss, I feel like.

[Sam Morril]

Of course.

[Mark Normand]

But it's hit or miss in America. I mean, I had a bad set in Columbus, Ohio too, you know, Right.

[Jono Zalay]

I almost got punched in the face on stage in Columbus, Ohio.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, really?

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah. This young gal, I would say she's like 21, very drunk, very loud in the. Not the front row, but maybe, let's say the third row wouldn't stop talking on her phone. Belligerent, drunk, just classic annoying audience member. Right? And she's interrupted. She's stepping on my punchline. She's a huge distraction. So I go. I'm like riffing with her. I'm trying to, like, get her to shut the up in the most polite way. Then I go, gimme your phone. And I took her cell phone and I. I looked up mom in her cell phone and I wrote, mom, I've always had a thing for dad. Send. And then, and then everyone's like. And I gave it back to her. She was like, Then she want to shut the fuck up again. So I grabbed it back and I. I went to the audience, I go, everybody pass her phone around and send crazy texts to whoever you want.

[Sam Morril]

That's brilliant.

[Jono Zalay]

Go nuts and pass it all around. And by the time it made it back to Saw Red and turned into a cartoon, thermometer was like. And jumped on stage and swung like a big hay make. And I was like, whoa. And I look back at security and they're just laughing. They're like, this guy's crazy. These two college kids, like, grabbed her and like, escorted her out. And then security was like, oh, maybe we drag her up. Maybe this isn't part of the show. And then. And then I finished my set. And then.

[Mark Normand]

And.

[Jono Zalay]

And also, that was, like, the height. I couldn't really. I couldn't set short because I couldn't go back to, like, hey, Iraq. I believe this is right. So I, like, wrapped it up quick, and then I got off stage, and then, like, I went out to go home or to sell merch or something, like, through the front. And she was, like, waiting there for me, and she was like, can I get a selfie?

[Mark Normand]

Oh.

[Jono Zalay]

I was like, what?

[Sam Morril]

Poison phone? No, thank you. Maybe that's what happened with Will Smith. We didn't know Chris Rock was doing that to his phone the whole time.

[Mark Normand]

That is a. That is.

[Jono Zalay]

Can I get a selfie?

[Mark Normand]

That's a brilliant move for heck, the. The hijacking of the phone in the.

[Sam Morril]

Pass around is you with my life. I'm with your life.

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no. It was. She was, like, out of control. Belligerent.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

And just, like, stepping on. I'd set up a joke. Joke for however many minutes, and then she'd, like, crumple the punchline. I'm like, lady, you're killing me.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

You know how it goes, those punches. What's the worst. What's the worst bomb you've ever had?

[Sam Morril]

I got so many.

[Jono Zalay]

Stinkers.

[Sam Morril]

My worst bomb ever. I did a roast of, like, a hedge fund. I've told the story before, but this guy hit me up. I did a seller set. This is 10 years ago. It went well. And he goes, I got five grand with your name on it. You coming to my company and roast all my employees. I'll give you five grand. I was like, that's the most money I've ever seen.

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah. You're like.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. No dollar signs. Yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

Somebody's smoking.

[Sam Morril]

I put on a green visor, you know? So then I go, oh, my God. But I don't know your hedge fund. I don't know. So he goes, I'll send you a rap sheet with all the dirt on these guys. I go, oh, it's gonna be, oh, my God, easy money.

[Mark Normand]

Kevin Sheets and his wife uses.

[Sam Morril]

That was in there. He's on the wife cokehead. He's secretly gay. I mean, it was all, like, heavy duty dirt. Like, this is like, put you in jail dirt. Ruin a marriage dirt. So I'm like, oh, this is gold. I'm gonna kill this. And he keeps. Right. He's texting me. He's like, be vicious. Be vicious.

[Jono Zalay]

Got it.

[Sam Morril]

He's Psychotic. He's a hedge fund guy.

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah, yeah, you know, nuts.

[Sam Morril]

And so I was like, oh, that's gonna be great. So he goes, here's the address. I didn't know it was at a golf club, like a golf thing up upstate. So I took the Metro north up. I get there, it's Lamborghini, Ferrari, you know, Benz, all these things. You up for a maf there? Just everybody's like, hair slick back, hot wife, annoying kids.

[Mark Normand]

And those are not the guys who can take the. No, they're not.

[Jono Zalay]

Is there footage?

[Sam Morril]

No. God, no. What are you crazy? These guys don't film anything. They're all hookered up and everything.

[Mark Normand]

You're trying to roast Jordan Belford here.

[Sam Morril]

Yes, yes, that's who it was.

[Jono Zalay]

So when you're. So when you started your jokes and you're saying specific dirt about specific people.

[Sam Morril]

I mean, it was started.

[Jono Zalay]

Had a couple, like, tell me the.

[Sam Morril]

It started horribly, but it got increasingly worse as I kept going. So the guy's like, sold.

[Jono Zalay]

You're a stranger. And you're just insulting strangers really harsh information.

[Sam Morril]

And I'm dressed like this, and everyone's like, you know, wear vests. These guys look sharp as you're wearing.

[Jono Zalay]

Old Navy clearance walking up.

[Sam Morril]

Exactly.

[Jono Zalay]

Hey, you.

[Mark Normand]

This guy's dick doesn't work. He's like, what the is this guy?

[Sam Morril]

So I meet the guy. He's got the cigar. He's out on the back deck with his. This just sprawling golf course. It's beautiful. It's a bunch of black guys with the white jackets on. They're not allowed in the club, you know, unless they're serving. And I get up to the. The podium, and the guy goes, hey, we got a great comic. He's going to roast the. Out of us. You know, these comedy guys, they go crazy. And I get up there and it's like, hey, so, Dan, we all know you're gay. And his wife's like, I knew it. So that's the whole thing that I'm like, oh, I better move over here. Hey, Bob, we all know you got coke. Coke problem. And he's like, like, shut the up. His wife's like, I thought you went to rehab. You.

[Jono Zalay]

Lord, you destroyed people's lives.

[Sam Morril]

Lives are. Kids are crying.

[Mark Normand]

Jeff Ross goes on after you and murders.

[Sam Morril]

Exactly. So I'm bombing within, like, you know, four. Four jokes, you know, and they're mad. People are getting up and leaving. And I can see the guy in the back who booked me, like, what the. Man, what are you doing? And I'm like, you gave me this.

[Jono Zalay]

What am I doing? You set me up for this.

[Sam Morril]

Set me up.

[Jono Zalay]

You should have bought him on stage. You go, what do you mean? What do you.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. So about eight minutes in, I'm like, ruining lives. So I. My act, you know, I'm like, Uber's. What's up with Uber? Five stars. Come on. How about one star? You know, and that's bombing, of course, because the whole room's in. In a pandemonium. Well, yeah, so I. I cut it short. I did, like, 17 or 18 minutes. Got the I supposed to do an hour.

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah. Of your life.

[Sam Morril]

I find the guy's, like, having a meltdown on the back deck. He's like, on the phone, he's like, I'm so sorry, bud. I go, hey, man, I just got to get my check. And he goes, I shouldn't give this to you. And he put the cigar up to the corner of the check. He's like, you're lucky I'm a nice guy. I'm giving this to you. You ruined my whole fucking day, my whole event.

[Jono Zalay]

And I was like, you told me to do this, you fucking idiot.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, I got the check, and I took the Metro north back home.

[Mark Normand]

Cash in the morning.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

Run for your life.

[Mark Normand]

I did one. I do. I did a hell gig. I mean, so many. But one that jumps out to me is I. I was a door guy, Broadway Comedy Club, and they would throw you up every once in a while. I bought this. Wait staff loved me because I was just one of them.

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But I bombed so fucking hard. I don't know. This guy just keeps heckling me, and I couldn't it do. I had a couple witty lines. And then you run out because he starts. Because he's one of those dudes who can't take being insulted. And I remember he just went like, you fucking. He was like, look at your fucking shitty pants. I was like, yeah, they're like bad pants. I'm like a door guy at Broadway Comedy Club, you know? He's like, you fucking. And I just started hammering him. He can't take it. I don't know what I said, but I said. I called him, like, garbage or something, and he was like, what did you say? And he stood up, and I was like, oh, boy. And I just remember him walking toward the stage, and I'm like, all right, what's gonna happen? He's a bigger dude than me. He's gonna kick my ass. And. And I was extra skinny back then. Yeah. Not ready to Fight. And the waist stuff like barricades the stage for me because they're like, they like me.

[Jono Zalay]

That's good.

[Mark Normand]

But then I just hear, and I'm like, oh, boy. Hits me right in the chest and I'm like, oh, fuck. Perfect aim for a piece of shit. Hey, I got hocked to it. I got none of the fame out of it either. This girl pulls him out and I remember being like, oh, boy. Chris Murphy. Shout out. Chris Murphy, great guy. Was like, I'll make sure we waited for a second. He's like, he's up there. But he was like, I'm gonna walk you out to make sure you don't have to go out alone if he's waiting for you. I was like, ah, thanks, man. But I remember I told this fucking story to the basketball player Bernard King. I used to have a show on MSG and Bernard King was on him. I told him like off camera. I was like, oh yeah. A guy spat on me once on stage and I see him in a Knicks game like, like five months ago with my brother. And he, he just walks over to me, goes, remember when that guy spat on you doing your.

[Jono Zalay]

I thought he was gonna be like, that was. I spit on you.

[Mark Normand]

But my brother was like, did Bernard King just reference a bomb of yours? I was like, yeah, that was weird.

[Jono Zalay]

Okay, one time. I know he doesn't mind me saying this, and if he does, he can call me, but. Johnny O' Donnie, this is 20 years ago.

[Sam Morril]

John of Odon.

[Jono Zalay]

This is 2003. I'm not joking. This is 20 years ago.

[Sam Morril]

2005, he was a pistol, that kid.

[Jono Zalay]

We're at the open mic. It was like a. It was called the Chinatown.

[Sam Morril]

Was it the drag queen joint?

[Jono Zalay]

Nope, it was a lucky Dragon. It was a little. There's no way it can exist. It was a little cafe bar, whatever the. Who gives A place in. Off Canal Street. And it was an open mic where they would like. It wouldn't be just stand ups. It'd be like a freestyle rapper and then like a. Yeah, whatever. A clairvoyant, a magician, yada, yada. So like this rapper go, it's 2000. This is like 2003. Okay? 911 is only two years old. Think about where you.

[Sam Morril]

The buildings are still smoldering where I.

[Jono Zalay]

Might have been wearing jorts, like jean shorts. Yeah, yeah, just put yourself Lincoln Parks playing on another scooter. Yeah, put yourself in the.

[Sam Morril]

All right, I got it.

[Jono Zalay]

Okay, so dude is like super like deep Brooklyn out black dude, all like jean jacket Fitted baseball cap. He's freestyle rapping before John goes on. He does his rap set or whatever to like a crowd of seven confused Chinese people. And then John, John Evelyn Donald goes on stage and he's doing his set and we're all. None of us, nobody's doing well. John goes, goes. Jay Z has this lyric where he says, I'm like the black Brad Pitt. He goes, yeah, right, Jay Z. You look like my grandpa after he died. Dude, the rap, not a bad joke. The rapper dude took his glass, glass, bottle, glass and threw it at John's head. It missed him by like 6 inches.

[Sam Morril]

Boom.

[Jono Zalay]

Shattered on the wall behind John. And then John just kept going with his set as if nothing happened. He was like. Like, hey, you see Tom Cruise on Oprah? He was like, it's time to go. Wrap it up.

[Sam Morril]

Wow.

[Jono Zalay]

I was just like, whoa.

[Mark Normand]

And anyway.

[Sam Morril]

That'S wild. That would have spooked me. Damn. Those are the open mic days, folks.

[Jono Zalay]

Those are the open mic days. I did my first show here was with Nate Burgozzi in a basement again in Chinatown. The show was called Yellow. I didn't name it and I hope that an Asian guy named it. But that was the name of the bar. That was the name of the bar. Oh, and that was rock bottom. It was just me, Nate Brazzi, and one other person in a windowless basement doing jokes for each other.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

And I had this. I. It was my. It was my first show. I was doing stand up in Boston when I was finishing college. So I had this, like, big vision. Like my first show in New York City. It's going to be like Madison Square Garden. Yeah, go. And it was. Yeah, there it is. It was the worst 4pm of my life.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, that's handy. You gotta hand it to Nate. The guy's an arena comic. He's clean as a whistle. But he did all that.

[Mark Normand]

I remember we were at CBs and our buddy Louis Katz is a really funny guy, but he's having a rough set and just can't get a laugh. They're awful crowd. And then he out of nowhere just goes, never hire a clown named Molesto. And it does. Okay. And Todd Lynn, who. We could throw up there too, but if you.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But Todd Lynn goes. He's got one.

[Sam Morril]

That's a good way to compliment you and insult you.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, it was such a shitty thing to say, but I cracked up when I heard that.

[Jono Zalay]

I was like, jesus, throw Todd Lynn's picture up.

[Sam Morril]

You remember that guy?

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah. It's like ringing A bell. But I need like, not a nice man.

[Sam Morril]

He made Patrice look like, oh, really? Oh, he was mean.

[Mark Normand]

Not a nice person.

[Jono Zalay]

Oh, I kind remember this guy. Yeah, yeah. He was like a curmudgeon. Yes, yes, he was a curmudgeon. But I think he died, like, pretty. When did he die? What year did he die?

[Mark Normand]

A while ago.

[Jono Zalay]

Not a health nut.

[Sam Morril]

070809 of a commercial.

[Jono Zalay]

We were this generation of 2012. What was this generation of curmudgeon? They were just bitter, right?

[Sam Morril]

Well, they're just sad dudes who never got a hug. And there was no therapy or medication combination.

[Mark Normand]

I think it was harder back then. And also they'd had horrible childhoods.

[Jono Zalay]

A didn't take medication.

[Sam Morril]

Now comedy is like a viable career. You can go on tik tok and, you know, make a living. But back then you had to, like, really hate yourself.

[Mark Normand]

Like, think about doing the road in like 91, like a hotel, and you're like, I guess I'll call someone. Long distance.

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

What do you do?

[Sam Morril]

Meanwhile, you got a map out. You got to unfold a map to find a Rascals in Orange, New Jersey, you know, now at least you got Google maps and all this. Those were. Yeah, you got lost. You hit a pay phone.

[Jono Zalay]

Is that gonna spill all over me?

[Sam Morril]

No, you got it. I'm all good.

[Eric Andre]

So you were in New York in a certain time. You have any run ins with Puffy?

[Jono Zalay]

Puffy, you know how broke easy clickbait.

[Sam Morril]

Jesus.

[Mark Normand]

Hey, Salicy right here.

[Jono Zalay]

Me calling out your candy guy. I wasn't sure cut me calling it.

[Sam Morril]

Out because that's a pro guy who knows a a up upset when you call out a breakable bottle. Oh, yeah. No other comedian in history would know that was breakable.

[Jono Zalay]

Well, it wasn't just that. It was your guys's clear lie afterwards. Oh, no. Like, you got weirdly loud. No, it hurts, man. It hurt. It sucks.

[Sam Morril]

Really?

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah, do it hard.

[Sam Morril]

Do it like for real. Oh, that does hurt. No, it hurts. That wasn't bad. You got to hit the back of the head. One time I got on top, I had a kick.

[Mark Normand]

I love Mark and I are trying to be actors and we're just like. Like, is that breakaway glass, guys?

[Jono Zalay]

No, it's cuz way louder. No, I get suspicious like an empty thing next to like, it's serving no purpose.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that one is, but this one isn't right here.

[Jono Zalay]

Dude, I've gotten rocked.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, that one looked like it hurt. That was strong. Bas.

[Mark Normand]

What if it just went into my throat. Like at the end of Grifters. You got to commit. You got to get the fake blood, too.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, fuck, look, I can't feel half my hand. The nerve damage. Yeah, yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

Still bottle at me when I was 14 and they had.

[Sam Morril]

Whoa.

[Jono Zalay]

Reattach my nerve. I can barely feel half my hand.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it's the origin story of a wacky comedian.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

It was the day Liquid Swords came out. The Jizza album.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I remember.

[Jono Zalay]

I think we were smoking brown weed.

[Sam Morril]

Damn.

[Jono Zalay]

That's me at 14.

[Sam Morril]

Number four loco. Yeah, that was a fun time.

[Jono Zalay]

We used to do shots of Bacardi 151 and then a five hour energy shot. Shot.

[Sam Morril]

Damn.

[Mark Normand]

Homemade flavor.

[Jono Zalay]

I can't do that anymore.

[Sam Morril]

Boy, that was. Those were good times.

[Jono Zalay]

That's when I injured myself. Was it 95? I was born in 83.

[Sam Morril]

Damn. Geffen did that. Good for him. Guys got range.

[Jono Zalay]

Are you talking about David Geffen?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Jono Zalay]

He's very much.

[Sam Morril]

Look at that.

[Jono Zalay]

Weezer and some old people.

[Sam Morril]

Patty LaBelle and.

[Jono Zalay]

Really?

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah. He got back. Look how old he is.

[Jono Zalay]

Is this guy figure on the pulse?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, he started in 80.

[Eric Andre]

No, 73.

[Sam Morril]

73. So he did. Everybody probably did some BGs and some.

[Mark Normand]

Us hammered at that bar the other night. Just every BG song, you're like, Bs is the best drunk music.

[Sam Morril]

That's great.

[Mark Normand]

It's just.

[Sam Morril]

There's a bar down talk called Joy face and the DJ's killer.

[Mark Normand]

Holy.

[Sam Morril]

We went for a party, Joy Face in Lower east side.

[Jono Zalay]

Good. What are good clubs now and good shows?

[Mark Normand]

We don't go clubbing. Look at us. Yeah, you think we know?

[Jono Zalay]

No, I mean stand up clubs. I don't mean.

[Sam Morril]

What am I country or in the city?

[Jono Zalay]

Both.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, we just kind of go with the seller for the most part in the city. But on the road, like Madison comedy on State's incredible Denver comedy works. I like. I like Hilarities in Cleveland. I just love the owners, too. They're like good people.

[Sam Morril]

Tampa side Splitters, Utah was.

[Mark Normand]

It's all wise guys. Love that one. Yeah, I just keep going back. I'll just keep going back to those like. Like, what else?

[Sam Morril]

Dallas Improv. I love. I like.

[Mark Normand]

I like. I like the Dana improv, actually.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

Dana improv. Dana is gnarly. That's where I grew up. I mean, I. I didn't grow up in Dana, but, like, if you were from Dana, you were intense.

[Mark Normand]

Really?

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah. You had like a butterfly night.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, I don't know.

[Mark Normand]

I like Those crowds, man, I feel like they.

[Jono Zalay]

I think Dana changed.

[Sam Morril]

It changed.

[Jono Zalay]

It was like I was born in 83.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, Omaha. Funny bone.

[Sam Morril]

That's a great one.

[Mark Normand]

I love that one one.

[Jono Zalay]

Daniel was like Hell's Angel. Nazi.

[Sam Morril]

Whoa. Oh, really?

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah, it was Everglades back.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah, right. It was like white Miami.

[Jono Zalay]

It wasn't even Miami. It was like Deliverance.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, really? Yeah, you forget about four because you think then they.

[Jono Zalay]

But then they, like, build into it.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, four. Do you think Jews, old people, Cuban. You don't really think about the crazy whites that are down there.

[Jono Zalay]

Oh, there's, like, some of the gnarliest whites. Yeah, some of the gnarliest, like, American history acts.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, okay.

[Jono Zalay]

Hell's Angel.

[Mark Normand]

That's Florida, though, dude.

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Remember that show Florida or Germany or Florida? Remember that? Where they'd show a news story and then they tell. You have to guess, was it Germany or Florida? And it was always Germany. I mean, always Florida. Because it was the wildest shit. Like, guy kills wife with a. With a plush doll.

[Jono Zalay]

I don't know. What about that computer scientist that cut that guy's dick off and they ate it together? Then he murdered the guy Armin Meves. Look him up.

[Sam Morril]

Your Army. Hammer.

[Jono Zalay]

Army Me vez.

[Sam Morril]

Army. Mieves Army.

[Jono Zalay]

Armin. Armin Me.

[Sam Morril]

Not Army. Hammer.

[Jono Zalay]

Not Army. Hammer. Armin me. Me. Wes.

[Sam Morril]

Me.

[Jono Zalay]

M E W E S. Oh, yeah, try that.

[Sam Morril]

No, that's Mendez.

[Jono Zalay]

No, Armin mew as German. German dick eater. Armin me first. There we go. Oh, this guy's not Florida. This is beyond Florida. He's still in jail.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, wow.

[Jono Zalay]

He, like, put a post up on Craigslist. He's like, I want to make love to you, cut your dick off, eat it with you at my dinner table, then kill you. And then one guy responded. He's like, yeah, I'm in. Let's do. Was very German.

[Sam Morril]

I'll take any gift gig. Gig's a gig.

[Jono Zalay]

A gig's a gig. It was like, you at the hedge fund.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, right. I would have killed to eat my dick.

[Jono Zalay]

I love that. The guy was so cartoonishly evil. He goes. Puts his cigar to the check. That's like, come on. What are you, a Batman villain?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, he was. He was a Batman villain, but I'm a nice guy.

[Jono Zalay]

That's himself on the back. Monster.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah, I'm in me.

[Sam Morril]

But I guess if you're gonna kill yourself, you might as well go out like this.

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah, Armin is alive, but the man he ate and killed is no longer with us.

[Sam Morril]

Is it murder? He rest in paradise if the guy's in on it.

[Jono Zalay]

Well, that was a big part of the case. But it is.

[Sam Morril]

Consensual.

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah, it is consensual, but it is still homicide.

[Sam Morril]

So he okay?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. He can't cut the dick off.

[Sam Morril]

Sounds like a black mirror up.

[Mark Normand]

I feel like if you got any dudes on that jury, too, they're like, you can't kind of dick.

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah, well, that was. That was also part of the deal. There he is, just loving life.

[Sam Morril]

Remember John Wayne Bobbitt?

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah, of course.

[Sam Morril]

That was a Bobbit.

[Jono Zalay]

John Wayne Gacy. John Wayne.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

They're all kind of shitty guys.

[Sam Morril]

That's true.

[Mark Normand]

That guy lost his dick. That's crazy.

[Sam Morril]

They put it back on his way.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, but it's not the same.

[Sam Morril]

Not the same.

[Mark Normand]

Do you remember Tom McCaffrey? Had that bit about. Remember him? Him. Remember Tom?

[Jono Zalay]

I love Tom.

[Mark Normand]

I love Tom.

[Jono Zalay]

It's so funny. What happened? Why did he stop doing? Did he stop doing? Stand up. They got the dick.

[Mark Normand]

Come on.

[Sam Morril]

Come on.

[Mark Normand]

You know his bit where the guy goes, what color is it? And he's just like, if you find a dick, just bring it in. Like, I'm sure. I'm sure he'll take what he can get at this point.

[Sam Morril]

That's great.

[Mark Normand]

So good. Oh, yeah, he had a joke that was like.

[Jono Zalay]

He goes, some toupees are so bad. It's like, I might as well tape. Duct tape and anonymous cucumber on the outside of my pants. I go, yep, that's my dick. Sorry, dude. Huge dick.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, that. That joke. I read the Pamela. Oh, the. Was it the Pamela Jameson? I read the Jenna Jameson book. He's like, the movie was better. It was great.

[Mark Normand]

I love this.

[Jono Zalay]

Put him on the wall.

[Sam Morril]

He did become a rapper. That is kind of the death of comedy.

[Jono Zalay]

Like, legit. He was like, I'm gonna rap now.

[Sam Morril]

You don't remember that lawyer now? Oh, is he?

[Mark Normand]

I think so.

[Sam Morril]

Most guys goes lawyer to comedy. He went comedy to lawyer?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

He went lawyer. No, he went comedy to rapper to lawyer. No. Yeah, no one's done that.

[Mark Normand]

Also, that voice for a lawyer is like, your honor, this is up.

[Jono Zalay]

Your honor. Dudes, not.

[Mark Normand]

Not cool. You're a dick.

[Sam Morril]

He had that great line because he would bomb a lot because he was sometimes too smart for the room, and he would go, if you agree, stare at me blankly. Thank you.

[Mark Normand]

So good.

[Sam Morril]

He was great. We'll get him on here one day.

[Jono Zalay]

Funny.

[Sam Morril]

Or if we need a lawyer.

[Mark Normand]

Well, dude, you Got.

[Jono Zalay]

You got lawyer.

[Mark Normand]

You got the. You got the new pod. Eric Andre podcast.

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah. You guys got to come on. I'd love to come on. We shoot up the street.

[Sam Morril]

We had some good bombing stories here.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I got to think of a better one if I come on, but. So you talk about your worst bomb.

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah, I just have guests come on and just say, what's the shittiest show you ever did? I guess you don't have to come on anymore.

[Sam Morril]

No, no, no.

[Mark Normand]

I have others. Trust me.

[Jono Zalay]

Okay. Million and more and potentially more to come.

[Sam Morril]

That's true.

[Jono Zalay]

Potentially more to come.

[Mark Normand]

Many.

[Sam Morril]

That's true.

[Jono Zalay]

So you just do the. The seller is the only good place to do it.

[Mark Normand]

No, there's other good places. Yeah, those good spots. I just. I'm lazy. I live down by the cellar, so I'm just like. I'm gone so much on the road. I'm just. I don't want to travel far to do stuff that's.

[Jono Zalay]

Dude, I can't do it anymore. I got it. Maybe I should start doing it.

[Sam Morril]

Do you miss it? Do you ever think of a.

[Jono Zalay]

Because I. I think of a bit, but it. It, like, it goes to a different medium. I think of it in, like, how does it work on a television show?

[Sam Morril]

Well, any advice for. We're writing. We wrote a movie, and I think we're making some headway on.

[Mark Normand]

And we got a director in the back right there.

[Sam Morril]

Jono, I know it's production hell. You got to just keep pitching it. You got to go to meetings.

[Mark Normand]

What do you mean? His story? He just said Netflix bought it immediately.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah, good point. Right?

[Jono Zalay]

No, no, my thing.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

Took eight years. Gonna buy it immediately? No, no, no. We were in the doldrums for.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Jono Zalay]

Almost a decade.

[Mark Normand]

We'll figure it out.

[Jono Zalay]

Nightmare.

[Sam Morril]

What's the move? Just do it yourself or.

[Jono Zalay]

Well, what's the question?

[Sam Morril]

Well, the question.

[Jono Zalay]

Give you my. My advice. I'm not J.J. abrams movie.

[Sam Morril]

We've never written a movie before, so we. We're just. We're in the dark here.

[Mark Normand]

I think it's a pretty funny.

[Jono Zalay]

Well, read well, Educate yourself. Take screenwriting class.

[Sam Morril]

Well, we finished the script and.

[Jono Zalay]

Well, that was. That's not what I'm talking about.

[Sam Morril]

Okay.

[Jono Zalay]

You know, read every. Read, Save The Cat, Reddit, McKee. Read all that. You gotta educate yourself. Find a coach. Find a script writing coach that you trust.

[Mark Normand]

Well, we had a. We wrote with two other writers who have experience with it.

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah. And then. And then the story. If you don't have a good Story. You don't have a good script. The story is more important than the joke.

[Sam Morril]

Jokes, sure.

[Jono Zalay]

And the story has to have jokes. The jokes won't have any comedic value if the story isn't lock solid. The story has to have like, emotional. You got to make them cry so that you can make them laugh.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, we got some good.

[Jono Zalay]

I was hoping that the rest of them were just gonna. And you would get drunk and forget which ones.

[Sam Morril]

It's got hard in it.

[Jono Zalay]

Your producers. You definitely want that in your drink, by the way.

[Sam Morril]

That's sugar.

[Jono Zalay]

They call it sugar glass, but it's not. It's not sugar.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, really?

[Jono Zalay]

You don't want to drink that.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, I've been sucking on.

[Jono Zalay]

It was like sugar in like Charlie Chaplin's era. Now it's like a harsh chemicals. Yeah, you don't.

[Sam Morril]

Well, I'm gonna get syphilis.

[Mark Normand]

Well, we'll check out bombing with Eric. Andre.

[Jono Zalay]

Thank you. I'm so sorry.

[Mark Normand]

We'll come back next time. We'll do it again, man.

[Jono Zalay]

Absolutely. And take. Take me to a show because I'm rusty. I want to bomb. I knew I need to bomb more.

[Sam Morril]

I got to show the seller tonight. If you're welcome to pop on.

[Mark Normand]

You should do it.

[Jono Zalay]

It seems a little bit late. Is it at 4? Is it at.

[Sam Morril]

It's late. It's late. 5:20pm It's 10:30. I know you're old now.

[Jono Zalay]

I'm very tired. Are you tired? Do you get to sleep easy?

[Sam Morril]

No. No. And I have a baby, so it's.

[Jono Zalay]

See, I'm like. After a show, my adrenaline kicks in and then it's like mine. So it's just because I had insomnia, I got addicted to Xanax.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, me too. Like, we kicked it kind of. Oh, geez. Well, sell me some of those oxies and we'll talk. Well, thank you.

[Jono Zalay]

Yeah, anytime.

[Sam Morril]

Good to see you, man.

[Jono Zalay]

Thank you.

[Mark Normand]

All right, see you guys.

[Sam Morril]

Old cat, get some bodega cat. We'll see you all in hell. Praise Allah.

[Jono Zalay]

Cheers.

[Sam Morril]

Hey, folks. First I want to say thanks for coming out. Uk we loved you. Love going there. And always a blessing. Best. Sorry about the immigration. Rochester, New York. Port Chester, Albany, Burlington was all Wisconsin. Green Bay, Eugene, Oregon. Hit that Nike store. Ho. San Jose, Hyannis, Mass. That's Cape Cod. Now we're going to Connecticut. Ben Salem Penns at Parks Casino and off to New Zealand, Australia, all over. Perth and Brisbane, Sydney. We added a show.

[Mark Normand]

You're gonna bring the lady or.

[Sam Morril]

No, I'm gonna bring the lady, not the baby. Wow. In an orphanage.

[Mark Normand]

I like it.

[Sam Morril]

Church steps.

[Mark Normand]

Oliver. Twisted.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah. Sending that puppy right down the Nile.

[Mark Normand]

I got the Red Bank, New Jersey, the Count Basie Theater. July 12, August 7. We got Boston, Massachusetts, at the Wilbur. Can't wait. We got Irvine Improv, August 22nd through 24th. Then we got Oklahoma City. The following weekend, the Bricktown Comedy Club. Late August, I'll be at my. It'll be my birthday. There's September 19, the Venetian in Vegas. Can't wait. Never done that room, so that'll be fun. Then we got September 25th. That weekend I'll be in Rochester, New York. Comedy. The Carlson. Great club. Coming up, October 4th, the Chicago Theater. That's a big fat one. I love Chicago. I'm gonna get me some Shaw's Crab House. Some. I'm gonna go Tavern pie over deep dish.

[Sam Morril]

I'm gonna say I'm with you on that.

[Mark Normand]

November 14th through the 16th, I'm coming back to Salt Lake City. You got sold out my club earlier this year, so I'm coming back for you guys. I love you for it. And then December 4th, Carnegie Motherfucking Hall. I'll see you there, baby. Oh, I hear it's alcoholism and comedy. Yeah. Yeah, I can't wait. It's gonna be great. So I'll see you guys there. Thanks for listening. BodegaCatWhiskey.com Drink Bodega Cat. We love you guys. And thanks to Eric Andrew.

[Jono Zalay]

Sunday's the day for my next bender. A bit of piva wreck, you know, the beer juice.

[Mark Normand]

Close.

[Jono Zalay]

I've had a little too much burping. And Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope. And I get down in the same way up on the roof like the cops coming. And naked Samuel is feeling dangerous. I'm out to laugh lunch here in New Orleans. This woman doesn't look like I remember her. And I get down in the same way we might be true.